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Low scores

September 19, 2015

The EPA has accused Volkswagen of installing a “defeat device” in 482,000 cars sold in the U.S to trick regulators and evade federal emission regulations.

So, the question, is Volkswagen just the nastiest, most dishonest car maker? Or have other companies just installed better software and not gotten caught?

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In Costa Rica last weekend, authorities say a mob of tourists, many with selfie sticks, crowded a beach and prevented sea turtles from laying their eggs along the Pacific Coast. Where is a good tsunami when you REALLY need one?

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Tiger Woods just announced he had another back surgery and won’t return until 2016. “This is unfortunate, but these things happen. I’ve been injured before and played again. It won’t be any different this time.”
So that means plenty more optimism and hype, then a lot more missed cuts?

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Donald Trump has cancelled a South Carolina appearance because. according to an email from his campaign – “Mr. Trump has a significant business transaction that was expected to close Thursday.”

I can see it now, that 3am phone call – “Sorry, President Trump is asleep because he has something important to do in the morning.”

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A study of the brains of 91 deceased NFL players showed 87 of them tested positive for CTE brain disease. Maybe we haven’t come as far as we thought from Christians vs. Lions.

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John Kasich, at a lunch for a group trying to attract more Hispanic voters:
“I look at our friends in the Latino community as people that ought to be voting Republican. … They are great, caring, hardworking folks. And a lot of them do jobs that, that they’re willing to do. That’s why in the hotel you leave a little tip, you know?”
Beginning to see why the Ohio governor keeps his mouth largely shut during the debates…..

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Here we go again: Bristol Palin wrote about the President inviting teen clock maker Ahmed Mohamed to the White House. “This is the kind of stuff Obama needs to STAY out of. This encourages more racial strife that is already going on with the “Black Lives Matter” crowd and encourages victimhood.”

Right, as opposed to when GOP candidates issue invitations and heap praise on, say Kim Davis.

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Numbers game?

September 17, 2015

We don’t need no stinkin’ DH.  #SFGiants

powers

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Leaving aside the illegality of it, does Jeb Bush’s response of “Maggie Thatcher” for a woman to be on the $10 bill mean he can’t think of ONE worthy American woman? ‪#‎andhessupposedtobethesmartone

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Jeb Bush tonight admitted to smoking marijuana 40 years ago, “other people might have done it but may not want to say it in front of 25 million people. My mom’s not happy that I just did.” Wow. Jeb smoked pot. And somewhere Barbara is thinking of his brother and just giggling.

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Over 22 million people tuned into CNN’s debate last night. Well, if all it takes is an outspoken entertainer as part of the show to get people’s attention, can we include Jon Stewart or Bill Maher in the Democratic debate?

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My friend Michael Powers noted this quote from Marco Rubio during the GOP debate: “These problems cannot be solved by intellect.”

Well, then that’s not an issue for most anyone who was on that stage.

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Apparently Kobe Bryant’s torn rotator cuff has healed enough so that he has been cleared to participate in basketball activities. Well, and it’s not like he’ll need to use the shoulder to pass or anything.

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American Airlines had a “technical issue” today that halted flights for about an hour at DFW, Miami, and O’Hare., their three main hubs.
How come it’s a “technical issue” when they have a problem, and at least a $200 change fee when YOU have a problem?

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Bengals kicker Mike Nugent is upset about the NFL making the PAT attempt longer.: “I don’t like the rule because — I could be wrong — but I don’t know of any rules that have been changed to make guys fail more.”

Well, two things. 1. Making “guys fail more” IS exactly the point. 2. Any rules, well, let’s start with lowering the MLB mound in 1969. And then there’s moving the kickoff, and the goalposts, and, well, I am sure my friends and readers have a long list.

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Anthony Weiner has lost his job he started in July at that fancy PR firm. So congrats to all those who had Sept 16 in the pool.
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Ann Coulter is facing more than the usual bipartisan criticism after she tweeted during the GOP debate “How many f–ing Jews do these people think there are in the United States?” Maybe she forgot that one of those Jews is Sheldon Adelson?

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Defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor has been dismissed from both Alabama and Georgia for a total of three arrests, two for domestic violence, Now Taylor has enrolled at Southeastern Louisiana and joined the football team. Well, a guy’s got to do something before he joins the NFL.

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The Coolidge, AZ, City Council voted Monday to allow prayers before council meetings, including a stipulation that they be Christian. Where are the GOP defenders of freedom of religion on this one?

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Pitcher Mat ‪#‎Latos‬ made much of hating ‪#‎SF‬. Can’t wait to hear what he says about LA, now that the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ have DFA’ed him.

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Unreality TV

September 16, 2015
Tonight was the second GOP debate. Otherwise known as “Dancing with the Questions.”
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Joe Biden says that Donald Trump has a “sick” message, and is “appealing to the baser side of human nature, working on this notion of xenophobia in a way that hasn’t occurred in a long time.”
Wonder how many Trump supporters are thinking “What’s xenophobia? Trump’s just against all these damn foreigners.”
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Lots of candidate talk about Ronald Reagan. Not much talk about Reagan’s tax hikes, increased budget deficit, and signing an immigration act in 1986 that which granted amnesty to almost 3 million undocumented immigrants. Am sure it’s just coincidence. ‪#‎GOPdebate

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All these candidates who want to defund ‪#‎PlannedParenthood‬ and talk about family planning alternatives. Would one of them like to name one such alternative. And their plan to fund welfare for children born from unplanned pregnancies?
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All this discussion of “judicial tyranny” with the Supreme Court on the subject of gay marriage. Where were all these clowns when the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush President?
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Donald Trump on tonight’s debate: ‘I think I could tone it down a little”: Right, he could, but he didn’t..

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Donald Trump during the debate – I was for a flat tax before I was against it. I was for the rich paying more before I was against it. This is so confusing.
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Carly Fiorina goes back to the marijuana gateway drug line. Cue ‪#‎DemonSheep‬.  Cue ‪#‎ReeferMadness  ‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

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Jeb Bush – ‬ “My brother kept us safe.” Well, except for that little 9/11 thing. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

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Lindsey Graham says it doesn’t make sense to deport millions of undocumented immigrants, but they should learn to speak English. Well sure, but so should millions of people born in the U.S.

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I’d take these GOP candidates calling for war with Iran more seriously if they’d call for a draft to get people to fight it, and a way to pay for it.

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The NFL has granted permission for New England clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally, who were suspended over Deflategate, to return, and the Patriots will reinstate them.
So yeah, guess those footballs were so in awe of Brady’s brilliance that they just deflated themselves.

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More debate.  A real question “If you’re elected President, how would the world look different after you lead office?”  Waiting for the honest answer from someone: “Well, Hell would host an awesome Winter Olympics.” ‪#‎GOPdebate‬

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Rutgers football coach Kyle Flood has been suspended three games and fined $50,000 for allegedly emailing a lecturer inquiring about a grade for one of his potentially failing players. What Flood is really being suspended and fined for? A). being too stupid to have one of his staff do the the dirty work, and B) putting it in an email..

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A post-debate thought. Talking about the general election Chris Christie said he would prosecute “Mrs. Clinton in those debates.” That is, if Christie is not defending himself in a courtroom over the backroom deals that led to the resignation of the CEO of United Airlines.

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#‎Peavy‬ gets his first home run of the year. 9th for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitchers in 2015. One behind Pablo Sandoval. ‪#‎byebyebaby‬

#‎ChrisHeston‬ and ‪#‎MattCain‬ do not have home runs for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ this year yet. Time to get them some ABs.

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Amazing story about the Muslim student who was accused of building a bomb when he had only built a clock. Have to wonder these days how many students can even read a clock?

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In a few cities, 7-11 is offering delivery service of a “Date Night Pack”, which includes ice cream, candy, Red Bull and condoms. Thinking if your idea of a Date Night is 7-11, you’re not likely to need the pack.

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Actor Stephen Rannazzisi, who said he escaped from the World Trade Center on 9-11 and then quit his desk job to become a comedian, now says he made the story up. Stand by for his interview with Brian Williams.

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The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are on a mission to singlehandedly destroy the DH. Now Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher ever to reach base against Aroldis Chapman. But the Reds’ closer had gotten to an 0-2 count vs. 57 hitters this year. He struck out 41 of them, and none of them walked. Until Madbum.

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Shut up and eat your soup?

September 16, 2015

Marshawn Lynch’s mom has posted on Facebook that she thinks the Seahawks offensive coordination is “the worst play caller ever, ” and should be fired. Maybe beginning to see why Lynch keeps his mouth shut.

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In a game where the entire #SFGiants bullpen seemed to be trying to outdo each other with a sucking contest, the Giants did come back, twice, from being 3 runs down.  #Rallyskeeter.  Almost a win. But they can’t say “We’re going to need a bigger cat.”

rallyskeeter

So a PAC supporting Jeb Bush has released a video touting Bush’s optimism about America, which features a sun rising in a field, with the message  “choose a brighter path.”  Nice. Except the field is in Cornwall, England.  The video is titled  “Bright.” #andjebissupposedtobethebrightone.

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The FDA has banned sales of four cigarette brands from R.J. Reynolds for not meeting safety review requirements. Shocking. Cigarettes HAVE safety requirements?:

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North Korea is now threatening the US with nuclear attack, saying they are ready to use weapons “at any time.” So assume there’s a Playstation involved?

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A just released video from last night video shows three SF 49ers fans beating a Minnesota Vikings fan outside Levi’s. So much for those who thought the Candlestick crowd wouldn’t make it down to the new stadium.

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Carly Fiorina cut 30,000 jobs when she was at HP. Current CEO Meg Whitman has cut 55,000 and now may cut another 30,000 more. Is Meg trying to make her fellow Republican look good by comparison?

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The University of Texas has fired their athletic director. The real reason can be explained in four words: the football team sucks.

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Gary Busey has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Thinking the Donald probably already had 98% of the people who are crazy enough to care about Busey’s endorsement.

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Marco Rubio started at Tarkio College in Missouri on a football scholarship, then went to Santa Fe Community College, then finally ended up at the University of Florida for his bachelor’s degree. Yesterday he said in Iowa, “Look, I don’t have anything against Florida State. I think there has to be a school where people who can’t get into Florida can go to college.”

Is Rubio trying to prove he’s enough of an overgrown frat boy to be Trump’s running mate?

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Bobby Jindal’s latest – ” Donald Trump is a madman who must be stopped,” Almost makes you wish Jindal was at the grown ups table for the prime-time debate tomorrow, just to see him and the Donald face off.,

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A new Korean study found that antibacterial soaps are no more effective than plain soap at killing germs, as the active ingredient only makes a difference after 9 hours.
Let’s hope OCD folks don’t see this and make 9 hours a goal.

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Mistakes were made…..

September 15, 2015

The Falcons beat the Eagles in the NFL first weekend of MNF. Over-under on how long it will take Philadelphia fans to scream for Tebow?

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Wow. In Maryland, as part of a dare, a 13-year-old middle-school boy allegedly grabbed a 14-year-old girl’s shirt and kissed her last week. He has been charged as a juvenile with second-degree assault. ‪#‎ifonlyshewasarmed‬

If “Spin the Bottle” is outlawed, will only outlaws play “Spin the Bottle?”

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Kim Davis is back at work in Kentucky, not issuing gay marriage licenses, but allowing her deputy clerk to issue them. She said “I don’t want to have this conflict. I don’t want to be in the spotlight….”

Uh, if true, Ms. Davis, you could have had a clerk issue them for you weeks ago.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger will apparently take over for Donald Trump with “Celebrity Apprentice.” Well, at least if ratings plummet again we know THIS host won’t run for President.

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Now Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is thinking about running for President,saying in an email to CNBC “If I ran as a Dem, I know I could beat Hillary Clinton. And if it was me vs. Trump, I would crush him. No doubt about it.”

If this keeps up, the 2016 race could put the Onion out of business. ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬

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So are the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ better than expected? Or does it just mean that mean bitch Karma was thinking the ‪#‎Vikings‬ shouldn’t have resigned Adrian Peterson?

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Sunday night against the Cowboys, apparently Eli Manning forgot how many time outs were left and told his team not to score. So the NY Giants QB could count his way up to $84 million on his contract but not up to three on the field?

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Miss Alabama, Meg McGuffin, was asked Sunday night about Donald Trump: “I think (he) is an entertainer. And I think he says what’s on a lot of people’s minds but I think that the Republican party should be absolutely terrified of all the attention that he is taking from incredible candidates like Jeb Bush and Chris Christie who could absolutely do the job of president of the United States. And if I were a Republican, I would absolutely be terrified of that. Thank you.”

Well, she didn’t win the pageant but maybe some candidate should hire Ms. McGuffin as a consultant.

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American Airlines is now apologizing for sending a plane to Hawaii that wasn’t certified to fly over water. But will they charge themselves a change fee?

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Dude, where’s my plane.

September 13, 2015

American Airlines admitted they accidentally put the wrong planet on a Los Angeles – Honolulu flight.  It was a similar Airbus to the correct aircraft, but the model that flew Aug 31 was not certified to fly over the Pacific. Oops.  The mistake was noticed mid-air, the plane continued to Hawaii, but flew back empty of passengers.

Would have been more understandable maybe if the plane mix-up happened out of a state with legalized marijuana?

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In Denver, a popular park and trail,, which is currently home to many foraging bears and their cubs, has been closed for two weeks because of too many people trying to take selfies with the animals.

Really?! Can’t we just open it again with the goal of culling the herd?  #cantfixstupid

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A 29 year old man is in jail for possession of cocaine with intent to sell after he mistakenly started a weeks-long texting conversation with a police captain about drugs instead of his dealer. Do I even have to say this was Florida?

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Drug experts say the number of meth labs in the Midwest is decreasing, but the void is being filled with an influx of cheap Mexican imports, according to experts. Waiting for GOP candidates to trump this as yet another example of immigrants taking high-paying American jobs.

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Floyd Mayweather says after last night’s fight that he is retired. Maybe because after the last two lackluster fights, it’s unlikely that he’ll be offered millions rea$on$ to change his mind.

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Vanessa Williams returned to Miss America as head judge Sunday night. Williams had won in 1984, then resigned after nude pictures of her were published in Penthouse. And these days people are thinking “naked photos in a magazine, how quaint.”

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A small Alabama town is considering banning saggy pants, miniskirts and short shorts in public. Is that really necessary? A possible ban on spandex at Disney World…. now we’re talking.

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#‎Trump‬ continues personal insults to every other GOP candidate. Has he realized if he gets the nomination he does need a running mate?

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Two of the Rams, Chargers and Raiders may end up in Los Angeles. Today Oakland played as if their defense against such a move was being a team no other city wants.

Raiders Coach Jack Del Rio  “At some point you’ve just got to start playing good football.”   And Redskins fans are just giggling.

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#‎SFGiants‬ probably won’t make the playoffs. But betting they’re now glad they didn’t give away the store for Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬.

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Even though the number of police who have been shot is actually down 26% this year, Scott Walker is blaming President Obama: “I think his absence of leadership… not speaking out about this rhetoric out there…” has contributed to police being killed.
Just wondering, why don’t Walker, and others, blame an absence of leadership from say, gun rights activists and conservatives, in contributing to hate crimes against minorities?

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Qualified?

September 12, 2015

Apparently Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai has to take SATs before she applies to U.S. colleges. Well, duh, not like Malala is something important like a football or basketball player.

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Donald Trump is unhappy about Ben Carson questioning his “fear of the Lord,” and said “you don’t hit a person on faith.” Uh, okay, would the Donald like to tell that to his supporters? A recent PPP poll found 66% of respondents who support Trump believe that Obama is Muslim.

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It’s been since 1993 since a Canadian team won the NHL Stanley Cup. And since a Canadian team won the World Series. Who’d a thunk that the most likely drought to be over soon would be in baseball? ‪#‎BlueJays‬

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There were chants of USA! USA! USA! during game one of the Yankee-Blue Jays doubleheader at Yankee Stadium. Maybe Toronto’s sweep was karma’s way of saying “Stay classy, New York.”

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Sadly fitting. Nationals reliever Drew Storen ended his season by breaking his thumb slamming his locker in frustration after a loss Wednesday. Washington season-ticket holders have to wish they had the same option.

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Wait a minute. Jacksonville State isn’t even in Florida but in Alabama? This geography stuff is so confusing. ‪#‎JaxState‬ ‪#‎Auburn‬

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Apparently Aldon Smith turned down more money from other teams to stay in the SF Bay Area with the Raiders. Because Smith is already on a first name basis with most of the local police?

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Do they award Darwin awards to businesses? If so, Zales Jewelers just locked up the award for the year. With a 9/11 sale. No joke. And they even instead of “Remember, Rebuild, Renew” used “Renew, Reset, Restyle” on their brochures. ‪ #‎youreallycannotmakethisstuffup‬

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Now departed United Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek has a golden parachute of that could top $20 million, including $5 million in cash. Along with free first class travel for life on United. Too late to start a petition to United to demand he fly coach?

Can we at least hope all flight attendants recognize him and give Smisek the fine service he so richly deserves?

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A Catholic woman wanted Office Depot to print 500 copies of an anti-abortion flier that talked about the “evil that has been exposed in Planned Parenthood and in the entire abortion industry.” They refused and invited her to use the self-serve copy machines.
Now she’s claiming religious discrimination. Once again, it’s only discrimination when they disagree with YOUR religion

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Stanford-UCF started at 730p Pacific Time. 1030pm Eastern. Forget the fact that the Golden Knights were probably tired, we’re talking University of Central FLORIDA. Figure most of the UCF alums were in bed by kick off.

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Apparently Jason Pierre-Paul’s injury in a fireworks accident is worse than originally thought. The NY Giants’ DE lost not only his right index finger, but also fractured his thumb, needed skin grafts and is missing part of another finger. And he may be out for the entire season, or more. So not only ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, you can’t always surgically repair it either.

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Guess he didn’t get a rose?

September 11, 2015

Texas Governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the 2016 Presidential Race. Thereby shocking millions of Americans who didn’t realize he was still in it.

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Steelers coach Mike Tomlin was upset about only being able to hear the Patriots radio broadcast over the team’s headsets. The NFL said New England was not to blame. Lather, rinse, repeat. ‪#‎thePatriotscandonowrong‬

Pittsburgh thought about filing a formal complaint then backed down.  Perhaps because they figured it would just get a couple New England clubhouse attendants fired, or perhaps because they figured the NFL would just fine them for annoying the Patriots.

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A Virginia woman was arrested for having sex with her unconscious boyfriend in a parking lot in broad daylight. She claims it was a combination of alcohol and being “in the mood.” And considering he was unconscious, maybe some seriously good Viagra?

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U.C. Berkeley, in their estimated costs to students, says the cost for rent off-campus is $7184 for the academic year. Of course what they don’t say is that the figure means living about 100 miles off campus.

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MLB suspended Joey Votto, 32, two games for his major tantrum Wednesday when the Reds first baseman was denied a time out. He’s appealing the suspension. But. hey, a tantrum?  Maybe Votto should just think of it as a time out.

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Now Gregor ‪#‎Blanco‬ has been diagnosed with a concussion. The 2015 ‪#‎SFGiants‬ at this point don’t need a trainer, they need a witch doctor.

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Meanwhile,Jake ‪#‎Peavy‬ and the Sacramento ‪#‎RiverCats‬ had a really good night against the ‪#‎Padres‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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The Phillies have dismissed GM Ruben Amaro Jr.: Five words: What took them so long?

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Donald Trump now says his insults, this time directed at Carly Fiorina, were made “as an entertainer, because I did the ‘Apprentice.'” So maybe Trump thinks this whole campaign is his new show – “Political Apprentice”?

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Regarding all this controversy on Trump’s purported jab at Carly Fiorina’s looks, guess Carly and her supporters have forgotten her off-mike comment in 2010 about her rival Barbara Boxer – “God what is that hair?’ So yesterday!’

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So amongst the various over-under bets on opening week of the ‪#‎NFL‬ season can you make an over-under on player arrests? ‪#‎NFLKickoff‬

So Aldon Smith, one of the the best pass rushers in the NFL, who’s been arrested 5 times in 3 years, was signed today by the Oakland Raiders. Is anyone surprised?

If Ray Rice hadn’t lost a few steps as an RB he’d surely have offers. Heck, of O.J. Simpson were still a Pro-Bowler HE’D have offers.

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Serious bus to hell time, but hey, if we stop laughing the bad guys win.    And this one could alas be true::

On this awful anniversary of September 11, have to wonder how many more deaths there would have been had it happened now…. as hundreds of people running away from the collapsing towers would have stopped to take selfies.

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Excuses, excuses

September 10, 2015

You know, Hillary Clinton might have done a lot better with this whole email server thing if she said she had just done it to see if Bill was trying to sign up for an Ashley Madison account.

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Bobby Jindal has said a lot of dumb things. But his comment today about Trump isn’t one of them ‪#‎creditwherecreditisdue‬

“But you know why he hasn’t read the Bible? Because he’s not in it.”

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Former NBC News anchor Brian Williams will be back on the air with MSNBC Sept. 22. Can’t wait to hear about what exciting things Williams has been doing during his six-month suspension.

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Little League is changing their age determination to Aug. 31, from the April 30 date it has been since 2005. (Before that it was Aug 1.) Which means kids must be 12 in August to play in the LLWS.

So wonder how many baseball parents will suddenly change their family planning to aim for July and August rather than March and April babies. ‪#‎youthinkiamkidding‬? ‪#‎nojoke‬

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Opening NFL night, So let’s see, we had the Patriots QB who started dating his model wife around the time he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant with their child, and the Steelers QB who has twice been accused of rape. Who was a woman to root against?

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The Warriors’ Draymond Green just donated $3.1 million to his alma mater, Michigan State. $3.1 million?!! At some universities that’s enough to cover a whole year’s salary to all the football team.

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Recently released emails show the Bush White House response to 9-11. Including one just after the first plane hit the North Tower. “Turn on CNN …”

So even Bush and company knew not to turn to Fox for real news.

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Memphis today announced a benefit dinner Dec. 28 to honor former men’s basketball coach John Calipari, then hours later announced they would not be recognizing him. Wouldn’t it have been more apt to say the honors would be vacated?

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R.E.M lead singer Michael Stipe, angry that Trump used the band’s “End of the World” song without permission, referred to the Donald as a “sad, attention grabbing, power-hungry little man.” Wow. If Stipe gets tired of music, he might have a real future in political speech writing.

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Fox just bought a majority stake in National Geographic. Is it more shocking that Fox might believe in the magazine. Or that they might believe in science?

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From Sarah Palin’s Wednesday speech, as noted by Rachel Maddow,

So up there in Alaska, across the way Russia. You know there is a name for this taking advantage of America. There is a Russian name for that. And it is called ‘fortushka.’ And that means Obama’s window of opportunity. So as Obama leads from behind the skirt of his right-hand man, Valerie Jarrett, then it’s up to Congress to close that window. He may propose. You dispose, Congress. You gotta be in it to win it because we want peace. With unapologetic mighty red, white, and blue, will have peace.”

Is this what Sarah meant about “speaking American?”

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From T.C.  “McDonald’s has announced they will be serving eggs from cage-free chickens in the future. However, the workers in the drive-thru lines still have to remain in their cages except for two 15 minute breaks.”

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Trifecta?

September 9, 2015

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin hold anti-Iran deal rally in DC. Good thing there wasn’t a bomb or drone strike or any natural disaster that happened while they were together. If they were all killed it would put half the comedy writers in the country out of business.

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Trump, Cruz and Palin walk into a bar.    Okay friends and readers, I am soliciting punchlines!   Have at it.

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George Takei today – “In our country we obey civil laws, not religious laws.” Exactly. And for our forefathers, wasn’t that the whole point?

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Love British understatement: In an email to travel agents, British Airways says of yesterday’s scheduled BA 2276 – “the aircraft, a 777-200, experienced a technical issue as it was preparing for take-off from McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas.”

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Bishop’s Vineyard, a new winery in California, is growing grapes in cemeteries. Guessing the Chardonnay is bone-dry..

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In Connecticut, police pulled over a man allegedly going 112 mph. The driver was heading to court for a speeding ticket. This BOGO craze has clearly gone too far.

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Congrats to Queen Elizabeth 2, who today surpassed Queen Victoria as England’s longest reigning monarch. Assuming her plan at this point is simply to outlive her son.

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Bruno Mars has been invited back for a second Super Bowl halftime performance. But Mars has a long way to go to catch up with those legendary five-time performers, “Up with People.”

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The New England Patriots have asked the NFL to reinstate “Deflategate” clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally. In other words, the balls just deflated themselves. #patriotscandonowrong

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Richard Sherman, on ESPN reports of the Patriots’ systemic cheating. “Like they say, if you didn’t get caught, then it wasn’t cheating.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the Seahawks are up to.

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#‎TimHudson‬, 40. despite last night’s great performance, still plans to retire at end of year. “So young?” responded ‪#‎JamieMoyer‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Meanwhile, this ‪#‎SFGiants‬ road trip, especially their hitting, turned into a series of remakes of “Night of the Living Dead.”

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Jeb Bush on the new Late Night with Stephen Colbert said “we have to restore a degree of civility in Washington.” And somewhere Obama is thinking “been there, tried that, want the bloody t-shirt?”

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Fortunately, there were no injuries when a fire broke out today at Walt Disney World’s EPCOT. On the bright side, it’s the hottest EPCOT has been in years.

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-Just a thought about Donald Trump’s telling CNN to donate their debate profits to veterans. Veterans?! . Ok, so for Trump does that include alums of his prep school?

(earlier this week Trump basically compared his expensive military prep school to military service.)

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Donald Trump wants CNN to donate $10 million to charity for his participation in the debates. I think all the networks should get together and demand $100 million from Trump for giving him more publicity these days than his “Apprentice” show ever did.

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Now Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Josh Duggar also had accounts on Facebook, Twitter and OK Cupid for meeting women. So now that Kim Davis is “free”, really looking forward to hearing from Mike Huckabee on this one.

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Golden parachuting out of the Friendly Skies?

September 8, 2015

United Airlines has announced that Jeff Smisek has stepped down as CEO, chairman and president effective immediately. United says this is connected to a federal investigation.involving the Port Authority of NY and NJ.
“What a shame, the man has built such a wonderful airline” said absolutely positively no frequent travelers.

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And as the United scandal involves the Port Authority and New Jersey politics, Chris Christie may soon be wishing someone would ask him about Bridgegate.

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Tom Brady in a recent interview said that Deflategate was the “hardest time of his life.” I feel so sorry for him, said nobody outside New England.

(from my friend Alex Kaseberg – “I think it was tough. He aged so much he almost looks like his courtroom sketch.”)

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Apparently plenty of seats are still available for the Mayweather/Berto fight this weekend in Vegas, even though seats are much less expensive than the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. I think this goes down under the “Fool me once….” category..

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Macy’s says they will close 35 to 40 under-performing stores. Responded most people under 30: “Macy’s has stores?”

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A record 10 teams from the SEC are in college football’s “Top 25” this week. So 10 of the 14 teams are ranked. If nothing else this should be a chance for many players to tackle higher math. . .

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Bryce Harper ripped Nationals fans who left in the 7th inning yesterday. And Dodgers’ players are thinking “In Los Angeles we call fans like that ‘diehards.’

(tonight, as the Nats blew a 7-1 run lead after 6, the fans are thinking “we’re smarter than Harper.”)

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Might be easier, at least faster, these days during the pre-game show to list the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ who AREN’T injured.

‪#‎TimHudson‬ was 2-3 today with a home run. So is he trying to throw down the gauntlet to ‪#‎MadisonBumgarner‬? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

SF Giants pitchers have hit 7 home runs this year.  Only three behind Pablo Sandoval.

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If this was Tim Hudson’s last start in ‪#‎MLB‬, great way to go out. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎classact‬

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Two Texas high school football players have been suspended for hitting a referee during a game Friday night. Waiting for someone to say this wouldn’t have happened if refs were armed.

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Chelsea Clinton, asked about a potential Kanye West run for President in 2020, said it could be “awesome.” Especially if she’s hoping that her mom is running for re-election.

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A judge has ordered Kim Davis released from jail, but told her not to interfere with the granting of licenses by her deputies. Thinking Davis might be too busy anyway to interfere anyway, with all her upcoming talk show and campaign appearances.

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Somehow with all the screaming about persecution and Christianity in this country, I seem to have missed all the calls from religious conservatives for the U.S. to take in at least the Christian Syrian refugees

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Missed connections?

September 8, 2015

(belated post from last week that somehow didn’t post.)

A New Jersey man who butt-dialed 911 and let police listen in on his plans has been indicted on burglary charges. Once again proving that smart phones are no match for stupid people

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Hillary Clinton accused Donald Trump of ‘innuendo, conspiracy theories and defaming people’ And then Trump accused Hillary of hacking to find his secret mission statement.

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The lawyer for Kim Davis is now comparing the Kentucky clerk to Martin Luther King, Jr. and his letter from the Birmingham jail. Uh, except MLK wasn’t about getting more civil rights by denying other people their rights.

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While there have been no major college football upsets in the first weekend, (so far,) it’s alas true for of most of these lightly ranked teams with playoff aspirations that their opening loss will make them “one and done.”

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Some economists believe that this year’s El Niño might cause coffee prices to rise by up to 107 percent. To help consumers, Starbucks is considering a layaway plan.

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Tim Tebow said after the Eagles’ last preseason game “I’m not going to worry about what I can’t control.” Like most of his passes?

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Looks like ‪#‎TimTebow‬ has made the Eagles roster. So maybe God really is a Tebow fan. Either that or He/She really loves comedy writers.

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Donald Trump said that Jeb Bush “should lead by speaking English while in the United States.” And Jeb’s thinking – “Uh, it was never necessary for my brother?”

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An Oregon judge is apparently being investigated by a judicial fitness commission for refusing to perform same-sex marriages on religious grounds. Hmm, since Oregon just legalized marijuana, maybe they should consider simply trying to relax the judge.

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Tom Brady, on the judge’s decision to overturn his suspension, said that while he is happy to be playing ” II am sorry our league had to endure this. I don’t think it has been good for our sport — to a large degree, we have all lost.”

Right, so Brady will just have to console himself with his Super Bowl rings, long-term multi-million dollar contract and super model wife. ‪#‎wehavealllostmyass‬

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ESPN has announced Jessica Mendoza will be replacing Curt Schilling on Sunday Night Baseball for the last weeks of the MLB season. Not actually sure how I feel about this from a free-speech perspective. Never watched Schilling for his politics.

But, for ESPN it’s all about the $$$$. And clearly Mendoza, who is extremely knowledgeable, has been well-received enough that despite misogyny in the sports world and with some sports fans, the network thinks having her on is good for ratings. ‪#‎thetimestheyareachangin‬ ‪#‎yougogirl‬

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From Bill Littlejohn:    “Waze Navigation has signed Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski to be the voice of a GPS app: ‘Customers report, however, that they always seem to end up at a bar or a hospital.’”

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Not working

September 7, 2015

Labor Day brings another threatened government shutdown. So on a day we honor work, we get another reminder from Congress that they don’t.

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A “TipsforJesus” group gave a Utah waitress a $3,000 tip on a $505 bill.  Thinking Jesus would approve a lot more of this sort of thing than protesting other people’s happiness in His name.

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R.I.P. Judy Carne. One of the very best comics I grew up watching. It’s definitely “Sock-it-to-me” time tonight in heaven.

Best Laugh-in Judy Carne skit from my memory as a twisted youth. The show had a constant war with censors. One episode had someone offscreen throwing a ball (don’t remember exact details), let’s say a basketball at her.Then a little later, someone throwing a football at her, then a soccer ball, then a baseball,. And finally after the last time she says to the camera “That’s the fifth time I’ve been balled on this show this week.”
Censors missed it, show got fined. A lot of pre-teens were delighted. ‪#‎thosewerethedays‬

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Just saw a trailer for “Suffragette” So now we know the the answer to the question. “For what film this year will Meryl Streep be nominated for an Oscar?

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Dentist Walter Palmer has emerged from hiding, “If I had known (Cecil) had a name and was important to the country or a study, obviously I wouldn’t have taken it.” And he denied Cecil was dying for 40 hours and was shot to death, saying he tracked the lion “the next day” and killed him with an arrow. So that’s all right then? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎douchebag‬

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The Cleveland Browns have suspended offense line coach Andy Moeller for his role in an “unspecified incident.” Who does Moeller think he is? A player?

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A fire has been extinguished in the engine room aboard the Carnival Cruise Line Liberty while it was docked in St. Thomas. No injuries but passengers will not be allowed back on board until tonight. Stand by for the CNN miniseries.

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QB Geno Smith says he won’t file charges against ex-Jets teammate IK Enemkpali for breakjoNing his jaw. Maybe because in a trial the world would find out what Smith did to provoke the punch?

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About 40 people were reportedly injured when a Qatar flight hit turbulence about an hour outside of Manila. So sounds like it’s not just Americans who zone out on the flight attendant request to “when seated keep your seat belt fastened at all times.”

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In Quebec, Canada, doctors can now give prescriptions to patients that are direct instructions on physical activity. In related news, Big Pharma has announced plans to patent exercise.

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It’s a learning thing.

September 6, 2015

Tom Brady on the Patriots’ locker room assistants who are suspended after Deflategate, said “It’s been a very tough situation for everybody. It’s put a lot of stress on everybody’s families. I feel bad that anybody is in the position that we’ve been put in. Hopefully we can just keep learning from life’s experiences…
Life lesson #1 – Little people take the fall.

Race to the bottom ? There are only 3 teams in ‪#‎MLB‬ baseball w/ 80 + losses;:they are ALL in the NL Least ‪#‎Marlins‬ ‪#‎Braves‬ ‪#‎Phillies‬

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Tom Brady said he has “a great amount of respect for Roger Goodell.” I think I like. “didn’t know anything about deflated footballs” better.

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And here we go. A Muslim flight attendant says she was suspended by regional airline ExpressJet (American Eagle-United Express) for refusing to serve alcohol because it is against her faith. So Ted Cruz, Scott Walker, etc., where’s the spirited defense of religious freedom here?

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Sarah Palin on CNN – “Republicans are the party of tolerance.” And she says it with a straight face.

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Sarah Palin thinks we should all “speak American.” And presumably all immigrants should start out by buying a copy of the “Oxford American Dictionary?”

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Notre Dame star RB Tarean Foltson, the team’s leading rusher last year, is out for the season with a torn ACL. Bummer.  But maybe God’s plan for the Fighting Irish is that they spend New Year’s eve this year home with their families.

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The Kansas State band has issued an apology for forming what appeared to be a phallic symbol pointed in the direction of  arch-rival Kansas during halftime performance Saturday. Of course, the whole brouhaha has done one thing -millions of Americans who never would have noticed have now seen the formation.

A man is accused of trying to carve his name into a wall at the Alamo. Shocking. You’d think someone that stupid wouldn’t be able to write.

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Some in the GOP love to talk about religious freedom. So why aren’t any of them espousing true freedom: Follow whatever religion you want. Just don’t hurt anyone, and don’t take a job that forces you to compromise your beliefs.

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Ohio Governor John Kasich, who says Kim Davis should do her job, on the Kentucky situation “When we see these kind of battles going on, I get a little bit afraid that it turns people off to the idea of faith in God I think we need to talk a lot about the do’s, about humility, about helping our neighbor, about the need to live a life bigger than ourselves.
So after his best efforts with Denali is Kasich trying to throw away the all-important GOP crazy vote?

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A Bleacher Report story focuses on the recent lack of star QBs in college football. Because maybe with all the stories on concussions etc, the young men who are smart enough to be great QBs are smart enough to avoid football?

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All fired up.

September 6, 2015

SF Giants bring Billy Joel to A T and T.   At least it means this September the park saw some big hits.

joel

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Joel went through a lot of his biggest hits. But not, “Only the Good Die Young.”  Maybe they aren’t lyrics you think about with a new born daughter.

Kim Kardashian now has 45 million Instagram followers. “Beam me up Scotty, there’s no intelligent life on this planet.””

BYU beat Nebraska on a last-second Hail Mary. Wait though, at Brigham Young shouldn’t it be a “Hail Joseph” or something?

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Cal 73. Grambling State 14. And at Grambling State the athletic director’s phone is ringing off the hook with requests for games with SEC teams.

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Wow. So the Eagles DID cut Tim Tebow, electing to keep just two quarterbacks – Sam Bradford and Mark Sanchez. So over-under on how many weeks into the season it takes Philly fans to start screaming for Tebow?.

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Tim Tebow has been told once again he is not an NFL quarterback. Although as we will see, the same is true of more than a few quarterbacks who are on NFL rosters.

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Tom Brady Facebook post on Deflategate “I am sorry our league had to endure this.” Uh, he thinks it’s over?

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Over 200 rallied in front of the jail where Kim Davis is being held, demanding the clerk be freed, and talking about obeying God and Jesus and following their consciences etc. Uh, if these folks really have nothing better to do with their time, aren’t there poor families in the state in need of Christian help and charity.

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Stanford certainly didn’t live up to their pre-season billing against Northwestern.  Normally with this level of under performance compared to expectations in Chicago, the Cubs are involved.

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Washington has announced that Cousins and not RGIII will be their starter. Sort of like the Titanic announcing a new captain taking over after hitting the iceberg?

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Ted Cruz: “Those who are persecuting Kim Davis believe that Christians should not serve in public office. Or if Christians do serve in pubic office, they must disregard their religious faith — or be sent to jail.”

Uh, okay, since it’s (still) a free country, shall we substitute “Jewish,” “Buddhist,” “Hindu,” “Muslim” for “Christian” and then does Cruz think the same rules apply?

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Trying to catch the crazy train?

September 3, 2015

John Kasich, who has a reputation for sanity: – “If I become president, I’m going to name it back to Mt. McKinley. This is not something we appreciate or agree with in Ohio.”
Then the Ohio governor added “The reason the mountain was named that way in my understanding is a guy was out there climbing, he saw this big peak, and he wanted to celebrate the achievements of President McKinley, so he named it Mt. McKinley.”
Uh, the guy who named it did so in 1896. When McKinley hadn’t even been ELECTED President yet. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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So in today’s ruling Judge Berman wrote that “Brady had no notice that such conduct was prohibited, or any reasonable certainty of potential discipline stemming from such conduct The Court concludes that, as a matter of law, no NFL policy or precedent notifies players that they may be disciplined (much less suspended) for general awareness of misconduct by others.”

The Saints called.. They want 2012 back.

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A British study found that cats didn’t suffer from separation anxiety when their owners are gone. Not only that,, the felines didn’t feel the need to post cute human pictures on social media.

(And of course maybe it has nothing to do with separation anxiety.  Maybe cats just don’t like being studied.)

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A poisonous 8 foot long King Cobra snake has escaped from a house in Orlando near Disney World. So all you thrill-seeking tourists, no need to wait in line for the Indiana Jones ride.

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The wife of Redskins GM Scot McCloughan has apologized for tweets implying that an ESPN reporter had exchanged sexual favors for scoops. Well, give Washington credit, they never stop at just being embarrassing ON the field.

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A judge has ordered Kentucky clerk Kim Davis to jail for refusing to issue gay marriage licenses. And the price for Davis’s future speaking fees to conservative groups keeps going up.

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Whatever happens in the GOP primary this Donald Trump-Jeb Bush feud is entertaining.  And so mature.  Too soon to start a pool, on the first to accuse the other with “Liar, liar, pants on fire?”

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Five Rutgers football players were charged yesterday for allegedly assaulting another student in April. They have been suspended from the program. So does it mean the Scarlet Knights are recruiting more than the average number of thugs? Or are the New Brunswick police less accommodating than those, in say, Tallahassee?

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Now Donald Trump has indeed signed a pledge saying he would not run as a third party candidate. But no doubt Trump is thinking “Well, with the Greens, the Libertarians, etc, it would be at least a fifth or sixth party.”

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It’s a funny game. Tonight the San Diego Padres scored as many runs in FIVE innings against the Dodgers bullpen (6), as the SF Giants did this week against the entire Los Angeles pitching staff in 3 games and 32 innings

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Are these people trying to put the Onion out of business? The lawyer for Kim Davis: “Does that mean that if you’re Christian, don’t apply here; if you’re a Jew, you gotta get — what happened in Nazi Germany, what happened there first, they removed the Jews from government public employment, then they stopped patronizing them in their private businesses, then they continued to stigmatize them, then they were the ‘problems,’ then they killed them.” Yes, he said it.

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from T.C.  “UCLA has suspended Ishmael Adams from the football team as he was arrested for robbing a Uber driver. He must be majoring in Rocket Science as Uber only takes payments via credit and debit cards.”

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Wanna get away?

September 2, 2015

Frontier Airlines has a “Fly For Only a Buck” sale, offering $1 flights. Now if you want to fly on the INSIDE of the plane….

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Live hens running around on the Bay Bridge snarled traffic Wednesday am.  Guess it was another day where people are late to work with chicken sh*t excuses.

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DWTS announced their latest lineup this morning. Guess it would be too cumbersome to title the show “Dancing with a Lot of People Who You Might Have Heard of or Who Used to be Famous?”

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Regarding all these conservatives trumping “religious freedom” for that clerk in Kentucky: How would they feel if a clerk who was Buddhist or Hindu or even Christian decided that killing animals for sport was against God’s law and refused to issue hunting licenses?

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The newly renamed ‪#‎Denali‬ mountain is apparently 10 feet shorter than previously measure. So clearly THIS is Obama’s fault.

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Taco Bell is testing a new taco with a shell made out of fried chicken. So the shell may be the only real meat found in the taco.

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Great moments in corporate America: Listening to Safeway brag over the loud speaker about opening more registers so there are never more than three in line to save YOU time during your busy day. While you are number four in the only open regular line.
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In many ways it really is a shame ‪#‎KimDavis‬ didn’t marry into the ‪#‎Duggar‬ family.

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Been a tough year for the SF Giants with injuries, but at least they didn’t spend $95 million on Pablo Sandoval. Who at .247 for the Boston Red Sox may not be hitting his weight. ‪#‎dodgedabullet

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Dean Jones, star of “The Love Bug, “That Darn Cat,” “The Man in the Grey Flannel Suit,” and other Disney movies, has passed away. Just for remembering those movies I feel old. And learning he was 84, I feel older

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Yes we are getting that stupid. Or litigious. Foster Farms sells a ready-to-cook turkey breast roast in its own oven tray.

Instructions say to pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Ok. Fine. And then “remove the plastic wrap on the package” and place in oven. (italics mine.)

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So here’s a compromise thought on the idea of robo-umps versus the current system: Why not try making balls and strikes reviewable? With a limited number of challenges per game.

It doesn’t seem fair that a game-changing missed call at first can be overturned, while a missed call resulting in a game-changing walk or strikeout cannot be.

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Dwight Howard, who was caught with a gun in his carry-on bag at Houston airport, apparently won’t face charges. So maybe we know now why as a free agent Howard chose the Rockets – a Texas team -over the Lakers or Warriors in California.

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A mountain of troubles?

September 1, 2015

Donald Trump is now saying he’ll rename “Denali’ back to Mt. McKinley if he’s elected president. And then presumably six months later rename it Mt. Trump.

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So if the appeal of Donald Trump is that he is amusing, not absolutely beholden to a particular party ideology and not afraid to be outspoken, why for President in 2016 can’t we draft Jon Stewart?

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On the subject of netting at ballparks. As best as I can research, there are 30-40 foul balls hit into the stands in MLB per game. And 2430 games a year. (162 times 15.) Total about 73,000-109,000 balls a year. Bloomberg estimates 1700 injuries from foul balls a year, counting anything that needs first aid..

73,000-109,000 – that’s a lot of childhood and adult ball catching potentially dashed because people don’t pay attention….

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So the latest uproar over Hillary’s emails is that her friend Sidney Blumenthal apparently called John Boehner, “lazy, “alcoholic,” “banal and hollow..” Would some of the GOP who are upset about this care to share what they’ve called Clinton and Obama in THEIR emails?”

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#‎Youcannotmakethisstuffup‬ item of the month: In SF, police are still searching for a cyclist who during last week’s Critical Mass smashed a Zipcar driver’s window with a metal bike lock. The suspect was wearing a shirt saying “Non-violence is our strength.”

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The judge in Brady’s Deflategate appeal hearing ‘anticipates’ decision by end of week. “I can’t wait.” Said at this point nobody. ‪#‎enoughalready‬

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So have to wonder, just how low is the unemployment rate in Kentucky that they can’t find a county clerk who actually wants to do their job?

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Matt Bevin, Kentucky’s GOP nominee for Governor, says “I absolutely support her (clerk Kim Davis) willingness to stand on her First Amendment rights” and deny gay couples marriage licenses.
So okay, what happens when some other clerk decides to deny licenses to couples where one or both parties are divorced, or too old to have children, or of different religions?

And what about those who have religious feelings against killing animals with hunting licenses?

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The latest #youcannotmakethisstuff up: Ms. Davis has not only been married four times, she committed adultery – the proof being twins conceived out of wedlock.

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Pope Francis is granting Catholic priests the right to forgive women who have had abortions. Waiting to see the first GOP Presidential candidate to condemn him for being ungodly.

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Chris Christie said last night on The Tonight Show that he is going to “go nuclear” in the next Presidential debate. So let’s see, A “nuclear” Christie vs Trump. The winner? CNN with ratings.

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Jerry Brown signed a bill today that raised the fee for filing a California ballot initiative from $200 to $2,000. The idea is to discourage using the process for making outrageous statements, like proposals for executing gays, or banning the sale of shellfish.
With all due respect, they’re going to need a higher fee..

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From Alex Kaseberg.  “Chicago Cubs’ Jake Arrieta tossed a no-hitter Sunday against the Dodgers. Best no-hitter I’ve seen since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.”

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Let’s stay together.

August 31, 2015

I think I’ve got another GOP talking point down: Any Democrat who stays with a cheating husband – like Weiner or Clinton, is involved in a sham marriage for political purposes. Any Republican who stays in such a marriage is just espousing traditional family values.

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If Ohio politicians, including John Boehner, are that upset about President Obama’s renaming of Denali, why don’t they just name the tallest mountain in Ohio after McKinley?

Or failing that, a roller coaster at Cedar Point?

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Donald Trump again has called Anthony Weiner a ‘perv sleazebag’ And who better to know what the term means than a man who has cheated on at least two wives with a succession of increasingly younger women.

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Best airport announcement of the year? From a friend who is flying Southwest via Hobby Airport and waiting for her flight. “Joe Smith, You are in Houston not Dallas. Please get back on the plane.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Two Southwest Airlines planes clipped wings on the tarmac at Oakland International Airport. Minor damage. No injuries. But Happy Hour for pilots has been canceled. ‪#‎wannagetaway‬

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Ashley Madison says that despite their recent massive hack their number is users is still growing. Maybe they should rename the site “Death Wish.”

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Everett Golson, who transferred from Notre Dame this spring, has now been named the Seminole’s starting quarterback over Sean Maguire. There’s still hope for Maguire to get the job back, although with FSU he can’t expect that Golson would get another suspension for academic reasons

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So a lot of media outlets who won’t show Miley Cyrus’s nipple flash last night at the VMAs had no problem showing the murder of two journalists on air. ‪#‎whatacountry‬ ‪#‎priorities

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Jean Machi got a save for the Red Sox tonight in a 4-3 win over the Yankees. He walked in a run, and left the bases loaded after Gregorius hit a fly ball to the warning trackl in the bottom of the 9th. So Machi may not bring Boston to the playoffs, but he has brought over some good old-fashioned SF Giants torture.

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Ted Cruz is now blaming Obama for the murder of a sheriff’s deputy in Texas. As he’s blamed Obama for the Baltimore riots, encouraging radical Islam, not stopping the shooting at the Muhammad cartoon etc, the 2008 financial crisis, etc.

Maybe it would be quicker for Senator Cruz to come up with a list of things he doesn’t think are the President’s fault?

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Obama apparently will appear on a special episode of the NBC outdoor adventure show Running Wild with Bear Grylls, The President figures drinking his own urine and eating ants has to be more fun than trying to work with Congress.

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Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who has slashed social services in the state, says that his plan to plan to invest $250 million in taxpayer dollars in a new basketball arena for the Milwaukee Bucks is “fiscally responsible.”
Maybe Walker has a plan to rent out the arena after the end of the regular season, since the Bucks never use it then.

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The U.S. Supreme Court today ruled against Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk who won’t issue same-sex marriage licenses. Wonder if the fact that Clark has allegedly been married four times herself had anything to do with it.

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Pajama party

August 30, 2015

Before today’s game against the Dodgers, the Cubs announced plans to wear pajamas on the flight back to Chicago. Wonder how many other contending teams are suddenly looking on Amazon for pjs that can be delivered overnight.

(Such a pajama party wouldn’t happen with the Red Sox.  Between Panda, Oritiz and Machi, the team couldn’t find enough in their size.)

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The Los Angeles Dodgers have been no-hit twice in nine days. No punchline. I just admit to like writing it.

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The Little League World Series championship game was 13-11 after three innings. Did someone forget to bring the humidor? ‪#‎LLWS‬

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Obama on Monday is going to restore Mt McKinley’s name to Denali. Waiting for the first GOP candidate to complain about the President trying to curry favor with foreigners.

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A study in China found greater longevity for people who most frequently ate hot and spicy foods. Pass the Habanero Tabasco – I’m gonna live forever.

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Washington has apparently had trade talks about RGIII. Shocking. Some team at this point might actually want him?

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Bobby Jindal said legal immigrants need to immediately “learn English, adopt our values, roll up our sleeves and get to work.” Okay, shouldn’t that also apply to people who are born here?

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Despite internet rumors, James Earl Jones has not died. So “Luke, I am STILL your father.”

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Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia says a picture of him with what appears to be a joint on a Atlanta hotel balcony was just him smoking a cigar., He also denies rumors he has asked the team to trade him to the Rockies or Mariners.

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The Des Moines Register reported these private emails Rick Perry’s Iowa campaign chair Sam Clovis about Trump. “I was offended by a man who sought and gained four student deferments to avoid the draft and who has never served this nation a day — not a day — in any fashion or way.”, “His comments reveal no foundation in Christ, which is a big deal.” and ““Why should I not be suspicious of someone who says he hates lobbyists and yet has spread millions of dollars around to Republicans and Democrats to enrich himself? ”

Who cares, another Trump hater? Except that Clovis quit with Perry and has now joined the Donald’s campaign as a national chairman. ‪#‎moneymoneymoneymoney‬

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If they canceled the last week of ‪#‎NFL‬ preseason football would anyone care? Seriously?

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Chris Christie is now saying that Hillary Clinton’s e-mail scandal shows she caught a “disease” of “lawlessness” from the Obama administration. So where did the New Jersey staffers who closed that bridge catch THEIR disease.?’

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Travelers at Newark Airport’s Terminal C were evacuated tonight after a man entered through an exit door, and had to re-enter later through a security checkpoint. The scariest thing for many connecting passengers, they actually had to enter New Jersey.

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Horror film director Wes Craven has passed away at the age of 76. So shouldn’t he really have died on a Friday the 13th?

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At the VMAs, Kanye West admitted to rolling “a little something” and also said “As you have probably guessed, I have decided to run for president in 2020.” Well, Kanye is opinionated and egotistical enough, maybe he really wants to be on a 2016 ticket with Donald Trump.

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