Final, Final Last Chances…

Posted October 15, 2013 by left coast sports babe
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Really? Email Monday from a vendor “Final Day to Shop Our Columbus Day Sale.” But presumably tomorrow is the “First day to shop the Halloween Sale”.

 

So while we’re on the football team name game… In these PC times is it only due to the fact that New Orleans’ team now is pretty good, that we haven’t heard a protest from the Catholic Church?

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Idea for President Obama to get bipartisan agreement during a tough time in Washington, D.C.: Appointing Dan Snyder to some symbolic but meaningless position which would still require Snyder to sell the Redskins.

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In Berkeley, Seattle, and other U.S. cites, Columbus Day is Indigenous Peoples’ Day. But no matter how P.C. this country gets, however, it will probably never spread national-wide. Especially since most Americans can’t spell “Indigenous.”

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Harry Reid said Monday a deal was near to end the shutdown. Maybe someone told Ted Cruz to stay home because no one would be negotiating on Columbus Day?

 

Got to love announcers saying that an 0 2 hole in ALCS or NLCS would mean series was basically over. Guess it’s been so long in MLB  since a team climbed out of a two-game hole…

 

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A backup dancer who dressed up as a teddy bear for Miley Cyrus’s MTV performance is now saying that being “on that stage, in that costume was one of the most degrading things I felt like I could ever do.” Uh, presumably less degrading than a costume where anyone could actually see her face and recognize her.

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Arkansas AD director Jeff Long has been named the first chair of the College Football Playoff selection committee. Someone from the SEC, I’m shocked, shocked…..

 

Tried to buy red wine from United flight attendant. “Sorry, we only have white.”. Okay, then,  fine. Pay the man and he hands me a chilled mini-bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

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Scientists have found traces of a chemical similar to methamphetamine in Craze, a pre-workout sports supplement. Wonder if the company claims the product was originally designed by a high school teacher?

 

Greg Schiano, coach of the 0-5 Tampa Bay Bucs “The only thing I can say to the fans is, if they can hang in there, we’re going to be good.” Not sure if he’s right, but Schiano has just been named an honorary Chicago Cub

 

Macy’s will open some stores this Thanksgiving at 8pm. The bad news, this will keep many Americans from spending time with their families. The good news, this will keep many Americans from spending time with their families.

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A Massachusetts High School senior volleyball player lost her captain’s title and was suspended five games after she drove to pick up a drunk friend at a party where students were drinking. (Despite a police officer’s vouching for her being sober.) Wrong on so many levels, but why do I think this wouldn’t have happened to the captain of the football team?

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Comments: 1 Comment

Any given Sunday

Posted October 13, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

saints saintssaintsIn New Orleans. Where they do love their football team….

saints

Although, up four points, 10 seconds left,  no timeouts for the Patriots….  Why not line up six men on the goal line, five at the five, and dare Brady and company to break through?  Just sayin’

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At this point finding replacement name for the Washington Redskins will have to be some inanimate object. Because the team is playing in a way that would be an insult to any real or mythical creature.

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The baseball Gods do not apparently approve of pulling a dominant starting pitcher who has thrown only 108 pitches #Redsox #Tigers

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Things fell apart for the Tigers so fast Sunday night, Giants fans had to wonder, did Leyland give Scherzer the game ball?

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Though if the Red Sox been shut out again would Bud Selig have declared a moratorium on post-season PED testing?

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Marc Ragovin “I guess you can say that the Red Sox won game two of the ALCS by the hair of their chinny chin chins.”

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The #Jets look to be joining the #Yankees, #Mets and #Giants in a campaign to give NY sports fans a choice: Hockey or basketball?

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GM Brian Cashman denied reports he would prefer to have A-Rod suspended than have the Yankees pay him $24 million last year. And he said it with a straight face.

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A Teapartier today at the so-called “Million Vet March” demanded that President Obama “leave town, put the Quran down, get up off his knees, and figuratively come out with his hands up.” Charming. Wonder why the same guy isn’t demanding that Ted Cruz go back to Canada.

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Rand Paul said that President Obama should not be using scare tactics about raising the federal debt ceiling. Right, add “the U.S. paying bills on time” to the list of commie pinko liberal concepts.

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I think I’m beginning to understand the narrative: When President Obama compromises with the GOP, he’s a spineless wimp.  When he stands his ground, he’s an arrogant wanna-be dictator.

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Only unhappy football fans in Denver Sunday night. Anyone who bet the 28 point spread. #Jagssuckbutnotthatmuch

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SF Giants fans are happy the team didn’t make the rumored trade of Javier Lopez to Detroit. Tigers fans tonight, not so much.

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First love, first hate.

Posted October 12, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

An actual semi-serious post to start:  Well, as serious as sports gets  🙂

 

First love, first hate. They stick with you. Since 1986 – “You gotta like these kids” – I have been a die-hard SF Giants fan. But my first team growing up as a kid was the Detroit Tigers, my first favorite player, Mickey Lolich. (Had to empathize with the less than glamorous lefty.) Got lucky with a 1968 World Series win. But then 1971, and Lolich’s best year with 25 wins still left him a runner-up to Vida Blue for the Cy Young.   And in 1972, the Oakland A’s knocked the Detroit Tigers out in five games. The first ALCS playoff. Broke my heart. I was 13.

 

And I haven’t forgiven the A’s since. To the point, that, yes, I admit it, I wasn’t completely unhappy when Kirk Gibson hit that home run off Eck. 1989 didn’t help, but I have “forgiven” other teams who beat the Giants. The Tigers were my first love, the A’s, my first hate. And yes, I rooted for the Giants last year. But felt just a bit guilty.   So, Thursday night made me happy. And even though I was born in Boston, game one of the ALCS made me happy.   And JV and company,  hope you bring a trophy with those little flags back to a city that could really use it.

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Now back to less serious stuff, like football:

Clemson  suspended two players for “poor behavior.” And NY Giants fans said “You can do that?”

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Lane Kiffin said today his firing was “very difficult.”. And USC fans are thinking “not as difficult as watching the teams you coached.”

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Texas wins big over Oklahoma in the “Save Mack Brown’s Job Bowl.”

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From my friend Karen T.   “Dear Jackass ESPN Announcer Calling the Michigan v Penn State Game: Jerry Sandusky was not involved in a “sex scandal”. Jerry Sandusky is a pedophile and a serial child molester.  Yes, there IS a difference and yes, it DOES matter.

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Stanford lost 27-21 today.    And a near comeback fell short when a 3rd and 2 at the 6 with a minute left resulted into calls for two incomplete passes.   Is it a rule that a #Stanford football coach must have a brain cramp once a season?   

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In the misery loves company department, Stanford fans might have some sympathy for Michigan. Up a touchdown with 30 seconds left, the Wolverines lost 43-40 in 4 OTS. After missing 3 of 4 FGs that could have won the game in the first 3 OTS.

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In a recent poll, 22% of Americans admitted to not knowing which party their current member of Congress belongs to. Of course, the harder question might have been “Name your member of Congress.”

(And has my friend David mentioned, how many think they know and are wrong?)

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Okay, if we HAVE to pay Congress during the shutdown, can we at least fine them for each day it goes on…. say an amount exactly equal to that day’s pay?

Comments: 2 Comments

Lesus Saves?

Posted October 11, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Oops: The Vatican just withdrew thousands of official papal medals from sale when they discovered they had misspelled Jesus’ name as “”Lesus”. Guess this doesn’t do much for the doctrine of papal infallibility.

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The Oakland Raiders will play a 2014 NFL home game in London at Wembley. “Black Hole” meets soccer hooligans, wonder if the NFL is chipping in for police overtime….

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The Duggars say they are “actively trying” for their 20th child. And somewhere God is thinking “When I said go forth and multiply, I wasn’t thinking numbers that required a calculator.

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NY Jets TE Kellen Winslow is the latest player to receive a 4 game suspension for violating the NFL’s PED policy. He issued the standard “I apologize but I have no idea what happened because I would never knowingly take banned substances” statement….

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Mark Zuckerberg has spent $30 million on four houses that border his home in Palo Alto. And for the Facebook founder to have that kind of privacy, guess the site will only need to add a few more ad generators invading ours….

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The MAC has announced a new bowl game known as the Boca Raton Bowl beginning in 2014. This is great news for all these teams who thought they might finish 6-6 and tragically miss the postseason.

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Stay classy Ted Cruz. When the Texas Senator spoke yesterday at a Tea Party event, he said he was going to meetings with the President, and “if I’m never seen again, please send a search and rescue team.”

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At Texas A&M, they are getting rid of the natural grass surface at Kyle Field after the season, and will sell it for $400 for a 460 sq ft pallet. Alas, the NY Giants share a stadium with the Jets. Otherwise Giants fans might be interested in a similar deal – if they can sell the Met Life field in chunks NOW, so the team could stop trying to play on it.

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Nazi war criminal Erich Priebke, 100, has died. He was under house arrest serving a life term for his part in a massacre of 335 civilians near Rome in 1944. Priebke’s lawyer announced his death saying “”The dignity with which he withstood his persecution made him an example of courage, coherence and loyalty.” Even Jerry Sandusky’s legal team is thinking “I want to throw up.”

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Well, it may hurt a bit if Zach Wheeler turns into an All-Star.  But at least the SF Giants’ idea to trade for Carlos Beltran in 2011 has been validated.  #BeatLA

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A federal judge ruled today that MLB can legally prohibit the Oakland A’s from moving to San Jose. Well, that ought to give Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committee enough to keep them deliberating another 5-10 years..

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Good week for Mitt Romney. The California Coastal Commission approved his plans to tear down his 3,000 sq-ft home in La Jolla, and build a 11,000 sq ft replacement. And he and Ann just bought an $8 million home in Park City to replace the one they sold before he ran for President. And these days Mitt doesn’t have to deal with any silly reporters asking him how many homes he has.

At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/276663/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-11-2013-Edition-440#sthash.IlUkYfDh.dpuf
At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/276663/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-11-2013-Edition-440#sthash.IlUkYfDh.dpuf

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Not so high hopes?

Posted October 10, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Talk about a culture of diminished expectations. The Dow rose over 300 points today over a GOP proposal for a temporary debt ceiling raise, which would keep the government shut down. It’s like dropping the insurance rates on a wild teenage party, because one or two adults might have shown up.

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So wonder if the #OaklandAthletics have invited the #DetroitTigers to jump in their stadium sewage?

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The rumors of Justin Verlander’s pitching demise have been greatly exaggerated.

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As Sonny Gray took the mound for Oakland tonight, A’s fans were thinking “Madison Bumgarner.” Tigers fans were thinking “Salomon Torres.”

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Big money ball thought of the day: You could add the payrolls of the Detroit Tigers and Oakland As together, and still be about $30 million less than the LA Dodgers…

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Wild times in Provo. Apparently Coke Zero, which is forbidden along with other caffeinated beverages at Mormon-owned BYU, was accidentally stocked in a campus vending machine, and according to the Salt Lake Tribune “immediately caused a run on the machine.” Just imagine the profit potential for smuggling Starbucks….

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SF 49ers’ LB Aldon Smith was charged with 3 felony counts of illegal possession of an assault weapon yesterday. The guns in question are legal in some states, but not California. Considering the variation in state laws, free agency rules, and some players’ mindsets, you’d think Florida and Arizona would have better football teams….

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From T.C.  “In honor of QB Matt Schaub, A Houston pizza joint has a item called “Pick 6″ toppings. It’s pickup only as the owner figures deliveries could be intercepted.”

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The service academies will be able to continue playing football and other sports through the end of October, despite the government shutdown. Well, with our country’s priorities so in order, sounds like things will be resolved by Nov 1.

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Actor James Woods told a Twitter follower “‘I don’t expect to work again” after he criticized President-Obama over the government shutdown. Responded most Americans “Who’s James Woods?”

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The Democrats and Republicans are often going to disagree. And laws will be passed in future that one or another party does not like. So to those who are cheering Boehner’s shutdown strategy, assume you have no problem with Democrats doing it in future when THEY strongly believe a law is dangerous to our country? #thenewnormal

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A friend of a friend is against Obamacare because of the “tyranny of forcing people to buy something from a private company.” So what’s the next government shutdown going to be over? Car insurance?

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The Jonas Brothers canceled their planned concert tour because of “a deep rift within the band.” And in a display of bipartisan unity, both GOP and Democratic parents who had promised to take their pre-teens to the shows, said “Now, there’s a shutdown we can get behind.”

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Saddest thing about a sad Glee episode, the disclaimer during the credits “The events and characters depicted in this motion picture are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events, is purely coincidental.” Tonight, wish that that were true. #Rememberingcory

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What’s in a name?

Posted October 9, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Washington owner  Dan Snyder about the Redskins name “It isn’t just where we came from — it’s who we are.” “Who we are?” Well, guess “Sucky Football Team” doesn’t fit on a jersey.

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In the SF Bay Area, BART unions are apparently ready to strike for a second time. Apparently trying to see if it’s possible to get even more unpopular than Congress.

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This might be a more controversial post than the shutdown lines, but here goes:

When interviewed for local radio and asked for his NLDS prediction, Chipper Jones had predicted LA would beat Atlanta in 4 games.  So the entire Braves team boycotted his throwing out the ceremonial first pitch for game 1, and Chipper had to throw to the mascot. Sounds like Atlanta is just as classy as their fans’ Tomahawk Chop.

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Back to the shutdown:

The House would need 217 votes to pass a CR (clean resolution) to end the government shutdown. Apparently as of today there are 219 “yes” votes. Math, another of those commie pinko liberal concepts.

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Yahoo just changed their mail interface without any warning at all. Just who does Marissa Mayer think she is, the CEO of Facebook?

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Congress’s approval rating is now at 5%. Wow. There are actually 5% of Americans who think they are doing a good job?

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Who says Congress isn’t suffering along with the rest of the country? Sen. Ted Cruz told People magazine that his wife and two daughters couldn’t visit the National Zoo and museums last weekend. So they went apple-picking and visited Mount Vernon. Ah that American resilience during tough times….

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12 people were stuck nearly 3 hours tonight at Universal Studios Orlando on a roller coaster that broke down. As opposed to the millions of people that are still stuck for days across the country with the roller coaster of the government shutdown..

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Chris Christie has said he is against the GOP shutdown tactics. Makes sense, because since he thinks he’ll be elected President in 2016 he doesn’t want the Dems to try the same B.S. on him.

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Cowboys defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin said that people should blame him, not Tony Romo, for the team’s loss to the Broncos. USC fans are shocked – a Kiffin taking responsibility for anything?

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Travel agent face palm moment of the day, clients ask for several very deluxe rooms in a particular tropical resort area in late December. Warn them that this could be difficult because most such places sell out far in advance for Christmas. The response “That’s okay, we don’t celebrate Christmas…”

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Washington coach Steve Sarkasian claimed that Stanford faked injuries to slow down the Huskies’ offense in last week’s game. Except that the two players who briefly left the game were Ben Gardner and Shayne Skov,  star seniors who are probable NFL draft choices. So if Cardinal coach David Shaw were to fake injuries, Sarkasian doesn’t think he’s smart enough to fake them with marginal players?

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From Jim Barach  “Snooki from “Jersey Shore” has opened up about her struggle with anorexia in high school. Fans of the show were shocked. Snooki went to high school?

Comments: 2 Comments

So many questions?

Posted October 8, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Definition of a “non-essential government worker.” Anyone whose job doesn’t immediately and directly benefit me.

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A jealous Saudi husband divorced his wife after she posted a snap of her kissing an Arabian filly’s face. Was he jealous of his wife or the horse?

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A 21 year-old Texas high school teacher is under fire because it’s been discovered that she posed for Playboy as an 18 year-old college student. So far she’s keeping her job. And requests from fathers for parent-teacher conferences have probably jumped 1000%.

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Detroit Lions center Dominic Raiola apologized to Wisconsin’s marching band today for his “inappropriate” comments made to them before last Sunday’s game. Hmm, usually when you hear “apologized” “marching band” and “inappropriate” in the same sentence, the Stanford band is involved.

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John Boehner: “I didn’t come here to shut down the government. And I certainly didn’t come here to default on our debt.” (But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once?)

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A new poll says that the GOP could lose the House over backlash from the current shutdown. But maybe Boehner has a plan for that too – shutdown the voting booths?

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Nike unveiled new Pro Bowl uniforms today, changing their colors from blue and red to orange and yellow. Sure, that will do it. The reason the game has been so unwatchable has been the color scheme….

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Two bases-loaded, nobody out situations today in the MLB playoffs… without a score. Somewhere Rod Beck and Harry Houdini are smiling.

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Wonder if the #Rays put a few sharks in their stingray pool  tonight to keep the #RedSox out of it?

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The 9 year old boy who sneaked onto the Delta flight apparently has previously sneaked into water parks, had gotten at least one free meal at a restaurant, and once stole a car. Wonder how many start-up companies want to hire him.

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Should we be that shocked that a child was able to sneak his way onto the plane, apparently by boarding with a family with a number of boarding passes…. Gate agents often seem to have no interest in counting carry-on bags, we expect them to count kids?

 

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From T.C.   “Cowboys owner Jerry Jones called his teams loss to the Broncos a moral victory. Translation: they beat the spread and I made a shitload of money.”

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Stay classy, Arizona. Your move, Florida: State Rep. Brenda Barton (R. Payson) on FB: “Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer… where are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?”

Mark Sanchez had season-ending surgery today, and said “I’m very disappointed that I can’t be out there to help my team on the field.” Many NY Jets fans are thinking that he’s doing a great job of helping his team by staying OFF the field.

Cleveland Browns executive Jon Sandusky, son of former Penn State assistant Jerry Sandusky, was arrested today for alleged DUI. Maybe he wanted to spend some quality time with his dad?

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When asked by a reporter’s today about a vote on a “clean” continuing resolution – to reopen the government with no strings attached – in order to end the shutdown. Boehner walked away humming “Doo, doo, doo.” I think one less “doo” would have about described the Speaker’s strategy.

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Amazing. Listening to those on the right, sometimes Obama is an arrogant authoritarian socialist President using his unfettered power to destroy our country. Other times he is completely bumbling and ineffectual, unable to accomplish anything. It’s so confusing.

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The Pretenders?

Posted October 7, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

USC announced that imposters pretending to be from the University contacted both Jack Del Rio and Tony Dungy about their vacant coaching position. There’s a certain symmetry, for years, Lane Kiffin was pretending to be a big time coach.

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Beginning to think God is really really tired of that tomahawk chop

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Philadelphia and Dallas are tied for the NFC East lead, with 2-3 records. It’s early days yet, but to make the NFL playoffs, shouldn’t your team be good enough at least to be bowl eligible.

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In an interview with New York Magazine, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia talked the “coarsening” of society, due to “the constant use of the F-word — including, you know, ladies using it.” Of course, many of the “ladies” using the F-word have been using it in response to some of Scalia’s statements.

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Eli Manning today in a radio appearance “I don’t think I’m playing lousy.” Fair enough. “Lousy” would be an improvement.

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Flori-duh moment of the day. Freshman GOP Rep. Tom Yoho, on if the U.S. fails to raise the debt limit. “I think, personally, it would bring stability to the world markets.” (Before he ran for Congress, his first elected office, Yoho was a large-animal veterinarian….)

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This just in: PETA is protesting the Tampa Bay win as being cruel to actual Rays. #stingraypoolwalkoff

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The Denver Broncos are a NFL record 28-point favorite over the Jacksonville Jaguars this week. Have to wonder if the spread would be less if the Broncos were playing the FSU Seminoles.

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QB Matt Flynn was cut today by Oakland. He’s made $14.51 million in the last two years from the Raiders and Seahawks, and started exactly one game. With that kind of performance to pay ratio what’s Flynn’s next move – a run for Congress?

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The Redskins return from their bye week next Sunday. Disappointing all fans who thought they were one of the few good things to be shutdown in Washington.

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Oops. In Los Angeles, the school district spent $1 billion to give 650,000 plus students iPads. Only problem, the high school kids cracked the security settings so they could play games and post on social media during class. On the brighter side, American ingenuity is alive and well.

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As the shutdown continues, it’s interesting that the party that has made such an issue of the sanctity of voting and the need to tighten requirements to avoid voter fraud, is also the party that sees no need to take an actual vote…

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Ah technology, United Airlines sent a  message about booking a hotel on United.com for a new reservation to Los Angeles. For a same-day roundtrip. Makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their autopilot.

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Comments: 1 Comment

VOTE and other four letter words….

Posted October 7, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

John Boehner this morning: “The votes are not in the House to pass a clean debt limit.” Gosh. If there were only a simple way to find out whether or not the Speaker is right.

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And Boehner says while refusing to let the House vote on a clean bill simply to end the shutdown, President Obama “has my number.” What? 1-800-Douchebag?

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Canadian-born Texas Senator Ted Cruz today linked raising the debt ceiling to defunding Obamacare. Amazing, a man born in a country where everyone has healthcare, working in a job where everyone has healthcare, doesn’t think everyone else deserves healthcare.

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Bizarre fact about Stanford football this year. The only game that is not sold out is the “Big Game” against Berkeley. Of course, as my friend Michael McNabb put it, “Cal is taking a bye year.”

Back to sports for a bit:

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#AndrewLuck does what his former coach couldn’t do this year. Beat Pete Carroll and the Seahawks.

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Pittsburgh Pirates team payroll, about $66 million. $7 million less than A-Rod, Vernon Wells and Alfonso Soriano by themselves.

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Okay, who had the New Orleans Saints and KC Chiefs 5-0 and the NY Giants 0-5? Now all you liars put your hands down.

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51-48.  So who decided that today the Cowboys and Broncos were going to play arena football?

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A 9-year-old boy got through security and onto a Delta Air Lines flight at Minneapolis Airport without a ticket this week. But no doubt TSA found and confiscated his bottle of water?

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Manti T’eo and the San Diego Chargers played the Raiders in Oakland Sunday night, and fans in the “Black Hole” had a banner ready: ““R.I.P. Lennay Kekua.” Well, that might answer one question, where do Stanford Band members go after they graduate?

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From Jim Barach  “California youth football league will start to fine teams that win games by more than 35 points. The ruling has caused three of the teams to cancel games they had scheduled against the Jacksonville Jaguars.”

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A California youth football league will start to fine teams that win games by more than 35 points. The ruling has caused three of the teams to cancel games they had scheduled against the Jacksonville Jaguars. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/272724/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-4-2013-Edition-439#sthash.4IcKrR46.dpuf

A California youth football league will start to fine teams that win games by more than 35 points. The ruling has caused three of the teams to cancel games they had scheduled against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jim Barach of WCH

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/272724/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-4-2013-Edition-439#sthash.4IcKrR46.dpuf

At the California GOP convention, many attendees said they were worried about mid-term elections after this shutdown to repeal Obamacare. Well, maybe Boehner will just lead the next shutdown to try to repeal the 19th amendment.

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British newspapers are reporting that Prince Harry may soon marry his girlfriend Cressida Bonas. Prompting a singular response from male British royal watchers – WWPW – What will Pippa Wear?

 

Apparently U.S. forces have captured a major Al Qaeda leader in Libya, a man who was wanted for the 1998 bombings of U.S. embassies in Africa. Finally, something for which the GOP will not blame Obama.

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The playing’s the thing.

Posted October 6, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Navy beat Air Force in a game played Saturday despite the government shutdown. Now, if somehow due to security issues ALL football games were cancelled during the shutdown, this thing would be over by 1p Sunday – the time of the first NFL kickoffs.

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During all these college football games, universities like to run commercials touting their academics complete with lots of pictures. A shame players probably don’t see the ads, many of them would enjoy seeing what the classrooms look like.

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Listening to some of these members of Congress who say they NEED their paychecks: If you can’t live on $174,000 a year with a little cushion for emergencies how dare you say you know how to manage taxpayer money?

 

Oops, regulators had to halt trading in Tweeter Home Entertainment Group after their shares surged 2,200%, to 15 cents. Tweeter went out of business in 2007, but their symbol TWTRQ, is one letter shorter than Twitter’s TWTR, which will IPO in November. Right, if we privatize social security what could POSSIBLY go wrong?

 

 

Obama said that if he were the owner of the Washington Redskins, and he knew the name was “offending a sizable group of people,” then he would “think about changing it.’ Now, if the President did suddenly own the Redskins, he’d start with some real bipartisan goodwill, as the current owner offends nearly everyone. #DanSnydersucks

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Alabama 45, Georgia State 3.    But the Crimson Tide didn’t cover the 55 point spread yet. Once again, showing that the official food of the SEC should be the cupcake.

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Headline about the driver shot and killed outside the Capitol last week “Police say woman deluded about Obama.” Uh, doesn’t that describe most Fox News viewers?

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Getting the sense that John Boehner has backed himself into a round room and is looking to hide in a safe corner. #Shutdown

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The House is apparently behind a resolution to give back pay to furloughed government employees for the time they end up not working. Are they trying to turn them all into honorary members of Congress?

 

Texas Gov. Rick Perry, asked why 2/3 of the uninsured in Texas have jobs — but no health care. “Again, it goes back to the choice that people get to make. Would you rather have a job, or would you rather be on public assistance? It’s as simple as that.” I guess it’s also a simple choice not to get sick?

 

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Stanford out-gained by 200 yards tonight but hung on to win 31-28. No first downs in the fourth quarter… This time Cardinal fans were glad all the East Coast viewers had gone to bed.

 

 

NY Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday afternoon. Scary thing is, somebody has to win.

 

From Marc Ragovin:   “The NFC East is so weak, I think one more Giants’ loss and they clinch a first round bye.

Comments: 3 Comments

Games people play

Posted October 5, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Now John Boehner is urging President Obama to negotiate on the shutdown, saying “This is not some damn game.” Well, if it’s not some damn game, why doesn’t the Speaker simply call a damn vote.

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Apparently the elevators at O.co Coliseum have already had issues. Everyone has fingers crossed for the plumbing. When they talk about if Oakland can make it to game 5 or 7 in a series, they may really mean whether the stadium will hold up that long.

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If you don’t have a NL team to root for to get to the World Series, may I suggest Pittsburgh. Not only are the Pirates the underdogs, but they have a fun young team, a beautiful stadium, and oh yeah, it will drive ratings-hungry Fox television executives crazy.

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Dusty Baker was fired by the Reds when Cincinnati once again failed to make it out of the first round, in their third playoff appearance in the last four years. Three in the last four years. Somewhere Cubs fans are just weeping.

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The Atlanta Braves didn’t even sell out their playoff game Thursday night. Maybe to increase attendance they should play during the halftime of a University of Georgia football game?

 

This Max Scherzer guy is pretty good. Maybe if ESPN and FOX hadn’t been so focused on Yankees-Red Sox more Americans might care about the ALDS because they would have seen the Tigers, and for that matter the As, play several games.

 

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LA Dodgers hit into so many double plays Friday night; if it weren’t for the color of their uniforms fans might think they are watching the 2013 SF Giants.

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Alex Rodriguez is now suing Bud Selig. Any way they can both lose? #douchebags

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A-Rod says in his lawsuit that ‘MLB is trying to destroy me.” Methinks the Yankees slugger is doing a pretty good job of that by himself.

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Friday night, Alex Rodriguez filed his second lawsuit of the day. This time against the Yankees team doctor and the hospital for misdiagnosing his left hip injury during the 2012 playoffs. Shame A-Rod’s lawyers can’t file a lawsuit against the guy in his mirror.

 

Jesse Ventura said on CNN’s Crossfire tonight that he might run for President in 2016. Even Donald Trump is thinking “You’re delusional.”

 

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Another thought on the GOP government shutdown “Kamikaze missions rarely turn out well, least of all for the pilots.” From the editorial pages of that commie pinko rag, the Wall Street Journal.

 

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Penn Gov. Tom Corbett, asked about his lawyers’ statement comparing legalizing gay marriage to legalizing marriage for children “It was an inappropriate analogy. I think a much better analogy would have been brother and sister.” So what is Corbett doing? Trying to divert media attention from the crazies in Congress?

 

 

 

Let them eat cake, after they put in on layaway first?   Nebraska GOP Rep. Lee Terry on still accepting his salary during the shutdown: “Dang straight. I’ve got a nice house and a kid in college, and I’ll tell you we cannot handle it. Giving our paycheck away when you still worked and earned it? That’s just not going to fly.”

Comments: 1 Comment

MLB Shutdowns…

Posted October 3, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

It’s getting to be a sign of October. Falling temperatures, falling leaves, falling Braves….

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Maybe the baseball gods are just really tired of the Tomahawk Chop?

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Only people sadder than Braves and Pirates fans Thursday night were probably network executives who saw ratings crash.  In the St. Louis – Pittsburgh game probably as soon as the Cardinals put up a touchdown in the 3rd inning.

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In tonight’s NFL game, the starting quarterbacks for both the Bills and the Browns were both injured and knocked out of the game. Is this God’s way of saying he REALLY misses Tebow?

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Roger Goodell sent an email to millions of fans in the NFL database saying the league is  “committed “to deliver the game that the fans love and the safety that players deserve.”  Was he inspired by Bud Selig’s saying the steroid era is over.

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From TC  “Sundays Raiders game has been pushed back to 8:30pm due to the A’s playoff game on Saturday. Supposedly it takes over 24 hours to remove the sewage from the baseball game and replace it with fresh sewage for football.”

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Kobe Bryant apparently has left the country for an “undisclosed medical procedure.” Presumably Vanessa sent him somewhere they don’t have room service?

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Indiana GOP Rep. Marlin Stutzman on the shutdown objective: “We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.” Gosh. With that kind of mature attitude maybe Obama just needs to offer them all a new blankee.

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Fox News is referring to the government shutdown as a “slimdown.” What’s next, praising Speaker Boehner for helping our country with waist management?

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Furloughed FEMA employees are being recalled due to storm forecasts in Louisiana. And Gov. Bobby Jindal declared a state of emergency. Uh, wait a minute, the Congressman for the New Orleans area is a Democrat, but the rest of the Louisiana’s House members are Republicans. Shouldn’t the feds honor their wishes for their districts and observe the shutdown?

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President Obama has challenged the Speaker of the House simply to vote on the Senate-approved spending plan which could end the shutdown. Waiting for Boehner to respond something like “voting is unAmerican.”

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Ah, Florida. A 19 year old lesbian from Vero Beach has accepted a plea for four months in jail and two years of house arrest. She had sex when she was 18 with a 14-year-old girl who was a high school classmates. The young woman would have probably faced a lesser penalty had she been straight and accidentally shot her friend.

Comments: 3 Comments

Fined and dandy?

Posted October 2, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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49ers safety Donte Whitner, fined $21,000 by the league for a hit last week, says he is legally changing his name to “Hitner.” Wonder how much the NFL will fine him for that?

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Chelsea Clinton says now that she hopes she and her husband will have a baby in 2014. So, let’s see, it will be about 2060 when that baby runs against Jenna Bush’s baby for President?

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AL Wild Card game is over. And congrats to the Tampa Bay Rays. Otherwise known as “Half of Fox’s Potential World Series Ratings Nightmare.”

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Stan points out about the Pirates’ last time in the playoffs:     How long ago was that.   Infants born in 1992 can now legally buy & be served alcohol.

 

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All these night time pictures of the brightly lit Capitol in Washington, D.C. during the government shutdown. Shouldn’t they at least turn out the lights?

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Barbara Boxer of California has a bill most Americans could agree on: If there is a Federal shutdown, Congress doesn’t get paid. (It passed the Senate two years ago, the House wouldn’t vote on it. Why am I not surprised? She’s  trying again.)

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A-Rod is now claiming he thought the expensive substances he bought secretly from Biogenesis were legal. If he gets any more duplicitous Rodriguez is going to be recruited to run for Congress.

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One of the scariest things about this shutdown. From CNN: “Both Democrats and Republicans say that a clean spending measure — with no Obamacare amendments, as urged by the president and his allies — would pass the House with support from the Democratic minority and moderate Republicans.”

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Both the Yankees and Cubs are expected to offer Joe Girardi contracts next year. But Girardi supposedly is also toying with moving to television. Of course, with either team right now, there’s a good chance he’d be free to broadcast the MLB playoffs.

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In the midst of Iran’s charm offensive comes news that a new law in the country will allow men to marry their adopted daughters at the age of 13. Insert very un-PC Arkansas/ West Virginia joke here:.

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A new book alleges that the NFL crusaded for two decades to deny the link between football and brain damage, despite increasing scientific research showing otherwise. Well, science always was a liberal commie-pinko theory anyway.

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Excerpt from a letter from Harry Reid to John Boehner:

“I hated the Iraq War. I think I hated it as much as you hate the Affordable Care Act. There were many gut-wrenching nights when I struggled over what I needed to do to end the carnage. In those days, when President Bush was Commander in Chief, I could have taken the steps that you are taking now to block Government funding in order to gain leverage to end the war. I faced a lot of pressure from my own base to take that action. But I did not do that. I felt that it would have been devastating to America.”

Logic, another commie-pinko concept?

Comments: 2 Comments

Orange Tuesday?

Posted October 2, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

President Obama could end this showdown with Boehner today by issuing an executive order saying that due to the FDA inspector furloughs all tanning salons must be shut immediately.

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I do hope Americans who support the Tea Party’s shutting down the government will show their solidarity by not using interstate highways, taking airline flights, cashing Social Security checks etc….

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The government shutdown apparently might result in the cancellation of the Air Force-Army football game this weekend. Now we’re getting serious. If by some chance this thing start affecting the NFL Americans will storm the barricades for a resolution.

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It’s not just Lane Kiffin who’s unemployed. UConn just let Paul Pasqualoni go after an 0-4 start. The number one reaction? UConn has a football team.

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The U.C. Berkeley campus was closed last night due to a power outage caused by a chemical spill and explosion. This is not be be confused with the power outage suffered last Saturday by the Cal football team at Eugene.

If this keeps up John Boehner may actually make many of us miss Newt Gingrich.

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Just wondering, when we finally end this shutdown, and we will, assume the GOP is okay with the Democrats also following the “will of the people” and shutting down the government again over gun control?

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Let’s see, the FCC is shut. Which means Jon Stewart is on the honor system not to say anything too profane this week.

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A New Jersey man is facing charges after he texted the wrong number by mistake saying he had 1/4 lb of marijuana for sale. The text ended up going to a detective… Guess that short-term memory loss includes nine-digit numbers.

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From T.C.  “Sunday’s Raiders game has been pushed back to 8:30pm due to the A’s playoff game on Saturday. Supposedly it takes over 24 hours to remove the sewage from the baseball game and replace it with fresh sewage for football.”

A Pittsburgh win in October? Since when did they start Tuesday Night Football?

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But really, the last time the Pirates were in the playoffs was 1992.    How long ago was that?   Bud Selig was saying he would soon step down as acting commissioner.  And we expected Clinton to be the next president.

Comments: 5 Comments

Shutting it down

Posted September 30, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Shouldn’t Congress have learned from the Nationals and Strasburg? Shutdowns just don’t do Washington any good in the long run. #shutdown

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Maybe to fix the situation, we should put the Redskins’ defense in charge. They can’t shut down anyone.

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Who says there’s no bipartisan spirit in D.C. ?    Why tonight I hear that President Barack Obama offered to send Walter White over to the House to bring the GOP some Stevia for their Tea Party.

–You have to love how #Congress says they themselves are “essential government employees” with a straight face. #shutdown

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Things are heating up a bit in D.C.   One Congressman referring to GOP members who want to shut down the government:   “Lemmings with suicide vests. They have to be more than just a lemming. Because jumping to your death is not enough.” Oh, and this commie-pinko rep? . Devin Nunes, a Republican from California.

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Last night on AMC, millions of Americans tuned in for the dramatic final of “Breaking Bad.”  Now, with the government shutdown, we can all turn to C-Span, and watch “Lawmaking Bad.”

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The Chicago #Cubs have fired manager Dale Sveum. No word on a replacement yet. But no job comes with lower expectations.

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Former star RB Earl Campbell has joined those calling for the firing of Texas football coach Mack Brown. Well, Lane Kiffin is available….

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Asked about benching Geno Smith, NY Jets coach Rex Ryan replied, “It’s not a thought at this point right now.” Mainly because he can’t think of an alternative.

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So what time is the SF Giants game tonight?   Sigh.   A. Bartlett Giamatti was right. “It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart….”

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In the face of a world-wide boycott, Guido Barilla, CEO of Barilla pasta, is backtracking on his anti-gay remarks of last week and is trying to apologize. Always fun to see “family values” take a back seat to profit values.

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USC athletic director Pat Haden says he will keep the search for a new football coach private. Makes sense. Most candidates probably don’t want their current teams to know they are crazy enough to consider the Trojan mess.

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This just in. NY Giants Antrel Rolle safety says “I believe we can go 12-0 from this point on. People can look at me like I’m crazy….” Forget crazy, isn’t Rolle worried about prompting the NFL to test him for drugs

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Okay, it’s early days. But would a Saints-Broncos game be the classiest QB Super Bowl match-up in history?

Comments: 1 Comment

Lane, if only we barely knew ye…?

Posted September 29, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

First Anthony Weiner, now Lane Kiffin. These are challenging times for comedy writers……

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USC announced early this morning that Kiffin had been “relieved of his duties.”  Of course, the school could have just said they made a “Lane change.”

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So wonder who’ll have a job again in football first? #LaneKiffin or #TimTebow?

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Much speculation on a replacement for Lane Kiffin at USC. It’s early days, but have to figure Chip Kelly might already be getting a bit nostalgic for the Pac 12….

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So who’s going to do the retrospective of the Kiffin years at USC? The Stanford Band has already volunteered for the task.

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Lane Kiffin was to college coaching what Tim Tebow is to pro quarterbacking. Well, without the charm, humility, and the miraculous ability to win a game now and then.

 

Pat Haden in July 2013: “I anticipate the media will ask me if our football coach is on the hot seat this year “Here is my answer and will be my answer whenever I’m asked: He is not. I’m behind Lane Kiffin 100 percent. I have great confidence in him. He’s a very hard-working, detail-oriented coach. He’s a dynamic playcaller, in my estimation, and he’s an exceptional recruiter. He knows USC and he knows what it takes to be successful here.”

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One bench of three seats on a crowded light rail train labeled “reserved for senior citizens and persons with disabilities.”. Three 20 something young women run and grab the seats. All blondes. No comment.

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Mitt Romney says now that a main reason he lost last November is that the Hispanic community didn’t understand his immigration stance well enough. Or maybe they understood it too well.

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Former Cleveland Browns QB Bernie Kosar was arrested for alleged DUI in Cleveland. Was Kosar trying to prove he still belongs on an active NFL roster.

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WTF is going on Pittsburgh? The #Pirates are still alive and the #Steelers are dead.

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Heard on the SF Giants radio broadcast – “a bases loaded grand slam.”. Well, it’s been a long season for everyone.

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72, 71, 84. MPH for Barry Zito’s pitches in a swinging strikeout of Kotsay for Zito’s last time on mound in SF Giants uniform. #rallyzito.

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Could have been worse. A fun way to end the season with a walkoff win for #SFGiants. #Firsttotiedforthird

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So if the Rangers or Rays somehow win the World Series, there will be how many champagne celebrations? One when they got into the wild card playoff, one if they win the wild card playoff, one for the ALDS, one for the ALCS, and one for the World Series. “You’ve just won the World Series, what are you going to do?” “I’m going to rehab.”

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If a government shutdown means furloughing all non-essential employees, what possible excuse can there be for not furloughing Congress?

Dallas 2-2, Philadelphia and Washington, 1-3, and NY 0-4. Is it too soon to rename the division the “NFC Least?”

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Where have all the WSU fans gone?

Posted September 29, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

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Stanford 55-, Washington State 17.   CenturyLink Field doesn’t seem nearly as noisy as when the 49ers played the Seahawks. #Cardinalrules

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Wonder if after tonight Jim Harbaugh will call David Shaw for advice how how to play in Seattle?

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Maybe NCAA will eliminate sanctions on USC if Trojans extend Lane Kiffin’s contract. #mercyrule

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Radio host Paul Finebaum called Lane Kiffin the “Miley Cyrus of college football.” He has a point. Under Kiffin’s leadership, USC football is childish, unwatchable and devoid of original moves.

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The Texas Rangers’ six game win streak to keep them alive in the wild card chase would be more impressive if they hadn’t sucked enough the rest of the month to fritter away an almost guaranteed playoff spot.

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Notre Dame has lost twice already this season. Irish eyes are not smiling. But everyone else’s are.

 

 

Bummer. Former Detroit Tiger, Gates Brown has passed away at the age of 74. One of my favorite baseball stories ever is from 1968 when Manager Mayo Smith unexpectedly called him to pinch hit. Gates had just grabbed two hot dogs, and didn’t want to waste them, so he stuffed them into his jersey. Then Brown hit a ball he stretched into a double, slid into second base and came up with hot dog and mustard all over his uniform.

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SF Giants have signed Hunter Pence for 5 years, $90 million. I guess he will be able to feed his family.

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A pastor was shot and killed while preaching today in Louisiana. The saddest thing, he wasn’t from the Westboro Baptist Church.

 

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From an anonymous friend;  “Let’s arm all the uninsured people, then let them work out a “market-based solution”. #GOPcare

BYU WR Cody Hoffman was suspended last night for “violating a team rule.” What, did he drink a cup of coffee or something?

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Not sure what a government shutdown does and doesn’t affect. But if the Tea Parties are serious about saving taxpayer money, assume they will voluntarily forgo their own salaries and healthcare for the duration?

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Stay classy, GOP. As the House tries again to shutdown the U.S. government with a bill to defund Obamacare here’s Rep. John Culberson of Texas, displaying his enthusiasm – “I said, like 9/11, ‘Let’s roll!’”

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What matters most?

Posted September 28, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

 

The NFL has fined Cam Newton $10k for using unapproved Under Armour visor clips (with the logo blacked out) on his helmet. The league only found out when a Forbes.com article Tuesday showed pictures of the helmet with the clips. Good to see that with all these arrests and concussions the NFL still finds time for what’s really important.

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Okay, I’m no Trojan fan, but… USC’s appeal for reduced football sanctions was denied, after the NCAA did reduce sanctions for Penn State And the NCAA’s statement “There is no comparison between USC and Penn State.” Uh, yeah, right, in one case pkayers got some free stuff and money, and in the other young boys were molested for years. No comparison at all.

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It’s a shame Mariano Rivera’s last time pitching at Yankee Stadium was in the 9th inning. Had they done his farewell on the mound before they cut off alcohol in the 7th, maybe Mo could have turned water into beer on the way out?

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Stay classy, folks. While Kaepernick and Gore were doing postgame TV interviews in St. Louis on TNF, 49ers fans behind the cameras were heard shouting “Seahawks suck! Seahawks suck!” Who do they think they are, Raiders fans?

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Barack Obama said today he spoke by phone with Hassan Rouhani. These are strange times when the President of Iran may be more open to reasonable negotiation than the Speaker of the House.

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Bill Clinton said he really doesn’t know if Hillary will run for President. Really? As if people might believe in that marriage that one spouse might not know everything the other is doing….

 

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Groupon sent out a list of their most popular deals. One is 50% off on-line traffic school. Presumably for those who read about Groupon deals on their phones while driving?

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Lebron James is going to give a pregame pep talk for Ohio State players before they play Wisconsin on Saturday. Wonder if the talk will include “And if you play really well, you can end up with an NFL team and move to Florida.”

 

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Nicki Minaj told Ellen Degeneres she would “NEVER go back to American Idol.” “What a shame,” said absolutely no one.

 

Sens. Ted Cruz and Mike Lee spoke on the chamber floor again today against Obama. Zero GOP senators showed up. These two are so unwatchable they should be on NBC’s primetime schedule.

 

–Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria fired his President of baseball operations Larry Beinfest after 12 years. Beinfest was reportedly muttering as he cleaned out his office “Free at last, free at last…”.

 

From T.C. As each week passes, we get closer to the day when Johnny Manziel signs his autograph for real money. Too bad it will be on a contract with the Jaguars or Browns.

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Jacksonville Jaguars are offering free beer to fans who buy tickets. The way the team is playing, shouldn’t they be offering something harder?

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Minnesota Vikings and Pittsburgh Steelers are in London preparing for their Sunday matchup. A lot of disadvantages for NFL players having to go overseas for a game. On the other hand, British police may not send Americans their arrest records.

 

 

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Goodnight Moon, Exit Sandman

Posted September 26, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Mariano Rivera, 44, left the mound at Yankee Stadium tonight for the last time. “A promising career ended so young” said Jamie Moyer.

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O.J. Simpson has apparently been accused of stealing cookies in prison. What’s his defense going to be… if my clothes still fit, you must acquit?

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Apparently Cory Booker has been exchanging some flirty tweets (no pictures) with a Portland stripper. Oh, the indecision of it all, Some of his opponents would like to use this against the unmarried Newark mayor, but then it would go against their accusations of him being gay…..

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CNN reports that pilots snoozed in the cockpit of an Airbus A330 flying to London last August, (Apparently a Virgin America plane.) Stand by for a “pilot coffee” surcharge.

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From Bill Littlejohn:   “New part-owner Shaquille O’Neal apologized to Sacramento fans for calling their team ‘the Queens’ back in the day.He did, however, encourage them to bring back their cow bells to the arena when Kobe Bryant comes to town”

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Sarah Palin is threatening to endorse Primary opponents for GOP Senators who don’t go along with Ted Cruz? Maybe Cruz should really endear himself to Palin and quit his Senate term halfway through.

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Bud Selig took over as acting MLB commissioner on Sept. 9, 1992, saying repeatedly he wouldn’t stay on in the job. He has now announced he will retire in 2015. When presumably Bud will join Cher on a farewell tour.

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Some try to compare Eli Manning to his brother Peyton. But the way the Giants started off this year, maybe the more apt comparison now is to his dad Archie with the Saints.

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An apparent deal has been reached on a U.N. resolution to require Syria to dismantle its chemical weapons stockpiles. Hmm, time for the House to vote to overthrow Obamacare again.

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Dodgers fans might want to skip this one  – Even in a lost season there are joys. Like Tim #Lincecum striking out Yasiel #Puig three times in 7 innings. #SFGiants

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Wendy Davis is running for Governor of Texas. And somewhere Ann Richards and Molly Ivins are smiling.

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Woo hoo! Faceback says they are finally going to have an “Edit” function for original posts. So dyslexics and people who just type too fast – untie!

Comments: 4 Comments

Our Cup runneth over.

Posted September 26, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Way over, this thing was supposed to be done a week ago….

Oracle Team USA has won the America’s Cup. In rowing, the winning team tosses the coxswain in the water. Any way Team USA can toss Larry Ellison in the bay?

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But really, leave it to Larry Ellison to engender the maximum hate at all times. As Oracle Team USA came back to set up a single final race for the America’s Cup, there were ZERO hotel rooms anywhere near San Francisco, because of… Oracle World.

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New Zealand has to be wondering what happened.  Are we sure that last week they didn’t add to their team a nice new sailor named Buckner?

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Another thing about Oracle Team USA America’s Cup win today. Finally, someone has won one for our country’s poor downtrodden billionaires.

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The Yankees have been officially eliminated from the 2013 postseason race. “Bummer,” said almost nobody outside New York and/or ESPN.

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The FBI is now saying the Navy Yard shooter was “delusional.” What was their first clue?

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The U.S. Senate just voted 100-0 to move ahead with a bill to keep the government running through Nov. 15. 100-0? Did Ted Cruz decide he likes Green Eggs & Ham.    (Thank you, thank you, Uncle Sam I Am?)

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Ted Cruz spoke against Obamacare for 22 hours, but he took breaks of up to an hour. Wendy Davis spoke against closing women’s clinics in Texas for 13 hours, with NO breaks. ZERO. Not even bathroom breaks. Weaker sex, my a**.

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Maybe someone should warn #TedCruz that “The Lorax” is not an ode to development.

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Barry Zito’s last start as an Giant in SF not quite the same as Mariano Rivera day at Yankee Stadium. But how many teams who’ve lost in the postseason wish they had someone perform like Zito did in 2012. Remember #Rallyzito

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And hey so possibly denying LA home field advantage in the playoffs is a bit of a come down from a World Series title… But hey, SF Giants fans have learned to enjoy the little things.

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The Post Office is seeking a 3 cent increase in the price of stamps. Assume they announced their plan on Facebook and Twitter.

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The Tampa Bay Rays, who will probably make the playoffs, are dead last in attendance, with 18,646 average per game, and the team owner has been quoted as saying “For some reason, people are choosing not to come out as they do in other parts of the country for Major League Baseball.” Apparently he hasn’t spent any time in the stadium either.

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Terrellle Pryor was apparently told to stop tweeting after he posted “I don’t remember much! Good hit by whoever it was. I heard our team fought well … We will be back!” The NFL really doesn’t want players tweeting with possible concussions, although actually concussions might explain many idiot tweets…

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In a trial over an alleged assault at Aldon Smith’s party last year, the prosecutor said the 49ers LB was stabbed after he used a .45 caliber handgun to fire a warning shot that he hoped would force guests to leave. Wonder if someone has told Smith,  to declare the party over, it’s simpler to turn out the lights or shut down the bar.

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