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Fired up?

November 9, 2013

Pat Knight says he hopes his father Bob, who still holds a grudge against Indiana University for firing him, will eventually return for a basketball game. Maybe the Hoosiers could someday invite Bob to throw out the first chair?

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With tentative calming in the Middle East, prices at the pump are tumbling. Americans haven’t seen the cost of gas fall this fast since Taco Bell introduced 49 cent tacos.

 

 

Green Bay Packers chairman Ted Thompson says that the situation with Brett Favre was “just one of those car wrecks.”. Uh, sir, the situation with Brett Favre was a punchline, the situation in the Dolphins locker room is a car wreck.

 

from Jim Barach:  “Miami Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito was accused of harassing a woman at a golf tournament in 2012. To which Dolphins front office executives are saying she should have just punched him out.”

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Cal lost to USC 62-28.  This is getting bad enough that poor Bear alums are going to end up honorary Cubs fans.

 

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Stanford had the ball for almost 45 minutes against Oregon. But time of possession isn’t quite everything. In an ACC game today the times were 28:58 and 31:02 respectively. The team that didn’t quite have the ball for half the game? Florida State. The Seminoles beat Wake Forest 59 to 3.

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Ted Cruz on the Tonight Show. “I’m a big believer in health care reform I think we ought to reform health care so it’s personal, it’s portable, it’s affordable. We ought to empower patients rather than government bureaucrats getting between you and your doctor.” Nice words, where was Cruz when the GOP controlled government and COULD have put in their own reform? (Oh, that’s right, on his wife’s Goldman Sachs plan. Never mind.)

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Eastern Michigan fired their football coach apparently for “inappropriate language.”. Wonder if part of the inappropriate language was “one and eight.”

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A man was arrested at LAX last night, after he took a handgun from his luggage Friday night in baggage claim at Terminal 3, the site of last week’s shooting. The gun was unloaded, and was legal as he had declared it upon check-in. He was charged with brandishing a weapon in public area, and presumably terminal stupidity.

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At Seattle-Tacoma Airport, a man ran through a TSA checkpoint, then a door onto the tarmac. He then raced up a stairway and punched through a door window at the end of a jetway to get onto an American Airlines plane. He was arrested without further incident on the plane. Guess airline security fees are going up.

(Jon Nedry wonders “Did he check his bag or carry on? In addition to criminal charges, there may also be checked bag charges.”)

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In Fairfax County, Virginia, election officials have acknowledged they somehow haven’t counted 3,000 or so absentee ballots. The registrar is looking into it. Maybe they ended up in Chicago?

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You have to hand it to him.

October 27, 2013

David Ortiz played  first base last night in the World Series So after the controversy about Jon Lester, this will make Big Papi the second Boston player with a possible foreign substance on his hand – his glove.

(wonder if he had to ask a clubhouse assistant, which hand?)

 

Wonder how often umpire Jim Joyce has thought he’s tired of mostly being known for the blown call in what have been Armando Galarraga’s perfect game. (At least last night wasn’t game 7. And this time the call was right.)

 

Facebook finally has a working edit function to fix typos in posts. Dyslexics and overly fast typists of the world are untied in happiness!

 

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Bill Sharman, 87, a Hall of Fame player with the Celtics and coach with the Lakers, passed away Friday. Less well known, however, is how much fun Sharman had playing youth pickup games with Greg Oden.

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Nick Saban has taken away seating privileges for some fraternities and other groups at Alabama’s Bryant-Denny stadium the students involved weren’t staying for the whole games. Season ticket holders are hoping the Los Angeles Dodgers don’t ever adopt this idea.

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Jeff Garcia, 43, says about potentially returning to the NFL, “there’s a fire that still burns.”. Is he sure that’s not heartburn or arthritis?

(my friend Jon N. suggests, “If it’s the burning that is driving the decision, he should try a full course of penicillin before making any serious choices.”)

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Joe Montana, on the 49ers moving to Santa Clara, complained now San Francisco “made a terrible effort” to keep the team in the city. Wonder why the legendary QB is speaking up now? I don’t suppose the fact that Montana himself has been unable to reach a deal with Santa Clara officials about building a hotel-restaurant next to the new stadium has anything to do with it.

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In a Big 12 matchup, Oklahoma handed Texas Tech their first loss. So have to figure Sooners fans got all kinds of bouquets from fans of 1-loss SEC teams?

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Roger Goodell says he wants NFL teams in both London and L.A. “but it doesn’t matter which one is first.” And London and L.A. are thinking “You take the Jaguars, no, after you, no, after you….”

 

Duke 13, Virginia Tech 10. And millions of sports fans around the U.S. are saying “So who cares about pre-season first quarter college basketball scores.”

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Ted Cruz said the country is “facing a new paradigm in politics and it is the paradigm of the rise of the grassroots which has Washington terrified.” Maybe, but if President Obama used the word “paradigm” FOX News etc would have immediately accused him of being elitist.

 

(and wonder how many Cruz supporters have any idea what he meant.)

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Darrell Wallace Jr. won a trucks race at Martinsville Speedway in Virginia, the first black driver in almost 50 years to win on NASCAR’s national level. Number one reaction – NASCAR has black drivers?l

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Rule Britannia?

October 24, 2013

The NFL keeps increasing the number of games in London in hopes of basing a team there someday. Might not be as hard to get players to move to England as the league might think – the country would have free healthcare for all their children and baby mamas.

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Apparently after Sam Bradford’s season-ending injury, the St. Louis Rams reached out to… Brett Favre. But the 44-year-old said that he really is retired now. “Couldn’t you have given it one more chance?” said every comedy writer in the country?

 

Alabama coach Nick Saban is complaining that Crimson Tide fans are leaving at halftime. Maybe it would help if the team scheduled opponents who would keep the game competitive after the first quarter.

 

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What’s scarier? That the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are now 0-7? Or that they probably aren’t the worst NFL team in Florida?

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Former Oregon Ducks TE Colt Lyerla, who left the team Oct 6 for what he said were “personal reason”, was arrested last night for cocaine possession. When he quit, Lyerla said that he “would pursue an NFL career.” Sounds like he’s well on his way to being league ready.

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Cal’s current football player graduation rate last in the conference and last among all BCS schools. Gosh, who’d a thunk the Bears would be the Pac 12 team to beat SEC teams at something?

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Where’s a good tornado when you need one? The Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the World Series because Americans “worship the false idol of baseball.” Silly silly hateful bigots. Most Americans do not worship baseball. They worship football.

 

Apparently a breathalyzer test is being developed that will catch stoned drivers, as opposed to those might have just smoked the day before. Of course, it might be cheaper to just hold up a bag of Doritos, and see if the suspect snatches it from the officer’s hand.

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Why do I have a feeling this may be one of the understatements of the year. After Spirit Airlines delayed flights up to 12 hours for engine inspections, an airport spokesman said “there were several dozen people in Terminal 4 overnight. There were no arrests. Some did lose their tempers, but it was all worked out amicably.”

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Hope game 2 of the World Series is more competitive. The way they played last night the St. Louis Cardinals won’t be able plausibly to sell “game-used” gloves.

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A STL minor league pitcher accused Boston pitcher Jon Lester of doctoring the ball, and pictures do show something in Lester’s glove, though the Cardinals never complained during the game. But come on, the Red Sox cheating? Just who would they have to think they are? The Patriots?

The average postseason baseball game has gone 3 hrs & 22 min. And fans of #Yankees #Redsox games are thinking, how do they play that fast?

 

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This Carlos Beltran is a pretty tough dude. If he were healthy all the way through 2011, would the SF Giants be sitting on a “three-peat?”

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Just maybe it is not a good idea to throw strikes to David Ortiz with runners on base in this postseason?

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For those who think I only pick on the SEC, Oregon and USC, this gem is from ASU via a friend ‘

“”I don’t know what that word is man. Arizona St. education, bro’. Break that one down for me.” Dustin Pedroia

What’s that? Oh, the word that confused him was “validity”.

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A couple was fined $250 each for having oral sex on a flight from Medford to Las Vegas. No word on how much the airline charged passengers for an entertainment fee.

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From BIll Littlejohn:

Marlins President David Samson predicts that his team will be playing October baseball next year.Boy, those Arizona Winter Leagues are starting earlier and earlier”
 

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Cardinals rule

October 18, 2013

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

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SF Giants fans watching tonight’s NLCS game had to be shaking their heads – who knew you were allowed to score runs on Clayton Kershaw?

Alas in the NLCS for Dodgers fans against the #stlcards, Clayton #Kershaw turned out to be no Barry Zito.

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At about the 5th inning it became obvious that not even Mike Matheny giving Wacha the game ball will save the Dodgers. #beatLA

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From Giants Hot Corner:  “Tonight was the first rainy, 9-0 win to clinch a NL pennant since… the Giants beat the Cardinals last year”

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(Congrats to St. Louis, actually. But bet they won’t have anywhere near as cool a souvenir as the SF Giants rain globe.)

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In college football, UCF (University of Central Florida) had a last minute rally to upset previously undefeated Louisville tonight, 38-35. Wonder if the Golden Knights got a congratulatory phone call from the president of the SEC?

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Enterprise Rent-A-Car announced they will start renting Harley-Davidson motorcycles on the Las Vegas Strip. Great, let’s mix testosterone, motorbikes and Vegas…. With possibly alcohol.   What could possibly go wrong?

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A federal air marshal was arrested yesterday at Nashville Airport for allegedly using his cellphone to take upskirt pictures of female passengers boarding a plane. If the guy wanted to see under women’s clothes, why didn’t he just get a job running TSA’s body scanners?

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I must say that watching Prince Fielder play first is really making me miss watching that svelte young man Pablo Sandoval. #ALCS

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From TC   “Phoenix Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald is enrolled in the U of Phoenix and is working on a degree in Communications. Too bad he couldn’t get QB Carson Palmer signed up as well so they could both be on the same page.”

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Mitch McConnell said there will not be another government shutdown: “I think we have now fully acquainted our new members with what a losing strategy that is.” Ted Cruz said he wouldn’t rule it out and will “continue to do anything to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare.” This is beginning to remind me of some folks who brag about their parenting skills while their little darlings run amok.

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So between the government being shut down and the government not being shut down is there any real difference in what Congress is not doing?

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Russian airline Transaero will get its first Airbus A380 in 2015, and while they plan 12 First and 24 Business Class seats, the carrier plans to put 612 seats in economy class. Don’t tell United Airlines.

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FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

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A woman who was working as a drug informant asked two POLICE OFFICERS she was riding with to help find a hitman to kill her husband. She was arrested when she met the “hitman”, who was an undercover officer, and gave him a shotgun. You guessed it, Florida. (Though Arizona would have been a good 2nd choice.)

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What matters most?

September 28, 2013

 

The NFL has fined Cam Newton $10k for using unapproved Under Armour visor clips (with the logo blacked out) on his helmet. The league only found out when a Forbes.com article Tuesday showed pictures of the helmet with the clips. Good to see that with all these arrests and concussions the NFL still finds time for what’s really important.

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Okay, I’m no Trojan fan, but… USC’s appeal for reduced football sanctions was denied, after the NCAA did reduce sanctions for Penn State And the NCAA’s statement “There is no comparison between USC and Penn State.” Uh, yeah, right, in one case pkayers got some free stuff and money, and in the other young boys were molested for years. No comparison at all.

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It’s a shame Mariano Rivera’s last time pitching at Yankee Stadium was in the 9th inning. Had they done his farewell on the mound before they cut off alcohol in the 7th, maybe Mo could have turned water into beer on the way out?

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Stay classy, folks. While Kaepernick and Gore were doing postgame TV interviews in St. Louis on TNF, 49ers fans behind the cameras were heard shouting “Seahawks suck! Seahawks suck!” Who do they think they are, Raiders fans?

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Barack Obama said today he spoke by phone with Hassan Rouhani. These are strange times when the President of Iran may be more open to reasonable negotiation than the Speaker of the House.

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Bill Clinton said he really doesn’t know if Hillary will run for President. Really? As if people might believe in that marriage that one spouse might not know everything the other is doing….

 

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Groupon sent out a list of their most popular deals. One is 50% off on-line traffic school. Presumably for those who read about Groupon deals on their phones while driving?

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Lebron James is going to give a pregame pep talk for Ohio State players before they play Wisconsin on Saturday. Wonder if the talk will include “And if you play really well, you can end up with an NFL team and move to Florida.”

 

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Nicki Minaj told Ellen Degeneres she would “NEVER go back to American Idol.” “What a shame,” said absolutely no one.

 

Sens. Ted Cruz and Mike Lee spoke on the chamber floor again today against Obama. Zero GOP senators showed up. These two are so unwatchable they should be on NBC’s primetime schedule.

 

–Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria fired his President of baseball operations Larry Beinfest after 12 years. Beinfest was reportedly muttering as he cleaned out his office “Free at last, free at last…”.

 

From T.C. As each week passes, we get closer to the day when Johnny Manziel signs his autograph for real money. Too bad it will be on a contract with the Jaguars or Browns.

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Jacksonville Jaguars are offering free beer to fans who buy tickets. The way the team is playing, shouldn’t they be offering something harder?

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Minnesota Vikings and Pittsburgh Steelers are in London preparing for their Sunday matchup. A lot of disadvantages for NFL players having to go overseas for a game. On the other hand, British police may not send Americans their arrest records.

 

 

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Don’t Jeer the Beard?

September 21, 2013

Senator John McCain tweeted after the Dodgers jumped in the Dbacks pool to celebrate “No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats!”

Pitcher Brian Wilson’s tweet back “Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS“

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Alex Rodriguez apparently didn’t know Friday night that Andy Pettitte had announced his retirement.  A-Rod also doesn’t know it’s time to announce his OWN retirement.

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So the hottest new thing is a gold iPhone, and it’s already sold out? Come on, this is America. How long until someone comes up with iPhone paint?

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Anthony Weiner in an interview “I’m not an idiot.” (But I do play one on TV?)

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Yet another reason why the America’s Cup has not captured the attention of the country: Today’s race’s cancelled due to “changes in wind direction.”

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Raining in Oakland Saturday. And with the stadium’s sewage and draining problems,  had the A’s clinched, they wouldn’t need a pool…. they could have just swam in the dugout.

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From Marc Ragovin  “John McCain twitted that the Dodgers’ players celebrating in the Diamondbacks’ stadium pool after clinching the NL West was a “no-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats.” And he added “and stay off of my lawn.”

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Andy Pettitte, who admitted to using HGH, now says “I’ve never tried to cheat anything in my life.”. I guess it depends on what the definition of “cheat” is.

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Ohio State 76, FAMU 0. Good thing coach Urban Meyer is a classy guy who would never try to run up a score.

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GOP Florida Rep. Ted Yoho, who wants to shut down the govenment over defunding Obama care, told the NY Times “It only takes one with passion — look at Rosa Parks, Lech Walesa, Martin Luther King. people with passion that speak up, they’ll have people follow them because they believe the same way, and smart leadership listens to that.” And somewhere Parks, Walesa and King are taking turns throwing up.

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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, before the season started: “We want to be above reproach.” After Aldon Smith’s latest arrest: “Well, we haven’t killed anyone yet.”

–The Cubs say they will not release closer Kevin Gregg despite his public criticism of the team. Makes sense, keep him suffering in Chicago long as possible –

There have been rumors that Nick Saban might be lured away from Alabama to coach Texas. Hmm, if true does it means the Crimson Tide is not far away from going on probation?

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This has been referred to as “Shark Week” in college football for all the ranked teams against much lesser opponents (Ohio State vs. FAMU, Louisville vs. Florida International, etc. ) In many of these cases think swimmers had a better chance against the sharks.
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And while Michigan escaped a now 0-3 UConn, the theme of the week has to be  “What if a week happened in the #NCAA football schedule but nothing happened and nobody cared?”
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Is it safe?

August 30, 2013

Lindsey Vonn, gushing to People Magazine about dating Tiger Woods: “He doesn’t even leave the seat up! It’s awesome.” Wonder when Tiger learned that. Maybe we’re uncovering the real reason Elin went after him with that nine-iron?

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What really happened with the NCAA?  Bill Littlejohn said “they met with Johnny Manziel for 6 hours. Would have been 7 but the bars closed at 2am.”

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I’m wondering if the NCAA reduced Johnny Football’s suspension when he agreed to sign a few hundred more items for them.

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Source: NCAA met with Johnny Manziel for 6 hours. It would’ve been 7, but the bar closed at 2 a.m. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/252073/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-August-30-2013-Edition-434#sthash.EMcoEk85.dpuf

Bottles of Extra-Strength Tylenol will soon have a warning written in red letters on their caps: “Contains acetaminophen. Always read the label.” Uh, aren’t you ALWAYS supposed to read labels?

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A South Carolina couple were arrested after being caught having sex in a Home Depot wooden display shed. Wonder if Home Depot is now trying to figure out how they can rent sheds by the hour.

(my friend George R. Mathews says “God knows they looked.around.for hours trying to find someone to help.them….they got bored and had to.DO.something.”)

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Random baseball thought for the day: Josh Hamilton and Albert Pujols together make about half as much as the entire Pittsburgh Pirates payroll. (Hamilton $17 million, Pujols $16 million, the Pirates, $66 million.)

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Katie Holmes’ representative has announced that Suri Cruise broke her arm but “is okay.” Stand by for the announcement of a line of new “designer casts” for children.

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Lindsay Lohan apparently will host her 5th SNL this fall Think they can make a condition of her appearance staying away from the after-party?

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Phil Mickelson shot a 63 while playing with Tiger Woods, who shot a 68, in the opening round of the Deutsche Bank Championship. Pool on how long it will take Tiger to complain about back problems?

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Nancy Pelosi says she doesn’t wish to be Speaker of the House again. The people who are the most upset about this? GOP fundraisers.

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At 146am, when everyone is paying attention, Facebook sent proposed updates to their “Data Use Policy” and “Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.” A long and many-paged document. But they add “as always, we won’t share the private information that you put on Facebook with advertisers without your permission.” Of course what they don’t say – nothing you post is really considered private.

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Lamar Odom was arrested for alleged DUI this morning. Who’d a thunk that Kim Kardashian would be the sister in a more stable seeming relationship?

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Ted Nugent’s wife Shemane has been arrested after a handgun was found in her carry-on luggage at an DFW airport security checkpoint. Birdbrains of a feather…

Ad on KNBR for the SF 49ers 2013 season: “There’s nothing better than the last season at the “Stick.” Nothing? Well, for starters the fact that it IS the last season at Candlestick.

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Going, going, not quite gone…

August 28, 2013

The NCAA has decided to suspend Johnny Manziel for the FIRST HALF of Texas A & M’s season opener Saturday against Rice. Wow. Against Rice Manziel’s got to be figuring he should have asked for more money and gotten suspended the whole game.

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There’s already criticism of today’s “semi-suspension” of Johnny Manziel. But in the NCAA’s defense, they say if Johnny misbehaves again they’re going to slap his other hand REALLY hard.

 

After today’s Manziel decision, the NCAA would like to disabuse anyone of the notion that they would let a star player get away with actual murder. Any player linked to such a serious crime would absolutely be disciplined, the day after his bowl game.

 

Florida LB Antonio Morrison, who was arrested twice this summer, just had his two game suspension reduced to one game by coach Will Muschamp. So he’ll miss the Gators’ opening game against Buffalo, but will be back Sept. 7 against Miami. And of course the fact that the Hurricanes have been ranked barely out of the preseason top 25 had nothing to do with this decision….
 
–Ah Florida, protecting us from the truly dangerous people? George Zimmerman’s wife Shellie pled guilty to perjury for lying about the donations they had received before his trial. She was placed on probation for a year, and as a condition “cannot possess, carry or own a firearm and must get permission to own any other type of weapon.”

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Don Mattingly benched Yasiel Puig in the fifth today for apparent disciplinary reasons. How long until L.A. Dodgers fans start muttering about “Puig being Puigy..”

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Montana judge G. Todd Baugh judge sentenced a 54-year-old ex-teacher to 30 days in jail for raping a 14-year-old girl in 2008. (The girl committed suicide in 2010.) Baugh said that the girl was “as much in control of the situation” as the teacher was, and “older than her chronological age.” What was this judge thinking, that he wants to run for Congress in Missouri?

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John Boehner has apparently sent Obama letter requesting that he make a case before acting on Syria. Wonder if the President thought of sending a reply to the Speaker, “How about you have the House make a case the next time they vote to repeal Obamacare?”

 

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While taping his TV show 700 Club yesterday, Pat Robertson said that some gay men with HIV or AIDS wear special rings designed to purposely infect others. “You know what they do in San Francisco, some in the gay community there, they want to get people, so if they got the stuff they’ll have a ring, you shake hands, and the ring’s got a little thing where you cut your finger” Beginning to think Robertson is still alive because neither God nor the Devil want him.

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Across America, millions of American men have only one question: Is it too soon to hit on Catherine Zeta-Jones?

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Justin Timberlake is defending Miley Cyrus’ VMAs performance: “It’s not like she did it at the Grammys”‘ And half a dozen young stars plus Madonna just got a new idea for next year’s Grammys…..

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Patriots owner Robert Kraft said yesterday he is “rooting for” Tim Tebow to make the 53-man roster, but said it’s the coach’s decision. Wonder if Bill Belichick is just wishing Vladimir Putin would steal Tebow for a Russian team.

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Rainbow warriors?

August 8, 2013

You know, instead of boycotting the 2014 Sochi Olympics, the entire USA team could just walk in holding hands.

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Today was the first day of the NFL preseason. Completely meaningless games in August. Making the whole country honorary Cubs fans.

 

–Lebron James reported for jury duty this morning but was dismissed. Guess the judge didn’t want to risk turning the jury’s decision into a one-hour TV special.

 

Okay, it’s only preseason, but how lousy did the SF 49ers look tonight on offense? Some fans thought they were watching the SF Giants?

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Dr. Sanjay Gupta comes out in support of medical marijuana: ‘We have been terribly and systematically misled.” If only Thomas Jefferson had grown marijuana along with tobacco. How different our “Bill of Rights” might have been?

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NCAA president Mark Emmert said today that they will stop selling jerseys of college athletes, including those of Johnny Manziel, online: “We’re going to exit that kind of business immediately. I certainly understand how people can see that as hypocritical.” With all due respect Mr. Emmert, even Stevie Wonder could see that as hypocritical.

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August 8 was “World Cat Day.” To which most cats respond “Isn’t EVERY day world cat day?”

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I thought there was a major golf tournament this weekend but all I see in the news is this stuff about Tiger Woods having a bad round.

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Family values alert: A Florida mother and daughter were arrested this week and will both face charges after soliciting “two-for-one” sex deals online. Your move, Arizona.

 

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Anyone need any more proof on the unreliability of online rating services? Tripadvisor just rated New York as America’s fourth-best pizza town. Behind San Diego, Las Vegas and Boston.

 

Bus to hell time. Miami resident Derek Medina allegedly shot his wife to death this morning, and then posted a picture of her body on his Facebook page. Previously Medina’s only claim to fame was as the author of the e-book “How I Saved Someone Else’s Life and Marriage through Communication.”

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From Bill Littlejohn,  “I hear that while at the University of  Florida, Riley Cooper made the Paula Deen’s List-“

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It’s only money

August 8, 2013

The New York Yankees are playing like a team that doesn’t want this A-Rod circus to continue into the postseason.

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In the SF Bay Area, BART and their unions are reportedly about $100 million apart in their strike talks. In New York they’re thinking “$100 million? That’s barely a Yankees middle reliever.”

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Signed memorabilia from Ohio State QB Braxton Miller and South Carolina DE Jadeveon Clowney have appeared for sale online, but the schools say there was no wrongdoing by the athletes. And if you can’t trust Urban Meyer and Steve Spurrier, who can you trust?

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You just MIGHT have too much money when…A Los Angeles Bar has unveiled a 20 item water, complete with water sommelier on hand. Prices go up to $16 and there are $12 tasting flights. This being Los Angeles wonder how long it will take for someone to ask for a preferred water recommendation for their dog.

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–Mitt Romney, speaking about GOP 2016 Presidential candidates “My guess is that every one of the contenders would be better than whoever the Democrats put up. But there will only be one or perhaps two who actually could win the election in November.” Well, if anyone knows about unelectable….

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Massachusetts Catholic priest, Monsignor Arthur Doyle, 62, was arrested in Lowell on a prostitution charge last weekend. He was caught with the woman, 38, performing oral sex on him in a car. And the archdiocese is going. “Thank God, an adult female.”

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From Marc Ragovin:   “A shipping company in Italy has discovered long-lost footage of a pre-Citizen Kane film by Orson Welles called “Too Much Johnson.” Hey, isn’t that Anthony Weiner’s campaign slogan?’

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Timberwolves rookie Shabazz Muhammad was sent home by the team for the rule violation of bringing a female guest into his hotel room. The reason Muhammad was at the hotel? The four-day NBA’s Rookie Transition Program, designed to help young players stay out of trouble…..

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Captain Kangaroo’s Cosmo Allegretti, 86, who created the Dancing Bear, has died. For the younger generation, yes, there were lovable puppets before the Muppets.

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Only missed the ‪#‎Powerball‬ jackpot by six numbers tonight. And I didn’t even play.

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Okay, who’s the brilliant mind who came up with this on KNBR- an SF Giants ad for the Brewers series at A T & T taunting Milwaukee about their suspended slugger with an asterisk? Must have been promotional pot-kettle giveaway night.

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LSU’s star running back Jeremy Hill was already on probation for a sex-crime involving a 14 year old girl when he was arrested in April for sucker-punching a man at a bar. (And he was seen laughing about it on a video.) 

The judge, however, just extended his probation, with a curfew. Then Les Miles let the team vote, and they voted to reinstate him. Good thing the judge’s provision said the curfew would be waived for football night games…

(You have to wonder, if Hill murders someone, will they make him sit out a quarter?)

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Human Rights Watch, reporting on Russian efforts to silence journalists and activists before the Sochi games, says that organizations documenting Olympic preparation abuses “were subject to intrusive government inspections, including at least one organization that had its email accounts examined.” Gosh, if there were only someone in Russia who was willing to take on a government over such actions.

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Oh, brother.

April 23, 2013

It appears that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev fatally injured his brother by running over him in an SUV as he escaped. So will Dzohkhar ask for leniency because he killed an enemy of the U.S.?

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The Yankees announced that Derek Jeter, 38, will be in a walking boot at a news conference Thursday. Either that or he will be in a walker. Not sure.

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In 2011, the West Fertilizer company filed a report with the EPA saying there was no risk of fire or explosion at the plant, and “The worst-case release scenario would be the release of the total contents of a storage tank released as a gas over 10 minutes.” In other words, this is Texas, we don’t need no stinkin’ regulations.

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Anthony  Weiner has a new Twitter account. Presumably a condition of activating it was giving his wife the password.

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Apparently the new name of the four-team playoff that starts after the NCAA 2014 football season will be the “College Football Playoff.” Translation. No one’s bid enough for naming rights yet.

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Great quote from Nevada State Senator Kelvin Atkinson, as he came out to his colleagues while they were debating a same-sex marriage bill. “I know this is the first time many of you have heard me say that I am a black, gay male. If this (bill) hurts your marriage, then your marriage was in trouble in the first place.”

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Day two of the NBA playoffs. There is something wrong with a postseason that lasts longer than a Kardashian marriage.

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Nice truism from my friend Jim Barach.  “A report warns that the “cinnamon challenge”, where people try to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon can be dangerous to a person’s health. However, it is still not as dangerous as eating a cinnamon roll from Cinnabon.”

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Senator Max Baucus, 71, announced his retirement. Responded Senator John McCain -“So young?”

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California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom has decided to endorse Democrat Ro Khanna, 36, who is running for Congress against 7-term incumbent Mike Honda, 72, also a Democrat. Gosh, can’t imagine why Newsom thinks an older politician should step aside for an ambitious younger one..

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The U.S. Department of Justice has joined the suit against Lance Armstrong, saying that by his cheating he defrauded and damaged the post office. Maybe they could settle, however, if Armstrong could get the USPS some performance enhancing drugs.

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Former Senator Bob Dole said in a recent interview that the Republican Party needs to learn that “compromise is not a bad word.” And most of the GOP House members responded, “Bad? More like a profanity.”

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Spring has sprung?

March 25, 2013

A silver lining to Monday for many sports fans – there was no chance today for any more busted brackets.

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Anyone considered that maybe Punxsutawney Phil was right?  And that this is just going to be a really really cold spring….

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According to the NY Times, senior citizens are increasingly using recreational marijuana. So to serve that market, how long until we see Doritos’ flavored Ensure?

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While Los Angeles made it closer at the end, Golden State was beating up on the Los Angeles Lakers so badly at halftime the Warriors  could have been charged with elder abuse.

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UCLA has fired men’s basketball coach Ben Howland. Well, if Howand wants a chance with another underachieving team, there may soon be an opening with the Lakers.

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Former RNC chair Michael Steele on the GOP – “”However, we are not a religious party. And we need to understand that America’s not looking for a religious party.” Well, he’s half right.

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A thought about Costa Rica’s protest about playing their soccer match against the USA in the snow. Just wait until the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. With average daytime temperatures of 106…..

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UCLA fired Ben Howland after they lost to Minnesota. Minnesota fired Tubby Smith after they lost to Florida. This does not bode well for the losing coach in the Florida-University of Florida Gulf Coast game.

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Some conservative media complaining that Sasha and Malia Obama are vacationing at the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. Of course if they were driven to an inexpensive Florida beach resort the same folks would complain that they were wrecking spring break for middle class families with the extra traffic and security.

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The New York Yankees will open the season with about $82 million of players on the disabled list. To put that in perspective, that’s about the payroll of the Astros and Pirates combined..

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Not watching the NBC interview but apparently Jerry Sandusky was laughing in his denial that anyone could have imagined that what they heard and saw in that Penn State locker room meant he was having sex with a boy. Can’t we just hurry up and put this guy in the general population.

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In light of his recent public announcement of a romance with Lindsay Vonn, was it really the best idea for the NY Daily News to have posted this headline about Tiger Woods’ win today?: “Tiger back on top.”

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Geek humor. The band “My Chemical Romance” has split up. Did they use electrolysis?

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So why aren’t the people defending “traditional” marriage also pushing for amendments to outlaw divorce?

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From my funny friend Jim Barach:  “A Huffington Post writer is looking for people who claim to have had sex with a space alien. He should start by talking to Dennis Rodman’s mother.”

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Ford is apologizing after ads submitted to them for a competition ended up on line. One featured 3 women bounded and gagged in the back of a Ford Figo, another had 3 male race-car drivers in the same situation, and in the 3rd it was the Kardashian sisters. Absolutely appalling, well maybe except the last one.

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Missed it by that much .

March 21, 2013

(this post was done March 21,  but somehow wasn’t appearing.  Gremlins….)

 

So does Harvard count as a Cinderella since they won after midnight?

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Congrats to Harvard. Although Johnny Dawkins at Stanford now may have an even harder time explaining why academic requirements prevent him from recruiting an NCAA tournament team.

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New Pac 12 Men’s Basketball Motto: “We Suck Less Than You Thought.”

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(Note to NCAA seeding committee:  Did anyone notice that Oregon’s injured star point guard Dominic Artis has been back for a while now?)

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16 March Madness games started Thursday at 1215p EST. Office productivity will be falling faster than Congress’s approval ratings….

And sorry folks, Bucknell is NOT the new Butler….

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Watching Senators calling for an invasion of Syria…. Sigh. Once again I missed the rule that says military expenditures don’t count towards the deficit.

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In talking about a gay conversion therapy bill, N.J. Gov. Chris Christie reportedly said he never reads bills before they hit his desk for approval. And somewhere Sarah Palin is saying “Why start then?”

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That deep sigh you hear across the country belongs to all those bracket makers who didn’t think Gonzaga was over-rated.

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Just got an announcement for a Steve Miller Band concert in June at Lake Tahoe. Of course these days the song is probably “Shuffle Like an Eagle.”

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Retiring Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss said he won’t join Rob Portman in supporting gay marriage, adding “I’m not gay. So I’m not going to marry one.” Sigh. So guess not being a woman is his excuse for being against reproductive rights?

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For those who think basketball is a trivial waste of time, then there’s Kim Kardashian reportedly saying in a deposition this week that she really loved Kris Humphries. Their divorce case will finally go to trial May 6, meaning the proceedings will have lasted 10 times longer than their marriage.

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My not-so-old Kentucky is home.

March 19, 2013

First round NIT – Robert Morris 59, Kentucky 57. Puts a whole new meaning on “One and done.”

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Not saying the Kentucky team was young, but after the game coach John Calipari was so upset he gave all the starters time-outs.

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Btw, those same Kentucky Wildcats when the season started?  The favorite at 6-1 to win the entire NCAA tournament.  Guess that means Nerlens Noel was really the One without who they were Done?

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One of many signs this whole college basketball system needs reworking though –  when with the top teams most fans recognize fewer of the players than the coaches.

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Coach Rex Ryan said the New York Jets have to get better at QB, adding that Tim Tebow would get the opportunity to compete. And he said it with a straight face.

 

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New Jersey has decided to try allowing Atlantic City casinos to offer fantasy sports betting. Don’t most casinos already allow fantasy betting? As in picking the Cubs to win the World Series.

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A study has shown that the resveratol in red wine may help prevent Alzheimer’s. Or if you drink enough of it at least the wine gives you a good reason to forget things.  (or as my friend Linda says, you won’t care if you forget things..)

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Got to love it, Tiger Woods announces he is dating Lindsey Vonn, posts a number of pictures, and thanks fans on his Facebook page for “respecting our privacy.”

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Lindsey Vonn apparently was making jokes a couple years ago about Tiger Woods and his “sex addiction.” Have to wonder the odds on in another couple years Lindsey herself ending up part of the punchline.

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Derek Jeter was scratched from the Yankees spring training game today with a “cranky ankle.” About the only good news for New York these days is that most of their injures should be covered by Medicare.

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Ok, the story of a University of Central Florida student who planned to shoot students isn’t funny, but then there’s this quote from an evacuated young woman “”There were police everywhere, students out there half-dressed, no shoes, in the cold….” The weather was in the 60s.

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Reportedly Lindsay Lohan chose rehab because she was scared of jail. But not scared enough apparently to start just following the law….

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Telling NBC jokes has apparently gotten Jay Leno with network executives. Fortunately, since he’s still on NBC, very few people are actually hearing the jokes.

 

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Michelle Shocked has had several shows canceled after making an anti-gay slur at a San Francisco concert. Two questions. Who the heck is Michelle Shocked? And is she angling to open for Ted Nugent?

 

After a South Carolina primary, looks like the House special election will be between Mark Sanford, former Governor and “Appalachian trail” hiker and Elizabeth Colbert Bush, sister of Stephen Colbert. Not sure about state residents, but comedians across the country are thinking ‘Thank you, Jesus.”

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From Bill Littlejohn:  Now, the Broncos have offered Dumervil a contract—talk about bringing Elvis back from the dead”
 
(Elvis’s agent, however, is no doubt still as dead as Generalissmo Francisco Franco)

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Gentlemen, and ladies, start your brackets.

March 17, 2013

Why we know the same people who run the BCS are not on the NCAA men’s basketball tournament selection committee – not only did defending champions Kentucky not get in, but the field only has 3 SEC teams.

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Wonder what kind of shape the USA would be in if Americans spent as much time thinking about who they vote for as they do filling out their NCAA brackets? #Marchmadness

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So which happens first? President Obama releases his NCAA brackets? Or the GOP criticizes him for making time to select them?

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Wonder how busted most people’s brackets would already be if you had to know the city and state of any team picked, and for that matter at least one player on each team….

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Pat Boone called President Obama a Marxist. Wonder how many people these days actually remember what a Marxist is? For that matter wonder who many people actually remember who Pat Boone is?

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Now former Denver Bronco Elvis Dumervil has fired his agent. Wonder if he did it by fax.

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Just saw a commercial saying: “KFC whole chicken is delivered and prepared fresh by real cooks in our restaurants.” Is SNL starting to run their fake ads during the day now?

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Two high school football players in Steubenville were found guilty of raping a drunk 16 year old girl at a party last year. Proof perhaps that doing very bad stuff and posting it online trumps even society’s bias in favor of athletes.

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Lindsay Lohan apparently could miss her Monday morning court date because she missed her flight last night from NY to LA to stay and party at a local nightclub. Gosh, if she shows up the judge again Lindsay could face a really really stern warning.

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Mark Teixeira says his wrist injury may sideline him longer than originally thought, but added “I don’t know if it’s the beginning of May, the end of May, the beginning of June, I don’t know when it is but we got a whole bunch of season left and the time that really matters is the playoffs.” Uh, this assumes the NY Yankees make the playoffs.

 

Of course, GOP Rep. Steve LaTourette is retired so he can say this, “We’re supposed to wonder why we don’t have the women’s vote in this country when we have a candidate suggesting that a child born as a result of rape is a gift from God?” And “If we ever want to be a national party, then we have to look like America. Today we look like a bunch of white guys below the Mason-Dixon line.”

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And you’re out.

March 16, 2013

So with the USA bounced out of the World Baseball Classic does that mean we need to put an asterisk on “World Series Champions?”

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The Dominican Republic is doing so well in the WBC that the Yankees are trying to figure out if there is any way to buy the team.  Or as my friend Jim Barach says, maybe just buy the entire country.

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So will a silver lining of this USA World Baseball Classic loss mean that the U.S. will finally get around to declaring Puerto Rico the 51st state?

One good thing about Notre Dame’s day-glo basketball uniforms. They make the Oregon Ducks’ uniforms look positively restrained.

Image

And as the Irish discovered tonight in their 69 to 57 loss to Louisville.  It’s not always easy being green.

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Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Cancun, six people were killed and five were wounded when two masked men shot up a bar. And Carnival Cruise Lines said “See, it could be worse.”

Mitt Romney gave a speech at CPAC that sounded like he was still running for President. Well, suppose that makes at least as much sense as Paul Ryan acting with his budget like he and Mitt won.

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Senator Ted Cruz of Texas was actually born in Canada. So when are we going to see conservative critics talking about his un-American vision?

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And wonder how many of the conservatives who are criticizing Ohio senator Rob Portman’s new support of gay marriage, are the same folks screaming about too much government control over our lives?

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In a speech to CPAC, Donald Trump criticized many in the the GOP, and added that immigration reform could be a “suicide mission” for Republicans. Though what the Donald is really unhappy about is that the party didn’t undertake the suicide mission of nominating him for President.

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Quote of the day: “In our country today, if you’re born poor, if your parents didn’t go to college, if you don’t know your father, if English isn’t spoken at home, then the odds are stacked against you. You are more likely to stay poor today than at any other time since World War II,” So is it time to switch parties for the speaker? His name – Jeb Bush.

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Seacrest out?  .

Ryan Seacrest 38, and Julianne Hough. 24,  are not only not getting married, they’ve apparently broken up after two years together. . Well, that ought to do wonders for the gay rumors?

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Old Smokey?

March 13, 2013

Just wondering, how many of the 115 Cardinals theoretically choosing an infallible Pope couldn’t even choose law-abiding priests.

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At the Vatican, the Cardinals have been locked up until they decide on a Pope. Couldn’t we try something like this with Congress and the sequester?

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T.C.  says ” The Cardinals gathered at The Vatican have yet to elect the new Pope. Neither have the Saints, Rams or Falcons. However, the Jets are pushing to get Tebow elected, as they know it wouldn’t cost them a draft pick.”

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New York Mets utility player Jordany Valdespin took a 94-mph Justin Verlander pitch right to his, ahem, groin area yesterday. He wasn’t wearing a cup. Wonder if it’s still a Darwin award if the person survives but may not be able to reproduce.

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A California assemblyman has proposed a statewide bill banning smoking in apartments, condos and other.multi-unit residences. This could result in some bi-partisan revolt – if the bill goes beyond tobacco.

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A  golfer is glad to be alive after he was rescued when a sinkhole opened up beneath him Friday on a Illinois golf course. Does this make him golf’s first lucky one-in-hole?

(Chris E. says, “Please tell me someone was yelling ‘Get in the hole.'””)

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Does Paul Ryan not get the concept that if America had wanted his b.s. budget, we would have voted for him and Mitt?

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Is Baden-Powell spinning somewhere? The Boy Scouts have resisted allowing openly gay members because of tradition. And now they have (seriously) approved a video game merit badge. .

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Somewhere George W. Bush is giggling. Paul Ryan today on his budget: “This to us is something that we’re not going to give up on, because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.”

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Yikes, the conservative Koch brothers may be interested in purchasing the L.A. Times. If true, this could mean something in Los Angeles San Franciscans hate more than the Dodgers.

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The NCAA has announced their new college football championship tournament will not have a sponsor. Translation, no one’s yet offered enough money.

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A serious thought,  if being serious about “the Bachelor” isn’t a contradiction in terms:  If you’re going to tell a girl goodbye when she thinks you’re going to propose….don’t start with a nice romantic speech.  KISS.   Keep it short, stupid.

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Peter Banks, the original guitarist for “Yes” died last week at the age of 65. By “Who” and “Rolling Stones” standards, a mere child.

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This week, Dion can’t go on….

February 19, 2013

 

Celine Dion has had to cancel this week’s concerts at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas theatre because she is suffering from sinusitis. “What an awful shame,” said thousands of women with tickets. “Dodged that bullet” said their husbands and boyfriends.

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Roger Clemens, who Mindy McCready said she had a 10 year relationship with, starting when she was 15,   issued this statement today about her death by suicide: ”   Yes, that is sad news. I had heard that she was trying to get peace and direction in her life.    The few times that I had met her and her manager/agent they were extremely nice.”   Once a douchebag, always a douchebag.

 

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Police in a small New York town arrested a mother who hired two strippers for her son’s 16th birthday party. And here I remember the days when hiring a pony was considered over-the-top.

 

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Alec Baldwin making news for a confrontation with a photographer….. This is turning into a real-life version of “Groundhog Day.”

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FIFA said today they will use goal-line technology at the 2014 World Cup. Now if they can just get experienced actors or drama teachers to judge flops.

 

Really?! Thanks to a $6 million donation, Florida Atlantic University has announced their brand-new stadium will be dubbed “GEO Group Stadium.” GEO is the U.S.’s second largest operator of for-profit PRISONS. Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate for them to partner with the Cincinnati Bengals?

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Rumor is that the NCAA soon plans to accuse the University of Miami of a “lack of institutional control.” Yes, this is the SAME investigation where the NCAA fired their own V.P. of enforcement over “shocking” missteps. Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.

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Got to wonder about that New Orleans voodoo.   Tonight was the FIRST day since the 49ers lost in the Super Bowl that a San Francisco Bay Area team won a game.   (It was the San Jose Sharks. The Golden State Warriors are still winless.)

 

 

We have criminal trials for a reason, so no need to rush to judgment but at this point O.J. Simpson is thinking Oscar Pistorius’s story sounds a bit farfetched.

 

Wonder how long it will take the NRA to say that if Oscar Pictorius only had another gun in his bathroom his girlfriend might be alive today…..

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And for that matter,  at least four people are dead in a Orange County, California shooting spree that started at a home and ended up on the freeways. Waiting for NRA statement saying we should start driving with hands-free guns.

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Cliff notes?

December 29, 2012

As the U.S. edges closer to the “fiscal cliff,’ have to wonder if Shakespeare had a premonition of future politics when he wrote “a plague on both your houses.”

(although today it might be “a plague on both the house and the senate.”)

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Just how ugly was the Russell Athletic Bowl. Virginia Tech beat Rutgers 13-10 in overtime. But the Hokies had an equal number of turnovers and rushing yards – three. (No typo, 3. Really.)

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Last year’s strike-shortened NBA season was the perfect length for many fans. Wonder if there’s a way to get a strike going that would affect the NCAA bowl season?

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Mayor Michael Bloomberg is blaming the first increase in New York City’s crime rate in 20 years on Apple-related thefts. Uh, what about folks unhappy over not being able to get their large sodas?

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ESPN reports Sean Payton, who has been courted by Dallas, has agreed to a five-year extension with the New Orleans Saints. “Bummer for the Cowboys”, said no one outside of Texas.

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The NY man who killed 2 firefighters in an Xmas Eve ambush couldn’t legally buy the semiautomatic rifle and shotgun he used. But he went to the store with a woman who bought the guns for him after he picked them out. And we hear all the time about the ATB arresting folks who buy alcohol illegally for 20 year olds….

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Two University of Texas players have been sent home from the Alamo Bowl for “violations of team rules.” Reportedly for alleged sexual assault. Some of these guys are going a little too far to prove they are NFL ready.

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So Mark Sanchez will start for the NY Jets this weekend over backup QB Greg McElroy, who has a concussion. Not Tim Tebow. Is Rex Ryan that worried that Tebow might actually win a game and get Jets fans even madder about the might-have-beens this season?

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Rex Ryan says he wants “to be the Jets’ head coach for the next 15 years.”

Uh, who’s got 15 days in the pool?

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The Pro Bowl roster is out. Being chosen is an honor, but as far as resulting in any real action, it’s like being named one of the sexiest women of the year by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus.

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Forget the Mayan calendar. The Los Angeles Clippers winning 16 in a row? Now, there’s a sign of the apocalypse.

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From T.C.  “Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg called Redskins owner Daniel Snyder and asked him why he wasn’t shutting down RGIII in order to save him for next year.”

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That rosy feeling…

December 1, 2012

 

The nerds are going to Pasadena.   (Move over Cal Tech)

rosy

 

Is it too early to start the 2013 Kevin Hogan for Heisman campaign?

 

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The Stanford vs. UCLA  Pac 12 championship was played at 5p. Scheduled for all those East Coast prime time market fans who really cared.   Both of them.

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“The only good thing about Grover Norquist is he’s named after a character from ‘Sesame Street.'” — Former Pres. George W. Bush adviser Matthew Dowd. But while Elmo has been accused of screwing underage boys, this Grover has been screwing the whole country.

 

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Monte Kiffin says he will retire as USC’s defensive coordinator after their bowl game. Trojan fans are just praying “Like father, like son.”

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A Oregon man lost on Mount Hood in a blizzard was rescued from a storm after he posted a screenshot to Facebook with his GPS coordinates. Of course, maybe if he hadn’t been updating his FB page while hiking he might not have gotten lost in the first place.

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The new owner of the New Orleans Hornets, Tom Benson, says he would like to change the name to something more “fitting” of Louisiana. If he can get the NBA to make the change does this make the whole team players to be named later?.

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The Phoenix Suns on Dec. 6 will guarantee its fans that they will have fun at the game or they can apply for a refund. But define “fun.” Heck, for a certain type there’s always “Fifty Shades of the Washington Wizards.”

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Not saying college football is overly in love with replay, but expect any day now to have an official review to see if a timeout is long enough.

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Got to love all this media effort to search for the Powerball winners.   What a country, considering the odds, we glorify  people who were idiotic enough to buy tickets.

 

(and hey, the lottery for cheap entertainment value, sure, why not. But as a retirement plan?)

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NBA commissioner David Stern fined San Antonio $250,000 after they sent 3 top players home early from a road trip, thereby missing the game against the Miami Heat. Stern said the fine was because the Spurs “did a disservice to the league and our fans.” So why doesn’t he fine the Wizards EVERY night?

 

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