Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
November 6, 2011
How ugly was the LSU-Alabama game tonight? Many fans turned to NHL games just to see some scoring.
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In Alabama some frustrated fans went to kick their dogs after tonight’s loss. Fortunately for the pets they missed wide right.
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Yes, LSU and Alabama have good defenses. But shouldn’t we expect the “Game of the Century” to have more scoring than you’d expect in an overnight line for the iPhone 4s?
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Anyone who watched the 52-45 Oklahoma State-Kansas State shootout might say, not only wasn’t LSU -Alabama the “Game of the Century,” it wasn’t even the “Game of the Night.”
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And sorry, all the commentators are saying the 9-6 overtime score was because both defenses were so good. Isn’t it just possible that a contributing factor might have been that both offenses were so bad?
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LSU and Alabama did so little scoring, afterwards both teams received free gear declaring them honorary San Francisco Giants.
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Although for those Americans tired of hearing about the “Occupy” movement, give the teams credit. Neither of them ever “Occupied” the end zone
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An arrest warrant has been issued for Terrell Owens after he failed to show up for a court date regarding child support payments. Well, T.O wanted to be wanted.
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Another Saturday, two more upsets of highly rated teams (Michigan and Nebraska) in the “Legends” division of the Big 10. Yeah, “Legends” are great, but “Reality” can be a real b*tch.
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A thought about Steve Williams’ stupid racial slur against Tiger Woods. It’s a shame the two of them had a falling out. Because Williams and Woods seem to richly deserve each other.
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Another thought about this “personhood” amendment which would define life as beginning at the moment of fertilization. It’s not that big a step beyond to decide that “self-stimulation” is murder.
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Some pretty nasty allegations coming out of Penn State regarding a high-level cover up of a former football defensive coordinator’s alleged sexual abuse of boys. Who did the university think they were, the Vatican?
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A source told ESPN that hopes for an NBA labor deal are bleak. Can we title this one “What if they cancelled a whole basketball season, and nobody cared?”
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Who’d a thunk this? Herman Cain debated Newt Gingrich one on one Saturday night. And the guy who dumped TWO sick wives for younger women was the one not dodging sexual allegations.
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R.I.P. Andy Rooney. Wonder what the first thing will be that he will complain about in heaven?
(Augie suggests he asks “So, what about the other 10 Commandments Moses smashed on the rocks? Can I take a peek at them now?”
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The White House actually issued a reponse to two petitions to asking the U.S. government to acknowledge formally that aliens have visited Earth and to disclose any intentional withholding of government interactions with extraterrestrial beings.
This is from the White House Office of Science and Technology on their website: “The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race. In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.”
I don’t know, some days it seems like not only have aliens visited Earth, but also some of them have stayed and are running for President.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, BCS jokes, Game of the Century jokes, Janice Hough, LSU Alabama game jokes, LSU jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 5, 2011
Well, after watching LSU-Alabama hype all week I think I have figured it out – the matchup is definitely this year’s “Game of the Century.”
Tickets to the LSU-Alabama game are going for a higher price online than tickets to game 7 of the World Series. Makes sense. It’s the SEC. Some players are probably higher paid than the World Series players too.
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Brian Cashman says the Yankees won’t go after Pujols because “It’s not an efficient way to try to allocate your resources.” Uh, considering that the Yankees have over a $200 million payroll and couldn’t get past the first round of the playoffs, should Cashman be considered an expert in allocating resources?
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Boise State is ready to join the Big East, but they want the conference to add a Western Division. Well, heck, why not go all the way and add Hawaii?
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Okay, who will turn out to be stupider in this Justin Bieber paternity suit? The alleged mom, who may not have thought about statutory rape laws. Or Bieber, who says he never met her, and may not have thought about DNA testing.
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Another thought about Matty Alou. In Giants heaven maybe McCovey DOES hit that ball a foot higher?
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So Lindsay Lohan had to reshoot her Playboy cover? Not surprised, figure these days anything Lindsay does is over-exposed.
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With some saying the sexual harassment claims against Herman Cain are just political attempts to take down a front-runner, this does bring up the question – why wouldn’t “they” have gone after Mitt Romney first?
Maybe because few people in America can even imagine Mitt flirting with his own wife?
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All the comparisons of Herman Cain to Clarence Thomas are focusing on the sexual harassment claims. But another apt comparison might be in terms of their basic intelligence and competence.
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Question for all these fans of the “personhood” amendment, which says life begins at the moment of fertilization. Does that mean a company becomes a person at the moment of incorporation?
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Greg Frazier picked this up, that Stanford’s football team has a 13-0-1 streak against the spread. Meaning according to Pregame.com, if you’d bet $100 at the beginning of the streak and just let it ride, you’d have $447,351.
But as Dwight Perry said, “The bad news, if you had $447,351 riding on Saturday’s triple-OT win over USC, you’d be dead of a heart attack by now.” (Stanford won by 8 with the fumble, the spread was 7 1/2.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Justin Bieber jokes, LSU Alabama jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 3, 2011
Moving to the Big East would mean a chance to get a guaranteed BCS bowl spot for Boise State, not to mention a lot more money. So the Idaho State Board of Education has given the school permission to pursue Big East membership. Maybe Boise State can use some that money to offer classes in Geography.
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Thinking the number one Oxymoron of the 21st century has to be “Reality TV Star.”
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Speaking of which: Some sources said that Kim Kardashian’s marriage broke up in part because Kim didn’t like Kris spending “her hard earned money.” Can someone tell me exactly what Kim actually does to “earn” money
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Peyton Manning told reporters that he’s spending every day in rehab and hasn’t given up on playing in a game in 2011. Colts fans who have been watching the team this year and watching Andrew Luck responded “Peyton, take it easy. Spend time with your family and don’t push it…”.
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Rick Perry, said in response to Jon Stewart’s suggestion that he was drunk during his New Hampshire speech, that he had not been drinking, but “It’s not that I wouldn’t love to sit down with Jon and have a glass of wine. If he’ll buy.”
Think it’s time to start a fund or a facebook group of those of us willing to contribute to the “Buy whatever wine Perry wants if he will sit down with Jon Stewart for a Daily Show interview.”
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Justin Bieber, 17, is being sued by a 20 year old woman who claims he is the father of her 3 month old baby. Now, I know not all Christians wait to get married before they have children these days, but most of them wait until puberty.
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Sad Giants news. Matty Alou passed away today. He was 72. Barely over the age at which SF might have signed him as a free agent to play in front of one of their rookies.
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Baseball gave out their “Silver Slugger” awards today to the best offensive players at each position in each league. If there were an opposite “Lead Slugger” award the SF Giants would no doubt lead the NL.
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Free-agent lefthanderJamie Moyer, who is about to turn 49, has been throwing for scouts recently and apparently stands a good chance of being offered a big league contract. Moyer’s goal, to be the first MLB player whose age is a higher number than the speed of his fastball.
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Herman Cain is accusing Rick Perry’s campaign of leaking the harassment stories. Maybe they think Perry is jealous of having sexual rumors flying around about women?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA football jokes, Rick Perry jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 2, 2011
Note in advance to readers, will probably miss a couple days of postings after tonight’s. But hope to be back by Friday. Besides the sites mentioned on my blogroll, suggest Sideline Chatter in the Seattle Times, or alwaysfunny.com.
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Bank of America retracted their proposed new monthly $5 debit fee due to customer fury. You know what that makes them? Smarter than Netflix.
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Ann Coulter just said “Our blacks are so much better than their blacks.” Adding “To become a black Republican you don’t just roll into it. You’re not going with the flow….” So would she also say about Democrats that their rich white people are so much better than GOP rich white people?
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Northern Illinois 63, Toledo 60. Did the NCAA start their basketball season without telling us?
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New England Patriots WR Julian Edelman has been charged with indecent assault and battery. This stemmed from an incident Edelman allegedly groped a woman Saturday night at a Boston bar. Guess the Patriots had trouble all weekend with their passes.
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Bobby Rush, a Democratic congressman from Illinois, said of the NCAA “I think they’re just one of the most vicious, most ruthless organizations ever created by mankind, I think you would compare (them) to Al Capone and to the Mafia.” Said the Mafia, “Please, as if we would come up with something as stupid as the BCS.”
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Herman Cain doesn’t seem to have a handle on how to handle this sexual harrassment story. Might have been better had he just responded “I suppose I should be honored that all you media types are trying to paint me as Clintonesque.”
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Kim Kardashian’s mother Kris says of her daughter “She’s not the first person in the world to get a divorce or to have something like this happen to, and she won’t be the last … People have to stop judging.” Uh, Kris, people aren’t judging Kim so much on the divorce, they’re judging her on that $10 million wedding.
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Kim Kardashian’s and Kris Humphries’ marriage, 72 days. The NBA lockout, 124 days and counting. Okay all you romantics who bet on love, time to pay up.
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Harold Camping, the 90-year-old minister/broadcaster has now incorrectly predicted the end of the world twice this year. He says now in a statement that Christ not returning on October 21 was “embarrassing for Family Radio.” In related news, God issued a statement saying Family Radio is “embarrassing for Himself and Christ.”
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Three Georgia running backs will be suspended for the Bulldogs’ game Saturday against New Mexico State, allegedly for failing a drug test. A source told ESPN that the test was administered last week, before Georgia’s 24-20 victory over arch-rival Florida, but said they had no idea if the results were known before the game. Yeah, right….
How long until some GOP presidential candidate suggests we try to fix the economy by invading Greece?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ann Coulter jokes, Bank of America jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 28, 2011
Did I include enough Es?
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Many old-time baseball fans are looking back nostalgically to the days when pitching dominated in the World Series. Like last year.
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Early in the game the only bright spot for Tony LaRussa was knowing that his bullpen phone worked.
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from T.C.”Wow, that was one of the best WS games ever. Tops Kirk Gibson and Buckner. Too bad the StL bullpen had to wait for the results to be phoned in.”
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It really was an amazing World Series game Thursday night, and just imagine how epic it would have been if Jon Miller was still the ESPN radio announcer….. (Dan Shulman wasn’t bad, but still….)
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After both listening to game six in the car, and watching it on television later, I have to hand it to Tim McCarver. He is doing as much as anyone in the game to promote the tradition of baseball on the radio.
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Texas Governor Rick Perry plans to skip future GOP debates. Guess he’s applying the time honored principle: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
October 29 is National Cat Day. Responded most cats “Isn’t EVERY day National Cat Day? Now, before I go back to sleep, where is my dinner?”
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The former president of Facebook, Sean Parker, apparently Tweeted to complain about being a billionaire: “I have a whole new set of problems to deal with now: security, extortion attempts, kidnapping threats, death threats, etc. Life better b4?” Can’t imagine how the super rich get the reputation for being out-of-touch.
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Carson Palmer, when asked about bringing Terrell Owens to Oakland, responded “T.O. and I had a great working relationship…. The problem is that for him to get here there’s not anybody that we could let go,” Well, this was a more diplomatic response than “NFW!!! Are you nuts?”
During a mock debate last week in Philadelphia, the British claimed that the Declaration of Independence was totally illegitimate and illegal. But they added, “it’s all right chaps, we don’t want you back anyway.”
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Kim Kardashian herself is now admitting that there is a lot of stress in her new marriage, especially living with her sister and filming “Kourtney and Kim take New York.” She told “People” that “It’s not ideal because you’re newlyweds and you want privacy.” Uh, honey, if you want privacy here’s a clue, don’t turn your wedding (along with the rest of your life) into a media circus.
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The Dow soared over 300 points Thursday. Out of habit, several of the GOP candidates blamed it on President Obama.
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Exxon Mobil reported quarterly earnings of $10.3 billion on Thursday, a surge of 41% from last year. You know what that means? Gas prices are going up.
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There are rumors that C.C. Sabathia might sign with the Red Sox. Makes sense, with C.C’s size those dugout beers won’t even make a blip on his blood alcohol level.
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A new Time magazine poll shows Hillary Clinton easily beating the major GOP candidates if she somehow could run for President in 2012. Good news for Clinton’s reputation, but with all due respect “None of the above” could handily beat the current GOP field now too.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: game six jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Tim McCarver jokes, Tony LaRussa jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 27, 2011
Suggestion for Tony LaRussa for Game 6 Bullpen communication in St. Louis – “Carrier Squirrels.”
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Game Six of the World Series was postponed due to rain. Which means Tony LaRussa had plenty of time to run down to the Apple store to get new phones for himself and his bullpen coaches
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If Bud Selig gets his way with the expanded playoffs, rain issues won’t be a problem in future World Series. Snow on the other hand.
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Lindsay Lohan will be posing in Playboy. Most Americans think we’ve already seen too much of her lately.
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Despite police efforts and some stories of violence, “Occupy Oakland” continues to be a magnet for a lot of people. If the crowds continue, Raiders’ management may start trying to sell tickets by referring to their games as “Occupy the Coliseum.”
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Rick Perry told Fox today that if he had made any mistakes thus far in the campaign, it was “probably ever doing one of the” debates. No kidding. Especially considering the “lame-stream” media reported every word he said.
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Herman Cain’s latest commercial shows his campaign manager smoking. Well, Cain is running an unconventional campaign, maybe encouraging smoking is his plan to reduce the number of Americans who end up old enough to depend on social security.
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Chaz Bono was voted off DWTS. He won over many viewers, although many 40 and 50 somethings still remember him as such a cute little blond girl. Of course, music fans of the same age remember Michael Jackson as such a cute little black boy.
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NBA owners and players met again for several hours in hopes of resolving their labor problems. No resolution as yet, but on the bright side, the talks are getting more attention than the first weeks of a normal NBA season.
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How badly do some NFL teams want to get Andrew Luck? Have to wonder if a few of them have already asked Roger Goodell if they can vacate wins because some of their players committed crimes or were ineligible in college?
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Some college teams say they would do anything to get future quarterbacks like Andrew Luck, who went to high school in Texas. But when asked why he chose Stanford, Luck cites a big reason as being strong academics. Responded most SEC teams “Never mind.”
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From Bill Littlejohn: “JaMarcus Russell was quoted as saying ‘I’m not fat, lazy, or a junkie’.All right…who called him a junkie?”
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Sebastian Janikowsi should be healthy again for the Raiders’ next game, so Oakland waived their recently signed backup placekicker Dave Rayner, who they had signed for a one-game fee of $45,000. Since Oakland was shut out, Rayner never kicked the ball after the opening kickoff. The only easier gig in sports might have belonged to the Saints’ punter against the Colts.
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Jon Huntsman told ABC News that Rick Perry’s talking about “birtherism” makes him “cringe.” And that “fringe” issues will drive away the independents. “As a party if we are going to win this election we have to focus on the issues that are germane for the American family – economy, jobs, our position in the world.” No wonder he’s barely registering in the GOP polls – the man is way too articulate and reasonable.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bullpen phone jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, LaRussa jokes, Lindsay Lohan jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 25, 2011
One nice thing about baseball, each day is completely different. The Cardinals scored 16 runs against Texas Saturday, then got shut out Sunday. And game five was close until the eighth. Whereas the Colts could play the Saints every week this year and Indianapolis would probably not come within four touchdowns.
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A two part joke written with my friend Jerry Perisho, his part first:
“Don’t worry NBA fans, you can still see your team’s dancers perform; just bring plenty of $1 bills.”
Mine: But go early to see the Heat cheerleaders, I hear they quit before the night is over.
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Newt Gingrich criticized Mitt Romney and Rick Perry at the last debate saying: “I literally felt like I was the recess monitor on the playground, watching these two kids.” Prompting an immediate demand for an apology, from schoolchildren.
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McDonald’s is bringing back the McRib nationwide through November 14. Now, leaving all the McHeart Attack jokes aside. some complain they shouldn’t call it a “McRib,” when the sandwich has no bones. On the other hand, they do call them “ham” burgers.
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Paul Leka, 68, who wrote the chorus of “Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye),” reportedly died October 12. Well, I guess we all know what they sang at his funeral..
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NCAA president Mark Emmert said he is supporting a plan to allow student athletes to receive $2,000 a year beyond their scholarships. (The usual scholarships just cover tuition, fees, books, room and board.) While the idea is popular with many athletes, some football players say they don’t know if they can afford the pay cut.
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Oregon’s star CB Cliff Harris was already cited for driving 118 mph on a suspended license in June and joking to an officer who smelled marijuana that “we smoked it all. Today he was cited again for several infractions, including driving on a suspended license and driving without insurance. Maybe it’s true what they say about pot affecting your memory.
You have to wonder, aren’t there any taxis in Eugene? Or fans who could drive a football star around campus?
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And Harris has been suspended, again, from the football team. Meaning he cannot participate even in practices and will miss at least Saturday’s game. Over-under on him being conditionally reinstated November 11? (As November 12 is the Ducks’ game with Stanford.)
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Fun sidelight of watching the World Series – the realization with the Mavericks and Rangers that the Dallas Cowboys are at best the third best professional team in Dallas.
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Theo Epstein visited Wrigley Field for the first time as GM this morning. His first project? Presumably to find and take down that sign that says “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.”
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Watching the stories and gory videos coming out of Libya, must say one thing for the United States. Even allowing for Florida we do have a much more civilized transfer of power.
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Michele Bachmann has said that the gay and lesbian lifestyle amounts to “personal bondage, and personal enslavement.” Her husband Marcus has compared gays to “barbarians” who need to be “disciplined.” You do get the sense both of them have spent too much time in leather shops South of Market in SF
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, McRib jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, NFL jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
October 24, 2011
The Dolphins led 15 to 0 with less than three minutes to play, when Tim Tebow led an improbable comeback and the Broncos won 18-15 in overtime. What is it with Miami teams and fourth quarters?
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Although actually Tebow’s rally did give the Broncos their SECOND win of the year. And kept the Dolphins winless. Wonder if Denver GM John Elway will now bench Tebow for hurting the team’s chances in the race to “Suck for Luck.”
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Three interceptions from Kyle Boller, three interceptions from Carlson Palmer, and the lowly Kansas City Chiefs destroy the Oakland Raiders 28-0. If Al Davis wasn’t dead this game might have killed him.
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Miami collapsed, St. Louis actually made Dallas look good, and Indy, well, they just s*cked. Wonder if Andrew Luck called John Elway for advice on a good hitting or pitching coach?
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How do you beat a #25 team by 44 points and drop in the polls? Ask Jeff Sagarin. After Stanford’s 65-21 win over Washington, Sagarin’s computer ranking DROPPED the Cardinal from #15 to #21. (Behind two-loss Arizona State.) No, I’m not making this up.
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Theo Epstein took out a full page ad in the Boston Globe, allegedly to thank the Red Sox for “10 Years, Two Championships, Countless Memories, Infinite Thanks.” Presumably he resisted the urge to add “Prior to me, 84 years, Zero Championships, Countless Miseries, Nyah, nyah, nee, nee, nah, hah.”
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Meanwhile in Texas, the Rangers won 4-0, a day after getting destroyed 16-7 by the St. Louis Cardinals. Wonder if Nolan Ryan sent a private jet to Colorado to borrow the Rockies’ humidor?
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Michele Bachmann is slamming Herman Cain and other GOP candidates for their “flip-flops” on things like abortion and gay marriage. Hmm, does this mean her new campaign slogan is “Consistently Crazy?”
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Got to love banks. My husband is travelling for business in Eastern Europe (9 hour time difference), and Wells Fargo’s fraud system went into overdrive when he took out less than $100 cash from an ATM over there. Three “urgent” phone messages this afternoon and evening. Of course, when he tried to call them back during European business hours, they are closed.
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Watched Pan Am, sort of, tonight. So wanted to like this show, but the scripts seem to be written as intelligently as most current airlines’ business models.
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And don’t we all feel so safe with all the hassles of flying these days…. Alaska Air luggage workers at LAX found a handgun when it fell out of a bag they were loading onto a flight to Portland. The gun at least was unloaded. But a TSA spokesperson said they check carry-ons but firearms in checked bags are “not the agency’s responsibility.” And Alaska said passengers should “self-disclose dangerous goods.”
But they are so good on those water bottles..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: "Suckforluck" jokes, Dolphins jokes, Janice Hough, Miami jokes, NFL jokes, Raiders jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 22, 2011
Red Sox pitching coach Curt Young is also leaving Boston, and returning to the Oakland Athletics. Wonder if he’s bringing the keg with him.
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All these recalls for cantaloupe, spinach, lettuce etc. Ironically the safest food for kids to eat just might be those McDonalds Happy Meals.
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Libyans have temporarily put Moammar Gadhafi’s body was on display in a commercial freezer at a shopping center. Most Americans heard that news and were somewhat appalled. But at least one producer is no doubt trying to figure out how to turn something like that into a reality show.
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Former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford will become a contributor for Fox News. Guess, Sanford’s first choice, the Outdoor Channel, wouldn’t buy his idea for a series on hiking various trails.
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Mets GM Sandy Alderson has announced the dimensions at Citi Field will be changed this off-season, to make the ballpark more hitter-friendly. I guess chicks don’t dig the long fly out.
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From Bill Littlejohn: Fauja Singh became the first person to cross the finish line of a full marathon at age 100 when he did this in Toronto. Problem is, he began the race at age 35.
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Herman Cain seems like he hasn’t figured out his choice on being pro-choice. He said on CNN that abortion is ultimately a “choice that a family or a mother has to make.” Then he said later “Abortion should not be legal,” but if that “family made a decision to break the law, that’s that family’s decision, that’s all I’m trying to say.”
With fence-straddling like that Cain really must want to be Mitt Romney’s running mate.
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With the NBA season cancelled for the forseeable future, some NBA stars are planning a six game exhibition tour. The competition will be essentially meaningless, which means, not much different than six early games in the regular season.
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Michele Bachmann’s paid campaign staffers have apparently just jumped ship. “What took you so long?” said the already long deserted rats.
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An NCAA task force is proposing a bowl ban for Division 1 teams who don’t reach certain APR (Academic Progress Rate) standards. SEC schools immediately offered a compromise – to start requiring that all their student athletes can spell “Academic Progress Rate.”
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The Texas Rangers won game two of the World Series 2-1 with both runs scored on sacrifice flies. Or as SF Giants call that “a major offensive explosion.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, mets jpkes, Red Sox jokes, SEC jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 19, 2011
As Rick Perry and Mitt Romney took shots at each other in tonight’s CNN debates, how many people joined me in wanting to see a post-debate hard handshake and backslap etc….?
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The next major GOP debate will be November 15,on foreign policy. Comedy writers across the country are already preparing for an all-nighter.
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Herman Cain says he can “feel the bulls-eye on his back” before- tonight’s debate. Is he sure he’s not just feeling a sticker for “Two for one pizza?”
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Herman Cain also said he was joking about an electric fence on the border. Okay, fine. Only now he says “I don’t like to offend anyone…however, I don’t apologize for using a combination of a fence. And it might be electrified.”” Allegedly Cain got a message from Joe Biden “Herman, really, less is more.”
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Newt Gingrich said, if nominated, he will challenge President Obama to seven three-hour debates. Joe Biden is now just praying Newt gets the V.P. nod.
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So at the price of two first-round draft picks, Carlson Palmer is now an Oakland Raider and is now “un-retired.” And yes, Brett Favre, that does mean you are chopped liver.
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Carlson Palmer has now officially been traded from the Bengals to the Raiders. Which means a bit of a change. He’s going from convicts in the huddle to convicts in the stands.
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Have a college reunion party Friday night with a “Mad Men” theme. Which has prompted a long “What do we wear?” thread on Facebook. And of all the commenters, exactly zero are men.
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San Francisco is considering a bill to give employers a tax-break for hiring ex-felons. Who came up with this idea in the first place? The management of the Cincinnati Bengals?
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The NFL has announced they will not fine Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz for their post-game behavior. The league may, however, offer coverage of both coaches’ next post-game handshakes on Pay-Per-View.
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Poor Steve Young, When the cameras switched to him during the pregame show on MNF, he had his cellphone in hand checking email. Well, the pictures are embarrassing, but it could be worse, at least his hand was just on his cellphone.
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Rick Santorum said last week that the GOP’s strategy for reducing “the Democratic advantage” should be get the single mothers in this country married, because now “they look to the government for help.” Of course if that were really a priority wouldn’t you think the solution would include birth control? And for that matter gay marriage?
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P.C. overdose alert: Four U.S. senators are urging the MLB players union to agree to a ban on chewing tobacco at games and on camera during the World Series, because they think it is a bad influence on viewers. Now, I hate chewing tobacco and wouldn’t mind a permanent ban in future. But after over 170 games, how fair is it to make players go cold turkey in the biggest games of the year?
My friend Walt points out that Congress won’t condemn crotch-grabbing, because they do it all the time. (Yes, and not always their own.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, GOP debate jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 14, 2011
Herman Cain is now the GOP Presidential frontrunner?! But let’s be fair. With the love and affection most Republicans feel for Romney, Stephen Colbert could announce his candidacy tomorrow, and vault over Mitt in the polls by next week.
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Anita Perry on her husband Rick: “He is the only true conservative – well, there are some true conservatives. And they’re there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose.” Gosh, listening to Anita, it sounds like she’d fit right in if she herself decided to join the GOP field running for President.
So now there are rumors Herman Cain stole his 9-9-9 tax plan from the video game SimCity. Big deal, for years there have been rumors that Mitt Romney stole his style from one of his granddaughters’ Ken dolls.
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Not even Al Davis’s death put him on the cover of Sports Illustrated. But Al would probably have approved. Wouldn’t want anyone to jinx his Raiders.
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Hank Williams Jr. is trying to shop his “All My Rowdy Friends” song to other networks. Maybe he should try to shop it to the Red Sox for their clubhouse.
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NBA Commissioner David Stern says that the labor dispute is now threatening Christmas games. The potential horror. Millions of families may be actually forced to talk to each other.
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Tough times for Mitt Romney. It’s not just that he’s losing to “None of the Above.” But “None of the Above” has a higher likability rating.
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Got to love it. True story. Guy trying to get into Red Carpet Club at LAX because he is in First Class. Agent says, sorry, we only give access to non-members when they are flying First Class internationally, not Domestic. Guy, indignantly. “But I’m going to Hawaii.”
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Blackberry’s president has apologized for the outages that have gone on since Monday. Of course most of his customers won’t get the message until at least next week
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One of those rare serious thoughts: The House passed another anti-abortion bill today. Now, abortion is a tough subject and I realize reasonable people can disagree. But I would respect a lot of the anti-abortion types more if they weren’t also usually in favor of cutting funding for programs for poor women and their living children.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Blackberry jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, NBA jokes, Romney jokes
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October 12, 2011
Just a thought, if Mitt Romney ever actually does win the Presidency… Fully expect Madame Tussaud’s to throw up their hands and say “Sorry, there is no way we can compete with reality here.”
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This thought inspired by a conversation with my friend Steven Harmon: If Admiral Stockdale was alive he would look at the GOP candidates on the debate stand tonight and ask “Who are they, what are they doing here?”
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Like Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani just announced he was not running for President. Unlike Christie, no one had asked Giuliani to run anyway.
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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie did endorse Romney Tuesday. Wonder if any editor will run this headline today “Christie throws weight behind Romney.”
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Herman Cain said before tonight’s GOP debate that he was going to take on Mitt Romney but added “I’m not going after Perry. I don’t need to go after Perry.” Translation, nothing I can add will be as damaging as what comes out of Rick Perry’s mouth.
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Herman Cain, who has become a darling of the Tea Party, also said “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.” Uh, doesn’t that mean Obama’s off the hook?
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Lebron James is now talking about taking his talents to the NFL. Wait until someone tells him they also play four quarters.
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Theo Epstein is apparently about to bolt Boston for the Chicago Cubs. Well, now that he’s married with children it makes sense. The job comes with Octobers off.
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South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia has been dismissed from the team, after his fifth suspension. – this one due to his allegedly testing positive for marijuana and alcohol. Wonder how long until Garcia gets asked to work out for the Cincinnati Bengals.
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From Gary M. – Had Dr. Seuss chronicled the Broncos Sunday, he would’ve told us that Tebow got to play because: Orton Hears a Boo.
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Open note to all those ESPN types who were basically predicting a Texas ALCS sweep: If you guys paid any attention to teams beyond the Yankees and Red Sox, you might have noticed that a- Texas isn’t as good on the road, and b- Detroit has a pretty good team, including that Fister guy they picked up from Seattle….
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ESPN is advertising their first “Countdown to the BCS” Sunday night. Which will be, about HALFWAY through the college football season, the current rankings for BCS bowl games. Not sure of the order of the top teams at this point, but sure of one thing, anyone who makes this appointment TV is in serious need of a life.
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Tim Tebow apparently will be named the Broncos starter for their game after the bye week. Does this mean that God wants Tebow to be the Denver QB? Or does He/She really want to see Andrew Luck in a Broncos uniform?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball playoffs jokes, Chris Christie jokes, GOP debate jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, Romney jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 7, 2011
What’s the difference these days between A-Rod and his ex-girlfriend Madonna? Madonna will actually be performing in the postseason.
(for the record, 2-18 in the ALDS, 0-4 in game five.)
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Now that the Yankees are eliminated, it’s ESPN who wants the theme song “Are you ready for some football.
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In their 3-2 loss to the Tigers, the Yankees certainly had chances. New York had runners on base in 7 innings, but went 2 for 9 with runners in scoring position, and stranded 10. Yes, the Yankees looked like World Champions, but the World Champions they looked like were the 2011 version of the SF Giants.
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This week the fat man bowed out of the Presidential race, and the fat lady sang at Yankee Stadium.
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Herman Cain on the unemployed: “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!” I’m amazed he didn’t add “Godfathers Pizza is hiring for minimum wage plus tips.”
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So in the end, what was the difference between the Red Sox and the Yankees? About a week.
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Tigers pitchers Doug Fister and Joaquin Benoit have this torture concept down so well they’ve just been made honorary SF Giants.
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The Miami Dolphins are already 0-4, and now QB Chad Henne’s separated shoulder will keep him out for the year. Looks like there’s a good chance Andrew Luck will be taking HIS talents to South Beach.
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A Texas man posted something about the anniversary of his mother’s death on facebook, and his estranged wife didn’t hit the “like” button. So the two got in a fight and he was arrested for battery. Wonder before they hauled him off if the guy had time to change his relationship status to “It’s VERY complicated.”
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Monday Night Football said they dismissed Hank Williams Jr, Williams says it was “MY” decision. In any case he and his song are gone. Standby soon for the singer’s next gig – “Are you ready for some FOX News?”
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From Marc Ragovin: Hank Williams, Jr. is in hot water for comparing President Obama to Adolph Hitler, or, as he is knowns amongst NFL players, Roger Goodell.
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Apparently one of the Boise State football players who was suspended this season received a car and money to cover insurance. Maybe it’s a good thing that the NCAA seems to be losing the battle to clean up college football. If they ever do it could cause further damage to the U.S. auto industry.
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Yet another example of why there is no satire – The Westboro Baptist Church has already announced plans to protest Steve Jobs’s funeral. They sent the message out via Twitter for iPhone.
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The Westboro Baptist people, who intend to picket Steve Jobs’ funeral for his “sins,” give Christians a bad name. Heck, they give people a bad name.
Added my friend Alex Kaseberg “They give rabid, puppy-eating hyenas a bad name.”
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Whatever the outcome of the trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor, one thing seems pretty certain – it’s amazing Jackson lived as long as he did.
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Bank of America’s CEO Brian Moynihan, defended his bank’s new $5 fee on debit cards on Wednesday, saying the bank has a “right to make a profit.” What he didn’t say, however, is that when they don’t make a profit, they also reserve the right to ask taxpayers for a bailout.
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Starbucks has raised the price of their small brewed coffee from $1.50 to $1.65. This has resulted in two different reactions: One, annoyance from plain coffee drinkers over a 10 percent increase, two, shock from most Starbucks customers that ANYTHING on the menu is under $2.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bank of America jokes, Detroit Tigers jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, Starbucks jokes, Yankees choke jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 26, 2011
“Pan Am”, set in 1963, is full of beautiful young women serving as flight attendants. For anyone who wants to see those young women almost 50 years later, I think many of them are still working on United’s Hawaii flights.
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Younger people watching “Pan Am” have to be questioning a few anachronisms. Some may wonder “what’s a girdle?” And still younger viewers may be wondering “How come they’re not collecting money for food?”
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Michael Vick is complaining that a Giants’ player hit him when he was down and defenceless. Uh, yeah, that would be bad. I mean, who’d even do that to an animal?
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For those SF fans who will really miss watching 2011’s low scoring Giants games, looks like the 49ers are ready to pick up the slack.
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Another thought while watching the 49ers-Bengals matchup? Would either of these teams be able to crack the AP top 25?
(My friend Alec Schubert says he’s not sure the Bengals could beat the University of Cincinnati Bearcats. He could be right.)
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New England blows a 21-0 lead and loses to the Bills, Boston is now only 1 game up on the Rays after barely splitting a doubleheader to the Yankees. Forget the Tea Party, the next thing dumped into Boston Harbor may be Patriots and Red Sox gear.
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Four interceptions for Tom Brady Sunday. The only way the day could have been more embarrassing is if another ex-girlfriend turned up pregnant.
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Even Fox News is slamming Rick Perry’s performance at the last debate. Who knew? Maybe we anointed George W. Bush with the title “Dumbest governor of Texas ever” a little too soon?
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A survey published today said that prices at U.S. gas pumps have dropped 12 cents over the past two weeks. Let’s see how the airlines translate that into hiking their fuel surcharge.
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Well, it’s early in the NFL season. But when Andrew Luck thought last year about returning to Stanford, and what that might mean for his NFL career, I don’t think that one potential option in his mind would have been understudying Peyton Manning.
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Texas A & M is now officially going to be an SEC member. Bernie Machen, SEC chair and University of Florida president, said: “The addition of Texas A&M University as the SEC’s 13th member gives our league a prestigious academic institution with a strong athletic tradition. What does that mean in SEC-speak – the Aggies can spell “prestigious?
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The inventor of Doritos, Arch West, 97, has died. Across the world, millions will temporarily extinguish their joints in his honor.
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Cal graduates can stop reading before the last item.
Great news that the two Berkeley hikers who were held prisoner by Iran are back in the U.S. But really, wouldn’t Stanford hikers have been smart enough not to hike along the Iran-Iraq border in the first place?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Bengals jokes, hiker jokes, Janice Hough, Pan Am jokes, Patriots jokes, Red Sox jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 19, 2011
Ohio State fell out of the top 25 in the AP college football rankings for the first time since 2004. Of course, with the NCAA investigation the Buckeyes had probably already fallen out of the top 25 as far as player pay scale.
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The Boston Red Sox, losers of 11 of their last 14, are now only two games up in the Wild Card race over Tampa Bay. If the Sox hang on, they might become the first MLB team to make the playoffs without showing up for most of April and September.
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Cam Newton threw for over 400 yards in each of his first two NFL games. When asked how he seemed so relaxed, Cam allegedly responded “I just pretended I was facing SEC investigators..”
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Michael Vick suffered a neck injury and left the Eagles-Falcons game Sunday in the third quarter. Wonder if any Atlanta editor was tempted to use the headline “Dog-gone?”
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Jane Lynch, who hosted the Emmys, is unabashedly out of the closet, but doesn’t seem to be the target of much conservative criticism. Is it that America’s actually getting less homophobic? Or are would-be critics just afraid of her?
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Alec Baldwin asked that his short skit be totally cut from the Emmys show when Fox nixed a joke about Rupert Murdoch and News Corp.’s phone-hacking scandal. Fox’s response was that the network had been carefully considering the decision since they heard Baldwin discussing the line on the phone last week.
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Congratulations to Mariano Rivera who notched his record-tying 601st save yesterday for the Yankees. While Rivera is unquestionably a good closer, there has been some luck involved – if he played for the Royals or Pirates, Mariano might not have had 601 potential wins to save.
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Dominique Strauss-Kahn said he is innocent of any “violence or aggression” regarding his tryst with the maid in New York, but acknowledged a “moral weakness.”
I wouldn’t go THAT far, responded Bill Clinton.
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Some claim it would take a miracle for President Obama to be re-elected. But really, is that any more unlikely than this? The Washington Redskins and Rex Grossman, 2 and 0.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry is taking some flack for having billed state taxpayers $294,000 for his travel security. But in Perry’s defense, at least half of that was to keep his hair in place.
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Lindsey Graham claims that President Obama’s plan to have a minimum tax on millionaires is “class warfare.” Not that it’s likely to happen but some part of me would love to hear Obama respond “Maybe, but so was storming the Bastille.”
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Wonder if the New York Yankees will be the first sports team to oppose Obama’s tax hike on millionaires. Not that the team is worried about their players, but the Yankees are concerned the hike will affect their entire season ticket base.
Although that’s probably an overstatement. Even most people who make over $1 million a year can’t afford Yankees season tickets.
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Republicans are already denouncing President Obama’s minimum tax for millionaires as “Class Warfare.” Well, if true, this might be the first type of warfare the GOP doesn’t support.
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Congrats to Kyle Chandler. “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.” And if you’ve never heard that phrase before, watch “Friday Night Lights” on DVD. One of those rare television shows that never felt like you were putting your brain (or heart) on hold to watch.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: class warfare jokes, Emmys jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Perry jokes, Vick jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 18, 2011
Ohio State and Miami played Saturday in a matchup of college football powerhouses facing probation or worse due to NCAA investigations. (Inelig-Bowl is not my original phrase, but it’s an apt one.)
Miami won handily, 24-6, which brings up a paraphrase of an old rhetorical question – “If two teams play in a forest and none of it ends up counting, do we still care?”
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Tommy Lasorda gave a pep talk to the UCLA Bruins before their football game with Texas today. Sounds like the talk was about as successful as any Tommy may have made this year to the Dodgers.
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So the longest winning streak in college football belongs to…. Stanford? Yep, with 11 wins. And more impressively, all the Cardinal starters can count to 11.
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The latest college football program to have their integrity challenged – Oregon. The school has received formal notice of the NCAA investigation into their use of recruiting services. But amazingly with all these investigations, only USC so far has received a postseason ban. Of course, the NCAA is in a quandry. If they ban all the serious violators, there won’t be enough teams left to fill all the bowls.
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Ron Paul won the Republican California Straw Poll. Unfortunately for Paul, California is about as relevant to the GOP nationally as he is.
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Not to say Michele Bachmann looked awkward and uncomfortable on the Tonight Show, but in all seriousness she made last week’s guest Dick Cheney look relaxed and charming.
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You think your favorite player had a bad day – Kevin Prince of UCLA threw three interceptions in the first quarter against Texas. (In fact, he threw seven passes, three completed to his own team, three to Texas, and one incomplete.) Who does he think he is? Brett Favre?
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Did SF Giants GM Brian Sabean overpay for Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff this year? Absolutely. But it could be worse. Much worse. Adam Dunn, with a $12 million salary, hit an interesting 2011 milestone last night for the Chicago White Sox – his strikeout total of 161 now matches his batting average of .161
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The current scandal in Italy is whether Premier Silvio Berlusconi may have flown prostitutes on Italian government planes. Not that this is something to brag about, but on the other hand, unlike politicians who also fly on government planes, prostitutes generally do provide value for money.
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A new study reported in the NY Times indicates that failure, and learning to overcome it, may be a secret to success. If so, some of the most successful people in the world must be Cubs fans.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 17, 2011
As we approach the weekend it is perhaps time to mark a momentous (and possibly very brief) occasion in the state of Michigan – for the first time in perhaps recorded memory, the Detroit Tigers, Lions and the UM Wolverines are all in first place.
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U.S. stocks rose again Friday which meant the market is on a 5-day winning streak for the first time in more than two months. Out of habit the GOP presidential candidates blamed it on Obama.
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Whole Foods is introducing a new “Wellness Club” , with “lifestyle evaluation,” nutrition tips, classes and some discounts. The idea is to help shoppers “make educated and positive lifestyle choices that promote their long-term health and well being.” For $540 a year.
Note, the chain doesn’t talk about promoting financial well being, which would mean “Shop at a cheaper store.”
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Michele Bachmann made a brief appearance at a Marin county home today but was in and out of the Bay Area very quickly. Makes sense, Michele is anti-vaccine and she sure didn’t want to get “cooties.”
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Michele Bachmann, 55, appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno Friday and talked about her opposition to Rick Perry’s requiring girls in Texas to have the HPV vaccine. She said it was less about the shot than the “abuse of executive power.” Fair enough, anyone who looks closely at Bachmann’s forehead knows that neither she nor Nancy Pelosi has any fear of needles.
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Many Americans who are only casually following the GOP presidential race might wonder “Who’s Ron Paul?” But the candidate just got an ringing endorsement from singer Barry Manilow. Said most Americans under 40 “Who’s Barry Manilow?”
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Tareq and Michaele Salahi, whose 15 minutes of fame comes from gatecrashing a White House party, have filed for divorce. Apparently Michaele is hanging out these days with Journey guitarist Neal Schon. The whole story proves wrong those Americans who said “I couldn’t care less,” about the latest Kardashian wedding.
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New York Mets manager Terry Collins said today his team has “folded it up.” Which means he only noticed this about three months after the rest of us.
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But yikes, Friday night NY beat Atlanta in the 12-2 at Turner Field. If the Mets have folded it up what does that make the Braves – origami?
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U.S. stocks rose again Friday which meant the market is on a 5-day winning streak for the first time in more than two months. Out of habit the GOP presidential candidates blamed it on Obama.
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Pat Boone spoke before the California GOP convention tonight. Makes sense, as the Republican party has become increasingly anti-evolution, it’s important for them to provide evidence that humans have co-existed with dinosaurs.
Dick Cheney is hard at work on the media circuit promoting his new book. And despite the rough year the President has had, Barack Obama at least can take comfort in knowing this sort of thing is one embarrassment he’ll be spared in the future. Because no one expects Joe Biden to be able to edit his thoughts down to one volume.
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TSA has fired or suspended 28 Honolulu airport employees after an internal investigation found the weren’t been screening checked bags for explosives. Yeah, but they got ALL those passengers who attempted to carry on four-ounce tubes of sunscreen.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Detroit jokes, election jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Michele Bachmann jokes, Obama jokes, TSA jokes
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September 10, 2011
Not sure laughter is the best revenge, but to all those who think it’s inappropriate to laugh on September 11, I think if we don’t laugh, it’s another way the bad guys win.
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Good to see Bill Clinton taking the high road and working with John Boehner to raise funds for a Flight 93 memorial. Especially as Bill could have said he wanted a John Boehner tribute to 9/11 simply by placing the U.S. permanently at threat level Orange.
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Police are on alert because of “credible but unconfirmed” rumors of a vehicle bomb in New York and/or Washington tomorrow. Not sure what that means but probably a really bad day to be moving to either of those cities and driving around semi-lost in a rental U-Haul.
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With “Contagion” coming out the same weekend as the 10th anniversary of 9/11, the only thing longer than airport security lines are the lines to wash hands at theater bathrooms.
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Despite Nevada’s 69-20 loss to Oregon today, there’s evidence Ducks coach Chip Kelly was taking the Wolfpack seriously. Kelly reinstated star cornerback and punt returner Cliff Harris before the game. Harris had been suspended indefinitely after being cited for driving 118 mph in June, while driving with a suspended license.
(And no doubt Harris has been warned, if he messes up again he’ll be dropped from the team barely with time to enter the NFL supplemental draft.)
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Houston businessman Jim Crane has been waiting since May for MLB to approve his purchase of the Houston Astros. Considering that the team is on pace to lose about 110 games, maybe the delay is due to the time required to complete a sanity evaluation.
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Oregon coach Chip Kelly has reinstated star cornerback and punt returner Cliff Harris for today’s game. Harris had been suspended indefinitely after being cited for driving 118 mph in June, while driving with a suspended license. Apparently driving that fast is forgivable – if you run that fast on a football field.
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Apparently over 20 Fresno State footballl players from Fresno State have been accused of filing for false benefits in a welfare fraud investigation. In the players’ defense they said “Well, it’s not like we could make any money selling memorabilia from the Humanitarian Bowl.”
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Facing increasing more allegations of NCAA violations, Ohio State needed a last minute fourth-down stop to hold off Toledo today – 27 to 22. A loss would have been the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Buckeyes since at least Thursday.
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A Continental Connection plane landed uneventfully at Sulphur, Louisiana Wednesday night. Except that they were supposed to land at Lake Charles, Louisiana, about a half-hour drive away. That’s it. No more pilot happy hours. (Or at least they need to stick to beer over hurricanes.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, Janice Hough, Sept 11 jokes, September 11 humor
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September 7, 2011
Chaz Bono is facing criticism as a “Dancing With the Stars” contestant from some who claim it’s not about the transgender issue, but about the fact that Chaz is only a “star” by virture of having famous parents.
Right, as opposed to being someone who earned their stardom by both having a famous parent and getting pregnant at 16.
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But let’s be real. Would any actual star (as opposed to “wants to be a star”, “used to be a star”, or “thinks being on reality tv made them a star”), actually have any interest in being on the show? Just asking.
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The Baltimore-New York game ended after 2a Wednesday morning at Yankee Stadium. No extra innings, just a four hour rain delay. It could have been worse – if there was a similar rain delay with a Red Sox-Yankees game, they’d be lucky to finish by daybreak.
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Meanwhile, the New York Mets-Florida Marlins game went to the 12th in South Florida. Anyone want to hazard a guess on how many dozen fans were left in the stands?
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Eddie Murphy is the host of next year’s Oscar telecast. Is he going to appear as his live or animated version?
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Carol Bartz is apparently out as CEO of Yahoo. This surprised many people in Silicon Valley, who based on results were unaware that anyone was actually running Yahoo.
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Regarding California’s Proposition 8, the now-overturned but soon-to-be-appealed anti gay marriage ban, I have one question: With all the major GOP presidential candidates running on platforms that are anti-government intrusion, how come not ONE of them has come out and said that legislating marriage like this is a waste of time and money?
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When Wolf Blitzer asked him about the Bush administration record, Dick Cheney responded “I’m not inclined to make any mea culpas.” And later the former V.P. returned George W.’s phone call to answer “what’s a mea culpa?”
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Ohio State had suspended four players for the team’s season opener against Akron for receiving impermissible benefits. But new coach Luke Fickell said all of them would be reinstated for this week’s home game against Toledo. Yep, the Buckeyes don’t want to be shorthanded when they start playing the tough teams.
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Every week in the NFL, teams release their injury lists. In the NCAA this year, will teams start releasing their “suspended, arrested and/or academically ineligible” lists?
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Sarah Palin apparently ran an half-marathon in Iowa this weekend. Of course Palin said she would have preferred to run a full marathon but that going halfway was better for the people of Iowa.
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For Canadian readers: U.S. college football national champions Auburn paid $950,000 to Utah State to play them, and then barely won 42-38, by scoring two touchdowns in the game’s last three minutes. Heck, for $950,000 Auburn could have paid for a far easier opponent, like the Toronto Argonauts.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Chaz Bono jokes, Cheney jokes, Dancing with the Stars jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 6, 2011
“Suspended animation.” Is that what they might call a cartoon about the 2011 Miami Hurricanes?
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The Hurricanes, with eight players suspended over a scandal about talking illegal benefits from a booster, lost to Maryland tonight, 34-32.
And many in the media were talking about bad breaks and how tough it is for the Hurricanes.
Excuse me, bad breaks are car or plane crashes, or injuries, or random illnesses. Players who have heard lectures repeatedly on NCAA rules regarding boosters and payouts, and then go out and ignore those rules? Sorry, that’s just plain stupid.
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Best sign seen in College Park on the sidelines of the Miami-Maryland game: “Two Hurricanes, One Week, No Problem.”
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The GOP candidates are just now starting to attack each other as well as President Obama. But it’s going to get worse. If the race was six months further along wonder if someone would say God sent the wildfires in Texas to get Rick Perry off the campaign trail.
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Yesterday exactly two FBS (former Division 1 football teams lost to FCS (former D1-AA) teams. Oregon State lost to Sacramento State. And Duke lost to Richmond. The Blue Devils next opponent? Stanford. Probably not the Luck they were hoping for.
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While his playing status for the Colts opener is still uncertain, Peyton Manning has been told not to practice this week or do any hard workouts. In other words, pretend he’s JaMarcus Russell.
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Michele Bachmann’s campaign manager Ed Rollins quit today, along with his deputy. Rollins said that at 68 he just “doesn’t have the stamina for 12- and 14-hour days every day of the week.” Sounds better than saying he no longer has the stamina for dealing with “bat sh*t crazy.
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Despite her anti-union record Michele Bachmann is scoffing at suggestions that she has no business celebrating Labor Day. After all, as she says “I have five children, I’ve been in labor five times.”
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The Washington Redskins have announced Rex Grossman will be their opening day starter. Which means even Republicans will soon be likely to agree that President Obama is not D.C.’s most disappointing ex-Chicagoan.
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Trivia question of the night. (No fair googling the answer.) Who was the last quarterback to start for the Colts before Peyton Manning? And no, it wasn’t Johnny Unitas.
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It’s a brave new world, or something, with all the fertility treatments now available. The NY Times reported on a group of 150 children, all conceived with sperm from one donor, where some of the mothers and kids even vacation together. Previously these sort of “extended families” existed only when the father played in the NBA.
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Maryland football uniforms must be seen to be believed. Anyone remember Julie Andrews making playclothes out of drapes in “The Sound of Music.” Maybe they hired her to turn some extra state flags into jerseys.
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Lebron James has tweeted “Maryland uniforms…. Ewwwwwww” Yeah, almost as ugly as his playoff performances in the fourth quarter.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, Janice Hough, Maryland uniform jokes, Miami jokes, NCAA jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 