Author Archive

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

The Ineligi-Bowl and beyond.

September 18, 2011

Ohio State and Miami played Saturday in a matchup of college football powerhouses facing probation or worse due to NCAA investigations. (Inelig-Bowl is not my original phrase, but it’s an apt one.)

Miami won handily, 24-6, which brings up a paraphrase of an old rhetorical question – “If two teams play in a forest and none of it ends up counting, do we still care?”

–
Tommy Lasorda gave a pep talk to the UCLA Bruins before their football game with Texas today. Sounds like the talk was about as successful as any Tommy may have made this year to the Dodgers.

–

So the longest winning streak in college football belongs to…. Stanford? Yep, with 11 wins. And more impressively, all the Cardinal starters can count to 11.

–

The latest college football program to have their integrity challenged – Oregon. The school has received formal notice of the NCAA investigation into their use of recruiting services. But amazingly with all these investigations, only USC so far has received a postseason ban. Of course, the NCAA is in a quandry. If they ban all the serious violators, there won’t be enough teams left to fill all the bowls.

–

Ron Paul won the Republican California Straw Poll. Unfortunately for Paul, California is about as relevant to the GOP nationally as he is.

–

Not to say Michele Bachmann looked awkward and uncomfortable on the Tonight Show, but in all seriousness she made last week’s guest Dick Cheney look relaxed and charming.

–

You think your favorite player had a bad day – Kevin Prince of UCLA threw three interceptions in the first quarter against Texas. (In fact, he threw seven passes, three completed to his own team, three to Texas, and one incomplete.) Who does he think he is? Brett Favre?

–

Did SF Giants GM Brian Sabean overpay for Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff this year? Absolutely. But it could be worse. Much worse. Adam Dunn, with a $12 million salary, hit an interesting 2011 milestone last night for the Chicago White Sox – his strikeout total of 161 now matches his batting average of .161

–

The current scandal in Italy is whether Premier Silvio Berlusconi may have flown prostitutes on Italian government planes. Not that this is something to brag about, but on the other hand, unlike politicians who also fly on government planes, prostitutes generally do provide value for money.

–

A new study reported in the NY Times indicates that failure, and learning to overcome it, may be a secret to success. If so, some of the most successful people in the world must be Cubs fans.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Fried-day night.

September 17, 2011

As we approach the weekend it is perhaps time to mark a momentous (and possibly very brief) occasion in the state of Michigan – for the first time in perhaps recorded memory, the Detroit Tigers, Lions and the UM Wolverines are all in first place.

–

U.S. stocks rose again Friday which meant the market is on a 5-day winning streak for the first time in more than two months. Out of habit the GOP presidential candidates blamed it on Obama.

–

Whole Foods is introducing a new “Wellness Club” , with “lifestyle evaluation,” nutrition tips, classes and some discounts. The idea is to help shoppers “make educated and positive lifestyle choices that promote their long-term health and well being.” For $540 a year.

Note, the chain doesn’t talk about promoting financial well being, which would mean “Shop at a cheaper store.”

–

Michele Bachmann made a brief appearance at a Marin county home today but was in and out of the Bay Area very quickly. Makes sense, Michele is anti-vaccine and she sure didn’t want to get “cooties.”

–

Michele Bachmann, 55, appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno Friday and talked about her opposition to Rick Perry’s requiring girls in Texas to have the HPV vaccine. She said it was less about the shot than the “abuse of executive power.” Fair enough, anyone who looks closely at Bachmann’s forehead knows that neither she nor Nancy Pelosi has any fear of needles.

–

Many Americans who are only casually following the GOP presidential race might wonder “Who’s Ron Paul?” But the candidate just got an ringing endorsement from singer Barry Manilow. Said most Americans under 40 “Who’s Barry Manilow?”

–

Tareq and Michaele Salahi, whose 15 minutes of fame comes from gatecrashing a White House party, have filed for divorce. Apparently Michaele is hanging out these days with Journey guitarist Neal Schon. The whole story proves wrong those Americans who said “I couldn’t care less,” about the latest Kardashian wedding.

–

New York Mets manager Terry Collins said today his team has “folded it up.” Which means he only noticed this about three months after the rest of us.

–

But yikes, Friday night NY beat Atlanta in the 12-2 at Turner Field. If the Mets have folded it up what does that make the Braves – origami?

–

U.S. stocks rose again Friday which meant the market is on a 5-day winning streak for the first time in more than two months. Out of habit the GOP presidential candidates blamed it on Obama.

–

Pat Boone spoke before the California GOP convention tonight. Makes sense, as the Republican party has become increasingly anti-evolution, it’s important for them to provide evidence that humans have co-existed with dinosaurs.

Dick Cheney is hard at work on the media circuit promoting his new book. And despite the rough year the President has had, Barack Obama at least can take comfort in knowing this sort of thing is one embarrassment he’ll be spared in the future. Because no one expects Joe Biden to be able to edit his thoughts down to one volume.

–

TSA has fired or suspended 28 Honolulu airport employees after an internal investigation found the weren’t been screening checked bags for explosives. Yeah, but they got ALL those passengers who attempted to carry on four-ounce tubes of sunscreen.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Streaked out.

September 16, 2011

Detroit Tigers’ players may not be that unhappy over the end of their 12 game winning streak tonight against the Oakland A’s.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland had said he was wearing the same underwear during the team’s 12 game win streak and didn’t plan to wash or change it until they lost. This might explain the team’s recent great pitching during the streak. No one wanted a visit on the mound.

–
Meanwhile the Red Sox are 3-11 in September. Not to say fans are officially panicking. But if this keeps up they may start referring to Fenway Park as Boston’s “Friendly confines.”

–

The Pirates have clinched their 19th straight losing season. But that’s okay with folks in Pittsburgh since the Steelers have gotten off to another great start….. Oops, never mind.

–

Mitt Romney said today that Dick Cheney “is the kind of person” he’d like to have as running mate. Translation, he doesn’t want to do the work of governing any more than George W. did?

Either that or Romney wants to make sure he has the best hair on the ticket.

–
The latest leaked picture scandal involves Scarlett Johansson, with candid photos appearing to show her naked appearing online. Apparently the FBI lottery to be assigned to the case closed yesterday due to too many applicants.

As my friend Pat M. says – “More federal employees hard at work.”

–

Pat Robertson said that a spouse having Alzheimer’s is justification for divorce. Newt Gingrich said Robertson’s comments were “a good start.”

–

–
University of Michigan supporters helped save the life of a 68 year old Notre Dame fan who had a heart attack during last weekend’s game in Ann Arbor. Doctors said he survived in part due to one man who performed CPR and others who called for medics. The fans downplayed their heroism and added “Hey, it’s not like he was from Ohio State.”

–

Congratulations to Pablo Sandoval, who tonight hit for the cycle (a single, double, triple and home run in one game) against the Rockies. In 2011, it’s hard to remember many games where the Giants as a team hit for the cycle. Heck, sometimes it’s hard to remember games where SF got four hits.

–

USA Today reports that analysts say Joe McGinniss’s new book “The Rogue’ negative book may not hurt Sarah Palin. Well, yeah, it’s not like many of her supporters actually read.

–
Palin is reportedly particularly incensed. Sarah feels strongly that if there are going to be books containing lies about her, she wants to write them.

–

The latest college football rumored move is Florida State considering the SEC. Apparently according to ESPN the school’s football fans have always wanted such a move, but the faculty favors being in the ACC because of the league’s academic reputation. Responded the football crowd – “what’s an ‘academic’ reputation?”

–

A new poll shows the GOP split down the middle on those between those who do and don’t consider themselves Tea Party members. And the party is deeply divided on many of the issues. Who do they think they are? Democrats.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Overhitting the Target?

September 15, 2011

Target’s website crashed as a frenzy of shoppers tried to purchase the new “Missoni for Target” line. The response from millions of American women -“Target has Missoni?” The response from millions of American men -“Who the heck is Missoni and what team does he play for?

–

The U.S. – Mexico border crossing between Tijuana and San Diego was closed Wednesday after scaffolding from construction at the crossing fell on more than a dozen cars. Well, that’s one way to keep out illegal immigrants – have our roads and infrastructure collapse to the point that no one can get in.

–

Speaking of overload – GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry met with Donald Trump Wednesday night in New York. Were they discussing the Donald possibly being Perry’s running mate? Or just thinking of opening their own branch of “Hair Club for Men?”

–

Commented my friend Alex Kaseberg on the Perry-Trump meeting: “They could both die from the crushing weight of their egos.”

–

Now Michele Bachmann is talking about the HPV vaccine making girls “retarded.” Is that what happened to her?

–

A new book coming out claims Sarah Palin had a very quick fling with Glen Rice when he was playing for Michigan. How quick? Apparently Sarah referred to it as a “Fab Five Minutes.”

–

Sports and political words buzzing over the Palin-Rice fling. Well, at least we know Sarah never slept with Lebron James. They might flirt but neither of them would be likely to go all the way.

–

The Sarah Palin-Glen Rice story, even it’s a nonstory, has even taken some media attention away from Rick Perry for a day. Not to say that the Texas Governor likes the limelight, but rumor has it Perry’s now got his staff looking for a female athlete who will admit to a one-nighter with him before HIS marriage.

(Note, it has to be a FEMALE athlete.)

–

–

“Not exactly” award of the day: Tom Brady, talking to reporter about the Patriots home opener told fans to “start drinking early.” A Patriots spokesman later said Brady wanted to clarify his remarks, he just “wants everyone to drink a lot of water, stay hydrated.” Yeah, right.

–

So what’s next for Glen Rice now that he’s been named as having had a fling with Sarah Palin back in the 1980s. Media interviews for sure, but how long until he nabs the big prize -a spot on “Dancing with the Stars?”

–

A new option on Australian passports for gender allows applicants to choose between “M,” “F”, and X” options, the latter for people of ambiguous or transgender sexuality. Three gender options? That’s probably about two too few for San Francisco.

–

On a non-sports, non-politics note, a little reminder that when things go wrong with travel that it could be worse. Had client just miss plane from Dulles to SF today because she was delayed in Washington. Ended up standby on a plane two hours later. And was at airport in time to see orginal flight return after an engine caught on fire….

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Such a deal.

September 14, 2011

A “Living Social” deal in the SF Bay Area today allows people to buy $20 worth of food at Whole Foods for $10. Cool. That’s enough to buy at least three or four pieces of fruit.

–

An article in the Atlantic estimates that employees playing Angry Birds is costing employers $1.6 billion a year in lost productive time. And just imagine how much more time is lost by employees posting this kind of story.

–

–
On a radio show Tuesday, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones declined to criticize his QB, saying he thought Romo “played one of the best games I’ve ever seen him play.” Jones will get no argument from New York Jets fans.

Looks like we’ve made it – college football division. The NCAA found Boise State guilty of numerous violations for prospective and enrolled student athletes (with the football violations totalling 63 young men “over a lengthy period of time.”)

The athletic department has lost scholarships and was put on three-years probation, but the only post-season ban will be a year for the women’s tennis team. Yeah, that’ll teach them.

–
Only one week into the NFL season, and many fans and those in the media are already writing off several quarterbacks. But knowledgeable fans are waiting for the real sign of desperation – the first team to contact JaMarcus Russell.

–

According to the NY Post, Baseball commissioner Bud Selig is “irate” that the Mets went public wih news that his office had prevented players from wearing NYPD and NYFD caps on Sept. 11. Makes sense. Selig would rather the world not know when he behaves like a jerk.

–

The Boston Red Sox got off to one of their worst starts ever, then looked great for about 100 games. And now, although they won tonight, Boston is dancing on the edge of one of the potential worst collapses in major league baseball history. Amazing. Even Mitt Romney is more consistent.

–
Dick Cheney said during an appearance on “The View” today, that he hadn’t decided whether he wants a heart transplant. Wonder why the former V.P. is even thinking of a new heart now. He’s survived this long without one.

–

A special election in Anthony Weiner’s heavily Democratic congressional district went to a Republican, this after a May special election in a heavily Republican district in upstate NY went to a Democrat. The talk is whether or not these elections are referendums on Obama. But it seems even more likely that New Yorkers are saying they are just fed up with Congress.

–

TaylorsGift.org was inspired by a 13 year old girl who died in a skiiing , and became an organ donor for five people. It’s a great site to help people register as organ donors, and in fact in all seriousness I encourage any reader who hasn’t signed up for organ donation to do so. (I have done so myself).

But Taylorsgift is now running commercials geared towards young people saying “In less than 90 seconds you can become a hero by becoming a registered organ donor” with “just a few clicks.” Yeah, and if you do it while driving, you can become a donor sooner.

–

Okay, I’m not generally a big defender of Gov. Rick Perry. But he is getting slammed by Palin and Bachmann and others for signing a Texas law requiring sixth-grade girls to be vaccinated for HPV, a sexually-transmitted virus that can cause cervical cancer. And the same people criticizing him are against mandated health care for girls and women with cervical cancer.

–
And regarding those in the debate audience who seemed in favor of letting the 30 year old without health insurance die, well, now we know. They’re against government death panels because THEY want to be the death panels.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

Monday night massacre?

September 13, 2011

What got hit harder? That football Sebastian Janokowski kicked for a 63 yard field goal? Or the Dolphins secondary against the Patriots?

‎517 yards in the air for Tom Brady Monday night for New England. It’s the most success Brady’s had completing passes since he got Bridget Moynahan pregnant while dating Giselle Bunchen.

–

Eight-run outbursts on back-to-back days at A T and T Park. If this continues warrants will be issued for eight men impersonating the SF Giants’ lineup.

–

From Russell Young – Better Brandon Crawford than Orlando Cab-error.

–

The Boston Red Sox have lost 10 of their last 13 games, and are now 4 games behind the Yankees, and only 3 games ahead of the Rays for the wild card. “Hell, yeah, you’ve got to panic,” said David Ortiz . Oh, “STFU” said fans in SF, St. Louis, and Chicago.

–
According to police, Manny Ramirez was arrested and charged with battery Monday after a domestic dispute at his Florida home. Wonder if Manny’s defense will be all those raging pregnancy hormones?

–
Ted Ginn Jr. agreed to a reducted contract with the SF 49ers, and had one of the best games of his career, returning both a kickoff and punt for a touchdown. This might be the NFL’s best performance of the year after a paycut. Well, except for Cam Newton’s 422 yards passing after he left Auburn for the Carolina Panthers.

–
Cargill Inc. announced their second recent ground turkey recall. Apparently a test showed salmonella in a sample from the same Arkansas plant that produced the turkey recalled last month. So where are the GOP candidates today complaining about over-regulation and demanding cuts in the FDA budget?

–
At the GOP debate tonight, when Ron Paul was asked “What do you tell a guy who is sick, goes into a coma and doesn’t have health insurance? Who pays for his coverage? “Are you saying society should just let him die?”, several members of the crowd yelled out “Yeah.” This might be the final nail in the coffin for George H.W. Bush’s “kindler, gentler nation.”

–

A 290-pound New York man is suing the White Castle hamburger chain for violating his civil rights by not making their booths bigger to accommodate large bellies. Uh, maybe he could eliminate the problem by eating a few less hamburgers?

–
Texas Governor Rick Perry wrote an editorial about Social Security for USA Today in which he didn’t once mention the term “Ponzi scheme.” Translation – some one on his campaign staff told him he probably can’t win without Florida.

–

Although “Contagion” led the box office last weekend it was a particularly weak few days for the theaters. Can’t imagine why…. Millions of Americans are feeling nervous about the anniversary of 9/11, and the big new movie is about a virus that may wipe out the world?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Almost Monday.

September 11, 2011

This opening weekend of NFL football may not prove much, but it reconfirms one fact Stanford fans already knew: ALWAYS bet on Jim Harbaugh against Pete Carroll.

–
And open note to Dallas Cowboys-Tony Romo fans. It is now WAY too late to blame Jessica Simpson.

–
Many in Washington, D.C. heard Obama’s jobs speech and thought, sorry, we don’t believe in miracles. To which the President probably thought in response tonight – “Hey, the Redskins beat the Giants, what more proof in the seemingly impossible do you need?”

–

During an 8-1 win over the Los Angeles Dodgers, the SF Giants batters managed to work five walks in a five run sixth inning. This shocked many regular Giants fans who are not used to seeing the team take five PITCHES in one inning.

–

This just in. Michigan petitions NCAA to switch all their football home games to night games.

–
A few more games like today and some enterprising soul in Indianapolis WILL start printing up Andrew Luck jerseys.

–

While the tenth anniversary of 9/11 fortunately passed without serious incident in the U.S, there were two separate incidents where fighter jets intercepted commercial flights because of reports passengers were spending too much time in the bathrooms.

In one case, on American Airlines, reports are that the passengers were drunk, in the second case, with Frontier Airlines, reports are the passngers were joining the “mile high club.” On a day when everyone has known for a long time that airline security would be on highest alert….

As awful as acts of terrorism are, I suppose on some level it is comforting to know they are way outnumbered by acts of simple stupidity.

–
When the 2001 baseball season resumed following 9/11. the Mets wore NYPD, NYFD and other hats from first responders to recognize their bravery and public service. The team wanted to wear the hats again tonight, but MLB forbade it. As if we needed any more proof that Bud Selig was an idiot.

And final follow up for the day to the September 11 thought from the last post – while the date is a solemn anniversary it’s important to remember that one of the best freedoms we enjoy in the U.S. is the ability to joke about nearly everything, including the government. And live to tell about it.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags:

Comments: 1 Comment

The best revenge?

September 10, 2011

Not sure laughter is the best revenge, but to all those who think it’s inappropriate to laugh on September 11, I think if we don’t laugh, it’s another way the bad guys win.

–

Good to see Bill Clinton taking the high road and working with John Boehner to raise funds for a Flight 93 memorial. Especially as Bill could have said he wanted a John Boehner tribute to 9/11 simply by placing the U.S. permanently at threat level Orange.

–
Police are on alert because of “credible but unconfirmed” rumors of a vehicle bomb in New York and/or Washington tomorrow. Not sure what that means but probably a really bad day to be moving to either of those cities and driving around semi-lost in a rental U-Haul.

–
With “Contagion” coming out the same weekend as the 10th anniversary of 9/11, the only thing longer than airport security lines are the lines to wash hands at theater bathrooms.

–

Despite Nevada’s 69-20 loss to Oregon today, there’s evidence Ducks coach Chip Kelly was taking the Wolfpack seriously. Kelly reinstated star cornerback and punt returner Cliff Harris before the game. Harris had been suspended indefinitely after being cited for driving 118 mph in June, while driving with a suspended license.

(And no doubt Harris has been warned, if he messes up again he’ll be dropped from the team barely with time to enter the NFL supplemental draft.)

–
–

Houston businessman Jim Crane has been waiting since May for MLB to approve his purchase of the Houston Astros. Considering that the team is on pace to lose about 110 games, maybe the delay is due to the time required to complete a sanity evaluation.

–

Oregon coach Chip Kelly has reinstated star cornerback and punt returner Cliff Harris for today’s game. Harris had been suspended indefinitely after being cited for driving 118 mph in June, while driving with a suspended license. Apparently driving that fast is forgivable – if you run that fast on a football field.

–
Apparently over 20 Fresno State footballl players from Fresno State have been accused of filing for false benefits in a welfare fraud investigation. In the players’ defense they said “Well, it’s not like we could make any money selling memorabilia from the Humanitarian Bowl.”

–

Facing increasing more allegations of NCAA violations, Ohio State needed a last minute fourth-down stop to hold off Toledo today – 27 to 22. A loss would have been the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Buckeyes since at least Thursday.

–

A Continental Connection plane landed uneventfully at Sulphur, Louisiana Wednesday night. Except that they were supposed to land at Lake Charles, Louisiana, about a half-hour drive away. That’s it. No more pilot happy hours. (Or at least they need to stick to beer over hurricanes.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Not with a bang but a whimper.

September 9, 2011

Who knew T.S. Eliot was a Giants fan?

My friend Matt wondered if the SF Giants have faced Clayton Kershaw every series this year. Not sure, but they sure have made at least one pitcher each series LOOK like Clayton Kershaw.

–

Recently released Giants shortstop Miguel Tejada says he hopes to keep playing baseball in 2012. San Francisco fans hope so too, preferably for another NL West team.

–

Jim Tressel has been suspended for his first six games with the Indianapolis Colts as a game-day replay consultant. Well, considering the news about Manning, looks like he won’t miss too many potential touchdown reviews.

–
Proof again that it’s better sometimes to be lucky than good. Think of all those NY Giants fans who in fits of bravado bet at the end of last season that Eli Manning would have more passing yards in 2012 than Peyton.

–

Another day, another reasonably embarrassing performance by a Pac 12 team. Last night it was Arizona losing 37 to 14 to Oklahoma State. No wonder Texas and Oklahoma want to join. They want games with intra-conference cream puffs.

–

Attention baseball fans. Root for the Angels-Rangers pennant race to go down to the last weekend. Because otherwise ALL we’re going to hear about in upcoming weeks is who the Yankees and Red Sox match up best against in the playoffs.

–

Great bumper sticker: “How can you be pro-life and anti-universal healthcare?”

Justin Verlander is having one of the best pitching years of the decade. 22-5 with a 2.44 era. Imagine if he were pitching for the SF Giants this year – he might have as many as 12 or 13 wins.

–
Interesting stat tonight on KNBR 680 radio: If the SF Giants finish this year with a winning record, (they are currently 75-68), they are on pace for the fourth worst total of runs scored EVER for a team that finishes over .500. Including the dead ball era.

–
Can’t imagine how lefty pitchers get the reputation for being flakes — Giant reliever Jeremy Affeldt is done for the year after cutting his right hand while using a knife to separate frozen hamburger patties. (You do think for $4.5 million a year the guy could afford fresh meat….)

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags:

Comments: Be the first to comment

Opening night.

September 9, 2011

The NFL opened their season Thursday night. Although the Saints-Packers was hardly the first professional game of the year. The Canadian Football League has been going since July, and Ohio State and Miami kicked off last week.

–
Some derided President Obama for his choice to finish his jobs speech in time for the NFL opener. But Barack didn’t think he could get re-elected with just the women’s vote.

–

The NFL is now directing all teams to post out-of-town statistics on their scoreboards for Fantasy Football players. Guess they want fans in Carolina to be able to go to the stadium and hope to see SOME good news.

San Diego is completely without power tonight. So for Padres fans, it’s business as usual.

–
Ohio State explained today why three football players were suspended for the opening game against Akron: They each took $200 at a Cleveland charity event. Responded the Miami Hurricanes -“$200? Wow. Buckeye boosters are pikers.”

–
So if the Pac 12 turns into the Pac 16, how long before the West Coast members consider breaking away to form their own Pac 8?

–
A Mississippi man was arrested for shoplifting while trying to leave a grocery store with items stuffed into his shorts including two live lobsters. Wonder if he was caught because he was singing soprano?

(My friend Bill Dwan adds – could be worse, he could have had crabs.)

–
Ben and Jerry’s have come out with a new flavor – “Schweddy Balls,” named after the famous SNL skit with Alec Baldwin.

Insert “More than a mouthful” joke here: (And of course, other punchlines always encouraged.)

–

Michele Bachman stated she felt she felt “deeply disappointed” by the president’s jobs speech and said Congress should avoid passing his plan. Fair enough, but does anyone doubt that she wrote her response before Obama wrote his speech?

(Meanwhile, no response yet from Sarah Palin. Maybe she couldn’t read the writing on her palms.)

As the NFL season gets underway, there’s a new favorite in the AFC South. The Houston Texans. By a neck.

–
Okay, we all know how valuable Peyton Manning has been. But what if he turns out to have been so valuable that the Colts end up the worst team in the NFL this year…. Do they go for Andrew Luck?

–
I probably differ with many Democrats in that I liked California Governor Jerry Brown’s veto of a proposed helmet law for children skiing or snowboarding. His reasoning, that while it’s a good idea, “Not every human problem deserves a law.”

Just wish that some conservatives applauding the decision would apply the same standards to issues of perceived “morality.” (Gay marriage for starters, but the list goes on.)

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Scariest place in the world?

September 8, 2011

Just might be in a room standing between Rick Perry and Mitt Romney and the only blow dryer.

–
Tonight’s GOP debate will be held at the Reagan Library. Ironic, because for all his reputation, Reagan did occasionally compromise with Democrats, raised taxes, and appointed Sandra Day O’Connor to the Supreme Court. In tonight’s crowd his action would be considered those of a flaming liberal.

–
Who knows at this point who will be the Republican nominee for President? But if it comes down to Perry and Romney there will at least be full employment for mens’ hairdressers.

–
Didn’t we learn from John Edwards? Never trust a man who spends more time on his hair than his wife.

–

–
Michele Bachmann wants to eliminate the Department of Education. Makes a certain amount of sense. She shows no sign of having benefited from it.

–
I admit Nancy Pelosi looks like she overdosed on Botox. But Michele Bachman, who is 55, isn’t far behind.

–

And in all the potential bets and drinking games, who had Rick Perry praising former Massachusetts Governor Dukakis – telling Romney that “Michael Dukakis created jobs three times faster than you did, Mitt,”

–

The White House doesn’t release information on the President’s television viewing habits, but seems likely that if Obama was sitting down watching the debate, he had more fun tonight than he has in months.

–
Meanwhile millions of Americans, when asked if they were paying attention to the big debate, figured that meant whether or not Texas A & M should leave the Big 12.

–
Is this really the best headline they could have written – on the CNN political ticker? “Christie gets big job.”

–

Panthers rookie quarterback Cam Newton said he was surprised to get a phone call this week from Michael Vick. Surprised I guess because he figured Vick would have called his dad.

–
–
In San Jose, California, police officers cited three women working in a Vietnamese coffee shop who they said were serving patrons while topless. Sort of puts a new spin on “short,” “extra hot,” and “grande.”

–
‎32 games for the SF Giants, 5 errors. At least a few of them resulting in game changing unearned runs. Seems to me Orlando Cabrera should be spelt with a lot more “E”s

–
Justin Verlander won his 22nd game today, despite giving up 4 earned runs in 6 innings, as the Tigers beat the Indians 8-6. SF Giants management immediately faxed weather reports on average summer temperatures and humidity in Detroit to their entire starting pitching staff.

–

The Florida Marlins’ new stadium, scheduled to open in 2012, is 80 percent completed. The team is so excited they are considering offering a sneak preview tour to both season ticket holders.

–
The SEC voted to accept Texas A&M, but the deal won’t be official until all Big 12 schools have promised not to take legal action. You know you’re getting old when you can remember when the drama in college football was actually on the field.

–

Travel example in the “You can’t make this stuff up” category: A client asked me to find a hotel near her boss’s meeting in New York. Said sure, but where was the meeting? She gave me the address on Broadway, then added “It’s on the 17th floor.”

–

From Augie, in response to my post saying that W. asked Cheney what a “mea culpa” was.

He thinks that Cheney responded “Mea culpa runneth over with your stupid questions.”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Dancing with the Idea of Being a Star:

September 7, 2011

Chaz Bono is facing criticism as a “Dancing With the Stars” contestant from some who claim it’s not about the transgender issue, but about the fact that Chaz is only a “star” by virture of having famous parents.

Right, as opposed to being someone who earned their stardom by both having a famous parent and getting pregnant at 16.

–
But let’s be real. Would any actual star (as opposed to “wants to be a star”, “used to be a star”, or “thinks being on reality tv made them a star”), actually have any interest in being on the show? Just asking.

–
The Baltimore-New York game ended after 2a Wednesday morning at Yankee Stadium. No extra innings, just a four hour rain delay. It could have been worse – if there was a similar rain delay with a Red Sox-Yankees game, they’d be lucky to finish by daybreak.

–
Meanwhile, the New York Mets-Florida Marlins game went to the 12th in South Florida. Anyone want to hazard a guess on how many dozen fans were left in the stands?

–

Eddie Murphy is the host of next year’s Oscar telecast. Is he going to appear as his live or animated version?

–
Carol Bartz is apparently out as CEO of Yahoo. This surprised many people in Silicon Valley, who based on results were unaware that anyone was actually running Yahoo.

–

Regarding California’s Proposition 8, the now-overturned but soon-to-be-appealed anti gay marriage ban, I have one question: With all the major GOP presidential candidates running on platforms that are anti-government intrusion, how come not ONE of them has come out and said that legislating marriage like this is a waste of time and money?

–
When Wolf Blitzer asked him about the Bush administration record, Dick Cheney responded “I’m not inclined to make any mea culpas.” And later the former V.P. returned George W.’s phone call to answer “what’s a mea culpa?”

–
Ohio State had suspended four players for the team’s season opener against Akron for receiving impermissible benefits. But new coach Luke Fickell said all of them would be reinstated for this week’s home game against Toledo. Yep, the Buckeyes don’t want to be shorthanded when they start playing the tough teams.

–
Every week in the NFL, teams release their injury lists. In the NCAA this year, will teams start releasing their “suspended, arrested and/or academically ineligible” lists?

–
Sarah Palin apparently ran an half-marathon in Iowa this weekend. Of course Palin said she would have preferred to run a full marathon but that going halfway was better for the people of Iowa.

–
For Canadian readers: U.S. college football national champions Auburn paid $950,000 to Utah State to play them, and then barely won 42-38, by scoring two touchdowns in the game’s last three minutes. Heck, for $950,000 Auburn could have paid for a far easier opponent, like the Toronto Argonauts.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

Suspended animation?

September 6, 2011

“Suspended animation.” Is that what they might call a cartoon about the 2011 Miami Hurricanes?

–
The Hurricanes, with eight players suspended over a scandal about talking illegal benefits from a booster, lost to Maryland tonight, 34-32.

And many in the media were talking about bad breaks and how tough it is for the Hurricanes.

Excuse me, bad breaks are car or plane crashes, or injuries, or random illnesses. Players who have heard lectures repeatedly on NCAA rules regarding boosters and payouts, and then go out and ignore those rules? Sorry, that’s just plain stupid.

–
Best sign seen in College Park on the sidelines of the Miami-Maryland game: “Two Hurricanes, One Week, No Problem.”

–

–
The GOP candidates are just now starting to attack each other as well as President Obama. But it’s going to get worse. If the race was six months further along wonder if someone would say God sent the wildfires in Texas to get Rick Perry off the campaign trail.

–
Yesterday exactly two FBS (former Division 1 football teams lost to FCS (former D1-AA) teams. Oregon State lost to Sacramento State. And Duke lost to Richmond. The Blue Devils next opponent? Stanford. Probably not the Luck they were hoping for.

–

While his playing status for the Colts opener is still uncertain, Peyton Manning has been told not to practice this week or do any hard workouts. In other words, pretend he’s JaMarcus Russell.

–

Michele Bachmann’s campaign manager Ed Rollins quit today, along with his deputy. Rollins said that at 68 he just “doesn’t have the stamina for 12- and 14-hour days every day of the week.” Sounds better than saying he no longer has the stamina for dealing with “bat sh*t crazy.

–
Despite her anti-union record Michele Bachmann is scoffing at suggestions that she has no business celebrating Labor Day. After all, as she says “I have five children, I’ve been in labor five times.”

–

The Washington Redskins have announced Rex Grossman will be their opening day starter. Which means even Republicans will soon be likely to agree that President Obama is not D.C.’s most disappointing ex-Chicagoan.

–

Trivia question of the night. (No fair googling the answer.) Who was the last quarterback to start for the Colts before Peyton Manning? And no, it wasn’t Johnny Unitas.
–

It’s a brave new world, or something, with all the fertility treatments now available. The NY Times reported on a group of 150 children, all conceived with sperm from one donor, where some of the mothers and kids even vacation together. Previously these sort of “extended families” existed only when the father played in the NBA.

–

Maryland football uniforms must be seen to be believed. Anyone remember Julie Andrews making playclothes out of drapes in “The Sound of Music.” Maybe they hired her to turn some extra state flags into jerseys.

–

Lebron James has tweeted “Maryland uniforms…. Ewwwwwww” Yeah, almost as ugly as his playoff performances in the fourth quarter.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Decisions, decisions.

September 5, 2011

A new L.A. Times poll shows that Rick Perry and Mitt Romney each have 22 % support in a survey of 1,508 registered California Republicans. Ron Paul has 11 %, Michele Bachman has 10%, and Newt Gingrich has 6%. If my math is still any good that means “None of the above” is still leading at 29%.

–
Give Sarah Palin credit. In her latest speech she not only went after President Obama, but also her Republican rivals. Palin ripped their continual fundraising, calling it “corporate crony capitalism.” And for more details, she suggested that listeners buy her books.

–
Before Sarah Palin’s speech in Iowa, comedian Eric Golub talked about Palin’s son Trig, adding “the left should worship Sarah Palin and adopt her as one of their own. Because the leftist haters are an entire political ideology of special needs children.” Now, I’m usually anything but PC, but can you imagine the GOP reaction if anyone had made a joke like that about “rightist haters” before a Democrat’s speech?

–

Any SF Giants fans who have forgotten what scoring looks like should have tuned in ESPN Sunday night baseball, Tigers against White Sox. Detroit got 18 runs. 16 of them by the sixth.

–
It wasn’t so much the weekend as the weeks before that made all the games “must wins.” If T.S. Eliot were a Giants fan this year he would have said “August was the cruelest month.”

–

Mitt Romney is the son of a Governor, a former Governor himself, and so far an unsuccessful candidate for the U.S. Senate (1994) and the Presidency (2008). Yet in a Tea Party speech he called himself an “outsider.” Outside of what? The realm of plausibility?

–

Before Sarah Palin’s speech in Iowa, comedian Eric Golub talked about Palin’s son Trig, adding “the left should worship Sarah Palin and adopt her as one of their own,”Because the leftist haters are an entire political ideology of special needs children.” Now, I’m usually anything but PC, but can you imagine the GOP reaction if anyone had made a joke like that about “rightist haters” before a Democrat’s speech?

–
The SF 49ers signed rookie quarterback Scott Tolzien off waivers from San Diego today. Is this part of new coach Jim Harbaugh’s potential ABS strategy? (Anyone But Smith?)

–
There are increasing rumors that Chris Christie might jump into the pool of GOP Presidential candidates. Talk about a potential tidal wave.

–
Dick Cheney said Sunday that if Hillary Clinton were in the White House, “perhaps she might have been easier for some of us who are critics of the president to work with.” Of course, some would say that if Cheney hadn’t been in the White House, Obama would have had fewer problems to work with.

–
From T.C. A Chinese group is negotiating to buy the Dodgers. Gone will be Dodger Dogs and Budweiser, to be replaced with Dodger Dim Sum and Tsingtao Beer. The new mascot will be named Ping Pong Panda.

–
It’s only fair in some ways that a Chinese group buys the Dodgers. We’ve been buying junk from China for years.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

NCAA Football -Opening weak:

September 4, 2011

Not the best weekend for the new Pac 12. Stanford, Arizona, Cal, Utah, Washington and Arizona State handled their cream puff opponents relatively easily.

But Oregon lost to LSU, Colorado lost to Hawaii, UCLA lost to Houston, and Oregon State lost to Sacramento State.

Meanwhile USC and Washington needed late interceptions to hold off Minnesota and Eastern Washington, respectively.

Maybe the reason the conference, originally the Pac 8,is considering becoming the Pac 16, is to find eight teams who can consistently win.

–

And yes, that’s not a mistake, Oregon State did lose to Sacramento State. Insert Beavers joke here:

–
That Oregon State loss to Sacramento State in football just might be the most embarrassing performance in orange and black seen since before the SF Giants cut Aaron Rowand and Miguel Tejada.

–
Utah State collapsed so quickly against Auburn today you have to wonder if the same booster who bought Cam Newton bought off their defense.

–
Meanwhile, Cam Newton has been announced as the starting QB for the Panthers’ opener next Sunday against Arizona. No word on how much of a bonus Carolina paid his father.

–
After there close call today against Utah State, Auburn is trying to reschedule next year’s season opener. They hope the University of Phoenix is available.

Meanwhile on Friday night, Baylor 50, TCU 48. Think somewhere at BCS headquarters an executive just gleefully made an big X on their 2011 potential problems list?

–
Dick Cheney appeared Friday night on the Tonight Show dressed as Darth Vader. This prompted an immediate demand for an apology – from Darth Vader.

–

–
Michele Bachmann now says her “God sending the hurricane as a message” comments were a “joke.” So where’s her joke on God sending that 6.8 earthquake in Alaska as a message for Sarah Palin to shut up?

–
Sarah Palin said today in a speech that America was in a “systemic crisis.” Wonder which of her staff wrote “systemic” on her palm?”

–
Despite speculation that she would finally announce her decision Saturday, Sarah Palin says she is still deciding whether to enter the Presidential race. Although if she does run, Palin’s alreay picked out her campaign manager – Brett Favre.

–
Notre Dame’s stadium had to be evacuated twice during their game against USF due to nearby lightning strikes. The game, was however, finally completed – six hours after play initially started, with USF winning 23 to 20. Still, some would say God did all He could to avoid a Fighting Irish loss.

The original A T & T was broken up as the result of an antitrust suit in 1983. Since then Southwestern Bell, one of the seven new companies, has been buying companies, including Pac Bell and their original parent, and they are A T & T again, the 7th biggest company in the U.S. Trying to get bigger. They’re a regenerating corporate starfish.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 8 Comments

Call ups and kickoffs.

September 3, 2011

On a positive note for Northern California sports fans, Stanford’s football team kicks off their season today against San Jose State. And considering the way the 49ers and Raiders are playing in the pre-season, the Cardinal just might be the best team in the Bay Area.

–
Meanwhile up in Eugene: QB Jeremiah Massoli was booted in 2010 after a burglary arrest, RB LaMichael James was suspended the same year over a domestic violence charge, and now QB Cliff Harris has been suspended after he was cited for driving 118 mph (and telling a state trooper on tape “there’s no marijuana, we smoked it all.”) Isn’t it time to rename the team the Oregon Bengals?

–
Boise State will be without three starters for their season opener against Georgia, pending a review of those players’ NCAA eligibility. Yep, looks like the Broncos have made it to the big time.

–

George W. Bush declined to criticize Dick Cheney’s book saying simply “I’m glad members of my family are giving their version of what it was like to serve our country.” Translation – “does anyone REALLY think I’ll read the thing?

–
The post office is going to come out with a Ted Williams stamp. All paper cuts from licking the stamp will presumably only come from splendid splinters.

(Or as my friend Alex Schubert says, from ice crystals.)

–
Sarah Palin is planning a major speech to a Tea Party rally in Iowa, which amongts other things, will be a “sharp indictment” of President Obama. Well, of course, amongst his other failings, Obama has gone past the halfway point of his term without quitting.

–
GOP Candidate Ron Paul is lagging in the polls. Friday in New Hampshire he invited staffers and reporters to join him on a bike ride. During the ride, 76 year old congressman wore shorts. Please, no one give this idea to Newt Gingrich.

–

For some time now, savvy travelers from the U.S. to Canada have known they could check a bag for free by booking the identical flight as Air Canada instead of their code-share partner United. Today the two carriers streamlined their policies – Air Canada will start charging too. Yeah,corporations are people. Greedy people.

–

Derek Holland of the Texas Rangers has been averaging more than 7 runs of support a game when he has taken the mound in 2011. That background sound you hear is SF Giants pitchers quietly sobbing.

–

Actually, the Giants, in their first game of September with the expanded rosters, actually scored some runs and beat the Arizona Diamondbacks 6-2.

Bringing up the question, why didn’t manager Bruce Bochy take a page from “50 First Dates” and set the clubhouse calendar to Sept 1 weeks ago?

\
–
The NCAA punished UConn’s mens basketball team for rules violations and poor academic performance with a loss of scholarships. But now that star recruit Andre Drummond has at the last minute decided to skip prep school and join the Huskies, another player gave up his scholarship for him. Well, at least Drummond will only need the scholarship for a year.

–

Here’s a potential solution to the “One and Done” issue in College Basketball. (A variation on the baseball model which says that college players must stay three years.) A school can give a scholarship to any star, even one they don’t think will stay. But that scholarship can’t be used again for three years, whether he leaves for the NBA or not.

–

Former OSU coach Jim Tressel was just hired by the Indianapolis Colts as a game-day consultant to help determine when the team should challenge plays. Wonder if the Colts will pay him in memorabilia and tattoos?

–

My friend Mark Brickman said of the current Congress: “They wouldn’t save their own mother if it somehow benefited the President.” Well, I think actually they might. But they would blame whatever put her life in danger on Obama.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Back to being schooled.

September 2, 2011

Hard to believe (in the U.S) it’s almost time for the first regular season professional football game of the year. And after LSU-Oregon Saturday night, the Saints-Packers kick off next Thursday.

Wisconsin 51, UNLV 17. Many fans who tuned into this opening night college football game were unaware UNLV had a D1 team. And after tonight, they’re still not sure.

Oxymoron containing sentence of the day: Sarah Palin is traveling to South Korea to speak at the “World Knowledge Forum” (Isn’t this like John Edwards speaking at a Marriage Forum?)

–

Ohio State is struggling to regain their reputation after the football benefits scandal. But the university reported today that three more players received impermissible benefits of $300 or less this year. AFTER the suspensions and Tressel’s firing. Can’t imagine how football players get the reputation of being stupid.

–

San Jose police are looking for people who grabbed bags of marijuana that spilled onto the road from a truck that crashed in south San Jose last night. Apparently the driver fled the crash, and bystanders grabbed all but a few bags. Have the police tried stakeouts in front of local shelves stocked with Doritos?

–
Much controversy out there about Chaz Bono, as a transgender man, being on “Dancing With the Stars.” Because some believe it condones unacceptable behavior. Well, yeah, it’s a slippery slope. Next thing you know the show will be glorifying young women who have children out of wedlock.

–
But really, all this controversy about Chaz Bono, and openly gay contestant Carson Kressley. Do these guys really offend both straight men who watch the show?

–

Sarah Palin professes to be very excited about her first trip next month to South Korea. Apparently one of her favorite songs the one she knows as the Korean version of “Hail to the Chief” – “Seoul Man.”

–
And the playground antics continue. President Obama changed the date of his planned jobs speech after Republicans complained that it conflicted with a planned GOP primary debate. A lot of commotion on behalf of Americans who wanted to hear the speech and see the the debate too. All three of them.

No one likes wasting money, so I understand why many in the GOP are upset by the failure of solar energy company, Solyndra, after a $535 million loan guarantee by the Energy Department. Of course, I would understand it more if those same Republicans had been complaining over the $1 trillion plus wasted on the Iraq war.

–
from T.C. A human foot wearing a running shoe washed ashore in Vancouver this week. This is the 11th incident in BC since 2007. Photos are being sent to Rex Ryan for identification.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

College openers – are you ready for some semi-pro football?

September 1, 2011

Although the schools are rivals, Florida State coach is wishing Miami coach Jimbo Fisher “nothing but the best” in dealing with their current scandal. Makes sense, if the Hurricanes get away with it, or find and exploit a loophole to minimize their punishment, the Seminoles can use the case in future as precedent.

–
At this point despite overwhelming allegations of illegal benefits given to players, so far the NCAA is only slapping Miami on the wrist. And Pete Carroll is thinking, “Had they only come to this mindset sooner, I could have stayed at USC for a few more years.”

–
So now the Big 12 has 9 teams and the Big 10 has 12. And we wonder why college football players aren’t good at math.

–
Somehow I think I missed the page in the official MLB rulebook where it states all Yankees-Red Sox games MUST go at least four hours. Even Joe Biden says “these teams go on FOREVER.”

–
And regarding those increasingly long Red Sox-Yankees matchups, we need to remember, with commercials and other television requirements, playoff games take even longer.

Should the two teams meet in the ALCS, well suffice it to say the game time might be longer than Britney Spears’ first marriage.

–

Stephen Strasburg will return to the Nationals to start on Sept. 6. Washington was considering giving him one more rehab start in the minors, and then figured “We’re playing the Dodgers. Same difference.”

–

San Francisco designated Aaron Rowand and Miguel Tejada for assignment. Which means both players will contribute about as much in September for the Giants as they have all year.

–

After the SF Giants released two pieces of deadwood (Tejada and Rowand) Wednesday morning, they hit two home runs in that afternoon’s game. Can they release a few more and get more homers?

Inspired by a comment from my friend Neil Berliner: Deja vu all over again. This time it’s an iPhone 5 but once again an Apple employee has lost a prototype device in a bar. Unbelievable. Who’d a thunk two Apple employees knew where to find a bar? (Yeah, I know, there’s an app for that.

–
I’m still not getting this. Texas Gov. Rick Perry has talked in the past of seceding from the Union. And Perry still believes in states rights, and says he is only running for President because God wants him to. But considering the God the Governor believes in, why didn’t HE tell Rick to secede and run for President of Texas?

–

In honor of the U.S. Open and to use more positive terminology, the SF Giants have asked announcers not to say in future that the team is being shutout. Instead they should refer to the score as, for example 2 – love. (Or in Monday night’s case “7 – love.)

–

Condoleeza Rice is the latest to dispute Dick Cheney’s memoir. Rice is denying that she “tearfully admitted” that Cheney was right in saying W. shouldn’t have apologized for claiming that Iraq was searching for uranium for nuclear arms. Well, the claim was pretty unbelievable anyway. Not that Condi cried, but that she would have said anyone else was right about anything.

–

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 4 Comments

It could be worse.

August 31, 2011

When the SF Giants lost a number of close games on a recent road trip, some fans said, “Cheer up, it could be worse. And the team is coming home to play the Astros and Cubs, two of the worst teams in baseball.”

They were right. It could be worse. And it is worse.

When the Arizona Diamondbacks were in a slump, manager Kirk Gibson cancelled batting practice. Maybe the SF Giants should try the same thing. Not like the batting practice is helping anyway.

–
How bad are things going for the SF Giants this month? Their fans are getting sympathy cards postmarked from Wrigley Field.

–
Scary statistic for SF Giants fans. Carlos Beltran since the trade has 4 RBIs total. Shortstop Brandon Crawford, now back in the minors, did that his first day in the majors with a grand slam.

–

An SF Giants employee was charged with embezzling $1.5 million from team payroll accounts. Apparently the team frowns on taking money without earning it. Unless you signed a free agent contract.

–
These days opposing pitchers worry about facing the Giants the way the Lions worried about facing Christians.

The NCAA has punished current University of Miami football players implicated in the benefits scandal. They were all ordered to repay the improper benefits, but four were cleared to play, and four others must just sit out the first game against Maryland. No word on on what kind of ruler the NCAA used to slap the players’ wrists.
–

Jeremy Shockey apparently saved one of his new Carolina Panthers teammates from choking today. Shame he couldn’t have saved the Saints last year from choking in the playoffs against the Seahawks.

–
Bill Littlejohn’s take on the same story: “Jeremy Shocky helped save a teammate that was choking on a piece of meat by dislodging it from his throat. Bruce Bochy immediately sent for him to perform the same maneuver on Giants’ bats”
–

Despite being bashed by Dick Cheney in his memoirs, John McCain took the high road and “From time to time, we have had differences, as is typical for anyone in public life. I wish the Vice President well and that he remains in good health.” (Rumor has it McCain then quietly added “It’s amazing that modern medicine allows for people to live now without either a heart or a brain.”)

–
With Texas A & M apparently on the way out of the Big 12, the conference will be looking for new members. If they want a team whose talent level would fit in well, may I suggest the SF 49ers?

–
Organizers for a tea party rally in Iowa Tuesday blamed an
“internal miscommunication over the event’s schedule” resulting in their rescinding a speaking slot Tuesday for former GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell. The organizers also blamed random chance for two of them discovering they had been turned into toads.

–
Now that the rape charges against him have been dropped, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who always maintained he was simply a scumbag, not a rapist, is considering a run for the Presidency of France. And some are not ruling him out. Meanwhile, the French may be getting a dual citizenship request, from Bill Clinton.

Tim Pawlenty apparently quit the GOP Presidential race after the Iowa straw poll because his campaign was already heavily in debt. Over six months before the primaries even started. And T-Paw was running as someone who could fix the U.S economy and balance the budget…..

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

Disasters and beyond.

August 30, 2011

Not saying things have gone from bad to worse with the San Francisco Giants. But their lineup was just declared eligible for federal disaster relief.

–
SF Giants star prospect Gary Brown was named the Calfornia League player of the week, going 17 for 30 at the plate for San Jose. Trying to remember the last time the SF Giants got 17 hits in a week….

–

Randy Wells of the Chicago Cubs had a 5.53 ERA this year and had never thrown a shutout in his professional career. Tonight he tosses complete game two hit shutout against the San Francisco Giants. What more do you need to know about the Giants’ 2011 season?
–

SF Giants are hoping to improve their woeful offense when rosters expand Sept 1. Wonder if any of the stars from the Huntington Beach Little League World Series champions are available.

–

Anyone else notice that headlines indicating “Hurricane Irene wasn’t nearly as bad as expected” usually translate to “New York City didn’t get much damage?”

–

No, it’s not your imagination, those lines and hold times are getting longer:

According to the NY Times, quoting Federal Transportation statistics, U.S. airlines had 637,000 employees in 2001 but only 474,000 in June 2011.

But in the airlines’ defense, they say that of those employees who work in reservations, at least a dozen speak English.
–

ABC News reports that Warren Jeffs, the polygamous sect leader and convicted child rapist, is in a coma and may not survive. “That’s really a shame,” said absolutely nobody.

–
The new lineup is out for “Dancing with the Stars.” Two names on the list: Kim Kardashian’s brother Rob, and political pundit Nancy Grace.

So we are about to find out the answer to that rhetorical question – “Could reality TV possibly get any more annoying?”

–

My friend Andy reports a sighting in Columbus, of an Ohio State t-shirt stating “WTF” on the front. And “Lost the vest, still better than the rest” on the back.

“Lost” the vest? At OSU? Nah, sold it more likely. Or traded it for tattoos.

–
A male fan was knocked unconscious when he fell in a stairwell at Rangers Ballpark. Many have assumed it was alcohol related but the Texas Rangers for now are not giving out any information. Of course, this is the team formerly owned by George W. Bush. It could have been a pretzel.

–
Michael Vick and the Philadlephia Eagles have apparently agreed to a six-year, $100 million contract. Wonder how much that is in dog years.

–

This just in: Michele Bachmann’s campaign now says she was only joking when she described Hurricane Irene the D.C earthquake as a warning from God.
This also just in: God says He was only joking when he sent us Michele Bachmann.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »