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The second coming?

August 26, 2011

First an earthquake, now an oncoming hurricane. The headline for this week in D.C. might be “God is coming and She is pissed.”

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Irene may actually end up staying at hurricane force through much of New England. Which means it’s a good thing neither Rick Perry nor Mitt Romney have outdoor events scheduled in the Northeast this weekend.

Otherwise it could be tragic, both of them might need to publicly comb their hair.

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Keppinger, Sandoval and Belt are the exceptions. But otherwise with the SF Giants’ lineup they might as well rename A T and T Park to Jurassic Park. Because it houses a bunch of dinosaurs.

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Here’s a story that everyone but Yankees fans will enjoy. Star pitcher Jared Weaver signed a contract to stay with the Angels for the “discounted” price of $85 million over five years. When he could have had well over $100 million as a free agent. Weaver’s explanation “If $85 [million] is not enough to take care of my family and other generations of families, then I’m pretty stupid.”

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Looks like Danica Patrick is finally making the move from Indy cars to NASCAR. Another step towards broadening her claim to being the Anna Kournikova of car racing.

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Fred Couples has decided to add Tiger Woods to the 12-man President’s Cup team, saying “He’s the best player in the world forever.”

In related news, Brett Favre asked Couples if he’d consider being on the Pro Bowl selection committee.

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In case anyone still has any doubt that it’s all about winning, note the fact that there seems to be more criticism about Tim Tebow as an NFL quarterback, than about Michael Vick.

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This story’s not getting better. Now a witness says she saw LSU starting QB Jordan Jefferson kick someone in the face during a bar fight that injured four people last week. Maybe Jefferson’s trying to get his felonies out of the way BEFORE he joins the NFL?

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Sarah Palin issued a statement criticizing the media speculation regarding her intentions about the presidential race. Karl Rove responded by accusing Palin of having “thin skin.” Really? Next Rove will observe that President Obama might be black.

GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney said in N.H this week this young people should study harder, and learn that esteem comes from “living with integrity and getting married before they have kids.” Well, if Romney gets the nomination, at least Americans probably don’t have to worry about another V.P. run from Sarah Palin.

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In the category of “You might be white trash if…” A couple was arrested in Pennsylvania for allegedly shoplifting more than $1,000 in food from a supermarket for their wedding reception that afternoon. (Have to wonder, what were the guests told when they showed up?)

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From Bill Littlejohn: Only 347 people showed up for the first game of the doubleheader between the Marlins and the Reds at Sun Life Stadium.In fact, Libyan rebels were seen searching the upper centerfield bleachers for Moammar Gadhafi”

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But really, 347 fans? Really? This isn’t a major league baseball ballpark, it’s a witness protection program.

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A good bet?

August 22, 2011

Joe Biden was in China trying to bolster confidence in the U.S. economy, saying on Friday – “No one has ever made money betting against America.” Well, clearly the V.P. hasn’t watched a lot of major golf or men’s tennis tournaments lately.

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Regarding God and Tim Tebow. Maybe it’s just that He loves Tim so much He doesn’t want to have him on the field getting tackled all the time.

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Sarah Palin claims now on her Facebook page that she went to the National World War I Museum in Kansas City last week, although no one at the museum apparently saw her inside.

Palin did post a picture with her daughter and niece, which a reporter said was from inside the Westin in Kansas City.

So maybe what she meant was “I could see the museum from my room.”

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You have to wonder, did Michele Bachmann consider ordering her speechwriters to get to work on something blaming President Obama for overthrowing Moammar Gadhafi.

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Good to see the rebels doing well in Libya. Let’s just hope that the difference between rebels and dictators doesn’t turn out again simply to be who’s in charge.

Kim Kardashian got married this weekend. Straight men were as likely to watch the television coverages as Rick Perry is to watch the Science channel.

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Meanwhile, on a cooler wedding note, country singer Chely Wright was also married last weekend, to her girlfriend Lauren Blitzer. (Wright only came out last year.)

To do this as a country singer and a Christian takes serious guts. Good for Chely.

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The Help,” was #1 at the box office this weekend. Wonder how many women told their husbands, “it’s okay honey, we don’t have to go, we can stay home and watch coverage of the Kardashian wedding.”

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A Brett Favre lookalike, wearing a #4 jersey, was apparently signing autographs in Green Bay last week. Though Favre’s “travel coordinator” said Brett was not in Green Bay. Many fans, however, were able to figure the deception out quickly – when the imposter made an instant decision about signing.

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Foxnews.com is critical of Obama’s taking what their writer Chris Stirewalt calls “a fantasy preppy getaway in New England, as the nation’s economy reels.” Gosh, must have missed Fox’s outraged response when W. took those fantasy cowboy getaways to his ranch.

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Mitt Romney currently has three homes, a townhouse outside of Boston, a $10 million vacation home in N.H, and a $12 million 3000 sq.ft beachfront place in San Diego. Now he wants to bulldoze the California place to build an 11,000 sq ft home, because the current place is “inadequate for their needs.” Can’t imagine how Mitt gets a reputation for being out of touch.

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And finally, okay SF Giants fans, admittedly Brandon Crawford can’t hit. But the difference between a .190 average and a .240 average is five hits out of 100 at-bats. Maybe a hit a week. Crawford’s glove takes away almost a hit a game compared to what Tejada-Cabrera let get through. So why isn’t he on the big league roster?

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Whose fault is this?

August 21, 2011

Rick Perry continued with his anti-evolution remarks, telling a supporter in South Carolina on Friday – “God is how we got here.” Replied God – “Hey, don’t blame me for this.

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Saturday Night Live premieres in five weeks. Anyone besides me who can’t wait to see Kristen Wiig’s take on Michele Bachmann?

Michele Bachmann is taking some criticism for saying people are afraid “the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward.” Even her GOP rival Sarah Palin responded, “I disagree, the American people are strong and fear neither China, India nor the Soviet Union.”

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Bachmann dismissed her recent gaffes Saturday, saying “the media will report what the media will report.” Yeah, and they have this disturbing tendency sometimes to actually report what a candidate says.

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The NCAA may have allowed boosters to run wild at Miami and other schools. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying to focus on the important things.

For example, Fox Sports reports the NCAA is considering a proposal to allow schools to offer spreads such as butter, cream cheese, jelly or peanut butter on top of bagels they provide for recruits. (Currently, schools are only allowed to provide such spreads for their own student-athletes.)

What’s the motto of all this? – “Cream cheese, it’s a slippery slope?”

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Texas Gov. Rick Perry has stated he believes in term limits for federal judges, including Supreme Court judges. Can we try this out with Clarence Thomas?

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President Obama continues to face criticism for his vacation. And yesterday he actually went into a book store and bought books. What a mistake. The GOP knows politicians aren’t supposed to read books, they’re only supposed to write them.

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Fox MLB Game of the Week announcers say that Cubs pitchers have only one compete game all year. Well, Chicago is traveling to A T and T Park to play the Giants later this month.

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In today’s first preseason AP top 25 college football poll, the Stanford Cardinal has been ranked #7. But local fans were disappointed to see that voters failed to also include the Cal Bears and Oakland Raiders.

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LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson and several unidentified teammates were implicated in a fight at a Baton Rouge bar early Friday morning. So far Les Miles has received two requests for the names of those involved – one from the local media and the other from the draft scouts for the Cincinnati Bengals

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Karl Rove thinks that Sarah Palin will run for President, but that she will bypass a traditional campaign structure and finance committee. Rove added “I don’t think she thinks the rules apply to her.” Wow, what was his first clue?

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The 2012 Amazing Race.

August 15, 2011

Just wondering, all these folks saying it’s God’s will that they run for President. Well, if God really does weigh in on these matters, I’m waiting for the first person to acknowledge God told them to sit down and STFU.

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Tim Pawlenty on Sunday dropped out of the Presidential race. Thus surprising millions of Americans who didn’t know he was IN the Presidential race.

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From Marc Ragovin: After finishing way out of the running in the Iowa straw poll, Tim Pawlenty said that he was dropping his presidential bid and would throw his support behind the eventual GOP nominee. That’s like the Clippers announcing that they are ceding five minutes of practice time to the Lakers.

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Keegan Bradley has won the PGA championship in a playoff. Even Scott Verplank and Steve Stricker are going, “Who?”

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The Southeastern Conference decided not to expand for football at this time and said they will not be adding Texas A and M. Maybe they’re holding out for a team that might be a better fit – the Carolina Panthers.

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Sarah Palin doesn’t seem too thrilled by Rick Perry’s decision to run for President: ““I was quite sure he wasn’t going to run because he was quite adamant about it about four months ago. Evidently, he evolved in his thinking.” Okay, political junkies, this might be the first time Palin acknowledged the concept of evolution.

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The San Francisco 49ers are now reportedly even looking at Daunte Culpepper at QB. Stay tuned, how long can it be until Harbaugh puts in a call to Brett Favre?

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Maybe the SF Giants are finally learning: Sometimes what you really need to complete an ensemble is a good Belt.

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Michele Bachmann stated today “I haven’t gone one place in Iowa or South Carolina or New Hampshire where anyone said, ‘Please raise my taxes.” Fair enough, but has she gone anywhere in any of those states where they said “Please cut my services, my Medicare or my social security.

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Since SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy was running out of players, in the ninth inning he ordered reliever Santiago Casilla not to swing (lest he risk hurting himself.)

Casilla walked on four pitches. Maybe Bochy should issue the same order to some of his struggling position players.

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A friend of mine got a suggestion from Twitter to follow Snooki. Wow. Snooki can write?

(and count to 140?)

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Dead cat bounces?

August 11, 2011

A “dead cat bounce” (apologies to my cats) is a term used to describe a stock or stocks that crash, and bounce up briefly, but end up falling down again. Hence, they are dead cats and the bounce is an illusion.

So which on Tuesday will turn out to be the deader cat bounce. The stock market’s one-day rise of 430 points? Or the San Francisco Giants’ 6-0 win over Pittsburgh?

(Wednesday the market fell over 500 points and the Giants lost 9-2, to a Pittsburgh team that had lost 11 of 12, and to a pitcher on a four game losing streak.)

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My friend Rich opined that the Giants might need to “kick some asses.” With all due respect, these days if they tried to kick ass, the Giants would swing and miss.

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NBA players are scrambling for something to do during the lockout. Lebron James indicates he won’t play in Europe. Instead he might star in a remake of “Wedding Crashers.” At least that way Lebron will get close to some rings.

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Jacksonville Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio has announced he has now forbidden rookie hazing. I guess he figures playing in Jacksonville is punishment enough.

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Sometimes no punchline can top reality: Rex Grossman today predicted the Redskins would win the NFC East.

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The Toronto Blue Jays have been accused of stealing signs, allegedly with a man dressed in white in the outfield, waving his arms around to indicate the pitch.

Actually considering the records, lineups, and most importantly payrolls of the teams in front of the Jays, maybe the fan in white is just signifying surrender.

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Sarah Palin is relaunching her “One Nation” bus tour this week in Iowa in advance of the GOP straw poll. According to a fundraising solicitation for Sarah PAC, the bus is also scheduled to travel to the boyhood homes of Harry S. Truman and Ronald Reagan (Independence, MO and Dixon, IL). Which means the tour will quit somewhere in the middle of Missouri.

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Texas Governor Rick Perry told the Dallas Morning News that his alma mater, Texas A&M is considering moving to the SEC for football. Yeah, you can tell Perry is thinking of running for President, he’s focusing on the issues that are really important to Americans.

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Nigel Lythgoe, an executive producer for “American Idol” said today Jennifer Lopez will return to judge another season. Is this what they call a “behind” the scene report?

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Tiger Woods seems to be trying to avoid controversy these days. Wood said he texted Steve Williams to congratulate his former caddie on the win Sunday. Tiger would have avoided a lot more than controversy if he had just stuck to texting Williams in the first place..

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During the FAA impasse when airlines were not collecting the 7.5 percent U.S. domestic tax, our travel agency had exactly ONE client ask about getting the tax back for tickets he had booked in May for early August. This client is a multimillionaire. And some wonder how the rich stay rich.

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Crazy times.

July 29, 2011

Ann Coulter said on the Joy Behar show that some gay people can indeed ‘pray away the gay.’ The response from the gay community -if that were true we could “pray away” Ann Coulter.

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Sarah Palin urged House Republican freshmen today to stick to their principles when it comes to raising the debt limit. Well, at least until half way through the vote.

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Do we need any more proof that this recession isn’t hurting the rich? Whole Foods just announced a 35 percent jump in their fiscal third quarter profit.

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President Obama is having a tough time getting any sort of bipartisan agreement these days. Shame he can’t promise that if we get a deal on the debt ceiling he would get rid of Dan Snyder.

(for the uninitiated,  Snyder is the owner of the Washington Redskins, and one of the few men in D.C. equally hated by both sides.)

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John McCain yesterday quoted a Wall Street Journal article in referring to those who don’t want to raise the debt-ceiling as “Tea Party Hobbits.” Prompting calls for an immediate apology – from Hobbits.

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But really, John McCain as the voice of reason?   Either he’s remembered the Senator he used to be, or he’s forgotten those years he was running for President.  (Or he’s starting to listen to Meghan.)

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The San Diego Padres and Petco set a Guinness World Record during their annual “Dog Days of Summer” day: The most dogs in a pet costume parade – 337 to be exact. (Pretty safe bet this is not a record that will ever be topped by cats.)

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The Tennessee Titans have released Vince Young, their first pick (#3 overall in the the 2006 draft.) So as unbelievable as it seems, yes, folks, Alex Smith with the 49ers has outlasted him.

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And at a early practice Thursday, Michael Crabtree injured his foot and may be out 4-6 weeks.  On a brighter note, the 49ers’ chances to win the Andrew Luck lottery just went up another notch.

 

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Amy Winehouse’s family thinks she died of “alcohol withdrawal,” basically from because they say she stopped drinking cold-turkey. Whether it’s true or not, hope no one shows this story to Lindsay Lohan.

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In a recent study of possible compulsive behavior, subjects checked their smartphones an average of  34 times a day. One word – “Amateurs.”

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Last week Texas Gov. Rick Perry was asked about NY’s new same-sex marriage law. He replied “That’s New York, and that’s their business, and that’s fine with me.” Today he said “it’s fine with me that a state is using their sovereign rights to decide an issue. Obviously gay marriage is not fine with me. My stance hasn’t changed.” Sounds like it’s not just good hair that Rick has in common with John Kerry.

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So the standard GOP line is that tax cuts for the rich will be good for all Americans. So let’s see, for a semi-test case, this week the federal aviation tax has expired, meaning in theory a 7.5 percent cut in the cost of airline tickets. And what have most airlines done? Raised fares 7.5 percent to make up for the tax cut.

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A couple thoughts to end from T.C.

Regarding that 19 inning game ending at 1:50am. The Pirates that got hosed by the blown call at home plate. If it was the Yankees, MLB would have a new replay policy in effect, retroactive to 1:45am.

Likely (sick)  headline coming soon? “Mike Vick to unleash Favre as backup”

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NFL – Never Finished (with) Lawyers?

July 22, 2011

Anyone else think this endless NFL negotiation coverage on ESPN is beginning to feel like being at a endless dinner party with a squabbling couple? The argument is no longer interesting and you just want to be done hearing about it.

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Today’s vote by the owners was 31 to 0 with Al Davis abstaining. At least, we think he was abstaining. He may have just been taking a nap.

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A Los Angeles traffic officer has been fired for appearing in uniform in a pornographic film. Insert nightstick joke here.

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According to court filings, Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t want to pay Maria Shriver spousal support. Well, this could make a certain amount of sense – Arnold may have no idea how many child support payments are ahead of him.

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Photos are circulating on the internet of Sarah Palin’s newest daughter-in-law, Britta, at her baby shower. The very pregnant 21 year old woman was married to Palin’s son Track in May. Of this year. Got to love that abstinence-only education.

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A Turkish team has confirmed they have talked with Kobe Bryant’s agent about the Lakers’ star playing in Istanbul if the NBA season is cancelled. Makes sense, Turkey has great jewelry stores.

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In an interview with Fortune magazine, apparently former Harvard President Larry Summers referred to the Winklevoss twins as “a**holes.” Well, it takes one….

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Sarah Palin to the rescue of the mainstream media? Really. She says she wants to “help” them: “I have a journalism degree. That is what I studied. I understand that this cornerstone of our democracy is a free press, is sound journalism. I want to help them build back their reputation and allow Americans to be able to trust what it is that they’re reporting.”

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Meanwhile, from the ridiculous to the sublime as far as quotes:   As compromise becomes a dirty word in Washington, have to wonder if Yeats anticipated this debt ceiling mess – ‘Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.” And then  “the best lack all conviction, while the worst  /Are full of passionate intensity.”

 

Asked whether she still believes homosexuality is a choice, Michele Bachmann responded “I am running for the presidency of the United States. I am not running to be anyone’s judge.” Maybe, but she is running to appoint everyone’s judges.

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Steve Williams told CNN he was disappointed and shocked that he was fired by Tiger Woods, especially “given the fact of my loyalty and the way that I stood by this guy through thick and thin ..And the timing of it is very poor, from my perspective.” Over-under on how long it takes Williams’ book on Tiger to come out?

 

Josh Hamilton will start wearing special sunglasses since he said he learned that blue eyes make it harder to hit the ball in the daytime. Mariners fans are wondering, maybe blue uniforms make it harder to hit the ball in the daytime AND nighttime?

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Car-mic luck?

July 18, 2011

The 405 is open again, and Los Angeles seems to have survived the weekend just fine. Wonder now if they will now start referring to it as Y2Karmageddon.

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After all the worry and talk of Carmaggedon, the work was completed Sunday morning, and the 405 freeway reopened almost a full day ahead of schedule. Since project director Mike Barbour has proved so adept dealing with a potentially disastrous situation, maybe Los Angeles should put him in charge of the Dodgers.

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Cincinnati running back Cedric Benson was arrested and charged with assault early Sunday morning, a week after Pacman Jones was arrested for a bar incident. Well, the lockout might not be over yet, but good to see that the Bengals are in mid-season form.

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Okay, I’m still not getting this idea of a documentary about Sarah Palin. To quote the Wikipedia description “Documentary films constitute a broad category of nonfictional motion pictures intended to document some aspect of reality.”

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Congratulations to Japan on their World Cup win. Wonder which GOP Presidential candidate will be the first to claim it’s President Obama’s fault.

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Even many bandwagon soccer fans were heartbroken by the USA penalty-kick loss.  Some of them will even think about it before the next Olympics

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As much as most of the world cares about the women’s World Cup, the USA team still isn’t universally appreciated at home. In fact, when asked what they thought about Hope Solo, many Americans responded was “Wasn’t she in Star Wars?”

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Texas Governor Rick Perry, who insists he doesn’t want to enter the GOP Presidential primary, nonetheless said in an interview he’s “getting more and more comfortable every day that this is what I’ve been called to do.”

All these folks claiming God is calling or may call them to run for President. Is it possible that even God can dial a wrong number?

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Rudy Giuliani today on CNN about gay marriage. “I think the Republican Party would be well advised to get the heck out of people’s bedrooms. We’d be a much more successful political party if we stuck to our economic, conservative roots.” What’s more surprising, a GOP leader making a moderate statement, or the fact that Guiliani strung two sentences together without mentioning 9/11?

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from Marc Ragovin:  After accusing the Blue Jays of stealing signs, the Yankees said they would respond in an appropriate manner. Yeah, by waiting til the off season and stealing their players

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Another title bites the dust.

July 15, 2011

The latest, Georgia Tech was put on four years probation by the NCAA.  The school was also fined $100,000 and stripped of it’s 2009 ACC football title game victory.

So which BCS committee is going for the honest approach first, and renaming their game “The Asterisk Bowl”?

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While a number of athletes were in attendance at last night’s ESPY awards, none of the Miami Heat showed up. It was just like a NBA finals fourth quarter.

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One good thing about “What me worry” useless MLB commissioner Bud Selig, he’s pretty hands-off as far as hijinks. If Brian Wilson was subject to the authority of No Fun League commission Roger Goddell, he’d need to set up a line of credit for the fines.

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Another thought about Brian Wilson’s spandex formal wear at the ESPYs. Thank God he didn’t convince Prince Fielder or C.C. Sabathia to come with him wearing the same outfit.

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The judge who declared the mistrial in the Roger Clemens case felt he had no choice as prosecutors had disobeyed his instructions about inadmissible evidence for a second time. Amazing incompetence. Were these clowns doing this in hopes of getting jobs some day prosecuting celebrities in Los Angeles?

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From Marc Ragovin:  I’m not saying that the prosecutor in the Clemens case purposefully took a dive, but Roger was just credited with his first intentional walk.

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The scandal involving Murdoch newspapers and illegal eavesdropping etc just keeps growing. Apparently one of them tried to infiltrate John McCain’s presidential campaign communications. But no one could decipher the smoke signals.

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Sarah Palin on the debt ceiling issue – “it’s the time to reload and we reload with reality.” This could be the first time “Sarah Palin” and “reality” have appeared in the same sentence.

(Although on another subject, clearly that criticism after the Tucson shooting of Palin’s using the crosshairs imagery with her opponents didn’t bother her too much.)

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Norwegian Cruise Line is now offering pizza delivery 24/7 on their ships, for an extra charge of $5 per pizza. Apparently for all those people who can’t make it on twelve meals a day.

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Netflix, owner of one the most popular brands in the U.S., decided in a down economy to raise their prices 60 percent. This could go down in history as the smartest marketing decision since “New Coke.”

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The scandal involving Murdoch newspapers and illegal eavesdropping etc just keeps growing. Apparently one of them tried to infiltrate John McCain’s presidential campaign communications. But no one could decipher the smoke signals.

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Some are saying that Tim Pawlenty’s refusal to sign the anti-gay, anti-porn, anti-choice “Family Leader” pledge may doom him in Iowa. Since when did being intolerant to the point of “bat sh*t crazy” become a requirement for potential GOP Presidential candidates?

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And this is just tacky, but what the heck.

Brian Wilson was a major hit at the ESPY awards. Most Americans haven’t seen such an impressive beard since Katie Holmes.

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Gremlins

July 14, 2011

Yes, another back to back post.  (Thanks TC for noticing.)   Blame the late post of yesterday’s items on the gremlins in Brian Wilson’s beard.

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Open note to all baseball fans: If ANYTHING Brian Wilson does or wears shocks you, you haven’t been paying attention.

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New York GM Sandy Alderson said that the team is not giving up by trading Francisco Rodriguez. Yep, avid Mets watchers know the season was over at least a month ago.

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What’s with all these pledges Republican presidential candidates are signing these days, the “no-tax” pledge, the “Family Leader” pledge…? Guess the “Pledge of Allegiance” isn’t good enough anymore.

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USA women beat France Wednesday 3-1. And a lot of those bandwagon fans who celebrated the win over Brazil, said “Wait, there was another game?”

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According to the New York Times, an NCAA official told Auburn coach Gene Chizik that they are not done investigating the team’s football program and the recruitment of Cam Newton. So a question, when the Tigers vacate THEIR national championship, do they tear up the pictures of them at the White House with Obama?

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‎Twenty-eight months ago Bud Selig set up a “Blue Ribbon Committee” to look into a possible Oakland A’s move to San Jose. Last night after the All-Star game he said “No decision yet, they’re still studying it.” Almost 2 1/2 years later? Who’s chairing this committee- Brett Favre?

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From Marc Ragovin  – “So many players nowadays find excuses for not playing in the All Star game, it has become baseball’s equivalent of jury duty.”

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Kentucky’s first NASCAR event last weekend turned out to be a traffic disaster. Many fans were stuck in their cars for hours and didn’t even make it to the race. GOP gubernatorial candidate David Williams referred to the gridlock as a “national embarrassment for the state.” Almost as much as Mitch McConnell?

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Speaking of McConnell,  the Senate Minority Leader stated Wednesday in an interview about his debt ceiling strategy, that he has an “obligation” to his party not to be sucked into a “horrible position politically that would allow the president to get re-elected.” Yeah, what’s a little national default and global depression if the GOP can take back the White House?

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Bristol Palin is now saying of her family that “we have God on our side.” Ah, that explains it – God must have encouraged her to get drunk on wine coolers just to create another little Palin.

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Just rereading the “Family Leader” pledge for candidates. And wondering, when one of their adherents gets pregnant, do her friends throw her an ‘innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy” shower? (Yes, that is the term their pledge uses to describe children.)

And what of for, example, the “innocent fruit” of wine coolers. Do they not deserve protection too?

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Derby time.

July 12, 2011

Open note to readers- back to back posts today because I clearly did not hit the “publish” button hard enough last night.

In any case….

So the Home Run Derby came down to Robinson Cano (Yankees), and Adrian Gonzalez (Red Sox.) New York vs. Boston. Are we sure we weren’t watching Fox’s regular Game of the Week?

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Sarah Palin may be a hockey mom, but I’m not sure she gets other sports. When asked if she had a prediction for the Home Run Derby, she apologized but said she really hadn’t kept up on what horses were running.

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In the MLB HomeRun Derby, Robinson Cano beat Adrian Gonzalez 12-11 to take the 2011 championship. As if we didn’t need another illustration of how good pitching can overcome no hitting, no player on the first-place San Francisco Giants has hit 12 home runs this YEAR. (Or 11, or 10 for that matter.)

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Meanwhile, despite being voted in by the fans,  Derek Jerek now says he is completely skipping the All-Star Game and festivities due to “physical and emotional exhaustion.” Regarding the fans who wanted to see him play, I guess as a Yankee Jeter figures, “Fine, they can just watch me in the World Series.”

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Construction crews plan to completely shut down several miles of the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles for more than two days this weekend. Which means during peak times, traffic will be moving at its usual speed.

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A Jet Blue airline crew found a stun gun in a seatback pocket while cleaning a plane in Newark Monday night. The flight had originated in Boston, but made other stops during the day. In related news, TSA said they did confiscate their daily thousand or so bottled waters.

The California Assembly passed a bill to ban the “import, production, distribution or retail sale of beer and related alcoholic beverages that have caffeine added.” The reason is because these sweet drinks are particularly popular with young people. Hope no one ever tells the kids you can mix, say, Rum and Coke.

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Newt Gingrich declined to sign the controversial 14-point “Family Leader” pledge, but would not give a reason other than it needing “across the board” changes. A Gingrich spokesman did say the marriage vow “needed to be shortened.” Yeah, as in taking out that little line about staying faithful to your spouse.

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Happy Canada Day.

July 1, 2011

Canada Day – formerly Dominion Day –  celebrates celebrating the anniversary of the July 1, 1867, enactment of the British North America/Constitution Act, uniting three former British colonies into one country. 

Just think, had the Constitution Act someone included Alaska, Sarah Palin would be their problem.

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Anyone else with a mean streak really want to hear some reporter ask Palin or Bachman about the origin of Canada day?

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Canada Day is marked by fireworks around the country.  Of course some of those fires may be from Canucks fans who are still getting over the Stanley Cup playoffs.

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The travel story of the day revolves around a Nigerian man who boarded and flew on a Virgin America flight from JFK to Los Angeles without a ticket. He used a fake boarding pass (from the wrong day) and an old expired student id.

The man was caught this week, by Delta Airlines, when he tried to fly using the same tactics to Atlanta. TSA never noticed either time.

But to their credit, TSA catches those four ounce bottles of water every time.

(And can speak from personal experience, at JFK they absolutely caught, and scolded me for, a pocket-sized kleenex in my jeans. Your tax dollars at work.)

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Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp, which actually owned MySpace, sold the company at a $545 million dollar LOSS. And it still might not have been as bad an overall deal as when he sold the Dodgers to Frank McCourt.

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While the Los Angeles Dodgers got approval Tuesday for $150 million bankruptcy financing arrangement, it turns out some team employees’ paychecks have already bounced. And the way the Dodgers are going, anything bounced isn’t likely to be caught.

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in an experiment that may be rolled out on a larger scale, four Starbucks coffee shops in the Seattle area now sell beer and wine. It’s known internally as Operation “And You Thought Our Coffee Was Expensive.”

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If the experiment catches on, we might find out the answer to a whole new question – just how many different ways can a person order a glass of wine?  And of course, especially when that person is in front of you in line.

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According to ESPN, apparently negotiations between NFL owners and players are moving “backwards.” And “optimism is waning.” I don’t know – season ticketholders in Cincinnati and Charlotte, for example, are thinking they might waste a whole lot less money this fall.

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No NFL and no NBA this fall? We could be looking at a baby boomlet next spring and summer. And/or a possible increase in the divorce rate.

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Mark Halperin was suspended from MSNBC, after he didn’t realize he was on air this morning and referred to President Barack Obama as a “d*ck.” Considering Halperin has been accused in the past of having a liberal bias, I can only imagine what he has said off air about Palin and Bachmann. .

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From Gary Morton:  Even though the Pope used an iPad to Tweet, the Catholic Church is not exactly the bastion of cutting-edge technology. In fact, before this week, the only hi-tech device that the Catholic Church was familiar with is the electronic ankle monitor.

 

 

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No place like home.

June 24, 2011
 
Lindsay Lohan’s parties and failed alcohol test will not get her sent back to jail, because alcohol was not specifically prohibited in her house arrest sentence. Although the judge did say Lohan used “extremely poor judgment” and ordered “No more parties.” Jeez, what does a celebrity have to do to get sent to jail in L.A, kill someone? Never mind, strike that.
 
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A Southwest pilot has returned from his suspension after his cockpit rant.  Apparently he didn’t realize he was broadcasting on an air traffic channel while referring to the airline’s flight attendants as a “continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes.” 
 
Hope the guy plans to spend his remaining years with the airline bringing his own coffee onboard.
 
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But really, what could possibly have been his defense for such a rant?, (which was also apparently laced with profanities.)   Guess the pilot couldn’t apologize and say he was drunk?
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Lindsay Lohan has been photographed having rooftop parties during her home confinement, and has now apparently failed a court-ordered alcohol test, her second of the year. It’s all part of Los Angeles’ celebrity “75 strikes and you’re out” policy.
 
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After the Washingon Nationals won for the 11th time in 12 games, manager Jeff Riggleman just suddenly quit. No word if he’s been offered a job by any other team, but Riggleman did reputedly receive a congratulatory call from Sarah Palin.
 
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NBA Player’s union president Derek Fisher said that players aren’t afraid of a work stoppage. And presumably Lebron James will teach them how to view it just as a long fourth quarter.
 
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Sarah Palin cancelled an announced trip to the Sudan due to “scheduling difficulties.” Wonder what that means? She couldn’t find it on a map?
 
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After Jon Stewart made fun of Herman Cain when the presidential candidate said in a speech that he would not sign a bill longer than three pages, Cain said that Stewart was “attacking him because he was black.” Nope, Herman, Stewart was attacking you because you are stupid.
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Some GOP candidates say President Obama’s Afghanistan troop reduction plan brings home troops too slowly, others say it brings them home too fast. Anyone want to hazard a guess what they would say if it were President George W. Bush’s plan? “What a great example of nuanced leadership?” (Those of them who know the word nuanced.)
 
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Ron Artest now wants to change his name – for real, he has petitioned the Los Angeles Supreme Court. The new name he wants? “Metta World Peace.” Guess “Bat Sh*t Crazy” was already taken.
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The Phillie Phanatic mascot was attending a minor league game and had to be taken to the hospital after getting drilled by a foul line drive. The Phanatic suffered a minor concussion but will be fine. Maybe he should consider attending SF Giants games. They don’t hit the ball hard enough to hurt anyone.
 
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 Serious groaner for NHL fans from Gary Morton:  Fans in BC don’t want to talk about the Stanley Cup anymore. To them, that’s Luongo and far away.

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Weiner, weiner, weiner…

June 7, 2011

Sarah Palin says Paul Revere warned the British, Anthony Weiner thinks he can get away with a Twitter hacking story when it’s his “junk.” Somewhere in outer space aliens are reporting “Sorry leader, there’s no intelligent life on that Earth planet.”

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Well, there are at least 25 men in New York who are happy today. Because the most embarrassing story in the state is no longer the Mets.

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Quote today from Anthony Weiner “This was a dumb thing to do.” Might have been the closest thing to a smart statement he’s made lately. (Although, “dumb thing?” Singular? Really?)

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Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement? I think most Americans would wholeheartedly agree that it’s a very good thing that camera phones and twitter were not around when Bill Clinton was in the White House.

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Mark Jackson, the new Golden State Warriors coach, has no previous head coaching experience, but is an ordained minister at a church in Southern California. Makes sense, to coach the Warriors, plenty of prayer will definitely be required.

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Open note to all aspiring politicians: Love and lust may fade – but emails and pictures are forever.

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Mitt Romney said tonight on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” that having Sarah Palin showing up on the same day as he did in New Hampshire “really didn’t ruin my day.  In a lot of respects it’s the best thing that could happen to me.”

Standby for Mitt’s newest campaign button:  “Mormon > moron”

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This one is tacky. USC was stripped of their 2004 national football title today. So can we say that like John Edwards, this was a Trojan epic fail?

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Plaxico Burress was released from jail Monday. His agent, Drew Rosenhaus, said, “I think he’s learned an awful lot.” For starters, always have someone in your posse carry your gun.

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Apparently Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez are no longer dating. Actually, it’s amazing that Cameron lasted in the love triangle as long as she did….it’s got to be hard to compete with that special relationship between A-Rod and his mirror.

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Andy Petitte was asked in an ESPN interview if he will pitch again for the Yankees, and responded that he didn’t think so: 

“The only thing that would make me pitch again is if I felt this season was over and I felt that I needed to pray and really consider making a decision about changing what I’m doing right now. If I missed it so much and I felt in my heart like that was the thing I need to do, I would try to start thinking about it and start considering it again.”

“Dude, how about a simple yes or no,” commented Brett Favre.

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Alas poor Tressel.

May 31, 2011

We thought we knew him.

 

There are rumors that Ohio State coach Jim Tressel’s resignation was actually a “resign or be fired” situation. But no one will probably ever know for sure; Tressel’s playing it pretty close to the vest.

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Wonder if Tressell will follow Pete Carroll to the NFL. Since he’s already has plenty of experience in dealing with well-paid players.

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No news on what the NCAA might do to the Ohio State program with the most recent revelations. But it’s increasingly looking like a good bet that Buckeye players won’t have any bowl memorabilia to sell this year.

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And somewhere, the headstone on Woody Hayes’ grave has probably become a pinwheel.

 

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Who’d a thunk that the Bill Martin, the Michigan athletic director who hired Rich Rodriguez, might end up looking better than Ohio State AD Gene Smith.

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At least Rich Rodriguez’s players never really got any good bowl memorabilia to sell.

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Today the NCAA announced which men’s baseball teams have qualified for the tournament leading to the College World Series. Much disappointment in Minnesota – fans hoped the Twins would get at least a six seed.

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FIFA president Sepp Blatter says that bribery allegations had done “great damage” to the soccer governing body’s image. Well, not exactly, no one outside of FIFA has thought for a long time that they had a reputation left to ruin.

 

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Today the NCAA announced which men’s baseball teams have qualified for the tournament leading to the College World Series. Much disappointment in Minnesota – fans hoped the Twins would get at least a six seed.

 

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Meanwhile Sarah Palin’s One Nation Bus (and Motorcycle) Tour is on its way, even if the itinerary is a closely guarded secret, even and especially from the media.

Palin did stop at Mount Vernon, where she proclaimed George Washington her “Favorite Founding Father.”

Uh, has anyone told Sarah that when he crossed the Delaware, Washington didn’t do the truly brave thing, and stop half way?

Now, originally in 2010 when Palin was asked by Glenn Beck who her favorite founding father was, she said “all of them,” and only settled on Washington when pressed “because he was almost reluctant to serve as president too and that’s who you need to find to serve in government, in a bureaucracy — those who you know will serve for the right reasons….”

“For the right reasons?”  Are we talking about choosing presidents , or picking a winner on “the Bachelorette?”

 

and finally back to sports from T.C.   JR Hildebrand has sent Jean Van de Velde a friend request

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Race day..

May 29, 2011

Aka, “there’s no NHL playoffs, there’s no NBA playoffs, it’s a holiday weekend so other than baseball so what’s on TV besides CSI reruns?”

 

Both Dale Earnhardt, Jr and J.R.Hildebrand’s cars were sponsored Sunday by the National Guard, whose motto is “Always Ready, Always There.” Well, apparently except for on the last lap.

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How bad are gas prices? Apparently even Dale Earnhardt Jr was tempted into not quite filling the tank today.

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JR Hildebrand has a twitter account. Wonder if his last tweet today was “Wow about 2 win Indy 500…. Oh sh*t”?

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Hildebrand may have lost the Indy 500 with his crash into the wall on the last turn. But he has a potential great opportunity to make a commercial warning kids not to text and drive.

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On Fox News today John McCain said “Of course” Sarah Palin can beat Obama. And millions of Americans breathed a sigh of relief. Had we elected John in 2008 the country would be dealing with a sitting President suffering from at least early stage dementia.

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Scientists have found that near starvation diets make everything from mice to monkeys live longer, and they are speculating that severe calorie restriction might help humans live longer too. Either that or going without ever eating anything bad for you makes every day feel like forever.

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First Trump, now Mitch Daniels. The GOP contenders who have decided not to run for President both say they could have won. Is this an election or a remake of “On the Waterfront?”

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Dallas QB Tony Romo got married Saturday. And to the surprise of many Cowboys fan, he made it through the important ceremony without dropping the ring.

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Wonder if there’s some loophole that would allow USC and Ohio State to compete next year in the “Probation Bowl?”

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Beyond the current penalties for the current team, there are rumors the NCAA may take away USC’s 2004 football National Championship.  The operative word being “may.”  And of course “when?”  Are they waiting until players on that year’s team have children who are of college recruiting age?

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Memorial Day Weekend

May 28, 2011

When most Americans look back and remember when gas was under $3 a gallon.

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Frank McCourt has apparently secured funds to make the Dodgers payroll this month. Ah, for the good old days in Los Angeles when the only payroll worries for sports fans were about anyone finding out how much the players were getting paid at USC.

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Amy Winehouse checked back into rehab in London this week, but according to the British media, not before stopping at a shop to buy a small bottle of vodka that she swigged immediately. That’s like Lindsay Lohan stopping on her way to home confinement to go jewelery shopping.

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Fox News fired Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum because of their intentions to run for President. But despite similar signs from Sarah Palin, the network is keeping her on as a contributor. Translation, compared to Gingrich and Santorum, Palin has higher ratings.

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Many sports fans around the world Saturday were rivited to the Champions’ League soccer championships between Barcelona and ManU.  In the U.S., however, many would just have asked “where’s Manu?”

(responded Jerry Hoffman, “with the Spurs.”)

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The world didn’t end last weekend. Although in Chicago, where the Cubs have lost two straight to the lowly Pirates, including a 10-0 shellacking, the 2011 season may be officially over.

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Amazing, Francisco Liriano of the Twins pitched a no-hitter earlier this month, and Anthony Swarzak almost pitched one today (into the 8th).  What’s most amazing, these pitchers have done this without the benefit of pitching to their own lineup. 

 

And we wonder why U.S. airlines have such lousy reputations for both service and profitability – example number 334:

Video announcement on United Airlines  “We’re taking significant steps in our merger with Continental Airlines – we’ve painted our planes….”  (Really, followed by all the things they are going to do.  Though to be fair the two airlines have synchonized boarding procedures, and some fees, usually by raising the lower of the two.)

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Yuma Scorpions manager Jose Canseco, who is smitten with her and has proposed marriage, has declared May 30th ‘Lady Gaga Night’ at the team’s home park.Free admission will be granted to those producing a restraining order”

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Lots of strikes and you’re out.

April 27, 2011

 

Lindsay Lohan said on the Tonight Show that her latest arrest was “definitely a wake-up call.” Yeah, but how many calls does it take? Think Lindsay needs to stop hitting the snooze button.

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The University of Florida dismissed senior star cornerback Janoris Jenkins from the team, less than a week after his arrest for marijuana possession. Jenkins had also been arrested and was on probation for being caught smoking pot in January, 2011 Guess it’s true what they say about marijuana affecting short term memory.

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Regarding the NFL owners pleading that they are losing money but refusing to open their books. This is kind of like one party in a divorce case telling his or her soon-to-be-ex-spouse, “This is all I can afford to pay, why can’t you just trust me?”

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At this point, NFL players may be allowed back to their team facilities, but they won’t be allowed to work out. “Why couldn’t this happen when I played?” asked JaMarcus Russell?

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An Alaska Airlines flight was evacuated last Friday afternoon at John Wayne Airport in California after a “suspicious powder” was found in a lavatory. Which turned out to be toilet paper remnants.. Other airlines have announced they may try to limit such threats by charging for toilet paper.

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William and Catherine (Kate) are trying to semi-economize on this Royal Wedding. But they did turn down an offer from Prince Charles for some of the leftover items from his wedding to Camilla. Apparently the newlyweds will stick with the traditional rice to be tossed after the ceremony, instead of using hay.

Watching replays of  Darren Ford’s miracle run around the bases for the Giants tonight.  (Went from first to third on an errant throw, ran home on an easy grounder when the infielder didn’t look him back carefully enough.) 

Maybe they should change his name to Darren Ferrari.

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So when Darren Ford was called up from Fresno to the Giants and told to get to San Francisco as soon as possible, I assume he ran the whole way?

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On a wet Monday in Pittsburgh, about 2600 fans showed up to see the Pirates beat the Nationals. Or as former Montreal Expos fans called it – “a really big crowd.”

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Sacramento representatives have made their final pitch to convince the league relocation committee that the city really wants and can support an NBA team. And failing that, they’d like to keep the Kings.

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Katie Couric is stepping down as the anchor for CBS News. Well, she lasted longer at the helm than Sarah Palin.

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Stocks closed at their highest levels in nearly three years thanks to stronger corporate earnings and a lift in consumer confidence. So how come none of the GOP Presidential contenders have tried to blame this on President Obama?

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Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus told reporters today that “birther” claims are a distraction from more important issues: “Trump and the candidates can talk about it all they want, but my position is that the president was born in the United States.” Translation – “This topic is making us look like a party of fruitcakes.”

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Rambling through the weekend.

April 17, 2011

Today’s 76ers-Heat playoff game wasn’t even a sellout in Miami.    Guess Heat fans are emulating their team in not showing up unless they think it really matters.

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Headline for my hockey fan friends – “Price is Right.”

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Before Nicholas Cage’s arrest, the New Orleans police allegedly told him and his wife to just go home. And Cage responded, “Why don’t you just arrest me?” When the cops again said “go home”, he repeated the dare. Cage was charged with domestic abuse and disturbing the peace. Because they couldn’t charge him with felony stupidity.

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Maybe Nicholas Cage and Charlie Sheen and Ann Coulter can start in a movie version of “Two and a Half Men.”

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Lady Gaga was spotted at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom on Saturday. Prompting thousands of children just reaching the age of skepticism about cartoon characters to ask “Mommy, is there a person inside that costume?”

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Pitcher Colby Lewis of the Texas Rangers was the first player to go on Major League Baseball’s new paternity leave. (Which allows players to miss from 24-72 hours without going on the disabled list.) This could be the start of a nice trend in professional sports, though the NBA would have to limit it to a certain number of uses for each player per season.

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So we’ve got a huge deficit and the government shuts down online poker games. Here’s a different idea – keep them going and tax the winnings.

Sarah Palin criticized congressional Republicans Saturday for not cutting spending enough, and saying the GOP needs to “fight like a girl.” “Fight like a girl?” In Palin-speak I guess that means dishing it out and crying media bias instead of taking it.

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A recent study at UCSF indicates that multitasking, especially with all the technological applications(Facebook, Twitter, email, texts….) available these days impedes short-term memory and makes it harder for people to focus. Oh look, a dancing kitten!!

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Kevin Na scored a 12-over par 16 on the ninth hole during the first round of the Texas Open.   The last time the PGA has seen such a disastrously large number, it involved Tiger Woods’ online black book.

Or as Marc Ragovin said ” haven’t seen so many futile swings since the last time the Mets played.”

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Money, money, money…

March 31, 2011

For all those Colorado fans who thought their team should have been picked over VCU for the NCAA tournament – how’s that loss last night to Alabama in the NIT semifinals feeling?

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For anyone sick of the tawdry Bonds trial, here’s a story from the warm fuzzy world of college football – The AP reported that 4 former Auburn players have told HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel” they received thousands of dollars while being recruited by or playing for the Tigers.

One player said he used to get sacks of money after games with $300-400 in them.   Some former USC Trojans sniffed “Well, everything costs less in Alabama.”

When questioned about taking a pay cut to reduce the deficit, Wisconsin GOP Congressman Sean Duffy, who makes $174,000, plus benefits, said “I guarantee most of you, I have more debt than all of you. With six kids, I still pay off my student loans. I still pay my mortgage. I drive a used minivan.” Hmm, maybe Republicans shouldn’t have been so quick to vote to defund Planned Parenthood?”

PETA now wants the part of San Francisco known as the “Tenderloin” to be known as the “Tempeh” district. PETA’s executive VP wrote that “the city deserves a neighborhood named after a delicious cruelty-free food instead of the flesh of an abused animal.” I guess next the singles bars in the area will be known as “Tofu markets?

BCS Executive Director Bill Hanock is talking about kicking the Fiesta Bowl out of the system after the bowl admitted to “excessive compensation, nonbusiness and inappropriate expenditures and inappropriate gifts” Hancock said that the BCS “will not be associated with this kind of behavior.” And really, the Fiesta Bowl should have known better.  The BCS has always been completely against “inappropriate behavior”, unless it involves SEC and Big 10 teams.  (And maybe  USC.)

Sarah Palin referred to the military attack in Libya as a “squirmish.” If we’re going to be making up words I would say “squirmish” is what intelligent Republicans get every time Sarah Palin opens her mouth.

And not to whine, but, the Tonight Show has no women freelancers,  and says they don’t need more freelancers.  But they do seem to regularly come up with “great minds” jokes a day or two after I post on my blog.  Probably just a coincidence….

Here’s my joke from March 29:

Whole Foods has opened small bars, focused on local beer and wine, inside a dozen of their stores, and plans to open more. I guess the plan is, the more customers drink, the less they will notice how expensive the grocery prices are.

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Here’s Jay Leno’s joke on March 30:

The organic grocery store Whole Foods is putting beer and wine bars in some of their stores. The goal is to get you so drunk you won’t notice the prices.

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