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Rocky Mountain Leftover High?

July 17, 2014

CBS News reports that tourists are regularly leaving their leftover marijuana purchases inside rental cars at Denver International Airport, because they don’t want to be arrested when they head home. In related news, Hertz and Avis just reported a 1,000% increase in Colorado job applications..

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Chris Christie says that on a “case by case” basis, his state may consider housing some of the detained immigrant children. Makes sense, have them spend some time in New Jersey and they may go racing back home.

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So the MH17 black box has been sent to Moscow for Investigation. Great. Now we will get the real story because as Edward Snowden tells us, Russia is a great and open country and a champion of human rights….’

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We often ridicule U.S. government agencies over their rules and regulations. But it appears that they got this one right: In April, on the “Special Rules” section of its site, the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration put out an order prohibiting American pilots, airlines, charter carriers, and everyone else over whom the FAA has direct jurisdiction, from flying over southern parts of Ukraine.

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John McCain is already talking about “profound repercussions” against whoever shot down MH17. Surely we should be able to invade somebody….

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The finger pointing has begun between Russia and the Ukraine over MH17. It may take longer to figure out who’s really to blame than it does to find MH370.

(The GOP already no doubt  – has it figured out, it’s Obama’s fault.)

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Microsoft has announced they are cutting 18,000 jobs. Of course, the tech giant doesn’t “fire” people, they just tell them they are performing an illegal operation and will be shut down.

 

Cheerful story on a bad news day. My friend Linda M. Wilson reminds me that Disneyland opened 59 years ago  on July 17.. Although there’s a whole generation of Americans growing up with no concept of the phrase “E ticket ride.”

 

Okay, how slow a day was Thursday  in the sports world? ESPN has the headline that the 2015 NFL draft location has been narrowed down to Los Angeles and Chicago.

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You can’t make this “stuff” up. MLB and FOX’s excuse for not paying tribute to Tony Gwynn during the All Star Game- is that the “baseball family” had lost a “number of people” this year and they “did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.” Well, and that and it would have interrupted the flow of the Derek Jeter show.

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To be fair, maybe MLB and FOX made such of a big deal out of Derek Jeter’s farewell All-Star game because they knew he’d already played his last postseason game.

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But maybe all of the hype is getting to be overkill.  From Bill Littlejohn:  “A Yankee Stadium suite for Derek Jeter’s final home game is going for $244,000.  Why the discount?”

 

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Where in the world…?

July 16, 2014

A TSA agent today at Orlando International Airport.  asked for a reporter’s passport when the man showed him a District of Columbia driver’s license. Not realizing D.C. is actually part of the U.S. Wonder if the TSA agent told the guy his team should have beaten Brazil….

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Okay, both Bud Selig and players association executive director Tony Clark both just said they would like to reduce and ultimately eliminate smokeless tobacco usage in MLB. Great, so with that goal, wouldn’t it have made sense to use the big stage of the All-Star Game for that message as part of a tribute to Tony Gwynn? Or would that have taken time away from “Pride of the Yankees -2 -the Derek Jeter show?”

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If someone turned into last night’s All-Star game who had never seen baseball before and didn’t know the players, they might have been forgiven for thinking “That poor Jeter guy, he must be dying?”

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At Target Field presume someone is interviewing the last stadium worker asking how it felt to clean up after #Jeter‘s last #AllStarGame?

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From Bill Littlejohn.  “I hear that Adam Wainwright’s new walk-up music just became ‘Groovin’ on a Sunday Afternoon'”

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Alabama and USC will kick off the 2016 college football season with a game at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. It will be the first regular season meeting in almost 40 years between two of the NCAA’s highest paid teams.

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With the new College Football Playoff system, the “Power Five” conferences will each receive about $50 million and the other FBS leagues will split $75 million. Just for this first year. Well, this should help the NCAA pay legal bills as they fight against paying players because it would ruin the game.

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Oscar Pistorius, whose trial is in a recess until August, got into a bar fight last weekend, but his family issued a statement it was only because he’s in ’emotional pain,’ and feels lonely. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

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Another of those “Darwin – missed it by that much” stories. A West Seattle man decided to kill a spider with a can of spray paint and a lighter (huh?) He managed to set his house on fire, causing about $60,000 in damages. Although he, and possibly the spider, survived.

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In South Carolina, the KKK is handing out bags of candy as part of a recruiting effort. The bags have a phone number and a message inside .””Save Our Land, Join the Klan.” Is it too late to let the South secede?

(Dan St. Paul suggests, “Presumably the bags have two holes cut out for your eyes?”)

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Dwight Howard tweeted last weekend “FreePalestine.” Then deleted the message 15 min later “Previous tweet was a mistake, I have never commented on international politics and never will.” Did Howard run out of characters to end the message “again?”

 

 

Best team award at the #ESPYS to the Seattle Seahawks? Really . Even #ESPN doesn’t respect the #Spurs. #notenoughdrama?

 

 

–Would love to be a fly on the wall when athletes’ wives ask “So honey, what did you think of that #Sidepieces song? #ESPYS #nogoodanswer.

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Dick Cheney says that “Barack Obama is the worst President of my lifetime.” Now, President Obama hasn’t been perfect. But he’s not even the worst President of the last decade.

 

 

Majority ruled?. Senate Republicans today blocked a bill to restore free birth control for women whose health insurance comes from employers with religious objections. The losing vote? 56-43 in favor of the bill. (Three GOP Senators voted yes.. Two were women.)

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The Midsummer Jeter Show

July 15, 2014

Tonight home field advantage was decided for the World Series by a largely meaningless game with many players chosen based on popularity and others because each team needs a representative. Why doesn’t baseball use the system followed by so many other sports – who can offer the biggest bribe? #AllStarGame.
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After watching the show now have to figure Bud Selig is staying up nights trying to figure out how to make sure the World Series includes Derek Jeter.

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Just in case anyone thought network news was no longer relevant. Nice job CBS News tweetng a REAL scoop “@CBSNews: Michael Jeter takes bow at his final All-Star game.” Wonder if Michael’s brother is any good.

 

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SF Giants All Star Hunter Pence, on his unorthodox style for doing, well, everything. “It’s just the way I am. I love it. I enjoy it. I just want to thank whatever it is that created me.” So does this mean Pence isn’t religious, or he figures God would say “Hey, don’t put this on me, I don’t understand Hunter either.”

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So how long until #Jeter gives his “Luckiest Man in America” speech? #AllStarGame

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Bud Selig said today that Montreal is an “excellent candidate” for another MLB team. But added that there’s “a lot of work to do” with them getting a new stadium. Why, Olympic Stadium is almost as bad as the Oakland A’s “O.Co Coliseum.”.

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A-Rod now is being sued by his attorneys for unpaid legal fees. Just how low do you have to go before your own lawyers think you’re a incorrigible scumbag?
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Okay, organizers at Blackfoot Pride Days in Idaho were chagrined when a pilot hired to drop 3,000 pingpong balls redeemable for prizes into a crowd missed, and instead dropped the balls on an nearby interstate highway. The pilot actually made the 2nd mistake. The 1st was thinking this was a good idea in the first place.

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Alabama once again has the top recruits for college football. But isn’t it an oxymoron to call it a “recruiting class?”
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Apparently this season’s ratings for the Bachelorette are not great. But to be fair, anyone who wants to watch a bunch of egotistical prima donnas compete for attention and “love” now has 24-7 coverage available of NBA free agency

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New SNL cast members Noël Wells and John Milhiser have been fired after 1 year. Surprising most Americans who didn’t realize either of them were on the show in the first place.
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In an interview, Marion Barry says Rob Ford is “making a fool of himself.” Guess that makes as much sense about Dick Cheney complaining about what President Obama is doing wrong with Iraq.
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In my email inbox. A Groupon half-price sky dive. Okay, of all the things in the world that maybe you wouldn’t want on a bargain basement deal, a sky-dive has to be up there, or rather down there. Maybe following a dinner of day-old sushi?

 

Dick Cheney – “Obama’s failure to provide for a stay-behind force is what created the havoc we see in Iraq today.” Because it’s not as if Iraq ever had a stable government before behind a strong leader…. Oops, never mind.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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NL Power outage.

July 15, 2014

Seriously??!   ONE home run gets Todd Frazier to the Home Run Derby finals representing the NL? #ShouldhavepickedMadbum

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Thought after watching round one of the Home Run Derby;  Yasiel Puig is no Madison Bumgarner. #SFGiants. #Dodgers

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If they ever have an All-Star Game and Home Run derby in pitcher friendly Petco Park, is there a provision for ending it with penalty kicks?

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Apparently the SF Bay Area had some of the highest World Cup television ratings in the U.S. For that soccer can thank Northern California’s cultural diversity, advantageous game times with Brazil being only four hours ahead, and oh yeah, the fact the the SF Giants s*cked throughout the month that the tournament was on.

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Today begins a four day stretch without regular MLB games. So Cubs fans looking for their regular experience in the meantime will just have to bang their heads into the wall.

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So how long until other teams start intentionally walking Madison Bumgarner with the bases loaded? #SFGIants #Grandslam #MadBum

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Apparently Archie of comic book fame will be shot and die in the next issue while trying to protect a gay friend. Waiting to see how the GOP spins this as another reason to impeach Obama.

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High school basketball star Emmanuel Mudiay, who had committed to SMU, says he will instead play professionally overseas. What a shame. By skipping college Mudiay could be giving up some of the potential best few months of his life.

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The Cleveland Browns are planning to use a live bull-mastiff as their mascot this fall. Of course Browns fans are hoping the real dog doesn’t turn out to be Johnny Manziel.

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The 2016 campaign sniping is in fine form. Like this line about Texas Gov. Rick Perry: “Apparently his new glasses haven’t altered his perception of the world, or allowed him to see it any more clearly.” From Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden? Nope, fellow Republican Rand Paul.

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TSA surcharges on airline tickets are more than doubling July 21, from $2.50 to $5.60 per flight, with extra charges for layovers of more than 4 hours. As far as paying for misery, these fees are becoming the travel equivalent of alimony.

 

 

Happy belated Bastille Day. And we Americans think we celebrate violence. These lines translated from the first first and chorus of “La Marseillaise”. “The bloody flag is raised. Do you hear in the countryside, The roar of these savage soldiers They come right into our arms To cut the throats of your sons….,To arms, citizens! Form up your battalions Let us march, Let us march! That their impure blood Should water our fields….”

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Just call him Babe.

July 13, 2014

madbum

Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.

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Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants

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#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.

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Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.

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(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.
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Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?

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Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”

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So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?

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Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?
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CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.

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ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)

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Before the fall.

July 13, 2014

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

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Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

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How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

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Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

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The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

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Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

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Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

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Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

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A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

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Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

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If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”

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LeBron gone.

July 11, 2014

Open note to Miami fans. There are children in Africa who need clothes. Just in case you were thinking of a jersey bonfire? #Lebron

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Most googled question in #Cleveland today? “How do you get burn marks out of a jersey? #Lebron

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Lebron James returning to the #Cavaliers. Best sure thing about this for #Cleveland fans? It knocks Johnny Manziel off the front page.

 

Miami Heat owner Micky Arison sent a classy ‘Thanks for the memories” tweet about Lebron James leaving, even though it’s not great news for his franchise. But Arison must be used to train wrecks by this point – he also owns Carnival and Costa Cruises.

 

“There are no second acts in American lives.” So somewhere maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald is saying “F**k you, Lebron James.”

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Suspended Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is leaving his professional team of Liverpool for Barcelona. Wonder how long he had to chew on that decision?

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Chad Johnson, now a member of the Montreal Alouettes, scored his first touchdown since 2011 and celebrated by hugging a CFL official. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

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Forget #Lebron, the REAL breaking news is that Tim Lincecum got Paul Goldschmidt out #SFGiants

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Curtis Reeves Jr. the man charged with shooting a man for texting inside a movie theater, was released on bond today. Reeves will be allowed to leave home only for church, court, doctors’ appointments, and the GROCERY STORE. New catch  phrase in Florida: “Cover me, I’m going for a quart of milk..”

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Mashiro Tanaka, on being injured. “I want to apologize to the Yankees organization, my teammates and our fans for not being able to help during this time.” How long until the NY Yankees apologize to their fans for this season?

 

Brazil vs. the Netherlands for 3rd place in the World Cup Saturday. Have we finally found a sporting event where athletes care less than the NFL Pro Bowl?

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Consumer Reports just rated California-based “The Habit Burger Grill” as having the best (chain) burger in America. Uh, many people would say it’s not even the best burger in California.

 

 

From Alex  Kaseberg:  “100 years ago, Babe Ruth made his baseball debut. It was a big day, Larry King threw out the first pitch. “

 

(and I’m thinking, who could forget the Babe’st thrilling first hit off of Jamie Moyer?)

 

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Well, Jerry Brown may win re-election easily in California, but for 2012 Gubernatorial fun at least we have Florida. Where Gov. Rick Scott just criticized Charlie Crist as “elitist” for wearing a Rolex. Scott is worth about $150 million and has his own plane.

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Still no sign of news.

July 10, 2014

So the Lebron James Indecision saga continues, with absolutely no real information. If this keeps up it’s only a matter of time until CNN sends out hourly “Breaking News” updates.
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Starting to think if the #NFLDraft happened at the same time #LebronJames was making his free agent decision that #ESPN heads would explode.

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Comedian Marcus Tisdale released a video of him pretending to smoke crack on a San Francisco street, and getting a minimum reaction from passing people. Well, duh, it’s San Francisco. If he wanted the reaction to be outrage, he should have smoked a regular cigarette.

(Or held up a “Palin, 2016” sign.)

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Stories out of Boston indicate that the Red Sox designated A.J. Pierzynski in part because he was a serious negative influence in the club house. What did they expect from someone of whom Ozzie Guillen once said “If you play against him, you hate him. If you play with him, you hate him a little less.”
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The Brooklyn Nets will pay a record $90M luxury tax for last season. $90 million!? The team salary cap is only about $63 million. Who do they think they are, the Yankees?

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John Boehner delayed convening the House Thursday due to an early morning accident involving asbestos.. Yes, they actually may have found something at the U.S. Capitol more toxic than Congress.

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The Chicago Cubs have won approval for a $575 million renovation of Wrigley Field, which includes scoreboards that will block nearby rooftop seating. But owner Tom Ricketts says the team needs the added revenue to be competitive. Right. To bring the Cubs back to the glory days of 2011. When they had the 6th highest payroll in MLB and finished a sparkling 71-91.

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Boeing said today their new 737s will have overhead luggage bins that can store 6 carry-on bags instead of four, and will be easier to use. Wonder which U.S. carrier will get the planes first, and add a “bin surcharge?”

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General Mills says they will reformulate Trix cereal to make it taste “fruitier.” Wait, Trix was supposed to taste like fruit?

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Only good news for #TimHudson today. If he promised family a vacation over the All-Star break looks like he’ll be available.#SFGiants

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Todd Akin is taking back his apology over “legitimate rape.” “My comment about a woman’s body shutting the pregnancy down was directed to the impact of stress on fertilization. This is something fertility doctors debate and discuss “Doubt me? Google ‘stress and infertility,’ and you will find a library of research on the subject.” WTF? Is Akin angling for a job with Fox News?

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, who announced their “conscious uncoupling” in March, have been spotted together recently, leading to rumors of a reconciliation. “Oh, what great news, I’ve been so worried about them” said absolutely no one.

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The couple who were rescued by the U.S. Navy after being stranded at sea 900 miles off the Mexican coast with their 1 and 3 year old daughters now say they plan to sue their satellite phone carrier. Saying that they hope any monetary winnings will allow them to help repay the government for their rescue. Is this what Shakespeare anticipated when he said “First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”?

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President Obama is telling Israel that the USA is willing to negotiate a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas. If this works maybe Israel will negotiate a cease-fire for Obama with the GOP?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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Jolly good show.

July 6, 2014

That Djokovic Federer #Wimbledon2014 final lasted longer than many celebrity marriages.

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Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic both spoke during the awards ceremony after Wimbledon final. Nothing but class. Maybe they should record the ceremony and commentary as a training video for athletes in some other sports.

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And Wimbledon always brings to mind some of my favorite bathroom graffiti, seen years ago in London, on the side of the stall  – “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”  And of course on the other side-.  “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”

 

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Boris Diaw announced via Twitter that he is returning to the Spurs. After no rumors or public discussions with other teams. Once again, San Antonio falls down in the drama department.

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In two separate July 4 incidents in Northern California,  three people had part or all of their hands blown off while handling personal fireworks. Isn’t it redundant for the media to report all three people were men?

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Oops. the Houston Astros single-A affliliate Lancaster JetHawks had fireworks night Saturday, and ended up lighting the outfield wall on fire. (This after another fireworks accident in 2013.) Guess it’s not just their players who aren’t quite ready for the big leagues.

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Nelson Cruz was voted to start the All-Star Game a year after his 50-game PED suspension. If Cruz wins the game’s MVP award will Bud Selig smile and shake his hand by invoking the ABB “Anyone But Bonds” clause?.

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Buck Showalter, responding to Red Sox pitcher John Lackey’s insinuations about Nelson Cruz and PED’s, said that Lackey should be “careful” and look at his own team. Wonder which “Big” hitter the Orioles manager was referring to?

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Most amazing thing about the Brandon McCarthy to the Yankees trade? The Diamondbacks will still pay most of McCarthy’s 2014 salary. #Richgetricher

 

From T.C.. “Most of the Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’d be back for the 2016 Summer Olympics.  Of course then they’ll be competing in men’s diving.”

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

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We’ve got trouble.

July 6, 2014

 

Browns WR Josh Gordon, already suspended for a year for violating the NFL drug policy, was arrested at 4am this morning for alleged DWI. Well, at least looks like Johnny Manziel will have one less person to party with in Cleveland.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford says he won’t guarantee he will stay sober, and that he can’t make promises about something over which he has “no control.” Wow, an actual honest statement from a politician.

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in the US, July 4 was our bbq and fireworks day.    Making July 5  “so what do you put on a burn” day?

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Refereeing in the #WorldCup makes me long for the simplicity of baseball’s balk rule.

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You cannot make this “stuff” up, dept: Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, who is running against U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu, and who co-sponsored the “Abstinence Education Reallocation Act of 2013”, announced that his unwed 17 year old daughter will have a baby “this summer”

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Foster Farms just recalled some chicken linked to a salmonella outbreak. The products have “use or freeze by” dates from March 21 to 29. Of course, if you still have chicken around from March, you might have other problems than salmonella.

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Ad for Eliquis with the usual side-effect mentions in small print “May cause paralysis – the inability to move.” Guess some lawyer decided Americans don’t know what paralysis means…..

 

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New Bucks coach Jason Kidd: “‘Why Milwaukee?’ My answer is simple: there is no place I’d rather be” Well, either that or there’s no place Kidd would rather be that would take him.

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Amber Battle, Texas Tech’s Lady Raiders’ basketball leading scorer, was involved in a fight with a football player that resulted in the police being called. She has been suspended, for the first month of the season. Good to see that women star players can now be slapped on the hand as hard as men.

 

Last night millions of baseball fans wondered if they needed to adjust their sets. That was an #SFGiant hitting a ball out of the park. Not an illusion.

(and it happened twice more.)

 

What’s more surprising? That the reeling #SFGiants beat the only team that hadn’t blown a lead after seven innings this season. Or that that team was the #SDPadres?

 

 

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Regarding illegal immigration: When living conditions are bad enough, people will do whatever it takes to leave their country in the hopes of something better.. And the idea that we can just stop that by making it harder…? Remember the Berlin Wall?

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Go fourth!

July 4, 2014

Happy (now belated) Fourth of July. There are many things wrong with the USA. And we might disagree in both what they are on how and how to fix them. But hey, we can at least have an open discussion on Facebook without getting arrested or killing each other. And that’s one thing that’s very right about the USA.

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We may be out of the World Cup, but at least American dominance in our national sport is alive and well. Joey Chesnut won his 8th straight Nathan’s eating championship. USA! USA! USA!

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The Oakland A’s have apparently acquired Jeff Samardzija from the Cubs. Which means Samardzija is going to the only home stadium in MLB with more antiquated plumbing than Wrigley Field.
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Meanwhile, across the bay, these days #SFGiants get behind 2 to 0 and it feels like they have as much chance as a #WorldCup team down 2 to 0 in stoppage team.

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Johnny Damon last played in MLB in 2012, but he wants to come back. “When you feel you can still outhit at least half the league and you don’t get that call, it’s rough.” Half the league? Maybe not, though these days he might be able to outhit the #SFGIants.
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In the town of Rifle (no joke) Colorado, many of the waitresses at Shooters Grill wear holstered guns while they work. Bet they don’t get stiffed much on tips.

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Brazil’s star forward Neymar is out of the #WorldCup after suffering a broken vertebra in today’s game against Colombia. Absolutely shocking. A soccer player falling down because he was actually hurt?
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Yes. I often post about dumb men. But just to prove that stupidity is not tied to gender, a Peruvian gal has married Joran van der Sloot. Who is suspected in the murder of Natalee Holloway and currently in prison for killing another woman.

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Until and unless the #SFGiants offense starts showing up again Kruk and Kuip should be barred from saying “the big hitters are coming up”
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Joey Chesnut proposed to his girlfriend before today’s Nathan’s eating contest. Makes sense, because do you really want to hug someone hard after you’ve eaten 61 hot dogs?
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In Florida, Republicans have managed to get the “Charlie Crist for Florida” stickers off a NASCAR car competing in the Coke Zero 400 Saturday, claiming the value of the stickers exceeds the “in-kind” donation limits. Of course, in GOP eyes, “Governor Rick Scott” decals would have probably fallen under the category of protected free speech.

All this drama regarding the NBA free agent market. Anyone but me think it might be just a bit overblown since teams won’t be playing meaningful games until teams start playing meaningful games in next April’s playoffs?

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Happy Independence Day.

July 4, 2014

But what’s the big deal.  For a cat, EVERY day is Independence Day.

 

july4

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Water world.

July 3, 2014

A Qantas flight from Los Angeles to Melbourne had to turn back when a pipe burst, sending a river of water rushing through the plane. On United they would have just kept going and charged a swimming pool fee.

 

Qantas may be changing their pre-flight briefing.  “In case of rushing water in the aisle, passengers wishing to use the restroom may use their seat cushion as a flotation device.”

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Silver lining about all these religious universities whose beliefs are so pure they don’t want the government involved in their health insurance – it will save taxpayer money because they won’t want tainted government funds for their research grants and student loans, right? #wecandream

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Apparently the #WorldCup television ratings have been higher than those of the NBA finals. #Betterflopping?

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All these NBA players working so hard to see if they can end up on teams together… If they spent as much effort actually working on playing as a team together maybe some of these prima donnas would have a better chance for a ring.

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SportsCenter Breaking News “Lebron James agent meets with multiple teams.” “Lakers and Knicks offer max to Carmelo.” This isn’t an NBA off-season, it’s a bad mini-series of “The Dating Game.”

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#SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy says he will drop Blanco – 10 for 59 since Pagan got hurt- down in the batting order “until he gets his swing.” Uh, except what if 10 for 59 IS his swing?

 

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Overheard around U.S water coolers today. “Hey, do you know when the next World Cup games are?” “No, me neither.”

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Hillary Clinton said in a BBC interview that she’s “grateful” she forgave Bill over Monica Lewinsky. “Forgiveness is a choice, and I fully respect those who don’t make that choice for whatever reason in their personal or professional lives .But for me, it was absolutely the right choice.” So where’s the applause from “family values” conservatives?

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Stay classy Mississippi. GOP State Sen. Chris McDaniel is offering a $1,000 ‘reward’ for evidence of voter fraud by Senator Thad Cochran, who beat him in the Republican Primary. In this case the “Big Tent” is more like a cover over a boxing ring.

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The economy added 288,000 jobs in June and the unemployment rate fell to 6.1% – the lowest it’s been since September 2008. Time for the GOP to call another hearing on Benghazi.

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From an anonymous friend “Next up: SCOTUS declares the Universal Suffrage Amendment unconstitutional because “it wasn’t in the original Constitution, so the Founding Fathers didn’t want it”. Cave paintings at 11″

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From Bill Littlejohn  “Food and drink will be delivered to 49er fans at the new Levi’s Stadium via GPS tracking.  Maybe they might reconsider Apple Maps, however, as a couple of construction workers there, however, report that recently their lunches were sent into San Francisco Bay”

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No looking back.

July 1, 2014

 It could be worse for #USA in #WorldCup. We could be a country that cares about being eliminated for more than 5 minutes. #England, #Spain, #Chile

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So the USA lost again Tuesday. That means we advance again, right? #WorldCup

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A nice win for Belgium. So Americans will have to go back to wasting time at work by looking at cat videos. #WorldCup

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Now that we are out of #WorldCup maybe #SFGiants will stop emulating #TeamUSA and start scoring.?

 

A new Florida Gators calendar is out, and Mr. July is…. Aaron Hernandez. Yikes. Apparently the pictures had to be approved in Spring, 2013. Well, it does mean the most embarrassing NFL picture on the calendar isn’t of Tim Tebow.

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Rolando McClain retired from the NFL in April, saying “Now I know God has something else planned for me and that my life is bigger than football.” Now he’s un-retired and signed with Dallas.  So what,  McClain is now trying to say that he thinks God is a Cowboys fan?

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A federal appeals court has agreed to reconsider Barry Bonds’ felony conviction for obstruction of justice. Wonder what happens if Bonds incorporates himself and says the “cream and the clear” were part of his religion?

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Not that it will ever happen, but if teams in the #WorldCup knockout round had to win by 2, like in tennis, and if they had to keep playing until that happened, the games might be a lot more watchable. IMHO.

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So the FTC claims T-Mobile added bogus overcharges to customers’ bills. As opposed to T-Mobile’s legitimate overcharges?

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The Los Angeles City Attorney’s office announced after a “long review” that Aldon Smith will not be charged after being arrested for allegedly making a fake bomb threat at LAX this April. So where’s the disclaimer – “Professional athlete, do not attempt.”

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A federal judge ruled today that same-sex couples have a right to marry in Kentucky. Kind of puts a new slant on sisterhood and brotherhood.

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So the news that some of us may have been amongst the 700,000 guinea pigs in a FB experiment of either skewing new feeds positively or negatively is not thrilling. But then there’s the question – what other FB experiments do we not yet know about?

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Serena Williams is gone, Maria Sharapova is gone. This potential women’s Wimbledon is shaping up to have all the ratings draw of a Tiger-less golf tournament.

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Some statements just cannot be topped with a punchline. Monica Lewinsky, talking about the Starr report and the media “I was a virgin to humiliation.”

 

From T.C’ “Wednesday’s water cooler hot topic will be the US Soccer team’s World Cup loss to Belgium. Of course 99.9% of those asked if they watched the game will respond “No”.”

 

 

Political thoughts, anyone not interested can stop reading now. But.

 

Have to wonder with the Hobby Lobby decision, how would Sandra Day O’Connor have voted, as opposed to her replacement Samuel Alito? (Who says I never say anything nice about Ronald Reagan?)

 

Here’s one of many frustrating things about #SCOTUS decision. Good people can disagree on abortion. (And I am one who thinks it should be between a woman, her doctor and her God if she has one.). But the Hobby Lobby ruling is about four types of contraception they believe to be abortion. But many scientists would say otherwise.. Plan B is simply a large dose of birth control pills and may prevent ovulation,. The copper in the IUD is toxic to sperm and may prevent fertilization…. But hey, why should science enter into this when it’s a morality play?

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Filling out those permission slips?

June 30, 2014

 

 

Thinking anyone who is asking or sneaking off from work Tues.to watch USA vs. Belgium should be able to name 2 players on USA Team #WorldCup

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Charming. Waffle House now says that since the U.S. is playing Belgium tomorrow “We support a boycott on Belgian Waffles. We support America. We don’t support Belgian Waffles.” Except that actually in Belgium they have Brussels Waffles and Liege Waffles. Not “Belgian.” And the food that originated in Belgium that Americans really love is French Fries. #nojoke

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Regarding this call for a boycott of Belgian waffles. We’d find out how little Americans, particularly women, care about the World Cup if the call instead had been for a boycott of Belgian chocolate. #priorities.

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The U.S soccer coach apparently thinks Belgium will have an advantage tomorrow with the Algerian referee. Because the U.S. helped eliminate Algeria last time and because the ref speaks French. And how many Americans are thinking “Well, at least he doesn’t speak Belgian?”

 

Apparently thousands of bags were lost and/or delayed by British Airways at Heathrow last weekend. Thousands. And U.S. airlines accused British Airways of bragging.

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So the Supreme Court has ruled for Hobby Lobby. Ready for the first business to sue demanding not to cover Viagra, unless the man is married to a woman of childbearing age. (And not while that woman is pregnant.) And for that matter, why cover vasectomies at all?

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I guess I missed the part in American History when “Freedom of Religion” became “Freedom to Follow MY Religion?” #SCOTUS

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Today’s Supreme Court decision applies to “closely-held” corporations. So if you’re a woman considering working a small business, check the owners’ bumper stickers.

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The emergency evacuation slide on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Orange County, California accidentally deployed Sunday night, and the plane was diverted to Wichita, Kansas. United is being generous, however, in giving affected passengers free hotel rooms, and waiving their slide fee.

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Lebron James has informed teams that he wants nothing less than the maximum salary for 2014-5, which is projected to be $22.2 million. Because surrounding a few stars with bargain basement players worked out so well this season?

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A new survey found that 47% of U.S. adults said they wouldn’t last 24 hours without their smart phones. The other 53% were no doubt too wrapped up in their phones to answer the survey.

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Someone leaded details of the Houston Astros’ trade discussions to a data sharing website. The team is said to be furious, but come on, who’s going to try to steal negotiation secrets from the Astros?

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Okay, how many casual BayArea fans heard “walk off grand slam loss” and assumed ‪#‎SFGIants‬ instead of ‪#‎OaklandAs‬

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And yes, it is wrong to rejoice in the misery of others. But my first team when I was 8 was the Detroit Tigers, and I have hated the As since they knocked “my” Tigers out of the World Series in 1972. So it’s not just me being an #SFGIants fan that really enjoyed Rajai Davis’s walkoff grand slam.

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General Motors has recalled over 39 million  cars this year. Wow. Who knew GM had sold over 39 million cars?

 

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The San Diego Padres beat the Cincinnati Reds 1-0 today, despite getting only one hit. Not surprising that the Reds – or Padres – hitting was that bad. But how did Cincinnati sweep 4 games from the SFGiants? ‪#‎automaticnoclutch‬

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Going down.

June 29, 2014

Would baseball be more popular around the world if batters could fall to the ground writhing in agony if the pitch got near them and then be awarded 1st base? #WorldCup #flopping

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Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari said he and his team “can’t be polite anymore” after barely beating Chile. Are they flopping too gracefully?

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A fire broke out in the boiler room of a Holland America cruise ship leaving Seattle yesterday. But it was quickly extinguished, the ship returned to port without incident, and was cleared to sail again this morning. “Darn” said CNN.

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In the 9th inning of a 4-0 loss, the #SFGiants won a review and have a play overturned. So where do you go to request the month of June be overturned?

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Open note to #SFGiants. This is not the World Cup. You don’t have to wait to score with penalty kicks.

 

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So according to Bochy, Sergio Romo will no longer be closing games for the #sfgiants. Of course that’s been true for over two weeks.

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SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy today said the team “as a group, we’ve hit a bump in the road.” A bump? Feels more like a Giant sinkhole.

 

 

As of Sunday night, at SeaWorld San Diego, apparently several people have been stuck on the Skytower ride for several hours due to a power issue. The San Diego Fire Department is on stand-by.but says “no one is in distress.” If they’re not in distress after several hours guess this makes the Skytower perhaps the world’s highest outhouse.

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Texas Tech has dismissed their top football recruit, CB Nigel Bethel II, for allegedly punching one of the their star woman basketball players in the face during a pickup basketball game. Next stop for Bethel, the Baltimore Ravens?

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No injuries fortunately when two Ryanair jets ran into each other at London’s Stansted Airport yesterday morning. A spokesman said they hit wing tip to tail cone while one was approaching a gate and the was pushing back. Maybe enough passengers didn’t pay the “light stick” fee?

 

 

The Cleveland Browns owner reportedly told Johnny Manziel to “tone it down” and watch “what goes up on social media. Manziel reportedly responded that he’s not going to change his ways and will enjoy his time off. Of course, if Johnny can’t deliver on the field in the NFL, he could end up with a lot more time off.

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Missed it by that much.

June 29, 2014

South Korea says North Korea fired two projectiles Sunday that “appear to be short-range missiles” into the sea off the eastern coast of the country. Or were these Kim Jong-Un’s attempt to hit Hollywood after that “act of war” James Franco movie?

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Cover of NY Times Magazine from June 8 “The World Cup Issue – Featuring Ronaldo. The Man With the Golden Touch.” Who does the magazine think they are, Sports Illustrated? #jinx

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Seen on a package of Trader Joe’s Turkey Jerky – “Turkey raised without artificial hormones.” Underneath – “Federal regulations do not permit the use of added hormones in Turkey.”

 

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Luis Suarez says in no way was it ‘”a bite or intent to bite.”After the impact… I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent.” I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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When Brazil escaped their World Cup match with Chile by one penalty kick, wonder how many of the 11 players on the team cancelled their one-way flights out of the country?

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With a “blowout”, by World Cup standards, 2-0 win today, looks like Colombia didn’t have to fight tooth and nail to beat Uruguay.

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On June 13, ESPN’s’ Dan Szymborski wrote an article saying “Calling the NL West for S.F.” Would he like to write another article now saying the Dodgers look like a juggernaut and the Giants look done? #jinx

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Fine whine of the day. Serena Williams, after being upset in the third round at Wimbledon “If I’m not playing a great, great match, these girls, when they play me, they play as if they’re on the ATP Tour, and then they play other girls completely different. It’s never easy being in my shoes.”

 

Chris Bosh and  Dwayne Wade have now joined Lebron James in opting out of their Miami Heat contracts to try free agency.  Shame they can’t all take their talents overseas. Would be fun to have an NBA team named “the Swiss Mercenaries.”

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Confused about this #WorldCup. I think I’ve now figured out the penalty kicks. But when do they give out the Academy Awards for flopping.

 

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Nestle recalled 10,000 containers of Haagen-Dazs chocolate peanut butter ice cream where the top lid was correct but the cartons said Chocolate Chocolate Chip, And sent out a notice “People who have an allergy or severe sensitivity to peanuts may run the risk of serious or life-threatening allergic reaction if they consumer this product.” Absolutely true, a real mistake, and yes, people should return the product but have to think if you’re deathly allergic, you should be paying close attention.

 

 

#SergioRomo, after 5th blown June save. “It doesn’t deter my confidence.” #SFGiants fans’ confidence, however, just a bit past deterred.

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Not so Tidy – Whities?

June 28, 2014

Apparently Wimbledon is enforcing the all white clothing rule so tightly this year and some women players have have to remove their colored undergarments and go braless. Is this too much tradition, or a shameless grab for television ratings?

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President Obama on the GOP. They “don’t do anything but block me and call me names.” And John Boehner said “Okay, who leaked our mission statement?”

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Tiger Woods has missed the cut  for the Quicken Loan Tournament. Which means golf ratings this weekend will be almost as high as those of the  World Cup in the US after Tuesday  if Belgium wins.

 

Randy Moss has been hired as an associate football coach by his son’s high school. Not sure exactly what the former NFL star is supposed to teach the kids. But pretty sure it isn’t humility.

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ABC has fired Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy from “The View.” Many women are thinking “How terrible.” Many men are thinking “Who?”

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Really? There’s now a Kim Kardashian video game?! Assume the goal is to make a big a** of yourself? #KimKardashianHollywood

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ESPN had a spoiler alert – basically that the second ranked woman in the world was knocked out at Wimbledon. To be a real spoiler don’t people have to know who the #2 woman in the world is?

 

A marijuana food truck plans to open soon in Everett, a suburb of Seattle, Washington. Talk about a symbiotic operation.

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Fred Dicker, a NY Post columnist, referred to a white state senator as a “spear chucker” for the New York City Democratic delegation, which is mostly black. And then said it was not a racial slur. Right. Will Dicker then suggest “spear chuckers” for a new name for Washington’s football team?

 

Joaquin Arias is 1 for 18 as a pinch-hitter for the #SFGiants. That’s not a “pinch-hitter”, that’s a “pinch-outter.”

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Clients called saying they would be late to an appointment at our office. They were lost because their GPS had broken. If only there were an inexpensive, simple, portable way to get directions. #Imissmaps

 

One of the Miss America contestants this September was originally the runner-up, and only found out she won her state pageant 6 days later, when organizers realized a vote count error, and dethroned the original winner. You guessed it, Miss Florida.

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Wonder if the new Miss Florida was crowned by the Supreme Court?

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A federal judge upheld Colorado’s new gun laws that mandate background checks for all gun sales and limited the capacity of ammunition magazines. From the ruling; “Of the many law enforcement officials called to testify, none were able to identify a single instance in which they were involved where a single civilian fired more than 15 shots in self defense.” Common sense, what a concept.

 

 

And finally a no snark item for a change.

 

Apparently actress Amy Adams, who had a 1st class seat on American Airlines, saw a uniformed soldier at the gate and quietly got the flight attendant to switch their seats so Ms. Adams ended up in coach. Wow. A celebrity making news that doesn’t involve an arrest, a wardrobe malfunction or a sex tape. Very well played, Amy,

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Time to man up?

June 26, 2014

Really? Ann Coulter, says “any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.” And that “I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” First, Ann should STFU. Second, few Americans are likely to be watching past the next round anyway.

 

 

Another thought on Ann Coulter’s comment that “No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” Thinking that not having children just makes Ann bitter about never having the chance to become a great-grandfather.

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Phrase we never thought we’d hear in the USA. “Don’t ask me a work question, I’m watching the #WorldCup.” #USAvGER

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Question asked around the US today? “So how do you win the World Cup by losing a game? “. “Oh, you mean there’s more…?”

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In later World Cup games Thursday, Belgium beat Korea 1-0 and Algeria tied Russia 1-1. And across the USA one response “There were later games?”

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Luis Suarez has been banned four months for biting. Although his actions did change the conventional wisdom that most Americans couldn’t name a single player in the World Cup

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Ghana has kicked two players off their World Cup team after a training “altercation.” And apparently they had to bring $3 million in cash to Brazil yesterday after players threatened to mutiny over not being paid enough. Who says “futebol” is nothing like American football?

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Tiger Woods shot a 74 on his first day back in a tournament. At ESPN they are wishing there were only some way to give the other golfers red cards.

 

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan will apparently reunite briefly on screen in the upcoming movie “Ithaca.” Of course, this time they will both be “Sleepless in Seattle” from getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

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Howard Baker, 88, has died. He was Reagan’s chief of staff, a presidential candidate himself, and a moderate GOP Senate Majority Leader. Yes, Virginia, there was a time you could be known as a “moderate Senate Majority Leader”

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If anyone has been  watching the #SFGiants lately and  heard Tim Lincecum threw a no-hitter against the Padres, their first question must have been “Did he win?

 

LGBT night at A T and T  and not a single same sex couple shown on “Kiss Cam.”. That’s as weak as #SFGiants hitting tonight.

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According to the CDC, women are considered “heavy drinkers” if they have eight or more drinks a week, men are “heavy drinkers” if they have 15 or more. Great, one more stressor to drive us to drink.

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UK based Titan says they have sold at least one Titan “Zeus”, a $1.6 million, 370 inch TV. And somewhere some guy’s neighbor is plotting how he can find one bigger.

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Open note to all drivers: When you are the 2nd, 3rd and 4th cars through the intersection after the light in the other direction turns green, it is just possible you ran a light that was a bit past yellow.

 

From Bill Littlejohn :   “Robert Morris University-Illinois has become the first school to consider video games as a sport.   CalTech could be next, but has concerns over attracting too many ‘one-and-dones'”

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Big Time Timmy Jim

June 25, 2014

This is Xena, the voodoo cat, during the 9th inning of Tim Lincecum’s  no-hitter today. #keepcalm #Wegotthis

Image

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Okay #Dodgers, so your ace threw a great game last week. But let’s see him throw a no-no and get on base 3 times with two hits in the same game. Your move, Kershaw. #SFGiants

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The SF Giants are undefeated when Tim Lincecum throws a no-hitter.

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It’s just one day, but earlier this year I’ heard a few people in the SF area say if the Giants only hadn’t made that ill-fated Carlos Beltran trade with the NY Mets they could have Zach Wheeler starting instead of Lincecum. Wheeler was knocked out after 2 innings today by the As with 6 earned runs….

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Apparently only two pitchers in history have 2 Cy Youngs, 2 World Series titles and 2 no-hitters – #TimLincecum & #SandyKoufax @SFGiants

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In the 7th inning of the no-hitter,  SF Giants announcer Mike Krukow said Tim Lincecum, who was laughing and joking with his teammates, was not observing “normal traditions.” Anyone else never expect to hear #Lincecum and “normal” in same sentence?

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USA Today Headline of “Lebron James’ seven best options for free agency.” They listed seven teams. The eighth and most option though “Keeping his mouth shut.”

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Hillary Clinton now says she was “unartful” in talking about her family’s money. Now, I may well end up voting for Hillary, but “unartful” is a fancy way of saying “stupid.”

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When a South Carolina couple missed their Carnival Cruise because they didn’t have proper ID, they rented a car and drove down the coast to get the IDs and catch the ship in Florida. En route they got into a fight and the husband is now being held on charges of attempted murder. Lots of cruisers have to be glad they didn’t get between this guy and the last shrimps on the buffet line.

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Luis Suarez may be suspended by FIFA after yesterday’s “incident.” On a brighter note the Uruguay star might get an endorsement contract from New York for an ad campaign to “Take a Bite of the Big Apple.”

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With Nigerians focused on their game against Argentina Wednesday morning, did that mean Americans are seeing a lot fewer opportunities this morning to get rich in their email in-boxes?

 

Love this report from a client traveling this morning on United. Flight attendant asks people in both exit rows if they are willing and able to help in an emergency. Guy in the first exit row points to his seatmates and says “Let me translate for them, they don’t speak English.”

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The Supreme Court ruled today that police need a warrant to search the contents of a cell phone seized during an arrest. The ruling was unanimous. Unanimous? Did Sonia Sotomayor bring back some brownies to share from a trip to Colorado?

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Hueytown. Alabama, hometown of the Heisman winner, has declared July 5, “Jameis Winston Day.” Presumably restaurants in town will be advertising “crab so cheap it’s almost free!”

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In Mississippi, losing Tea Party candidate Chris McDaniel indicated he may sue over Democrats, many of them African-American, voting for Thad Cochran in the GOP primary. And presumably McDaniel wants to do something about those pesky 15th and 19th amendments while he is at it.

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Georgia police now say they have evidence that a man who said he accidentally left his child to die in a hot car, did so deliberately. If so, and he is convicted of murder can someone accidentally leave him handcuffed in the back of a police car for a summer day?

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California fined #wholefoods $800,000 for illegally overcharging customers. How could they tell?

(Jon N. “Where do they draw the line between legally overcharging and illegally overcharging?”)

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John Boehner says he will sue President Obama over excessive use of executive orders. And Snopes.com says he has so far issued 168 of them. The horror. Compared I guess to that strict constitutionalist George W. Bush, who issued 291.

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