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Madness time.

March 11, 2012

First day of moving clocks ahead really should be referred to “Stumble forward.” “Spring”ing takes a few days.

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And the worst thing for many Americans about this year’s switch to Daylight Savings Time – they won’t be at their best when trying to fill out brackets.

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At the All-Star Break the New York Knicks were looking like a team that could go deep into the playoffs. Now they’re looking like a team that would be on the wrong side of the NCAA tournament bubble.

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Brackets were announced Sunday for the March Madness NCAA Tournament. Which means at about a dozen schools you can still hear the screams already “We wuz robbed of a chance to be destroyed by North Carolina in the opening round.”

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So if a team loses in the play-in game, do they call it “one-half and done”?

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Western Kentucky University (15-18) is in the NCAA’s despite a losing record since they won their Sun Belt Conference tournament. Many college fans find this shocking that a team with such a lousy record is in the Big Dance. (In a bowl game, maybe.)

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New York Knicks losing their fifth straight, even with Jeremy Lin, Peyton Manning may be about to replace Tim Tebow in Denver. Maybe God just got tired of following sports?
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Later Sunday, brackets were revealed for the NIT. This year to be subtitled “The Pac 12 Invitational.”

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In the Cadillac Championship Sunday, Sergio Garcia shot a 12 on the par-4 third hole. Yes, a 12. It was the ugliest several minutes involving a golf club since Elin and Tiger’s 2009 Thanksgiving.

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From Gary M. “Mark Sanchez’s contract extension with the New York Jets: “Not bad for a QB whose college coach said Mark needed another year of college ball before he’d be ready for the NFL. Now he’s surprassed his USC salary.”

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Randy Moss working out for the 49ers? If he signs who wants to join a pool for the number of days before Moss causes a Harbaugh meltdown?

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Speaker of the House John Boehner says of Congress, “We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.” Well, these days you’d probably get bipartisan agreement on the latter.

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Another response to the reproductive rights controversy: An Ohio state senator has a bill requiring men wanting prescriptions for Viagra or any other ED drugs to first see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency. I’m wondering why she doesn’t add “and promise that the sex would be for procreation.”

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For those who can’t find enough political wackiness in the GOP primaries, I give you this: A bill passed by the Florida legislature this week contained an amendment stating that it will once again be legal (after 45 years of a ban) to dye animals the color of your choice.

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Snookered?

March 8, 2012

Snooki says in an US Magazine interview that she found out she was pregnant about a week after New Year’s Eve, and that her first thought was, “‘[Bleep], I’ve been drinking!'” Open note to the GOP, there are scarier things than birth control.

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Peyton Manning said today “I’ll always be a Colt.” Surprised he couldn’t hear the snickers coming all the way from Baltimore.

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If some of the New Orleans Saints had rebelled against the pay for defense system would it have been considered Mutiny on the Bounties?

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Peyton Manning with Colts owner Jim Irsay at his press conference about leaving: “It wasn’t his decision. It wasn’t my decision. Circumstances kind of dictated it,” Sounds like if he retires from football Manning has a great future as a press secretary for some politician explaining their next divorce.

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Facebook had a major outage in Europe today. Oh the horror, millions of Europeans were forced actually to sit at their computers and work.

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Not a good time to be a white supremacist in the U.S. We’ve got a black president, an Asian-American basketball star, and a Filipino-Mexican-American (Jessica Sanchez) has got to be the front-runner on American Idol.

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In January, Mitt Romney said the minimum wage should be indexed to rise automatically with inflation. Today he said while “inflation is something you should look at, you should “keep America competitive… so right now there’s probably not a need to raise the minimum wage.” Stay tuned after November, when both Mitt and John Kerry jointly invest in Waffle House.

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Los Angeles Lakers lost to the Washington Wizards after leading by 20 points in 3rd quarter. And here Kobe says he has no rival. I don’t know, tonight he did a pretty good LeBron James impersonation.

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NFL league image may be suffering from “Bountygate.” On other hand, odds of Peyton Manning suffering a career ending injury in 2012 from a hard hit have probably just gone down considerably.

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In Oxnard, California, teachers and parents are being asked to discourage middle school children from “searching for and/or visiting “inappropriate sites”, after stories surfaced that a teacher who might have been moonlighting as a porn star. In related news, requests for fathers for parent-teacher conferences are way up.

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Harvard makes NCAA Tournament. Needs work on trash talk: “Your Matriarch is so corpulent I am concerned about her risk of heart disease.”
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The NFL Players Association is now looking into the Bounty controversy. Wonder if it will just be outrage over the idea, or also the idea that players weren’t paid enough.

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A story in the NY Daily News said that baseball owners will vote against the Oakland A’s attempted move to Santa Clara. MLB denies the story and says no decision has been reached. Well, of course, the blue ribbon committee has only been meeting for 3 years on the subject. As opposed to Selig’s expanded playoff idea, decided and scheduled instantly….

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Facing a distinct lack of enthusiasm, Mitt Romney’s campaign is falling back on the argument that Mitt holds a commanding lead in the state-by-state delegate math. And Rick Santorum’s response? “Math? More proof that Romney is a liberal who can’t be trusted.”

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ProFlowers is one of the advertisers that dropped Rush Limbaugh. Makes sense. Could be a little awkward for guys sending “thanks for a nice evening” flowers to a woman, when in Rush’s words she’s just acted like a “slut.”

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Not that I am always a fan of government, but for those who say the private sector always does it better, I give you, United Airlines. Four days after the merger with Continental their most preferred client phone lines still have 2-3 hour delays. Not that air travel is ever time sensitive….

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Pat Robertson’s latest: “Now Catholics say that fornication, if you will, sex outside of marriage, is a sin. This woman is saying ‘I’m going to be committing sin but I want you to pay for my sin.” Yeah, I guess I can see the church’s point about spending money. Especially since they are still paying off cases involving their priests.

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Endings and not quite endings.

March 7, 2012

So the soap opera comes to an end: Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis will no longer be Peyton Place.

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From T.C. “The rumor is Peyton and his family have hired moving trucks, and are headed for Baltimore in the middle of the night.”

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“The Bachelor” host Chris Harrison now says he’s trying to get Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow to be next season’s bachelor. (Which is probably a longer shot than Denver winning the Super Bowl.) Wonder if the show offered to turn the “Fantasy Suites” into prayer rooms?

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As the Saints case continues to make headlines, one question. How many coaches tell their teams, “Ok men, let’s go out and kick some a** today, but please try not to hurt anybody.”

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Topshop, a popular British clothing store, has cropped the bottom word off a new line of t-shirts now that originally said “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo. Shakespere” (sic). Well, that’s what you get for marketing to people who actually read.

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Former Mets star Lenny Dykstra was sentenced to three years for a scheme to steal cars. Poor dumb chump, if he was into larceny and wanted to stay out of jail, Lenny should have stolen necklaces.

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Could have been worse for Dykstra. The judge could have sentenced him to return to the Mets.

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Sarah Palin finally admitted her choice out of the current GOP presidential candidates, saying she voted Tuesday for Newt Gingrich. Just another episode of of the reality show: “Sarah Palin, the road to irrelevance.”

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Mitt Romney appears to have won Ohio. But out of a million votes, maybe by less people than remain in the stands during the fourth quarter of a Bengals game.

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Looks like Mitt Romney won Ohio by winning the areas around Cleveland, Toledo, Cincinnati and Columbus – which house the major universities around the state. Another reason for Rick Santorum to be against college education….it leads to people who don’t vote for him.

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Mitt Romney tonight promised “real change.” Starting tomorrow with today’s positions.

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Newt Gingrich won Georgia. Pundits wonder “Will it be enough to keep his campaign alive?” “We sure hope so,” responded staffers at Obama headquarters. (Not to mention writers for the Daily Show and Colbert Report.)

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Maybe folks trying to protect women’s reproductive rights are going about it the wrong way with conservatives. Maybe there should be a campaign that says “Stop unwanted child support and paternity lawsuits, mandate birth control

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When asked if she would accept the GOP nomination to run for president in a brokered convention, Sarah Palin responded “I don’t close any doors that perhaps would be open out there, so, no, I wouldn’t close that door.” A statement seconded by most Democrats.

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Molson Coors Brewing Company just unveiled a new, iced-tea-flavored version of Coors Light. Guess they’re hoping to entice some folks to put down their Arnold Palmers and pick up the John Dalys.

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The Redskins are amongst the teams who might be interested in Peyton Manning. Which with owner Dan Snyder at the helm means it’s likely that Peyton will become yet another good man who fails to make a difference in Washington.

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While everyone’s abuzz about “Bounty-gate” has everyone forgotten about Super Bowl XLVII? It’s scheduled for Feb 3, 2013…in New Orleans. Gentlemen, and ladies, start your punchlines.

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You’re a rich girl…..

March 6, 2012

Ann Romney said in a Fox News interview “I don’t even consider myself wealthy.” What’s her definition of wealthy? When you can no longer remember how many houses you have?

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AOL has now become the 8th advertiser to drop Rush Limbaugh. They would have done it sooner, but their executives who download AOL to keep up on the news just found out about the scandal.

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Some want Rush Limbaugh’s talk show off the the air. Not sure. At this point he’s doing a great job fundraising for the Democratic party

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A new channel, “Dog TV” is expanding in the U.S. For $4.99 a month (and who knows how much electricity) dog owners are supposed to leave the TV on while they are out, so that their pets don’t suffer from anxiety issues, boredom and depression. And we wonder why other countries hate us.

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Pat Robertson’s theory on why all those devastating tornadoes hit the Midwest last week – not enough prayer: “”If enough people were praying [God] would’ve intervened. Wonder how many people it would take praying to have God get rid of Pat Robertson?

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You can’t make this “stuff” up – United-Continental merger division: “If you have forgotten your PIN, you will need to change it to proceed. Please complete the following information to change your MileagePlus PIN.” And you start by entering the CURRENT PIN. (Yes, the one you’ve forgotten.)

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Last week, former Cal QB Joe Ayoob broke a Guinness World Record by throwing a paper airplane 226 feet, 10 inches. Brett Favre tried to top him, but the airplane was intercepted and run back for a touchdown.

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A new Lifetime reality show titled “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp,” will “offer an insight into the life of the 21-year-old mother as she raises her 3-yr old son,”, and “also focus on her relationship with her parents, Sarah and Todd Palin, and her siblings.” In related news, Sarah Palin blasted the media for not leaving her family alone.

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Syracuse University said they allowed 10 players who violated their drug policy to continue playing basketball. Gosh. What’s next? Admitting the players didn’t always live up to academic standards either?

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No telling for sure now how many of the failed tests involved marijuana, though rumors are that it was most of them. Guess maybe the Orangemen’s defense was that they wanted to get their players NBA ready.

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Ndamukong Suh. commenting on the bounty situation: “Me personally, I don’t take part in those things and knowing my teammates and knowing my coaches, we wouldn’t allow that.” Possible translation? “I like to stomp people for free.”

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No doubt the Saints will pay for being caught in a bounty scandal. But teams are trying to knock their opponents’ stars out of games? In related news from Casablanca, Captain Renault is still “shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.”

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Another quote from from a wacky liberal on the GOP primary: “It’s been I think, the worst campaign I’ve ever seen in my life. I hate it. I hate the fact that people think ‘compromise’ is a dirty word.” The speaker, former first lady Barbara Bush.

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It’s not going to happen but….you go girl! Stacey Newman, a Missouri House member who’s frustrated with all the recent debates over birth control and abortions, has proposed legislation to allow vasectomies only when necessary to protect a man from serious injury or death..

(my friend Candace Cambra adds that Virginia State Senator Janet Howell, introduced an amendment to a mandatory ultrasound bill that would require men to have a rectal exam before being prescribed Viagra.)

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Former NFL wide receiver Randy Moss will tryout for New Orleans on Tuesday. Guess they figure having him in a Saints uniform can’t be any more embarrassing than “Bounty-gate.”

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Decision 2012?

March 5, 2012

Some chatter because when ABC showed Lebron James on Sunday entering the Staples Center, James was carrying a large leather “man-purse.” Well, at least Lebron didn’t have a one-hour special showing him shopping for it.

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Deron Williams scored a New Jersey Nets franchise record 57 points tonight. But maybe there should be a asterisk. The game was against the Charlotte Bobcats.

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More than a little hypocrisy in some NFL teams acting all upset about New Orleans bounty program because they would “never” do the same thing. And have to think that before his turnaround 2011 season, some 49ers fans might have paid the Saints to go after Alex Smith too.

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Several GOP candidates have come out with very soft criticism of Rush Limbaugh’s “slut” comment. Prompting this reaction “It was depressing because what it indicates is that the Republican leaders are afraid of (him). They want to bomb Iran, but they’re afraid of Rush Limbaugh.” From that noted liberal icon George Will.

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Ron Paul on Rush Limbaugh’s apology to Sandra Fluke for calling her a “slut.” He’s doing it because some people were taking their advertisements off of his program. It was his bottom line he was concerned about. “I don’t think he’s very apologetic. It’s in his best interest, that’s why he did it.” Now, I’m not voting for Paul, but if he decides to retire from Congress, and host an honest talk show, I’ll watch any time.

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Kentucky has won the SEC and no doubt a #1 seed in the March Madness tournament. The two big questions – so can they get to the Final Four? And if so, will they be the third Calipari team to do so and have their wins vacated?

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The SF Giants won a split-squad spring training game 11-1 against the Arizona Diamondbacks, after a 41 minute delay caused by a swarm of bees. 11-1? After last year’s offense? Let’s just hope that MLB doesn’t classify bees as PEDs.

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Worst thing about watching Kobe and the Lakers take on Lebron James and the Heat – they can’t both lose.

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A Philadelphia man who has been using a cell phone jammer to interrupt conversations on city buses has apparently put the device away after learning he could face fines and jail time. But I’ll bet they are lining up to offer him a job as a consultant for movie theaters.

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Japanese equestrian Hiroshi Hoketsu just qualified for the London Olympics at age 70. Japanese officials, however, have not yet decided if he will compete. But how many people would tune in just to hear him yell “You punks get off my field.”

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Okay, following the Lindsay Lohan/SNL complaint post yesterday, decided to be positiv and mention some all-time favorite SNL characters, skits and lines. For starters, loved Rosanne Rosannadana, Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin, Schweddy balls, and Point-Counterpoint – “Jane, you ignorant slut.”

Also “Toonces” the driving cat, “two wild and crazy guys,” Conehead family feud, church lady, Sully and Denise….. more suggestions encouraged in comments.

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Two plus hour delays to reach the new United Airlines by phone Sunday. The airline message says “If you’re not flying in the next 72 hours, please call back later. If you are flying in the next 72 hours, you’re SOL.” (Or with luck have a book or game that’s not attached to your phone.

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Crashing and burning.

March 4, 2012

The Costa Concordia wasn’t Captain Schettino’s first mishap. He also crashed a second cruise ship in 2010 resulting in minor damage while entering a German port. If Schettino can somehow avoid jail, wonder if he’ll be offered a job with the GoDaddy.com racing team.

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Wonder how many folks will be turning into this week’s Nascar race, not in hopes of watching two cars crash into each other. But in hopes of watching another fuel truck flambee.

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A 26 year old Florida teacher was arrested and charged with “unlawful sexual activity” with a minor after a 16 year old boy told police they were in love and had had sex in her car. Records showed that the pair had traded more than 12,000 text messages in 4 months. On the bright side, sounds like the kid definitely has learned how to read and write.

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Guess Bobby Valentine wanted to make a statement. Boston beat D3 Northeastern University in baseball today 25-0. Following the game the Red Sox were made honorary SEC football boosters.

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In the “cheer up it could be worse category”, example A this week has to be the New Orleans Saints. A couple days ago the biggest embarrassment the team was facing was not being able to work out a contract extension with Drew Brees.

(adds my friend Michael Duca, “Brees should look on the bright side – they could have put a bounty on him.”)

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On the first day after the United-Continental merger was finalized, reportedly 16% of United flights were on time Saturday from O’Hare airport. Normally when people are this frustrated in Chicago, the Cubs are involved.

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The New York Knicks are apparently so excited about the way that they are playing lately that they had a meeting with a doctor to talk about ways to combat insomnia. Presumably the doctor suggested things like warm milk, counting sheep, and watching tapes of the Charlotte Bobcats games.

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Rush Limbaugh has now apologized for calling Sandra Fluke a “slut.” Saying “I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.” Uh, if Rush doesn’t think “slut” is a personal attack, starting to understand why his marriages have lasted as long as Mitt Romney’s positions.

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Am wondering where Sarah Palin was on this one. Since she was so upset about personal attacks on her daughter as an unwed mother… Or is it only off-limits for the media to go after Republican young women who have pre-marital sex?

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Rush Limbaugh is referring to Claire McCaskell as a “commie babe liberal.” Hey, that wouldn’t make a bad t-shirt.
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Nothing can go wrong… More in the United merger department: Client flying SF to JFK March 4 got “You have received this notification because the first flight in your upcoming UA itinerary is operated by TAM and/or its partners. To check in for this trip, please proceed to TAM’s website or their check-in area at the airport” (TAM only flies to and within Brazil.. and not to SF at all.)

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Former San Jose coach Ron Wilson was just fired by the Toronto Maple Leafs after a 1-9-1 stretch. Or as Sharks fans call that, having the team in his playoff form.

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“The Lorax” has pulled in over $17 million this weekend. Wonder how much of that was people piling into their SUVs and driving to see the movie in giant multiplexes?.

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Spring training games start today. Guess that means we’re watching for the little furry thing who lives in Brian Wilson’s beard to pop out and see if he sees his shadow.

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This may only make sense to San Francisco Bay Area readers…But it’s a good day in the San Francisco area when you turn on the radio, and, surprise, it’s Kruk and Kuip on the radio again calling a Giants game.

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Men behaving badly.

March 2, 2012

Really? A 41-year old high school teacher from Modesto quit his job, left his wife and kids, and moved into an apartment with an 18 year old student. James Hooker said he knows the couple hurt a lot of people, but says they “decided to follow their hearts.” Maybe she did. Thinking he followed something a bit lower.

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A 41 year old and an 18 year old though…. Even Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich are saying “Eeww…’ (Barely.)

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Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio is being accused of inadequately investigating sex-crimes. And a grand jury is investigating his alleged abuses of power. So Arpaio’s response? Calling a news conference to say he has probable cause to believe Obama’s long-form birth certificate is a forgery.

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Cincinnati Bengals receiver Jerome Simpson pled guilty to a drug-related felony charge and is expected to receive a 60 day jail sentence. 60 days? For a felony? What, did prosecutors figure being a Bengal is punishment enough?

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President Obama thinks Mitt Romney’s father George would roll over in his grave at his son’s behavior towards the auto industry? Heck, the Romney who was Governor of Massachusetts would roll over in his grave if he listened to Mitt 3.0, or 4.0, or whatever he is now.

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NBC plans to televise the America’s Cup from San Francisco in 2013. How bad does your lineup have to be before televising billionaires racing multimillion $ boats (in races no one understands) is considered an potential ratings improvement?

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The Yankees have announced that by 2014 they plan to drastically trim their payroll from $210 millionn to $189 million. More ammunition for Mitt Romney’s claim that millionaires need tax cuts.

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Regarding this story of Tiger Woods wanting to be a Navy Seal. I can see it now, they storm into Bin Laden’s complex, and Woods stops to hit on one of Osama’s younger wives….

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A new Los Angeles County rule allows pet-owners to bring their dogs to outdoor dining areas. Well, dogs are almost certainly better behaved than many children. And some Hollywood actors.

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According to the U.K. Telegraph, a new study published in the British Medical Journal “Open” found that anyone taking sleeping pills twice a month is four times more likely to die in the next two and a half years than someone taking none at all. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.

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A Montana federal judge, Richard Cebull, is claiming he forwarded a racist joke about Obama’s mother to friends and colleagues not because he is racist, but because he dislikes the President. Forget whether or not Cebull is a bigot, he’s just too stupid to be a judge.

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Some conservatives are downplaying the Montana judge’s forwarding of an offensive racist joke about Obama’s mother. But can you imagine the outcry if some liberal judge had forwarded an offensive Mormon or homeschooling joke about say, Romney or Santorum’s wife or mother?

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Conservative blogger, Andrew Breitbart, who first posted the sexting pictures of Anthony Weiner and helped bring down ACORN, died at 43. According to his attorney it was “natural causes”. Maybe watching the current crop of GOP presidential candidates killed him..
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It’s March, time for my first baseball rant of the season: One of many problems with new wild card format. Say two teams both win 100 games – one is division champ, and one is wild card. Another team backs in with 85 wins. But they have a great pitcher (say, the Dodgers and Clayton Kershaw.) In a single game playoff, that team has a huge advantage.

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March Madness.

March 1, 2012

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, 24, is reportedly pregnant with her first child. This might even make Rick Santorum is rethink his position on birth control.

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Mitt Romney’s latest ad calls Rick Santorum a liberal. Uh, maybe it’s time to ask Mittens if HE inhaled?

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After all the millions Mitt Romney spent in Michigan, he ended up with the same number of delegates (15) as Rick Santorum. Poor Mitt. If this presidency thing doesn’t work out, with that kind of spending to results ratio, there may be a job waiting for him with the NY Yankees.

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Derrick Rose may be the NBA MVP but he cost 21,000+ fans a free Big Mac by missing two late free throws in a 99-95 victory last night. (McD’s gives the burgers to ticket holders when Chicago scores 100 points or more in a home win.) Rose apologized – he should have just said he was looking out for fans’ health.

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A Gainesville, GA paper reported that a student trying to send a text to say “Gunna be at West Hall this afternoon” had auto correct change the 1st word to “Gunman.” The recipient alerted authorities and both West Hall High and Middle school were temporarily locked down. Yet more proof that smart phones don’t necessarily make smart users.

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Khloe Kardashian said on the Tonight Show that one of the first things Kris Humphries said to her was “So, how much you getting paid to fake your marriage?” Guess the answer for Kris himself was, “Not enough.

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Apparently MLB will institute new playoff system with extra teams THIS season. What’s the rush? Guess they wanted to maximize chances of showing the Yankees and Red Sox in the post season.

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Stanford women closed out their basketball home season with a 76-52 win over Seattle. The Cardinal shot 100% (13-13) from the free-throw line. See, boys? It’s possible.

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Davy Jones of the Monkees just passed away at 66. Said Baby boomers “So young?” Said anyone under 30 “Who the heck was Davy Jones?”

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A tornado caused serious damage to hotels and theaters in Branson, Missouri today. Along with injuries and deaths in the area. So where are all the folks who ascribe any weather disaster in places like San Francisco and New Orleans to God’s punishment of sinners?

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Mitt Romney won Wyoming primary. 29 delegates. He got about 822 of 2,000 total votes. Not sure how much Romney spent, but Mitt could have afforded to buy them all a Cadillac.

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Interesting quote from “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” Wednesday night: “Citizens United – “The worst decision of the United States Supreme Court. They should be ashamed and embarrassed of what they did.” Direct quote from that noted liberal John McCain.

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Daytona 500 – Please sir, may I have s’mores.

February 28, 2012

Well, I’m not a NASCAR fan. But must admit watching a car run into a fuel truck (when no one gets hurt) is pretty spectacular.

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Watching the Daytona track cleanup, which is more fun than the race. And millions of American women are discovering, yes, men can be taught how to use Tide.

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“Breakfast at Daytona” has turned into “Demolition Derby.”

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Montoya’s accident with the truck was the biggest flameout in the South since S.C. Governor Sanford said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.

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Good thing the airlines don’t sponsor NASCAR. With that much jet fuel spilled, future race tickets would certainly have a fuel surcharge.

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Mitt Romney is accusing Rick Santorum’s campaign of being “deceptive” and using “dirty tricks” in making robo calls telling Democratic voters to come out to the polls Tuesday in Michigan and vote against Romney. Translation, Mitt’s mad he didn’t think of the idea of calling Democrats first.

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Mitt Romney told supporters in Michigan about attending the Golden Jubilee celebration of the American automobile as a young boy. The problem is that the event took place nine months before Mitt was born. In Romney’s defense maybe he’s still traumatized from dodging sniper fire in Bosnia with Hillary Clinton.

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(Either that or Mitt is trying to trump Santorum’s “life begins at conception” with “memory begins at conception.)

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Rick Santorum is attacking President Obama” for wanting all Americans to have the chance to at least attend community college. Well, makes sense, Santorum’s BA, MBA AND JD don’t appear to have helped him become any smarter.

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Best thing about Jennifer Lopez’s “wardrobe malfunction” last night. If it had to happen to an American Idol judge, at least it wasn’t Steven Tyler.

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New reality show? “Survivor – Costa Cruises.”

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How do you say “oops” in Italian. A fire in the generator room of the Costa Allegra, has left that cruise ship adrift off the Seychelles. No casualties, but wonder if they had to rescue the captain after he fell into a lifeboat?

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Kobe Bryant finished the All-Star game despite having sustained a “nasal fracture” Guess no one noticed since we’re all used to seeing Kobe with his nose out of joint.

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Poor Mitt, wondering why people think he is out of touch. From Paul Krugman in the NY Times: “Asked by the AP reporter if he follows NASCAR, Romney responded, ‘Not as closely as some of the most ardent fans. But I have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners'”

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A measure to legalize the recreational use of marijuana has qualified for the Colorado ballot this November. Insert “Rocky Mountain High” joke here.

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Newark Airport temporarily closed tonight for an emergency landing and a disabled plane blocking a runway. The airport reopened with delays of up to an hour. No compensation for passengers, because hey, stuff happens. But try telling an airline you got stuck in traffic and missed your flight..

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Gentlemen, start your speeches.

February 27, 2012

Nothing like watching the Oscar Red Carpet to remind us that money absolutely cannot buy taste.

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Jean Dujardin won the Oscar Sunday night for Best Actor. He’s the first French-born actor to win an Academy Award. Wonder who will be the first GOP candidate to blame it on President Obama.

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And men wonder why women drool over George Clooney, reason #2456. He just told a reporter he was up at 2am trying to decide what tux to wear.

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Okay, now that Christopher Plummer has won for best supporting actor, how many producers are lining up to get Julie Andrews as a character actress in their films? Could be “Something good.”

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Did Meryl Streep tonight pay homage to Christopher Plummer’s former co-star Julie Andrews? Looks like she too fashioned a dress out of curtains.

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Jennifer Lopez tried to win the award for the best two presenters of the night.

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The Daytona 500 was originally delayed until Sunday night, but was postponed until Monday at 12n. Thereby saving at least a few marriages from remote control wars between the race and the Oscars.. (And yes, both Daytona and the Academy Awards do prompt the response at times “Aren’t they close to done yet?”)

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At Daytona, officials originally frantically tried to dry the track in time to run the 500 today. Shame the Florida primary is over. They could have done the job twice as fast with all that hot air going around.

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So many disappointments in tonight’s Oscars. Poor Mitt Romney, snubbed both for his roles as potential best performance as an actor as a moderate, and best performance as an actor as a conservative.

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Arizona Governor Jan Brewer announced she will not attend the President’s dinner Sunday night for all the U.S. governors. Barack Obama hasn’t been this “disappointed” since Joe Biden last got pre-speech laryngitis.

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Oh yeah, and there was an NBA All-Star game Sunday night .Almost as meaningful as the rest of the NBA season.

So many casual movie fans tonight had to wonder – was Martin Scorsese with his girlfriend tonight or his granddaughter? (Neither, turns out to be his daughter.)

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The scandal involving Bill Lockyer’s wife Nadia is too complicated to explain in a single post (extra-marital affair, alleged assault drugs, sex tape… google it if you are prepared to shower afterwards) The only good thing – at least Californians didn’t elect him Governor.

(okay, two good things, as my friend Michael Santos said, “at least the tape didn’t feature Bill.)

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Rick Santorum said today that the separation of church and state “makes me want to throw up.” And if they’re watching in Heaven, Thomas Jefferson is thinking “Rick Santorum makes me want to throw up.”

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Mitt Romney defends his statement about his wife’s two Cadillacs by saying that “If people think that there is something wrong for being successful, they should vote for the other guy.” I don’t think anyone thinks there’s something wrong with it, but some of us think if you’re that successful you don’t need another tax cut.

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Ho, ho, ho?

February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum is trying to explain his 2008 statement that ““Satan has his sights on the United States of America!” Stay tuned, maybe he’ll say he’s dyslexic and was talking about Santa.

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Albert Pujols is objecting to billboards as part of the Angels marketing campaign that refer to him “El Hombre,” Pujols has asked not to be called that in deference to Stan “The Man” Musial. But he might not need to worry. Hispanic fans may not remember Musial, and non-Hispanic fans may not know what “El Hombre” means.

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A Texas man collected 10 cent comic books starting as a 9 year old in the 1930s. Today his family sold 227 books from the collection he had saved in his basement for about $3.5 million. And millions of other Americans forwarded this story to their mothers saying “See!”

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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has changed his mind about a new bill that would require women to have a physically invasive transvaginal ultrasound procedure before any abortion. Wonder if he saw the “Daily Show?” (Or remembered that women do have the right to vote?)

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The Temple Owls are in talks to join the Big East. This is shocking. Unlike new schools SMU, Houston, Boise State and San Diego State, Temple, situated in Philadelphia, actually is in the East.

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Former Louisiana Gov. Charles “Buddy” Roemer is dropping out of the GOP presidential primary. The number one response across the U.S. – Buddy who?

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For anyone who was thinking the level of debate in the GOP primaries was getting too elevated, we’ll always have Sarah Palin. Today she defended Rick Santorum by saying the “lame-stream media characters” are getting “all wee-weed up about” his past remarks.

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As the three top GOP candidates increasingly try to prove they’re the furthest to the right, anyone else get the idea we’re watching a new game show – “Who wants to be a Neanderthal?”

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Rick Santorum at end of debate trumpets the fact he is from a “key swing state.” (Pennsylvania) What he doesn’t mention: He lost his last election in that state by 18 percent.

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Newt Gingrich attacking Obama. “As long as you’re America’s enemy you’re safe.”. Guess someone forgot to tell Bin Laden and Qaddafi.

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Mitt Romney says he loves Michigan because “the trees are just the right height.” Shame that someone didn’t ask him during the debate Wednesday night – “In which states are the trees the wrong height?”

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Question for GOP candidates. Agree that there are some bad leaders around the world who are killing innocent people including their own citizens. How come we only want to invade the ones with oil?

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Not voting for Ron Paul, but he does win the “breath of fresh air” award. Wednesday night, CNN debate moderator John King asked him why he’s running anti Santorum adds that say he’s a fake.

Paul’s response: “Because he’s a fake.”

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To theology and beyond?

February 22, 2012

Mitt Romney’s latest speech Tuesday night said that the Obama adminstration has “fought against religion.” Rick Santorum’s talking about phony ideology, and Newt Gingrich is zealously defending his new Catholicism. Are we electing a President or a Pope?

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Rick Santorum is talking about President Obama’s “phony theology not based on the Bible.” Leaving aside Thomas Jefferson’s words about a “wall of separation between Church and State”, what’s Santorum’s nostalgic ideal of a Bible based theology… Salem?

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Randy Pullen, a top Mitt Romney supporter and former Arizona GOP chair, is urging Romney to change course to win over conservatives. Really? If Mitt changes course any faster and more often he may qualify for the U.S. Olympic slalom team.

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Say what? While campaigning today GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said “labor unions play an important role in our society.” In Michigan. Can’t imagine how Mitt ever got reputation for pandering.

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600 children were sent back to class after star football recruit Davonte Neal was a no-show at an assembly at his former elementary school, where he was expected to announce his college choice. Neal announced hours later for Notre Dame. Presumably for the school’s strong values and sense of personal responsibility?

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Portland center Greg Oden just had his THIRD microfracture knee surgery. Only good news for the Trail Blazers, this one might be covered by medicare.

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Brady Quinn is denying his anti-Tebow comments quoted in GQ magazine – things like “We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck,” and that when he gets an opportunity “he’ll continue to lead not by trying to get in front of the camera and praying but by praying with my teammates.” Can’t imagine how Notre Dame grads get the reputation for being poor sports who think the world revolves around them.

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Paul Babeu, the conservative anti-immigration Arizona sheriff who’s come out as a gay man amidst a scandal with an ex-lover, is now publicly backing “marriage equality.” Good for him. But wonder how long it would have taken had Babeu still been in the closet and co-chair of Mitt Romney’s Arizona campaign.

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Franklin Graham, son of Billy, questioned whether President Obama was a Christian again this morning, but said of Gingrich, he “been married several times… but he could make a good candidate. I think Newt is a Christian. At least he told me he is.” Uh, yeah, Franklin, and Newt has also told three women “until death do us part.”

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President Obama was thinking of wishing people happy Mardi Gras Tuesday. But no doubt one of his GOP opponents would accuse him of promoting a foreign agenda.

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Actually, forget Thanksgiving, the way we are growing, Fat Tuesday really is the ultimate American holiday.

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Police had to use pepper spray on a belligerent man at Disneyland this past weekend. Wow. Previously in the parks pepper spray has only been used as a threat by people whose relatives wanted to go on “It’s a Small World” just ONE more time.

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From Moneyball to Mannyball.

February 21, 2012

Yes, it’s true, Manny Ramirez has signed a minor league with the As?!! Stay tuned for “Mannyball.” Wonder if this will be a comedy or a tragedy? Or both?

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With Manny Ramirez back in baseball with the A’s, are some sports fans going from Linsanity to Manny-ic Depression?

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Fox pundit Liz Trotta has followed her incendiary comments about rape in the military with this – “Women are not as strong as men. Their instincts and reactions in crisis are markedly different.” Clearly this is a woman who has never been to a Black Friday sale.

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Albert Pujols arrived at spring training today. His new teammates were thrilled to see him in an Angels uniform. Almost as happy as National League pitchers.

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Anthony Federico, the former ESPN writer fired for his “Chink in the Armor” Jeremy Lin headline, told the NY Daily News that it was a mistake, “This had nothing to do with me being cute or punny.” If that’s true, forget racist, he (and his editor) might be too stupid to work at ESPN.

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With all the controversy about Jeremy Lin and anti-Asian jokes, I shudder to think what would happen if some Jewish kid became an NBA star. Fortunately that’s not likely to happen.

On the other hand, Cal’s Jorge Gutierrez, from Mexico, is a possible NBA draft pick. If that happens, or, if he has a great March tournament…Gentlemen, start your sensitivity training. (And run all headlines through an awake editor.)

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Indiana House member Bob Morris is opposing a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a “radicalized organization.” He said he found allegations on the internet that they are tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allow transgender females to join and encourage sex. Even Rick Santorum is thinking, this guy is nuts.

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A new Canadian study found that facial plastic surgery made people look an average of seven years younger. If true, this would mean Joan Rivers looked about ten years old.

(or as my friend Kelly says, actually, it just means that Joan is really about a million years old.)

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Mitt Romney’s Super PAC spent $14 million just in January 2012. Yeah, this ought to sharpen Mitt’s credentials as a self-proclaimed “budget hawk…..”

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GOP candidates have jumped on gas prices as a way to attack President Obama. If they really wanted t do something about those prices though, heck, with the money their Super PACs are spending they could probably subsidize prices $1 a gallon for the whole country.

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The cast of “Glee” will not be touring this summer. This news was very upsetting to millions of kids, teenagers and women. And about two men.
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And the horse he rode in on….

February 20, 2012

Rick Santorum, who has said he wants the Federal and State governments out of the education business, stated “For the first 150 years, most presidents home-schooled their children at the White House.” Right, and for the first 150 years, presidents rode to work on a horse.

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So former President Clinton was in attendance at the Magic-Heat NBA game today. Guess even Bill couldn’t get tickets to see Jeremy Lin and the Knicks.

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More shocking than the fact that the New York Knicks have an Asian point guard -they’re actually playing basketball that includes passing the ball.

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One of Jeremy Lin’s biggest fans has to be Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Since “Linsanity” has knocked Cashman’s personal life train wreck (ex-mistress talking after being jailed for stalking him and his family, wife filing for divorce) right off the front page.

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Not that I would mind seeing Rick Santorum as the GOP Presidential nominee. But did all these Republicans suddenly on his bandwagon forget that in his re-election campaign for Senate, in a relatively conservative state, Santorum lost by 18%?

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Now that pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, it’s time to step back a bit from “Linsanity” and ask a question -. So which major league baseball teams have sent scouts to follow Harvard baseball?

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Newt Gingrich said of any late potential entrants into GOP Presidential field “Nobody’s going to show up and become Superman or Superwoman.” Heck, at this point many Republicans would settle for a good Clark Kent.

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NBC has confirmed that Lindsay Lohan is going to host SNL March 3. And it’s probably only a coincidence that the network has reportedly sent out a memo to cast members recommending they hide their jewelry.

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Controversy in California as a new program allows teenagers in some counties to request free condoms by mail. Actually the program is available to kids as young as 12.

Now, while I’m not personally a fan of 12 year olds having sex, it’s also really hard to imagine those kids, or even 13,14,15,16,17… year olds saying “Okay, I was thinking of waiting until marriage but, hey, free condoms, let’s do it.”

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Commentators seem surprised by how much Jeremy Lin has adapted and improved in two weeks in the NBA. Well, Palo Alto High and Harvard may not be known for their star athletes, but they do emphasize the ability to learn.

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Following on that thought, a serious comment for a change: Some wonder the difference between Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow, as both are devout Christian over-achievers. And why Lin, so far, is far less polarizing. Well, for starters, Tebow was home-schooled. Lin went through public schools. Which, while that may not make an intolerant person tolerant, and vice versa, does mean a slightly broader experience.

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Scoring change.

February 19, 2012

Apparently Maine may recount their caucuses, and Mitt Romney could end up losing the state to Ron Paul. This after he lost Iowa in a recount to Rick Santorum. Looks like Mitt’s victories may win up beng as long lasting as his positions.

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A new California Family Health Council program will allow teens in some counties to receive free condoms by mail. Said many teenagers “What’s mail?”

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United Airlines is adopting Continental’s pet transport program known as “PetSafe,” which means that animals who are too big to fit in the cabin have to fly as cargo, not checked luggage. For many destinations this will significantly increase the cost. On the other hand, the pets will still be more comfortable than their owners in coach.

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Paul Babeu is an AZ sheriff who became famous for opposing illegal immigration, and is now running for congress. He has been accused of threatening a male ex-lover with deportation if he made their relationship public. After texts were released, Babeu admited he is gay but denies making serious threats. When will they learn, love may fade, but cellphone records are forever?

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Nancy Grace refuses to apologize for saying “who let [Whitney Houston] slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?” Prompting many to suggest that maybe what Grace herself needs is a few drinks and a long bath.

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ESPN has apologized for using the headline “Chink in the Armor” referring to Jeremy Lin’s nine turnover’s last night in the Knicks loss to the Hornets. In related news, U.S. unemployment figures are about to increase by one.

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On the other hand, for fans of politically incorrect humor, my comedy pal T.C Chong from British Columbia, who has the birthright to make Asian jokes, has a few variations on Lin puns.

For starters. “Chinese Delivery Ends”, and “Lin is just taking all this with a grain of rice. He says the people at ESPN can’t “Wok and Chu Gum” at the same time.” (Others in comments on yesterday’s post.)

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The conservatives screaming about free birth control are often the same people screaming about those who pay no federal taxes. And who want to cut welfare, govt. subsidized child care, health care, etc. Really guys, if you want to reduce the number of poor people and kids, birth control should be a sacrament.

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Catching a rising star?

February 16, 2012

The Golden State Warriors are playing better of late, but they don’t have any real stars, and can’t seem to attract the kind of player who gets national attention and becomes a media sensation.. Gosh, wonder where they could possibly find a player like that?. Oops, never mind….

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How big a sensation is Jeremy Lin in New York? Out of habit the Yankees offered him a free agent contract.

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So Tim Tebow is #15, Jeremy Lin is #17. Wonder how many teams are scouting minor league baseball for a young Christian player wearing #19?

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Mars Inc, the candy maker of Snickers, Twix, and Three Musketeers, for examples, has announced they will stop selling chocolate products with more than 250 calories in them by the end of 2013.

You know what that means, same price, less candy.

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Old newspaper clippings show that Rick Santorum, in his first run for Congress in 1990, referred to himself as a “progressive conservative,” and said he tried to “dance around,” the issue of abortion. Who does Rick think he is? Mitt Romney?

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Las Vegas’ newest museum opened this week. The National Museum of Organized Crime & Law Enforcement, aka the Mob Museum. Wonder if their ticket policy will be “Free admission, but you’ll really pay to get out.”

(my friend Michael M. says “he hears it’s a real hit.” Rich says, “make them an offer they can’t refuse.”)

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President Obama’s approval rating is back up to 50%. Which means Americans are feeling better about the country. Either that or they have been watching the GOP primaries and going “Are you effing kidding me?”.

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Kim Kardashian said in an interview with Allure magazine that her next wedding won’t include any cameras. Hmm. I think I like “until death do us part” better.

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Rick Santorum talks about tort reform, and capping medical malpractice awards at $250,000. His wife, however, sued her chiropractor for $500,000 in 1999 because she alleged he incorrectly performed a spinal adjustment. Yeah, guess this means Santorum’s passed the political hypocrisy test.

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The Santa Clara city council approved the new 49ers stadium last night, which means the 49ers are officially moving state. Many San Franciscans are upset about losing “their” team. But unlike the Giants and Jets, at least the 49ers will still be playing in the same state.

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Four football players were amongst 17 TCU students arrested on drug charges. Well, looks like the Horned Frogs have finally joined the ranks of the big-time college football programs.

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Rocket scientist award of the week: A Northern California man missed his flight after TSA at Oakland found marijuana in a peanut butter jar in his carry-on bag. The stupidity isn’t so much the marijuana. They might have missed that. But a jar is more than 3 ounces, and peanut butter IS classified as a liquid.

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One nice unintended consequence of the Jeremy Lin story – It has finally knocked the Peyton Manning-Colts story off the front page.

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A customer at Las Vegas’s Heart Attack Grill was eating a Triple Bypass Burger” (1 1/2 lbs of beef and 12 bacon slices)) last weekend when he actually had a heart attack. The man is recovering. But what’s more disgusting, the idea of a 24 oz burger with that much bacon, or the idea there are probably lawyers ready to help him sue?

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“Unimaginable?”

February 13, 2012

One statement released about Whitney Houston’s death said it was “Unimaginable.” “Sad”, yes, “a terrible waste”, yes, “horrible for her daughter”, yes. But “unimaginable?” Not exactly. Maybe not even completely “unexpected.” (Are you paying attention, Lindsay Lohan?)

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Though questions remain about Whitney Houston’s death, the sad truth is that the person she probably needed a bodyguard from was herself.

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Bus to hell time. So wonder what Whitney Houston was drinking at the time of her death? Bathtub gin?

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Wonder if all those big post Grammy parties and champagne that friends of Rihanna suggested to Chris Brown that he go home and take a nice long bath?

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Okay, I get celebrity watching, even extending to funerals. But all these non-media folks lined up with phones and camera phones outside the Beverly Hills Hotel jostling to get a shot of the coroner’s van with Whitney Houston’s body?

Not exactly a picture you’d print for your mantel.

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A little irony, Jennifer Hudson was eliminated on American Idol during Barry Manilow week. But the week before, she wowed everyone on movie soundtrack week with “I have nothing,” from “The Bodyguard.

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How quickly things change. The Sunday newspaper talked about the big story at the Grammys tonight being the singing comeback of Adele.

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Why the Academy Awards always has it over the Grammys. The Oscar telecast is LIVE. Come on folks – those of us on the West Coast can handle a show starting on television late Saturday afternoon. We just managed the Super Bowl.

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Warriors vs. Rockets Sunday night. Otherwise known as the “We scr*wed up on Jeremy Lin” matchup.
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Republican infighting reaches new heights with even Ron Paul going after Romney and accusing him of cheating in the Maine caucuses. (Santorum and Gingrich were already in full attack mode.) It appears to be bitter, personal and unending. Who does the GOP think they are? Democrats?

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Got to love TSA. Today at the airport my carry on bag seemed a bit wide to one agent. Said I couldn’t bring it through security. Asked if I had a sweater or jacket inside? Had a sweater. Told me to take it out and carry it. Now we were good. Felt so much safer…. Sigh.

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Did someone forget to tell Phil Mickelson that Tiger Woods was supposed to be today’s golf story?

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The Yankees are reported in talks with the Pirates to move A.J. Burnett. The trade would no doubt require NY to eat some of his $35 million salary for the next two years. This passes for baseball equality these days, the rich get a little less rich, and the poor get stuck with players like Burnett.

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Beach Boys 50 year reunion. Yeah, they’ve still got it, even if those “Good Vibrations’ might now be from their overheated hearing aids.

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Not to say Beach Boys aren’t as active as they used to be. But hear one song on their reunion tour will be “Channel Surfing USA.”

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Knicks are Roll-Lin

February 9, 2012

Sign held by an Asian man at Verizon Center where the Jeremy Lin led Knicks beat the Washington Wizards – “Who says we can’t drive?”

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Unclear on the concept: Jeremy Lin’s former Palo Alto High coach Peter Diepenbrock “In the last 24 hours, I’ve taken calls from more than 12 different sportswriters in New York alone, I didn’t even know New York had that many sportswriters.” Uh, coach, New York has expotentially more sportswriters than 12 just covering the Yankees.

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Madonna is going to be performing at HP Pavilion, aka the “Shark Tank.” Unlike the San Jose Sharks, however, Madonna has actually made it to a championship game.

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Mitt Romney said today he’s going to be more aggressive in campaigning against Rick Santorum. Translation, “those Super PACS that I know absolutely nothing about and don’t communicate with are going to get a lot more nasty.”

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Enlightened male award of the day to Brandon Jacobs of the Super Bowl Champion NY Giants, for his comments about Giselle Bundchen. “She just needs to continue to be cute and shut up.” As if men listen to anything super models say anyway.

(Update, tonight Jacobs apologized for his words. Which means he probably heard from a higher authority -his wife.)

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Okay, now that Super Bowl betting is over, who’d have wagered that there would be a political controversy over a Clint Eastwood ad? And that Clint would be accused of trying to support a Democratic president?

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But really, Clint Eastwood makes an ad that can be seen as pro-Obama? Right. Next you’ll be telling me that Bill O’Reilly is supporting Ellen Degeneres.

Actually if Eastwood gets mad enough at all these Republican attacks, maybe he WILL make an ad supporting Obama.

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The Minnesota Twins are auctioning off a baseball signed before a game last July by Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. No guesses as to the estimated price but expect buyer’s remorse 72 days later.

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Sean Hannity said that if President Obama had his way, Bin Laden would still be alive. and he thinks “that can be proved as well on tape.” Assume that tape is in the same place as Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate?

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Apparently there are plans afoot to televise Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’s divorce proceedings. Well, those proceedings could last longer than the marriage.

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Alan Silverleib of CNN wrote a post titled “Conservatives still resist Romney.” Which basically says they doubt his authenticity. As a moderate liberal, can I add “‘Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country?”

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Memphis has announced they will become the newest Big East member. Well, they are east of new members San Diego State, Boise State, Houston and SMU. (Although the city IS west of, for example, Chicago.)

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U Conn’s mens basketball, facing sanctions for poor academic performance, is suggesting that the Huskies reduce the # of games they play next year if the NCAA will waive their punishment of being banned from 2013’s March Madness tournament. Can’t imagine how the school gets the reputation of thinking the rules don’t apply to them.

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With Proposition 8 being at least temporarily overturned in California, one argument that comes up during the gay marriage debate is that legalizing it will lead to people marrying their pets. Which isn’t going to happen. On the other hand, doesn’t mean that some pets aren’t better in relationships than some humans.

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Super question.

February 6, 2012

Super Bowl XLVI is history. So what time this week does the pre-game show for Super Bowl XLVII start?

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Okay, so this year’s Super Bowl commercials may not have been that memorable. On the brighter side for viewers, especially in Florida and South Carolina, none of them were made by political super PACS.

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New England WR Wes Welker dropped a pass late in the fourth quarter that resulted in New York getting the ball back with time to drive for the winning touchdown. NBC commentator Cris Collinsworth commented that Welker makes that catch “100 times out of 100.” Uh, make that 99.

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Not a NY Giants or NE Patriots fan, but at least they didn’t get to the championship with a payroll two to four times that of most of the rest of the league. (Yes, Yankees and Red Sox fans, I’m talking to you.)

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Who says football players don’t need math? For New England being able to count to 12 would have been helpful.

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A GOP friend posted that President Obama called the NY Giants and told them to share the trophy with other 31 teams. Right, and Mitt Romney called the Patriots and told them how to deduct the loss as a write-off.

(My friend Jeff Klein says “Newt Gingrich told both teams he could build them a training facility on the moon.”

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Open note to the younger generation: Madonna was the first Lady Gaga.

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Congratulations to those who bet the first score in the Super Bowl would be a safety. Both of them.

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Today’s Giants-Patriots Super Bowl game is a Jets fan’s worst nightmare. Well, except for the sight of Joe Namath weaving towards a pretty sideline reporter.

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Confused. Madonna sang “Like a Prayer.”. But where was Tim Tebow.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell is now saying that eliminating the Pro Bowl is a possibility. “That would be terrible,” said absolutely nobody.

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Only 366 days until Super Bowl 47, Feb 3, 2013 in New Orleans. How much do we think Drew Brees and company will be motivated to make it a home game?

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There’s an explanation for the latest controversy over Peyton Manning. Apparently he HAS been cleared to play professional football. But based on the 2011 season, that leaves out playing for the Colts.

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Seattle officials are working on plans to build a new arena ,and according to media reports are looking into acquiring the Sacramento Kings. Some are even more ambitious, and hope they can land an actual professional team.

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If you’re reading this….

February 5, 2012

You must have all your Super Bowl shopping done.

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Based on the crowds in Safeway, today is clearly the junk food shopping equivalent of the day before Thanksgiving.

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Fidel Castro has released a 1,000 page memoir, saying “I have to take advantage now, because memories fade. I am willing to do everything possible to share everything I remember well.” In related news, John McCain has released a memoir pamphlet.

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Police used a stun gun on a North Carolina woman who cut the line at a McDonald’s drive-thru and refused to move. A stun gun, really? Isn’t that a bit of overkill. Now, if she had blocked a morning line at Starbucks…..

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How the .1 percenters stay that way. Meg Whitman, when she took over as CEO of Hewlett Packard, took a $1 salary. But she got stock options that brought her compensation to $16.5 million. (No doubt much of that will be considered capital gains at a 15% tax rate)

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Scary thought if it hasn’t happened already. How long until kids grow up thinking Roman numerals are just another NFL creation for Super Bowl week?

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On Saturday afternoon, the NY Giants “accidentally” posted on their website that the team was Super Bowl champions. What hubris. Wonder if the errant employee involved used to work for the Yankees?

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As if we needed more proof that the 1% is not actually suffering any recession symptoms, USA Today reports that even though the SF 49ers haven’t broken ground in Santa Clara yet, the team reports having already sold $138 million in luxury suites.

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If President Obama dropped in to listen to Mitt Romney’s victory speech in Nevada, he would at least double the black turnout.

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According to CNN, in the veterinarians classified 53% of adult dogs in the U.S. and 55% of cats as overweight or obese. Well that’s still probably a lower percentage than their owners.

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Poor Mitt Romney, he’s starting to remind folks of C. Montgomery Burns, without Smithers.

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Newt Gingrich is fighting allegations that he is being petty and childish. So he refers to Romney’s comment about not caring about poor people as a “boo-boo?”

(My friend Dave Ribeiro says Newt’s favorite drink is “scotch and wa-wa.”)

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Congrats to the 49ers Jim Harbaugh who was voted NFL Coach of the Year, with 45 votes out of 50 votes. Three voters went to the Packers’ Mike McCarthy and two went to Denver’s John Fox. McCarthy presumably got votes for not messing up the defending champions. But did those two vote for Fox because God wasn’t on the ballot?

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You cannot make this “stuff” up dept: Indiana’s Secretary of State, the state’s top election official, has been convicted of six felony charges for lying about his address on voter registration forms. (False registration, voting in another precinct, submitting a false ballot, theft and two counts of perjury.)

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Serious PR disaster for the Komen Foundation this week with their temporary decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood. Did you really think you could do something that stupid and no one would notice? – asked Anthony Weiner.

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