Posted tagged ‘Romney jokes’
January 9, 2012
Yes, you cannot make this “stuff” up, Tim Tebow threw for 3 16 yards tonight. Coincidentally the number of his favorite bible verse.
Not to be confused with Ben Roethlisberger’s favorite 3 16 – three 16 year olds. (Okay, okay, so the alleged victim was 20. He was 28.)
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But really, First play in overtime. Okay, that’s it, God is just f*cking with us.
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John Elway has to be feeling pretty good about telling Tim Tebow to “”pull the trigger.” But if John’s going to toss around phrases like that, it’s probably a good thing the Broncos hadn’t traded for Plaxico Burress.
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Fortunately a Denver-New Orleans Super Bowl is still a longshot. Because what’s God going to do if and when Tebow faces the Saints?
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All this talk about Tim Tebow thinking he’s God. Clearly for much of Sunday the critics were wrong. Tebow didn’t think he is God, he though he was Steve Young.
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From T.C “Big Ben supposedly heard muttering to himself as he left the field after 1 play in OT – There is no God.”
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Anyone watch the Godaddy.com Bowl? Yeah, me neither.
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All this talk about if Atlanta had only not gone for those two 4th and inches plays…. The way I see it, that would have made the score 24-9.
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Kiefer Sutherland said that filming on the new “24” movie will start in the spring. Presumably the first scenes will be shot between 9:00 and 10:00am.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry said today he’s not giving up on the GOP presidential primary. And compared himself to the fighters who rode back into the Alamo. Now, I wholeheartedly honor those brave Texans who fought in San Antonio, but does Perry know they all ended up dead?
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Beyonce named her baby girl, “Blue Ivy.” So when did they print the memo that says that if you’re a celebrity it’s your duty to name your kids something stupid?
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Poor Kristen Wiig. Not that her career is doing that badly with “Bridesmaids” and SNL. But watching her again on “Weekend Update” reminded me that her Michele Bachmann impersonation, which she won’t have much call to do now, is ALMOST as good as Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin.
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Think we can now safely rule out a Newt-Mitt ticket: Gingrich on Romney’s saying that he was a one-term Gov.in Mass. because he wanted to return to private life. “Could we drop a little bit of the pious baloney?? You had a very bad re-election rating; you dropped out…. You were running for president while you were governor, you were out of state consistently.”
(You do have to love a man who has been married three times but still endorses the Defense of Marriage Act telling ANYONE to “cut the pious baloney.”)
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And yes, we Stanford fans need to get over it. Eventually. But let’s see, in this past week at the end of a tie game, we’ve now seen a coach with the best QB in college go conservative and run, and a coach with one of the worst QBs in the NFL risk disaster by going for the big pass….
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ben Roethlisberger jokes, Broncos jokes, Janice Hough, Perry jokes, Romney jokes, Tebow God jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 1, 2012
Why do Dallas Cowboys fans have the biggest flat screen televisions?
Because for years they haven’t had to waste money on playoff tickets.
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And yes, for the third time in four years, the Dallas Cowboys will not be in the playoffs. No punchline, I just like writing this.
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Newt Gingrich is now blaming his fall in the Iowa polls on being “Romney-boated.” After blaming his failure to get enough signatures to be on the Virginia ballot on a staffer’s fraud. If this GOP nomination thing doesn’t work out, Gingrich has a great chance of being hired to lobby for the California Whine Industry.
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Contrary to popular belief God did not desert Tebow today. He just watched the Raiders play defense and decided to save His energy for a day Tim actually needed His help.
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Rick Santorum, who is criticizing Romney in his TV ads for being too liberal, endorsed Mitt in the 2008 GOP presidential primaries as the “clear conservative candidate.” Who knew – Romney’s flip-flopping is turning out to be contagious.
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How can Aaron Rodgers hope to win the MVP when he may not even be the best QB on his own team?
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Newt Gingrich said Mitt Romney would buy the presidency if he could. And Mitt allegedly tried to bet him $10,000 that wasn’t true.
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Okay, you know your team doesn’t have much of a football reputation when…. Overhead at San Francisco Airport, which is full of people in red – one pilot telling another “So much red, must be a lot of Wisconsin Rose Bowl fans.” Not exactly. Go Stanford Cardinal!
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Locals in the Phoenix area seem very supportive of Stanford. But makes sense Cardinal/Cardinals, whatever…. they’re just pleased to see a team in red actually playing in the postseason.
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Lebron James is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Savannah Brinson, after proposing last night. Well, at least one of them now has a ring.
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In Coventry, England, a display model of Apple’s Siri apparently told a child to “Shut the f*ck up” Many frequent travelers heard this story and hoped that’s what happens when you put the phone in airplane mode.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Gringrich jokes, Romney jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 31, 2011
Mitt Romney compared President Obama to Marie Antoinette as a way to say the President is out of touch with everyday Americans. Really? Mitt Romney saying Obama is out of touch is like Herman Cain saying Bill Clinton is a lousy husband.
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Mitt Romney’s son Matt said that his father would release his tax returns as soon as President Obama releases his birth certificate and other records. Guess the kids are as “in touch” as their dad.
Virginia Tech’s place kicker was already suspended for his part in a home invasion. Now his backup has been sent home for missing a 1:00 a.m. curfew. Who do these kids think they are? Cincinnati Bengals?
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From the very funny Jim Barach: “Jon Huntsman calls Ron Paul “unelectable”. Which is like Paris Hilton saying that Kim Kardashian can’t act.”
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Newt Gingrich now says he would have made it on the Virginia ballot, but “We hired somebody who turned in false signatures. We turned in 11,100 – we needed 10,000 – 1,500 of them were by one guy who frankly committed fraud.”
Okay, fair enough, but if true this is a man who wants the responsibility of hiring a whole Cabinet and White House staff?
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Newt Gingrich just said in a tele-town hall that he would consider choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate. Even John McCain is saying “Uh, is this guy getting senile?”
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So last night did Baylor football coach Art Briles tell his team “Well boys, if we hold them under 60 points we have a chance to win this thing?”
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ESPN’s Skycam camera fell to the field during tonights’s Insight Bowl between Iowa and Oklahoma. Funny, you’d think if one of the things would have crashed it would have been from all that back and forth down the field in the Alamo Bowl.
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Russell Brand and Katy Perry are divorcing, only 14 months after they married. I’ve got an idea. All those DOMA people trying to defend the institution. Maybe they should lay off the gays and try to ban celebrity marriages.
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Verizon decided to charge customers 2 dollars to pay their bills on line. Even Netflix is thinking “how dumb can you be?”
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This just in, Verizon has rescinded their new planned $2 fee to pay online due to “customer feedback.” And as to the executives who came up with the idea? The U.S. unemployment rate has probably increased by at least one.
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Or maybe we finally found out who hired the guy whose bright idea was New Coke.
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Another thought on Verizon’s little proposed $2 fee fiasco, I guess we know the answer when it was customers asking the question -“Can you hear me now?”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alamo bowl jokes, bowl game jokes, Romney jokes, Verizon jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 23, 2011
You cannot make this “stuff” up – Christmas Eve Eve edition: Rick Perry apparently won’t appear on Virginia’s primary GOP ballot after he submitted petition without enough signatures. Maybe the Texas governor should have paid a little more attention in math class?
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Monta Ellis is denying comment on sexual harassment charges, and the Warriors are claiming that he and the woman he texted pictures of his junk to were in a “consentual relationship.” But the lesson here guys – love and lust may fade but cellphone records are forever.
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Matt Barkley has endeared himself forever to Trojan fans by returning for his senior year. Especially since after the Reggie Bush fiasco, staying at USC vs. the NFL actually means a pay cut.
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The release of Nike’s new retro Air Jordan basketball shoes caused near riots at many stores today. Many men responded to this with “Wow, Nike is bringing them back?” And women responded, “Riots? WTF, the things don’t even have heels.”
Said my comedy writer friend Alex Kaseberg: “First time in history the words shoe sale men and riot have ever been combined.”
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Michele Bachmann was confronted by the gay robot “RoboProfessor” (yes, really, the robot exists) in Iowa Thursday. Bachmann took it in pretty good humor. But then, she’s already learned how to deal with straight robots. How many debates has she done including Mitt Romney?
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Mitt Romney promised a college student on Thursday that a vote for him meant a job after graduation. But Mitt didn’t say whether it might be at Subway or McDonald’s.
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Donald Trump just switched his party affiliation from Republican to unaffiliated. This could end up meaning a possible 3rd party run. But for starters it means that none of the GOP candidates have done a good enough job of kissing his… “ring.”
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For NBA fans, the meaningless preseason games are over. And on Christmas morning the meaningless regular season games start.
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Hell has frozen over moment? USA Today projects the winner of the NBA’s Western Conference Pacific Division as the Clippers.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Air Jordan shoe jokes, Christmas shopping jokes, GOP jokes, Monta Ellis jokes, NBA jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 22, 2011
Ad for a Florida chain – “Dick’s Sporting Goods” “Every season begins with Dicks.” You can say that again.
(From Tammy Serna again, “One could argue Christmas started without one.”)
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Matt Barkley called a news conference today to announce whether or not he is staying in school or entering the draft? A news conference? Really? Of course this being USC I suppose we should be glad they aren’t doing a one-hour special.
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And it turns out Barkley is returning for his senior season. Good news for Trojan fans. With Lane Kiffin as coach, this could be the school’s one and only year off probation.
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Another Barkley, Charles quoted on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” about the GOP debates. “As a democrat who loves the president I am positively giddy.
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TMZ reports that NBC correspondent Jay Gray, who was reporting on the abuse scandal, was arrested last week on DUI charges after attending a party at Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer’s house. Is there something in the water in State College that turns grown up men associated with sports into idiotic a**holes?
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Looks like President Obama won this round of chicken over the payroll tax with John Boehner. Pleasing many Democrats who were just hoping for Christmas that the President would get his cajones back.
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Stephen Colbert says he will pay $500,000 to help fund South Carolina’s first-in-the-South GOP presidential primary. Heck for that amount of money, his name recognition and the “Anyone but Romney” mentality, Colbert could WIN the S.C GOP primary.
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Yale coach Tom Willams has resigned after it was learned that he falsified his resume about being a Rhodes scholarship final and playing on the practice squad with the SF 49ers. On a brighter note, Williams was offered a job at UCF with George O’Leary.
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Mitt Romney, answering Newt Gingrich’s complaints about negative advertising. “But you know, this is politics, and if you can’t stand the heat in this little kitchen, wait until the Obama’s Hell’s Kitchen turns up the heat.” Actually, not a bad idea, since Congress isn’t working together, wonder if the President can put in a call to Gordon Ramsey?
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Jerry Greene at ESPN.com’s latest top ten list. Top ten signs your sport marriage is in trouble. Honored to have one in there plus the closing line. http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/id/7379083/readers-provide-top-10-tips-high-profile-marriage-trouble
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Barkley jokes, Janice Hough, Romney jokes, USC jokes, Yale jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 15, 2011
Now that New Orleans star Chris Paul is heading to Los Angeles, will the team’s motto be “Geaux Clippers”?
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So Chris Paul is now a Clipper. Well, he’ll probably get about as many passes from Kobe Bryant as he would if he had joined the Lakers.
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As a Wilt, Kareem, and Magic fan, but NOT a Kobe fan, will be nice to have a Los Angeles team I can root for again. Griffin and Paul MIGHT even be worth watching an NBA regular season game for….
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CNN’s Jack Cafferty is musing “Is Mitt Romney the Hillary Clinton of 2012?” Heck, Mitt Romney isn’t even the Mitt Romney of 2008.
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As reported by the U.K. Daily Mail, South Carolina man has been charged with stabbing his wife to death while they shopped in a local Walmart last weekend. But it being two weeks before Christmas, Walmart management just roped off the area with crime scene tape for police and continued open for business as usual.
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Mitt Romney said when running for Senate in Massachusetts that he would be a “better for gay rights than Ted Kennedy.” Newt Gingrich once made an ad for Al Gore’s climate advocacy group with Nancy Pelosi. As flexible as these two are on positions, if either of them get the GOP nomination will they run to the right or left of President Obama?
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Time’s “Person of the Year” is “The Protester.” Thereby seriously disappointing Mitt Romney who thought it should have been “The Corporation.”
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The Detroit Lions are playing the Oakland Raiders this weekend. Which means two “over-unders” in Vegas. One on the score, and one on the fines Monday.
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Rick Santorum told CNN that he’s the “sober” candidate. Really? The thought of him as President would drive millions of Americans to drink.
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The FAA has approved iPads for use in cockpits. This means the pilots can use digital documents that replace 35 pounds of paper and books. Not to mention play “Words with Friends” and download cocktail recipes.
(My friend John wonders, will they need to turn them off for takeoffs and landings?)
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Open Table, the reservation reservation system, has come up with their list of 100 Top Restaurants in the U.S. Including the Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Jacksonville, Florida. With all due respect, most people think the Ruth’s Chris isn’t even the top restaurant in Jacksonville.
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“Today” anchor Ann Curry questioned Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer Joe Amendola’s competence in asking why he waived a preliminary hearing. Amendola replied that a hearing would have only provided the media with “a feeding frenzy” and “we had very little to gain.” With that reasoning, why the heck did he allow Sandusky to do the Bob Costas interview?
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Sad that Lowe’s has pulled ads for “All American Muslim,” which seems the most innocuous, even boring reality show. I’d cheerfully boycott them, except I’ve never set foot inside on of their stores.
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Some in the GOP would try to refer to President Barack Obama as an “All American Muslim,” except that then they would have to admit that he is American.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-American Muslim jokes, Clippers jokes, Gingrich jokes, NBA jokes, Romney jokes, Sandusky jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
December 14, 2011
Christine O’Donnell announced tonight she is backing Mitt Romney. Well, while Mitt is trying to appease Christians who have a problem with his Mormonism,a the endorsement of a former Senate candidate who “dabbled” in witchcraft should be just what he needs….
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Donald Trump just backed out of the Newsmax GOP debate – which had only two candidates remaining. And the Donald made it clear he doesn’t feel there is a conflict of interest between running for President and moderating a debate. Hmm, wonder how he would feel about President Obama moderating the next one?
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Doesn’t seem like much hope for the Hornets to hang onto their star Chris Paul. Maybe if they rename the team “The Los Angeles Hornets of New Orleans?”
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In an interview with a Christian radio station, Deirdre Pujols defended her husband’s decision to leave St. Louis, saying of course that it wasn’t about money, and closing with “It’s just like God to put us on a team called the Angels.” Even Tim Tebow said, “Isn’t that just a bit much?”
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In the San Francisco area, nine Chuck E. Cheese pizza parlors have been fined for violating federal child-labor laws, apparently because they had teenagers operating trash compactors. Not as one might think, for torturing the teenagers by having them listen to that music and screaming little kids for over eight hours at a time.
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Of course, if O’Donnell really wanted to help Romney, maybe she could turn some of his opponents into toads. (Yes, I am aware in some cases this might be considered redundant.)
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An Italian woman, 94, left $13 million to her 4-year-old cat, Tomasso, who she had adopted as a stray kitten. Well, actually sounds like it must have been a more fulfilling relationship than either of Kim Kardashian’s marriages.
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Rick Santorum says he is doesn’t think he qualifies as a celebrity – “I travel by myself….I’m sitting middle seats on United Airways flights or Delta flights…” And this man thinks as President he could find good people to help him run the country? He can’t even find a good travel agent.
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I love British newspapers: Today’s Daily Mail (U.K.), headline – pulling no punches on a certain U.S. candidate – “Thrice-married and known adulterer Newt Gingrich signs fidelity pledge to sure up votes in Iowa.”
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You cannot make this “stuff” up item for the day. Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Joseph Amendola said that anyone who believes his client is a child molester should call “1-800-REALITY.” Uh, fine, except this is the response you get “Hi guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-x action … gay, bi, and bi-curious studs… Just 99 cents per minute.”
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Due to leaked photos, Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy issue is going to be out early. Just like Lindsay with her jail sentences.
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From Bill Littlejohn: Lindsay Lohan looks to rival Marilyn Monroe on the cover of Playboy—if Marilyn were alive, they’d both look 86 years old”
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A Vietnam vet in N.H. asked the candidate about his position on same-sex marriage. Mitt replied “At the time the Constitution was written it was pretty clear that marriage is between a man and a woman, and I don’t believe the (N.H) Supreme Court has changed that.” Well, actually at the time the Constitution was written, Americans were allowed to own slaves.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Christine O'Donnell jokes, Lindsay Lohan Playboy, Pujols jokes, Romney jokes, Sandusky jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 6, 2011
You know you might have a bad lawyer when…he lets you give interviews like this: “If I say, ‘No, I’m not attracted to young boys, that’s not the truth, Because I’m attracted to young people — boys, girls….” Jerry Sandusky – quoted in the New York Times.
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So USC’s Matt Barkley will not be invited to the Heisman ceremony, probably because his team is on probation for the misdeeds of Pete Carroll and Reggie Bush. But LSU’s Tryann Mathieu will be there, despite having been suspended earlier this year for the misdeeds of himself. Can’t understand how college football gets such a sleazy reputation….
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Cliff Harris, Oregon’s All-American Cornerback, was already suspended from the team (for the second time this year) when he apparently violated team rules and coach Chip Kelly dismissed him. Looks like Harris is well on his way to becoming a first round draft pick for the Bengals.
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The head of the FAA was arrested Saturday night for DUI. Guess his real ambition was to be a pilot?
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Robbers stole $1900 from a Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Pasadena. Wow. That’s almost the receipts from three steak dinners.
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Newt Gingrich is lambasting Nancy Pelosi for her comments that that she knows “a lot” about the former speaker because of the year she spent investigating him. In fact, Newt sounds so upset, maybe he’s forgotten Pelosi isn’t one of his ex-wives.
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Dan Quayle is said to be planning an endorsement today. Wonder if the former V.P.’s statement will say he is endorsing “Mitt Romny”.
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Jon Huntsman today said that Donald Trump’s talks with other candidates are “pure BS.” Is the man bound and determined to get the votes of all the thinking GOP primary voters? All five or six of them?
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Apparently Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman won’t attend the debate moderated by Donald Trump. The Donald, insulted, referred to them as “joke candidates,” with “zero chance of getting elected.” Well, it takes a former one to know one.
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Many in the media are focused on the fact that Tim Tebow only completes about 40 percent of his passes. Well, that’s a much better percentage than Herman Cain.
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In Japan, a number of luxury sportscar drivers ended up in an 11 car pileup that smashed eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini and two Mercedes – over $1 million worth of automobiles. It was one of the most expensive wrecks of the year. Following perhaps only Kim Kardashian’s wedding.
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from T.C. “The Jacksonville Jags have been sold and rumored to be relocating to LA. A team in LA playing in the AFC South? Makes sense, KC is in the AFC West, StL in the NFC West and as another reader mentioned last week, Dallas plays in the NFC East. If Hawaii ever gets a team, they can be placed in the AFC East. Hawaii IS EAST of China.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, Kardashian jokes, Romney jokes, Sandusky jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 30, 2011
Herman Cain said he didn’t have a affair, but he simply helped a friend financially. Instead of a “Sugar Daddy” does that make him a “Sugar Cain?”
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Who says there’s no American ingenuity anymore? San Francisco supervisors voted to ban free toys in children’s meal. And McDonald’s is complying, by charging 10 cents for a Happy Meal toy. (All proceeds going to build a SF Ronald McDonald house for sick children.)
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Rick Perry warned that if elected he will deal with uncooperative federal workers by reassigning them “to some really God-awful place.” Well, at least Perry didn’t say he’d go postal on them.
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Wouldn’t it be fun if one of Herman Cain’s girlfriends was named “Nina-Nina-Nina?”
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Herman Cain apparently told his staff Tuesday he is “reassessing” the viability of his campaign after Ginger White’s allegations of their 13 year affair. “Say it ain’t so” cried the nation’s comedy writers.
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Maybe Newt Gingrich is smarter than we thought. Get all the affairs (that we know off) out of the way years before running for office. Americans have short memories and they love repented sinners.
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Rick Perry spoke to a group of New Hampshire college students and told them he’d “appreciate their vote if they were turning 21 by Nov. 12.” (The election is Nov 6, 2012.) Good thing Perry forgot the third thing he was going to tell them.
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Ann Coulter was bleeped out on MSNBC this morning when she appeared to call John McCain (R-Ariz) a “douche bag.” Was she bleeped for the language, or because MSNBC thinks either Gingrich, Cain or Romney is the real “douche bag?”
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American Airlines declared bankruptcy this morning. Wonder how long it will take them to turn that into a ticket surcharge.
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Hardest speechwriting job amongst those writing for GOP primary candidates -writing for Mitt Romney. He/she doesn’t just need to contradict the words of other candidates, but also to contradict the words of the old Romney.
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The Chicago Cubs are apparently in the running for Albert Pujols. Guess new GM Theo Epstein figures now that Pujols has a ring, he might want to spend more time with his family and have Octobers off.
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Dr. Conrad Murray got a four year jail sentence today. Wonder how many days or weeks that is in Lindsay Lohan sentence years.
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Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Caldwell fired the team’s defensive coordinator and announced a QB change, saying “We feel this is the most effective and realistic way to move forward and win games this season.” Yes, that’s “games” Plural. If this coaching gig doesn’t work out Caldwell has a great future in stand-up comedy.
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One of many questions about the various college football scandals, from Syracuse and Penn State to the more mundane ones about money. How do these smart coaches always claim their focus is all on their “kids,” but at the same time claim they have zero idea of anything bad that might be going on?
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Actually are coaches at major universities becoming the better paid equivalent of political wives? “Of course I had no reason to suspect him….”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cain affair jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Penn State jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 20, 2011
But numbers #2 and #4, and #5 and #7 sure did.
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Lee Corso’s “F*** it” comment today on College Game Day is going viral. In Corso’s defense he says was just previewing what BCS executives are saying to each other tonight looking at what’s left of their top 10.
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In Eugene, Oregon still had BCS title hopes alive until the last second, with a chance to tie USC and put the game into overtime, but their field goal attempt sailed wide left. Who do the Ducks think they are, Florida State?
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Ugly win in ugly weather for Stanford over Cal. But Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Oregon and Clemson would trade places with the Cardinal tonight.
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Meanwhile, Stanford’s Andrew Luck was named to the NCAA’s Academic All American first team. The response from most of the SEC “Academic? Is that like part of the Academy Awards or something?”
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Meanwhile Penn State beat Ohio State. Sad to think that a month ago this would have made fans of clean football programs happy.
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Old Navy goofed up earlier this year with “Lets go” football shirts (no hyphen). Now Victoria’s Secret came out with a “Hail to the Victors” shirt. Except that the shirt is green, and says “Go Spartans”…. (Don’t know if they’re more offended in Ann Arbor or Lansing.)
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If President Obama wants a big jump in his approval ratings maybe he should consider an executive order making the BCS unconstitutional. (The SEC is all red states anyway.)
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Meanwhile, happy belated birthday (Saturday) to V.P. Joe Biden. Hard to believe it was just a few short years ago that he was considered to be the politician most likely to embarrass himself by opening his mouth.
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Joe Paterno’s son Jay said Friday that while his world has turned “upside down” in the past two weeks, “We’ve got to make sure we keep focus on the victims of this whole tragedy.”
Uh, isn’t Jerry Sandusky saying there are no victims?
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Jon Huntsman appeared on SNL Saturday night, and was funny, self-deprecating, and articulate. On a night with Kermit the Frog and some Muppets on the show, Hunstman showed again why this Republican primary is calling for a rousing chorus of “One of these things is not like the other.”
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Newt Gingrich has apparently received millions from companies he has “advised” in Washington since leaving Congress. Well, since as a man with three wives Gingrich is defending traditional marriage, why can’t he also run as an insider who wants to reform Washington?
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Mitt Romney said this weekend – “I’m not looking for the next step in my political career. I don’t have a political career.” Paraphrased, “I’m blaming everything I supposedly said and did in Massachusetts on my evil twin.”
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It’s shaping up to be a great Sunday for football fans in Indianapolis – the Colts have a bye week.
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Finally tonight’s “bus to hell” comment courtesy of T.C. “NCAA announces plans for the 1st annual Churchill Downs Horseplayers Bowl: Penn St vs Syracuse.”
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, GOP primary jokes, Penn State jokes, Romney jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 15, 2011
Since deer were complaining, “Hey, we don’t look THAT stupid.”
Herman Cain’s excuse for flubbing a question on Libya – he had only had four hours of sleep. Well, and shouldn’t that make us feel all warm and fuzzy about that potential 3:00am phone call?
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In GOP Congressman Allen West’s defense of waterboarding, he cited that in the movie ‘G.I. Jane,’ Demi Moore was waterboarded. Great, what’s next? Some other congressman citing that noted terrorism expert Jack Bauer?
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After his team went to 0-10, owner Jim Irsay tweeted “FAITH.” Responded God “Hey NFL, I’m giving you Tim Tebow, how many miracles do you want?”
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Rex Ryan said the time-out called by Mark Sanchez near the end of the first half (with 17 seconds left on the play clock, thus leaving more time for Tom Brady to score), was “the stupidest thing in football history.” After watching the Falcons go for it on 4th and 1 at their own 29 against the Saints in OT, I’m not even sure it was the stupidest thing on Sunday.
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Regarding Jerry Sandusky: Who thought it would be such a short reign as “Most hated person in America” for Casey Anthony.
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Blech. Yes I know about innocent until proven guilty, but…. Jerry Sandusky in an interview with Bob Costas tonight said that he had only “horsed around with kids I have showered (with) after workouts.” Never thought I would look back with nostalgia on the innocent days of “It depends what the definition of ‘is’ is.”
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After the interview with Sandusky, Costas’ first comment was reputedly. “I need a shower…. Uh, make that a bath.”
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From my funny friend Jim Barach “Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was rescued from kidnappers in his home country of Venezuela. He says it was the scariest moment of his life. Next to the time he thought he was going to be drafted by the Cubs.”
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Patti Reagan has an article out in Harper’s Bazaar on potential first ladies., and in it she mention that Marcus Bachmann “shops for his wife’s wardrobe, coordinating her outfits so well that Michele Bachmann has bragged about his ‘good sense of style.’”. Gosh, can’t imagine how the rumors got started that Marcus is gay.
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Newt Gingrich is claiming his two week luxury cruise to Greece and Turkey gave him a better understanding of the Greek debt crisis….
Next we’re going to hear about how all those tens of thousands of people that Mitt Romney laid off gave him a better idea of how to deal with unemployment.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Herman Cain jokes, Jerry Sandusky jokes, NFL jokes, Penn State jokes, Romney jokes, Sandusky jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 21, 2011
Halloween is fast approaching. Poor Mitt Romney can’t decide if he wants to go as a conservative or a moderate.
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According to the BBC young man in a Yankees cap was the first fighter to find Moammar Gadhafi. Wow. So at least someone wearing a Yankees cap has had a productive October.
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Hardest thing for U.S. headline writers today, figuring out how to write the now-deceased former leader of Libya’s name. And somewhere Dan Quayle is chuckling “See, this spelling stuff isn’t that easy, is it?
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From Marc Ragovin: The Boston Red Sox announced that they are adding several more sections of alcohol-free seating sections next year, starting with the dugout.
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A truck jackknifed this morning and scattered thousands of chickens across Highway 80 near Vacaville in Northern California. The CHP is looking into the cause, but at this point they don’t suspect fowl play.
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Ohio State is paying interim football coach Luke Fickell, $775,000 this year. That’s almost as much as some past Buckeye players.
Asked about becoming the next President, Mitt Romney said he had a “good shot.” Of course, Dick Cheney thought the same thing.
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Three starters on the LSU football team were suspended for allegedly testing positive for synthetic marijuana. Guess Tigers coach Les Miles feels his team is better on natural grass.
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The Texas Rangers tied the World Series 1-1 with a 2 run rally in the bottom of the ninth. All of a sudden, wacky Giants closer Brian Wilson isn’t quite as much of a joke in St. Louis.
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The Senate by a 50-50 vote, scuttled President Obama’s jobs bill. But okay, besides the partisan issues is it really fair to put such decisions in the hands of those who through incumbency have jobs probably as long as they want them, and benefits and pensions for life?
(And policy aside. let’s see — 50-50, when the Democrats have the tie breaking vote. Isn’t that majority rule 51-50?”)
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After violating her probation, Lindsay Lohan was temporarily sentenced to janitorial duty at the L.A. County Morgue. Apparently today she showed up late and left early. Hate to say it but the way the way she is going, seems a likely bet Lindsay will be back there to stay at some point.
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So Dirk Nowitzki will be able to throw out a first pitch at a World Series game after all. This after MLB originally denied the Rangers’ request, possibly because they didn’t want to make the political statement of supporting the NBA players during the lockout. But the league reversed course, maybe because George H. W and George W. weren’t available this time.
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The rumors continue that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are splitting up. And this is the kind of marriage many in the GOP are defending?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Gadhafi death jokes, Libya jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 18, 2011
Okay, most serious football fans weren’t surprised that Jim Harbaugh has already gotten into it with another NFL coach. But 90 percent of those in the pool had Pete Carroll.
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T.C. says “Breaking News: UFC 138 Headliner now changed to Harbaugh vs Schwartz.”
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After the “shake heard round the world”, Jim Harbaugh is now saying that he will personally attempt to get better at the postgame handshake.” But let’s be real here, if he planned these handshakes in the first place, who other than Harbaugh himself thought the 49ers coach would be doing much more than congratulating his opponents.
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So tomorrow it will be the Cardinals vs. the Rangers in the World Series. Well, at least we know the BCS has nothing to do with baseball – otherwise it would be the Phillies against the Yankees in the series. With St. Louis and Texas in something like the Tostitos Tournament.
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How unpopular is Mitt Romney with Tea Party members? Herman Cain is just the latest of several candidates to vault into a tie in the polls for the GOP Presidential nomination. In fact, some dislike Romney so much they may still support Cain after they figure out he’s black.
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The Oakland Raiders, 4-2, are looking for a temporary QB now that Jason Campbell will be sidelined for 6-8 weeks with a broken collarbone. Rumor has it they already sent someone to Hattiesburg, MS to put up a billboard saying “No thanks Brett.”
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A new law in California will require children to be in booster seats until they are 4’9″ or eight years old, whichever comes first. Good thing about that “whichever comes first,” kids like Doug Flutie would be in boosters through high school.
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Okay, so maybe the Cardinal isn’t getting any BCS love, but there are different measures of success. And how’s this one? The Stanford football game Saturday against Washington is SOLD OUT. And tickets are being scalped at twice face value and up on Stubhub.
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Okay, regarding this maybe slightly simplistic 9-9-9 tax plan: So new goods get taxed, and used goods don’t. Well, for starters, that would mean that a buyer of the most basic model 2012 Nissan Versa would pay tax, and a buyer of a 2010 S-Class Mercedes wouldn’t.
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Martin Sheen praised President Obama today and said he’s the “only adult in the room.” Well, if anyone knows about being the only adult in the room, it’s Charlie Sheen’s father.
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Wells Fargo reported third-quarter net income of $4.1 billion, up 21% from a year ago. The bank earned 72 cents a share, although analysts had expected 73 cents. You know what that means… banking fees are going up.
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After an extremely contentious divorce, Frank McCourt got the Dodgers, and his ex-wife Jamie got $130 million. Guess Frank got the short straw.
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Frank and Jamie McCourt have reached a divorce settlement. She gets $130 million, he gets to keep the Dodgers. This is good news, for Giants fans.
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Fans of several lousy NFL teams are now hoping their teams continue to lose in a “Suck For Luck” strategy. Andrew Luck himself was interviewed about the idea, and responded. “I think it’s stupid. Simply put.” Fans of the Dolphins, Rams and Colts responded – “Uh, since you’re supposed to be the smart guy from Stanford, clearly you haven’t seen our current QBs play this year.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 9-9-9 jokes, bank jokes, handshake jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Jim Harbaugh jokes, Romney jokes, World Series jokes
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October 14, 2011
Herman Cain is now the GOP Presidential frontrunner?! But let’s be fair. With the love and affection most Republicans feel for Romney, Stephen Colbert could announce his candidacy tomorrow, and vault over Mitt in the polls by next week.
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Anita Perry on her husband Rick: “He is the only true conservative – well, there are some true conservatives. And they’re there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose.” Gosh, listening to Anita, it sounds like she’d fit right in if she herself decided to join the GOP field running for President.
So now there are rumors Herman Cain stole his 9-9-9 tax plan from the video game SimCity. Big deal, for years there have been rumors that Mitt Romney stole his style from one of his granddaughters’ Ken dolls.
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Not even Al Davis’s death put him on the cover of Sports Illustrated. But Al would probably have approved. Wouldn’t want anyone to jinx his Raiders.
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Hank Williams Jr. is trying to shop his “All My Rowdy Friends” song to other networks. Maybe he should try to shop it to the Red Sox for their clubhouse.
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NBA Commissioner David Stern says that the labor dispute is now threatening Christmas games. The potential horror. Millions of families may be actually forced to talk to each other.
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Tough times for Mitt Romney. It’s not just that he’s losing to “None of the Above.” But “None of the Above” has a higher likability rating.
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Got to love it. True story. Guy trying to get into Red Carpet Club at LAX because he is in First Class. Agent says, sorry, we only give access to non-members when they are flying First Class internationally, not Domestic. Guy, indignantly. “But I’m going to Hawaii.”
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Blackberry’s president has apologized for the outages that have gone on since Monday. Of course most of his customers won’t get the message until at least next week
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One of those rare serious thoughts: The House passed another anti-abortion bill today. Now, abortion is a tough subject and I realize reasonable people can disagree. But I would respect a lot of the anti-abortion types more if they weren’t also usually in favor of cutting funding for programs for poor women and their living children.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Blackberry jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, NBA jokes, Romney jokes
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October 12, 2011
Just a thought, if Mitt Romney ever actually does win the Presidency… Fully expect Madame Tussaud’s to throw up their hands and say “Sorry, there is no way we can compete with reality here.”
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This thought inspired by a conversation with my friend Steven Harmon: If Admiral Stockdale was alive he would look at the GOP candidates on the debate stand tonight and ask “Who are they, what are they doing here?”
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Like Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani just announced he was not running for President. Unlike Christie, no one had asked Giuliani to run anyway.
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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie did endorse Romney Tuesday. Wonder if any editor will run this headline today “Christie throws weight behind Romney.”
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Herman Cain said before tonight’s GOP debate that he was going to take on Mitt Romney but added “I’m not going after Perry. I don’t need to go after Perry.” Translation, nothing I can add will be as damaging as what comes out of Rick Perry’s mouth.
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Herman Cain, who has become a darling of the Tea Party, also said “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.” Uh, doesn’t that mean Obama’s off the hook?
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Lebron James is now talking about taking his talents to the NFL. Wait until someone tells him they also play four quarters.
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Theo Epstein is apparently about to bolt Boston for the Chicago Cubs. Well, now that he’s married with children it makes sense. The job comes with Octobers off.
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South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia has been dismissed from the team, after his fifth suspension. – this one due to his allegedly testing positive for marijuana and alcohol. Wonder how long until Garcia gets asked to work out for the Cincinnati Bengals.
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From Gary M. – Had Dr. Seuss chronicled the Broncos Sunday, he would’ve told us that Tebow got to play because: Orton Hears a Boo.
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Open note to all those ESPN types who were basically predicting a Texas ALCS sweep: If you guys paid any attention to teams beyond the Yankees and Red Sox, you might have noticed that a- Texas isn’t as good on the road, and b- Detroit has a pretty good team, including that Fister guy they picked up from Seattle….
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ESPN is advertising their first “Countdown to the BCS” Sunday night. Which will be, about HALFWAY through the college football season, the current rankings for BCS bowl games. Not sure of the order of the top teams at this point, but sure of one thing, anyone who makes this appointment TV is in serious need of a life.
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Tim Tebow apparently will be named the Broncos starter for their game after the bye week. Does this mean that God wants Tebow to be the Denver QB? Or does He/She really want to see Andrew Luck in a Broncos uniform?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball playoffs jokes, Chris Christie jokes, GOP debate jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, Romney jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 9, 2011
Tigers, Rangers, Cardinals, Brewers. None of them amongst baseball’s paupers. But the nine teams in baseball with the highest payrolls are now all home watching on TV.
(The Tigers, btw, at about $105 million, are the highest paid team left, followed by about $200,000 by the Cardinals.)
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Congrats to the Cardinals. But maybe, just maybe, someone in the national media might opine after this year that the best starting rotation when it counts in baseball resides about 2500 miles west of Philly. (And yes, even great pitchers need SOME hitting, which is why that rotation isn’t in the postseason.)
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And congratulations to Milwaukee for making it to the NLCS. While I am not particularly a Brewers fan, I do realize that a Detroit-Milwaukee World Series would be Fox Sports’ worst nightmare. And Karmic payback for all those televised Red Sox-Yankees game.
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Rough week for fans in Philadelphia and New York, with the heavily favored Phillies and Yankees losing in the first round. Well, at least they’ve got championship dreams with the Eagles and Jets…. Uh, never mind.
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Now available at Dollar Stores near you – “Phillies-Yankees 2011 World Series t-shirts.”
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Good news for Phillies fans. With the retail shopping season starting earlier and earlier, it won’t be more than about a month until they can start booing Santa Claus.
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Dick Stockton, calling the Cardinals-Phillies game, just said on TBS that “the drama on the field” is increasing each inning. Wow. What an astute observation in a 1-0 game five in a best of five series.
NCAA has suspended Ohio State wide receiver DeVier Posey for five additional games because he was paid $728 for summer work he did not do. Miami players all responded “$728?! Man, midwest boosters are pikers.”
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Mitt Romney attacked Obama Friday saying “This is very simple: If you do not want America to be the strongest nation on Earth, I am not your president. You have that president.” Right, as opposed to the last GOP president who got Bin Laden and all those Al Qaeda leaders, and toppled Gaddafi… Oops, never mind.
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At the White House, President Barack Obama Friday saluted his beloved 1985 Chicago Bears for their Super Bowl win. (Now, the President had a plausible reason, as the original visit was cancelled due to the Challenger disaster.) In any case, it’s good that Obama is a South Side of Chicago baseball fan. Would be a little embarrassing to salute the 1908 Cubs.
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So for all their money, the Yankees ended up this year without winning it all, and in most of the country, getting no love. Wonder if they got a congratulatory call from Mitt Romney.
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From my funny friend Paul Seaburn: “A beautician in Thailand claims she has an all-natural technique for enlarging breasts that involves slapping them. I’m not sure I believe it. If slapping body parts made them grow, most guys would need three-legged trousers…”
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The Dutch national railway has some short-haul “Sprinter” trains designed without bathrooms. For passengers who need facilities, they are offering – plastic bags. (Yes, really.) The bags, which contain absorbent material and can be sealed and thrown away, are kept in the conductors booth for “emergencies only.” Let’s hope U.S. airlines never hear about this.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, New York Yankees jokes, Philadelphia Phillies jokes, Phillies jokes, Romney jokes, Yankees jokes
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September 23, 2011
The Romney-Perry feud is growing. The subtitle of this GOP Primary may be “There ain’t enough hair gel in this town for the two of us.”
Two new polls apparently show former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman climbing into double digits in New Hampshire. Is that double digits in percentage terms, or in absolute numbers of voters?
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Mitt Romney bashed Rick Perry tonight about allowing illegal immigrants to pay in-state tuition rates at the Texas universities. Many Texans agree with him – there’s no way such students should get such a break – unless they can run really fast while carrying (or chasing someone with) a football.
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The audience at tonight’s GOP debate in Orlando jeered loudly when a videotaped question from a gay soldier was asked about the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Wonder how many of those presumably straight people booing would volunteer to go to the Mideast to take the young man’s place?
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You cannot make this “stuff” up dept: Quote from Mitt Romney today “We ought to provide help to the people who have been hurt most by the Obama economy. And that’s the middle class, It’s not those at the very low end; it’s certainly not those at the very high end. It’s for the great middle class — the 80 to 90 percent of us in this country.” As Tonto said “Who’s ‘we’, white man?”
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Rough day for the market. Many stocks were falling faster than the Braves and Red Sox’s playoff hopes.
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This item sent in by “ifollowsports.com’s Jon Rapoport: Carlos Beltran, overheard leaving the Giants team hotel in Los Angeles to meet with his agent Scott Boras “We’re meeting to figure out which team we will rob.”
Beltran’s joke would be funnier if it weren’t true. But that would presumably let the Giants out, because they have learned from their contract disaster with Zito. So besides Barry, they really aren’t on the hook to any aging, useless players. Well, except Aaron Rowand ($14 million) and Aubrey Huff ($11 million.) Okay, never mind.
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This week many Americans changed their relationship status with Facebook to “It’s complicated.”
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Manny Ramirez was told he cannot play winter ball in the Dominican Republic because he is on MLB’s inactive list for his most recent suspension. So Manny told ESPNdeportes that he will formally request reinstatement. Which means he is un-retiring and says he will be available for any MLB team. “Atta boy,” said Brett Favre. (Or after the pregnancy hormone test, “Atta girl?”)
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Meg Whitman has been named the latest CEO at HP. Counting interim CEO Cathie Lesjak, she will be the fourth CEO in a little over a year. Well, it’s tough, but Meg may have found a more dysfunctional operation to head than the state of California.
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The NFL fined Chargers DT Antonio Garay $15,000 for his below-the-knee hit on QB Tom Brady last Sunday. $15,000?! To potentially knock a star player out for the season? Cheap at the price. If the NFL really wants to stop this they should suspend dirty hitters for as long as the player they hit ends up on the disabled list.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: GOP debate jokes, Manny Ramirez jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Romney jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 16, 2011
Detroit Tigers’ players may not be that unhappy over the end of their 12 game winning streak tonight against the Oakland A’s.
Tigers manager Jim Leyland had said he was wearing the same underwear during the team’s 12 game win streak and didn’t plan to wash or change it until they lost. This might explain the team’s recent great pitching during the streak. No one wanted a visit on the mound.
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Meanwhile the Red Sox are 3-11 in September. Not to say fans are officially panicking. But if this keeps up they may start referring to Fenway Park as Boston’s “Friendly confines.”
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The Pirates have clinched their 19th straight losing season. But that’s okay with folks in Pittsburgh since the Steelers have gotten off to another great start….. Oops, never mind.
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Mitt Romney said today that Dick Cheney “is the kind of person” he’d like to have as running mate. Translation, he doesn’t want to do the work of governing any more than George W. did?
Either that or Romney wants to make sure he has the best hair on the ticket.
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The latest leaked picture scandal involves Scarlett Johansson, with candid photos appearing to show her naked appearing online. Apparently the FBI lottery to be assigned to the case closed yesterday due to too many applicants.
As my friend Pat M. says – “More federal employees hard at work.”
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Pat Robertson said that a spouse having Alzheimer’s is justification for divorce. Newt Gingrich said Robertson’s comments were “a good start.”
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University of Michigan supporters helped save the life of a 68 year old Notre Dame fan who had a heart attack during last weekend’s game in Ann Arbor. Doctors said he survived in part due to one man who performed CPR and others who called for medics. The fans downplayed their heroism and added “Hey, it’s not like he was from Ohio State.”
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Congratulations to Pablo Sandoval, who tonight hit for the cycle (a single, double, triple and home run in one game) against the Rockies. In 2011, it’s hard to remember many games where the Giants as a team hit for the cycle. Heck, sometimes it’s hard to remember games where SF got four hits.
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USA Today reports that analysts say Joe McGinniss’s new book “The Rogue’ negative book may not hurt Sarah Palin. Well, yeah, it’s not like many of her supporters actually read.
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Palin is reportedly particularly incensed. Sarah feels strongly that if there are going to be books containing lies about her, she wants to write them.
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The latest college football rumored move is Florida State considering the SEC. Apparently according to ESPN the school’s football fans have always wanted such a move, but the faculty favors being in the ACC because of the league’s academic reputation. Responded the football crowd – “what’s an ‘academic’ reputation?”
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A new poll shows the GOP split down the middle on those between those who do and don’t consider themselves Tea Party members. And the party is deeply divided on many of the issues. Who do they think they are? Democrats.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Detroit Tigers jokes, Michigan jokes, Romney jokes, Sarah Palin jokes, Scarlett Johannson jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 8, 2011
Just might be in a room standing between Rick Perry and Mitt Romney and the only blow dryer.
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Tonight’s GOP debate will be held at the Reagan Library. Ironic, because for all his reputation, Reagan did occasionally compromise with Democrats, raised taxes, and appointed Sandra Day O’Connor to the Supreme Court. In tonight’s crowd his action would be considered those of a flaming liberal.
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Who knows at this point who will be the Republican nominee for President? But if it comes down to Perry and Romney there will at least be full employment for mens’ hairdressers.
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Didn’t we learn from John Edwards? Never trust a man who spends more time on his hair than his wife.
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Michele Bachmann wants to eliminate the Department of Education. Makes a certain amount of sense. She shows no sign of having benefited from it.
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I admit Nancy Pelosi looks like she overdosed on Botox. But Michele Bachman, who is 55, isn’t far behind.
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And in all the potential bets and drinking games, who had Rick Perry praising former Massachusetts Governor Dukakis – telling Romney that “Michael Dukakis created jobs three times faster than you did, Mitt,”
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The White House doesn’t release information on the President’s television viewing habits, but seems likely that if Obama was sitting down watching the debate, he had more fun tonight than he has in months.
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Meanwhile millions of Americans, when asked if they were paying attention to the big debate, figured that meant whether or not Texas A & M should leave the Big 12.
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Is this really the best headline they could have written – on the CNN political ticker? “Christie gets big job.”
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Panthers rookie quarterback Cam Newton said he was surprised to get a phone call this week from Michael Vick. Surprised I guess because he figured Vick would have called his dad.
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In San Jose, California, police officers cited three women working in a Vietnamese coffee shop who they said were serving patrons while topless. Sort of puts a new spin on “short,” “extra hot,” and “grande.”
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32 games for the SF Giants, 5 errors. At least a few of them resulting in game changing unearned runs. Seems to me Orlando Cabrera should be spelt with a lot more “E”s
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Justin Verlander won his 22nd game today, despite giving up 4 earned runs in 6 innings, as the Tigers beat the Indians 8-6. SF Giants management immediately faxed weather reports on average summer temperatures and humidity in Detroit to their entire starting pitching staff.
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The Florida Marlins’ new stadium, scheduled to open in 2012, is 80 percent completed. The team is so excited they are considering offering a sneak preview tour to both season ticket holders.
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The SEC voted to accept Texas A&M, but the deal won’t be official until all Big 12 schools have promised not to take legal action. You know you’re getting old when you can remember when the drama in college football was actually on the field.
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Travel example in the “You can’t make this stuff up” category: A client asked me to find a hotel near her boss’s meeting in New York. Said sure, but where was the meeting? She gave me the address on Broadway, then added “It’s on the 17th floor.”
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From Augie, in response to my post saying that W. asked Cheney what a “mea culpa” was.
He thinks that Cheney responded “Mea culpa runneth over with your stupid questions.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, GOP debate jokes, Governor Goodhair, Marlins jokes, Perry hair jokes, Perry jokes, political jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 26, 2011
First an earthquake, now an oncoming hurricane. The headline for this week in D.C. might be “God is coming and She is pissed.”
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Irene may actually end up staying at hurricane force through much of New England. Which means it’s a good thing neither Rick Perry nor Mitt Romney have outdoor events scheduled in the Northeast this weekend.
Otherwise it could be tragic, both of them might need to publicly comb their hair.
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Keppinger, Sandoval and Belt are the exceptions. But otherwise with the SF Giants’ lineup they might as well rename A T and T Park to Jurassic Park. Because it houses a bunch of dinosaurs.
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Here’s a story that everyone but Yankees fans will enjoy. Star pitcher Jared Weaver signed a contract to stay with the Angels for the “discounted” price of $85 million over five years. When he could have had well over $100 million as a free agent. Weaver’s explanation “If $85 [million] is not enough to take care of my family and other generations of families, then I’m pretty stupid.”
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Looks like Danica Patrick is finally making the move from Indy cars to NASCAR. Another step towards broadening her claim to being the Anna Kournikova of car racing.
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Fred Couples has decided to add Tiger Woods to the 12-man President’s Cup team, saying “He’s the best player in the world forever.”
In related news, Brett Favre asked Couples if he’d consider being on the Pro Bowl selection committee.
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In case anyone still has any doubt that it’s all about winning, note the fact that there seems to be more criticism about Tim Tebow as an NFL quarterback, than about Michael Vick.
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This story’s not getting better. Now a witness says she saw LSU starting QB Jordan Jefferson kick someone in the face during a bar fight that injured four people last week. Maybe Jefferson’s trying to get his felonies out of the way BEFORE he joins the NFL?
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Sarah Palin issued a statement criticizing the media speculation regarding her intentions about the presidential race. Karl Rove responded by accusing Palin of having “thin skin.” Really? Next Rove will observe that President Obama might be black.
GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney said in N.H this week this young people should study harder, and learn that esteem comes from “living with integrity and getting married before they have kids.” Well, if Romney gets the nomination, at least Americans probably don’t have to worry about another V.P. run from Sarah Palin.
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In the category of “You might be white trash if…” A couple was arrested in Pennsylvania for allegedly shoplifting more than $1,000 in food from a supermarket for their wedding reception that afternoon. (Have to wonder, what were the guests told when they showed up?)
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From Bill Littlejohn: Only 347 people showed up for the first game of the doubleheader between the Marlins and the Reds at Sun Life Stadium.In fact, Libyan rebels were seen searching the upper centerfield bleachers for Moammar Gadhafi”
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But really, 347 fans? Really? This isn’t a major league baseball ballpark, it’s a witness protection program.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Jared Weaver, Marlins attendances jokes, Marlins jokes, Palin jokes, Romney jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 