Posted tagged ‘NFL jokes’
September 17, 2014
Tuesday there was a press conference blasting the NFL and Roger Goodell over their handling of domestic violence cases – held by Gloria Allred. So congrats to all those who had Sept 17 in the pool.
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Scotland is voting September 18 on a possible declaration of independence from the United Kingdom. And the number one response in the U.S.A. “So what is the United Kingdom?”
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The Vikings, on deactivating Adrian Peterson “After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian.” Translation, we don’t want to lose any more sponsors. #Followthemoney
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The NFL fined Colin Kaepernick $10,000 for inappropriate language last weekend, and fined Buffalo Bills linebacker Brandon Spikes $8,268 for an unnecessary roughness penalty. So the lesson is clear, if you’re really unhappy on the field, don’t swear at someone, stomp them.
#TMI Baltimore WR Steve Smith posted a picture of his new son along with the tweet “The last time me and my wife were in elevator heading to our hotel room!!! We got this guy 9 months later.. #Realtalk” And not that long ago that would have been the most unfortunate story most of us could imagine involving a Ravens player and an elevator.
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Jameis Winston has been suspended for the 1st half of FSU’s game Saturday against Clemson for standing on a table in the student union and repeatedly yelling an obscene internet meme – “F*ck her right in the p*ssy.” Considering that the Heisman winner is still being investigated for alleged sexual assault the suspension has to be as much about stupidity as obscenity.
Well, this kind of sucks. Rob Ford’s doctor says the Toronto mayor is battling a rare and “fairly aggressive” form of cancer. And Ford is probably thinking, “Hell, if I knew that I’d have kept smoking crack.”
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Adrian Peterson’s mother ” When you whip those you love, it’s not about abuse, but love.” Sounds like the apple didn’t strike far from the tree.
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Aaron Hernandez, trying to get evidence tossed in his murder trial “I felt helpless in the face of the occupation of my house by the police. I was also very concerned about what would happen to my fiancée and our baby if I refused to answer their questions. I did not feel free to leave at any time during the search.” “I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.
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Now some are slamming the new Miss America Kira Kazantsev because she interned at Planned Parenthood… Would they have been as angry if she supported raising welfare payments for poor children?
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Told to unload his bags from a bus in Altoona, PA on July 31 after a AA game for Richmond. Game winning single in Arizona for the SF Giants in a pennant race Sept 17. Quite a few weeks for Matt Duffy.
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg “It is so hot in Los Angeles, people are going to Dodger games just to feel the cool breeze coming off of Yasiel Puig’s bat when he strikes out. ” (.183% in his last 31 games)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Adrian Peterson jokes, Gloria Allred jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Rob Ford jokes, Scotland jokes, Vikings jokes
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September 16, 2014
So if all these players are so big on whipping as appropriate discipline maybe it’s time to stop the fines and suspensions for various NFL transgressions and move to public floggings.
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Breaking news. Adrian Peterson has just been placed on the “exempt” list by the Vikings and the NFL, which means he cannot take part in team activities “for the time being.” Translation, until it costs us more to have him sit than to have him play.
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Roger Goodell announced yesterday that he has appointed three women as “senior advisers,” And that they will “help lead and shape the NFL’s policies and programs relating to domestic violence and sexual assault,” Did Goodell get the idea from Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”
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So when they put out the NFL injury report each week for bettors and fantasy football players, how long until the league starts combining it with an arrest report?
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The University of Miami’s QB of the future Kevin Olsen is no longer enrolled at the school, after his THIRD suspension from the football program. This time for a DUI with 5 fake driver’s licenses. Is it too soon to start a pool as to which SEC school will give him another chance?
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Major NFL sponsor Anheuser-Busch says they are ”disappointed and increasingly concerned” by recent incidents. And that they have shared their concerns and expectations with the league. When you give a beer company the moral high ground, you know you have a problem.
Reggie Bush, on parenting “I have a 1-year-old daughter, and I discipline her.. I definitely will try to, will obviously not leave bruises or anything like that on her. But I definitely will discipline her harshly depending on, again, on what the situation is.” When asked directly about using a switch, Bush said, “I would possibly consider [it], depending on what she did.” He later added “”No, I didn’t say a branch or a stick,” he said. “I said spanking. Spanking is different than a branch or a stick.”
Wow. Is the NFL going for the “excuse all our players because they have had concussions” defense?
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Rush Limbaugh “How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?.. ” Is this Rush’s way of trying to take the negative spotlight off his friend Roger Goodell?
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Sen. Maria Cantwell today announced she would introduce legislation to remove the NFL’s tax exempt status if the league did not put pressure on the Washington Redskins to change their team name. Because the Senate doesn’t have anything better to do?
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The Browns’ Josh Gordon is currently under a season long 16 game suspension for marijuana. But new rule changes are expected to reduce the suspension to 10 games. On the other hand, Gordon just pleaded guilty to a DUI, which would be a 2 game suspension. So, 16 minus 6, plus 2. Who says NFL players don’t need to know math?
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Going down to wire of Sept. #MLB playoff chases, it’s really great to see traditional rivalry games like… the Pirates vs Red Sox? #thanksfornothingSelig
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The Yankees’ Martin Prado had to have an appendectomy this morning. Stand by for the ESPN report on Derek Jeter’s reaction.
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This month, alas, the NFL seems to be trying to prove Earl Warren wrong? “I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures. ”
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Both the Nationals and the Orioles have clinched their baseball divisions. Standby for the GOP accusing Obama of being at fault for the resulting increased traffic.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Adrian Peterson jokes, Congress jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, NFL jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, spanking jokes
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September 15, 2014
Jonathan Papelbon was ejected from yesterday’s game for making a lewd gesture to fans as he left the mound. The gesture was almost as obscene as the Phillies’ play this season. (Philadelphia, at $175 million, has the third highest payroll in MLB.)
MLB suspended Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon seven games for his gesture and then bumping an umpire yesterday. So he misses half the team’s remaining games. Other Phillies players are wondering, how could we get so lucky?
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Apparently Miss Nebraska had a wardrobe malfunction during the evening gown competition for Miss America last night and accidentally flashed viewers. A few more incidents like that and Americans will actually tune into the pageant.
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Russell Pearce, a former Arizona state senator, resigned as the state’s GOPs 1st vice chair. After criticism from members of his own party for saying.”You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get [women recipients] Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations,” Now, were his fellow Republicans condemning him for being anti-women, or pro-birth control?
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Coca Cola is bringing back “Surge”, a “loaded” Mountain Dew knock-off from the 1990s. Because we don’t have enough overly caffeinated kids on sugar highs?
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As of today, #AdrianPeterson is playing next weekend in New Orleans. Are #Saints defenders allowed to use sticks?
From Michael Hayne “Adrian Peterson needs to know that if you want to abuse a kid, you make them dress in a pink bunny costume for Halloween.”Too true.
Or you do as a friend threatened her son starting in middle school, if he ever really misbehaved she would show up at his games and say “Hey sweetie, you forgot your lunch, and I cut the crusts off the sandwich just like you like it. Now come here and give mommy a big kiss.”
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Seriously though, regarding this #AdrianPeterson story and the debate over corporal punishment. Methinks the narrative has been sidetracked. I am from the generation that often got spanked. And many of us didn’t spank our own children. But there’s a difference between a spanking, even a hard spanking, and drawing blood and leaving visible injuries.
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Say what you want about the potential distraction of openly gay men in professional sports – and my guess is that in a generation it will be a non-issue – but at least they don’t father flocks of illegitimate children.
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University of Miami backup QB Kevin Olsen, 19, was arrested on charges of DUI and possession of a fake or stolen driver’s license. Olsen apparently had FIVE driver’s licenses with him. Wonder what tipped off the police that he was drunk…when he couldn’t figure out which license to show them?
Apparently some U.S. women are getting recruited to join the Islamic State. So what exactly do they get offered? Not seeing the allure of 72 virgins.
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Hillary Clinton was in Iowa this weekend, ostensibly to campaign for other Democrats, although she admitted “I’m thinking about it.” And this week no doubt she will slam Obama for not being able to make decisions.
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Mets rookie star Jacob deGrom tied a modern MLB record by striking out the first eight batters he faced today. Amazing. Especially since deGrom didn’t have the advantage of pitching against his own team.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Adrian Peterson jokes, Arizona jokes, Janice Hough, Miss America jokes, NFL jokes, Papelbon jokes, Surge jokes
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September 15, 2014
Before the Chargers’ game, Richard Sherman was bitching about Aaron Rodgers not throwing to receivers he covered: The Seattle CB said he “needed” the ball. SD QB Philip Rivers was 6-for-6 passing today for 60 yards while throwing to receivers Sherman was covering. #Missionaccomplished.
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Many 49ers fans who drove to tonight’s home opener were stuck for hours after the game. As opposed to the team, who apparently checked out after the third quarter. #SF49ers.
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Colin Kaepernick had an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for “inappropriate language.” Good thing fans couldn’t be heard talking to the television.
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NFL Refs missed a SF delay of game that would have negated a 49ers TD, And missed Percy Harvey stepping out of bounds on his way to what was called a Seahawks TD. And apparently messed up on a crucial time out call that cost the Jets a TD. So where are all those replacement guys again?
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Before today’s Dallas-Tennessee game today the Titans included the song “Fight Night” on their stadium warmup soundtrack. A song that includes the lyrics “Lil’ mamma, she keep looking at me (lil’ mama!) Im’a knock the p*ssy out like fight night. Hit it with the left Hit with the right Im’a knock the p*ssy out like fight night.”
Can’t imagine how the NFL gets the reputation for being tone deaf.
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RGIII was injured in the first quarter of the Redskins-Jaguars game. Wonder if Washington will send Jacksonville a thank you note.
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Greg Norman is recovering in a hospital after he nearly cut off his own hand in a chain saw accident. Apparently he had posted a picture of himself a week earlier holding that chain saw. “Time to trim the sea grapes today. Never ask someone to do something that you can do yourself.” Well, maybe not quite never.
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As a New Orleans fan, only good thing about Browns win over the Saints. At least maybe we don’t have to hear much about Johnny Manziel this year.
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Texas Solicitor General Jonathan Mitchell has asked a federal appeals court to allow the state to enforce a “surgical standards” law that will close more than half of Texas’s abortion facilities. Mitchell says that “the vast majority of the state’s reproductive-age women will live within 150 miles” of the remaining clinics.
Wonder how Texas would feel about the vast majority of the state’s men living within 150 miles of pharmacies selling Viagra?
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The Mets are out of the postseason, the Yankees are almost out, the Giants got solidly beaten and the Jets choked. So in New York they’re wondering “When does the Knicks preseason start?”
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No comment needed. From a Baseball Hall of Fame book from 2000, with last two pages “Return to the Glory Days. The last paragraph was about 1998. “The Yankees proved that this isn’t about money, but instead about commitment, pride and joy. That is the lesson that the Yankees, McGwire and Sosa taught America- and the world – in 1998. And that is exactly what baseball fans needed to see.”
As of midnight, Yahoo still has a “spoiler alert” on their story about the new Miss America? Really? So they think there are people who care enough to have recorded the pageant and still don’t know the winner.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Greg Norman jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, RGIII jokes, Richard Sherman jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 13, 2014
Virginia Tech, who upset Ohio State last week, today lost to Eastern Carolina. Just thinking if you are a Big Ten fan, might be safe to make vacation plans during the BCS playoffs.
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In tonight’s UCLA-Texas football game, UCLA won the coin toss, and elected to defer. But then Texas chose to kick off. So the Bruins got the ball to start BOTH halves. Texas edukation at its finest.
To be fair, maybe the Longhorns wanted to receive in the third half?
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Just to put things in perspective, BC, with a 37 to 31 win tonight over USC, was inside the Trojan 35 yard line 7 times. 2 times LESS than Stanford last week.
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Unlike Stanford, Boston College decided not to use the 30 yard line to go into their prevent offense.
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Although today, Army was shut out by #Stanford 35 to 0. Clearly this is Commander in Chief Obama’s fault.
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More “stuff” you cannot make up. Newt Gingrich has now signed the “Family Leader” group’s “Marriage Vow,” which includes a “pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.” So Newt will not cheat on Calista, the third wife he cheated with when he was married to his second wife, with whom he cheated with on this first wife….
Dan Snyder said of Roger Goodell- “We are fortunate to have him as our Commissioner. The entire Washington Redskins organization strongly endorses his efforts…” Well, yeah, no sh*t. With Goodell lately, the Redskins name drama has been knocked completely off the front page.
Some statements don’t even need a punchline: This advice to Ray Rice “To Ray, or anybody else… It’s all about how you control yourself.” From Chris Brown.
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Taylor Swift is now saying “I didn’t really love any of my exes’ So how long until she turns that sentiment into a song?
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New MLB slogan: When we suspend players, it’s because they only illegally hit baseballs.
So police were called to that brawl involving the Palins, and the family was asked to leave. No arrests have been made but the investigation is ongoing as apparently it was a “verbal and physical altercation” Guess it’s not just the President Sarah means when she says “Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win.”
The average space between airline seats in 1990 was about 34-36 inches, now it’s more like 30-32. Well, it’s a good thing that Americans are getting smaller too…. Oops, never mind.
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Police detained a man on a Southwest plane in Seattle because on 9/11 other passengers noticed he was using names for his wi-fi hot spot like “Southwest – Bomb on Board.” and “The Bomb is on this Seat.” Then something about the flight attendant being hot. No word on charges, but figure they should include felony stupidity.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, Newt Gingrich jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes, Texas jokes, USC jokes
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September 13, 2014
Mark Sanford has broken off his engagement to his Argentinian fiancee. So did he tell her “Happy Trails”?
Or did he tell her to take a hike?
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Los Angeles Dodgers’ pitcher Hyun-Jin left Fridays’ game against the #SFGiants after the first inning with shoulder irritation. Did he hurt it twisting around watching #Giants run bases?
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This isn’t an #NFL season, it’s a remake of “The Longest Yard” #RayRice #AdrianPeterson #RayMcDonald
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Roger Goodell has been so focused on making it a No Fun League when maybe he should have been focused on having a No Felons League . #NFL
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So how long until Bud Selig and MLB start marketing baseball as “the sport where only baseballs get hit.”?
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In a new survery, 55% of Americans said they do not believe Roger Goodell’s statement that “to his knowledge, no one in the league offices saw the video of the incident until Monday.” 21% had no opinion and 24% believe him. And somewhere in Nigeria princes are salivating over that 24%.
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My friend Alex B. points out that as of yesterday, NFL.com still had Ladies’ Ray Rice Baltimore Ravens Jerseys on sale through their website. Now there’s a potential Christmas gift that could make a vacuum cleaner look sensitive by comparison.
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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, seeking treatment for a tumor, has withdrawn his re-election bid for mayor. Hoping he recovers. But it’s already tragic news, for comedy writers.
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The Orioles’ Chris Davis was suspended 25 games for using amphetamines, He says “I made a mistake by taking Adderall. I had permission to use it in the past, but do not have a therapeutic use exemption this year.” But the MLB drug agreement only results in followup testing for the 1st stimulant violation, the 2nd brings the suspension. And Davis still couldn’t figure out a way to get a new exemption? The 25 games is as much for stupidity as drugs.
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Oscar Pistorius was at least found guilty of “culpable homicide” in the shooting death of his girlfriend, (the equivalent of voluntary manslaughter.) Although no doubt some think “If only the young woman had been armed.”
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You are asleep and you wake up because you hear a scary noise. What’s the first thing you do if you are married or in a relationship where you share a bed? Uh, look over to your partner to say “did you hear that?” Maybe wake them up. But nobody doesn’t even look. Even Los Angeles juries have to be shaking their heads on the Pistorius trial.
A major investor claims that Olive Garden servers need to cut down on bringing out free breadsticks, because “after sitting just 7 minutes, the breadsticks deteriorate in quality.” Bringing to mind the question, “How low can you go?”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Looks like former FBI Chief Robert S. Mueller III is gathering people from all about to run a spread offense against Roger Goodell, the NFL, and what appears to be a Cover 4 Defense..”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Davis jokes, Janice Hough, Mark Sanford jokes, NFL jokes, Pistorius jokes, Rob Ford jokes, Roger Goodell jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 10, 2014
40 + years after Watergate and folks still haven’t figured out, coverups are almost always worse than the crime. From the AP: ” A law enforcement official says he sent a video of Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee to an NFL executive three months ago, while league officers have insisted they didn’t see the violent images until this week. The person played The Associated Press a 12-second voicemail from an NFL office number on April 9 confirming the video arrived. A female voice expresses thanks and says: “You’re right. It’s terrible.”
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This #RayRice #Goodell mess shows what comes of allowing openly heterosexual men in the #NFL
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So the NFL may soon be looking for a new toady to do the owners’ bidding at all times. “I’m available soon” said Bud Selig.
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Roger Goodell says his job is not on the line. Because the NFL commissioner doesn’t think there is any video of him looking at the Ray Rice elevator video?
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Got to love targeted ads. I’ve been posting enough on Ray Rice that now I’m getting Facebook ads about men who are looking for girlfriends…..
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Scotland is voting on declaring independence from the United Kingdom next week. Whether it works or not maybe someone can give the instructions for such a referendum to Texas Governor Rick Perry.
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Jeremy Lin apparently pranked people last month at Madame Tussaud’s by pretending to be a wax statue. Even so Lin looked more mobile than James Harden.
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Five casinos in Atlantic City have closed or are planning to close by November of this year. And today Chris Christie announced he will issue a directive to allow sports betting in New Jersey. And they say President Obama is slow to react in a crisis.
The former Senior VP for ticket sales for the NY Mets is suing co-owner Jeff Wilpon of discriminating against her because she was having a baby without being married. But really, what was she thinking? That kind of behavior should be reserved for the players
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A new study links benzodiazepines like Xanax and Valium with dementia. Great, one more thing to feel anxious about.
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Budweiser is apparently testing a new campaign to allow people to send vouchers for free Bud Light on Facebook. Cool, now when people get in heated arguments on threads, they can be drunk too.
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Justin Bieber stripped down to his underwear during a NY Fashion Week event, to boos and some cheers. The cheers presumably were “Put it on, put it on, put it ALL back on.”
Wow. Client asks me for the latest flight of the day out of D.C. to her chosen destination. I suggest a flight at 729p. She says, great, but is there a later flight in case I miss it? #facepalm
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Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday at his portrait unveiling in Sacramento. “I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to do in office.” Everything or everyone?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bus to hell jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, PC jokes, ray rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, tapegate, Texas jokes
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September 9, 2014
In Northern California, they are hunting a mountain lion who apparently injured a 6 year old boy on a popular hiking trail. Officials said the cougar ambushed the boy “as if he was prey.” Uh, AS IF?.
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William and Kate are expecting another baby. Makes sense, now that Prince George is over a year old, they need another royal up in the middle of the night to keep Harry company.
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Apple’s new $349 smart watch acts as a remote control, a mobile payment device, and a pulse monitor. But can it tell time?
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Apparently a long-lost collection of Dr. Seuss stories is hitting the bookstores today. No doubt some in the younger generation are asking “Who’s Dr. Seuss?” And still others are asking “what’s a bookstore?”
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Seems like only a few days ago that the biggest PR worry the #NFL had was dealing with the #MichaelSam “distraction.”
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Since the #NFL tries to monetize everything how long until we have a Fantasy Football League with points scored based on suspensions and arrests?
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Perhaps a bright spot in the whole #RayRice saga is that people are paying attention. Back when Lawrence Phillips beat up his ex-girlfriend and was dragging her down the stairs by her hair when someone interceded, Nebraska coach Tom Osborn let him play in the national championship, And three NFL teams, including the 49ers signed him, despite more off-field “troubles” including a second arrest (and a no contest plea) for assaulting a woman.
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On a bright note for #NY sports the #RayRice situation has knocked Eli Manning and the Giants s*cking off the front page.
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I feel somewhat sorry for Janay Palmer, who is now angry at the MEDIA for turning her life into a “horrible nightmare.” There’s a lot that s*cks (technical term) about being a public figure. But the media didn’t knock her out in that elevator.
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Kentucky coach John Calipari is reportedly organizing a two-day scouting combine featuring Wildcat players only for NBA teams. Wonder if someone asked him if the combine would conflict with classes. (“Classes”?)
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Nicole Kidman recently said that the celebrity hacked photos story is “very superficial” and “why that would even make news astounds me, but a lot of what makes the news astounds me. I do think we need to be talking about the violence in the world, in terms of Iraq, violence towards women, education and women, what’s happening in Afghanistan.” Well, she got her wish on the “violence towards women” part.
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A preliminary investigation shows that Malaysia Airlines flight 17 was likely struck by multiple “high-energy objects from outside the aircraft,” which caused it to crash. What was their first clue?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, iPhone jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, ray rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 8, 2014
But it sure can end an NFL career.
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TMZ posted a video this morning of Ray Rice knocking his fiancee out in the elevator, which has provoked new outrage over Rice’s light punishment And Roger Goodell and the NFL claim they never saw it until now. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.
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So yeah, makes perfect sense. The NFL reviews video tape in enough detail to know if someone is wearing the wrong brand of socks, but they claim they didn’t look at an available video involving alleged domestic violence. #priorities
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Now that the Ray Rice video is out no doubt other NFL players will think seriously about changing their lives. Starting by taking surveillance cameras out of their homes?
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“Fox & Friends” host co-host Brian Kilmeade said today that the lesson to be learned from the Ray Rice video was “take the stairs.” Scary thing is that a lot of NFL players probably think he is right.
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Not sure when and if Ray Rice will return to the NFL. But wonder how long it will take the now former Ravens RB to get a call from “Celebrity Boxing.”
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Wonder if Ray Rice’s wife knew he’d end up cut from the Ravens and suspended from the NFL if she’d have still married him?
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All aboard the bus to hell. At least NY Giants fans don’t have to worry about Eli Manning being arrested for domestic violence. 1. Archie raised him right. 2. If Eli DID throw a punch at a woman, no doubt it would be intercepted.
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Olive Garden just announced they will sell a ‘never-ending pasta pass’ for $100, which will allow buyers to eat as much of any of 150 pasta dishes they want once a day, every single day, between September 22 and November 9. Along with free breadsticks, soup and salad bar. Does the pass also come with a free diabetes test at the end?
Mets are basically eliminated from the postseason, the Yankees are getting close, and the Giants looked awful tonight. So in New York they’re thinking TGFR – “Thank God for The Raiders.”
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Raiders players said there was no need to panic after their season-opening loss to the Jets. Makes sense, many Raiders fans were panicked BEFORE the season started.
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Marin Cilic beat Kei Nishikori in Monday’s men’s singles final at the U.S. Open. And no doubt U.S television ratings were as great as a PGA tournament with neither Tiger, Phil or even Rory in contention.
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The wooden Colossus roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain was closed for renovation a few weeks ago, today it caught fire and partially collapsed. Now that’s a potential thrill ride..
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More why there is no satire: Hartselle, Alabama, is the largest dry city in the state. And their mayor, Don Hall, has said he opposes the sale of booze within city limits. Last Friday Hall was arrested, driving back from a neighboring town, for alleged DUI….
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It’s rather silly to have a magic number for a potential one-game postseason. This having been said, the #SFGiants magic number for a playoff spot is 15.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Eli Manning jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Raiders jokes, Raves jokes, ray rice jokes, Rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 8, 2014
Nice win for the #49ers over the #Cowboys. Looks like SF will be ready next week to start facing NFL competition.
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Although I have to say the 49ers game is looking good for Michael Sam. Looks like the #Cowboys defense could use help asap.
And have to wonder, how until #Cowboys fans will be rooting for Michael Sam to sack and injure Tony Romo in practice.
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Meanwhile, during the day on NFL opening Sunday, ESPN aired a Canadian Football League game. Guess they wanted to show viewers a higher quality game than the Raiders-Jets.
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Sunday was Derek Jeter Day at Yankee Stadium, with nearly an hour of pregame festivities honoring Jeter’s 20 year career. And then the 2014 Yankees went out and lost 2-0 to the Royals. #fitting
Mitt Romney said again that he would have done a better job than President Obama. Being a Mormon Mitt doesn’t drink wine. But he sure is an expert on sour grapes.
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Just a few days after Cleveland coach Mike Pettine said of QB Brian Hoyer “we have his back…. it’s not going to be a quick hook.”, he told ESPN the Browns have prepared Johnny Manziel to play in the season opener against the Steelers, but it would be a “feel thing.” Right, so they have Hoyer’s back, except it might have a knife in it.
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ESPN Sunday Night Baseball announcers said last night that the #SFGiants had a couple “mediocre” months. “Mediocre? In June and July they well and truly s*cked.
My friend Michael D. has the winning comment on yesterday’s Stanford-USC football game” “It’s just a crying shame the game did not end in a tie so Stanford could have become the first NCAA school to punt in overtime.”
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The saddest thing about Joan Rivers’ funeral:. We didn’t get to hear her say a very funny but completely un-PC and inappropriate comment about the deceased.
From T.C “According to ESPN, the highest price for a family of four to attend an NFL game is the new Santa Clara stadium of the SF 49ers at $641. The cheapest NFL tickets can be found at Buffalo, where the team might pay you $641 to tell your friends that you were at the game.” . . .
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Dallas jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, Mitt Romney jokes, NFL jokes, Romo jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 5, 2014
President Obama made an unscheduled stop at Stonehenge after a visit to Wales. How long until we see the Fox News headlines “Obama is a druid.”?
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The NY Daily News reports that the father of the 9 year-old girl who accidentally shot her instructor with an Uzi is a New Jersey “wealth adviser” who oversees more than $1.0 billion in investments. Proving again that money can’t buy common sense. #affluenza
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Apparently Washington Redskins merchandise sales are down this year with all the controversy. Of course, if the team really wants to sell the stuff, have them change the name, and then all the Redskins’ merchandise remaining becomes collector’s items.
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Johnny Manziel has filed for yet another trademark, this time “Johnny Cleveland.” At this rate he may end up the only QB with more trademarks than NFL passing touchdowns.
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FSU has apparently just begun an investigation into the 2012 rape accusations against Jameis Winston. And no doubt they will finish the investigation within a year after Winston heads to the NFL.
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From Bill Littlejohn “So if the Saints put a bounty on Wes Welker, do they call it a ‘Molly Hatchet’?
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CNN headlines are all about the unresponsive mystery plane that crashed off the coast of Jamaica. Now, while this is a sad story, apparently it was a small private aircraft with only two people aboard. But at least CNN knows where the plane is.
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Kim Kardashian, in a British magazine interview, denies that there will ever be another leaked sex tape. “I never want to make the same mistake twice.” Well, yeah, next time she’ll sell i
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Hillary Clinton hasn’t officially made a decision about running for President, but she’s made a decision about the decision: “I am going to be making a decision around, probably after the first of the year about whether I am going to run again.” “Geez, can you make up your mind already” responded Brett Favre.
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Hertz at Heathrow Airport charges 62.00 UKL for a week to rent a car, and 70 UKL additional to have a second person drive the car. Clearly car rental agencies are learning from the airlines.
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You may not root for Jake Peavy. But going back to pick up a win you started after 2 hrs and 41 minutes is seriously #oldschool #SFGiants
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A Northern California couple was arrested after sheriff’s deputies searched their home and found large quantities of marijuana and marijuana candy, along with a loaded shotgun and handgun, all accessible to their children, ages 2 and 4. And over at the NRA, their spokesmen’s heads are exploding.
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Thursday night in College Football, Texas A&M Commerce beat East Texas Baptist, 98-20. Today no doubt East Texas Baptist’s phones are ringing of the hook with potential $1 million paydays for future games from the SEC.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: affluenza jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, SF Giants jokes
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September 3, 2014
Michael Sam has joined the Cowboys practice squad. Suppose Brokeback Mountain jokes would be inappropriate.
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The Dallas Cowboys actually had a press conference to announce the signing of Michael Sam. Over the top? Maybe, but these are the Cowboys. it might be the only press conference all year where they have something positive to talk about.
It will be great when “openly gay” player joins “fill-in-the-blank” team becomes a non-story. The same way “openly black” player is now a non-story. But we need the stories to get to the non-story.
NY Jets practice squad WR Quincy Enunwa was arrested after an alleged domestic dispute last Sunday. Maybe Enunwa is trying too hard to prove he is really NFL ready.
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Is it just me or are a lot of the people responding to the picture hacking scam by saying “Don’t take naked pictures” the same people who you really don’t want to see naked?
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Wow. Not the Onion. ESPN reports that 1.3% of fantasy football teams own Tim Tebow. Of course some of these fantasy owners who have Tebow are probably the same folks who win the NCAA March Madness pool by picking colors.
From my comedy writing friend Dhaya Lakshiminarayanan – I’d say George Clooney, but she might be onto something. “The reason we need more women in computer science is so female hackers can hack into icloud to give us hot naked pics of Channing Tatum.”
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CVS has stopped selling tobacco products. Not sure how it will affect their bottom line but at least it will eliminate the long slow lines getting longer and slower when the clerk has to go get the requested cigarettes out of the cases.
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Tom Brady on potential retirement ” ‘When I suck, I’ll retire.” Think we have a contender for the most likely sign to be seen in the stands when the Patriots are on the road.
The Cleveland Browns have apparently told Brian Hoyer he IS their starting QB, it’s “his offense,” and that it’s not going to be a quick hook.” Translation, Hoyer’s job is safe for at least one quarter.
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Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson on ISIS/ISIL “I’d much rather have a Bible study with all of them and show them the error of their ways and point them to Jesus Christ. However, if it’s a gunfight and a gunfight alone, if that’s what they’re looking for, me personally, I am prepared for either one.” Suppose it’s wrong of me to ask, anyone want to take up a collection to send Robertson over there to try?
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Ah September, when the sting of an ugly 9-2 #SFGiants loss can almost be erased by an 14 inning 8-5 #Dodgers loss.
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–All these pennant races and it was the #Diamondbacks vs #Padres on Wed. night baseball. #ESPN must really want to get us in the mood for #NFL football.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Browns jokes, Cowboys jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Sam jokes, naked picture jokes, NFL jokes, phone hacking jokes
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August 31, 2014
Open note to #SF49ers. You may need a DE fast, and there’s one available who’s almost certain not to hit a woman #RayMcDonald #MichaelSam
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Leaving aside the fact that domestic violence is wrong, just how stupid did the 49ers Ray MacDonald have to be? As the DE has now volunteered to be the poster child for Roger Goodell’s mea culpa.
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Meanwhile in baseball, is there some unwritten rule in 2014 that there can only be one good MLB team in the San Francisco Bay Area at a time?
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For the younger generation who never went to Disneyland in the old days, the 2014 SF Giants are defining the term “E ticket ride.”
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And for anyone who might have been nervous, no, that was Not an earthquake in San Francisco today that ground shaking was just Pablo Sandoval running out a triple.
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Baylor has unveiled a new bronze statue of Robert Griffin III. The statue is impressive, but alas expected to start breaking down in the next couple years.
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A medical marijuana farmers market in L.A. has been temporarily closed by a judge. In related news, Southern California 7-11s have slashed their orders for Doritos.
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The Indians-Royals Sunday night baseball game was suspended in the 10th inning. What’s more surprising? That umps would suspend a game that late? Or that a Cleveland-Kansas City game would be ESPN’s Sunday night choice?
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Yankees lose to Toronto Blue Jays after having a 3 run lead in the 6. The race is on to sign Derek Jeter as a postseason commentator.
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Pro-democracy activists are upset because in the 2017 election to elect Hong Kong’s leader, the powers-that-be in Beijing will approve candidates and only allow two or three on the ballot. Yes, because that is so different from the American way.
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A Colorado woman admits to texting while driving when she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her thigh and buttocks. Talk about a well-justified pain-in-the-a**.
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Would all these critics of President Obama please tell us which war they would like him to start first?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Michael same jokes, NFL jokes, ray mcDonald jokes, SF Giants jokes
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August 29, 2014
Joan Rivers is in a medically induced coma following cardiac arrest and at this point doctors aren’t sure if she will recover. If she doesn’t survive, however, at least they won’t need any additional embalming fluid.
5 cuts to go and Michael Sam is still on the #Rams roster. Of course, this would have been easier for Sam if he were drafted by a team with more arrests and suspensions.
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Hillary Clinton seems to be trying to distance herself from President Obama. Today she was saying “Don’t wear stupid suits.”
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With her first child due this fall, Chelsea Clinton has quit her reporter job. Many Americans are shocked. Chelsea Clinton had a reporter job?
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USC coach Steve Sarkisian indefinitely suspended Josh Shaw for lying, but today when asked if the star CB could be reinstated responded “”Potentially, sure. Potentially, sure.” As in potentially for the Sept 6. Stanford game?
The Indianapolis $tar reports that Colt$ owner Jim Ir$ay has reached a plea deal with his DUI and felony drug po$$e$$ion case. Now let’$ $ee what kind of deal Ir$ay can work out with NFL commi$$ioner Roger Goodell.
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The latest GOP attack in Louisiana is that Senator Mary Landrieu is apparently registered to vote at the New Orleans house where her parents live. Guess she have registered her address as a hotel like President George H.W. Bush, or a vacation home like Dick Cheney?
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Temple 37, Vanderbilt 7 last night? Vandy is actually part of the SEC. And looking like part of a plan where teams won’t have to go out of conference to schedule cupcakes.
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The NFL said they will not fine Ndamukong Suh for roughing Jacksonville QB Chad Henne last Friday. Guess they figure they’ll pull in enough money from Suh during the regular season.
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Tony Stewart will race again this weekend, and says that the “tragedy” of hitting Kevin Ward Jr. will “affect my life forever.” Well, it certainly affected Ward’s.
Ah the laws of unintended conseqences. The Satanic Temple just announced that based on the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision, their believers should be exempt from any state’s informed consent laws that require women considering abortions to read pro-life material.
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From Bill Littlejohn. ” This year, Jacksonville Jaguars season ticket holders get a half-price concealed weapon permit deal. I think we can all hope they don’t offer that deal to Raider fans.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, joan rivers jokes, Michael Sam jokes, NFL jokes, SEC jokes, USC jokes
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August 28, 2014
Dodgers LF Scott Van Slyke sprained his ankle yesterday night while playing in Arizona, and claimed it was because “They’ve got bad grass here.” Dude! You want good grass, sign with the Colorado Rockies.
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Athletic director Pat Haden says USC officials vetted Josh Shaw’s story 12 times. Who was in charge of the investigation, O.J. Simpson? And is he still looking for the real hero?
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It’s midnight. Does anyone know where Josh Shaw’s latest story on his injury is?
Five Easy Pieces moment in Palo Alto: Wanting a glass of sparkling wine while waiting for a table at Delfina. Not on the menu. But but they have a Bellini. Asked nice young man if they could do prosecco. “He didn’t know what prosecco was but said no. Asked what was in Bellini. He checked and said, “peach and prosecco.” Okay, can you do prosecco? “No.” Alas, a woman coworker who overheard overruled him before I got to ask for the “Bellini, hold the Peach.”
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USC CB Josh Shaw was suspended indefinitely for lying to explain an injury, now senior RB Anthony Brown quit the Trojans saying “Can’t play for a racist MAN!!!!!”” And just guessing somewhere that Lane Kiffin is cackling.
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46 batters retired in a row. A major league baseball all-time record for Yusmeiro Petit. Your move, Kershaw? #Dodgers #SFGiants
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Vikings star RB Adrian Peterson apparently told Dallas owner Jerry Jones he would like to play for him and the Cowboys. Quick, check Peterson for concussions.
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Apple apparently will unveil iPhones with bigger screens next month. So at least when people look at their screens while walking and driving they won’t have to squint as much.
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An internal GOP poll shows that most women are “barely receptive” to Republicans and believe they are “stuck in the past.” Which no doubt will motivate many in the party – to try to repeal the 19th amendment.
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Roger Goodell, citing precedent for his two-game suspension for Ray Rice, has now announced that the NFL will suspend players and personnel six games for domestic violence, with a lifetime ban from the league for a second offense. So if it’s about precedents and rules, should the league put in writing what a first offense ban might be for say, actually killing someone?
An American Airlines flight from Miami to Paris was diverted to Boston over an argument over a passenger reclining his seat. If this keeps happening presumably airlines will try to prevent such issues, by making all seats non-reclining.
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Obama said at a press conference today that “we don’t have a strategy yet’ in Syria. Critics are furious, they want the President to spell out what he intends to do so they can say it is wrong.
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Joan Rivers is apparently in a medically induced coma after she stopped breathing during throat surgery. In her honor assume other comedians will rush to make inappropriate jokes?
From Alex Kaseberg. ” In Malibu, 50-year-old surfing legend, Laird Hamilton, rescued a surfer from drowning. Immediately afterward, Hamilton was offered a spot on the USC football team.”
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From T.C. “Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill passed for 511 yds and broke Johnny Manziel’s single game passing record tonight. In related news, the patent office says that the name Kenny Football has not yet been copyrighted.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, joan rivers jokes, Josh Shaw jokes, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, Republican jokes, SF Giants jokes
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August 25, 2014
Tiger Woods has parted ways with another swing coach. Wonder when Tiger will figure out – it’s not his swing coach.
Swing coach Sean Foley said his split with Tiger Woods was “amicable.” Well, duh, does anyone think Tiger is stupid enough to anger someone who knows how to wield a golf club?
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Congresswoman Jackie Speier has introduced a bill to eliminate the deadline for ERA ratification, as it fell 3 states short in 1982. Would be nice to have it finally adopted. Although these days it sometimes feels like a number of states wouldn’t ratify the 19th amendment.
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Burger King is thinking of buying Canadian doughnut maker Tim Horton’s, so they can do an inversion and declare themselves a Canadian company for tax purposes. So where are the cries of patriotism from flag-waving conservatives on this one?
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Airline logic at its finest again. United has equipped many of its flights with wi-fi, but no power outlets. And the wi-fi fee is per flight, not per hour…..
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A good thing that journalist Peter Theo Curtis was released. Who’d ever think we’d say “luckily his kidnappers were only Al-Qaida.”
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Two phrases #SFGiants fans would like to see retired in 2014. “Fill-in-the-blank pitcher just had his best outing of the year against the Giants” And “worst loss of the season.”
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The Napa quake damaged some wineries while many escaped unscathed. But wonder who will be the first to bottle “VERY blended wines.”
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The NFL gave Brandon Meriweather for the first two games of the season for another helmet-to-helmet hit. He can’t be at the team’s facility or have any contact with team personnel from Sept. 1-15. And presumably stay out of casino elevators?
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New York CB Dimitri Patterson has now been suspended by the Jets, who apparently weren’t happy with his explanation as to why he was AWOL for 48 hours. Another example of why education matters. Seems like Patterson could have used creative writing and/or drama courses.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: earthquake jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NFL jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 24, 2014
Did Shakespeare envision NFL preseason football when he wrote “sound and fury, signifying nothing?”
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A chef in China decapitated a rare Indochinese spitting cobra to make a snake soup, and the severed head bit him with a fatal dose of venom. Now that’s “Die Hard, with a Vengeance.”
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Why there is no satire? A young woman who won the title of Miss Antioquia was stripped of her crown and kicked out of the Miss Colombia pageant after online pictures showed her in an overly skimpy bikini. As opposed to the skimpy bikini which she was supposed to wear in the pageant?
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Bud Selig when asked about what he will do about Pete Rose “I’m going to do what I think is right.” What, no blue ribbon committee?
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Congratulations to the Chicago Little League team for getting to the LLWS finals. Who knows if they can beat South Korea tomorrow. But Vegas already has them favored in a hypothetical matchup with the Cubs.
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Minnesota scored 32 against Detroit in two games. Time for the Tigers to fire their defensive coordinator?
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The Oakland Athletics are checking out the possibility of building a new stadium on their Coliseum site. Sounds good, but as far as where they play while they’re building, has anyone thought about holding off on pushing that plunger at Candlestick.
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Bud Selig, dodging a question about Pete Rose. “You are always concerned about integrity. A sport without integrity is not a sport.” And over at the BCS they’re just giggling.
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From my funny friend Jim Barach – “A new app tells the user how much time they are spending on their smartphone. Which is probably too much if you need an app to tell you how much time you are spending on your smartphone.”
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The Pentagon is complaining that in 2014 there have been at least 4 times that a Chinese warplane has buzzed U.S. military aircraft. The Chinese Defense Ministry said the criticism is “totally groundless.” Would they have preferred the US made Asian driver jokes?
Michael Sam sacked Johnny Manziel tonight. In what must have been a very tough moment for anyone who was both tired of Johnny Football’s act and a homophobe.
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But was the sack enough to keep Michael on the team? So that we can all write the headline “Sam I Ram.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, LLWS jokes, Manziel jokes, Michael Sam jokes, NFL jokes, NFL preseason jokes
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August 22, 2014
Money can buy a lot of things, but not travel karma. #SFGiants finished game last night in Chicago about 11p, went to airport for just over 1 hour charter flight. But lightning meant bags could not be loaded, and then additional wait on tarmac for storms to pass. They arrived to DC hotel this a.m. at 615a. On the other hand, maybe being #SleeplessinSF made the team stronger…
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Go figure, a team on a 10 game win streak against a team with no sleep. 10-3 SF Giants over the Washington Nationals. Maybe SF is just a bunch of nocturnals.
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Another sign that Rory McIlroy has been anointed the new Tiger Woods. All the headlines are not about who’s leading, but about how far Rory is off the pace.
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Apparently the Buffalo Bills are having so many pre-season intra-squad fights that coach Doug Marrone blew up at his players yesterday. This is shocking to Bills fans who didn’t think their team could hit anybody.
Not that Obama’s perfect.. But then there’s Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), who said this week that the President can’t protect the U.S. from ISIS because “if you’re Commander-in-Chief you can’t be listening to Muslim brother advice on when it’s time to stop destroying Muslim brothers.”
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The Saints’ Jimmy Graham was fined $30,000 for dunking over the goalposts after two TDs last weekend. So the New Orleans tight end would have saved money had he just flipped off his defenders twice.
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North Texas, SMU and Troy University will start selling beer at football games this year, bringing the total of on-campus stadiums with beer sales to 21. Apparently schools that have already changed the policy haven’t reported an increase in bad behavior. Maybe because if fans could buy a beer in the stadium they wouldn’t feel the need to chug several of them pre-game
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She’s SO past her 15 minutes: V. Stiviano is now claiming Donald Sterling is gay and that she was just his beard during their relationship. Right, because if you really need a beard if you are a prominent conservative gay man who isn’t married. Oops,never mind.
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TSA at SFO says they have over 20,000 items left behind at checkpoints just this year, including a wheelchair. Thinking if someone claims that chair maybe they need their disabled placard taken away.
Johnny Manziel was fined $12,000 for his one-finger salute to the Washington bench. So about half the fine as if he had done something TRULY offensive, like wearing the wrong brand of socks.
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This Rick Perry indictment stems from trying to remove Rosemary Lehmberg. a Texas DA, from office after a DUI arrest. And Perry believes he was “lawful, legal and right” to do so. Okay, fair enough. But there have been two other Texas DAs arrested for DUI while Perry has been governor (Rick Harrison in 2009, and Terry McEachern in 2003), and he didn’t have a problem with them. Nor for that matter do I remember the Governor complaining about the DUI’s of Dick Cheney and George W. Bush.
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A University of Denver study found that couples who had wedding ceremonies with 150+ guests were much happier than couples in the study who had 50 guests or fewer. Maybe because after dealing with that many friends and relatives, your mate seems pretty sane by comparison.
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The NCAA denied Dorial Green-Beckham’s request to play football at Oklahoma immediately after transferring. The star WR was kicked off Missouri’s team after two marijuana arrests and allegedly pushing another Missouri student down at least four stairs. Well makes, sense, Green-Beckman doesn’t sound ready for college football, he sounds ready for the NFL.
From Jim Barach: “A new app tells the user how much time they are spending on their smartphone. Which is probably too much if you need an app to tell you how much time you are spending on your smartphone.”
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From Bill Littlejohn: In London, Big Ben just had its clock cleaned. But Buckingham Palace said not to worry, it’s just the preseason.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, NFL jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Rory McIlroy jokes, SF Giants jokes, TSA jokes
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August 19, 2014
Apparently after the Milwaukee Mile Indycar race the winner is awarded Cream Puffs and it often turns into a food fight. This year, the winner, WIll Power, had to have his ear irrigated after some of the smashed pastry ended up causing a blockage. It was the most unexpected sports drama involving a cream puff since Georgia Southern beat Florida.
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For Sports analyst John Lynch, talking about Alex Smith “The guy is up there with the Peyton Mannings, the Drew Brees … ” So has Lynch been on recent road trips to Colorado or Washington?
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Some national sport headlines about the SEC getting 8 teams in the pre-season AP top 25 football poll. But the conference was hoping for all 14.
(Mark Simon says, “Some of the conference’s top players heard the news and thought :Wow! That’s almost half!”)
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Former Senator Jim Jeffords, 80, has passed away. He was once considered one of the most liberal Republicans. A creature known to the younger generation as only slightly rarer than a flying pig.
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Apparently Burger King’s is phasing out “Satisfries” a healthier french fry option, which had 20% fewer calories and 25% less fat than regular fries. Guess Satisfries weren’t a hit with the people who go to Burger King for health food- both of them.
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#JohnnyManziel gave the finger to Washington bench tonight. Showing that his maturity on the field matches his maturity off of it. #Browns
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President Obama, on the situation in Ferguson. “We should seek understanding rather than holler at each other.” And if that works, can they send the recipe to Congress?
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Yahoo Sports says the #NYYankees have the hardest remaining schedule of any playoff contender. Something that the team and ESPN would like to change. Only six games against the Boston Red Sox…..
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Orlando investigators say they have broken up a major trafficking ring that had shipped over 500 pounds of marijuana this year from California to hotels near Sea World and Disney World, where the pot was then sent to stash houses for distribution. Sort of puts a new slant on the “Happiest Place on Earth.”
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Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander and his girlfriend supermodel Kate Upton are two of the latest to douse each other with ice water for the ALS #icebucketchallenge. Wonder how much money they could raised had Kate volunteered to wear a sheer white t-shirt?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ice bucket challenge jokes, Janice Hough, Johnny football jokes, Manziel jokes, NFL jokes, SEC jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 15, 2014
Texas Governor Rick Perry, was indicted on two charges relating to his efforts to force the resignation of a local district attorney. Wonder if the prosecutor couldn’t think of a third charge?
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Mo’Ne Davis threw a two-hit shutout for Philadelphia at Little League World Series today. Wonder how long it will take her to get a try-out with the Phillies.
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Police at Madrid’s airport arrested a 43-year-old woman for allegedly trying to smuggle to 3.7 pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. What was their first clue? Really REALLY perky breasts?
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Notre Dame says they expect to suspend four football players, who allegedly violated the university’s honor code by receiving improper help on classwork. Many other college football players are shocked. Notre Dame players have classwork?
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Apparently Roger Goodell is now claiming he wanted to suspend Ray Rice for more than two games but didn’t feel he could do so due to precedent. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.
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NY Mets manager Terry Collins says he told Matt Harvey, who he thought was working too hard on his rehab, to “back off” and that Harvey’s season is over. Makes sense. So is the Mets’.
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The man who invented the “pop-up” ad in the 90s has now apologized for creating it. Shouldn’t we blame Al Gore too, since he invented the internet?
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Saints’ tight end Jimmy Graham was flagged twice tonight for dunking over the goalposts after a touchdown. Maybe New Orleans should just practice kickoffs from the 20 yard line. #nofunleague
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Johnny Manziel was “a few minutes” late to a team meeting Monday morning. Wonder what his excuse was. Hard to believe Johnny found something to keep him up late Sunday night in Cleveland.
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From Bill Littlejohn “On Browns’ management saying they will handle Manziel’s tardiness internally ‘In other words, next time he’ll have to produce a note from his bartender.'”
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#NYYankees have lost 5 games in a row. Stand by for the #ESPN special on how #DerekJeter is coping through this difficult time.
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KC Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe has been suspended one game for a violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy. One game. This after a November marijuana arrest that was dismissed after Bowe pleaded guilty to littering and “defective equipment.” So he tossed away a lousy joint and didn’t inhale?
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Paul McCartney played the last concert at Candlestick Park last night. Although many of the nearly 50,000 with tickets couldn’t even get into the old stadium due to traffic, and it took fans hours to get out. So yes, memories of the Beatles and memories of why blowing the place up is overdue.
In San Jose, officers fatally shot a bipolar 19-year- old woman who had called police saying she was armed with “an Uzi” and would shoot her family if the cops didn’t come. The woman turned out to be carrying… a cordless power drill. Now, I’m sure we’ll learn more about this incident, but have to wonder, with all the stories about the easy availability of guns, doesn’t this make police- and everyone else- more likely to shoot because we believe everyone, even the crazies, are armed?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Little League World Series jokes, NFL jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, Yankees jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 