Posted tagged ‘Toronto Maple Leafs jokes’

Turn the lights back on, the party’s not quite over…

May 14, 2013

Toronto Maple Leafs fans are still shocked about their team’s end of game seven collapse yesterday. Even Yogi Berra thought it was over.

So the SF Giants are just trying to make the good citizens of Toronto feel better about the Maple Leafs’ world class choke job last night, right?

So how long until they put Toronto Maple Leafs playoff t-shirts on sale? Presumably all of them with the neck opening three sizes too small.

Years ago in Spring Training, Randy Johnson killed a bird with a pitch. If R.A. Dickey and Barry Zito, Tuesday night’s starting pitchers in Toronto, did the same thing, that bird would still be telling the story to his grandchildren.

(Scot asks   “Watching Giants v Blue Jays does this mean every 12 year old has the velocity to make the “bigs”, before they discover drugs?)

So ESPN is reporting that Jonathan Sanchez is about to sign a deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers. It must be part of a plan to sell more beer at Dodger Stadium.

He’s more than cricket: Prince Harry on his US tour participated in a baseball practice with Harlem RBI, a group that helps inner-city youth, and hit a home run.  Is it too late for Harry to sign with the Mets?

Forget all these boring U.S. political follies: Mark your calendars. Downton Abbey returns January 5, 2014..

This whine has legs. After Sergio Garcia claimed that Tiger Woods distracted him during his swing, Woods said tournament officials had told him Garcia had played already and it was okay to pull out his own club. Now TPC officials say Woods is lying. Gosh, and why would anyone ever distrust Tiger?

Good for Angelina Jolie for coming forward about her double mastectomy. . And if anyone ever wondered just how sexy reconstructive surgery can look…  I think we are about to find out.

Last week an Air Force office who headed the sexual assault prevention office was arrested for allegedly groping a woman, now the Army said a soldier coordinating a sexual assault prevention program is under investigation for “abusive sexual contact.” Jeez. This is worse than having a Congress full of adulterers and divorced men defending marriage.

From Marc Ragovin:  The New York Mets have signed Rick Ankiel after he was released by the Astros. Ya know, I think that signing Astros castoffs is the first sign of the Apocalypse.

Ariel Castro’s lawyer today said he is not “a monster.” Well I should hope not. If he said otherwise, they’d hear from the “Monster Anti-Defamation League.”

One of those rare serious thoughts,  The National Transportation Safety Board is recommending that the benchmark for DUI be lowered from 0.08 blood-alcohol content (BAC) to 0.05. If they really want to make a difference, how about instead a recommendation that restaurants/bars have breathalyzers available to patrons?