Nothing lasts forever

Posted April 14, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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But some things come close.

 

It’s only five days until Easter. Time to start trying to remember where you put the Marshmallow Peeps in storage?

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I don’t watch “Game of Thrones.” But it appears to be a show where you might want to turn down wedding invitations.

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After winning the Masters Bubba Watson headed to Waffle House. Unlike Tiger Woods, however, Watson actually went for the food.

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It was an exciting Masters golf tournament this year, except that neither Tiger nor Phil were there on the weekend. And ESPN executives said to their pals at CBS – “Now you know how we feel when the game of the week isn’t between the Red Sox and Yankees!”

 

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In Louisiana, Gov. Bobby Jindal has joined the state GOP chair in calling on Vance McAllister, who was seen on video kissing his staffer, to resign from Congress. Guessing we’re going to wait a long time for a statement on the subject from Senator David Vitter.

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Michael Phelps announced he is coming out of retirement, which means he could swim at the 2016 Rio Olympics. “Attaboy” said Brett Favre.

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If #MH370 wasn’t still missing wonder how many days CNN would devote to the #USAirways twitter fiasco?

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Someone in US Airways’ social media customer service department accidentally tweeted out a lewd picture in response to a customer comment.  Well, it will make for an interesting story when he or she gets asked “So why did you leave your last profession?”

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Delta refers to their extra legroom seats as “Economy comfort.” Fair enough. But they should call the rest of the plane by its true name – “Economy discomfort.”

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Newt Gingrich says Kathleen Sibelius was “right to resign” over the Obamacare website “disgrace.” Well, if anyone knows about resigning in disgrace….

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The Wisconsin GOP’s Resolutions Committee just affirmed the party’s support for “legislation that upholds Wisconsin’s right, under extreme circumstances, to secede.” Well, if the state can make this happen, can they take Arizona, Florida and Texas with them?

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Tony La Russa says he is surprised there haven’t been more “hiccups” with the new MLB instant replay. So how many blown calls did he expect in the first two weeks?

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Investigators hired by Chris Christie reported the N.J. Governor had tears in his eyes during a meeting after he first learned of the news report linking his aides to the the George Washington Bridge closure. Crying over their involvement, or crying over getting caught?

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A 14-year-old Dutch girl was arrested after sending American Airlines a tweet saying “hello my name’s Ibrahim and I’m from Afghanistan. I’m part of Al Qaida and on June 1st I’m gonna do something really big bye.” What was she thinking? Gal is WAY too young to be dating Aldon Smith.

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Really? John Calipari now says he would coach at Kentucky longer if the “one-and-done” rule was altered to keep kids in school at least two years. Maybe he thinks if players stay twice as long he’d have half the chance of getting caught for recruiting violations?

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Gary M on the woman who was dragged from her garage by bears who were looking for food.

“If only she’d been wearing her heels…”

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Be careful what you wish for?

Posted April 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Got to figure someone in the SF 49ers’ organization wished yesterday for some news to take the focus off of QB Colin Kaepernick’s involvement in a police investigation in Miami.

 

SF 49ers LB Aldon Smith was arrested at LAX today, apparently because he got angry with a TSA agent and indicated he was in possession of a bomb. As my friend Alex Kaseberg says, “You just can’t put a positive spin on stupid.”

 

Local television status on the 49ers’ Aldon Smith’s latest arrest “a troubling pattern of behavior.” Uh, I think Smith passed “troubling pattern” at least an arrest ago.

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Well, Boston manager John Farrell has become the answer to a future trivia question – the first MLB ejection that resulted from arguing about a replay ruling. Are we shocked that it was about a call that went in favor of the Yankees?

 

OSU’s quarterback Braxton Miller insulted Michigan’s SPRING GAME attendance on Twitter. This after the Buckeyes’ attendance was 61,000 compared to the Wolverines’ 15,000 for essentially an intrasquad scrimmage. Penn State, meanwhile drew 72,000. Proving mostly perhaps not only is there less to do on the weekend in Columbus than Ann Arbor, there is really nothing going on in Happy Valley, PA.

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Heisman winner Jameis Winston is playing baseball at FSU, serves as the team’s closer, and has a 1.76 ERA. And across the ACC and SEC, other football teams are thinking “Hey, you could have a great career in MLB, why risk it on the gridiron?”

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Bad news for Knicks fans. The team has been eliminated from playoff contention. Good news for Knicks fans. The team has been eliminated from playoff contention. 

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A judge has ruled Chris Christie and other defendants will get more time to file their responses to two lawsuits related to the September lane closures at the George Washington Bridge. The NY Governor is hoping that extension lasts until December 2016.

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Donald Trump said in a speech to a Conservative group that politicians are “all bullsh*t, all talk.” Was the Donald trying to convince them that he’s a real politician?

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Florida’s Miami-Dade County has a new policy to close ALL restrooms at polling places on election day. Supposedly “in order to ensure that individuals with disabilities are not treated unfairly and “to avoid situations where accessible restrooms would be available to some, but not all voters.” Maybe it’s time for the Democrats to show up with Porta-Potties with Governor Rick Scott’s picture on them.

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Today’s CNN breaking news report is that the MH370 pingers, thought to be dying, are “Most Likely Dead.” Stand by for a Generalissimo Francisco Franco reference on next week’s SNL.

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Mike Huckabee, complaining about TSA. “My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States. When I go to the airport, I have to get into the surrender position, people put hands all over me, and I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms to prove that I’m not going to terrorize the airplane.” Even Dennis Rodman is thinking “Dude is crazy.”

(and as Jim Barach adds.  Yeah, Huckabee thinks you should only be treated that way when you go to vote.)

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A Florida woman is recovering after she was reportedly dragged from her garage by bears who were looking for food. Insert “armed bears” and “standing her ground” jokes here:

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If the shoe hits?

Posted April 12, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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The woman who killed her boyfriend with a stiletto heel has been sentenced to life in prison. Any possibility of parole will no doubt contain the condition of wearing flats.

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Notre Dame has finally decided to install artificial Fieldturf in their football stadium for the upcoming season.. Standby for alums writing op-eds about how the Fighting Irish now have the best artificial turf ever.

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The Tampa Bay Lightning’s Ryan Malone was arrested early Saturday morning on charges of DUI and possession of cocaine. Who says hockey players aren’t big time pro athletes?

 

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The Texas judge who decided to put the “affluenza” teen in rehab instead of jail, decided his parents should pay $1170 a month for his treatment at a state hospital, using the hospital’s sliding scale. The actual cost, $715 a day. The state will pay the rest. Where’s Ted Cruz screaming about healthcare costs to taxpayers on this one?

 

Chad Johnson is working out for the CFL Montreal Alouettes. Will he change his name to “Quatre-vingt cinq?”

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Although the Boston Red Sox challenged a call Saturday, and multiple replays showed the NY runner had taken his foot off second base and should have been out, the umps did not overturn it. MLB’s response “The conclusive angle was not immediately available.” Uh, two thoughts. 1. What’s the point if you DON’T have the “conclusive angle available.” 2. Suppose it’s better than saying. “You REALLY expect us to overturn a call against the Yankees?”

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Sylvia Mathews Burwell was approved by a 96-0 vote in the Senate last year as the Office of Management and Budget director. But now many in the GOP are talking about a contentious confirmation process for her as HHS Secretary. Why? Because Obama chose her, of course. Isn’t that reason enough?

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Ted Cruz said Sylvia Mathews Burwell’s confirmation hearing “presents an ideal opportunity to examine the failures that are Obamacare.” With all due respect, Senator Cruz thinks getting up in the morning presents an ideal opportunity to example the “failures” that are Obamacare.

 

 

The search goes on, but the pings have apparently faded in the Indian Ocean as the search for MH 370. Which is probably why amongst the CNN headlines today was “Hundreds sickened on cruise ships .”

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “One man at the Masters saw Rory McIlroy’s face  in a pastry and bet $1,600 on the golfer.   It’s also one of the few times John Daly’s face wasn’t seen in a pastry”

 

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Past his bedtime?

Posted April 11, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
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Rush Limbaugh is attacking CBS for hiring Stephen Colbert to host “The Late Show, saying the network is “blowing up the 11:30 format under the guise that the world’s changing…..They’ve hired a partisan, so-called comedian, to run a comedy show.” Uh, just guessing that Rush has never watched Letterman?

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Tiger Woods isn’t at the Masters. Phil Mickelson missed the cut. But the Red Sox are playing the Yankees this weekend. And over at ESPN they’re thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”

 

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Missouri just dismissed their star WR Dorial Green-Beckman. He already had two marijuana arrests, and last weekend police reported a woman student said he forced open her door and pushed her down four stairs while trying to see his girlfriend. Green-Beckman has been projected as a possible 1st round NFL pick. Wonder how long it will take some kind coach to offer him a second chance?

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A shoe was tossed at Hillary Clinton  during a speech? Really? She hasn’t even been elected President yet.

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Michael Pineda was seen pitching today with a brown substance on his throwing hand, setting off speculation that he was using pine tar. But hey, it’s the Yankees, so Bud Selig will no doubt proclaim that the steroid era is over.

 

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#GaylordPerry has to be shaking his head over this #MichaelPineda alleged pine-tar controversy. As in, “Dude, Vaseline is colorless.”

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A 52 year old woman has been charged with felony counts of solicitation of rape after what she calls a childish “prank that got out of control.” Unhappy at losing her “dream house” to a higher bid, she put ads online pretending to be the new woman owner and claiming she had a rape fantasy. No, not Florida. San Diego.

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Kathleen Sibelius apparently was missing a page of her farewell speech today. The GOP immediately set upon this as reason for another vote to repeal Obamacare.

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Coldwater Creek has filed for bankruptcy and will liquidate stores. Response from most Americans, who or what is “Coldwater Creek?” #Ithinkiseetheproblem

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The Australian Prime Minister says he is “confident” that signals heard are from MH370’s black box. And if a politician says it, it must be true.

 

The latest, however, from the Australian Prime Minister , is that the search for Flight 370 is “a massive task, and it is likely to continue for a long time.” Which could mean one of the world’s easiest jobs for a while could be “CNN Programming Director.”

 

 

Madison Bumgarner,  5 RBIs including a grand slam.  The DH is SO overrated. #Pitchtomadbum #SFGiants

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Colin Kaepernick tweeted “The charges made in the TMZ story and other stories I’ve seen are completely wrong. They make things up about me that never happened.” He may be right about TMZ but just maybe Colin should also think about not giving them anything to work with?

(as in, dude, you’re not in college anymore, you’re the face of a NFL franchise….)

 

 

From Marc Ragovin  “Fox News Anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship. Proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Fox News anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship, proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Comedy Writer Marc Ragovin of New York

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-april-11-2014-edition-466/#sthash.H9TV53JM.dpuf

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Blind squirrel nut day.

Posted April 10, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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I admit, I was wrong. Never thought any of the Kardashian clan would ever say anything intelligent. But I give you Kris Jenner, when asked about rumors that she would pose for Playboy – “Oh my god, no! I don’t think anyone wants to see me without any clothes on.”

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The NY Post reports that Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t want to publicly split from Chris Martin, preferring that they stay in a “pretend marriage.” If true, who does she think she is? Tom Cruise?

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The SF 49ers’ Colin Kaepernick is reportedly being investigated for sexual assault in Miami. No charges have been filed at this point. But wouldn’t you think with all the money these guys make they’d be smart enough to stick with professional working girls?

 

 

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SF 49ers hoping sexual assault charges will not be filed against Colin Kaepernick. Still, once again this illustrates the danger of having openly heterosexual men play football.

 

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In a new interview, Jimmy Carter praised John Kerry but criticized President Obama and Hillary Clinton over their handling of Middle East peace negotiations. And over at FOX as they try to figure out how to say “Carter is right,” heads are no doubt exploding.

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A new report indicates that the CIA used Red Hot Chili Peppers’ songs to torture terrorism suspects. Well, guess they couldn’t use “It’s a Small World,” because that would have been a violation of the Geneva convention.

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NY Giants QB Eli Manning will have arthroscopic surgery on his left ankle today. But the team hopes he will be recovered and ready to throw interceptions in minicamp.

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Paul Goldschmidt v. Tim Lincecum lifetime 7 HR, 17 RBI in 24 ABs. If he ever throws him a strike again test Timmy for marijuana #SFGiants .

 

Jay Leno might be thinking he got out of the Tonight Show just in time. #Colbert #Letterman

 

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John Calipari has a new book coming out with reform suggestions for college basketball. Amongst other things he believes players should be paid a stipend between $3,000 to $5,000, get one free roundtrip flight home a year, and be able to accept loans up to $50,000 against future earnings. Because these days kids on his team are really struggling during those six months of college.

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The lawyer for the young man accused of stabbing 20 people at a school near Pittsburgh says the kid’s family is “like the Brady Bunch.” Uh, yeah, except for that show a violent episode was Marcia’s broken nose.

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NY Giants QB Eli Manning will have arthroscopic surgery on his left ankle today. But the team hopes he will be recovered and ready to throw interceptions in minicamp.

 

 

 

Mike Huckabee says he’s not “homophobic but” he’s “on the right side of the bible., and unless God rewrites it, edits it, sends it down with his signature on it, it’s not my book to change.” Okay, so Huckabee’s good with all that rape, slavery, torture, incest and infanticide stuff too?

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Kathleen Sibelius is resigning as Secretary of HHS. Republicans cannot wait for Obama to appoint her replacement so they can explain why he or she is the wrong choice.

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Pay to play?

Posted April 10, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Adrian Peterson is saying now that college football players should be paid. And many former USC and SEC players are just giggling.

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The 2015 Pro Bowl will be at the University of Phoenix Stadium, but the league just announced the game will be returning to Hawaii in 2016. Translation, a whole lot of players probably told the NFL something like “giving up some of my off-season for a week in Arizona, really? Did I mention that nagging injury?”

 

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Oscar Pistorius at his trial Wednesday “I will try not to lie.” Can’t imagine why some defense attorneys don’t want to put their clients on the stand.

 

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Tuesday the SF Giants won their 2013 home opener behind Barry Zito, 34. This year they won behind Tim Hudson, 38. What’s next? In 2015 will they sign Jamie Moyer?

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41,000 people at A T and T Park knew that Tim Lincecum shouldn’t throw Paul Goldschmidt a fat strike with two on and nobody out. Shame Lincecum wasn’t one of them. #SFGiants

 

 

It’s bad enough if Hunter Pence isn’t hitting his weight. But now he’s not even hitting MY weight.

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#NFL preseason schedules were released today. And if you care, you might REALLY have too much time on your hands.

 

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The Indiana Pacers rested all five starters against the Milwaukee Bucks. Which almost made it a fair fight.  (The Pacers won 104-102)

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Louisiana Congressman Lance McAllister has decided not to ask for an FBI probe into who leaked the video of him kissing a staffer. Maybe because he a- doesn’t want it shown over and over again during the investigation, and b- doesn’t want the FBI to find if the culprit has any more videos?

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There’s a lot of competition, but the stupid tweet of the week contest may be over. Free agent LB Brandon Spikes, who signed a 4-year $3.2 million contract with New England in 2010, and who has now signed with the Bills, is complaining on Twitter about his time with the Patriots. Including this one – “4 years a slave.”

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Regarding those stabbings in Pittsburgh, if that kid was close enough actually to stick a knife in 20 people, you have to figure the death toll with a gun could have been at least twice that.

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The Justice Department says Hewlett-Packard has agreed to pay $108 million in criminal fines and civil penalties for bribing officials in Russia, Poland and Mexico to win technology contracts. Jeez, with all those bribes you’d think HP would have been more profitable.

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A thought for folks who dismiss athletes’ coming out with “I don’t care what they do in the bedroom.” Uh, they aren’t telling us specifically what they are doing in the bedroom any more than straight athletes are telling us what THEY are doing in the bedroom. They are saying they are gay. And for now, saying it publicly matters. In a generation, or less, I hope we can all shrug.

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Play ball, finally.

Posted April 8, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Opening Day in SF. The Giants shared the latest home opening day in baseball. If they had waited much longer, the Cubs would have already been eliminated.

 

#SFGiants are leading league in home runs and hitting with RISP (.393) And this is with one week of Barry Bonds as a hitting coach in spring training. Would Barry like to drop by regularly?

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Meanwhile, three home runs Tuesday for Ryan Braun in Philadelphia. Does that mean we need to add cheesesteaks to the PED list?

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And another great start for Tim Hudson, 38, in #SFGiants home opener. Best part, with a 135p start, he could shower in time to make it to the early bird dinner special.

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Over 30 children and a teacher’s aide at a school in Colorado were treated by a hazmat crew for a “toxic irritant” that turned out to be habanero peppers. Out of habit the NRA issued a press release saying “When habaneros are outlawed, only outlaws will have habaneros.”

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Really? SF Chronicle online headline. “37 sickened on cruise ship that visited S.F.” 37?! “37 out of the 3,161 people on the Crown Princess” had symptoms that could have been norovirus. Would think several times that many would have symptoms that could have been a hangover.

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As Chick-fil-A expands, CEO Dan Cathy has backed away from public anti-gay marriage comments, saying “All of us become more wise as time goes by. We sincerely care about all people.” Or at least we care about their spending.

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79,328 fans attended Monday night’s UConn Kentucky matchup, a new NCAA record. And about 9,328 could actually see the game.

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UConn may have beaten Kentucky last night. But apparently Wildcat students do lead the Huskies in post-game riots arrests. 31 to 30 at last count….

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Is it time to give UConn’s women’s basketball team a “Lifetime Achievement Award” and tell them to compete against D2 men? #nocontes

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John Calipari denied rumors that he will coach the LA Lakers. Meaning probably that LA didn’t offer him enough money, and/or he is pretty sure Kentucky isn’t going on probation next season.

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Oscar Pistorius’s trial was adjourned early when he broke down in tears while testifying. Maybe because the “Bladerunner” is realizing that even with a “culpable homicide” verdict, like U.S. manslaughter, he’s probably going to jail for a while?

 

Hillary Clinton today in SF – “The hard questions are not, ‘Do you want to be president? Can you win?’ The hard questions are, ‘Why? Why would you want to do this? And what could you offer that could make a difference?’ ” And Mitt Romney responded “Huh?”

 

From Marc Ragovin:   “Members fo the New York Police and Fire Departments engaged in a bench clearing brawl during a charity hockey game. Geez, you go to a charity event and it turns into a UC Santa Barbara Spring Break.”

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Beyond madness.

Posted April 7, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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So one team no one much cares about vs. one team most of America hates. Made sense to play NCAA final at A T & T stadium in “North Texas.” It’s the basketball equivalent of many Dallas Cowboys game.

 

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Of course, if the BCS had been in charge of March Madness, #7 UConn would have been playing in something like the Carquest or Poulan Weedeater Bowl.

 

 

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Reporters in #Kentucky locker room will be outnumbered by agents trying to sign up their #freshmen for #NBADraft #MarchMadness

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Go figure, Stanford women can’t beat #UConn in basketball, but as my friend David Lombardi points out, the Stanford men did.

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The senior pastor of Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale . Florida’s largest megachurch, has resigned after confessing to cheating on his wife. Clearly this is what comes of being too tolerant of heterosexual marriage.

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A politically connected friend in Florida says Jeb Bush has decided to run for President. If true this completes the bipartisan bridge to the 20th century.

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Delta Air Lines announced they will now give free eyeshades and earplugs to economy passengers on international flights, and on flights to Europe coach passengers will receive a full-size bottle of water following their meal service. Gosh. How much will Delta need to raise fares to pay for this?

 

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So FB says they will always be free. But how long until they do the airline version of “free” As in if you don’t want your wall crammed into a tighter and tighter column, you have to pay the equivalent of an economy plus surcharge? Just askin’

 

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Bizarre thought on the death of Mickey Rooney. Had she lived, Judy Garland would only be 91.

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Oscar Pistorius’s murder trial was adjourned Monday today during his testimony, after the accused track star told the judge he was exhausted and did not sleep the night before. “I feel so sorry for him,” said few men and no women.

 

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Rutgers AD Julie Hermann told a media ethics and law class in February that it would be “great” if the Star-Ledger, NJ’s largest newspaper, went out of business, adding “I’m going to do all I can to not give them a headline to keep them alive.” Uh, Ms. Hermann, you just did.

(Must say, Julie Hermann and Chris Christie might be a sparring match I’d pay to see.)

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Yep, Gary Bachman nails this one. “Phrases you won’t hear on cable news networks: FOX–“Good news for the President”; MSNBC–“Bad news for the President”; CNN–“In other news.””

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Timberwolves forward Dante Cunningham. arrested last week for alleged domestic violence towards his live-in girlfriend, was arrested again just three days later for sending her threatening messages that police said “rose to a terroristic level.’ If true, will the charges have an enhancement for criminal stupidity?

 

 

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If you haven’t seen the Aquinas college April Fool’s joke, this is two minutes well worth taking.  Who says today’s youth isn’t creative?

 

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Can you hear me now?

Posted April 7, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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So in the cellphone – wifi  -texting era, can someone explain to me why the “call to the bullpen” still takes place with a landline?

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We’ll find out Monday night if Kentucky can win their 9th NCAA men’s basketball championship. And presumably we’ll know sometime in the next year if coach John Calipari will have his third Final Four season vacated.

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Newt Gingrich, praising the Supreme Court’s lifting of donation limits, said today that even more deregulation is necessary to “overnight, equalize the middle class and the rich.” Right. Of course, Gingrich thinks he himself is just a middle class millionaire.

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Johnny Manziel’s next pre-draft visit will be to the Raiders. With all the ways the young man is setting himself up for a fall, would any of them be more damaging in the end than being a first round pick in Oakland?

 

R.I.P Mickey Rooney, age 93. A long and impressive life, lived mostly in the public eye. And to the younger generation, no, he wasn’t that old guy your parents watched on 60 Minutes.

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The latest on CNN “Did plane dodge Indonesian radar?” Folks at the network just have to be hoping that if and when they find MH370, some cruise ship goes adrift again to give them something to cover.

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Is it just me or is Facebook’s news feed getting skinnier than a super model?

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While the Knicks made it close for a while, they lost to the Heat 102-91. Ah, the potential heartbreak if this valiant 33-45 team just misses the NBA playoffs…

 

A charity hockey game was suspended Sunday in NY when players from the NYPD and the FDNY got into a bench-clearing brawl with one another. The real bummer, had the event been marketed as a brawl, attendance (and charity $$ would have probably doubled.

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At LA’s Staples Center tonight, the Clippers beat the Lakers 120-97, for their third win in four meetings this season. Wow. So how’d the Lakers manage to win that one game?

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College, we hardly knew ye

Posted April 6, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Anyone but me having problems with Kentucky players talking about how they really came together as a team during this intense four month bonding process?

 

Heck, there are celebrity mistake marriages that stay together longer than this Wildcats “team.”-

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Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari says he wants to replace “one and done” with “Succeed and Proceed.” Really? “Succeed and Proceed?” Some of his “one and dones” can’t even spell it.

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Maybe Calipari would do better to refer to his freshmen leaving for the NBA as a “conscious uncoupling?”

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It’s a dated joke but someone had to do it. The March Madness semi-final  Wisconsin Kentucky game hads more runs than a cheap pair of pantyhose.

(younger readers seeing “pantyhose,” it’s okay, you can Google it.)

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All these references to “North Texas.” Maybe it’s because those sitting in the upper levels of Cowboys stadium feel like they’re watching from the North Pole?

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Postgame chat with UConn’s star guard ends with “Shabazz Napier has helped his team get to a better place.” Because of course it’s the “Get to a better place, State Farm” sponsored interview. Can’t imagine, again, how these kids get the idea it’s all about money.

 

So with senior laden #Florida and #Wisconsin teams both losing #NCAA basketball’s status as 1 year NBA D-League is cemented.

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No alleged recruiting or other violations yet but John Calipari could be going for the permanent world record of vacated Final Four appearances.

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Yasiel Puig was in the Dodgers lineup Saturday, having made it to the park on time. I see a great potential endorsement deal ahead with Uber.

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The NBA has suspended Bucks center Larry Sanders, who is an advocate for marijuana legalization, five games for using pot. Wonder what Sanders can do with all that free time?

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The driver who put a Chicago subway train up an escalator at O’Hare airport has been fired. Well, this will simplify the answer to “Why did you leave your last job?”

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The Chinese say they have again detected a pulse in the search for MH 370. Well, that’s more than most folks do on an average day with Larry King.

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Isn’t it time that CNN replace the “Breaking News. The search for Flight 370” banner, with “The Latest Speculation. The search for 370”?

 

 

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From my friend Jim Barach.  “180,000 eggs were stolen from a truck in Florida. Police are now posting armed guards around the clock at the home of the Miami officer who recently arrested Justin Bieber.”

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Rough opening days and open mouths?

Posted April 5, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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CBS analyst and radio host Boomer Esiason has apologized to the Mets’ Daniel Murphy and his wife, for saying they should have scheduled a C-section before the season started, calling it “a flippant and insensitive remark that I sincerely regret.” Translation, “Oops, forgot women watch and listen to sports too. And I really really would like to keep my jobs here.”

 

The Mariners As game tonight was postponed due to soggy field conditions after recent rains. Well, considering the Coliseum’s recent sewage problems, have to figure players have to feel lucky the sogginess was only water.

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The SF Giants have scored more runs than any team in MLB as of today. And if you say “Just as I predicted,” you must be really good at Liar’s Dice.

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Maybe the Giants should have brought in Barry Bonds as a special hitting instructor sooner?

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And really, how amazing is this SF Giants’  team? Takes serious work to win a game 8-4 and be no-hit for the last seven innings. #SFGiants

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On the other side, Yasiel Puig was benched for the LA Dodgers home opener against the SF Giants because he showed up late for batting practice. On a brighter note for Dodgers fans, at least Puig didn’t get arrested for speeding while trying to be on time.

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James Franco, 35, says he’s “embarrassed” about his revealed conversations with a 17 yr old girl on Instagram, and added “I guess I’m just a model of how social media is tricky.” Uh, no, you’re just a model of being a celebrity male douchebag who’s old enough to know not to hit on teenagers.

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“Money can’t buy me love” dept.. The Dodgers signed a huge $$$ deal with Time Warner. And for now only people with TW cable can see Dodgers games. Which is about 30% of households in the Los Angeles area.

 

Sounds like the latest Fort Hood shooter was ultimately stopped by a female member of the military police. So maybe the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good gal with a gun?

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Tyson recalling 75,320 pounds of chicken nuggets after some customers complained about finding small pieces of plastic in their food. So did the people who purchased nuggets expected them to be large pieces of plastic?

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Oklahoma and Texas have announced their annual college football game, which has been known as “The Red River Rivalry” will now be referred to as the “AT&T Red River Showdown.” But heaven help any players who try to sell any memorabilia from the inaugural “showdown.”

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Really, CNN, really? Today’s MH 370 headline is about plane spotters who took pictures of the plane before it disappeared, one even as recently as “a few months ago.” 

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Okay, I’m a Democrat. But regarding emails to sign petitions for stuff like ‘Send Paul Ryan a message saying you reject his budget.” Does anyone think Paul Ryan gives a rat’s a** what Democrats think of his budget?

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George W. Bush now tells a story of Putin dissing his beloved Scottish Terrier, Barney – “‘You call it a dog?’” And then when W. and Laura visited Russia, Vladimir introduces his “huge hound, obviously much bigger than a Scottish terrier, looks at me and says,’‘Bigger, stronger and faster than Barney.'” What happened to “I looked into his eyes and saw his soul?”

Comments: 2 Comments

Not the Onion.

Posted April 3, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

British celebrity chef Nigella Lawson was reportedly barred from getting on a flight from London to Los Angeles because of her admitted past cocaine use. What, Hollywood had already hit their monthly quota of celebrity drug users?

 

Celebrity chef Nigella Lawson apparently can’t enter the U.S because of her recent history with cocaine.. On a brighter note, figure there’s a good chance she’ll get a personal invitation from the Mayor to visit Toronto, Canada.

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In the first inning of today’s game in Pittsburgh, Chicago Cubs OF Junior Lake wore the wrong road jersey. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him $20,000.

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Tim Hudson, 38, had such a good first start for the SF Giants last night, he may ask his younger teammates in the clubhouse today if he can play music from some of his favorite 8-tracks.

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Cavemen awards for the week: On talk radio Boomer Esiason and Mike Francesa criticized NY Mets’ second baseman Daniel Murphy’s decision to miss the first two games of the season to be with his wife for the birth of the couple’s first child. Besides, the Mets are now 0-3. Maybe they should be criticizing the players who have shown up all three games.

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Former DWTS host Brooke Burke-Charvet tweeted that she was okay after crashing her Maserati. And millions of men were thinking “Fine, but how’s the Maserati?”

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 In South Carolina, the Columbian Mammoth is finally close to being named the state fossil, after the bill stalled when a GOP Senator added two verses from the book of Genesis. The bill then passed with a compromise amendment saying the mammoth was “created on the sixth day along with the beasts of the field.” Suppose we can take it as a good sign that South Carolina actually acknowledges the existence of fossils?

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This bus-to-hell moment brought to you by my friend Jim Barach.  “Forgetting to set the clock for Daylight Saving Time may have caused a car bomber in Dublin to blow himself up. He learned the hard way about what it is like to really spring forward.”
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David Letterman has announced his retirement in 2015. Will he be replaced for ten months by Conan O’Brien?

 

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Mississippi’s governor signed the Mississippi Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which becomes law July 1. The bill says government cannot put a substantial burden on the practice of religion. So if a Muslim wants to open a store and insist all women who work and shop there wear hijabs, guess that’s going to be okay now.

 

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CNN headline today says there is a “‘Big'” announcement coming” Friday in the Malaysian Airlines plane search. Stand by for regular updates on how many hours away we are from the big announcement.

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Charles Koch said he is politically involved because he wants a “free society.”   “The central belief and fatal conceit of the current administration is that you are incapable of running your own life, but those in power are capable of running it for you.” I guess this makes sense if you believe corporations are people, but women aren’t.

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Johnny Manziel now also wants to trademark “The House That Johnny Built.” Even Richard Sherman is thinking, “Man, this kid is cocky.”

 

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Fort Hood’s commanding general on the shooter: “We have very strong evidence that he had a medical history that indicates an unstable psychiatric or psychological condition… We believe that to be the fundamental underlying causal factor.” Uh, and how about the fact that with his history this guy had easy legal access to a gun?

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Budget solution?

Posted April 3, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

An idea after the latest Supreme Court decision abolishing individual limits on giving to campaigns. Since the idea with all this money is to buy politicians, why can’t states start charging sales tax on donations?

 

 

Two straight wins to open the season for the Houston Astros. How long until Mayor De Blasio gets blamed for the NY Yankees?

 

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The Phillies’ Ben Revere now owns the MLB record for 1,410 career plate appearances without a single home run. But he’s still two away from passing Duane Kuiper.

 

 

Stay classy, Arizona. Some SF fans rented the box behind home plate at last night’s Giants-D’backs game. Rather than having them show up in orange and black on TV, the Diamondbacks moved them all another box behind the dugout. Kind of makes you want some group to rent the pool, come in wearing nondescript clothes, then put on TONS of Giants stuff in the 1st inning,

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The Diamondbacks also apparently can’t keep their new $25 corn dog, dubbed the “D’bat” in stock at their concession stands. The 18 inch hot dog filled with cheddar and jalapeno, then wrapped in bacon, battered and deep fried.  And it’s been a huge seller.  Upon reading this at least 100 cardiologists made plans to move to Arizona.

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Alabama RB Altee Tenpenny has been charged with marijuana possession. Am sure coach Nick Saban will come up with some stern punishment like making Tenpenny sit through three quarters of the Tide’s game against Florida Atlantic.

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A couple will stand trial for an alleged unspecified sex act aboard an Air Canada plane this January. That’s Canada. In the U.S. the airline would probably have levied an inflight entertainment charge.

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Former S & L executive and convicted felon Charles Keating has died at 90. Suppose it would make sense for taxpayers to pay for his funeral, heck, we’ve already covered over $3 billion for his financial house of cards.

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Breaking television news “A microclimate weather alert” with rainstorms in Northern California. Rainstorms. And back east they are just giggling.

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Vladimir Putin has divorced his wife. Last year Russian leader said “It was a joint decision: we hardly see each other, each of us has our own life.” Responded Bill Clinton “And your point is?”

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These instant replay reviews are taking 2-3 minutes. Meaning that each of them takes almost as long as Mike Hargrove’s or Nomar Garciaparra’s batting box routines.

 

 

Mississippi just passed a new “religious freedom” law, similar to the one vetoed by Gov. Jan Brewer in Arizona, that would allow hotels, restaurants and pharmacies to refuse to serve gays. Guess the state doesn’t think they have enough tourist business to threaten.

 

 

 

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New York dreaming?

Posted April 1, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Apparently Mets GM Sandy Alderson said he thought the team could win 90 games. Wonder if the reporter asked Alderson how many seasons he thought it would take?

 

Brian Wilson now the second Dodgers pitcher to the DL this season. Maybe LA players are buckling under the strain of carrying all that money?

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Ryan Braun got a standing ovation at Miller Park in Milwaukee for his first game back from last year’s suspension. Would Brewers fans now also like to take back every “Ster-oids” chant they threw at Barry Bonds.

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Now we know the season has really started. Jose Reyes is back on the DL. #OpeningDay #MLB

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The black box on MH370 will only ping for about 5 more days. The CNN coverage, however, may last years.

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Donald Trump said today he’s been contacted by a group who want to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, the Bills winning a Super Bowl is probably a better bet than Trump winning the Presidency.

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A NY high school senior was accepted at all 8 Ivy League schools. If he could throw a football I’ll bet a few SEC schools would have accepted him too.

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Tiger Woods has had back surgery and will miss the Masters. Can we expect hourly coverage during the tournament from ESPN about his recovery?

(My friend Steve says he can’t wait for the ESPN updates saying how far Woods is off the lead, even when he’s not playing.)

 

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As an April Fool’s joke, Virgin America announced that each seat would have a personal thermostat. United Airlines thought of a similar joke saying they were putting comfortable seats in the coach cabin, but figured no one would believe them

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The White House announced that Obamacare met the goal of 7 million signups. So FOX is no doubt scrapping their story on disappointing numbers in favor of one alleging faked numbers.

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GM CEO Mary Barra said she was “deeply sorry” over the botched recall that led to 13 deaths and numerous injuries. She said the company had been operating under a “cost culture” before the 2009 bankruptcy, but that they are now operating under a “customer culture.” Either that or a “we-got-caught culture.”

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DeSean Jackson apparently is close to signing with the Redskins. Maybe Washington just wants to make sure neither their name issue nor RGIII is the team’s biggest distraction next season.

 

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A Michigan woman, who was forbidden from drinking at all as part of her probation from a 2012 DUI conviction, was arrested when a local cop saw her Facebook post bragging about beating a Breathalyzer after drinking on St. Patrick’s Day. Forget the probation violation, she deserved arrest for criminal stupidity

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Not exactly P.C. here but today’s unfortunate name and job match is for the new coach of the University of Arkansas’s women’s basketball team – Jimmy Dykes.

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And the bus to hell thought for the night from T.C.   “Don Baylor underwent surgery to repair his femur after his freaky injury while catching Vladimir Guerrero’s first pitch.  Might be last time the Angels in the locker room tell each other to “break a leg.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Opening day, the sequel’s sequel.

Posted March 31, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

MLB will have four separate #OpeningDay‘s this season. No doubt the work of one of Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committees.

 

 

It’s only Opening Day and the “weirdest baseball injury of the year” contest may be over: Angels hitting coach Don Baylor suffered a right ankle injury catching Vladimir Guerrero’s ceremonial first pitch.

 

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Upon hearing the Don Baylor story,  the SF Giants immediately forbade Jeremy Affeldt from catching any ceremonial first pitches.

 

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Apparently the new field at the Brewers’ Miller Park had to be grown under heat lamps imported from Europe, because the temperatures in Milwaukee this winter were too cold to grow grass even with the stadium roof closed. #Youwinmothernature

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MLB ticket prices are up 2% from last year. And the Chicago Cubs are third-highest, behind only the Red Sox and Yankees, with an average of $44.16 a ticket. But to be fair, Cubs management knows they can’t plan on extra revenue from the playoffs.

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Final score in Arlington, Philadelphia 14, Texas 10. The game presumably got good coverage on ESPN tonight as they might have thought it was a preseason football matchup.

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In Oakland, the A’s opener faced a potential rainout Monday night. “Rain, gosh, we feel so sorry for you.” said absolutely no one who’s lived through the last winter in the midwest or on the east coast.

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Mets fans booed NY Mayor Bill de Blasio when he threw out the first pitch on Opening Day. But Tuesday things return to normal, and they can just start booing the Mets.

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Get out the violins. Freshman Andrew Wiggins about decision not to stay at KU. “I just wish I had more time. It went by so fast.” What’s next, saying college was the best weeks of his life?

 

But really, what did Kansas do to “force’ him to leave?  Tell Wiggins he would have to go to class?

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A bonus for Kentucky going to the Final Four, their freshman players can call themselves student-athletes for a whole extra month.

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Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International was the world’s busiest airport in 2013, with 94 million passengers passing through. And that doesn’t count the people who are still looking for their gates.

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Apparently DeSean Jackson has interest from the Redskins and Bills and Raiders.  “I’ll take ‘teams that couldn’t fall any further” for $600, Alex.”

Comments: 3 Comments

Opening day, and night, and twilight….

Posted March 30, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

So the Dodgers have already played 2 regular season games in Australia, and now got the ESPN Opening Sunday night game? What, did the Yankees turn MLB down?

 

So Brian Wilson came in with a 1-0 lead in the 8th, and gave up 3 runs in a 3-1 Dodgers loss to the San Diego Padres. Welcome to Torture, Los Angeles.

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In an article to be published in “Management Science,” researchers found that umpires were 16% more likely to call a ball a strike for a five-time All Star than for a pitcher who had never been in the All-Star game. And the the bias “was even stronger when the pitcher had a reputation for precise control” (like Greg Maddux.) Baseball fans are looking for the accompanying article saying water is wet.

 

Jeopardy is turning 50 this week. What is “What is that question I can’t remember” for $600. Alex?

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That profanity-accompanied sound you heard at #ESPN and in the #WhiteHouse is a lot of shredding brackets.#UConn #MarchMadness

 

So wonder how long it will take FOX to claim that President Obama’s picking MSU to win it all was the reason the Spartans lost in the Elite Eight?

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Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill, 19, has been suspended indefinitely following his arrest for public intoxication. Maybe when Aggie fans told Hill he could be the next Johnny Football, they should have been more specific.

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There were riots last night in Tucson after the University of Arizona’s men’s basketball team lost in the Elite 8. Scary to imagine what would have happened if the Wildcats had actually won it all.

 

The GOP is claiming that the last minute rush to meet the Obamacare deadline March 31 is a sign of the weakness of the legislation. Of course had it been President Romney in charge the Republican narrative would have been about setting limits to motivate people.

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In Washington, a sign of the apocalypse? “Wizards can clinch playoff spot tonight. #IblameObama

 

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Cal basketball coach Mike Montgomery may be retiring. Wonder if Stanford’s trip to the Sweet 16 scuttled any hopes he might have had of returning to coach the Cardinal next year?

 

 

So it begins, Chris Christie has apologized to Sheldon Adelson for a speech to the Republican Jewish Coalition in which he recalled an Israel trip where he took “a helicopter ride from the occupied territories….”

 

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Now the CNN headline is “Most Promising Leads” detected for MH370. Whether or not they find the plane, someone at the network can write a book someday. “1,000 ways to say nothing.”

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Opening Bench Day?

Posted March 29, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The LA Dodgers just placed Clayton Kershaw on the 15-day disabled list. with back issues. Up in SF, sympathetic Giants fans are thinking “Bummer, but don’t rush the poor guy, let him take at least a few months off to recover.”

 

The most exciting two minutes in sports may be the Kentucky Derby. But the longest two minutes in sports must be the fourth quarter of an NCAA March Madness game.

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Florida Gators are surprisingly articulate in post-game interviews. Though to be fair, by college basketball standards they are mostly old men of 20-21.

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Indicted Ravens RB Ray Rice has married his fiance. Let’s hope this wasn’t so she couldn’t testify against him.

(Alex Kaseberg says he heard the reception was a knockout.)

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#AJMcCarron and #KatherineWebb are engaged. Has Brent Musberger already put in a request to cover the wedding?

 

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Apparently some “influential” Republicans are working to draft Jeb Bush into the 2016 presidential race. Right, because it’s not a true banana republic until you have single dynasty rule on both sides?

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Vin Scully, 86, calmly went on with the play-by-play during yesterday’s earthquake at Dodger Stadium. Although to be honest, at 86 everything usually shakes.

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A USGS seismologist said the 5.1 LA quake has a 5% chance of being a foreshock of an even larger quake. At at CNN they are thinking, well, we hope not until they’ve identified debris from the Malaysian Air plane.

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Rain and a 5.1 earthquake in California. East coast and midwest residents would call to express sympathy if they had time to put down their snow shovels.

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ESPN headline “Kevin Ware transferring from Louisville to finish his career.” Well, at least they were honest and didn’t pretend it has anything to do with education.

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So how many offers does George Takei have already for the starring role in the Leland Yee story?

(Yes, I know Takei is Japanese and Yee is Chinese. But they do look a lot a like. IMHO)

ImageImage

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A hearing-impaired Texas couple was incensed at a note American Airlines put on their lost luggage for the delivery person “Please text, deaf and dumb.” And okay, I get it. Not terribly sensitive in the 21st century. But must admit as a child of the last century, in elementary school, “deaf and dumb” WAS how they described Helen Keller.

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Now CNN is airing a report -“Flight 370, the final hours.” To be followed no doubt next week by a new report – “The Search for Flight 370, the interminable hours.”

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From Gary Bachman,   “A travel company in Denmark is encouraging Danish couples to go on vacation and have sex to increase a shrinking population. Denmark should also consider getting an NBA team.”

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I feel the earth move….

Posted March 29, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

NBC news at 11pm in the San Francisco area: “It is a chaotic scene in much of Southern California.” Well, we knew that, what about the earthquake?

 

Moderate damage reported from tonight’s Los Angeles earthquake. Some Trader Joe’s reported several broken cases of Charles Shaw wine. Why, that could mean a total of almost $100 in losses.

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So what defines a moderate quake in LA? When the earth moves faster than the traffic?

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Lebron James, estimated by Forbes to have earned $60 million last year, said he would opt out of his Miami Heat contract if he could get a deal like Miguel Cabrera got. Well, the man’s got to feed his family.

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The SF 49ers’ Chris Culliver was arrested today in San Jose, around 10:30am, for felony hit-and-run and weapons (brass knuckles) possession. Sigh. There is just no cure for stupid.

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A 148 word paper on Rosa Parks got a football player an “A-” at UNC? Wow. In the SEC a football player’s paper of that length would have qualified as a master’s thesis.

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Steven Seagal today defended Vladimir Putin over Crimea and called him ‘one of the world’s great living leaders.” What is Seagal doing? Angling for an invitation to North Korea?

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This Leland Yee case in California now involves mobs, drugs, guns, bribes, hitmen, etc. Meaning the biggest question may not be how much time Yee might get, but which network will be first with the made-for-tv movie?

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Just in case you were thinking you really don’t know sports. A Jeopardy answer was “100+ assists in an NHL season has been accomplished only 13 times, 11 times by this player.” And the contestant said “Who is Magic Johnson?” (Now if you think “Good guess”, then yes, you really don’t know sports.)

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Congrats to the Florida Gators, heading back to the Elite Eight with a team featuring four Seniors. Players at most other college basketball powerhouses are asking “What are Seniors?”

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Tragic, really. Gwyneth Paltrow, talking about the difficulties of her life compared to moms with “regular jobs.” “It’s much harder for me…. I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. ” #affluenza #tonedeaf

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MLB and the union have agreed that players suspended during the season for PED’s will not be eligible for that year’s postseason. Well, at least that’s one thing Cubs players don’t have to worry about.

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Hearing crickets from most of the GOP regarding Chris Christie hiring his own investigators to find him innocent of any wrongdoing. Have to wonder what we’d hear if President Obama hired his own team to investigate Benghazi.

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Forget the “needle in a haystack” figure of speech, may be time to change it to “a plane in the Indian ocean.”

 

Bus to hell time. Following tonight’s 5.1 earthquake in Los Angeles will CNN be doing breaking news updates on reported debris?

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Any truth to the rumor that the Washington Generals are trying to schedule a game with the #Philadelphia #76ers?

Comments: 4 Comments

A long, long, time….

Posted March 27, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Miguel Cabrera just signed a 10 year, $300 million contract with the Detroit Tigers. Wow. By current Dodgers’ standards that’s almost enough for a good utility infielder.

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The #Philadelphia #76ers , 15-57, have lost 26 straight games. The real question, how did they ever win 15?

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Some of the NCAA’s freshman basketball stars claim to be undecided about entering the NBA draft. Maybe the young men are just trying to figure out their odds of being stuck with the 76ers.

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The Milwaukee Bucks ended an eight game losing streak by beating the LA Lakers 108-105 tonight. And anyone who watched that game with the Sweet Sixteen as an alternative is probably guilty of March Madness.

 

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Will the video of the Stanford Cardinal’s lackluster performance in the #SweetSixteen be titled “Sleepwalking in Memphis?”

 

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Baltimore RB Ray Rice has been indicted for 3rd-degree aggravated assault. Maybe Rice was trying a little too hard to become a Ravens legend like Ray Lewis.

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Amazing, a sixth-grade girl in Oklahoma set a world record by selling over 18,000 box of Girl Scout cookies. What’s more amazing? She did it without living in Washington or Colorado.

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A 22 year old woman who killed her husband by pushing him over a cliff in Montana eight days after their wedding was sentenced today to 30 years in prison. Well, at least the marriage really was until “death do us part.”

 

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Start building that shelter in the backyard. Last year Stevie Nicks says there was “more chance of an asteroid hitting the earth” than Christine McVie rejoining Fleetwood Mac.

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Pat Robertson’s latest “Jesus wouldn’t bake a cake for a gay wedding.” As if they would have wanted Him to bake a cake. The happy couple surely would have preferred that water into wine bit.

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California State Sen. Leland Yee, who was arrested yesterday, today withdrew from the secretary of state race. His lawyer “This was a very personal decision on the part of the senator. This is what he wanted to do.” Uh, no, what Yee wanted to do was not to get caught.

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A taxpayer-funded report from a law firm hired by Chris Christie found that the NJ Govenor was not involved in the Bridgegate plot. Presumably the same firm will back up Bud Selig’s statement that steroid use in baseball is now virtually nonexistent.

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Despite an aide’s saying otherwise, Chris Christie says now he “does not recall” being informed about traffic jams near the George Washington Bridge last September. Guess the NJ Governor really does see himself as the next Ronald Reagan.

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An 18 year old Norwegian man had a McDonald’s receipt tattooed on his arm. And guess what, ladies, this guy is single.

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For all those who fly on commercial planes and think “It could be worse,” you are about to be proved right. Airbus is going to start making A380s with a 3-5-3 coach configuration.

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A number of employees at LAX have been arrested for allegedly stealing from passengers’ luggage. 25 (!?) police raids recovered belongings including clothes, electronics and jewelry. Scary, but really, why does anyone put JEWELRY in checked luggage?

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From T.C. ” The NFL will be penalizing the slam dunk celebration with the football over the goal post this year. So let’s say you celebrate your TD by taunting the defender covering you, dunk the football over the goal post and also call someone on the field the “N” word, your team will be kicking off from its own 1 yard line.”

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Crushed?

Posted March 26, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Bad news for the Secret Service as three agents were sent home from Amsterdam for being intoxicated. Good news, apparently they were too drunk to find prostitutes.

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The maker of “Candy Crush Saga” saw their stock fall about 15% after the IPO today. So now it’s not just the game players who are disappointed with their level.

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The NLRB has ruled Northwestern University football players can unionize. This is what comes of letting nerds play football.

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Manhattan men’s basketball coach Steve Masiello apparently had an offer to coach the Univ. of South Florida rescinded when the school discovered that while he attended Kentucky, he lied about getting a degree. In Masiello’s defense, will he claim that not graduating will make him better able to relate to today’s college players.

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In North Korea, all men must now have the same haircut as Kim Jong Un. I guess this is the equivalent of women wearing ugly bridesmaid’s dresses to make the bride look better?

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I really hope the latest satellite images help them locate MH 370. But really, haven’t we had the “Break we’ve been waiting for” headline almost daily since the plane went missing?

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Three California State Senators are now facing criminal charges. Louisiana is sniffing “Amateurs!”

 

Yeah, if he is found guilty, Leland Yee is a nominee for hypocrite of the year. A Democratic California State Senator who favors gun control, arrested on charges that include gun trafficking. But if the charges are true, it doesn’t mean that gun control is wrong, it just means that Yee, for all the good he has done, is an idiot and an a**hole.

 

How to feel old. Hear an American Idol contestant say she was glad she remembered the words to “Rhiannon”, because she “just learned it.” Fleetwood Mac wasn’t even my favorite band, but heck, hard to graduate from high school in the late 70s without knowing the song mostly by heart.

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Now seems like there are still about 100 people missing, down from estimates of almost 200, in that awful mudslide in rural Washington but very little coverage. Think the big news networks would pay more attention if the state could come up with a conspiracy theory for why the slide happened?

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Roger Goodell says that it’s unlikely the NFL will be able to expand the playoffs in time for the 2014 season. Translation, there isn’t time to do a big $$$ TV contract.

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The Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case on whether employers, for religious reasons, can deny including birth control as part of their healthcare plans. Sure hope a codicil to this ruling will cover whether employers, for religious reasons, can also deny coverage for Viagra to all men who are not married to women of childbearing age. (And that only for the time of month their wives are ovulating.)

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Am thinking that whatever that #CopenhagenZoo considers the “Circle of Life” is never going to be featured in a Disney movie.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow announced she and her husband Chris Martin are separating in a blog titled “Conscious uncoupling.”” “Conscious uncoupling?” Sounds like a description of “one-and-one” college basketball, or maybe what the IRS does with you and your money in April.

 

From Alex Kaseberg:  “Following his lap-band surgery, New Jersey Gov., Chris Christie, has lost 100 pounds. Or as they call that in New Jersey: dropping a Snookie.”

Comments: 4 Comments

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