Posted tagged ‘Presidential election jokes’

One hit wonders?

June 21, 2011

These days that describes what a lot of major league ballplayers aspire to be on a given day.  (11 Major League Teams are hitting under .250)


Nearing the midpoint of the 2011 season, the San Francisco Giants have 46 home runs as a team. Considering that Posey and Freddie Sanchez could be both out for the season, wonder if there’s a chance that the team won’t match Barry Bonds’ 2001 total of 73?

Buster Posey is out for the year after a collision at home plate. Albert Pujols is out over a month after a collision at first base. And Bud Selig is just trying to think of a rule that would basically translate to “Don’t run into superstars.”

San Diego Zoo officials are delighted to announce the arrival of a new baby gorilla, the first gorilla born at the Safari Park in nearly 11 years. The only potential worry – some think the baby looks a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

NHL star defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom has announced he will return for a 20th season with the Red Wings. Which is a big relief to Detroit fans, who were worried he would decide to spend more time with his grandchildren.

Glee’s co-creator Ryan Murphy has indicated that the show’s seniors leave the show after season three because they will actually “graduate.” Makes sense. For the most part they’re playing singers, not football players.

Ryan Dunn, 34 ,one of the stars of MTV’s “Jackass,” died Monday in a 3 a.m. car crash. Police say speed “may have been a factor,” and a few hours before the crash he posted a twitter picture of himself drinking with friends. Sad, but sounds likely there were few people more likely to end up with a Darwin award.

Mitt Romney is now being attacked by other GOP candidates for not signing a pledge to make abortion an absolute litmus test for judges. Anyone else getting the idea that if Attilla the Hun was running for the Republican presidential nomination he’d be attacked for being too moderate?

In honor of Jack McKeon being back managing the Marlins, rumor has it that all hotdogs purchased at the stadium by 6pm will be at “early bird special” prices.

Bill Schmarzo reminds us, McKeon’s Dominican passport says he’s only  36.

From Chad Picasner:  McKeon won’t actually officially take over the club until the Marlins complete the handicap ramp from the dugout to the field.

The riots in Greece continue. I didn’t even know they had hockey finals over there.

John McCain claimed this weekend that there was “substantial evidence” that some of the Arizona wildfires had been started by illegal immigrants. But there is actually no evidence, as even firefighters state. And where was McCain’s outrage when a man born here in the US took advantage of Arizona’s loose gun laws to shoot all those people in Tucson?

Races, great and otherwise.

May 22, 2011


Another reason to love horse racing. Animal Kingdom barely lost in his bid to win the Preakness, the second race in the Triple Crown. And so far he hasn’t blamed his trainer, his jockey, the track, the starting gate…..

In fact, (bad pun alert), Animal Kingdom didn’t even claim his mother was a nag.

Herman Cain today entered the race for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. I think I speak for most Americans when I say “Who?”

Meanwhile, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels just announced he is NOT running for the 2012 GOP Presidential nomination. Apparently based on his competition, Daniels decided he did not have quite the combination of hubris and insanity required to run.

The first in a series?  You know you’re really a fan of the 2011 Giants when…

When someone tells you Tim Lincecum threw a three-hitter today, and your first response is “Did he win?”

Aflac has now announced an agreement to sponsor the Heisman trophy. Wonder if the company will offer free supplemental salary insurance for each year’s winners when they wash out in the NFL.

NFL players, who are already suing league for alleged antitrust violations, have again urged the appeals court to lift the lockout, and likened the league to a “cartel.” This prompted a response for an immediate apology. From OPEC.

The UConn men’s basketball program is losing two scholarships for the upcoming season as a result of a poor Academic Performance Rating from the NCAA. Apparently for starters, most of the team couldn’t spell “Academic Performance Rating.”

Meanwhile, It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

Although had the world ended Saturday, Cubs fans all over would have been going “We could have been contenders.”

Sad but true from TC in Canada:   A good number of Canucks fans made the trek to SJ HP Pavillion for game 3 of the Western final. All were advised to purchase the new “LA Dodger Fan Encounter” Insurance available for trips to Calif.