Posted tagged ‘Toby Gerhart’


December 12, 2011

What greedy Broncos fans really want now from Tebow is for him to start turning water into beer.

But okay, all these doubters who don’t believe Tebow is, as he says, a virgin. I’m inclined to believe the guy. If for no other reason than that any woman who HAD slept with him would have probably sold the story to the National Enquirer for $1 million plus.

Anyone else think that God is not only backing Tebow, that He/She is just f*ckng with us?

As long as Tebow doesn’t start singing “Climb Every Mountain.”

Actually, the Denver Broncos should be the favored team of those who miss watching NBA games on television. Just as in the NBA, there’s no point in really tuning in until the fourth quarter.

Ryan Braun’s spokesman issued a statement denying any “intentional violation” of Major League Baseball rules. But really, has any star player EVER come right out and said “Yeah, you caught me.” Only the little guys. Waiting to see what “tainted supplement” Braun supposedly took.

Chris Paul may now be headed to the Clippers? Jay Leno’s going to need to rewrite his punchlines.

The NFL MVP is supposedly the player a team absolutely cannot do without. Based on that criteria, shouldn’t the 2011 MVP be Peyton Manning?

Mitt Romney’s campaign is trying to recover from his casual offer to wager $10,000 with Rick Perry in Saturday’s debate. Even Pete Rose is saying he wouldn’t have made that bet.

The University of Cincinnati issued major suspensions to four players involved in last night’s basketball brawl with Xavier. Guess the school doesn’t want the team competing with the Bengals.

A United Airlines 757 en-route from Denver to Los Angeles had to divert to Grand Junction Sunday morning when an engine shut down. Wonder if the airline gave passengers extra frequent flier miles? Or charged them for the extra stop.

Three straight second-place Heismann finishes for Stanford: The Cardinal is becoming the Susan Lucci of college football.

Watched the Minnesota Vikings blow a chance (with the help of a missed call) to beat the Detroit Lions today and fall to 2-11. Had Peyton Manning not been injured, Andrew Luck would probably be reunited with Toby Gerhart next year.

Actually, the Lions should have been called for a face mask at the goal line with a few seconds to go…. But for any Stanford fan with painful memories of Big Game against Cal in 2009, just one question… why didn’t Detroit give it to Toby Gerhart with first and goal from the one?

Now it turns out that Penn State asst coach Mike McQueary, allegedly told a family friend a different story about the shower incident. According to a Harrisburg paper. “he heard ‘sex sounds’ and a running shower before a young boy peered around the corner of the shower’s stall, then saw an adult arm reach around the boy’s waist and pull him out of view.” Beginning to wonder if there is/was an honest person in the whole program.

Slouching towards Saturday…

January 15, 2010

The New Orleans Saints, known for their high-powered offense, and slightly less high-powered defense, will play the Arizona Cardinals Saturday afternoon. The Cardinals beat the Green Bay Packers 51-45 in what was basically an Arena football style game (with no defense) last week. Stay tuned for the first NFL playoff game where the over-under might be triple digits.

Heisman runner-up Toby Gerhart has decided he wants to get paid for playing football, and so will forgo his last year of eligibility at Stanford and enter the NFL draft. It was either that or transfer to USC.

Sources say that whatever happens with his plea bargain, there are “irreconcilable differences” between Gilbert Arenas and the Washington Wizards. Arenas for his part says he took his best shot at it.

Silly thought for a Friday. Heidi Montag has admitted to having 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day, so that she can feel “comfortable as a woman as a person.” Stay tuned for her next interview, when she will claim “no one appreciates the real me.”

You have to hand it to NBC. They were losing at both the 10pm and 1135p time shots for comedy. So they basically decided to come up with their own material.

No one is really happy with the mess at NBC. Okay, maybe except for Dave Letterman, and of course Tiger Woods.

At this point, rumors are that there is a deal for Conan O’Brien to leave NBC, and presumably the best solution for the network is to keep him off the air. But if so, with a $80 million contract, at worst Conan stands to be the highest paid “American Idle.”

According to McCain advisor Steve Schmidt, Sarah Palin didn’t really understand why there was a North and South Korea. Which is unfortunate, because if she had, they wanted her to explain it to President Bush.

Monday at the Oracle Arena in Oakland, the Harlem Globetrotters will take on their perennial opponents, the Washington Generals. Oddsmakers give the Generals a slightly better chance of winning than next Saturday’s Warriors opponents – the New Jersey Nets.

You can’t make this stuff up, Christmas night version

December 25, 2009

The following is an actual quote from Stanford football coach Jim Harbaugh.

“It struck me that here was a man who literally took his team on his back this year and a program and a university. Leading them back to their rightful place, a legendary place in college football.

It was biblical to me; Toby Gerhart was John the Baptist, out into the wilderness making things straight and being called back into the wilderness to bring Stanford football back.”

Some might think Harbaugh’s comments were sacrilegious. Florida fans are just glad he didn’t really over-reach and compare Gerhart to Tim Tebow.

Angelina Jolie gave an interview in which she said ” “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. “Why couldn’t I have married a nice girl like that?” said Tiger Woods.

In the Emerald Bowl, USC’s rookie quarterback Matt Barkley, 19, will face Boston College’s rookie quarterback Dave Shinskie, 25. Known by his teammates as “Uncle Dave,” Shinskie spent six years in minor league baseball.

This might be the biggest age gap between quarterbacks since any Vikings game this year.

Los Angeles Lakers fans, frustrated by their team’s play on Christmas night, littered the Staples Center court with giveaway foam fingers. As opposed to Golden State Warriors fans, who have been giving their team the finger all year.

All booked up.

December 11, 2009

A new tell-all book, “The Politician.” written by a former aide and close friend of John Edwards is coming out in February. And Tiger Woods is looking into how much it would cost to have the book’s release date moved up to next week.

Sarah Palin actually praised the President today, saying that his Nobel Peace Prize address reminded her about things she wrote about in her book. Except that Obama’s speech was in English.

Give Tiger Woods credit for one thing….he has proved that given an interesting enough topic, most Americans WILL read.

Despite barely avoiding an embarrassing upset against Nebraska after one second was put back on the clock, Texas football coach Mack Brown was rewarded with a raise to $5 million a year. I hope he shares some with the replay booth officials.

As the holidays approach, police remind us that texting while driving is dangerous. Also texting while chipping, putting and walking the fairways. As Tiger Woods will attest.

Paul McCartney now says his marriage to Heather Mills was a mistake. In related news, Adam Lambert is still gay.

Anyone catch Barry Manilow on the Jay Leno Show? He looks like the love child of Clay Aiken and Keith Carradine.

A judge today ruled in favor of TLC in their contract dispute with Jon Gosselin. So there is now a preliminary junction barring Jon from appearing on any other reality television shows. Bummer, said absolutely no one.

And a little Toby Gerhart commercial. Some say that an previously unheralded running back from a school that was picked to MAYBE make it to .500 has no chance for the Heisman. Yeah, and how many people thought that Notre Dame would spend so much effort pursuing a football coach from the University of Cincinnati?

Sarah, we – and the McCain staff – hardly knew ye…

November 18, 2009

Sarah Palin gave a lengthy interview to Oprah this week. No official comment on Oprah’s reaction, but one has to think she wondered “Where’s that guy whose shoulder I cried on when I REALLY need him?”

Palin is now complaining that a Newsweek cover picture, showing her wearing a long-sleeved shirt and short-shorts, is “sexist.” The picture was taken for a photo spread in a running magazine. Maybe Newsweek isn’t paying her anything near like what Levi is getting.

But one question, if Hillary Clinton had also posed in short-shorts for a magazine article on physical fitness, think only one other publication would have picked up the photo? For that matter Dick Cheney? (Although as a visual person I REALLY want both those last images out of my head.)

Sarah Palin has been complaining about Levi Johnston running around the country with media appearances and neglecting his responsibilities as a father. Fair enough, but aren’t Sarah’s daughter’s Willow and Piper, who are with her on HER media tour, supposed to be in school now? (And no one ever sees Palin with her youngest son.)

Sarah Palin said in a television interview that President Obama’s Nobel Prize was “premature.” And Palin should know about premature. Fortunately, her oldest son Track was healthy, despite being born only 7 1/2 months after Sarah and her husband Todd eloped.

Bud Adams, the owner of the Tennessee Titans, was fined $250,000 for making an obscene gesture to opposing fans after his team’s win. By that standard they could balance the budget in Washington just by fining Redskins fans for the gestures they make to their own team.

The BCS defends always picking SEC teams for the Championship games due to their “strength of schedule.” Ladies and gentleman, I bring you this week’s opponents for Florida and Alabama respectively – Florida International University and Chattanooga. Guess University of Phoenix wasn’t available.

Hard luck Kansas City Royals pitcher Zack Greinke won the American League Cy Young, despite having only 16 wins to go with his 2.14 ERA. Not to worry, however, someday he will probably win 20 with a higher ERA. When he signs with the Yankees.

I don’t often write “girl humor” but the next might qualify.

A British woman claims to have 300 orgasms a day. Women around the world want to know which chocolate company she works for.

And lastly, for anyone who thinks THEY have a busy life. This paragraph from Tom Fitzgerald’s story in the SF Chronicle on Stanford football star Toby Gerhardt’s light academic quarter…

“The standard course load at Stanford is 15 credits. This quarter, Gerhart is taking 21. Then he’ll be three courses from his degree in management sciences and engineering. He’s taking investment science, integral calculus, introduction to optimization (engineering), prehistoric archaeology and high-technology entrepreneurship.”

Oh, and next quarter, besides classes, he can go back to his other “hobby” – being a starting outfielder on the Stanford baseball team. (His freshman year he hit a home run in the College World Series.)