All aboard the bus to hell

Posted November 10, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Okay, this first joke is bus to hell worthy.

But these days that bus is pretty full anyway.

The Vatican issued a statement that they were appalled by the Penn State allegations. And they don’t understand why Jerry Sandusky wasn’t immediately transferred to another school.

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And no “how do you separate the men from the boys at Penn State” jokes. Because, clearly, they don’t.

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Glad the truth is coming out, but already looking back wistfully a few days ago to when the most embarrassing stories in college football involved memorabilia, players being paid, and the BCS.

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College students are rioting in State College over the firing of Joe Paterno. And two things about the rioters are probably true: One, the kids love Joe Pa; two, they are too young to have kids of their own.

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In State College, PA there’s a half-block mural “Inspiration”, that has pictures of famous people in the community. The mural had included Jerry Sandusky. But artist Michael Pilator painted him out, replacing the ex-coach with an empty chair and a blue ribbon to symbolize the victims. Well, at least someone connected with Penn State did SOMETHING.

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Apparently the allegations against Sandusky surfaced in 2009, when he was an asst. high school football coach (yuck) and a 15 year old said he had been touched inappropriately. The school told Children and Youth Services, who got the attorney general’s office involved. The grand-jury investigation started that summer. One of many questions, stories about Bonds and steroids leaked immediately, what took this so long?

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Not defending Joe Pa, but the idea of putting football before justice is not a new one. Remember Lawrence Phillips? He almost killed his ex-girlfriend, and might have if her new boyfriend hadn’t shown up to rescue her. Nebraska head coach Tom Osborne suspended Phillips briefly but brought his star player back for the National Championship, which the Cornhuskers won. Osborne’s “punishment?” He stayed on as coach, was elected to Congress, and is now the Nebraska AD.

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Joe Paterno said in his retirement statement, he was “absolutely devastated by the developments in this case.” Yeah, but not half as devastated as the children his ex-assistant allegedy abused.

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One of several scary thoughts about this Penn State mess. If Sandusky hadn’t been seen, and if Joe Pa hadn’t been so stubborn about staying a figurehead long past when he should have retired, Sandusky would now be the Nittany Lions head coach.

AP Headline “Another star gracefully leaves Dancing.” Punning aside, this might be the first time Nancy Grace and “gracefully” have been used together.

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Since his good friend Brett Ratner was booted as the producer of Academy Awards over some offensive comments, Eddie Murphy has announced he will no longer host next year’s Oscars. Thus disappointing both people who were looking forward to seeing him.

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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers just signed Albert Haynesworth. Which is good news. For the Saints and other teams in the NFC South.

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Meanwhile, back in the realm of ordinary college football tawdriness, UCF’s (University of Central Florida) athletic director, along with an asst. football coach and the men’s basketball coach, over alleged recruiting violations. Ah timing. This might end up one of the least reported such major college football scandals ever.

Comments: 7 Comments

Decision time.

Posted November 9, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Tuesday was Election Day. I hope everyone who didn’t vote is planning cheerfully to relinquish their bitching rights for the next two years.

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This Penn State mess, as disgusting as the story appears to be, does have at least the ability to put things in perspective. For example we won’t have to hear again how the most embarrassing thing to happen in State College lately was 2010’s 33-13 loss to Illinois.

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And all of a sudden selling memorabilia and taking bribes seem so harmless by comparison.

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Rob Kardashian was considered a likely contestant to go home tonight on Dancing With The Stars. Well, his run on the show has already been more successful than his sister’s marriage.

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Albert Haynesworth has been released by the New England Patriots. Finally, something to smile about for Redskins fans. (And as my friend Pete Brody said, since I’ve posted this on Facebook, Albert’s been signed and released by three other teams.)

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Michele Bachmann now says she would add former presidents Ronald Reagan, James Garfield and Calvin Coolidge to Mount Rushmore. Should we be aghast at her choices, or pleasantly surprised that she knows the names of three ex-presidents?

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Another thought about last Sunday’s LSU – Alabama game. At least we’re not likely to need to watch it again on ESPN Classic. If that was the “Game of the Century,” then in the 1900s the Cubs were the “Team of the Century.”

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So the Michael Jackson/Conrad Murray trial MAY make doctors think twice before prescribing medicine like candy to celebrity clients. Instead the rich and famous may have to get their drugs the old-fashioned way – sending their maids to get them. (Yes, I mean you Rush.)

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Herman Cain now say it might be the “Democrat machine” behind the harassment allegations but added that he didn’t know for sure. Does this mean he’s “kissed and made up” with Rick Perry. Or that Cain now doesn’t think the Perry campaign is smart enough to have come up with the idea.

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Mitt Romney on Tuesday called the allegations against Herman Cain “particularly disturbing.” Of course it’s easy for Mitt to say. If he didn’t have five children, most Americans wouldn’t believe Romney even had had sex with his wife.

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Ah, more warm fuzzy corporate personhood: Safeway ad trumpeting “Easy Thanksgiving Entertaining.” With pre-cooked dinners for from 4-8 people of ham, turkey or prime rib including vegetables, sides, rolls and dessert, on special. Except that the specials run from Nov 9-15 only. Thanksgiving is Nov 24. So what’s a little potential botulism between friends and families?

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Okay, guys might want to skip this post. But actual instructions on a package of women’s sanitary napkins. “Wear adhesive side away from body.”

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Mississippi voters voted down an amendment to the state constitution that would have defined a fertilized egg as a person. Wonder if the Duggars’ announcement that they are expecting their 20th child had anything to do with it.

Comments: 1 Comment

Pop goes our culture.

Posted November 8, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Shocking news in the Conrad Murray trial. When a celebrity is involved, I didn’t think it was possible to find someone guilty of murder or manslaughter in Los Angeles.

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Some think this verdict will mean celebrities won’t be able to get anyone to over-prescribe medications for them anymore. Right. It probably does mean they may need to pay such a doctor even more money.

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Let’s hope Murray’s time in jail doesn’t overlap with Lindsay Lohan.

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Hugh Hefner says that Lindsay Lohan’s photo spread in the upcoming January-February issue will be a “classic tribute inspired by Marilyn Monroe.” With all due respect, the only comparison most people draw between Marilyn and Lindsay is that they doubt Lohan will make it to age 40.

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Although at this point they’re laying odds in Vegas. Which will last a shorter time. Lindsay’s next jail term or Kim Kardashian’s next marriage.

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K.D. Lang says Justin Bieber looks “Just like a lesbian.” And most lesbians responded “Please, we have better haircuts.”

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NBA Commissioner David Stern says that if the union doesn’t accept the owners’ latest proposal they will only get a worse one and that “the only rational thing” for them to do is to make the deal. Sigh. I guess on some level it’s fun watching the 1% battling with the 0.1%.

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The Kardashians are now being accused of selling a line of handbags in Australia -the “Kardashian Kollection”, that are actually knockoffs of several famous designer brands. Gosh, marriage is one thing, but who’d a thunk the Kardashians would fake anything as serious as a copyrighted handbag?

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There were long lines Monday on opening day at “Resort World,” New York City’s first casino. Well, other than Wall Street.

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This Penn State controversy is disgusting. But really, is anyone who has followed the “win at all costs” mentality in college football shocked that so many people high up in the athletic department basically tried to sweep the story under the rug, or as it were, the turf?

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Okay, we may have found a sleazier job than being Michael Jackson’s doctor – being Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer.

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And this joke inspired by a conversation with Alex Schubert. In Joe Paterno’s defense, although he was in his late 70s when he heart about the allegations, the Penn State coach did try to alert the police. But they couldn’t read his smoke signals.

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Apparently Herman Cain has raised over $2 million in the days since this sexual harassment story first broke. Just think how much Cain could have raised if he’d been accused of something like murder.

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A new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll shows 54% of GOP primary voters say allegations of sexual harassment against Herman Cain will not affect how they vote. These voters are called “men.”

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One of the scariest things about this whole Herman Cain business, on top of the Weiner business, and the Edwards business, etc, etc.. is that you just know there are politicians out there, on both sides of the aisle, who are continuing on with whatever indiscretions they were up to before, and figuring THEY are too smart to get caught.

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Actually in all seriousness, (for a change) why didn’t someone tell Herman Cain the smart response last week would have been “Hey, like a lot of men I figured I was wittier and more charming than I was. I realized I might have offended some women and I am sorry and I have learned. And if there was anyone else I upset by my actions, I apologize to them too.” End of story.

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The San Francisco Giants traded mercurial left-handed Jonathan Sanchez to the Kansas City Royals for Melky Cabrera. Well, if Sanchez gets his head together, the Royals could have a new pitching star, otherwise, well at least it’s likely their beer sales will go up.

(Actually, maybe the Giants should have traded Sanchez to the Red Sox. At least that way he’d give his fellow pitchers an actual reason to drink.)

Comments: 1 Comment

Another chance at the #1 pick bites the dust?

Posted November 7, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

For many NFL fans, Sunday is a day of frustration. And today the most frustrated fans in the U.S. might reside in Miami. Where the Dolphins’ failure to collapse as usual cost them first place in the Andrew Luck bowl.

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Peyton Manning has talked about wanting to come to practice to try to help the Colts, even if he can’t play. At this point Indy may ban him from being anywhere near the field.

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Now that Miami has no chance for a “perfect” record, will the 1972 Dolphins celebrate by breaking out some Andre Cold Duck? Or generic beer?

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Still can’t quite believe that 9-6 – (in overtime) – LSU Alabama game. Most of the players haven’t seen a score that low since they took their SAT tests.

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If we needed any more proof that ESPN has become a wholly owned subsidiary of the SEC (as well as the Yankees), the headlines tonight might remove the doubt – “Alabama falls to #3 after loss to LSU.” As opposed to “Undefeated Stanford still behind one-loss Alabama in BCS poll.”

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I know Barack Obama is a Bears fan, but you have to figure he’s developing a soft spot for the Redskins. Because once a week now, Washington residents are screaming at someone besides the President.

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So does today’s 38-24 Denver-Oakland game mean that God really loves Tim Tebow? Or that He/She just really doesn’t like the Raiders?

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So a thought for all these folks calling for an LSU-Alabama rematch in the National Championship: Teams tend to be more conservative in big bowl games. Which means last night’s tie in regulation might be a 0-0 game in January. So how many overtimes would it for both teams to go to penalty kicks?

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San Diego’s Philip Rivers threw 3 interceptions in a 45-38 loss to the Packers today. Well, adding this to last week’s fumble means that Rivers probably won’t make the Pro Bowl but that giving spirit does make Philip the front runner to play Santa Claus at the Chargers’ Christmas party.

(my friend Michael Moroney adds “or the Packers’ party.”)

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My son noticed this, and we wonder why ESPN doesn’t seem too concerned about college athletes neglecting academics : GAMEDAY WEEK 11: NOV 12 2011
LIVE FROM PAL ALTO, CA (Guess things like spelling/geography aren’t required for a career in sportscasting.)

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“Puss in Boots” remains #1 at the Box Office, thanks to the family audience. Makes sense. Kids love the cats. And moms just close their eyes to listen to and think about Antonio Banderas.

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Kris Jenner insists that the public shouldn’t criticize Kris, because they don’t “really know her family.” Dear gawd, you know what that means – more Kardashian “reality” shows.

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Well, at least she’s consistently inconsistent: Liz Cheney, saying that the media’s focus on sexual harassment allegations against Herman Cain were “pretty frustrating,” and “this is not the issue that’s going to decide the election.” Of course, Liz recently attacked Bill Clinton’s involvement with the White House because “there’s not exactly an impeccable record of integrity there on the part of the former president.”

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Okay, I have no idea exactly what happened between Herman Cain and his accusers back in the 1990s. But I do have to wonder, if it were women who were coming forward to make similar accusations against a young Barack Obama, would all the conservatives claiming “dirty tricks” and “racism” be giving the President the same benefit of the doubt?

Comments: 2 Comments

Rolled Tide?

Posted November 6, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

How ugly was the LSU-Alabama game tonight? Many fans turned to NHL games just to see some scoring.

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In Alabama some frustrated fans went to kick their dogs after tonight’s loss. Fortunately for the pets they missed wide right.

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Yes, LSU and Alabama have good defenses. But shouldn’t we expect the “Game of the Century” to have more scoring than you’d expect in an overnight line for the iPhone 4s?

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Anyone who watched the 52-45 Oklahoma State-Kansas State shootout might say, not only wasn’t LSU -Alabama the “Game of the Century,” it wasn’t even the “Game of the Night.”

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And sorry, all the commentators are saying the 9-6 overtime score was because both defenses were so good. Isn’t it just possible that a contributing factor might have been that both offenses were so bad?

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LSU and Alabama did so little scoring, afterwards both teams received free gear declaring them honorary San Francisco Giants.

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Although for those Americans tired of hearing about the “Occupy” movement, give the teams credit. Neither of them ever “Occupied” the end zone

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An arrest warrant has been issued for Terrell Owens after he failed to show up for a court date regarding child support payments. Well, T.O wanted to be wanted.

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Another Saturday, two more upsets of highly rated teams (Michigan and Nebraska) in the “Legends” division of the Big 10. Yeah, “Legends” are great, but “Reality” can be a real b*tch.

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A thought about Steve Williams’ stupid racial slur against Tiger Woods. It’s a shame the two of them had a falling out. Because Williams and Woods seem to richly deserve each other.

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Another thought about this “personhood” amendment which would define life as beginning at the moment of fertilization. It’s not that big a step beyond to decide that “self-stimulation” is murder.

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Some pretty nasty allegations coming out of Penn State regarding a high-level cover up of a former football defensive coordinator’s alleged sexual abuse of boys. Who did the university think they were, the Vatican?

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A source told ESPN that hopes for an NBA labor deal are bleak. Can we title this one “What if they cancelled a whole basketball season, and nobody cared?”

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Who’d a thunk this? Herman Cain debated Newt Gingrich one on one Saturday night. And the guy who dumped TWO sick wives for younger women was the one not dodging sexual allegations.

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R.I.P. Andy Rooney. Wonder what the first thing will be that he will complain about in heaven?

(Augie suggests he asks “So, what about the other 10 Commandments Moses smashed on the rocks? Can I take a peek at them now?”

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The White House actually issued a reponse to two petitions to asking the U.S. government to acknowledge formally that aliens have visited Earth and to disclose any intentional withholding of government interactions with extraterrestrial beings.

This is from the White House Office of Science and Technology on their website: “The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race. In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.”

I don’t know, some days it seems like not only have aliens visited Earth, but also some of them have stayed and are running for President.

Comments: 4 Comments

Game of the Century?

Posted November 5, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Well, after watching LSU-Alabama hype all week I think I have figured it out – the matchup is definitely this year’s “Game of the Century.”

Tickets to the LSU-Alabama game are going for a higher price online than tickets to game 7 of the World Series. Makes sense. It’s the SEC. Some players are probably higher paid than the World Series players too.

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Brian Cashman says the Yankees won’t go after Pujols because “It’s not an efficient way to try to allocate your resources.” Uh, considering that the Yankees have over a $200 million payroll and couldn’t get past the first round of the playoffs, should Cashman be considered an expert in allocating resources?

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Boise State is ready to join the Big East, but they want the conference to add a Western Division. Well, heck, why not go all the way and add Hawaii?

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Okay, who will turn out to be stupider in this Justin Bieber paternity suit? The alleged mom, who may not have thought about statutory rape laws. Or Bieber, who says he never met her, and may not have thought about DNA testing.

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Another thought about Matty Alou. In Giants heaven maybe McCovey DOES hit that ball a foot higher?

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So Lindsay Lohan had to reshoot her Playboy cover? Not surprised, figure these days anything Lindsay does is over-exposed.

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With some saying the sexual harassment claims against Herman Cain are just political attempts to take down a front-runner, this does bring up the question – why wouldn’t “they” have gone after Mitt Romney first?

Maybe because few people in America can even imagine Mitt flirting with his own wife?

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All the comparisons of Herman Cain to Clarence Thomas are focusing on the sexual harassment claims. But another apt comparison might be in terms of their basic intelligence and competence.

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Question for all these fans of the “personhood” amendment, which says life begins at the moment of fertilization. Does that mean a company becomes a person at the moment of incorporation?

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Greg Frazier picked this up, that Stanford’s football team has a 13-0-1 streak against the spread. Meaning according to Pregame.com, if you’d bet $100 at the beginning of the streak and just let it ride, you’d have $447,351.

But as Dwight Perry said, “The bad news, if you had $447,351 riding on Saturday’s triple-OT win over USC, you’d be dead of a heart attack by now.” (Stanford won by 8 with the fumble, the spread was 7 1/2.)

Comments: 2 Comments

Moving on.

Posted November 3, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Moving to the Big East would mean a chance to get a guaranteed BCS bowl spot for Boise State, not to mention a lot more money. So the Idaho State Board of Education has given the school permission to pursue Big East membership. Maybe Boise State can use some that money to offer classes in Geography.

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Thinking the number one Oxymoron of the 21st century has to be “Reality TV Star.”

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Speaking of which: Some sources said that Kim Kardashian’s marriage broke up in part because Kim didn’t like Kris spending “her hard earned money.” Can someone tell me exactly what Kim actually does to “earn” money

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Peyton Manning told reporters that he’s spending every day in rehab and hasn’t given up on playing in a game in 2011. Colts fans who have been watching the team this year and watching Andrew Luck responded “Peyton, take it easy. Spend time with your family and don’t push it…”.

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Rick Perry, said in response to Jon Stewart’s suggestion that he was drunk during his New Hampshire speech, that he had not been drinking, but “It’s not that I wouldn’t love to sit down with Jon and have a glass of wine. If he’ll buy.”

Think it’s time to start a fund or a facebook group of those of us willing to contribute to the “Buy whatever wine Perry wants if he will sit down with Jon Stewart for a Daily Show interview.”

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Justin Bieber, 17, is being sued by a 20 year old woman who claims he is the father of her 3 month old baby. Now, I know not all Christians wait to get married before they have children these days, but most of them wait until puberty.

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Sad Giants news. Matty Alou passed away today. He was 72. Barely over the age at which SF might have signed him as a free agent to play in front of one of their rookies.

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Baseball gave out their “Silver Slugger” awards today to the best offensive players at each position in each league. If there were an opposite “Lead Slugger” award the SF Giants would no doubt lead the NL.

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Free-agent lefthanderJamie Moyer, who is about to turn 49, has been throwing for scouts recently and apparently stands a good chance of being offered a big league contract. Moyer’s goal, to be the first MLB player whose age is a higher number than the speed of his fastball.

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Herman Cain is accusing Rick Perry’s campaign of leaking the harassment stories. Maybe they think Perry is jealous of having sexual rumors flying around about women?

Comments: 1 Comment

Change$$$.

Posted November 2, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Note in advance to readers, will probably miss a couple days of postings after tonight’s. But hope to be back by Friday. Besides the sites mentioned on my blogroll, suggest Sideline Chatter in the Seattle Times, or alwaysfunny.com.

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Bank of America retracted their proposed new monthly $5 debit fee due to customer fury. You know what that makes them? Smarter than Netflix.

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Ann Coulter just said “Our blacks are so much better than their blacks.” Adding “To become a black Republican you don’t just roll into it. You’re not going with the flow….” So would she also say about Democrats that their rich white people are so much better than GOP rich white people?

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Northern Illinois 63, Toledo 60. Did the NCAA start their basketball season without telling us?

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New England Patriots WR Julian Edelman has been charged with indecent assault and battery. This stemmed from an incident Edelman allegedly groped a woman Saturday night at a Boston bar. Guess the Patriots had trouble all weekend with their passes.

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Bobby Rush, a Democratic congressman from Illinois, said of the NCAA “I think they’re just one of the most vicious, most ruthless organizations ever created by mankind, I think you would compare (them) to Al Capone and to the Mafia.” Said the Mafia, “Please, as if we would come up with something as stupid as the BCS.”

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Herman Cain doesn’t seem to have a handle on how to handle this sexual harrassment story. Might have been better had he just responded “I suppose I should be honored that all you media types are trying to paint me as Clintonesque.”

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Kim Kardashian’s mother Kris says of her daughter “She’s not the first person in the world to get a divorce or to have something like this happen to, and she won’t be the last … People have to stop judging.” Uh, Kris, people aren’t judging Kim so much on the divorce, they’re judging her on that $10 million wedding.

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Kim Kardashian’s and Kris Humphries’ marriage, 72 days. The NBA lockout, 124 days and counting. Okay all you romantics who bet on love, time to pay up.

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Harold Camping, the 90-year-old minister/broadcaster has now incorrectly predicted the end of the world twice this year. He says now in a statement that Christ not returning on October 21 was “embarrassing for Family Radio.” In related news, God issued a statement saying Family Radio is “embarrassing for Himself and Christ.”

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Three Georgia running backs will be suspended for the Bulldogs’ game Saturday against New Mexico State, allegedly for failing a drug test. A source told ESPN that the test was administered last week, before Georgia’s 24-20 victory over arch-rival Florida, but said they had no idea if the results were known before the game. Yeah, right….

How long until some GOP presidential candidate suggests we try to fix the economy by invading Greece?

Comments: 4 Comments

Until death or reality do us part.

Posted November 1, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Congrats to V.P. Joe Biden’s daughter Ashley, who announced her engagement today. The happy couple will set a wedding date as soon as they convince Dad that really, the father of the bride doesn’t HAVE to give a speech.

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The Lions not only crushed the Broncos, they mocked Tim Tebow, and Ndamukong Suh said “Evil prevails.” Some think God might get them for that. But God just smiled and said three words – “Winter in Detroit.”

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Kim Kardashian is expected to file for divorce today from her husband of 72 days, Kris Humphries. I have posted something like this before but have to say it again: And this is the kind of traditional marriage some in the GOP say is “America’s most important institution,” and want to pass an amendment to protect?

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But really? 72 days?!! Guess Kim and Kris had to wait for for the E! TV special of their $10 million wedding to air earlier this month.

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My friend Alex Kaseberg said the marriage “couldn’t take that dreaded seven-week itch.”

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Tom Tolbert pointed out today on KNBR that Kris and Kim pocketed over $18 million dollars from various media in their their brief marriage, most of it for the rights to their televised wedding. (Similar numbers were reported by the U.K. Guardian.) Even if Tolbert’s numbers were off by a bit that’s the most money for a quickly regretted contract since JaMarcus Russell signed with the Raiders.

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But okay, there were signs this might not last -like in the gift registry where there was allegedly a note at the bottom, if they split up do you want your gift to stay with Kris or Kim?

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At least Kim can keep the monogrammed “K K” towels.

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Still mad about not getting a time out called at the end of regulation Saturday night against Stanford, USC coach Lane Kiffin is railing against the officials and saying he was “deceived.” Kiffin’s former employers are just giggling.

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Well, USC isn’t bowl eligible, so maybe Kiffin is trying to show that while his team can’t have the Roses, they can at least have the Whine.-
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Lane Kiffen even quoted Knox, his 2-year-old son, as knowing more than the officials. Many longtime Kiffin watchers are laying odds that Knox is already more mature about losing than his daddy.

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Late night update, the Pac 12 has just fined Lane Kiffin $10,000 for criticizing the officials. $10,000?! Wow, when Reggie Bush was at USC that was almost a full game’s salary.

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Tony La Russa is retiring as the manager of the St. Louis Cardinals. Actually, he really retired a couple days ago, but he tried to announce the decision by phone.

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Ever the intellectual, Tony LaRussa said that one of his post retirement plans might be opening a bookstore. Asked some of his current and former players – “What’s a bookstore?”

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C.C. Sabathia signed a 5 year, $122 million contract with the Yankees. That’s probably enough to feed him AND his family.

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From Marc Ragovin: So the Mets announced that they are bringing in the walls and lowering the fences at Citi Field. Now if they will only hide the scoreboard

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Rep. Jackie Speier (D-San Mateo) says she is trying to feed herself this week on only 4.50 a day, which is what most people on food stamps get each day. While it’s an interesting experiment, I’d rather see those in Congress try to live long-term with only the healthcare plans available to most Americans.

Comments: 4 Comments

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Posted October 31, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Apparently when Texas A and M lost to Missouri last season, coach Mike Sherman set fire to the game plan, playbook and tape. The Aggies collapsed again in the second half against Missouri Saturday. College Station firefighters have been put on full alert.

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USC safety T.J. McDonald aided Stanford’s last regulation drive when he got a 15 yard penalty for knocking receiver Chris Owusu semi-conscious. This after he got THREE similar penalties against ASU. Think McDonald is trying a little too hard to show he is NFL ready.

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Millions will apparently be without power for a while in the Northeast. And for tonight, those millions included the Dallas Cowboys’ offense.

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Tim Tebow fans have been adopting their hero’s kneel and pray habit. “Big deal” responded Detroit Lions fans. “We’ve been praying for years.” (And it’s beginning to pay off.)

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So much for Tim Tebow leading the Broncos to the Promised Land. Or at least the playoffs.

Maybe God just wanted to hear a lot of new “Christians-Lions” jokes. (Please feel free to add them in comments.)

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The Dolphins folded late, keeping their hopes alive in the “SuckforLuck” race. Could be a real shock for Miami fans if they get Andrew Luck – having a star who steps up in the fourth quarter.

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Must be interesting as a defense attorney in the Conrad Murray trial: Basically your case is,”Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Mr. Jackson was bound and determined to kill himself at some point. My client was just the unlikely doctor there at the time.”

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Still, it would be weird if anyone in the courtroom had a heart attack or something. I can hear the cries now “Is there any other doctor in the house?”

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To err is human, to really scr*w things up requires a computer: Stanford demolished #25 Washington last week and fell in the BCS computer rankings. This week the Cardinal needed triple overtime to beat #22 USC, and leapfrogged Boise State in the same rankings.

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After indicating that he might just skip future debates, Rick Perry has now committed to at least five more. Apparently the Texas Governor feels the need for the public forums to expose Mitt Romney as a flip-flopper.

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Now Fox’s Chris Wallace is complaining about Mitt Romney, that Mitt hasn’t appeared on any Sunday talk show since March 2010, and that he invited “Gov. Romney again this week, but his campaign says he’s still not ready to sit down for an interview.” Well, yeah, how can you do an interview when you haven’t figured out what your positions are yet?

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Passengers on a JetBlue flight scheduled from Fort Lauderdale to Newark ended up stranded on the tarmac at Bradley International Airport in Hartford, Connecticut for more than seven hours Saturday. As awful as the ordeal was some said it was still better than seven hours in Newark.

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India’s first Formula One raceDelhi event is basically sold out despite the cost, with the most expensive tickets costing up to about USD $200,000. Upon hearing this, Roger Goodell starting looking into the possibility for NFL games in Delhi.

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Twisted joke (but I like it) from my friend Neil Berliner: “The Madoffs tried to kill themselves by prescription overdoses. But the pharmacist scammed them with worthless placebos.”

Comments: 4 Comments

Cardinal (barely) rules.

Posted October 30, 2011 by left coast sports babe
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From USA Today about tonight’s Stanford-USC marathon: “It turned out to be messy and gut-wrenching, sloppy and dramatic, heroic and exhausting.” Yep, that just about summed it up. Went to a football game and it turned into game six of the World Series.

Stanford may not be completely happy about keeping their perfect record by escaping with a 56-48 overtime win over USC. On the other hand, fans of Kansas State and Clemson would gladly trade places with the Cardinal.

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Great sign at USC tailgate “Party like there’s no postseason.”

(as my friend Alex Schubert said, “they stole it from Wrigley Field.”)

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In the midst of a labor dispute, Qantas abruptly grounded its global fleet, and Australia’s government sought a court order to force the airline to fly. Said one official “I know is there is a better way to resolve these matters … than locking your customers out.” Really, who do Qantas management think they are? NBA owners?

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United Airlines is running ads saying to book Thanksgiving travel now to create happy family memories. Wonder if that means when they cancel flights you have an excuse not to be with your family.

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The NBA has now cancelled games through November 30. So now players have decisions to make, as to spending Thanksgiving with which one of their families.

(Augie says, “Or start new ones.”)

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Had a client from New York ask if a certain hotel in Hawaii would be full of children and Japanese tourists in January. Resisted the urge to respond, “Interesting, I’ve had families and foreigners ask if the hotel would be full of New Yorkers.”

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A Norwegian study found that people who have trouble getting a decent night’s sleep may also face a higher risk of heart attack. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.

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God now wishes to deny rumors of His/Her being involved with the outcome of the World Series. She/He is focusing all attention right now on helping Tim Tebow.

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Stupidity knows no party boundaries: California Dem. Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi of Castro Valley has been charged with felony grand theft for allegedly shoplifting over $2,4000 worth of clothes from Neiman Marcus in San Francisco. Her spokesman said she had walked out “unintentionally” with the clothes. Well at least Hayashi didn’t claim it was “redistribution.”

(And these $2400 plus of clothes. A blouse, a skirt, and a pair of leather pants. Yep, you know she was at “Needless Markup.”)

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Only about 100 days…

Posted October 29, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Until pitchers and catchers report.

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Gutsy pitching performance tonight by the St. Louis Cardinals’ ace. Almost expected to see the “Jesus was a Carpenter” signs?

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(Of course, that would be sacrilegious, everyone knows if Jesus was to be reincarnated these days he would be Tim Tebow.)

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So if God really was involved with this World Series, having Josh Hamilton get Texas so close to a championship, and then snatching it away, well all I can say is that He has a really mean sense of humor.

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For the uninitiated: Josh Hamilton said that God told him he was going to hit a home run in game six. But Hamilton added “There was a period at the end of [the sentence]. He didn’t say, ‘You’re going to hit it and you’re going to win. ”

Just a reminder, when you pray, it’s important to be specific.

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More on game six:

Another reason why baseball is THE best sport: No clock. At some point early in the second half in the Colts-Saints game, it wouldn’t have matter if Peyton Manning or even Johnny Unitas in his prime was miraculously transported in as QB, there would have been ZERO chance of a comeback.

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Last night’s World Series game was one of the most exciting ever, despite 5 combined errors (not to mention the fact that Nelson Cruz misplayed David Freese’s triple.) There’s a great quote from Bull Durham, “It’s a simple game, you throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball.” Well, sometimes two out of three ain’t bad.

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Heck of a World Series. Of course had the BCS been in charge neither the Cardinals nor the Rangers would have been anywhere near it.

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The Cardinals’ Matt Holliday, who booted a ball in left field, and got picked off third base with the bases loaded, was out of game seven with a wrist injury. Wonder if Tony LaRussa stepped on it.

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If these smaller-market National League teams keep winning the World Series, Bud Selig may have to rethink his “All Star Game Winners Get Home Field Advantage” strategy

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A former Ohio high school teacher was found guilty of having sexual encounters with FIVE students. These overcrowded classrooms are really getting out of hand.

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Recently acquired Oakland QB Carson Palmer said when he was put into last Sunday’s Raiders -Chiefs game he only knew “about 15 plays.” Well, that’s about 14 more than JaMarcus Russell ever learned.

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Michele Bachmann is now accusing Texas governor Rick Perry’s presidential campaign of a “stealth” political attack. Perry’s campaign denies any attack. Makes sense at this point attacking Bachmann’s campaign would be like cheating at Scrabble with George W. Bush.

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Wells Fargo said Friday that the bank is cancelling test program of a monthly $3 fee for users of its debit cards: “As we adjust to changes in our business, we will continue to stay attuned to what our customers want,” said a Wells Fargo spokesman. Translation, “We’ve lost track of how many cut-in-half cards we’ve received in the mail.”

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Rick Perry’s latest campaign slogan “Cut, Balance and Grow.” Is he running for President or to head up Home Depot’s Garden Centers?

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World SEEEriEEs?

Posted October 28, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Did I include enough Es?

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Many old-time baseball fans are looking back nostalgically to the days when pitching dominated in the World Series. Like last year.

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Early in the game the only bright spot for Tony LaRussa was knowing that his bullpen phone worked.

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from T.C.”Wow, that was one of the best WS games ever. Tops Kirk Gibson and Buckner. Too bad the StL bullpen had to wait for the results to be phoned in.”

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It really was an amazing World Series game Thursday night, and just imagine how epic it would have been if Jon Miller was still the ESPN radio announcer….. (Dan Shulman wasn’t bad, but still….)

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After both listening to game six in the car, and watching it on television later, I have to hand it to Tim McCarver. He is doing as much as anyone in the game to promote the tradition of baseball on the radio.

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Texas Governor Rick Perry plans to skip future GOP debates. Guess he’s applying the time honored principle: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

October 29 is National Cat Day. Responded most cats “Isn’t EVERY day National Cat Day? Now, before I go back to sleep, where is my dinner?”

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The former president of Facebook, Sean Parker, apparently Tweeted to complain about being a billionaire: “I have a whole new set of problems to deal with now: security, extortion attempts, kidnapping threats, death threats, etc. Life better b4?” Can’t imagine how the super rich get the reputation for being out-of-touch.

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Carson Palmer, when asked about bringing Terrell Owens to Oakland, responded “T.O. and I had a great working relationship…. The problem is that for him to get here there’s not anybody that we could let go,” Well, this was a more diplomatic response than “NFW!!! Are you nuts?”

During a mock debate last week in Philadelphia, the British claimed that the Declaration of Independence was totally illegitimate and illegal. But they added, “it’s all right chaps, we don’t want you back anyway.”

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Kim Kardashian herself is now admitting that there is a lot of stress in her new marriage, especially living with her sister and filming “Kourtney and Kim take New York.” She told “People” that “It’s not ideal because you’re newlyweds and you want privacy.” Uh, honey, if you want privacy here’s a clue, don’t turn your wedding (along with the rest of your life) into a media circus.

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The Dow soared over 300 points Thursday. Out of habit, several of the GOP candidates blamed it on President Obama.

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Exxon Mobil reported quarterly earnings of $10.3 billion on Thursday, a surge of 41% from last year. You know what that means? Gas prices are going up.

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There are rumors that C.C. Sabathia might sign with the Red Sox. Makes sense, with C.C’s size those dugout beers won’t even make a blip on his blood alcohol level.

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A new Time magazine poll shows Hillary Clinton easily beating the major GOP candidates if she somehow could run for President in 2012. Good news for Clinton’s reputation, but with all due respect “None of the above” could handily beat the current GOP field now too.

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Raindrops keep falling on my field…

Posted October 27, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Suggestion for Tony LaRussa for Game 6 Bullpen communication in St. Louis – “Carrier Squirrels.”

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Game Six of the World Series was postponed due to rain. Which means Tony LaRussa had plenty of time to run down to the Apple store to get new phones for himself and his bullpen coaches

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If Bud Selig gets his way with the expanded playoffs, rain issues won’t be a problem in future World Series. Snow on the other hand.

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Lindsay Lohan will be posing in Playboy. Most Americans think we’ve already seen too much of her lately.

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Despite police efforts and some stories of violence, “Occupy Oakland” continues to be a magnet for a lot of people. If the crowds continue, Raiders’ management may start trying to sell tickets by referring to their games as “Occupy the Coliseum.”

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Rick Perry told Fox today that if he had made any mistakes thus far in the campaign, it was “probably ever doing one of the” debates. No kidding. Especially considering the “lame-stream” media reported every word he said.

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Herman Cain’s latest commercial shows his campaign manager smoking. Well, Cain is running an unconventional campaign, maybe encouraging smoking is his plan to reduce the number of Americans who end up old enough to depend on social security.

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Chaz Bono was voted off DWTS. He won over many viewers, although many 40 and 50 somethings still remember him as such a cute little blond girl. Of course, music fans of the same age remember Michael Jackson as such a cute little black boy.

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NBA owners and players met again for several hours in hopes of resolving their labor problems. No resolution as yet, but on the bright side, the talks are getting more attention than the first weeks of a normal NBA season.

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How badly do some NFL teams want to get Andrew Luck? Have to wonder if a few of them have already asked Roger Goodell if they can vacate wins because some of their players committed crimes or were ineligible in college?

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Some college teams say they would do anything to get future quarterbacks like Andrew Luck, who went to high school in Texas. But when asked why he chose Stanford, Luck cites a big reason as being strong academics. Responded most SEC teams “Never mind.”

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From Bill Littlejohn: “JaMarcus Russell was quoted as saying ‘I’m not fat, lazy, or a junkie’.All right…who called him a junkie?”

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Sebastian Janikowsi should be healthy again for the Raiders’ next game, so Oakland waived their recently signed backup placekicker Dave Rayner, who they had signed for a one-game fee of $45,000. Since Oakland was shut out, Rayner never kicked the ball after the opening kickoff. The only easier gig in sports might have belonged to the Saints’ punter against the Colts.

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Jon Huntsman told ABC News that Rick Perry’s talking about “birtherism” makes him “cringe.” And that “fringe” issues will drive away the independents. “As a party if we are going to win this election we have to focus on the issues that are germane for the American family – economy, jobs, our position in the world.” No wonder he’s barely registering in the GOP polls – the man is way too articulate and reasonable.

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Off the island?

Posted October 26, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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President Obama said tonight he wasn’t going to worry about his 2012 challenger until “everybody’s voted off the island.” The response from the producers of “Survivor.” Hey, our contestants are serious people.”

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Listening to some of these GOP candidates for 2012 makes me realize – it’s just possible John McCain didn’t pick the dimmest bulb in the Republican stable.

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The latest GOP presidential poll shows Herman Cain leading Mitt Romney 25% to 21%. Who does these things? The BCS computers?

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Okay, Rick Perry in a CNBC interview downplayed being a birther but said it’s “fun to poke” at Obama over the birth certificate issue. Does that mean Perry would think it’s fun for more Democrats to poke at him regarding the “switch-hitting” issue?

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Major League Baseball now claims that Los Angles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt “looted” nearly $190 million from the team. $190 million? Hard to imagine anyone taking that much money from a team without earning it, well who wasn’t a player signing a long-term contract.

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John Lackey has now joined Dice K in having had Tommy John surgery, the second Red Sox hurler to do so in 2011. Maybe the Sox need to start using more lightweight pitchers for their beer.

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USC’s running back Dillon Baxter, once hyped as the next Reggie Bush, is still enrolled at the school but is off the football team, according to Lane Kiffin. Guess at least this gives the Trojans more room under the salary cap.

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Terrell Owens scheduled a workout to show NFL teams that he is ready to play. Not a single team representative showed up. Surprising. One might think T.O. would get interest from one of the “SuckforLuck” contenders.

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Missouri hasn’t even officially left the Big 12, but the conference has West Virginia already lined up as a replacement. Meanwhile the Big East is in trouble – will they look at Hawaii next? This conference stuff is getting harder to keep track of than celebrity marriages.

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Wonder how long it will take until we see Tony LaRussa in a Verizon commercial – “Can you hear me now?”

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You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Rick Perry’s new “simplified” flat tax proposal will give taxpayers the choice, pay tax based on the old code, or his new code. Because nothing says simplify by figuring your taxes out twice?

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President Obama appeared Tuesday night on “the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.’ And the reviews go well Barack next time will aim for an appearance on a show with a national audience.

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Apparently several publishers have actually turned down Casey Anthony’s book proposal. So, contrary to popular belief, there actually MAY be some depths to which some businesses won’t go to make a profit.

(Although to be fair, hard to imagine such a volume would be a popular Christmas gift for any family member.)

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World semi-Serious.

Posted October 25, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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One nice thing about baseball, each day is completely different. The Cardinals scored 16 runs against Texas Saturday, then got shut out Sunday. And game five was close until the eighth. Whereas the Colts could play the Saints every week this year and Indianapolis would probably not come within four touchdowns.

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A two part joke written with my friend Jerry Perisho, his part first:

“Don’t worry NBA fans, you can still see your team’s dancers perform; just bring plenty of $1 bills.”

Mine: But go early to see the Heat cheerleaders, I hear they quit before the night is over.

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Newt Gingrich criticized Mitt Romney and Rick Perry at the last debate saying: “I literally felt like I was the recess monitor on the playground, watching these two kids.” Prompting an immediate demand for an apology, from schoolchildren.

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McDonald’s is bringing back the McRib nationwide through November 14. Now, leaving all the McHeart Attack jokes aside. some complain they shouldn’t call it a “McRib,” when the sandwich has no bones. On the other hand, they do call them “ham” burgers.

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Paul Leka, 68, who wrote the chorus of “Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye),” reportedly died October 12. Well, I guess we all know what they sang at his funeral..

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NCAA president Mark Emmert said he is supporting a plan to allow student athletes to receive $2,000 a year beyond their scholarships. (The usual scholarships just cover tuition, fees, books, room and board.) While the idea is popular with many athletes, some football players say they don’t know if they can afford the pay cut.

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Oregon’s star CB Cliff Harris was already cited for driving 118 mph on a suspended license in June and joking to an officer who smelled marijuana that “we smoked it all. Today he was cited again for several infractions, including driving on a suspended license and driving without insurance. Maybe it’s true what they say about pot affecting your memory.

You have to wonder, aren’t there any taxis in Eugene? Or fans who could drive a football star around campus?

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And Harris has been suspended, again, from the football team. Meaning he cannot participate even in practices and will miss at least Saturday’s game. Over-under on him being conditionally reinstated November 11? (As November 12 is the Ducks’ game with Stanford.)

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Fun sidelight of watching the World Series – the realization with the Mavericks and Rangers that the Dallas Cowboys are at best the third best professional team in Dallas.

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Theo Epstein visited Wrigley Field for the first time as GM this morning. His first project? Presumably to find and take down that sign that says “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.”

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Watching the stories and gory videos coming out of Libya, must say one thing for the United States. Even allowing for Florida we do have a much more civilized transfer of power.

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Michele Bachmann has said that the gay and lesbian lifestyle amounts to “personal bondage, and personal enslavement.” Her husband Marcus has compared gays to “barbarians” who need to be “disciplined.” You do get the sense both of them have spent too much time in leather shops South of Market in SF

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Lebron would feel right at home.

Posted October 24, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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The Dolphins led 15 to 0 with less than three minutes to play, when Tim Tebow led an improbable comeback and the Broncos won 18-15 in overtime. What is it with Miami teams and fourth quarters?

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Although actually Tebow’s rally did give the Broncos their SECOND win of the year. And kept the Dolphins winless. Wonder if Denver GM John Elway will now bench Tebow for hurting the team’s chances in the race to “Suck for Luck.”

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Three interceptions from Kyle Boller, three interceptions from Carlson Palmer, and the lowly Kansas City Chiefs destroy the Oakland Raiders 28-0. If Al Davis wasn’t dead this game might have killed him.

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Miami collapsed, St. Louis actually made Dallas look good, and Indy, well, they just s*cked. Wonder if Andrew Luck called John Elway for advice on a good hitting or pitching coach?

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How do you beat a #25 team by 44 points and drop in the polls? Ask Jeff Sagarin. After Stanford’s 65-21 win over Washington, Sagarin’s computer ranking DROPPED the Cardinal from #15 to #21. (Behind two-loss Arizona State.) No, I’m not making this up.

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Theo Epstein took out a full page ad in the Boston Globe, allegedly to thank the Red Sox for “10 Years, Two Championships, Countless Memories, Infinite Thanks.” Presumably he resisted the urge to add “Prior to me, 84 years, Zero Championships, Countless Miseries, Nyah, nyah, nee, nee, nah, hah.”

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Meanwhile in Texas, the Rangers won 4-0, a day after getting destroyed 16-7 by the St. Louis Cardinals. Wonder if Nolan Ryan sent a private jet to Colorado to borrow the Rockies’ humidor?

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Michele Bachmann is slamming Herman Cain and other GOP candidates for their “flip-flops” on things like abortion and gay marriage. Hmm, does this mean her new campaign slogan is “Consistently Crazy?”

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Got to love banks. My husband is travelling for business in Eastern Europe (9 hour time difference), and Wells Fargo’s fraud system went into overdrive when he took out less than $100 cash from an ATM over there. Three “urgent” phone messages this afternoon and evening. Of course, when he tried to call them back during European business hours, they are closed.

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Watched Pan Am, sort of, tonight. So wanted to like this show, but the scripts seem to be written as intelligently as most current airlines’ business models.

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And don’t we all feel so safe with all the hassles of flying these days…. Alaska Air luggage workers at LAX found a handgun when it fell out of a bag they were loading onto a flight to Portland. The gun at least was unloaded. But a TSA spokesperson said they check carry-ons but firearms in checked bags are “not the agency’s responsibility.” And Alaska said passengers should “self-disclose dangerous goods.”

But they are so good on those water bottles..

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Saturday night lights.

Posted October 23, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Congrats to St. Louis on their game three World Series 16-7 win. Not only did the Cardinals outscore the Rangers, they probably will outscore the Rams this weekend.

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Wasn’t actually able to see the Cardinals -Rangers game tonight. 16-7? Wonder how St. Louis scored their safety?

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A German satellite path is supposed to crash to Earth this weekend at over 17,098 mph. It could be the fastest most spectacular fall since Rick Perry’s post first-debate poll numbers.

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In Louisiana, voters are expected to re-elect Governor Bobby Jindal in a landslide. Of course, Jindal has an amazing first-term record by state standards – he hasn’t been arrested

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Pittsburgh safety Troy Polamalu was fined $10,000 for talking on a team cell phone in the bench area. He had sustained a mild concussion and was calling his wife to tell her he wasn’t seriously hurt. $10,000? The same or more as many unnecessary roughness penalties. Once again, NFL – No Freaking Logic..

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Regarding those three LSU starters who were suspended a game after testing positive for synthetic marijuana: I am sure it was just coincidence that the test was the week before the Tigers’ game against relatively lowly Auburn, as opposed to the game against Alabama.

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Lots of fans must have turned on Stanford-Washington football game Saturday night, and watched a track meet break out. The final score, 65-21, with Stanford rushing for 446 yards. (And the Huskies had touchdown runs of 46 and 61 yards.)

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The Washington Huskies were ranked #25 coming into tonight’s game. And Stanford won by 41 points. Will be interesting to see how the BCS uses this an an excuse to drop the Cardinal in the polls.

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Penn State coach Joe Paterno, 86, tied Eddie Robinson for all time D-1 coaching wins, with his 408th career victory Saturday night over Norhwestern.

Even more impressive than the 408 wins, Paterno can remember half of them.

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Happy hour trails?

Posted October 22, 2011 by left coast sports babe
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Red Sox pitching coach Curt Young is also leaving Boston, and returning to the Oakland Athletics. Wonder if he’s bringing the keg with him.

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All these recalls for cantaloupe, spinach, lettuce etc. Ironically the safest food for kids to eat just might be those McDonalds Happy Meals.

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Libyans have temporarily put Moammar Gadhafi’s body was on display in a commercial freezer at a shopping center. Most Americans heard that news and were somewhat appalled. But at least one producer is no doubt trying to figure out how to turn something like that into a reality show.

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Former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford will become a contributor for Fox News. Guess, Sanford’s first choice, the Outdoor Channel, wouldn’t buy his idea for a series on hiking various trails.

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Mets GM Sandy Alderson has announced the dimensions at Citi Field will be changed this off-season, to make the ballpark more hitter-friendly. I guess chicks don’t dig the long fly out.

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From Bill Littlejohn: Fauja Singh became the first person to cross the finish line of a full marathon at age 100 when he did this in Toronto. Problem is, he began the race at age 35.

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Herman Cain seems like he hasn’t figured out his choice on being pro-choice. He said on CNN that abortion is ultimately a “choice that a family or a mother has to make.” Then he said later “Abortion should not be legal,” but if that “family made a decision to break the law, that’s that family’s decision, that’s all I’m trying to say.”
With fence-straddling like that Cain really must want to be Mitt Romney’s running mate.

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With the NBA season cancelled for the forseeable future, some NBA stars are planning a six game exhibition tour. The competition will be essentially meaningless, which means, not much different than six early games in the regular season.

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Michele Bachmann’s paid campaign staffers have apparently just jumped ship. “What took you so long?” said the already long deserted rats.

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An NCAA task force is proposing a bowl ban for Division 1 teams who don’t reach certain APR (Academic Progress Rate) standards. SEC schools immediately offered a compromise – to start requiring that all their student athletes can spell “Academic Progress Rate.”

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The Texas Rangers won game two of the World Series 2-1 with both runs scored on sacrifice flies. Or as SF Giants call that “a major offensive explosion.”

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Mitt, we hardly know ye.

Posted October 21, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Halloween is fast approaching. Poor Mitt Romney can’t decide if he wants to go as a conservative or a moderate.

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According to the BBC young man in a Yankees cap was the first fighter to find Moammar Gadhafi. Wow. So at least someone wearing a Yankees cap has had a productive October.

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Hardest thing for U.S. headline writers today, figuring out how to write the now-deceased former leader of Libya’s name. And somewhere Dan Quayle is chuckling “See, this spelling stuff isn’t that easy, is it?

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From Marc Ragovin: The Boston Red Sox announced that they are adding several more sections of alcohol-free seating sections next year, starting with the dugout.

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A truck jackknifed this morning and scattered thousands of chickens across Highway 80 near Vacaville in Northern California. The CHP is looking into the cause, but at this point they don’t suspect fowl play.

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Ohio State is paying interim football coach Luke Fickell, $775,000 this year. That’s almost as much as some past Buckeye players.

Asked about becoming the next President, Mitt Romney said he had a “good shot.” Of course, Dick Cheney thought the same thing.

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Three starters on the LSU football team were suspended for allegedly testing positive for synthetic marijuana. Guess Tigers coach Les Miles feels his team is better on natural grass.

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The Texas Rangers tied the World Series 1-1 with a 2 run rally in the bottom of the ninth. All of a sudden, wacky Giants closer Brian Wilson isn’t quite as much of a joke in St. Louis.

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The Senate by a 50-50 vote, scuttled President Obama’s jobs bill. But okay, besides the partisan issues is it really fair to put such decisions in the hands of those who through incumbency have jobs probably as long as they want them, and benefits and pensions for life?

(And policy aside. let’s see — 50-50, when the Democrats have the tie breaking vote. Isn’t that majority rule 51-50?”)

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After violating her probation, Lindsay Lohan was temporarily sentenced to janitorial duty at the L.A. County Morgue. Apparently today she showed up late and left early. Hate to say it but the way the way she is going, seems a likely bet Lindsay will be back there to stay at some point.

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So Dirk Nowitzki will be able to throw out a first pitch at a World Series game after all. This after MLB originally denied the Rangers’ request, possibly because they didn’t want to make the political statement of supporting the NBA players during the lockout. But the league reversed course, maybe because George H. W and George W. weren’t available this time.

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The rumors continue that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are splitting up. And this is the kind of marriage many in the GOP are defending?

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