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Happy new year

December 31, 2015

It’s now January 1.  Which means most of us only have about four more months to write 2015 on our checks.

(if I have any millennial readers no doubt you are saying “what is a check?”)

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Some ‪#‎OrangeBowl‬ worries as to what viewers would do with choice between a close game and watching the ball drop. ‪#‎problemsolved‬ ‪#‎MSUvsAla‬

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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch and his mom reportedly had a gun with them in Mexico (which was found by workers at the deluxe resort where they first stayed.) And a lot of Texas Republicans are thinking “See, the kid isn’t all bad.”

 

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Congrats to the University of ‪#‎Houston‬ on their upset of ‪#‎FSU‬. Does this mean the ‪#‎DallasCowboys‬ are now only the 3rd best team in Texas?

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At Clemson, they are building a $55 million complex exclusively for football players. It will have a miniature golf course, sand volleyball courts, laser tag, movie theater, bowling lanes, barber shop and more. Athletics spokesman Joe Galbraith – “It’ll be their home on campus, when they’re not in class.” And he said that last phrase with a straight face.

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The Browns will start QB Austin Davis said Johnny Manziel won’t play Sunday “given he’s in the NFL concussion protocol.” Guess even in Cleveland they can’t say “We’ve addressed his behavior and are giving him one more chance this year” with a straight face.

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#‎Twitter‬ has hired a new V.P. of Diversity – a white man. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ High Tech Division

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The TCU star quarterback who was arrested and then suspended for the Alamo Bowl apparently made it back to his room for curfew and then went back out. Sure because even had things gone well there was no chance someone might have recognized him and taken a picture for social media. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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‪#‎BenCarson‬‘s campaign manager quit. Shocking. This means someone was stll running Carson’s campaign?

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Rough night for ‪#‎MSU‬. Football fans in Michigan normally aren’t this disappointed unless the ‪#‎Lions‬ are playing

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Who knows how ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ will turn out but it’s a lovely night in LA. Guessing now ‪#‎Iowa‬ isn’t feeling that bad about that ‪#‎MSU‬ loss.

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The Rose Bowl tomorrow between Stanford and Iowa is now alas considered second tier with the new College Football Playoff. Why, no team has even had a player get arrested.

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The Army Research Institute of Environmental Medicine has offered up to $200 for anyone willing to subsist on nothing but so-called “meals, ready-to-eat” (MREs) for 3 weeks.  The scary thing, for many Americans these days, especially fast-food fans, that’s probably a flavor upgrade.

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Proof is not in the pudding?

December 31, 2015

Bill Cosby has been released on $1 million bail after being arrested on a 2004 sexual assault charge. Looks like it’s going to be a long trial of “He Said – “She She She She She She She She She She Said.”

 

ESPN reports that Cal quarterback Jared Goff will announce tomorrow that he will enter the NFL draft. Of course, if Goff ends up with the SF 49ers it may be a lateral move.

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If there was any doubt that Stephen ‪#‎Curry‬ should be leading the ‪#‎NBA‬ ‪#‎MVP‬ vote at this point, the Warriors removed it Wednesday night against Dallas.

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Johnny Manziel apparently reported to on Wednesday with “concussion-like” symptoms and is being evaluated. So he could miss the Browns’ final game Sunday. Hmm, am I the only one who wonders about the similarity between symptoms of concussions and hangovers?

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Chip Kelly is gone, but 49ers head coach says “I’m going to coach until somebody tells me I’m not.” Too soon to start a pool…?

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About 20 passengers on an Air Canada flight from China to Toronto were injured by turbulence today. Want to bet at least 19 of them decided they didn’t need to be wearing their seatbelts?

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The FAA is investigating after Alaska Airlines accidentally landed a plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at Seattle Airport. Damned Apple maps.

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Lots of talk about Colin Kaepernick and where he will be next year, but as one analyst said, with that kind of arm there will always be some team that thinks they can fix him. So basically Kap has become the football equivalent of a left-handed pitcher.

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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch is fighting extradition back to the United States. Hmm, so how much do we have to pay Mexico to keep him?

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Authorities are sending ‪#‎Affluenza‬ mom Tonya Couch back to the U.S. where she faces up to 10 years for helping her son escape. While Ethan himself is looking at only 120 days for a probation violation. Why do I get the sense he’ll end up doing something to reunite himself with mom in jail in no time?

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Microsoft has a new “selfie” app – which “takes age, gender, skin tone, lighting, and many other variables into account, applies different models automatically and finishes enhancement with just a single click.” So it’s supposed to IMPROVE your picture; clearly this is aimed at a generation with little experience of Windows.

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Rand Paul is attacking Chris Christie, saying the Gov.has spent “219 days outside of New Jersey” (in 2015), even though he “signed a law requiring NJ public employees to be residents and spend majority of their time there.”
To be fair, maybe most residents of New Jersey prefer it when Christie is out of state.

 

Reserve Alabama cornerback has been sent home from the Cotton Bowl by Nick Saban for a “violation of team rules,” Proving once again that coach Saban can be a strict disciplinarian. As long as a reserve player and not a starter is involved.

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Now for a serious thought, for a change.  Re Clinton and Trump: No one including me is denying that Bill Clinton is a tomcat and has behaved badly over sex. But there is a difference to my mind between Bill’s zipper problem and Trump’s flat-out insulting and hateful attitude towards women – “all of the women on “The Apprentice” flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” And calling a woman lawyer who needed to take a break to pump breast milk “disgusting.”

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High crimes and misdemeanors?

December 29, 2015

Ohio State RB Ezekiel Elliott says now he didn’t know his driver’s license had been suspended and “I’m doing everything I can now, my dad is doing everything he can now to get that handled and get my license back in good standing.” Uh, just guessing but maybe his dad taking care of things has been part of the problem?

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The San Diego Chargers fined Eric Weddle $10,000 and placed him on IR for staying on the sidelines to watch his 7 year-old daughter perform at halftime instead of being with the team on Dec. 20 against Miami. Really, if he had only been in the locker room surreptitiously watching porn on his phone instead…..

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Cleveland Browns coach Mike Pettine says he will ” have a conversation” with Johnny Manziel after the QB’s most recent social media partying post. What, and tell Manziel if he does this 5-6 more times there will be serious consequences?

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The Olive Garden at Times Square, with a “limited view” of the ball drop, is charging $400 for a New Year’s Eve buffet with open bar. Which basically means about $10 for the food, $40 for the drinks, and $350 for a bathroom.

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Former New York Gov. George Pataki is dropping out of the race for the GOP Presidential nomination. All together now – “who?!”

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Whole Foods has settled with New York over allegations of overcharging and will pay the City $500,000. Wonder how much the store will have to raise prices to cover the fine?

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Theater today advertising special ‪#‎StarWars‬ themed pet toys for furry friends who can’t come to movie with you. ‪#‎maythefarcebewithyou‬ ‪#‎overthetop‬?

 

Not a spoiler but anyone but me think  for all the talk about ‪#‎CarrieFisher‬ she’s aged better than ‪#‎HarrisonFord‬? ‪#‎TheForceAwake

 

Now Trump has retweeted a photo-shopped picture of Jed Bush supposedly picking his nose. So guess we have the answer to the question “Can his campaign get any more sophomoric?”

 

Dallas Cowboys owner and GM Jerry Jones on Tuesday says he doesn’t plan any major changes going into 2016. Which is awesome news. For comedy writers and the rest of the NFC LEast.

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Steve Harvey is being a good sport about his Miss Universe flub. And it’s paying off for him. Why, I’ve heard Harvey has been asked to come to New York for the New Year’s Eve 2014 Ball Drop.

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“Affluenza” teenager Ethan Couch and his mother were apprehended today in Puerto Vallartta. Now here’s an interesting question – how many undocumented Mexican immigrants do we have to allow to stay in the US before Mexico would agree to keep him?

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Now that “Affluenza” teenager Ethan Couch has been nabbed, waiting for some Mexican politician to say Mexico needs to tighten their borders because Americans are clearly not sending their best.

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So apparently the “affluenza” teen and his mom were caught in Puerto Vallarta when they used their cellphone to order a Domino’s pizza. This has to be a ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ X 2. One, for not realizing a cellphone can work as a tracking device, two, all the money in the world and you order pizza from Domino’s?!!

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Deja vu all over again

December 29, 2015

 

Apparently ANOTHER video of Johnny Manzel drinking and partying has surfaced, this time from Christmas Eve in someone’s home. These regular pools are getting too easy – congrats to anyone who has the November 21-December 24 exacta.

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Maybe not a moment of silence for the great  Harlem Globetrotters’ Meadowlark Lemon – wouldn’t it be more appropriate if we all hummed a few bars of “Sweet Georgia Brown?”

Hope watching the Philadelphia 76ers this year gave ‪#‎MeadowlarkLemon‬ some last warm memories of the Washington Generals.

 

Ohio State star RB Ezekiel Elliott, the team’s leading rusher, was cited after a “minor car crash” yesterday in Columbus in which one passenger sustained minor injuries. The citations were for “driving under suspension, driving without a license and failure to control his car.” An OSU spokesman said the incident will not affect Elliott’s status for the Fiesta Bowl Friday. “I am shocked” said nobody who knows Urban Meyer.

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A former N.J. police officer who admitted to having sex with multiple women on duty, including inside his car, now is contending that he shouldn’t have been fired over the trysts. And so will he also demand a retro-active bonus for multitasking?

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A 21 year-old Dartmouth College swimmer has died at a YMCA pool after trying to complete four laps underwater without surfacing to breathe. Awful for his family, but proof again that IQ points are no deterrent from a Darwin award.

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Aroldis Chapman, under investigation for a domestic violence incident where he admitted to firing a gun several times in his garage, has been traded to the Yankees. Well, that ought to make the Bronx Bombers even more popular outside New York.

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The four top seeds in the NFL playoffs may be the Patriots, Cardinals, Bengals and Panthers. Are we sure those last three aren’t a sign of the apocalypse?

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#‎NFL‬ arrests are down this year. Still, always seems a bit odd to hear referee after the coin toss say “Good luck, gentlemen.” ‪#‎Gentlemen‬?

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Former Louisiana State Representative and KKK Leader David Duke says that while he likes Donald Trump, “I don’t agree with everything he says, he speaks a little more, actually he speaks a lot more radically than I talk.” ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎nottheOnion‬.

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Holland America Line says that “Dancing with the Stars At Sea” is going away. This news no doubt disappoints tens of thousands of women and about two men.

 

‪#‎AshleyMadison‬ says they have added 4 million new users since their July hack. Two words: death wish.

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David Spade, one of that rare breed of Hollywood Republicans, is criticizing Barack and Michelle Obama for their appearances on reality TV, saying the President is “thirsty,” and “should have a little more dignity.”
So what’s next, Spade’s endorsement of Donald Trump?

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In Toronto, police are looking for the driver of a Lamborghini who crashed into another car this morning, then was picked up by BMW and fled the scene. Hmm…..any chance that affluenza kid and his mom from Texas headed north?

(Breaking news just when i posted this, he may have been caught in Mexico.)

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From Marc Ragovin:   “The NBA has suspended Memphis guard Matt Barnes two games for his role in a preseason fight with Knicks’ coach Derek Fisher. Asked if would appeal the penalty, the chastened Grizzlie said he would “just grin and bear it.”

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Looking back

December 28, 2015

Kobe Bryant,  asked about going back in time to offer advice to himself as a rookie said “compassion & empathy.”   And presumably don’t order room service?

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The Arizona Cardinals look so good this year you have to wonder if Cuba Gooding, Jr. isn’t somehow involved. ‪#‎Showmethemoney‬ ‪#‎JerryMaguire‬

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Atlanta Falcons beat the previously undefeated Carolina Panders  give the 72 Miami Dolphins cause to ask their kids or grandkids to open those pesky champagne bottles for them.

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So many bowls this year that are akin to participation trophies with both teams aspiring to mediocrity. By that token the 49ers-Lions match-up should be an honorary bowl game.

 

Thom Brennaman, announcing SF-Detroit today – ‘”When you make mistakes like we’ve seen the 49ers make in this game, it’s not a surprise that they’ve won four games this year.”
Well, actually you do wonder how they managed to win those four games.

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Houston beat up on Tennessee behind Brandon Weeden. How can you not root for a team led by a QB cut last month by the Dallas Cowboys? (who ended up doing SO well without him)

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Stephen Colbert said today “Donald Trump is like — I’m not the first person to say this, but I completely agree — that he’s my old character with 10 billion dollars.” Except that we could laugh at Colbert without it hurting.

 

At a Walmart this week, a woman was arrested for allegedly shooting up meth and then riding a motorized shopping car through the store while drinking wine, eating sushi, cinnamon rolls and rotisserie chicken. Do I even have to say “Florida?”

And of course, to be fair, Walmart sushi might be more dangerous than the meth.

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A Louisville mall had to close early last night because of almost 2,000 disorderly teens wreaking havoc in the shopping center. ‪#‎Ifonlytheywerearmed‬

 

A Southwest Airlines flight from Sacramento to Denver tonight was diverted to Oakland Sunday evening after they had “pressurization issues.” So which airline will be the first to add a “pressurization” fee?

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“The Force Awakens” has passed $1 billion at the global box office. And Disney is now researching ways to help Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher live to be at least 100. ‪#‎Episode27‬?

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Donald Trump today is accusing Bill Clinton of sexism. And both the pot and kettle are doubled over in hysterics.

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Supposedly Hillary and Bill Clinton joined Chelsea, her husband Marc and baby Charlotte on a walk around mid-town Manhattan today and even stopped in a bookstore. Unbelievable, as if in mid-town Manhattan any bookstore could still exist and afford the rent

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Finally.  Seriously.  Damn, R.I.P. Dave Henderson, 57. Impossible to dislike, even when he played for a team you hated. Going to be a lot livelier during those softball games in heaven.

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Holiday cheer hangover?

December 27, 2015

Apparently the 3rd biggest Kickstarter Campaign of 2015 was a card game called “Exploding Kittens.” For all those who find “Cards Against Humanity” just a little too PC?

 

A new Al Jazeera report names several prominent athletes including Peyton Manning, Ryan Howard and Ryan Zimmerman as having received HGH. Thinking again it’s about time to put a big asterisk outside the Hall of Fame(s) and be done with it.

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In Texas, three grocery stores, including local chain H.E.B., Whole Foods and Safeway, have said they will opt out of the state’s new open-carry law, which takes effect Jan 1. So folks who like to police their fellow shoppers will just have to find another way to enforce that “15 items or less” rule.

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At LaGuardia Airport, after reports of smoke coming from a Spirit Airlines aircraft, more than 200 passengers were evacuated without injury. Even though many disobeyed flight attendant instructions to leave their carry-on bags on the plane.
How foolish, leaving aside the safety issues no doubt Spirit would have charged them another fee to bring the bags back on board.

 

The Philadelphia Eagles not only gave away the game tonight with all their penalties and turnovers, they probably took away a potential  classic great Internet meme featuring the Kirk Cousins “knee doesn’t quite equal spike” play.

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Groupon is offering a deal for half price on two dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts. So you can get a head star on breaking your New Year’s resolutions.

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Cellphones do allow us to do many things easier and more quickly, including qualifying for Darwin awards: In San Diego a man who was looking at his phone on Christmas Day just walked off a cliff. Literally. Hope the guy’s friends and family kept the receipts for his presents. ‪#‎bustohell‬

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FSU senior QB Everett Golson, who transfered after last season from Notre Dame, and then got demoted mid-season, did not travel with the team to Atlanta for the Peach Bowl for “personal reasons.”
Just guessing that the reasons involve Golson not starting?

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Snow. Lots of snow. At ‪#‎Sunbowl‬ in El Paso, Texas. Cue the hell freezing over comments.

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Duke-Indiana today in the Pinstripe Bowl. Wonder how many viewers saw the matchup, tuned in, and were disappointed when they learned it wasn’t college basketball?

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Two Cleveland Browns were arrested last night. after a traffic stop for speeding, one for DUI. one for Adderall without a prescription.. Police also found a gun in the car.  The team is both disappointed and relieved: Johnny Manziel was not involved

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Big brother Max now has a bowl win at Duke. Time for Christian McCaffery to hold up his end of the family in the Rose Bowl. ‪#‎GoStanford‬

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Nebraska and UCLA ended up in the Foster Farms Bowl at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, CA, while Duke and Indiana got the Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium. Who knew that the Blue Devils and Hoosiers would get to spend Christmas in warm weather?

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So was ‪#‎UCLA‬‘s excuse for tonight’s ‪#‎FosterFarmsBowl‬ that the weather is more like ‪#‎Nebraska‬ in December than California?

 

Donald Trump apparently spent Christmas in Palm Beach.  Makes sense, the Donald wanted to find a state to optimize his chances of not being the craziest person in the room.

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A 24 year old tourist from Pakistan is now staying at Rikers Island instead of the Sheraton Brooklyn. He got frustrated over a check-in delay and allegedly said there’s a “bomb in there” about his luggage. (There wasn’t)
If true, the guy may not be charged with terrorism, but with criminal stupidity.

 

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “Tesla announced they are two years away from a driverless car. And BMW is three years away from a douche-bag-less car.”

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You better watch out.

December 26, 2015

Good thing Santa Claus got entrenched before the U.S. really started politicizing EVERYTHING. For starters we’d have conservatives questioning Santa’s immigration status and socialist giveaways, and some liberals complaining about his carbon footprint and potential abuse of reindeer.

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The winning Christmas tweet of the year comes from Bette Midler: “Happy holidays to all: Here is my recipe for dairy-free, sugar-free, vegan eggnog: Bourbon.”

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Just saw “The Big Short”, which has to be a strong contender for “Best Picture” along with a lot of other awards. But if you’ve always watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” and felt sympathy for Mr. Potter, then it’s also the feel-good movie of the season.

And then there’s the original “Miracle on 34th Street”, to my mind the best Christmas movie ever, even with the ridiculous colorization. Any other nominees? ‪#‎IbelieveIbelieve‬

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So THIS is a major on-line headline on Christmas: “Ashton Kutcher was seen exiting the Ancient Therapy Thai massage parlor in Los Angeles last week, but there is no evidence of improper behavior, multiple outlets reported. Kutcher is married to Mila Kunis.” ‪#‎beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

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Serena Williams won her fourth female AP athlete of the year. Congrats to Serena on another great year. But isn’t it just possible she’s the only female athlete many voters know.

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Not sure exactly when the tradition started, but kind of hard to imagine in these times that millions of over-protective parents cheerfully put their little children on a bearded foreign stranger’s lap and tell the kids to ask him for presents.

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A British astronaut apparently tried to call home and dialed a wrong number. Will be interesting to see how much his mobile phone company charged him for the mistake.

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Jeb Bush has abandoned his efforts to trademark “Jeb!” So is he just going to go with the more direct “Loser!”?

 

So THIS is a major on-line headline on Christmas: “Ashton Kutcher was seen exiting the Ancient Therapy Thai massage parlor in Los Angeles last week, but there is no evidence of improper behavior, multiple outlets reported. Kutcher is married to Mila Kunis.” ‪beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬.

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What’s harder to believe.  72 degree weather in New York on Christmas Day? Or this headline “Redskins poised to lock up NFC East on Saturday night?

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Not sure exactly when the tradition started, but kind of hard to imagine in these times that millions of over-protective parents cheerfully put their little children on a bearded foreign stranger’s lap and tell the kids to ask him for presents.

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In early returns of 2016 NBA All-Star voting, Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant has 719,235 votes, not only leading with all players, but with almost as many votes as Stephen Curry and LeBron James put together.

Sounds like the people voting for the All-Stars are the same ones answering GOP Presidential pollsters.

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What’s more unbelievable? 72 degree weather in New York on Christmas Day? Or this headline “Redskins poised to lock up NFC East on Saturday night?

 

Seriously for a change, and to all my readers and friends. Hope you had a Merry Christmas or happy whatever you celebrate. Whether you are part of the choir I preach to, or whether I am one of your few commie-pinko friends, whether I have met you in real life or only in cyber-space, I am grateful for all of you.
(well, most of the time anyway. Now back to snark. 🙂

Starting with the voodoo cat.   And her non-denominational humbug.

xmasxena

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Ho, ho, ho.

December 25, 2015

Really disappointed, it’s Christmas Eve and I haven’t gotten a Thanksgiving card from Steve Harvey.

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NORAD was doing their  usual good work tracking Santa last night. Let’s see, a foreign bearded man flying with an overweight cargo of mystery packages, and he says he is only carrying weapons on behalf of those who wished for them. Waiting to see some GOP candidate blame this on Obama.

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The Hanford Nuclear Reservation in Washington, home of the U.S.’s largest collection of toxic radioactive waste, is now the U.S’s newest national parks. (Apparently tourists won’t be allowed near the waste itself.). Could be cool, the only national park where you won’t need flashlights after dark.

 

In their possible last game in Oakland, the Raiders won 23-20, in OT, to move to 7-8 on the season. Alas for fans who remember the halcyon playoff days, there is no chance the team moves to the NFC East.

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A Northern California man is out on bail, three days after being arrested for making threats outside a Richmond mosque and posting a picture of a pipe bomb and anti-Islam rants on Facebook. So where are the GOP candidates screaming about terrorism on this one?

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The Fox Business Network has decided the next GOP debate can include only six candidates, based on the most recent polls. So no doubt the number was chosen to optimize ratings. But without a single vote being cast this decision is being made by a group of people too bored or stupid to hang up on telephone pollsters?

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If we really are going to count meaningless non-votes for the GOP presidential primaries in deciding the debates, why not forget the polls and do an American Idol set-up. Lowest total gets voted off each week. Then we might really be talking ratings.

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SportsCenter said Malcolm Butler’s game-ending interception against the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl was the top play of the year. Okay, but should the “Top Play” really be the result of one of the “Not Top Ten Plays” of all time? ‪#‎shouldhavehandedofftoLynch‬ ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

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Bristol Palin had her second child yesterday, and named the little girl “Sailor.” Because “Saint” was already taken?

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Stanford has a big billboard out football stadium touting Kevin Hogan, Christian McCaffery and their “99 percent grad rate” And at Cal they are thinking. “So is that more than half?”

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Dec 24 was the Popeye Bahamas Bowl. Middle Tennessee and Western Michigan. This is the rare bowl where both teams win, by getting to spend Christmas in Nassau instead of Murfreesboro and Kalamazoo.

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Although shouldn’t  a rule for a bowl game be, that you have to be able to sell more tickets that there are players on the field.

 

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Hyatt Hotels just announced, while they aren’t sure of how many cards may have been compromised, the company apparently discovered malware on their payment processing computers 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks?! Well, nothing can go wrong in that time….

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The Phoenix Suns suspended underachieving forward Markieff Morris for two games today after he threw a towel at coach Jeff Hornacek. Fortunately for Hornacek, since it was Morris, he missed..

 

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Oh, rats.

December 23, 2015

Apparently the state shut down 10 restaurants in South Florida: last week due to health violations like roaches and rodent droppings found on site. Well, clearly the patrons needed to be armed.

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Meanwhile a Florida man died after he accidentally shot himself while on a video call with a relative.  The Miami-Dade Police said he was   “explaining the proper way to clean a firearm” #cantfixstupid #butyoucanburystupid  #Darwin

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The California Dungeness crab season will not open this year in time for Christmas due to perceived safety issues from toxins due to warmer than usual ocean temperatures.

Humbug. But I repeat, all those who don’t believe in science and/or global warming should be our canaries in the coal mine,  or rather crab mine, and feast away:

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Jeb Bush, on what he might be expected to say at an upcoming New Hampshire event -“A sentence in the English language, you know? With an adjective and adverbs, three syllable words occasionally.”
Uh, Jeb, this is not exactly known as playing to the GOP primary base

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When all these companies who send almost spam all year to your email inbox then send electronic Christmas or Holiday greetings, you know, it’s still almost spam.

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Defending World Cup champion Marcel Hirscher was almost hit by a falling drone camera during a run in a World Cup race today in Italy. After the event Hirscher – “This is horrible. This can never happen again.” And sponsors are thinking – but think of the potential TV ratings. ‪#‎Worldcupdemolitionderby‬

 

NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin said today that Odell Beckham “certainly was wrong, and we’ve said he was wrong from day one. But there were factors involved, starting in pregame, which are well documented, which indicate that there was an attempt to provoke him. He was provoked.”
I have some sympathy for Beckham being upset. But hate to say it, if you’re an adult NFL player, aren’t you supposed to be above freaking out over insults and trash talk?

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A Southwest plane landed safely today back at Oakland Airport after circling for four hours. The pilot was worried over a potential problem with the landing gear. No injuries but now for the important issue for most passengers – do they get extra frequent flier miles for all that circling?

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A Windstar ship has run aground at a remote island -Isla de Colba – off the coast of Panama. All passengers and crew are safe but the ship is too damaged to complete the cruise. CNN is crushed, the island is 200 miles from Panama City and with full planes around the holidays probably no way to get a big news crew down to cover it.

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Donald Trump is now claiming that “schlonged” isn’t vulgar. Well, at this point it might not be as vulgar as “Trumped.”

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Look, who the heck knows what goes on in anyone else’s marriage. But interesting that no one attacking Bill and Hillary, who actually are still together, seems to have a problem with the fact that both Trump and Fiorina both met their current spouses when they were married to their previous spouses. ‪#‎familyvalues

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On Fox News, they have been suggesting that Chelsea Clinton’s second pregnancy was timed for her to have the baby right in the middle of the 2016 campaign. Uh, as if any 35 year-old woman can exactly time ANY pregnancy?
(and what about all babies being a gift from God and all that…. ‪#‎notsoprolife‬

 

Black Lives Matter protesters shut down Mall of America and an airport terminal today. Now I sympathize with the cause. But if you want to get average Americans on your side making them miss a flight or not get their Christmas shopping done is probably not the best way to do it.

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The spirit of caring, or not?

December 22, 2015

United Airlines has 230 “comfort dogs,” mostly Golden retrievers, at 7 U.S. airports for the next few days. The idea being that petting a dog will reduce the stress of holiday travel. Although for a major U.S. carrier wouldn’t it be more appropriate at the airport to have cats? Like the airlines they don’t give a sh*t.

 

Tis the season: A Florida woman is facing misdemeanor battery charges after she elbowed, scratched and kicked her husband for repeatedly farting in bed. ‪#‎ifonlyshewerearmed‬

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Wonder why the NFL suspended Odell Beckham Jr. for one game after his three personal foul penalties last week? Maybe because that way he can come back and ratings will be through the roof to see what trouble Beckham can cause in the NY Giants season finale against the Eagles?

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Apparently Megyn Kelly will be back to question Donald Trump during a Jan. 28 Presidential debate. Well, we already know who will win – Fox News with their ratings.

 

Stanford’s Christian McCaffery won the AP college player of the year, a rare time when the winner did not also get the Heisman. Hmm, guess this means the AP voters stay up later to watch football games than the Heisman voters?

 

 

So at this point since it seems to be all about ratings can we get the next GOP debate moderated by ‪#‎SteveHarvey‬?

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A Quinnipiac University poll found that 60% of U.S. women and 40% of U.S. men would be embarrassed if Trump won the 2016 Presidential election. The scary thing is that this means the rest of them wouldn’t be.

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8.2 million people signed up for health coverage through HealthCare.gov or had their coverage automatically renewed, more than a one third increase over last year. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

 

Matthew Stafford’s wife Kelly posted on Instagram that she was selling great seats for last night’s Lions-Saints game on Stubhub. Well, since Matt only signed a 3-year $53 million contract extension, maybe she does need to feed her family’s family’s family? ‪#‎cantfixgreedy‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

 

So now it’s getting interesting. San Bernardino killer Tashfeen Malik on her visa application answered “no” when asked if she ever had “used or sold weapons.” Waiting for the first Republican to demand visitors submit to firearms rules.

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Oh baby

December 21, 2015

Chelsea Clinton has announced she is pregnant again and is expecting a second child next summer. Prompting predictable congratulations from Democrats and conspiracy theories from Republicans.

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The Washington ‪#‎Redskins‬ look likely to make the playoffs and even host a game. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

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Trump on journalists. “I wouldn’t kill them. But I hate them.” Uh, without journalists there would be no Trump.

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PolitiFact gave the “Lie of the Year” to Donald Trump’s “Many Campaign Misstatements.” 76% of them were either “Mostly False,” “False” or “Pants on Fire.” Unbowed, next year Trump is going to work on that last 24%.

 

 

Drew Brees tonight became 4th QB in NFL history to throw for 60,000 yards. What might be as astounding, he did it without throwing against the Saints’ defense.

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Ole Miss star Robert Nkemdiche was suspended for the Sugar Bowl after he fell out of a hotel window and was charged with marijuana possession. Nkemdiche is expected to be a top draft pick, maybe with particular interest from Seattle and Denver?

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Phyllis Schlafly said “Donald Trump is the ‘Last Hope for America’ And responses varied from “who?” to “Phyllis Schafly is still alive?”

=

#‎SteveHarvey‬ is John Travolta’s new hero. ‪#‎AdeleDazeem‬

 

Since the Miss Universe pageant has become such a hot trending topic, have to wonder, what kind of gaffe might Chris Rock be now planning at the Academy Awards for the show to become really relevant again?

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So on a cynical note. How often do most Americans know who won the ‪#‎Missuniverse‬ pageant? ‪#‎SteveHarvey‬ ‪#‎nosuchthingasbadpublicity‬

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Lindsey Graham announced he is dropping out of the 2016 Presidential race and thanked his supporters. Assume he’ll then be sending personal notes to both of them?

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Farrah Abraham, 24, who has been famous on “Teen Mom”, then as a porn star, then for her sex-toy business, says she is actually adopting another child to  sibling for her 6 year-old daughter.

And who’d a think Farrah would be one to put a lot of so-called “pro-lifers” to shame.

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Sad. Six American service members were killed Monday in a suicide bombing during a meeting near a U.S. base north of Kabul. But yes, folks, this is part of what “boots on the ground means.” ‪#‎nofreelunch‬ ‪#‎nofreebootsonthegroundeither‬ ‪#‎Warsucks‬

 

 

 

 

 

 

From Marc Ragovin:  “The only way the NY Giants are making the playoffs is if the NFL taps Steve Harvey to announce the post-season matchups.”

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There she is, missed America?

December 20, 2015

(

Miss Puerto Rico, Destiny Velez has been suspended indefinitely for a number of angry anti-Muslim tweets – “Muslims use our constitution to terrorize USA & plant gas stations,” and Muslims “terrorize this country & many others.”
So did Ms. Velez think that Trump would help her win Miss Universe? Or was she auditioning to be his next wife?

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Steve Harvey apologized after he announced the wrong winner of the Miss Universe – saying it was Miss Columbia when it should have been Miss Philippines. Thereby causing much emotional trauma to both young women and all those who had bet either of them in fantasy pageants.

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Some talk about Hillary Clinton’s delayed return to the stage last night after a commercial break. Well, maybe even during a debate there’s a line for the women’s room?

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A Swedish study of twins found that anxious people are one and a half times more likely to develop dementia. Great, one more thing to feel anxious about.

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Apparently Martin Shkreli, a former student, gave a $1 million donation to NYC’s Hunter College High School, which is a public school for gifted students. And now the school is trying to decide what to do with the $$$. Well, suppose they could always keep it and make this year’s play a production of “Major Barbara.”

(for all those who didn’t read George Bernard  Shaw in high school or college , Google it.  Good play :-))

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Thousands of empty seats available this morning on Stubhub for the Bengals-49ers game at Levi’s Stadium. Wonder how much the team was offering to pay fans to come?

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Just imagine how good the ‪#‎Redskins‬ might be if they hadn’t given away the farm to get RGIII?

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Congress’s year-end spending bill has a provision, which apparently has been in for years, saying that no federal funds “may be used to maintain or establish a computer network unless such network blocks the viewing, downloading and exchanging of pornography.” Wonder if someone managed to write that with a straight face.

 

Donald Trump today on Hillary Clinton “She lies like crazy about everything,” So considering the source is that an attack or a compliment?

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On “Fox News Sunday,” Carly Fiorina was challenged by Chris Wallace on an ad linking her to Margaret Thatcher: “Mrs. Fiorina, respectfully, isn’t that a little over the top?” And Carly’s response “Many people have commented on the comparison and I’m flattered by it, frankly.”
Waiting for someone like Bob Dole or John McCain to respond “I knew Margaret Thatcher, Margaret Thatcher was a friend of mine, Carly, you’re no Margaret Thatcher.”

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At least one dead and dozens injured in Las Vegas after a car plowed into a crowd of people on a sidewalk on the Strip. Now, if the NRA was the National Automobile Association they would be screaming for fewer restrictions on driving and saying all those pedestrians should have been in their own cars.

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Lowering the bar.

December 19, 2015

Florida announced that QB Will Grier. suspended until late in the 2016 season for PEDs, will transfer. Coach Jim McElwain said “this has been very difficult on him and obviously he is looking for a fresh start.” Obviously. Or at least more lax drug testing.

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Martin Shkreli has tweeted out “I am confident I will prevail. The allegations against me are baseless and without merit.” Uh, has it occurred to Shkreli that the only people who don’t think he’s a complete scumbag are the same people who are plenty rich enough to get out of jury duty?

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The first college bowl game – the Air Force Reserve Celebration Bowl – was today was between Alcorn State and North Carolina A&T – Be honest. Who even knew those two schools had football teams?

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Our symbol is not the barbed wire fence, it is the Statue of Liberty. ‪#‎DemDebate‬ ‪#‎OMalley‬ ‪#‎Stillwontwinbutnicelysaid‬

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#‎MartinOMalley‬ “Can I offer another generation’s perspective?” Not like millennials are watching, but if they were “you guys are all old.”

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Love Bernie Sanders but every time you see him talk you expect to hear him yell “You punks get off my lawn.” ‪#‎DemDebate‬

So Matt Cassell managed to throw an interception and get called for intentional grounding on the same play. ‪#‎NYJvsDAL‬ Somewhere Mark Sanchez is giggling. ‪#‎almostabuttfumble‬

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#‎MartinOMalley‬ “Can I offer another generation’s perspective?” Not like millennials are watching, but if they were “you guys are all old.”

 

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Obama met with families of those people killed in San Bernadino yesterday, and a local GOP supervisor criticizing him for it. saying the President should have met with the wounded too. The supervisor also accused Obama of “politicizing” the tragedy. And he said it with a straight face. ‪#‎cantwin‬

 

Tonight the ‪#‎DallasCowboys‬ were officially eliminated from the playoffs. No punchline, I just like writing it.

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Can’t tell anything without a score card?

December 19, 2015

The College Bowl season starts this Saturday. And if you can name more than one of the first weekend’s games, you might have WAY too much time on your hands.

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ESPN complained during the Clippers-Spurs game about the “hack-a-Jordan” strategy, saying it was ridiculous. Of course, what might be more ridiculous is a well-paid professional athlete not learning to shoot simple free throws.

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Cool. A 74-year-old man wins $1 Million from a scratch-off lottery ticket. Would be even cooler if he’s optimistic enough to take the payout over 20 years.

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A German woman is suing Airbnb after she and her husband discovered a hidden camera in their rental unit, that they believe was being operated remotely, and recorded “personal and intimate” details. And just guessing the unit owner wasn’t giving a discount for their guests providing entertainment?

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There are claims now that Bernie Sanders aides stole Hillary Clinton’s secret voter lists. Hmm, is this how the Sanders campaign is trying to prove they are big time?

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Apple stock has fallen over 20% recently. And somewhere Steve Jobs is snickering “No one person is indispensable my ass.”

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Martin Shkreli, the price-gouging CEO who was arrested yesterday on securities fraud, was released on $5 million bond, and tweeted “Glad to be home, thanks for the support? “Support?” Sounds like not only is Shkreli an asshole, he’s delusional as well.

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NM Governor Susana Martinez says she “regrets the way the situation was handled” after she called 911 at 1:30a after a noise complaint was made against a party in her room at a Santa Fe hotel and told police to “call them off.”
The police recording says that someone called the hotel front desk about a loud party and said guests were throwing bottles off of a balcony. (The Gov. says it was just snowballs.)
Martinez has been mentioned as a possible V.P. candidate. Well, I suppose this might help with the GOP’s stodgy reputation.

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We interrupt the usual picking on other states for a California item of ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬: Downtown Los Altos, two young men on skateboards, with Safeway bags in one hand, drinks in another, skateboarding down the middle of the street. In the dark. So maybe they thought getting Darwin awards would get them out of needing to buy Christmas presents?

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On the O’Reilly Factor, a spokeswoman for Donald Trump asked what the point of having nuclear weapons is if the United States is “afraid” to use them. Of course by the same “afraid to use them” logic she might have asked what the point is of several of the GOP candidates having brains…

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A San Jose elementary school had a decades-old field trip tradition of having kindergarten child deliver letters to Santa at a local coffee shop. Then a Jewish mom, who said she was “not anti-Christmas but wanted other religions to be represented,” wrote a four-page letter and asked that the trip be canceled. And the school agreed.
Some parents are protesting by taking their kids out of school and doing the visit themselves. But come on, you want other religions represented, fine, volunteer to bring Hannakuh cookies and talk about the holiday. Or whatever. But can we just LIGHTEN UP?

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A little good news

December 18, 2015

Martin Shkreli, the infamous CEO of Turing Pharma who raised the price of an AIDS pill by over 5,000% was arrested today on charges of securities fraud. Mean bitch karma for the win!

 

Disney has announced that due to security concerns, visitors over the age of 14 will no longer be able to wear costumes in their theme parks, even on Halloween. Well, that’s just Goofy.

 

New Walt Disney theme park enhanced security will mean no costumes, no toy guns (including light sabers?), and metal detectors at the entrances. Although if they really want to keep people safe Disney could just threaten anyone arrested as a terror suspect with being locked for hours inside “It’s a Small World.” ‪#‎torture‬

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So will ‪#‎Adele‬‘s next sad song be about trying to buy tickets to her own concerts?

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The San Francisco school district apparently got an email threat similar to the one sent to Los Angeles and NY, but decided to stay open. So sorry kids, looks like closing down your school is no longer an alternative to studying for finals.

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According to TMZ, RIchard Simmons has refused to go out in public for two years because he no longer wants to be famous. And most Americans at this point are saying “Who?”

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Two quarterbacks in a week have decided to transfer from Texas A&M. And at 49ers headquarters Kaepernick and Gabbert are wondering “You can do that?”

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Glenn Beck says if Donald Trump is nominated – “you are going to see an end to the Republican Party.” Hmm. Promise?

 

Ben Carson is canceling planned trips to Israel, Nigeria, Kenya and Zambia, citing “security concerns.” So the good Doctor can stay in the U.S. and slam President Obama for not providing courageous leadership?

 

 

When police arrested two suspects for allegedly stealing Amazon packages off of porches, one of them had a nicely written daily “to do” list with her – including “kiss mom n tell her she’s loved, ” (aw) “shop-lift” (‪#‎cantfixstupid‬) And no, not Florida. San Diego.

 

 

 

 

From T.C. “MLB Commissioner Manfred has upheld the ban on Pete Rose being associated with any Major League baseball team. Rose is considering applying for a position with The Seattle Mariners.”

 

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Oops

December 18, 2015

This post failed to load last night. Blame technology. Or the operator…. Or Obama.

A Modesto man is recovering in the hospital after being accidentally shot.  In a firearms-safety class. By the instructor.  #Cantfixstupid #ifonlyhewerearmed  #youcannotmakethisstuffup

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Browns coach Mike Pettine says he doesn’t c-onsider Russell Wilson one of the “two, three, four, elite” QBs in the NFL. And Cleveland is heading to Seattle for a game Sunday. Two thoughts: 1. This should be fun. 2. How would Pettine know what an elite QB is?

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The NE Patriots cut short a Tom Brady press conference today because reporters were asking too many questions about Donald Trump. Really, why couldn’t they stick to the important stuff like “Deflategate?”

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Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is now facing criticism for a $7 million holiday party last week. The party which had a Gatsby theme, was titled “The Roaring 20th Year End Party 2015.” And Mayer sat on a white throne-like chair during the party to pose for pictures with employees.
Give Marissa credit, she is proving that women CEO’s can be equally as clueless as men.

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A warrant has been issued for the arrest of Ethan Couch, the “affluenza” teen who killed 4 people while driving drunk in 2013 at the age of 16, and got a judge to let him off with probation. This after Couch was seen on video playing beer pong and missed a meeting with his probation officer. Texas Police believe he and his mother have skipped town.

So congrats to all those who had December 2015 in the pool.

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So a thought about Ted Cruz and his seeming passion to return to the days of our founding fathers with the Constitution: So when is Cruz going to do something truly in keeping with the spirit of the times and challenge an opponent to a Hamilton-Burr type duel?

 

The Fed has raised interest rates 1/4 percent. So everyone getting pennies a month right now on your savings account, you’ll now be getting MORE pennies. (Although no doubt credit card companies will jack up rates a few percent.)

 

The morning after the CNN GOP debate, all the candidates are claiming that “THEY” won the evening. Just once it would be fun to hear someone say “Hey, I really sucked last night.”

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Wheaton College, a Christian school, suspended tenured political science professor Larycia Hawkins after she wore a hijab to show support for Muslims and posted on FB “”I stand in religious solidarity with Muslims because they, like me, a Christian, are people of the book,”
Now if she had only done something truly American in response to recent shootings, like carrying a gun to class.

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Senate Intelligence Committee Chair Richard Burr is asking to review the GOP debate transcript because Ted Cruz commented about the % of phone numbers under surveillance – that information is classified.
Meanwhile, no doubt Cruz will be back today to ranting about Hillary’s email server.

 

At a town hall today, Hillary Clinton was asked if she would “rather be President or Beyonce?” Waiting for one of the GOP candidates to say “Taylor Swift is better.”

 

 

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Back to the future?

December 16, 2015

Marco Rubio, when asked about same-sex marriage, responded “I will appoint Supreme Court justices that will interpret the Constitution as originally constructed.” So Rubio’s going to look for justices who are in favor of owning slaves?

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Pete Rose says he “accepts” Rob Manfred’s upholding his MLB ban – “You can’t rewrite something,” Wonder if Rose bet that would be the commissioner’s decision.

 

So for all those who think the ‪#‎Warriors‬ are invincible this year, remember this, they lost to a ‪#‎Bucks‬ team that c0uldn’t beat the ‪#‎Lakers‬.

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Yasiel Puig was amongst a small group of players who returned to Cuba today as part of the first MLB trip to the island nation since 1999. And privately no doubt some in the Dodgers organization are thinking “Fidel, can you keep him?”

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For anyone complaining on the East Coast about spring-like pre-Christmas weather, Denver residents and anyone with a flight scheduled to or through Denver International Airport on Tuesday have a brief message for you: STFU.

(The airport was been largely closed all day due to snow.)

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United Airlines flight attendants will be picketing at 14 airports around the world Thursday to protest “unfair” contracts since the airline merged with Continental. So guessing the “Friendly Skies” will be even less friendly than usual this holiday season….

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Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan, whose Badgers are 7-5, said he is retiring effective immediately. And a whole lot of NFL and NBA coaches are going – so Ryan wants to quit while his team is over achieving?

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Dallas owner Jerry Jones says the “Cowboys will not shut Dez Bryant down for the season.” Well, of course not. The teams Dallas has faced all year have already done that.

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So all Los Angeles County schools have been closed and over 600,000 children sent home over a “credible” bomb threat. Well, not sure about terrorism, but a whole lot of smart kids who hate school just got some great future inspiration.

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Who knows who was responsible for today’s terror threat in Los Angeles. But if they catch him or her perhaps the best punishment would be to lock them in a room with some LAUSD parents: Hell hath no fury like a mom or dad who just discovered they needed last-minute daycare.

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The Mayor of Birmingham, AL, and a city councilor are apparently planning to press charges against each other after the two men got into a fight during a city council meeting last night, and both ended up in the hospital. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

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A pro-John Kasich Super PAC has a new ad Pro-Kasich super PAC refers to Donald Trump as a “hippo-crit,” and uses a picture of a hippo to drive home the comparison. Okay, who thought that a hippo would be used in an attack ad against anyone but Chris Christie?

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Anyone else thinking this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ might have been a lot more fun if all the candidates were armed?

 

Arrgh. Watching the local news and a young local Republican woman talking about wanting a candidate who kept her safe from terrorism. Fine, okay. But then she said she didn’t want to go to see the Star Wars movie and worry about being shot.. Uh, did she forget who shot up that theater in Colorado?

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So all this talk about terrorism and “people who want to kill us.” Guess I missed the part where the GOP candidates talked about how Americans who have been murdered by other Americans with no Muslim ties weren’t truly victims?

 

 

Ben Carson asked for a moment of silence tonight for the victims in San Bernardino. Now, no American really has a problem with that. But where were Carson’s requests for a moment of silence for the Planned Parenthood victims, or the children of Sandy Hook? ‪#‎politics‬ ‪#‎priorities‬

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From T.C.  “Santa’s elves have a sense of humor, they are sending Jason Pierre-Paw a guitar for Christmas. He will probably regift it to Andy Dalton.”

Categories: debate jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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Holidaze

December 14, 2015

So just wondering. How come we can’t say ‪#‎MerryChristmas‬ but we have to listen to ‪#‎GodBlessAmerica‬ at every Sunday ‪#‎MLB‬ game?

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Holiday tip of the day. If you have an SUV large enough to carry two kids’ soccer teams, you just MIGHT be too big to park in a “compact car” spot

 

Scott Cochran, Alabama’s strength and conditioning coach for football, was rumored to be leaving for Georgia. But he will remain with the Crimson Tide, reportedly with a raise. USA Today says Cochran’s current salary is $420,000 and he probably will get at least $500,000 to stay.
Hmm, wonder what professors make at Alabama?

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Amazon has apparently removed most hoverboards from their site over safety concerns, specifically that some models could catch fire and explode. And here I was thinking the biggest worry was falling off the things.

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Apparently new MLB commission Rob Manfred has decided to keep Pete Rose’s lifetime ban in place. It’s always seemed to me a reasonable solution was to allow Rose to be on the Hall of Fame ballot, but ban him from ever holding a job again in baseball. Not having the career hits leader on a plaque seems wrong.

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Right about now the #‎Spurs‬ and ‪#‎Warriors‬  are doing good job convincing casual basketball fans there’s no need to pay attention until ‪#‎NBA‬ Western Conference Finals.

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#‎SFGiants‬ apparently got ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬. Clearly there’s something here about the hair.

 

You know the MLB free agent market is out of whack when 6 years $130 million for ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬ seems like a reasonably priced deal. ‪#‎SFGIANTS‬

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The FAA says drone owners will have to register their remote-controlled aircraft starting Dec 21. But what if your drone is armed?

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Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker says he has refiled his financial disclosure forms after a WSJ report said he didn’t file millions of dollars worth of investments and profits he received since joining the Senator in 2007. Corker now says “I am extremely disappointed in the filing errors that were made in earlier financial disclosure reports.”
Well, I am sure he is extremely disappointed that he got caught.

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An 11-year-old girl who was visiting a friend with some other classmates was fatally shot by a 12-year-old boy at his Tennessee home Friday night. If only the kids had been armed.

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Police have now charged Ole Miss DL Robert Nkemdiche with marijuana possession after his fall from a hotel window this weekend. Police say they found the football star “conscious and breathing while lying on the ground near the Hyatt’s sidewalk and driveway — and a group of several associates. None of them claimed to know why Nkemdiche had fallen out the double-pane room window.”

Hmm, maybe more than one person should have been charged with possession of something….

 

Donald Trump, on Iowa polls show him losing to Ted Cruz “Don’t worry, it’s just Iowa.” Well, that ought to make the Donald even more popular in the state.

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Four and niners

December 13, 2015

On a brighter note for the ‪#‎SF49ers‬, they only had the same number of losses this weekend as the ‪#‎GSWarriors‬.

 

 

Ole Miss star DL Robert Nkemdiche is in stable condition with “multiple cuts” after falling out of a fourth floor window in Atlanta. Now, i know academics aren’t a priority in the SEC. But future players might not want to miss the lecture on gravity.

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When you look up “regression to the mean” in the dictionary, today an example might be Blaine Gabbert. ‪#‎SFvsCLE‬ ‪

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So how did this ‪#‎SF49ers‬ team actually win four games?

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Will Ferrell, on SNL last night as George W. Bush. “The field of Republicans out there is so messed up, it makes you miss me,” And a whole lot of Americans laughed and then thought… “Well, actually…. almost.”

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Despite the Browns’ win today, Johnny Manziel was at one point so upset about an interception that he slammed his head into a tablet. Not sure about the computer, but at least Manziel himself avoided injury by using the hardest part of his body.

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Worst thing for the ‪#‎Clevelandbrowns‬ tonight?  ‪#‎JohnnyManziel‬ had something to celebrate.

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In England, an alleged drunk driver tried to run away from a hit and run accident by hiding in a nativity scene.  He was caught and arrested. #notsowiseman

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Mark Zuckerberg has posted a picture of himself changing his new baby’s diaper. So was Zuckerberg so involved in creating Facebook that he thinks a dad doing this is a big deal?

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In New York, a 25-year-old woman was arrested during a prostitution sting by an undercover cop. And she brought her 14 month-old child along. So maybe she thought it was “Bring your child to work day?”

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Trump complained today that drought water restrictions in some places make it very difficult to wash his hair “It’s a disaster.”  So, who needs a wall, we’ve figured out at least the way to keep Trump out of California.

 

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Donald Trump today called Ted Cruz “a little bit of a maniac.” Both the pot and the kettle are giggling.

 

There are rumors that Justin Bieber has been “hooking up” with Kourtney Kardashian. ‪#‎dearGoddontletthembreed‬

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Second but we try harder.

December 13, 2015

Stanford now has four second place finishes in the Heisman in seven years. Imagine what the results might be if the Cardinal actually played games when most Americans were awake.

(Who are we kidding?  If Stanford athletes wanted Heisman trophies and were really that smart, they’d have all signed with SEC teams.)

 

Christian McCaffrey may not have won the Heisman, but the 8pm EST show means more Americans probably saw him tonight than during Stanford’s late night games.

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Other than die-hard fans, the people who are most unhappy about the end of the Warriors’ streak have to be advertisers for the Golden State-Cleveland game on Christmas Day.

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While most of the NBA world was focused on the Warriors’ first loss of the season, meanwhile the San Antonio Spurs held the Atlanta Hawks to 25 points in the 1st half. 25 points in a half? The New Orleans Saints defense would be okay with that.

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The Philadelphia 76ers signed coach Brett Brown, 38-150, to a contract extension. Wow. Hard to believe that with that kind of record someone can get re-hired. Re-elected, maybe.

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A new video shows FSU QB Sean Maguire throwing a football over the stadium wall from the parking lot. Well, the 49ers’ Colin Kaepernick could potentially do that too, the only question would be if he might completely miss the stadium.

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Riverside Mall in Hackensack, New Jersey mall was evacuated this afternoon after a bomb threat. Once police let everyone back inside wonder which store will be the first to have a “bomb threat recovery” sale?”

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Ted Cruz, in a leaked statement about Trump and Carson said : “Who am I comfortable having their finger on the button? Now that’s a question of strength, but it’s also a question of judgment.”
Fair enough, but one might ask, do we want someone’s finger on the button who has not only alienated those in the opposition party, but also in his own?

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Loring Wirbel, the leader of Colorado’s ACLU chapter posted on his personal FB page about Trump “If you are voting for him. I will have to shoot you before election day.” Wirbel stepped down after the predictable outrage. But had he only framed it as a gun rights issue….

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President Obama declined a petition signed by over 100,000 people to make the Muslim holy days of Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Fitr federal holidays, The White House statement noted that states,cities and school districts can set their own holidays, and that federal law already requires most employers to make religious accommodations to employees to allow them to celebrate religious observances.
It’s going to take some work for the GOP Presidential candidates to point out this time what Obama did was wrong.

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Donald Trump’s latest is calling Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts “disgraceful” and a “disappointment.” Well, guess the Donald doesn’t think winning the Presidency will require winning Florida..

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