Posted tagged ‘Trump jokes’

Missing it by that much?

November 13, 2017

Once again, looking like #49ers will come up just short in their quest for the #1 NFL draft pick.

A New Jersey bar owner said he boycotted NFL Veteran’s Day weekend over players kneeling during anthem. Either that or because @nyjets & @Giants both suck?

In NFC, Rams, Vikings and Saints all leading their divisions. Just like the preseason pundits predicted.

49ers fans thrilled about 1st week of season without a loss. And next week the team has pretty good chance against “Bye Week.”

There was a streaker on the field late in 4th quarter in Buffalo. He had a better running day than the Bills offense against the Saints.

Butch Jones, w/ 4-6 record this year, has been fired as head football coach at Tennessee. #Browns fans wonder, was he fired for over-achieving?

Just wondering, how drunk do you have to be to be thrown out of a bar in Las Vegas? #OJSimpson

 

Oh please oh please let someone ask Trump about Keurig? “Never met them, the allegations are false.”

 

If you #BoycottKeurig does that mean you spend more money at #Starbucks? Being conservative at times must be so confusing.

Thinking there’s going to be a real market for someone who can fix broken Keurigs when some angry conservatives calm down & miss their coffee.

Damn, with Trump supporters attacking #NFL and #Keurig what’s a liberal worried about CTE who doesn’t like pretentious coffee to do?

Lost w/ all attention given to @realDonaldTrump’s “short & fat” comment on Kim Jong-Un is other tweet complaining Hillary had “no chemistry” w/ Putin.

Authorities say 50 pounds of cocaine washed up on a central Florida beach. Talk about a high-tide.

Now Roy More defenders trying to discredit his 1st accuser by bringing up her divorces. Maybe “dating” him at 14 DID mess her up for life?

To me  his 1st accuser being divorced 3 times actually makes her more credible. Being sexual w/ a 32 yr old at 14 would screw a lot of women up.

 

Would #RoyMoore supporters be more likely to believe allegations if Moore were a customer of Hillary’s pedophile-run pizza parlor? #pizzagate #sarcasm

Do we really expect a man who said he’d date his daughter to condemn Roy Moore over pursuing teenage girls?

 

So Trump is insulting former CIA/FBI guys -, Clapper, Brennan, Comey and Mueller. What could possibly go wrong?

 

Not a “thoughts & prayers” kind of gal but maybe those who are could spare some “thought & prayers” after earthquake for people in Iraq and Iran.

Lonely at the top.

November 11, 2017

 

Wondering how many in Alabama would have been more upset if Crimson Tide lost than to find out they might be electing a sexual predator Senator.

I suppose it was too much to ask for that two undefeated SEC teams lose in on the same day? #Georgia #Bama

Well, at least this embarrassment for Georgia on the football field didn’t involve a 4th quarter collapse in the Super Bowl.

So is there still a chance Notre Dame and Georgia could meet in the  “Over-rated” Bowl?

I’m sure LSJUMB will take the high road over Fighting Irish blowout loss in Miami when Notre Dame plays Stanford in two weeks.

Did someone tell Michigan State players they had a bye week this week.  (Ohio State 48, MSU 3.)

Wonder why NFL TV ratings down? Only free option for those near NYC/SF Sunday afternoon not Cowboys-Falcons or Texans-Rams but Giants-49ers.

UCLA players accused of shoplifting, from as many as 3 different stores, remain at Hyatt in China. Gosh, hope this doesn’t interfere w/ their studies.

#Cardinals already w/o Carson Palmer, now QB Drew Stanton injured; they will reportedly sign Matt Barkley. Kaepernick remains on list just below chopped liver.

Alabama GOP position is that a 14-yr-old girl is adult enough to make her own choices about sex until she gets pregnant.

Across America some 14 yr-old girls are just trying to convince their parents they should be allowed to date 15-yr-old boys.

Some in GOP floating idea of delaying Alabama Senate special election. If this works will Trump try to delay 2020 election at least a few years?

Bromance between Trump and Putin continues. How long until Vlad is named an honorary co-host of Fox and Friends?
Trump on Putin’s being accused of election meddling -“I think he’s very insulted by it.” What’s Russian word for “snowflake.”

 

Trump complains about Kim Jong-Un calling him “old,” says he wouldn’t call Korean leader “short & fat.” Is this US President or Alec Baldwin on SNL cold open?

But hey, is that what POTUS meant by “progress not provocation?”

Tweet tweeted “Met with President Putin of Russia who was at #APECmeetings.” President Putin “of Russia.” Are there any Americans who don’t know who Vlad is?

Trump on his Asia trip – “Well a lot of people said it is almost physically impossible for someone to go through 12 days.” And we were worried about Hillary’s health?”

Rest of world going ahead with TPP and Paris Climate Accord. #MAIA – Make American Isolated Again.

Silver lining for GOP with Roy Moore: Nobody is tweeting about their proposed tax relief for millionaires.

Analyze this?

November 6, 2017

Cashman – Yankees fired Girardi because Joe didn’t have good “connectivity” w/ clubhouse. “Connectivity?” Is that like exit velocity?

If all ex-players with CTE and/or dying young haven’t bothered you,  but guys kneeling to protest oppression makes you stop watching NFL, you might be a racist.

All these teams don’t want to sign Colin Kaepernick because they might hear boos from fans? Guess what… Packers, Browns, 49ers, Dolphins, Giants…

 

From Marc Ragovin  “MetLife Stadium is now known as Area 51.”

Kevin Spacey has entered a sex addiction rehab program in Arizona. Congrats to all those who had Nov 6 in the pool.

From T.C.  “A World Series fan picked the first 6 games correctly, parlaying a $200,000 bet into $14,000,000. He didn’t bet on game 7, saying he needed the funds to pay for his Yankee season tickets, hot dogs and beer.”

 

Rumors that Rand Paul’s neighbor assaulted him over some sort of issue over their lawns. If only they had both been armed. #duel?

.

Many women appalled that a dispute over yards between neighbors would result in Rand Paul being assaulted. Not something serious like shopping.

Bernie Sanders petition wants DNC to implement policies to make “Democratic Party more inclusive.” Uh, Bernie, can you become a Democrat  first?

 

Interesting how same GOP that will do anything to help people keep their gun rights will do anything to take away other people’s voting rights.

GOP tax plan eliminates teachers’ ability to deduct cost of school supplies they buy from taxes. Makes sense, education causes Democrats.

Only problem w/everyone having guns is that when shooting starts, in chaos it’s hard to get good guys from the bad. Seriously.

 

Witness to #TexasChurchMassacre “The Bible tells us that we overcome evil with good.” How about good gun laws?

Kellyanne Conway “Rush” to politicize Texas shooting “disrespectful to dead.” Because in Murica we only politicize killings by brown people?’

An 18-month old was among those killed in #TexasChurchMassacre. Once again, how can you be so-called “pro-life” & anti-gun control?

 

 

Seriously, after latest Texas shooting, have to wonder, how many other domestic violence convictions have our armed forces not reported to civilian authorities?

Trump comment on recent mass shootings. “It isn’t a guns situation,” but “mental health problem at the highest level.”  The highest level as in the Oval Office?

Although Trump’s tweets so far from Asia are mild by his usual standards. Think maybe Kelly told him he didn’t have intl data plan & has control of his phone?

 

Juli Briskman, Virginia woman who flipped off Trump’s motorcade while riding bike, was fired for gesture. Guessing a few others might hire her.

If you’re in a state with 2017 elections, VOTE Tuesday  or give up all bitching rights. That is all.

When you’re hot…

October 23, 2017

Can we really call it the Fall Classic when it’s going to be 92 degrees for World Series  game time in Los Angeles?

Maybe Fall will refer to fans passing out in the stands.

Now Carson Palmer who will be out for at least 8 wks. If I didn’t know better would think God wanted teams to sign Kaepernick. Or Tebow?

SDChargers fan flying banner over StubHub Ctr: “Dean Spanos Cheap, Inept Weasel!” Same initials, could Redskins fans borrow for Dan Snyder?

Phoenix point guard Eric Bledsoe tweeted “I Don’t wanna be here.” Suns sent him home and apparently plan to trade him. Bledsoe now says he “was at hair salon.” Missing those innocent times when this would have been biggest controversy of the day on social media.

Billionaires need more tax cuts like the NBA needs a longer season.

Bill O’Reilly attacked NY Times reporter confronting him on settlement.     “This is c**p & you know it.”   Right, Fox just paid $32 million for nothing.

Fox News would not have paid $32 million for nothing. Only time they did was for some free agents when they owned Dodgers.

 

Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted  “The average American family would get a $4,000 raise under the President’s tax cut plan. So how could any member of Congress be against it?”

Guessing someone didn’t go far enough in math to learn the difference between mean, median, and mode.    Or hopes that most Americans don’t know either.

Tom Hanks -Trump’s handling of soldier’s death “just seems like one of biggest cock-ups on planet Earth. “Loser Tom Hanks” tweets in 3.2.1..

Trump tweet “There will be NO change to your 401(k).”

Someone didn’t learn from “read my lips” & “if you like your doctor you can keep your doctor?”

 

That moment when Megyn Kelly is attacking Fox News & John McCain is attacking a GOP President.
#whythereisnosatire

Now Trump is accusing a Gold Star widow, Myeshia Johnson, of lying. This is MAGA?

Amazing.  Myeshia Johnson story & so many other @realDonaldTrump controversies would’ve been nothing if Trump could simply say “I’m sorry.”

 

If you’re trolling or attacking Myeshia Johnson, a Gold Star widow who wasn’t even allowed to see her husband’s body, you are deplorable. Period.

No relief

October 7, 2017

SF Giants may have just lost the title of “Most Complete Bullpen Meltdown in Recent Playoff History.” #Yankees #ALDS

On the other hand, the Indians may never lose again.

Aroldis Chapman “liked” Instagram comment saying that Yankees mgr Joe Girardi was an”imbecile.” Ah for the good old days when players just whined off-the-record to reporters.

Right about now a whole lot of AL teams, including Red Sox would sign a petition to move the Houston Astros back to the NL #ALDS

NHL’s Jiri Hudler accused of trying to urinate on food cart, demanding cocaine on Delta flt. Who says hockey players aren’t real athletes?

Secret Service has paid over $137,000 just to rent golf carts at Bedminster & Mar-A-Lago. But Puerto Rico’s throwing our budget out of whack

Apparently Vegas killer tried buying legal tracer ammunition, which lights up when shot. Hunters really need more of advantage against deer?

Secret Service has paid over $137,000 just to rent golf carts at Bedminster & Mar-A-Lago. But Puerto Rico’s throwing our budget out of whack

This is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. This year,  Canada is thankful they can mostly avoid President Trump.

So current GOP plan is to deny women birth control & then be out of office when unplanned babies grow up to vote Democratic?

If Harvey Weinstein was a Trump supporter all of his harassment would have been dismissed as “locker room banter.

I’m liberal & condemn Harvey Weinstein. Why can’t conservatives condemn pussy-grabber-in-chief?

When Trump said he was going to drain the swamp he didn’t tell us all the new alligators would be flying in on private planes.

As Trump gets rid of birth control mandate assume govt will still provide to staffers so Congress won’t have abortion issues w/ mistresses?

Can a woman-owned company pls file lawsuit saying they feel it’s morally wrong to cover Viagra prescriptions for unmarried men?

Does Trump know efforts to undo EVERY single Obama action will someday give another President Carte Blanche to undo all of his?

 

Open notes to @realDonaldTrump on NewOrleans. A) Mayor Landrieu is popular, B) some speak French or Creole but part of US, C)-not an island

Not short-changed

October 6, 2017

Nick Folk might have had the kicking night from hell. But he’s got to be a top candidate for a Southwest commercial. #Wannagetaway

 

ESPN.com wrote Jose Altuve, 5’6″, “joined short list of players” with 3 home runs in 1 game in postseason. Did they type that with a straight face?

Boston Red Sox after today’s game might have wondered if they should have kept Pablo Sandoval around just to face Verlander.

Anyone but me see #RedSox #Astros & still initially think, that’s not an ALDS playoff series but an unlikely World Series match up?

So 1st game of ALDS between Astros and Red Sox, is not only during the day, but on #MLBNetwork. Way to build a national fanbase, MLB.

So yeah, for the uninitiated, MLB playoff baseball is supposed to be all about great pitching. #notexactly

Rumors only. But looking good for those who had John Kelly in the Trump resignation pool.

#KellyanneConway is now blaming Obama for not regulating bump stocks. Next she’ll say he could have prevented the Bowling Green Massacre.

 

AAA said dashboard devices are causing more distracted driving. Wonder how many people read that story on their phones while driving.

If we have to show a picture with stories about the Las Vegas shooting, can it be a picture of one of the victims, not the killer?

If we REALLY want meaningful gun law reform by executive order, maybe someone should get Barack Obama to defend assault weapons.

Gun silencer bill currently stalled in Congress is called “Hearing Protection Act” Because hunters can’t afford 50 cents for ear plugs? #WTF  #huntersnowflakes

 

Pro-life Rep. Tim Murphy, who wasn’t seeking reelection over texts asking mistress to have abortion, is now resigning.  Hmm, could there be more texts?  Or more mistresses?

Sanders-“Trump has made a decision on the Iran deal.” He’ll tell us….after the break? Someone tell him Presidency is not a reality TV show.

So how long until Trump appoints Harvey Weinstein to a White House position?

Ivana Trump now says she told her ex-husband ‘I think you should tweet. It’s a new way, a new technology. And if you want to get your words across rightly, without telling The New York Times, which is going to twist every single word of yours, this is how you get your message out.”
So it’s all her fault??!!!

Ivana also said Donald offered her the post of Ambassador to the Czech Republic.  And Czechs have to be thinking… “What did we ever do to the US?”

Finally, here’s the thing on Cam Newton, from my perspective: Clearly there are bigger issues in the world than a QB laughing at a reporter. But he didn’t think the question was funny because Jourdan Rodrigue was a reporter, he thought it was funny because she was a woman.
Any woman who loves sports, and who knows sports, knows that male reaction. And yeah, we cope, and sometimes we laugh too. But hey guys, it’s 2017. Many women know sports, sometimes better than you. Get over it.

Love is all you need

September 30, 2017

Tell me again about SEC domination in college football? #LSU #Troy

Even better, Troy ,  a 20 1/2 point underdog who pulled the upset of the Tigers, was paid $1 million to play Alabama.   The last time Troy was involved in a story this embarrassing, a horse was involved.

Who’d a thunk that of all players Stanford had to replace this year, McCaffrey might have turned out to have been the easiest.

if Bryce Love played for an SEC team the national media would be declaring the Heisman race over.

Two Texas HS football players reportedly kicked off team for protesting during national anthem Friday. Want to bet they weren’t starters?

Danny Travathan suspended 2 games for hit on Davante Adams. He is appealing. Which seems right- should have been at least 3 games.

Will Trump take credit in morning for Warriors losing their first game of NBA preseason?

Fitting that in Matt Cain’s last start the SF Giants only got him 1 run. Fitting for 2017 SFGiants bullpen blew saves. Twice.

RIP #MontyHall His funeral will be behind door number one. Or two. Or three.

Trump now attacking “poor leadership ability by the Mayor of San Juan, and others in Puerto Rico.” Jesus wept. As should all Christians.

I think I got it: People are dying in Puerto Rico just so the Fake News Media can get back at Trump #whythereisnosatire

Trump tweets from luxury golf resort w/ taxpayer paid staff while attacking Puerto Rico. Can we change “Hold my beer.” to “Hold my clubs?”

But seriously, Trump tweets-people of Puerto Rico “want everything done for them.” After breakfast at luxury club while Secret Service holds his golf clubs?

 

Has anyone suggested to Trump that Puerto Ricans aren’t paying attention to “Fake News” because they have like, no power?

Waiting for someone to say “Trumpie, you’re doing a helluva job.”

So just guessing Trump is never going to see Hamilton.

Watching Trump trash Puerto Rico and Democrats makes me shudder to think how he’d react if California had a major earthquake.

So just wondering, is there anyone in GOP who might have had any issues with Trump’s tweets about Puerto Rico they’d be willing to share?

So if Trump were President during Katrina wonder which Democrats he would have blamed for the lost of 1833 lives?

Trump takes time from victim-bashing in Puerto Rico to tout how the candidate who was losing by 8 when he endorsed him only lost by 10.

Open note to Trump fans, most people, including liberals, thought that Cambridge librarian was being an idiot about the Dr. Seuss books. So move along, and find something else to attack the Obamas over. Thank you.

Lies, damn lies and Trumpisms.

September 28, 2017

Former University of Florida and current Ohio State coach  Urban Meyer “If you intentionally lie about committing violations, your career is over.” And he said it with a straight face

If Green Bay fans want to give up season tickets over @Packers making statements about racism, sure plenty of younger enlightened fans will take them.

Took decades, but mean bitch Karma finally found a hole in that Teflon coat Rick Pitino’s been wearing.

 

If all NBA players must stand for anthem as mark of respect, can league play national anthems of foreign players as mark of respect?

As woman who has been feeling increasingly uncomfortable w/ football over CTE now feel like I must watch to defend civil rights.

Who knew #TonyRomo might have Hall of Fame credentials. As a broadcaster?

As much as I rag on airlines, United for example has had relief shipments to Puerto Rico since last weekend. Maybe Trump White House should, gasp, hire some airline people to improve efficiency.

Many of younger generation may be asking tonight “What was Playboy?” And others are asking “What was a magazine?” #HughHefner.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, asked about Trump’s NFL criticism “”I don’t think there’s much to clarify, it’s pretty black & white.”

#whythereisnosatire

Trump threatened Joe Donnelly that if the Indiana Senator. doesn’t support his tax plan,  Trump will campaign against him. Yeah, that really hurt Roy Moore

 

 

Just guessing that all those in GOP decrying rise of folks like Roy Moore never read Mary Shelley in high school. #Frankenstein

Ikea is buying Taskrabbit.  Oddly enough, if their furniture came pre-assembled, Taskrabbit might never have existed.

White House is investigating Jared & Ivanka’s use of private emails. When done they will probably next investigate Trump’s tax returns.

Students who kneel during anthem can be banned from football. With Betsy Devos they’ll have better chance to play if accused of sexual assault.

Alabama GOP official Gary Head to Toronto reporter Daniel Dale “I believe in Jesus Christ myself and I don’t have any problems with anybody’s religion as long as it’s Christian.I don’t go along with the Muslim religion.”
Jesus wept. Literally.

Trump’s fixation on Puerto Rico being an island you can’t drive trucks to is in keeping with his delusion that a wall will stop immigration.

Steve Scalise, upon his return to the Capitol, praised the officers who saved his life, David Baily and Crystal Griner, saying they are “like family.”
So now would be a good time for Scalise to acknowledge that he was wrong; that Crystal’s marriage is a good thing and her wife is REAL family.

Jared Kushner didn’t tell Senate intel committee he had personal email account. To be fair he was probably agonizing which bathroom to use.

 

#NationalPoetryDay “The best lack all conviction, while the worst. Are full of passionate intensity.” WB Yeats.

On a rare serious note, managed to see the Kent State portion of Ken Burns’ Vietnam, which was sad and compelling.
Remember as a kid, thinking, those people are my babysitters’ ages…and remember being appalled. Still remember all four names. But what we forget, as Burns said in an interview -that ” a majority — a vast majority — of Americans approved of the guardsmen. That there was incredibly cruel hate mail and vilification of the people who died.”
Change takes time.

Barely winning?

September 24, 2017

So all teams in AL over .500 should make MLB playoffs Who do they think they are -the NBA Eastern Conference?

Stanford used four quarterbacks in the first quarter against UCLA. They might only need 1 the rest of the season. #Costello

Open note to Heisman committee: Yeah, that mostly happened after you went to bed. (Bryce Love,  30 carries for 263 yards and a touchdown, Bringing his season total total to 73 carries, 787 yards and five 5 TDs.)

 

You know you’ve been a Saints fan for too long when aren’t able to watch game, but see they lead 17-6 at half & are then shocked to see they not only didn’t blow the lead but won going away.

 

Trump seems happy the Pittsburgh Penguins are coming to the White House. Has someone told him how many of them are immigrants?

 

Well, so maybe Raiders fans shouldn’t make nonrefundable reservations for Minneapolis the first weekend in February quite yet.

 

 

“My first homicide the guy was shot like 40 times.”
 –
So Monday morning will Trump take credit for the best NFL ratings of the season?
While @realDonaldTrump trashed NFL players the leader of the Free World hung on to win re-election #Merkel

Ted Cruz is a “no” on Graham-Cassidy?   Kobe, Pete Carroll, Ray Lewis, Robert Kraft and others are condemning the President’s response on kneeling.  Damn.  Trump has be agreeing with too many people I don’t like.

Many Americans who’ve been turning away from football over concussions & CTE, may start tuning back in over civil rights.

So is it too soon to start a pool on which NASCAR driver will be the first to say he’s disappointed in Trump comments?

 

Think Trump would pay more attention to Puerto Rico if some athletes went down there to #TakeTheKnee?

Trump so fixated on doubling down on anthem thing you’d almost think he was trying to distract us from something. #Jared #Russia #Healthcare

 

New definition of chutzpah – using private emails for govt business after your father-in-law won the White House largely because his opponent did same thing. #jared

So if the leaders of North Korea and Venezuela are so awful shouldn’t we do all we can for anyone trying to get out of those countries?

Finally,  IMHO.  The US Flag stands for the right to protest it. #TakeTheKnee

United we kneel?

September 23, 2017

Give Donald Trump credit. Who else could have united  Lebron James and Warriors.

 

Nerd nation.   The Chicago Bulls’ Robin Lopez,  formerly of Stanford:   “It’s ok , in a few months probably won’t be able to visit the White House either”

 

Waiting seriously for the first white NFL QB to #TakeAKnee during anthem in support of teammates and free speech.

At this point @realDonaldTrump might be rivaling #DanSnyder for the most hated man for sports fans in DC.

Odd thing about Trump tweet is if you wanted to pick NBA star who most appealed to whites would be probably be Steph Curry.

And President Trump. if you want to talk about an NBA player in a tweet now, it should maybe it should be the one spearheading relief efforts in the U.S. Virgin Islands – Tim Duncan.

Good to know w/ all the tough issues facing our country @realDonaldTrump finds time for important things, like attacking Kaepernick & Curry.

NY Giants made a statement against Trump and in support of their players NY Jets said they would not make a statement.  Jets owner Woody Johnson is a friend of Trump and the US ambassador to England. I am sure it’s just a coincidence.

As Trump spends Saturday, trashing sportsmen who disagree w/ him Gregg Popovich has to be thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?” @spurs

Rutgers football got 2 yr probation for “failing to monitor” program. Would be bigger deal if Scarlet Knights had chance in hell for bowls.

So when the Warriors visit Washington DC maybe they can all be invited to Barack Obama’s house?

A New Orleans mayoral candidate using the slogan “Make New Orleans Fun Again” is facing a charge of lewd conduct after allegedly being caught masturbating in a Los Angeles Uber. Well, that’s one definition of fun.

TC points out   “TV ratings for the Chargers and Rams home LA games in NFL week 2 were were brutal. Fans longed for the days when LA did not have any NFL teams and they got the Seahawks and even  the  49er games were beamed in.”

Inspired by friend Rich K. would Trump respect NFL players if instead of taking knee they tried to run people over w/ cars?

 –
Disrespecting country isn’t kneeling for anthem, disrespecting country is tweets trashing athletes while millions suffer in Puerto Rico.

Running away with it?

September 21, 2017

 

Ryan Trahan, a Texas A&M athlete, has been told he may lose his eligibility over “Neptune bottles”, his ecologically friendly steel reusable bottle company, because the NCAA thinks it he might be profiting on his “athletics reputation or ability.”
Trahan, a freshman, is a cross-country runner. And we all know that sport is about the fame and big bucks. #WTF?

LaGuardia power failure this am resulted in many flight delays. It was the biggest power outage for NY in the summer not involving the Mets.

Anyone else think it’s not just their records – colors of #49ers #Rams uniforms make it look like watching college teams?

Apparently #AaronHernandez had CTE. Maybe Mama Boucher was right about “foosball is of the devil.”

Charles Barkley, scoffing at today’s “soft” NBA players, said when he was playing, players “flew commercial and we were able to play back-to-back.”
And we walked to school five miles in the snow, uphill, both ways…

Ok, now it’s SNOWING in Montana. You don’t have to be a scientist to get the idea that Mother Nature is really not happy with us.

Everyone thinking “relax, no way abomination known as #GrahamCassidy will pass” – we thought no way Trump gets elected either. #keepcalling

So Jimmy Kimmel is being branded as a “Hollywood Elite” by supporters of our Reality Television Star President. #whythereisnosatire

Entire island of Puerto Rico is w/out power; restoring it may take “months.” These are US citizens. Sorry Trump, “stay safe” isn’t enough.

Iowa Sen Grassley on Graham-Cassidy “You know, I could maybe give you 10 reasons why this bill shouldn’t be considered. But Republicans campaigned on this so often that you have a responsibility to carry out what you said in the campaign.”
And why should this promise be different from most other campaign promises?

 

Facebook will now apparently release the Russian election ads, and Mark Zuckerberg said company was determined to make it “much harder” for anyone to interfere in elections and to “use our tools to undermine democracy.”
Then after his statement did Zuckerberg go out to lock the barn door and look for his horses?

Haley –Trump name calling worked w/ Kim Jong Un- Every other international community referring to him as ‘Rocket ​M​an.’” What are we, 6?

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Kim Jong Un calls Trump “mentally deranged US dotard” This would all be much more entertaining if they both didn’t have weapons of mass destruction.

#Dotard” – I guess you find it in the dictionary after “Covfefe.”

Even money?

September 12, 2017

So what’s going to happen first, Indians lose a game, or Browns win one?

Not #Chargers fan but MLB or NBA teams can’t call time-outs mid-pitch, or mid-free throw shot, why should NFL be able to do mid-kick?

Warriors signed NBA ad patch deal – $20 mill year w/ Rakuten?! Because Golden State has so much in common w/ Japanese tech company?

Over-under on the first year NBA uniforms will look like NASCAR?

Last night’s Giants Dodgers game ended at 211a, after starting at 1050p.  Now those of us on the West Coast know how watching NL and AL West teams feels to those back East.

 

Lakers will retire not one, but two numbers, 8 & 24, for Kobe Bryant. Well that ought to debunk notion Kobe had biggest ego in NBA.

Especially for my British friends: We always knew Ted Cruz was a wanker. We didn’t know he was REALLY a wanker.

Cruz now says it was a “staffing issue” that led to liking that porn tweet. Does Ted mean he was fantasizing about a staffer?

Accidentally “liking” porn on Twitter doesn’t seem like mistake a young tech-savvy staffer makes. A busy 46 yr-old man on the other hand…

At least Jimmy Carter admitted to “lusting in his heart.”

That moment when you are reading a menu online at a restaurant you are interested in and see that “Cashew Nut Rice” has a star by it. Turns out the star means, not “house speciality” but “contains nuts.” Ya think? #WTF?

If Hillary Clinton’s book #WhatHappened keeps selling so well, Donald  Trump may have to have someone write  another one for him.

Huckabee Sanders- prosecuting ex-FBI director Comey is “something that should be looked at.” That should improve FBI-WH relations #Lordy

Sarah Huckabee Sanders complains #WhatHappened is full of “false & reckless actions. Who does Hillary  Clinton think she is, the President?

 –

9 people now have died after biggest US 2017 mass shooting in #Plano.  Somehow I missed Donald  Trump tweet of sympathy.

The motive for the Plano shooting apparently was similar to the previous worst US mass shooting of 2017 – an ex-husband angry that his wife had moved on.  So if we really want to keep America safe, where’s the call to deport divorced men?

Ageless?

August 3, 2017

Tom Brady is 40 today. Hope he’s not feeling too deflated about it.

So much attention on Steph Curry’s 1st round of professional golf even though he has no chance to win the tournament. Yep, it really is almost like he was Tiger Woods.

 

Alabama football coach Nick Saban won’t suspend Da’Shawn Hand for his 430a DUI arrest last weekend. Saban says it’s because his potential starting DL was found asleep in car & not actually driving when police found him.
Well that and the Tide open against Florida State.

Rockies closer Greg Holland cut his finger in kitchen accident, is “day-to-day.” Uh, maybe if you can’t stand being on DL, get out of the kitchen.

 

Grateful Dead night at AT&T Park.  SFGiants fans just grateful if the offense didn’t play like they are dead.

SF Giants still undefeated on odd-days in August.

Trump tweet “Our relationship with Russia is at an all-time & very dangerous low.” Uh, about those 13 days in October 1962.

A California man is suing Annie’s because their strawberry fruit snacks don’t contain any strawberries. Hope he never buys angel-food cake.

Trump is heading for a 17 day vacation in New Jersey. Can Chris Christie close down a bridge or something and keep him there?

With AG Sessions still upsetting Trump over the Russia recusal,  McMaster saying Susan Rice did nothing wrong, and Mueller convening a grand jury, it’s going to be a tough call to pick a favorite in the firing pool.

So who’s going to be the first to start a band named “Local milk people.”

 

Now it’s Dubai’s 79-story residential Torch Tower on fire (again) following London’s Grenfell Tower tragedy. But hey, who needs regulations?

Remember Towering Inferno? “You know, one of these days you’re gonna kill 10,000 in one of these firetraps, and I’m gonna keep eating smoke and bringing out bodies until somebody ask us… how to build them.”

Remember those days when August was a slow news month?

Donald Trump changed his mind.  After nominating ex-LA Dodgers co-owner Jamie McCourt as Ambassador to Belgium,  he now nominated her instead as Ambassador to France.

The White House did note Jamie speaks French!

(guess no one told Trump French is one of three official languages of Belgium?)

 

 

If the state secedes I have no problem with @realDonaldTrump becoming the first President of West Virginia.

The Senate unanimously blocked Trump from making recess appointments over break.

The technical reason Trump cannot make recess appointments is –  Senate pro-forma sessions in August.  Who set sessions up?  Alaska’s Senator Murkowski. No doubt with a smile.

With Trump’s 38% approval rating it’s pretty clear that some Republicans are supporting him just because he’s a Republican.
But as we look ahead to 2020, amazing how many Democrats are already drawing lines saying they won’t support someone if he or she isn’t THEIR Democrat.

from Marc Ragovin  – “Former NY Giant Michael Strahan lost part of one of his fingers in a recent accident. “Amateur,” said Jason Pierre-Paul.”

Winter is coming, but isn’t fall coming first?

July 16, 2017

Is it un-American not to care about Game of Thrones? Asking for a friend.

SF Giants are having a Game of Thrones night Thursday.  Giants fans would like offense to stop regularly having Night of the Living Dead nights.

 

Executive V.P. Billy Beane says Oakland plans to rebuild & be competitive when A’s have new ballpark. Will it be named “Flying Pig” field?

Jeff Samardzija is rumored to be on trade block. Were those 7 runs on 2 home runs in four innings today his way of telling team he’d rather stay in San Francisco?

Roger Federer, 35, won Wimbledon this year without losing a set. Imagine how good he’ll be when he really hits his prime.

Houston Texans rookie RB D’Onta Foreman was arrested in Austin this morning and charged with marijuana possession and unlawful carrying of a firearm. Shocking, there’s a way to illegally carry a gun in Texas?

An Allegiant Airline flight from Florida to Indiana had to turn around after its air conditioning malfunctioned. The horror – they couldn’t charge an air conditioning surcharge.

Cruz’s Trumpcare amendment is like car insurance that in case of a major injury accident would cover new tires and some Band-aids.

Forget how long until Trump’s travel expenses eclipse Obama’s. How long until Trump’s LEGAL expenses eclipse Obama’s travel expenses?

Media, FBI, CIA, CBO, Secret Service… pretty sure only people Trump trusts are related to him. And he’s not sure about Tiffany.

Trump maintains no one told him about Russia meeting. But if they didn’t think it was illegal, why WOULDN’T they tell him?

Lawyer Jay Sekulow on Russia meeting “if this was nefarious, why Secret Service allowed these people in” He means Trump himself attended?

So did @realDonaldTrump notice at #USWomensOpen at his golf club, not a US woman in the top ten? #MAGA?

Would be childish to say of course #AnnCoulter was upset w/ Delta for seat change, even their extra legroom doesn’t compare to her broom.

Just wondering, if Ann Coulter is so successful and is selling so many books, why was she flying coach in the first place?

 

As Ann Coulter fans rant, waiting for new @Delta ad. “Fly with us to experience a far-right free zone.”

California Congressman Ted Lieu with a bid to win the internet this week.  “For Made in America week, let’s remember that Nixon used American labor to steal from DNC. He didn’t outsource it to the Russians.”

 

Base medals?

May 21, 2017

Now turns out Rio Olympic medals are “falling to pieces.” Should make everyone feel real comfortable now living in former Olympic housing

Tim Tebow hit his third home run of the year for the single-A Columbia Fireflies. A real shame he can’t hit against the Mets bullpen.

Isaiah Thomas was out for game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals.  Maybe Lebron decided to even things out by not playing either?

I’m sure what’s left of the Spurs would appreciate Durant doing the same thing tomorrow in game 4.

 

In Zimbabwe, a big game hunter leading a safari was killed when an elephant he was hunting was shot and fell on top of him.  Mean bitch karma for a nice little win.

 

They’ve announced a sequel will be made to the original “Mamma Mia” movie with the original cast, including Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan,  Amanda Seyfried, Colin Firth etc.

This news will thrill women, gays, and about 5 straight men.

Wondering why Trump voters won’t get upset w/ him not using phrase “radical Islamic terrorism? Maybe because Fox won’t tell them he didn’t.

Anyone have any doubt what Donald Trump would have had said had he lost election and HillaryClinton signed arms deal w  Saudi Arabia.

Saudis are used to ruling families. So maybe they figure having Ivanka and Jared as surrogates makes sense. #TrumpinSaudi

Ivanka Trump praised Saudis for progress on women’s rights. That’s like praising Kardashians for progress in educational television.

Now Trump wants to gut the budget of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. While Sessions wants to lock all drug users up for the maximum sentences allowed. Never thought I’d miss “compassionate conservatism.”

Trump canceled a public appearance today on foreign trip because he was too tired. Anyone got a picture of him fainting into a motorcade?

 

Serious post about Democratic politics: Does anyone think Donald Trump was most Republicans’ first choice?
Whatever they thought of him, many in the GOP figured, correctly, that he would if President try to advance their agenda. So they held their noses and voted.
Meanwhile, I’ve already heard Democrats talking about 2020 and candidates they won’t support because of some perceived failed litmus lest. #Thisisthewaytolose

Out of here.

April 30, 2017

So in the end for basketball fans in Los Angeles what was the difference between the Lakers and the Clippers?

About two weeks.

(And the Lakers probably have a lottery pick.)

A friend pointed out the Nationals have scored 77 runs this week. The Giants have scored 86 runs this year.

And the Nationals haven’t yet faced the Giants bullpen.

Thought Anthony Rendon got more RBI’s today SFGiants had in series against Padres.

Different names, same bullpen. #SFGiants

Think @SFGiants at this point can sign Crash Davis to get them a rainout tomorrow?  #bulldurham

The Braves’ Freddie Freeman, tired of playing at Miller Park, referred to it as a “Little League field.” Guessing Freeman is never signing a free-agent deal with the Rockies.

Meanwhile the Mets are making New York fans look forward to Jets training camp.


Clippers disappointed their fans today, but saved them from humiliation against Warriors.

But wasn’t this Game 7 between Clippers and Jazz sort of like final Christians matchup before facing the Lions?

#Bills fire their GM two days AFTER 2017 NFL draft. #WTF? Another example why Buffalo franchise has been so successful over the years.

I suppose i get it -$400,000 speeches by Obama make some people on both sides  uncomfortable. But how come we didn’t see this level of  complaints w/ ex-white presidents.  And vice-presidents.  And New York mayors? Etc.

Trump on Kim Jong-Un “People are saying, ‘Is he sane?’ I have no idea,” Ironically, that’s a question rest of world is asking the US.

Trump tweets “Democrats, without a leader, have become the party of obstruction.” Justice Merrick Garland would disagree.

Trump on Trumpcare 2.0  “Pre-existing conditions are in the bill. I mandate it. Has to be.”  Right,  no mention of potential costs of such policies.   Spoken like a man who only got a little $1 million loan from dad.

Reince Preibus -“Changing libel laws “is something that we’ve looked at.” Would it help 1st amendment if media used 2nd? #ifonlytheywerearmed

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, who once called Obama “a son of a whore,” and who said “Hitler massacred three million Jews… there’s three million drug addicts. I’d be happy to slaughter them,” has been invited by Trump for a White House meeting. #heseemsnice

8 shot, some critically, at apartment pool in La Jolla. Shooter reportedly “a white man in brown shorts.” Move along, nothing to see here.

Tennis love and labor?

April 24, 2017

Serena Williams is back ranked as #1 on the WTA Tour. Or should we say Number 1 1/2?

 

Ben Roethlisberger now says he’s sorry that he stopped listing Findlay, Ohio as his hometown after “Some negative things were said about me by people in this town. I was hurt and I resented that.”
Probably not nearly as much as women he was accused of sexually assaulting resented things.

 

#Dodgers score a run after Derek Law walks Chase Utley w/ .034 batting average. Even Gorkys Hernandez thinks that’s a bad year. #SFGiants.

Anyone remember the last time we heard Duane Kuiper’s home run call for the SF Giants? Me neither.

 Christian Arroyo era in SF has begin. He’ll wear #22. In 1986 a rookie did okay w/ that number. And this team needs thrills.  Heck, this team needed a defibrillator.
Whole Foods says they are going to lower their prices. So are they pre-announcing a Going out of Business sale?
Kenny G played an impromptu concert aboard Delta flight. And millions of Americans changed their minds on never dragging someone off plane.

State Dept removed blog post touting Mar-a-Lago as Winter White House. Trump hasn’t said yet which resort he’s using as Summer White House?

 

#WTF So we may have govt shutdown over border wall money? Maybe Ivanka or Jared can educate Trump on tunnels, planes & boats?

Just wonder what would happen if you told IRS, not sending in my tax payment but Mexico will be covering it for me eventually?

 

So congrats to all those who had Canada in “Who will Trump fight next” bingo.

All these “MAGA” Trump supporters who are so happy about Canadian lumber tariffs do realize it means higher prices for Americans right?

Sorry but anyone bragging his ratings are bigger “than when the World Trade Center came down” is clearly a sick individual. That is all.

 

(Trump yesterday to the AP, on the size of his…. ratings “It’s the highest for ‘Face the Nation’ or as I call it, ‘Deface the Nation.”
“It’s the highest for ‘Deface the Nation’ since the World Trade Center — since the World Trade Center came down.”
Another moment when he became Presidential? )

 

 

 

TC with the lumber truck to hell  “DJ has just imposed a 20% tariff on Canadian softwood lumber exported to the US. I totally didn’t expect him to get personal on this issue. Anyways,no tariff on Hardwood Lumber? Sad…”

What a drag

April 14, 2017

Doctor taken off United flight has hired a lawyer. Guessing airline will want to settle rather than dragging the case out.

 

 

Last time #SFGiants came back to win when trailing in 9th inning, Donald Trump was a novelty act after 1 GOP debate. (Sept 15, 2015)

Eli Manning has now been named tangentially in a alleged scheme by the NY Giants to sell fake game-used memorabilia. His email to the team equipment manager as listed in a court documents. “2 helmets that can pass as game used. That is it. Eli.”
And here we thought Peyton’s Papa John’s and Budweiser Super Bowl plugs were the Manning’s most embarrassing marketing moments.

Dustin Johnson, who reportedly injured his back falling down stairs at his Augusta rental home, will return to the PGA Tour May 4 at the Wells Fargo Championships. Where presumably his WIlmington, NC, rental home will only be single-story.

That moment when you see the headline “Heidi and Spencer are going to be parents.” And you think, “who?”

Only bad thing for most airline passengers w/ #United fiasco. Now all the entitled jerks on board will feel – and act- even more entitled.

NY police carted away 25 protesters today from Trump Tower. Next time Trump is threatening to use United agents & O’Hare security guards.

Former Buccaneers WR Louis Murphy yesterday for carrying a loaded gun in a backpack at Tampa airport, while Steelers CG Senquez Golson was arrested for carrying an unloaded Glock in his carry on at Mobile’s airport.
I know these United agents are scary but this is ridiculous.

Since Trump seems to like “the rocket’s red glare” so much can Jared & Ivanka just hook him up w/ a fireworks company for Mar-A-Lago?

Florida health inspectors cited Mar-A-Lago with 15 food violations this year. Who needs plutonium?

Jeffery Lord says  that Donald Trump is the “MLK of healthcare.”   More like “I have a nightmare.”

The Cape May, NJ GOP decided to pull support from Brian McDowell, a NJ Jersey State Assembly candidate after a video surfaced of him at a bar saying to a woman “Let me tell you right now. You should f–k me. It would really be good. Listen, you never know.”
McDowell is staying in the race, maybe hoping for an endorsement from the President?

After saying yesterday that things were “nasty” and ‘we’re not getting along with Russia at all’,” Trump today tweeted “Things will work out fine between the U.S.A. and Russia. At the right time everyone will come to their senses & there will be lasting peace!’
Gawd, can’t imagine how anyone might think Trump and Putin have a bromance going. #teenagelovespat

The dollar has fallen in the last two days after comments Trump made to the Wall Street Journal “I think our dollar is getting too strong, and partially that’s my fault because people have confidence in me.”
Is there ANYTHING in the world that isn’t all about him?

Keep calm and f*ck terrorism

March 22, 2017

lego

 

 

My favorite city in the world. And yes I would go back tomorrow. If we stop traveling the bad guys win.

This mural, btw,  is made completely out of Lego, in the London store – Leicester Square.

Wow. A reasonable and measured response. Maybe the rumors that Tillerson won’t last long as Secretary of State in this administration are true. “We condemn these horrific acts of violence, and whether they were carried out by troubled individuals or by terrorists, the victims know no difference,”

It’s always awful when innocent people are hurt. But Britain has very tight gun laws, at least London assailant wasn’t armed.

 

Four murdered, including a police officer, until the suspect himself was shot by police. Not just London, but today in Wisconsin. The suspect is an American man with a gun. Move along, nothing to see here.

CNN reports FBI has information indicating Trump campaign associates communicated “with suspected Russian operatives to possibly coordinate the release of information damaging to Hillary Clinton’s campaign.”
#Fakenews tweet from Donald in 3.2.1….

Ghanaian Soccer player Mohammed Anas, who made headlines when he thanked his wife AND girlfriend during an interview now says “My family knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Is Anas trying for a post in the Trump administration?

Trumpcare will not have a requirement to cover mental health. While Congress also reduces gun regulations. What could possibly go wrong?

 

Puerto Rico has seen enough of Brandon Crawford.  Late in tonight’s game what they really wanted to see is the 2016 SF Giants’ bullpen. #WBC

Just guessing  Ian Kinsler, who hit a home run after bashing Puerto Rico’s style of play, might want to plan his next Caribbean vacation somewhere other than San Juan?

Almost didn’t recognize Dodger Stadium for #WBC championship tonight. Stands were basically full in first inning. @espn

#BeckyHammon is apparently a finalist for the head coaching job at Florida. Alas it’s the women’s team. She can coach men. @Spurs

Roger Goodell says that the NFL will address when a commercial is followed by a kickoff and then followed by another commercial. “I hate that, too. Our goal is to eliminate it.”
By just running longer commercials after kickoffs?

 

All about those Ws.

March 14, 2017

Warriors come back at home for a stirring 2-point win over the…. Philadelphia 76ers?  Looking at the way the team is playing lately looks like true @NBA MVP might be Kevin Durant.

 

Top seed Cal one-and-done in the NIT tournament. Well, at least the Bears won’t be complaining anymore about not making #MarchMadness

Anyone who picked Wake Forest deep into the tournament, either for old times sake or in honor of Tim Dunca,  you still have time to change your online brackets.

 

Oakland As are lowering beer prices for 2017. The same year they’ve signed Santiago Casilla. Coincidence?

Police in Ocala, Florida, have warned residents to be on the lookout for an escaped cobra. But come on, won’t the snake just be standing his ground?

Up in Napa this morning, police found a naked man screaming for help because he was stuck in a shaft above a Togo’s sandwich shop. Cue the “hold the pickle” jokes.

My friend Josh Becker informs me  ESPN is rotating each tournament team and then a notable alumnus. For Purdue the notable alumnus was Herman Cain.

Are the Boilermakers a 9-9-9 seed?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie apparently got matching tattoos several months before they decided to divorce. Wonder how many parents will put this story in front of their teen children and go “see!”

A big problem in USA is how many millions of Americans took Trump promises as seriously as #thebachelor proposals.

Only 2 1/2 inches of snow fell in Washington, D.C. Will  Trump take credit for cutting the storm down to size?

 

Waiting for Trump to tweet that a far worse storm was averted in Washington DC with help of the best microwave surveillance.

Were the Trump Tax Returns found with a microwave camera. Or was it a television?

So Trump White House is against releasing personal data leaked illegally. Unless it’s Hillary Clinton’s. #TrumpTaxes

Lost in the  #RachelMaddow right or wrong debate is fact if Trump did what other candidates did his returns would already be public .

Paul Ryan on Steve King “Like to think he misspoke & it wasn’t really meant way it sounds.” Time to call GOP the GEP – Grand Enabling Party

In 2014, Trump tweeted that “CBO estimates over 2.5M will lose jobs directly because of Obamacare.” Love may fade, but internet is forever.

The CBO also said yesterday that defunding Planned Parenthood would result in “several thousand” more births paid by Medicaid. Well, good thing the GOP is all about services to poor women and children.

The Trump administration may gut Michelle Obama’s healthy lunch program, allowing more salt and only half the current whole grain requirements. Well,it’s a good thing we will have such wonderful Trumpcare to take care of these kids if they grow up with high blood pressure and diabetes.