Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
June 24, 2014
This just in – World Cup coaches have ordered players to strike “Bite Me” from their vocabularies against Uruguay.
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Mike Tyson has just been named an honorary team captain for #Uruguay #WorldCup #Suarez
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Luis Suarez says of his biting another player, for the third time, “these things happen.” Translation, if you’re playing Uruguay in the next round of the World Cup, get a rabies shot.”
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Will the headline for #Italy‘s #WorldCup exit today be “The Biter End?” #Uruguay #Suarez
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All this commotion over Uruguay player Luis Suarez biting an Italian player today. This would never have happened with England playing Italy. #WorldCup
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President Obama visited a Chipotle restaurant today and REACHED OVER THE SNEEZE GUARD to point at what he wanted. Republicans will no doubt soon announce a congressional investigation. #impeachableoffense
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After almost a year long investigation, the NTSB faults actions by the pilots in the crash of Asiana Airlines 214 in San Francisco. In another year will an investigation conclude that Malaysian is missing a plane?
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That moment when you think the “Crooks are stupid” contest for the year is already over, and it’s only June: In Minnesota, a burglar apparently couldn’t resist checking his FB on the home computer of someone he was robbing. And he FORGOT TO LOG OUT. So police tracked him down from the profile. Guess he has updated his status to #Busted.
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Wonder how many #Miami fans are checking #Cleveland websites for advice on the best way to burn jerseys. #TheDecision2 #Lebron
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#Lebron James will opt out of his #MiamiHeat deal. Assume the #Spurs have already told him, “No Thanks.”
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Gregg Popovich, on Tim Duncan’s decision to return to the Spurs for a relatively low salary. “”He feels a responsibility to his teammates.” And Kobe Bryant and Lebron James responded “A what?”
The Phillies signed OF Grady Sizemore to a minor league contract. The way Philly is playing this season, isn’t “minor league contract” redundant?
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Headline – “Boehner threatens war with Obama.” As opposed to his current wonderful spirit of cooperation?
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From Alex Kaseberg: “U.S. women’s soccer goal, Hope Solo, was accused of assaulting two family members. She was charged with two counts of assault and one count of impersonating an NFL player.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: biting jokes, Chipotle jokes, crooks are stupid jokes, Heat jokes, Janice Hough, Suarez jokes, Uruguay jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 24, 2014
The #SFGiants honored Tony Gwynn before their game today. And even put his #19 up on their wall. Classy move for a real class act ballplayer.
(Although after honoring the best #SDPadres hitter ever in Tony Gwynn, the Giants made 1st time starting pitcher Despaigne look like Trevor Hoffman each and every inning. #unclearontheconcept)
-Tony Gwynn got 97.61% of the votes in becoming a first ballot Hall-of-Famer, appearing on 532 of 545 ballots. So were the other 13 voters a**holes or just ignorant.
The Tampa Bay Rays invited a 17 year old girl to throw batting practice for them before today’s game. Good thing they weren’t playing an interleague game in SF. She might have shut out the #SFGiants.
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#TimDuncan has quietly exercised his $10.3 million option to stay with #SanAntonio. My dad is right on this one. The #Spurs are just too professional for the media. #nodrama.
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Apparently a “scathing” report by the Office of Special Counsel found a “troubling pattern of deficient care at VA facilities nationwide.” Not good. But have to wonder, what kind of pattern would they find at a lot of U.S. HMO’s?
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Apparently some men tagging sharks from a 35-ft boat off the NJ shore have a video of getting their chum bag stolen by a 16-ft shark. Wonder who was the first to say “we’re going to need a bigger chum bag.”
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You can’t make this stuff up. Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran, 76, who is struggling to keep his seat by fighting off a younger challenger, now has Brett Favre campaigning for him.
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Katy Perry offered she’ll write Hillary Clinton’s theme song if Hillary runs again for President in 2016. And Bill offered to spend some private time consulting with Katy while she works on it.
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There is a theory that warm weather countries are at a big advantage in this #WorldCup because of the hot, humid conditions in Brazil. If true, then just how good is the Netherlands?
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With all the finger pointing after yesterday’s last second Portugal comeback, did anyone notice if a “mission accomplished” banner was raised on the U.S. side?
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The USA Portugal broadcast had 24.7 million viewers between ESPN and Univision, a new record for any soccer game in the US. To put this in perspective, it’s a little more than half the 45.7 million who watched the 2014 NFL draft.
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3 goals in 10 minutes Monday for Mexico. Who took the ball out of the humidor? #WorldCup
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Oh lordie. Now with Hillary Clinton’s awkward statements about her family’s wealth, Joe Biden said today he’s “the poorest man in Congress. Adding.”I don’t own a single stock or bond. … I have no savings accounts. The VP and his wife reported $407,009 in adjusted gross income in 2013. If Biden’s telling the truth it doesn’t say much for his ability to manage his own money, let alone taxpayer dollars..
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A Louisiana man is recovering with 80 stitches in his hand after he and his friends were drunk and tried to move an alligator out of the road. And Darwin is thinking “missed it by that much.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Portugal jokes, Tony Gwynn jokes, USA Portugal jokes, World Cup jokes
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June 23, 2014
US Coach Jurgen Klinsmann, complaining about his team’s chances against Germany “They played yesterday, we played today. We played in the Amazon, they played in a location where they don’t have to travel much. Everything was done for the big favourites to go and move on. We’re going to do it the tough way.” Of course, the easiest way would have been to play good defense for another 30
seconds today.
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Tough last minute tie for the USA. Some of these heartbroken fans have been rooting for the team for their entire weekend. #WorldCup
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But if life is supposed to be a learning experience, a whole lot of Americans just learned about the concept of stoppage time. #WorldCup
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#SFGiants are undefeated in the #Panik era.
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All this talk about the heat in Brazil. It was only 110 degrees in Qatar today. #Worldcup
A man is suing British Airways because he said he wanted to book tickets to Granada, Spain, two hours from London, and ended up on a flight to the Caribbean Island of Grenada, nine hours from London. And it didn’t occur to the traveler to read his itinerary? #cantfixstupid
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Oops. A Samsung Twitter Sunday read “Best of luck to Landon Donovan & the USA team. #GALAXY11” On the brighter side for the Korean company, a lot of casual American soccer fans didn’t notice a problem.
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If we really wanted to get World Cup interest going in the US, FIFA should suggest that newspapers publish brackets with disclaimers that of course no betting and pools are allowed.
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Carmelo Anthony is apparently planning to opt out of his NY Knicks contract. What a shame to break up such a great 37-45 team…
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With Lucy Li, 11, in the Women’s U.S. Open, a lot of media focus was on someone who didn’t even make the cut. Getting us ready for Tiger Woods next weekend?
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From Gary M. “Would it be appropriate to begin a Kick-start campaign to raise bail for Hope Solo?”
From Bill Littlejohn “Last Sunday for Father’s Day the SF Giants gave away ties. Presumably the way Sergio Romo has been blowing, and nearly blowing, saves, all of those ties were more than a little tight.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, soccer jokes, tie jokes, USA jokes, World Cup jokes
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June 22, 2014
Saturday night in the World Cup – Nigeria vs. Bosnia-Herzegovina. “I’ll take “Two countries most Americans couldn’t find on a map for $600, Alex.”
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If #USA plays their next two games to 0-0 ties, they advance in the #WorldCup. And some say baseball can be boring.
Amazing how many people who can tell you the exact details of what must happen for the U.S. to advance in the #WorldCup couldn’t give you the names of two players on the team.
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Gold medalist soccer star Hope Solo has been arrested and held without bail for alleged domestic-violence assault. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men?
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Alex Rodriguez has dropped his malpractice lawsuit against Yankees doctor “for the sole purpose of having no legal distractions” as he hopes to play again for the team in 2015. So no “legal” distractions. Over-under on other types of distractions?
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In Boston they’ve got to be thinking “Thank Heaven for Tampa Bay. The Rays might be the only reason the Red Sox don’t complete the “worst to first to worst” loop this year.’
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When a Georgia man was arrested for swimming naked he told the arresting officer he was “not a threat to society” and to “check out his Youtube channel.” When the policeman eventually did, he saw videos that showed a large pot growing operation. Oops. Arrested again, naturally.
Joe Panik arrived on Saturday afternoon in Arizona to join the #SFGiants. His glove and bats are apparently still “in a connecting city.” First lesson of big league life Joe, your glove fits in the overhead bin…..
Joe Panik. No batting average. 1,000 Obp. Nice start. #sfgiants
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Although marijuana is legal in Colorado, Google, Twitter and Facebook do not accept pot ads. Morality issues? Or are they thinking their target audience wouldn’t remember the ads anyway?
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The new “Northwest Science Museum Vision Centre, in Boise, Idaho dedicated to creationism, claims Noah took baby dinosaurs onto his ark because the adults would not fit. Your move, Florida
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Chris Christie, ranting at the “Faith and Freedom Coalition” conference. “Name me the one pro-life Democrat who has ever been able and allowed to speak at a Democratic National Convention since Roe v. Wade. Don’t strain yourself, because there’s never been one. Theirs is the party that’s intolerant … ” Maybe what Christie meant was “the GOP is the party of memory loss.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 20, 2014
President Obama says that “Iraq must find a political solution to governing the nation.” And when they figure it out, will they please tell the USA?
#SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy on June 8, after the Giants had swept the Mets and had the best record in MLB – “There’s nothing I can complain about.” Hope this doesn’t become baseball’s version of “Mission Accomplished.”-
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David Ortiz was called out by MLB’s Joe Torre for whining when the Fenway Park official score called what Big Papi thought was his infield single an error. “It’s always like that. I’ve been here for more than a decade and the scorekeepers here are always horrible. This is home, man.” Gosh. Haven’t heard this level of maturity from a ballplayer since I was the scorer for my son’s team in Little League.
The Reds called up relief pitcher Jumbo Diaz, who’s had a good spring in AAA after he lost 69 pounds in the offseason. 69 pounds!? That’s half a Tim Lincecum.
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Manny Ramirez is about to start as player-coach Chicago Cubs’ AAA affiliate in Iowa. For all those who thought Cubs fans potentially could never see anything more embarrassing than their team’s play on the field..
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What’s with this so-called hunky mug shot picture that seems to be everywhere on the inter-webs? Never thought I’d see a phenomenon where I’d rather look at pictures of the Kardashians.
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As the argument over raising the minimum wage rages on, some complain that such an increase would raise consumer prices. How come no one ever complains that consumer prices might be higher because of CEO’s multimillion dollar salaries and bonuses?
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A Guatemalan man was arrested at Newark Airport when the cookies in his suitcase turned out to be stuffed with over 100 pellets of cocaine. Talk about a sugar high.-
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Stephanie Kwolek, 90, who invented Kevlar, has died. Toughest coffin ever?
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Okay, before this #WorldCup who even knew #CostaRica HAD a soccer team?
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France 5, Switzerland 2, and it wasn’t that close. Guess we have to put the French surrender jokes on hold for a while. #WorldCup
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ESPN has announced that Tiger Woods “will return to competitive golf next week at the Quicken Loans National.” Well, he’ll return to tournament play. It remains to be seen if Tiger will be competitive.
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Rand Paul on Iraq, “And what’s going on now, I don’t blame on President Obama. Has he really got the solution? Maybe there is no solution.” Is Paul trying to make so much sense he gets drummed out of the Republican party?
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Police say an 11 year-old boy in Central Ohio accidentally fatally shot his best friend while they were playing with a loaded revolver they found in the house. If only the other 11 year-old had been armed.
A new lawsuit claims Chobani Greek Yogurt isn’t actually Greek. Anyone seen a small house in a carton of Cottage Cheese lately?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: costa rica jokes, Iraq jokes. SF Giants jokes, Janice Hough, World Cup jokes
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June 18, 2014
And the pain in Spain, comes mainly from the game.
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Who knew. #USA likely to be alive longer in the #WorldCup than #Spain?
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Dick Cheney today called Obama “dangerous,” and said that foreign leaders had told him they believe the president secretly supports anti-American organizations. “Foreign leaders” confiding in Cheney? Even Donald Sterling may be thinking the former VP is delusional.
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#JohnnyManziel signed a four-year $8.2 million deal with the Cleveland Browns, with $6.7 million guaranteed. Hope all this money doesn’t go to his head.
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Stacy Lewis, the #1 ranked women’s golfer in the world, says she “isn’t a fan” of 11 year old Lucy Li playing in the U.S. Open. “If it was my kid, I wouldn’t let her play in the U.S. Open qualifier at 11, but that’s just me.” Why, because Lewis doesn’t want Li embarrassing older golfers?
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Family values story for the day. Five members of a Vermont clan showed up with knives on their belts at an New Hampshire amusement park. And they all ended up in jail after they allegedly attacked police who told them they had to leave the knives outside. If only the family had been armed.
In Palm Beach, a former porn-star is running for school board after he lost the ability to advertise his math-tutoring business when parents found out about his earlier career. Ah Florida. If this guy had a past as a gun-runner maybe that would have been okay?
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Not 100% sure how I feel about this Redskins name thing, because I’m not very PC. But if you absolutely want to talk insulting and racist, how about the Tomahawk Chop? Not only offensive but more irritating than the wave. (And yes, I know the Braves stole it from the Florida State Seminoles, but that’s a different post.)
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The best thing about today’s Redskins patent ruling. Whatever side you’re on, it opens the door to all kinds of parody t-shirts, etc. Should be fun to see American ingenuity and twisted humor in action.
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Okay, while we’re at it. The Florida State Seminoles have gotten a pass because they have the support of the Seminole Tribe of Florida, which runs gambling casinos in the state. But 75% of Seminoles live in Oklahoma, and they apparently don’t like the nickname. So is FSU next? Maybe they could be the “Crab Legs”
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A New Jersey high school is looking for a mystery hacker who broke into the school’s computer system and changed grades and attendance records. And Silicon Valley firms are looking for the kid to hire him.
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Okay, it’s officially time for the #SFGiants to put an ad on Craigslist for an exorcist.
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Although, would #Dodgers and #Kershaw like to thank the #SFGiants for tiring the #Rockies hitters out in the late innings last weekend?
From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “What a strange time it is when the 2 most powerful people in professional sports are V. Stiviano and whoever runs the US Patent and Trademark Office.”
From Marc Ragovin ” hear General Motors has a new training film for new hires: Total Recall”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Dick Cheney jokes, Florida jokess, Janice Hough, Redskins jokes, Spain jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 18, 2014
Texas Governor Rick Perry, interviewed for the NY Times Sunday Magazine, told a reporter “that he loves California, vacations in San Diego annually, visits the state about six times a year and might even move here in January when he’s done with his 14-year stint running Texas.” Where’s a border fence when you REALLY need one?
You really cannot make this sh*t up. “Rarely has a US president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many” from an op-ed criticizing Obama’s handling of Iraq. By Dick Cheney
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The US has captured a “key” Benghazi suspect. So just for a day, many in the GOP are saying “Forget Benghazi, let’s talk about Iraq.”
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Tragic, really. Chris Bosh, talking about the Heat’s tough season. “There was no, like, genuine joy all the time. It seemed like work. It was a job the whole year.”
(My friend Jon Nedry says, Nobody had the “do what you love” talk with him when he was younger?”)
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Oakland starting pitcher Drew Pomeranz, who entered last night’s game with an ERA under 2, broke his right hand punching a chair last night after giving up 8 runs in a loss to the Texas Rangers. And the A’s are in first place. Imagine what Pomeranz might have done if he pitched for the Cubs.
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Well, they’re consistent. Former GOP Rep. Allen West of Florida wrote today: “Squirrel! Benghazi suspect conveniently captured to deflect attention from all the other nightmares.” I suppose we only killed Bin Laden for the same reason.
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San Antonio’s Tony Parker -“I think everybody’s gonna come back.” Chairman Peter Holt -“Tim and Manu want to play until they die, somewhat sincerely, actually.” And Brett Favre just went out and bought a Spurs jersey.
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Who needs reality television? In Louisiana, congressman Vance McAllister, who ran on a family values platform and was caught making out on tape with a married staffer, said he wouldn’t run again. But now he is “leaning towards” changing his mind. And one of his declared opponents, Zash Dasher, is the nephew of Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson….. This all must be the fault of gay marriage.
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Rep. Lou Barletta (R-Pa.) said yesterday that the House “probably” has the votes to impeach President Barack Obama if the matter was brought to the floor. Well, it would be a change from the votes to repeal Obamacare.
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A lot of excited new U.S. soccer fans have a question after yesterday’s big win over Ghana. So is this World Cup thing 3 out of 5 or 4 out of 7?
While celebrating the #USA win over #Ghana, maybe millions of Americans could take the time to find Ghana on a map. #Geography. #WorldCup
In California, lawmakers today rejected a bill that would have put a label on sugared sodas, energy drinks and fruit drinks saying “STATE OF CALIFORNIA SAFETY WARNING: Drinking beverages with added sugar(s) contributes to obesity, diabetes, and tooth decay.” Gosh, because now people think they are drinking that stuff for their health?
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Rick Perry, saying he’s “preparing” for 2016 and trying to step away from his comments on gays last week ““Actually it was a pure economic message in San Francisco until a question from the audience.” Well okay then. Because as a candidate for president he’ll never get sidetracked by questions…
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A Senate panel today slammed Dr. Oz for his claims for “miracle” weight loss products – “The scientific community is almost monolithically against you.”. Guessing Dr. Oz will soon demand the hearing be transferred to the GOP-led House.
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Well, it doesn’t just happen to the little people. This tweet today “Hey @united landed in Dublin yesterday morning from Newark and still no golf clubs… Sort of need them this week… Can someone help!?” The tweet? Rory McIlroy. And he needs them for the Irish Open….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, GOP jokes, Heat jokes, Iraq jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Spurs jokes, why there is no satire, World Cup jokes
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June 16, 2014
Well seriously, this just sucks. R.I.P Tony Gwynn. 54 years old. One of my favorite all-time players. If there are baseball teams in heaven one of their team batting averages is about to go up.
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And many times have I heard some variation on this today? “I’m a “fill-in-the-blank-with-MLB-team” fan, but my favorite player who wasn’t on my team was Tony Gwynn. #tooyoung
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My son forwards Tony Gwynn’s career high for strikeouts in a season – 40. 40!? For Adam Dunn that’s a good month.
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My little Tony Gwynn story. The Padres were at Candlestick when the Giants were thinking of moving in 1992. And Gwynn was cheerfully signing autographs for lots of SF fans before the game. I was in the crowd with my son and as Tony signed our ball, I told him that a lot of SF Giants fans might end up rooting for the Padres if our team moved to Tampa. He looked surprised and said “But wouldn’t you all root for the Dodgers first?” LOUD nos and boos from the crowd. Gwynn just smiled, laughed and said “Ok, I got it.” A nice guy, a class act, gone WAY too soon.
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The USA won their opening World Cup game against Ghana. So millions of Americans might have to pretend to care about soccer for a couple more weeks.
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Oops, Delta Airlines tweeted congratulations for the U.S win over Ghana today. With accompanying pictures to represent the two countries – the Statue of Liberty and a giraffe. Cute. Except Ghana has no giraffes. The picture was from Kenya. Well, it’s not like the airline business requires any knowledge of geography.
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Now we really know the World Cup is in full swing. We’ve had our first tie – between Iran and Nigeria. And a 0-0 tie at that.
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An Australian couple heading to the World Cup apparently ended up in El Salvador instead of Salvador, Brazil apparently due to a travel agent error. Here’s my question, did they actually look at their itinerary? “Wow honey, only four hours to get to Brazil from Los Angeles.” #cantfixstupid
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All these commentators waxing lyrical last night about the beautiful team play of the Spurs. The same commentators who a couple weeks ago were talking Heat three-peat against a somewhat boring aging team.
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American Airlines sent an offer to frequent fliers to earn bonus miles and “Enjoy six hand-selected wines from France for only $9.75 per bottle plus 1¢ shipping .” Since it’s an airline offer, presumably corks are $10 a bottle extra.
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In Fresno, California, police arrested a 64-year-old man for allegedly cooking methamphetamine in his apartment at a senior retirement community. Well, that’s one way to supplement social security.
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Texas Governor Rick Perry again, asked specifically if he believes therapy should be used to change the behavior of someone who is gay. “You know, I don’t know. The fact is, we’ll leave that to the psychologists and doctors.” Uh, so he’ll leave this issue to the “experts,” but not say an issue like climate change?
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, who became Miss USA, has been accused of being a carpetbagger because she until recently had lived (and entered pageants) in California. And during an interview today, Sanchez couldn’t name the capital of Nevada. But to be fair, wonder how many other Miss USA contestants could name the capital of their own states?
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Plenty of Republicans blaming some degree of the current mess in Iraq on President Obama. Of course, they have credibility because they were all so critical of George W. Bush starting the 2003 war in the first place….
From T.C. On former North Carolina college basketball star Rashad McCants claiming he made the dean’s list without ever attending a class: “’Big deal,” said some Auburn football players, “did you get paid too?’”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Delta Airlines jokes, ghana jokes, Janice Hough, miss usa jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Tony Gwynn, World Cup jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 16, 2014
#SanAntonioSpurs win the #NBA championship with a team comprised largely of immigrants. I blame Obama.
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Apparently tonight this IS a country for old men. #Spurs
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Chris Bosh “Plain and simple, we’re going to win tonight. Asked if he was guaranteeing a victory, Bosh said: “I don’t care about guarantees. We’re just going to win the game.” If it’s as simple as a prediction wonder why Bosh didn’t say this before games 3 and 4..
(and Chris Boch, you’re no Joe Namath.)
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Sunday was Father’s Day. Time to call dad. And for those whose fathers are in the NBA. Hope they called early so they didn’t get a busy signal.
–QB Vince Young announced his retirement from the NFL. Shocking. Vince Young hadn’t already retired?
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Before this week wonder how many people outside of Northern California #StMarys and San Antonio #Spurs had ever heard of Patty Mills?
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Relative unknown Martin Kaymer won the U.S. Open by 9 shots. And now doubt tournament thought that after Tiger Woods pulled out, that having Phil Mickelson struggle was the worst thing that could happen to their TV ratings.
On Friday, #BaseballTonight asked if SF was a lock to win the NL West. Maybe it was better when ESPN was ignoring them. #SFGiants.
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Obama granted Republican Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett’s request to end the Philadelphia area transit strike, by creating a presidential emergency board to mediate the dispute. Waiting to see how the rest of the GOP spins this as wrong.
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Casey Kasem, 82, has passed away. He entertained Americans for years on radio with his countdown of the top 40 singles of the week . Many young people may ask “Casey who?”. Still more are asking “What’s a single?”
Commercials on ESPN for the USA team in the #WorldCup.”It’s the ‘Group of Death”, only two will come out alive.” Well, yeah, because only two come out of ANY group. Including “Groups of Life?”
French World Cup coach Didier Deschamp said he thinks his team is being spied upon by drones. Well, it’s as least as plausible as the next World Cup having been awarded to Qatar
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Heat jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NFL jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
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June 14, 2014
San Antonio #Spurs stars include Tim Duncan, from the Virgin Islands, Tony Parker, from France, born in Belgum, Manu Ginoboli, Argentina and Boris Diaw, France. And then there are bench players Tiago Splitter, Brazil, Cory Joseph, Canada, Aron Baynes, Argentina and of course, Patty Mills, Australia. It’s like watching the #WorldCup without soccer.
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Lebron James, asked what to do to force a game 6? Uh, score more points than the Spurs?
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Hard to believe it’s been 20 years since the O.J.Simpson saga began. Imagine what the murders, chase and trial would have been like in a social media era. And probably very un PC to imagine the hashtags.
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Seen on a bottle of “Angry Orchard” hard apple cider. “Naturally gluten free.” Maybe because there is no gluten in apples?
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So has Sergio Romo been given some sort of subsidy to promote liquor sales in the San Francisco area? #SFGiants
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Kanye West, on his goal to surpass legends “I ain’t concerned about anyone who’s living, and added that “I’m going after Shakespeare..” Talk about a midsummer night’s dream.
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The NY Times is reporting on an increasing number of people who want Mitt Romney to run for President. Presume these people are called “Democrats.”
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Amazing. Governor Rick Scott just signed a bill saying that abortions will be illegal in Florida at any point in a woman’s pregnancy if her doctor determines that the fetus could survive outside the womb. His spokesman said he “was glad to sign this bill that protects the lives of children,” But Scott still hasn’t done anything about Medicaid expansion. So Florida’s children better be born tough. (and as Todd says, “be ready to stand their ground.”
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JetBlue Airways today says they apologized to a mother who said her 3 year old daughter had to urinate in her airplane seat because a flight attendant would not let her use the restroom while the plane sat on the tarmac at JFK airport. The JetBlue said they gave the mom a $50 credit and will donate $5000 to her favorite charity. And presumably the airline and others are contemplating a surcharge for seats guaranteed not to have been occupied by toddlers?
(as my friend Tim Church says, are they changing their name to “JetEwwwwwwwww”)
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The United Church of Christ in the mid-Atlantic region today passed a resolution telling its 40,000 members not to buy Redskins game tickets or to wear team gear until they change their name. Or presumably until Washington starts winning, whichever comes first. #longwait
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Delay tonight in Oakland for the As and Yankees game due to a power failure. Maybe Oakland is trying to prove they should host a Super Bowl?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Heat jokes, Janice Hough, oj jokes, SF Giants jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 13, 2014
The San Antonio Spurs are up 3 to 1 in the NBA finals and looking good. But just guessing they aren’t planning yet to co-host a victory celebration with the Stanley Cup champion San Jose Sharks yet.
Kings beat the Rangers in 2nd OT to claim the Stanley Cup. So for now NY sports fans will have to go back to being disappointed by the Yankees and Mets.
After Mets reliever Carlos Torres’s bad outing in the 13th last night, he repeatedly punched himself in the head. Shocking Mets fans who didn’t think their bullpen could hit any target.
Apparently whether or not the Heat come back won’t affect Lebron James’ decision on opting out of his contract for next year. Though guessing right now he won’t be taking his talents to San Antonio. #dontneedhim.
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The Miami Herald is having a contest where the grand prize is tickets to the #NBAFinals game six. Well, those tickets could be priceless.
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Mostly adorable child who looked to be about 8 or 9 pulling a child-sized rolling suitcase with strapped on teddy bear in airport this morning. The “mostly” being because said child was completely focused on cell phone in hand. #itstartsyoung
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We’re a month out but could Mike Morse and Tim Hudson be the first #MLB teammates to be picked up off the free agent scrap heap by one team and both end up in the All Star game? #SFGiants
Donald Sterling may be a nasty old man with dementia. But the 29 most nervous multi-millionaires in the world right now are probably the NBA owners Sterling’s lawyers have vowed to dig up dirt on.
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We’re a month out but could Mike Morse and Tim Hudson be the first #MLB teammates to be picked up off the free agent scrap heap by one team and both end up in the All Star game? #SFGiants
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In Daytona Beach, Florida, a man was arrested for trying to solicit oral sex from an undercover police officer, and he was trying to pay her with a salad. Maybe he should have tried a doughnut
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5-1 #Netherlands over #Spain. Did someone forget to put the soccer ball in the humidor? #WorldCup
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Brett Favre says he hasn’t been back to Green Bay since the last game he played (and lost) against them with the Vikings in 2010. But he wants to come back, without being a distraction. So assume Favre still has hopes of being the Packers’ backup quarterback?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Spurs jokes, Stanley Cup jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 12, 2014
Last night, Texas Gov. Rick Perry called Hillary Clinton “a very, very capable public servant, great secretary of state and first lady.” The sad thing, with many of Perry’s supporters that comment will be seen as more offensive than his comparing homosexuality to alcoholism.
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Hillary Clinton says the U.S. should lift its embargo on Cuba. Translation, she’s done the math, and between new residents and a younger population, there are just not that many anti-Castro Florida voters any more.
The World Cup finally got started today. So fans of serious flopping no longer have to settle for watching the NBA.
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So today is the first day of U.S.Open, and the World Cup. In addition there are several MLB games and game four of the NBA finals. So let’s see how ESPN will somehow manage to lead with an NFL story.
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Landon Donovan will now be an in-studio World Cup analyst for ESPN. He’ll be in the tournament a lot longer than US team he was left off of…. #WorldCup
( Of course if ESPN really wanted to get Americans watching the World Cup they’d hire Johnny Manziel as an analyst.)
First day of the #WorldCup and Brazil scores the go-ahead goal on what appears to be an egregious yellow card following a flop by a Brazilian player. But I’m sure it was an accidental mistake. No one would ever accuse FIFA and their host country of anything untoward.
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John Boehner is blaming Eric Cantor’s defeat on Obama. So much for all those who said our President never accomplishes anything.
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The Cleveland Cavaliers are apparently interested in Mark Jackson as their next head coach. Well, the job wouldn’t come with any playoff pressure.
Harrison Ford, reprising his role as Han Solo, has been injured on the set of the film, “Stars Wars VII”. Apparently by the door of the Millennium Falcon. Did Ford trip over it with his walker?
Will the cause of #HarrisonFord‘s ankle injury on the set of the new Star Wars movie be listed as too much Force?
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So with this colossal mess in Iraq, the GOP will no doubt be blaming President Obama for taking out a strong leader who once had the country under control….. Oops, wait. Never mind.
Have to figure this is being told tonight somewhere. “Heard a good Florida joke?” “The Miami Heat.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Heat jokes, Hillary Clinton, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, San Antonio Spurs jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
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June 12, 2014
Ted Cruz has finally officially renounced his Canadian citizenship and is now a citizen only of the United States. Wasn’t there some way we could have linked this process to making Canada take back Bieber?
An Arizona man arrested for felony unlawfully discharge of a firearm told authorities that he was trying to shoot the moon. What’s his defense – “Stand your Planet?”
A four-day trial has been scheduled July 7-10 to decide if Donald Sterling was properly removed as a trustee as far as the sale of the Clippers. That’s almost 3 weeks away Sterling should have time to change his mind another 4-5 times by then.
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Many may criticize Hillary Clinton for her comment about being “dead broke” after leaving the White House.But just guessing Donald Trump will not be one of them, as he has been through FOUR corporate bankruptcies.
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Add to the list of those in the GOP who will tread very carefully with Hillary Clinton’s “dead broke” comment, NJ Governor Chris Christie. Estimated to be worth about $5 million.
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The Miami Heat are apparently looking at ways to add Carmelo Anthony to their team. Well, that ought to make them even more beloved outside South Florida…..
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Bizarre trivia of the day. Since high school (and not counting the Olympics and All-Star games), Tim Duncan, 38, has had only two coaches in 20 years – Dave Odom at Wake Forest and Gregg Popovich.
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Osmosis Skincare claims they have come up with “Harmonized Watet” that acts as a drinkable sunscreen for up to three hours.. Sure, makes sense, if you stay inside for three hours to drink it.
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New Knicks coach Derek Fisher has vowed to bring a “championship back to New York” because of his championship experience. Yeah, that has worked out so well for Theo Epstein in Chicago.
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Quote of the day on the Eric Cantor upset, from former GOP congressman Steve LaTourette: “I didn’t think there was any room to his right, but they found some.”
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The Big 12 athletic directors told ESPN they have had “zero discussions” about expansion. “We see how strong and productive our league is with 10 members.” If true, maybe they can swap names with the 12-member Big 10?
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The Republican National Committee is jumping on a mistake Hillary Clinton made when she referred to Abe Lincoln as a “Senator” from Illinois when he was actually a Congressman. Wonder how many current members of Congress knew he was either one.
(well, okay, McCain knew, since he was there.)
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry, asked if he believes homosexuality is a disorder. “Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that. I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” Too bad Perry doesn’t have the desire to fight his genetic coding to be stupid.
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Good point from Dennis Mar, about my comment that Tampa Bay, who hadn’t scored in three games, was perhaps trying to be the official MLB team of the World Cup? ” To do so, some players would need to develop a baseball version of flopping — perhaps faking the hit-by-pitch.”
(Actually if the NBA really wanted to get rid of flopping it could be done instantly.. Make possible flops reviewable. And if caught on replay, give the offender a technical.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Arizona jokes, Cantor jokes, Heat jokes, Janice Hough, Sterling jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 11, 2014
All you need to know about today’s Republican party. Eric Cantor just got knocked out in the GOP primary for being too moderate.
Eric Cantor’s team showed him with a 34 point lead over David Brat in late May. Yet another reason for the GOP to discount commie-pinko things like numbers
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75.8% shooting in the first half by #Spurs. I was watching an #NBAFinals game and an #NBA All Star game broke out
If someone who was watching their first NBA game tonight was told in advance that it would be an aging team of veterans against a younger team of super stars, assume they would have figured the kids were the Spurs?
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Proof that the World Cup isn’t that big a deal in the U.S.: Brazil’s time zone is only an hour ahead of Eastern Daylight time. But matches will be shown in real time, not tape-delayed and “plausibly live.”
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John Calipari turned down an $80 million, 10 year contract to coach the Cleveland Cavaliers. Meaning that the NCAA is at least a year from putting sanctions on Kentucky.
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TCU (Texas Christian University) beat Pepperdine (a California Christian University) 6-5 yesterday to advance to the College World Series. So did God flip a coin to decide whose prayers to answer?
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The Rays have had three straight shut-out losses. Is Tampa Bay trying to be the official MLB team of the World Cup?
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Colts owner Robert Irsay, awaiting a hearing on his DUI arrest, gave an interview to the Indianapolis Star saying how addiction is a disease, but people don’t get help because of the stigma. Perhaps in his case, but how many people also don’t get help because of the cost of treatment and rehab?
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If the four Americans killed in Benghazi had been on leave in Washington, D.C. and were fatally shot by some crazy guy with a handgun, the GOP would have forgotten about them. #sadbuttrue
I’m the least PC liberal I know, but George Will, really?? Talking about “sexual assault” only in quotations and saying that colleges are making “victimhood a coveted status that confers privileges.” Really? Makes Limbaugh’s “slut” comment about a woman using birth control almost seem quaint.
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“America Rising,” a Republican opposition research group, attacked Hillary Clinton for being “someone who is extremely out of touch with the financial reality facing Americans,” because the two homes the Clintons purchased in Chappaqua,and D.C. cost around $4.5 million combined. The best part about this, “America Rising” was started by the former campaign manager for Mitt Romney.
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United Airlines announcement today “We’re changing the MileagePlus® program to reward our members for their travel spending with United®. And we’re adding new ways to use your award miles, to make the frequent flyer program with the best award availability* even better. Translation, “Most of you are getting screwed.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Eric Cantor jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Republican jokes, Spurs jokes, United Airlines jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 9, 2014
Hey, we all were student drivers once.
(But Southwest pilot happy hours have been cancelled until further notice.)
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The CIA, besides being on Twitter, now has a Facebook account. So my fellow Americans, our privacy is safe. Our spies will be spending most of their days looking at cats.
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Dwyane Wade was fined $5,000 for his Game 2 flop that resulted in a foul against Manu Ginobili, who didn’t touch him. Let’s see, $5,000 when you win a 2 point game…? Guessing the Heat will tell Wade to keep that move in his playbook.
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This season the Jacksonville Jaguars have replaced 9,500 seats with a party deck with two pools and 16 cabanas, which can be rented for $12,500 a game including food and drink for 50 people. Which might be worth it for fans to have something to do other than having to watch the Jags on the field.
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Barbara Walters is coming out of retirement to interview the father of the young man who killed six people at UCSB last month. “Atta girl,” said Brett Favre.
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So would someone like to ask #CaliforniaChrome owner #SteveCoburn what he thinks of baseball’s DH?
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The GOP in Texas ratified a platform endorsing so-called “reparative therapy,” psychological treatments that try to turn gays straight. Too bad there isn’t a reparative therapy for stupid.
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Oakland mayor Jean Quan was involved in a traffic accident this weekend, and said at first just that “another vehicle struck my left-rear tire. I immediately pulled over and checked to make sure no one was hurt” Now she said she’s “unsure” if she ran a red light.But I was “not on my phone.” With this much equivocation is Quan trying to show she is ready for higher office?
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Congressman Jeff Miller, denying that people have had anything to do with climate change: “Then why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Were there men that were causing — were there cars running around at that point, that were causing global warming? No. The climate has changed since earth was created.” Back on your game, Florida.
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A public service announcement from my friend Julia Park Tracey. For future reference: If your white supremacy neighbors brag about “doing another Columbine,” maybe you ought to report that. #helpfulhints
So how did this #LAKings team ever get down 3-0 to the #SJSharks? #StanleyCup
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Lebron James said that to clear his head between games 1 and 2 of the NBA finals, he went to see the movie “Malificent.” Wonder if he identifies with the title character?
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Today, Donald Sterling says he will “fight to protect my rights,” withdraw his support for the sale of the Clippers, and again pursue a $1 billion lawsuit against the NBA. Well, this ought to do wonders for those who say Sterling is no longer capable of decision making.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Barbara Walters jokes, CIA jokes, flopping jokes, Heat jokes, Janice Hough, Southwest Airlines jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 9, 2014
Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll just told the L.A. Times he wouldn’t have left USC in 2010 if he knew the NCAA was going to sanction the Trojans. I think I liked “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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There is now a drive to legalize marijuana in…. Jamaica?!! Does this even need a punchline?
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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn’s rant after the #BelmontStakes may have cost him and the colt some endorsement. But maybe they’re still in line for a deal with California wine.
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Don’t get me wrong, Steve Coburn was a poor sport yesterday. But as the NY Times points out, the last NINE Belmont winners have skipped the Preakness. #TripleCrown
(T.C wonders, “So if Maria Sharapova wins the French Open and doesn’t have to play against the Williams sisters or Li Na; she’s a coward, right? ”
It’s approaching mid-June, and as most experts predicted, the Los Angeles Dodgers and NY Yankees have very similar records. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t predict those records would be basically .500.)
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Even FIFA is impressed with the flopping levels in the #NBAFinals.
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So next year, how many #NBA teams will choose their home games against the #Heat to give free fans to fans and turn off the a/c?
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On a sweltering day in Paris, Rafael Nadal won his 9th French Open. Imagine what he could do if Roland Garros had air conditioning.
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A Northern California high school basketball player is in jail on suspicion of using stolen credit cards to pay $13,000 to rent a McLaren car and $27,000 to rent a vacation home. Guess he wasn’t good enough to get those perks playing college basketball?
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Former “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestant Emily Maynard, who was engaged twice on the show, has just gotten married. And she told People magazine in an “exclusive”. “For so long I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about that TV stuff The grace that my faith has given me to wipe that all away and not find worth in that and find it through God.” Guess “magazine stuff” is different from “TV stuff.”
Two police officers in Las Vegas, plus another bystander, were shot and killed today, And then the suspects killed themselves. Once again, wishing these folks with murder-suicide plans could take take care of the second part first.
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Do wish Fox News and the GOP would grieve as much for all those lives that have been lost in the Iraq war, as they do for those four Americans lost in in Benghazi and however many soldiers were lost looking for Bowe Bergdahl.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, NBA finals jokes, Steve Coburn jokes, Triple Crown jokes, USC jokes, Yankees jokes
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June 8, 2014
Once again, a picture though to remind us of maybe the greatest athlete ever. And a win that will never be equaled.
Saturday might have been the only time New Yorkers have been sorry to see a Californian lose.
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The stars looked like they might have been aligning for California Chrome for a Triple Crown. Another miraculous event occurred Saturday – the Cubs were on a five-game winning streak.
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Carolina Panthers Coach Ron Rivera says he voted against his QB Cam Newton for the cover of ‘Madden 15’ because of the curse. So somewhere in a closet is there a dusty copy of “Madden 1909” featuring the Cubs?
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North Korea says they have detained a U.S. tourist. Wonder what the alleged crime is? Being stupid enough to be a U.S. Tourist in Korea?
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Hertz says they have to review and correct financial statements from the past three years after an internal audit found accounting errors. “I’m shocked.” said no one who regularly reviews their own car rental bills.
Sacramento guard Jason Terry said today he thought Spurs coach Gregg Popovich had something to do with the broken air conditioning during San Antonio’s Game 1 win. Of course, because everyone knows that it’s being overheated that helps age and treachery overcome youth and skill
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Bartolo Colon, 41 against Tim Hudson, 38.. A battle for the aged. #SFGiants #Mets
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Two words guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of New Yorkers: “Mets Bullpen.”
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You know it’s going well when you win a game where tying run in the bottom of the 9th gets on base via a strikeout. #SFGiants #walkoff
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Best thing for #NYMets fans Saturday night. The #SFGiants game ended past their bedtimes.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Belmont Stakes jokes, California Chrome jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Triple Crown jokes
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June 6, 2014
San Antonio says they have fixed the air conditioning after a sweltering game 1 at A T & T Center. Considering the result, have they fixed it at a constant 90 degrees? #Spurs
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Lebron James says “I know I’m the easiest target that we have in sports, I’m aware of it.” And A-Rod responded “Who am I, chopped liver?”
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Bud Selig twice referred yesterday to the of the 20014 MLB Draft. 20014? Maybe the commissioner was confused. That’s when his Blue Ribbon Committee will make a decision on the proposed move of the Oakland As..
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Rashad McCants, who as a junior was a member of UNC’s championship men’s basketball team, says that tutors wrote his papers and he took ‘bogus” classes to stay eligible during his three years at the university. Gosh,at least Calipari’s “one-and-dones’ only fake their way through one semester.
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J.Lo and Casper Smart have split up. Wonder if she left him for a younger man?
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John McCain is loudly criticizing President Obama’s deal to release Bowe Bergdahl. Which is particularly interesting considering that Senator McCain himself was part of a POW swap by Richard Nixon. #memoryisthefirstthingtogo
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Friday was the 70th anniversary of #DDay, the invasion of Normandy. For many college football players not to be confused with days when they found they barely avoided “F”s in class.
An analyst says the New York Knicks could now be worth $3 billion. Could you imagine how much the team might be worth if they could actually make the playoffs?
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A Ghana witch doctor says he put a spell on Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo and caused his thigh injury. Yeah, well if the witch doctor is really good let’s see if he can get Ghana out of the World Cup first round…..
The first tweet from @CIA -“We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.” Waiting for some GOP House member to call this a time wasting exercise and blame it on Obama.
A San Antonio area school district is upsetting some parents by banning children from bringing sunscreen to school or on field trips. Sunscreen is considered a toxic substance. Wonder if it’s okay if kids bring something harmless instead, like guns.
(My friend Jeff Klein adds “Tan your Ground.”)
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Richard Sherman beat out Cam Newton in online voting at ESPN.com and so will be on the cover of the new “Madden NFL 15” video game. Which could be good news, for Panthers and 49ers fans.
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A Seattle Pacific University student monitor who pepper-sprayed the gunman and tackled him is being hailed as a hero. Out of habit the NRA responded, “if only he had been armed.”
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Regarding this Super Bowl Arabic-Roman numbering issue, Marty says he’s looking forward to “World Series CVIII.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bergdahl jokes, Bud Selig jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron James jokes, McCain jokes, Miami Heat jokes, NBA jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 5, 2014
The air conditioning broke down at A T & T Center during game 1 of the NBA Finals between the San Antonio and Miami, resulting in temperatures inside the arena topping 90 degrees. And over in New Orleans they’re thinking. “Hah, all we had was a little Super Bowl temporary power blackout.”
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So isn’t it supposed to be the old folks who can’t handle the heat? #MIAvsSA #Spurs #Heat.
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Who knew the Heat couldn’t handle the Heat?
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So the Seattle Pacific University gunman was apparently subdued by pepper-spraying students as he stopped to reload. So the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a non-automatic gun and good guys with pepper spray?
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South Carolina police are investigating how a loaded gun wound up among children’s toys at a Myrtle Beach Target store. Guns in the toy department are only supposed to be found at Walmart.
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A Crowne Plaza in Mexico City is advertising a room as “2 DBL BEDS WITH JACUZZI TUB. VACATION WITH YOUR SWEETIE IN THIS COZY JUNIOR SUITE.” Uh, two double beds? Reminds me of the Cialis ad with two tubs.
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The #HoustonAstros once again had today’s first draft pick. They’re now the #ClevelandCavaliers of MLB.
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Go figure. Hockey-mad Canada has the best team in the AL East, and baseball-mad New York has the best NHL team in the East. Wonder how many Torontonians can name three Blue Jays and how many New Yorkers can name three Rangers.
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A court has suspended Jim Irsay’s driver’s license for one year following his DUI arrest. Guess Roger Goodell will bring the hammer down and punish the Indianapolis Colts’ owner as severely as a player who does something really egregious, like wearing unauthorized socks.
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Understated corporate comment of the month. “You have successfully reset your password. eBay is not requesting that you take any further action at this time. If you would like to call us, please know our colleagues are especially busy right now assisting other customers and we apologize in advance for making you wait.”
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While I know as a Giants fans that the Dodgers could go on a tear any minute, Don Mattingly just said that L.A. “hasn’t felt like a true team at this point.” Gosh, wonder what the rea$on$ for that could be?
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Hillary Clinton in March criticized Vladimir Putin “a tough guy with a thin skin.” Putin’s reply in an interview aired yesterday: “It’s better not to argue with a woman. But Ms. Clinton has never been too graceful in her statements.” Well, at least he proved the second part of her statement.
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Sarah Palin is bashing Obama for releasing prisoners to free a soldier with “Anti-American views.” So I guess in future our armed forces members should fill out a political questionnaire before going to war so we can decide if they are worth saving?
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Bowe Bergdahl may be a young man with some serious issues, but what would Sarah Palin and other GOP politicians be saying if he were one of THEIR sons?
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A new Houston spa, called “Float Baby,” offers babies (with moms nearby) a 1 hour water floatation and infant massage for $65. This is why other countries hate us.
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From T.C. “Following Super Bowl XLIX, the following year will be marketed as Super Bowl 50, using standard numerals. Why did it take them XVIII weeks to come up with this change? Btw, The NFL has announced that Super Bowl 50 will be played in the year MMXVI.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A T & T Center jokes, Heat jokes, Janice Hough, NBA finals jokes, NBA jokes, Putin jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 4, 2014
As of yesterday Donald Sterling is being sued by another ex-employee who claims she was his mistress. The woman is represented by Gloria Allred. So congrats to all those who had June 3 in the pool.
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Almost as soon as the polls closed in the California primary, the media could report that Governor Jerry Brown looks like a runaway winner this November. It’s a far cry from Brown’s first election, when the results had to come in by telegraph
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After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?
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Who says Sarah Palin and Democrats never agree on anything? Apparently last week at the Republican Leadership Conference, Palin suggested that “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson should run for president.
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The NFL is ditching Roman numerals for their Super Bowl in Santa Clara, and instead of “L” will go with the Arabic number 50. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.
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When the totals are in, perhaps 300,000 Californians will have voted for Leland Yee for secretary of state. Now, not only has Yee been indicted on money laundering and weapons charges, he dropped out of the race over two months ago. Maybe this really does prove, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.
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“Breathe Right” nasal strips will co-sponsor Saturday’s Belmont Stakes, and hand out at least 50,000 of its nasal strips to fans at the race. If California Chrome wins will the NFL and MLB add the strips to their lists of banned performance enhancers?
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Donald Sterling on the $2 billion sale of the Clippers, “I feel fabulous, I feel very good.” Wonder how many other professional team owners are wondering how they can get taped making bigoted remarks and get a similar price.
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#SFGiants get game-winning home run from a guy in starting lineup hitting .048 #JuanPerez. So who’s #Bochy betting on for #BelmontStakes?
A 20 year veteran of the San Jose, CA police force was arrested after managers of a Public Storage started clearing out his storage space because of overdue rental payments and found perhaps 20 pounds of marijuana. Title this “Dude, when was my rent due?”
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So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bowe Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.
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Well, of course it makes sense that the GOP is angry Congress wasn’t consulted about the hostage deal. Because Reagan always made sure Congress knew about all the hostage deals he made… Oops. Never mind.
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So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.
(My friend Linda points out that Oliver North said it was OK that Reagan negotiated with the Iranians because he never admitted it. …)
Don ZImmer has passed away at the age of 83. Guessing they won’t let Pedro Martinez anywhere near his coffin.
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From Marc Ragovin “For all those who beliieve that Bowe Bergdahl is being overly glorified after willingly abandoning his unit , bear in mind that he is now entitled to medical care through the VA system.
Upon being told that he is now eligible for medical care through tthe VA system, Bowe Bergdahl immediately requested to be sent back. “
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: belmont jokes, Bowe Bergdahl jokes, Donald Sterling jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Jerry Brown jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
