Archive for August 2016

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
« Older Entries

Getting late early

August 31, 2016

Twitter just gave me the “Who to follow” suggestion of @NBCOlympics Makes sense, the suggestion is as delayed as everything else about this summer’s games.

 

#Rockies can’t hold 6 run lead after 8 innings against #Dodgers. On brighter note #SFGiants next week at Coors should never feel out of a game.

–

Congrats to #TyBlach,  the newest pitcher promoted to #SFGiants, leads PCL w/ 14 wins. May or may not have major league stuff. But now neither do Cain & Peavy

–

A’s traded #CocoCrisp to #Indians. Proving again most appropriate @Athletics bobblehead would have blank uniform & come with erasable pen.

–

–

Some talk that Colin Kaepernick is being attacked for his sitting down during the National Anthem because he is black, or at least bi-racial. Though have to think if Russell Wilson did it we’d be having a very different discussion.

 

–

Bleacher Report reporting that Colin Kaepernick has become persona non grata in the NFL.. One executive “In my career, I have never seen a guy so hated by front office guys as Kaepernick.”
Right, because he disrespected the flag. Murder, domestic violence, sexual assault, animal cruelty, those are all forgivable. #WTF?

 

On the other hand,  just guessing #MuhammadAli and #JackieRobinson would not wear socks featuring caps wearing police caps. #ColinKaepernick #WTF?

–

Congratulations to Rockies rookie Stephen Cardullo, who today on his 29th birthday got his 1st major league home run against the Dodgers in game 1, and a grand slam in game 2.
But maybe SFGiants pitchers might want to get some tape on him before heading to Coors next week.

–

Loved Dallas Braden on KNBR this morning, talking about Tebow trying to play MLB. He was talking about strength and size really not mattering in baseball – said Jose Altuve is a likely MVP and “he couldn’t get on rides at Disneyland.”

–

All of this outrage that donors to the Clinton Foundation might have done it to get access to the Clintons. As opposed to big campaign donors who give money to candidates out of the goodness of their hearts?

 

Yet another August 31 political fundraising email starting “I’m sorry to bother you twice on the same day…” Uh, no you aren’t, or you wouldn’t do it. #Justsayno

–

Donald Trump was off to Mexico before a speech tonight on immigration. And Hillary Clinton today is tweeting about the mental health crisis in America. Coincidence?

–

So while @realDonaldTrump was in Mexico did he try to teach them to make taco bowls as good as the ones in Trump Tower?

–

Why does everyone care so much about what Donald Trump said tonight about immigration.  No doubt he will probably will deny saying it tomorrow.

–

Trump on his meeting with Mexico’s President Nieto “We did discuss the wall. We didn’t discuss payment of the wall.” Well, with all those corporate bankruptcies this is probably the way the Donald is used to doing business.

–

Donald Trump “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Spoken by a man who has chosen immigrants for two of his three wives.

 

Today Trump said “we discussed the wall, we did not discuss who would pay for the wall.” Then Nieto said “I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall” Then Trump gave a speech saying Mexico would pay for the wall.
Maybe this is all preparation for the Donald’s next reality show “Dancing with the Truth.”

 

 

So is there a world leader @realDonaldTrump hasn’t insulted or accused of lying, besides #Putin?

Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Sit down you’re rockin’ the boat.

August 30, 2016

Increasing social media support for #ColinKaepernick. Wonder how many are #LARams fans wanting to make sure he starts season opener. #SFvsLA

–

Okay, on some level isn’t the most shocking thing about the controversy that #ColinKaepernick is actually relevant again? #SF49ers

–

#ColinKaepernick controversy was about him sitting during national anthem: The way he’s looked in preseason he was going to be sitting after it.

–

Happiest people about this Kaepernick controversy have to be TV advertisers who have bought space for upcoming games right before the National Anthem.

–

Tony Stewart now has called Colin Kaepernick an “idiot.” Right, because Kap shouldn’t have sat down to protest, he should have run someone over with his car?

–

You know you’re having a bad week when you replaced #TonyRomo on your #FantasyFootball team with #TeddyBridgewater

–

Senator #MarcoRubio, who is running for re-election, has refused to commit to serving a full six-year term. “Atta boy!” said #SarahPalin

–

Sarah Palin gashed her forehead while running when she fell on a rock. No word on the condition of the rock.

–

Bruce Bochy indicates that Joe Nathan might be a September call-up for SFGiants. Bonus is any medical costs would be covered by Medicare.

–

Tim Tebow has been offered a baseball contract to play winter ball in Venezuela. No interest yet from any major league team. But maybe Tebow hasn’t heard from the Braves yet?

–

Chris Brown has surrendered to police after an 11-hour standoff at his Southern California home. 11-hours? That’s probably longer than it will take Brown to write a song about it.

–

#ChrisBrown in 2013 “I finally learned that hitting a woman is wrong.” #ChrisBrown in 2016 “Pulling a gun on her, on the other hand….

–

An inmate at a Northern California jail for petty theft, was scheduled to be released today, but he tried to escape over a fence yesterday, was caught, and now faces additional charges. #Crooksarestupid

–

Another candidate for the “crooks are stupid” award of the week: A woman was arrested after she bailed her friend out of jail. With a stolen credit card. Back on your game, Florida.

–

ISIS second-in-command and spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been killed. #IblameObama

–

As Trump criticizes Hillary Clinton over the Anthony Weiner mess, have to wonder, how happy is the Donald now that they didn’t have cellphones with cameras when he himself was in his younger days?

–

 

Donald Trump is heading to Mexico for meeting with President Nieto Wednesday. Quick, can we get that wall built while he’s gone?

–

From Marc Ragovin “Iowa Senator Jodi Ernst recently said that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should stop their nasty personal attacks and civilly and rationally address the important issues facing America. She then excused herself to film a commercial in which she castrates President Obama.”

Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

I’ve got another puzzle for you.

August 29, 2016

Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83,  has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.

 

wonka

 

 

Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.

 

Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.

 

 

If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.

–

Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.

–

Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.

–

Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines

–

At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..

 

#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?

–

Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.

–
#DenverBroncos just announced their opening day QB will be #TrevorSiemian. All together now – “Who?!!”
 –
Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”

 

–

The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.

–

Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.

–

#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?

–

Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream

–

Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.

–

 

So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.

Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: 6 Comments

Taking a sit?

August 28, 2016

Now 49ers fans are apparently burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys. Okay, but is this really for his not standing for the anthem, or for his play since signing that big contract?

–

CNN.com headline “Star QB won’t stand for anthem.” And thinking “did someone else follow Kaepernick’s lead?” #49ers

 

Some are saying that Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protest could be a distraction from the 49ers play on the field this year. After a few games SF fans may be thinking “Promise?”

–

Wonder what it would take for #TomBrady to do or say before #Patriots fans would burn his jersey?

–

Maybe this was Kap’s way of making sure he wouldn’t be traded to Dallas.

–

And what’s next for Chip Kelly?  Trying to get the team to sign a less controversial backup QB?  Like Michael Vick?  And there’s always Tebow.

 

–

Four home runs and four triples Sunday? Who are these players in #SFGiants uniforms?

–

Somebody wasn’t in their happy place. Umpire Mike Everitt ejected four Detroit Tigers Saturday night during their game against the Angels. Wonder what happens if an ump ejects enough people that a team runs out of players.

Imagine what kind of a year the #Yankees might have had if they kicked #ARod to the curb earlier?

 

After today’s 13-3 game,  maybe someone from #SFGiants organization needs to lie down in front of #Braves plane and keep them from leaving town.

–

At least one terminal at LAX was evacuated after reports of a shooter tonight, which turned out to be a false alarm. If only other travelers at the airport were armed.

–

The latest from #LAX is that panic & evacuation tonight was caused by someone in a Zorro costume with a plastic sword. #Fearitselfiswinning.

 

 

In New Mexico, a police officer wearing a lapel camera apparently accidentally filled himself stealing confiscated marijuana from his own office. Is there such a thing as a career Darwin?

–

Two United Airlines pilots yesterday were arrested at Glasgow airport for allegedly being too drunk to fly their schedule flight to Newark. Will their defense be you need to be drunk to want to fly from Scotland to New Jersey?

 

Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson “He hasn’t changed his position on immigration. He’s changed the words that he is saying,”
And what are words anyway, except, for example, the U.S. Constitution.

 

 

 

Monday @realDonaldTrump has $25,000 fundraiser at undisclosed SF Peninsula location. Undisclosed because no one wants to be seen attending?

Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Benched?

August 27, 2016

49ers QB Colin Kaepernick said he remained seated on the bench during the national anthem yesterday because “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”
Well, if Kaepernick likes sitting, this year he’s going to get to do a lot of it.

 

Admire when someone takes a stand at their own personal risk. But when Colin Kaepernick says ““If they take football away, my endorsements from me, I know that I stood up for what is right.”
I’m all for free speech. But the way Kap is playing – what endorsements?

–

Announcers at the Little League World Series talk about a Panamian flamethrower who pitches 81 MPH. And somewhere Barry Zito is just sobbing.

–

#TonyRomo has a broken bone in his back. So it will be at least until midseason before he can return to disappoint #Cowboys fans.

–

Two Western Michigan football players were arrested for allegedly robbing a female student with a knife and semi-automatic gun. Coach P.J. Fleck suspended them both indefinitely “I’m extremely disappointed and want to assure the community that this kind of conduct is unacceptable and does not represent the values of this team or this university.”
Uh, does armed robbery represent the values of any team or university?

–

The Chicago White Sox are changing their field name from U.S. Cellular Field to Guaranteed Rate Field. Let’s see, cellphone companies and mortgage lenders. So they’re trying to get people less focused on booing the team than booing the sponsor?

–

In Tallahassee, FSU strength & conditioning coach Vic Viloria was arrested for alleged DUI after he was found “passed out” in the driver’s seat of his truck at a traffic light. Viloria clearly wasn’t thinking, that sort of thing isn’t tolerated in Tallahassee, unless you actually play for the Seminoles.

–

Ann Coulter, in her book “In Trump We Trust” said “Until the bleeding has stopped, there’s nothing Trump can do that won’t be forgiven. Except change his immigration policies.”
Ann forgot to add “How many times.”

 

Kudos to Southwest pilots for landing the plane safely when an engine disintegrated during a flight from New Orleans to Orlando. But then apparently some passengers took selfies while donning the oxygen masks. #BeammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet.

–

Donald Trump tweet from yesterday ““Dwayne Wade’s cousin was just shot and killed walking her baby in Chicago. Just what I have been saying. African-Americans will VOTE TRUMP!”
Leaving the misspelling aside, can’t understand how some might get the idea that with the Donald it’s all about him. #sarcasm

 

–

From T.C.  “US Cellular Field, the home of the Chicago White Sox have just sold the naming rights to “Guaranteed Rate” for the next 7 years. This is not to be confused with Wrigley Field which has been known as the home of “Guaranteed Losers” since 1908.”

Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 6 Comments

A tale of two seasons:

August 27, 2016

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything….” Who knew Dickens was an #SFGiants fan?

 

#SFGiants congratulate #Cubs on extra innings win against #Dodgers. Hope for more wins & longer games before Giants go to #Wrigley next week

–

Meanwhile, Atlanta Braves put on a good clinic to explain why they have worst record in MLB. SFGiants say thank you.

–

Texas Rangers reliever Jeremy Jeffress was arrested in Dallas last night for alleged DUI. Okay, the guy is only making $519,000 this year, but shouldn’t that at least cover UberX?

–

A professor at Iowa is complaining that the school’s “Herky the Hawk” mascot is too angry looking and is an invitation to “aggressivity and even violence.” WTF? This gal better never get a job with Notre Dame and their Fighting Irish.

 

Colin Kaepernick’s accomplishment tonight – giving local sports fans reason to turn the channel to a fun #SFGiants game. #GBvsSF

–

Hawaii vs.Cal down under tonight. Aussies really enjoyed the game: “We get it, in American college football you don’t play defense.”

–

Dallas owner Jerry Jones said “it’s not good” about a TMZ video showing rookie Ezekiel Elliott at a marijuana dispensary the day of the Cowboys-Seahawks preseason game.
And really, what was Elliott thinking? You are supposed to send your posse to buy your pot.

–

Some talk that if Hunter Pence was still in right field last night in the 9th inning of the SF Giants Dodgers game, he might have dove for Corey Seager’s bloop single and saved Matt Moore’s no hitter. Or, the way this season has gone for the Giants lately, Pence might have landed on his collarbone, broken it, and been out for the year.

–

In Toronto, a man has been arrested for murder after allegedly killing 3 people- and injuring a 4th, in a seeming random rampage with a crossbow. Awful, but it WAS Canada. hence the crossbow.. Imagine if he lived in the US. #ifonlyhewasarmed

–

North Korea says it has successfully tested a submarine-launched missile, and Kim Jong Un says the U.S. mainland is now within striking range of his nuclear weapons. Meanwhile Dennis Rodman says he could still play in the NBA.

–

NJ Governor Chris Christie fired staffer Bill Stepien over Bridgegate, calling him “deceitful,” Now NBC reports Donald Trump has hired Stepien as his national field director “with a focus on voter turnout in the final months of the campaign.”
What does this really translate to, closing a few bridges in Democratic precincts?

–

Give the devil his due. I can’t stand Julian Assange of Wikileaks. But he has a point “‘from the point of view of an investigative journalist organization like WikiLeaks, the problem with the Trump campaign is that it’s actually hard for us to publish much more controversial material than what comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth every second day,”

–

Harold Bornstein, Trump’s doctor, wrote a note last fall declaring the Donald to be the “healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Today Bornstein said he wrote the note in 5 minutes.
Well, of course, because Trump has the bestest doctor ever, the fastest and bestest.

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Playing the black – or red -hole?

August 26, 2016

The Oakland Raiders have filed to trademark the name “Las Vegas Raiders.” If they move will the team’s new motto be “Against all odds?”

–

Now that the Olympics is over, NBC’s next big televised event is the first Presidential debate on September 26. Wonder if the network will show it some time before the actual election?

 

–

Anyone who thinks baseball is boring wasn’t watching Thursday night’s Giants Dodgers game and Matt Moore’s near no-hitter.

=

 

Former MLB pitcher David Aardsma said Tim Tebow impressed him in practice sessions, and made a lot of progress with his hitting and adjusments: “It actually really pissed me off.”
Of course, Tebow still may not be anywhere close to a major league hitter. Which means these days he’d fit right in on the SF Giants.

 

–

Silver lining to the #SFGIants recent free fall? #Dodgers can no longer block any trades they make on the waiver wire.

–

Ryan Lochte has a new sponsorship deal with Pine Brothers for throat lozenges – “Forgiving on your throat.”
What about Depends “When you gotta go…”

–

–

Martin Shkreli is speaking out on behalf of Mylan, the company that raised EpiPens prices by over 500%, saying “Can’t someone succeed and not be shamed anymore?” #MakeAmericaIrateAgain

–

 

All flights in and out of Ft. Lauderdale and Miami were halted today due to a power outrage at the Miami Terminal Radar Approach Control center. Standby for airlines instituting a new “back up battery fee.”

–

A 59 year old woman who died falling from a Delaware zip line platform had apparently “disconnected herself from the safety system.” Sad, and her adult daughter posted a nice tribute online. But having a daughter means alas the woman was too late for a true Darwin award.

–

It took a last minute scramble to get Donald Trump on the ballot in Minnesota as the party hadn’t submitted the required names of electors who officially cast the state’s votes. Even in his SNL days, Al Franken couldn’t make this “stuff” up.

–

After a new ad was released with KKK images, a Trump spokesman said “Hillary Clinton and her campaign went to a disgusting new low today as they released a video tying the Trump Campaign with horrific racial images.”
Right, but videos demonizing refugees and immigrants, those are all just part of how we make America great again. #sarcasm

 

Donald Trump said tonight his great wall at the Mexican border will be 35-45 feet tall, it could be higher. The Great Wall of China, btw, averages 26 feet tall. Wonder how much of Trump’s wall height will be his name in neon?

–

Trump tweet. “Hillary Clinton’s short speech is pandering to the worst instincts in our society. She should be ashamed of herself!”
Guess he didn’t have enough characters also to tweet “That’s MY job.”

–

Bill Littlejohn on the Raiders potential move – “Two Las Vegas sites are preferred for NFL stadiums—but first, infared cameras had to make sure there weren’t any bodies buried in them.”

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Golden medal rule?

August 24, 2016

Hope Solo got a six-month suspension for being bitchy & calling opponents “cowards.” Bad behavior, she clearly should have hit or broken something

 

So what was the bigger sin for #HopeSolo after #USWNT didn’t medal in #Rio2016 ? Being a sore loser? Or being a loser?

–

Headline that the U.S. women’s gymnastics team got to meet the cast of “Hamilton.” But the tougher question – did they get tickets?

–

The San Diego Chargers say they have pulled their “best offer” to DE Joey Bosa, their 1st-round draft pick and #3 overall. Bosa will likely now be sitting out indefinitely
This is surprising, usually it takes at least a few games for the Chargers to start messing up their season.

–

Wednesday was Kobe Bryant Day. Seems somehow wrong to say “Pass it on.”

–

Reports are that #RyanLochte may go on #DWTS. Will they rename the show #DancingWithTheTruth?

–

In all the lessons of #Lochtegate, there is one simple one “Do not lie to your mother.” #Rio2016

–

Swimmer Jimmy Feigen, one of those involved in #Lochtegate, has issued a long apology and explanation which he posted on his lawyer’s website, ending with “I am so sorry for the drama this has caused in everyone’s lives. I am very thankful to be home in the United States with my family and that this ordeal has come to an end.”
We’ll never know exactly what happened, and my guess is there was some blame to go around on this one, but again, if you can’t say “I’m sorry” in a single sentence, it doesn’t seem like much of an apology.

–

#SFGiants are depressing lately, at least this year’s #SF49ers will only suffer embarassing losses once a week.

 

If #SFGiants decided to take a post-game cruise no need for lifejackets tonight. Even if they fell out of boat no chance of hitting water.

 

 

#MLB commissioner Manfred has lots of ideas to speed up baseball season. #SFGiants would be okay in future with skipping All-Star breaks.

–

Another 1-0 loss.  Not buying “one mistake” excuse. Cueto hung a pitch, Dodgers pitchers hung several. #Turner hit the mistake. #SFGiants missed all of them.

–

Rush Limbaugh’s latest Obama attack is over the USDA’s “Rural Pride” program. which wants to have a ‘day of conversation about the struggles of gay and transgender individuals in rural America”:
“What they’re trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers. They are trying to bust up one of the last geographically conservative regions in the country.”
Well, with Trump these days, guess Limbaugh really has to up his game to get attention.

–

#RushLimbaugh ranting about #lesbianfarmers. And across America, sheep are thinking “Actually can we have more of those?” #bameansno

–

Jennifer Lopez, 47, and Casper Smart, 29,, have apparently broken up after five years together. Too much to hope she left him for a younger man?

–

#EricTrump said it would be “foolish” for his father Donald to release his tax returns. And Eric’s probably right.

–

Donald Trump said Monday on Fox that he had met with a “top” Chicago PD officer to discuss how “tough police tactics” could help with violence in the city. After a rebuttal from the police department Trump admitted he had just talked to a regular officer.
I’m sure this is somehow Hillary’s fault.

–

So one of Hillary Clinton’s weaknesses is an occasional defensiveness that opens her up to charges of Nixonian paranoia.
But okay, really, given Trump as an alternative, Nixon himself would be looking pretty good.

–

Donald Trump ranted today about the Hollywood celebrities supporting Hillary Clinton “in many cases celebrities who aren’t very hot anymore.” As opposed to Kirstie Alley and Scott Baio?

–

Donald Trump slammed the President for interfering in British politics when Obama urged Brits to vote “stay”. Then today he brought Brexit leader Nigel Farage to a rally to say “If I was an American citizen I wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton if you paid me.”
Apparently consistency is another commie-pinko concept.

–

From T.C.  “Nike has announced it will be exiting the golf club business. Elin Nordegren has ordered some extra 9 irons before they cease production.”

Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Brother can you spare a ballot?

August 23, 2016

boulder

American ingenuity in Boulder.

–

Apparently 20 MLB teams will watch #TimTebow‘s workouts next week. Do they really believe he can play, or hoping to get God on their side?

 

Wonder if #SFGiants are attending Tim Tebow workouts? Right about now their offense could use a few prayers.

 

–

Josh Norman was asked if he was the best cornerback in the NFL. He responded “I am the best cornerback on earth.”
No reaction from Seattle. is Richard Sherman taking a vacation from social media or something?

–

Stanford has a new policy that forbids undergraduate students from drinking hard alcohol – more than 40 proof – at on-campus parties. Great, even more incentive for students to get drunk BEFORE going to a party..

(and uh, don’t they have a policy forbidding rape too?)

–

Tesla has a new battery pack that will allow their cars to go zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds, about the speed of a Ferrari $1 million plus supercar. And a car with this “Ludicrous” (that’s what they are naming it) mode, will cost for only $135,000.
Well, it’s nice to know that millionaires will be able to keep up with billionaires.

–

As a marketing promotion, KFC has been giving away 3,000 bottles of sunscreen that smell like fried chicken. Two words: “Shark bait.”

 

A Univ. of Pittsburgh student was rescued this morning, several hours after at about 2 a.m. he tried to jump from one roof to another to impress a woman. He fell, becoming trapped between two buildings.
This is worrisome. If they end up a couple the two are young enough to breed. #DarwinAward #misseditbythatmuch

–

Three GOP legislators from Louisiana asked for and got federal disaster relief from President Obama . They all had voted against funding after Hurricane Sandy. “I am shocked,” said nobody.

–

So is this really just about the Donald demonstrating he has business sense? A report in the Huffington Post says that after Trump started accepting donor funds, he increased this campaign rent from $35,458 in March to $169,758 in July.

–

Trump had a big public rally tonight in Austin. A free big rally in Texas? That would be like Hillary taking time now for free rallies in California.

–

Melania Trump’s lawyer says she is threatening to sue the UK Daily Mail, along with U.S. based Politico and at least eight other news outlets for defamation. Yeah, she may have been born in Slovenia, but she’s definitely become a Trump alright..

 

Donald Trump tonight on immigration “”I had a great meeting with great people, great Hispanic leaders, and there could certainly be a softening because we’re not looking to hurt people. We want people — we have some great people in this country. We have some great, great people in this country but we’re going to follow the laws of this country and what people don’t realize — we have very, very strong laws.”
Even Sarah Palin is going “huh?”

–

A nice story for a change. Admittedly, I’ve been lukewarm on Hillary Clinton but while in Ohio decided to wear a Hillary button because it’s a close state, and IMHO the alternative is worse, much worse. But an older woman at a museum shop commented that she LOVED my button, and confided “I have blue nail polish on for her because that’s as political as I can be at work.”
I offered her my button, to wear after work, and she was just thrilled. Literally. “Are you sure, I’m so excited for her, thank you so much.”
Made me smile actually to see someone really happy about this election.
(comedy writers don’t count.)

Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Pikachu the torch bearer?

August 22, 2016

Looking forward to ‪#‎Tokyo2020‬, and host country ‪#‎Japan‬‘s hope for an important medal, is there time to make ‪#‎PokemonGO‬ an ‪#‎Olympic‬ sport?

–

USA Basketball chairman Jerry Colangelo after Team USA won another gold that “Basketball is the No. 2 sport in the world, [but] we just need to see these other countries get their acts together and become more competitive.”
And the rest of the world is thinking, “Back to you on soccer.”

–

‪#‎Speedo‬ has dropped their sponsorship of ‪#‎RyanLochte‬. How long until ‪#‎SummersEve‬ sues him for giving douches a bad name?

 

The USA men’s basketball team may have lollygagged their way to a gold medal through most of the Olympics while relaxing on a luxury ship, but that kind of dream team experience may be over. New USA coach taking over now and for Tokyo 2020 – Gregg Popovich.

 

–

The Nationals have put Stephen Strasburg on the DL again. So this is what Washington was saving him for when they shut him down late in the 2012 season? Once again, the 2012 ‪#‎SFGiants‬ say “Thank you.”

 

–

European fashion change Zara is facing a class-action lawsuit for alleged “fraudulent” pricing by tagging clothes at Zara USA in Euros, and then selling them at a price well over the actual exchange rate.
Maybe Zara figured they couldn’t go broke underestimating the math skills of the American public.

–

A Southern California man who’d been drinking at his birthday party didn’t want a woman to leave, so he lay down in front of her car figuring she would stop. She didn’t. So score another Darwin with an assist to alcohol.

–

One of United Airlines’ new Mileage Plus security questions is “In what month did you first meet your spouse?” Which may end up as all kinds of fun if your spouse needs to access your account. ‪#‎Birthdaysandanniversariesarenthardenough‬?

–

The Canadian Coast Guard said on Sunday they had to rescue about 1,500 Americans taking part in the “Port Huron Float Down” on the St. Clair River between Michigan and Ontario. This after a rain and wind storm sent them illegally into Canadian territory.
“They were terrified of entering another country without documentation. No one carries their passport or any ID, and a lot were drinking alcohol,”
Waiting for Justin Trudeau to propose Canada’s own wall.

–

Donald Trump. who’s called for a “special deportation force” met with Hispanic leaders over the weekend and reportedly spoke of dealing “humanely” with undocumented immigrants already in the country, especially families. Though today he said “I’m not flip-flopping. We want to come up with a really fair, but firm answer.”
So what, we deport them but everyone gets an aisle seat with free in-flight meals?

–

Latest criticism of Obama golfing during the flooding in Baton Rouge comes from ex-FEMA director Michael Brown. Yeah, that guy “Brownie”, who did a “heckuva job.” ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬

 –

#‎JohnOliver‬ last night called for ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ to drop out of Presidential race. ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ is thinking “No, he’s the one I can beat.”

 

 

San Francisco International Airport has raised parking fees 40%, they say to encourage travelers to take public transit. And what will the airport do with the extra money? Build another parking garage. ‪#‎unclearontheconcept‬

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 3 Comments

Flame out.

August 21, 2016

The closing ceremony of ‪#‎Rio2016‬ was tonight. Or if you are watching NBC, sometime next week.

 

Ryan Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” his robbery story. “Over-exaggerated?” Seven syllables to say “I lied?”

–

On the other hand, for all the earlier worries about contamination, organizers of  the Rio Games have to be happy that the biggest piece of trash in the water turned out to be an American swimmer.

–

 

SF Chronicle reporting the Oakland A’s Billy Butler apparently missed games this weekend because he was injured in a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, This would never happen in the SF Giants clubhouse. These days none of them can hit anyone.

–

Six Notre Dame players were arrested. Coach Brian Kelly kicked senior Max Redfield off the team, this after Redfield was sent home from last year’s Fiesta Bowl for a “failure to be punctual.” Senior Devon Butler was suspended “indefinitely,” although he was supposed to miss the beginning of the season with a broken foot. The other four will be subject to “internal discipline.”
Well, the Catholic God is all about confession and forgiveness. Especially if you can play football.

 

A young woman who had just moved from Nevada became the third person in a week to die falling from a cliff in San Pedro, near Los Angeles.  She hopped a wall for a “better view” and tripped on her flip flops. Apparently about a dozen people die at the cliff each year.
Maybe they need to change the warning sign, simply to say “x number of Darwin Award winners made here in 2016.”

–

So regarding the new “focused and consistent” Trump, I think no one can top the late great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

–

New Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway says he “doesn’t hurl insults.”. Of course not. The insults spring fully formed from his mouth, and they are the bestest greatest insults.

–

Will @realDonaldTrump take opportunity to be less controversial starting Mon, not having to work so hard to take headlines from ‪#‎RyanLochte

–

A NY Times report found that Donald Trump companies owe at least $650 million in debt. Waiting for the Donald to reply that the Times “doesn’t count good.”

–

Rudy Giuliani is complaining that the media “fails to point out several signs of illness by (Hillary Clinton).” Once again, Rudy is inviting the media and psychologists to point out signs of mental illness in himself.

–

New Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in 2005 “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?”
I must have missed when she said “Donald Trump cannot be faithful to his marriage vows, how in the world can he be faithful to the Constitution?”

–

From T.C.  – “The U.S. 4 x 100 men’s relay team didn’t win their appeal. On the other hand they stopped short  of saying they were robbed in Rio.”

Categories: As jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Reaching the goal-ed

August 20, 2016

‪#‎Brazil‬ wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in ‪#‎Olympics‬ or ‪#‎WorldCup‬ fans thinking “Is there any other way?

–

Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.

–

Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in ‪#‎Lochtegate‬ released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?

–

Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.

–

Right about now the ‪#‎Reds‬ should be expecting nice gift baskets from the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎BeatLA‬

 

A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

–

#‎Zika‬ travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?

–

Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?

–

Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

Just imagine ‪#‎Trump‬ ad if ‪#‎Obama‬ had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….

 

Credit where credit is due from T.C.  ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Mistakes were made.

August 19, 2016

Usain Bolt won another gold medal for Jamaica. Pretty sure Bolt won’t be accused of recent marijuana use, imagine by much more he’d have won. #Rio2016

 

US men were DQ’ed in 4 by 100 relay. Thanks to  Ryan Lochte for  making sure this isn’t most embarrassing American men’s team story of these Olympic games.

=

Only US Olympian who might be happy about #LochteGate? #HopeSolo. #Rio2016

–

Nothing against Team USA men’s basketball in Rio. But rooting for them seems about as anticlimatic as rooting for Joey Chestnut in a county fair eating contest.

–

Ryan Lochte took to Instagram to apologize for not being more “candid.” He’s either trying to salvage his endorsements or laying the groundwork for a long career in politics.

–

Gold medalist Jimmy Feigen left Brazil, after he “donated” over $10,000 to a charity in exchange for his passport. And the USOC has indicated they may sanction the swimmers. Ryan Lochte also stands to lose endorsements. That bathroom is ending up being a very expensive pay toilet.

–

James Harrison, named in the Al Jazeera PED report, says he welcomed an “open” investigation, but (again) called Roger Goodell a “crook.” Wonder how much Harrison will get fined for that.

–

Donald Trump last night acknowledged that “I sometimes say the wrong thing.”
Many in the GOP are thinking, yeah, like “Today I announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.”

–

Paul #Manafort is out of @realDonaldTrump’s campaign. So congrats to all those who had Aug 19 in the pool

–

#Uber is launching a test fleet of robot taxis. So yet another step closer to getting through days without talking to another human.

 

–

Who says I never say anything nice about Catholic schools? But well-played: A Catholic high school for boys in Arkansas posted this sign on their door “”If you are dropping off your son’s forgotten lunch, books, homework, equipment etc., please TURN AROUND and exit the building. Your son will learn to problem-solve in your absence.”
Wonder how many parents asked if it meant they could have these things shipped by Amazon Same-Day?

–

In 2011, the Texas legislature slashed funding to family planning clinics in the state by 66 percent and many clinics closed. From 2011 to 2015 almost twice is many women died in pregnancy or soon after childbirth as the preceding four years. (537 from 296). Once again four words. “Pro Life My Ass.”

–

Colin Powell today in a statement said he told Hillary in a memo once that using personal email “vastly improved” communications within the State department.
Just another commie-pinko Clinton apologist….

 

Donald Trump today to black voters “”You’re living in poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs, 58% of your youth is unemployed — what the hell do you have to lose?” Well, at least he didn’t reminisce about the good old days of slavery.

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 1 Comment

When you gotta go.

August 19, 2016

But really, this swimming incident would never happen with the U.S. women’s team. If the bathroom was locked they’d take turns peeing in the bushes while someone acted as lookout. ‪#‎womenaresmarter‬

–

 

Forget transgenders, clearly the most dangerous people near bathrooms are male Olympic swimmers. ‪#‎LochteGate‬ ‪#‎Rio2016‬

 

 

#‎RyanLochte‬ motto “Winning a gold medal means never having to say you’re sorry.” ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

Next up from @NBCOlympics, an exclusive ‪#‎RyanLochte‬ interview by Brian Williams?

–

Somewhere ‪#‎MichaelPhelps‬ is thinking “You know, those 2 simple DUIs don’t seem so bad any more.” ‪#‎RyanLochte‬ ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

And a lot of football players are reading about #Lochtegate and thinking  “and we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”

–

Most amazing thing about the US swimmers and their “robbery” is that when their veracity was questioned, they doubled down on the story. Two thoughts -maybe they spend so much time in the pool they aren’t aware of a newfangled invention called security video? And these guys may have a great future in politics.

–

#‎Platformdiving‬ doesn’t look that hard. As in, I could dive off the board into pool feet first & not kill myself. Maybe. ‪#‎RioOlympics2016‬

 

Oops, another Olympic lying scandal? 
Michelle Obama tweeted congrats to Aly Raisman and asked “what healthy foods keep you fueled as you go for gold. Raisman tweeted back “Salmon, avocado, whole wheat bread, almonds, pineapples & Greek yogurt.” Then, oops, Aly remembered…. “@FLOTUS Ignore our recent tweet about eating fries & ice cream. Sometimes u gotta splurge. Moderation, right?😂🙈🙈😂 ”

–

 

Tonight was ‪#‎JerryGarcia‬ tribute night at ‪#‎ATTPark‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans were  grateful  the team didn’t play like they were dead.

(Jake Peavy, btw, had a tie-dye shirt under his uniform.)

–

Pastor Darrell Scott, a rare African-American Trump supporter, thinks the Donald’s problem is “Black people believe satire, black people believe parody. ”
And black people, like white people, also believe their ears. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

 

#‎LochteGate‬ getting so much attention @realDonaldTrump will need to say something truly outrageous to knock US swimming out of headlines.

 

 

Tom Brady missed tonight’s Patriots Bears game after he sliced his right thumb getting dirt out of a cleat. Gisele: “my husband cannot throw the football and clean his shoes at the same time.”.

–

In eight years, Mylan has raised the price of EpiPens from about $100 to $500, and up. Is the pharmaceutical company now partially owned by Martin Shkreli?

–

 

Some criticism of Obama for not cutting his vacation short to visit flooded areas in Louisiana, even though the state’s governor said “Quite frankly that is not something that I want to go through right now. While the president is welcome to visit, I would just as soon he give us another a week or two, get back to a greater sense of normalcy here.”
And of course if Obama did go he’d be criticized for wasting police time that could be better spent helping flood victims.

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 1 Comment

Handcuffs are rings, right?

August 17, 2016

North Korean gymnast Ri Se-Gwang won a gold medal on the vault today, but appeared to be crying sadly on the podium. Probably because he wasn’t able to vault far enough from the guards who will be returning him to North Korea.

–

Members of the Irish Olympic Committee, including one on the IOC E-board, have been accused by Brazilian police of a scalping scheme involving more than 1,000 tickets. There’s corruption in the IOC? Wonder if they’re sponsoring gambling in Casablanca too?

–

A reigning Olympic diving champion today ended with an amazing belly-flop in the semi-finals. So Ilya Zakharov won’t get a medal. But he has a great chance to win a t-shirt in Carnival Cruises pool games.

–

Now there’s breaking news that a Brazilian judge has issued a search and seizure warrant for two of the swimmers who said they were robbed in Rio. Made-for-tv movie in 3-2-1…?

 

LeBron James on Team USA “Every time I watch ’em, I wish I was out there.” Uh, does King James mean playing basketball or hanging out on the luxury ship and playing beach volleyball?

–

Lebron James said his goal is to “own a team.” Well, actually the Cavs owned a lot of teams last season.

–

#‎SFGiants‬ weren’t as good as they looked 1st half of season. But can’t be as bad as they look in 2nd half. 1962 ‪#‎Mets‬ weren’t even THIS bad.

–

#‎MattCain‬ allows 6 runs in 1 inning on 2 hits. Flashback to that 1st year of Little League when kids graduated from coach pitch. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

Phrase I DON’T want to hear on @SFGiants postgame show. ‪#‎MattCain‬ (as opposed to fill-in-the-blank) pitched better than score indicated.”

–

Stop the presses, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬  did get a hit in the first inning with a runner in scoring position.

–

A new Public Policy Polling survey found that three out of five Trump supporters in Texas want to secede if Hillary is elected. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country. ‪#‎letmypeoplego‬

 

Curt Schilling says he’s considering running for Senate to unseat Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts. Can’t wait for her to tell him to put a bloody sock in it.

–

Major shake-up this morning in the @realDonaldTrump campaign. Clearly this is @HillaryClinton’s fault

–

New ‪#‎Trump‬ campaign CEO is Steve Bannon, head of ‪#‎Breitbart‬ News. So guess we’ve found one media outlet the Donald won’t be now attacking

 

So @realDonaldTrump is on his 3rd campaign manager & it’s only Aug. Who knew in a few short months he could have more managers than wives?

–

Donald Trump apparently sent out a 30 question survey to his supporters asking for help with the campaign. Question 1 is “Which issues are most important to you?” Not listed – “I just don’t want to vote for Hillary.”

 

While Donald Trump makes headlines nearly every day with some outrageous comment, Hillary Clinton continues to run a largely cautious campaign. Clearly she has no regard for US comedy writers – whatever will we do if she is elected? ‪#‎WewillalwayshaveBIll‬?

Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Beached?

August 17, 2016

So the US women’s beach volleyball team will not even play for the Gold in this Olympics?  Well, if global warming was real, American weather would have been hot enough and not lulled the women into a false sense of security?  Clearly this is Obama’s fault. #sarcasm

 

Another good day for American women gymnasts. Which should be very inspiring to young girls in the US to watch. Both of them whose parents let them stay up until 1130p. ‪#‎NBCtapedelaysucks‬

–

Some people are upset about Bahaman sprinter Shaunae Miller’s dive for the gold medal in the women’s 400 meters that barely beat Allyson Felix for the gold. Mostly Americans who wish Felix had thought of it first.

 

Irish boxer Michael Conlan, who lost a controversial decision to a Russian angrily tweeted out to Putin ““How much did they charge you bro?” And the Russian president is thinking “hey, if I could don’t you think I’d have paid the IOC to let our track and field team compete first?

–

For 1st time as Michigan coach, ‪#‎JimHarbaugh‬ stormed out of press conference. So congrats to all those who had Aug 16 in the pool. ‪#‎MGoBlue‬

–

Buffalo Bills DT Marcell Dareus has been suspended again, this time 4 games, for violating the NFL substance-abuse policy, allegedly with marijuana. So when pot is legal in most states will we look back at these suspensions and think “How quaint?”

–

Jonathan Papelbon has interest from “multiple clubs” and expects to sign with a new team within 24 hours. Who knew cancer could be selective?

–

“Many people are saying” that Roger Ailes is advising Donald Trump before the Presidential debates. The Trump campaign is denying the rumors, but if true might explain why the Donald has his beautiful daughter out of the country on vacation.

 

Rick Perry today on Gold Star father Khizr Khan: “I think the Democrats used him…if you’re gonna go out and think that you can take a shot at somebody and not have incoming back at you, shame on you.”
Ok, harsh perhaps, but fair enough. Just wondering how Perry would feel if some Dem took a shot at one of the parents who spoke during the GOP convention over their children being killed by undocumented immigrants, for starters. ‪#‎IOKIYR‬

–

Rudy Giuliani said he didn’t forget 9-11 when he said “before Obama came along, we didn’t have any successful radical Islamic terrorist attack inside the U.S,” he just likes to use “abbreviated” language.
Give the man his due, neither Trump nor Clinton ever thought of that one.

–

Re Ivanka Trump vacationing with Wendi Deng Murdoch, a slightly adjusted post. I’ve seen the Putin girlfriend comments regularly but it likely is just gossip as Wendi and the Kremlin deny it.
But okay, even so, your dad is running for President, there are all kinds of rumors about Russian ties, loyalty is great, but why PUBLICIZE the friendship with Instagram? Or does that family really believe there is no such thing as bad publicity? ‪#‎Caesarswife‬

 

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: Be the first to comment

And the hits just keep on coming.

August 15, 2016

To show that they take domestic violence seriously, the Chicago Cubs fired an employee who played Prodigy’s song “Smack my bitch up” after Aroldis Chapman pitched yesterday. Guess the employee couldn’t throw a 100 mph fastball.

–

Michael Phelps says he is “‘Done, done, done – and this time I mean it,’ with swimming. And adds he wants to focus on his fiance and baby. Let’s see, the kid will hit the “terrible twos” in 2018. Should be plenty of time for Phelps to get back in the water for Tokyo 2020

–

Despite Santiago Casilla giving up a 3 run game winning home run with 2 outs in the 9th, SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said if the team needed closer tonight it would be Casilla again. SFGiants fans thinking of asking for a dispensation to keep beer stands open into 9th.

–

Once again, the curse of ‪#‎Skeeter?  ‬. Missing ‪#‎MattDuffy‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

–

All these “Breaking News” stories re silver & bronze medalists for women’s balance beam. Would be nice if they led with who won? ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

 

Some social media snark about the story that Bernie Sanders bought a big vacation lake house in Vermont for $575,000. No snark from California, where residents are still in shock “You can buy a house for $575,000?”

–

So they say the security scare that resulted in thousands of people being evacuated from JFK Airport last night may have simply been caused by a lot of really loud cheering for Usain Bolt.
Well, at least this year’s Yankees and Mets won’t be causing the same potential security problem

–

#‎RudyGiulaini‬ today – U.S. did not face “any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks” before Obama took office ‪#‎NYCMayor‬ ‪#‎youhadonejob‬

–

South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford said yesterday Donald Trump should release his tax returns because not doing so “would hurt transparency in our democratic process.” And then presumably Sanford went off again to hike the Appalachian trail.

Marc Ragovin thinks Trump will release his tax returns when Sanford releases his itineraries.

–

Think I’ve got this straight. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go up, he is getting his message out. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go down, it is the fault of the “disgusting and corrupt” media.

–

Ivanka Trump posted a picture on Instagram of herself on vacation in Dubrovnik with Wendi Murdoch, who is Vladimir Putin’s girlfriend. Now, heck, if they’re friends they’re friends. But imagine if Chelsea Clinton posted such a picture? Or if one of the Obama girls posted a picture with the daughter of a Muslim leader?

 

Regarding the picture of Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump and Putin’s girlfriend Wendi Deng Murdoch, I  would understand their anger if paparazzi invaded their privacy. But Ivanka posted the vacation shot herself. ‪#‎WTF‬?

 

–

 

Trump today “Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into the country.”
And then did he reassure his supporters that none of them will be deported?

–

T.C ‘s comment on “Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”

“Lol, you only need bait when the fish aren’t jumping right into your boat!”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Fear factor.

August 14, 2016

Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.

Yep, fear itself is winning.

 

On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

Apparently  closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion. ‪

–

It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if ‪#‎Casilla‬ is last ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.

–

But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.

–

Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.

–

So does anyone really care about ‪#‎Olympics‬ medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?

–

–

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? ‪#‎unclearontheconcept‬

–

So with a team full of ‪#‎NBA‬ starters plus luxury ship accommodations , ‪#‎TeamUSA‬ barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight  to win ‪#‎GOP‬ primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.

–

Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.

–

Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: 9 Comments

It’s all relative.

August 13, 2016

 

Fastest woman in world? ‪#‎Olympics‬ Congrats ‪#‎ElaineThompson‬ But can she compete with ‪#‎USA‬ women rushing to be 1st at ‪#‎BlackFriday‬ sale?

 

–

Michael Phelps, 31, won gold tonight in what was billed as his final Olympic race. And somewhere Dara Torres is thinking “Quitting so young?

–

USA isn’t that strong in diving these days. Correlation to fact that motel etc. swimming pools don’t have diving boards any more for “safety?” ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

SF Giants got 6 runs for Madison Bumgarner.  Starting with 2 runs with a 2 out single. Please do not adjust your set. This is not tape-delayed from before All Star Break.

–

How many young people watching Olympic volleyball & thinking “so did they start playing indoors because it’s raining on the beach? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

The color-changing Olympic pool was drained Friday night and refilled with fresh water for the synchronized swimming events. So much for seeing routines choreographed to the Muppets “Rainbow connection” and “Being’ Green.

 

–

Most ‪#‎Stanford‬ freshmen feel overwhelmed & awed by classmates at first. But imagine poor young woman who will be ‪#‎KatieLedecky‬‘s roommate

–

A-Rod, on life post-Yankees “I’m going to take some time for myself.” Begging the question, has he ever taken time that wasn’t for himself?

–

 

A bill to eliminate Daylight Savings time in California may appear on the November ballot in 2018. Just what Californians will want right about the time it starts to get really dark early in the evening.

 

SF Giants unveiled Gaylord Perry statue and gave away a commemorative figurine – The giveway was not sponsored by Vaseline. What an outrage.

–

Kenny Baker, 82, who played R2-D2 in six Star Wars movies, has died. And millions of Americans are going “You mean there was a human in there?”

–

I miss the days when a city trending might be because of a sporting event or something positive, instead of a shooting. ‪#‎Milwaukee‬.

 

Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson is blaming Obama for taking the US into Afghanistan.

 

#‎KatrinaPierson‬ is making me miss the intellectual discourse from Sarah Palin.

So does ‪#‎KatrinaPierson‬ think President Obama took us into Afghanistan because he didn’t learn his lesson from taking us into Vietnam?

–

Now @realDonaldTrump says if he doesn’t win he’s going on “nice long vacation.” Because US will not be safe with violence he’s stirring up

–

Trump said at a rally that in Pennsylvania that the only way he could lose is if “cheating goes on.” And added his campaign will be keeping a close eye on the state to ensure “other people don’t come in and vote five times.”
Hmm, so is that how the Donald won the GOP primary in the first place?

Now @RealDonaldTrump is threatening to pull press credentials from @NYTimes. Does ‪#‎Trump‬ think he actually has supporters who read it?

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 1 Comment

Man in the mirror?

August 12, 2016

A-Rod said today to Pedro Gomez he wants to be remembered as “someone who is madly in love with the game of baseball.”
Almost as much as he is in love with himself?!

–

Katie Ledecky makes other swimmers feel like those other horses must have felt with Secretariat‬ in the Belmont Stakes. ‪

–

Anthony Ervin, 35, won the 50M freestyle. At which point he probably turned around & said “You punks get out of my pool.” ‪#‎Rio2016‬

–

The US Women’s Soccer team has been knocked out before the medal round. Who do they think they are, the men? ‪#‎USWNT‬ ‪#‎RIo2016‬

–

Hope Solo after the US Women’s soccer team lost to Sweden – “I also think we played a bunch of cowards. But, you know, the best team did not win today.”
Once again, proving women can be the equal of men. Including in being sore losers.

–

A CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) announcer called Ryan Lochte the winner of 200m medley instead of Michael Phelps. Well, that’s the trouble with Americans, we all look alike.

–

So NBC decided to televise five swimming events live Friday night. Except on the West Coast. So swimming is a sport in most of the country and reality TV out west? ‪#‎SMH‬

–

#‎Olympics‬ diving pool so green it was temporarily closed. At this point divers may hope worst they catch at ‪#‎Rio2016‬ is Zika. ‪#‎Poolgate‬

–

A-Rod wanted to play 3rd base in his final game with the Yankees. Joe Girardi said no – “”We are still in the business of trying to win games.”
Right, that’s why New York traded away their star closer AND their star set-up man

–

Burger King has a new “Whopperito,” basically ground beef with cheese sauce, lettuce, onion and tomato wrapped up in a tortilla. The company president said “We know Tex-Mex is growing a lot … and there are not that many national chains that sell burritos,”
Guess none of the names rang a bell?

 

When does ‪#‎BruceBochy‬ start saying postgame “They are who we thought they were.”? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

JetBlue is reporting that 24 people were hospitalized due to turbulence on one of their flights. Shouldn’t they say that 24 people were hospitalized due to not wearing their seat belts?

–

American Airlines for the win today “Rather than wait on hold we can call you back when it’s your turn. Between 1 hour and 2 minutes and 1 hour and 20 minutes from now.”

–

Now Donald Trump tweeted “Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) “the founder” of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON’T GET SARCASM?’
So if he were to start WW3 by threatening to bomb Russia or China the Donald’s response would be “can’t they take a joke?”

–

The NY Times has filed a request to unseal the records from Donald Trump’s first divorce, saying they could speak to his “credibility and character.” So the Times may not “write good” but maybe they “revenge good.”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

« Older Entries