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Rough opening days and open mouths?

April 5, 2014

CBS analyst and radio host Boomer Esiason has apologized to the Mets’ Daniel Murphy and his wife, for saying they should have scheduled a C-section before the season started, calling it “a flippant and insensitive remark that I sincerely regret.” Translation, “Oops, forgot women watch and listen to sports too. And I really really would like to keep my jobs here.”

 

The Mariners As game tonight was postponed due to soggy field conditions after recent rains. Well, considering the Coliseum’s recent sewage problems, have to figure players have to feel lucky the sogginess was only water.

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The SF Giants have scored more runs than any team in MLB as of today. And if you say “Just as I predicted,” you must be really good at Liar’s Dice.

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Maybe the Giants should have brought in Barry Bonds as a special hitting instructor sooner?

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And really, how amazing is this SF Giants’  team? Takes serious work to win a game 8-4 and be no-hit for the last seven innings. #SFGiants

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On the other side, Yasiel Puig was benched for the LA Dodgers home opener against the SF Giants because he showed up late for batting practice. On a brighter note for Dodgers fans, at least Puig didn’t get arrested for speeding while trying to be on time.

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James Franco, 35, says he’s “embarrassed” about his revealed conversations with a 17 yr old girl on Instagram, and added “I guess I’m just a model of how social media is tricky.” Uh, no, you’re just a model of being a celebrity male douchebag who’s old enough to know not to hit on teenagers.

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“Money can’t buy me love” dept.. The Dodgers signed a huge $$$ deal with Time Warner. And for now only people with TW cable can see Dodgers games. Which is about 30% of households in the Los Angeles area.

 

Sounds like the latest Fort Hood shooter was ultimately stopped by a female member of the military police. So maybe the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good gal with a gun?

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Tyson recalling 75,320 pounds of chicken nuggets after some customers complained about finding small pieces of plastic in their food. So did the people who purchased nuggets expected them to be large pieces of plastic?

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Oklahoma and Texas have announced their annual college football game, which has been known as “The Red River Rivalry” will now be referred to as the “AT&T Red River Showdown.” But heaven help any players who try to sell any memorabilia from the inaugural “showdown.”

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Really, CNN, really? Today’s MH 370 headline is about plane spotters who took pictures of the plane before it disappeared, one even as recently as “a few months ago.” 

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Okay, I’m a Democrat. But regarding emails to sign petitions for stuff like ‘Send Paul Ryan a message saying you reject his budget.” Does anyone think Paul Ryan gives a rat’s a** what Democrats think of his budget?

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George W. Bush now tells a story of Putin dissing his beloved Scottish Terrier, Barney – “‘You call it a dog?’” And then when W. and Laura visited Russia, Vladimir introduces his “huge hound, obviously much bigger than a Scottish terrier, looks at me and says,’‘Bigger, stronger and faster than Barney.'” What happened to “I looked into his eyes and saw his soul?”

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Lane, if only we barely knew ye…?

September 29, 2013

First Anthony Weiner, now Lane Kiffin. These are challenging times for comedy writers……

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USC announced early this morning that Kiffin had been “relieved of his duties.”  Of course, the school could have just said they made a “Lane change.”

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So wonder who’ll have a job again in football first? #LaneKiffin or #TimTebow?

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Much speculation on a replacement for Lane Kiffin at USC. It’s early days, but have to figure Chip Kelly might already be getting a bit nostalgic for the Pac 12….

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So who’s going to do the retrospective of the Kiffin years at USC? The Stanford Band has already volunteered for the task.

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Lane Kiffin was to college coaching what Tim Tebow is to pro quarterbacking. Well, without the charm, humility, and the miraculous ability to win a game now and then.

 

Pat Haden in July 2013: “I anticipate the media will ask me if our football coach is on the hot seat this year “Here is my answer and will be my answer whenever I’m asked: He is not. I’m behind Lane Kiffin 100 percent. I have great confidence in him. He’s a very hard-working, detail-oriented coach. He’s a dynamic playcaller, in my estimation, and he’s an exceptional recruiter. He knows USC and he knows what it takes to be successful here.”

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One bench of three seats on a crowded light rail train labeled “reserved for senior citizens and persons with disabilities.”. Three 20 something young women run and grab the seats. All blondes. No comment.

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Mitt Romney says now that a main reason he lost last November is that the Hispanic community didn’t understand his immigration stance well enough. Or maybe they understood it too well.

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Former Cleveland Browns QB Bernie Kosar was arrested for alleged DUI in Cleveland. Was Kosar trying to prove he still belongs on an active NFL roster.

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WTF is going on Pittsburgh? The #Pirates are still alive and the #Steelers are dead.

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Heard on the SF Giants radio broadcast – “a bases loaded grand slam.”. Well, it’s been a long season for everyone.

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72, 71, 84. MPH for Barry Zito’s pitches in a swinging strikeout of Kotsay for Zito’s last time on mound in SF Giants uniform. #rallyzito.

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Could have been worse. A fun way to end the season with a walkoff win for #SFGiants. #Firsttotiedforthird

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So if the Rangers or Rays somehow win the World Series, there will be how many champagne celebrations? One when they got into the wild card playoff, one if they win the wild card playoff, one for the ALDS, one for the ALCS, and one for the World Series. “You’ve just won the World Series, what are you going to do?” “I’m going to rehab.”

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If a government shutdown means furloughing all non-essential employees, what possible excuse can there be for not furloughing Congress?

Dallas 2-2, Philadelphia and Washington, 1-3, and NY 0-4. Is it too soon to rename the division the “NFC Least?”

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Much ado about nothing?

July 28, 2013

Now that the royal baby is born, thousands of British reporters no longer have a good reason to stand around and watch nothing happen. Perhaps they can talk their editors into sending them over to Washington D.C.  to watch Congress.

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The satiric U.K. magazine, “Private Eye,”  dealt with all the frenzy last week with a simple headline “Woman has baby.”

 

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Saturday the Oakland A’s had “Turn Back the Clock Day”, and honored their 1969 team’s jerseys. The SF Giants apparently also decided to turn back the clock, and honored their 1985 team’s 100 loss season.

(And for any Dodgers’ fans reading this blog.  Or readers who have Dodger fan friends,  please adjust punchline to 1992.    When Los Angeles lost 99 games….

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#‎SFGiants‬ fans are lamenting what looks like lost year. Same pain but on a SLIGHTLY smaller scale than ‪#‎Cubs‬ fans and their lost century.

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A Hawaii man is suing Delta for allegedly making him crawl down the aisle of its planes and across the tarmac to reach his wheelchair on a 2012 trip, because a flight attendant told him “they couldn’t get him off the plane” otherwise. Just guessing if he had stayed in his seat they’d have figured out a way.

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As Yankees GM Brian Cashman says that A-Rod should “Go ahead and file a grievance” with the union if he thinks the Yankees are preventing him from playing, manager Joe Girardi says that he doesn’t expect Rodriguez to be a distraction when he does return to the team. Translation, Girardi doesn’t think A-Rod WILL be back with the Yankees.

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No new revelations about Anthony Weiner today.   Of course it IS the weekend.

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The West beat the East 102 to 98 in today’s WNBA All-Star game. And if you bet on the game you don’t have to ask – you DO have a gambling problem.

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Ryan Braun becomes the first of what might be many PED suspensions this week, and there are seven shutouts in MLB Saturday, including four 1-0 games. Am sure it’s only coincidence.

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Dogging it?

May 19, 2013

Ken Rosenthal thinks that Don Mattingly soon to be fired as #Dodgers manager. Wouldn’t it be worse punishment to make him stay whole season?

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Meanwhile #SFGiants. This road trip might be the worst ever not involving the Donner Party.

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If misery loves company, then at least relations betweens SF Giants and Los Angeles Dodgers fans may never be better.

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SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said this has been the worst week he can remember “Wanna trade?” asked President Obama?

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Meanwhile MLB umpires are thinking next week can’t get any worse… From Marc Ragovin:   “I’m not saying that MLB umpire Fielding Culbreath — who was suspended for allowing an illegal pitching change — is unfamiliar with the game’s rules, but he was heard singing the other day “cause it’s one, two, three strikes take your base at the old ball game.”

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A Florida Lottery executive told the AP. “We’re delighted right now that we have the sole winner,” and added that Florida has had more Powerball winners than any other state. Uh, except that as far as bragging, this is kind of the opposite of winning the state IQ test.

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Star Trek: Into Darkness” had a $70.6 million opening weekend in the U.S.- slightly disappointing to Paramount executives who had expected more. On the other hand, $70.6 million is pretty impressive considering how many theater-goers went without a date.

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A SNL skit last night paid homage to “The Graduate” as Seth Meyers broke up Stefon’s wedding. Reading this, a number of younger Americans no doubt are thinking “What’s ‘The Graduate?'” A number of older Americans are thinking “Who’s Stefon?”

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Now that gay marriage is legal in France, how long until the next trend is winking at married gay couples having affairs?

A man is in critical condition after falling from a roof during a San Francisco Bay to Breakers party Sunday. Which is sad, but did the media even need to add that police suspected alcohol “may have been involved?”

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That story about the 21 year old student on Long Island, NY  who was taken hostage and then accidentally killed by a police bullet is awful. But once again, I wonder, if even a trained professional can make such a mistake in the heat of battle, why do so many think more armed amateurs will make us safer?

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Flori-duh, again.

May 15, 2013

At a Florida Starbucks, a woman accidentally shot her friend in the leg when she dropped her purse and a .25-caliber handgun inside discharged. She told police she put the gun in her purse when her father gave it to her last year and had forgotten about it. Wow, and I thought I had too much junk in the bottom of MY purse.

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Open question to those in the GOP wanting to make sure the IRS never again targets political groups asking for tax-exempt status – so assume you are okay with all the potential 501 (c) (4) groups that are forming even now who just happen to support the same policies as, say, Hillary Clinton?

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OJ Simpson wants a new trial for stealing personal memorabilia he said dealers had stolen from him. Simpson admitted yelling at the dealers when he took the stuff, saying “I wanted them to feel my pain.” Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman’s families have SO much sympathy for him….

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All these writers talking about why the U.S. shouldn’t intercede in Syria. Thinking it can be boiled down into three words – “Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam.”

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Don’t get me wrong, what the IRS did was wrong. But if you WERE going to investigate potentially fraudulent tax-exempt applications, suppose it’s not a crazy idea to start with organizations whose announced mission is to be against taxes.

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Rough day for Seattle basketball fans – NBA owners voted today that the Kings should stay in Sacramento. Which means the only thing that Seattle folks had to smile about was the Memphis Grizzlies upset series win over the Oklahoma City Thunder.

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Leave politics aside. Who else would tune in to watch Darrell Issa and Eric Holder compete in Celebrity Boxing?

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Just how embarrassing was this two day visit to Toronto for the SF Giants? They may have had to leave town wearing Maple Leafs jerseys.

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Somehow I missed the news report where the #SFGiants had their gloves confiscated on arrival by Canadian customs?

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Orb drew the rail.:  And after Saturday, depending on who wins the Preakness, millions of Americans may pretend they understand that sentence.

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From Jim Barach: “Donald Trump will have to testify at a civil trial in Chicago over one of his condos. The worst part is when he takes the witness stand and swears in with “I swear to tell the truth…so help me Me.”

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Carlos Zambrano has signed a contract with the Philadelphia Phillies. Wonder if it’s to pitch or replace the Phillie Fanatic?

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Green Bay Packers Pres.& CEO Mark Murphy said that the Packers hope to have Brett Favre “back involved in the organization soon” and to retire his jersey. And Favre is thinking, why retire it when I can still play?

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92 people were caught in an Orlando prostitution sting, including one man who ended up soliciting an undercover cop on his honeymoon. Talk about bringing your bride to Fantasyland….

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Turn the lights back on, the party’s not quite over…

May 14, 2013

Toronto Maple Leafs fans are still shocked about their team’s end of game seven collapse yesterday. Even Yogi Berra thought it was over.

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So the SF Giants are just trying to make the good citizens of Toronto feel better about the Maple Leafs’ world class choke job last night, right?

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So how long until they put Toronto Maple Leafs playoff t-shirts on sale? Presumably all of them with the neck opening three sizes too small.

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Years ago in Spring Training, Randy Johnson killed a bird with a pitch. If R.A. Dickey and Barry Zito, Tuesday night’s starting pitchers in Toronto, did the same thing, that bird would still be telling the story to his grandchildren.

(Scot asks   “Watching Giants v Blue Jays does this mean every 12 year old has the velocity to make the “bigs”, before they discover drugs?)

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So ESPN is reporting that Jonathan Sanchez is about to sign a deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers. It must be part of a plan to sell more beer at Dodger Stadium.

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He’s more than cricket: Prince Harry on his US tour participated in a baseball practice with Harlem RBI, a group that helps inner-city youth, and hit a home run.  Is it too late for Harry to sign with the Mets?

Forget all these boring U.S. political follies: Mark your calendars. Downton Abbey returns January 5, 2014..

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This whine has legs. After Sergio Garcia claimed that Tiger Woods distracted him during his swing, Woods said tournament officials had told him Garcia had played already and it was okay to pull out his own club. Now TPC officials say Woods is lying. Gosh, and why would anyone ever distrust Tiger?

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Good for Angelina Jolie for coming forward about her double mastectomy. . And if anyone ever wondered just how sexy reconstructive surgery can look…  I think we are about to find out.

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Last week an Air Force office who headed the sexual assault prevention office was arrested for allegedly groping a woman, now the Army said a soldier coordinating a sexual assault prevention program is under investigation for “abusive sexual contact.” Jeez. This is worse than having a Congress full of adulterers and divorced men defending marriage.

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From Marc Ragovin:  The New York Mets have signed Rick Ankiel after he was released by the Astros. Ya know, I think that signing Astros castoffs is the first sign of the Apocalypse.

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Ariel Castro’s lawyer today said he is not “a monster.” Well I should hope not. If he said otherwise, they’d hear from the “Monster Anti-Defamation League.”

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One of those rare serious thoughts,  The National Transportation Safety Board is recommending that the benchmark for DUI be lowered from 0.08 blood-alcohol content (BAC) to 0.05. If they really want to make a difference, how about instead a recommendation that restaurants/bars have breathalyzers available to patrons?

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It’s not over…

October 10, 2012

None of Major League Baseball’s Division Series have ended up sweeps with one team 3 and out. You know what this means.  All four series’ have lasted longer than some NBC new sitcoms.

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The Cardinals really teed off on Nationals starter Edwin Jackson today, a career .500 pitcher. Gosh, if only Washington had a really top notch starting pitcher they could have used for game 3.

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Meanwhile, the SF Giants’ Tim Lincecum threw 42 out of his 55 pitches today for strikes. And Giants manager Bruce Bochy is thinking “You mean, all I had to do was put him in the bullpen?”

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Okay, a question from Wednesday afternoon. Did the aliens who were inhabiting the SF Giants hitters’ bodies go back to their home planet, or were these the aliens today? Because it is not the same team we have seen since Saturday.

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Bus to hell time: Jerry Sandusky has apparently been placed on suicide watch. I think a lot of Americans would pay to watch.

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Watching Prince Fielder have to think that if he ever tries to slide into third base with Pablo Sandoval trying to block him it would register on the Richter scale.

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Apparently the man who was stopped in Los Angeles with a bulletproof vest and a smoke grenade in his luggage was actually screened before boarding a flight in Korea. So it is possible to have security that is worse than TSA.

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Washington State football coach Mike Leach said some of the seniors on his team have been “zombie-like” and “have an empty-corpse quality.” Way to throw your team under the bus, said even Bobby Valentine.

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So Facebook now has a “Promote” button, where for $7 you can tell your friends your post is important. Here’s news for them, if you have to TELL your friends your post is important, it isn’t important.

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-Mitt Romney 7.0 “There’s no legislation with regards to abortion that I’m familiar with that would become part of my agenda.” Of course, maybe he’s not saying he’s changed his views, maybe he’s saying he’s not actually familiar with ANY legislation.

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Rick Santorum said today that marriage will “disintegrate” along with the American family if same-sex marriage becomes legal. Uh, really? So far marriage has been strong enough to survive the Kardashians.

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TBS announcers talking about what a tough job Yankees manager Joe Girardi has had this year. And 29 another teams with lesser payrolls are thinking “Oh, STFU.”

 

Australian billionaire Clive Palmer is apparently trying to build a new cruise ship that will be an exact full size replica of the Titanic.   Uh, maybe a few small changes might be in order.

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BYO Posts.

October 8, 2012

On days like Sunday  – four MLB playoff games and a full slate of NFL games,  plus college football recaps and a new AP poll… Facebook becomes like a giant sports bar with fans across the country.

 

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GREAT Tigers-As game. How great that all of America got to see these two under-the-radar teams. Oh, wait, never mind, the game was on MLB Network, so they didn’t. Thanks for nothing, Bud Selig.

 

NY Giants WR Victor Cruz has made a new campaign video supporting President Obama.  Uh, is this a good idea on the same weekend the Giants soundly beat a team from the swing state of Ohio?

 

 

I fully expect to wake up tomorrow morning and see the SF Giants’ offense pictured on a milk carton.

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At one point my friend Lindol pointed out that the Giants’ best chance would be for Dusty Baker to take Bronson Arroyo out and hand him the game ball.

 

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At least the Giants’ Guillermo Mota is proving to the world without a doubt that he is no longer using Performance Enhancing Drugs.

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Meanwhile, for gloating Los Angeles fans looking ahead to next year,  Matt Kemp’s surgery did not go as well as expected and the Dodgers star may not be ready at the start of  the 2013 season. “Bummer,” said SF Giants fans, with all the sincerity of a politician a month before the election.

 

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3 of 4 top teams in AP poll are now from SEC. Setting things up perfectly for Alabama to play the winner of South Carolina-Florida in the conference championship, and again in the national title game.

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Another variation on the first grouchy thought:  SF Giants looked flatter than armadillos on Texas highways.

 

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Very nice day for Stanford in the big leagues – first Andrew Luck, now Drew Storen gets the save for the Nationals! Go Cardinal!

 

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Baltimore-New York had a long rain delay Sunday.   Maybe even God is p*ssed about all this schedule juggling for the Yankees 🙂

 

 

Jim Tracy resigned as Colorado Rockies manager today, leaving his $1.4 million salary on the table.  Putting an exclamation point on the phrase  “You can’t pay me enough to deal with this  crap.”

 

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In an interview discussing her $10 million reality tv wedding,  Kim Kardashian stated  “But the next time, I want to do it on an island with just my friends and family and that’s it.”   Well, except for a few select network and other media folks.

 

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And on a serious sports note,  congratulations to Drew Brees for breaking Johnny Unitas’s record with 48 straight games with a touchdown pass.    Yes, it’s a different game, and Unitas called his own plays and the rules favor the offense now.

 

On the other hand, the media is a different game too, 24/7 and Brees has been one of the relatively few NFL superstars to conduct his life in a way where he still has a seriously class act reputation.

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Almost 20 years ago today.

October 2, 2012

19 years ago today, the SF Giants needed to win their 104th game of the year against the LA Dodgers to reach the postseason. Whatever you say about Barry Zito, he’s no Salomon Torres.

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Bummer ending for Dodgers fans. That may be the last time many of them stick around for the ninth inning.

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Of the teams with the seven highest payrolls in MLB, not counting the Dodgers after their big trade, four of them didn’t make the playoffs this year. (Yes, Phillies, Red Sox, Angels and Marlins, I’m talking about you.)

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Bristol Palin is on DWTS again? She wasn’t even a star the first time. Guess she really wants to show young girls that becoming a teen mom can ruin your life.

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A video of Paul Ryan in 2011 has him saying “70% of Americans want the American Dream. Only 30 % want the welfare state.” Does that mean Mitt figures 17% of Americans got lazier in the past year?

 

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NY  GM Brian Cashman said he would like the team to win its 28 World Series as one last gift to his late father, who was a big fan and passed away in September. “How sweet” said children of Yankee fans. “Oh STFU,” said children of Cubs fans.

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MLB has said it could be FRIDAY until game times for Saturday are announced.   Basically so they can assure that NY will be in primetime.  Yankees suck!

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Mitt Romney said today he would honor the temporary visas President Obama granted to some illegal immigrants. Some conservatives were up in arms, others just laughed and decided to wait for next week.

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Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said today last night’s loss “I couldn’t be more disappointed.” And Cowboys fans said “Well, unless you paid your hard-earned money for tickets to that debacle.”

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New Orleans Hornets basketball player Lance Thomas says he doesn’t think he violated any NCAA rules when he bought almost $100,000 in diamond jewelry during his Duke college career. What’s his defense? “It was Duke, didn’t everybody?”

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Ohio State and TCU have signed up to play a “home and home” football series in 2018-19. Of course the way the Big Ten has been playing lately, maybe it’s TCU who considers the Buckeyes “the Little Sisters of the Poor.”

 

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Rough week for American Airlines, now with a flight from Chicago to London needing to divert to Shannon because of a “smoky odor” coming from an overheated fan. Stand by for the merged United-Continental Airlines’ new motto – “We suck less.”

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A fire damaged a home in Berkeley, CA and resulted in an entire block losing power after a seagull flew into a power line. Wonder how long it will take residents to protest having power lines where birds can fly into them.

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From Marc Ragovin:   The Bikini Basketball League is gearing up for its inaugural season. Fans will be rooting for strings of wins, and losses of strings.

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Well-stuffed

July 10, 2012

“Well-stuffed”  – referring to the job San Francisco fans did with the ballot box.

 

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That deafening silence you heard after the top of the All-Star game five run top of the first inning was coming from Mets fans who wanted Wright to start the All-Star game.

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After tonight, SF Giants batters have to be petitioning MLB for permission to wear orange spikes during regular season.

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Says Gary M.  “About 1/2-way through tonight’s All-Star game, Bryce Harper asked Melky Cabrera, “How much for those clown shoes, bro?”

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Back to the regular season…. Phil Mickelson apparently part of a group planning to buy the San Diego Padres. Anyone ever told Phil that on a baseball diamond low scores are not necessarily a good thing?

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If Giants fans had started stuffing the ballot box sooner the AL might not have had that seven game All-Star winning streak.

 

How long until the New York Yankees tell MLB Commissioner Bud Selig this All-Star game determining home field advantage stuff is not acceptable.

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Former PSU pres. Graham Spanier told university investigators that he was never told that Jerry Sandusky was seen molesting a boy in a school shower. Ah for the good old days of being a scumbag. It was so much easier to burn notes than to erase emails….

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United Airlines today announced that they will reinstate their San Francisco to Paris nonstop in April 2013. Tomorrow they will announce that all frequent flyer free and upgraded tickets on that route are full.

 

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The GOP has a very different problem from 2008. Then they had a presidential candidate who couldn’t remember. Now they have one who hopes that we can’t remember.

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A yoga teacher with a cellphone ban in class was fired from Facebook after making an employee turn the phone off during one of her classes. Guess the employee just HAD to update her status to “I’m feeling really relaxed learning yoga.”

 

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Texas Governor Rick Perry compared Medicaid to the Titanic. Interesting that Perry picked as a metaphor one of the only things in history that sunk faster than his Presidential campaign.

 

From Marc Ragovin:  Mitt Romney’s advisers say that his Swiss and Cayman Islands bank accounts are all part of his longstanding practice of investing globally. Hence his new campaign slogan: Putting America Somewhere Between First and Sixth.

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Foreign exchange?

August 9, 2011

Lebron James says that despite the possibility of the lockout cancelling the entire NBA season, he is not considering offers to play internationally. Apparently he’s found out that foreign teams expect you to play all four quarters.

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And in the U.S., football fans are eagerly looking forward to the preseason starting on Thursday.

Meanwhile, up in Canada, Toronto Argonauts fans are saying “Any chance of moving that lockout up here, eh?”

(the Argos are 1-5, losers of five straight, and have been outscored 128-178.)

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San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy says he used a hypnotist to break his habit of chewing tobacco. Good for him, but maybe next he could use the same hypnotist to break his players’ habit of swinging at pitches out of the strike zone?

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The Pittsburgh Pirates had lost ten games in a row before Monday night. Maybe the only way to turn the stock market skid around is to send in the San Francisco Giants.

(And open note here to fans of the Padres, Astros, Mariners, Dodgers etc. Fine by me to use any of these Giants jokes and substitute the team that is currently driving you crazy.)

Some supporters of Michele Bachmann think Newsweek deliberately chose a cover photo that made her ‘look crazy’? In response, Newsweek said that if they really intended to make Bachmann look crazy, they would have filled the cover with her quotes.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently went biking Sunday in an “I SURVIVED MARIA” t-shirt. When they heard about it the Kennedy family allegedly said “Until now, a**hole.”

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Sunday night’s ESPN Game of the Week between the Red Sox and Yankees went four hours, and that’s BEFORE the game went into the 10th innings.

Why wouldn’t MLB try to enforce rules meant to keep the game moving along? Four hours is insane, and I don’t think I can remember seeing so many commercials during a regular season game. Oops, never mind.

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The weird world of investing. The S & P downgraded U.S. debt, so investors started fleeing the market for… Treasury bonds?!

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On the new Pan Am television show, ABC-Disney is trying for 1960’s realism, to a point. There will be no smoking by the flight attendants. No word on further nods to modernity will mean pilots drinking in the cockpit and ATC controllers napping in the control tower.

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Fallout from the SF Giants-Philadelphia Phillies brawl last Friday. The Phillies’ Shane Victorino was suspended three games. Further fallout from the Giants-Phillies brawl. Ramon Martinez and Eli Whiteside be fined and not suspended. As for Bruce Bochy, MLB figures having to play a .216 hitting catcher is punishment enough.

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Jorge Posada, batting .230, has been benched indefinitely as the Yankees catcher/DH. Giants fans are going – “A .230 hitting catcher? This year we can only dream.

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Federal airline ticket taxes are being collected again. And airlines have started rolling back last month’s fare increases, so the prices are likely to be the same. What a coincidence.

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Commie pinko time: S & P, the only ratings agency to downgrade U.S. credit rating, is owned by McGraw-Hill. The CEO of McGraw-Hill, Harold McGraw III, is a big Romney supporter and was part of W’s economic transition team. Coincidence?

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Hitting the ceiling.

August 3, 2011

Congressional Black Caucus chair Emanuel Cleaver called the final debt ceiling deal a “sugar-coated Satan sandwich.”

Really? Doesn’t that title already belong to the Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger? (Yes, it is a burger using doughnuts as buns.)

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The San Francisco Giants have now lost five straight – Tuesday night 6 to 1- and haven’t scored four runs in over a week.

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Showtime is doing a series on the team called the Franchise.

Wonder how long it will take someone to do a movie on the Giants’ lineup? It will be a remake of “Eight Men Out.”
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(Or maybe “Eight Men Out” is the Jeopardy answer to the question. What usually happens when the Giants position players each have a turn at bat with runners in scoring position?)

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The San Francisco Giants seem to have accomplished the impossible. Take a weak hitting team, add two .300 hitters(Beltran and Keppinger), and start hitting…worse?

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Barry Zito is now back on the Disabled List for the San Francisco Giants. “Disabled?” Actually the NFL has a better list title for players in his condition: “Physically Unable to Perform.”

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Any truth to the rumors that as Congress left town they let out a collective cry of “Winning?!”

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Congress went right from the debt bill to summer recess. Without addressing the FAA issue which has resulted in domestic air taxes (and thus funding for air travel projects) lapsing. United Airlines celebrated today by raising international airfares $40.00. You’d think if Congress really wanted higher approval ratings they would get together on re-regulating the airlines.

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Meanwhile, Colorado Rep. Doug Lamborn apologized for calling President Obama a “tar baby.” and said he “absolutely intended no offense.” Really? With the term “tar baby?” This settles it. Lamborn is either a liar or an idiot.

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A New Jersey politician (who at least has been separated from his wife for two years) is under fire since nude pictures he sent to a woman he was flirting with online showed up on the internet. I think I can speak for all Americans in saying, “Thank heaven it wasn’t Chris Christie.”

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Rumor has it that both Kelsey Grammer and Alec Baldwin are both considering future runs for Mayor of New York City. Guess the strategy is, get your scandals out there BEFORE running for office.

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from Gary Morton:

After signing legislation to raise the debt ceiling, the President saw the stock market plunge 266 points. Guess they should have been working on the debt basement.

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Oops, we missed it again.

July 28, 2011
 
 
(and yes, that white thing behind the catcher’s back foot IS the plate.)
 
Regarding that play at home in the Pirates-Braves game last night: Joe Torre, now MLB’s executive V.P. for operations, stated “Unfortunately, it appears that the call was missed.” In related news, Amy Winehouse’s death may have been drug related.
 
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When they play the National Anthem in future at MLB games this season, hope umpire Jerry Meals is ready. Because when they start out ‘Oh say can you see?,” everyone but Braves fans will loudly scream -“NO.”
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So with the Carlos Beltran trade to the Giants a done deal, the leading slugger on the trade market may be the Rays’ B.J. Upton. Who is referred to by Sports Illustrated as “enigmatic.” Translation of “enigmatic?” “Headcase.”
 
 
Some New York fans are enjoying their sour grapes  – this anonymous comment “few Mets fans will forget his at-bat during the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2006 NL championship series against St. Louis. Beltran came up with the bases loaded and the Mets trailing 3-1, and struck out looking to end the game.”
 
Uh, yeah, almost the same thing happened in last year’s NLCS with Ryan Howard, in a one run game with two on, when he took a backdoor slider from Brian Wilson to also strike out looking to end the game. 
 
And I don’t think Phillies fans want Howard out of town. Yet anyway.
 
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Good thing for SF Giants that they aren’t in the AL East. After Brian Wilson’s All-Star introduction of Carlos Beltran – “the guy’s a phenomenal hitter, a switch hitter, there’s talks of him coming over to the Giants. More than welcome. Come on over, pal.”- the Yankees would probably get Selig to overturn the deal for tampering.
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Hugh Hefner’s ex-fiancee said they only had sex once and it was over “in two seconds.” Really? Come on. Nothing lasts only two seconds. Except maybe the Cubs’ pennant hopes in April.
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The IRS has said that airlines should refund passengers for the collected but currently expired federal aviation tax. Want to bet it how long it takes for the first airline to say that the cost of processing such credits is a service fee exactly equal to the proposed refund?
 
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 Speaker John Boehner told his fellow Republicans to “Get your ass in line.” In related news, Larry Craig has decided it might be time to run again for Congress.
 
 

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A tale of two franchises. Wednesday the San Francisco Giants acquired Carlos Beltran. And on the same day the San Francisco 49ers re-signed Alex Smith.

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Sarah Palin said that “Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing,” in regards to the debt ceiling. Oh please oh please can someone just ask Palin if she can explain the debt ceiling.

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Have the Giants considered just gifting Barry Zito to the Yankees to replace Phil Hughes? Could be an upgrade for both teams.

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One hit wonders?

June 21, 2011

These days that describes what a lot of major league ballplayers aspire to be on a given day.  (11 Major League Teams are hitting under .250)

 

Nearing the midpoint of the 2011 season, the San Francisco Giants have 46 home runs as a team. Considering that Posey and Freddie Sanchez could be both out for the season, wonder if there’s a chance that the team won’t match Barry Bonds’ 2001 total of 73?

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Buster Posey is out for the year after a collision at home plate. Albert Pujols is out over a month after a collision at first base. And Bud Selig is just trying to think of a rule that would basically translate to “Don’t run into superstars.”

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San Diego Zoo officials are delighted to announce the arrival of a new baby gorilla, the first gorilla born at the Safari Park in nearly 11 years. The only potential worry – some think the baby looks a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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NHL star defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom has announced he will return for a 20th season with the Red Wings. Which is a big relief to Detroit fans, who were worried he would decide to spend more time with his grandchildren.

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Glee’s co-creator Ryan Murphy has indicated that the show’s seniors leave the show after season three because they will actually “graduate.” Makes sense. For the most part they’re playing singers, not football players.

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Ryan Dunn, 34 ,one of the stars of MTV’s “Jackass,” died Monday in a 3 a.m. car crash. Police say speed “may have been a factor,” and a few hours before the crash he posted a twitter picture of himself drinking with friends. Sad, but sounds likely there were few people more likely to end up with a Darwin award.

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Mitt Romney is now being attacked by other GOP candidates for not signing a pledge to make abortion an absolute litmus test for judges. Anyone else getting the idea that if Attilla the Hun was running for the Republican presidential nomination he’d be attacked for being too moderate?

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In honor of Jack McKeon being back managing the Marlins, rumor has it that all hotdogs purchased at the stadium by 6pm will be at “early bird special” prices.

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Bill Schmarzo reminds us, McKeon’s Dominican passport says he’s only  36.

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From Chad Picasner:  McKeon won’t actually officially take over the club until the Marlins complete the handicap ramp from the dugout to the field.

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The riots in Greece continue. I didn’t even know they had hockey finals over there.

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John McCain claimed this weekend that there was “substantial evidence” that some of the Arizona wildfires had been started by illegal immigrants. But there is actually no evidence, as even firefighters state. And where was McCain’s outrage when a man born here in the US took advantage of Arizona’s loose gun laws to shoot all those people in Tucson?

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Oh baby.

May 18, 2011

 Pakistan’s leaders are still facing allegations that they had to know about Bin Laden’s presence, which they deny. Their rejoinder today? “Hey, no one in your goverment and or even your media knew about Schwarzenegger’s ‘love child.'”

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It turns out Arnold Schwarzenegger’s youngest sons – by different women – were born days apart – September 28 and October 2, 1997. You know, some men keep busy in January by watching football and maybe skiiing.

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But come on folks, everyone can’t believe why Arnold went to his relatively plain looking housekeeper for sex when he was a big celebrity married to a beautiful woman. In the words of Maureen Dowd when the Clinton-Monica story broke – “Men are lazy, they go for the closest doughnut on the plate.”

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Some say the reason there is no male birth control pill is that it’s too expensive.  Although as Arnold can no doubt tell  us, so is the alternative…

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The happiest people in Los Angeles right now about Schwarzenegger’s love-child? The Lakers and Frank McCourt. At least temporarily they’re not the most embarrassing stories in town.

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And somewhere, Tiger Woods is thinking, it could be worse….

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From my friend Ben Pesta,  who said his friend Laurie Werner, of New York, wrote: “On June 10th, it’s ‘Jorge Posada figurine night’ at the Stadium. Guess he has to stay in the lineup until then.” I answered that they should put the figurine in the lineup; it’s hitting better ….”

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Speaking of which, the Giants’ Mark DeRosa is on the DL. Which means for the next two weeks he’ll get as many hits as he got the last two weeks.

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More cheers than boos when Cody Ross hit a 3-run home run in the top of the ninth at Dodger Stadium. Of course, it’s the ninth inning, there are more Giants fans left than Dodgers fans.

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Minnesota Timberwolves president David Kahn, who commented about the NBA lottery being fixed, now says he was joking and it was “simply fate” that the Cavaliers got the first pick. He made this statement after commissioner David Stern said if he didn’t take it back, the league would make sure the Timberwolves NEVER got a good pick.

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Possible knucklehead comment of the week in a crowded field -from Rick Santorum: John McCain “doesn’t understand how enhanced interrogation works.”

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On the other hand, count on Sir Charles (Charles Barkley) for a direct statement regarding gay athletes: “It bothers me when I hear these reporters and jocks get on TV and say: ‘Oh, no guy can come out in a team sport. These guys would go crazy.’ First of all, quit telling me what I think. I’d rather have a gay guy who can play than a straight guy who can’t play.”

(I’m thinking right about now Kobe Bryant might have gone for a whole bench of gay players instead of his teammates in round two.)

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If the world is really going to end on May 21, does that mean that no one should skip dessert on the 20th?

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There is no joy in the Bronx…

May 17, 2011

World Series dreams are striking out.

Six losses in a row for the Yankees. Fortunately the team has about 75 shopping days left until the trade deadline.

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Sports Illustrated says that the Kansas City Royals have baseball’s best farm system. Except for the Yankees, who view all 29 other teams as their farm system.

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While the team from the Bronx is grabbing headlines for their discord and lousy play, the Mets are quietly having their own bad season. Today, lots of blown chances resulting in a 2-1 loss in 11 innings. At this point the team’s best marketing slogan might be “The Yankees, with cheaper tickets.”

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A story is making the rounds, and was even featured in the New York Times, about the Chicago Cubs possibly having thrown the 1918 World Series to the Boston Red Sox.  Well, if so, the Cubs players, who had won in 1908 and 1907 probably figured, what the heck, there’s always next year.

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An appellate court granted the NFL owners’ request to continue their lockout, saying it believed the league has proven it “likely will suffer some degree of irreparable harm without a stay.” “Irreparable harm?” Really, as in making a few less million when team values average $1.02 billion?

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While Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords is apparently finding it challenging to learn to speak again, her response to watching her husband’s shuttle lift off today was “Good stuff, good stuff.” So she is already more articulate than half the GOP field running for President.

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The Jeopardy answer, Giants fans, is May 3. The question is, when did San Francisco last score more than four runs in a game? (They scored 7. Against the Mets, so maybe that game should have an asterisk.)

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Donald Trump has announced he is not running for President. I guess he wants to spend more time with his hair.

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Actually Trump just discovered a major problem. He can’t tell Congress “You’re Fired.”

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First Mike Huckabee, now Donald Trump has taken himself out of the 2012 GOP Presidential race. Writers on the Colbert Report and the Daily Show have requested immediate raises, as their jobs just got much harder.

On the other hand, the comedy gods taketh away and the comedy gods giveth. Today a spokesman said Michele Bachman would likely now run for President in 2012.

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One thing standing in the way of Bachman’s announcement; ever mindful of the GOP primary calendar  she and her staff are looking for the perfect photo op, and they can’t figure out where the rock at which the Pilgrims landed is in Plymouth, New Hampshire.

(And yes, there IS a Plymouth, New Hampshire.)

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Games of the weak.

May 15, 2011

 Let’s see, who was on the the Fox MLB Game of the Week this Saturday?   And who’s on the ESPN Sunday Night Game of the Week?  Red Sox-Yankees. I am shocked, shocked….

The Giants’ Miguel Tejada, hitting just under .200, and about .150 with runners in scoring position,  had a bat fly out of his hands and land in the stands at Wrigley Field Saturday.  Pretty valuable souvenir.  As the bat was basically unused.

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Pete Rose still wants to get back into baseball. And said “I want to be a manager, that’s the only role.” In fact, he’s so sure he could get a team into the playoffs he’d offer any team who hires him double or nothing.

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Chad Billingsley of the Los Angeles Dodgers threw a one-hitter tonight, and lost. Okay, let’s be honest ,San Francisco Giants fans, the way the bats are going didn’t you think the first one to do that this year would be Madison Bumgarner or Matt Cain?

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The Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Boston Bruins in game one of the NHL Eastern Conference finals. If the Lightning end up in the Stanley Cup finals against the Vancouver Canucks, television stations in the U.S. may wish they were airing something more enticing to the average American viewer, like replays of Major League Soccer.

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Former NHL player and ESPN hockey analyst Matthew Barnaby spent the night in jail and pleaded not guilty Saturday to domestic violence charges stemming from an argument with his estranged wife. Many sports fans were shocked – ESPN has a hockey analyst?

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Great stat from SF Giants beat writer Henry Schulman: The Giants were the first MLB team EVER to sweep a homestand of six games or more without scoring four runs or more in any game.

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A North Carolina man was released from jail after a state lab discovered that an enzyme found in cheese had triggered false drug test results. Look for a whole new crop of professional athletes to appear in “Got Milk?” ads.

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Michael Vick has accepted an invitation from a group of five Philadelphia schools for “at-risk” youth to be their commencement speaker. Assume the Eagles quarterback won’t tell them that it’s a “dog-eat-dog” world out there.

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Newt Gingrich says Obama is a “food-stamp” president. Just wonder, if it were up to Newt with alimony, how many of his former wives would be on food stamps?

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Orange haze…

November 6, 2010

Orange Haze:  That’s what happened to most SF Giants’ fans October.   (How did it get to be November already?)

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When a Dallas radio station asked Jerry Jones if Wade Phillips will finish the season as Cowboys coach, the team owner responded – “Yes.” Of course, the way things are going, the Cowboys’ season will be officially over in about two weeks. 

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Two players on the New England Patriots were fined by the NFL for their hits last week on Brett Favre. In addition, they may be charged with elder abuse.

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Now that they’ve won the World Series, the SF Giants will eventually end up making a trip to Washington D.C. to meet President Obama.  And Aubrey Huff will almost certainly end up bringing his red sequined rally thong. Which will be thus become the most famous thong in the White House since… oh, do I even need to finish this one?

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With a 96-93 victory, the New Orleans Hornets took their turn tonight at being part of what will become one of the most popular headlines in America this fall and winter outside of Miami – “”Fill-in-the-blank-team’ CAN beat the Heat.”

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Zenyetta, the super mare who is 19-0 and will finish her racing career in the Breeder’s Cup Classic on Saturday, is apparently a Guinness fan, which she will drink from a bowl. 

In fact, the brewery has invited the mare and her trainer to Dublin for her favorite beer fresh from the tap if she wins the race.

If she does win, however, does this mean Guinness could be classificed as a performance enhancing drug?

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R.I.P Jill Clayburgh  My favorite lines from “Silver Streak,”, in which she plays a woman being hit on in the bar car by a drunk jerk:

“Are you hot?
  What?
  I said, are you hot?                 
  Lady, I am always hot.             
  Maybe I can cool you down.”

And she pours an iced drink down his pants.

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All these writers and media types talking about the Giants dumping their World Series MVP Edgar Renteria…. Makes a good story but it’s WRONG. All the Giants did was decline to pay him  the club option $10.5 million for next year.

Renteria, who at most would play part-time, can still sign with SF at a reduced price, and may well do so if he doesn’t retire.

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A colloborative effort mostly written by Bill Littlejohn:    Recently “to honor America,” Major League Baseball has been playing “God Bless America” during the seventh inning stretch of playoff games.

So wonder if next year the SF Giants will honor their ace pitcher Tim Lincecum by playing “Toke me out to the ball game.”

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We are the champions, of the world….

November 2, 2010

Well, the U.S. and Canada anyway.

SF Giants’ first World Championship in 1954.

Curiously enough, that was Jamie Moyer’s rookie year.

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This isn’t like some twisted episode of Dallas, is it? Where we wake up tomorrow and find out it was all a dream.

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Two reasons for folks in Northern California to celebrate. 1 – The Giants just won the World Series. 2. After tomorrow we are DONE with Meg Whitman commercials.

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Jerry Brown, Edgar Renteria. It’s shaping up to be a good November for re-treads.

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Actually the Giants haven’t won a World Series since 1954.  Coicidentally the same year that Jerry Brown was first eligible for Social Security.

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Brian Wilson quoted as saying that tonight the Giants will celebrate and “get a little weird.” Now, I am a major Brian fan, but in his case, mission already accomplished.-

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Edgar Renteria, a charming man even with limited English. Asked about his World Series home run, he said (Lee) “tried to throw me a cutter and the ball no cut.”

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Interesting, in their interviews, more of the SF Giants thanked the fans than thanked God.

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Fox announcers keep talking about the Giants having not won a World Series since 1954. Or as Cubs fans call it “Only yesterday.”

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Fox executives were unhappy with the low ratings for the World Series. Well, maybe if they ever put anyone but the Yankees and Red Sox on the “Fox Game of the Week” during the regular season, sports fans might be more familiar with, and more interested in watching, the teams that were actually playing.

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Giants Fever is sweeping San Francisco. Some folks who have jumped on the bandwagon were so excited they actually watched some of Monday’s game. –

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Nolan Ryan’s ceremonial first pitch before Game 3 of the World Series was clocked at 68 mph.  Which is still almost twice as fast as Tim Wakefield.

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Ironic to see W. in the stands Sunday night. Because the Rangers’ “shock and awe” hitting lineup ran smack into “Operation Bumgarner.

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Another irony, George W. Bush’s dream job was to become Commissioner of baseball. And while I am hardly a W. fan, he does love the game, and knows it pretty well, despite having traded Sammy Sosa for Harold Baines.

But can you imagine how different the world would have been had he gotten that job?  Not only would America not have had a Cheney presidency, we wouldn’t have had to deal with Commissioner Bud Selig either.

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After being unloaded by the New England Patriots, Randy Moss was now cut by the Minnesota Vikings after he ripped the team in news conference. At this point another NFL GM would have to be stoned to gather Moss.

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The SF 49ers are a disappointing 2-6. But they have won one more game than the Dallas Cowboys.

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Halloween destiny?

November 1, 2010

When you think about it, orange and black should rule on Halloween. Go Giants. 

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Actually “Day of the Dead” is Monday in Mexico. But it sure described the Rangers’ hitters on Sunday night.

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George H.W. Bush and George Bush came in on a cart to throw out the game four first pitch. From left field. Might be only time in their life they were on the left of anything.

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The only bad part of a glorious night for Madison Bumgarner and Buster Posey? The game got over so late they missed trick or treating.

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Buster Posey says he’s been a “baseball fan since I was little.”

What was that, last week?

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Okay, how bizarre is this? “The Simpsons” and Madison Bumgarner are the same age. Both born in 1989.

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Nothing against “God Bless America.” But requiring it at EVERY 7th inning in the post-season is making me root for the Toronto Blue Jays in 2011.

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Robocalls are stupid at the best of times. Robocalls during the World Series are a good way to get voters to vote against your candidate or cause.

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Remember that story about the construction worker burying a Red Sox jersey in the concrete at Yankee Stadium?  (The shirt was found and removed after the story leaked out.)

You have to wonder, who successfully buried what in the concrete at the new Cowboys stadium?

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Today’s sloppy game between the 49ers and Broncos in London did do one thing for British sports fans.  Helped convince them that they are right to have soccer as their national sport.

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A quote I remembered watching clips of the Jon Stewart rally, from Lucy Van Pelt of Peanuts.  Who knew Charles Schultz might so accurately predict today’s political climate:

“If you can’t be right, be wrong at the top of your voice.”

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The 0-7 Bills have lost their last two games in overtime.  Shame they aren’t in the NHL – forcing overtime but losing the game still gets you a point!

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