Posted tagged ‘santorum jokes’

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Carolina Blues.

May 9, 2012

North Carolina voters passed a amendment to the state constitution defining marriage as strictly between a man and a woman. Really? Can a loving gay couple possibly do as much damage to the institution of marriage as say, John Edwards?

Reading about the John Edwards trial. Anyone else think that in a just world he and Rielle Hunter would be sentenced to spending the rest of their lives together?

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Some think this vote is the most embarrassing thing to happen in North Carolina since the Charlotte Bobcats.

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This just in: Cole Hamels says he would have just hit Josh Hamilton.

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From T.C.    Cole Hamels suspended and fined for beaning Bryce Harper on purpose. On the bright side, the city of New Orleans just made him an Honorary Captain of the Saints.

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Hell  potentially  freezes over department: Okay, it is now possible that the Clippers may last longer in the NBA playoffs than the Lakers.

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The Charlotte Bobcats are reportedly interested in Patrick Ewing for their head coaching position. Heck, with their record last year, maybe they should consider him as a player.

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An Indiana man was arrested for driving with four children strapped to the roof of his car. Wonder if he had a Romney bumpersticker?

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As a way to fight obesity, Massachusetts has banned the school bake sale. You know you might be too PC when even Californians say “That’s insane.”

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Mitt “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt” Romney, is now taking credit for the auto industry’s recovery. What’s next, John Edwards taking credit for defending traditional marriage?  –

Rick Santorum says he’s against smoking, but he doesn’t want a law against smoking. But he’s against gay marriage, and he wants a law against gay marriage. Hmm, which of these things he doesn’t like actually can HURT people?

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A Florida man was arrested at BWI airport with a loaded Glock in his carry-on. He said he “forgot” the gun was in his bag. What, did he miss it under his quart plastic bag of toiletries?

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Mike McQueary has filed a whistleblower suit against Penn State. He’s the asst. football coach who first reported seeing Jerry Sandusky and the boy in the showers back in 2001. But then did nothing further. Uh, Mike, if you had REALLY blown the whistle, you wouldn’t be in the mess, career and otherwise, that you are in now.

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North Carolina passed that state constitutional amendment saying marriage is between a man and a woman. So if you’re a state resident who wants to marry someone who looks like you, you’d better stick to relatives.

 

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Rush Limbaugh is fighting back against his anti-woman reputation by touting his new “National Organization for Rush Babes.” Now, nothing against conservative women, but “Rush Babes?” What’s the requirement, a bust size larger than your IQ?

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Between brackets.

March 21, 2012

No NCAA men’s basketball tournament games until Thursday. Oh the horror. Millions of Americans wlll have to go into the office and actually work.

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Peyton Manning has signed with the Denver Broncos. And Alex Smith has apparently re-signed with the San Francisco 49ers.Coach Jim Harbaugh says their relationship is “strong.” Got to love it – “Yeah, that really hot babe turned me down, but of course I love my wife.”

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Consumer Reports says that the new Apple iPad temperature can hit 116 degrees. So if you can’t find your iPad, look under the cat.

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The Situation from Jersey Shore has checked into rehab. Wow. Add that to Snooki being pregnant, and liquor stores in New Jersey may be forced to declare a state of emergency.

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The Memphis Grizzlies signed Gilbert Arenas. Guess they figured despite his past issues it was worth taking a shot?

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Santorum wonders why he lost Illinois. Uh, Monday’s statement: “I don’t care what the unemployment rate is going to be. It doesn’t matter to me.” Makes “I don’t care about poor people” sound almost statesmanlike.

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Romney wins Illinois. Maybe those in the “Land of Lincoln” just figured “Honest Abe” would haunt them forever if they actually voted for Santorum or Gingrich.

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Apparently the premier of DWTS had the worst ratings ever. Not enough controversy…. Say, where’s Donald Trump when you need him? Or for that matter, maybe the producers should ask Callista Gingrich….she’s not doing much that’s useful these days.

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At an Obama fundraiser, Robert De Niro (who is married to a black woman), told an inappropriate joke about America not being ready “for a white first lady.” Newt Gingrich has demanded he apologize. So maybe De Niro should have said “America’s not ready for a first lady who’s a third wife?

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Anyone else notice that this election season seems to be bringing out more loonies than normal? Well, Hillary Clinton may have put cracks in the glass ceiling but Rick Santorum and others have shattered the glass straitjacket.

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According to ESPN, the University of Southern Mississippi has revoked scholarships for (and removed from their band), 5 students who heckled a Puerto Rican Kansas State player during a NCAA basketball tournament game last week. Strong message. Now if schools would only discipline athletes that way.
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The Stanford men’s basketball team came from 11 points down with 9 minutes to play to beat Illinois State and advance to the Not-Quite-Elite Eight of the NIT. So friends, the wall is open. What does one do with a potential NIT banner?

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Another thought on that proposed Tennessee law that would publicize the names of abortion doctors and detailed personal information on the women having the procedures. Where’s the rider also to include potentially identifying details on the men who got those women pregnant?

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Day of the Dead.

March 18, 2012

Day of the Dead is traditionally celebrated November 1, the day after Halloween, in Mexico. Wonder how often it also described the morning after St. Patrick’s Day.

Or this year, folks who had Duke, Missouri and Michigan in their Elite Eight.

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Quote of the NCAA men’s tournament so far from Norfolk State’s Kyle O’Quinn, after their upset of Missouri: “We messed up some brackets. We even messed up my bracket.”

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So we’re not even through opening weekend of the men’s NCAA basketball tournament, and already there are ZERO teams left in either the Pacific or the Mountain time zones. So for regular sports fans, it’s just like ESPN’s Baseball game of the week.

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Chaleo Yoovidhya, who created Red Bull, has died at the age of 89. Actually, the coroner says Chaleo died over a week ago, but his body just stopped moving.

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M Go Blue. San Francisco 49ers just signed former Michigan (and NY Giants) WR Mario Manningham. Gosh, why would they think they might have any use for such a star receiver?

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“I find it ironic that Republicans (like Santorum) are out there wanting less govt. and govt. intruding into our lives, but when it comes to moral issues they want govt. to legislate morality” Steven Hirsch, founder of adult entertainment company “Vivid Entertainment.” Nice work by Santorum to give a porn movie producer the moral high road.

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Rosie O’Donnell’s daily talk show has been cancelled. The response from most Americans – Rosie O’Donnell had a talk show?

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The NY Post reports that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries each would like an annulment instead of a divorce, the holdup being that each wants the other to admit to fraud. Uh, can we find them both guilty of fraud and make them go away?

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In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, Burger King is offering all customers on March 17 and 18 a free order of french-fries, complete with green Heinz ketchup. Let’s hope that last is just not five year old red Heinz ketchup.

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A story from an unnamed source says now that Romney was on McCain’s short list in 2008 for V.P., but after John famously forget how many houses he had (eight), a staffer “pointed out that we couldn’t go to the country with a Republican ticket that owned 14 houses between the two of them.” Well, in Mitt’s favor, he can count his homes. (Six.)

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When I’m 64….

March 15, 2012

The “play-ins” are done. Am I the only person who wonders, with 64 teams and at least 30-35 games before tournaments, haven’t teams had a chance to “play-in” already?

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Well, we know why Rick Santorum hasn’t filled out March Madness brackets: He thinks being able to count to 64 is elitist.

(as my friend Rich points out, to say nothing of 68.)

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Mitt Romney told reporters he’s not “plugged in” enough to fill out a 2012 NCAA tournament bracket. Talk about out of touch, poor Mitt doesn’t realize the great American office tradition of March Madness decision making, “Eenie, meenie, minie, moe…, my best friend went there…. and hey, what a cute mascot….”

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At the half of their play-in game, it was USF 36, Cal 13. Did someone forget it was March and schedule a football game.

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Congrats to the Vermont Catamounts for winning their play-in game. The question for the night, without using Google, what is a “catamount.” And for you cat-haters out there, no it does not involve nailing pets to the wall.

(and no, for Romney fans it’s not like “dogamount,” – mounting your dog to the car roof.

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Despite what is clearly a bad situation, Newt Gingrich says he is staying in the GOP race. Newt might be doing better had he shown that kind of tenacity in sticking with his marriages.

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Open note to anyone watching USF dismantle Cal during the play-in game: The University of South Florida is in Tampa. (West of Orlando and about 200 miles north of Miami.). Floridians are better at sports than they are at geography.

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Courtney Robertson, who got at least temporarily engaged to Ben Flajnik on “The Bachelor” may apparently be joining “Dancing with the Stars.” Well, that ought to address all those rumors she was just in it for the publicity.

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A test program by TSA will allow the elderly to keep their shoes on at certain airport checkpoints, including O’Hare, Orlando and Portland, OR. Well, if he ever gets healthy that will make life easier for Greg Oden.

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American Idol contestant Jermaine Jones has been booted from the show for (relatively recent) past undisclosed arrests. When will these kids learn the basic rule – become a star first, and THEN you can get arrested.

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Rick Santorum told Puerto Ricans if they wanted statehood then they must make English their primary language. – “Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law.” I think I’m getting this, Santorum is for states rights as long as states do what he thinks is right.

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A new study says that men who eat a high fat diet may experience more than a 40% drop in sperm count. Yikes, does that mean Rick Santorum may want to outlaw KFC as birth control?

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So much for “play ball.” Parents of that Lennox (CA) Little League team that was saved by a $1200 from a local strip club have voted to refuse the money. (Idiots, IMHO.) Wonder how many fathers offered to return the donation, one dollar at a time.

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Mike D’Antoni resigned as coach of the New York Knicks. Clearly he could handle Linsanity better than Melo-ness.

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Rick Santorum on Mitt Romney: “It’s pretty sad when all you have is to do math instead of trying to go out there and win it.” Uh, has no one told Santorum that math will figure pretty heavily into the results this November?

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Ho, ho, ho?

February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum is trying to explain his 2008 statement that ““Satan has his sights on the United States of America!” Stay tuned, maybe he’ll say he’s dyslexic and was talking about Santa.

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Albert Pujols is objecting to billboards as part of the Angels marketing campaign that refer to him “El Hombre,” Pujols has asked not to be called that in deference to Stan “The Man” Musial. But he might not need to worry. Hispanic fans may not remember Musial, and non-Hispanic fans may not know what “El Hombre” means.

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A Texas man collected 10 cent comic books starting as a 9 year old in the 1930s. Today his family sold 227 books from the collection he had saved in his basement for about $3.5 million. And millions of other Americans forwarded this story to their mothers saying “See!”

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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has changed his mind about a new bill that would require women to have a physically invasive transvaginal ultrasound procedure before any abortion. Wonder if he saw the “Daily Show?” (Or remembered that women do have the right to vote?)

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The Temple Owls are in talks to join the Big East. This is shocking. Unlike new schools SMU, Houston, Boise State and San Diego State, Temple, situated in Philadelphia, actually is in the East.

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Former Louisiana Gov. Charles “Buddy” Roemer is dropping out of the GOP presidential primary. The number one response across the U.S. – Buddy who?

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For anyone who was thinking the level of debate in the GOP primaries was getting too elevated, we’ll always have Sarah Palin. Today she defended Rick Santorum by saying the “lame-stream media characters” are getting “all wee-weed up about” his past remarks.

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As the three top GOP candidates increasingly try to prove they’re the furthest to the right, anyone else get the idea we’re watching a new game show – “Who wants to be a Neanderthal?”

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Rick Santorum at end of debate trumpets the fact he is from a “key swing state.” (Pennsylvania) What he doesn’t mention: He lost his last election in that state by 18 percent.

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Newt Gingrich attacking Obama. “As long as you’re America’s enemy you’re safe.”. Guess someone forgot to tell Bin Laden and Qaddafi.

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Mitt Romney says he loves Michigan because “the trees are just the right height.” Shame that someone didn’t ask him during the debate Wednesday night – “In which states are the trees the wrong height?”

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Question for GOP candidates. Agree that there are some bad leaders around the world who are killing innocent people including their own citizens. How come we only want to invade the ones with oil?

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Not voting for Ron Paul, but he does win the “breath of fresh air” award. Wednesday night, CNN debate moderator John King asked him why he’s running anti Santorum adds that say he’s a fake.

Paul’s response: “Because he’s a fake.”

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From Moneyball to Mannyball.

February 21, 2012

Yes, it’s true, Manny Ramirez has signed a minor league with the As?!! Stay tuned for “Mannyball.” Wonder if this will be a comedy or a tragedy? Or both?

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With Manny Ramirez back in baseball with the A’s, are some sports fans going from Linsanity to Manny-ic Depression?

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Fox pundit Liz Trotta has followed her incendiary comments about rape in the military with this – “Women are not as strong as men. Their instincts and reactions in crisis are markedly different.” Clearly this is a woman who has never been to a Black Friday sale.

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Albert Pujols arrived at spring training today. His new teammates were thrilled to see him in an Angels uniform. Almost as happy as National League pitchers.

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Anthony Federico, the former ESPN writer fired for his “Chink in the Armor” Jeremy Lin headline, told the NY Daily News that it was a mistake, “This had nothing to do with me being cute or punny.” If that’s true, forget racist, he (and his editor) might be too stupid to work at ESPN.

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With all the controversy about Jeremy Lin and anti-Asian jokes, I shudder to think what would happen if some Jewish kid became an NBA star. Fortunately that’s not likely to happen.

On the other hand, Cal’s Jorge Gutierrez, from Mexico, is a possible NBA draft pick. If that happens, or, if he has a great March tournament…Gentlemen, start your sensitivity training. (And run all headlines through an awake editor.)

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Indiana House member Bob Morris is opposing a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a “radicalized organization.” He said he found allegations on the internet that they are tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allow transgender females to join and encourage sex. Even Rick Santorum is thinking, this guy is nuts.

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A new Canadian study found that facial plastic surgery made people look an average of seven years younger. If true, this would mean Joan Rivers looked about ten years old.

(or as my friend Kelly says, actually, it just means that Joan is really about a million years old.)

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Mitt Romney’s Super PAC spent $14 million just in January 2012. Yeah, this ought to sharpen Mitt’s credentials as a self-proclaimed “budget hawk…..”

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GOP candidates have jumped on gas prices as a way to attack President Obama. If they really wanted t do something about those prices though, heck, with the money their Super PACs are spending they could probably subsidize prices $1 a gallon for the whole country.

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The cast of “Glee” will not be touring this summer. This news was very upsetting to millions of kids, teenagers and women. And about two men.
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And the horse he rode in on….

February 20, 2012

Rick Santorum, who has said he wants the Federal and State governments out of the education business, stated “For the first 150 years, most presidents home-schooled their children at the White House.” Right, and for the first 150 years, presidents rode to work on a horse.

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So former President Clinton was in attendance at the Magic-Heat NBA game today. Guess even Bill couldn’t get tickets to see Jeremy Lin and the Knicks.

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More shocking than the fact that the New York Knicks have an Asian point guard -they’re actually playing basketball that includes passing the ball.

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One of Jeremy Lin’s biggest fans has to be Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Since “Linsanity” has knocked Cashman’s personal life train wreck (ex-mistress talking after being jailed for stalking him and his family, wife filing for divorce) right off the front page.

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Not that I would mind seeing Rick Santorum as the GOP Presidential nominee. But did all these Republicans suddenly on his bandwagon forget that in his re-election campaign for Senate, in a relatively conservative state, Santorum lost by 18%?

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Now that pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, it’s time to step back a bit from “Linsanity” and ask a question -. So which major league baseball teams have sent scouts to follow Harvard baseball?

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Newt Gingrich said of any late potential entrants into GOP Presidential field “Nobody’s going to show up and become Superman or Superwoman.” Heck, at this point many Republicans would settle for a good Clark Kent.

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NBC has confirmed that Lindsay Lohan is going to host SNL March 3. And it’s probably only a coincidence that the network has reportedly sent out a memo to cast members recommending they hide their jewelry.

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Controversy in California as a new program allows teenagers in some counties to request free condoms by mail. Actually the program is available to kids as young as 12.

Now, while I’m not personally a fan of 12 year olds having sex, it’s also really hard to imagine those kids, or even 13,14,15,16,17… year olds saying “Okay, I was thinking of waiting until marriage but, hey, free condoms, let’s do it.”

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Commentators seem surprised by how much Jeremy Lin has adapted and improved in two weeks in the NBA. Well, Palo Alto High and Harvard may not be known for their star athletes, but they do emphasize the ability to learn.

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Following on that thought, a serious comment for a change: Some wonder the difference between Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow, as both are devout Christian over-achievers. And why Lin, so far, is far less polarizing. Well, for starters, Tebow was home-schooled. Lin went through public schools. Which, while that may not make an intolerant person tolerant, and vice versa, does mean a slightly broader experience.

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Parenthood, and other birth control jokes.

February 17, 2012

Rick Santorum is distancing himself from a major donor’s comment about using aspirin for contraception. After Foster Friess said that “gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” Santorum called Friess’ comment a “stupid joke.” Wonder if Rick figured that out before or after he fathered seven children.

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Those who oppose Obama’s efforts to get birth control coverage for women who work at church-affiliated institutions are framing it as an issue of religious freedom. But about the religious freedom for churches who are willing to marry gay couples?.

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The Miami Heat play in Cleveland Friday, and Lebron James just said he would be open to returning to play for the Cavaliers at some point. This I think is the cue for the P.A. announcer at “The Q” to serenade King James with a recording of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”

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Late bloomer story of the year: When the Palo Alto High basketball team defeated Mater Dei for the CA State Championship in 2006, the Vikings had 0 players heading to D1 schools, while the Monarchs had several including Duke-bound superstar Taylor King.

Now King is playing for the Quebec Kebs of the National Basketball League of Canada, and Palo Altos’s Jeremy Lin…..

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R.I.P. Gary Carter, who was only 57. I once heard Bob Brenly talk enviously about the great camaraderie “the Kid” had with umpires. For Carter, the best PED was a smile.

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CNN announced they have canceled their Super Tuesday debate, because Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum all have canceled their appearances. Guess the three GOP candidates were afraid CNN would do something terrible during the debate, like report exactly what they said.

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Apparently Newt Gingrich is still willing to take part in the proposed CNN debate which has been tentatively canceled due to the other three top candidates pulling out. Well, it could be interesting. Americans could watch Gingrich debate himself.

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Got to love the Donald, who now talks about helping Romney because “If you look at the tea party. If you look at the Christian coalition. If you look at a lot of different groups, I have very, very strong relationships with them.” Hmm, wonder how these compare to his “good relationship with the blacks.”

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Interesting parallels between the reaction to the deaths of Whitney Houston and Etta James. Both were great singers with complicated and difficult personal lives. But Houston died at 48, and James lived until 73. Proving again, that the way to achieve eternal superstardom is to die young.

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Maybe when the NBA season is over President Obama can appoint Jeremy Lin to a temporary position to work on unemployment. Lin’s already done the seemingly impossible with jobs – saved Mike D’Antoni’s.

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Catching a rising star?

February 16, 2012

The Golden State Warriors are playing better of late, but they don’t have any real stars, and can’t seem to attract the kind of player who gets national attention and becomes a media sensation.. Gosh, wonder where they could possibly find a player like that?. Oops, never mind….

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How big a sensation is Jeremy Lin in New York? Out of habit the Yankees offered him a free agent contract.

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So Tim Tebow is #15, Jeremy Lin is #17. Wonder how many teams are scouting minor league baseball for a young Christian player wearing #19?

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Mars Inc, the candy maker of Snickers, Twix, and Three Musketeers, for examples, has announced they will stop selling chocolate products with more than 250 calories in them by the end of 2013.

You know what that means, same price, less candy.

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Old newspaper clippings show that Rick Santorum, in his first run for Congress in 1990, referred to himself as a “progressive conservative,” and said he tried to “dance around,” the issue of abortion. Who does Rick think he is? Mitt Romney?

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Las Vegas’ newest museum opened this week. The National Museum of Organized Crime & Law Enforcement, aka the Mob Museum. Wonder if their ticket policy will be “Free admission, but you’ll really pay to get out.”

(my friend Michael M. says “he hears it’s a real hit.” Rich says, “make them an offer they can’t refuse.”)

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President Obama’s approval rating is back up to 50%. Which means Americans are feeling better about the country. Either that or they have been watching the GOP primaries and going “Are you effing kidding me?”.

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Kim Kardashian said in an interview with Allure magazine that her next wedding won’t include any cameras. Hmm. I think I like “until death do us part” better.

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Rick Santorum talks about tort reform, and capping medical malpractice awards at $250,000. His wife, however, sued her chiropractor for $500,000 in 1999 because she alleged he incorrectly performed a spinal adjustment. Yeah, guess this means Santorum’s passed the political hypocrisy test.

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The Santa Clara city council approved the new 49ers stadium last night, which means the 49ers are officially moving state. Many San Franciscans are upset about losing “their” team. But unlike the Giants and Jets, at least the 49ers will still be playing in the same state.

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Four football players were amongst 17 TCU students arrested on drug charges. Well, looks like the Horned Frogs have finally joined the ranks of the big-time college football programs.

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Rocket scientist award of the week: A Northern California man missed his flight after TSA at Oakland found marijuana in a peanut butter jar in his carry-on bag. The stupidity isn’t so much the marijuana. They might have missed that. But a jar is more than 3 ounces, and peanut butter IS classified as a liquid.

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One nice unintended consequence of the Jeremy Lin story – It has finally knocked the Peyton Manning-Colts story off the front page.

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A customer at Las Vegas’s Heart Attack Grill was eating a Triple Bypass Burger” (1 1/2 lbs of beef and 12 bacon slices)) last weekend when he actually had a heart attack. The man is recovering. But what’s more disgusting, the idea of a 24 oz burger with that much bacon, or the idea there are probably lawyers ready to help him sue?

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What’s in a name?

February 12, 2012

Chad Ochocinco is changing his name again. In other words, Ochocinco is Ocho-Seis’ed.

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Then there’s Meta World Peace on Jeremy Lin: “We think he needs a better haircut. I don’t like that style. We’re in New York, the fashion capital. You’re a star now. Wear some shades. Shades, OK? Put down the nerdy Harvard book glasses. Put on some black shades, OK? With some leather pants. Change your style. Fashion…”

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I’m all for freedom of speech and religion but hearing the Catholic bishops talk about their “”serious moral concerns” about President Obama’s birth control compromise makes me wonder where this outrage was when the pedophilia scandals first came to light.

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Al Franken headlining for the Democrats at the California convention. His challenge, saying something funnier than most of the GOP presidential candidates do every day.

This Franken line wasn’t bad: “Watching people complain about Clint Eastwood’s ‘Halftime in America’ ad is like watching people rooting for the dealer in blackjack.”

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Meanwhile, Governor Jerry Brown is in full “take no prisoners” mode. And he illustrates an interesting alternative to term limits – elect politicians who are old enough they don’t give a sh*t who they offend anymore.

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Sad news about Whitney Houston, but hearing it at a convention surrounded by 1,000 people with smart phones made me feel like I was in one of those “that’s so thirty seconds ago” commercials.

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Sarah Palin is now giving advice to Mitt Romney on how to defeat President Obama. And she is such an expert on that subject…

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But really, Sarah Palin’s telling Mitt Romney how to beat President Obama? What’s next, John Kerry giving Mitt charisma lessons?

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Mitt Romney says he is the “only candidate in this race, Republican or Democrat, who has never worked a day in Washington.” Uh, yeah, that’s because he lost his earlier races for the Senate and the Presidency.

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Democrats will never be accused of not being P.C. enough. Speeches at convention are done with ASL AND closed captioning.

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Rick Santorum is pontificating on birth control these days, and said yesterday that it “only costs a few dollars,” and “serves no economic need.” Uh, do we really expect a man to be an expert on birth control who has seven children?

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Tax dollars working hard for the money?

February 8, 2012

The House just overwhelmingly passed a bill banning welfare recipients from spending federal aid in strip clubs. No problem there. It would probably be unconstitutional, but shame they can’t also pass a bill banning those in Congress from using their taxpayer funded stipends in strip clubs.

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Can’t wait to see what Tom Brady says about the other women if Giselle Bundchen ever plays in the Lingerie Bowl.

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Jeremy Lin, the New York Knicks’ unlikely new star, is a devout Christian. Hmm, does this mean God was looking for something to do during Tebow’s offseason?

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On American Idol tomorrow, one of the singers who made it to Hollywood is Brittany Kerr, a cheerleader/dancer for Charlotte Bobcats. If she makes it to the finals we may see a new phenomenon, men asking their wives and girlfriends when Idol is on.

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Newly minted Catholic Newt Gingrich is condemning the Obama administration’s decision to require religious hospitals and schools to offer birth control as part of their healthcare plans. Longtime Newt watchers just yawn and wonder what his next wife’s religion will say on the subject.

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A pilot with Lion Air, Indonesia’s largest domestic airline, reportedly tested positive for crystal meth within hours before his scheduled flight. This was the second crystal meth arrest for the airline this year. So maybe passengers haven’t been imagining that their planes take off, fly, and land REALLY REALLY fast.

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Rick Santorum has won tonight in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. This is great news, for President Obama.

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Rocket scientist of the day award? To the Denver Bronco’s Knowshon Moreno was arrested and charged with DUI, for driving 70mph in a construction zone with a license plate reading “SAUCED.”

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Santorum wins Colorado! Reaction from moderate conservatives to the state – “Are you Rocky Mountain High?”

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Today in Boston, someone dumped hundreds of Butterfinger candy bars in Boston’s Copley Square on Tuesday with a note: “Thank you Wes Welker.” Haven’t heard anyone pulling stunts joking about Brady throwing that ball to midfield from the end zone. But without that safety a field goal at the end wins the game.

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Happy to see California Prop 8 declared unconstitutional. But if we really want to get more conservatives over to the side of gay marriage, need a campaign that says right now gay couples who are domestic partners pay lower tax rates than married couples.

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Ricky Williams is retiring from the NFL. It could be high time.

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Prosecutors are asking that Jerry Sandusky stay indoors as part of his house arrest. Apparently parents have complained that he can be seen outside and watching children in a schoolyard from the back porch of his home. I’m wondering why they granted this scumbag bail at all.

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Karen Handel, the alleged driving force behind Komen’s decision to cut off funding for Planned Parenthood, resigned today. But in a statement said this was a board supported position and a discussion that started before she arrived. In other words, the company wanted me to steer towards those rocks.

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Caucused?

January 4, 2012

Okay, now in all seriousness, the combined votes for Romney and Santorum in the Iowa caucuses….approximately equal the population of Palo Alto, California. (Just under 59.000. Total.)

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About 120,000 voters voted period. Which is less than the population of Sunnyvale, California. (To out of state or out of country readers that’s a suburb several miles from San Jose, about 131,000 people.)

Maybe we should just move the Iowa caucuses to some small towns in California. Same number of random votes, better weather.

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Rick Santorum lost by only eight votes in Iowa. After losing his 2006 re-election to the Senate by a record margin, and saying this week he believes states have the right to ban birth control and sodomy (which, google it, includes what Bill did with Monica.) Guess this answers one question -how much do many Republicans hate Mitt Romney?

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The mud is flying fast and furious in Iowa as we approach the caucuses tonight. This probably does mean good news, however, for one candidate – President Obama.

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The Las Vegas Hilton has changed its name to “The Las Vegas Hotel & Casino,” dropping the Hilton name. Wonder how many times over the past decade the Hilton family has hoped Paris would do the same thing.

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Another potential winner in tonight’s Iowa caucuses? Hillary Clinton. Seriously. Because if she figures Obama will be re-elected but hasn’t ruled out 2016, Clinton has to be looking at this field and figure she can beat all of them with half her brain tied behind her pantsuit.

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Want to cut down on your soda consumption? How about this story, where a man is claiming to have found a mouse inside of a Mountain Dew can. Pepsi’s expert testified if a mouse HAD gotten into a can that it would have been dissolved in the soda’s acid, and transformed into a “jelly like substance.”

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Stanford coach David Shaw quoted Tuesday in the SF Chronicle: “We can’t settle for field goals against a good football team.” Uh, well then why play for one at the end?

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Happiest people in America right now, after Stanford’s snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, and following Oregon and Boise State’s earlier costly last second losses this season -any parents of a good high school kicker looking for a scholarship.

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Apparently Stanford’s kicker was “Tebowing” it in prayer on the sidelines before his end of regulation missed kick. Guess he hasn’t seen Tim’s results the past few weeks.

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From T.C. Observation on Totitos Fiesta Bowl: One player is definitely Toast(titos)in next NFL Draft – the Stanford Field Goal kicker. Somewhere a Stanford music teacher is saying, “we should have signed that kid up to play in the band!”

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