Posted tagged ‘Concordia jokes’

Slip sliding away….

January 19, 2012

(The Carnival- Costa theme song?)

Poor Joe Biden. All these reported GOP speaking gaffes must have him missing the spotlight. Or at least that’s one explanation why he told San Francisco Democrats in a private fundraiser today that “the Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl.

Actually posted this on Facebook last morning before Biden’s speech: You might be a S.F. bandwagon fan if….. You say you are excited about the Giants game this weekend but admit you hadn’t thought the Giants started playing until April.

The Captain of the Concordia now said he fell into the lifeboat. I think I like I cheated on my wife because of “how passionately I felt about this country” better.

The NY Post may not usually appear on the list of America’s top papers. But they do win the prize so far for the best headline on the Costa Concordia disaster- a picture of the captain on the front page of their paper edition with the caption “Chicken of the Sea.”

Wonder if Captain Francesco Schettino has had time to change his Facebook status? Presumably from “At the helm of the Costa Concordia about to impress passengers with a beautiful island view,” to “It’s complicated.”

And watching the television shots of the Concordia on its side with the deck steeply sloped towards the ocean, have to wonder if parent company Carnival will reconsider those ads of the “longest, fastest, waterslide” at sea.

True fact: The Costa Concordia is a sister ship to Carnival’s Splendor. All of a sudden being adrift for three days off the coast of Mexico (which happened to the Splendor in 2010), doesn’t seem so bad.

From my friend Jerry Perisho, “A member of the Italian Coast Guard told the captain of that cruise ship, who had already abandoned ship, “Get on board, dammit” That, of course, is the same message the Romney campaign team is screaming at Republican voters.”

Now that Yu Darvish has signed with the Rangers, many of us have a whole new reason to look forward to interleague play. If Darvish can handle a bat or work a walk it means we can hear the announcer say “Yu’s on first.”

Darvish’s name is actually pronounced “You duhr-veesh.” So will he be known to U.S. fans as a “Hurling Darvish?”

Mitt Romney is having a tough few days talking about his 15% tax rate and making “only” about $375,000 a year from public speaking. I miss Ann Richards, who would no doubt be proclaiming “Poor Mitt, he was born with a platinum foot in his mouth.”

Newt Gingrich has announced he pays a 31% percent tax rate, and is worth only about $6.7 million, much less than Mitt Romney. Wonder how much of that difference is Callista’s jewelry?

Despite his positive PED test Ryan Braun will accept his NL MVP award at a banquet Saturday. Braun’s spokesman said “there are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan’s complete innocence.” Of course, aren’t there always?

My friend Karen wondered if he tripped and fell into a needle?

Rob Lowe apparently tweeted that Peyton Manning is retiring. Could be true, or maybe Peyton is just floating a trial balloon to keep something awful from happening, like being traded to the Redskins.

Some unfortunate stories of Saints fans being treated badly at Candlestick Park during the SF-New Orleans game. Well, this sort of harassment probably won’t happen if the team moves to expensive new digs in Santa Clara. The local folks who can afford tickets probably will be too busy with their cellphones.

From Bill Littlejohn: It’s getting down to the wire for arbitration between Tim Lincecum and the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum demanded a Giants team batting average of .280 in arbitration—the Giants countered with .240″


When we hope the Lights Don’t Go Down in the City.

January 16, 2012

The 49ers get another playoff home game, which should be at night. Will ticket holders be asked to bring flashlights?

Lakers 73, Dallas 70? Or was that score left over from a Baylor football game?

How long until we start seeing Costa Concordia cocktails? Presumably something Italian on the rocks, with a lot of water.

And ah, perspective. Micky Arison, the owner of the Miami Heat, is also the CEO and majority owner of Carnival Cruise Lines, parent company of Costa. Last week if you asked him he might have said the biggest disaster he’d seen this year was Lebron’s performance in the NBA finals.

George Clooney won a Golden Globes award for “The Descendants.” Probably because as unlikely as it seemed, he actually gave a believable performance as a man a woman might actually cheat on.

Stephen Colbert, taking Mitt Romney’s “corporations are people” to its logical conclusion, now has a satiric commercial saying that Romney’s time doing leveraged buyouts makes him a serial killer. Wonder how long it will take President Obama to beg Colbert to run in more GOP primaries.

South Carolina’s leading newspaper endorsed Jon Huntsman, saying that of the “two sensible, experienced grownups in the race, he was “more principled, has a far more impressive resume and offers a significantly more important message.” So, of course after that Huntsman knew he has no chance and had to quit.

Whose endorsement was less enthusiastic? John Elway’s saying Tebow is next year’s Broncos starter? Or Jon Huntsman saying Mitt Romney is now the GOP’s best Presidential candidate?

Marc Ragovin’s take on Jon’s Huntsman’s throwing his support to Mitt Romney. That is like the Cubs having “Go Yankees” night.

Who’d a thunk it. Alex Smith this past weekend gave his best Aaron Rodgers impersonation, while Aaron Rodgers gave his best Alex Smith impersonation.

Rick Perry last weekend compared himself to Moses. And a voice from the heavens boomed down “I knew Moses, Moses was a friend of mine, Governor, you’re no Moses.”

Another in the long line of “you cannot make this ‘stuff’ up” items: Georgia Republican state Rep. Kip Smith, the sponsor of a bill that would “require random drug testing” for citizens on public assistance, was arrested early Friday morning in an Atlanta suburb and charged with DUI.

A man in Southern California have arrested a man who they say added chemicals into his wife’s Rice Krispies cereal last week in attempt to kill her. What, as opposed to the chemicals already in the cereal?

From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Tim Tebow had a feeling he was in for a rough game against the Pats. When he prayed before the game, God told Tebow to take the Pats and give the 14.5 points.”