Archive for the ‘baseball jokes’ category
January 21, 2012
The Cleveland Indians pitcher formerly known as Fausto Carmona apologized for lying about his name and his age. After Leo Nunez of the Marlins was caught doing the same thing. If they are ever traded for each other it could be the first trade solely involving two players to be named later.
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Brilliant analysis from New England Patriots QB Tom Brady on his website, “The team that’s going to win this weekend is the team that plays the best.”
How weird is this NBA season? Tonight the Lakers lost to the Magic, and the Clippers lost to the T’Wolves. And the Clippers’ loss was more surprising.
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Although he hasn’t read it and says he won’t read it, Tiger Woods is already ripping former coach Hank Haney’s upcoming book about him: “I think people understand that this book is about money.” And Tiger’s point is?
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Tiger Woods claims he has not read the upcoming book by his former coach Hank Haney, but he is already criticizing it.
Sort of like those GOP candidates who say they haven’t seen their Super PAC commercials but can describe them word for word.
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So in conservative South Carolina, Mitt Romney may lose to a serial adulterer who told one of his wives he wanted an open marriage. To paraphrase Sally Field, Mitt should be thinking – “You don’t like me, you REALLY don’t like me.”
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Newt Gingrich says he was just misunderstood. He still does mean that marriage is between one man and one woman. He just meant to qualify that with “in bed, at the same time.”
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All this controversy about Gingrich wanting an open marriage. Newt already HAD an open marriage, he just wanted Marianne’s permission.
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The St. Louis Rams have announced they will play a regular season game in London in each of the next three NFL seasons. And from “across the pond” come the cries “Hey mates, haven’t we suffered enough?”
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Only 30 days until pitchers and catchers report. So, okay Cubs fans, time to order those “Countdown to elimination clocks.”
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Newt Gingrich said of our President – “He’s likeable. I would never beat Obama in a personality contest.” Yes, but the scary thing for the GOP…Gingrich does beat Mitt Romney in a personality contest.
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The blond hostess who was seen drinking with the Costa captain the night the ship sank is denying rumors they were romantically involved. She told an Italian paper he always was showing pictures of his daughter and that “A man who wants a lover does not behave like that.”
Uh, not saying the two were or they weren’t involved. But Bill Clinton doted on Chelsea.
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From Michael Hayne: “If Mitt Romney wants to get rid of Newt Gingrich, he just needs to become seriously ill and Newt will leave.”
And from Marc Ragovin, a last word on Tim Tebow.
Here’s a way to describe “passes completed/attempts” in a typical Tebow game: Tim 3:16
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Costa Captain jokes, Gingrich jokes, Janice Hough, Newt jokes, South Carolina jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 19, 2012
(The Carnival- Costa theme song?)
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Poor Joe Biden. All these reported GOP speaking gaffes must have him missing the spotlight. Or at least that’s one explanation why he told San Francisco Democrats in a private fundraiser today that “the Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl.
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Actually posted this on Facebook last morning before Biden’s speech: You might be a S.F. bandwagon fan if….. You say you are excited about the Giants game this weekend but admit you hadn’t thought the Giants started playing until April.
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The Captain of the Concordia now said he fell into the lifeboat. I think I like I cheated on my wife because of “how passionately I felt about this country” better.
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The NY Post may not usually appear on the list of America’s top papers. But they do win the prize so far for the best headline on the Costa Concordia disaster- a picture of the captain on the front page of their paper edition with the caption “Chicken of the Sea.”
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Wonder if Captain Francesco Schettino has had time to change his Facebook status? Presumably from “At the helm of the Costa Concordia about to impress passengers with a beautiful island view,” to “It’s complicated.”
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And watching the television shots of the Concordia on its side with the deck steeply sloped towards the ocean, have to wonder if parent company Carnival will reconsider those ads of the “longest, fastest, waterslide” at sea.
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True fact: The Costa Concordia is a sister ship to Carnival’s Splendor. All of a sudden being adrift for three days off the coast of Mexico (which happened to the Splendor in 2010), doesn’t seem so bad.
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From my friend Jerry Perisho, “A member of the Italian Coast Guard told the captain of that cruise ship, who had already abandoned ship, “Get on board, dammit” That, of course, is the same message the Romney campaign team is screaming at Republican voters.”
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Now that Yu Darvish has signed with the Rangers, many of us have a whole new reason to look forward to interleague play. If Darvish can handle a bat or work a walk it means we can hear the announcer say “Yu’s on first.”
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Darvish’s name is actually pronounced “You duhr-veesh.” So will he be known to U.S. fans as a “Hurling Darvish?”
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Mitt Romney is having a tough few days talking about his 15% tax rate and making “only” about $375,000 a year from public speaking. I miss Ann Richards, who would no doubt be proclaiming “Poor Mitt, he was born with a platinum foot in his mouth.”
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Newt Gingrich has announced he pays a 31% percent tax rate, and is worth only about $6.7 million, much less than Mitt Romney. Wonder how much of that difference is Callista’s jewelry?
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Despite his positive PED test Ryan Braun will accept his NL MVP award at a banquet Saturday. Braun’s spokesman said “there are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan’s complete innocence.” Of course, aren’t there always?
My friend Karen wondered if he tripped and fell into a needle?
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Rob Lowe apparently tweeted that Peyton Manning is retiring. Could be true, or maybe Peyton is just floating a trial balloon to keep something awful from happening, like being traded to the Redskins.
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Some unfortunate stories of Saints fans being treated badly at Candlestick Park during the SF-New Orleans game. Well, this sort of harassment probably won’t happen if the team moves to expensive new digs in Santa Clara. The local folks who can afford tickets probably will be too busy with their cellphones.
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From Bill Littlejohn: It’s getting down to the wire for arbitration between Tim Lincecum and the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum demanded a Giants team batting average of .280 in arbitration—the Giants countered with .240″
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Carnival Cruise Line jokes, Concordia jokes, Costa Captain jokes, Costa jokes, Janice Hough
Comments: Be the first to comment
January 18, 2012
Last week Jon Huntsman called Mitt Romney “unelectable” and “out-of-touch.” This week he endorsed him for President. I know Jon’s a Mormon but he changed his estimation faster than a man at a singles bar at closing time.
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Passengers on a BA Miami to London flight were awakened at 300am by an automated message saying “This is an emergency announcement. We may shortly need to make an emergency landing on water.”
A a cabin crew member had pushed the wrong button. Wonder if the employee might be terminated. If so, they are likely to get a job offer from Costa Cruise Lines.
But come on, really? You try to delete spam or a pop-up ad sometimes and get the response “Are you really sure you want to delete this message,” Or “Are you really sure you want to navigate away from this page?” Doesn’t it seem like there should be a “Are you SURE you want to push this button?” message.
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Dwight Howard has now apparently added the Clippers to his trade wish list. Wonder how long it will take Jack Nicholson to apply for season tickets.
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Highly-rated QB prospect Gunner Kiel has enrolled at Notre Dame, after first committing to Indiana, and then LSU. Who’s Kiel’s role model? Brett Favre?
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Celebrity chef Paula Deen announced she has Type 2 diabetes. For anyone who’s followed her cooking show or her books, there’s just one question – “What took so long?”
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High school QB Gunner Kiel, rated #2 in the country, has now committed to three different colleges. Now, former top prospect Andrew Luck called his own plays. Don’t think this will happen with Kiel. Coaches will have to figure he’ll never decide what play to call.
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Nick Montana, son of Joe, is transferring from the University of Washington to a junior college, in hopes of eventually finding another four year school where he can play more. And the BCS still says it’s all about protecting the “student-athletes.”
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n Santa Rosa, California, a police sting caught 9 people driving away from the courthouse, out of 18 who had JUST been told by a judge not to drive. Along with the original charges will the police add enhancements for stupidity?
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A final written tally of the Iowa caucus votes will be released Friday, and it turns out Rick Santorum may have actually beaten Mitt Romney. Who did the original counting? Rick Perry?
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The SF Giants have signed Pablo Sandoval to a 3-year contract. The contract is guaranteed unless the Panda does anything dangerous, like motorcycling, mountain climbing, or getting within 50 feet of a Taco Bell.
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Mitt Romney said today that he most of his income comes from investments (makes sense, since he’s been running for President for the last eight years) and currently pays taxes “close to the 15% rate.” 15%. Yeah, I can see why he thinks he needs a tax cut….
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More Romney: In discussing his probable 15% tax rate, he said it is because he has mostly investment income, adding “I get speakers fees from time to time, but not very much.” Last year, Romney earned only $374,327.62 in speaking fees. Can’t imagine how Mitt gets the image of being out of touch.
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A new PPP (Public Policy Polling) poll shows President Obama leading Mitt Romney 49-45. Now polls can vary but one interesting side note: Romney leads by 6 points with men, but Obama leads by 14 points with women. (Comments on this one especially encouraged.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, cruise ship sinking jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, primary jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 6, 2012
All these candidates, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, etc who said God told them to run. Is it possible that God just really wants to make sure Barack Obama gets re-elected?
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Or maybe God just needs a new cellphone plan?
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But really, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain all actually said God told them to run for President. Maybe the one with the direct line to God is really Jon Stewart.
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John McCain attacked Newt Gingrich for his recent attack on Romney – “I don’t think it’s appropriate to call your opponent a liar.” Actually, both McCain and Gingrich should be experts on the subject of lying – or does “Honey, I’ve been working late, I’ll be right home” not count?
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The Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Marlins. The deal requires Chicago to pay most of the temperamental pitcher’s salary, along presumably with money to cover the costs of increased clubhouse security.
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A friend sent me a message pointing out that Carlos Zambrano and Ozzie Guillen will now be in the same clubhouse. Wow. This means the Marlins could become the first MLB team with thermonuclear capability.
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Albert Pujols has signed a guaranteed 10 year $250 million deal at the age of 32, though some say he may be older. Which probably means that the Angels are paying big $$ to get at least a few really good years now, and will continue to pay when things fall apart. Sort of like an old rich guy marrying a trophy wife without a prenup.
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My friend Dallas forwards me this quote (he attributed it to Special Agent Mulder from the X-Files, but the original quote was from to Hungarian psychiatrist and SUNY professor Thomas S.Szasz.) “If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.””
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No argument here with Senator John McCain, who made this statement (no joke) at a rally tonight for Mitt Romney. “I am confident, with the leadership and the backing of the American people, President Obama will turn this country around.”
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The Boston Globe endorsed Jon Huntsman for the GOP Presidental nomination. Wonder if they would have endorsed the man Mitt Romney was as Governor of Massachusetts.
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Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren bought a $12 million mansion in North Palm Beach, Florida after her divorce, and has now demolished the place to build something new. Talk about class warfare, this is the kind of behavior that inflames the 1 percent against the 0.1 percent.
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According to USA Today, automakers are trying to outdo each other in apps for their cars, so that drivers can have more and more of the same apps that they have on their smart phones. What could possibly go wrong?
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Rick Santorum is now saying Congress should take President Obama to court for his recess appointments for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and the NLRB. (On the second, he appointed 2 Dems and 1 Republican, to keep a quorum.)
Fine, but where was Santorum when George W. Bush made his 171 recess appointments? Obama so far has made 28.
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Casey Anthony has now come out with a new look (short blond hair) and a public video diary. What, was she upset Jerry Sandusky was getting all the attention?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Casey Anthony jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Zambrano jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 17, 2011
Brian Wilson is reuniting with the Beach Boys for a 50th anniversary tour. No doubt a featured hit will be “Help Me Rhonda, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”
(Or “Fun, Fun, Fun until my kids and the DMV take my T-bird away.”)
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Upon reflection on Vanessa Bryant’s filing for divorce,, two questions emerge. 1. Did Kobe get room service anywhere lately? 2. Did Vanessa just find out about Callista Gingrich’s $500,000 line of credit at Tiffany’s?
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Kobe and Vanessa are apparently sharing custody of their children. Wonder who gets custody of the jewelry.
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Barry Bonds has been sentenced to 30 days house arrest, and 2 years probation. Well, makes sense, if they throw everyone who hasn’t been truthful about PEDs behind bars we’d need to build a lot more prisons.
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Hamleys, London’s most famous toy store, has this Christmas eliminated its pink “girls” and blue “boys” floors, and has said they will no longer group toys by gender. Why do I think that if they were in the U.S. at least one GOP presidential candidate would accuse them of violating the Constitution.
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Just wondering, did former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney bet anyone $10,000 on the Patriots-Broncos game?
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Ron Paul said on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno that, while he is 76, his “ideas are young.” Well, not as young as Mitt Romney’s, since he’s only had his current ideas for a four or five years max.
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And Ron Paul, while he has some odd ideas, is certainly different from most of the other GOP candidates. For starters, his sentences have nouns, subjects, verbs….
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The Canadian Transportation Agency has said that Canadian Airlines (Air Canada and WestJet) must either ban cats on flights with allergic passengers, or else provide cat-free buffer zones and effective ventilation. Could they do the same for folks who wear too much perfume, don’t bathe, or spend the flight talking loudly nonstop?
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Mitt Romney, who once worked for a health-care consulting company, told an audience today that until he got into government, he didn’t understand the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. Is Mitt trying now to appeal to Rick Perry voters?
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Top four ESPN.com headlines Friday were about the Penn State trial, Bonds’ sentencing, the Bears cutting Hurd after his drug dealing arrest, and the NFL upholding Harrison’s suspension. I’ll tell you, even as a pro-choice woman who isn’t very religious, listening to Tebow’s thanking his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” is sounding pretty good by comparison.
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Britney Spears, 30, is now engaged to be married for the third time. Wonder if that means when she gets tired of singing, Spears is planning a career in national GOP politics.
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Newt Gingrich STILL maintains that the $1.6 million he got from Freddie Mac was simply for giving advice as a historian. We could only wish. If that were the going rate, history professors on college campuses would be richer than football coaches.
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It must be the holiday season. The House passed an emergency $1 trillion budget bill by a bipartisan 296-121 vote. These days I wouldn’t have thought you could get a 296-121 vote to pass a resolution saying “Merry Christmas.”
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Let’s hope Mike McQueary finally told the truth today about that shower incident back in 2002. But one question I’d like to ask Mike – “You saw that, you told people, and yet Sandusky remained around campus and you know nothing happened. Didn’t you ever feel that maybe you should have gone to the police?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Barry Bonds jokes, Beach boys jokes, Gingrich jokes, Kobe Bryant divorce jokes, Mitt Romney jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 8, 2011
ESPN is running advertisements for “Capitol One Bowl Week: December 17 – January 2. Wonder which SEC graduate came up with that one?
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And they wonder why football players are bad at math.
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From my comedy writer friend Jerry Perisho: “I’d love to hear the voice message Alec Baldwin left on American Airlines’ answering machine.”
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Nice to see Newt Gingrich surging to the front of the GOP pack. Since Newt already helped one Democratic President get re-elected.
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Arizona State apparently had an agreement with June Jones to take over as their head football coach, but for some unknown reason pulled the offer. That was a quick relationship. Who is negotiating for ASU, one of the Kardashians?
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Jerry Sandusky has been arrested again on new molestation charges. And because he was unable to post bail the former Penn State coach was taken to jail. “What a shame,” said absolutely, positively nobody.
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Rod Blagojevich was sentenced today to 14 years in prison. The disgraced former Governor quoted Kipling, that this was a time “to be strong and fight through adversity.” Too bad Blago forgot this other Kipling quote: “You haf too much Ego in your Cosmos”
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Rod Blagojevich is the fourth Illinois governor in the last four decades, and the second in a row, to end up in prison. Scoffed Louisiana politicians – “Amateurs.”
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So will they start swearing in governors in Illinois by saying “Will the defendant please rise?”
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Not sure Rod Blagojevich gets it. The judge threw the book at him. And the former Illinois governor caught the book and tried to sell it on Ebay.
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Now that Bobby Valentine is managing the Red Sox, Terry Francona has taken his place as an ESPN baseball analyst. Wonder how long it will take Francona to start complaining about the slow pace of Boston pitchers.
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Orlando Magic CEO Bob Vander Weide is trying to clear up rumors that he may have “drunk dialed” Dwight Howard, saying he only had “two to three glasses of wine over a three-hour period after a social event and that he wanted to return text and phone messages Howard had left for him.” Hmm, wonder if the phrase “I love you, man” was involved.
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ESPN is actually doing a “Game Day” type setup with regular broadcasts directly from the baseball winter meetings. Well, it’s still more compelling than what would have been NBA regular season games.
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The Marlins have dropped out. But the Cardinals, Cubs and other other unnamed team apparently keep upping their offers to Albert Pujols; the slugger will get well over $200 million for 10 years. Pujols is taking his time deciding. But once he signs, it won’t take long for Albert to pronounce – “It’s not about the money.”
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Oops. A cannonball fired as part of an episode of the “Mythbusters” television show missed its mark and hit a Dublin home and a car Tuesday. As my friend Laura said, you have to wonder what myth they were busting. (The myth of their competence?)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Blagojevich jokes, Janice Hough, Pujols jokes, Sandusky jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 5, 2011
In a college football season, only one team stays undefeated all year, after beating their rival by 3 points. And that rival ends up with only the one loss. And so since it’s that close, why not a rematch in the national championship? Well, except when it was Ohio State beating Michigan 42-39 in 2006 And the Florida Gators got into the championship game. (Apparently Michigan didn’t qualify under the SEC codicil.)
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Here’s a crazy easy idea for the National Championship. Can’t be any worse. Play the big bowls Jan 1 like they used to – either the four BCS bowls or those bowls plus say, the Cotton Bowl. Vote afterwards and have the top two vote-getters play a week later.
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One reason Jim Harbaugh probably figures he made the right choice to jump to the 49ers last year: In the NFL you can lose a game and still have a chance to play for the championship.
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It seems like yesterday that many pundits figured Tim Tebow was John Elway’s taking a shot in the “SuckforLuck” bowl. Of course, I figured Alex Smith was going to serve the same function for Jim Harbaugh.
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With LSU-Alabama in the National Championship, schools in the SEC conference will divvy up $34 million. Wonder how many thousands will go for academics?
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LSU coach Les Miles was quoted on ESPN saying he is very happy to be playing Alabama. Well, yeah, a team with a mediocre offense they know they can beat. With a lot less prep work than it would take for Oklahoma State.
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The first of many Fiesta Bowl trivia items: Brandon Weeden, the OSU QB, is 28 years old. (Really.) That’s older than Alex Smith, Tim Tebow and Aaron Rodgers -Rodgers turned 28 on Friday.
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Manny Ramirez has had his second PED suspension reduced from 100 games to 50 games. Plus Manny has both hired agents AND filed for reinstatement from MLB’s retired list. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, give it up already.”
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There are rumors that Herman Cain may now endorse Newt Gingrich. Well, Newt may not have shown he can lead the country, but he has shown Herman a path on how to rebound from “woman issues.”
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Cain says he’s not quitting, he’s just changing to Plan B – “changing Washington from the outside.” Hmmm, wonder if Sarah Palin helped him out by writing that message on his palm with a sharpie.
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And regarding plan B, might not have been necessary if Cain had had a plan Z (as in keep your zipper zipped.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Fiesta Bowl humor, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, LSU jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 24, 2011
And on that subject, I think I can join comedy writers all over the world… If the Republican primary was being dominated by an intelligent, reasonable, likable man (like Jon Huntsman), well, we might all be better off in the long run. But it would be a more a boring world.
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Bad weather across the U.S. Wednesday meant that some travelers won’t make it to their families for Thanksgiving dinner. And at least a few of those travelers have already raised a glass somewhere to toast Mother Nature.
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Michele Bachmann’s spokesman said NBC did finally apologize for the song and said the band had been “severely reprimanded.” In related news, Fallon’s musicians were all made honorary members of the Stanford band.
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So, “Lying Ass B****” for Michele Bachmann?
Surely late night bands can come up with more ideas for other political figures.
For any member of Congress- “Fool on the hill.”
For Congress, the candidates and our President: “Promises, promises.”
For Arnold Schwarznegger, “Billie Jean.” Oh never mind, the child IS his son.
For Rick Perry after that New Hampshire speech “Everybody must get stoned.”
For Romney: “Subterranean Homesick Blues.” (You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.)
More to follow, or readers, please add in comments. Political – or for that matter, intro music for sports figures. (Some of those tomorrow for sure.)
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Meanwhile, Mitt Romney told an audience in Iowa he was “not looking to put money in people’s pockets.” Exactly. But he is looking to keep money in the pockets of those who already have it.
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The Kansas City Chiefs signed Kyle Orton off waivers, and the Chicago Bears signed Josh McCown. That’s it, Brett Favre is officially “chopped liver.”
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Andrew Luck will apparently not play the “one more year of eligibility” card to affect the NFL draft As it has been reported the Stanford QB will not take classes next quarter. (Either that or Luck wants to see what it’s like to be an SEC quarterback.)
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A source told ESPN, that Urban Meyer has done some “soul-searching,” and is likely to accept the Ohio State coaching job. Angry Florida fans doubt the story, because at this point they doubt he has a soul to search.
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The NBA owners and players are talking again, with a new self-imposed deadline for Christmas games. Brings to mind that old Chicago song “Does anybody really know what time it is, does anybody really care?”
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Another week, more allegations against, and more denials by, Jerry Sandusky. If this guy loses any more credibility he’ll be named an honorary member of Congress. (In the interest of not going directly to hell I won’t say “or of the Vatican.”)
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But here’s another rider on the bus to hell:
From Marc Ragovin “An assistant Principal at a Brooklyn high school has been suspended for viewing child pornography, or as its also called, Penn State game film.
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Finally in all seriousness, thanks to anyone reading this blog, even if you just stumbled upon it by accident today. You all are the reason I write. Janice Hough
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Janice Hough, Perry jokes, Stanford jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
Comments: 12 Comments
November 20, 2011
But numbers #2 and #4, and #5 and #7 sure did.
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Lee Corso’s “F*** it” comment today on College Game Day is going viral. In Corso’s defense he says was just previewing what BCS executives are saying to each other tonight looking at what’s left of their top 10.
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In Eugene, Oregon still had BCS title hopes alive until the last second, with a chance to tie USC and put the game into overtime, but their field goal attempt sailed wide left. Who do the Ducks think they are, Florida State?
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Ugly win in ugly weather for Stanford over Cal. But Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Oregon and Clemson would trade places with the Cardinal tonight.
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Meanwhile, Stanford’s Andrew Luck was named to the NCAA’s Academic All American first team. The response from most of the SEC “Academic? Is that like part of the Academy Awards or something?”
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Meanwhile Penn State beat Ohio State. Sad to think that a month ago this would have made fans of clean football programs happy.
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Old Navy goofed up earlier this year with “Lets go” football shirts (no hyphen). Now Victoria’s Secret came out with a “Hail to the Victors” shirt. Except that the shirt is green, and says “Go Spartans”…. (Don’t know if they’re more offended in Ann Arbor or Lansing.)
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If President Obama wants a big jump in his approval ratings maybe he should consider an executive order making the BCS unconstitutional. (The SEC is all red states anyway.)
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Meanwhile, happy belated birthday (Saturday) to V.P. Joe Biden. Hard to believe it was just a few short years ago that he was considered to be the politician most likely to embarrass himself by opening his mouth.
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Joe Paterno’s son Jay said Friday that while his world has turned “upside down” in the past two weeks, “We’ve got to make sure we keep focus on the victims of this whole tragedy.”
Uh, isn’t Jerry Sandusky saying there are no victims?
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Jon Huntsman appeared on SNL Saturday night, and was funny, self-deprecating, and articulate. On a night with Kermit the Frog and some Muppets on the show, Hunstman showed again why this Republican primary is calling for a rousing chorus of “One of these things is not like the other.”
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Newt Gingrich has apparently received millions from companies he has “advised” in Washington since leaving Congress. Well, since as a man with three wives Gingrich is defending traditional marriage, why can’t he also run as an insider who wants to reform Washington?
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Mitt Romney said this weekend – “I’m not looking for the next step in my political career. I don’t have a political career.” Paraphrased, “I’m blaming everything I supposedly said and did in Massachusetts on my evil twin.”
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It’s shaping up to be a great Sunday for football fans in Indianapolis – the Colts have a bye week.
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Finally tonight’s “bus to hell” comment courtesy of T.C. “NCAA announces plans for the 1st annual Churchill Downs Horseplayers Bowl: Penn St vs Syracuse.”
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, GOP primary jokes, Penn State jokes, Romney jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 19, 2011
The NCAA says today they are now investigating Penn State’s “exercise of institutional control over its intercollegiate athletics programs.” “What took you so long” said former officials from FEMA.
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Urban Meyer left his head coaching job at Florida after the 2009 season due to “health concerns.” Now he is rumored to be the next head coach at Ohio State. Maybe he’s recovered, or maybe he’s decided that after the Penn State scandal, tattoo and compensation scandals are potentially a lot less stressful than they used to be.
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Major League Baseball apparently has a labor agreement in place that will last until 2016. No strikes this time, not even the threat of a strike. Maybe this is one of the reasons MLB is losing ground to other professional sports – not enough drama.
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Another day, another massive lettuce recall, this time California’s Ready Pac Foods. Maybe pizza actually is one of the healthier vegetables.
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Okay, so Tim Tebow’s won a few games. But he has completely ruined Broncos GM (and Stanford grad) John Elway’s “SuckforLuck” strategy.
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The Columbia band, previously banned from the field for making fun of their football team’s 0-9 record, has been reinstated for Saturday’s season finale. In a statement the band said “We look forward to honoring the senior class — both on the football team and in the band — and cheering the Columbia Lions on to victory.” (Privately band members added, “Well, two out of three ain’t bad.”)
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Jon Stewart last night talked about the ever-changing GOP frontrunners and called Newt Gingrich is the “latest ‘zombie’ candidate who doesn’t know he’s already dead.” Stewart’s already received an angry demand for an apology – from the zombie union.
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Have to figure both Stanford and Cal football coaches will tell their players to think about Okla State – Iowa State game tomorrow.
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Congrats to the Iowa State Cyclones. Watching the post-game celebration, I think the entire population of Ames, Iowa was on the field.
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Now there is only one top-level undefeated college football team (LSU, apologies to the University of Houston), and a slew of one-loss teams. Gosh, if only there were some way to have a post-season that might determine a real champion.
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McDonald’s cut off their relationship with their previous egg supplier over claims of animal cruelty. McRib fans don’t have to worry, as there is no evidence the sandwich contains any sort of meat.
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Regarding the new movies “Breaking Dawn” and “The Descendants,” what’s more unbelievable? That a woman would marry a vampire? Or that a woman would cheat on George Clooney?
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Open note to all those people who seem to think Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore because he was younger than she was…. That doesn’t exactly explain Donald Trump, Newt Gringrich, JFK…
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A potential Christmas stocking stuffer this year is the bendable Sarah Palin action figure. Of course, for those last-minute types, the not yet released Mitt Romney figure will be able to bend into a lot more positions.
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Herman Cain is now suggesting the Taliban is part of the new Libyan government. Forget 9-9-9, his new campaign slogan should be “better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than speak out and remove all doubt.”
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Missouri football coach Gary Pinkel pleaded guilty to drunken driving today, two hours after he was formally charged. The assistant prosecutor said he wanted to “get the case resolved and accept responsibility for his actions”, which was “definitely unusual.” No kidding, accountability in college football? What a concept.
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Bush to hell section. (And okay, anyone who found my blog looking for Penn State jokes already bought their ticket):
So it won’t be “Boyz II Men” playing at any Penn State bowl game.
Here are some songs we won’t hear at halftime of any Nittany Lions bowl game:
Oops I did it again.
Get closer,
Close to you
Where the Boys are.
Touch me in the morning.
(And of course with these bus to hell moments, more suggestions encouraged.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: BCS jokes, McDonalds jokes, Penn State jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 17, 2011
Herman Cain’s latest “oops” minute, asking a crowd at Versailles restaurant “how do you say delicious in Cuban?” Michele Bachmann immediately came to his defense, saying she doubts even President Obama knows that many words in Cuban.
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Meanwhile, it is apparent watching Gabby Giffords that her cognitive skills are largely intact, but she is having serious trouble getting words and sentences out. Some think she shouldn’t run again for Congress, but hey, Gabby’s already ahead of certain candidates for the GOP presidential nomination.
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As Newt Gingrich becomes relevant in the GOP primary again, despite three marriages and admitted affairs, are there any other women with the same question I have? How did Newt find so many women who found him attractive?
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Meanwhile, Melania Trump told Joy Behar that her husband Donald will decide in the next few weeks whether to get back in the Presidential race. Guess the the Donald has seen Newt Gingrich’s surging poll numbers and decided it’s a good time for family values types on their third wives.
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At a recent campaign stop for Rick Perry, people were told that non-U.S. Citizens would not be allowed to enter. Apparently it was a misunderstanding. With that rule Perry would never be able to have an event catered by any restaurant.
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from T.C. Washington Nationals kidnap victim catcher Wilson Ramos was rescued this weekend in Venezuela. While in captivity, he overheard his abductors saying they weren’t interested in Terrell Owens either.
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For many Americans, especially baby-boomers, one result of the past week is that after over 30 years, the movie “Carrie” is no longer the standard for the most awful imagined shower scene.
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Mike McQueary, the assistant coach who said he saw Jerry Sandusky raping a young boy, now says he “stopped” the attack and did go to the police. Not sure who to believe at this point, but to paraphrase a line from Hamlet – “Something is rotten in the state of Pennsylvania.”
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Apparently former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been implicated as a client of a $800 a night call girl ring in northern France. Maybe his defense will be this was an example of a serious French stimulus package.
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The GOP controlled House of Representatives just passed a bill to dramatically expand the right to carry concealed firearms Well, concurrently with the Occupy movement what could possibly go wrong?
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Natalie Wisneski, former COO officer of the Fiesta Bowl, has been charged with filing false income tax returns for the bowl game. And faces campaign finance and conspiracy charges. Ah for the good old days when that might have been one of the biggest college football scandals of the year.
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Terry Francona withdrew his name from consideration for the Chicago Cubs managerial job. Apparently Terry feels that he’s a manager, not a miracle worker.
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In the “who cares” department, Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner have broken off their engagement, which they announced in August. On the bright side for those who like celebrity romance, their engagement did last longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage
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Okay, guys who read this blog can ignore this one: People magazine has declared Bradley Cooper this year’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” Please, can we just retire this competition and give the award permanently to George Clooney?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cain jokes, Gabby Giffords jokes, Herman Cain humor, Janice Hough, Newt jokes, Penn State jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 16, 2011
Herman Cain had one of those “Perry in the headlights” moments the other day when asked a question about Libya. To be fair, from force of habit Cain’s first thought was “Libya, Libya? Maybe Libby? She’s lying, I never met the woman.”
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No surprise here: Justin Verlander, who has three years left on his contract with the Tigers, was a unanimous CY Young winner. Assume the award came with a note saying “Congratulations. Look for our offer in 2015,” from the NY Yankees.
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So in Italy, screwing young women is fine, it’s only screwing up your country’s economy that will get you tossed out of office. Wonder how long it will take Bill Clinton to apply for dual citizenship?
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Oops, the danger of early magazine publication deadlines: Kim Kardashian was featured in a Marie Claire article, talking about her newt marriage to Kris Humphries, and her 1st marriage to music producer Damon Thomas. “I was 19 and didn’t know myself, but it taught me what being a wife is all about…. being there for someone unconditionally.” Or at least until the wedding special airs on TV.
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Falcons coach Mike Smith is being pilloried by Atlanta fans and media for his decision to go for it on 4th and inches in OT at their own 29. But he is blaming his players for the loss saying “We didn’t execute on that play.” A few more decisions like that and Atlanta fans will be calling for Smith’s execution.
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For his Veteran’s Day tribute , Broncos WR Eric Decker caught a 56 yd touchdown pass from Tim Tebow, dropped to one knee and saluted. And got penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct. Had Decker just run around like an self-promoting idiot he would have been fine. But to be fair, maybe the officials were just in shock about that Tebow TD pass.
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Many in the GOP are referring to waterboarding simply as an “enhanced interrogation” technique. At this point I’d say replays of these never-ending Republican debates could be considered an “enhanced interrogation technique.”
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Watching Jon Stewart talking about Jerry Sandusky and his “horseplay.” Added to a long list of alleged crimes, I think Sandusky owes a major apology to the entire equine population.
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While coaches usually stick up for each other, Paterno’s long-time friend and former FSU coach Bobby Bowden said publicly this week that “Joe was a little negligent,” and “must have known more because he said ‘I should have done more'” Bowden also talked about the cover up that they could have stopped it eight or nine years ago.
Give Bowden credit for honesty, and restraint, for not saying “and you media types tried to make my life hell over stuff like free shoes…”
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Last week Tim Tebow and the Broncos became only the third NFL team in the last 25 years to win with no more than two completed passes. Herman Cain hopes to match that record as a presidential candidate.
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Some fans in Denver are having customized #15 Broncos jerseys made for holiday gifts with “Jesus” instead of Tim Tebow’s name above the number. Wonder if there’s any truth to the rumor that God is giving Jesus a football jersey with Tebow’s name on it.
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The NBA season looks like it may already be over. Which means that fans of professional basketball in the U.S. will just have to remember what team John Calipari is coaching this year.
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Congrats to Coach K on his 903th win. In many ways the Duke coach reminds us of Tony La Russa. A great leader, smart, committed to winning…. and in need of a better-looking hair dye.
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New Chicago president of baseball operations Theo Epstein said that talented but troubled pitcher Carlos Zambrano will “have the right to earn his way back to being a Cub.” Translation, no other team will trade us more than a bag of peanuts for him.
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Another rare serious thought after watching Mark Kelly, Gabby Gifford’s husband, the past two nights on television. I’m thinking if Giffords believes it would be too difficult to run again for Congress while continuing her rehab, Arizonans could do a lot worse than electing him at least temporarily in her place.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Herman Cain jokes, Jerry Sandusky, Paterno jokes, Tebow jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 6, 2011
How ugly was the LSU-Alabama game tonight? Many fans turned to NHL games just to see some scoring.
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In Alabama some frustrated fans went to kick their dogs after tonight’s loss. Fortunately for the pets they missed wide right.
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Yes, LSU and Alabama have good defenses. But shouldn’t we expect the “Game of the Century” to have more scoring than you’d expect in an overnight line for the iPhone 4s?
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Anyone who watched the 52-45 Oklahoma State-Kansas State shootout might say, not only wasn’t LSU -Alabama the “Game of the Century,” it wasn’t even the “Game of the Night.”
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And sorry, all the commentators are saying the 9-6 overtime score was because both defenses were so good. Isn’t it just possible that a contributing factor might have been that both offenses were so bad?
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LSU and Alabama did so little scoring, afterwards both teams received free gear declaring them honorary San Francisco Giants.
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Although for those Americans tired of hearing about the “Occupy” movement, give the teams credit. Neither of them ever “Occupied” the end zone
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An arrest warrant has been issued for Terrell Owens after he failed to show up for a court date regarding child support payments. Well, T.O wanted to be wanted.
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Another Saturday, two more upsets of highly rated teams (Michigan and Nebraska) in the “Legends” division of the Big 10. Yeah, “Legends” are great, but “Reality” can be a real b*tch.
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A thought about Steve Williams’ stupid racial slur against Tiger Woods. It’s a shame the two of them had a falling out. Because Williams and Woods seem to richly deserve each other.
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Another thought about this “personhood” amendment which would define life as beginning at the moment of fertilization. It’s not that big a step beyond to decide that “self-stimulation” is murder.
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Some pretty nasty allegations coming out of Penn State regarding a high-level cover up of a former football defensive coordinator’s alleged sexual abuse of boys. Who did the university think they were, the Vatican?
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A source told ESPN that hopes for an NBA labor deal are bleak. Can we title this one “What if they cancelled a whole basketball season, and nobody cared?”
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Who’d a thunk this? Herman Cain debated Newt Gingrich one on one Saturday night. And the guy who dumped TWO sick wives for younger women was the one not dodging sexual allegations.
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R.I.P. Andy Rooney. Wonder what the first thing will be that he will complain about in heaven?
(Augie suggests he asks “So, what about the other 10 Commandments Moses smashed on the rocks? Can I take a peek at them now?”
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The White House actually issued a reponse to two petitions to asking the U.S. government to acknowledge formally that aliens have visited Earth and to disclose any intentional withholding of government interactions with extraterrestrial beings.
This is from the White House Office of Science and Technology on their website: “The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race. In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.”
I don’t know, some days it seems like not only have aliens visited Earth, but also some of them have stayed and are running for President.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, BCS jokes, Game of the Century jokes, Janice Hough, LSU Alabama game jokes, LSU jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 5, 2011
Well, after watching LSU-Alabama hype all week I think I have figured it out – the matchup is definitely this year’s “Game of the Century.”
Tickets to the LSU-Alabama game are going for a higher price online than tickets to game 7 of the World Series. Makes sense. It’s the SEC. Some players are probably higher paid than the World Series players too.
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Brian Cashman says the Yankees won’t go after Pujols because “It’s not an efficient way to try to allocate your resources.” Uh, considering that the Yankees have over a $200 million payroll and couldn’t get past the first round of the playoffs, should Cashman be considered an expert in allocating resources?
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Boise State is ready to join the Big East, but they want the conference to add a Western Division. Well, heck, why not go all the way and add Hawaii?
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Okay, who will turn out to be stupider in this Justin Bieber paternity suit? The alleged mom, who may not have thought about statutory rape laws. Or Bieber, who says he never met her, and may not have thought about DNA testing.
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Another thought about Matty Alou. In Giants heaven maybe McCovey DOES hit that ball a foot higher?
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So Lindsay Lohan had to reshoot her Playboy cover? Not surprised, figure these days anything Lindsay does is over-exposed.
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With some saying the sexual harassment claims against Herman Cain are just political attempts to take down a front-runner, this does bring up the question – why wouldn’t “they” have gone after Mitt Romney first?
Maybe because few people in America can even imagine Mitt flirting with his own wife?
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All the comparisons of Herman Cain to Clarence Thomas are focusing on the sexual harassment claims. But another apt comparison might be in terms of their basic intelligence and competence.
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Question for all these fans of the “personhood” amendment, which says life begins at the moment of fertilization. Does that mean a company becomes a person at the moment of incorporation?
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Greg Frazier picked this up, that Stanford’s football team has a 13-0-1 streak against the spread. Meaning according to Pregame.com, if you’d bet $100 at the beginning of the streak and just let it ride, you’d have $447,351.
But as Dwight Perry said, “The bad news, if you had $447,351 riding on Saturday’s triple-OT win over USC, you’d be dead of a heart attack by now.” (Stanford won by 8 with the fumble, the spread was 7 1/2.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Justin Bieber jokes, LSU Alabama jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 3, 2011
Moving to the Big East would mean a chance to get a guaranteed BCS bowl spot for Boise State, not to mention a lot more money. So the Idaho State Board of Education has given the school permission to pursue Big East membership. Maybe Boise State can use some that money to offer classes in Geography.
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Thinking the number one Oxymoron of the 21st century has to be “Reality TV Star.”
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Speaking of which: Some sources said that Kim Kardashian’s marriage broke up in part because Kim didn’t like Kris spending “her hard earned money.” Can someone tell me exactly what Kim actually does to “earn” money
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Peyton Manning told reporters that he’s spending every day in rehab and hasn’t given up on playing in a game in 2011. Colts fans who have been watching the team this year and watching Andrew Luck responded “Peyton, take it easy. Spend time with your family and don’t push it…”.
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Rick Perry, said in response to Jon Stewart’s suggestion that he was drunk during his New Hampshire speech, that he had not been drinking, but “It’s not that I wouldn’t love to sit down with Jon and have a glass of wine. If he’ll buy.”
Think it’s time to start a fund or a facebook group of those of us willing to contribute to the “Buy whatever wine Perry wants if he will sit down with Jon Stewart for a Daily Show interview.”
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Justin Bieber, 17, is being sued by a 20 year old woman who claims he is the father of her 3 month old baby. Now, I know not all Christians wait to get married before they have children these days, but most of them wait until puberty.
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Sad Giants news. Matty Alou passed away today. He was 72. Barely over the age at which SF might have signed him as a free agent to play in front of one of their rookies.
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Baseball gave out their “Silver Slugger” awards today to the best offensive players at each position in each league. If there were an opposite “Lead Slugger” award the SF Giants would no doubt lead the NL.
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Free-agent lefthanderJamie Moyer, who is about to turn 49, has been throwing for scouts recently and apparently stands a good chance of being offered a big league contract. Moyer’s goal, to be the first MLB player whose age is a higher number than the speed of his fastball.
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Herman Cain is accusing Rick Perry’s campaign of leaking the harassment stories. Maybe they think Perry is jealous of having sexual rumors flying around about women?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA football jokes, Rick Perry jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 2, 2011
Note in advance to readers, will probably miss a couple days of postings after tonight’s. But hope to be back by Friday. Besides the sites mentioned on my blogroll, suggest Sideline Chatter in the Seattle Times, or alwaysfunny.com.
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Bank of America retracted their proposed new monthly $5 debit fee due to customer fury. You know what that makes them? Smarter than Netflix.
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Ann Coulter just said “Our blacks are so much better than their blacks.” Adding “To become a black Republican you don’t just roll into it. You’re not going with the flow….” So would she also say about Democrats that their rich white people are so much better than GOP rich white people?
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Northern Illinois 63, Toledo 60. Did the NCAA start their basketball season without telling us?
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New England Patriots WR Julian Edelman has been charged with indecent assault and battery. This stemmed from an incident Edelman allegedly groped a woman Saturday night at a Boston bar. Guess the Patriots had trouble all weekend with their passes.
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Bobby Rush, a Democratic congressman from Illinois, said of the NCAA “I think they’re just one of the most vicious, most ruthless organizations ever created by mankind, I think you would compare (them) to Al Capone and to the Mafia.” Said the Mafia, “Please, as if we would come up with something as stupid as the BCS.”
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Herman Cain doesn’t seem to have a handle on how to handle this sexual harrassment story. Might have been better had he just responded “I suppose I should be honored that all you media types are trying to paint me as Clintonesque.”
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Kim Kardashian’s mother Kris says of her daughter “She’s not the first person in the world to get a divorce or to have something like this happen to, and she won’t be the last … People have to stop judging.” Uh, Kris, people aren’t judging Kim so much on the divorce, they’re judging her on that $10 million wedding.
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Kim Kardashian’s and Kris Humphries’ marriage, 72 days. The NBA lockout, 124 days and counting. Okay all you romantics who bet on love, time to pay up.
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Harold Camping, the 90-year-old minister/broadcaster has now incorrectly predicted the end of the world twice this year. He says now in a statement that Christ not returning on October 21 was “embarrassing for Family Radio.” In related news, God issued a statement saying Family Radio is “embarrassing for Himself and Christ.”
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Three Georgia running backs will be suspended for the Bulldogs’ game Saturday against New Mexico State, allegedly for failing a drug test. A source told ESPN that the test was administered last week, before Georgia’s 24-20 victory over arch-rival Florida, but said they had no idea if the results were known before the game. Yeah, right….
How long until some GOP presidential candidate suggests we try to fix the economy by invading Greece?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ann Coulter jokes, Bank of America jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 31, 2011
Apparently when Texas A and M lost to Missouri last season, coach Mike Sherman set fire to the game plan, playbook and tape. The Aggies collapsed again in the second half against Missouri Saturday. College Station firefighters have been put on full alert.
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USC safety T.J. McDonald aided Stanford’s last regulation drive when he got a 15 yard penalty for knocking receiver Chris Owusu semi-conscious. This after he got THREE similar penalties against ASU. Think McDonald is trying a little too hard to show he is NFL ready.
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Millions will apparently be without power for a while in the Northeast. And for tonight, those millions included the Dallas Cowboys’ offense.
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Tim Tebow fans have been adopting their hero’s kneel and pray habit. “Big deal” responded Detroit Lions fans. “We’ve been praying for years.” (And it’s beginning to pay off.)
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So much for Tim Tebow leading the Broncos to the Promised Land. Or at least the playoffs.
Maybe God just wanted to hear a lot of new “Christians-Lions” jokes. (Please feel free to add them in comments.)
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The Dolphins folded late, keeping their hopes alive in the “SuckforLuck” race. Could be a real shock for Miami fans if they get Andrew Luck – having a star who steps up in the fourth quarter.
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Must be interesting as a defense attorney in the Conrad Murray trial: Basically your case is,”Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Mr. Jackson was bound and determined to kill himself at some point. My client was just the unlikely doctor there at the time.”
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Still, it would be weird if anyone in the courtroom had a heart attack or something. I can hear the cries now “Is there any other doctor in the house?”
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To err is human, to really scr*w things up requires a computer: Stanford demolished #25 Washington last week and fell in the BCS computer rankings. This week the Cardinal needed triple overtime to beat #22 USC, and leapfrogged Boise State in the same rankings.
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After indicating that he might just skip future debates, Rick Perry has now committed to at least five more. Apparently the Texas Governor feels the need for the public forums to expose Mitt Romney as a flip-flopper.
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Now Fox’s Chris Wallace is complaining about Mitt Romney, that Mitt hasn’t appeared on any Sunday talk show since March 2010, and that he invited “Gov. Romney again this week, but his campaign says he’s still not ready to sit down for an interview.” Well, yeah, how can you do an interview when you haven’t figured out what your positions are yet?
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Passengers on a JetBlue flight scheduled from Fort Lauderdale to Newark ended up stranded on the tarmac at Bradley International Airport in Hartford, Connecticut for more than seven hours Saturday. As awful as the ordeal was some said it was still better than seven hours in Newark.
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India’s first Formula One raceDelhi event is basically sold out despite the cost, with the most expensive tickets costing up to about USD $200,000. Upon hearing this, Roger Goodell starting looking into the possibility for NFL games in Delhi.
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Twisted joke (but I like it) from my friend Neil Berliner: “The Madoffs tried to kill themselves by prescription overdoses. But the pharmacist scammed them with worthless placebos.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Luck jokes, NFL jokes, Tebow jokes, USC jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 29, 2011
Until pitchers and catchers report.
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Gutsy pitching performance tonight by the St. Louis Cardinals’ ace. Almost expected to see the “Jesus was a Carpenter” signs?
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(Of course, that would be sacrilegious, everyone knows if Jesus was to be reincarnated these days he would be Tim Tebow.)
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So if God really was involved with this World Series, having Josh Hamilton get Texas so close to a championship, and then snatching it away, well all I can say is that He has a really mean sense of humor.
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For the uninitiated: Josh Hamilton said that God told him he was going to hit a home run in game six. But Hamilton added “There was a period at the end of [the sentence]. He didn’t say, ‘You’re going to hit it and you’re going to win. ”
Just a reminder, when you pray, it’s important to be specific.
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More on game six:
Another reason why baseball is THE best sport: No clock. At some point early in the second half in the Colts-Saints game, it wouldn’t have matter if Peyton Manning or even Johnny Unitas in his prime was miraculously transported in as QB, there would have been ZERO chance of a comeback.
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Last night’s World Series game was one of the most exciting ever, despite 5 combined errors (not to mention the fact that Nelson Cruz misplayed David Freese’s triple.) There’s a great quote from Bull Durham, “It’s a simple game, you throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball.” Well, sometimes two out of three ain’t bad.
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Heck of a World Series. Of course had the BCS been in charge neither the Cardinals nor the Rangers would have been anywhere near it.
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The Cardinals’ Matt Holliday, who booted a ball in left field, and got picked off third base with the bases loaded, was out of game seven with a wrist injury. Wonder if Tony LaRussa stepped on it.
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If these smaller-market National League teams keep winning the World Series, Bud Selig may have to rethink his “All Star Game Winners Get Home Field Advantage” strategy
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A former Ohio high school teacher was found guilty of having sexual encounters with FIVE students. These overcrowded classrooms are really getting out of hand.
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Recently acquired Oakland QB Carson Palmer said when he was put into last Sunday’s Raiders -Chiefs game he only knew “about 15 plays.” Well, that’s about 14 more than JaMarcus Russell ever learned.
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Michele Bachmann is now accusing Texas governor Rick Perry’s presidential campaign of a “stealth” political attack. Perry’s campaign denies any attack. Makes sense at this point attacking Bachmann’s campaign would be like cheating at Scrabble with George W. Bush.
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Wells Fargo said Friday that the bank is cancelling test program of a monthly $3 fee for users of its debit cards: “As we adjust to changes in our business, we will continue to stay attuned to what our customers want,” said a Wells Fargo spokesman. Translation, “We’ve lost track of how many cut-in-half cards we’ve received in the mail.”
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Rick Perry’s latest campaign slogan “Cut, Balance and Grow.” Is he running for President or to head up Home Depot’s Garden Centers?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Carpenter jokes, Josh Hamilton jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, Rick Perry jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 28, 2011
Did I include enough Es?
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Many old-time baseball fans are looking back nostalgically to the days when pitching dominated in the World Series. Like last year.
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Early in the game the only bright spot for Tony LaRussa was knowing that his bullpen phone worked.
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from T.C.”Wow, that was one of the best WS games ever. Tops Kirk Gibson and Buckner. Too bad the StL bullpen had to wait for the results to be phoned in.”
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It really was an amazing World Series game Thursday night, and just imagine how epic it would have been if Jon Miller was still the ESPN radio announcer….. (Dan Shulman wasn’t bad, but still….)
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After both listening to game six in the car, and watching it on television later, I have to hand it to Tim McCarver. He is doing as much as anyone in the game to promote the tradition of baseball on the radio.
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Texas Governor Rick Perry plans to skip future GOP debates. Guess he’s applying the time honored principle: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
October 29 is National Cat Day. Responded most cats “Isn’t EVERY day National Cat Day? Now, before I go back to sleep, where is my dinner?”
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The former president of Facebook, Sean Parker, apparently Tweeted to complain about being a billionaire: “I have a whole new set of problems to deal with now: security, extortion attempts, kidnapping threats, death threats, etc. Life better b4?” Can’t imagine how the super rich get the reputation for being out-of-touch.
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Carson Palmer, when asked about bringing Terrell Owens to Oakland, responded “T.O. and I had a great working relationship…. The problem is that for him to get here there’s not anybody that we could let go,” Well, this was a more diplomatic response than “NFW!!! Are you nuts?”
During a mock debate last week in Philadelphia, the British claimed that the Declaration of Independence was totally illegitimate and illegal. But they added, “it’s all right chaps, we don’t want you back anyway.”
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Kim Kardashian herself is now admitting that there is a lot of stress in her new marriage, especially living with her sister and filming “Kourtney and Kim take New York.” She told “People” that “It’s not ideal because you’re newlyweds and you want privacy.” Uh, honey, if you want privacy here’s a clue, don’t turn your wedding (along with the rest of your life) into a media circus.
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The Dow soared over 300 points Thursday. Out of habit, several of the GOP candidates blamed it on President Obama.
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Exxon Mobil reported quarterly earnings of $10.3 billion on Thursday, a surge of 41% from last year. You know what that means? Gas prices are going up.
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There are rumors that C.C. Sabathia might sign with the Red Sox. Makes sense, with C.C’s size those dugout beers won’t even make a blip on his blood alcohol level.
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A new Time magazine poll shows Hillary Clinton easily beating the major GOP candidates if she somehow could run for President in 2012. Good news for Clinton’s reputation, but with all due respect “None of the above” could handily beat the current GOP field now too.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: game six jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Tim McCarver jokes, Tony LaRussa jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 27, 2011
Suggestion for Tony LaRussa for Game 6 Bullpen communication in St. Louis – “Carrier Squirrels.”
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Game Six of the World Series was postponed due to rain. Which means Tony LaRussa had plenty of time to run down to the Apple store to get new phones for himself and his bullpen coaches
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If Bud Selig gets his way with the expanded playoffs, rain issues won’t be a problem in future World Series. Snow on the other hand.
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Lindsay Lohan will be posing in Playboy. Most Americans think we’ve already seen too much of her lately.
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Despite police efforts and some stories of violence, “Occupy Oakland” continues to be a magnet for a lot of people. If the crowds continue, Raiders’ management may start trying to sell tickets by referring to their games as “Occupy the Coliseum.”
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Rick Perry told Fox today that if he had made any mistakes thus far in the campaign, it was “probably ever doing one of the” debates. No kidding. Especially considering the “lame-stream” media reported every word he said.
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Herman Cain’s latest commercial shows his campaign manager smoking. Well, Cain is running an unconventional campaign, maybe encouraging smoking is his plan to reduce the number of Americans who end up old enough to depend on social security.
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Chaz Bono was voted off DWTS. He won over many viewers, although many 40 and 50 somethings still remember him as such a cute little blond girl. Of course, music fans of the same age remember Michael Jackson as such a cute little black boy.
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NBA owners and players met again for several hours in hopes of resolving their labor problems. No resolution as yet, but on the bright side, the talks are getting more attention than the first weeks of a normal NBA season.
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How badly do some NFL teams want to get Andrew Luck? Have to wonder if a few of them have already asked Roger Goodell if they can vacate wins because some of their players committed crimes or were ineligible in college?
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Some college teams say they would do anything to get future quarterbacks like Andrew Luck, who went to high school in Texas. But when asked why he chose Stanford, Luck cites a big reason as being strong academics. Responded most SEC teams “Never mind.”
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From Bill Littlejohn: “JaMarcus Russell was quoted as saying ‘I’m not fat, lazy, or a junkie’.All right…who called him a junkie?”
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Sebastian Janikowsi should be healthy again for the Raiders’ next game, so Oakland waived their recently signed backup placekicker Dave Rayner, who they had signed for a one-game fee of $45,000. Since Oakland was shut out, Rayner never kicked the ball after the opening kickoff. The only easier gig in sports might have belonged to the Saints’ punter against the Colts.
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Jon Huntsman told ABC News that Rick Perry’s talking about “birtherism” makes him “cringe.” And that “fringe” issues will drive away the independents. “As a party if we are going to win this election we have to focus on the issues that are germane for the American family – economy, jobs, our position in the world.” No wonder he’s barely registering in the GOP polls – the man is way too articulate and reasonable.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bullpen phone jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, LaRussa jokes, Lindsay Lohan jokes, World Series jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 