Author Archive
March 19, 2016
Tough loss for Yale after a valiant comeback against Duke today. But to ease the pain guessing when they get home the players’ butlers will make the martinis extra dry.
–
Even with a loss, how often will these Ivy League #Yale kids have the life experience of being cheered as underdogs? #dukevsyale
Well, whatever other troubles #Obama has this week, having his #MarchMadness pick #Kansas out before the #Sweet16 won’t be one of them.
–
Between the #CBS #MarchMadness shows and the commercials I think we’re just not seeing enough of #CharlesBarkley
–
That moment when ESPN tells you you’re at about the 92th percentile in their March Madness brackets going into Saturday night games andnd then you realize that in a midnight whim you picked Gonzaga into the Sweet Sixteen…. 🙂 (Am now 97% – #dumbluck #abouttofall :-)))
–
Stat of the night from #ESPN: #Warriors & #Spurs combined have fewer losses going into tonight (16) than next best team (#Cavaliers 19).
And even tonight, (17 )
–
Wonder how many #MarchMadness players watched #GSvsSA game and realized some #Spurs stars are old enough to be their fathers? #GoSpursGo
–
Okay, heaven knows I am not a Donald Trump fan. But trying to protest by blocking public roads? Chris Christie can tell you that’s not a winning political strategy.
A U.S. Court of Appeals dismissed a class-action lawsuit filed by a woman that Fresh Inc, tricks customers with their $24 “Sugar Lip Treatment” because only 75% of the product twists up beyond the tube opening, so you have to dig the last 25% out. . Uh, just maybe because if you really care about that kind of value you could just buy a $2 Chapstick?
–
An 18 year-old showing his gun to his friend accidentally fatally shot that friend on Friday in Copiague, New York, Your move, Florida. #ifonlyhisfriendwasarmed
–
Now Trump is questioning if Mitt Romney is really a Mormon? What’s next, will Trump ask if the Pope is Catholic?
So in the general election does #Trump plan to question if #Hillary is really a woman?
–
Herman Cain says Donald Trump is not a racist. Nein, nein, nein.
From Marc Ragovin, “Bernie Sanders campaigned in Flagstaff, Az. the other day. Although the way his run has been going, he should have chosen Tombstone.”
Categories: March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brackets jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA jokes, NCAA tournament jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 18, 2016
So will the DVD of the 2016 Men’s Basketball Tournament be titled “The Bad Seeds” #MarchMadness
–
Looking like the folks who seeded the NCAA tournament were about as good at their jobs as the Michigan Democratic pollsters who had that big win for Hillary.
–
Oops. #marchmadness headline “Las Vegas SuperBook Has Michigan State As Favorite To Win NCAA Tournament”
–
Only thing that could have saved #MichiganState today was a #JimHarbaugh punt. #MarchMadness
–
Many thought #MichiganState should have had a #1 seed. So would they have lost to #16 seed #Hampton too? #MarchMadness
–
Even #MiddleTennesseeState alums didn’t have them winning this game. #MichiganState #MarchMadness
–
Happy 2nd round of March Madness. That morning when millions of Americans wake up and realize their retirement plan will not include millions made on betting the perfect bracket.
–
73-67 #Warriors over #Mavericks at halftime. Did someone decide to play by #NBA All-Star Game rules and not tell us?
–
This kid clearly wants to be drafted by the Spurs and Gregg Popovich. Or at least Pop wants him as his media spokesman: Baylor’s Taurean Prince, asked after their upset loss how the Bears were out-rebounded by Yale. “You grab it with two hands, and you come down with it, and that’s considered a rebound. So they got more of those than we did.”
–
The Colts are going to retire Peyton Maning’s #18 and build him a statue. But before it’s installed the Broncos are interested in seeing if the statue can lead them to another Super Bowl win.
Chicago White Sox star pitcher Chris Sale says the team is demanding a meeting with chariman Jerry Reinsdorf over Adam LaRoche’s retirement and executive V.P Ken Williams “bold-faced” lying to players.
Remember the good old days when the White Sox’s biggest problem was Ozzie Guillen shooting off his mouth?
–
Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is seriously ill and in the hospital with cancer. Wishing him the best. Hard to realize now but there was a time not that long ago when Ford might have been the brashest, loudest and most politically-incorrect politician in North America.
–
Hulk Hogan won $115 million in a lawsuit after Gawker published a sex tape of him with his (then) best-friend’s wife. Now that’s the kind of combination of money and family values that might get Hogan an offer of a place in a Trump cabinet.
–
On brighter note, #MittRomney‘s awful 2012 Presidential campaign is no longer the most embarrassing performance out of Michigan. #MichiganState
–
Sad news that Ravens CB Troy Walker, 23, has died after an accident on a dirt bike, when he was apparently riding in dark clothing at night without lights and collided with a car. Proving alas that with all the dangers in the world, high up there is testosterone poisoning.
FOX News is slamming Donald Trump for his vitriolic attacks against Megyn Kelly and his extreme, sick obsession with her.” FOX thinks such vitriol and obsession should be reserved for Hillary Clinton.
Categories: GOP jokes, March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 73-67 #Warriors over #Mavericks at halftime. Did someone decide to play by #NBA All-Star Game rules and not tell us? -, March madness jokes, Michigan state jokes, middle tennessee jokes, NCAA jokes, tournament jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 18, 2016
#Duke vs #Yale for a #SweetSixteen berth. Most of America will find this as appealing as a choice between #Trump and #Cruz #MarchMadness
–
But really, Yale vs. Duke? Hope the Dunkin’ Donuts Center in Providence sends out a rush order for extra chardonnay.
–
North Carolina started 2nd half on a 22-6 run after being basically tied with Florida Gulf Coast at halftime. Did coach Roy Williams remind the Tarheels at halftime that no one may remember who wins in any given year, but being the first #1 seed to lose to a #16 would be forever.
–
Nice for the kids playing in early March Madness games today. They got to relax and watch players their dad’s age kicking the crap out of the Trail Blazers. #Spurs
–
Sorry, when a #9 beats an #8 you do not get to crow all day about picking an upset in your bracket. #MarchMadness
–
Seriously, does #Butler EVER lose in the first round? #MarchMadness
–
So I no longer have a perfect bracket, but I did figure out the channel for TruTV. #smallvictories.
–
MLB has announced Yasiel Puig will not be disciplined for an November alleged domestic violence incident involving his sister at a Miami nightclub. Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of Puig’s next incident?
–
A U.S. college student has been sentenced to 15 years hard labor in North Korea for stealing a propaganda poster of Kim Jong Il from a restricted area at a hotel. So really, is he being sentenced for the theft or for the stupidity?
–
Anonymous has decided to release Donald Trump’s personal information. Waiting for the Donald to demand we need to start deporting all hackers. #thiscouldbefun
–
Laura Bush, after talking about isolationism and xenophobia then told a reporter “‘Don’t ask’ if I’ll vote for Trump.” Hmm, maybe SHE’s the smart one in the family.
–
As if you needed more reason not to go to Carl’s Jr., whose founder was staunchy anti-choice and anti-gay, the CEO has he wants to open a completely automated restaurant with no human employees. Well, makes sense, most actual humans don’t want to eat there either.
–
Chip Kelly on Colin Kaepernick “If he’s here on April 4 we’re going to coach the heck out of him, and he’s going to work his (tail) off.”
Sounds like Kelly is behind Kap 1,000%. #ifyougetthisreferenceyoumightbeold
–
Sarah Palin said her husband is still in intensive care but she is “so thankful for today’s medical technology including 3-D X-rays, temporary pain blocks and epidurals. I’m voting for their continued use…” But of course Palin can’t wait to get back on the road to campaign against Obamacare.
–
Many in the GOP love to quote “the Biden rule” about approving a Supreme Court Judge. But one, Biden was talking about a judge deliberately retiring to allow a president to pick another younger justice with the same views, and two, this was in 1992, and Biden said “before the political season is underway.” As if in 2016 the “political season’ ever stops.
Marco Rubio says he’s not interested in running for V.P. in 2016. Translation, maybe he can’t stand Trump or Cruz any more than many of us.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA jokes, tournament jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
March 16, 2016
This year like every year with the NCAA tournament many Americans fantasize about a 16 beating a 1. Well, the Lakers DID beat the Warriors….
Sellout crowd in Dayton for a #FirstFour game between Tulsa and Michigan. Just guessing there isn’t a lot to do in Dayton.
–
Researchers are now saying that CTE could result from any contact sports. So maybe when Roger Goodell said that the risk playing youth football was similar to the risk of “sitting on your couch” he meant if your team’s play on Sunday (or in March Madness) caused you to start banging your head into the wall.
Apparently some of the Chicago Cubs are not happy with the new rules banning smoke-less tobacco for players at Wrigley Field. John Lackey” “We’re grown men. People in the stands can have a beer, but we can’t do what we want? That’s a little messed up.”
Uh, people in the stands can bet on the game at casinos too.
–
Adam LaRoche retired and is giving up $13 million because the White Sox say he can’t keep bringing his 14 year-old son into the clubhouse. Just thinking if LaRoche hit say, .297 instead of the.207 he hit year the team would have not only still allowed the kid but designed him bats and washed his uniforms.
–
One of United Airline’s new security questions for their Mileage Plus accounts is “What month is your best friend’s birthday?” And millions of men are going “WTF, I’m lucky if I can remember what month is my WIFE’S birthday.”
–
At the Cincinnati Zoo today, a polar bear got out of its enclosure, but apparently has been “contained.” Who knows the reason for the escape. Maybe the bear thought it had a right to be armed?
–
Donald Trump says “there could be riots” if he loses the nomination. As opposed to the riots if he wins it?
–
So if Senate GOP won’t even consider Merrick Garland, who even Judge Roberts likes, they are saying they think they’ll get a better option from President Trump or Clinton? #batshitcrazy
–
So if Hillary Clinton gets elected but the Dems don’t take back the Senate will Mitch McConnell declare in January 2017 that since it is only 36 months until the last year of her term it would be inappropriate to consider any pick she makes for the Supreme Court?
–
So now some Republicans are saying they might consider President Obama’s Supreme court pick in November if Clinton wins the election. At which point Obama should pull back Garland and nominate someone to the left of RBG.
–
Apparently a new Donald Trump ad against Hillary ad has footage of Clinton barking like a dog to mimic still another ad against her last month. The tag line? “We don’t need to be a punchline!”
And someone in the Trump campaign wrote that with a straight face….
–
Jerry Springer said of the GOP primary “if they’re going to do my show, they should start paying me.” Are you kidding, there’s no way the Republican debates and primary process have had the calm, reasoned maturity of the Jerry Springer show. #bycomparison
“The president told me several times he’s going to name a moderate but I don’t believe him. [Obama] could easily name Merrick Garland, who is a fine man. He probably won’t do that because this appointment is about the election. So I’m pretty sure he’ll name someone the [liberal Democratic base] wants.”
Senator Orrin Hatch, MARCH 13, 2016.
I do not think I would play chess with Obama.
–
Categories: airline jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Supreme court jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: basketball jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Merrick Garland jokes, NCAA jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 15, 2016
And haven’t pressed “submit” tonight, either you don’t care or shouldn’t you be working on your brackets?
–
As we approach March Madness, remember, nothing is certain but death, taxes, and Kansas finding a way to lose before the finals.
In retrospect one reason shows like “The Bachelor” are so popular – you get to watch people make really stupid decisions and it doesn’t affect the fate of the world? #Presidentialprimaries
So now Pete Rose’s lawyer is denying that Rose sent Trump a baseball saying “Mr. Trump, please make America great again.” The Donald claims the baseball was an endorsement.
And how could you doubt either of these fine gentlemen? #sarcasm
–
Disney has announced that Harrison Ford, 73, will return for a fifth Indiana Jones movie in 2019. Only this time the lost relic will be Jones himself.
–
The US House is holding two hearings on the water crisis in Flint, Michigan. Would that they keep at this with the same intensity they have on Benghazi.
–
New England Patriots safety Nate Ebner will take a leave of absence from the team to train for the U.S. rugby team and this summer’s Olympics. Other international rugby teams just demanded a guard on the rugby balls.
–
A traffic monitoring group says that the average San Francisco commuter spent more than three days in traffic in 2015. And down in Los Angeles they’re thinking “amateurs.”
–
Rick Pitino, defending his embattled Louisville program, says that the problem was a graduate assistant, Andre McGee “whose sole responsibility was to make sure they do the right things.”
Right, because in major programs, all graduate assistants have the power and the $$$$$$ to hire prostitutes. And none of the coaching staff would have any clue.
I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat better.”
–
Hillary Clinton was caught on a “hot mic” speculating about Chris Christie’s reasons for endorsing Donald Trump. “Did he have a debt or something?” Whatever you think of Hillary, the woman is not stupid.
–
–
So what’s the difference between #MarcoRubio and #JebBush? About three weeks? #GOPPrimary
–
Ben Carson, in explaining why he endorsed the Donald, said that even if Trump “turns out not to be such a great president … we’re only looking at four years.” as opposed to if the Democrats win “multiple generations and perhaps the loss of the American dream forever.”
Wow, well at least someone thinks Hillary is powerful.
So folks saying they always knew #Trump #Clinton would be 2016 Pres. candidates also will pretend their 1st weekend brackets are perfect?
–
Donald #Trump is saying. “We need to bring our party together.”. And never has Tonto’s quote been more apt – “Who’s ‘we’. white man?”
#TedCruz, doubling down on promise to be a strong president for Israel. Sorry, I thought we were choosing President for the US? #GOPPrimary
–
Since #TedCruz might be last alternative to #DonaldTrump would like to thank the San Antonio #Spurs for reminding us of the possibilities of sanity in Texas.
–
Jerry Brown, “If Trump were ever elected, we’d have to build a wall around California to defend ourselves from the rest of this country.”
Another reason we Californians love Governor Moonbeam 2.0. (He did add “By the way that is a joke. We don’t like walls, we like bridges.”)
Categories: GOP jokes, pitino jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelor jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA jokes, NCAA tournament jokes, Rubio jokes, tournament jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 14, 2016
Open note to whoever leaked the NCAA tournament brackets, and thus spoiled CBS’s efforts to turn the selection show into a bloated two-hour commercial fest; mean bitch Karma wants to shake your hand.
Coach John Calipari is not happy with Kentucky’s #4 seed. Because few of his one-and-dones can count that high?
The NCAA is looking into finding out who leaked their #MarchMadness brackets. While they’re at it can they also find the person who decided a two-hour selection show was a good idea? #criminalstupidity.
–
Stanford has fired men’s basketball coach Johnny Dawkins. What ingratitude for the man who brought them 2 NIT championships.
ESPN reports that in a Congressional committee discussion today on concussions Jeff Miller, the NFL’s senior V.P. for health and safety was asked if the link between football and neurodegenerative diseases like CTE has been established: And he said “The answer to that question is certainly yes.
Hmm, is this because Mike Ditka endorsed Trump?
–
My friend Pat Markevitch saw a Marco Rubio rally on TV.. A Sanders supporter was in the crowd holding up a Bernie sign. Rubio said “Don’t worry, you won’t get beat up at my rally”.
Isn’t it nice to know someone in the GOP has standards?
–
I may make jokes about Florida, where I went to high school. But my friends who still live there get revenge every four years – because their votes actually COUNT in a presidential primary and election. #Californiabluerthanblue
–
Polls showing #Trump crushing #Rubio in Florida. Is this because Floridians really don’t know Trump, or because they really do know Rubio?
–
Tinder apparently was down Monday. The horror. So Americans had to meet their Ms. and Mr. Right Nows the old fashioned way – in a bar.
–
Sarah Palin canceled her appearance at a Trump rally because her husband Todd has been injured in a snow machine crash. Waiting to see how they can make this Obama’s fault.
So after feeling the TEENIEST bit guilty for making a bus to hell joke about Todd Palin’s snow machine accident, I now hear that Sarah Palin, on her way back from Florida to Alaska to see him, stopped off to appear at a Trump rally…. #johnmccainsgiftthatkeepsongiving .
–
Pete Rose is the latest to endorse Trump: The Donald is really racking up the famous athletes who had a lot of collisions with other players and walls.
–
Ditka, Rose, Hogan, Damon…. The list of Trump endorsers grows. So how does it not yet include Donald Sterling?
Metro North and LIRR commuter trains to and from New York City normally allow riders to drink. But they will be dry Thursday, St Patrick’s Day, through 5 a.m. Friday. Meaning, it’s chug-a-lug time before boarding. #ifonlytheywereallarmed
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA jokes, NCAA tournament jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 13, 2016
LSU turned down an NIT invitation and said they will not play in this postseason. Well, with 38 points in the SEC opening game not like they played in that tournament either.
–
SF Giants infield definitely leading the league in college boys – Posey/FSU, Belt/Texas, Panik/St. Johns, Crawford/UCLA, Duffy/Long Beach St, Susac/Oregon State, Tomlinson/Texas Tech… And Mac Williamson/Wake Forest, Osich/Oregon State, Samardzjia/Notre Dame….
Should be fun during March Madness.
–
Mississippi State’s Dak Prescott, expected to be one of the first QB’s taken in next month’s draft, was arrested yesterday for DUI. So was Prescott just trying to prove he’s NFL ready?
–
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 76ers jokes, bracket jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NCAA jokes, NCAA tournament, tournament jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 13, 2016
As we approach March Madness with all of these relatively no-name teams, interesting to note that two of the most watchable superstars in the NBA went to Davidson and San Diego State.
–
Stony Brook beat Vermont today and is heading for their first NCAA tournament. Maybe those who want to pick them in their bracket can take this time to figure out where the school is?
–
Former Clippers owner Donald Sterling and his wife Shelley, who have been married 60 years, have apparently called off their divorce proceedings. Maybe they couldn’t remember why they were getting divorced in the first place?
–
The Pac 12 has a new policy for athletes restricting transfer students who are ineligible at previous schools because of assault, harassment or academic fraud. This follows a similar but not identical policy change from the SEC – which now bars transfers with histories of sexual assault or domestic violence. Apparently they couldn’t say “academic fraud” with a straight face.
–
At Thursday’s GOP debate, John Kasich “I do believe we contribute to climate change. You can have strong environmental policy at the same time as you have strong economic growth.” Well, you start seeing why he’s in 4th place in the Republican field. #notcrazyenough
–
–
At Thursday’s GOP debate, John Kasich “I do believe we contribute to climate change. You can have strong environmental policy at the same time as you have strong economic growth.” Well, you start seeing why he’s in 4th place in the Republican field.
#notcrazyenough–
Okay, every candidate deserves a right to hold rallies. But Trump’s canceled rally yesterday was scheduled at a Chicago campus known for a large minority/immigrant student body. When there are plenty of Chicago suburbs (like Winnetka) that would be more receptive locations. Although I’m sure Trump’s campaign would never deliberately try to incite trouble
#sarcasm.
–
A woman sailing on the Independence of the Seas out of Ft. Lauderdale had to be taken off the ship by fireboat to a hospital after she opened a bottle of champagne she had brought on board and popped the cork right into her eye. #cantfixstupid #ifonlyshewasarmed
–
Marco Rubio on Trump “I still at this moment continue to intend to support the Republican nominee, but it’s getting harder every day.” Wait, is that another d*ck joke?
–
Yep, nailed it. President Obama on the GOP establishment being shocked by Trump’s attacks on Muslims and immigrants: “How could you be shocked? This was the guy who was sure I was born in Kenya. As long as it was being directed at me they were fine with it.
–
From Marc Ragovin: “I went to a hockey game the other day and a Donald Trump rally broke out.”
(oh, and from that first item – for non-college basketball fans, Stephen Curry is from Davidson, Kawhi Leonard from San Diego State.)
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 12, 2016
Now rumors might have both Mark Sanchez and Colin Kaepernick in Denver. Good thing for fans Colorado has legalized marijuana.
Colin Kaepernick now says he wants to play for the Cleveland Browns. Maybe because he figures he has an easy act to follow.
–
The Denver Broncos have signed Mark Sanchez. So now we get to learn something new – how high does a butt-fumble bounce at 5,280 feet?
–
RIP Keith Emerson, of Emerson Lake and Palmer. It’s bad enough when musicians from your youth die. It’s even worse when you realize that they actually had gotten old.
–
New free agent #RGIII apparently visited #NYJets. Well, & what better landing spot for a QB who was tired of too much media attention.
–
#UConn#Cincinnati game went 4 OTs today. Wow. That’s more time than many of the players will ever spend in class. #MarchMadness
–
Now that Trump is actually getting closer to winning the GOP primary, isn’t it time to call for an investigation: pretty sure that furry thing that lives on his head wasn’t born in the U.S.
Caitlyn Jenner, on her support for Donald Trump: “He would be very good on women’s issues. Just because I’m a woman now doesn’t make me all of a sudden liberal.”
Well, of course not, she had gender-reassignment surgery, not a brain transplant.
–
Joe’s Crab Shack has apologized for using a picture of a crowd of white people watching a black man being hanged as a table decoration. Really, weren’t there easier ways for the restaurant to say they’d like to host a Trump rally?
–
A Chicago man, Dennis Nicholl, has been arrested for regularly riding the Red Line train with a cellphone jammer. Hmm, so how many millions of people will be joining the #freeDennis campaign?
–
Some major GOP criticism of President Obama for missing Nancy Reagan’s funeral. But Nancy herself went to Bess Truman’s funeral without her husband, And W. did not accompany Laura and Barbara Bush to Lady Bird’s funeral. #Noissuetoosmall.
–
Marco Rubio says it’s okay if his supporters in Ohio vote for John Kasich, as the Governor of the winner-take-all state has the best chance there to stop Donald Trump. Well, good, that ought to get Kasich at least two or three more votes.
–
Ben Carson, in making his endorsement this morning, said “There are two Donald Trumps.” Great, besides the Donald’s narcissism and other issues,, America also now has to worry about a potential President with “Dissociative Identity Disorder.”
–
Bob Woodward asked Trump about Mexico paying for his proposed wall, “Trust me, Bob, when I rejuvenate our military, Mexico’s not going to be playing with us with war.”
Because the U.S. now spending as much as the next seven countries combined isn’t enough to scare them already?
Stocks ended today at a new 2016 high. #IblameObama
–
After this week’s shooting of a pto-gun mom by her 4-year-old son, Neal suggests, “open carry preschool!”
–
And from Marc Ragovin “Well it’s March Madness, or as it’s otherwise, known, a Donald Trump rally.”
(again, funnier if it weren’t true.)
Categories: debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Broncos jokes, Carson jokes, Colorado jokes, Janice Hough, joe's crab shack jokes, nancy reagan jokes, rock and roll jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
March 10, 2016
The Florida woman who was shot by her 4-year-old son apparently is still pro-gun, and her own mother dismisses the shooting as “an accident and nothing more.” Sounds like a good phrase for a tombstone.
Taco Bell has announced they are lowering some prices. Gosh, hope this doesn’t lead to their lowering the fine quality of their ingredients.
–
In California, the legislature passed a bill to raise the smoking age to 21. And most college students are shrugging – “It’s only tobacco.”
–
Regarding all this controversy over Kim Kardashian maybe being “slut-shamed” for her latest naked selfie: Look, I’m a feminist and think women should be proud of their bodies. But jeez, Kim, haven’t we seen enough of yours? #boring
–
A rear admiral was fired after he admitted to investigators he spent nine hours in a ten day period aboard an assault ship looking at porn on a Defense Department computer. Nine hours out of ten days… and some are wondering, “Was he fired for not being man enough?”
(or stupid enough not to have a smart phone with an unlimited data plan.)
–
A major brawl broke out and was caught on video on a Spirit Airlines flight today when two women started playing music from a boom box and refused to turn it down. While the women were detained by security at LAX no one was arrested.
Spirit Airlines did, however, reportedly charge other passengers on board an entertainment fee.
–
Alas, a koala at the Griffith Park zoo in Los Angeles was apparently eaten by a local mountain lion. Clearly the koala should have been armed.
–
In Kansas, GOP senators frustrated with the judicial system have passed a bill that would make “attempting to usurp the power” of the Legislature or the executive branch grounds for impeachment. So any judge who overturned legislation could be impeached. Forget spinning, James Madison is causing a tornado in his grave.
The Milwaukee Bucks’ O.J. Mayo broke his right ankle falling down stairs at home today and is done for the year. Making him luckier than Bucks’ season ticket holders.
–
OSU’s Urban Meyer has endorsed John Kasich. Well, if Kasich gets on the ticket there go the GOP’s chances in Michigan.
Barack Obama’s approval ratings are back up to 50%, the highest in 3 years. Guess it’s beginning to dawn on Americans that one of these people they are watching debate is actually going to be our next president. #lookingbetterbycomparison
–
Ben Carson is going to endorse Donald Trump. Does that mean Trump might be able to pick up both Carson’s supporters?
–
Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are so united in their so-called hatred of government: so will they both sign a pledge saying if a natural disaster hits their states they won’t call in the evil feds?
–
Gave up on the GOP debate even for comedy research purposes to watch the Spurs game. Another reason to like San Antonio, they have so many “immigrant” players, they’d probably annoy the hell out of Trump.
–
Trump says he will put Ben Carson in charge of education. Uh, except that during this campaign the Dr. has if anything made people wonder how low the standards have gotten for medical school?
Is this year’s #AmericanIdol final season format designed to make sure we really don’t miss the show when it’s gone?
–
Trudeau-Obama press conference today in Washington. Two politicians together at lecterns who aren’t screaming at each other… Well, where’s the fun in that?
–
Now that Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau has visited the White House waiting for Trump to tell his supporters “Big deal, when I am in charge we’ll make Canada’s President show up.”
–
As a final change today from the debate circus tents: “In a rapidly pivoting world, it becomes easy to become fearful. It becomes easy to turn in on ourselves. And we know from history that it’s much more important to turn outwards, and to draw out the best in each other. And to understand that whenever people get together, regardless of how different they may seem, there are always more things we have in common than that differentiate us.”
Justin Trudeau, today in D.C. Once again, #canweborrowhim?
Categories: debate jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: gun jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, primary jokes, spirit jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
March 9, 2016
This week is the World Clown Convention in Orlando. And next week is the Florida primary. Coincidence?
Alec Baldwin, 57, has announced he and his wife are expecting a baby boy this fall, meaning they will have three children age 3 three and under. And well, if any dad can teach his kids how to throw a tantrum….
Social media is apparently at odds as to whether Bernie Sanders’ suit tonight was brown or blue. But presumably the confusion is absolutely Wall Street’s fault.
–
Pollsters in Michigan may be out of work after their miserable showing in the Democratic primary. On the other hand, many of them have been offered jobs running the numbers for Trump’s tax plan.
–
Apparently with Brock Osweiler going to the Texans, the Broncos are interested in Colin Kaepernick. Hmm, maybe Peyton Manning shouldn’t get too comfortable in retirement.
–
A pro-gun 31-year-old Florida mother was arguing on Facebook Monday saying “Even my 4 year old gets jacked up to target shoot with the .22” Tuesday mom was in stable condition in the the hospital after the kid found the loaded gun in her car and shot mom while she was driving. Is it fair to hope they don’t discharge her in time to vote in Tuesday’s primary?
#howdoyoustopagoodchildwithagun?
–
In central Florida, a second grade substitute teacher was arrested for being drunk in class. The principal first became suspicious because she didn’t know the day of the week. But really, in Florida, isn’t the day of the week a fourth or fifth grade lesson?
–
If #CarlyFiorina really wanted to help #TedCruz she’d sign up in California to help run #Trump campaign.
–
Here’s a”cheer up it could be worse” item for passengers who feel squeezed on United Airlines 777 planes in coach. The airline is planning to change their domestic 777’s from 9-across seating, to 10-across seating. So yes, it could, and will be worse.
At Paris-CDG Airport a woman was arrested after she apparently had sneaked a child onto a flight from Istanbul in a carry-on bag. And a whole lot of airlines got a new idea for a new really no-frills fare. #carryonseating
–
Interesting note, Michigan has open primaries. So wonder which number was higher – Republicans voting for Bernie to cause trouble for the Democrats, or Dems voting for Trump to try to screw the GOP?
–
At least Marco Rubio accomplished something with his personal insults against Trump – “My kids were embarrassed by it.” That’s impressive. Two of his children aren’t even teenagers yet.
Under the guise of protecting women, Florida just passed a massively restrictive bill to limit abortion, which requires providers to meet very strict medical standards, even when the “abortion” is morning-after pills. But if we really want Florida women to rise up in anger, maybe someone should demand similar restrictions also apply to clinics doing, for starters, liposuction and botox…..
And we thought #PAC12 football got hosed with TV: :#Pac12Hoops tournament has 1st 3 days with games at 1145pm EST & finals at 1015p Saturday.
–
From Marc Ragovin “I’m not saying the NY Knicks are on their last legs, but Phil Jackson just said they are throwing all of their stock in Florida next Tuesday.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 8, 2016
Michael Kopech, one of the Red Sox’s top pitching prospects, managed to fracture his right hand during an “altercation” with his roommate last week. Good thing Kopech didn’t get into a fight with Sandoval. Had the Panda sat on Kopech it might have killed him.
–
Former MLB star Paul O’Neill endorsed Donald #Trump. So how many times did O’Neill run into those outfield walls?
–
So DWTS has announced their latest cast of wannabes and has-beens for this season, and wait….Doug Flutie? Okay, what time is that show on? #adorable
–
The Colts resigned Adam Vinatieri for 2016. Not sure how this fits with Indianapolis’s cap room, but at least the team knows his medical bills will be covered under Medicare.
–
California had more pedestrian deaths than any other state in the first half of 2015. Just guessing we probably lead the nation in cellphones too.
–
The GOP has spent years trying to teach Americans that science and math don’t matter. So should the party be surprised that their voters are picking a candidate whose numbers don’t add up?
–
Bernie and Hillary did a Fox News town hall Monday night. Why? To prove they weren’t afraid of the network? Or in hopes of luring viewers with the message “You might disagree with us but we’re not batsh*t crazy.”?
–
Michelle Obama will be attending Nancy Reagan’s funeral. Waiting for the first Republican to tell us why this is wrong.
–
The National Republican Senatorial Committee sent out a tweet against Rep. Tammy Duckworth, who is running for Illinois Senate: “Tammy Duckworth has a sad record of not standing up for our veterans.”
Uh, Rep. Duckworth lost both her legs in the Iraq War. #stayclassy
–
#HillaryClinton has won the #Mississippi primary. So she can count on the votes of both Mississippi Democrats in November.
–
Headline – “Trump’s ex-wife to appear on #DWTS.” Which one?
–
Marco Rubio is accusing Ted Cruz’s campaign of spreading the rumors that Rubio is dropping out of the Presidential race. This after Cruz’s campaign allegedly did the same thing to Ben Carson in Iowa. And Ted is the guy the GOP thinks is an improvement over Trump?
Neil Bush announced he has joined Sen. Ted Cruz’s national finance team. The question, how many months ago did he decide to do that? #poorJeb!
–
His doctor says President Obama has lost five pounds in the last two years. Amazing how that works when you don’t have to go place like Iowa state fairs for the primaries.
–
Nancy Reagan will be buried next to Ronnie. At least if there isn’t enough of an underground tornado there to prevent it. #thoushallnotsayillofotherRepublicans #spinninginhisgrave
Meanwhile, who needs CNN and the primaries, the #SFGiants are back on television with #KrukandKuip. All is right with the world.
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 4 Comments
March 8, 2016
Pittsburgh’s DeAngelo Williams called out Peyton Manning as a “hall of fame QB who couldn’t play dead in a western last year.” Yeah, well that’s just piling on after the Steelers eliminated the Broncos from the playoffs last year. Oh wait, never mind.
–
The Supreme Court today UNANIMOUSLY today reversed an Alabama court’s refusal to recognize a same-sex adoption. Yes, even Thomas and Alito agreed. Maybe we are creeping into the 21st century after all..
–
Erin Andrews won $55 million in her lawsuit over being videotaped nude in her hotel room. And the Kardashians are thinking “We’d have allowed it for half that.”
–
Bette Middler might have won the internet today: “Kim Kardashian tweeted a nude selfie today. If Kim wants us to see a part of her we’ve never seen, she’s gonna have to swallow the camera.”
–
Atlanta Falcons assistant coach Marquand Manuel has apologized for asking OSU cornerback Eli Apple if he was gay. So is he sorry for the question, or sorry that it leaked out?
A United Airlines flight from Houston to Munich had to return to Intercontinental Airport with smoke billowing from one engine after they hit a bird during takeoff. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the bird.
–
Maria Sharapova apparently failed a drug test at the Australian Open. The substance is one she has been taking for years, but was on a list of drugs that were banned starting January 1. Sharapova acknowledged getting the email but said she didn’t read it….
Creative excuses isn’t one area we really wanted women athletes to start equaling men.
(And okay, if it’s a lie it’s a stupid one, if she didn’t read the list and didn’t have someone on her staff read it well, well, that’s more stupid.)
Six UC Santa Cruz fraternity and sorority members were arrested and charged with being part of an organized Ecstasy drug ring. Well, that’s one way to deal with high tuition costs.
–
Some talk now about how much a loss in the Florida Primary would hurt Marco Rubio. Well, not as much as his own campaigning has hurt him.
–
32 pts in 1st half for #Spurs tonight in Indiana against the #Pacers. That Sunday #Lakers game might have not been the best for San Antonio’s usual inspiration from watching the Golden State #Warriors.
–
Michael Bloomberg says he will not run for President. Has he finally figured out that the seat for the egotistical New York billionaire in the clown car is full?
–
Meanwhile in South Florida, the Sun-Sentinel says there is no good candidate in the GOP primary and will not endorse. This includes the man they endorsed when he ran for Senate “Because Rubio has failed to do his job as a senator, broken the promises he made to Floridians and backed away from his lone signature piece of legislation on immigration, we cannot endorse him for president.”
Not even to get him out of Florida?
Categories: airline jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bloomberg jokes, Erin Andrews jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, Rubio jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 7, 2016
Peyton Manning apparently will announce his retirement Monday. Presumably from outside a Papa John’s store with a case of Budweiser?
–
Forget Megyn Kelly. If we really want to make the men behave could Lady Mary or Dowager Countess moderate next #GOPDebate? #DowntonAbbey
–
Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are. promising an issue-filled debate tonight. And millions of Americans are thinking “where’s the fun in that
#Bernie and #Hillary actually got a little contentious in tonight’s debate. GOP watchers were thinking “Wimps, where are the real insults, where are the d*ck jokes?”
–
Bernie Sanders’ best line of the debate was talking about increasing mental health funding “and if you saw last week’s GOP debate, you know we need it.”
So when #JustinTrudeau gets done with being Canada’s Prime Minister can we borrow him?
–
Love at 1st sight or at least 1st inning for #SFGiants fans: Jeff Samardzija strikes out Crawford, Pederson and Puig
Was at a party this afternoon and afterwards checked online to see how by much the #Warriors beat the #Lakers and #WTF?
Today, was actually the first time an NBA team wore equipment to honor a live and active player, the Lakers wore special socks Bryant-themed socks with No. 2 on the right sock and No. 4 on the left.
–
Somewhere the Yankees and Derek Jeter are going “why didn’t we think of something like that”?
–
Reports are that Gregg #Popovich is looking into ordering a really big box of #KobeBryant socks #Warriors #Spurs #NBAplayoffs
–
RIP Nancy Reagan. Wonder if it was all these candidates hijacking her husband’s party that killed her. #whoknewReaganwouldlookmoderate?
–
Increasingly looking like the real #Florida joke is #MarcoRubio #GOPPrimary
–
Give #Trump credit, his promises may be empty where most of the country is concerned. But he sure has helped make #SNL great again.
–
United’s CEO Oscar Munoz is returning to work after an October heart attack and surgery – a medical leave of five months. Curiously enough, that’s about the same amount of time the airline thinks is reasonable to find your luggage.
–
John Kasich has fired his campaign’s deputy digital director Blake Waggoner after it was reported he was arrested in Nov. 2015 after a woman accused him of choking her and punching her in the back. Sounds like the only adult in the GOP room hasn’t been paying enough attention to what his kids were doing.
Caityn Jenner, complaining about Hillary Clinton: “She couldn’t care less about women. She cares about herself.” So did Jenner make the comments while she was volunteering at something? No, on her reality show “I am Cait.”
–
From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg – “Astronaut Scott Kelley returned after a year in space to find Madonna on tour, a Clinton running for president and the police testing OJ Simpson’s knife and he said;
“Stop screwing around. What year is it really?”
–
Categories: debate jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Peyton Manning jokes, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 6, 2016
The Spurs won tonight against the Kings despite having three of their starters out. Had San Antonio only rested all five starters Sacramento might have had a chance.
–
Rutgers’ men’s basketball team just snapped a 32 game Big Ten losing streak. So Chris Christie can no longer take pride in being only the second most embarrassing thing in New Jersey.
–
Really? It’s a big deal for many media pundits because Ted Cruz scored a victory over Donald Trump in Maine? 8,550 to 6,070. Yes, that total is less than the number of people who bought tickets to today’s Cubs spring training game.
–
The Chicago Cubs drew 15,446 to a spring training game Friday. That would have been a good weekend series draw for the Expos. (or a good midweek series for the #SFGiants at Candlestick.)
–
LSU freshman star Ben Simmons has “not been certified by the school” to be eligible for the John Wooden award given to the NCAA’s best men’s basketball player. So is Simmons starting a new trend – “one-half and done?
–
A 27-year-old man was arrested for allegedly having sex with a 16-year-old-girl in the lavatory of a Delta flight from Phoenix to Salt Lake City last week..Really? Who has time to even get up to go to the bathroom on a 500 mile flight?
–
Mike Ditka said that Barack Obama is the worst president ever. Ever?! Well, add another to the football list for CTE.
–
In an interview with a British newspaper, Mark Hamill, says that Luke Skywalker, “could be gay.” Clearly this is Obama’s fault.
–
Okay, how bad have things gotten when #TedCruz is seen as a less scary alternative? #SuperSaturday
–
Apparently Caila Quinn, who was eliminated from the “Bachelor” after fantasy suite dates, will be the next “Bachelorette.” What’s really scary? There are probably more Americans paying close attention to that decision than they are about their primary vote for President.
Louis C.K just compared voting for Donald Trump to smoking crack. Great. Give millions more Americans seeking a cheap high a reason to vote for Trump.
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 5, 2016
So what are we going to title the next few weeks of the #GOPPrimary? Since #MarchMadness is already taken.
–
Now Marco Rubio says that Donald Trump is the “most vulgar person ever to aspire to the Presidency.” What’s next, a rousing chorus of “I see London, I see France, I see someone’s underpants?”
Astronaut Scott Kelly says he grew two inches in space and now he can’t sink a basketball shot. Hmm, so is this the explanation for big men like Shaq and DeAndre Jordan and free throws? They’re really from a different planet?
–
Ah for the good old days when #votefortheworst just mean you ended up with a lousy winner on #AmericanIdol #GOPPrimary
Saw a headline that “Wall Street is about to go after Trump big time.” Oh this billionaire on billionaire violence….
–
In a reality TV world should we be surprised that being the only adult in the room is not necessarily a way to win the audience?
–
Ravens LB Terrell Suggs was arrested this morning in Arizona and charged with leaving the scene of an accident and driving with a suspended license. Then he tweeted out “MooD:…….Driving with a suspended license! Street Cred= 100,000 Trillion. My bad.”
#stayclassy #rolemodels #NFL
So the Atlanta Falcons have apologized after Ohio State’s Eli Apple reported that during the NFL combine he was asked if he “liked men.” Waiting for the first team to apologize for asking players if they think their mom is hot. #nottheOnion #stayclassy
Ben Carson has dropped out of the Presidential race. Saying “I did the math. I looked at the delegate counts … and I realized it simply wasn’t going to happen.” Well, there’s his first problem, trying to be a GOP candidate who believes in math.
After becoming the butt of Twitter jokes, Whole Foods has pulled pre-peeled oranges from their shelves. Thereby probably really upsetting the same millennials who don’t eat cereal with milk because it’s too much work.
–
If we are going to have all this nastiness in #GOPPrimary can we at least get competence and draft #FrankUnderwood? #HouseofCards
Amazing. Southwest can turn a flight around in about 15 minutes. United can’t turn a domestic flight around in less than an hour. #apassionformediocrity
Categories: airline jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: American Idol jokes, astronaut jokes, Carson jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 3, 2016
Peyton Manning, in a speech last night at the Florida Forum “Many of you have probably heard that I have a significant announcement to make, so I thought I’d go ahead and make it with all of you here tonight. Papa John’s is offering 50 percent off tonight through Friday.”
Someday Manning may have the only funeral where they hand out pizza coupons.
–
South Africa’s highest court has dismissed Oscar Pistorius’s appeal against his murder conviction, so he could be facing a minimum 15-year jail sentence. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
–
Anyone who thought the GOP campaign couldn’t go any lower? I think this CNN headline might mean we just hit bottom.”Donald Trump defends size of his penis.”
–
John Kasich isn’t someone I would vote for, but I still think he’s a capable human being. Watching him on the margins of the GOP debate recalls an anecdote about Adlai Stevenson in the 1956 presidential campaign: A woman called out “Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!” Stevenson called back “That’s not enough, madam, we need a majority!”
–
So if the GOP is really serious about stopping Trump, it should be noted that in Alaska the Donald got Sarah Palin’s endorsement. And the winner was Ted Cruz. #coincidence?
–
Now Mitt Romney apparently is focused mostly on keeping Trump from having 1,237 delegates, the number he needs to secure the nomination, so that the GOP can block the Donald at the convention.
Well, this ought to do wonders for convincing potential Trump voters that the establishment isn’t rigged against them..
–
Mitt Romney just attacked Donald Trump for dishonesty and pointed to Trump’s “greed,” “showing off”, and “misogyny,” Hey wait, aren’t those real GOP values?
–
Mitt Romney called Donald Trump a “phony” and a “fraud” who would hand the election to the Dems in November. So which Mitt was talking? The moderate governor of Mass., or the “severe conservative” who ran in 2012?
–
An Australian writer, Helen Garner, got what she thought was a spam email with “good news” and saying somewhat at Yale needed her phone number. It turned out to be real; she had won a $150,000 writing prize.
And a whole lot of spammers just got a new idea.
–
Scott Kelly grew two inches while he was in space. And wonder how many men are telling women, “Well, I used to be an astronaut.”
–
Jim Harbaugh and Tennessee coach Butch Jones are now in a Twitter battle, where Jones went after Michigan for practicing in Florida, and Harbaugh told him to “focus on his own program.”
So how can we get a game between the Wolverines and Volunteers? #ratings #whatsyourdeal?
–
LeBron James is getting some criticism for working out with Dwayne Wade during a couple off-days, especially as the Heat also are probably a playoff team. But really, who expects Miami to be around long enough in the postseason for it to matter?
–
–
Jeb Bush is trying to make a difference and redeem his status within the GOP. So if he’s really serious can Jeb endorse Trump?
Has someone told the #Thunder that hockey has three periods, basketball has four quarters? #Warriors #NBA
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt jokes, Romney jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 2, 2016
Since no one else seems to be able to stop the Warriors, Sports Illustrated will take a shot at it by putting Golden State on the cover.
Miley Cyrus called Donald Trump a ‘nightmare” and says she may move out of the country if he gets elected. Uh oh. Let’s hope Justin Bieber or the Kardashians don’t get the same idea or Trump could become unstoppable.
–
Donald Trump’s tweet, after Nikki Haley endorsed Marco Rubio – “The people of South Carolina are embarrassed by Nikki Haley,” Haley’s response “Bless your heart.”
For the uninitiated, “Bless your heart,” is Southern for “f*ck you.”
–
Sports Authority has filed for bankruptcy. So will the Denver Broncos now play in Chapter 11 Stadium?
(my friend Rick D. suggests ‘Secured Creditors Field.”)
–
As we approach March Madness, Stanford’s men’s basketball team has been doing better of late. Are they poised to defend their NIT title?
–
Donald Trump started with stupid and childish insults about Marco Rubio, who fired back on the same level, but it’s just Rubio who seems to be taking a it in the polls. George Bernard Shaw was right – “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.”
–
Ben Carson says he will skip the next GOP debate. Shocking people who didn’t even realize he was in the last one.
–
Ben Carson now admits he has “no path” to the Republican nomination, but won’t formally quit the Presidential race. “Attaboy” said Brett Favre.
–
So when can we tune in to hear #SteveHarvey talk about #MarcoRubio‘s great #SuperTuesday victories?
–
#PaulRyan says “absolutely no interest” in becoming #GOP nominee at a brokered convention. But he had no interest in being Speaker either.
–
Mitt Romney says he will speak Thursday “on the state of the Presidential Race.” Well, and if anyone should be an expert on how the GOP establishment can blow an election campaign….
–
Hard to believe now but some once thought the most politically damaging bromance involving Chris Christie was his 2012 embrace of Barack Obama.
–
In South Carolina, a woman who had taught for 13 years had her phone swiped by a 16-year-old-student, who found a nude Valentine’s Day picture she had taken for her husband, The kid then shared the photo with social media and texts. And the TEACHER was offered the choice to resign or go through a dismissal process. Hmm, maybe it is time for teachers to be armed
–
The Oklahoma City Thunder blew a 17 pt lead against the Clippers in the 4th quarter. Last time fans in Los Angeles saw such a fast late meltdown, the Dodgers bullpen was involved.
–
A Washington man who’d been taking selfies all day with his gun accidentally finally ended up fatally shooting himself. Your move, Florida. #cantfixstupidbutyoucanburyit
–
Curt Schilling just said that Hillary Clinton should be “buried under a jail somewhere” over her emails on private servers. Right, wonder what he would have said had Clinton been sued by a state for fraud over a $75 million business loan guarantee that ended up costing said state almost $100 million….
–
Groaner of the day from Marc Ragovin “The Mets’ Noah Syndergaard and Yoenis Cespedes rode around the team’s training complex the other day on two horses from Cespedes’ s ranch. Proving that these two have come a long way from their days in the Pony League.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Carson jokes, Curt Schilling jokes, Janice Hough, nikki haley, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 1, 2016
What does it say about #MarcoRubio that today in #Oklahoma he can’t even beat the guy who spells it #Oaklahoma? #SuperTuesday
–
So do Texans actually still like #TedCruz. Or do they want to keep him on the campaign trail and out of the state? #SuperTuesday
–
Donald Trump when asked about his plan to deport all illegal immigrants and if it might be modified – “At this moment, absolutely not.” Uh, anytime you qualify any statement with “at this moment….”
Chris Christie standing next to Donald Trump tonight looked about as happy to be there as most wronged wives do when they stand by their man during a press conference.
–
Six New Jersey newspapers have called on Governor Chris Christie to resign. Hope none of their editors have to take bridges to get to work.
–
Ted Cruz says he is not interested in being anyone’s running mate this November. As if anyone in the GOP could stand running with him.
–
Whole Foods has recalled Maytag raw milk blue cheese over fears of possible listeria contamination. Fortunately this won’t matter to the 95% of Americans who can’t afford to shop there.
–
The Christian Post has come out and urged their readers not to vote for Donald Trump. Hah, joke’s on them. As if most of the Donald’s supporters actually read.
–
Paul Ryan is the latest Republican to denounce Trump’s not denouncing David Duke, adding “This party does not prey on people’s prejudices,” And Ryan said that last with a straight face.
–
At spring training in Florida, Yoenis Cespedes apparently bought a prizewinning 270 pound hog for $7,000. Must.Not.Make.Pablo.Sandoval.Jokes.
–
So we all expected when the Washington Redskins put a franchise tag on a QB it would be Kirk Cousins?!
–
United Airlines is touting how their Mileage Plus program was named the top Frequent Flier program in a recent survey. Isn’t that like being the leading GOP primary vote-getter in 2016. #damningbyfaintpraise
–
MLB has suspended Yankees closer Aroldis Chapman has been suspended 30 games under their new domestic violence policy. Right about now Chapman has to be regretting his decision – to play baseball instead of football.
–
Ivy League schools will eliminate tackling during football practices. They hope this will both limit players’ chance of brain injury and also prepare them to be drafted by the New Orleans Saints.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Sandoval jokes, super tuesday jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
March 1, 2016
Oscar ratings were at an 8-year low. So was that due to the #oscarssowhite boycott, or the fact that most Americans didn’t care about most of the movies.
–
One reason the Bachelor is now such a guilty pleasure. How often these days do you get to watch a serious train wreck, without having to worry that the “winner” will be the leader of the free world?
–
Joe Scarborough, on Donald Trump’s not definitely denouncing David Duke “So is this how the party of Abraham Lincoln dies?” Can just imagine Trump’s reply – “Hey, I wouldn’t definitely denounce Abraham Lincoln either.”
A Ryanair flight from London to Bratislava diverted to Berlin after some men in a bachelor party “misbehaved so badly.” and one man apparently got naked. Now, had it been a bachelorette party Ryanair would probably have charged an entertainment fee.
–
A Google self-driving car hit a bus in Mountain View, CA. No fault has been determined yet, but hope the car wasn’t texting at the time.
–
As if the Cubs being favored to win the World Series wasn’t enough of a sign of the apocalypse, now Justice Clarence Thomas has asked a question during oral arguments.
–
Donald Trump is now saying a “lousy earpiece” is the reason he didn’t disavow former KKK leader David Duke yesterday. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
J.C. Penney is apparently staging a turnaround and both their sales and stock are up. Of course, they were so far down before guessing most Millennials think they’re a brand new company.
–
Hotel resort fees are a joke. But this one from a condo company in Hawaii might be a new low – the $10 a day includes “entry gate electronic card for access to the resort premises” Didn’t that used to be called a key?
–
A NY federal judge has ruled in a drug case that Apple doesn’t have to unlock an iPhone at the government’s request. These issues are complicated, but got to love the usually pro-business conservatives on the side of the feds, while many normally pro-government liberals are backing Apple.
–
A fundraising request today said “I’m sorry we keep emailing you.” Uh, well then there’s a simple solution – STOP EMAILING. #notsosorry
–
Watching the GOP primaries and thinking I’m so old I remember when the Democrats were the ones tearing their party apart with craziness.
–
After Sarah Palin etc started really going after the media and politics as usual, can’t help but think that for many Trump supporters, the attacks from both the media and other politicians just make them like him more. #lawofunintendedconsequences
–
Donald Trump today rolled out endorsements from NASCAR stars. Well, of course, drivers are rich men who will benefit from Trump’s tax plan.
–
John Kasich, on the current name-calling competition between Rubio and Trump. “I would rather not win than lower the bar.” Spoken like a man who learned his limbo limits in college. #howlowcanyougo?
From T.C. in response to my comment about #DonaldTrump being snubbed at the Oscars for his role in acting like a potential serious world leader.
“What bout Pill Cosby for Best Actor in a Courtroom Drama? (…and …. he’s Black!)”
Categories: debate jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Oscars jokes, ryanair jokes, The Bachelor jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 