Posted tagged ‘49er jokes’

Where have all the WSU fans gone?

September 29, 2013

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Stanford 55-, Washington State 17.   CenturyLink Field doesn’t seem nearly as noisy as when the 49ers played the Seahawks. #Cardinalrules

Wonder if after tonight Jim Harbaugh will call David Shaw for advice how how to play in Seattle?

Maybe NCAA will eliminate sanctions on USC if Trojans extend Lane Kiffin’s contract. #mercyrule

Radio host Paul Finebaum called Lane Kiffin the “Miley Cyrus of college football.” He has a point. Under Kiffin’s leadership, USC football is childish, unwatchable and devoid of original moves.

The Texas Rangers’ six game win streak to keep them alive in the wild card chase would be more impressive if they hadn’t sucked enough the rest of the month to fritter away an almost guaranteed playoff spot.

Notre Dame has lost twice already this season. Irish eyes are not smiling. But everyone else’s are.

 

 

Bummer. Former Detroit Tiger, Gates Brown has passed away at the age of 74. One of my favorite baseball stories ever is from 1968 when Manager Mayo Smith unexpectedly called him to pinch hit. Gates had just grabbed two hot dogs, and didn’t want to waste them, so he stuffed them into his jersey. Then Brown hit a ball he stretched into a double, slid into second base and came up with hot dog and mustard all over his uniform.

SF Giants have signed Hunter Pence for 5 years, $90 million. I guess he will be able to feed his family.

A pastor was shot and killed while preaching today in Louisiana. The saddest thing, he wasn’t from the Westboro Baptist Church.

 

From an anonymous friend;  “Let’s arm all the uninsured people, then let them work out a “market-based solution”. #GOPcare

BYU WR Cody Hoffman was suspended last night for “violating a team rule.” What, did he drink a cup of coffee or something?

Not sure what a government shutdown does and doesn’t affect. But if the Tea Parties are serious about saving taxpayer money, assume they will voluntarily forgo their own salaries and healthcare for the duration?

Stay classy, GOP. As the House tries again to shutdown the U.S. government with a bill to defund Obamacare here’s Rep. John Culberson of Texas, displaying his enthusiasm – “I said, like 9/11, ‘Let’s roll!’”

 

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The NFL and other distractions:

December 17, 2012

 

 

Roger Goodell has to be breathing a sigh of relief with the SF 49ers’ win tonight: One week closer to the Seattle Seahawks not voting a Division Winner’s share to the replacement refs.

The 49ers won 41-31 after blowing a 31-3 in the second half.     now 31-24.   San Francisco fans had to wonder if they were watching the last two quarters of the game or a Movie-of-the-Week showing of the Titanic?

Got to love the NFL, a number of games with playoff implications on now and those of us in Northern California got Chiefs-Raiders? It’s as if say, a top-ten Bowl Matchup was on and arbitrarily some of us only got the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl.

Missed the post game news conference,   so  how  much did Gisele Bundchen complain about her husband’s Patriot teammates?

Meanwhile,  watching Big Ben against the  Dallas Cowboys was kind of like watching Notre Dame against USC.    Had to root  for a tie.  (missed it by THAT much.)

Wonder if before the Miami Dolphins-Jacksonville Jaguars game if both teams were told the winner might have the chance to join the SEC?

 

So do the Redskins really not need RG3 after all.  Or are the Cleveland Browns just that bad?

 

An usher was shaken up today during the Rams-Vikings when after a touchdown catch St. Louis WRs Danny Amendola spiked the ball and it hit him in the face. Well, at least ushers in Arizona who work for the Cardinals know they are safe.

So since the NY Jets have this week’s MNF game, Tim Tebow has Sunday off. Which actually isn’t much different than any weekend he’s been on the Jets roster.

I am clearly missing part of the “girly” gene. Just saw an ad for “Jimmy Choo” perfume. And thinking “Why would you want to smell like a shoe?”

A thought about the Dodgers and Angels stockpiling high-priced talent: The Detroit Tigers went into the World Series with the league MVP and the best pitcher in baseball. And how did that work out for them?

Snow place like home.

December 13, 2010

 Well, so much for those who said nothing in Minneapolis this year would collapse faster than Brett Favre’s dream of going back to the Super Bowl…

Brett Favre has apparently told teammates that he doesn’t think he will play Monday night. And God responded  “You mean I collapsed that roof for nothing?”

Unfortunately for Vikings fans, snow meant their game was postponed. Unfortunately for Bears fans, snow meant their game wasn’t.

My friend Douglas Hudson commented “how embearassing.”

But really, the Bears offense falling apart  because a game was played in the snow?    (They lost 36-7 to the New England Patriots)  What’s next, Drew Brees having a bad passing day due to Superdome air conditioning?

 Meanwhile, in Washington, the Redskins continue their quest to find the most creative possible ways to lose a game. Today a great last minute drive negated by their holder not catching the ball on an extra point try. What’s next? For the price of a charter flight the Stanford band is available.

In fact, as contentious as things might get in our nation’s capital, the one resolution that would probably get passed unanimously is a bill stating simply “Redskins Suck.”

New York Jets coach Sal Alosi has apologized for a “total lapse in judgment” for tripping the Dolphins’ Nolan Carroll as he ran along the sidelines during a punt return today. No word on any potential punishment, but on the brighter side Alosi has been offered a job playing defense for the Dallas Cowboys.

So coach Rex Ryan buried a game ball after his Jets were destroyed on MNF by the mighty Patriots. What’s he going to bury after they got beat by the mediocre Dolphins?

‎49ers 40 – Seahawks 21. Today’s game at Candlestick Park was so embarassing for Pete Carroll that he had to think he was back with USC playing Stanford.

 The 5-8 49ers are still inexplicably alive for a playoff spot in the woeful NFL West. And there are signs that coach Mike Singletary has gotten just a bit cocky after this week’s 41-20 drubbing of the Seahawks. For example, in the team’s locker room, Singletary has already hung a banner saying “Mission Accomplished.”

Although to be fair, S.F.’s win did mean that at least for this year, they’re not the 4 and 9 ers.

7-11 has come up with their own brand of wine, available exclusively at their convenience stores,, and known as “Cherrywood Cellars.”  Of course, wine snobs might argue that instead of cherries, wine is generally made from grapes.

On the other hand, if you care about what fruit your wine is made from, you probably aren’t shopping for it at 7-11.

from Bill Littlejohn. on the Japanese space probe that’s hurtling toward the sun after it overshot Venus: “So much for JaMarcus Russell’s career as an aerospace engineer.”

World Cup hopes and other dashed dreams

June 27, 2010

For the U.S. anyway in 2010, their World Cup hopes are “Ghana with the wind.”


Americans, who had really begun to embrace the USA team, were devastated by the loss. It was almost as heartbreaking as the Olympic gold medal hockey game….say, who won that anyway?


Landon Donovan may be done with the World Cup, but the U.S. star has been rumored to be looking at a contract with Chelsea (one of England’s top soccer teams) after a 10 week stint he had playing this year for Everton in England’s Premier League.

And according to a U.K. tabloid, Donovan will also become a father, at least according to a pregnant British woman. So I guess Landon had no problem scoring in England.


And if you thought “Ghana with the wind” was bad…..

A day after his epic 11 hour win at Wimbledon, a tired, badly blistered John Isner lost his next match in 75 minutes. Talk about de thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.

The 49ers filed a claim with the city of San Francisco, asking for a rent decrease because Candlestick Park is in such bad disrepair. On behalf of Candlestick Park, the city filed a counter claim, saying the same thing could be said about the 49ers..


Police in Southern California seized $45 million in drugs they found in the back of a tractor-trailer Friday, including 38,000 pounds of marijuana. 7 11 stores in the area immediately applied for federal bailout money.

Despite Major League Baseball’s drug rules, over 100 players have received medical clearance to take banned substances for Attention Deficit Disorder. So almost eight percent of ballplayers have the problem? Right.

Wonder if there’s a script floating around for players trying to get clearance to take Ritalin “So what makes you think you have ADD?” “Well, doctor, you see it’s like this, Oh look, a puppy.”

Three incoming UCLA freshman football players have been arrested for alleged felony theft. Oregon’s Heisman-caliber quarterback has been dismissed from the team. And USC is on probation. Stanford is just a scandal or two from being Rose Bowl favorites.


For Canadian readers, a thought watching all these G20 protests actually turn a little violent in Toronto.

Good thing one thing Torontonians don’t have to worry about. What would happen if the Leafs actually won the Stanley Cup.