Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
August 27, 2016
49ers QB Colin Kaepernick said he remained seated on the bench during the national anthem yesterday because “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”
Well, if Kaepernick likes sitting, this year he’s going to get to do a lot of it.
Admire when someone takes a stand at their own personal risk. But when Colin Kaepernick says ““If they take football away, my endorsements from me, I know that I stood up for what is right.”
I’m all for free speech. But the way Kap is playing – what endorsements?
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Announcers at the Little League World Series talk about a Panamian flamethrower who pitches 81 MPH. And somewhere Barry Zito is just sobbing.
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#TonyRomo has a broken bone in his back. So it will be at least until midseason before he can return to disappoint #Cowboys fans.
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Two Western Michigan football players were arrested for allegedly robbing a female student with a knife and semi-automatic gun. Coach P.J. Fleck suspended them both indefinitely “I’m extremely disappointed and want to assure the community that this kind of conduct is unacceptable and does not represent the values of this team or this university.”
Uh, does armed robbery represent the values of any team or university?
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The Chicago White Sox are changing their field name from U.S. Cellular Field to Guaranteed Rate Field. Let’s see, cellphone companies and mortgage lenders. So they’re trying to get people less focused on booing the team than booing the sponsor?
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In Tallahassee, FSU strength & conditioning coach Vic Viloria was arrested for alleged DUI after he was found “passed out” in the driver’s seat of his truck at a traffic light. Viloria clearly wasn’t thinking, that sort of thing isn’t tolerated in Tallahassee, unless you actually play for the Seminoles.
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Ann Coulter, in her book “In Trump We Trust” said “Until the bleeding has stopped, there’s nothing Trump can do that won’t be forgiven. Except change his immigration policies.”
Ann forgot to add “How many times.”
Kudos to Southwest pilots for landing the plane safely when an engine disintegrated during a flight from New Orleans to Orlando. But then apparently some passengers took selfies while donning the oxygen masks. #BeammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet.
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Donald Trump tweet from yesterday ““Dwayne Wade’s cousin was just shot and killed walking her baby in Chicago. Just what I have been saying. African-Americans will VOTE TRUMP!”
Leaving the misspelling aside, can’t understand how some might get the idea that with the Donald it’s all about him. #sarcasm
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From T.C. “US Cellular Field, the home of the Chicago White Sox have just sold the naming rights to “Guaranteed Rate” for the next 7 years. This is not to be confused with Wrigley Field which has been known as the home of “Guaranteed Losers” since 1908.”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, LLWS jokes, Romo jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 27, 2016
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything….” Who knew Dickens was an #SFGiants fan?
#SFGiants congratulate #Cubs on extra innings win against #Dodgers. Hope for more wins & longer games before Giants go to #Wrigley next week
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Meanwhile, Atlanta Braves put on a good clinic to explain why they have worst record in MLB. SFGiants say thank you.
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Texas Rangers reliever Jeremy Jeffress was arrested in Dallas last night for alleged DUI. Okay, the guy is only making $519,000 this year, but shouldn’t that at least cover UberX?
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A professor at Iowa is complaining that the school’s “Herky the Hawk” mascot is too angry looking and is an invitation to “aggressivity and even violence.” WTF? This gal better never get a job with Notre Dame and their Fighting Irish.
Colin Kaepernick’s accomplishment tonight – giving local sports fans reason to turn the channel to a fun #SFGiants game. #GBvsSF
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Hawaii vs.Cal down under tonight. Aussies really enjoyed the game: “We get it, in American college football you don’t play defense.”
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Dallas owner Jerry Jones said “it’s not good” about a TMZ video showing rookie Ezekiel Elliott at a marijuana dispensary the day of the Cowboys-Seahawks preseason game.
And really, what was Elliott thinking? You are supposed to send your posse to buy your pot.
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Some talk that if Hunter Pence was still in right field last night in the 9th inning of the SF Giants Dodgers game, he might have dove for Corey Seager’s bloop single and saved Matt Moore’s no hitter. Or, the way this season has gone for the Giants lately, Pence might have landed on his collarbone, broken it, and been out for the year.
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In Toronto, a man has been arrested for murder after allegedly killing 3 people- and injuring a 4th, in a seeming random rampage with a crossbow. Awful, but it WAS Canada. hence the crossbow.. Imagine if he lived in the US. #ifonlyhewasarmed
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North Korea says it has successfully tested a submarine-launched missile, and Kim Jong Un says the U.S. mainland is now within striking range of his nuclear weapons. Meanwhile Dennis Rodman says he could still play in the NBA.
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NJ Governor Chris Christie fired staffer Bill Stepien over Bridgegate, calling him “deceitful,” Now NBC reports Donald Trump has hired Stepien as his national field director “with a focus on voter turnout in the final months of the campaign.”
What does this really translate to, closing a few bridges in Democratic precincts?
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Give the devil his due. I can’t stand Julian Assange of Wikileaks. But he has a point “‘from the point of view of an investigative journalist organization like WikiLeaks, the problem with the Trump campaign is that it’s actually hard for us to publish much more controversial material than what comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth every second day,”
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Harold Bornstein, Trump’s doctor, wrote a note last fall declaring the Donald to be the “healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Today Bornstein said he wrote the note in 5 minutes.
Well, of course, because Trump has the bestest doctor ever, the fastest and bestest.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: assange jokes, Cubs jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, NFL jokes, North Korea jokes
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August 26, 2016
The Oakland Raiders have filed to trademark the name “Las Vegas Raiders.” If they move will the team’s new motto be “Against all odds?”
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Now that the Olympics is over, NBC’s next big televised event is the first Presidential debate on September 26. Wonder if the network will show it some time before the actual election?
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Anyone who thinks baseball is boring wasn’t watching Thursday night’s Giants Dodgers game and Matt Moore’s near no-hitter.
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Former MLB pitcher David Aardsma said Tim Tebow impressed him in practice sessions, and made a lot of progress with his hitting and adjusments: “It actually really pissed me off.”
Of course, Tebow still may not be anywhere close to a major league hitter. Which means these days he’d fit right in on the SF Giants.
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Silver lining to the #SFGIants recent free fall? #Dodgers can no longer block any trades they make on the waiver wire.
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Ryan Lochte has a new sponsorship deal with Pine Brothers for throat lozenges – “Forgiving on your throat.”
What about Depends “When you gotta go…”
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Martin Shkreli is speaking out on behalf of Mylan, the company that raised EpiPens prices by over 500%, saying “Can’t someone succeed and not be shamed anymore?” #MakeAmericaIrateAgain
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All flights in and out of Ft. Lauderdale and Miami were halted today due to a power outrage at the Miami Terminal Radar Approach Control center. Standby for airlines instituting a new “back up battery fee.”
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A 59 year old woman who died falling from a Delaware zip line platform had apparently “disconnected herself from the safety system.” Sad, and her adult daughter posted a nice tribute online. But having a daughter means alas the woman was too late for a true Darwin award.
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It took a last minute scramble to get Donald Trump on the ballot in Minnesota as the party hadn’t submitted the required names of electors who officially cast the state’s votes. Even in his SNL days, Al Franken couldn’t make this “stuff” up.
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After a new ad was released with KKK images, a Trump spokesman said “Hillary Clinton and her campaign went to a disgusting new low today as they released a video tying the Trump Campaign with horrific racial images.”
Right, but videos demonizing refugees and immigrants, those are all just part of how we make America great again. #sarcasm
Donald Trump said tonight his great wall at the Mexican border will be 35-45 feet tall, it could be higher. The Great Wall of China, btw, averages 26 feet tall. Wonder how much of Trump’s wall height will be his name in neon?
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Trump tweet. “Hillary Clinton’s short speech is pandering to the worst instincts in our society. She should be ashamed of herself!”
Guess he didn’t have enough characters also to tweet “That’s MY job.”
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Bill Littlejohn on the Raiders potential move – “Two Las Vegas sites are preferred for NFL stadiums—but first, infared cameras had to make sure there weren’t any bodies buried in them.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Raiders jokes, Tebow jokes
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August 24, 2016
Hope Solo got a six-month suspension for being bitchy & calling opponents “cowards.” Bad behavior, she clearly should have hit or broken something
So what was the bigger sin for #HopeSolo after #USWNT didn’t medal in #Rio2016 ? Being a sore loser? Or being a loser?
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Headline that the U.S. women’s gymnastics team got to meet the cast of “Hamilton.” But the tougher question – did they get tickets?
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The San Diego Chargers say they have pulled their “best offer” to DE Joey Bosa, their 1st-round draft pick and #3 overall. Bosa will likely now be sitting out indefinitely
This is surprising, usually it takes at least a few games for the Chargers to start messing up their season.
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Wednesday was Kobe Bryant Day. Seems somehow wrong to say “Pass it on.”
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Reports are that #RyanLochte may go on #DWTS. Will they rename the show #DancingWithTheTruth?
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In all the lessons of #Lochtegate, there is one simple one “Do not lie to your mother.” #Rio2016
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Swimmer Jimmy Feigen, one of those involved in #Lochtegate, has issued a long apology and explanation which he posted on his lawyer’s website, ending with “I am so sorry for the drama this has caused in everyone’s lives. I am very thankful to be home in the United States with my family and that this ordeal has come to an end.”
We’ll never know exactly what happened, and my guess is there was some blame to go around on this one, but again, if you can’t say “I’m sorry” in a single sentence, it doesn’t seem like much of an apology.
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#SFGiants are depressing lately, at least this year’s #SF49ers will only suffer embarassing losses once a week.
If #SFGiants decided to take a post-game cruise no need for lifejackets tonight. Even if they fell out of boat no chance of hitting water.
#MLB commissioner Manfred has lots of ideas to speed up baseball season. #SFGiants would be okay in future with skipping All-Star breaks.
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Another 1-0 loss. Not buying “one mistake” excuse. Cueto hung a pitch, Dodgers pitchers hung several. #Turner hit the mistake. #SFGiants missed all of them.
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Rush Limbaugh’s latest Obama attack is over the USDA’s “Rural Pride” program. which wants to have a ‘day of conversation about the struggles of gay and transgender individuals in rural America”:
“What they’re trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers. They are trying to bust up one of the last geographically conservative regions in the country.”
Well, with Trump these days, guess Limbaugh really has to up his game to get attention.
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#RushLimbaugh ranting about #lesbianfarmers. And across America, sheep are thinking “Actually can we have more of those?” #bameansno
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Jennifer Lopez, 47, and Casper Smart, 29,, have apparently broken up after five years together. Too much to hope she left him for a younger man?
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#EricTrump said it would be “foolish” for his father Donald to release his tax returns. And Eric’s probably right.
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Donald Trump said Monday on Fox that he had met with a “top” Chicago PD officer to discuss how “tough police tactics” could help with violence in the city. After a rebuttal from the police department Trump admitted he had just talked to a regular officer.
I’m sure this is somehow Hillary’s fault.
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So one of Hillary Clinton’s weaknesses is an occasional defensiveness that opens her up to charges of Nixonian paranoia.
But okay, really, given Trump as an alternative, Nixon himself would be looking pretty good.
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Donald Trump ranted today about the Hollywood celebrities supporting Hillary Clinton “in many cases celebrities who aren’t very hot anymore.” As opposed to Kirstie Alley and Scott Baio?
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Donald Trump slammed the President for interfering in British politics when Obama urged Brits to vote “stay”. Then today he brought Brexit leader Nigel Farage to a rally to say “If I was an American citizen I wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton if you paid me.”
Apparently consistency is another commie-pinko concept.
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From T.C. “Nike has announced it will be exiting the golf club business. Elin Nordegren has ordered some extra 9 irons before they cease production.”
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hope solo jokes, Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Rush Limbaugh jokes, trump joke
Comments: 2 Comments
August 23, 2016
American ingenuity in Boulder.
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Apparently 20 MLB teams will watch #TimTebow‘s workouts next week. Do they really believe he can play, or hoping to get God on their side?
Wonder if #SFGiants are attending Tim Tebow workouts? Right about now their offense could use a few prayers.
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Josh Norman was asked if he was the best cornerback in the NFL. He responded “I am the best cornerback on earth.”
No reaction from Seattle. is Richard Sherman taking a vacation from social media or something?
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Stanford has a new policy that forbids undergraduate students from drinking hard alcohol – more than 40 proof – at on-campus parties. Great, even more incentive for students to get drunk BEFORE going to a party..
(and uh, don’t they have a policy forbidding rape too?)
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Tesla has a new battery pack that will allow their cars to go zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds, about the speed of a Ferrari $1 million plus supercar. And a car with this “Ludicrous” (that’s what they are naming it) mode, will cost for only $135,000.
Well, it’s nice to know that millionaires will be able to keep up with billionaires.
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As a marketing promotion, KFC has been giving away 3,000 bottles of sunscreen that smell like fried chicken. Two words: “Shark bait.”
A Univ. of Pittsburgh student was rescued this morning, several hours after at about 2 a.m. he tried to jump from one roof to another to impress a woman. He fell, becoming trapped between two buildings.
This is worrisome. If they end up a couple the two are young enough to breed. #DarwinAward #misseditbythatmuch
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Three GOP legislators from Louisiana asked for and got federal disaster relief from President Obama . They all had voted against funding after Hurricane Sandy. “I am shocked,” said nobody.
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So is this really just about the Donald demonstrating he has business sense? A report in the Huffington Post says that after Trump started accepting donor funds, he increased this campaign rent from $35,458 in March to $169,758 in July.
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Trump had a big public rally tonight in Austin. A free big rally in Texas? That would be like Hillary taking time now for free rallies in California.
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Melania Trump’s lawyer says she is threatening to sue the UK Daily Mail, along with U.S. based Politico and at least eight other news outlets for defamation. Yeah, she may have been born in Slovenia, but she’s definitely become a Trump alright..
Donald Trump tonight on immigration “”I had a great meeting with great people, great Hispanic leaders, and there could certainly be a softening because we’re not looking to hurt people. We want people — we have some great people in this country. We have some great, great people in this country but we’re going to follow the laws of this country and what people don’t realize — we have very, very strong laws.”
Even Sarah Palin is going “huh?”
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A nice story for a change. Admittedly, I’ve been lukewarm on Hillary Clinton but while in Ohio decided to wear a Hillary button because it’s a close state, and IMHO the alternative is worse, much worse. But an older woman at a museum shop commented that she LOVED my button, and confided “I have blue nail polish on for her because that’s as political as I can be at work.”
I offered her my button, to wear after work, and she was just thrilled. Literally. “Are you sure, I’m so excited for her, thank you so much.”
Made me smile actually to see someone really happy about this election.
(comedy writers don’t count.)
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: cat jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, KFC jokes, Tebow jokes, tesla jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 21, 2016
The closing ceremony of #Rio2016 was tonight. Or if you are watching NBC, sometime next week.
Ryan Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” his robbery story. “Over-exaggerated?” Seven syllables to say “I lied?”
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On the other hand, for all the earlier worries about contamination, organizers of the Rio Games have to be happy that the biggest piece of trash in the water turned out to be an American swimmer.
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SF Chronicle reporting the Oakland A’s Billy Butler apparently missed games this weekend because he was injured in a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, This would never happen in the SF Giants clubhouse. These days none of them can hit anyone.
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Six Notre Dame players were arrested. Coach Brian Kelly kicked senior Max Redfield off the team, this after Redfield was sent home from last year’s Fiesta Bowl for a “failure to be punctual.” Senior Devon Butler was suspended “indefinitely,” although he was supposed to miss the beginning of the season with a broken foot. The other four will be subject to “internal discipline.”
Well, the Catholic God is all about confession and forgiveness. Especially if you can play football.
A young woman who had just moved from Nevada became the third person in a week to die falling from a cliff in San Pedro, near Los Angeles. She hopped a wall for a “better view” and tripped on her flip flops. Apparently about a dozen people die at the cliff each year.
Maybe they need to change the warning sign, simply to say “x number of Darwin Award winners made here in 2016.”
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So regarding the new “focused and consistent” Trump, I think no one can top the late great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
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New Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway says he “doesn’t hurl insults.”. Of course not. The insults spring fully formed from his mouth, and they are the bestest greatest insults.
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Will @realDonaldTrump take opportunity to be less controversial starting Mon, not having to work so hard to take headlines from #RyanLochte
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A NY Times report found that Donald Trump companies owe at least $650 million in debt. Waiting for the Donald to reply that the Times “doesn’t count good.”
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Rudy Giuliani is complaining that the media “fails to point out several signs of illness by (Hillary Clinton).” Once again, Rudy is inviting the media and psychologists to point out signs of mental illness in himself.
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New Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in 2005 “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?”
I must have missed when she said “Donald Trump cannot be faithful to his marriage vows, how in the world can he be faithful to the Constitution?”
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From T.C. – “The U.S. 4 x 100 men’s relay team didn’t win their appeal. On the other hand they stopped short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: As jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Olympics jokes, rio jokes, Trump jokes
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August 20, 2016
#Brazil wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in #Olympics or #WorldCup fans thinking “Is there any other way?
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Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.
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Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in #Lochtegate released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?
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Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.
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Right about now the #Reds should be expecting nice gift baskets from the #SFGiants. #BeatLA
A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. #ifonlytheywerearmed
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#Zika travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?
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Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?
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Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. #sarcasm
Just imagine #Trump ad if #Obama had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….
Credit where credit is due from T.C. ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Olympics jokes
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August 17, 2016
North Korean gymnast Ri Se-Gwang won a gold medal on the vault today, but appeared to be crying sadly on the podium. Probably because he wasn’t able to vault far enough from the guards who will be returning him to North Korea.
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Members of the Irish Olympic Committee, including one on the IOC E-board, have been accused by Brazilian police of a scalping scheme involving more than 1,000 tickets. There’s corruption in the IOC? Wonder if they’re sponsoring gambling in Casablanca too?
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A reigning Olympic diving champion today ended with an amazing belly-flop in the semi-finals. So Ilya Zakharov won’t get a medal. But he has a great chance to win a t-shirt in Carnival Cruises pool games.
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Now there’s breaking news that a Brazilian judge has issued a search and seizure warrant for two of the swimmers who said they were robbed in Rio. Made-for-tv movie in 3-2-1…?
LeBron James on Team USA “Every time I watch ’em, I wish I was out there.” Uh, does King James mean playing basketball or hanging out on the luxury ship and playing beach volleyball?
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Lebron James said his goal is to “own a team.” Well, actually the Cavs owned a lot of teams last season.
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#SFGiants weren’t as good as they looked 1st half of season. But can’t be as bad as they look in 2nd half. 1962 #Mets weren’t even THIS bad.
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#MattCain allows 6 runs in 1 inning on 2 hits. Flashback to that 1st year of Little League when kids graduated from coach pitch. #SFGiants
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Phrase I DON’T want to hear on @SFGiants postgame show. #MattCain (as opposed to fill-in-the-blank) pitched better than score indicated.”
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Stop the presses, the #SFGiants did get a hit in the first inning with a runner in scoring position.
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A new Public Policy Polling survey found that three out of five Trump supporters in Texas want to secede if Hillary is elected. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country. #letmypeoplego
Curt Schilling says he’s considering running for Senate to unseat Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts. Can’t wait for her to tell him to put a bloody sock in it.
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Major shake-up this morning in the @realDonaldTrump campaign. Clearly this is @HillaryClinton’s fault
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New #Trump campaign CEO is Steve Bannon, head of #Breitbart News. So guess we’ve found one media outlet the Donald won’t be now attacking
So @realDonaldTrump is on his 3rd campaign manager & it’s only Aug. Who knew in a few short months he could have more managers than wives?
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Donald Trump apparently sent out a 30 question survey to his supporters asking for help with the campaign. Question 1 is “Which issues are most important to you?” Not listed – “I just don’t want to vote for Hillary.”
While Donald Trump makes headlines nearly every day with some outrageous comment, Hillary Clinton continues to run a largely cautious campaign. Clearly she has no regard for US comedy writers – whatever will we do if she is elected? #WewillalwayshaveBIll?
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brazil jokes, breibart jokes, diving jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Olympics jokes, rio jokes, rio2016 jokes, Trump jokes
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August 15, 2016
To show that they take domestic violence seriously, the Chicago Cubs fired an employee who played Prodigy’s song “Smack my bitch up” after Aroldis Chapman pitched yesterday. Guess the employee couldn’t throw a 100 mph fastball.
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Michael Phelps says he is “‘Done, done, done – and this time I mean it,’ with swimming. And adds he wants to focus on his fiance and baby. Let’s see, the kid will hit the “terrible twos” in 2018. Should be plenty of time for Phelps to get back in the water for Tokyo 2020
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Despite Santiago Casilla giving up a 3 run game winning home run with 2 outs in the 9th, SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said if the team needed closer tonight it would be Casilla again. SFGiants fans thinking of asking for a dispensation to keep beer stands open into 9th.
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Once again, the curse of #Skeeter? . Missing #MattDuffy #SFGiants
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All these “Breaking News” stories re silver & bronze medalists for women’s balance beam. Would be nice if they led with who won? #USAUSAUSA
Some social media snark about the story that Bernie Sanders bought a big vacation lake house in Vermont for $575,000. No snark from California, where residents are still in shock “You can buy a house for $575,000?”
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So they say the security scare that resulted in thousands of people being evacuated from JFK Airport last night may have simply been caused by a lot of really loud cheering for Usain Bolt.
Well, at least this year’s Yankees and Mets won’t be causing the same potential security problem
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#RudyGiulaini today – U.S. did not face “any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks” before Obama took office #NYCMayor #youhadonejob
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South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford said yesterday Donald Trump should release his tax returns because not doing so “would hurt transparency in our democratic process.” And then presumably Sanford went off again to hike the Appalachian trail.
Marc Ragovin thinks Trump will release his tax returns when Sanford releases his itineraries.
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Think I’ve got this straight. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go up, he is getting his message out. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go down, it is the fault of the “disgusting and corrupt” media.
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Ivanka Trump posted a picture on Instagram of herself on vacation in Dubrovnik with Wendi Murdoch, who is Vladimir Putin’s girlfriend. Now, heck, if they’re friends they’re friends. But imagine if Chelsea Clinton posted such a picture? Or if one of the Obama girls posted a picture with the daughter of a Muslim leader?
Regarding the picture of Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump and Putin’s girlfriend Wendi Deng Murdoch, I would understand their anger if paparazzi invaded their privacy. But Ivanka posted the vacation shot herself. #WTF?
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Trump today “Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into the country.”
And then did he reassure his supporters that none of them will be deported?
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T.C ‘s comment on “Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
“Lol, you only need bait when the fish aren’t jumping right into your boat!”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Giuliani jokes, ivanka trump, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, wendi murdoch jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 14, 2016
Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.
Yep, fear itself is winning.
On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. #SFGiants
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Apparently closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion.
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It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if #Casilla is last #SFGiants pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.
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But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.
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Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.
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So does anyone really care about #Olympics medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?
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Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? #unclearontheconcept
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So with a team full of #NBA starters plus luxury ship accommodations , #TeamUSA barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? #Rio2016
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Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight to win #GOP primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.
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Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.
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Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 9 Comments
August 12, 2016
A-Rod said today to Pedro Gomez he wants to be remembered as “someone who is madly in love with the game of baseball.”
Almost as much as he is in love with himself?!
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Katie Ledecky makes other swimmers feel like those other horses must have felt with Secretariat in the Belmont Stakes.
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Anthony Ervin, 35, won the 50M freestyle. At which point he probably turned around & said “You punks get out of my pool.” #Rio2016
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The US Women’s Soccer team has been knocked out before the medal round. Who do they think they are, the men? #USWNT #RIo2016
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Hope Solo after the US Women’s soccer team lost to Sweden – “I also think we played a bunch of cowards. But, you know, the best team did not win today.”
Once again, proving women can be the equal of men. Including in being sore losers.
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A CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) announcer called Ryan Lochte the winner of 200m medley instead of Michael Phelps. Well, that’s the trouble with Americans, we all look alike.
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So NBC decided to televise five swimming events live Friday night. Except on the West Coast. So swimming is a sport in most of the country and reality TV out west? #SMH
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#Olympics diving pool so green it was temporarily closed. At this point divers may hope worst they catch at #Rio2016 is Zika. #Poolgate
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A-Rod wanted to play 3rd base in his final game with the Yankees. Joe Girardi said no – “”We are still in the business of trying to win games.”
Right, that’s why New York traded away their star closer AND their star set-up man
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Burger King has a new “Whopperito,” basically ground beef with cheese sauce, lettuce, onion and tomato wrapped up in a tortilla. The company president said “We know Tex-Mex is growing a lot … and there are not that many national chains that sell burritos,”
Guess none of the names rang a bell?
When does #BruceBochy start saying postgame “They are who we thought they were.”? #SFGiants
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JetBlue is reporting that 24 people were hospitalized due to turbulence on one of their flights. Shouldn’t they say that 24 people were hospitalized due to not wearing their seat belts?
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American Airlines for the win today “Rather than wait on hold we can call you back when it’s your turn. Between 1 hour and 2 minutes and 1 hour and 20 minutes from now.”
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Now Donald Trump tweeted “Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) “the founder” of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON’T GET SARCASM?’
So if he were to start WW3 by threatening to bomb Russia or China the Donald’s response would be “can’t they take a joke?”
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The NY Times has filed a request to unseal the records from Donald Trump’s first divorce, saying they could speak to his “credibility and character.” So the Times may not “write good” but maybe they “revenge good.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Janice Hough, ledecky jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 11, 2016
Over-under on how many American babies will be born in the next year named ?
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All the talk about seeing Michael Phelps for the last time in the Olympics. And somewhere Brett Favre is just giggling.
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Kim Rhode, who has won medals for the US in 5 consecutive Olympics, is complaining about California gun laws. “I shoot 500 to 1,000 rounds a day, so having to do a background check every time I purchase ammo, or every time I want to bring ammo in or out of a competition or a match, those are very challenging for me.”
And clearly the challenges are affecting her Olympic performance…. #sarcasm
National Advertising Bureau says Comcast has to stop saying they have “fastest Internet in America because Verizon is faster. And somewhere Donald Trump is saying “but Trump Tower is the very fastest and bestest.”
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In Myrtle Beach, two young women were arrested for skinny-dipping in an apartment complex pool, and one of them got angry enough to kick the police officer. Also furious, men in the complex at whoever called the cops.
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In Florida, a man was fatally shot during a road rage incident yesterday, which is only noteworthy because he himself had served 10 years in prison for killing a man during a 2001 road rage incident. Yeah, every once in a while mean bitch Karma is okay with the 2nd amendment..
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Macy’s says they will close 100 of their stores and focus more on online shopping. So are those stores waving the white flower?
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LA Rams coach Jeff Fisher cut WR Deon Long for breaking team rules by bringing a woman visitor back to his room. Now, Long was an undrafted free agent. Of course I’m sure Fisher would have applied the rules equally to Pro Bowl DT Aaron Donald, or new QB Jared Goff.
Many countries, including the UK, Canada, France, New Zealand and the UAE, are issuing travel warnings for the US, due to violence, Zika, mass shootings, anti-LGBT and Muslim attitudes, etc.
Waiting for Trump to say we don’t want tourists anyway. #MakeAmericaWalledAgain
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CNN reports that the Secret Service had “more than one conversation” with Donald Trump about his 2nd amendment comment, Trump has denied in a tweet that such a conversation ever took place. Is it really wise if you want to be President to p*ss off the people who are and might be protecting you?
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Delta Airlines, still digging out from their massive computer outage, admitted today there had been a ‘small fire’ at their data center. Right, like a long time ago Mrs. O’Leary in Chicago had a small cow.
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From T.C. “Is there a “Yogi Berra Finishing School” somewhere? I swear I heard an announcer on CNN say about a Trump rally, “We see people who are there and we see people who aren’t there”.
Of course one of the people who you might say “aren’t there” is the Donald himself. Especially if you insert the world “all.”
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So what’s next from Donald Trump? Telling John Hinckley that Jodie Foster has a major crush on Hillary Clinton? #bustohell
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Delta jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, macy's jokes, Olympics jokes, simone jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 10, 2016
And now both an Olympic diving pool and swimming pool have turned green. Maybe we could have done with Michael Phelps’ saying that everyone pees in the pool.
So today the multi-millionaire NBA superstar players living on a secured luxury ship had a somewhat close win over a team with 2-3 NBA players living in dorm conditions. Ah, the Olympic dream. USA! USA! USA! #USAvsAustralia.
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Not sure the real explanation as to why the water in #Olympics diving pool is green. But it’s one way to get divers out of the pool promptly post dive.
Nice showing by #Switzerland against #USA But really “beach volleyball” in Switzerland? Makes as much sense as #AmericasCup there. #Rio2016
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Can we stop referring to #SFGiants on 2nd & 3rd base as “Runners In Scoring Position.” It’s just getting cruel.
But today the Giants did manage to win 1-0 without a single hit with runners in scoring position. (Crawford home run)
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My day job is in the travel business. Somebody just sent me an invitation to become a Trump hotel specialist. Somebody doesn’t know me very well.
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A partial power loss on the new light-rail line to Denver International Airport is causing delays. But I am sure the airlines will be as sympathetic to passengers as they expect travelers to be when carriers themselves have delays. #Sarcasm
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Let’s put what Trump said another way. What if Hillary Clinton stood up at a rally and said, “If we elect Donald Trump he will appoint judges to overturn Roe v. Wade. nothing you can do, ladies. Although you Second Amendment women, maybe there is, I don’t know….”
I’m sure the Donald would laugh it off.
One of many criticisms of Hillary Clinton is that she made money after leaving office, and now is running for President. Especially after when Giuliani, Romney, Jeb Bush all left office they never did anything for profit before they decided to run…. #moresarcasm
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So #MaliaObama might have smoked a joint at a Chicago concert. Kudos to @POTUS & @FLOTUS for raising a normal child.
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Man arrested today for climbing #TrumpTower. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to tweet #TweetTower has best climbers ever, better than Everest.
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Donald Trump is blaming yet another controversy, the one involving “Second Amendment people” on the media. Yep, the dastardly media, who persist in reporting exactly what he says.
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This text exchange just was revealed between two of Chris Christie’s top aides during the New Jersey Governor’s 2013 press conference about Bridgegate:
“Are you listening? He just flat out lied about senior staff and Stepien not being involved.”
“I’m listening. Gov is doing fine. Holding his own up there.”
“Yes. But he lied. And if emails are found with the subpoena or emails are uncovered in discovery if it comes to that it could be bad.”
Time for the GOP to start talking about Hillary’s emails again.
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Bill Littlejohn reports that “Tim Tebow says he doesn’t want to be a ‘sideshow’ in baseball.Right–he’s not done being one in football”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
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August 9, 2016
Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? #Rio2016
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Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?
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Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?
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Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.
#TimTebow is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.
#SFGiants manager #BruceBochy was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.
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After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ #BrandonCrawford went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it
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A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.
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In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. #cantfixstupid
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Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.
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Forget #ManyAreSaying. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”
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Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?
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Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.
Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?
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Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, NBC jokes, Olympics jokes, Shkreli jokes, tape delay jokes, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
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August 7, 2016
Guessing #MichaelPhelps‘ next retirement speech will be breaking news before @NBC shows most of his #Rio2016 performances.
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Just wonder, if NBC is so sure that women prefer packaged events, why don’t they do two Sunday Night Footballs? One for guys, and another Monday night with twice as many commercials and edited highlights along with personal stories about the players?
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Olympic rowing has been canceled today due to high winds. On a brighter note maybe the wind will blow some of the sewage away.
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An Olympic kayaker apparently capsized today when he ran into a sofa. Well, at least the sofa didn’t have a body on it.
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So @NBC thinks women don’t care about live sports. or might need to get up early. Top #Rio2016 events tape delayed past 1130p. #cantfixstupid
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Serena and Venus Williams were bounced in the first round of the women’s doubles at the Rio 2016 Olympics. Although by the time NBC gets around showing it on tape delay no doubt one of them will already have won another tournament.
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#MadisonBumgarner has lost 2 complete games 1-0 in 2016. More complete games than most pitchers throw all season. #SFGiants
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#ARod will retire Friday. So he’ll be contributing about as much to the #Yankees offense as he has been all season.
#ARod released by #Yankees. He will serve as an “advisor”but technically he could sign w/ another team. #SFGiants not that desperate. Yet.
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Having traded two star relievers and with A-Rod retiring, the Yankees are becoming a team of no-names. But those no-names will still get a lot more national TV exposure than the players on the division leading Orioles, Indians and Rangers.
Quite a love fest from former 49ers players etc for Eddie Debartolo on his election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But not much mention of 1992 allegations of him sexually assaulting a waitress in California, and the reported $200,000 out-of-court settlement. Boys will be boys and owners will be owners?
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Jeb Bush’s son George P. Bush, a Texas Land Commissioner, is now saying his fellow Republicans should support Donald Trump. And somewhere W. is thinking, “now who’s the stupid one?”
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Oliver North is attacking Obama over an alleged ransom payment to Iran for hostages. So Ollie thinks the President was too wimpy to send them arms instead?
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John Kasich has indicated he can’t support Donald Trump, and it will be “very very difficult” for Trump to win Ohio. But Kasich also says he thinks a Clinton White House would result in “total gridlock.”
As opposed to what we have now?
Donald Trump announced that he would ‘walk’ from Japan, Germany, South Korea and other allies if they don’t commit to defending America and or paying their “fair share” of NATO fees.
This guy is gunning for a new game “Trump Insult Bingo.” Wouldn’t be hard to win.
From T.C., as it approaches football season: “Seattle head coach Pete Carroll has been given a three-year extension with the Seahawks. Owner Paul Allen figures that should be more than enough time for Carroll to design a play that will score a TD from the one-yard line.” . . .
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Olympic jokes, rio jokes, tape delay jokes
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August 6, 2016
Statement from NBC’s Chief Marketing Officer John Miller last month about their tape delayed coverage “The people who watch the Olympics are not particularly sports fans. More women watch the Games than men, and for the women, they’re less interested in the result and more interested in the journey.” #nottheOnion
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So NBC tape delays #Olympics because women don’t like sports & prefer reality TV. On behalf of all women fans to NBC – Bless your heart
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Maybe @NBC’s offensive comments about women and watching sports are just a blatant attempt to steal viewers from @FoxNews? #Rio2016
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Loved watching #Olympics as a child in all kinds of time zones. Waiting to see a world record 4 hr later just doesn’t compare. @NBC sucks.
As much as I don’t look forward to Fox and #JoeBuck having #SuperBowl2017 at least they won’t put it on tape delay because of women. @NBC
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Nigeria’s team almost late to #Olympics2016 because of problem w/ charter flight. They made mistake of contracting with a Nigerian prince?
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An American won the first gold of the Summer Olympics, in the 10 meter air rifle. Well, and shouldn’t we be the best at shooting guns? We have the most of them.
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Meanwhile, North Korea is at the #OlympicGames And their official state newspaper is already reporting on the dozen medals they have won.
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A French gymnast broke his leg while competing in a vaulting event today. Gymnastics fans are thinking “how horrible.” Wonder how many non fans are thinking “Hmm, now that I might tune in to watch.”
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These #TeamUSA basketball games have all the drama of #SEC college football games – like this year’s Alabama vs Western Kentucky. #Rio2016
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The story now is that the Team USA basketball players who ended up in a Rio brothel were there accidentally because they thought it was a spa. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Going into today’s SF Giants vs. Washington Nationals game: Matt Cain. 3-6, 5.53 ERA, Stephen Strasburg, 15-1, 2.63 ERA #soyouaresayingtheresachance
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The Yankees have a press conference scheduled tomorrow, possibly about Alex Rodriguez, who will make $21 million this year, and is owed $21 million next year, whether or not he plays. To put that in perspective, the Astros payroll this year is $69 million.
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Brett Favre said tonight that his Hall of Fame induction speech was “harder than any third-and-15.” Maybe because Favre realizes that no HOFer has ever rescinded his retirement?
Marco Rubio said today that a pregnant woman infected with Zika virus, even if she thinks the child would be born with severe microcephaly, does not have the right to an abortion.
And of course the Florida senator also proposed that government should pay for lifetime care for such a child. Oh, wait, never mind.
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Donald Trump’s latest “Unstable Hillary Clinton, lacks the judgment, temperament and moral character to lead this country..She’s really pretty close to unhinged, and you’ve seen, you’ve seen it a couple times…she’s like an unbalanced person.”
Guess it’s not just Melania’s speechwriter who’s stealing phrases from Democrats.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Canada jokes, Janice Hough, nbc is a joke, NBC jokes, Olympic jokes, rio jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 5, 2016
NBC not only tape delays #Rio2016 they’re broadcasting at different times across US. Good luck if you talk to friends in other time zones.
Viewers unhappy at @NBC tape-delaying #Rio2016 an hour w/ commercials. Except on West Coast #OpeningCeremony will be OVER before they start.
At least 3 NBA players in Rio were seen going into a brothel. Clearly Rio is not ready for the Olympics. Shouldn’t the groupies be in place by now?
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A Moroccan boxer has been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting two maids at the Olympic Village. And presumably also for stupidity – he couldn’t find thousands of women happy to sleep with an Olympic athlete?
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The USA men’s and women’s basketball teams are staying on a luxury cruise ship docked in Rio, instead of at the Olympic Village where Andrew Bogut has tweeted about no shower curtains and bed issues.
Carmelo Anthony was asked about it “We have the same amenities as if we’re staying in a hotel, so I don’t really see what the (discussion is about). The beds are not big. The rooms are small. There’s some disadvantages to staying on the ship.” And Carmelo said all this with a straight face
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Some Olympic swimmers have been practicing with snorkels as the water looks “cloudy.” So when the events begin will we see the first ever hazmat wetsuits?
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Brazil has become the butt of jokes before the 2016 Olympics. #ThirdWorldProblems. But then there’s the US, where NBC still won’t show events live. #Firstworldproblems
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The new head of ABC has vowed there will be more “diversity” on “The Bachelor.” So this means instead of blond and brunette men, they might go for a redhead?
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The #Yankees have a press conference today about an impending retirement. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, it’s Mark Teixeira, not #ARod
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Mike Henriques, the Oakland A’s strength and conditioning coach, was suspended for allegedly putting a hidden camera in the Coliseum weight room to spy on players. Well, and looking at the A’s record, a lot of good it did him.
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Go #redsox. But at some point #Dodgers losing has to stop being @SFGiants strategy for winning NLWest.
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Scott Silverthorne, the mayor of Fairfax, VA, was arrested today for an alleged “meth-for-sex” scheme. SIlverthorne is also a substitute teacher. Wonder if he did his training in Albuquerque?
From my funny friend Jerry Perisho: “There’s good news concerning the contaminated water at the Olympics in Rio. The Zika mosquitoes are dying of Dysentery.”
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Tom Brady told reporters his decision finally to accept the NFL’s suspension was a “personal decision.” As in personally Brady figured he was spending more money on lawyers than he would lose in the suspension?
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Here’s another commie pinko journalist attacking Donald Trump: “Here is a truth of life. When you act as if you’re insane, people are liable to think you’re insane…. There’s a clueless quality about him. It’s not that he doesn’t get advice; it’s that he can’t hear advice, can’t process it or turn it into action.”
The writer? Peggy Noonan.
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The last line of an Los Angeles Times op-ed. Pass it on. The writer is Bernie Sanders: “I understand that many of my supporters are disappointed by the final results of the nominating process, but being despondent and inactive is not going to improve anything. Going forward and continuing the struggle is what matters. And, in that struggle, the most immediate task we face is to defeat Donald Trump.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brazil jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympic jokes, Olympics jokes, opening ceremony jokes, Team USA jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 4, 2016
All of these emails today urging me to sign President Obama’s birthday card. Now saying “last chance” or “urgent.” Somehow I think he’ll get over not seeing my name.
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#SFGiants got a runner on 3rd home with less than two out on a sacrifice fly today. Hope this isn’t a sign of apocalypse.
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And with his 10th inning game winning home run, can Giants call Denard’s hit a “Span over troubled water?”
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Paul Ryan says that Donald Trump has had a “strange” run since the Republican National Convention. In other news the speaker has announced that water is wet.
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Approval ratings for President Obama at 54%, highest of his 2nd term. As most Americans realize how much they will miss him.
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It’s looking like this will be Alex Rodriguez’s last year. Wonder if other teams will start gifting A-Rod commemorative cushions for while he sits on the bench.
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Framingham State University in Massachusetts has canceled future Cinco de Mayo events after a student complained about the decorations and burrito bar “‘I feel as though whenever an event like this is taking place we go straight to stereotypes and it is EXTREMELY offensive!’
What’s next? Waiting for someone to complain that the 4th of July is offensive to those of British heritage.
Apparently a convoy of tourists in Afghanistan was attacked by the Taliban and at least six were injured. Shocking. There are tourists now in Afghanistan?
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An 11 year old boy in North Carolina asked Mike Pence “I’ve been watching the news lately and I’ve been noticing lately that you’ve been kind of softening up on Mr. Trump’s policies and words. Is this going to be your role in the administration?”
This kid has more cojones than most journalists, can one of the networks sign him up?
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The man accused of killing nine African-Americans in a Charleston church was apparently attacked and beaten today by a fellow inmate in jail today. “I feel so sorry for him” said no one.
If someone had written a novel about @realDonaldTrump’s Presidential campaign it would have been rejected by editors as too unbelievable.
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#RussellWestbrook reportedly deleted #KevinDurant‘s farewell text to him. So “You had me at good bye?”
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A young man with “mental health issues” in London is apparently responsible for fatally stabbing one woman and injuring several other people. Can only imagine had he been in the US with access to guns.
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Sad, a knife attack in London has left 1 dead and several injured. A 19 year-old man is in custody. While terrorism remains a possibility,” the police say “mental health was a significant factor.”
“Mental health?” No race or religion to blame? Well, carry on then…
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From Gerry. W., a fee that could make airlines millions, and that many travelers would actually applaud: http://www.cbc.ca/beta/comedy/funnystuff/air-canada-to-start-charging-for-emotional-baggage-in-2017-1.3631162
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, pence jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
August 2, 2016
For the SFGiants
So is #Duffcat a voodoo cat? And is he really ticked off @SFGiants traded #MattDuffy?
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Post #Skeeter what the Giants may really need is kittens. LOTS of kittens.
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#SFGiants scored twice as many runs for #Madbum as they had in his last 3 starts. Unfortunately he allowed as many runs as in last 3 starts
Well, looks like the #Dodgers are getting the same post-trade deadline “bounce” as the #SFGiants.
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UNC has responded to several serious NCAA charges including academic fraud by denying that the NCAA has authority to handle the matter. So are the Tarheels trying to join the SEC?
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#JohnMcEnroe threw out 1st pitch at Citifield before Yankees Mets game; he , was both fast & accurate. How many teams are bidding to add him to bullpen?
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Lebron James says even though he brought a title to Cleveland with the Cavaliers, “My motivation is this ghost I’m chasing, The ghost played in Chicago.” (Michael Jordan.) Uh, Lebron, he’s not dead yet.
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Who will regret their decision first – #TheBachelorette? Or some #MLB team who made a major trade at the deadline? #toosoon?
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Dallas Cowboys LB Ronaldo McClain has been suspended for 10 games reportedly for “purple drank” – Sprite, cough syrup and codeine. So wonder if he will claim it was a tainted punch?
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An AP review says there is the evidence for flossing is “weak, very unreliable” and “the majority of available studies fail to demonstrate that flossing is generally effective in plaque removal.”
So does that mean we’ve all been just flossing for the fun of it?
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More resignations over the DNC email hacks today. But seriously, shouldn’t this be a reminder – you don’t post pictures of your junk, and you don’t put anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page in an email.
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Eric Trump, saying sexual harassment “should be addressed,” But regarding his sister, “Ivanka is a strong, powerful woman, she would not allow herself to be subjected to it,”
Can’t wait to hear the response when someone asks him about rape.
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At a speech, @realDonaldTrump called for a crying baby to be removed. And later he fired the person who put the mirror on stage.
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Longtime former Chris Christie aide Maria Comella, a Republican, “Donald Trump has been a demagogue this whole time, preying on people’s anxieties with loose information and salacious rhetoric.” She says she will vote for Hillary Clinton, adding that the GOP is “at a moment where silence isn’t an option.”
The Donald is going to have to hire a full-time aide to tell him who to send nasty tweets about.
Meg Whitman announced tonight that while she remains a Republican and “I don’t agree with her (Hillary) on very many issues, she would be a much better president than Donald Trump.” So Whitman will vote for, donate to and fund raise for Clinton.
So time to start a pool on which GOP figure will be next?
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Seems like we just had #4thOfJuly & now it’s “#BackToSchool” sales Can #Christmas decorations be far behind?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, flossing jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Meg Whitman jokes, the Bachelorette jokes
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July 31, 2016
Madison Bumgarner today had a pinch-hit lead off double for the SF Giants. Too bad manager Bruce Bochy doesn’t have more bench players who can hit like him. #PItcherswhorake
After Saturday’s SF Giants win manager Bruce Bochy was talking about deciding who to pinch hit: “Of course I’ve got Bumgarner on my left shoulder wearing me out”. And Bochy thought it was bad before today…
So at what point does some opposing pitcher write on wall of SFGiants visitor’s dugout “Do NOT throw fastballs to #40?”
The Chicago Cubs put pitcher Travis Wood in left & he made a great catch against ivy at Wrigley. Uh, oh, hope Madison Bumgarner isn’t watching. He’ll want to play the outfield next.
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Then in the bottom of the 12th, Jon Lester won it for the Cubs with a suicide squeeze. #Pitcherswhokindofrake?
Earlier today the Warriors’ Draymond Green posted a picture of his junk on Snapchat, then took it down about 10 min later “I kinda hit the wrong button and it sucks. It was meant to be private. We’re all one click away from placing something in the wrong place and I suffered from that this morning.”
Uh, “WE’RE all…?” #Ifsocialmediaisoutlawedonlyoutlawswillhavesocialmedia?. Or more like #Cantfixstupid
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The Brewers are 15 games out in 4th place, and catcher Jonathan Lucroy just exercised no-trade clause to veto trade to the first place Indians. Maybe just as well for Cleveland, has anyone checked Locroy for concussions?.
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The Yankees have traded Andrew Miller, effectively surrendering for the season. Time for ESPN really to focus on football
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After tweets of hers from 2013-14 showed her repeatedly using the “N” word, Miss Teen USA, Karlie Hay, 18, apologized, saying “several years ago I had many personal struggles and found myself in a place that is not representative of who I am as a person.”
So, Ms. Hay is young, but is she aspiring to be a GOP speechwriter?
Waiting for the Trump excuse, “I alone can debate myself.”
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Let me see if I have this right. Trump supporters believe parents of children who were killed accidentally by illegal immigrant drivers were onstage for the good of our country, but the parents of a Muslim-American who died in Iraq were telling their story only for political propaganda….
From T.C. “Sign that I’m bringing to AT&T Park. Hunter Pence has read The Constitution!!”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, trade deadline jokes, trade jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 