Posted tagged ‘Ron Paul jokes’

You go girl!

February 3, 2012

Even at 82, she’s still got it. Sandra Day O’Connor at the elite Alfalfa Club dinner Saturday in D.C. said of the top two GOP presidential candidates, “one is a practicing polygamist, and he’s not even the Mormon.”

The GOP primary candidates have moved their circus to Nevada in advance of the caucuses Saturday. If “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” can we ask the state to keep all of them?

13 passengers were injured, one seriously (fractured hip), when their open air bus collided with a parked vehicle on a Royal Caribbean shore excursion. The cruise line said they were on the “”Best of St. Thomas and Shopping” trip. I can see it now – “Honey, of course I think we should go shopping, I’m just concerned about your safety.”

Another in the “You Might Need a Life” dept – For $25, fans were able to purchase headsets to sit in the stadium stands on Tuesday and listen to Super Bowl media day interviews. Even scarier, apparently at the last minute some of the tickets were being scalped.

After previously criticizing Mitt Romney regularly, Donald Trump endorsed Mitt for President. When asked why, presumably Trump’s response was “He had me at ‘I like firing people.'”

Another reason Trump might have endorsed Romney. Maybe in the Donald’s mind this keeps alive his dream of being the first President with at least three wives.

Apparently prostitutes at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada are donating their tips to Ron Paul. What a great country. And unlike some of the leveraged buyout types donating to Romney, these women actually provide value when they screw their fellow Americans.

There are surprising rumors that Michele Bachmann might endorse Mitt Romney. While Bachmann has denied the rumors, a Boston Globe reporter suggested that her $1 million-plus campaign debt could be a factor in her deliberations. $1 million dollars! Or as Romney calls it “pocket change.”

Not a big NY Giants fan but almost feeling sorry for Eli. Guy leads his 9-7 team to the Super Bowl, and this week he’s not even the Manning getting the most media attention.

The NY Post apparently got hold of an email from Tom Brady’s supermodel wife Gisele to her friends and family, talking about how the Patriots “need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl. […] I feel Tommy really needs our prayer, our support and love at this time.” Even Mitt Romney says, “Talk about out of touch.”

The NFL said they will give the 49ers a $200 million loan toward their new stadium in Santa Clara. Some worry when the team moves they will no longer be the San Francisco 49ers. And this could happen. On the other hand, the New York Giants don’t even play in the STATE of New York.

Mitt Romney now says he misspoke when he said “I am not concerned about the very poor…. I am not concerned about the very rich.” I believe Mitt. I think he is concerned about the very rich. (They need those tax cuts.)

His ego might be as big as Trump’s. And he’s richer than Romney. But here’s a billionaire I wouldn’t mind seeing some day running for higher office: NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg pledged up to $250,000 to Planned Parenthood to offset funds that were cut by the Susan G. Komen foundation, saying politics have “no place” in health care.


Call ups and kickoffs.

September 3, 2011

On a positive note for Northern California sports fans, Stanford’s football team kicks off their season today against San Jose State. And considering the way the 49ers and Raiders are playing in the pre-season, the Cardinal just might be the best team in the Bay Area.

Meanwhile up in Eugene: QB Jeremiah Massoli was booted in 2010 after a burglary arrest, RB LaMichael James was suspended the same year over a domestic violence charge, and now QB Cliff Harris has been suspended after he was cited for driving 118 mph (and telling a state trooper on tape “there’s no marijuana, we smoked it all.”) Isn’t it time to rename the team the Oregon Bengals?

Boise State will be without three starters for their season opener against Georgia, pending a review of those players’ NCAA eligibility. Yep, looks like the Broncos have made it to the big time.

George W. Bush declined to criticize Dick Cheney’s book saying simply “I’m glad members of my family are giving their version of what it was like to serve our country.” Translation – “does anyone REALLY think I’ll read the thing?

The post office is going to come out with a Ted Williams stamp. All paper cuts from licking the stamp will presumably only come from splendid splinters.

(Or as my friend Alex Schubert says, from ice crystals.)

Sarah Palin is planning a major speech to a Tea Party rally in Iowa, which amongts other things, will be a “sharp indictment” of President Obama. Well, of course, amongst his other failings, Obama has gone past the halfway point of his term without quitting.

GOP Candidate Ron Paul is lagging in the polls. Friday in New Hampshire he invited staffers and reporters to join him on a bike ride. During the ride, 76 year old congressman wore shorts. Please, no one give this idea to Newt Gingrich.

For some time now, savvy travelers from the U.S. to Canada have known they could check a bag for free by booking the identical flight as Air Canada instead of their code-share partner United. Today the two carriers streamlined their policies – Air Canada will start charging too. Yeah,corporations are people. Greedy people.

Derek Holland of the Texas Rangers has been averaging more than 7 runs of support a game when he has taken the mound in 2011. That background sound you hear is SF Giants pitchers quietly sobbing.

Actually, the Giants, in their first game of September with the expanded rosters, actually scored some runs and beat the Arizona Diamondbacks 6-2.

Bringing up the question, why didn’t manager Bruce Bochy take a page from “50 First Dates” and set the clubhouse calendar to Sept 1 weeks ago?


The NCAA punished UConn’s mens basketball team for rules violations and poor academic performance with a loss of scholarships. But now that star recruit Andre Drummond has at the last minute decided to skip prep school and join the Huskies, another player gave up his scholarship for him. Well, at least Drummond will only need the scholarship for a year.

Here’s a potential solution to the “One and Done” issue in College Basketball. (A variation on the baseball model which says that college players must stay three years.) A school can give a scholarship to any star, even one they don’t think will stay. But that scholarship can’t be used again for three years, whether he leaves for the NBA or not.

Former OSU coach Jim Tressel was just hired by the Indianapolis Colts as a game-day consultant to help determine when the team should challenge plays. Wonder if the Colts will pay him in memorabilia and tattoos?

My friend Mark Brickman said of the current Congress: “They wouldn’t save their own mother if it somehow benefited the President.” Well, I think actually they might. But they would blame whatever put her life in danger on Obama.