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Rain, rain, don’t go away

February 6, 2014

California has been in the middle of one of the worst drought in history.   A SF Bay Area artist is claiming he made it finally rain here by putting acupuncture needles in the ground. What BS. My friend knows she made it rain by washing her car.

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All kinds of online headlines and on air talk in the SF Bay Area about how the first real rain storm of the year is snarling the morning commute. And in the rest of the country they’re thinking “Oh STFU!”

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Jay Leno bid farewell to the Tonight Show, saying it was “the greatest 22 years of my life.” “Not so fast”, think both Brett Favre and NBC executives who will be looking at Jimmy Fallon’s ratings.

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The Pittsburgh Steelers’ Ryan Clark says that while he doesn’t smoke marijuana, many NFL players do. “A lot of it is stress relief. A lot of it is pain and medication. Guys feel like, ‘If I can do this, it keeps me away from maybe Vicodin….” So wonder how long until Roger Goodell responds… by fining Clark?

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There have been a number of pedestrians struck by cars in San Francisco recently. Today a woman was taken to hospital luckily with only “non-life-threatening injuries” after a taxi hit her. And police said witnesses reported that the woman was jaywalking and looking at something in her hand at the time. Gosh, I wonder what that “something in her hand” could have been?”

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Subway is removing “Azodiacarbonamide” from its breads, after a food blogger pointed out the chemical is commonly used to increase elasticity in things like yoga mats. Wonder what chemical Subway is replacing it with?

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So when these Sochi games are over will Motel 6 start a new advertising campaign touting their plush rooms?

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NBC has a Winter Olympics FB page which says “Share if you’re ready.” Guess the page won’t be shared by the city of Sochi.

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So if the water in Sochi is brown and the snow is man-made, should all the Alpine competitors get typhoid shots before they head downhill? Just asking.

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From T.C.  ” The NHL will be shut down for three weeks while the Winter Olympics are on. ‘The what?’, said millions of Americans?

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G.I. Joe just turned 50. His joints still move but now inside Joe’s box is a free package of Celebrex.

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In Virginia, it’s still a misdemeanor for “any unmarried person to voluntarily have sexual intercourse with any other person.” And a bill to repeal the statute just died in committee. Guess this explains why so many politicians live in D.C. proper or in Maryland.

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A friend asked “If Romney is not running for office, and since he currently has no public position, why is he all over the airwaves?” I’m thinking, well he can put together a sentence better than Sarah Palin. #smallmercies

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Why the South is different. “Garnet and Gold” spring intra-squad football games at Florida State routinely fill the stadium. And last week, the team had a ceremony to celebrate their national championship. Over 30,000 fans showed up.

And outside Doak Stadium,  at the sod cemetery, (no joke, where sod is brought back and buried from road wins), FSU held a  memorial service with three small pieces  of sod from the wins against Florida, against Duke in the ACC title game and the BCS championship game.  Each piece was in a small casket, on display with flowers that represented the team colors of the opponents that Florida State defeated

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Rings and things.

February 6, 2014

Airlines have been warned about possible terrorist attacks on flights into Sochi using toothpaste tubes. Which means security will be looking carefully at any toothpaste that looks suspicious. Presumably meaning at least ANYONE bringing a tube in from England.

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NBC News’ Richard Engel reported that his computers and cellphone were hacked within a day of his arrival in Sochi. Where is Edward Snowden on this one?

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Police said a Pennsylvania couple apparently died from carbon monoxide poisoning while having sex in a car parked in a garage. The ultimate Darwin award perhaps since they were trying to breed at the time?

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What took them so long?  Scotland on Tuesday legalized gay marriage. I realize some might find this disgusting. But this is a country that long ago legalized the right of citizens to eat haggis.

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Today was “National Signing Day” for college football. It’s especially exciting for SEC schools because today proves their recruits know how to sign their names.

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#ClayAiken says he is running for Congress in North Carolina. So he wants to go from “American Idol” to “American Idle?”

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A congressman gets caught with cocaine and gets a year’s probation. A famous movie star is found dead with 70 bags of heroin and as my friend Marty B. pointed out, had he been found alive he would not have been arrested. We’re not only losing the war on drugs, we aren’t even consistently fighting the battles.

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I thought Bristol Palin getting on “Dancing with the Stars” for getting pregnant as an unmarried teenager was a new low in our civilization, but getting on “Celebrity Boxing” for killing a teenager has just topped, or rather bottomed, that.

 

 

What’s going on in the sports world? The Seahawks destroy the favored Broncos in the Super Bowl Sunday, and tonight the Lakers win on the road? (Okay, so it was the Cavaliers.) But what’s the next sign of the apocalypse? Cubs fans can only dream.

 

The Jamaican bobsled team’s luggage was “lost” on the way to Sochi, but has finally shown up. Can’t imagine why Russian authorities might have delayed and/or searched bags from Jamaica. Maybe visitors from Washington and Colorado might want to do carry-on.

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Mitt Romney on running in 2016: “The answer is no.” And many in the media wondering “Why?” Uh, how about losing twice is enough?

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Consistency …..

February 5, 2014

Consistency… is the hobgoblin of little basketball teams?  A random thought as the Lakers have lost  seven straight…..

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A GOP Congressional candidate in Montana says he was just joking when he called Hillary Clinton the “anti-Christ” at a recent campaign event. Well of course, conservatives know the real “anti-Christ” is Obama.

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The Oakland Raiders are 75-1 odds to be next year’s Super Bowl Champions. 75-1? So who knew the bookmakers in Las Vegas are optimistic Raiders fans.

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Sammisano Joshua Talai Otuhiva, born in SF last August and weighing 16 lb 7 oz, has just officially been named the biggest baby ever born in California. No doubt he will soon be offered a full scholarship from Les Miles at LSU.

 

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So now that we’ve survived Super Bowl 48 and all the transit issues, we can look ahead two years to Super Bowl 50. Where all the hotels are in San Francisco and the stadium is 45 miles away in Santa Clara. Nothing can possibly go wrong here.

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After Joe Namath eventually got the coin flipped correctly and it landed on tails, this means heads and tails are exactly even in Super Bowl coin flips – 24 to 24. And if you already knew this you probably spend WAY too much time on prop bets.

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Vladimir Putin posed with a leopard cub at a preserve near Sochi, saying Russia “decided to restore the population of the Persian leopard because of the Olympic Games, “Let’s say that because of the Olympic Games, we have restored parts of the destroyed nature.” Right, at the same time Putin ordered thousands of Sochi stray dogs to be killed before the Games start.

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But you have to give it to Putin. Who else could come up with a city in Russia that needs to have man-made snow in winter?:

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Proponents of medical marijuana planned to put billboards near the Super Bowl. Presumably the boards will be up tomorrow.

 

NY police apparently have arrested 4 people allegedly connected to the drugs found in Philip Seymour Hoffman’s apartment. Which is good I guess. But have to wonder, how many more dead addicts have these people been “connected to” who weren’t famous?

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And on a lighter note, forwarded by my friend Scot H.

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Mourning after?

February 3, 2014

Apparently 6% of Americans take the day off after the Super Bowl. So the Denver Broncos were just 24 hours ahead of their time.

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Super Bowl XLVIII is over.  On what channel does the Super Bowl XLIX pre-game show starts today.

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All these people freaking out about the multilingual Coke ad should be thanking their lucky stars there are still American products the rest of the world loves.

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Alexander Bradley, linked to a unsolved 2012 double homicide with Aaron Hernandez, accused Herandez of shooting him during an argument last year. And last night Bradley was shot again, this time outside a Hartford nightclub, where he then allegedly opened fire. Not sure, but this man might want to rethink his associates.

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Yesterday’s Super Bowl set a record for the most-watched television event in U.S. history, drawing 111.5 million viewers. Well, Americans do love a good train wreck.

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Maybe we should have known from the opening snap that “Over their heads” would be the Broncos theme for the Super Bowl. #SB48

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In Florida, a middle school teacher who was accused of up to class drunk is blaming it on diabetes. And Toronto mayor Rob Ford is going “why didn’t I think of that?”

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Oklahoma State freshman guard Stevie Clark was dismissed from the team following after he followed a Jan 1 arrest for marijuana possession with an arrest yesterday for”outraging public decency.” Guess this puts Clark in the category of “One-half and done?”

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FOX’s Greta Van Susteren criticized her own network’s pre-Super Bowl Presidential interview: “With all the ‘stuff’ that goes on in the world, I want a few minutes off….I want something light…something maybe just about sports.” I don’t know, seems like Obama was more competitive against O’Reilly than the Broncos turned out to be against the Seahawks.

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After the Super Bowl, Richard Sherman called Peyton Manning the “classiest person/player” he had ever met, and tweeted “There is no reason to bash him on here please Seattle let’s just enjoy this one!!!! He is still a Future HOF player.” But Doug Baldwin went off on a rant against Cris Carter who had called the Seahawks receivers “‘average” and ‘pedestrian.” Is it a rule that one Seattle player has to act like an idiot after every big game?

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Eight inches of snow and cancelled flights in New York this morning. And Broncos fans are looking at the heavens and saying “What took you so long?”

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Matt Gubser gets a permanent seat on the bus to hell for this one. Wish I had written it.

“Personally, I think it was a very nice gesture for the Broncos’ offense to take that three hour moment of silence for Philip Seymour Hoffman.”
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From Darren K. Johnston   “After seeing that commercial with the horse & puppy, my kids wouldn’t stop bugging me. So I caved and bought them a case of Bud.”

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Weather or not?

February 2, 2014

Not too long ago the NFL was worried that the Super Bowl might have to be postponed for bad weather. Alas for the Broncos, it wasn’t..

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Most unhappy people in America who aren’t Broncos fans have to be advertisers who paid $4 million for a 30 second Super Bowl spot in the fourth quarter.

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Maybe Peyton Manning shouldn’t have gotten tips about playing in MetLife Stadium from his brother Eli?

 

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So was it during the Bruno Mars halftime show that the Denver Broncos 2014 Super Bowl championship shirts were first loaded on planes destined for children in Africa.

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No “I’m going to Disneyland” ad after this year’s Super Bowl. Maybe because Disney knew early on that the real Mickey Mouse outfit this year was the Broncos?

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In this year’s Super Bowl, Peyton Manning’s #Omaha is less reminiscent of the city than of June 6, 1944 on Omaha Beach. 

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On a bright note, so much for the argument in millions of homes on the East Coast as to whether or not at 9pm to turn to Downton Abbey.

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At this point will the Denver offense be charged with a crime if they try to sell game-used jerseys? #SuperBowl

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Not only was the  Kitten Bowl no sillier than the regular Super Bowl pregame show, the game had more drama.  

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A stupid question deserves a stupider answer? When asked if it was a “must-win game”, Stanford grad Doug Baldwin responded “Obviously it’s the Super Bowl. It’s win or go home….”

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The NFL may have dodged a bullet on the weather, and Giants co-owner John Mara, who helped bring the Super Bowl to the New York area, is already talking the game returning to New York. Think there’s more chance of the World Series trophy returning to Wrigley Field.

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From my funny friend Abbe Nelson:   “Q: Did you hear about the joke that Peyton Manning told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.”

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And not sure who gets credit for originally posting this.  But if you don’t live in Denver it’s pretty darn funny.

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A few non- Super Bowl thoughts-

A small Minnesota was testing beer delivery by drone to ice fisherman. When the FAA heard about it, they told Lakemaid brewery to stop. But millions of men reading this story just got a warmer, fuzzier feeling about drones.

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Paul Ryan, Bobby Jindal and Rudy Giulani all defended Chris Christie on Sunday morning talk shows. Of course, had Rahm Emanuel allegedly caused traffic problems in Chicago to get even with a rival, they’d be calling for his, and Obama’s, impeachment.

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Theaters these days all have these cutesy trailers telling people not to text during the movie. Wouldn’t it be more effective to put a headline on screen about the man who was shot and killed for texting in a Florida theater, with a note underneath saying “Btw, we don’t have a metal detector at the door.”

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If you’re reading this Sunday morning?

February 2, 2014

Aren’t you missing the Super Bowl pre-game show?

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Although Saturday night in New York City, there are thousands of hotel rooms available for a reasonable price. Maybe the NFL is finding out you CAN lose money underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

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Can we just play the game, please? Baltimore Ravens coach John Harbaugh said today he doesn’t believe claims that players smoked marijuana before the Super Bowl. Uh, and what’s he supposed to say, “Nah, we didn’t smoke, my guys prefer brownies.”?

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It’s Groundhog Day! Where in Chicago if Punxsutawney Phil sees or doesn’t see his shadow Cubs fans know they have six more decades without a World Series.

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Cal knocked off #1Arizona 60-58 tonight. Would the Golden Bears like to thank Stanford for wearing the Wildcats out Thursday?

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Roger Goodell says he wants to increase the number of NFL teams that make the playoffs from 12 to 14. Because that would have lot$ of benefit$ for the league. Million$ of benefit$ no doubt.

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A United Airlines flight from Dulles to Frankfurt had to land in Newark because of an unidentified odor. Are they sure the smell wasn’t New Jersey?

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At a pre-Super Bowl NY Jets event, GM John Idzik and coach Rex Ryan said they support QB Geno Smith but also said they won’t tolerate behavior that embarrasses the franchise. Apparently the only acceptable way to embarrass the team is on the field.

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There’s now a rumor that Mitt Romney may run for President again in 2016. If true not sure who’ll be happier? Hillary Clinton or comedy writers.

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MLB has approved a new padded cap designed to protect pitchers from line drives, but the story is that players won’t wear them because the caps don’t look cool, and give the impression they’d be pitching scared. Thinking actually it would be a bigger sign of courage to send the message to kids “I don’t care how I look, I care about protecting my brain.”

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Bill Maher “Now that liberals have forwarded their agenda by inserting a mass gay wedding into the Grammys, conservatives must match them tit-for-tat by having a mass shooting at the Country Music Awards.” Waiting for the first Duck Dynasty fan to stand up and defend Maher’s right to free speech.

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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno has been getting some of its highest ratings ever now that Leno is leaving. Which might be giving NBC executives some second thoughts about turning the show over to Jimmy Fallon. Because before this Leno was only….#1 in the late night rankings? Oops, never mind.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford was just ticketed for jaywalking and public drunkenness in Vancouver. And reportedly told police officers he’d thought they were ‘cooler’ on the West Coast. You know, it wasn’t that long ago that most Americans couldn’t name a single Canadian politician…..

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It’s only weird if it doesn’t work. The Wizards beat the Thunder 96-81 tonight, snapping Oklahoma’s 10 game win streak. John Wall scored 15 of his 17 points in the 2nd half, and said “I didn’t like how I played on the road trip in my white shoes, so I tried the red ones They didn’t work in the first half, so I got rid of them and went back to my old white ones, and they kind of helped me out. I’m kind of superstitious.”

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The American Psychatric Association has now officially recognized “Caffeine Use Disorder.” A new study says for “some it produces negative effects, physical dependence, and can be difficult to give up, which are signs of problematic use.” What was their first clue?

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Almost memories?

February 1, 2014

All of this Justin Bieber trouble in the headlines makes many Americans nostalgic for a kinder, gentler time, when the worst music export we could blame Canada for was Celine Dion.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said today that the name “Redskins” “honors Native Americans”, and “is a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect..” Maybe once upon a time, but has Goodell watched the team play lately?”

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Federal authorities say they have seized over $21 million in fake Super Bowl merchandise. What was their first clue? Did some of the gear say “Dallas Cowboys” on it?

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Just think, the U.S. is only about a day away from being done with pre-Super Bowl hype. And after the post-Super Bowl recap is done we should be only about 48 hours away from NFL draft hype.

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In Kingsport, Tenn, SF 49ers OL Daniel Kilgore was charged with public intoxication last Saturday night when police saw him “staggering” on a sidewalk and arrested him for his “safety and the welfare of the public.”. Just one thought, Kilgore is listed at 308 lb. How many drinks does it take to get “staggering” drunk at 308 lbs?

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It’s an old joke but someone’s got to recycle it. Police today Friday were investigating white powder scares in New Jersey near MetLife Stadium. Wonder if the cops were Jets and Giants fans, in which case there’s a good chance the unknown powder was the goal line.

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Olive Garden has a promotion next Friday night, drop off your kids at a “My Gym” location, eat at Olive Garden, show your receipt, and the babysitting is free. If this works maybe real Italian restaurants will follow suit.

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Roger Goodell, joking about marijuana and the NFL drug policy, “I am randomly tested, and I’m happy to say that I am clean.” No doubt. If Goodell inhaled, the No Fun League might be a little mellower.

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Apparently Tim Tebow will appear in two Super Bowl ads. If the ads are any good presumably they’ll only run in the 4th quarter?

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U.S. Capitol Police say they will not press charges over the incident when Rep. Michael Grimm threatened to throw a reporter over a “f*cking balcony.” No doubt because despite the threat, the police figured, Grimm’s a Congressman, they don’t actually DO anything.

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In an interview with Geraldo Rivera Rudy Giuliani said it’s “fifty-fifty” that Christie was aware in advance of the bridge closures. And if anyone knows on the uncertain odds of honesty, it’s the man who’s said “til death do us part” three times.

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Not sure if these new allegations that Chris Christie knew about the bridge closure in advance are true. But strikes me if they are the NJ Governor maybe should have responded when the story first hit ” – Yeah, I closed down a few lanes on his damn bridge. What do you think I’ll do to countries who don’t cooperate with the U.S.?”

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Apparently 6% of Americans call in sick the day after the Super Bowl. Forget avoiding cruises, clearly the real way to take care of your health is to avoid Super Bowl parties.

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Now Toronto mayor Rob Ford has come to the defense of Justin Bieber. Maybe Ford views Bieber as a future Canadian political leader?

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Robert Marchand, 102, broke his own world record in the 100’s cycling category. He rode 26.927 kilometers in one hour, more than 2.5 kilometers better than his previous best time two years ago. Quick, somebody test his ENSURE.

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Short fall

January 30, 2014

The city of  Atlanta must be run by men. Who else could get into so much trouble over just a few inches?

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USA Today headline “Atlanta’s ability to handle winter storms questioned.” What was their first clue?

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Hugh Grant apparently fathered a son with a Swedish woman in September 2012, only three months before his girlfriend gave birth to their second child. As Hugh will now learn, hiring a prostitute is often the cheapest way to pay for sex.

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((To be fair, Grant played the Prime Minister in “Love Actually. ” Maybe he’s just decided he wants to run for Governor of California.)

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George Zimmerman reportedly is trying to find someone to fight him in a celebrity boxing match for charity? Uh, has someone told Zimmerman he’s not allowed to bring a gun for when he starts losing?

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Former Ravens and Bears LB Brendon Ayanbadejo says his some of his teammates smoked marijuana the week before of one of his two Super Bowls. Gosh. Next thing you know someone will claim pot was smoked before an NBA final.

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New York Bill de Blasio says he will not attend the Super Bowl and will watch at home with his teenage son. Some say it’s to keep his middle-class image alive. I’m thinking it’s just that de Blasio is just too smart to spend all that time sitting out in the cold.

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If the Broncos win the Super Bowl how long will it take toy stuffed “Touchdown Ducks” to be available? 

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Not to be outdone, in Dallas, “Interception Ducks” may be available.

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NY Giants QB Eli Manning has been accused of selling fake “game-worn” Super Bowl jerseys and other memorabilia in order to keep the originals for himself. Well, at least this is one problem that will never befall Tony Romo.

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A number of men are thinking “Darn, how do I top this?” after a video of a mom opening a present from her son has gone viral. The present? Super Bowl tickets for her beloved Seahawks. At least that’s one thing Redskins fans don’t have to worry about.

(for above jokes, substitute Browns, Raiders, or even Cowboys if you want. For starters.)

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Colin Kaepernick, interviewed in NY, said that Sherman’s comments were “ridiculous.” And added “If I throw that ball one foot farther, it’s a TD and now you’re the goat, Richard Sherman.” So how quickly is the NFL moving to get the the 49ers-Seahawks next year on SNF and MNF? #ratings

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The Feds will seek the death penalty for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 20, in the Boston Marathon bombing. I understand the reasons but there’s still something bizarre about spending millions of medical dollars to save someone’s life in order to spend millions more on a trial to try to execute him.

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From T.C.   “Happy Chinese New Year of the Horse to those who celebrate it. Coincidentally, Canada welcomes Royal visitors Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla this year.”

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Apparently Stanford football coach David Shaw. competing with Notre Dame amongst others, was unable due to this week’s storm to visit star recruit Terrence Alexander at home in New Orleans. Frustrating, but wouldn’t Shaw have done fine just to send the kid a report on the 70 something degree weather this week in Palo Alto?

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And tired of the same old pre-Super Bowl hype,  Maybe time to watch, or rewatch, Peyton Manning’s SNL United Way commercial

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1603

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Not-so-Hot-lanta?

January 30, 2014

Good thing they didn’t schedule the Super Bowl somewhere with really arctic conditions, like Atlanta.

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So the weather is improving in New Jersey and New York. But wouldn’t it have been ironic had the Falcons or Panthers gotten in, and been unable to fly to the Super Bowl because of snow in Atlanta and Charlotte?

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As of today, a petition on the White House website calling for Justin Bieber’s deportation back to Canada has over 103,000 signatures. (100,000 is the number required for Obama to consider petitions.) Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country?

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Gregg Williams was originally hired at St. Louis, but never coached when he was suspended for his role in the Saints bounty scandal. Now the Rams have hired him again as defensive coordinator. Proving once again in the NFL, that most sins are easier to forgive than the sin of losing.

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All the hand-wringing in the SF Bay Area because the Golden State Warriors lost a home game to the Washington Wizards, who are actually a .500 team. It’s not like the Warriors lost to a truly awful team – like the Lakers.

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Lance Berkman officially announced his retirement today. The reaction from most baseball fans. “Wasn’t he already retired?”

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“The Big Day,” “The Big Game” “Big Game Party.” Really!? How many billion a year does the NFL make and how much would it hurt to let bars, restaurants and stores advertise and use the phrase “Super Bowl?”

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California Assemblyman and gubernatorial candidate Tim Donnelly apparently has only voted in 18 out of 37 elections since 1995 . His office says “It appears he may have missed a few of the local elections…but that may have simply been due to his travel schedule, raising 5 children, and running a small business at the time.” Well, gosh, and if he’s that busy now, how does Donnelly think he could possibly juggle the time demands of being Governor?

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Joe Biden, 71, is now hinting that he may run for President. What’s his point? To make Hillary Clinton look young and vigorous?

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Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill is sending out burrito coupons for your “half birthday.”. Is this really a great idea for anyone over 30? Reminding us that we are less than six months away from being a year older?

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Despite sub-freezing temperatures.  The New York Rangers looked good in sweeping the two outdoor NHL games at Yankee Stadium this week.,  Maybe the Knicks will offer to set up an outdoor court in the Bronx next?

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From Marc Ragovin:  “The first Rangers/Devils game at Yankee Stadium had to be delayed because of glare. That is why they should have played at Citi Field. Because the sun never shines there”

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What’$ in a name?

January 28, 2014

A New Jersey couple is auctioning off the rights to name their baby girl, with bids starting at $20,000. Wonder how much of the proceeds they are setting aside for future therapy.

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Southwest Airlines announced today they will start flying to Aruba, the Bahamas and Jamaica. Hope they have comprehensive pilot training first… from the air those Caribbean islands all kind of look alike.

 

 

Five pro-marijuana billboards are supposed to be set up around Met Life Stadium for the Super Bowl. And if serious pot-heads are in charge, at least four of the billboards should be up by February 3.

 

 

You can’t make this “stuff” up. One thing missing at Met Life Stadium this Super Bowl, will be the Met Life blimp. Because the weather will be too cold and dangerous for it to fly…..

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Ticket prices to the Super Bowl on sites like Stubhub are apparently falling rapidly this week. Let’s see. A chance to stand in long security lines to sit outside in the cold and possible snow for 4-5 hours, for a view that won’t be as good as on a big-screen TV at home. This after you’ve figured out New Jersey Transit or the bus system because there are no parking passes and taxis aren’t allowed within a mile of the stadium…. Can’t imagine why.

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Stephen Glass, who was fired from the New Republic in the 90s for fabricating parts of almost every article he wrote, went to law school and passed the bar. After New York turned him down he came West, where he has been trying to “demonstrate the moral character required to practice law in California.” Today the State Supreme Court turned him down. Some cynics would say he has demonstrated EXACTLY the moral character of many lawyers in California….

(Wonder how many job offers Glass has gotten from the banking industry. Or Wall Street?)

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Just for the fun of it can some member of the “lame-stream” media ask Sarah Palin what she thinks of the Arizona Republican Party censuring John McCain for being too liberal?

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Meanwhile in Virginia,  former GOP senator John Warner has endorsed Dem. Mark Warner for a second term in the U.S. Senate. So how long will it take the Arizona Republican party to censure him too?

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Sochi mayor Anatoly Pakhomov on gay people – “It’s not accepted here in the Caucasus where we live. We do not have them in our city.” Is he angling for a guest spot on Duck Dynasty?

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GOP Rep. Trey Radel of Florida, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in November, will resign from Congress today. The most disappointed people? Democrats who were lining up to run against him.

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Seemed like the players were a bit more into the Pro Bowl this year. But want to get them to be REALLY competitive? Losing team players have to keep wearing those uniforms at least through next year’s pre-season games.

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Guess I’m an old fogie now because I remember when people used to debate Grammy acts based on what they actually sounded like, instead of what they wore and how outrageous their visuals were….

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Royal Caribbean is cancelling a cruise over hundreds getting the norovirus. But maybe they have it all wrong. Maybe the line should market the ship as “The only cruise where you’re guaranteed to actually LOSE weight.”

 

In the German town of Rasdorf, a farm shed caught fire and exploded, reportedly due to methane gas from 90 flatulent cows. The cows all survived, although one was treated for burns. Maybe it was a bad idea to give old lady Leary that lantern.

 

 

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Worse than a Christmas sweater?

January 27, 2014

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The NFL, never to concede the limelight to anyone,  might have eclipsed Oregon for ugly uniforms with this year’s Pro Bowl neon orange-white and grey-puke green outfits.  And they were an embroidered sweater top away from making the U.S. Olympic team look good by comparison.

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So when it comes to “how desperate do you have to be to watch?,  it was a close call tonight. The NFL Pro Bowl?    Or “The Bachelor’s Live Wedding?”

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Many Americans think the Golden Globes are the most fun awards show to watch, because so many of the stars range from a bit buzzed to drunk. Hmm, maybe an idea really to spice up the NFL Pro Bowl. – pre-game Mai Tais for all!

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Pope Francis yesterday lauded women for their sensitivity toward society’s “weak.” Wonder if by “weak” he meant men?

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NY Knicks played the LA Lakers today. And the game was about as relevant as the NFL Pro Bowl. #howthemightyhavefallen

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Pam Dawber (Mindy) will reunite with Robin Williams (Mork) when she guest stars this spring on the “The Crazy Ones”, Williams’ new sitcom. Of course, things have changed a bit in 32 years…. wonder if Robin might drop a Mork ad-lib, like “You punks get off my planet.”

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You know you’re getting older when… it’s not that you know you don’t like most of the acts up for Grammy awards, you just have no idea who many of them are….

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And yeah, “Daft Punk”  winner at the Grammys. Apparently it’s a noun not an adjective.

From Gary Bachman:  “A couple robots won a Grammy. First major entertainment award for a robot since Al Gore won an Oscar.”

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American Hustle has 10 Academy Award nominations. Thinking anyone who has seen the movie might agree with me that it should win “Costume Design” just for the miraculous use of tape. Specifically on Amy Adams’ dresses.

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Rand Paul said today that Bill Clinton’s past “predatory” sexual behavior should receive more attention if Hillary runs in 2016. Looks like we’re headed for another of those “issues-oriented” campaigns that makes politics so beloved to average Americans….

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The outdoor NHL game at Yankee Stadium today was delayed by “glare on the ice.” Yet another potential wrinkle for next week’s Super Bowl?

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And as we approach Super Bowl Media Week, the Richard Sherman show continues  – with Sherman’s statement “I want people to understand that everybody should be judged by their character, and who they are as a person, and not by the color of their skin.” Agreed on all counts.

But step 1. No matter what the color of your skin, your character will be judged better if you’re a gracious winner.

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A village is missing their Christmas sweaters?

January 26, 2014

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Although looking at these Olympic uniforms, methinks that makers of Olympic sweaters are upset by the comparison.

But maybe to make these sweaters good it won’t take a village, it will take a gallon of spiked eggnog?

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The NHL had their first outdoor game in California Saturday night at Dodger Stadium. Guess the wimps couldn’t handle a real cold weather venue like Candlestick Park.

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New U.S. catchphrase? “Cover me, I’m going to the mall?”

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Tiger Woods missed the secondary cut at this weekend’s tournament at Torrey Pines.  Which means at least a few hundred more casual American sports fans will be forced to watch the NFL Pro Bowl.

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Two young women at Tulane who knew they had a lot in common just discovered they had the same sperm donor father, and are thrilled to be half-sisters. Good thing this happened to two friends and not a couple who was dating.

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A new report says that all Fruit Loop flavors, regardless of color, are the same. You mean I grew up saving the red ones to the end for nothing?

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French President Francois Hollande today announced “I wish to make it known that I have ended my shared life with Valerie Trierweiler.” Not sure if he will bring his actress lover on his official visit to the U.S. in February, but this does potentially liven up the White House State Dinner.

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A California teacher has been arrested for bringing food laced with marijuana to an after-school party with other teachers. Waiting for her to find a lawyer to defend her claiming, “Well, it was a POT-luck.”

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Winter time, and the sports living ain’t easy.

January 25, 2014

Is no sport sacred? In Florida, trainer James O’Donnell was charged with illegal possession of PEDs. Allegedly to use on racing grayhounds.

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Got to love it, Saturday weather at 10a in Olympic site Sochi, Russia, 41 degrees. Weather at 10a in Super Bowl site East Rutherford, NJ, 18 degrees…..

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The PGA tour has started for 2014 so that puts golf back in the ESPN headlines – as in ‘Tiger Woods 9 back after second round….”

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The NFL fined Richard Sherman $7,875 for unsportsmanlike conduct/taunting at the end of the NFC championship game when he made a choking gesture towards the 49er bench. Gosh. That’s almost half the fine he’d have gotten for doing something truly egregious, like wearing the wrong color socks.

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Orlando International Airport, 13th in size in the U.S., ranked 8th in the U.S. (and 1st in the state) in 2013, with 47 guns confiscated by TSA. So who says Florida doesn’t overachieve at anything?

 

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In Oakland, a 13 year-old boy allegedly fatally shot his 17 year-old sister because he was upset she bleached his clothes. So will the NRA call for “open carry” in all laundromats?

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An ex-Senate aide charged with possessing and distributing child pornography was found dead yesterday of an alleged suicide in Maryland. Bus to hell thought, while the Senate may be free-spending with our money, at least this guy saved taxpayers the expense of a trial.

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Just wondering why Mike Huckabee isn’t also complaining that Republicans are “insulting the MEN of America by having Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for VIAGRA because they cannot control their libido without the help of the government.”

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Another thought about Huckabee’s birth control comments: How many of his target audience didn’t know the word “libido?”

 

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Nightmare Belieber and a Homecoming Queen.

January 24, 2014

Justin Bieber was arrested this morning. So congratulations to all those who had January 23 in the pool. 

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You think you had a busy day? How about all the comedians who had to dig up all their regular Lindsay Lohan jokes and had to cross her name out to insert Justin Bieber.

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American Idol finally started making their early shows more about decent singers than train wrecks. Smart move. If Americans really wanted to watch a nonstop stream of overconfident self-promoting morons with no talent they could just stick with “Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

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Commissioner Roger Goodell said, “if medical experts ever say medical marijuana would help with concussions then [he] would consider allowing it.” That stampeding sound you hear is NFL players racing to report concussion symptoms.

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Today Virgin America apologized to QB Geno Smith after an incident at Los Angeles airport last week that resulted in being him kicked off a plane. Either the airline decided that the flight attendant over reacted, or they decided that playing for the NY Jets was punishment enough.

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CNN Breaking News? “Bond hearing set for 1p for Justin Bieber?” Okay, in the “be careful what you wish for department’ maybe people should have been specific when they said “Please God can we get Richard Sherman off the front page?”

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Richard Sherman appears to be on a one man crusade to see that 2nd year QB Russell Wilson will have ZERO reporters interviewing him, and asking constantly about how he feels about going up against Peyton Manning.

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Eli Manning is apparently giving tips to his brother Peyton on how to play in MetLife Stadium. And that local knowledge worked out so well for the Giants this year….

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A Seahawks fan in Washington chose 4pm, Feb. 2 for her wedding,, figuring that 2-2 would be an easy anniversary for her husband to remember. The wedding will go on, albeit with TVs at the reception, and no doubt guests checking their phones during the ceremony. Well, at least this is the kind of thing brides no longer have to worry about in Dallas.

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On Super Bowl Sunday the NFL will not allow taxis and limousines to drop people off at or near Met Life Stadium. So for those without one of the few thousand parking places the only options are NJ Transit Trains, or Express Buses from one of several locations in the Manhattan area. Except that the bus tickets can only be purchased AT LEAST a day in advance, not on game day. What could possibly go wrong here?

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TC, on the impending divorce of the Captain and Tennille.  “So much for “Love Will Keep Us Together”. Guess Toni figured it was finally time to “Shop Around”.

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Not keeping us together.

January 23, 2014

Toni Tennille has filed papers to divorce “The Captain” after 39 years of marriage. Wonder what the cause was? Him playing “Muskrat Love” after she told him PLEASE don’t “Do That To Me One More Time?”

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Quicken Loans is offering a $1 billion prize to anyone correctly pick the winner of every game in the 2014 men’s basketball March Madness. Although a DePaul math professor estimates the odds at best as 1 in 128 billion. Roughly about the same as the Cubs winning the World Series.

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So with Vladimir Putin’s “please leave the children alone” message to gays. I trust he will ban Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty from Russia, since Robertson says men should marry girls at 15 or 16?

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Bernie Madoff apparently had a heart attack in prison, and now has Stage 4 Kidney cancer. “What a shame” said absolutely nobody.

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So as we approach Super Bowl media week, where even breakfast cereal is a topic of conversation, can I suggest that Richard Sherman look for a deal with Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes. Because “They’re GRRRREAT. And other breakfast cereals are mediocre.”

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Notre Dame is ending its long relationship with Adidas and signing a 10 year deal with Under Armour, Inc. According to their AD, the deal, “the largest of its kind in the history of college athletics”, will help Notre Dame through a period of change “unlike any of us have ever lived through or tried to navigate.” What a relief. Hate to think of the Fighting Irish struggling on a shoestring budget.

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The NY Yankees have signed Masahiro Tanaka for $155 million for 7 years, plus $20 million to his Japanese club. Wonder if the deciding factor for Tanaka was looking at the Yankees aging roster and figuring he could head home every October.

 

The National Weather Service has says 40-50 foot waves may hit the north shores of Maui and Oahu, accompanied by strong winds and urged people to be cautious. Over-under on potential Darwin award winners who will go out to take up-close pictures?

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Former Dallas DT Josh Brent faces up to 20 years in prison after being convicted of “intoxication manslaughter” for the 2012 wreck that killed teammate Jerry Brown. What, the Cowboys didn’t pay Brent enough to qualify him for the “affluenza” defense?

Though while we’re on the bus to hell, it being Texas, if Brent had just gotten drunk and accidentally shot a teammate, would he have walked?

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And we wonder why college athletes don’t take the rules seriously. FSU QB Jacob Coker, a redshirt sophomore, is on track to graduate in 2014. He plans to transfer to Alabama, where if he enrolls in a graduate program not offered by FSU, he can play immediately without sitting out a year. All legal with the NCAA. (Russell Wilson did the same thing.)

(and don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they’re graduating. But players who receive the exception tend to be QB’s, and if you believe they’re transferring for academic reasons -which is what the rule claims to be about – then I have a clogged bridge to sell you.)

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Mediocrity and beyond?

January 22, 2014

Eight to ten inches of snow in New Jersey. Will Richard Sherman call that a “mediocre storm?”

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Have to wonder as Stanford recruits for their football team, how many moms saw Richard Sherman and it made them a bit skeptical of the program. And how many kids saw the interview and thought “Cool.”

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Erin Andrews is now saying of Richard Sherman’s interview “That was awesome. That was so awesome. And I loved it.” Well, yeah, not that Erin wasn’t famous before. But she now might have the most watched post-game interview ever.

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Richard Sherman’s agent or Seahawks management wrote an apology for his rant. But Sherman’s tweet on the subject “Last night shows that racism is still alive and well… And that’s so sad…. At Least some people respect MLKs dream.”  : I got news for him, racism may be alive and well, but had a white guy made the same post-game comments, IMHO people would have still reacted against him. And I don’t think MLK would have trash-talked his opponents. Just sayin..

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Miley Cyrus is going to perform on MTV’s “Unplugged.” Anybody but me thinking that when Miley is on it’s time to unplug the TV?

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In England, Lord Chris Rennard, suspended by the Liberal Democrats over sexual harassment claims, is not only refusing to apologize, but is claiming the allegations have caused him “stress, anxiety and depression that had led him to contemplate self-harm.” And Bob Filner is thinking “Why didn’t I think of that?”

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Cinmeon Bowers, one of FSU’s top men’s basketball recruits, has been arrested for allegedly eating marijuana to conceal it from police. So does this mean Bowers is now considering UW, Colorado or Gonzaga?

 

 

A new proposal from a Indiana GOP state rep would allow teachers, parents, visitors and students over 18 to take guns to school parking lots. Guessing this might make folks think twice before trying to cut someone off for a parking spot.

 

The B.A.T. (Baseball Assistance Team), which helps retired players who have fallen on hard times, has given Bud Selig the first “Bud Selig Leadership award. Thereby managing to get a redundancy and a oxymoron in the same sentence.

 

Stay classy, Arizona. An ASU frat has been suspended after they hosted an MLK Day party, with guests dressed in basketball jerseys, making gang signs and holding watermelon-shaped cups. I guess I could understand how they could be that thoughtless and racist, but how stupid do you have to be in a social media age not to realize that pictures would go viral?

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Vladimir Putin says to gay Olympic visitors. “you will feel quite secure, at ease, but leave kids alone, please.” While the Russian President is at it, will he make sure bookstores destroy all copies of “Lolita?”

 

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Guinness confirms that two men at a Las Vegas electronics store set a world record by watching TV for 87 consecutive hours—it turned out to be the last two minutes of an NBA game”

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It’s high time.

January 20, 2014

With two teams from states where marijuana is legal in the Super Bowl, should they change the game time to start at 420p?

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Or with teams from Colorado and Washington in the Super Bowl, is this a sign from above that God wants the U.S. to legalize marijuana?

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Not sure when MLK gave his “I have a dream” speech that he imagined part of that dream would become a Macy’s one day sale.

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Vladimir Putin, who wants Russian population growth, is claiming that homosexuality decreases the birth rate. If Putin really wants more babies born in Russia, maybe he needs to work on getting an NBA team.

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Let’s see – Richard Sherman vs. Peyton Manning? Even as a Stanford grad got to be guessing it’s not going to be hard to guess this year who “America’s Team” is going to be in the Super Bowl.

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At Century Link Field after Seattle’s win to make it to the Super Bowl, they played “New York, New York.” Well, guess there isn’t a song titled “New Jersey, New Jersey.” Maybe the tune should have been “Bridge Over Troubled Water?

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NBC says they would love to keep Jay Leno after he steps down from “The Tonight Show” on Feb. 6. So if Jimmy Fallon doesn’t work out they can bring Leno back this summer?

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I will give Richard Sherman credit for one thing. He has probably assured that the over-the-top Super Bowl media focus will not be on Seattle’s second year QB Russell Wilson

For all the jokes.  Is Richard Sherman an a**hole? Probably. Did he/does he take Adderall? Probably. But really people… he gave a cocky interview after helping to clinch a berth for his team in the Super Bowl. Not exactly the same as a jailhouse conversation. For all that, I’m rooting for Archie’s son to make Sherman look bad.

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President Obama said today he doesn’t think marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol, “in terms of its impact on the individual consumer.” Which will no doubt offend liberals because he is not going far enough to legalize it, and conservatives for not calling marijuana a gateway. #cantwin

Sarah Palin claims that Obama should stop playing “the race card” after the President said “”There’s no doubt that there’s some folks who just really dislike me because they don’t like the idea of a black president. There are some black folks and maybe some white folks who really like me and give me the benefit of the doubt precisely because I’m a black president.” Um, okay, but for president substitute “Would-be-president” and for black substitute “stupid.” And you might explain Sarah Palin.

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Not so dearly departed.

January 18, 2014

The Minneapolis Metrodome was deflated for the last time today, as a precursor to being demolished next week. “I’m really going to miss that place,” said absolutely nobody.

 

Meanwhile, Candlestick Park awaits its own demolition, probably later this year. But if they really want to give the place a fitting sendoff, perhaps the NHL might schedule there the Summer version of the Winter Classic?

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Houston’s mayor Annise Parker, has wedded her longtime partner, Kathy Hubbard, in California. Texas law still prohibits gay marriage. But it’s okay to shoot each other.

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Some talk that the French are becoming less tolerant because there is a fair bit of controversy over President Hollande’s relationship issues. My sense, not exactly…. but the French understand that their leaders are supposed to have affairs, not leave the First Lady over them….

 

 

“The Bachelor”, Juan Pablo Galavais, is apologizing for saying he didn’t like the idea of a gay or bisexual Bachelor because it would set a “bad example for children to watch” and that homosexuals are “pervert(ed).” He attributed the comments to a English as a 2nd language issue. But Juan Pablo was half-right, the Bachelor is a bad example for children to watch.

 

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New Vanderbilt coach Derek Mason says he wants the Commodores to someday play for the Southeastern Conference championship. Making me think that he left Stanford with a prescription for medical marijuana.

 

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For the first time in 28 years the Jamaican bobsled team has qualified for the Winter Olympics. Standby for fun, and for sled driver Winston Watt, 46, screaming “You punks get off my run.”

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Geno Smith was involved in a dispute with a Virgin America flight attendant, allegedly over cellphones, and kicked off the plane. So much for all those who said the New York Jets wouldn’t be relevant in the postseason.

(My friend Jon N says “Looks like Geno’s got to focus on his ground game.”)

 

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CNN reported that 66 out of more than 2,500 passengers on a four day Royal Caribbean Cruise to the Bahamas and Key West became sick with gastrointestinal issues- vomiting and diarrhea. Norovirus is suspected. But okay, 66 out of 2,500? Have to wonder how many of those folks have symptoms due to oversampling of the local beverages

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Cheap shots?

January 17, 2014

 

Now the allegations are that Aaron Hernandez was actually the gunman in a 2012 double murder. This would never happen with Tony Romo. No chance he’d hit the targets.

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Florida is spending $2.8 million on new interstate highway signs saying “Florida Welcomes You.” Will the signs also add the practical advice “Duck and cover.”?

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In a Florida Walmart, a 77 year old man was arrested for using his shopping cart to bash another customer. The victim, who was not seriously hurt, allegedly had too many items for the Express Lane. Two thoughts: Who hasn’t wanted to do that? And if only they had both been armed.

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Tough times in Los Angeles during the NFL playoffs since they don’t have a team. And who’d a thunk they’d now be saying – “Thank God for the Clippers, or we wouldn’t have an NBA team either.”

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John C. Kelly, an ex-Morgan Stanley wealth manager, is on trail for secretly recording himself having sex at his NY apt with three different women. He claims he “accidentally” made the recordings with the camera he has set up as a pet dog monitor. Wonder if Kelly also filmed the dog eating his homework?
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Great timing award? Jennifer Montana, who designs jewelry, just announced a new piece. It’s in partnership with Marshawn Lynch and it’s a #24 Seahawks necklace.

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New MLB instant replay rules will finally let teams to show replays of controversial plays in the stadium. Bud Selig “The opportunity for our fans to see more replays in our ballparks is an important modification that the clubs and I favored.” Right, and Selig acted on this as promptly as he acted on steroids.
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Much controversy over the Seahawks not selling playoff tickets to Californians. Actually after watching him on the sidelines last weekend it would make more sense for Seattle to ban coffee shops from selling to Jim Harbaugh.
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Oscar nominations are out. And somehow Chris Christie was snubbed for his “I am not a bully” role.
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At what point do they just give Meryl Streep a lifetime Oscar and retire her name from Academy Award contention?
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A recent Salt Lake Tribune poll found Utah residents are now evenly split on gay marriage, with 48% in favor and 48% against. Well, the state does have a record of accepting unusual unions.
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Alex Rodriguez now says he thinks 2014 will be “a new chapter of my life.” Not sure of the ending of this autobiography, but it will definitely be shelved in the fantasy section.
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Russell Johnson, “The Professor” on “Gilligan’s Island.” has died. Have to wonder if his character ultimately inspired the astronauts on Apollo 13. (Although you had to wonder, if the Professor could fix anything, why couldn’t he build a boat?)
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A Texas man is getting death threats after he paid $350,000 for the right to hunt a black rhino in Nambia. His statement “I want to experience a black rhino. I want to be intimately involved with a black rhino. If I go over there and shoot it or not shoot it, it’s beyond the point.” Well, if he really wants to experience and be intimately involved with the animal, how about he walks up close to it without a gun….

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From Bill Littlejohn:   The Dodgers now have seven $20 million men, which now makes their starters the world’s fifth largest economy”

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Not open for business?

January 16, 2014

Beanie baby founder Ty Warner pleaded guilty to avoiding over $5 million on $25 million in hidden income, and got sentenced to 2 years probation and 500 hours of community service.  So let that be a lesson to other billionaires….

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J.C. Penney is closing 33 stores. Shocking. Penney’s still has stores?

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The USADA says that A-Rod’s PED regimen was “probably the most potent and sophisticated drug program developed for an athlete that we’ve ever seen.” Well if so we’ve learned one new thing about PED’s. They don’t work in October.

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While marijuana is legal in Colorado, taking it on a plane is not. So Colorado Springs airport is putting in “amnesty boxes” for passengers who forget and bring some with them. Wonder how they determine afterwards which airport officials get to, uh, destroy the evidence.

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Jim Harbaugh says he thinks that the Seahawks keeping fans with California billing addresses from buying tickets to Sunday’s game is a good idea, because you want to put your team “in the best possible position to win that you can.” Why do I get the feeling the 49ers ticket office may be getting a little call with future suggestions from their coach?

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The latest story on Jim Harbaugh is that his wife hates his pleated khakis, threw his old pairs out, and the 49ers coach bought replacements for $8 at Walmart. So maybe when Harbaugh famously asked Pete Carroll “What’s YOUR deal?” he was talking about pants?

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Tom Brady missed today’s practice with an apparent cold. Will Giselle blame the Patriots wide receivers?

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Wow. Apparently the fatal movie shooting in Florida theater happened during the PREVIEWS. Imagine if the victim had been texting during the movie itself. Would the killer have have shot up the entire theater?

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Bus to Hell time. So if texting during the previews isn’t a good reason to shoot someone in a movie theater, what DOES qualify as a good reason? Just polling my twisted readers/friends.

 

Chris Christie on Tuesday  “This administration and this Legislature will not allow the work that needs to be done to improve the people’s lives of New Jersey to be delayed for any reason.”   Well,  unless we are stuck in traffic.

 

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From Marc Ragovin:   Chris Christie is trying to move on from the bridge scandal.  But if he runs for President in ’16, I’m pretty sure his campaign theme song won’t be “Life in the Fast Lane.

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