Berry berry bad.

Posted October 13, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

For some reason, Blackberries across the world have been experiencing service outages with their email, browsing and texting capabilities. Which comes at a particularly bad time for RIM with the recent release of the iPhone 4S. And here some people thought Steve Jobs would be bored up in heaven.

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Blackberry’s worldwide problems continued Wednesday, even resulting in major outages in the United States. Although the U.S. problems eased in the afternoon. So much for that morning drop in auto accidents while drivers couldn’t text and check their messages.

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“Too much technology” issue of the day: All these airlines pushing their travelers to do mobile boarding passes instead of paper…. Anyone who’s flying with a mobile boarding pass sent to their Blackberry today is completely, er, hosed. (PG version.)

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Meanwhile, in Oak Park, Illinois, the city is trying to cut down on “distracted” driving and considering making it illegal to eat while driving a car. Well, as long as they don’t make drinking coffee while driving illegal.

Personally I’d take my chances with a distracted driver holding a coffee cup over many people on the road before they had their morning caffeine.

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Postscript to NLCS game three and the NLDS: Hmm, maybe President Obama needs to have a squirrel run across the floor in Congress to rescue his jobs bill.

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Wednesday night in St. Louis, fans were given “Rally Squirrel” towels, plus the chance to buy a stuffed animal for $5. This whole phenomenon could be the squirreliest thing in MLB since Bud Selig said he had no idea about the steroid problem.

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Meanwhile, for the third game out of four in the ALCS there was at least a delay due to rain. Hmm, maybe God really is a Yankees fan.

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Theo Epstein has apparently come to terms with the Chicago Cubs to be their new GM. The contract is apparently for 5 years and $15 million. With the provision that if he gets the Cubs to the World Series, Epstein will be nominated immediately for sainthood.

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Boston College AD Gene DeFilippo has apologized to the ACC for saying in a newspaper interview that ESPN told the league to add Pittsburgh and Syracuse.

DeFilippo said in a letter that he “spoke inappropriately and erroneously regarding ESPN’s role in conference expansion.” Translation, ESPN may or may not have told the league to add the teams, but if they did they told us to shut up about it.

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Herman Cain leads in a new poll of GOP presidential candidates with 27 %. Mitt Romney remains where he usually is, in second place, this time with 23%. While erstwhile leaders Bachmann and Perry have fallen off. But let’s be real here, what these polls consistently show is that 75-80% of GOP voters want ANYONE but Romney.

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V.P. Joe Biden said Herman Cain’s “9-9-9” proposal would “unduly hurt the middle class in America.” Yeah, well that assumes there is still a middle class still left in America.

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A Massachusetts family that got lost in a seven-acre corn maze apparently called 911 for help yesterday. Stories like this make you wonder why Obama doesn’t throw up his hands and say “I quit, you Americans are hopeless.”

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Despite allegations that Cam Newton’s father “shopped” his services, and despite further allegations by former Auburn players that they were paid, the NCAA has determined that the university was not guilty of major wrongdoing and does not need to vacate their BCS championship. The ruling presumably cited the well-known “SEC codicil.”

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From T.C. CFL (Canadian Football League) update. THe Montreal Alouettes’ Anthony Cavillo has set the record for most career yards passing (72,429 yds) for all pro quarterbacks. Congrats were that he passed in the record books. (Dan Marino, Damon Allen and Warren Moon)

Brett Favre was noticeably missing, but that’s only because Deanna still has his video phone.

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From another funny friend (not T.C.) who wishes to remain anonymous: The Seahawks tried to trade Aaron Curry to the Raiders last week, too, but Al Davis said, “Over my dead body.”

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Waxed?

Posted October 12, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Just a thought, if Mitt Romney ever actually does win the Presidency… Fully expect Madame Tussaud’s to throw up their hands and say “Sorry, there is no way we can compete with reality here.”

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This thought inspired by a conversation with my friend Steven Harmon: If Admiral Stockdale was alive he would look at the GOP candidates on the debate stand tonight and ask “Who are they, what are they doing here?”

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Like Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani just announced he was not running for President. Unlike Christie, no one had asked Giuliani to run anyway.

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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie did endorse Romney Tuesday. Wonder if any editor will run this headline today “Christie throws weight behind Romney.”

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Herman Cain said before tonight’s GOP debate that he was going to take on Mitt Romney but added “I’m not going after Perry. I don’t need to go after Perry.” Translation, nothing I can add will be as damaging as what comes out of Rick Perry’s mouth.

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Herman Cain, who has become a darling of the Tea Party, also said “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.” Uh, doesn’t that mean Obama’s off the hook?

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Lebron James is now talking about taking his talents to the NFL. Wait until someone tells him they also play four quarters.

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Theo Epstein is apparently about to bolt Boston for the Chicago Cubs. Well, now that he’s married with children it makes sense. The job comes with Octobers off.

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South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia has been dismissed from the team, after his fifth suspension. – this one due to his allegedly testing positive for marijuana and alcohol. Wonder how long until Garcia gets asked to work out for the Cincinnati Bengals.

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From Gary M. – Had Dr. Seuss chronicled the Broncos Sunday, he would’ve told us that Tebow got to play because: Orton Hears a Boo.

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Open note to all those ESPN types who were basically predicting a Texas ALCS sweep: If you guys paid any attention to teams beyond the Yankees and Red Sox, you might have noticed that a- Texas isn’t as good on the road, and b- Detroit has a pretty good team, including that Fister guy they picked up from Seattle….

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ESPN is advertising their first “Countdown to the BCS” Sunday night. Which will be, about HALFWAY through the college football season, the current rankings for BCS bowl games. Not sure of the order of the top teams at this point, but sure of one thing, anyone who makes this appointment TV is in serious need of a life.

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Tim Tebow apparently will be named the Broncos starter for their game after the bye week. Does this mean that God wants Tebow to be the Denver QB? Or does He/She really want to see Andrew Luck in a Broncos uniform?

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Sign of the apocalypse?

Posted October 11, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Is this a sign of the apocalypse or what? At the time of writing this post, the best professional team in Michigan plays football, and the best professional team in Texas plays baseball.

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Okay, we all know that the SEC conference has the best on-field reputation in college football. (We won’t talk about stuff like academics and felonies, for now.)

But looking at the rankings, with Boise State over Stanford in most polls, when did the Mountain West Conference pass the Pac 12?

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Apparently due to an outage, millions of BlackBerry users in Europe have been without Web and texting service Monday. What a crisis. Many teenagers were forced to actually talk to each other.

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A legally blind high school student in New Jersey pitched a no-hitter. Which might be a first. Although many sports fans would say that legally-blind umpires have often called one.

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Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty says “if I would have known then what I know now” he would have stayed in the presidential race longer. Well, yeah, at the very least Pawlenty would have had his turn to have poll numbers equal to or better than Mitt Romney’s.

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Netflix got a brief public relations boost Monday morning by announcing they are reversing their plan to split their streaming and DVD rentals into two companies with two logins, passwords, etc. But then all those happy customers realized, the price hike stays….

This is kind of like leaving your wife for another woman, returning, and saying “by the way honey, mind if she stays with us for a while?”

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Hank Williams Jr, is coming out with a new song “I’ll keep my ….” Including the line “So Fox `n Friends wanna put me down/Ask for my opinion/Twist it all around….” And he urges Americans to boycott the show (along with ESPN.) Must give props to Williams – he’s done something few thought possible – accused “Fox & Friends” of being overly PC.

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Okay, lies, damn lies and statistics time. And yes, the 49ers are somehow 4-1. But if you look at quarterback ratings, Alex Smith, at 104.1 is behind only Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers as the number three QB in the country.

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Gov. Jerry Brown signed legislation banning “Open-Carry” of unloaded handguns in California. On the SF Chronicle website there are a number of comments saying “Well, he just lost my vote.” Okay, but if anyone cares so much about carrying an unloaded gun in public, did we really think they were going to vote for Brown in the first place?

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Game two of the ALCS between Detroit and Texas was cancelled in advance due to rain. Except it never rained. So who made the decision about this over-hyped storm – a “Dream Team” of weather forecaster.

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“Joe the Plumber” is back and running for Congress. Anyone else wish that Andy Warhol’s 15 minutes was a lifetime cap in some cases?

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Apparently Rick Perry’s campaign staff is trying to reduce his future speaking errors and bad performances by making the Governor get more sleep. Is that really likely to work? The modern president who was most consistently the “early to bed” type was George W. Bush.

Comments: 1 Comment

Rough week.

Posted October 10, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Rough week for New York sports fans. The Yankees were eliminated. And the Jets and the Giants both lost. On a more cheerful note, it looks like the Knicks’ season may be cancelled.

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Not that things are much happier in Philly. As fans wonder if Michael Vick is entering the “Dog Days” of October.

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Denver coach John Fox made fans happy and inserted Tim Tebow into the Broncos game against the the Chargers today. So is it God’s will that Tebow play? Maybe, or maybe God is just thinking “Well, I’m not sure about Tim, but I’ve sure seen enough of Kyle Orton”

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The Vikings went up 21-0 in the first quarter against Arizona, and won 34-10. Although worried Minnesota fans at first were just wondering if the team was trying to set an NFL record for the biggest lead that a team could manage to lose.

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Realize that Pac 12 football is lightly regarded, still it’s hard to believe crushing Colorado 48-7 was really cause for Stanford being dropped in the polls against Wisconsin. Especially as the Badgers faced the mighty “Bye week.”

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If this keeps up the Cardinal could go undefeated and not finish in the top ten.

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For the first time in recent memory there is no team from Florida in the AP college football top 25. Shame they aren’t eligible since otherwise the Miami Dolphins might qualify.

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Thought after watching the Raiders game: Sebastian Janikowski – the only kicker in the NFL who hits 50 yard chip shots.

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California Gov. Jerry Brown signed a bill allowing children age 12 and up to get vaccinated for STDs without their parents’ consent. Well, as a parent I would hope kids wait considerably beyond age 12. But on the other hand, the kids it applies to didn’t need their parents’ consent to become sexually active in the first place

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Herman Cain, when asked on CNN about the recent controversy as to whether or not Mitt Romney is a Christian, responded “He’s a Mormon. That much I know. I am not going to do an analysis of Mormonism versus Christianity for the sake of answering that. I’m not getting into that.” Maybe Cain is ready to be president. That answer is on the level of “It depends what the definition of ‘is’ is.”

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Meanwhile, in California, Gavin Newsom spoke at a Democratic meeting in Half Moon Bay and criticized President Obama, Jerry Brown and other Democrats for not doing enough to fix the economy. Apparently they didn’t live up to the perfect standards he set as the mayor of San Francisco.

Comments: 4 Comments

So long, Al

Posted October 9, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

R.I.P. Al Davis. Whatever you thought of the man, the No Fun League just got a little more boring.

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Apparently Davis set up his will to keep control of the Raiders in his family. Well, actually that was Al’s backup plan. His real intent was to live forever.

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Not to say Al Davis was a bit of a control freak. But in his will wonder how many years ahead he left instructions and choices for Raiders draft picks?

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As my friend Ed says “Not a good week for men in black.”

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Oklahoma Sooners 55 – Texas Longhorns 17. This could be the most embarrassing thing to happen to Texas football for a while. Especially since the Dallas Cowboys have a bye week.

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So for all their money, the Yankees ended up this year without winning it all, and in most of the country, getting no love. Wonder if they got a congratulatory call from Mitt Romney.

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Robert Jeffress, the pastor who introduced Rick Perry to the “Values Voters Summit” said that Mitt Romney’s Mormon faith is “a cult.” Several cults responded “Hey, don’t accuse us of including Mormons.”

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Roger Williams, who died today at the age of 87, played for nine presidents, and still has the the best-selling piano record of all time, his 1955 “Autumn Leaves.” Many younger people these days, however, heard of his death and wonder who Williams was. And still others wonder “what’s a record?”

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Stanford and Andrew Luck put on a clinic Saturday against Colorado. Which should impress Heismann and BCS voters. Both of them who are actually watching the game.

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SI.com College Football ten Headlines late Saturday night: “No. 14 NU rallies from 21 down – McCarron, No. 2 Tide trip Vandy – No. 1 Tigers trump No. 17 Gators -No. 3 OU rips No. 11 Texas 55-17 -No. 8 Clemson wins; Boyd hurt -No. 13 Ga. Tech improves to 6-0 – Wake Forest topples No. 23 FSU -No. 18 South Carolina dumps UK – Thomas’ late TD rescues Hokies – No. 24 Aggies outslug Red Raiders 45-40.”

And No. 7 Stanford wonders why they keep winning and dropping in the polls.

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How the mighty have fallen. Headline today on ESPN.com – “Tiger makes cut at Frys.com”

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Caltech’s water polo team snapped their nine year and one day losing streak today against the Master’s College. Although to give them credit, Caltech players during that stretch did at least avoid drowning.

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Another MLB playoff game, another late-night rain delay. What a shame that baseball isn’t a game that can be played during the daytime.

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The NBA has already cancelled meaningless pre-season games. But Monday is David Stern’s deadline for the first two weeks of the regular season. And the two sides have announced they will not be meeting by then. Which means now the league will start cancelling meaningless regular season games.

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And then there were four.

Posted October 9, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Tigers, Rangers, Cardinals, Brewers. None of them amongst baseball’s paupers. But the nine teams in baseball with the highest payrolls are now all home watching on TV.

(The Tigers, btw, at about $105 million, are the highest paid team left, followed by about $200,000 by the Cardinals.)

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Congrats to the Cardinals. But maybe, just maybe, someone in the national media might opine after this year that the best starting rotation when it counts in baseball resides about 2500 miles west of Philly. (And yes, even great pitchers need SOME hitting, which is why that rotation isn’t in the postseason.)

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And congratulations to Milwaukee for making it to the NLCS. While I am not particularly a Brewers fan, I do realize that a Detroit-Milwaukee World Series would be Fox Sports’ worst nightmare. And Karmic payback for all those televised Red Sox-Yankees game.

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Rough week for fans in Philadelphia and New York, with the heavily favored Phillies and Yankees losing in the first round. Well, at least they’ve got championship dreams with the Eagles and Jets…. Uh, never mind.

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Now available at Dollar Stores near you – “Phillies-Yankees 2011 World Series t-shirts.”

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Good news for Phillies fans. With the retail shopping season starting earlier and earlier, it won’t be more than about a month until they can start booing Santa Claus.

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Dick Stockton, calling the Cardinals-Phillies game, just said on TBS that “the drama on the field” is increasing each inning. Wow. What an astute observation in a 1-0 game five in a best of five series.

NCAA has suspended Ohio State wide receiver DeVier Posey for five additional games because he was paid $728 for summer work he did not do. Miami players all responded “$728?! Man, midwest boosters are pikers.”

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Mitt Romney attacked Obama Friday saying “This is very simple: If you do not want America to be the strongest nation on Earth, I am not your president. You have that president.” Right, as opposed to the last GOP president who got Bin Laden and all those Al Qaeda leaders, and toppled Gaddafi… Oops, never mind.

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At the White House, President Barack Obama Friday saluted his beloved 1985 Chicago Bears for their Super Bowl win. (Now, the President had a plausible reason, as the original visit was cancelled due to the Challenger disaster.) In any case, it’s good that Obama is a South Side of Chicago baseball fan. Would be a little embarrassing to salute the 1908 Cubs.

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So for all their money, the Yankees ended up this year without winning it all, and in most of the country, getting no love. Wonder if they got a congratulatory call from Mitt Romney.

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From my funny friend Paul Seaburn: “A beautician in Thailand claims she has an all-natural technique for enlarging breasts that involves slapping them. I’m not sure I believe it. If slapping body parts made them grow, most guys would need three-legged trousers…”

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The Dutch national railway has some short-haul “Sprinter” trains designed without bathrooms. For passengers who need facilities, they are offering – plastic bags. (Yes, really.) The bags, which contain absorbent material and can be sealed and thrown away, are kept in the conductors booth for “emergencies only.” Let’s hope U.S. airlines never hear about this.

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Closing notices.

Posted October 7, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

What’s the difference these days between A-Rod and his ex-girlfriend Madonna? Madonna will actually be performing in the postseason.

(for the record, 2-18 in the ALDS, 0-4 in game five.)

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Now that the Yankees are eliminated, it’s ESPN who wants the theme song “Are you ready for some football.

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In their 3-2 loss to the Tigers, the Yankees certainly had chances. New York had runners on base in 7 innings, but went 2 for 9 with runners in scoring position, and stranded 10. Yes, the Yankees looked like World Champions, but the World Champions they looked like were the 2011 version of the SF Giants.

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This week the fat man bowed out of the Presidential race, and the fat lady sang at Yankee Stadium.

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Herman Cain on the unemployed: “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!” I’m amazed he didn’t add “Godfathers Pizza is hiring for minimum wage plus tips.”
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So in the end, what was the difference between the Red Sox and the Yankees? About a week.

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Tigers pitchers Doug Fister and Joaquin Benoit have this torture concept down so well they’ve just been made honorary SF Giants.

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The Miami Dolphins are already 0-4, and now QB Chad Henne’s separated shoulder will keep him out for the year. Looks like there’s a good chance Andrew Luck will be taking HIS talents to South Beach.

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A Texas man posted something about the anniversary of his mother’s death on facebook, and his estranged wife didn’t hit the “like” button. So the two got in a fight and he was arrested for battery. Wonder before they hauled him off if the guy had time to change his relationship status to “It’s VERY complicated.”

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Monday Night Football said they dismissed Hank Williams Jr, Williams says it was “MY” decision. In any case he and his song are gone. Standby soon for the singer’s next gig – “Are you ready for some FOX News?”

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From Marc Ragovin: Hank Williams, Jr. is in hot water for comparing President Obama to Adolph Hitler, or, as he is knowns amongst NFL players, Roger Goodell.

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Apparently one of the Boise State football players who was suspended this season received a car and money to cover insurance. Maybe it’s a good thing that the NCAA seems to be losing the battle to clean up college football. If they ever do it could cause further damage to the U.S. auto industry.
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Yet another example of why there is no satire – The Westboro Baptist Church has already announced plans to protest Steve Jobs’s funeral. They sent the message out via Twitter for iPhone.

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The Westboro Baptist people, who intend to picket Steve Jobs’ funeral for his “sins,” give Christians a bad name. Heck, they give people a bad name.

Added my friend Alex Kaseberg “They give rabid, puppy-eating hyenas a bad name.”

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Whatever the outcome of the trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor, one thing seems pretty certain – it’s amazing Jackson lived as long as he did.

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Bank of America’s CEO Brian Moynihan, defended his bank’s new $5 fee on debit cards on Wednesday, saying the bank has a “right to make a profit.” What he didn’t say, however, is that when they don’t make a profit, they also reserve the right to ask taxpayers for a bailout.

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Starbucks has raised the price of their small brewed coffee from $1.50 to $1.65. This has resulted in two different reactions: One, annoyance from plain coffee drinkers over a 10 percent increase, two, shock from most Starbucks customers that ANYTHING on the menu is under $2.

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R.I.P Steve Jobs.

Posted October 6, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Or should we say R.iPeace.

But hey, give the man credit. Steve Jobs is already accomplishing things in the afterlife. He just knocked Sarah Palin’s “I’m not running for President” announcement off the front page.

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Probably too soon for jokes about iHeadstones or iCoffin jokes. But not that much too soon. (Two of my anonymous friends have already suggested something containing either would have a crappy camera.)

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Wonder which will come first, Jobs’ memorial service, or the first “tell-all” book.”

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Meanwhile, back to Palin jokes: Sarah announced that she will not run for president in 2012, and said the decision was “prayerfully considered.” Wonder if that means God responded to her prayer with “Are you out of your bleeping mind?”

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Fox regular lead baseball analyst Tim McCarver will have a “minor heart-related procedure” this week and be replaced in the booth by Terry Francona. Baseball television viewers the world over wish McCarver the best, but think he should take plenty of time off to recover, say until at least 2014.

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St. Louis has scored 18 runs against Philadephia pitching in just four games. Yes, the Phillies are a strong team. But before the national media tries, again, to anoint their pitching staff as the best in baseball, remember SF Giants’ pitchers would call 18 runs a bad week.

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Michael Vick says the Philadelphia Eagles will no longer use the name “Dream Team.” “Nightmare” is more like it.

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My friend Jerry Perisho points out: “There was a squirrel at the Cards-Phillies game. And, it wasn’t Bud Selig.”

(My only squibble with that joke, it’s insulting to squirrels.)

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The WAC commissioner apologized for an “excessive delay” when replay officials took 22 minutes to review a play in last weekend’s Hawaii-Louisiana Tech game. 22 minutes for a decision on one play?! Who was in the replay booth? Brett Favre.

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St. Louis has scored 18 runs against Philadelphia pitching in just four games. Yes, the Phillies are a strong team. But before the national media tries, again, to anoint their pitching staff as the best in baseball, remember SF Giants’ pitchers would call 18 runs a bad week.

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Stanford’s Andrew Luck now apparently has security guards when he is going to and from games, in part to protect him from countless professional autograph hunters. Fortunately Luck is still able to attend classes on his own, probably because these pros haven’t considered the idea of a Heisman candidate QB actually GOING to class.

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A high school kicker from Carson, NV hit a 64 yard field goal last weekend. He’s been offered several college scholarships and a tryout with the Philadelphia Eagles.

Quote in response to those who are denigrating Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign against child obesity “I think it’s a really good goal to encourage kids to eat better. I’ve struggled with my weight for 30 years, and it’s a struggle. And if a kid can avoid that in his or her adult years, more power to them, and I think the first lady’s speaking out well.” The speaker? Chris Christie.

Comments: 4 Comments

Rough night

Posted October 5, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

For comedy writers. The Yankees avoided choking and Chris Christie announced he will not run for President.

But ever onward.

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Watching the Yankees win big is like watching Microsoft put another moderately funded start-up out of business.

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This afternoon the Tampa Bay Rays became the first team eliminated with the baseball playoffs. When asked their reaction, most sports fans in Tampa responded “We have a baseball team?”

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MLB fined St. Louis manager Tony La Russa for complaining on television about “two different strike zones” in Sunday’s game. But Yankees manager Joe Girardi also complained publicly about the strike zone for Sabathia last night. Well, not sure about two different strike zones, but where the Yankees are concerned MLB has two different rule books.

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New drugs for PTSD have the effect in some cases of wiping out memories. Although some scientists worry that such medications could also change people’s biographies and thus identities. Of course, there is a way for some men to take the drugs and still have total recall with details available – it’s called a wife.

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Note for women who are hoping to get a new iPhone 5 or 4s for Christmas. Most of the guys who will be first in line to get one are single.

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A Michigan high school girl , Brianna Amat, was named homecoming queen, and then that same evening went out and kicked the winning field goal for her school. She was immediately offered a tryout with the Philadelphia Eagles.

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So the NBA has now cancelled the pre-season, and is threatening to cancel the regular season. Which means that fans of professional basketball will be stuck watching John Calipari coach at Kentucky.

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Ralph Nader spoke at UC Berkeley today saying major universities should eliminate athletic scholarships or risk losing their “academic luster.” Of course, in the SEC their idea of “academic luster” means shiny bowl championship rings.
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Hank Williams Jr. is apologizing for comparing President Obama to Hitler. But the singer’s’ views are so conservative, you have to wonder, was he apologizing to fans of Obama or fans of Hitler?

Now for the anti-Hank Williams Jr.: Garth Brooks’ lyrics to “We shall be free: “When the last thing we notice is the color of skin. And the first thing we look for is the beauty within. When the skies and the oceans are clean again. We shall be free.” “When we’re free to love anyone we choose. When this world’s big enough for all different views…. We shall be free.” (Google the whole song if you like country music at all.)

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Today, October 4, United Airlines sent out a message to their frequent fliers saying that it was “Time to book Thanksgiving travel.” Although of course discount fares for peak days were sold out a couple months ago. Means their marketing department is as on time as many of their planes.

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Chris Christie says “Now is not my time.” And says unequivocally that he will not run for President in 2012. This might be the strongest sign yet that despite his poll numbers, Barack Obama is poised to win re-election.

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The Almighty works in strange and magical ways. LSU QB Jordan Jefferson, speaking out for the first time since his suspension said “God puts people in certain situations. I don’t regret anything. Everything happened for a reason. I’ve learned a lot from this.” Hmm, missed the part in the Bible where God puts people in bar fights.

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From Bill Littlejohn: A video is making the rounds in which a Cowboys fan and his son take three attempts to burn a Tony Romo jersey.In the wake of this, Cleveland Cavaliers fans have announced an instructional video”

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It’s raining stats.

Posted October 4, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

I think I can speak for many Americans when I say, “Okay, so I’d rather see “my” team win a playoff game. But it’s not a bad consolation prize to watch the Yankees lose.”

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My friend Walter pointed out today that of all the meaningless statistics in baseball, the most egregious involve pinstripes, like Sportscenter talking about the “most Ks postseason against the Yankees.”

But get this one from ESPN.com: “Delmon Young’s solo homer in Monday’s game was the sixth go-ahead, game-winning shot in the seventh inning or later vs. the Yankees during the wild-card era. The last was David Ortiz’s walk-off homer in 2004 that started the Red Sox’s historic comeback in the ALCS.”

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On the postgame show, Joe Girardi politely complained about the small strike zone for Sabathia. When asked, “did you think the zone was equal for both sides?” he responded “I don’t necessarily look at Verlander’s pitches, I look at our guy’s.” Yeah, hard to understand how the Yankees get the reputation for thinking the world resolves around them.

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The Yankees got two on in the ninth, but Derek Jeter struck out to end the game. His sixth strikeout of the ALDS. Guess this postseason you can’t spell “Kaptain” without a “K.”

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Potential joke after game four. What’s the difference between the Red Sox and the Yankees?

About a week.

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Hank Williams Jr’s “Are you ready for some football,” was dropped from the opening of MNF after the country singer compared President Obama to Hitler. Williams also added “They’re the enemy… Obama! And Biden! Are you kidding? The Three Stooges.” Sounds like his Hank’s math skills are on a part with the rest of his intelligence.

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Tacky joke about a tackier incident. What was Hank Williams Jr. thinking when he said John Boehner’s outing with the President was like golfing with Hitler? As if Hitler would have ever gone golfing with an orange person.

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Martha Stewart’s daughter Alexis, 46, has written a tell-all book, “Whateverland: Learning to Live Here,” in which she complains about her mother and says amongst other things that she was very rigid and everything had to be done perfectly. Martha Stewart a control freak? “I’m shocked”, said absolutely nobody.

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Is it just me, or is anyone else just not that impressed with people making big money and going on book tours, when they’ve accomplished no more in their lives than being able to complain about their famous parents?

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The latest MLB rumor has GM Theo Epstein possibly leaving the Red Sox for the Cubs. Well, at least it would take care of that problem of overly high expectations.

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Speaking of expectations, okay, so the Buccaneers beat the Colts on MNF. These things happen. But who in the off-season would have expected the headline “Indianapolis nearly upsets Tampa Bay?”

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Hawaii has become the first state to call surfing an official high school sport. In California and Florida they are scoffing – it’s not a sport until you can get paid in college for playing it.

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Three Buckeyes football players have been suspended for OSU’s game against Nebraska for allegedly being paid too much money for too little work in their summer jobs. Have to wonder, are the players all planning to run for Congress?

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Although the way OSU is playing, maybe they were also suspended for being overpaid for their on-field performance.

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Heaven knows the Democratic party has some serious crazies. But at the moment none of them are running for President. This from a recent Michele Bachmann appearance on an Iowa radio show: A caller told her he would vote for serial killer Charles Manson over President Obama. “Hey, thank you for saying that,” she replied.

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Headline today: “Christie Would ‘Cannonball’ Republican Field.” Cannonball? As a child who grew up in diving in hotel/motel pools before this was outlawed, I would say a Chris Christie “Cannonball” would be more like a tsunami.

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Monday mourning quarterbacking….

Posted October 3, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The Eagles blew a big second half lead against the 49ers, the Phillies blew a 4-0 lead against the Cardinals. Well, at least for one day no one can say that Philadelphia fans didn’t have plenty to boo about.

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Lions 34-Cowboys 30, Tigers 5-Yankees 3. Best day for Detroit in recent memory not involving a government bailout.

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And let’s see, the Lions won, the Tigers won, and Michael Vick lost. Not a bad afternoon for the cat lobby.

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Song for Monday on Philadelphia radio “Cry like an Eagle?”

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From Gary. M. “With the stock market on a continuous death drop, I’ve renamed my retirement fund the Boston Dead Stocks.”

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But who says there’s no bi-partisan agreement in this country? Lions 34, Cowboys 30. My guess is that in 49 of 50 states, people are reacting to this news with smirks, smiles or outright laughter. (And maybe in Austin too.)

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For SF Giants fans going through Brian Wilson “torture” withdrawal, may I suggest watching a replay of the Tigers’ Jose Valverde’s ninth inning performance against the Yankees. All that was missing was the beard.

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Dick Cheney said Sunday “I think the decision that’s been made with respect to allowing gays to serve openly in the military is a good one.” Well, good for him. Shame considering that Cheney feels this way about “DADT” that he was never in a position of power with the ability to do something about it.

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John McCain says he “admires” N.J. Governor Chris Christie, but as far as entering the Presidential race, he warned that “the swimming pool looks a lot better until you jump right in.” Translation, just wait they remember you support civil unions, have been at times supportive of illegal immigrants, and actually believe in science.

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Interesting, WordPress advises bloggers what terms people who found your blog were searching for. The number one, two and three searches Sunday all related to the Red Sox choking. Well, Red Sox fans, maybe next week we can add “Yankees choke jokes” to the list.

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Interesting also watching the Tigers-Yankees on TNT Sunday. Many fans, including SF Giants fans believe the national media is prejudiced against their team. Beginning to think it’s actually quite simple, the media is prejudiced against anyone who isn’t the Yankees.

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Actual serious comment for a change:

Barack Obama at the Human Rights Campaign Dinner: “We don’t believe in being silent when an American soldier is booed… You want to be commander in chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient.” Nice to see lately that the President seems to have rediscovered his cajones

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Saturday Night Late.

Posted October 2, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Anyone have a clue what’s with SNL and the Lawrence Welk spoofs? Do they figure the only people who still regularly find the show funny are old enough to remember the original?

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Stanford beat UCLA tonight in football, 45 to 19. In a game that starte at 745p. 1045p EST. Just in time maybe for the opening kickoff return to make the late night east coast news. All hail America’s true God – television.

The game finished just before 2am. EST. Presumably just in time for the first NFL pre-game show.

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Barry Sanders, Jr, (yes, the son of the NFL Hall of Famer), is considering several universities where he might play college football. The leading candidates are apparently Oklahoma State, Florida State, Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn and Stanford. Of course, Stanford can offer Sanders one thing the other schools can’t – actual classes.

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Another week, another heartbreaking collapse in the fourth quarter for Texas A & M. Who’s coaching this team? Lebron James?

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A guy known as “Ben” is appearing on a Style Network reality show called “Sperm Donor,” where he told his fiance he may have fathered as many as 70 biological children. Responded a few anonymous NBA players – “Amateur.”

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Looks like there may be a silver lining to Ohio State’s 2011 season. This year the Buckeyes won’t have any big-time bowl memorabilia to sell.

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Now of course, OSU may right the ship. But if not, it could be a good rivalry game this year for the folks in Ann Arbor. Wonder how many headline writers are just itching to write “Wolverines tattoo Buckeyes.”

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Kobe Bryant is apparently negotiating seriously to play in Italy next year. Presumably his wife will insert a clause saying the team must house him somewhere without room service.

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Does NBA now stand for “No Basketball Anticipated?”

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The FBI and Dept. of Homeland security are warning that our killing of U.S.-born militant cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, could spark retaliatory attacks. Uh, since Al-Qaeda’s stated objective is to kill Americans, this is different from standard operating procedure how?

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At a fundraiser in N.H, Rick Perry said he is open to sending American troops to Mexico to help battle drug cartels. Can’t imagine where Perry gets his reputation for shooting off his mouth without thinking.

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Although he insists he’s not entering the race for President, New Jersey Chris Christie is the latest hope for many in the GOP. It’s all become like watching a reality TV show titled “Who wants to be a Republican presidential candidate?”

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Sarah Palin called Herman Cain the “flavor of the month.” Last night on the “Tonight Show,” Cain cheerfully proclaimed himself “Haagan-Daas Black Walnut,” saying he has “”substance.” Maybe, but many people’s experience with Haagan-Daas is that it’s rich, looks good, seems like a great idea at first, but then after finishing it you think, “Ugh, why did I do that?”

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Comments: 1 Comment

Baseball’s second season.

Posted October 1, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

After 162 games, the MLB playoffs finally started Friday for the eight teams who survived into the postseason. “Eight teams left?”, commented NBA and NHL fans. “So aren’t we in the second or third round by now.”

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Apparently the weather was nice all day Friday in New York, but started pouring about 915p. Had the first Tigers-Yankees playoff game only been scheduled for a reasonable 715p instead of 845p for television, they could have gotten most of the game in before the storm hit.

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Open note to SF Giants’ GM Brian Sabean and manager Bruce Bochy about playing all those “playoff experienced veterans” down the stretch. The Tampa Bay Rays’ Matt Moore made his second major league start EVER Friday, and his third total appearance.

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And yeah, it’s early days yet. But someone apparently forgot to tell the Tampa Bay Rays they have no business being in the postseason.

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Someone had to take the fall for the Red Sox, and it looks like it’s Terry Francona. Well, Grady Little lost his job for leaving Pedro Martinez in too long. Francona apparently left his whole starting lineup and rotation in too long.

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As the MLB playoffs began Friday, many Tampa Bay Rays fans are still kicking themselves that they turned off the Wednesday’s last regular season game after the 7th inning. And many Boston Red Sox fans are kicking themselves that they didn’t.

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Manny Ramirez was formally charged with domestic violence stemming from an arrest in September when he allegedly slapped his wife in the face. In Manny’s defense he is claiming it was “just that time of month.”

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A hiker collapsed and died just before completing the Appalachian Trail. “What a shame it wasn’t my ex-husband when he was ‘hiking'”, thought Jenny Sanford.

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Herman Cain was on “the Tonight Show with Jay Leno” Friday. A few quotes, Rick Perry is a “good governor”, Newt Gingrich is “brilliant” and Michele Bachmann is “very nice.” And Mitt Romney – “nice hair.” So much for Cain’s chances of getting Donald Trump’s endorsement.

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Florida legislators ignored GOP rules and confirmed that they will hold the state’s presidential primary on Jan. 31, 2012. Well, Florida doesn’t have a record of smart political behavior. Rumor has it some legislators were pushing for Feb 31.

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Bank of America just announced a $5 monthy debit card fee. And now their homepage and online banking service experienced serious problems all day Friday. Millions of Americans wonder if hackers were involved, and if so, how they can thank them.

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Hard feelings? Just a little. Former Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen was fired last year just before the Terrapins’ bowl game. And Friday, Friedgen, who is a also Maryland alum, told a Baltimore radio station that he has burned his degree.

Responded more than a few SEC athletic directors “What’s a degree?”

Comments: 2 Comments

No it’s not a dream…..

Posted September 30, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

It’s Friday morning. And Generalissimo Francisco Franco, the Atlanta Braves, and the Boston Red Sox are still dead.

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Boston Red Sox GM Theo Epstein allegedly called SF Giants management this morning – “Nothing personal guys, but we think it’s time for you to hand over that ‘Torture’ slogan.”

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All the sports talk now is about the Boston Red Sox historic collapse last night. To which the Atlanta Braves commented “Who are we, flattened chopped liver?” (Or as my friend Michael Duca says “Chopped Tomahawks.)

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Rumor has it Curt Schilling wanted to go on air to defend his former Red Sox teammates. But with the mood in Boston this morning, apparently the team’s official response was “Oh, put a bloody sock in it”

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What a shock. LSU’s Jordan Jefferson had his battery charges stemming from a bar fight reduced to a misdemeanor. (Jefferson was only accused of kicking another man repeatedly while he was down on the ground.) And LSU coach Les Miles lifted his star QB’s suspension.

Prediction, the trial date will be set for January, after Jefferson leads the team to a BCS bowl.

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And so, Friday is the first day of the MLB playoffs. The Tigers’ Justin Verlander faces the Yankees at 837p EST on TBS. And for your pregame entertainment, TBS will also be showing the Rangers-Rays at 507p.

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Many are wondering if it was God’s will that the Rays and Cardinals ended up in the playoffs. And God has allegedly replied “Don’t pin this on me, I’m still trying to replace Peyton Manning on my fantasy football teams.”

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True bus to hell joke from my friend Marc Ragovin: Boston hasn’t seen so much choking since Albert DeSalvo. (Note to anyone under 40 who likes really sick jokes and is thinking “What?”, Google the name.)

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Congrats to the Golden State Warriors have hired Rick Welts, the first openly gay basketball executive, as their team president. To paraphrase Barry Goldwater’s statement about the military, it apparently now doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, if you can put together a team that can shoot straight.

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SEC commissioner Mike Slive has asked the BCS to lift the rule saying that a maximum of two teams from a single conference can play in the five major bowl games. Why doesn’t Slive say what he really wants – for the BCS to say “It’s the SEC’s world, we just live in it.”

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A quote from the master: Jon Stewart last night arguing taxes with Bill O’Reilly. “I’m not saying we should shoot (the rich) but we shouldn’t act like returning to the tax rates of the Nineties is class warfare on par with Lenin and Marx.

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Bank of America recently cut 30,000 jobs, today they announced a new monthly $5 fee for debit cards. If corporations really are people they are making a lot of folks’ in-laws look pretty good.

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Bank of America once used the slogan “Bank of Opportunity.” Now they are thinking of changing it to “Because we can.”

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After Jon Huntssman said he had no plans to seek Trump’s endorsement, the Donald tweeted that Huntsman “has zero chance of getting the nomination. Whoever said I wanted to meet him? Time is money and I don’t waste mine.” Especially when Trump has more pressing priorities, like his hair.

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Silver lining in Boston and Atlanta.

Posted September 29, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

But first, want to wish all my Jewish friends “Happy New Year.” And want to wish my Red Sox and Braves fan friends “Happy Next Year.”

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Back to the silver lining – fans don’t have to stress about the Red Sox and Braves stumbling in the postseason again.

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And in Boston, at least the Patriots can rest easy. Their blowing a 21-0 lead in the fourth quarter last Sunday will now never be the most talked about sports collapse in town.

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Forget Eva, in Tampa Wednesday night heterosexual men would kiss EVAN Longoria

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Karma, especially where the big bucks are concerned, can be an impressive bitch. To that end, wonder if Carl Crawford is thinking “Maybe I should have considered that offer to stay with the Rays?”

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An Atlanta player who was queried about the Braves’ September collapse (9-19 and five losses in a row to end the season), mentioned their strong start, and said he wished the team could have just “flip-flopped the months.” Uh, I know a math degree is not required to play baseball, but if Atlanta did “flip-flop the months”, they’d have still ended up one game short.

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The Braves lost five in a row to end the season. Was this the worst week in Atlanta history not involving Sherman?

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After a momumental choke job by the Braves, the St. Louis Cardinals won the NL wild card. For SF fans, who now know that even a mediocre performance in August, or a good performance in September would have put the Giants into the playoffs, it just confirms “of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, it might have been.”

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Sarah Palin referred to Herman Cain as “the flavor of the week.” Then she referred to him as “Herb Cain.” What’s next, she’s going to claim he’s really a San Franciscan?

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Jose Reyes got a bunt hit in his first at-bat at Citi Field to raise his average to .337, and was promptly pulled by Mets manager Terry Collins (apparently at Reyes’ own request) to preserve his lead for the batting crown. Ted Williams must be spinning in his freezer.

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But really, a bunt hit in a meaningless game against the Reds, and then taking the afternoon off? Shouldn’t this year’s highest batting average also have an asterisk?

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Redemption for hopeless optimists. Think of the tens of thousands of Rays fans who walked out of Tropicana Field tonight in disgust when their team was down 7-0.

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A seven run comeback starting in the eighth? Angry Red Sox fans want John Sayles to consider making a second movie about the Yankees collapse tonight – titled “Eight relief pitchers out.”

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Florida owner Jeffrey Loria introduced new manager Ozzie Guillen today and saying “Welcome to a new era in Marlins baseball.” Actually, since it’s Ozzie, wouldn’t it have been more appropriate if Loria said “Welcome to a new #%$!#ing era in Marlins baseball?”

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ESPN was nonstop coverage Wednesday of the Boston collapse and Tampa Bay win over New York. Almost no mention of the dramatic finish for the NL Wild Card. Gosh, you’d almost think there were no other teams in baseball except the Red Sox and Yankees.

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Michael Vick says it is “100 percent” that he’ll play this weekend against the SF 49ers. Well, at this point guess Vick doesn’t want to be accused of dogging it.

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David Stern is now threatening to cancel the whole NBA regular season. Promise? (And really, does that mean all the teams can just start by being in the playoffs? Most of them get in now anyway.)

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Florida now plans to move their presidential primary on January 31, 2012, which is upsetting GOP party leaders as it will wreak havok with their nominating calendar. Well, at least it’s a nice change to see Florida causing trouble for Republicans.

Comments: 6 Comments

Down but not out.

Posted September 28, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

The Wild Card races will come down to the wire Wednesday. The question of the day, can the Braves and Red Sox unwind the wire from around their own throats?

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The SF Giants’ Conor Gillaspie’s first major league home run was an inside the park shot that included him falling down rounding third. Making it both an ESPN “Top 10” AND “Not Top 10” play.

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This next may only make sense to frustrated SF Giants fans (which may be redundant in 2011):

Brandon Belt got his first “Splash Hit” (A home run that clears the fence straight into the water) for the Giants Tuesday night at A T & T Park.) Guess that means manager Bruce Bochy will bench him for Wednesday’s finale.

And as my friend Daniel Silveira added “Well, they would have sent him back to Fresno for one more stint at AAA, but the season is over. So, the human yo-yo gets a break.”

(For those who haven’t watched the Giants much this year, a disturbing pattern was to give veterans chance after chance, while rookies not only were on short leashes, they were often benched or sent down even after good games.)

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An Emory University student from New York has been arrested and charged with taking the SAT exam for at least six students attending a top Long Island private high school. The student was alleged to have made between $1500-2000 per test. The most shocking part? No football or basketball players appear to be involved.

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Michael Vick claims he won’t be complaining about not getting calls from referees anymore. Translation, Vick just figured he might like to get a call go his way sometime in 2011.

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The Braves lost again Tuesday night to the Phillies. With the Cardinals win this now meansa a tie for the NL Wild Card. How bad has it been? This Braves team in late September has become the most unwatchable thing for Atlanta fans since Ted Turner used to make out with Jane Fonda in the owner’s box.

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The Dow roller coaster continues, with the market up over 300 points at one point on Tuesday. Meanwhile, the top headline story on Cnn.com all day? The opening arguments in the manslaughter trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor.

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Baylor QB Robert Giffin III now has has passed for more touchdowns (13) than incompletions (12.) Well, at least Peyton Manning in 2011 may also end up with no more incompletions than touchdowns.

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Lebron James is headlining a charity basketball game in Miami next month. And who knows better about charity than Lebron? In fact he’s going to play the whole game like it’s the fourth quarter.

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Southwest booted actress Leisha Hailey off a plane for kissing her girlfriend. Meanwhile, millions of men tried to figure out how to book themselves on the couple’s next flight.

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Andy Rooney, 92, said he will deliver his 1097th and final essay for “60 Minutes” this Sunday. Responded many Americans – “Andy Rooney’s still on ’60 Minutes?'” Responded Americans under 30 – “Who’s Andy Rooney?”

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College Republicans at Berkeley had an affirmative action bake sale where women and minorities paid a lower price than white men. So when is the follow up bake sale? Where minorites and women pay more, because parents and rich mens alumni groups subsidize prices for the white male students?

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This passes for a short quote from Joe Biden. Heck anything under a novella is a short quote from Joe Biden but I like it:

When asked on “the View” about the gay soldier being booed. “I did have a visceral response to it,” I’m not sure if it’s because my son spent a year in Iraq. And I know my sons and all the kids with them — kids, they’re grown men — I don’t think they give a damn whether the guy firing a rifle to protect them is gay or straight. I don’t think they care about that. Look this kid risked his life. This kid is there for them. And I, quite frankly, I thought it was reprehensible.”

Comments: 2 Comments

D-Red-ful Sox?

Posted September 27, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

First announced promotions of 2012 for MLB. The Boston Red Sox and Atlanta Braves plan to offer their fans free lessons in the Heimlich maneuver.

Another possible giveaway deal next year at Fenway Park. Free Red Sox neckties to the first 20,000 adults. Pre-shrunk.

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How bad is the Red Sox collapse looking? Even Babe Ruth is watching from somewhere thinking “Dudes, don’t put this mess on me.”

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And for all those people thinking that extra wild cards would make the game more interesting, think about this. If MLB had two wild cards in each league, the Red Sox and Braves could have it on cruise control. (Of course, they have have done that regardless.)

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Rex Grossman’s fumble with 28 seconds left sealed the Redskins loss 18-16 Monday night against the Cowboys. On the other hand, for the first time in months, he did give Washingtonians a serious bipartisan target.

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My friend Lindol pointed out that the Winklevoss twins now have a gig as spokesmen for pistachios. Is this really wise? Does the pistachio industry really want to reinforce their image as expensive and overvalued nuts?

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Ozzie Guillen announced that tonight was his last game managing the White Sox. Not sure how the team took it, but Chicago beat writers who are always in search of good quotes are said to be inconsolable.

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Marlins manager Jack McKeon, 80, says he will retire again after the end of the season. He did say that maybe he will come back in a few years, to go after Connie Mack’s record of managing at the age of 87. McKeon especially hopes he has another chance to manage that “nice young man, Jamie Moyer.”

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Meanwhile, the Marlins are finally playing their last games in Sun Life stadium. Wednesday will be Fan Appreciation day.And the team will apparently have nice prizes for both of them.

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Sesame Street is planning to include science lessons in their upcoming season. Or as Rick Perry would call that “more liberal theories.”

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Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips has endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. Guess he figures who better to defend marriage than someone who’s had three of them.

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The power of incumbency. No one knows for sure if President Obama will be re-elected. But stranger things have happened. Today SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy announced the team planned to re-sign their hitting coach.

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Magazine subscription offer from Vanity Fair (no joke) $12 for 12 issues. Plus $3 shipping. Really.

Uh, isn’t the point of a subcription getting magazines mailed to you? Wonder what would happen if you offered to come pick each issue up?

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C.C. Sabathia is 19-8, with an ERA of 3.00. The SF Giants have three starters with lower ERA’s, and none with more than 13 wins. Lincecum, 2.74, 13-14, Vogelsong, 2.81, 13-7, and Cain, 2.88, and 12-11.

So yes, good pitching may beat good hitting. But good pitching is wasted with zero hitting.

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The Senate just reached a bipartisan agreement to end a dispute over disaster relief spending. Translation, sounds like they figured out that despite the best efforts of some to interpret God’s will, natural disasters this year have happened in both red and blue states.

Comments: 1 Comment

Flying high.

Posted September 26, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

“Pan Am”, set in 1963, is full of beautiful young women serving as flight attendants. For anyone who wants to see those young women almost 50 years later, I think many of them are still working on United’s Hawaii flights.

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Younger people watching “Pan Am” have to be questioning a few anachronisms. Some may wonder “what’s a girdle?” And still younger viewers may be wondering “How come they’re not collecting money for food?”

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Michael Vick is complaining that a Giants’ player hit him when he was down and defenceless. Uh, yeah, that would be bad. I mean, who’d even do that to an animal?

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For those SF fans who will really miss watching 2011’s low scoring Giants games, looks like the 49ers are ready to pick up the slack.

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Another thought while watching the 49ers-Bengals matchup? Would either of these teams be able to crack the AP top 25?

(My friend Alec Schubert says he’s not sure the Bengals could beat the University of Cincinnati Bearcats. He could be right.)

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New England blows a 21-0 lead and loses to the Bills, Boston is now only 1 game up on the Rays after barely splitting a doubleheader to the Yankees. Forget the Tea Party, the next thing dumped into Boston Harbor may be Patriots and Red Sox gear.

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Four interceptions for Tom Brady Sunday. The only way the day could have been more embarrassing is if another ex-girlfriend turned up pregnant.

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Even Fox News is slamming Rick Perry’s performance at the last debate. Who knew? Maybe we anointed George W. Bush with the title “Dumbest governor of Texas ever” a little too soon?

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A survey published today said that prices at U.S. gas pumps have dropped 12 cents over the past two weeks. Let’s see how the airlines translate that into hiking their fuel surcharge.

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Well, it’s early in the NFL season. But when Andrew Luck thought last year about returning to Stanford, and what that might mean for his NFL career, I don’t think that one potential option in his mind would have been understudying Peyton Manning.

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Texas A & M is now officially going to be an SEC member. Bernie Machen, SEC chair and University of Florida president, said: “The addition of Texas A&M University as the SEC’s 13th member gives our league a prestigious academic institution with a strong athletic tradition. What does that mean in SEC-speak – the Aggies can spell “prestigious?

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The inventor of Doritos, Arch West, 97, has died. Across the world, millions will temporarily extinguish their joints in his honor.

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Cal graduates can stop reading before the last item.

Great news that the two Berkeley hikers who were held prisoner by Iran are back in the U.S. But really, wouldn’t Stanford hikers have been smart enough not to hike along the Iran-Iraq border in the first place?

Comments: 2 Comments

Free falling.

Posted September 25, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Well, it looks like nobody died or was hurt at least in NASA’s latest documentary – “Dude, where’s my satellite?”

Still no word on the final whereabouts of NASA’s dead satellite. But that thing fell to earth faster than Rick Perry’s poll numbers.

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Herman Cain won the Florida GOP presidential straw poll. Wonder if it was a butterfly ballot?

SNL opened up the season with a phantom GOP debate. But for sheer comedy value, they really have no chance of topping some moments in the real debates.

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Kristen Wiig’s Michele Bachmann isn’t quite up to Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin. But it’s good enough almost to hope the Minnesota congresswoman gets a bounce in the polls so Wiig can keep doing it.

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Ohio State started Braxton Miller, a true freshman, at QB against Colorado today. Makes a certain amount of sense. Since Miller wasn’t around last year, they know there’s no chance he sold any bowl memorabilia.

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Apparently Jesse James and Kat Von D have broken up, again. This item for all those who are tired of all the media coverage of highbrow celebrities like the Kardashians.

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Hilton Hotels is denying rumors that they charged the government $16 each for muffins at a breakfast meeting. The $16 included coffee or tea or soft drinks and a piece of fruit, (plus tip). So hey, give Hilton credit for one thing – making Starbucks look like a bargain.

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There is a rumor that MLB and the player’s union have agreed on expanded playoffs for 2013. Now, as a SF Giants fan that would have been fun this year, but seriously, watching the Red Sox and Cardinals about to back their way into the postseason, do we really need to add two more teams that don’t deserve to be in the playoffs?

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Regarding the alleged agreement on an expanded postseason – have to think there’s a clause that says – “we will have as many wild card teams as necessary to make sure both the Red Sox and Yankees end up in the playoffs.”

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The only good thing about tonight’s Giants-Dbacks game for SF fans? (Final score 15-2 Arizona.) It did tend to diminish that “Damn, the team just caught fire a little too late to make the playoffs” feeling

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As if the Marlins didn’t have a rough enough year, now it turns out they have lost their closer, Leo Nunez, because he was playing under an assumed name with fake documents. Apparently Nunez is really Juan Carlos Oviedo. Talk about your player to be named later.

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On a serious note – Former NFL Offensive Tackle Orlando Brown was found dead this week at the age of 40, presumably at this point from natural causes. If any profession other than playing in the NFL had anywhere near this rate of early death, think it would still be legal?

Comments: 1 Comment

Errors and omissions.

Posted September 24, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

While Rick Perry looked like a rock star a few weeks ago, a series of gaffes and “unforced errors” in debates and on the campaign trail have made many potential GOP supporters stand back and reconsider. And somewhere, the late Molly Ivins, who once dubbed Perry “Governor Goodhair,” is laughing, loudly.

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At the University of Pennsylvania, students arrived for the first day of a class scheduled to start at 1:30 p.m. About an hour later, the class was officially cancelled as the students found out the professor had died five months ago. Penn is an Ivy League school. In the SEC, the entire football team would have rushed to sign up.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed a contract to write his memoirs, which will be titled “Total Recall.” With the presumed subtitle “Selective Amnesia.”

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Hewlett-Packard’s stock has fallen to its lowest level in six years. Apparently investors are worried about the choice of Meg Whitman as CEO. Probably because her last business decision was to spend over $160 million to try to win a job no sane person would want in the first place.

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Oops. Authorities now say that the hunter attacked by a grizzly in a Montana forest was killed not by the bear, but by a gunshot fired by a companion trying to save him. Maybe it was a little too soon to return to hunting for Dick Cheney.

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Diana Nyad is going to try again to become the first person to swim from Cuba to Florida. Well, officially anyway. Why do I have a feeling that the real record holder is choosing to remain anonymous?

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NY Yankees GM Brian Cashman admitted this week that he pretended to be interested in Carl Crawford just to drive up the price for the Boston Red Sox to sign the free agent. If you love the Yankees this story will confirm their winning mentality, If you hate the Yankees this is one more reason to root for the Detroit Tigers to win the pennant.

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Kobe Bryant has been offered over $6 million to play for a team in Italy. The offer has to be tempting, Kobe did spend time as a child in Italy. And the country has great jewellers.

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The SF Giants’ season ended, fittingly, tonight with an out from Aubrey Huff. (Though a 4-3 grounder would have been more appropriate.) But really, this whole season has been a constant reliance on big money non-performing veterans at the expense of rookies….

From a woman’s point of view it’s been like listening to a friend defend a worthless boyfriend, because she’s spent so much money,time and energy on the relationship already, she’s SURE he will come around.

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Hockey joke from my friend Bill Littlejohn:
An Orange County mom is accused of having sex with as many as three youths on her son’s hockey team. Boy, talk about a hat trick.

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