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A New York state of mind.

March 27, 2012

With the ebb and flow of Lin-sanity and now the Tebow-Sanchez potential made-for-TV drama, there’s good news for some New York fans. For at least some of this spring, the biggest circus in New York may not involve the Mets.

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After watching the Tim Tebow press conference: Have to wonder – the over-under on how many bad Mark Sanchez quarters/games it will take to have fans start screaming “Tebow, Tebow?”

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The U.S. men’s soccer U-23 team officially failed to qualify for the Olympics tonight. Thereby depriving Americans of a chance to scream “USA! USA” again this summer for a sport most otherwise don’t care about.

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Dominque Strauss-Kahn has been charged with involvement in a French prostitution ring. His lawyer denies wrongdoing and added that it is wrong to prosecute Strauss-Kahn for “simple libertine activity.” Responded Bill Clinton “Yeah, what he said.”

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Actual fight at end of Baylor-Tennessee women’s basketball game. Wow, if this sort of thing keeps up ratings may skyrocket.

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Bus to hell time. Bobby Brown has been arrested again, this time for alleged DUI’s. Many of Whitney Houston’s friends and relatives are just telling him it’s time to relax with a nice long bath.

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Some are now circulating a story that Trayvon Martin was the one who first attacked George Zimmerman. Not sure we will ever know exactly what transpired between the two of them, but one thing is certain – had Zimmerman just listened to the police dispatcher who told him not to follow Martin, none of this would have happened.

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Since it’s been three plus weeks since they merged with Continental, United Airlines has given up on saying “we’ve been experiencing high call volumes for several days.” Now their message to VIP flyers just says “We’re still experiencing high call volumes. If your call can wait please try back later.” Presumably like in 2013?

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Rick Santorum told a reporter yesterday ““Quit distorting my words It’s bullsh*t.” Now really, is that appropriate language for a potential president? Maybe Santorum really is running for V.P.?

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Jamie Moyer, 49, pitched four perfect innings against the San Francisco Giants in a spring training game this weekend. Which probably means either that Moyer is still a big league pitcher, that the Giants are still not big league hitters.

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Great line from Jim Caple at ESPN.com about Jamie Moyer trying to pitch this year in the big leagues at 49. “The scouts no longer point the radar gun at you, they just count “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi.”
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Rick Santorum – “If you haven’t cursed out a NY Times reporter during the course of a campaign, you’re not really a real Republican.” Does that mean President Obama’s not a real Democrat because he hasn’t sworn at someone from Fox News?

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Ah politics… So when Obamacare was introduced, Republicans said it was a tax, Democrats said it wasn’t. Now, the govt says the mandate is at least allowable under Congress’ power to tax. And the GOP says it is not a tax…

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell believes that the New Orleans Saints were the only team with a bounty program. Makes sense, just like Bud Selig acted like Barry Bonds was the only star steroid user in baseball.
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The Colts, still apparently undecided about their #1 pick, will fly Andrew Luck to Indianapolis for a private workout. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dudes, make up your minds.”

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Jimmy Carter has finally left the Southern Baptist Church, saying “The truth is that male religious leaders had – & still have — an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of womenthroughout the world.” You go, guy!

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No BFF’s here.

March 26, 2012

Rick Santorum now said Sunday that Mitt Romney is “the worst Republican in the country to put up against Barack Obama.” Think the odds on Rick and Mitt being running mates are now officially worse than those of the Cubs winning the World Series.

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A Miss Vancouver finalist hoping to become Miss Universe was disqualified after it was discovered she had been born a boy. Officials say that the rules require a “naturally born female.” This might be the first time “natural” and Miss Universe have been used in the same sentence.

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In a spring training outing today, Barry Zito gave up hits to nine of the 18 hitters he faced in 2 1/3 innings. Yep, it’s only March and Zito looks to be in mid-season form.

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File this under “Irony.” Florida governor Rick Scott, responding to a question about George Zimmerman now fearing for his own safety: Scott stated that there has been no formal request to provide protection, but that “if he feels unsafe, then we’ll make sure nothing happens to him.”

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Tiger Woods got his first PGA tour victory since 2009. And CBS and Masters executives are Tebowing.

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An interactive thought from T.C. “It’s been over 2 years since Tiger ended up on top after a PGA tour event. (Insert punchline here.)

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A new poll shows half of GOP voters wish someone else were running for president. Shocking. 50 percent are actually happy with the choices?

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Even Oregon football players are saying the Baylor basketball uniforms are ugly.

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After two anti-Tebow tweets, New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie now says Tim can help after all. Did he get a message from God, or Jets management?

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Economic stimuli come in all kinds of strange ways.This week has been great for the sales of Etch A Sketch’s and hoodies.

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The Texas Rangers are selling a two-foot long, one-pound hot dog for $26. Isn’t that the regular price for a hot dog at Yankee Stadium?

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Rick Santorum won Louisiana by over 22 points. Does this mean Mitt Romney is thinking, “Darn, I should have had a beignet?

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Overheard at airport, the new name for the merged United-Continental. “Con U.”

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The Supreme Court will hear arguments on Obamacare this week. Got to love it – the fate of the healthcare bill decided by nine men and women who have jobs and benefits for life.

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Hard knocks?

March 9, 2012

San Diego Chargers QB Philip Rivers just enthusiastically endorsed Rick Santorum for President. The NFL is reviewing tapes to see if the Saints or any other team gave him a particularly hard hit to the head.

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Mitt Romney said in an Alabama radio interview that the state’s upcoming primary is “a bit of an away game.” Right, but to put it in real Alabama football terms, considering the amount of money Mitt has spent (more than his opponents combined), it’s like an away game for the Crimson Tide against U Mass.

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Cindy McCain ripped the movie “Game Change” because, amongst other things, “my husband is way cuter than Ed Harris.” And we thought John was the McCain who was getting old and amongst other things, losing his eyesight.

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As pundits discuss the possible teams interested in Peyton Manning, have to wonder, had a certain four-game losing streak continued, would one of those teams had been his brother’s NY Giants?

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The feds are investigating the Auburn’s mens’ basketball team for alleged point shaving. Shocking. An investigation into the SEC and football is not involved?

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Peyton Manning said he will make a decision about 2012 within a week. “You can do that?” responded Brett Favre.

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Some are wondering why Sarah Palin is backing Newt Gingrich. One possible reason? He makes her look stable.

(Augie says, maybe she’s vying to be his fourth wife?)

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Taco Bell has just announced their nationwide rollout of the “Doritos Locos Taco” – a taco inside a shell that is basically a Nacho Cheese Dorito. But hey, for the health conscious, the “Supreme” version comes with reduced-fat sour cream.

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Meanwhile, Coca Cola is adjusting its caramel color. Because “4-MEI”,, part of the current formula is on a California list of additives that will soon require a cancer warning label. So this is good news for all the health-food fans who guzzle Coke.

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Jonathan Papelbon told a Philadelphia radio station that Phillies fans “tend to know the game a little better” than fans in Boston. Well, all those folks who printed up the “Johnny Damon is Judas” t-shirts will be getting out the silk screens again.

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The Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard is indicating that if he gets traded, he wants to be “the guy” on whatever team he ends up on. Uh, only one problem Dwight, as Lebron might tell you, when a team has just one “guy” they usually end up watching most of the playoffs at home.

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Michelle Bachmann claims the outrage over Rush Limbaugh’s comments is hypocritical and just because he is a conservative. Well, liberals may be overly gleeful about the controversy, but imagine the reaction if Jon Stewart referred to a promiment GOP woman or her daughter as a “slut.”

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Before he died, Andrew Breitbart claimed he had an incendiary video that could take down President Obama. The 1991 video show Obama speaking at a peaceful Harvard rally about tenuring black professors. College students protest? Gosh. And where was the outrage about Romney at Stanford protesting in favor of the Vietnam War?

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On the other hand, solar flares are hitting the Earth today, with possible disruptions to communications systems and power grids. It’s all Obama’s fault.

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These days, Mitt Romney is almost hoping someone has a scandalous video of him. Might help his image. Something racy like having a beer, or dancing, or kissing a girl in college..

And okay readers, let’s make this an interactive post. What would be a scandalous video for Mittens? Other friends’ suggestions have been, going out without hair gel, shopping at Walmart, or having a double latte at Starbucks (Mormons are not supposed to drink caffeine.)

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Crashing and burning.

March 4, 2012

The Costa Concordia wasn’t Captain Schettino’s first mishap. He also crashed a second cruise ship in 2010 resulting in minor damage while entering a German port. If Schettino can somehow avoid jail, wonder if he’ll be offered a job with the GoDaddy.com racing team.

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Wonder how many folks will be turning into this week’s Nascar race, not in hopes of watching two cars crash into each other. But in hopes of watching another fuel truck flambee.

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A 26 year old Florida teacher was arrested and charged with “unlawful sexual activity” with a minor after a 16 year old boy told police they were in love and had had sex in her car. Records showed that the pair had traded more than 12,000 text messages in 4 months. On the bright side, sounds like the kid definitely has learned how to read and write.

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Guess Bobby Valentine wanted to make a statement. Boston beat D3 Northeastern University in baseball today 25-0. Following the game the Red Sox were made honorary SEC football boosters.

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In the “cheer up it could be worse category”, example A this week has to be the New Orleans Saints. A couple days ago the biggest embarrassment the team was facing was not being able to work out a contract extension with Drew Brees.

(adds my friend Michael Duca, “Brees should look on the bright side – they could have put a bounty on him.”)

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On the first day after the United-Continental merger was finalized, reportedly 16% of United flights were on time Saturday from O’Hare airport. Normally when people are this frustrated in Chicago, the Cubs are involved.

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The New York Knicks are apparently so excited about the way that they are playing lately that they had a meeting with a doctor to talk about ways to combat insomnia. Presumably the doctor suggested things like warm milk, counting sheep, and watching tapes of the Charlotte Bobcats games.

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Rush Limbaugh has now apologized for calling Sandra Fluke a “slut.” Saying “I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.” Uh, if Rush doesn’t think “slut” is a personal attack, starting to understand why his marriages have lasted as long as Mitt Romney’s positions.

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Am wondering where Sarah Palin was on this one. Since she was so upset about personal attacks on her daughter as an unwed mother… Or is it only off-limits for the media to go after Republican young women who have pre-marital sex?

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Rush Limbaugh is referring to Claire McCaskell as a “commie babe liberal.” Hey, that wouldn’t make a bad t-shirt.
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Nothing can go wrong… More in the United merger department: Client flying SF to JFK March 4 got “You have received this notification because the first flight in your upcoming UA itinerary is operated by TAM and/or its partners. To check in for this trip, please proceed to TAM’s website or their check-in area at the airport” (TAM only flies to and within Brazil.. and not to SF at all.)

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Former San Jose coach Ron Wilson was just fired by the Toronto Maple Leafs after a 1-9-1 stretch. Or as Sharks fans call that, having the team in his playoff form.

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“The Lorax” has pulled in over $17 million this weekend. Wonder how much of that was people piling into their SUVs and driving to see the movie in giant multiplexes?.

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Spring training games start today. Guess that means we’re watching for the little furry thing who lives in Brian Wilson’s beard to pop out and see if he sees his shadow.

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This may only make sense to San Francisco Bay Area readers…But it’s a good day in the San Francisco area when you turn on the radio, and, surprise, it’s Kruk and Kuip on the radio again calling a Giants game.

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Men behaving badly.

March 2, 2012

Really? A 41-year old high school teacher from Modesto quit his job, left his wife and kids, and moved into an apartment with an 18 year old student. James Hooker said he knows the couple hurt a lot of people, but says they “decided to follow their hearts.” Maybe she did. Thinking he followed something a bit lower.

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A 41 year old and an 18 year old though…. Even Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich are saying “Eeww…’ (Barely.)

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Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio is being accused of inadequately investigating sex-crimes. And a grand jury is investigating his alleged abuses of power. So Arpaio’s response? Calling a news conference to say he has probable cause to believe Obama’s long-form birth certificate is a forgery.

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Cincinnati Bengals receiver Jerome Simpson pled guilty to a drug-related felony charge and is expected to receive a 60 day jail sentence. 60 days? For a felony? What, did prosecutors figure being a Bengal is punishment enough?

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President Obama thinks Mitt Romney’s father George would roll over in his grave at his son’s behavior towards the auto industry? Heck, the Romney who was Governor of Massachusetts would roll over in his grave if he listened to Mitt 3.0, or 4.0, or whatever he is now.

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NBC plans to televise the America’s Cup from San Francisco in 2013. How bad does your lineup have to be before televising billionaires racing multimillion $ boats (in races no one understands) is considered an potential ratings improvement?

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The Yankees have announced that by 2014 they plan to drastically trim their payroll from $210 millionn to $189 million. More ammunition for Mitt Romney’s claim that millionaires need tax cuts.

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Regarding this story of Tiger Woods wanting to be a Navy Seal. I can see it now, they storm into Bin Laden’s complex, and Woods stops to hit on one of Osama’s younger wives….

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A new Los Angeles County rule allows pet-owners to bring their dogs to outdoor dining areas. Well, dogs are almost certainly better behaved than many children. And some Hollywood actors.

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According to the U.K. Telegraph, a new study published in the British Medical Journal “Open” found that anyone taking sleeping pills twice a month is four times more likely to die in the next two and a half years than someone taking none at all. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.

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A Montana federal judge, Richard Cebull, is claiming he forwarded a racist joke about Obama’s mother to friends and colleagues not because he is racist, but because he dislikes the President. Forget whether or not Cebull is a bigot, he’s just too stupid to be a judge.

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Some conservatives are downplaying the Montana judge’s forwarding of an offensive racist joke about Obama’s mother. But can you imagine the outcry if some liberal judge had forwarded an offensive Mormon or homeschooling joke about say, Romney or Santorum’s wife or mother?

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Conservative blogger, Andrew Breitbart, who first posted the sexting pictures of Anthony Weiner and helped bring down ACORN, died at 43. According to his attorney it was “natural causes”. Maybe watching the current crop of GOP presidential candidates killed him..
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It’s March, time for my first baseball rant of the season: One of many problems with new wild card format. Say two teams both win 100 games – one is division champ, and one is wild card. Another team backs in with 85 wins. But they have a great pitcher (say, the Dodgers and Clayton Kershaw.) In a single game playoff, that team has a huge advantage.

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March Madness.

March 1, 2012

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, 24, is reportedly pregnant with her first child. This might even make Rick Santorum is rethink his position on birth control.

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Mitt Romney’s latest ad calls Rick Santorum a liberal. Uh, maybe it’s time to ask Mittens if HE inhaled?

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After all the millions Mitt Romney spent in Michigan, he ended up with the same number of delegates (15) as Rick Santorum. Poor Mitt. If this presidency thing doesn’t work out, with that kind of spending to results ratio, there may be a job waiting for him with the NY Yankees.

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Derrick Rose may be the NBA MVP but he cost 21,000+ fans a free Big Mac by missing two late free throws in a 99-95 victory last night. (McD’s gives the burgers to ticket holders when Chicago scores 100 points or more in a home win.) Rose apologized – he should have just said he was looking out for fans’ health.

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A Gainesville, GA paper reported that a student trying to send a text to say “Gunna be at West Hall this afternoon” had auto correct change the 1st word to “Gunman.” The recipient alerted authorities and both West Hall High and Middle school were temporarily locked down. Yet more proof that smart phones don’t necessarily make smart users.

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Khloe Kardashian said on the Tonight Show that one of the first things Kris Humphries said to her was “So, how much you getting paid to fake your marriage?” Guess the answer for Kris himself was, “Not enough.

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Apparently MLB will institute new playoff system with extra teams THIS season. What’s the rush? Guess they wanted to maximize chances of showing the Yankees and Red Sox in the post season.

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Stanford women closed out their basketball home season with a 76-52 win over Seattle. The Cardinal shot 100% (13-13) from the free-throw line. See, boys? It’s possible.

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Davy Jones of the Monkees just passed away at 66. Said Baby boomers “So young?” Said anyone under 30 “Who the heck was Davy Jones?”

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A tornado caused serious damage to hotels and theaters in Branson, Missouri today. Along with injuries and deaths in the area. So where are all the folks who ascribe any weather disaster in places like San Francisco and New Orleans to God’s punishment of sinners?

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Mitt Romney won Wyoming primary. 29 delegates. He got about 822 of 2,000 total votes. Not sure how much Romney spent, but Mitt could have afforded to buy them all a Cadillac.

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Interesting quote from “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” Wednesday night: “Citizens United – “The worst decision of the United States Supreme Court. They should be ashamed and embarrassed of what they did.” Direct quote from that noted liberal John McCain.

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The Daytona 500 hours?

February 29, 2012

No, it just seemed that long.

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Though Mitt Romney did have time to get a car into the race to compete with Rick Santorum…?

(from Jim Pratt, via Tony L. Thanks.)

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The Dow closed above 13,000 Tuesday. The GOP immediately started talking louder about birth control.

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Rick Santorum Tuesday night talked in his speech about “the men & women who signed the Declaration of Independence.” Yeah, I can see why Santorum’s so down on education, he clearly hasn’t retained much of his.

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Mitt Romney won Michigan today, although he lost with GOP voters without a college degree, and lost by a wide margin amongst those making less than $100,000 a year. In short, Mitt got all the GOP primary voters with two Cadillacs.

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$4 million for a slim primary win in Michigan. And Mitt campaigns on the idea of cutting wasteful spending.

(Romney might have done better if he donated the money to the Detroit Tigers to buy another pitcher.)

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One thing people aren’t talking about. Yes, Mitt Romney is winning his home state with 41 % – a plurality. But 59% of the GOP in Michigan prefer anyone but the man who should have wrapped up this nomination a long time ago.

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Santorum talking about his mom who got graduate degree, worked as a professional and made more money than her husband while raising three kids. So, an uppity elitist who used birth control?

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Posting an intelligent quote for a change: “I do find it frustrating that an atmosphere of polarization and ‘my way or the highway’ ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions.” That would be Maine GOP senator Olympia Snowe, in announcing her retirement today.

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The Big 12 announced today that the price for Missouri’s and Texas A&M leaving the conference will be $12.41 million each. Once again, hard to imagine how these recruits get seduced into thinking it’s about money.

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Last year at the NFL combine, Cam Newton recorded a 35″ vertical leap. This year Andrew Luck achieved a 36’’ vertical. Wow. At least one white man can jump.

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Hank Haney, Tiger Woods’ former swing coach, says in his new book that the quest to break Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 majors weighed heavily on Tiger. Really? I would think that what took a bigger toll in the end was Woods’ pursuit of 18 plus waitresses.

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Manager Brad Mills has decided that Brett Meyers will be the Astros new closer. Next up, trying to make sure Myers actually has games to close.

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The 12 contestants have been announced for “Dancing with the Stars.” And many of the names bring the usual reaction from most Americans – “Who?”
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Okay, this really isn’t funny, but, Darwin award of the year nominee: Police say a Havelock, North Carolina man is dead after he accidentally drank from a jar of gasoline and then smoked a cigarette. (He died in the UNC burn center.)

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The Heat is on.

February 24, 2012

So the Heat, feeling disrespected, decided to put on a show against Jeremy Lin and won 102-88. Miami fans are thinking, uh, can we light this fire under the team when it actually matters, like in the playoffs?

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Dolphin fans have started a “Manning to Miami” billboard campaign. Makes sense, at this point they’re desperate for a superstar who makes a habit of showing up when it counts in the fourth quarter.

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Speaking of heat: President Obama spoke Thursday at University of Miami, where it was 83-degrees. And he loved the weather, saying “I don’t know how you guys go to class. It’s too nice outside.” And Miami football players responded “class?”

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By a 2-1 vote, MLB’s arbitration panel overturned Ryan Braun’s 50 game suspension for PEDs. No reason was given. Two possibilities: Braun does play for Selig’s old team, the Milwaukee Brewers, and he’s not Barry Bonds.

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Braun apparently won his 2-1 case on a technicality. That while no one actually alleged tampering, his defense made much of the fact that the tester kept the sample at his home for a night before sending it in. So did Ryan hire some of O.J’s old defense team?

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I see a new FedEx commercial. “When someone’s pee in a cup positively has to be there overnight.”

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All this talk about what the Founding Fathers meant when they wrote the Constitution. Uh, does anyone want to address the fact that in the 18th century none of them could imagine a time when women could vote?

Another thought about our Founding Fathers: Thomas Jefferson spoke five languages – Latin, Greek, Spanish, Italian, French, and some Indian dialects. Forget what “rights” he intended. With that kind of background, these days the guy wouldn’t have made it through the Presidential primaries.

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Florida Senator Marco Rubio, who talks about his Catholic roots, also attends a Southern Baptist megachurch, and apparently was a Mormon as a child. Will his next theme song on the campaign trail be “Losing my Religion?”

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Roy Oswalt, a free agent, is now telling major league clubs he may not sign and return to play until midseason. Gosh, how will he feed his family?

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Pittsburgh Pirates president Frank Coonelly was charged with four counts after a DUI arrest Dec. 22: Drunken driving, careless driving, driving with a blood-alcohol content of at least twice the .08 limit, and driving the wrong way. The last count may refer not to his driving, but what he’s doing to the franchise.

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In a new poll just released, California was the least popular state in the United States. In related news, it’s 70 degrees in Northern California Thursday, over 80 in parts of Southern California, while Chicago and Denver have major airport delays due to snow…..

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As we head into March, President Obama is honing his re-election strategy. In an ideal world he’d just get the GOP candidates to have weekly debates.

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Bi-partisan serious statemnt: For any United frequent fliers who weren’t having enough stress in their lives, the airline has just sent out a message saying everyone’s Mileage Plus numbers will disappear on March 3, and be replaced by their Continental number. (I wish this were a joke, stand by for United jokes…)

One of my friends has already told me “I just received my UA email. Sent me to a link to retrieve my new number – a link that I CAN’T LOG IN TO using my current UA number…”

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Doctors in Wisconsin say a cat saved his new owner’s life by trying to wake her up during a diabetic seizure, and then running into her son’s room and waking him up to call for help. The cat, Pudding, is being called a hero. He just hopes this doesn’t wreck his feline reputation.
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Ho, ho, ho?

February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum is trying to explain his 2008 statement that ““Satan has his sights on the United States of America!” Stay tuned, maybe he’ll say he’s dyslexic and was talking about Santa.

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Albert Pujols is objecting to billboards as part of the Angels marketing campaign that refer to him “El Hombre,” Pujols has asked not to be called that in deference to Stan “The Man” Musial. But he might not need to worry. Hispanic fans may not remember Musial, and non-Hispanic fans may not know what “El Hombre” means.

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A Texas man collected 10 cent comic books starting as a 9 year old in the 1930s. Today his family sold 227 books from the collection he had saved in his basement for about $3.5 million. And millions of other Americans forwarded this story to their mothers saying “See!”

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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has changed his mind about a new bill that would require women to have a physically invasive transvaginal ultrasound procedure before any abortion. Wonder if he saw the “Daily Show?” (Or remembered that women do have the right to vote?)

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The Temple Owls are in talks to join the Big East. This is shocking. Unlike new schools SMU, Houston, Boise State and San Diego State, Temple, situated in Philadelphia, actually is in the East.

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Former Louisiana Gov. Charles “Buddy” Roemer is dropping out of the GOP presidential primary. The number one response across the U.S. – Buddy who?

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For anyone who was thinking the level of debate in the GOP primaries was getting too elevated, we’ll always have Sarah Palin. Today she defended Rick Santorum by saying the “lame-stream media characters” are getting “all wee-weed up about” his past remarks.

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As the three top GOP candidates increasingly try to prove they’re the furthest to the right, anyone else get the idea we’re watching a new game show – “Who wants to be a Neanderthal?”

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Rick Santorum at end of debate trumpets the fact he is from a “key swing state.” (Pennsylvania) What he doesn’t mention: He lost his last election in that state by 18 percent.

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Newt Gingrich attacking Obama. “As long as you’re America’s enemy you’re safe.”. Guess someone forgot to tell Bin Laden and Qaddafi.

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Mitt Romney says he loves Michigan because “the trees are just the right height.” Shame that someone didn’t ask him during the debate Wednesday night – “In which states are the trees the wrong height?”

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Question for GOP candidates. Agree that there are some bad leaders around the world who are killing innocent people including their own citizens. How come we only want to invade the ones with oil?

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Not voting for Ron Paul, but he does win the “breath of fresh air” award. Wednesday night, CNN debate moderator John King asked him why he’s running anti Santorum adds that say he’s a fake.

Paul’s response: “Because he’s a fake.”

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From Moneyball to Mannyball.

February 21, 2012

Yes, it’s true, Manny Ramirez has signed a minor league with the As?!! Stay tuned for “Mannyball.” Wonder if this will be a comedy or a tragedy? Or both?

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With Manny Ramirez back in baseball with the A’s, are some sports fans going from Linsanity to Manny-ic Depression?

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Fox pundit Liz Trotta has followed her incendiary comments about rape in the military with this – “Women are not as strong as men. Their instincts and reactions in crisis are markedly different.” Clearly this is a woman who has never been to a Black Friday sale.

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Albert Pujols arrived at spring training today. His new teammates were thrilled to see him in an Angels uniform. Almost as happy as National League pitchers.

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Anthony Federico, the former ESPN writer fired for his “Chink in the Armor” Jeremy Lin headline, told the NY Daily News that it was a mistake, “This had nothing to do with me being cute or punny.” If that’s true, forget racist, he (and his editor) might be too stupid to work at ESPN.

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With all the controversy about Jeremy Lin and anti-Asian jokes, I shudder to think what would happen if some Jewish kid became an NBA star. Fortunately that’s not likely to happen.

On the other hand, Cal’s Jorge Gutierrez, from Mexico, is a possible NBA draft pick. If that happens, or, if he has a great March tournament…Gentlemen, start your sensitivity training. (And run all headlines through an awake editor.)

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Indiana House member Bob Morris is opposing a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a “radicalized organization.” He said he found allegations on the internet that they are tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allow transgender females to join and encourage sex. Even Rick Santorum is thinking, this guy is nuts.

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A new Canadian study found that facial plastic surgery made people look an average of seven years younger. If true, this would mean Joan Rivers looked about ten years old.

(or as my friend Kelly says, actually, it just means that Joan is really about a million years old.)

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Mitt Romney’s Super PAC spent $14 million just in January 2012. Yeah, this ought to sharpen Mitt’s credentials as a self-proclaimed “budget hawk…..”

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GOP candidates have jumped on gas prices as a way to attack President Obama. If they really wanted t do something about those prices though, heck, with the money their Super PACs are spending they could probably subsidize prices $1 a gallon for the whole country.

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The cast of “Glee” will not be touring this summer. This news was very upsetting to millions of kids, teenagers and women. And about two men.
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America’s game

February 4, 2012

Your tax dollars at work: 35% of people who attend the Super Bowl write it off as a corporate expense.

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Wonder which team Mitt Romney has picked for his $10,000 bet on the Super Bowl?

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Newt Gingrich’s latest rant Friday was against the New York City “elites.” Well, at least that leaves out the Mets.

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The latest music rumor – Adam Lambert is joining Queen. Old time rock and roll fans may ask “Who’s Adam Lambert.” Young music fans may ask “Who’s Queen?”

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Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said in a statement today “Peyton Manning, Jim Irsay and the entire Colts family remain close and unified.” Sounds like Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian on the 60th or so day of their marriage.

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Great jobs report today. You know what that means. Time for the GOP to start talking about Obama’s birth certificate again.

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Mitt Romney called today’s drop in unemployment “good news” , but said that “it has taken a lot longer than it should have, in part because of the policies of this administration.” Of course, if unemployment rises in February, it will be completely BECAUSE of President Obama….

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Rumor has it Kim Kardashian and Mark Sanchez are dating. Is there some way we can make sure they won’t breed?

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While visiting India, Arnold Schwarzenegger told a TV channel he would consider acting in Bollywood if offered “an interesting script with a good director.” Why? Lack of those things never stopped him making movies here.

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From Jim Barach: “A woman was arrested after reportedly trying to extort Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Now Cashman knows how fans feel when they go to buy a hot dog and beer at a Yankees game.”

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A United Airlines flight on Thursday from Chicago to Portland stuck a bird during takeoff and turned around and landed without reported injuries. Well, except for the bird.

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Several other Big Ten coaches are upset after Urban Meyer allegedly “poached” committed recruits from other conference schools. Meyer denies any violations. And Urban should be an expert on wrongdoing since 31 of his players were arrested during his six years at Florida.

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The Koch brothers, along with other conservative millionaires and billionaires apparently want to defeat President Obama so badly they are pledging $100 million. $100 million! Or as Mitt Romney calls it “pocket change.”

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NFL players have been complaining about the injury risks from the 8 Thurs. night games with the shortened recovery period after Sunday. Today Roger Goddell announced they will have 13 Thursday games in 2012, “giving all of the league’s teams a chance to appear in prime time on some outlet.” Can’t imagine how people get the idea the NFL cares more about profits than players.

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Not a Romney fan but have to love Newt Gingrich attacking today Mitt for his verbal gaffes. At least as far as we know Romney didn’t make a mistake with that “forsaking all others” stuff.

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Happy Groundhog Day

February 2, 2012

Punxsutawney Phil woke up early this morning, saw Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney going at it, and immediately buried himself back in his burrow.

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Actually Phil reportedly was a Donald Trump supporter. The groundhog believes that furry thing that lives on the Donald’s head just might be a relative.

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Susan G. Komen for the Cure just cut all its funding to Planned Parenthood for breast health screenings, after pressure from anti-choice groups. Maybe they should change the color of their pink ribbon to yellow.

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February 1 was “National Signing Day.” (When high school players formally commit to colleges for football.) I think ESPN has created more days and events than Hallmark.

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Tackle Andrus Peat, a “five-star recruit”, today decided on Stanford over previously favored Nebraska. Cardinal coach David Shaw said his and his staff’s reaction “was heard many places around the building.” One would guess the reaction in Lincoln, NE was also heard in many places….

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A new bill, introduced by Florida Rep. State Sen. Michael Bennett tries to enforce a unused 1988 law that says any sports teams that accept public dollars to build their stadiums must shelter poor people on off nights. Off nights? The Tampa Bay Rays have space when they are playing.

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A bronze replica of Ted Williams is being moved from Fenway Park down to the Red Sox Spring Training facility in Florida? No confirmation of rumors that to save shipping costs the team was originally planning just to move Ted’s head.

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Rumor has it that Donald Trump will endorse Newt Gingrich tomorrow. Makes some sense. How often does Trump get to stand on a stage with someone who makes him look like a good husband with a healthy ego?

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Awful story out of Egypt with over 70 people killed at a soccer match. Americans are stunned. They can’t imagine 70 people showing up to watch soccer.

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MSN wonders about the effect of what they call Romney’s “gaffe”: “I’m not concerned about the very poor” will have in the election. “Gaffe?” Might be one of the most honest sentences he’s ever spoken.

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NY Giants DE Osi Umenyiora was fined $20,000 on Wednesday for skipping a mandatory media session at the Super Bowl. $20,000? A lot of NFL players may just start considering this a tax for an extra hour or two of freedom.

(As my friend Blll Dwan says, considering that this fine is about double that of a helmet-to-helmet hit, the incident does point up the NFL’s priorities.)

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Mitt Romney on Wednesday during a CNN interview that he’s “not concerned about the very poor” because they have an “ample safety net” (Either that or they can’t afford to get to the polls.)

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Many pundits are saying that Romney’s win in Florida will give him the nomination. Really, that much importance for a state where most of the residents can’t even figure out when to turn their left-turn blinkers on and off?

Statement from the Susan G. Komen Foundation: “We regret that these new policies have impacted some longstanding grantees, such as Planned Parenthood, but want to be absolutely clear that our grant-making decisions are not about politics.” I think I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.

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Pre Pre Big Game Show.

February 1, 2012

Technicially, if you’re not an official sponsor, you’re not allowed to use the words “Super Bowl.” Yeah, hate to put a non-profit like the NFL at risk of losing money.

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Madonna says there will be “no nipple” in her Super Bowl halftime show. Not to say the former Material Girl is getting up there in years but the way NBC will assure this is by only showing Madonna above the waist.

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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh has signed up to play the A T & T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Which means for the first time, CBS plans to schedule cameras every day on the course for the post-round handshakes.

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The Campaign Media Analysis Group (CMAG) analyzed political ads shown in Florida this past week and said 92% them were negative. As someone who just spent a weekend in Florida I am shocked – 8% were actually supposed to be positive?

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Sarah Palin has been saying “Annoy a liberal, vote for Newt.” Uh, actually not speaking for all liberals, but a number of us would be thrllled to see more in the GOP vote for Newt.

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Gingrich had a robocall in FL saying that as “Gov. of Mass, Romney vetoed a bill paying for kosher food for our seniors in nursing homes. Which meant Holocaust survivors were forced to eat non-kosher, because Romney thought $5 was too much to pay.” Newt may be doing the impossible, making Mitt appear the more likable candidate.

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Newt Gingrich seems like he’s on a mission to make us all forget about that Howard Dean scream.

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Now that the GOP primary is over, Florida residents who want to watch something embarrassing on TV will have to turn back to Orlando Magic games.

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Aaron Rodgers said on a radio interview that he was disappointed in some players’ effort during the Pro Bowl. “I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves.” Does that make them all honorary Oakland Raiders?

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This year the New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. Although at 9-7, barely over .500, many think the team didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs in the first place. And really, who does the NFL think it is? The NBA?

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Many changes on high school signing day for college football…. Sounds like some of these prior commitments had all the validity of a Kardashian marriage..

At Newt Gingrich’s Florida “Not-quite-Victory” Party, one of the tunes was “”Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar Hearing that, Mitt Romney suggested Newt invite Dick Cheney.

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When a company says as part of their hold music-message “Thank you for your patience,” anyone else want to scream at them “What patience, a**holes?”

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Delta Airlines is apparently looking into the possibility of acquiring either US Airways or American. Thereby bringing airline travelers in the United States a step closer to one giant “Take it or Leave it Air Lines.”

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“You might need a life” story: A California woman and about 100 people who are fans of the Facebook game “Frontierville” reportedly posted 1,001,291 comments to a single post in order to break a Guinness World Record.

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From Bill Littlejohn: The Oakland Raiders have hired Greg Knapp as offensive coordinator, a position he held with the team in 2007 and 2008.I guess they want to re-capture the glory days of JaMarcus Russell”

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What’s in a name?

January 31, 2012

Newt Gingrich calls Mitt Romney a “liar.” Romney calls Gingrich a “loser.” How long until we graduate to “booger-face” and “poo-poo head?”

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The story of Mitt Romney putting his dog in a crate on the roof while driving to a family vacation is increasingly getting media attention. Suppose it is probably a good thing Mitt didn’t try to put the family cat in the crate on the roof – he wouldn’t be alive to run for anything.

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A new survey of smartphone owners finds only, 68% open only five or fewer apps at least once a week. Speaking for the, uh, mature users of smartphones, I’m not sure how many people over 40 can figure how to work five or more apps in the first place.

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Karma’s a bitch nonpolitical quote of the week from Madonna in the U.K. Times: “If I say to my daughter her outfit is a little bit too risque, she will look at me and say ‘that’s rich coming from you.”

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The Pro Bowl is over. Which means the Super Bowl pre-game show has begun.

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Romney and Gingrich are running Spanish language ads in Florida to appeal to Cuban-American voters, many of whom do not speak English. Then the candidates head off to Texas, Arizona and California, where they’ll bash Mexican-Americans who don’t speak English for their failure to assimilate.

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Apparently the Pole Fitness Association and others are circulating petitions to make pole dancing a gymnastic event in the Olympics. Which could lead to words never before heard from straight men “Honey, what time is women’s gymnastics on?

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Something semi-serious for a change: A new federal rule requires airlines to include taxes and fees in the prices they advertise. One Congressman has introduced a bill to overturn the rule, Rep Tom Graves of Florida.

Now, I’m sure it’s just coincidence, but Wikipedia has this about Graves’ predecessor in the district, who is now Governor of Georgia: “After Governor Deal signed a 30 million dollar tax break for Delta Air Lines, the airline upgraded Deal and his wife to “Diamond” meda…llion status, which provides them perks such as “free upgrades when seats are available, Sky Club membership, bonus miles, priority check-in and boarding, fee waivers and more”. Deal’s spokesperson said Delta airlines’ gift had no connection with the tax break, describing the gift granted by the airline to Gov. Nathan Deal and his wife as a “contribution to the state of Georgia.”

Or maybe Graves really does think being honest about their prices is too big of an imposition on the airlines. Right….

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Back to silliness: Next year’s Bachelorette is going to be Emily Maynard, the blond single mom who “won” the Bachelor -season with Brad Womack only to have their engagement fall apart. Her daughter, Ricki, is going to be 7. Well, guess that gives Emily a few years to figure out where to hide the tapes of the show before the kid hits puberty.

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From Marc Ragovin: So Herman Cain has endorsed Newt Gingrich. That’s like the pilot of the Exxon Valdez endorsing the captain of the Costa Concordia

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Flor-i-duh Follies.

January 29, 2012

Amazing that of the two leading GOP presidential contenders now, the Mormon is the one with only one wife.

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Several injuries were reported at a casino construction site in Cincinnati. when a floor fell into a V shape Friday and sent workers crashing to the ground. It was one of the more noteworthy collapses in town, well, not involving the Bengals.

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Great line from Bill Maher – appropriate to many nonpartisan occasions – “It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.”

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Overhead on the Pro Bowl telecast in the third quarter. “We’ve got a football game.” No, we’ve got a close score in an exhibition no one cares about, but it’s something to do on a Sunday before baseball starts and while NBA games don’t really matter.

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Newt Gingrich says of Mitt Romney, “He would say thing after thing after thing that just plain wasn’t true.” Like “Honey, sorry I couldn’t make it home… I was working late”?

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NFL Commissioner Goodell says the recession has helped grow TV audiences. “People want to feel part of a group, feel like they’re connected, and now during these difficult times, they can turn on free television…and forget their worries for just a few hours.” Very warm and fuzzy. Unless enough fans can’t afford tickets so the NFL blacks out their teams non-sellout home games.

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Mitt Romney is leading in Florida polls, especially around Orlando. Makes sense, in the Disney area most people have developed fond feelings towards life-like creatures.

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An Arizona city council candidate, Alejandra Cabrera, is fighting a judge’s ruling that barred her from running for office because her English was too poor. She should instead have considered running for Governor of California.

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The woeful Washington Wizards won their first road game of the season Saturday night against the Charlotte Bobcats. Thereby postponing at least briefly their team name change to the Washington Generals.

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Novak Djokovic beat Rafael Nadal for the Australian Open in a 5 set, 5-hour, 53-minute final. 5 hours and 53 minutes? That’s almost as long as a Kardashian marriage.

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Although Robert Rock and Tiger Woods were tied going into today’s final round of the Abu Dhabi golf tournament, Rock shot a 70 and won by two strokes. Wow. nobody is Tiger Woods any more. Not even Tiger Woods.

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Where’s FEMA when you need them?

January 28, 2012

This just in: Penn State campus police say they are investigating a report that Joe Paterno may be sick.

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Mitt Romney was campaigning in Orlando today. It went well except for one awkward moment when a Disney employee saw him and reported that one of their audio-animatronic figures must have gotten loose.

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Apple’s CEO Tim Cook says he is “outraged” at reports of worker mistreatment. Is he outraged that workers are being treated badly or outraged that the media is reporting it?

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Frank McCourt is starting to weed down groups bidding for the Dodgers. Great….and this selection process is being done by the man who made Los Angeles the franchise it is today.

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My friend Jeff Klein (from Los Angeles) points out “He is the only person I know who can derail one of the biggest sports franchises, declare bankruptcy, have a messy divorce, be despised by everyone, endure a take over by MLB, and end up leaving one billion dollars richer. Romney-McCourt 2012.”

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Mitt Romney is really getting angry at Newt Gingrich in Florida. Wonder how long it will take before Mitt threatens to strap him to the roof of the campaign bus.

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On other hand, Romney apparently leads Newt Gingrich by 10 points with women in a recent Florida poll. Makes sense – the state is full of a lot of first and second wives.

Drew Brees, who will be a free agent, isn’t talking about “feeding his family,” or “being respected,” or testing the market. He does say he doesn’t want his deal to keep the Saints from retaining other key free agents. “My No. 1 priority, and it always has been this, is keeping our team together.” What a concept.

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Colts owner Jim Irsay isn’t happy about Peyton Manning’s comments about the team, including saying that Indianapolis may not bring him back. Irsay said Manning should have “kept it in the family.” Well, at least for a few weeks, until the Colts owner was planning on booting him out of the family.

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Stories continue to emerge about the dysfunctional Jets locker room, and indeed NY coach Rex Ryan said he didn’t have “the pulse” of the team. Many Jets fans were surprised to hear that – the team was playing like they didn’t HAVE a pulse.

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The Orlando Magic blew a 27 point lead at home Thursday night, and lost to the Boston Celtics 91-83. The Magic scored EIGHT points in the 4th quarter. What, is Dwight Howard now angling for a trade to Miami?

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Random access.

January 27, 2012

During tonight’s debate, Newt Gingrich gushed over Callista, that she was artistic and “played the French horn.” Was he saying she’s musical, or was that a euphemism for her talents that convinced him to make her his third wife?

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Not voting for Ron Paul. But kudos to him for the best debate line of the night: “I don’t think we should go to the moon; I think we should send some politicians up there.”

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Well it WAS a good story. Yale QB Patrick Witt said he decided not to interview for a Rhodes scholarship in order to prepare for the Harvard-Yale game. Except that the NY Times reports the Rhodes Trust had already suspended Witt’s candidacy because it learned that a female student had accused the QB of sexual assault in Sept….. (Sounds like Patrick has a future in politics.)

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These debates are getting old. Here’s an idea, since both Romney and Gingrich have each switched several positions and remade their own histories, let’s do two solo acts – i.e. give them both a chance to debate themselves.

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Not trying to be appear like a California wine snob but…. was thrown for a loop by Liberty Creek wines at Walgreen’s, on sale for $4.99 for 1.5 litres today. Not so much the first two varietals (Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay) but the third -“Sweet Red.”

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After the SF 49ers were eliminated, Michael Crabtree, who was basically AWOL in the playoffs, suggested that Alex Smith didn’t give him enough chances – “All I do is run routes When you don’t get that many opportunities, it’s hard to talk.” Wow. Sounds like Crabtree really does want to be the next Terrell Owens.

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President Obama is downplaying his public tiff with Arizona’s governor Jan Brewer and said she may have been seeking out attention. Ya think? Even Sarah Palin is probably privately referring to Brewer as a “media whore.”

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Hillary Clinton said again that she is stepping down as Secretary of State after Obama’s first term. Bill Clinton immediately asked the President to consider him for an foreign ambassadorship.

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The Museum of London is currently displaying a newly found coin, believed to be a “brothel token” in circulation in London during the 1st century AD. Wonder if it was lost on vacation by a young Larry King?

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Some conservative pundits are cheering Jan Brewer’s waving her finger at President Obama. Wonder what they would have said if a Democratic governor had done that to President George W. Bush?

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Pat Sajak says he and Vanna White used to take margarita breaks in the early days of “Wheel of Fortune.” Which is surprising. I’ve always thought they gave the margaritas to the contestants to get them to jump up and down and shriek like they do.

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Newt Gingrich is ragging on Mitt Romney today as a guy “who has Swiss bank accounts, Cayman Island accounts, owns shares of Goldman Sachs….” Harsh words from a man with a $500,000 credit account at Tiffany’s.

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Josh Garnett, #15 on the Sporting News high school prospect list (guard or tackle) was quoted last year – ““To land my commitment, the school is going to need to have a great school legacy of football, great players and coaches … and a great bioengineering program.” Today he chose Stanford.

(In the SEC, coaches are saying, “Hey, some of our players can spell bioengineering.”)

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Taco Bell is rolling out a new breakfast menu. But haven’t most people in their younger years already done Taco Bell for breakfast? Usually about 230a.
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Fantasyland?

January 26, 2012

While campaigning in Florida, GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said that Barack Obama’s SOTU address was “detached from reality.” Only in America can a man who makes $10,000 bets in a debate, and talks about being unemployed while making $21 million a year, accuse someone else about being “detached from reality.”

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In Florida, Newt Gingrich said today that as President he would make sure the U.S. has a permanent moon base by the end of his second term. What’s more of a pipe dream? A base on the moon? Or a Gingrich second term?

(Alex Schubert says “a Gingrich first term?”)

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Frank McCourt has indicated he has already received over 20 bids, many of them with multiple potential investors, for the Los Angeles Dodgers. At this point the team may have more potential buyers than they have fans in the stands after the 7th inning.

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In a January 14 conversation with a friend wiretapped by Italian authorities, Costa Concordia Captain Schettino says, “I don’t ever want to go back on ship.” I think that can be arranged.

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Costa Captain Schettino’s wife apparently is standing by her man and defending him in an interview she gave to the magazine “Paris Match.” Sounds like someone got the number of Kobe Bryant’s jeweler.

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Terrell Owens said in a GQ interview that he’s nearly broke and “in Hell.” And the worst thing – there’s no quarterback he can currently blame it on.

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One thing that bothers many Americans about Mitt Romney’s tax returns is with the investment income he is now making all that money while currently doing nothing productive. Sort of like Barry Zito.

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Tim Lincecum signed with the SF Giants for $40.50 million for two years. Which means two years from now the Giants will either be idiots for not having locked him up longer, or brilliant for not getting into another Zito-like contract.

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Michele Bachmann announced today she will seek re-election to the House. And it was Jon Stewart’s turn to Tebow.

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Newt Gingrich told an interviewer for the Christian Broadcasting Network that Evangelicals like him because his affairs make him “more normal than somebody who wanders around seeming perfect.” And Bill Clinton said “Why didn’t I think of that?”

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In his response to the State of the Union, Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels complained about Obama’s wasteful spending. Guess he feels the President hasn’t done enough to reverse the deficit explosion from George W.’s administration, when Bush’s budget director was… Mitch Daniels.

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Winning?

January 24, 2012

Mitt Romney says Gingrich is “erratic,” Newt Gingrich says Romney “can’t be trusted.” Who’s winning? President Obama.

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Costa and their so-to-be-ex Captain are going at each other hot and heavy in the media as to assigning blame for the crash and sinking of the Concordia. Will the famous term for buck-passing be updated to “throwing someone under the cruise ship?”

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Who knew? The true MVP of the 2011 49ers might have been Ted Ginn. Jr.

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Open note to all spammers. Work on spelling. Doesn’t exactly inspire fear in your targets when they get an email supposedly from Paypal titled “account suspended, for your proection (sic).

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A rumor going around about Ryan Braun is that he says his failed drug test is the result of his taking medication for an STD. (Herpes.) Not that I want to impugn anyone’s good name unnecessarily but considering the number of children along with the reputations pro-athletes have…. does anyone really think he’s the only one taking such medication?

Or to put it another way, if meds for an STD made you test positive for PED’s, wouldn’t we have a lot more players on the 50 day shelf?

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All these folks ragging on Steven Tyler for his lousy rendition of the National Anthem. It could have been MUCH more painful to watch – Tyler could have had a wardrobe malfunction.

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Kia Motors said it is recalling 145,755 cars in the United States because of potentially faulty driver airbags. Wow. Kia has sold over 145,000 cars in the U.S?

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Two part joke with my comedy writer friend Paul Seaburn, who wrote the first joke below:

“India’s government wants an apology from Jay Leno for a joke where he said that the Golden Temple, which is India’s holiest shrine, could be Mitt Romney’s summer home. Romney wants an apology too for putting the idea into his wife’s head.

My following joke. Wonder how long until we see a Leno joke about Britain’s crown jewels upsetting Newt Gingrich for the same reason.

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Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf on his former manager – “Regarding Ozzie Guillen’s departure last September, I want to make it clear that he left with our organization’s blessing.” Translate, Reinsdorf told Ozzie, don’t let the clubhouse door hit you in the “behind.”

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Quote of the night on “the Bachelor” from model Courtney ” “I’m a nice person, don’t f*ck with me.”

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Royal Caribbean sent a long email to past guests reassuring them on the cruise lines safety procedures and even including links to videos on the subject. Here’s a simpler idea – just send out an email “Our captains don’t joyride.”

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Rick Santorum’s spokesman said Mitt Romney called him to “concede victory” in Iowa. But Romney’s spokeswoman said his campaign didn’t concede, that “Gov. Romney (just) called Sen. Santorum to congratulate him on the Iowa results.” Can’t imagine where politicians get the reputation for doublespeak.

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Sarah Palin said that Chris Christie’s comment that Newt Gringrich was becoming an embarrassment “was reflective of a lack of self-discipline.” Well, if anyone is an expert on a lack of self-discipline….

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Sarah Palin also said of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie that he got his “panties in a wad.” Sarah, really? Is that the visual you want to inflict upon the world?
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A new study published online by the New England Journal of Medicine finds that some people are allergic to cold. “See, I just cheated on Hillary for my health.” said Bill Clinton.”

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He was, Penn State.

January 23, 2012

R.I.P. Joe Paterno – For his sake it was a shame the cancer didn’t kill him six months earlier. And remembering this Edmund Burke quote -“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

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The cancer killed Paterno so quickly, you have to wonder, was part of the problem that he waited too long to report the symptoms?

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Jerry Sandusky’s statement on the passing of Joe Paterno: “This is a sad day!” Yes, agreed, sad that the passing wasn’t Sandusky’s
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Kyle Wlliams has now joined Tim Tebow as one of those rare players who can get 60,000 plus fans on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ!”

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Weather was so bad at Candlestick fans expected to see a baseball game break out.

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Alex Smith picked a bad time to start looking like Alex Smith.

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The worst thing about a Boston-New York Super Bowl. It will give ESPN an easy excuse again to start talking about the Red Sox-Yankees.

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Kyle Williams will never have to buy himself a drink in New York again.

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Baltimore fans watching that last drive? “tell me truly, I implore — Is there — is there balm in Gilette? — tell me — tell me, I implore!” Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”

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In accepting his MVP award, Ryan Braun said “we all deal with challenges we never expected to endure.” Wonder if that translates to “damn guy TOLD me the stuff was undetectable.”

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John Boehner is already referring to President Obama’s Tuesday State of the Union speech as “pathetic.” Presume he’s also already ordered the crying towels?

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Gabby Giffords has announced she is retiring from Congress effective Monday. Wish her all the best, and clearly Giffords needs to do what is best for her health. But she is already more articulate than many of her fellow Congresspeople.

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Simon Cowell has apparently called off his engagement to long-time girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. Poor Simon, looks like he’s never going to find anyone he loves as much as he loves himself..

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The Discovery Channel announced Saturday yesterday that they will air a documentary on the Costa Concordia crash this spring. So congratulations to all those who had “seven days” in the pool.

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Regarding Steven Tyler’s rendition of the National Anthem -Objectively, he wouldn’t have even given himself a ticket to Hollywood.

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Oregon head coach Chip Kelly is apparently talking to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers about their head coaching vacancy. Wonder if that means that NCAA investigation into the Ducks’ recruiting program is more serious than we thought.

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An Italian rescue official now says there is a possibility that “unregistered” passengers (i.e. stowaways) may have been aboard the Costa Concordia. And we thought our TSA was sloppy.

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Your bailout money at work: Goldman Sachs investment banker Jeffrey Verschleiser has been sued from illegally profiting from bad mortgages at Bear Stearns before the firm’s collapse. But now he’s apparently spending over $1 million to take over an entire Aspen hotel for four days for his daughter’s bat mitzah. Even Mitt Romney is saying “How tone deaf can you be?”

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