Liars and jokers and clowns, oh my….

Posted December 21, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Mitt Romney is slowly picking up endorsements from GOP leaders, presumably who are all singing under their breath – “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.”

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Actor Tom Cruise told People magazine today that “Every day I fall more in love,” with wife Katie Holmes. Who says platonic marriages don’t work?

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Former American Idol runner-up David Archuleta has announced he is taking a break from his singing career to go on a two-year Mormon mission. This news surprised many music fans, who didn’t realize Archuleta still had a singing career.

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Just how stupid do they think Americans are getting? Got a nice gift of two bottles of wine in a box this Christmas. The description tag says “No refrigeration required.”

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As part of the Ohio State sanctions, former coach Jim Tressel, was hit with a five-year “show-cause” order (meaning a school will need to “show cause” why they hire him and face sanctions if they do.) You know what that means, look for Tressel to follow Pete Carroll to the NFL.

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The NCAA sanctions for Ohio State apparently include a bowl ban for 2012. Actually a more appropriate punishmanent might have been – allow the team to play but ban them from receiving ANY memorabilia.

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Congratulations to the Stanford women’s basketball team, who knocked off Tennessee tonight 97-80. But kudos also to Tennessee coach Pat Summitt, 59, who is still coaching after a diagnosis of early onset dementia, and is putting a brave and public face on a very nasty disease.

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The U.S. House decided to leave for their holiday break, without even voting on the payroll tax cut extension. Hmm, with most Americans if we don’t do our jobs before vacation, we don’t get paid, or we get fired when we come back.

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John Boehner apparently asked President Obama to order the Senate to appoint negotiators to work out a compromise with the House on a payroll tax-cut extension. Is this a budget battle or a NFL/NBA type lockout?

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Bipartisan rant: Not that it will ever happen, but while we’re in the season of wish lists, could we outlaw this stupid procedure of putting stuff in Congressional bills that have nothing to do with the bill itself? (Not talking about ways to pay for the bill, but stuff like pipelines, various pork, etc. And yes, both parties have been guilty of this.)

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These clowns are making the NBA players and owners look mature.

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A twisted thought from T.C. regarding Big Ben’s sore foot – “Rex Ryan volunteered to take a look at it.”

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Gary Johnson announced he is dropping out of the GOP Presidential primary, and will run instead for the Libertarian nomination. The number one response of most Americans – “Who the heck is Gary Johnson?”

Comments: 5 Comments

When the lights go down in the city.

Posted December 20, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The Monday Night Football game between the 49ers and Steelers was delayed tonight due to a blown transformer. Biggest power outage involving San Francisco sports since the Giants were batting.

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In fact, a second power outage of the night stopped the already delayed game for about 20 minutes at Candlestick. The only people smiling are those behind the efforts to move the team to a new stadium in Santa Clara.

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Said my friend Tammy Serna from the game – ” Now we know how Raider fans feel (blacked out).”

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Nice win for the 49ers tonight. But to be honest, Big Ben didn’t look to be in good enough shape even to score on a co-ed.

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All kinds of potential songs to set the video of the 49ers-Steelers game to -“Lights”, “Back in Black,” “You don’t see me….”

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They have smart guys at Stanford. Great answer from former Cardinal and current 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh when asked what it was like in the San Francisco locker room when the lights went out. “It was dark.”

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House Republicans are heading towards a pre-Christmas showdown about the payroll tax with President Obama. But in a chicken game about getting home for the holidays, Obama may well win — he doesn’t need to get a reservation on a commercial plane.

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A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”
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The South Korea military is on full alert after the death of Kim John Il. Maybe, considering how well North Korea does everything else, they are a little worried about any potential funeral fireworks show.

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A Northern California man who has fathered 14 children as a free sperm donor has been told to cease and desist. The FDA has he could face a $100,000 fine or prison time because he’s giving away his sperm without the proper blood tests. Uh, someone better rein in this government agency before it decimates the NBA.

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Another example of why procrastination can be a good thing. Think of all those people who sent in their 2012 Death Lotto’s with Kim Jong Il high on the list.

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From Paul Seaburn: Somewhere in hell, Osama bin Laden looked up, saw Kim Jong Il arrive and said, “Are you my virgin?”

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Up in Canada, the Quebec government is upset because the Montreal Canadiens hired an interim coach who can’t speak French. Big deal, down in the U.S. we’ve elected a President who can’t speak English.

(and a Governor of California)

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A Marist poll of over 1,000 Americans found the most annoying word of 2011 is “Whatever.” Said most Americans under 30 – “Whatever.”

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Newt Gingrich’s stay at the top of the Republican polls may be over. I don’t agree with Michelle Bachmann on much, but her “flavor of the month” line about the GOP primary appears to be right on. (Except when someone is only the flavor of the week.)

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Surging in the polls, Jon Huntsman is up to TWO percent in the last CNN GOP primary poll. This puts him only seven percent behind “undecided.”

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Penn State Quarterback Matt McGloin is taking full responsibility for his locker room fight with Curtis Drake. Amazing. Someone at Penn State is taking responsibility for something?

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Meanwhile, as Jerry Sandusky keeps talking about “horsing around,” the equine community has filed a grievance -they want their word back.

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The Jets-Giants rivalry game is six days away, and Rex Ryan has already started on the “we’re better” talk. And if this matchup doesn’t decide anything presumably players from both teams can have a “Words With Friends” game during the Super Bowl.

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Kim Jong Very Ill. (Dead actually.)

Posted December 19, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Kim Jong Il died at the age of 69. “What a shame” said absolutely no one outside North Korea.

Not a great year for evil dictators. Shame the North Korean press release just said it was due to “overwork” and not “overwork fighting against the evil United States.” Though it might be a bit much even so for President Obama to take credit for this one.

The New York Times said tonight about Kim Jong Il – “He fostered perhaps the last personality cult in the Communist world.” “Who am I, chopped liver?” responded Fidel Castro.

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Added Mark Brickman, “He was outlasted by his playful mother, Ma Jong.”

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Okay, okay, we get it, Tim Tebow is not a good NFL quarterback. Although today neither were Aaron Rodgers and Eli Manning.

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Apparently God looked at that Patriots-Broncos matchup, and said “Over my pay grade, I’m just going to help Tim Tebow by helping Matthew Stafford and the Lions.”

My friend Daniel Silveira commented, “God had a prior commitment in North Korea. After taking care of Kim Jong , Jesus pointed to the sky and said, -“thank you Tebow.

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The Indianapolis Colts won their first game today, and after the game announced that Peyton Manning won’t play in 2011. Makes sense, the Colts are just one win away from having to flip a coin with the Vikings or Rams to get Andrew Luck.
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Thinking some of those 1972 Miami Dolphins are getting too old to be able to pop their own champagne corks.

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Mitt Romney is trying to show his softer side. So he went on Fox News Sunday to and talked about his wife and his personal history. Wonder if this week he’ll try to fill stockings for all those underprivileged corporations at Christmas?

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The Redskins beat the Giants 24-10, and it wasn’t that close. Even Nancy Pelosi looked surprised. Oh, right, she always looks surprised…but this time she really was.

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How bad a day did the Giants and Eli Manning have against the Redskins today? New York fans started to count down the days until Mets spring training.

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Bob Dole endorsed Mitt Romney, thereby surprising many Americans. “Bob Dole is still alive?”

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Nice win by Carolina over Houston today, but Jeremy Shockey claimed he was motivated because the Texans “weren’t showing respect to America during the National Anthem.,There were about 10 players who didn’t put their arms across their chest. This is America.” Uh, okay, but I grew up learning you put your hand on your chest for the Pledge of Allegiance. You sing (and take hats off) for the Anthem.

Comments: 1 Comment

Kobe locked out?

Posted December 18, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

In Vanessa Bryant’s statement that she and Kobe are divorcing, she asks for “privacy during this difficult time.” Not that I wish the woman any harm, but if she wanted privacy, she should have married someone other than Kobe Bryant.

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Wonder what happened between the Bryants? Did the lockout dent Kobe’s jewelry budget?

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There are rumors that the Lakers’ star’s infidelities just got to be too much. Who’d a thunk Kobe would get in trouble for too many passes.
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The Des Moines Register, a paper that endorsed John McCain in 2008, has given a reserved endorsement this year to Mitt Romney. The musical background to this endorsement, presumably, “Making the Best of a Bad Situation,” or “Love the One You’re With.”

(or as my friend Melodi says “Clowns on the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, “Stuck in the Middle with You!”)

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Mitt Romney said of Congress that “It’s hard to expect a bunch of kitty cats to all come together and march in lock step. The only way to herd cats is to have a leader.” Cats following ANY leader? Sounds like the man who drove on vacation with the family dog strapped to the roof of his car knows as much about felines as he does about canines.

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Newt Gingrich acknowledged in Iowa that his GOP rivals’ attacks have taken a toll on his campaign. Newt says he hasn’t heard vitriol like this since he divorced his last two wives.

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The Gildan New Mexico Bowl between Temple and Wyoming Saturday was the first of 35 bowls this year. If you watch all of them, heck, if you can NAME all of them, you might need a life”
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The Rose Bowl promotes itself as the “Grandaddy of all Bowls.” If true, does that make the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl and Advocare 100 Independence Bowl two of the “Weird Cousins of all Bowls?

Anyone know who won Saturday’s bowl games? Me neither.

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From T.C. One of these things is not like the other…..

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, The Beef O’Brady Bowl, Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, Chick Fil-A Bowl, The Outback Bowl, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, The Fight Hunger Bowl.

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Apparently the Playboy issue featuring Lindsay Lohan isn’t selling very well. Makes sense, most Americans, men included, think they’ve seen too much of Lindsay already.

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Some say it will be difficult to convict Penn State officials of anything, since perjury is so hard to prove. Well, if the government can spend millions to convict an athlete for misleading statements about how he played a game, they can sure get these b*stards.

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Penn State Police have reported they were called to investigate a locker room fight between quarterback Matt McGloin and receiver Curtis Drake. Shocking! Penn State Police know where the locker room is?

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Reunions and separations.

Posted December 17, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Brian Wilson is reuniting with the Beach Boys for a 50th anniversary tour. No doubt a featured hit will be “Help Me Rhonda, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”

(Or “Fun, Fun, Fun until my kids and the DMV take my T-bird away.”)

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Upon reflection on Vanessa Bryant’s filing for divorce,, two questions emerge. 1. Did Kobe get room service anywhere lately? 2. Did Vanessa just find out about Callista Gingrich’s $500,000 line of credit at Tiffany’s?

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Kobe and Vanessa are apparently sharing custody of their children. Wonder who gets custody of the jewelry.

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Barry Bonds has been sentenced to 30 days house arrest, and 2 years probation. Well, makes sense, if they throw everyone who hasn’t been truthful about PEDs behind bars we’d need to build a lot more prisons.

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Hamleys, London’s most famous toy store, has this Christmas eliminated its pink “girls” and blue “boys” floors, and has said they will no longer group toys by gender. Why do I think that if they were in the U.S. at least one GOP presidential candidate would accuse them of violating the Constitution.

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Just wondering, did former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney bet anyone $10,000 on the Patriots-Broncos game?

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Ron Paul said on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno that, while he is 76, his “ideas are young.” Well, not as young as Mitt Romney’s, since he’s only had his current ideas for a four or five years max.

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And Ron Paul, while he has some odd ideas, is certainly different from most of the other GOP candidates. For starters, his sentences have nouns, subjects, verbs….

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The Canadian Transportation Agency has said that Canadian Airlines (Air Canada and WestJet) must either ban cats on flights with allergic passengers, or else provide cat-free buffer zones and effective ventilation. Could they do the same for folks who wear too much perfume, don’t bathe, or spend the flight talking loudly nonstop?

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Mitt Romney, who once worked for a health-care consulting company, told an audience today that until he got into government, he didn’t understand the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. Is Mitt trying now to appeal to Rick Perry voters?

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Top four ESPN.com headlines Friday were about the Penn State trial, Bonds’ sentencing, the Bears cutting Hurd after his drug dealing arrest, and the NFL upholding Harrison’s suspension. I’ll tell you, even as a pro-choice woman who isn’t very religious, listening to Tebow’s thanking his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” is sounding pretty good by comparison.

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Britney Spears, 30, is now engaged to be married for the third time. Wonder if that means when she gets tired of singing, Spears is planning a career in national GOP politics.

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Newt Gingrich STILL maintains that the $1.6 million he got from Freddie Mac was simply for giving advice as a historian. We could only wish. If that were the going rate, history professors on college campuses would be richer than football coaches.

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It must be the holiday season. The House passed an emergency $1 trillion budget bill by a bipartisan 296-121 vote. These days I wouldn’t have thought you could get a 296-121 vote to pass a resolution saying “Merry Christmas.”

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Let’s hope Mike McQueary finally told the truth today about that shower incident back in 2002. But one question I’d like to ask Mike – “You saw that, you told people, and yet Sandusky remained around campus and you know nothing happened. Didn’t you ever feel that maybe you should have gone to the police?

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Comments: 2 Comments

Send in the clowns.

Posted December 16, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Newt Gingrich believes people can choose to be straight, just like they can “choose to be celibate.” And somewhere Newt’s gay sister is thinking “Too bad you can’t choose your relatives.”

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Newt Gingrich is referring now to Palestinians as an “invented people.” (Even though pictures have re-surfaced of Newt in 1993 embracing Yasser Arafat.) Well, at this point many people on both sides of the aisle consider Newt an “invented candidate.”

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Ndamukong Suh walked out of a radio interview with the Detroit Lions’ station this week. Well, silver lining for the hosts, at least he didn’t stomp out.

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Barbara Walters’ “Most Fascinating Person of 2011” turned out to be Steve Jobs, who died earlier this year. Although had Steve stlll been alive, sharing the stage and the list with the Kardashians might have killed him.

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Newt Gingrich keeps talking how if he gets the GOP nomination, he will beat challenge President Obama by challenging him to seven three-hour debates. Really? In seven three-hour debates, Gingrich will undoubtedly change at least a position or two. If not a wife.

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Rick Perry at tonight’s GOP debate compared himself to Tim Tebow. And a voice from the heavens boomed down – “Governor, I know Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow is a friend of Mine, and Governor, you’re no Tim Tebow.”

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Chris Paul at a news conference today – “I’m excited to be here in L.A. with this unbelievable franchise with so much history behind it.” So does Paul think that given the Clippers’ history there is nowhere to go but up? Or does he think he was traded to the Lakers.

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Chicago Bears WR Sam Hurd was arrested Wednesday night and apparently will be charged with serious drug dealing. Guess he found it tough feeding his family on only $685 thousand a year.

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Another you cannot make this “stuff” up quote from Christine O’Donnell as to why she endorsed Mitt Romney: “because he’s been consistent since he changed his mind.” (And John Kerry said, why didn’t I think of that?)

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Rick Perry on fidelity “I didn’t make a vow just to my wife. I also made a vow to God. I’m afraid of my wife. I’m not afraid of my wife as much as I’m afraid of God.” Just the kind of romantic declaration every woman wants to hear.

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If you thought Jerry Sandusky’s 1st lawyer was bad, how the newest member of the defense team Karl Rominger? Who said in his client’s defense “Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 would sound strange to some people, but actually people who work with troubled youth would tell you that there are a lot of (them) who have to be taught basic life skills, like how to put soap on your body.” Blech. Again, makes me want to take a shower, or rather bath.

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Holiday note to parents whose children like to kick the seats on planes. Put you or your spouse (or a sibling) in the seat in front of them. Peace on Earth. Or at least in the Air.

Comments: 3 Comments

Geaux Clippers?

Posted December 15, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Now that New Orleans star Chris Paul is heading to Los Angeles, will the team’s motto be “Geaux Clippers”?

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So Chris Paul is now a Clipper. Well, he’ll probably get about as many passes from Kobe Bryant as he would if he had joined the Lakers.

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As a Wilt, Kareem, and Magic fan, but NOT a Kobe fan, will be nice to have a Los Angeles team I can root for again. Griffin and Paul MIGHT even be worth watching an NBA regular season game for….

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CNN’s Jack Cafferty is musing “Is Mitt Romney the Hillary Clinton of 2012?” Heck, Mitt Romney isn’t even the Mitt Romney of 2008.

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As reported by the U.K. Daily Mail, South Carolina man has been charged with stabbing his wife to death while they shopped in a local Walmart last weekend. But it being two weeks before Christmas, Walmart management just roped off the area with crime scene tape for police and continued open for business as usual.

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Mitt Romney said when running for Senate in Massachusetts that he would be a “better for gay rights than Ted Kennedy.” Newt Gingrich once made an ad for Al Gore’s climate advocacy group with Nancy Pelosi. As flexible as these two are on positions, if either of them get the GOP nomination will they run to the right or left of President Obama?

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Time’s “Person of the Year” is “The Protester.” Thereby seriously disappointing Mitt Romney who thought it should have been “The Corporation.”

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The Detroit Lions are playing the Oakland Raiders this weekend. Which means two “over-unders” in Vegas. One on the score, and one on the fines Monday.

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Rick Santorum told CNN that he’s the “sober” candidate. Really? The thought of him as President would drive millions of Americans to drink.

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The FAA has approved iPads for use in cockpits. This means the pilots can use digital documents that replace 35 pounds of paper and books. Not to mention play “Words with Friends” and download cocktail recipes.

(My friend John wonders, will they need to turn them off for takeoffs and landings?)

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Open Table, the reservation reservation system, has come up with their list of 100 Top Restaurants in the U.S. Including the Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Jacksonville, Florida. With all due respect, most people think the Ruth’s Chris isn’t even the top restaurant in Jacksonville.

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“Today” anchor Ann Curry questioned Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer Joe Amendola’s competence in asking why he waived a preliminary hearing. Amendola replied that a hearing would have only provided the media with “a feeding frenzy” and “we had very little to gain.” With that reasoning, why the heck did he allow Sandusky to do the Bob Costas interview?

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Sad that Lowe’s has pulled ads for “All American Muslim,” which seems the most innocuous, even boring reality show. I’d cheerfully boycott them, except I’ve never set foot inside on of their stores.

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Some in the GOP would try to refer to President Barack Obama as an “All American Muslim,” except that then they would have to admit that he is American.

Comments: 3 Comments

Which witch?

Posted December 14, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Christine O’Donnell announced tonight she is backing Mitt Romney. Well, while Mitt is trying to appease Christians who have a problem with his Mormonism,a the endorsement of a former Senate candidate who “dabbled” in witchcraft should be just what he needs….

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Donald Trump just backed out of the Newsmax GOP debate – which had only two candidates remaining. And the Donald made it clear he doesn’t feel there is a conflict of interest between running for President and moderating a debate. Hmm, wonder how he would feel about President Obama moderating the next one?

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Doesn’t seem like much hope for the Hornets to hang onto their star Chris Paul. Maybe if they rename the team “The Los Angeles Hornets of New Orleans?”

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In an interview with a Christian radio station, Deirdre Pujols defended her husband’s decision to leave St. Louis, saying of course that it wasn’t about money, and closing with “It’s just like God to put us on a team called the Angels.” Even Tim Tebow said, “Isn’t that just a bit much?”

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In the San Francisco area, nine Chuck E. Cheese pizza parlors have been fined for violating federal child-labor laws, apparently because they had teenagers operating trash compactors. Not as one might think, for torturing the teenagers by having them listen to that music and screaming little kids for over eight hours at a time.

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Of course, if O’Donnell really wanted to help Romney, maybe she could turn some of his opponents into toads. (Yes, I am aware in some cases this might be considered redundant.)

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An Italian woman, 94, left $13 million to her 4-year-old cat, Tomasso, who she had adopted as a stray kitten. Well, actually sounds like it must have been a more fulfilling relationship than either of Kim Kardashian’s marriages.

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Rick Santorum says he is doesn’t think he qualifies as a celebrity – “I travel by myself….I’m sitting middle seats on United Airways flights or Delta flights…” And this man thinks as President he could find good people to help him run the country? He can’t even find a good travel agent.

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I love British newspapers: Today’s Daily Mail (U.K.), headline – pulling no punches on a certain U.S. candidate – “Thrice-married and known adulterer Newt Gingrich signs fidelity pledge to sure up votes in Iowa.”

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You cannot make this “stuff” up item for the day. Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Joseph Amendola said that anyone who believes his client is a child molester should call “1-800-REALITY.” Uh, fine, except this is the response you get “Hi guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-x action … gay, bi, and bi-curious studs… Just 99 cents per minute.”

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Due to leaked photos, Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy issue is going to be out early. Just like Lindsay with her jail sentences.

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From Bill Littlejohn: Lindsay Lohan looks to rival Marilyn Monroe on the cover of Playboy—if Marilyn were alive, they’d both look 86 years old”

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A Vietnam vet in N.H. asked the candidate about his position on same-sex marriage. Mitt replied “At the time the Constitution was written it was pretty clear that marriage is between a man and a woman, and I don’t believe the (N.H) Supreme Court has changed that.” Well, actually at the time the Constitution was written, Americans were allowed to own slaves.

Comments: 1 Comment

“I” of the Newt.

Posted December 13, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

You cannot make this “st*ff” up dept. Newt Gingrich is now pledging future marital fidelity and as a potential President. So somehow he believes the Oath of Office is somehow a higher bar than “forsaking all others?”

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Follow up to Gingrich’s pledge of future marital fidelity. Assume that’s as long as he’s campaigning and if he wins. So if he loses, guess Callista had better watch the interns.
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Actually for all this talk about fidelity and who’s the most religious etc, my strong sense is that if it weren’t for the 22nd amendment Bill Clinton could win another term.

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Wonder how long until flight attendant departure messages start saying “Please take your seat, turn off your cellphone and stop playing “Words with Friends.”

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Not excusing Baldwin’s behavior but as far as an actual danger to the flight…? Should we start being worried if Zynga starts showing statistics indicating a high number of people on Homeland Security’s watch list start trying to learn how to play “Words with Friends?”

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In a dig at millionaire Mitt Romney’s offer to bet Rick Perry $10,000, millionaire Newt Gingrich offered to bet Romney $10. (that he wouldn’t give back money he made laying off people at Bain.) Of course, there’s a reason Gingrich wouldn’t bet $10,000 – it’s called “Callista’s Tiffany account.”

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Conservative radio host Michael Savage has offered Newt Gingrich $1 million to drop out of the Republican primary race. Ever the smart businessman, Mitt Romney has asked about a similar offer – Mitt figures he can always change his mind a month later.

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Former SF Giant Aaron Rowand signed a minor-league contract with the Marlins. Makes sense, for the past few years Rowand’s been a minor league hitter.

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The Miami Dolphins at 4-9 fired their coach. The Kansas City Chiefs at 5-8 fired their coach. Guess this is ownership’s way of saying, “You sucked, but not enough to get us Andrew Luck.

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By winning tonight, the Seattle Seahawks kept their playoff hopes alive. Anyone but me just a bit disgusted that Pete Carroll and Reggie Bush have absolutely no restrictions on their postseasons, while kids at USC who had nothing to do with their misdeeds are forced to stay home?

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Newt Gingrich is proposing a flat tax but where Americans will have the option of using the current system or his new proposal. An independent study said it will add to the deficit but Gingrich said the plan will create jobs. With everyone needing to compute taxes twice? At H and R Block maybe.

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Brian Urlacher said last night of Tim Tebow “He’s a good running back.” And what does that say about the Bears then? Getting flat out humiliated in the late fourth quarter by a running back who was calling signals and throwing passes?

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While the Bears were dissing Tom Tebow, Tom Brady, QB of the Patriots, who are the Broncos next opponent, had nothing but nice things to say. Translation, Brady is smart enough to understand public relations, or maybe just Catholic enough that he doesn’t want to p*ss God off.

Comments: 2 Comments

Miracle-schmiracle….

Posted December 12, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

What greedy Broncos fans really want now from Tebow is for him to start turning water into beer.

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But okay, all these doubters who don’t believe Tebow is, as he says, a virgin. I’m inclined to believe the guy. If for no other reason than that any woman who HAD slept with him would have probably sold the story to the National Enquirer for $1 million plus.

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Anyone else think that God is not only backing Tebow, that He/She is just f*ckng with us?

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As long as Tebow doesn’t start singing “Climb Every Mountain.”

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Actually, the Denver Broncos should be the favored team of those who miss watching NBA games on television. Just as in the NBA, there’s no point in really tuning in until the fourth quarter.

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Ryan Braun’s spokesman issued a statement denying any “intentional violation” of Major League Baseball rules. But really, has any star player EVER come right out and said “Yeah, you caught me.” Only the little guys. Waiting to see what “tainted supplement” Braun supposedly took.

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Chris Paul may now be headed to the Clippers? Jay Leno’s going to need to rewrite his punchlines.

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The NFL MVP is supposedly the player a team absolutely cannot do without. Based on that criteria, shouldn’t the 2011 MVP be Peyton Manning?

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Mitt Romney’s campaign is trying to recover from his casual offer to wager $10,000 with Rick Perry in Saturday’s debate. Even Pete Rose is saying he wouldn’t have made that bet.

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The University of Cincinnati issued major suspensions to four players involved in last night’s basketball brawl with Xavier. Guess the school doesn’t want the team competing with the Bengals.

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A United Airlines 757 en-route from Denver to Los Angeles had to divert to Grand Junction Sunday morning when an engine shut down. Wonder if the airline gave passengers extra frequent flier miles? Or charged them for the extra stop.
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Three straight second-place Heismann finishes for Stanford: The Cardinal is becoming the Susan Lucci of college football.

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Watched the Minnesota Vikings blow a chance (with the help of a missed call) to beat the Detroit Lions today and fall to 2-11. Had Peyton Manning not been injured, Andrew Luck would probably be reunited with Toby Gerhart next year.

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Actually, the Lions should have been called for a face mask at the goal line with a few seconds to go…. But for any Stanford fan with painful memories of Big Game against Cal in 2009, just one question… why didn’t Detroit give it to Toby Gerhart with first and goal from the one?

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Now it turns out that Penn State asst coach Mike McQueary, allegedly told a family friend a different story about the shower incident. According to a Harrisburg paper. “he heard ‘sex sounds’ and a running shower before a young boy peered around the corner of the shower’s stall, then saw an adult arm reach around the boy’s waist and pull him out of view.” Beginning to wonder if there is/was an honest person in the whole program.

Comments: 1 Comment

In Cincinnati, Saturday night’s all right for fighting.

Posted December 11, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

After a major game-ending basketball brawl with the University of Cincinnati, Xavier’s star guard, Tu Holloway, whose trash talking helped instigate the whole mess, talked about it being a rivalry game and how Xavier’s motto was “zip ’em up.” Uh, Tu, what you REALLY should have zipped was your mouth.

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Cincinnati’s Yancy Gates, who threw a serious punch, is almost certainly going to be suspended and could even be dismissed from the team. On the other hand, with that kind of size (6’9″, 260 lbs,) and hitting, Yates could be offered a job with the Bengals.

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When the question of whether marital fidelity should influence voters’ choice for President, Newt Gingrich responded “I’ve said I made mistakes.” He then added that since he is now a 68-year-old grandfather, it might be time to move on. Got it. So we should elect Newt now that he is too old to cheat on his third wife?

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Regarding Cavaliers’ owner Dan Gilbert’s comment about 25 teams being the Washington Generals, the Washington Wizards are offended. They ASPIRE to be the Washington Generals.

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Mitt Romney proposed a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry as to whether or not he backed individual healthcare mandates. And then denied that a 10k bet meant he was out of touch. Well maybe. But what happened to that Mormon prohibition against gambling?

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Jim Mora has been hired to coach UCLA’s football team. Well, with a lifetime 31-33 record in the NFL between the Seahawks and Falcons, Mora seems like the right guy to lead the Bruins back to the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl again in 2012.

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NL MVP Ryan Braun just tested positive for a PED. You have to think that Barry Bonds is shaking his head and smiling.

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Silver lining of Braun’s failed drug test? The SF Giants can point to their 2011 offense and say they were clearly the most performance-enhancing-drug-free group of hitters in baseball.

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The most disappointed fans about Braun’s potential failed drug test? Those who had Prince Fielder in the pool.

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MLB has officially reinstated Manny Ramirez from the voluntary retirement list. Although any team taking a chance on signing him is probably doing the baseball equivalent of marrying a Kardashian – it’s exciting at first, it’s a lot of media attention, and it will probably blow up in your face.

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Not that I am a Romney fan, but now that Gingrich is at least the temporary front-runner….well, there’s something amusing about a man being accused of being a flip-flopper by another man who’s been married three times.

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Congratulations to Robert Griffin III on his Heisman, even though, admittedly biased, I would have voted for Andrew Luck. But here’s the remarkable sidebar -both Luck and Griffin are excellent students, Luck an Academic All-American, Griffin, Dean’s List, and both are heading to the NFL with actual degrees.

Comments: 1 Comment

Stumbling towards the weekend.

Posted December 10, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Penn State’s “Office of Licensing Programs” issued a letter to vendors saying effective immediately “Penn State will no longer approve any designs featuring Mr. Paterno’s name, likeness, and/or image.” Shame when the abuse allegations first came to light that the university wasn’t so quick to sever all ties to Jerry Sandusky.

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Rick Perry’s latest math gem – referring to the “eight unelected and frankly unaccountable judges” on the Supreme Court. Well, to be fair, nine is a much bigger number than three.

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Perry also referred to Supreme Court justice Sonya Sotomayor as “Montemayor.” Who knew, in a few short years another Texas governor would make George W. look articulate.

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A lot of controversy now over whether Browns QB Colt McCoy should have been allowed back in the game after a helmet on helmet hit from the Steelers James Harrison. Some say now that McCoy wasn’t coherent. But that never stopped Terry Bradshaw.

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Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert, in criticizing the proposed Chris Paul to the Lakers trade said “When will we just change the name of 25 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals?”

Actually, Gilbert was wrong. 16 NBA teams make the playoffs every year. We should only consider changing the name of 14 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals.

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UCLA forward Reeves Nelson has now been dismissed from the team. This for bad behavior during his second suspension from the team this year. (And missing a team flight to Maui.) So Nelson’s punishment? Not playing for a team that is second from last in the Pac-12, and hanging out playing pickup games until the NBA draft. Rough.

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Men’s Health magazine declared the “Hottest Woman of all Time” to be…. Jennifer Aniston. Okay, now maybe as a straight woman I’m not a good judge, but most of my male friends didn’t even think Jennifer Aniston was the hottest woman on “Friends.”

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In threatening to cancel his debate, Donald Trump said he was particularly upset with Michele Bachmann for dropping out, because she’d come to see him four times and he had helped promote her as a candidate. Said the Donald, it’s actually called “loyalty.” Interesting choice of words from a man who’s been married 3 times.

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Jon Stewart said “Thank you, Jesus” when he heard about Donald Trump moderating a debate. Now Trump may cancel the debate because only Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich are participating. Guess Jesus figured we needed to be satisfied with Tim Tebow.

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A woman was arrested in a Tulsa Walmart, allegedly for trying to mix meth using chemicals she found in the store. Was she busted for doing something illegal, or for potentially undercutting Walmart’s meth prices?

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Ohio State still awaits word on possible football sanctions for “failure to monitor” their program. But OSU did get a NCAA special waiver to let incoming coach 2012 Urban Meyer begin recruiting. (Otherwise he would put them over the limit of allowed coaches.) This gives the Buckeyes a nice head start over teams with coaches in bowl games. Can’t imagine how the NCAA gets the image of favoring big conferences.

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So maybe we should talk about NBA players wearing helmets? Golden State Warriors guard Charlie Bell was jailed for several hours yesterday when he showed up for a court hearing legally drunk. The hearing was for his DUI case. (Really. You cannot make this “stuff” up.)

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Kim Kardashian’s had a special “limited edition” (only 1000 bottles produced) LOVE perfume created for her wedding. Now the fragrance is part of a holiday gift set at Macy’s. Guess the “limited” part was as real as the marriage.

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Occupy Wall Street members in New York staged a protest that shut down production of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.” Wonder how long it will take for the show to write an episode about it.

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Tom Cruise wants to make a sequel to ‘Top Gun’ 25-years later; in this one Cruise shakes his fist at the bogeys and yells; “Slow down, punks, this is a neighborhood.”

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Follow up thoughts.

Does Cruise scream “I feel the need, for a pee?

or “You punks get off my tarmac?”

Comments: 4 Comments

Not so great debate?

Posted December 9, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Rick Perry became the latest GOP presidential contender to opt out of Trump’s debate. Had he stayed in, the Donald would have had three confirmed candidates. And three is not a number Perry feels comfortable with.

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The only candidates confirmed for the Trump debate are Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.

Of course, most people think that in the big picture Gingrich is really taking on Mitt Romney. And given Newt’s history of “flexibility” on his positions, maybe Gingrich can use the time to debate himself.

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Trump’s debate is scheduled for December 27. At this point it may end up as eagerly anticipated as the Clippers’ season opener.

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In honor, or maybe I should say “dishonor” of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, Spirit Airlines is having a “seat selling” sale, of $14 one-way fares from Chicago to seven cities. Of course what they don’t say, if you take advantage of their “seat-selling” you may end up feeling somewhat “confined.”

(Of course, if they really wanted to emulate Blagojevich, maybe Spirit should be trying to sell the same seat to several different people.)

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Kris Humphries will be baking cookies Friday morning on “Good Morning, America.” Wonder how long it will take one of the Kardashians to say it’s all about self-promotion?

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Newt Gingrich’s sister has backed President Obama for re-election. Nice timing, just after any potential family Thanksgiving dinners.

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Jerry Sandusky’s wife just said that her husband is innocent of the all child sex abuse allegations against him and that all his accusers are making up their stories. Proving once again, Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

(my friend Jim McCann asks “How long would Jerry pause when asked, “Are you still attracted to your wife?”)

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People Magazine is reporting that Michelle Duggar has miscarried her 20th child. Sounds like even God is saying “ENOUGH ALREADY!”

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The Duggars are enough to make even Tim Tebow consider an ad for Planned Parenthood.

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Something no one thought we would hear on sports talk radio in 2011 – discussions of whether the 49ers should rest Alex Smith to keep him healthy and in good shape for the playoffs.

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New Democratic ad: “We’re going to close the unproductive tax loopholes that have allowed some of the truly wealthy to avoid paying their fair share. They sometimes made it possible for millionaires to pay nothing, while a bus driver was paying 10% of his salary – and that’s crazy. Do you think the millionaire ought to pay more in taxes than the bus driver?” Quoting that noted liberal Ronald Reagan.

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Albert Pujols had indicated he liked St. Louis, but might want to be closer to his family in the Dominican Republic. Guess the Angels gave him 254 million good reasons to try California.

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Now that Pujols has signed for $254 million, wonder how Angels pitcher Jared Weaver feels about having given the team that “hometown discount” of a five year $85 million contract.

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Rumors that the Rangers now may go after Prince Fielder in response to the Angels’ signing of Albert Pujols. This could end up being a good off-season for the Cubs after all.

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Apparently Barack has remembered where he put his cajones. Republican candidates Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum and Romney accused him in a forum Wednesday of being engaged in a foreign policy of “appeasement.” The President’s response -“Ask Osama bin Laden.

Comments: 2 Comments

Bowl weak?

Posted December 8, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

ESPN is running advertisements for “Capitol One Bowl Week: December 17 – January 2. Wonder which SEC graduate came up with that one?

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And they wonder why football players are bad at math.

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From my comedy writer friend Jerry Perisho: “I’d love to hear the voice message Alec Baldwin left on American Airlines’ answering machine.”

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Nice to see Newt Gingrich surging to the front of the GOP pack. Since Newt already helped one Democratic President get re-elected.

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Arizona State apparently had an agreement with June Jones to take over as their head football coach, but for some unknown reason pulled the offer. That was a quick relationship. Who is negotiating for ASU, one of the Kardashians?

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Jerry Sandusky has been arrested again on new molestation charges. And because he was unable to post bail the former Penn State coach was taken to jail. “What a shame,” said absolutely, positively nobody.

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Rod Blagojevich was sentenced today to 14 years in prison. The disgraced former Governor quoted Kipling, that this was a time “to be strong and fight through adversity.” Too bad Blago forgot this other Kipling quote: “You haf too much Ego in your Cosmos”

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Rod Blagojevich is the fourth Illinois governor in the last four decades, and the second in a row, to end up in prison. Scoffed Louisiana politicians – “Amateurs.”

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So will they start swearing in governors in Illinois by saying “Will the defendant please rise?”

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Not sure Rod Blagojevich gets it. The judge threw the book at him. And the former Illinois governor caught the book and tried to sell it on Ebay.

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Now that Bobby Valentine is managing the Red Sox, Terry Francona has taken his place as an ESPN baseball analyst. Wonder how long it will take Francona to start complaining about the slow pace of Boston pitchers.

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Orlando Magic CEO Bob Vander Weide is trying to clear up rumors that he may have “drunk dialed” Dwight Howard, saying he only had “two to three glasses of wine over a three-hour period after a social event and that he wanted to return text and phone messages Howard had left for him.” Hmm, wonder if the phrase “I love you, man” was involved.

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ESPN is actually doing a “Game Day” type setup with regular broadcasts directly from the baseball winter meetings. Well, it’s still more compelling than what would have been NBA regular season games.

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The Marlins have dropped out. But the Cardinals, Cubs and other other unnamed team apparently keep upping their offers to Albert Pujols; the slugger will get well over $200 million for 10 years. Pujols is taking his time deciding. But once he signs, it won’t take long for Albert to pronounce – “It’s not about the money.”

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Oops. A cannonball fired as part of an episode of the “Mythbusters” television show missed its mark and hit a Dublin home and a car Tuesday. As my friend Laura said, you have to wonder what myth they were busting. (The myth of their competence?)

Comments: 1 Comment

Plane crazy.

Posted December 7, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane today at LAX, and later tweeted “Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving.” Two thoughts, if he’s going to be that much of an a** Baldwin should buy his own plane, and there are advantages to being a luddite – I don’t even know how to play WORDS W FRIENDS on my phone.

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Wonder how long until someone will start marketing books and paper Sudokos crossword puzzles as “inflight entertainment you don’t have to turn off.”

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Apparently Baldwin lost his temper too, and yelled at the flight attendant. Maybe she reminded him of his daughter?

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Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate if he were playing “Angry Birds?”

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The “Over-Under” in Las Vegas for the Alabama-LSU game is 39. Is that Alabama 3, LSU 9?

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The Kraft Fight Hunger bowl will pit two fired coaches – Ron Zook of Illinois and Rick Neuheisel of UCLA – against each other. Though both coaches has handsome enough severance packages that neither will be worrying about food stamps.

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NFL analysts still talking about the Dallas Cowboys’ failure to call one of their time outs at the end of the game. (It would have given them an extra play to go for a shorter field goal or even a chance for a touchdown.) Where’s Chris Webber when you need him?

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The Big East has announced their new members for 2013. Boise State, SMU, Central Florida, and…. San Diego State. Really? San Diego isn’t even in Eastern California. (Though it is east of San Francisco and Los Angeles.)

Maybe San Diego State was added to make Boise State feel more Eastern.

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The NFL has suspended Washington Redskins tight end Fred Davis and left tackle Trent Williams four games each for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. Guess the league didn’t buy the players’ excuse, that playing for a Dan Snyder team would drive anyone in their right mind to drugs.

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A new planet has been discovered that has the potential to support life. Or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof – like Mitt Romney.

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From Marc Ragovin: “Newt Gingrich said he’s gonna mop the floor with his fellow contenders at the next GOP debate. Well actually he said he’d get some poor ten-year to do it.”

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The latest Gallup poll of GOP presidential contenders has Jon Huntsman at one percent. Guess that SNL appearance really boosted his candidacy.

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Rick Santorum now says that he is against gay marriage because if it were legal then “their sexual activity” would be seen as “equal” to heterosexual sexuality. Uh, how exactly does he know it isn’t?

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Turns out two passengers sustained minor injuries in Ndamukong Suh’s car crash this past weekend. One described him as “going so fast, it was violent.” Bet that’s the last time anyone riding with Suh tells him to “step on it.”

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An 85 year old woman is complaining she was strip-searched at JFK airport. You would think TSA would be more respectful of United’s First Class flight attendants.

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Yet another accuser has come forward against Jerry Sandusky. At this point it looks like the only chance the formerly revered Penn State coach has to be acquitted is to hold the trial in Los Angeles.

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Just another sleazy Monday.

Posted December 6, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

You know you might have a bad lawyer when…he lets you give interviews like this: “If I say, ‘No, I’m not attracted to young boys, that’s not the truth, Because I’m attracted to young people — boys, girls….” Jerry Sandusky – quoted in the New York Times.

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So USC’s Matt Barkley will not be invited to the Heisman ceremony, probably because his team is on probation for the misdeeds of Pete Carroll and Reggie Bush. But LSU’s Tryann Mathieu will be there, despite having been suspended earlier this year for the misdeeds of himself. Can’t understand how college football gets such a sleazy reputation….

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Cliff Harris, Oregon’s All-American Cornerback, was already suspended from the team (for the second time this year) when he apparently violated team rules and coach Chip Kelly dismissed him. Looks like Harris is well on his way to becoming a first round draft pick for the Bengals.

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The head of the FAA was arrested Saturday night for DUI. Guess his real ambition was to be a pilot?

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Robbers stole $1900 from a Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Pasadena. Wow. That’s almost the receipts from three steak dinners.

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Newt Gingrich is lambasting Nancy Pelosi for her comments that that she knows “a lot” about the former speaker because of the year she spent investigating him. In fact, Newt sounds so upset, maybe he’s forgotten Pelosi isn’t one of his ex-wives.

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Dan Quayle is said to be planning an endorsement today. Wonder if the former V.P.’s statement will say he is endorsing “Mitt Romny”.

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Jon Huntsman today said that Donald Trump’s talks with other candidates are “pure BS.” Is the man bound and determined to get the votes of all the thinking GOP primary voters? All five or six of them?

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Apparently Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman won’t attend the debate moderated by Donald Trump. The Donald, insulted, referred to them as “joke candidates,” with “zero chance of getting elected.” Well, it takes a former one to know one.

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Many in the media are focused on the fact that Tim Tebow only completes about 40 percent of his passes. Well, that’s a much better percentage than Herman Cain.

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In Japan, a number of luxury sportscar drivers ended up in an 11 car pileup that smashed eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini and two Mercedes – over $1 million worth of automobiles. It was one of the most expensive wrecks of the year. Following perhaps only Kim Kardashian’s wedding.

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from T.C. “The Jacksonville Jags have been sold and rumored to be relocating to LA. A team in LA playing in the AFC South? Makes sense, KC is in the AFC West, StL in the NFC West and as another reader mentioned last week, Dallas plays in the NFC East. If Hawaii ever gets a team, they can be placed in the AFC East. Hawaii IS EAST of China.”

Comments: 3 Comments

Bowled over?

Posted December 5, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

In a college football season, only one team stays undefeated all year, after beating their rival by 3 points. And that rival ends up with only the one loss. And so since it’s that close, why not a rematch in the national championship? Well, except when it was Ohio State beating Michigan 42-39 in 2006 And the Florida Gators got into the championship game. (Apparently Michigan didn’t qualify under the SEC codicil.)

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Here’s a crazy easy idea for the National Championship. Can’t be any worse. Play the big bowls Jan 1 like they used to – either the four BCS bowls or those bowls plus say, the Cotton Bowl. Vote afterwards and have the top two vote-getters play a week later.

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One reason Jim Harbaugh probably figures he made the right choice to jump to the 49ers last year: In the NFL you can lose a game and still have a chance to play for the championship.

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It seems like yesterday that many pundits figured Tim Tebow was John Elway’s taking a shot in the “SuckforLuck” bowl. Of course, I figured Alex Smith was going to serve the same function for Jim Harbaugh.

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With LSU-Alabama in the National Championship, schools in the SEC conference will divvy up $34 million. Wonder how many thousands will go for academics?

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LSU coach Les Miles was quoted on ESPN saying he is very happy to be playing Alabama. Well, yeah, a team with a mediocre offense they know they can beat. With a lot less prep work than it would take for Oklahoma State.

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The first of many Fiesta Bowl trivia items: Brandon Weeden, the OSU QB, is 28 years old. (Really.) That’s older than Alex Smith, Tim Tebow and Aaron Rodgers -Rodgers turned 28 on Friday.

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Manny Ramirez has had his second PED suspension reduced from 100 games to 50 games. Plus Manny has both hired agents AND filed for reinstatement from MLB’s retired list. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, give it up already.”

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There are rumors that Herman Cain may now endorse Newt Gingrich. Well, Newt may not have shown he can lead the country, but he has shown Herman a path on how to rebound from “woman issues.”

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Cain says he’s not quitting, he’s just changing to Plan B – “changing Washington from the outside.” Hmmm, wonder if Sarah Palin helped him out by writing that message on his palm with a sharpie.

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And regarding plan B, might not have been necessary if Cain had had a plan Z (as in keep your zipper zipped.)

Comments: 1 Comment

Busted Championship Series?

Posted December 4, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

A lot of one-loss teams in college football after this weekend. What a shame that the sporting world has never figured out a way after the regular season to play such teams off against each other..

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Thanks to Southern Mississippi, BCS bowl games can all safely say “We no longer have a Houston problem.”

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Ndamukong Suh failed in his attempt to have his two-game suspension overturned. Guess NFL commissioner Roger Goddell decided to put his foot down.

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Herman Cain has told his supporters to “board the Cain train.” Which apparently has turned out be Amtrak. (And let’s hope for Herman’s sake that when he gets home, it doesn’t turn out to be a remake of “Murder on the Orient Express.”

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Some conservatives put all the allegations about women and Herman Cain down to a liberal conspiracy. But really, assuming liberals were organized enough to pull off such a conspiracy (which I doubt), wouldn’t they have waited until he was actually on the ticket to do the most possible damage?

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What’s next for the former pizza mogul? A line of t-shirts saying “I had an inappropriate relationship with Herman Cain and all I got was a lousy order of Hot Wings?

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Syracuse basketball Jim Boeheim apologized for accusing the men who said they were abused by his former assistant coach Bernie Fine of lying for money. Boeheim added that no one told him what to say and his apology is “what I feel.” Of course what Boeheim also may feel is that he would like to keep his job.

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Coca Cola had been packaging Coke in white cans for the holidays and as part of a campaign to protect polar bears. But the company is adding red cans after some consumers complained that white cans looked like Diet Coke and made the soda taste different. Can’t imagine how Americans get the reputation sometimes for being whiny wimps.

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Commissioner Larry Scott stated of the Pac 12’s 1st championship game “Of course I acknowledge there is disappointment around the fact that we’ve got a 6-6 team that fired their coach this week.” And blames the NCAA for putting USC on probation. Uh, maybe the conference could have had #1 play #2? Or not added two lousy teams (Colorado and Utah) in the first place.

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GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann said this week that gay people do have the right to get married, as long as they married someone of the opposite sex. Like her husband Marcus did?

Comments: 1 Comment

Herman, we liked you better when we hardly knew ye….

Posted December 2, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Newsmax, a conservative website, has asked Donald Trump to moderate their upcoming GOP presidential debate. Is this because thinking conservatives are looking at their choices and want someone to tell most of them “You’re fired?

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The Manchester Union-Leader said of Herman Cain, that he shows “a lack of self-awareness that should give any supporter pause.” Really? And this is the newspaper whose candidate defends marriage while having three wives, and decries lobbyists while having made $1.6 million from “consulting for Freddie Mac…

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With both his image and campaign in jeopardy, Herman Cain has launched a new website for testimonials called “Women for Herman Cain.” Hmm, wonder if the site is going to be an endorsement list, or a menu?

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Herman Cain said that his wife “now knows” about the money he gave Ginger White, and that “My wife understands that I’m a soft-hearted, giving person.” Uh, Herman, the “soft” part of your anatomy she may understand, it’s the hard part that may be an issue.

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USA Today has a list of the bonuses many college football coaches get for taking their teams to various championships and bowl games. Suppose it’s naive to be disappointed there are no bonuses listed for actually getting a certain percentage of your players to graduate…

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Britney Spears turned 30 today. So maybe there’s hope for Lindsay Lohan making it that far.

(for Britney’s 30 birthday party, wonder if she has decided to be responsible and have her children drive her home?)

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A windstorm in Northern California earlier this week has resulted in over 20,000 residents still being without power. On a brighter note, they were all named honorary San Francisco Giants.

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Stevie Wonder wants to be on “Dancing with the Stars.” Ew, I just don’t think that will work; not because Stevie is blind, because he is an actual star.”

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The Philadelphia Eagles are now 4-8. And in Miami they’re sniggering “Well at least our “Dream Team” made it to the playoffs.
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From Bill Littlejohn, on former quarterback and fellow evangelist Kurt Warner offering spiritual advice to Tim Tebow: “Learn how to throw, will ya?’’

Comments: 2 Comments

In the Pen, State

Posted December 1, 2011 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Joe Amendola, Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer now says he might have to talk to his client at some point about pleading guilty to charges of child sex abuse.

Not that things weren’t bad enough before, but when your lawyer who married his 16 year old CLIENT after he got her pregnant (true, you can google it) thinks you’re too guilty to defend, well it’s probably over.

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So what did coaches like Joe Paterno and Joe Boeheim really say during those recruiting trips? – “Yeah we’ll carefully look after your sons, but you’d better guard their little brothers on visiting weekends.”

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The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that interim coach Tom Bradley will be in charge of the Penn State football team through this year’s bowl game. Translation, as if we could find someone else to step into the middle of this mess.

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LSU coach Les Miles stands to make over $6 million this year with bonuses, further assuring the coach will stay in Baton Rouge instead of considering an pro job. Plus there’s the major advantage in getting new players in the SEC as opposed to the NFL. Juvenile records can be expunged.

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Anyone missing the NBA regular season at this point? Me neither.

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Kris Humphries now wants his marriage to Kim Kasdashian annulled, saying that it was a “fraud.” Making him perhaps the last person in America who paid attention to the marriage to figure that out.

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A Utah hunter is recovering after being shot in the buttocks when his dog stepped on a shotgun that he had laid across the bow of his boat. Guess that’s what he gets for having named the pooch “Cheney.”

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Herman Cain told Fox News he is indeed “reassessing” his campaign saying the accusations are ” constantly weighing on me and my family, especially my family, because it continues to stir in the news.” You think he might have thought his actions may have weighed on his family…?
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Meanwhile, Cain today told his supporters to “stay informed because … stupid people are running America.” Not necessarily disagreeing with him, but some even stupider people WANT to be running America.

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For Herman Cain, maybe it’s not taxes but attractive women he should have approached with the plan “Nein, nein, nein.”

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Barry Zito is apparently getting married. Well, for a change, and for his sake, let’s hope this one actually turns out to be a successful long-term contract.

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Apparently Tampa QB Josh Freeman had a minor accident and injury at a shooting range earlier this season. Freeman has thrown 16 interceptions this year; sounds like he’s as accurate with a gun as he is with a football.

Comments: 1 Comment

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