Biased from birth?

Posted March 27, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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President Obama has one #1 seed left alive in his brackets  – Kansas. So how come no one is opining that he made that decision because of his parentage.

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And just wondering,  who the heck keeps giving Butler these low seeds anyway?

Although let’s be honest,  Brad Stevens looks less like a basketball coach, than a wannabe actor who was cast in a bit part for the movie “Social Network.”

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And regarding all these rumors that coach K might be asked to coach the Lakers, why not Brad Stevens?  Or for that matter Tara Vanderveer or Pat Summitt?

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And sorry guys, the best pure basketball players in the San Francisco Bay Area just might be Chiney and Nnemkad Ogwumi.

(And yeah, say those names fast and/or try to spell them. Maybe it’s not just East coast bias that has most of  the media types rooting against Stanford.)

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Great line from Abraham Lincoln, quoted tonight by Tara Vanderveer to the Stanford women before their game against UNC: “I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down…”

VCU coach Shaka Brown, who has his lightly regarded team one win from the Final Four, says his dad named him after a South African king.   Wonder how long it will take for some people to claim Shaka ‘s an invalid leader because he clearly wasn’t born in the U.S.

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A Texas man was sentenced to 99 years in jail for his 16th DWI.  My question, who the heck were the judges who let him walk after his 15th, and 14th, and 13th…

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Michele Bachman gave a speech today in Des Moines bragging about her efforts to revoke government regulation of light bulbs, “I introduced the light bulb freedom of choice act!” That light bulb regulation, for what it’s worth, was signed into law by that noted “Enviro-Nazi” George W. Bush.

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A new portrait of Pedro Martinez has been unveiled in the National Portrait Gallery. Museum staff have already noticed some mornings that nearby portraits appear to have been knocked down.

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Bill Littlejohn’s take on the same subject:  “A portrait of Pedro Martinez is going to be displayed at the Smithsonian.  It’s the first thing Pedro has sent to the canvas since Don Zimmer.”

Finally, R.I.P Geraldine Ferraro. I always wish she had responded to Barbara Bush’s snide comment with “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.”

Comments: 3 Comments

And then there were eight.

Posted March 26, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

 Headline from tonight’s NCAA Sweet Sixteen matchup?   “The Buckeyes Stop Here.”   

And yes, another #1 seed, Ohio State, goes down in the 2011 NCAA tournament. Bad news for collectors who were hoping to buy one of those championship rings.

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After the loss, Ohio State’s freshman star Jared Sullinger said he would be returning for another season  – “I did make a decision and I’m definitely coming back next year. I need to work on a lot of things. I have to come back. I’m coming back to win.”

No mention in that statement of any secondary reasons to return to college for another year…. like going to class?

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In college football sometimes for big games, they introduce players by their name and major.  Wonder if they stopped doing that in basketball because the number one answer was “Major?”

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Arizona 93 – Duke 77. Now, the Stanford Cardinal played the Wildcats twice this year. Losing once by 10 and once by 9. Guess this is the closest Stanford has been in a while to having bragging rights on Duke.

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Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips reiterated a comment he made earlier this week in a Fox news interview, saying that “Charlie Sheen still makes more sense than John Boehner.” Actually I would argue Charlie Sheen makes more sense than a lot of people, including Judson Phillips.

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The NCAA seeding committee is not happy losing three of their #1 teams before the “Elite Eight”  in the men’s tournament. Now that they’ve tweaked the number from 64 to 68, the next tweak for 2012 may be a “judge’s save.”

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A Cleveland Browns fan is suing the NFL, claiming the lockout violates his contract to buy tickets through his personal seat license. Actually, it’s more surprising a Browns fan hasn’t sued before – in theory the PSLs was supposed to entitle them to buy tickets to watch professional football.

So Newt Gingrich said Obama should enforce a no-fly zone, but now that the President has joined the coalition doing just that, Newt has changed his mind and says the no-fly zone is a mistake. Makes sense on some level, Gringrich has always had trouble with decisions involving his own fly.

And in the “We thought only U.S. elected officials had trouble with their own language, I give you this picture, from BBC news of a road sign in Wales.

Apparently the local council in Swansea, mindful that the law in Wales requires all signs to be bilingual,  sent off the request to their translation service, and had the sign made with the reply.

Except that what the sign means in Welsh?    “I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated”.

Comments: 1 Comment

Bad boys and girls.

Posted March 25, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

So how many Duke haters hate them more now? Since the Blue Devils’ getting trashed by Arizona busted their brackets?

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Despite his baggage, apparently nine NFL teams are talking to Cam Newton. Wonder if some day they will make a documentary of this titled “Smart Organizations, Foolish Choices?”

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The UConn Huskies, Butler Bulldogs and Arizona Wildcats all advanced to the Elite Eight. Shame the BYU Cougars lost in overtime to Florida. We could have subtitled the next round “Finding out the truth about cats and dogs.”

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Although speaking of catch phrases for this tournament, can SOMEONE please come up with something more original than the “Butler did it?”  (I don’t have one yet….maybe “Butler cleaning house?” Suggestions encouraged.

An air traffic controller was suspended at National Airport after he fell asleep on the job. A new rule has thus been implemented – controllers are no longer allow to go out for pre-flight Happy Hours with pilots.

At this point we don’t know if charges will be filed against the air traffic controller who fell asleep at National Airport.  In his defense, the controller said he did have a radio in the background turned to one of Joe Biden’s speeches.

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Sarah Palin said today “I’m through whining” about the media. Over-under as to whether this resolution lasts a longer or shorter time than Lindsay Lohan’s latest rehab?

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Britney Spears had planned an outdoor concert in San Francisco’s Castro district this weekend, but has cancelled it because of the weather. So several Castro residents are happily sitting back and saying “Cool, that rain dance worked.”

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Apparently rumors of a Charlie Sheen book deal were premature. Several publishers have said they rejected the proposal because of Sheen’s high price tag and unpredictable behavior. Hmm… this didn’t kill a similar deal for Sarah Palin.

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Michele Bachman is thinking of launching an exploratory committee to run for president in 2012. If it starts seeming like she has any chance at all for the GOP nomination, donations will be pouring in, from Democrats.

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Point of clarification, and an alas mostly serious statement:  Just as Bill Clinton’s impeachment was technically not about sex, Barry Bonds’ trial is technically not about steroids. Both were charged with lying to grand juries.

But meanwhile, other MLB players have long moved on to PEDs 2.0.

From Marc Ragovin:

So the New York City Council has renamed the 102 year-old Queensborough Bridge for 86 year-old former mayor, Ed Koch. One is an ancient, crumbling piece of infrastructure. The other’s a bridge.

Comments: 4 Comments

Returning to the madness.

Posted March 23, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Many thought unheralded VCU shouldn’t have been chosen for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.   And now even more people think the Rams were a bad pick – they’re called USC, Georgetown and Purdue fans.

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Tiger Woods has a new mobile application called “Tiger Woods: My Swing.” Wonder if it includes the advice, “Your swing will be better if your wife doesn’t catch you swinging?”

Does anyone else find this whole controversy on exactly where and how they give Jared Loughner a sanity test faintly ridiculous? It might affect where Loughner serves his sentence, but how can anyone use the word “sane” for someone who did what he did?

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American Idol ‘Motown Records” night with all these young kids is a little odd. Since many of the contestants are in their teens, they aren’t too familiar with the concept of “Motown.” Heck, they aren’t too familiar with the concept of “Records.”

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So dozens of “experts” have their picks on SI.com, ESPN.com, etc for this weekend’s Sweet Sixteen basketball action. Wonder last week how many of those experts had even two out of three of Richmond, Butler and VCU?

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Another thought on NFL replacement players if it comes to that. What about those being paid but not playing…. could fans see the return of JaMarcus Russell?

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And without knowing how the Barry Bonds perjury trial will come out, there’s one thing that’s pretty certain – there’s no shortage of jerks on both sides of this case.

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While campaigning in Iowa, Michele Bachman referred to judges who overturned the gay marriage law as “black-robed masters,” How come the GOP has such a problem with “activist” judges when they overturn a law conservatives like, but no problem at all if they try to overturn something like Obamacare?

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Police with bomb-sniffing dogs met an arriving Philippine Airlines flight late Tuesday night at San Francisco International Airport but didn’t find any explosives. A spokesman said there had been a threatening phone call saying a bomb was on board. Maybe the caller was referring to an inflight showing of “The Last Airbender?”

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Donald Trump went on “the View” and asked of President Obama, “Why doesn’t he show his birth certificate?… I want him to show his birth certificate!” Is this all part of the Donald’s campaign to show he is kooky enough to run for the GOP nomination?

Comments: 3 Comments

Scumbags, scumbags, we got scumbags.

Posted March 22, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

 When Good Morning America co-anchor Robin Roberts kept asking Chris Brown about his guilty plea for assaulting girlfriend Rihanna, Brown smashed a window and stormed out of the studio. Yeah, that ought to convince America he’s learned to keep his temper under control.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell was quoted as saying “We have not had any discussions or consideration of replacement players.”  Or at least none in a room that wasn’t swept clean of potential bugs or other electronic recording devices first.

So if the league does offer jobs to players who aren’t really NFL material, does that mean Carolina Panthers players will be eligible.

The Bachelor, Brad Womack, was not taken to a hospital as first reported. It turns out he actually called 911 from an Austin park when he found a stranger in need of medical attention. This, however, did not prevent Brad from talking to the 911 operator for an hour about his feelings.

The defense Barry Bonds is using in this trial is that he realizes now he used steroids, but really believed his trainer’s telling him that he was taking flaxseed oil and arthritis cream. Hey, this defense would work if he were a college athlete in the SEC.

The latest Fox News controversy has to do with an admitted “error” by the network in their story about the Libyan government using Western journalists as human shields.  With all the “Faux” news stories they’ve had lately, it’s a wonder Fox hasn’t found someone to manufacture a fake Kenyan birth certificate.

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Lawrence Taylor was sentenced to six years probation and forced to register as a sex offender for his “encounter” with an underage prostitute who said she was 19.  But the girl, speaking through Gloria Allred, now says Taylor should have known she was underage and should go to jail.

LT seems like a scumbag, and he’s being punished for it, but Gloria Allred gives women lawyers a bad name. 

(The only woman’ whose best interests she really has at heart is Gloria Allred.)

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Dennis Kucinich now says that President Obama’s taking part in the European coalition’s attack against Qaddafi was an “impeachable offense.”   How’d we all like to be flies on the wall at Sarah Palin’s “war room” while they figure out a response to THAT statement?

And now Rand Paul may be jumping into the 2012 Presidential race.  Paul, Kucunich, Bachman, Palin…. For political junkies of a certain age, or those who just like political history, Pat Paulson is retrospectively looking more and more like a legitimate candidate.

Comments: 4 Comments

Withdrawal.

Posted March 22, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Monday night, male sports fans across America had to do without the NCAA’s men’s college basketball tournament for the first time in six days. On the other hand,  there was the opening round of “Dancing with the Stars.” 

So wonder how many men had their first serious glimpse of the Stanford and Tennessee women?

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The latest in a long line of  “Does this really need a punchline?” The Las Vegas deputy district attorney who prosecuted Paris Hilton for cocaine possession was arrested over the weekend for allegedly buying cocaine.

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Inspired by my friend Jerry Perisho, who said “Barry Bonds is on trial?? I don’t even remember him killing anybody.”   Yeah, but if he had killed someone he would have been acquitted by now.

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The rumors are that CBS wants Charlie Sheen back for “Two and a half men.” Will the book someone will someday write about this whole episode be titled “Smart networks, foolish choices?”

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Tennessee fired men’s basketball coach Bruce Pearl over recruiting violations which have already led to an NCAA investigation.  The Vols were eliminated in the tournament’s first real round by Michigan 75-45.   Just  wondering, if Tennessee were into the Sweet Sixteen, would the school be somehow blaming it all on Pearl’s father? 

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And wonder if Lane Kiffin is recommending Pearl as the next head basketball coach at USC?

Tiger Woods’ latest girlfriend is 22 years old, and was arrested last year for DUI with a blood alcohol level of .21. And now she’s dating Tiger? Sounds like her judgment is still impaired.

(added Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times.   ” That’s .13 over par.”)

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At one point in today’s NCAA women’s basketball tournament, St. Johns was ahead of Stanford 22-16. Stanford ended up winning by 25 after being ahead by 30.

So what did Tara Vanderveer say to motivate her team – “Ladies, you’re playing like boys?”

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For any sports fans who think the NBA doesn’t have enough parity between the haves and have-nots, I give you NCAA women’s basketball. While UCLA lost tonight to Gonzaga, AT GONZAGA, in the tournament, they had only four previous losses all year. And three of them were to Stanford.

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And anyone who hates tacky can stop reading now:

A South Carolina man who twice pleaded guilty to having sex with a horse has been released from prison after 16 months but put on probation and ordered to stay away from the animal. Good thing Prince Charles has diplomatic immunity.

Comments: 3 Comments

Higher math?

Posted March 21, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

For anyone who thinks basketball players don’t need to go to class, Texas proved today it is nonetheless a good idea that they at least learn enough math to know how to count to five. 

Or at least enough history to remember what happened to Chris Webber when he forgot that too.

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Seminoles 71 – Fighting Irish 57. This news upset Notre Dame alums, residents of South Bend, IN, Gainesville, FL and approximately no one else.

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#11 seed Marquette over #3 seed Syracuse. One overrated Big East team knocks off another overrated Big East team.

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“Boilermaker” – a drink consisting of a beer chaser and a shot of tequila, whiskey or vodka. And what sports fans will be drinking tonight who had Purdue into the Elite Eight.

A T & T is now buying T-Mobile. And the new company will encompass the former Pacific Bell, SBC (Southern Bell) and about half the other original Bell companies. So just how big does A T & T have to get before the government breaks them up again?

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My favorite current factoid from the 2011 NCAA tournament: As we await the Sweet Sixteen there are as many teams from the Big East left as there are from Richmond, Virginia.

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Mark Barron, Alabama’s leading tackler in 2010, was arrested last night for misdemeanor “hindering prosecution,” (whatever that means.) No word on whether the school will suspend him in 2011 for the game against Kent State or the game against North Texas.

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Tiger Woods’ new girlfriend is apparently a 22 year old student from Ohio attending a Florida branch of Michigan-based Northwood University. Northwood states their mission is to develop “future leaders of a global, free-enterprise society.” So she’s old enough to respect Tiger’s money from free enterprise, and young enough that she maybe doesn’t member the details of Tiger’s marriage.

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Facebook tells me I have 12 friends who “like” Sarah Palin. I will refrain from comments other than to say that this proves the ability of social media to forge friendships that transcend traditional social boundaries. (But, okay, guys, really?)

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John Boehner is criticizing President Obama again, this time saying he has a “responsibility to define what the mission in Libya is, better explain what America’s role is in achieving that mission, and make clear how it will be accomplished.” Surprising that a Republican would ever again use “mission” and “accomplished” in the same sentence.

Comments: 2 Comments

Brackets are busting out all over.

Posted March 20, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Forget brackets and pools.  Back at the beginning of the season, who had the only California men’s college basketball team in the Sweet Sixteen as… San Diego State?

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And isn’t it about time the committee started giving Butler single-digit seeds?

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At this rate with their decidedly mediocre performances in the tournament, especially with #1 seed Pittsburgh losing, maybe we should start referring to the “Big East” as the “Big Easy.”

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Meanwhile, over in the women’s tournament, #1 seed Tennessee used every player on their roster in beating Stetson 99-34. Guess you can say Stetson had their hats handed to them.

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Another NCAA tournament, another early exit for Georgetown. Guess Hoya stands for “Highly Overrated Yet Again.”

 

 

 

Newt Gingrich blamed his infidelities on caring too much about the country.  Now Rudy Giuliani is comparing his own very public infidelities and three marriages to  Mitt Romney’s Massachusetts health care plan.

Even Bill Clinton is thinking – have you no shame?

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You know it’s a weird Presidential primary when the Mormon might be the only top tier GOP candidate with only one wife.

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Ann Coulter said this week in her column and on the “O’Reilly Factor” that radiation is “good for you.” So, in a spirit of bipartisan good wishes, can we take up a collection to send her to report on the Fukushima Nuclear plant?.

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A steak knife-wielding man held police and security guards at bay for nearly half an hour at the Staples Center .

Might be the best defense Clippers fans have seen all year.

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Just wondering: Now that the U.S. joined European nations in strikes against Libya, where’s the applause from all the conservatives who were complaining Obama should take action?

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Amtrak renamed the Wilmington, Delaware, train station Joseph R. Biden Jr. Railroad Station.  When Biden was a senator, he rode the train regularly to D.C. for 36 years.  Said the Vice President at the ceremony  “The truth is, I don’t deserve this, unless you reward longevity.”

And President Obama reminded him…they’re honoring the longevity of your service, not your speeches.

 

Canadian joke from my friend Gregg Drinnan in Kamloops , BC.  where he is sports editor of the Daily News: “Being a proud Canadian, I once again am rooting for Yukon to go all the way.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Presidential madness:

Posted March 19, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Barack Obama is 29-3 in his picks in the NCAA men’s tournament. The president is in the 100th percentile on ESPN.com’s Tournament Challenge, tied for 492nd out of 5,923,829 submitted brackets.

So hey, the U.S. is trying to come up with creative ways to fix the deficit – maybe Obama should take his talents to Las Vegas.

 

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On the other hand, now that he lives in Washington D.C. who better than Obama to be an expert on amateur basketball?   His home team is now the Wizards.

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But sorry folks,  referring to Thursday and Friday games in this year’s NCAA tournament as “second round” games  is B.S.   This was the FIRST round. Those little matchups on Tuesday and Wednesday were “play-in” games. Even the BCS is thinking “Have you no shame?”

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Michigan 75 – Tennessee 45. This game was so embarrassing that Volunteers fans are wondering if Lane Kiffin was somehow involved.

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Augie’s proposed headline for USC’s early exit – “Flaccid Trojans get Rammed.”

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Pete Kendall, the NFL players association representative says that negotiations broke off because the owners’ last offer suddently made salaries a fixed cost and was “kind of the old switcheroo.” Yeah, how does he think they became billionaires in the first place?

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The University of Michigan cancelled a planned trip with three games to Stanford this weekend due to a forecast of rain, and will instead play in a tournament at Eastern Michigan University. Which coincidentally saves a lot of money the school can use towards say….football?

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The AP Stylebook apparently has decided that it’s now “email” not “e-mail.” Just in time for the majority of the world to have switched to social media and texts.

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Dan Quayle defended President Obama’s golfing by saying “I’m glad he’s playing. I think presidents deserve down time. And believe me, he is in constant communication with what’s going on.”

And some in the GOP allegedly responded, yeah, well what does Quayle know? Who would ever think he was qualified to be president. Oops, never mind.

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A Florida State Senator wants to require that an alternative he calls “non-evolution” be taught in public school classrooms. Well,, I must say, as far as evidence against the theory of evolution, many of the residents – and elected officials – of Florida do provide pretty good examples.

Comments: 4 Comments

Upset stomachs.

Posted March 18, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,
March 17 was a day for upset stomachs  – for drinkers and nondrinkers alike, the day after St. Patrick’s Day.    Especially for those who had Louisville into the Final Four.
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There was actually a semi-upset in the play-in round, as the relatively unheralded VCU Rams knocked off the  USC Trojans, 59-46.   USC players were particularly upset after the game and wishing they’d gone to the NIT.  Now all that’s left for them this year is the prospect of going to class.
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#13 Morehead State 62, #4 Louisville 61. This might be the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to coach Rick Pitino, at least while he kept his pants on.
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Ken Griffey, Jr now says that he abruptly retired last year because he felt he had “become a distraction.”  Upon hearing the news Brett Favre giggled.
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San Diego Chargers linebacker Kevin Burnett called NFL commissioner Roger Goddell a “blatant liar” in an radio interview. Goddell was shocked – a University Tennessee football graduate knows the word “blatant?”
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A co-pilot for United Express has been charged with flying while drunk on a flight last December from Austin to Denver. Wonder if this means the next airline ticket surcharge will be for a breathalyzer in the cockpit?

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Actor Michael Gough, 94, died today. His most memorable role, on television and in the movies was as Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne/Batman’s butler. Wonder if God called him home on the Batphone?

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SF Giants’ ace Tim Lincecum was quoted in the SF Chronicle as saying his favorite “In and Out Burger’ order is  “Three Double-Doubles. Two fries. A chocolate-strawberry shake. Ketchup please, but hold the lettuce and tomatoes.”

Wow, wonder what would give a skinny little guy like him such a major case of the munchies?

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A sign that we’re getting closer to the beginning of the regular season and real baseball.  Wednesday night The Mariners’ Milton Bradley was ejected for the first time in 2011 

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Now that several of OSUs star players, including QB Terrelle Pryor, have been suspended 5 games for selling memorabilia, coach Jim Tressel has requested his own suspension also be increased to 5 games. Partly this may be in hopes of leniency from the NCAA. Or partly it may be, with his stars gone, Tressel doesn’t want the potential losses on his watch.

Comments: 3 Comments

St Patrick’s Day madness.

Posted March 17, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,
Okay, I’m not a Catholic. But who put the corned beef and cabbage holiday smack in the middle of Lent?’
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New St. Paddy’s toast: “May your troubles last as long as your intact brackets.”
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A note in advance, before you crow over your first upset, you get more crediblity if you  know where your “team” s college actually is. At least have it narrowed down to the right state.  And having some clue of the team’s  mascot doesn’t hurt either.
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Hooters is encouraging fans to visit “HootersHookyDay.com to download both a doctor’s note and a free appetizer coupon for this Thursday and Friday during the NCAA first round basketball games. Of course, if you spend several hours drinking beer and eating Hooters chicken wings you won’t need to fake the doctor’s note the next day.
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The Republican National Committe chair criticized President Obama for taking time to fill out a NCAA bracket in the midst of the “budget and other pressing issues?” Give me a break, Barack picked the top seed to win each bracket. How much time could it have taken?
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Neil Diamond was inducted last night into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. If Elvis wasn’t dead this just killed him.
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The NFL says they will give out more suspensions for illegal hits in 2011. Actually the way it looks like things are going, there will be NO illegal hits in 2011. Or any other hits for that matter
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Michele Bachman is still complaining about the  media’s treatment of  her because she stated, twice, that the “shot heard round the world” that started the Revolutionary war was fired in Lexington, New Hamphire.
Meanwhile, other Republicans are trying to make sure Bachman doesn’t have any speaking engagements scheduled in Alamo, California.
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Federal prosecutors released voicemail messages from Barry Bonds to his mistress. The claim is because Bonds sounds like a angry jerk in many of them, that this was the result of steroids fueled rage. The defense will presumably counter with the argument – Barry has ALWAYS been a jerk.
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The Sacramento Kings have already filed trademark registrations for four names in preparation for a possible move to Southern California:  Anaheim Royals, Anaheim Royals of Southern California, Orange County Royals and Los Angeles Royals. 
Well, considering how much the team stinks on a regular basis, a more fitting  name might be the Kansas City Royals, but that’s already taken.
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And regarding this Sacramento Kings/Royals stuff.  Aren’t American Indian tribes suing to stop what they feel that it’s insulting to their name to have it on a team’s  mascots?   So I presume some relative of the British royal family might know enough basketball to issue a “cease and desist” order to the team wherever they end up.
On the other hand, if the Lakers wanted to call themselves the Royals, this could probably be arranged.
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Atlanta Braves minor league manager and former player Luis Salazar will lose an eye after being hit in the face with a foul line drive during a spring training game. Sad, but amazing this doesn’t happen more often. Especially at places like A T & T park in San Francisco, where half the fans in field club pay more attention to their cell phones than the game.

Comments: 7 Comments

More madness.

Posted March 15, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

I know it’s only March, but for Time’s Person of the Year 2011, I think the clear frontrunner is Mother Nature.

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Yesterday I posted that there was ONE good basketball team in Northern California – the Stanford women. But realized later, I had forgotten the St. Mary’s Gaels, who just missed the NCAA men’s tournament and got a one seed in the NIT.

Tonight the Gaels lost in the first round to Kent State.  So the Stanford women stand alone.

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Here’s a thought about the NIT.   With the new NCAA 68 team format, does the NIT winner get to cut down the nets and yell “We”re number 69?

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Al Gore has apparently signed a deal to write a new book. No word on the title yet, but the volume will apparently be marketed as the best thing since Tylenol PM.

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T.C. wonders if Paul the Octopus could pick the Elite Eight.  And across America, millions of Americans struggling to fill out their brackets are muttering “why did that creature have to die before I really needed him.”

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Michele Bachman said she “made a mistake” saying that the Revolutionary War started in Lexington, NH. But that this proves media bias since they didn’t make as much of Barack Obama’s saying he’d campaigned in 57 states. Well, maybe because Obama made the gaffe once and acknowledged it quickly.

And Bachman repeated her misstatement in a second speech and didn’t acknowledge the mistake for days.

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Many in England are wondering why Sarah Ferguson wasn’t invited to the Royal Wedding.  Uh, maybe because she’s the closest thing British royalty has these days to Charlie Sheen?

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Yes, Virginia, there are limits. In Florida, despite NRA lobbying, Senate Republicans scrapped plans to allow guns on college campuses. Guess even the GOP didn’t want to risk arming fans at Florida-Florida State games.

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Despite a spate of injuries and pressure from their sponsors, the NHL is leaning towards not implementing rule changes to curb concussions. Instead, the league will push for tighter enforcement of current penalties. Here’s a suggestion – you injure someone with an illegal hit, you are suspended as long as they are unable to return to the ice.

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Interesting and distracting question on a KNBR talk show tonight – if you could go back in time and attend one sporting event, what would it be? My first choice might be the Belmont in 1973. (The one that Secretariat won by about 33 lengths.)

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Comments: 5 Comments

Hard choices?

Posted March 15, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

While it is against the law for Medicare to pay for prescriptions for  Viagra and other ED  treatments, the Health and Human Services department found the government health program paid claims worth over $3  million for those drugs.

So where are the Tea Party members of Congress standing up and saying government needs to make some “not so hard” choices?

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Meanwhile, the bitching begins about NCAA tourney picks.  And agreed, the Big East and ACC and Pac 10 were probably ranked too high.    But come on, teams with 8-9-10-11  losses, complaining  they didn’t get a chance to play for a national championship?

At TCU, for example, they’re not getting out the violins.

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Michele Bachman on her “geographic malfunction.” “So I misplaced the battles Concord and Lexington by saying they were in New Hampshire. It was my mistake, Massachusetts is where they happened. New Hampshire is where they are still proud of it!” If she’s going to insult states’ patriotism where’s her comment on all the Texans who want to secede?

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Or from Marc Ragovin:  Michele Bachmann has apologized for mistakenly saying that the battle of Lexington and Concord occurred in New Hampshire and not Massachusetts. She said that what she meant to say was that Barack Obama is a Muslim

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Nestle’s Lean Cuisine division announced a major recall of their spaghetti with meatballs because it may contain foreign materials. What, like meat?

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Commie pinko time:

The situation in Japan is beyond awful. But part of the problem apparently is that the Japanese regulatory agency largely leaves it to the utility company to determine if a site is safe. Yeah, that deregulation has worked so well in the U.S., with say, the financial industry.

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Back to reality, or rather unreality. So who made the bigger mistake? The NCAA by, again, not picking Virignia Tech? Or Brad by not picking Chantal?

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Monday night was “the Bachelor” season finale.  A good night for many American households – most women got to control the VCR, while men cheerfully worked on their brackets.

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Jed York just posted this about the NFL lockout on the 49ers website “The ultimate goal is to establish an agreement that is good for the long-term health of the league and provides a tremendous product for you, our fans.” Wonder if he typed this with a straight face?

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If  the NFL lockout shows signs of going more than a few months, will Cam Newton apply for a  amateur reinstatement and another year of eligiblity,  saying his father told him to go pro?

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No Northern California teams are in the mens’ NCAA tournament. Which is a shame. The Sacramento Kings could have been at least a six seed.

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All this talk about a “No-fly” zone over Libya. Northern California travelers would know it would be simpler if we really wanted to bring air traffic to a halt – just put SFO air traffic controllers in charge of the country.

Comments: 1 Comment

Pool parties

Posted March 14, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

So now it’s down to 68. That’s teams playing for the men’s college basketball championship, not Republicans running for the Presidency in 2012.  (Though the number has to be getting pretty close to that.)

This year, with 68 teams in the NCAA tournament, the games start Tuesday instead of Thursday. Which means two less days to fill out brackets. So much for two of the only productive U.S. worker days in March. 

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So let’s see, USC was selected for a play-in game against VCU.  This after their coach was suspended for the end of the Pac 10 tournament after getting into such a heated argument with an opposing team booster that police were called.

Now, the Trojans are in a bracket where they will play first in Dayton, then in Chicago, which means no doubt a preponderance of East Coast and Midwest fans.  Let’s see, a coach known to be volatile, a program that many Americans love to hate, and playing about 2000 miles from home.  The best action here could be off the court.

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No Northern California teams are in the mens’ NCAA tournament. Which is a shame. The Sacramento Kings could have been at least a six seed.

(and no folks, Oakland is not in California.  Not the Oakland  that’s in the tournament. The University is in Rochester, Michigan.)

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Actually NCAA pools should give a bonus to those who can correctly identify, without Google. where  Oakland, Wofford, Morehead State, Hampton and St. Peters are located. For starters.

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Many are still buzzing about Michele Bachman’s gaffe of claiming the “shot heard round the world” was fired in Lexington, New Hampshire.    Wonder what would happen if she ended up in a room of old time Giants and Dodgers fans.

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One of those days no doubt for at least two travelers.. An announcement at Dulles airport: “Will arriving passengers on flight XYZ please check to see if they have removed their own carry-on bag from the overhead bin and if not, please return immediately to gate C20.”

From my twisted friend  Jim Barach. 

Researchers conducting a shark census off the California Coast have found just 219 Great White sharks. There may actually have been more, but census workers just seemed to keep disappearing…

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Answers to the University “quiz” –   Hampton is in Virginia.  Morehead State is in Kentucky. Wofford is in South Carolina.   And St. Peters is in New Jersey (yes, I had to look that last one up.)

Comments: 2 Comments

Springing forward….

Posted March 12, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,
There were long lines at Apple Stores this weekend for the new iPad 2.  Well, it’s not like most of those in line were missing anything important, like a date.
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Disney’s animated movie “Mars needs Moms,” about a boy whose mom gets kidnapped by Martians, bombed Fridayat the box office with only a $1.7 million take.  Makes sense, the concept sounds scary to young kids, and teenagers already think their moms ARE martians.
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Another in the long line of “Does this really need a punchline” items:
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Michele Bachmann made her first visit to New Hampshire as a 2012 potential presidental candidate. And not once but twice told Republican crowds,  “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.”
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Give the gal a break though, living in Minnesota she can’t see New England from her house.
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Rick Santorum (2011) on Newt Gingrich- the indiscretions are “not an issue” with regard to where he stands on matters of policy. Rick Santorum (1999) – after voting to convict Bill Clinton – “I think it’s a sign of decadence and decay. Which is a threat to the fabric of this country.”
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NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and league general counsel Jeff Pash said they are cutting their salaries to $1 each during the lockout. No word on how many millions they will get in a bonus from the owners if they break the players union.
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Despite Scott Walker’s already signing the anti-collective bargaining agreement into law, Wisconsin labor protesters are refusing to quit. Well, maybe Brett Favre didn’t set such a bad example after all.
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As we approach NCAA Selection Sunday,, here’s a headline most sports fans thought they’d never see “Harvard on bubble after tough loss.”
(Normally the only bubbles  Harvard men are concerned with have to do with the stock market.)
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Cris Collingsworth was among those rescued when a floating barge restaurant broke loose across from Cincinnati and drifted down the Ohio. Normally the only people up that river without a paddle are Bengals fans.
(My friend Tony asks “But is Cris’s hair okay?”   The good news answer is that his hair is in stable condition but doctors expect it to make a full recovery.)

Comments: 1 Comment

Crying shames

Posted March 11, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Of course, on a serious note, the most important story of the day is the tsunami and the tragic results in Japan.  But that doesn’t mean the absurdities of the world take a holiday, and so, today’s blog…..   (Because I really do believe laughter is usually the best medicine.)

The NFL players have de-unionized which increases the chance there will be no professional football next year. So for 49ers and Raiders fans, sounds like business as usual.

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Note to all fans of professional football: The Canadian Football League’s first pre-season game is only three months from Tuesday.

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A new study says that women who get their daily dose of coffee are at less risk of dying from a stroke. Presumably they are also at less risk of killing their husbands and children.

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USC’s mens basketball coach Kevin O’Neill was suspended for the remainder of the Pacific 10  tournament after an “incident”/”verbal altercation” with an opposing team booster in the JW Marriott in Los Angeles.   So is it something in the water in Los Angeles, or do personalites with a tendency to make public fools of themselves just naturally gravitate there?

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And wonder if they’ll suspend O’Neill for something that actually matters to Trojan fans, which this year is likely to be the NIT.

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Happy to have had a suggestion included in ESPN.com’s Page 2 alternative March Madness Top 10 list.  (Although the NFL owners may go down in history as the Maddest this March of all.)

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=6201171

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Sunday night is the change to Daylight Savings Time in most of the U.S.   If we’re going to lose an hour though, wouldn’t it be better to do it in the cruddiest month, like February?

Dwyane Wade called out Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy  for his criticism,  saying “When statements are made about the Miami Heat, about the attention we get and us crying about it, [from] Orlando they really don’t understand.”

Uh, Dwayne, outside the immediate environs of South Florida, they don’t understand, or sympathize, either.

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From my friend Ben Burnett:  “BREAKING NEWS: CHARLIE SHEEN SUES PRODUCERS!!!!……and I think something happened in Japan.”

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Auburn coach Gene Chizik dismissed four players from the football team when they were arrested for armed robbery. Chizik said “these young men have a right for their case to be heard, (but) playing for Auburn University is an honor and a privilege. It is not a right.” Unless you have Heisman-level talent.

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Meanwhile  two Michigan State players were arrested for fighting in an Aspen, Colorado, bar and then trying to flee from officers. Police also said they had to use a stun gun on one of the players.  Presumably MSU will impose serious sanctions on the players, which by current Big 10 standards appears to be a two-game suspension.  The Spartans’ first two games?   Youngstown State and Florida Atlantic.

Comments: 1 Comment

Shocks and aftershocks.

Posted March 11, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

On a serious if snide note – To all Tea Partiers and others who want to slash government spending absolutely to the bone:. How do you feel about cutting the USGS (United States Geological Survey) and FEMA budgets now?

(my sister, a seismologist, points out that if we were in a government shutdown, it would be illegal for any USGS employee to do any work or even talk to the media right now.)

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And back to a semi-lighter note.  The Government of Japan has issued warnings for residents NOT to head to the coast to see the waves. Can we just give anyone who disobeys those orders a Darwin award right now? 

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Think you’re feeling lonely today? Imagine being a Republican union member in Wisconsin.

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House Speaker John Boehner said that the Obama administration is exacerbating rising energy costs. Tough words from a man who isn’t even willing to cut down on his own personal use of electricity with his tanning bed.

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‎30 million votes for the first, relatively trivial, night of American Idol? Maybe the producers can adjust the show so that the final is in the fall – combining it with the general election might actually increase turnout.

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The three officials who missed two major turnovers in the last seconds of the St. John’s-Rutgers game have voluntarily withdrawn from the remainder of the Big East tournament. Well, it’s not like they were doing anything anyway.

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The Dalai Lama says he’s retiring. Responded Brett Favre “The first time is the hardest.”

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Charlie Sheen thinks Rob Lowe would be a good replacement for him on “Two and a Half Men.” On the other hand, Muammar Qaddafi might soon be available.

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David Brooks may have ignited a controversy by saying of Newt Gingrich “I wouldn’t let that guy run a 7-11, let alone the country.”  Brooks has already had a angry demand for an immediate apology, from 7-11.

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AOL announced it will slash 900 jobs worldwide, or nearly 20 percent of its work force. This is shocking news, AOL still HAS a work force?
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Huffington Post usually runs banner headlines on major corporate layoffs. So I’m sure it must be an oversight that they don’t have such a headline on AOL laying off 20 percent of its staff.

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And they said it couldn’t be done. Tonight the Miami Heat had most of America rooting for…the Lakers!?

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Ohio State officials, in a letter to the NCAA, said that they originally considered a stronger punishment for football coach Jim Tressel than just missing the Buckeyes’ first two games. But that might have violated the most important of the school’s rules – “Thou shalt win.”

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Outside the lines:

Posted March 10, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Baylor’s freshman star basketball player Perry Jones was declared ineligible because his mother got (and repaid) three, 15-day loans from an AAU coach when Jones was in high school. So, see, the NCAA can actually enforce their own rules. As long as the team involved is not in the Top 25 or the SEC. (And isn’t the USC Trojans.)

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Stanford’s mens basketball team was bounced from the Pac 10 tournament tonight, 69-67 by Oregon State. At one point in the first half the Cardinal was 3 for 30 from the field. With that kind of shooting skill I presume they got a half time congratulatory call from Dick Cheney.

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Internships.com said Wednesday that 74,040 people have applied to Sheen’s internship position since he posted it Monday. No doubt about 74,039 already are fantasizing about the money they will make from the tell-all book they will write afterwards.

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Lebron James was quoted as saying after Miami’s latest loss “Crazy thing is, we could lose every game and still make the playoffs in the Eastern Conference.” So is that the Heat’s secret plan?

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Illinois has abolished the death penalty. Apparently they feel that just sentencing inmates to life without parole and watching Cubs games is punishment enough.

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Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Zack Greinke will probably begin the season on the disabled list after breaking a rib in a collision going for the ball a pickup basketball game. We all know white men can’t jump. Sounds like they shouldn’t try to rebound either.

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A Missouri high school teacher lost her job after it was discovered she was a porn star over two decades ago.  Yeah, with a scandalous past how was she thinking that she could get away with being a teacher?  Run for office on a GOP family values platform maybe.

Speaking of which, Newt Gingrich is now partly blaming the fact that he cheated on both of his first two wives, (and divorced them when they had cancer and MS respectively)  because he loved his country too much.

 “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

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Kind of makes you wonder what would happen with that “passionate” caring  if Newt had a really stressful job, like being President?

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 To paraphrase Madame Alvarez in the movie “Gigi” – this might be the LEAST “charming and endearing excuse for infidelity I have ever heard”

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No warming trend for these Heat.

Posted March 9, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

The Miami Heat lost their FIFTH game in a row tonight, 105-96 to the Portland Traiiblazers.. Even without a punchline, I just like writing it.

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What do you call five Heat losses in a row?  A good start.

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So will the theme song for this year’s Miami team in the NBA playoffs be “The Heat is Gone?”

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Starbucks is celebrating their 40th anniversary. What they are really celebrating these days, however, is that gas prices are making their coffee prices almost look reasonable.

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Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel will be fined $250k and suspended for the first two games of the season for ignoring the fact his players were selling memorabilia. The first two games of the 2011 for the Buckeyes are against Akron and Toledo. So who is this OSU athletic director and when did he transfer from the SEC ?  (Or USC.)

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Buckeyes’ coach Jim Tressel apparently ignored the fact that his star players were selling memorabilia, because he “wanted to keep the team together.” And of course he was following OSU’s version of the honor code: “Beat Michigan.”

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Texas Tech let Bobby Knight’s son Pat go as head coach after three seasons. Unfortunately it turns out he couldn’t hold a chair to his father.

(or as Alex Kaseberg says “The chair didn’t fall far from the tree.”)

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Mike Huckabee says of the controversy around last week’s other incendiary comments  “Well, I can’t be both. I can’t be the dumbest guy in the room and the smartest guy in the room at the same time.”

Uh, Mike, no one is accusing you of the latter.

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Mike Huckabee’s latest defense over his most recent controversy is that he “didn’t bring Natalie Portman up at all,” suggesting that radio host Michael Medved was the one who dragged Portman into the discussion. You have to love it. Huckabee, of course, is running on a platform of personal responsibility.

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Tuesday was Mardi Gras.  Now Mardi Gras translates literally  to “Fat Tuesday.” Which means the day has really transplanted Thanksgiving as the most American of holidays

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for Canadian readers:  (or anyone interested in politics north of the border.)

At least four Canadian government departments have reported that they received a directive late last year that the words “Government of Canada” in federal communications be replaced with “Harper Government.” This is why many Canadians are beginning to believe that God has a Stephen Harper complex.

Comments: 1 Comment

Expectant mothers:

Posted March 8, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Rachel Alexandra, the 2009 Horse of the Year, is in foal to two-time Horse of the Year Curlin.  Not sure if she’s formally retired, but this probably does rule out her ever competing again in Utah.

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After the announcement, Mike Huckabee immediately condemned Rachel Alexandra as a bad example to all fillies and mares out there for flaunting her out-of-wedlock condition.

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But really, back to the BYU situation.  If Davies does marry his “baby-mama,” gets reinstated for the NCAA tournament, and then they end up divorced soon after the child is born, well, it could put a whole new spin on “One and Done.”

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A Department of Transportation/Consumer Reports survey says that 63 percent of drivers under 30 admit to using handheld cellphones while driving, and 30 percent say they have sent texts from the road. The other 7 percent were too busy driving, talking on the phone AND texting to answer the survey.

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Many teams love to give out rally rags to fans during the post season. Wonder though when the NBA playoffs start in April, if the Miami Heat will give their fans crying towels.

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According to Yahoo Sports, Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew eight months earlier than the school admitted admitting knowing that star players were selling memorabilia. This allegation is serious enough it could get him fired from OSU, but might make Tressel the front runner to succeed Lane Kiffin at USC.

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Donald Trump criticized Republican Senator Lamar Alexander for trying to get free publicity because Alexander not only said Trump had no chance to win the GOP nomination, but added he was “famous for being famous.”   And “the Donald” allegedly said “Hey, get your own platform.”

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When they finally do cancel “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” reality series, can we hope that America will never have to hear the phrase again “in it for the right reasons?”

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The Chicago Cubs have already committed 14 errors so far this spring training. So this year the team may be known as the Cub-EEEs.

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According to CNN, Warner Brothers Television says it has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on “Two and a Half Men” effective immediately. Apparently it was cheaper to contract with Amtrak to show actual train wrecks

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from Jim Barach:

Former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is reportedly near foreclosure on his Oakland mansion. Apparently even his mortgage payments fell incomplete.

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