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When you gotta go…

February 24, 2017
All this panic over transgenders and bathrooms is completely lost on any woman who ever looked at the line and said “F*ck it, I’m using the men’s room.”
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Muhammad Ali Jr. apparently was profiled & detained at Ft. Lauderdale Airport. Clearly his father should have named him Frederick Douglass.

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There is no day that can’t be improved by hearing Jon Miller on the radio. #SpringTraining @SFGiants

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So while we’re trying to shorten MLB games by a few minutes, what about eliminating “God Bless America” during the 7th inning stretch EVERY single Sunday . Even God has to be thinking, “Enough already, play ball.”

 

 

A Chicago sports anchor was suspended for saying that President Trump is a “cartoon lunatic.” Did he offend cartoons or lunatics?

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J.C.Penney is closing 110 stores. Shocking. J.C. Penney still has stores?

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Orioles Team VP John Angelos says he doesn’t want Trump to throw out the first pitch unless the President apologizes first
“You don’t say those things about women, you don’t say those things about different ethnic groups, different national origins, people who are disabled, all of that — and if you do say them, you’re a big enough person to withdraw them and apologize,”
Standby for “the Orioles are losers” tweets in 3.2.1….

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Now Orioles made it clear Trump isn’t really welcome would someone like to ask Nats manager Dusty Baker what he thinks of the President?

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Trump is calling @CNN the “Clinton News Network.” I thought it was just losers who weren’t supposed to be able to get over an election.

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If Trump banning news outlets from press conferences can #AlecBaldwin do alternative press conferences as replacements?

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Trump says the media “are the enemy of the people because they have no sources. They just make them up when there are none.”
Right, then he excludes them from the press briefing so they HAVE no direct source.

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Trump – “I love the First Amendment. Nobody loves it better than me.” Is he trying to prove you always hurt the one you love?

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Can’t wait to see @SNL skits on Trump press gaggle. What, no new show again this week? Can we start an emergency petition?

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Trump whining at #CPAC that “Paris is no longer Paris.” France and rest of Europe – “The USA is no longer the USA.”

 

So much worry over bathrooms.  Becky Hammon has been in Spurs locker room since 2014; it doesn’t appear to have gone too badly.

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Good to see GOP legislators focusing on what’s really important: (UPI) — An Arkansas state senator introduced a bill calling for the renaming of Little Rock’s Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport.

 

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
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Right about now..

February 24, 2017

Right about now the Tampa Bay Buccaneers might be wishing  Jameis Winston had stuck to shoplifting crab legs.

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Jameis Winston was speaking to elementary age children when he talked about boys being “strong.”  “But the ladies, they’re supposed to be silent, polite, gentle..”

 

#JameisWinston says he made “a poor word choice.” No, using F-bomb with 3rd graders is a “poor word choice.”  You’re just a sexist a**hole.

 

So all of these  CPAC homophobes are really more comfortable with Caitlyn Jenner & her friends joining them in the men’s room?

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Just got a “pre-sale” offer for #ChrisBrown “The Party Tour.” Shouldn’t tour be titled “And the hits just keep on coming?” #bustohell

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Steve Bannon at CPAC said the media is “dead wrong” in their portrayal of Trump. More like he wishes they were both.

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Trump says the  US has ‘fallen behind on nuclear weapon capacity.’ Right, like billionaires have fallen behind with the economic recovery.

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Sean Spicer talked today about the “opioid addiction crisis” and added “There is still a federal law that we need to abide by when it comes to recreational marijuana and drugs of that nature. I do believe you will see greater enforcement of it,”
Opioids are in the same category as marijuana? What has HE been smoking?

 

Ah Caitlyn,  you didn’t notice those orange fingers behind her back?  Jenner’s Tweet on Thursday.

“Well @realDonaldTrump, from one Republican to another, this is a disaster. You made a promise to protect the LGBTQ community. Call me. ”
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John Boehner now says the GOP is “going to fix Obamacare – I shouldn’t call it repeal-and-replace, because it’s not going to happen. Most of the framework of the Affordable Care Act that’s going to be there.”
Never thought I’d even (slightly) miss Boehner.

 

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Rioting in Arizona is defined now as “Two or more people using or threatening force or violence in a way that disturbs the peace.”
A new Senate bill would expand the definition to include property damage, and allow the prosecution of protest organizers if someone riots during the protest. Or if prosecutors claim they fear rioting, they could arrest people just for planning an event.
Of course, we’ve never had out of control law enforcement in Arizona.

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So at the same time the GOP is trying to gut the ACA and talk about “personal responsibility” they are getting rid of nutrition requirements for school lunches. Yeah, because 7 year olds need to make smart life choices. #SMH

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Kellyanne Conway is back, slamming feminists. (“Anti-male, pro-abortion.”) And saying “this whole sisterhood, this whole ‘let’s go march for women’s rights” has a “presumptive negativity about women in power.”
Uh, Kellyanne, most of these feminists you are talking about voted for a woman to have the power of the Presidency…

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Just a final US  thought. Apparently Betsy Devos – gasp – wanted to do the right thing for trans kids with school bathroom regulations, but was told to keep quiet and stand down by men in the Trump administration.
So maybe Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris should take Devos for a girl’s night out and a little “I am woman” pep talk… Who knows what other seditious thoughts they might sow?

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Houston, where are we?

February 22, 2017

The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum is sending the Apollo 11 Command Module on a tour around the U.S. to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. 50 years?! Wow. Assume the capsule will travel cross country with its left blinker on.

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After receiving a new NCAA notice of allegations that brings the total to 21, Ole Miss officials announced they are self-imposing a one-year bowl ban for the 2017 season.
What a shame after their great 2016 bowl appearance…. oh, wait, they were 5-7. Never mind.

 

Rumors are that Kirk Cousins might be traded from the Redskins to the 49ers. Would be the owner equivalent of going from one frying pan into a younger frying pan.

 

In April, McDonald’s will have a promotion where all soft drinks, even the extra-large size, will be only $1. Using the restroom, however, may be $5.

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“7 Earth-size planets found orbiting nearby star” How long until Trump takes credit for making galaxy great again. HUGE

 

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So this intentional walk change in MLB is for real. Got a better idea with same time results, let the pitcher still throw his 4 pitches, but take one of the between-inning commercials and put it on half the screen. Then shorten one of those breaks. #dontmesswithbaseball

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Kellyanne Conway hasn’t been seen lately. Wonder if she’s in the same “undisclosed location” they used to put Dick Cheney?

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From Politico article talking to Trump associates “Leaving him alone for several hours can prove damaging, because he consumes too much television and gripes to people outside the White House.”
So basically Twitter has become his way of screaming “You punks get off my lawn?”

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If protestors were paid as often as @POTUS & @PressSec seem to think they are, they’d be rich enough to vote GOP.

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Pence says GOP will bring “individual responsibility back to American health care.” In other words, if you’re sick it’s your responsibility.

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So if transgender bathrooms are a states’ rights issue, does that mean that, for example, marijuana is too?

 

As much as some conservatives freak out, guessing most have been in bathrooms with transgenders & HAVEN’T EVEN NOTICED.

 

It’s as dangerous to allow trans kids in school bathrooms  as it was to visit Bowling Green during the massacre. #ProtectTransKids

 

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Reportedly six White House staffers left last week after failing FBI background checks. Considering some of the stories on those who DID make it through, even to the Cabinet, you do have to wonder what these guys did.

 

 

Marc Ragovin FTW

Lakers President Jeanie Buss has fired her brother Jim because of the team’s poor record. “Amateur,” said Kim Jong-Un

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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There’s a Magic.

February 21, 2017

Lakers President #JeannieBuss fired her brother today. Well, at least they have 9 months to get over it before Thanksgiving.

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Magic Johnson has now been promoted to president of basketball operations for the Lakers. Of course what the team really needs is a vintage Magic PLAYING for the Lakers.

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Don’t get me wrong, I love Magic Johnson.  But how about all those those NBA titles Michael Jordan won as an owner?

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MLB may change the intentional walk rule for 2017 to allow for a dugout signal instead of four actual pitches out of the strike zone So if a manager changes pitchers, then a pinch-hitter results in the decision for an IBB a relief pitcher could lose the game without throwing the ball once.

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Sammy Sosa, who still denies taking PEDs, told a Cubs employee in an interview ““It’s like Jesus Christ when he came to Jerusalem. Everybody thought Jesus Christ was a witch, and he was our savior. So if they talk s–t about Jesus Christ, what about me? Are you kidding me?”
Uh, if Sosa’s mentioning Jesus shouldn’t it be less a comparison and more like “Jesus wept?”

 

A-Rod says there is a “zero percent” chance he will play major league baseball again. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”

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A hearing underway to determine if a then 71-year old man can use the “Stand Your Ground” defense for fatally shooting a 43-year old man 3 years ago in a movie theater. Apparently the shooter, a retired cop, had told the younger man to stop texting, and during the argument the victim threw popcorn at him.
Yeah, did you have to ask? Florida.

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My friend Pat found this quote during a Parliamentary debate on whether or not to allow Trump a State visit to England, Paul Flynn of the Labour Party said ” the President’s intelligence level is protozoan”.
Only problem, Trump probably thinks “protozoan” is a compliment.

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Clearly what Trump meant to say when he criticized Obama is that a President should only play golf on courses he owns.

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#ChrisBrown‘s latest ex has had restraining order filed against him for alleged abuse. Congrats to all those who had 2/21/2017 in the pool.

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Milo Yiannopoulos has “resigned” from Breitbart, “effective immediately.” So guess there really was a floor after all on “How low can you go?

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The DOJ reports a Missouri man, Robert Hester, was charged after allegedly trying to launch a terrorist attack in the U.S. supporting ISIS (Fortunately, he was working with undercover law enforcement personnel instead of real terrorists.
Hester is a U.S. Citizen, born in Missouri. Yeah, those refugee and other visa bans are really going to keep us safe….

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“When he said that the fake news media is not my enemy, it’s the enemy of the American people, I believe that crosses an important line. It’s a different thing when it’s a president — because if it’s a president you like trying to talk about the press being the enemy of the people, then it’s going to be a president you don’t like saying the same thing. And that’s very dangerous.”

Another commie-pinko attacking Trump? Nope. Chris Wallace of Fox News.’

So Trump is now tweeting angrily that “The so-called angry crowds in home districts of some Republicans are actually, in numerous cases, planned out by liberal activists. Sad!”
But everyone who shows up at his rallies is a hard-working decent American patriot. Got it.

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In all seriousness, if one of the best ways to fight terrorism is for members of the community to come forward – “If you see something say something” – but coming forward might now get you deported, isn’t Trump working on making America much LESS safe?

 

Same people accusing media of inciting fear among immigrants and foreign-looking Americans with random stories of deportation seem to have no problem with Trump and company inciting fear with random and often fake stories of terrorism

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
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Not quite free falling

February 21, 2017

 

Six teenagers rescued Monday by police after falling through thin ice on Central Park Pond. It was 55 degrees in New York today. Another Darwin “missed it by that much.”

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OF Dexter Fowler, now with the Cardinals, is married to an Iranian woman. He told ESPN he was planning to bring their daughter to visit family, but canceled due to Trump’s travel ban. “It’s huge. “Especially anytime you’re not able to see family, it’s unfortunate,”
And for this he is being attacked by some St. Louis fans on social media. Yo, Dexter, if you want a change of scenery, SF fans would be THRILLED to have you.

 

 

 

Not a Curt Schilling fan, but after he defended Milo Yiannopoulos, without apparently hearing Milo’s remarks dismissing the idea pedophilia with 13-yr olds, Schilling sent an apologetic series of tweets ending with “I’ll accept any and all abuse thrown my way for not thoroughly going through ALL the material before responding.”
What a concept. A Twitter apology?

 

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TSA left a security area open and unattended this morning at JFK this morning and 11 passengers walked through; Security cameras showed three set off the metal detector..
So wonder what agents were doing at the time, dumping dangerous bottles of water?

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Lonzo Ball’s dad “”I’m going to tell you right now, he’s better than Steph Curry, to me. Here, put Steph Curry on UCLA’s team right now, put my boy on Golden State and watch what happens.”
Not sure about possible vaccines but we sure have a narcissism epidemic in this country..

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Mike Pence “You can anticipate that the President and all of us will continue to call out the media when they play fast and loose with the facts.”
Exactly, playing fast and loose with the facts is Trump’s job.

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Sacramento GM Vlade Divac today said the team traded Cousins because he thought future offers would be worse, as they had a “better trade offer for the star center two days earlier.
Well that should make disappointed Kings fans feel better…. #sarcasm

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As of Feb 20,  San Francisco at full average rainfall total- for full season Jul 1-Jun 30. All this rain really getting in way of ark building.

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Jackie Schlegel, executive director of an anti-vaccine group in Texas is angry because vaccine advocates want to “chip away” at parents’ right to choose.
The right to choose. Uh yeah, and she said it with a straight face. #GodBlessTexas

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#HRMcMaster is Trump’s new National Security Advisor. Seems reasonable & capable. Did he give fake crazy answers in interview?

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So Trump is firing people who made derogatory statements about him in the past. Back in Sept. Trump himself said “the generals have been reduced to rubble, reduced to a point where it is embarrassing for our country.” Just saying.

 

NBC News is reporting that Russian experts are preparing a dossier on Donald Trump’s psychological makeup for Putin. And a senior Kremlin advisor says “among its preliminary conclusions is that the new American leader is a risk-taker who can be naïve.”
What was their first clue?

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#TrumpPresidentsDay. I cannot tell a lie. The cherry tree was chopped down by Islamic militants who immigrated to USA. I saw it on Fox News.

 

 

Give Trump credit, he might be the first U.S. President to start a war with Sweden.

Categories: Uncategorized

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In defense-ible

February 20, 2017

So the meaningless NBA All-Star Game is over. Now we can get back to meaningless regular season games.

 

Well the East did hold the West under 200. #AllStarGame

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You know, it would have been nice to have just one winter in California between those with  daily drought stories and this year’s daily storm alerts.

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Time to start a pool: Where will Trump’s next fictitious terrorist attack supposedly take place?

 

But for now,  congrats to all those who had #Sweden in the Trump insult pool.

 

Has someone explained to @realDonaldTrump that it’s not really Swedish terrorism when you can’t figure out assembly instructions from Ikea?

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Gaslighting appears to be so much a part of #Uber culture amazed that Travis Kalanick wasn’t offered position in a Trump cabinet.

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Trump “you look at what’s happening #lastnightinSweden..” Another atrocity from the planners of the Bowling Green Massacre?

 

Trump loves to talk about fictitious terror attacks, but when it comes to actual massacre in Quebec City, crickets. Wonder why? #whiteguy

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Back during the OJ trial, there were some African-Americans who thought he was guilty, but they were so unhappy with the police and the system that his acquittal was a happy change. Have to wonder if something like this is going on with Trump, that some of his supporters might think he is saying and doing crazy things, but having been so unhappy with the status quo, they’re still happy for the change.

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Bus to hell from TC  “North Korean Dick Tater Kim Jong-un supposedly was behind his half-brother being poisoned at an airport in Malaysia. He denied any involvement, but a spokesperson said “It’s a dog eat dog world”.

 

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Flat Earth Society

February 18, 2017

Uh oh, now it’s Draymond Green When asked if he, like Kyrie Irving, believes the world to be flat, Green replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t done enough research. But it may be flat.”
Speaking of research, maybe it wasn’t just the NFL that should have been paying attention to concussions?

 

Kyrie Irving came in second to Eric Gordon in the NBA All-Star 3 point shooting contest. That damn curvature of the earth strikes again.

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Lebron James “Kyrie is my little brother. If he decides the earth is flat, that’s okay.”

Uh, isn’t one of the jobs of a big brother to tell a little brother when he’s being stupid?

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Kyrie Irving is questioning whether dinosaurs existed. Fool, he could have just asked  Tim Duncan, who lived with them. @Spurs

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No spring training games, NBA and college basketball games don’t mean anything yet….this is the time of year when ABC’s Wide World of Sports used to give up and show cliff diving.

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Local NBC news talking about NBA All-Star weekend “The biggest party in the country is happening this weekend in New Orleans.” Excuse me, on most weekends, the biggest party in the country is happening  in New Orleans.

 

According to Melbourne Police, 9,000 attendees at #TrumpRally today. 9,000?! Even Miami Marlins are thinking that’s a small crowd.

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Give  Trump credit. How long has it been since most Americans were genuinely disappointed that SNL was taking a weekend off?

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Today is #NationalDrinkWineDay. Give @realDonaldTrump for increasingly at least one segment of retail sales.

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Spotted at Trump rally in Florida, one man with a t-shirt for the conspiracy site InfoWars, while another wore a “Grab America by the Pussy” shirt. #stayclassy

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Still attacking Hillary at #TrumpRally. Someone should tell this man that after winning, the true greats don’t keep dissing their opponents.

 

What is truly amazing is that a man who is basically a media creation views that media as the enemy.

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Now Trump is talking about the “Southern White House” Jefferson Davis must be so proud.

 

Trump said he “inherited a mess.” From USA Today “Jobs have been growing for 75 straight months — a record.” Well, he’ll fix that.

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#TrumpRally– “I am here because I want to be among my friends.” Anyone but me thinking someone should have given this man a puppy?

 

Trump says Obamacare is “a tragedy, a real tragedy.” Uh, no, Obamacare may be flawed; being without healthcare is a tragedy.

Categories: basketball jokes, Uncategorized
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Flat and flat we go.

February 17, 2017

Kyrie Irving, who attended Duke, stated, “This is not a conspiracy theory. The Earth is flat.” If this doesn’t shatter myth of student athletes….

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Chris Christie, on NY Sports radio declared “The Phillies suck.” In a tweet, the Phillies responded “We love our fans and appreciate their unwavering support as we “bridge” to a bright future! #wellplayed

Angry conservatives trashing Boston #Berklee college of music since they mistake if for Berkeley. Even Stanford fans going really? #spelling

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Michael Floyd, released by the Arizona Cardinals after his arrest for “Extreme DUI,” but signed by the Patriots, has been sentenced to 120 days in jail. But he still gets his ring. Yeah, this will teach him.

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New Trump martini: Stoli Ohranj with lots of bitters. After two you blame everyone who reminds you of what you said.

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Trump rules. All of our White House memos are magic. Once they are leaked they become fake.

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CNN reports Shemichael Singleton, one of HUD Secretary Ben Carson’s top aides, has been fired after an article surfaced that he wrote before the election criticizing Donald Trump.
Uh, if criticizing Trump before the election is disqualifying, there’s going to be a long unemployment line in Washington.

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Trump administration is denying an AP report that as many as 100,000 members of the National Guard may be deployed to round up undocumented people in 11 Western states.
What really gives the story the ring of truth, notice “Western” states. Heaven forbid Trump,a die-hard East Coaster, would do anything to affect his or his friends’ businesses.

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Apparently retail spending up in US. Makes sense, Trump supporters think he’s going to MAGA, rest of us think if world is ending spend away.

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John McCain trashed Trump today in a Munich speech. Gosh, if a Senator only had some actual power to register a statement against the President.

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New Trump martini: Stoli Ohranj with lots of bitters. After two you blame everyone who reminds you of what you said.

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Distractions.

February 17, 2017

Pittsburgh police are allegedly considering multiple felony charges against Jets CB Darrelle Revis for his role in a “street altercation early Monday morning.”
Is this a shameless attempt to get the Knicks out of the NY headlines?

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Barry Zito’s first album has now made the Billboard Country Music chart, debuting at #39.  39. What are the odds?  The same number as the speed of Zito’s fastball.

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Any chance we can take a page from the @NBA and start instituting technical fouls for Presidents?

Tonight at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport a Frontier Airlines and Southwest flight clipped wings. No injuries, although both planes were evacuated. But presumably Southwest requested the video for a “wanna get away” commercial.

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Delta is planning to add free meals back to long-haul flights within the US in coach class. Of course, any $20 or so increase in domestic fares would be purely a coincidence.

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The #Thimble token has been voted out of the Monopoly game. And millennials are going “What’s a Thimble?”

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The FBI arrested a avowed South Carolina white supremacist who was trying to buy a gun from an undercover agent. The man said he wanted to carry out an attack “in the spirit of Dylan Roof.”
But hey, he’s white. So no terrorism problem. Move along, nothing to see here.

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As #Trump finds new media targets. remember old saying “If 1 person calls you an ass, ignore them, if 10 call you an ass, buy a saddle.”

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Trump says his administration is running “like a fine-tuned machine.” Uh, more like a Rube Goldberg machine . #TrumpNewsConference

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So was goal of #TrumpNewsConference to make @SNL give up because they can’t come up with satire stranger than reality?

#TrumpPressConference on Melania “She gets so unfairly maligned…” Guessing he hasn’t seen #FreeMelania movement?

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Trump – “We’re gonna find the leakers. They’re going to pay a big price for leaking.” But the stuff they were leaking, on Russia, etc – Move along, nothing to see here.

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Ret Vice Adm Bob Harward turned down Trump offer for National Security Advisor. CNN says he told friend it was “a “s*** sandwich,” #myhero

JudicialWatch estimated Obama’s travel expenses totaled $97 mill in 2 terms. Taking April 1 in pool for date Trump eclipses that.

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A just released nearly 400 page FBI file details an investigation on Trump and his father Fred allegedly “not wanting to rent to blacks” in the 1970s. So this couldn’t have been announced in October along with Weiner’s emails?

April Ryan, a longtime White House reporter and Washington bureau chief for American Urban Radio Networks, is African American. She asked Trump today if he planned to include the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) “in your conversations with your urban agenda, your inner-city agenda.”
He responded by asking if they were “friends of yours,” &, “I tell you what, do you want to set up the meeting?”

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So if John Boehner was still around would Trump ask him to set up a meeting with the Orange Caucus? #TrumpPressConference

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Against all odds

February 15, 2017

Tiger Woods is 20-1 in Las Vegas to win a major in 2017. A major what?

 

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is upset that the NFL might not award future Super Bowls to the state if an anti-transgender bathroom bill passes: “The NFL needs to concentrate on playing football and get the heck out of politics.”
Uh huh. Just guessing most Texans would go for rainbow pins and unisex bathrooms if the alternative is giving up any football.

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At a Louisiana high school, Alabama has been banned from campus because of “unethical football recruiting practices.” I’m sure it’s just coincidence that the school is in Baton Rouge.  (home of LSU)

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Trump says that unlike President Obama he is not going to publicly fill out a March Madness bracket. But no doubt  he will tell us after the tournament that of course he picked all the winners. A perfect score, the best ever.

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Apparently quite a number of celebrities have volunteered to play Trump aides on SNL. The show is getting to be almost as cool again for a cameo as the Simpsons. (or decades ago, Batman.)

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Senate voted to block Obama rule prohibiting people w/ serious mental disorders from buying guns. What could go wrong?

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All these headlines “Andrew Puzder withdraws” Too bad Frederick Trump didn’t.

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Andrew Puzder, who according to CBS News told friends he was “very tired of the abuse” he was getting, is withdrawing his nomination as Labor Secretary. Great choice of words for a man who admitted to employing an undocumented housekeeper and has been accused of domestic violence against his ex-wife.

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Who knew an act of resistance might become simply buying a copy of the @NYTimes or @washingtonpost?

 

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is being considered for ambassador to France. Tonight Jared Kushner’s father Charles, a convicted felon who’s served prison time, said his family has decided not to try to buy the team.
So at least for now, MLB remains a Trump-free zone. #smallmercies

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Trump is now tweeting that NSA &d FBI are “just like Russia.” Well that ought to improve his relations with the intelligence community.

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Well, well, well… someone finally remembered where he put his backbone – John McCain says he will oppose confirmation of Trump budget nominee Mick Mulvaney

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As of Oct. 2015, there were 8 investigations into Benghazi.  Led by same people who don’t think it’s worth spending time on Russia & election

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GOP Reps. Jason Chaffetz and Bob Goodlatte today asked the Inspector General to “begin an immediate investigation into whether classified information was mishandled” with the leaks that led to Michael Flynn’s resignation.
Funny, I missed their outrage when Trump asked Russia to find Hillary’s missing emails.

 

 

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
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Falling towards spring.

February 15, 2017

Royals pitcher Brian Flynn apparently injured himself by falling through the roof of his barn. Was he washing his truck at the time?

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Magic Johnson says on fixing the Lakers that he “wants Kobe to be a part of it.” Well, guess Magic doesn’t think one problem is team chemistry.

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The Marlins have lifted their ban on facial hair. So did the team decide they might as well mollify players since they won’t get a chance for playoff beards.

 

All outraged people out there, write yourselves a note, do whatever you need to put it in calendar for next election. “VOTE VOTE VOTE.”

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Okay, is it too soon to start a pool on when #kelleyannconway might resign to spend more time with her family?

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So is it too early to add @realDonaldTrump to Trump administration resignation bingo game?

 

What if this was all simply a plot to put Mike Pence in the White House?

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Trump tweeting his Nothing-to-see-here with Michael Flynn. “The real story here is why are there so many illegal leaks coming out of Washington? Will these leaks be happening as I deal on N.Korea etc?”
Uh, Donald, who needs illegal leaks when you share your dealings with N. Korea with everyone in the MarALago dining room?

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Sean Spicer says Flynn resigned. Kellyanne Conway says Trump asked him to resign. Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon better not plan on any Saturday nights off for a while.

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So Kellyanne Conway says Flynn resigned because he “knew he’d become a lightning rod.” And he was making the other lightning rods jealous?

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Sean Spicer “Irony of situation is President has been incredibly tough on Russia.” Is this some weird political remake of 50 Shades?

 

Sean Spicer -Trump “had an incredibly productive set of meetings & discussions w/ Prime Minster Joe Trudeau of Canada.” To be fair, neither Spicer nor Trump speak Canadian.

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CNN is reporting Moscow has deployed a cruise missile in an apparent treaty violation. Uh oh, does that mean Trump might threaten not to send Putin as big a bouquet next Valentine’s Day?

 

 

William Henry Harrison, 32 days, shortest Presidential term ever. So @realDonaldTrump still has 7 days to break record.

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from don sherman

“A lot of people are upset that President Trump a phone call on an unsecured phone in front of hundreds of people. REALLY!!!

They should be questioning was, at the time they just served a wedge of ICEBERG lettuce with Blue Cheese dressing.
Iceberg lettuce is the cheapest, least nutritious there is. It cost about a dollar ahead, and can produce 6-8 wedges per head. And he is using it for a state dinner? And an even more important question.

Did it come from California or MEXICO?”

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Three and out.

February 14, 2017

 

Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that Warriors managing to lose to Nuggets by 22 points would have been best #WTF comedy fodder of night.

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But seriously, a Warriors-Nuggets game MIGHT have been projected as a chance for the all-time NBA three-point record in one game to be tied – just not by Denver.  (24 tonight)

 

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Okay, now it’s serious. Donald Trump has to stop grabbing headlines, especially with New York papers. Because Derek Jeter and his wife are having a baby. #Letsfocusontheimportantstuff

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Rotten apple story of the day. Although sad, because he probably was abused himself. Jeffrey Sandusky, 41, Jerry’s son, has been arrested and charged with 14 counts of sexual offenses involving children.

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If Trump’s going to do Presidential business in public at #MaraLago maybe activists should apply for positions as waiters?

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Now Burlington has stopped selling Ivanka Trump products on line. Standby for angry tweets as soon as Trump figures out what Burlington is.

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So we now know answer to a future trivia question, who was 1st person to resign or be fired from Trump administration?

 

So let’s see, because Hillary was careless enough to have her emails on a private server, we ended up with a National Security Advisor who was talking illegally with Russia. And he’s likely to be replaced by a man who was sharing classified information with his mistress. What a country.

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Stephen Miller  “The powers of the president…will not be questioned.”  Would be nice to have feeling that anyone in administration has read Constitution.

 

Trump apparently using an unsecured Android phone. Hmm, is it really good idea to be alienating high tech folks in California? #Hackers

 

Bummer,  Michael Flynn resigns before @SNL has time to figure out which woman would have played him on next week’s show.

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Michael Flynn has resigned. Congrats to all those who had Feb 13 in the pool.

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“I inadvertently briefed the Vice President Elect and others with incomplete information regarding my phone calls with the Russian Ambassador. ”
“Inadvertently briefed” and “incomplete information.” Doesn’t Flynn know the password is “alternative facts?”

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Now Trump’s Labor Secretary pick Andrew Puzder’s nomination may apparently be in trouble. Hmm, dealings with Russia, no experience with what the department does, complete incompetence…. all those are fine, but hiring an undocumented housekeeper might be disqualifying?

 

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Former Goldman Sachs exec Mnuchin confirmed as Treasury secretary. Must make those folks who voted against Hillary over her speeches proud

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Happy pitchers and catchers report day

February 12, 2017

The REAL sign of Spring.

Meanwhile….

Once again, those Grammys moments when you not only aren’t a fan of the winners, but you have no idea who some of them are.

 

Question of the day from the younger generation “What the heck is a ‘record’?” #GRAMMYs

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Spurs were upset this afternoon by the Knicks at Madison Square Garden.  But to be fair, it’s hard to focus on basketball when you visit the circus.

 

Bill Littlejohn wonders if we can call the latest Knicks drama “Oakley’s Believe it or Not?”

 

Wonder how many Americans who talk about throwing all the undocumented workers out and only buying “Made in America” are okay with $10 strawberries and $1000 phones. For starters.

 

Kellyanne Conway says she apologized to Trump after saying “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff.” Because she should have said “Go buy other Trump stuff too?”

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I’ll believe Trump’s immigration reform isn’t racist when we start seeing #ICERaids on pubs frequented by English and Irish ex-pats.

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So would Trump care to explain how he’s going to build his wall under budget without foreign materials & immigrant labor?

 

So Trump apparently took the call about North Korea’s missile launch on a mobile phone during dinner in the main Mar-a-Lago dining room. Hope as far as national security Trump is practicing extreme vetting in hiring waiters and busboys.

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Mark Cuban to CEO’s-. “Do what you think is right. “Be an American citizen first. In the bigger scheme of things, our country benefits from peaceful activism a lot more than it benefits from one more shoe being sold, or one more basketball ticket being sold, for that matter.”
And now he’s is a Trump Twitter target.
Who’d a thunk it, Mark Cuban as the voice of reason?

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As an admitted Obama Girl since 2007, I do admit, Barack never did as good a job as Trump in making @SNL must-watch TV.

 

 

Last night’s @SNL ratings were the highest in 6 years. #MakeSNLGreatAgain.

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Post mortems, musical and otherwise.

February 11, 2017
 

Grammys start  Sunday at 5p PST. The “In Memoriam” segment should be done by 8p.

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Knicks owner James Dolan has now banned former star Charles Oakley from Madison Square Garden. Is Dolan trying to compete with the Redskins’ Dan Snyder for the title of most hated owner in pro sports?

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SF Giants are inviting Barry Bonds as a special instructor in Spring Training. Instructor? Based on last year thinking Bonds could still out hit most of the team

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Silly talk about Patriots players setting record for not showing up for White House visit w/ Trump. Record will be eclipsed shortly by NBA

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So some folks are upset because the Naperville Rib Fest has booked Toby Keith for their opening night concert.in June, since he also performed at the inaugural. Really? No one is making anyone buy tickets. Seems more interesting that the best gig the country singer can now get is the Naperville Rib Fest.

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An Orlando Police officer resigned a week after being reprimanded for arresting a man when she mistook doughnut glaze in his car for methamphetamine. Guess she couldn’t face being known as a cop who couldn’t recognize something from doughnuts?

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You’d think if Democrats could pay all these protestors they’d have just paid people back in Nov. to vote for Hillary.

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While Trump was not wearing an earpiece while Japanese PM Shinzo Abe was speaking Friday, the President was seen smiling and nodding during the speech. Probably because he was agreeing with the voices in his head.

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Wonder how many games of golf Trump is on pace for…?

 

Just imagine if Obama had a place he referred to as “Winter White House” that had $200,000 initiation dues. #MaraLago 

 

Wonder when Trump will present Ivanka with a Purple Heart for all the suffering she has endured.

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From TC : “Trump’s travel ban has enraged the Twitter-in-chief to tweet SEE YOU IN COURT in all caps, as he wants to take the issue to the Supreme Court of the US of A. He then tweeted: First I have to go BUY A NEW SUIT AT NORDSTROMS!”

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Limping towards the weekend.

February 9, 2017

 

Did Bud Selig leave idea of starting a runner at 2nd in @MLB extra innings in a farewell note in the new Commissioner’s desk?

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Spring Training starts next week.  About time. February is kind of a comedy wasteland for sports humor.  Although to be fair, in New York, the Knicks and Nets are doing their part.

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Anyone who follows my FB feed knows I argue with my father all the time on social media. Have to wonder, what would it take for Ivanka to say “Dad, just STFU?”

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And the classiness just keeps on coming. Kellyanne Conway this morning on “Fox and Friends: “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff. I hate shopping, but I’m going to get some myself today. It’s a wonderful line. I own some of it. I’m going to give a free commercial here. Go buy it everybody. You can find it online

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But really, did KellyAnne Conway expect women would take fashion advice from a woman who wore a high school band uniform to inauguration?

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Trump will do anything to get people to buy Ivanka’s clothes except order her to have them made in America

 

Uh, oh, so did our President just commit billions to California? In a meeting with airline execs, when “you go to China, you go to Japan, they have fast trains all over the place. I don’t want to compete with your business, but we don’t have one fast train,”
Paging Jerry Brown.

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Now Trump back to tweeting John McCain is a loser. Wonder how far he has to go before McCain might actually vote against him in Senate

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Another angry Trump tweet -“Sen. Richard Blumenthal, who never fought in Vietnam when he said for years he had (major lie), now misrepresents what Judge Gorsuch told him?
Shouldn’t Vietnam expert Trump be commending Blumenthal on his alternative facts?

 

Nordstrom stock up 4% yesterday, and up again today. Just saying.

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Could #BettyWhite on @SNL play someone in Trump administration. Because I really would like to see him DARE go after her.

 

So is @realDonaldTrump calling new AG Sessions asking him how to fire judges?

 

Let’s get to the real outrage: Donald Trump’s Twitter tantrums keeping internet from fully enjoying George & Amal Clooney’s pregnancy.

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I believe in the church of baseball

February 9, 2017

Baseball will test a rule in the minors automatically to put a runner on 2nd base starting in extra innings. Where is Kevin Costner and his Bull Durham rant when we REALLY need him. “I believe in the soul….”

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Lefthanded pitcher Javier Lopez, 39, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” responded Jamie Moyer.

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The Cleveland Browns have reduced prices on 40% of their season tickets. It’s a good start. How long until the team starts paying people to show up?

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Sean Spicer is talking about terror attack on #Atlanta. Ok, it was awful, but maybe he should “dial it back” a bit about the ending of the Super Bowl.

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Former Knicks star Charles Oakley, 53 was arrested at MSG and charged with assault after “screaming abuse” at owner James Dolan, and fighting with security guards. Long-suffering NY fans have to be thinking, he put up a better fight than the team usually does.

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When Jeff Sessions is sworn in as Attorney General will they raise the Confederate Flag at the U.S. Capitol?

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Many parents have a memory of toddler pushing limits w/ increasing craziness just to see how far s/he could go. Now we just turn on news in the morning….

 

Reports are that at least two candidates have turned Donald Trump down to be White House communications director. Presumably they prefer something like a janitorial job at the National Zoo, where they could clean up after real elephants.

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Now Trump is angrily tweeting about Nordstrom for dropping his daughter’s clothing line “My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!”
So good to see the President focused on the really important issues of our time.

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So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

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So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

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So after tweeting “If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the “bad” would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad “dudes” out there! Trump is now saying that he wanted to give a month’s notice on the travel ban, but was overruled by “law enforcement officials.”
Wow. The buck apparently stops under the bus with whoever he throws there.

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So at what point in Northern California will the nightly storm stories on the news make us just a bit nostalgic for drought stories?

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The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?

 

 

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Fighting for air?

February 8, 2017

Patriots RB James White says he doesn’t know what happened to the football he scored the winning touchdown with in Super Bowl 51. “I actually don’t know what I did with it. I left it on the ground and started running.”
Well, at least there’s no way for the NFL to check if the ball was deflated.

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Falcons have picked interim Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as  their new OC. Does Atlanta know Alabama was winless in the Sarkisian area?

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Golden State Warriors are rewarding their loyal season ticket holders with a 15-25% price increase next season. But just imagine how inexpensive 2017-2018 tickets will seem compared to those in the new SF arena.

 

 

A United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Kauai today developed autopilot problems and circled for hours before landing back at SFO more than 3 hours after takeoff. Now for the really important question, did passengers get extra miles for all that circling?

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Hate to say it but #DeVos incompetency might limit her damage. What if Trump replaced her w/ smarter person w/ same view

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While we’re changing all the rules in this country can we eliminate the 22nd amendment?

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Trump this morning starts out a tweet with “I don’t know Putin, have no deals in Russia….” Does he type these with a straight face?

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Trump tweeted today that he doesn’t know Putin. But in a 2013 MSNBC interview he said “I do have a relationship” with Putin.
No wonder Trump hates the media; they have this bad habit of reporting on what he says.

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So Betsy Devos is now our Secretary of Education. Yeah, maybe our schools have been wrong in teaching children about the value of study and hard work as far as getting ahead. They should be teaching “How to marry a billionaire.”

Would be interesting to see how many Senators actually went or sent their children to public schools. #DeVosvote

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Don’t just get mad, VOTE. Especially in school board elections. #DeVosvote

 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you elect a reality TV star to Congress. Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy (The Real Life: Boston, & Road Rules): “Look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist, who took her life, a leftist guy, and now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America.

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So Green Eggs and Ham is acceptable reading on the Senate floor but a letter from Coretta Scott King is not? #WTF?

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Trump thinks “California is out of control.” Where do I get the “Out of Control Nasty California Woman T-Shirt”?

Or – “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted,” Where’s the t-shirt?  I want one of those too.

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Changing seasons.

February 6, 2017

Another reason baseball is the best sport. When the World Series game 7 was tied after regulation, both teams got a turn to bat.

 

SF 49ers fans should relax w/ Kyle Shanahan. Not like the 2017 team is going to have many 25 point leads to blow.

 

Clydesdales were originally bred in Scotland. Maybe that’s why there was no “aww” story this year. Budweiser was afraid they’d be accused of taking jobs away from real American horses.

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Wonder how many craft-beer liberals are buying Budweiser & Bud Light for the first time ever this week? #boycottbudweiser

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Tom Brady still can’t find his Super Bowl jersey. Anyone asked Putin?

 

Now the lieutenant governor of Texas has asked the Texas Rangers to join in Houston PD to help find Tom Brady’s missing Super Bowl jersey. How long until this gets blamed on a member of the liberal media?

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If  Tom Brady really is GOAT can we give an assist to Pete Carroll and Kyle Shanahan’s 4th quarter Super Bowl play calling?

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On a brighter note, some children in Africa this am can trade in their  Indians World Champions shirts for some shiny new Falcons ones.

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MLB is proposing to raise lower part of strike zone to the top of the hitter’s knees, from its current “the hollow beneath the kneecap.” Pitchers are thinking fine, if they actually start calling strikes above the waist.

 

We learned one thing this weekend. Sean Spicer can take a joke a lot better than his boss.

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George H.W. Bush got a standing ovation today before #SuperBowl. But heck, compared to the current White House occupant, George W. would get a standing ovation.

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A Jacksonville woman is being sought by police for performing oral sex on a man and posting it to social media. The alleged act took place at the county courthouse. Back on your game, Florida.

 

Americans have to be wishing  Trump was half as  focused on Serious issues facing this country as he is on the NY Times.

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In a 2004 book called “The Librarian,” by Larry Beinhart, author of “Wag the Dog,” there’s a right-wing conspiracy backing an ineffectual president. They try to create a terrorist act to keep him in power for a 2nd term. Scary book. Glad it’s only fiction….

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Rep. Matt Gaetz from Ft. Walton Beach, introduced a bill to dissolve the EPA. I trust Gaetz also feels it would be a waste of money for the Feds to spend any money the next time Florida has any oil spills or other environmental disasters.

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Obama – Christians did bad things “in the name of Christ.” GOP outrage. Trump-“You think our country’s so innocent.” GOP crickets #WTF?.

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Trump terrorism speech “All over Europe it’s happening. It’s gotten to point where it’s not even being reported. Like #BowlingGreenMassacre?

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Some of this stuff you just can’t make up. Melania Trump has a lawsuit against the UK Daily Mail for libel, and the paper has published a retraction of rumors that she worked as an escort. Okay, so far so good, and it’s understandable the First Lady would be upset.

BUT, her lawyer claims “plaintiff had the unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, as an extremely famous and well-known person … to launch a broad-based commercial brand in multiple product categories, each of which could have garnered multi-million dollar business relationships for a multi-year term during which plaintiff is one of the most photographed women in the world.”

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Slip sliding away…

February 5, 2017

So did that extra month of rest Roger Goodell gave Tom Brady this year make a difference down the stretch of #SB51?

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In the 4th quarter Brady and the Patriots went through Atlanta faster than anyone not named Sherman.

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At least @warriors fans can rest easy knowing their team will no longer win the ESPY for greatest postseason choke job in the last year.

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But really, what’s with these collapses, the Warriors, the Indians, the Falcons.  At this point maybe we should all plan to bet on whoever goes down 3-0 in this year’s Stanley Cup Finals.

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You’d think after watching Pete Carroll that the Falcons would have learned the lesson, when you’ve got the game won late, run the damn ball.

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Wonder how long it took Matt Ryan to realize that a couple V for Victory formations and a field goal would have iced this game? #Superbowl

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Avocados from Mexico commercial. Waiting for the Trump rebuttal.

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But where were the Clydesdales tonight?  I blame Trump

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Cant wait for Sean Spicer  to congratulate the Patriots tomorrow on the largest margin of victory in Super Bowl history.

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Really? Trump’s latest tweet “Just cannot believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something happens blame him and court system. People pouring in. Bad!”
So who do we blame for Quebec City, (yes, I know that’s Canada) Charleston, Aurora? And the other over 12,000 Americans killed last year by gun violence?

 

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VP Pence said today White House considering removing sanctions against Russia. Congrats to all those who had Feb 5 in the pool.

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As some attacked idea of liberals rooting for a team from a Red State, can we remember that #JimmyCarter is from Georgia. #Falcons #Superbowl

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Just guessing we can add #MelissaMcCarthy to list of actors who won’t be invited to any Trump state dinners.

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No tweets from the President over last night’s @SNL. Is @realDonaldTrump sick? Or did someone hide his phone?

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Protest in Palm Beach last  night were nonviolent but apparently disturbing to Trump at his Florida gala tonight titled “Vienna to Versailles’
Not perhaps as disturbing as it might have been had the President read his history on Versailles.

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From Marc Ragovin  “President Trump just congratulated the New Jersey Generals on winning their eighth Super Bowl.”

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Twas the night before the Super Bowl

February 5, 2017

 

We interrupt tonight’s “Steve Kerr can drop the F bomb and get ejected story”:   Gregg Popovich now winningest coach w/ single franchise in NBA history-1128 wins. #GoSpursGo

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Meanwhile, give the #Knicks credit, with the closing of Barnum and Bailey Ringling Bros, they fill a real void for fans of circuses.

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Terrell Owens is not happy about the HOF “Unfortunately I DID NOT MAKE IT again this year. Thanks to ALL my fans & supporters. #FlawedProcess”
So maybe TO isn’t Hall of Fame material, but he sure sounds Presidential.

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FOX is showing a special Bill O’Reilly Super Bowl pre-game interview with President Trump tomorrow. Presumably sponsored by Budweiser as a shameless promotion to sell more beer?

 

If protestors REALLY get paid maybe this is all a secret strategy to get them all rich enough to become Trump voters?

 

 

 

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
“Ask not what your country can do for you..”
“That shining city on a hill.”
“You think our country’s so innocent?

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