Finished at the finish line?

Posted September 18, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

So what is going on in Texas? Are the Rangers just trying to spare their fans the pain of another postseason collapse?

–

Meanwhile with NY having lost 4 of 5  and looking increasingly unlikely to make the postseason, wonder if ESPN will preempt playoff coverage for highlights of old Yankees-Red Sox games.

–

Texas A & M reported they raised more than $740 million in donations in the past fiscal year. Gosh, that’s probably a few hundred Johnny Manziel autograph sessions.

–

Tiger Woods wants to see a time limit placed on viewers being able to call-in of possible rules violations. Specifically, until five minutes before Tiger himself tees off.

–

From T.C.   “The PGA may put a halt to fans phoning in rules violations. Tiger got dinged with penalties at The Masters & BMW Championship this year after viewers called citing rule breaches. Woods’ GF Lindsey Vonn, however, said fans are welcome to call her any time if they see Tiger committing any infractions, such as being in the company of pancake or cocktail waitresses.”

–

Elton John says Miley Cyrus is a “meltdown waiting to happen.” Uh, some might say the wait is over.

–

Beanie Baby creator Ty Warner will plead guilty to tax evasion and pay a $53.5 million penalty. Wonder if he’s negotiating to pay the fine in Beanie Babies.

–

Due to winds and tides, the America’s Cup probable final race now will be Thursday. But when this is over, do hope New Zealand gives some honor to Larry Ellison. Who else could get most Americans to root for a foreign opponent against their own country?

–

The House is trying to defund Obamacare again, this time threatening to shutdown the government. When asked how Boehner would manage such a potential shutdown, Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan said “Even the best coaches in the N.F.L. only script out the first two series of plays. They don’t script the whole game.” Uh, but the best coaches in the NFL don’t keep on starting with the same ineffectual play 40 times in a row.

 

Phrase I would like to nominate for retirement: “It will do no good to legislate (fill-in-the-blank) because criminals will break the law.” By that standard we should toss out all laws and regulations, since people will disobey traffic rules, cheat on taxes, steal, assault and murder each other, etc.,

 

—
Many people are saying that the U.S gun laws are not to blame for mass murders; rather it’s things like mental health and poverty. Okay, I guess I would take those folks more seriously if they were also for increasing mental health funding and the minimum wage.

Comments: 1 Comment

Paint Drying Alert.

Posted September 18, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

America’s Cup races 11 and 12 were postponed today. This after a close race 10 where New Zealand skipper Dean Barker said afterwards “If you didn’t enjoy today’s racing out there, you should watch another sport.” Most Americans sports fans didn’t hear him though, as they were watching other sports.

–

If the Kiwis win both races today, the America’s Cup will go back to New Zealand. Not to say most in the US won’t care, but to paraphrase Shakespeare, “Easy will lie the head that used to wear the crown.”

–

A South Carolina woman was arrested for allegedly injuring her housemate with knives because he wouldn’t stop playing Eagles music. Good thing the guy wasn’t a Justin Bieber fan or he’d probably be dead.

–

Just announced: the Cal Bears football game on September 28 against #2 Oregon in Eugene will be at 730p for television. Presumably to attract fans of “Breaking Bad” who enjoy watching prime-time slaughter.

–

Who says the NFL isn’t looking out for the common man. The league said today that 40% of tickets to this year’s Super Bowl will be under $1000.

–

–

Penthouse Magazine has filed for bankruptcy. Said many women – “What’s Penthouse?” Said most men under 30 – “What’s a magazine?”

–

KFC in Indonesia is now offering for dessert, a donut topped with Swiss and Cheddar cheese. This wouldn’t happen in the U.S. They’d sell the donut with cheese AND bacon.

–

From Bill Littlejohn:  FC Barcelona has signed a nine-year-old Swedish prodigy, Zico Marecaldi Jr., to their training academy.During the process, they were advised by recruiters from American college football’s Southeastern Conference.

–

The World Champion SF Giants are finally looking like the team they were in Oct. 2012. Too bad it took until Sept. 2013.

–

Miss South Carolina Brooke Mosteller last Sunday night in her Miss America pageant intro: “I’m from the state where 20% of our homes are mobile because that’s how we roll.” Maybe she should have stuck to “World Peace.”.

–

Very different cases, but Edward Snowden, Aaron Alexis…. Maybe the U.S. does need to look at the requirements for screening subcontractors?

–

–Congrats to Chris Davis, for breaking the Baltimore Orioles single season home run record. But as vehement as Davis is about not being juiced, does he really want any more comparisons with Brady Anderson?

 

–

Fox News’ Elisabeth Hasselback, talking about how the left has it wrong, and what we REALLY need is video game control “What about frequency testing? How often has this game been played? I’m not one to get in there and say, monitor everything, but if this, indeed, is a strong link, right, to mass killings then why aren’t we looking at frequency of purchases per person? And also, how often they’re playing and maybe they time out after a certain hour.”

Guess she doesn’t think if video games are outlawed, only outlaws will have video games.

–

 

–

Here we go again. Some in the GOP threatening to shut down the U.S. Government if we don’t defund Obamacare. Now, whatever you think of Obamacare, wouldn’t you think if Americans really wanted to do that, they would have tossed the President backing it out of office?

Comments: 6 Comments

Monday mourning.

Posted September 16, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

If only the worst headline in D.C. today was about the the Redskins.

But as another sad shooting story filled front pages and rumors fly, the one thing, as usual, that immediately seemed was a certainty about the shooter or shooters in Washington, D.C. was the term “male.”

(A friend said this “punchline” is stale.  Believe me, I’d be glad to retire it.   )

–

 

In the SF Bay Area, when we turn to late night local news, it’s often almost a said cliche that there was yet another shooting in Oakland. Have to be thinking, in Canada and England, do they turn on the news and think the same about the USA?

–

Okay, back to sports etc….

–

Seattle fans say they set a Guinness World Records mark for loudest stadium during last nights Seahawks 49ers game, 131.9 decibels. Is this really a challenge they want to lay down when the new 49ers stadium is opening in perhaps the technology capital of the world?

The Texas Rangers have lost 7 in a row? What’s going on? It’s September, only the Dallas Cowboys are supposed to suck.

–

On a warm fuzzy sports note the Red Sox did have a really nice tribute to Mariano Rivera last night. Of course, it was probably warmer and fuzzier because Boston doesn’t think they’ll see him in the postseason.

Just a thought. Are there any middle ground options between Tiger Woods winning the tournament, and Tiger Woods whining about the tournament?

–

Suspended Tigers SS Jhonny Peralta, eligible to return Sept. 27, is heading to the instructional league this week. Have to wonder what “instruction” he might share with minor leaguers.

–

The the “gentlemen” of Delta Kappa Epilson at LSU thought it was a good idea before the Kent State game last Saturday to put up a banner saying “Getting Massacred Is Nothing New to Kent St.” Well that ought to do wonders for the image of SEC frat boys being Neanderthals.

–

#Jaguars fans rallying to push the team to sign #TimTebow. A few more games like last night’s and #49ers fans will be right behind them.

–

A few thoughts over last Saturday’s ASU-Wisconsin game . 1. The refs screwed up. 2. Instant replay doesn’t overcome incompetence. 3. If you have a play designed simply to take a knee, EXECUTE it cleanly.

–

Just guessing if Stanford ever has a ceremony to celebrate their big 2011 Orange Bowl win, they’re not going to put Richard Sherman and his former coach Jim Harbaugh next to each other.

 

Jerry Seinfeld will be part of the broadcast crew Tuesday night for the NY Mets and SF Giants game. As if the two teams’ play this year hasn’t been comical enough.

–

From Jim Barach:  Free Wi-Fi will be available to fans going to the Philadelphia Eagles stadium, Lincoln Financial Field. That will allow them to log their computers into NFL.com and watch all the football games that actually matter.

–

From Marc Ragovin:   “Interesting results from NYC school kids’ testing. While a vast majority could not do simple arithmetic, 97% correctly figured out when the Mets would be mathematically eliminated from contention.”

–

And finally a  little bipartisan picture humor for a day when we need it.

Image

–

Comments: Be the first to comment

There she is….

Posted September 15, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Miss America was tonight. Women tune in for the dresses. Men tune in for the swimsuit competition. And comedy writers tune in for the interview questions.

–

Okay, clearly the fix was in. Miss California, a Stanford graduate, got the Miss America question about bombing Syria….

–

Lebron James apparently married his long-time girlfriend in a private ceremony. Kudos to him for not making a circus out of THAT decision.

–

–

Vladimir Guerrero announced his retirement from baseball. Since he last played in 2011, perhaps he didn’t need to announce it? (Still wish the SF Giants had signed him when Alou was managing, they might have gotten that trophy with the little flags sooner.)

–

Not sure of all that will go on in Wisconsin’s football practices this week. But a “taking a knee” clinic will no doubt be included.

You think YOUR team is bad? WKMG TV in Orlando felt they needed to run a scrolled message today saying that NFL policy states the station must carry all Jacksonville Jaguars away games. The end of the message said: “We apologize for any inconvenience.”

–

And we wonder why we have gridlock. The Tea Party in Kentucky is backing a primary challenger to Senator Mitch McConnell, because they think he compromises too much and is too moderate….

–

Silver lining moment: This was one Sunday when NY Jets fans know their team won’t disappoint them.

–

–A young man was hospitalized with non-life threatening injures after he fell four stories through a skylight at an Massachusetts Institute of Technology fraternity. Shocking. MIT has fraternities?

–

Another thought on the above young man.  Just guessing he got an F on that first aeronautical engineering project?

–

–

Oops. This correction in Arizona Highways magazine after an article on edible wild plants: “The fly agaric mushroom should not be consumed in its raw form because of its unpredictable psychotropic and physical effects,”
Unsaid to those who already tried the fly agaric, also known as a “magic mushroom”, – we REALLY hope you aren’t driving.

(or as friends of mine suggest… flying..)

–

Larry Summers withdrew his name from consideration for Federal Reserve chairman. Thereby wasting more than a few Senators’ already written speeches against him.

–

Anyone watching SF Giants and 49ers today who didn’t know the standings might have guessed the wrong team expected to go to the postseason. (And the Giants scored more too.)

–

Not sure what would have helped the 49ers tonight?  Maybe more lightning?

–

Okay, Richard Sherman was smirking after tonight’s 49rs-Seahawks game. But have to think that somewhere Alex Smith was smiling just a little bit.

Comments: Be the first to comment

Barfman ?

Posted September 14, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

A rumor is circulating that Justin Bieber is up for the role of Robin in the next Batman movie. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country? Think the reaction from most liberals and conservatives is – “I’m going to throw up.”

–

ESPN says they have obtained a photo of Texas A&M QB Johnny Manziel signing for autograph broker Drew Tieman this January. Gosh if this is authentic and the NCAA had seen it, Manziel might have been suspended for three whole quarters.

–

Cal’s football team did lose 52-34 to Ohio State Saturday night. But is it a moral victory that they scored 15 more than the SF Giants did in LA?

–

The Fresno State-Colorado football game was cancelled due to flooding. Colorado coach Mike MacIntyre said “There are a lot of issues out there that are a lot bigger than football.” Now there’s a man who will never coach in Texas.

–

This week, a Pennsylvania appeals court will hear Jerry Sandusky’s challenge to his child molestation conviction. If he loses, can they change his sentence to be served in the general population?

Quote from Harry S Truman, who may be smiling about Syria today: “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

–

Oregon-Tennessee uniforms are as ugly as the game. The 80s called, they want their color scheme back.

–

Oregon 59 – #Tennessee 7. Last time young men from the South were beaten this badly by young men from the North, General Lee was arranging terms of surrender.

.And lastly, from my friend Michael Schilby.  If this story isn’t true it should be.  Dedicated to all of us who have had TMI moments on public transit:

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”.

“Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”.

“No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss”.

“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!”

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.

When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any more.

Comments: 1 Comment

Cattiness.

Posted September 13, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Hope everyone had a safe Friday the 13th. And remember, black cats are only really unlucky if you trip over one while you are texting and walking.

 

The SI report on abuses at Oklahoma State includes football players saying that recruits and school hostesses had sex. Shocking. Guess the gals were supposed to wait to sleep with the players until after they had committed.

–

Strange times in Pittsburgh. The Pirates may well be playing meaningful games later into the year than the Steelers.

–

A Pennsylvania judge Thursday ordered a suburban Philadelphia court clerk to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Where is the conservative outrage about judicial activism and government interference in private lives?

–

Sign of the times: Chris Davis tonight became the latest member of baseball’s 50 HR club. A feat that now not only brings “Congratulations,” but also “Wonder what he’s taking”

–

Some like to ascribe natural disasters to God’s punishment of sinful behavior: Haven’t heard any of those folks wondering whether the floods in Colorado might mean God didn’t like the state voting out representatives who favor gun control.

–

A story on NFL.com today is titled “Concussion issue continues to grow in Major League Baseball.” Large black pot, smaller black kettle?

–

A U.S. man who was trying to emulate the movie “Up” and cross the Atlantic Ocean from Maine to France using only hundreds of helium balloons, has landed a bit short…. in Newfoundland. “Missed it by THAT much” said Darwin.

–

For two hours yesterday, United was accidentally selling tickets online for $10 roundtrip. Which means by the time fees are added a lot of people will have purchased trips for only about $400.

–

Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s mom, was arrested last night for DWI and speeding in New York, allegedly with a blood alcohol of .20. Guess the apple didn’t stagger far from the tree.

—

 

The Russian newspaper Pravda is indicating that in response to Putin’s op-ed in the NY Times, they will accept and print John McCain’s rebuttal op-ed. That is, unless they get a better offer – like an op-ed from Sarah Palin.

–

Tiger Woods was penalized two strokes today in the BMW tournament for moving his ball. Not nearly as much as the, uh, moving balls cost him with Elin….

Comments: Be the first to comment

Our shrinking status?

Posted September 12, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Mount McKinley, the tallest mountain in the USA, has gotten a bit shorter. It’s now measured at 20,237 instead of 20,320 feet. What an outrage. I blame Obama.

 

–

Apparently Aaron Hernandez will not be allowed to watch the Patriots while he is jail awaiting trial. If the authorities really wanted to punish him, however, they’d make former Gator Hernandez watch replays of last week’s Florida-Miami game.

 

Geno Smith, 3 interceptions in the 4th quarter. Can hear the chants all the way from California – “Tebow, Tebow, Tebow…”

–

Two Saskatchewan Roughriders (CFL) players have been charged with aggravated assault following an August bar fight. Were the two trying to prove they really belonged in the NFL?

–

Apple stock has fallen after the much anticipated new iPhone updates turned out basically to be … new bright colors? And somewhere Steve Jobs is thinking “No one person is indispensable, my a**.”

 

Emirates Team New Zealand now has a commanding lead in the Americas’s Cup, in part due to tactical errors by Oracle Team USA. Maybe even the U.S. sailors are sick of being on the same team as Larry Ellison.

–

From Bill LIttlejohn:  “Ndamakong Suh reportedly threatened a cable guy with a pellet gun.This time, though, an overwhelming number of frustrated subscribers have offered to help pay his fine”

 

 

Michelle Obama is now getting criticized for saying “Drink just one more glass of water a day and you can make a real difference for your health, your energy, and the way you feel.” You do get the sense if she made a statement in support of motherhood and apple pie that the immediate reaction would be “what about fathers and cherry pie?”

–

Newt Gingrich says that Putin’s NY Times opinion piece is a “lie.” And if anyone knows lies, it’s a man who’s said three times “until death do us part.”

 

The silly season never goes away…. A Republican operative posted a screenshot of Montana Lt. Gov (and likely 2014 Senate candidate) John Walsh’s FB page. Apparently he had “liked” a profile with pictures of women’s breasts called “Breasts. Proof that men can multitask2” Walsh said the “like” was a mistake and deleted it. At least the Lt. Gov didn’t feel compelled to say that that he DIDN’T like breasts.

–

Putin in his anti-American-exceptionalism op-ed in the NY Times: “We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal.” Unless you are female, Chechen, or gay.

–

 

Comments: 1 Comment

No laughing matter?

Posted September 11, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

As we remember September 11, some think it’s inappropriate to joke on such a solemn anniversary. But I think if we can’t laugh, the terrorists win.

–

My friend Keith Ogden, who I agree with on politics about 10% of the time, made a comment that reminded me of one of the greatest things about this country: As much as you may not like how the USA is run, or who is running it, or who wants to run it, you can joke about things all you want, and you don’t get arrested or worse.

–

 

McDonald’s has a new “Blitz Box” meal, which contains 2 Quarter Pounders with cheese, 10 Chicken McNuggets and two medium fries. They market it for “two or more.” Well, for many Americans that’s plausible deniability anyway.

–

Forbes.com reports that tickets for the Alabama-Texas A&M game are going for an average of $763 online. Wonder how many of those ticket buyers will spend much of the game criticizing Johnny Manziel for making money from autographs

 

What could POSSIBLY go wrong here? Disney is re-releasing “The Little Mermaid” on September 13. And encouraging kids to be “part of her world” by bringing their iPads etc. to interact with their “Disney Second Screen Live” app….during the movie.

 

Some sports reporters are starting not to use the “Redskins” nickname and will simply say “Washington football team.” Fortunately, if week 1 was any indication, there will be no need for this awkward phrasing to continue into the postseason.

–

USC coach Lane Kiffin said there was no team meeting after the Trojans’ embarrassing loss to WSU. But WR Marqise Lee confirmed it was a players-only meeting. “Kiffin don’t know,.. Kiffin don’t know nothing about it.” Sounds like Lane knows as much about his team as he does about coaching football.

 

Some cheerleaders at a Texas public high school who want to display bible verses on banners at football games, have hired a lawyer to fight what a local politician called an effort at “imposing San Francisco liberalism in every community in Texas.” Uh, really? Don’t think most liberals are that worried about banners in football, we’re a little more concerned about imposing things like science in textbooks.

–

Tweet from Colts owner Jim Irsay on protecting Andrew Luck: “we gotta protect #12 better..and that includes more than just OL…it’s backs,TE’s,coaches on blitz pick ups..I DEMAND better” Right, because last week they just weren’t trying.

 

–

 

Following the defeats of Elliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner, comes the news that Mark Sanchez may be out for the year. “Oh, the horror”, said NY comedy writers…

 

–

Ndamukong Suh is appealing his $100,000 fine as excessive. Guess he figures it’s too big a chunk of his annual fine fund?

 

–

Bobby Valentine, talking on the radio today, said his Mets team was “tired” and “wasted” after 9/11, because they had been going to the funerals and firehouse. And stated “”Let it be said that during the time from 9/11 to 9/21, the Yankees were [AWOL], You couldn’t find a Yankee on the streets of New York City. You couldn’t find a Yankee down at Ground Zero, talking to the guys who were working 24/7. Many of them didn’t live here, and so it wasn’t their fault….” Wow, it’s sensitivity and judgment like that that is the reason Valentine is employed in a major league clubhouse today….not.

Comments: Be the first to comment

Rai$ing the bar?

Posted September 10, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

SI is reporting that when Les Miles coached at Oklahoma State, players were allegedly paid from $2,000 to $10,000 annually, with a few receiving $25,000 or more. And wonder at how many schools, current players are thinking “cheapskates.”

–

 

Two prison guards have been placed on leave while Ohio investigators look into the suicide of Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro. Instead of having them do nothing could we transfer the two men and have them temporarily guard Jerry Sandusky?

–

The NFL fined Ndamukong Suh was fined $100,000 for his hit on John Sullivan Sunday, but they won’t suspend him. Makes sense, with Suh suspended the league’s fine totals would likely be greatly reduced.

–

49ers QB Colin Kaepernick apparently has a bet going this week with Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. Quick where’s Roger Goodell with the fines?

–

As Anthony Weiner’s car drove away after his concession speech, the candidate flipped the bird at a reporter. Stay classy, Carlos Danger.

–

Spitzer and Weiner, both gone. Who knew the voters of New York were less forgiving of moral lapses than those in South Carolina?

–

 

 

Fox’s Dana Perino is “tired” of atheists trying to remove the phrase “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance. “If these people really don’t like it, they don’t have to live here.” Right, because who in America would argue against the words of the Founding Fathers… Oops, wait, never mind…..

–

Anyone but me getting the sense that some in the GOP hope this potential Syria diplomatic solution fails?

–

Just wondering, of all the members of Congress who publicly responded to President Obama’s Syria speech, did any of them compose their response after the speech?

–

Mitch McConnell gave a speech on the Senate floor today opposing Obama’s potential air strikes, saying “There are just too many unanswered questions about our long-term strategy in Syria.” Shame he didn’t have these scruples with Iraq.

–

Gosh, how sorry does Bud Selig feel for the Yankees this year? MLB has them opening in 2014 against the Houston Astros.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I hope the NY Yankees don’t make the playoffs. But the only silver lining if they do is the thought of Bud Selig sweating over the remote possibility of awarding the World Series MVP to A-Rod.

Comments: Be the first to comment

Southern family values.

Posted September 10, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

George Zimmerman was briefly taken into custody over an alleged incident involving his estranged wife and a gun.  So congratulations to all those who had September 9 in the pool.

 

North Carolina Police said an 11 year-old girl accidentally shot and killed her 19 (not a typo) year-old stepfather when he was showing her his new handgun. (Mom is 35)  The silver lining to this sad story, since he was her stepfather, the young man qualifies for a Darwin Award.,

 

My friend Chris Eisenberg wonders how the family with the 35 year-old mom and 11 year-old daughter who accidentally shot her 19-year-old stepfather doesn’t have a reality show. Actually, I think they might be working on one: “Here comes Honey Boom Boom.”

–

It’s only week one but we know the NFL season is in full swing: Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh is already looking at discipline from the NFL for an illegal hit against the Vikings.

–

Anthony Weiner responded grumpily to a question about the whereabouts of his wife on the Today Show Monday saying, that his campaign “was always about me.” Uh, Mr. Danger, everything was always about you. Which is part of the problem.

–

But what about feeding her family? A judge denied Jamie McCourt request to throw out their $131 million divorce settlement. The former L.A. Dodgers CEO believes her ex-husband Frank McCourt misled her about the value of the team, which he sold for $2 billion. A shame these two got divorced, they so richly deserve each other.

–

The Arena football team LA KISS has offered Tim Tebow a 3 year QB contract. Not sure how it would work out on the field, but any poster featuring Tebow with Gene Simmons has best seller potential.

 

The Washington Redskins are 0-1  #IblameObama

–

Chip Kelly’s Philadelphia Eagles made him a winner in his NFL coaching debut. Mostly surprising the East Coast media who figured that he’d only coached at Oregon, and thus had no experience with professional players.

 

 

A field goal with time expiring meant the Houston Texans won Tuesday Morning Football.

 

But really, what was it with this super late start time of the Texans-Chargers game.  It’s not like the NFL was competing tonight with real late night sports television – like a Yankees-Red Sox game.

–

A face-saving way out… with no bombing? Reports are that Syria may now accept a proposal to put their weapons under international control.”  So do we blame Obama?

 

It may now be a non-issue if Assad accepts turning over control of his weapons, but the GOP is saying that President Obama won’t be able to get any legislation passed in his second term if the House turns down his request to authorize a strike on Syria. Really? As opposed to all the legislation they were going to pass if Syria never happened?

Comments: 1 Comment

The Royal not always known as Prince?

Posted September 8, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Prince Andrew was briefly stopped by Buckingham Palace police who didn’t recognize him on an evening walk through the gardens. Good thing this was England and not the U.S., so the Prince wasn’t accidentally shot.

–

A 107-year-old man was killed during a shootout with members of an Arkansas SWAT team last night. Sigh. Once again this is what happens when you have guns without parental responsibility.

–

Oracle Team USA has at least avoided a shutout in the America’s Cup by finally winning race 4. This is a tough one for many U.S. sports fans. With the natural inclination to cheer “USA USA” running directly into their natural hatred of Larry Ellison

 

–115,109 fans watched the Wolverines beat the Fighting Irish last night at Michigan stadium. That’s  almost the average attendance of a couple of Tampa Bay Rays’ home stands.

–

Texas and USC, who played for the BCS National Championship in 2006, have both fallen out of the AP top 25 poll. Maybe they’re hoping for a rematch, in the Valero Alamo Bowl.

–

Wonder if anyone in the Green Bay Packers locker room made the mistake of saying before today’s game, “Well, at least this season we’re opening with refs who know the rule book?”

–

From T.C.   “Former NFL running back Ricky Williams is an asst coach for a college in San Antonio. Look for this team to run the Weed-Option offence.”

–

–

Mark Sanchez may have a torn labrum in his shoulder, which will not necessarily need surgery. And NY Jets fans are thinking “Rest, take all the time you need, years even…”

–

With Sunday night’s NY Giants vs Dallas Cowboys game have to figure 10% of Americans wanted  NY, 10% wanted Dallas, and the rest wish they could both lose.

–

Meanwhile, back in MLB, what happened to the “invincible” Atlanta Braves and Los Angeles Dodgers? Both losers of four straight….

–

Lost in the hubbub over the NFL opening weekend was the Reds 4-3 walkoff win over the Dodgers last night. When Brian Wilson walked the first batter in the 10th, and Cincinnati scored with a stolen base and a single. Ladies and gentlemen in Los Angeles, get your flasks ready.

–

NY Yankees win with walkoff walk after another blown save. Maybe even Mariano Rivera wants to be done with A-Rod after the regular season.

Comments: Be the first to comment

Light up the night?

Posted September 8, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

The 2020 Olympics has been awarded to Tokyo. The city was an early favorite but has been dealing with mounting worries over the Fukushima nuclear plant. Well, on a brighter note, we could end up with the first glow-in-the-dark Olympic medals.

–

In the first America’s Cup race the two boats have come within inches of each other several times. Now, that’s a way to increase viewership – demolition derby?

–

During their upset lost to Miami, Florida had to burn a critical 4th quarter time out because of 12 men on the field during a PAT. Maybe this will prompt a new SEC emphasis on athletes taking math?

 

–

Meanwhile, Stanford won 34-13 over San Jose State, beating the Spartans soundly but not covering the spread. Although coach David Shaw basically had the Cardinal kneel down in San Jose State territory for the last couple minutes of the game to run out the clock.

Stanford fans know  Jim Harbaugh is well and truly gone – he’d have probably called passes into the end zone and then gone for two.

–

SI is planning to publish articles about alleged “inappropriate activities and actions” from 2001-2007 in Oklahoma State’s football program -including athletes being paid, drug abuse, grade changes, and hostesses providing sex to recruits. And gosh, what ever happened to the Cowboys’ coach from that time?

(For football fans who don’t follow it that closely, the coach from 2001-2004 was Les Miles. Since 2005 he has coached LSU.)

–

When Irish eyes are crying: Notre Dame 30, Michigan 41.

–

From Jerry Perisho:  “This season, Manti Teo’s imaginary girlfriend dates a player from Michigan.”

–

Washington State 10,  USC 7.  “Gosh do we wish we had hired Lane Kiffin as our coach” said no NCAA school anywhere.

–

There may be a more useless trend at games than having fans tweet random messages to put on the scoreboard. But offhand hard to think of one.

–

All these GOP members of Congress waxing so poetically about our need to avoid military intervention in the Mideast. I do imagine at “The Daily Show” interns are working overtime taking notes and saving video clips for future use.

–

So Dennis Rodman made another visit to his good friend Kim Jong Un. Guessing the Worm didn’t bring a copy of his ex-girlfriend Madonna’s “Sex” book.

–

The 2014 Super Bowl halftime act will be… Bruno Mars? Is that because an outdoor game in winter will be too cold for the usual old farts?

Bill Littlejohn’s take on the situation: The Super Bowl halftime show will  be performed by Bruno Mars.  Fitting, because the only place likely to feel colder than the stands at the Super Bowl that day will be Mars”

–

Comments: 1 Comment

Almost perfect

Posted September 6, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

How do you not love a pitcher who has thrown a perfect game for 8 innings who strikes out the leadoff batter in the 9th with three pitches: 77 mph, 76 mph and 77 mph. And it was a swinging strike three.

–

Actually rarer to lose perfect game on 27th batter (12 times) than to throw a perfect game (23 times)   #SFGiants #YusmeiroPetit #damnericchavez

–

Prefer college football generally to the NFL, except for the post season. If the NFL were the NCAA, the defending champion Baltimore Ravens would have fallen enough in the rankings last night to guarantee they wouldn’t be in the national championship.

–

Apparently teams are telling #TimTebow he’s not an NFL quarterback. Well, that never stopped Rex Grossman.

–

General Mills is recalling some refrigerated Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because the dough may contain plastic pieces. Surprised they aren’t touting the plastic as adding fiber.

–

New Chicago Cubs pitcher, Daniel Bard, claimed off waivers from the Boston Red Sox, says “To have a fresh environment to work in is really exciting.” Not to mention not having to deal with all that playoff pressure.

–

Most of the cast of “The Big Chill” assembled in Toronto for a 30th anniversary showing of the movie. The theme song’s changed a bit though. Now,it’s “You not only can’t always get what you want, you can’t always remember what it is you wanted.”

–

Downton Abbey is actually shot at Highclere Castle in Hampshire, but apparently increasing numbers of Americans are heading to the small village of Downton, 200 miles away, looking for where they film the show…. Can’t imagine where we get the reputation for being stupid tourists.

–

The Columbus (OH) Dispatch had a headline this morning saying that “Elway throws seven touchdown passes.” Hmm, wonder if this means the paper will ascribe arrests of Urban Meyer players this fall to the University of Florida.

–

President Obama and Putin had a conversation that Obama said was “constructive” Putin says they still don’t agree, “but we listened to each other. Well, that’s better than between the President and Congress.

–

Worst thing about Peyton Manning’s 7 TD performance Thursday night? Means the endless media deification of Ray Lewis from last year will go on for at least another week

–

San Jose State will play Stanford for the 67th and perhaps last time in football Saturday night, and the Spartan’s coach made it sound as it was because the Cardinal didn’t want to play “home and home” (Alternate stadiums.) Of course the fact that San Jose State ended up accepting $3 MILLION to travel twice to Auburn instead of playing Stanford has nothing to do with it.

Comments: 1 Comment

Not all in?

Posted September 5, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Many are still buzzing over why John McCain was playing online poker during the Senate hearing on Syria. Maybe because he couldn’t figure out “Candy Crush?”

–

Souvenir soda cups were sold at Notre Dame’s season opener with the words “FIGTHING IRISH” written on them. Who knew, the school had serious aspirations of joining the SEC?”

–

Ariel Castro’s lawyer said some might see his suicide as “a happy ending to this story. But we’re in a civilized society and no one should really be celebrating this.” Oh, I don’t know. U.S. taxpayers for starters?

 

–

The Chinese state media said the country needs to invest in promoting Mandarin, as more than 400 million Chinese are unable to speak the national language, and many in the country don’t speak it well. If they figure it out, maybe they can help America with our citizens and English?

 

A NY Post column today says “Can Jets win Super Bowl? Hey, there’s no law against it.” Last I looked there was no law against pigs flying either.

 

 

Oops. A Las Vegas billboard promoting UNLV athletics featured football coach Bobby Hauck alongside basketball coach Lon Kruger with the slogan “Come To Our House.” Except that Kruger left two years ago to coach Oklahoma. Why didn’t they just put up a picture of Jerry Tarkanian while they were at it?

 

George Zimmerman’s wife has filed for divorce. Suppose it would be cynical to wonder how much she was paid not to do this until after his trial was over…

 

 

Lamar Odom apparently checked out of a rehab center Thursday a day after he checked in for a drug problem. “Wow that’s fast,” said even Lindsay Lohan.

–

Really? At Mile High Stadium the NFL had Ryan Seacrest do a corny countdown to the beginning of the season tonight. Maybe that 30 minute lightning delay was God’s way of saying “I’ll show you some real ‘after the break.'”

 

Syria is a tough one. But regarding all the GOP members of Congress who plan to vote “no,” how many were in favor of going into Iraq? And can we remind them of this vote the next time a Republican president who wants to bomb something?

–

Comments: Be the first to comment

Bussing to hell

Posted September 4, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro was found dead in his cell Tuesday night. “Bummer”, said absolutely nobody.

(one friend suggested he inspire Jerry Sandusky…)

–

–

Hell freezes over alert? The Pittsburgh Pirates won their 81st game, thereby guaranteeing they will not finish with a losing record for the first time in 21 seasons. And somewhere God is thinking “Now, don’t get too excited, Cubs fans.”

–

A new proposed Senate resolution on Syria would limit military action to 90 days. Why didn’t we think of that for Iraq?

 

Chaz Bono has lost 80 pounds in less than a year. And women are thinking – No fair, even for transgendered men why does it have to be easier for them to lose weight than us?

 

Congrats again to 64 year old Diana Nyad for her swim from Cuba to Florida. Her attitude certainly helped, rumor has it she simply told sharks “You punks get out of my ocean.”

 

–

The Hartford Courant is reporting that police have new video showing Aaron Hernandez at a Boston club at the same time as two men who were shot and killed later that night. How much worse does it get before the Patriots bring back Tim Tebow just to change the headlines?

(Peter C. suggests he could be team chaplain.)

–

What a golden week for television: Jon Stewart is back, and Kris Jenner’s talk show has apparently been cancelled.

–

Pablo Sandoval today became second visiting player ever to have three home runs in a game at Petco Park. First was Ryan Braun. Will Big Macs now suddenly be considered a PED?

–

Apparently a woman who gave birth to a 13 lb 11 oz baby in Spain last month did it naturally without a epidural.    Without knowing , I do feel pretty sure in guessing  it was not her first child.

–

A Lufthansa flight from Stockholm to Frankfurt was diverted to Copenhagen due to a “worrisome” smell that turned out to be from a new carpet. This would never happen to a U.S. airline. When would they have have new carpet?

(Sean Smith suggests that new carpet rows would have a $35 surcharge.)

–

NY Yankees manager Joe Girardi said he is going to try to get Mariano Rivera to reconsider his retirement. Wonder if Girardi first will hire as a special assistant, Brett Favre.

–

.

Comments: 1 Comment

Making whoopie?

Posted September 3, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

A British zoo has appointed one of their staff as a “birds and the bees” consultant, and is experimenting with warning signs that say “ANIMAL BABY MAKING ZONE.” Why do I think in much of the U.S. this would cause more outrage than designating a zoo an “open carry” zone?

–

The Oakland Raiders named Terrelle Pryor as their starting QB. Another step in a 2013 season perhaps destined to lead to the REAL punishment for Johnny Manziel…. being drafted into Silver and Black?

–

Our long national nightmare is over. Jon Stewart returns tonight. Not that John Oliver wasn’t good…. But who better to report on the clusterf*ck that is Syria?

–

 

 

The Indianapolis Colts just waived rookie safety John Boyett from the University of Oregon following his arrest yesterday morning for disorderly conduct and resisting law enforcement. Boyett apparently told the cops “You can’t arrest me…I’m a Colts player.” Well, apparently it worked when he said “Ducks” in Eugene.

–

California Governor Jerry Brown didn’t attend the opening of the Bay Bridge, which has been plagued by construction problems and alleged defects. Lt. Governor Gavin Newsom presided in his place. Have to wonder, was Brown thus worried or hoping there would be glitches?

–

Kanye West is facing criticism for accepting $3 million to perform at a wedding hosted by Kazakhstan President Nursultan Nazarbayev, who has been accused of numerous human rights violations. But to be fair, West has to feed his family.

–

Two men were arrested this weekend for breaking into Wrigley Field and allegedly attempting to steal ivy from the historic ballpark. Hmm, wonder what ballpark they were trying to take it to, and which team they were trying to jinx?

–

Miley Cyrus said in an interview to the British “Sunday People”: “I have so many f***ing issues.” Really? How would the public ever know?

–

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft said today that he really wanted Tim Tebow to make the roster but it wasn’t his call.  Somewhere George Steinbrenner is rolling over in his grave.

–

Will Durst kind of summed it up “It’s fun to watch the Republicans’ natural hatred of Obama run smack into their love of bombing the crap out of the Middle East.”

–

So Clemson beat Georgia on college football’s opening weekend and jumped over Stanford to be #4 in the rankings, pushing the Cardinal down to #5. Now,  early rankings don’t matter, and Clemson is ACC anyway, but they are benefiting from the “rank all SEC teams high” strategy, so when they beat each other it counts more..

–

With the NY Mayoral Primary only a week away,  Anthony Weiner has fallen from 26% in the polls to 7% as of Sept 3.  Meaning so long to easy pickings like “Weiner shrivels” jokes.

(on the other hand, does anyone really expect him to go away quietly?)

–

 

 

In the America’s Cup, an international jury found Oracle Team USA guilty of cheating, fined them $250k, docked them two races in a best of 17 series, and dismissed three team members. Guess Johnny Manziel is thinking he’s glad he’s not a sailor.

Comments: 4 Comments

In the swim

Posted September 2, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Diana Nyad completed her swim today from Cuba to Florida. Upon her landing, out of habit five MLB teams offered her a contract.

(my friend Jeff Klein responded, and out of habit, most baseball fans figured she should be tested for PED’s)

–

Apparently some Christians are claiming that Tim Tebow was cut from the Patriots for reasons of religious persecution. Really? If someone could have a QB rating near 100, he could sacrifice goats at midfield and he’d have multiple free agent offers.

–

The BBC just revealed that a Polish captain ran his cargo ship aground onto islands off the Northumberland coast this March when he planned a course from Scotland to Belgium and forgot about England. (Really). Good thing we are all too PC now for Polish jokes.

–

–

A new study says the average man has grown 4 inches in the last century. Sorry, gentlemen, we’re talking height.

–

A Georgia WR is out for the season after injuring himself celebrating a touchdown. Well, this injury at least is not likely to befall the Oakland Raiders.

–

A new proposal in Europe is for Intelligent Speed Authority devices that would apply the brakes to any vehicle going above the speed limit. Let’s hope no one tells NY mayor Bloomberg.

–

Ray Lewis is now saying that he thinks the blackout during last year’s Super Bowl was a ploy to help the SF 49srs. “not gonna accuse nobody of nothing — because I don’t know facts, But you’re a zillion-dollar company, and your lights go out? No. No way. You cannot tell me somebody wasn’t sitting there and when they say, ‘The Ravens [are] about to blow them out. Man, we better do something.” Hmm, does Ray want people to start excusing his part in that murder due to a head injury.

–

A former colleague of David Frost, quoted in the U.K. Telegraph. “He never saw age like the rest of us.” And he told of one late Thatcher interview they prefaced with clips from previous encounters between the two of them over a decade ago.  Where the staff was worried that he would feel badly seeing his younger self.   And Frost’s only response upon seeing them “Hasn’t she aged?”

–

From Bill Littlejohn”  Michael Malone, the new coach for the NBA Sacramento Kings, says he once wanted to work for the government as a secret agent.  As Kings coach, however, Malone he has a chance to start the season at 00-7.

Comments: 1 Comment

Wedding belle?

Posted September 1, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Kate Middleton’s sister Pippa is reported to be secretly engaged and planning a Spring wedding. Making this perhaps the first time in history that millions of straight men are thinking “Can’t wait to see the dress.”

(or at least the back of it.)

–

Wonder how many prewritten GOP speeches had to be torn up condemning President Obamas complete disregard for Congress with his #Syria decision.

–

As the world moves on from Miley Cyrus’s VMA act, suppose it is a good time to count our blessings. For example that Madonna was at her outrageous peak well before Twitter, Youtube, Instagram etc….

–

As of September 1, the New York Yankees are about four games out of the second wild card spot in the AL. Wonder if Bud Selig is thinking of calling an emergency meeting to figure out how to add a third wild card?

–

–

The Oakland Raiders kept 4 QBs and 2 punters. Not sure about the need for 4 QBs, but the way the team looks now, sounds like they’ll have plenty of work for 2 punters.

–

Sad news, Sir David Frost has died at 74 of a heart attack. For the uninitiated and the young, Frost was once perhaps, the first Jon Stewart.

–

An Arkansas athletic department intern sustained a leg injury when a when a T-shirt gun apparently malfunctioned during the Razorbacks’ season opener. The NRA immediately issued a statement “When t-shirt guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have t-shirt guns.”

–

Apparently the 6,000 players suing the NFL over head injuries originally wanted $2 billion. But gosh, that would have been almost a fifth of the league’s annual $10 billion revenues.

–

Eastern Washington was paid $450,000 to play Oregon State yesterday. Making their 49-45 win one of the worst cases of creampuff indigestion in Pac 12 history. –

 

The NY Jets have named Geno Smith their starting QB.  Wonder how long it will be before fans start calling again for Tim Tebow?

Comments: 1 Comment

The best and the brightest?

Posted August 31, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Despite the Bay Bridge closure for Labor Day weekend, Tampa Bay pitcher David Price elected to take a taxi from San Francisco to Oakland yesterday for the Rays-As game instead of BART. Cost him $202. And the guy’s from Vanderbilt. Supposed to be smart…

–

Syria is a no-win situation. But President Obama’s statement today that the United States “should take military action against Syrian targets,” but that he would seek congressional authorization when Congress returns was very well played. Your move, GOP.

–

And already John Boehner says that the House will not come back early from their summer vacation to vote on President Obama’s potential use of military force in Syria. And besides, no doubt the GOP has more pressing issues to deal with first, like Obamacare, abortion restrictions and gay marriage

–

Have to wonder,  would Americans care more about what is happening in Syria if we could frame the possible outcomes in terms of covering or not covering the spread?

 

Justin Bieber was uninjured after he was apparently attacked in a Toronto nightclub. Maybe the attacker was just trying to get Bieber to emulate Ted Cruz and try to renounce his Canadian citizenship?

–

Texas A & M gave four players two game suspensions today for “violating team rules.” What did they do to get four times Manziel’s suspension? Accept checks instead of cash?

–

After serving his arduous 30 minute NCAA suspension, Texas A&M QB Johnny Manziel threw 3 touchdowns, but managed to get an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for taunting in the fourth quarter. Whereupon he was benched for the rest of the game. Stay classy “Johnny Football.”

–

US Airways is sending out schedule changes where the flight number stays the same, the departure is the same, and the arrival is scheduled 1-2 minutes later. Literally. Here’s an idea – have them save the effort expended to adjust their schedules by 1-2 minutes, and put it towards actually having the planes fly on time.
 
–
 Researchers have grown the first artificial human brains from skin cells. The miniature brains are about 4mm across and equal to the brain of a 9 week human fetus. Insert tacky Sarah Palin joke here.

Comments: 1 Comment

Is it safe?

Posted August 30, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Lindsey Vonn, gushing to People Magazine about dating Tiger Woods: “He doesn’t even leave the seat up! It’s awesome.” Wonder when Tiger learned that. Maybe we’re uncovering the real reason Elin went after him with that nine-iron?

–

What really happened with the NCAA?  Bill Littlejohn said “they met with Johnny Manziel for 6 hours. Would have been 7 but the bars closed at 2am.”

–

I’m wondering if the NCAA reduced Johnny Football’s suspension when he agreed to sign a few hundred more items for them.

–

Source: NCAA met with Johnny Manziel for 6 hours. It would’ve been 7, but the bar closed at 2 a.m. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/252073/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-August-30-2013-Edition-434#sthash.EMcoEk85.dpuf

Bottles of Extra-Strength Tylenol will soon have a warning written in red letters on their caps: “Contains acetaminophen. Always read the label.” Uh, aren’t you ALWAYS supposed to read labels?

–

A South Carolina couple were arrested after being caught having sex in a Home Depot wooden display shed. Wonder if Home Depot is now trying to figure out how they can rent sheds by the hour.

(my friend George R. Mathews says “God knows they looked.around.for hours trying to find someone to help.them….they got bored and had to.DO.something.”)

–

 

Random baseball thought for the day: Josh Hamilton and Albert Pujols together make about half as much as the entire Pittsburgh Pirates payroll. (Hamilton $17 million, Pujols $16 million, the Pirates, $66 million.)

–

Katie Holmes’ representative has announced that Suri Cruise broke her arm but “is okay.” Stand by for the announcement of a line of new “designer casts” for children.

–

Lindsay Lohan apparently will host her 5th SNL this fall Think they can make a condition of her appearance staying away from the after-party?

–

Phil Mickelson shot a 63 while playing with Tiger Woods, who shot a 68, in the opening round of the Deutsche Bank Championship. Pool on how long it will take Tiger to complain about back problems?

–

Nancy Pelosi says she doesn’t wish to be Speaker of the House again. The people who are the most upset about this? GOP fundraisers.

–

At 146am, when everyone is paying attention, Facebook sent proposed updates to their “Data Use Policy” and “Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.” A long and many-paged document. But they add “as always, we won’t share the private information that you put on Facebook with advertisers without your permission.” Of course what they don’t say – nothing you post is really considered private.

–

Lamar Odom was arrested for alleged DUI this morning. Who’d a thunk that Kim Kardashian would be the sister in a more stable seeming relationship?

–

Ted Nugent’s wife Shemane has been arrested after a handgun was found in her carry-on luggage at an DFW airport security checkpoint. Birdbrains of a feather…

Ad on KNBR for the SF 49ers 2013 season: “There’s nothing better than the last season at the “Stick.” Nothing? Well, for starters the fact that it IS the last season at Candlestick.

Comments: Be the first to comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »