Archive for February 2012

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The Daytona 500 hours?

February 29, 2012

No, it just seemed that long.

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Though Mitt Romney did have time to get a car into the race to compete with Rick Santorum…?

(from Jim Pratt, via Tony L. Thanks.)

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The Dow closed above 13,000 Tuesday. The GOP immediately started talking louder about birth control.

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Rick Santorum Tuesday night talked in his speech about “the men & women who signed the Declaration of Independence.” Yeah, I can see why Santorum’s so down on education, he clearly hasn’t retained much of his.

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Mitt Romney won Michigan today, although he lost with GOP voters without a college degree, and lost by a wide margin amongst those making less than $100,000 a year. In short, Mitt got all the GOP primary voters with two Cadillacs.

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$4 million for a slim primary win in Michigan. And Mitt campaigns on the idea of cutting wasteful spending.

(Romney might have done better if he donated the money to the Detroit Tigers to buy another pitcher.)

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One thing people aren’t talking about. Yes, Mitt Romney is winning his home state with 41 % – a plurality. But 59% of the GOP in Michigan prefer anyone but the man who should have wrapped up this nomination a long time ago.

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Santorum talking about his mom who got graduate degree, worked as a professional and made more money than her husband while raising three kids. So, an uppity elitist who used birth control?

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Posting an intelligent quote for a change: “I do find it frustrating that an atmosphere of polarization and ‘my way or the highway’ ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions.” That would be Maine GOP senator Olympia Snowe, in announcing her retirement today.

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The Big 12 announced today that the price for Missouri’s and Texas A&M leaving the conference will be $12.41 million each. Once again, hard to imagine how these recruits get seduced into thinking it’s about money.

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Last year at the NFL combine, Cam Newton recorded a 35″ vertical leap. This year Andrew Luck achieved a 36’’ vertical. Wow. At least one white man can jump.

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Hank Haney, Tiger Woods’ former swing coach, says in his new book that the quest to break Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 majors weighed heavily on Tiger. Really? I would think that what took a bigger toll in the end was Woods’ pursuit of 18 plus waitresses.

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Manager Brad Mills has decided that Brett Meyers will be the Astros new closer. Next up, trying to make sure Myers actually has games to close.

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The 12 contestants have been announced for “Dancing with the Stars.” And many of the names bring the usual reaction from most Americans – “Who?”
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Okay, this really isn’t funny, but, Darwin award of the year nominee: Police say a Havelock, North Carolina man is dead after he accidentally drank from a jar of gasoline and then smoked a cigarette. (He died in the UNC burn center.)

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Daytona 500 – Please sir, may I have s’mores.

February 28, 2012

Well, I’m not a NASCAR fan. But must admit watching a car run into a fuel truck (when no one gets hurt) is pretty spectacular.

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Watching the Daytona track cleanup, which is more fun than the race. And millions of American women are discovering, yes, men can be taught how to use Tide.

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“Breakfast at Daytona” has turned into “Demolition Derby.”

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Montoya’s accident with the truck was the biggest flameout in the South since S.C. Governor Sanford said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.

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Good thing the airlines don’t sponsor NASCAR. With that much jet fuel spilled, future race tickets would certainly have a fuel surcharge.

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Mitt Romney is accusing Rick Santorum’s campaign of being “deceptive” and using “dirty tricks” in making robo calls telling Democratic voters to come out to the polls Tuesday in Michigan and vote against Romney. Translation, Mitt’s mad he didn’t think of the idea of calling Democrats first.

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Mitt Romney told supporters in Michigan about attending the Golden Jubilee celebration of the American automobile as a young boy. The problem is that the event took place nine months before Mitt was born. In Romney’s defense maybe he’s still traumatized from dodging sniper fire in Bosnia with Hillary Clinton.

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(Either that or Mitt is trying to trump Santorum’s “life begins at conception” with “memory begins at conception.)

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Rick Santorum is attacking President Obama” for wanting all Americans to have the chance to at least attend community college. Well, makes sense, Santorum’s BA, MBA AND JD don’t appear to have helped him become any smarter.

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Best thing about Jennifer Lopez’s “wardrobe malfunction” last night. If it had to happen to an American Idol judge, at least it wasn’t Steven Tyler.

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New reality show? “Survivor – Costa Cruises.”

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How do you say “oops” in Italian. A fire in the generator room of the Costa Allegra, has left that cruise ship adrift off the Seychelles. No casualties, but wonder if they had to rescue the captain after he fell into a lifeboat?

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Kobe Bryant finished the All-Star game despite having sustained a “nasal fracture” Guess no one noticed since we’re all used to seeing Kobe with his nose out of joint.

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Poor Mitt, wondering why people think he is out of touch. From Paul Krugman in the NY Times: “Asked by the AP reporter if he follows NASCAR, Romney responded, ‘Not as closely as some of the most ardent fans. But I have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners'”

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A measure to legalize the recreational use of marijuana has qualified for the Colorado ballot this November. Insert “Rocky Mountain High” joke here.

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Newark Airport temporarily closed tonight for an emergency landing and a disabled plane blocking a runway. The airport reopened with delays of up to an hour. No compensation for passengers, because hey, stuff happens. But try telling an airline you got stuck in traffic and missed your flight..

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Gentlemen, start your speeches.

February 27, 2012

Nothing like watching the Oscar Red Carpet to remind us that money absolutely cannot buy taste.

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Jean Dujardin won the Oscar Sunday night for Best Actor. He’s the first French-born actor to win an Academy Award. Wonder who will be the first GOP candidate to blame it on President Obama.

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And men wonder why women drool over George Clooney, reason #2456. He just told a reporter he was up at 2am trying to decide what tux to wear.

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Okay, now that Christopher Plummer has won for best supporting actor, how many producers are lining up to get Julie Andrews as a character actress in their films? Could be “Something good.”

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Did Meryl Streep tonight pay homage to Christopher Plummer’s former co-star Julie Andrews? Looks like she too fashioned a dress out of curtains.

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Jennifer Lopez tried to win the award for the best two presenters of the night.

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The Daytona 500 was originally delayed until Sunday night, but was postponed until Monday at 12n. Thereby saving at least a few marriages from remote control wars between the race and the Oscars.. (And yes, both Daytona and the Academy Awards do prompt the response at times “Aren’t they close to done yet?”)

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At Daytona, officials originally frantically tried to dry the track in time to run the 500 today. Shame the Florida primary is over. They could have done the job twice as fast with all that hot air going around.

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So many disappointments in tonight’s Oscars. Poor Mitt Romney, snubbed both for his roles as potential best performance as an actor as a moderate, and best performance as an actor as a conservative.

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Arizona Governor Jan Brewer announced she will not attend the President’s dinner Sunday night for all the U.S. governors. Barack Obama hasn’t been this “disappointed” since Joe Biden last got pre-speech laryngitis.

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Oh yeah, and there was an NBA All-Star game Sunday night .Almost as meaningful as the rest of the NBA season.

So many casual movie fans tonight had to wonder – was Martin Scorsese with his girlfriend tonight or his granddaughter? (Neither, turns out to be his daughter.)

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The scandal involving Bill Lockyer’s wife Nadia is too complicated to explain in a single post (extra-marital affair, alleged assault drugs, sex tape… google it if you are prepared to shower afterwards) The only good thing – at least Californians didn’t elect him Governor.

(okay, two good things, as my friend Michael Santos said, “at least the tape didn’t feature Bill.)

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Rick Santorum said today that the separation of church and state “makes me want to throw up.” And if they’re watching in Heaven, Thomas Jefferson is thinking “Rick Santorum makes me want to throw up.”

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Mitt Romney defends his statement about his wife’s two Cadillacs by saying that “If people think that there is something wrong for being successful, they should vote for the other guy.” I don’t think anyone thinks there’s something wrong with it, but some of us think if you’re that successful you don’t need another tax cut.

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Star power.

February 26, 2012

Orlando police are apparently on the lookout to stop prostitutes trying to sell their services during NBA All-Star weekend. But some fans are crying foul. Unlike the Bobcats, Hornets and Wizards this year, the prostitutes are providing consistent value per entertainment dollar.

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Academy Awards are right after the NBA All-Star game. And for fans of acting in the meantime, there’s Dwight Howard talking about how much Orlando means to him.

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Mitt Romney is being lampooned for having less than 1000 people attend an event at Ford Field, which seats 65,000. Good thing I suppose that he didn’t schedule his speech at Michigan’s “Big House” in Ann Arbor. (Seating capacity 111,000.)

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A security checkpoint and concourse at Sacramento Airport were shut down today after a metal detector was briefly left unattended, The airport did find and rescreen five people who had gone through during that time. And I trust TSA still made their quota on confiscating water, shampoo, cupcakes and snow globes.

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Ashleymadison.com, a dating site for cheaters, says the city with their most members per capita (38,000) is Washington, D.C. “I’m shocked”, said absolutely no one. (And members of Congress don’t even claim the nation’s capital as their residence.)

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ESPN.com headline from Daytona: “Danica Patrick is back in the race after hitting the wall” Sounds like Mitt Romney’s campaign. Repeatedly.

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Amazing stuff in Arizona. Paul Babeu, the anti-immigration Republican sheriff, is finding many of his conservative constituents are accepting his being gay. Even though they strongly disapprove of his “lifestyle” in one man’s words. Guess it’s just a matter of which prejudice is stronger.

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New manager Bobby Valentine said the Boston Red Sox have banned beer in the clubhouse. Wonder if any pitchers are thinking “Hmm, how does fried chicken go with whiskey?”

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The P.C. police are taking over. Ben and Jerry’s is taking fortune cookies out of their “Lin-Sanity” ice cream because some people thought it was offensive.. Really? Where were all these folks with say, “Godfather’s Pizza?

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Rick Santorum is going after Romney these days by saying “Folks, this is an issue of trust.” And yeah, for Santorum it’s all about trust. Unless that trust involves women making decisions.

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Newt Gingrich promised at today’s California GOP convention that he would lower U.S. gas prices to $2.50 a gallon. And why should anyone doubt the promise of a man who has said “until death do us part” three times?
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John Hinckley, who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan in 1981, said he would like to be known as “something other than a would-be assassin.” In related news the Kardashian sisters said they would like to be known for their intellectual sides.

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From my funny friend Bill Littlejohn: After Raiders QB Jason Campbell called off his wedding at the last minute: “Jenny is reportedly trying to work out a trade for Carson Palmer.”

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Red Sox owner John Henry talking about Boston being more careful about spending money. “It’s an advantage to have a big payroll with a small-market mentality.” Small market compared to who? Besides the Yankees?

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Mitt Romney likes to talk about principles. But Mitt has the same relationship to his own principles as Newt Gingrich does to his marriages. (Maybe only one at a time but they don’t last.)

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No sacrifice at all?

February 25, 2012

Unclear on the concept? Okay, I’m not Catholic. But Safeway is advertising “Savings for Lent.” Several kinds of fish. And also several kinds of wine….

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Manny Ramirez arrived at A’s training camp and said “I’m here because God brought me here.” And here we thought Manny wanted to be Barry Bonds. Maybe he just wanted to be Tim Tebow.

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Mitt Romney told a crowd today in Ohio that he had once played a prank at a wedding of painting “H-E-L-P” on the bottom of the groom’s shoes. Funny, that’s the same four letter sentiment some Republicans have with the current crop of candidates.

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Coach Pat Knight, son of Bobby, went on a widely shared over-the-top post game rant about his Lamar University players. Guess the apple didn’t get thrown far from the tree.

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Ryan Braun’s suspension was apparently overturned because the tester didn’t send in the urine vial immediately, but waited over the weekend. Guess “if the sample sits, you must acquit.”

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The rumors are that Ryan Braun may have gotten his suspension overturned because medication he was taking for an STD made him test positive. If true, some athletes will have a choice after future testing – save your career or save your marriage.

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Mitt Romney ripped Rick Santorum for his effort in the last debate to explain why he “voted against his principles.” Mitt promises that will never happen if he is elected. Of course it helps not HAVING principles.

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At Orlando’s Florida Mall, riot police had to be called in to deal with a mob waiting to buy a special All-Star Nike basketball shoe. Women who hear this story are appalled. A riot over basketball shoes? They don’t even have heels.

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While in Detroit, Mitt Romney – in his regular guy mode – said his wife Ann has “a couple of Cadillacs.” A couple of Cadillacs? Did she win one on a $10,000 bet?

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New Colts GM Ryan Grigson said Indianapolis still hasn’t decided whether or not to make Andrew Luck the #1 draft pick. Even Brett Favre is saying “Jeez,, make up your mind.”.

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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell, now said he didn’t realize the anti-abortion bill required transvaginal ultrasounds, saying “when you’re busy advocating your agenda, you don’t read every legislator’s bill.” Once again, I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.

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In a settlement between former Senator John Edwards and his former aide, a sex tape between Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter will be destroyed. Just as well. Even TMZ readers had responded to the thought of it with “Eww…”

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California Lt. Gov. Democrat Gavin Newsom just said it’s time to “get rid of” his position unless the Gov and Lt. Gov run as a single ticket and work as a team with shared power. Translation, Jerry Brown is thinking of running again and I’m bored.

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The Heat is on.

February 24, 2012

So the Heat, feeling disrespected, decided to put on a show against Jeremy Lin and won 102-88. Miami fans are thinking, uh, can we light this fire under the team when it actually matters, like in the playoffs?

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Dolphin fans have started a “Manning to Miami” billboard campaign. Makes sense, at this point they’re desperate for a superstar who makes a habit of showing up when it counts in the fourth quarter.

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Speaking of heat: President Obama spoke Thursday at University of Miami, where it was 83-degrees. And he loved the weather, saying “I don’t know how you guys go to class. It’s too nice outside.” And Miami football players responded “class?”

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By a 2-1 vote, MLB’s arbitration panel overturned Ryan Braun’s 50 game suspension for PEDs. No reason was given. Two possibilities: Braun does play for Selig’s old team, the Milwaukee Brewers, and he’s not Barry Bonds.

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Braun apparently won his 2-1 case on a technicality. That while no one actually alleged tampering, his defense made much of the fact that the tester kept the sample at his home for a night before sending it in. So did Ryan hire some of O.J’s old defense team?

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I see a new FedEx commercial. “When someone’s pee in a cup positively has to be there overnight.”

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All this talk about what the Founding Fathers meant when they wrote the Constitution. Uh, does anyone want to address the fact that in the 18th century none of them could imagine a time when women could vote?

Another thought about our Founding Fathers: Thomas Jefferson spoke five languages – Latin, Greek, Spanish, Italian, French, and some Indian dialects. Forget what “rights” he intended. With that kind of background, these days the guy wouldn’t have made it through the Presidential primaries.

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Florida Senator Marco Rubio, who talks about his Catholic roots, also attends a Southern Baptist megachurch, and apparently was a Mormon as a child. Will his next theme song on the campaign trail be “Losing my Religion?”

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Roy Oswalt, a free agent, is now telling major league clubs he may not sign and return to play until midseason. Gosh, how will he feed his family?

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Pittsburgh Pirates president Frank Coonelly was charged with four counts after a DUI arrest Dec. 22: Drunken driving, careless driving, driving with a blood-alcohol content of at least twice the .08 limit, and driving the wrong way. The last count may refer not to his driving, but what he’s doing to the franchise.

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In a new poll just released, California was the least popular state in the United States. In related news, it’s 70 degrees in Northern California Thursday, over 80 in parts of Southern California, while Chicago and Denver have major airport delays due to snow…..

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As we head into March, President Obama is honing his re-election strategy. In an ideal world he’d just get the GOP candidates to have weekly debates.

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Bi-partisan serious statemnt: For any United frequent fliers who weren’t having enough stress in their lives, the airline has just sent out a message saying everyone’s Mileage Plus numbers will disappear on March 3, and be replaced by their Continental number. (I wish this were a joke, stand by for United jokes…)

One of my friends has already told me “I just received my UA email. Sent me to a link to retrieve my new number – a link that I CAN’T LOG IN TO using my current UA number…”

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Doctors in Wisconsin say a cat saved his new owner’s life by trying to wake her up during a diabetic seizure, and then running into her son’s room and waking him up to call for help. The cat, Pudding, is being called a hero. He just hopes this doesn’t wreck his feline reputation.
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Ho, ho, ho?

February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum is trying to explain his 2008 statement that ““Satan has his sights on the United States of America!” Stay tuned, maybe he’ll say he’s dyslexic and was talking about Santa.

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Albert Pujols is objecting to billboards as part of the Angels marketing campaign that refer to him “El Hombre,” Pujols has asked not to be called that in deference to Stan “The Man” Musial. But he might not need to worry. Hispanic fans may not remember Musial, and non-Hispanic fans may not know what “El Hombre” means.

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A Texas man collected 10 cent comic books starting as a 9 year old in the 1930s. Today his family sold 227 books from the collection he had saved in his basement for about $3.5 million. And millions of other Americans forwarded this story to their mothers saying “See!”

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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has changed his mind about a new bill that would require women to have a physically invasive transvaginal ultrasound procedure before any abortion. Wonder if he saw the “Daily Show?” (Or remembered that women do have the right to vote?)

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The Temple Owls are in talks to join the Big East. This is shocking. Unlike new schools SMU, Houston, Boise State and San Diego State, Temple, situated in Philadelphia, actually is in the East.

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Former Louisiana Gov. Charles “Buddy” Roemer is dropping out of the GOP presidential primary. The number one response across the U.S. – Buddy who?

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For anyone who was thinking the level of debate in the GOP primaries was getting too elevated, we’ll always have Sarah Palin. Today she defended Rick Santorum by saying the “lame-stream media characters” are getting “all wee-weed up about” his past remarks.

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As the three top GOP candidates increasingly try to prove they’re the furthest to the right, anyone else get the idea we’re watching a new game show – “Who wants to be a Neanderthal?”

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Rick Santorum at end of debate trumpets the fact he is from a “key swing state.” (Pennsylvania) What he doesn’t mention: He lost his last election in that state by 18 percent.

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Newt Gingrich attacking Obama. “As long as you’re America’s enemy you’re safe.”. Guess someone forgot to tell Bin Laden and Qaddafi.

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Mitt Romney says he loves Michigan because “the trees are just the right height.” Shame that someone didn’t ask him during the debate Wednesday night – “In which states are the trees the wrong height?”

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Question for GOP candidates. Agree that there are some bad leaders around the world who are killing innocent people including their own citizens. How come we only want to invade the ones with oil?

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Not voting for Ron Paul, but he does win the “breath of fresh air” award. Wednesday night, CNN debate moderator John King asked him why he’s running anti Santorum adds that say he’s a fake.

Paul’s response: “Because he’s a fake.”

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To theology and beyond?

February 22, 2012

Mitt Romney’s latest speech Tuesday night said that the Obama adminstration has “fought against religion.” Rick Santorum’s talking about phony ideology, and Newt Gingrich is zealously defending his new Catholicism. Are we electing a President or a Pope?

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Rick Santorum is talking about President Obama’s “phony theology not based on the Bible.” Leaving aside Thomas Jefferson’s words about a “wall of separation between Church and State”, what’s Santorum’s nostalgic ideal of a Bible based theology… Salem?

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Randy Pullen, a top Mitt Romney supporter and former Arizona GOP chair, is urging Romney to change course to win over conservatives. Really? If Mitt changes course any faster and more often he may qualify for the U.S. Olympic slalom team.

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Say what? While campaigning today GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said “labor unions play an important role in our society.” In Michigan. Can’t imagine how Mitt ever got reputation for pandering.

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600 children were sent back to class after star football recruit Davonte Neal was a no-show at an assembly at his former elementary school, where he was expected to announce his college choice. Neal announced hours later for Notre Dame. Presumably for the school’s strong values and sense of personal responsibility?

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Portland center Greg Oden just had his THIRD microfracture knee surgery. Only good news for the Trail Blazers, this one might be covered by medicare.

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Brady Quinn is denying his anti-Tebow comments quoted in GQ magazine – things like “We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck,” and that when he gets an opportunity “he’ll continue to lead not by trying to get in front of the camera and praying but by praying with my teammates.” Can’t imagine how Notre Dame grads get the reputation for being poor sports who think the world revolves around them.

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Paul Babeu, the conservative anti-immigration Arizona sheriff who’s come out as a gay man amidst a scandal with an ex-lover, is now publicly backing “marriage equality.” Good for him. But wonder how long it would have taken had Babeu still been in the closet and co-chair of Mitt Romney’s Arizona campaign.

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Franklin Graham, son of Billy, questioned whether President Obama was a Christian again this morning, but said of Gingrich, he “been married several times… but he could make a good candidate. I think Newt is a Christian. At least he told me he is.” Uh, yeah, Franklin, and Newt has also told three women “until death do us part.”

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President Obama was thinking of wishing people happy Mardi Gras Tuesday. But no doubt one of his GOP opponents would accuse him of promoting a foreign agenda.

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Actually, forget Thanksgiving, the way we are growing, Fat Tuesday really is the ultimate American holiday.

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Police had to use pepper spray on a belligerent man at Disneyland this past weekend. Wow. Previously in the parks pepper spray has only been used as a threat by people whose relatives wanted to go on “It’s a Small World” just ONE more time.

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From Moneyball to Mannyball.

February 21, 2012

Yes, it’s true, Manny Ramirez has signed a minor league with the As?!! Stay tuned for “Mannyball.” Wonder if this will be a comedy or a tragedy? Or both?

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With Manny Ramirez back in baseball with the A’s, are some sports fans going from Linsanity to Manny-ic Depression?

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Fox pundit Liz Trotta has followed her incendiary comments about rape in the military with this – “Women are not as strong as men. Their instincts and reactions in crisis are markedly different.” Clearly this is a woman who has never been to a Black Friday sale.

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Albert Pujols arrived at spring training today. His new teammates were thrilled to see him in an Angels uniform. Almost as happy as National League pitchers.

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Anthony Federico, the former ESPN writer fired for his “Chink in the Armor” Jeremy Lin headline, told the NY Daily News that it was a mistake, “This had nothing to do with me being cute or punny.” If that’s true, forget racist, he (and his editor) might be too stupid to work at ESPN.

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With all the controversy about Jeremy Lin and anti-Asian jokes, I shudder to think what would happen if some Jewish kid became an NBA star. Fortunately that’s not likely to happen.

On the other hand, Cal’s Jorge Gutierrez, from Mexico, is a possible NBA draft pick. If that happens, or, if he has a great March tournament…Gentlemen, start your sensitivity training. (And run all headlines through an awake editor.)

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Indiana House member Bob Morris is opposing a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a “radicalized organization.” He said he found allegations on the internet that they are tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allow transgender females to join and encourage sex. Even Rick Santorum is thinking, this guy is nuts.

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A new Canadian study found that facial plastic surgery made people look an average of seven years younger. If true, this would mean Joan Rivers looked about ten years old.

(or as my friend Kelly says, actually, it just means that Joan is really about a million years old.)

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Mitt Romney’s Super PAC spent $14 million just in January 2012. Yeah, this ought to sharpen Mitt’s credentials as a self-proclaimed “budget hawk…..”

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GOP candidates have jumped on gas prices as a way to attack President Obama. If they really wanted t do something about those prices though, heck, with the money their Super PACs are spending they could probably subsidize prices $1 a gallon for the whole country.

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The cast of “Glee” will not be touring this summer. This news was very upsetting to millions of kids, teenagers and women. And about two men.
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And the horse he rode in on….

February 20, 2012

Rick Santorum, who has said he wants the Federal and State governments out of the education business, stated “For the first 150 years, most presidents home-schooled their children at the White House.” Right, and for the first 150 years, presidents rode to work on a horse.

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So former President Clinton was in attendance at the Magic-Heat NBA game today. Guess even Bill couldn’t get tickets to see Jeremy Lin and the Knicks.

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More shocking than the fact that the New York Knicks have an Asian point guard -they’re actually playing basketball that includes passing the ball.

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One of Jeremy Lin’s biggest fans has to be Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Since “Linsanity” has knocked Cashman’s personal life train wreck (ex-mistress talking after being jailed for stalking him and his family, wife filing for divorce) right off the front page.

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Not that I would mind seeing Rick Santorum as the GOP Presidential nominee. But did all these Republicans suddenly on his bandwagon forget that in his re-election campaign for Senate, in a relatively conservative state, Santorum lost by 18%?

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Now that pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, it’s time to step back a bit from “Linsanity” and ask a question -. So which major league baseball teams have sent scouts to follow Harvard baseball?

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Newt Gingrich said of any late potential entrants into GOP Presidential field “Nobody’s going to show up and become Superman or Superwoman.” Heck, at this point many Republicans would settle for a good Clark Kent.

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NBC has confirmed that Lindsay Lohan is going to host SNL March 3. And it’s probably only a coincidence that the network has reportedly sent out a memo to cast members recommending they hide their jewelry.

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Controversy in California as a new program allows teenagers in some counties to request free condoms by mail. Actually the program is available to kids as young as 12.

Now, while I’m not personally a fan of 12 year olds having sex, it’s also really hard to imagine those kids, or even 13,14,15,16,17… year olds saying “Okay, I was thinking of waiting until marriage but, hey, free condoms, let’s do it.”

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Commentators seem surprised by how much Jeremy Lin has adapted and improved in two weeks in the NBA. Well, Palo Alto High and Harvard may not be known for their star athletes, but they do emphasize the ability to learn.

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Following on that thought, a serious comment for a change: Some wonder the difference between Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow, as both are devout Christian over-achievers. And why Lin, so far, is far less polarizing. Well, for starters, Tebow was home-schooled. Lin went through public schools. Which, while that may not make an intolerant person tolerant, and vice versa, does mean a slightly broader experience.

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Scoring change.

February 19, 2012

Apparently Maine may recount their caucuses, and Mitt Romney could end up losing the state to Ron Paul. This after he lost Iowa in a recount to Rick Santorum. Looks like Mitt’s victories may win up beng as long lasting as his positions.

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A new California Family Health Council program will allow teens in some counties to receive free condoms by mail. Said many teenagers “What’s mail?”

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United Airlines is adopting Continental’s pet transport program known as “PetSafe,” which means that animals who are too big to fit in the cabin have to fly as cargo, not checked luggage. For many destinations this will significantly increase the cost. On the other hand, the pets will still be more comfortable than their owners in coach.

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Paul Babeu is an AZ sheriff who became famous for opposing illegal immigration, and is now running for congress. He has been accused of threatening a male ex-lover with deportation if he made their relationship public. After texts were released, Babeu admited he is gay but denies making serious threats. When will they learn, love may fade, but cellphone records are forever?

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Nancy Grace refuses to apologize for saying “who let [Whitney Houston] slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?” Prompting many to suggest that maybe what Grace herself needs is a few drinks and a long bath.

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ESPN has apologized for using the headline “Chink in the Armor” referring to Jeremy Lin’s nine turnover’s last night in the Knicks loss to the Hornets. In related news, U.S. unemployment figures are about to increase by one.

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On the other hand, for fans of politically incorrect humor, my comedy pal T.C Chong from British Columbia, who has the birthright to make Asian jokes, has a few variations on Lin puns.

For starters. “Chinese Delivery Ends”, and “Lin is just taking all this with a grain of rice. He says the people at ESPN can’t “Wok and Chu Gum” at the same time.” (Others in comments on yesterday’s post.)

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The conservatives screaming about free birth control are often the same people screaming about those who pay no federal taxes. And who want to cut welfare, govt. subsidized child care, health care, etc. Really guys, if you want to reduce the number of poor people and kids, birth control should be a sacrament.

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The King’s speech.

February 18, 2012

Lebron James said he could see himself back in Cleveland some day. And some fans in Miami are upset. Seems like James’ idea of a long-term committed relationship might be the same as Newt Gingrich’s.

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Lebron is trying to quell controversy in Miami over his remarks about possibly returning to the Cavaliers at some point, and says Heat fans “shouldn’t be worried.” Maybe King James should use the controversy control technique of keeping an aspirin between his lips.

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Tim Wakefield, 45, says he is retiring. Responded Jamie Moyer – “So young?”

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From T.C. “Massachusetts will honor Wakefield by reducing highway speed limits to 48 mph that day in tribute to his fastball speed.”

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Lin-sanity temporarily derailed Friday night by the…. New Orleans Hornets? Well, it is the weekend before Mardi Gras. Never underestimate the power of Voodoo.

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Meanwhile the Detroit Red Wings got their 22nd consecutive home win tonight. The reaction in most of America -. “That’s great, what sport do they play?”

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One amusing sidelight in this Jeremy Lin story: How often do we get to hear about a Harvard graduate overcoming adversity?

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The Cincinnati Bengals have hired former Oakland Raiders coach Hue Jackson as an assistant coach. Well, Hue better to have experience with dysfunctional football teams?

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Apparently one of the people involved in lobbying Maryland state lawmakers for marriage equality is Dick Cheney. No doubt someone in the GOP will be soon be dismissing the former V.P. as a flaming liberal like his old pal Clint Eastwood.

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Mitt Romney joked at a Michigan rally this week: “Any old girlfriends here? I better be careful.” Really? Girlfriends? Mitt, America is having a hard enough time believing you actually produced five sons with your WIFE.

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Another thought about this birth control controversy. If religious institutions can deny coverage for sometihng they believe is immoral, why not deny coverage for STD’s for both sexes, especially unmarried men as well as women, since they shouldn’t be doing anything to get such a disease?

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Parenthood, and other birth control jokes.

February 17, 2012

Rick Santorum is distancing himself from a major donor’s comment about using aspirin for contraception. After Foster Friess said that “gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” Santorum called Friess’ comment a “stupid joke.” Wonder if Rick figured that out before or after he fathered seven children.

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Those who oppose Obama’s efforts to get birth control coverage for women who work at church-affiliated institutions are framing it as an issue of religious freedom. But about the religious freedom for churches who are willing to marry gay couples?.

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The Miami Heat play in Cleveland Friday, and Lebron James just said he would be open to returning to play for the Cavaliers at some point. This I think is the cue for the P.A. announcer at “The Q” to serenade King James with a recording of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”

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Late bloomer story of the year: When the Palo Alto High basketball team defeated Mater Dei for the CA State Championship in 2006, the Vikings had 0 players heading to D1 schools, while the Monarchs had several including Duke-bound superstar Taylor King.

Now King is playing for the Quebec Kebs of the National Basketball League of Canada, and Palo Altos’s Jeremy Lin…..

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R.I.P. Gary Carter, who was only 57. I once heard Bob Brenly talk enviously about the great camaraderie “the Kid” had with umpires. For Carter, the best PED was a smile.

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CNN announced they have canceled their Super Tuesday debate, because Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum all have canceled their appearances. Guess the three GOP candidates were afraid CNN would do something terrible during the debate, like report exactly what they said.

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Apparently Newt Gingrich is still willing to take part in the proposed CNN debate which has been tentatively canceled due to the other three top candidates pulling out. Well, it could be interesting. Americans could watch Gingrich debate himself.

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Got to love the Donald, who now talks about helping Romney because “If you look at the tea party. If you look at the Christian coalition. If you look at a lot of different groups, I have very, very strong relationships with them.” Hmm, wonder how these compare to his “good relationship with the blacks.”

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Interesting parallels between the reaction to the deaths of Whitney Houston and Etta James. Both were great singers with complicated and difficult personal lives. But Houston died at 48, and James lived until 73. Proving again, that the way to achieve eternal superstardom is to die young.

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Maybe when the NBA season is over President Obama can appoint Jeremy Lin to a temporary position to work on unemployment. Lin’s already done the seemingly impossible with jobs – saved Mike D’Antoni’s.

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Catching a rising star?

February 16, 2012

The Golden State Warriors are playing better of late, but they don’t have any real stars, and can’t seem to attract the kind of player who gets national attention and becomes a media sensation.. Gosh, wonder where they could possibly find a player like that?. Oops, never mind….

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How big a sensation is Jeremy Lin in New York? Out of habit the Yankees offered him a free agent contract.

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So Tim Tebow is #15, Jeremy Lin is #17. Wonder how many teams are scouting minor league baseball for a young Christian player wearing #19?

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Mars Inc, the candy maker of Snickers, Twix, and Three Musketeers, for examples, has announced they will stop selling chocolate products with more than 250 calories in them by the end of 2013.

You know what that means, same price, less candy.

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Old newspaper clippings show that Rick Santorum, in his first run for Congress in 1990, referred to himself as a “progressive conservative,” and said he tried to “dance around,” the issue of abortion. Who does Rick think he is? Mitt Romney?

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Las Vegas’ newest museum opened this week. The National Museum of Organized Crime & Law Enforcement, aka the Mob Museum. Wonder if their ticket policy will be “Free admission, but you’ll really pay to get out.”

(my friend Michael M. says “he hears it’s a real hit.” Rich says, “make them an offer they can’t refuse.”)

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President Obama’s approval rating is back up to 50%. Which means Americans are feeling better about the country. Either that or they have been watching the GOP primaries and going “Are you effing kidding me?”.

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Kim Kardashian said in an interview with Allure magazine that her next wedding won’t include any cameras. Hmm. I think I like “until death do us part” better.

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Rick Santorum talks about tort reform, and capping medical malpractice awards at $250,000. His wife, however, sued her chiropractor for $500,000 in 1999 because she alleged he incorrectly performed a spinal adjustment. Yeah, guess this means Santorum’s passed the political hypocrisy test.

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The Santa Clara city council approved the new 49ers stadium last night, which means the 49ers are officially moving state. Many San Franciscans are upset about losing “their” team. But unlike the Giants and Jets, at least the 49ers will still be playing in the same state.

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Four football players were amongst 17 TCU students arrested on drug charges. Well, looks like the Horned Frogs have finally joined the ranks of the big-time college football programs.

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Rocket scientist award of the week: A Northern California man missed his flight after TSA at Oakland found marijuana in a peanut butter jar in his carry-on bag. The stupidity isn’t so much the marijuana. They might have missed that. But a jar is more than 3 ounces, and peanut butter IS classified as a liquid.

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One nice unintended consequence of the Jeremy Lin story – It has finally knocked the Peyton Manning-Colts story off the front page.

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A customer at Las Vegas’s Heart Attack Grill was eating a Triple Bypass Burger” (1 1/2 lbs of beef and 12 bacon slices)) last weekend when he actually had a heart attack. The man is recovering. But what’s more disgusting, the idea of a 24 oz burger with that much bacon, or the idea there are probably lawyers ready to help him sue?

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“Any Lin-gering Doubts?”

February 15, 2012

Lin-sanity continues. Tuesday night’s comeback finishes with 3 pointer with .09 to go. Even Tim Tebow is saying “Are you f***ing kidding me?

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Despite the hype, Jeremy Lin isn’t perfect. As his former Palo Alto High coach Peter Diepenbrook will attest. For example, his mom once said (really) “Jeremy has an A-minus in math. I don’t think he’s going to be able to play this week.”

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Despite the recent birth control controversy, President Obama’s approval ratings with Catholics are basically unchanged over the past couple weeks. Makes sense, most U.S. Catholics learned to ignore bishops somewhere around Vatican II.

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Nine games today in the NBA Tuesday night. Which spared a lot of lucky players a major dilemma – which mother of which child would they have dinner with on Valentine’s Day?

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Many conservatives are pushing Newt Gingrich to quit running for President, but Newt has vowed to stay in the race. These folks are using the wrong logic. Just tell him being a candidate is a commitment, like a marriage.

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Sports commentators saying PGA tour doesn’t have anyone who’s a Tiger Woods anymore. Heck, even Tiger isn’t Tiger Woods anymore.

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The Baltimore Orioles have announced they are no longer interested in pursuing Manny Ramirez. Guess they don’t want to star in this season’s version of “Foolish teams, even more foolish choices.”

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Rick Santorum saying that birth control “only costs a few dollars.” Really? Figure a man with seven children would know as much about the price of birth control as Mitt Romney would know about which airline has the best coach class seats.

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Who says there are no bipartisan statements in politics. From President Obama on Tuesday: “Let me start with a quick public service announcement to all the gentlemen out there: Today is Valentine’s Day. Do not forget. I speak from experience here. It is important that you remember this. And go big. That’s my advice.”

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Rick Perry said he might run again for President. This is enough even to get the Jewish Jon Stewart saying “Thank you Jesus.”

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The lawyer for suspended Penn State AD Tim Curley wants charges dismissed against her client. Not because of exculpatory evidence. But necause Paterno is dead and cannot attest to the alleged perjury, and the law about reporting suspected child abuse wasn’t enacted until after the alleged abuse…. And some at PSU still don’t get why the school went with an outsider as the new football coach.

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Open note to anyone with a cat in their household. If someone puts flowers in water in a tall vase, and then takes the flowers to give to someone, but leaves the water in the vase….. suffice it to say the chances of the cat thinking the water belongs to them is greater than you think. And it will not end well.

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From T.C. “Tiger went on record last stating that long belly putters should be outlawed on the PGA tour.

After Sunday’s final round at the AT&T, he added “putting left handed” to that wish list.”

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Highfaluting’ heifers?

February 14, 2012

A Texas high school cheerleader coach was fired after one of the cheerleaders recorded her yelling at the young women “Who do you think you all are? Highfalutin heifers. You just come and go as you please…” “Highfalutin’ heifers?” Heck, I give her points for creative alliteration.

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Fox New’s Liz Trotta, on rapes in the military: “The report says that there has been, since 2006, a 64% increase in violent sexual assaults. Now, what did they expect? These people are in close contact.” Can’t wait to see what Trotta would say if asked about co-ed college dorms.

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Today is Valentine’s Day. All over the NBA players are sending members of their posse out to buy a dozen cards – “To my one and only.”

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Leave what he feels out of this, how stupid is it to say it? Floyd Mayweather just posted: “Jeremy Lin is a good player but all the hype is because he’s Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don’t get the same praise.” Just another piece of evidence that boxers should be required to wear helmets.

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Carmelo Anthony is telling the media that when he returns he can co-exist with Jeremy Lin. These days Knicks fans are more worried whether or not Jeremy Lin can co-exist with him.

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Lin-sanity continues. Have the offensively challenged SF Giants checked on the availability of undrafted former Harvard baseball power hitters.

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Jeremy Lin jerseys are the #1 seller in the NBA right now. How cool is this? And nice for the people making the jerseys to see a name they actually might recognize.

(Bus to hell version of this joke: It’s good for all those Chinese factory workers to have a hero they can actually aspire to grow up to be.)

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So all these folks wondering what Tiger Woods is missing lately…. Well, Phil Mickelson did give much of the credit to his wife.

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David Ortiz and the Red Sox have agreed to a $14.575 million one year contract, up from the $12.6 million Boston had originally offered. Guess the Sox figured, it’s not just his family, Ortiz needs to feed himself.

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Best line from “The Bachelor” tonight: “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends.” If this gal doesn’t win she’s set up for dating a professional athlete. Or becoming the fourth Mrs. Newt Gingrich.

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Some wonder how Mitt Romney can keep it up as the front-runner when nobody seems to actually like him. Wonder how many Bachelor fans are privately referring to him as the Courtney of the Republican party?

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A judge ruled the Jerry Sandusky trial will be in State College. WTF? They stand about as much chance of getting an unbiased jury in his home town as Newt Gingrich has of being picked as Mitt Romney’s running mate.

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Not making this up, from the Rick Santorum website: Extended by Popular Demand….Donate $100 or more, and we will send you an official Rick Santorum For President sweater vest.” (Gray, 100% cotton, made in America.) “Extended by Popular Demand?” That translates to either a- we ordered too many, or b- even Santorum fans don’t want to look THAT dorky.

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“Unimaginable?”

February 13, 2012

One statement released about Whitney Houston’s death said it was “Unimaginable.” “Sad”, yes, “a terrible waste”, yes, “horrible for her daughter”, yes. But “unimaginable?” Not exactly. Maybe not even completely “unexpected.” (Are you paying attention, Lindsay Lohan?)

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Though questions remain about Whitney Houston’s death, the sad truth is that the person she probably needed a bodyguard from was herself.

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Bus to hell time. So wonder what Whitney Houston was drinking at the time of her death? Bathtub gin?

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Wonder if all those big post Grammy parties and champagne that friends of Rihanna suggested to Chris Brown that he go home and take a nice long bath?

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Okay, I get celebrity watching, even extending to funerals. But all these non-media folks lined up with phones and camera phones outside the Beverly Hills Hotel jostling to get a shot of the coroner’s van with Whitney Houston’s body?

Not exactly a picture you’d print for your mantel.

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A little irony, Jennifer Hudson was eliminated on American Idol during Barry Manilow week. But the week before, she wowed everyone on movie soundtrack week with “I have nothing,” from “The Bodyguard.

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How quickly things change. The Sunday newspaper talked about the big story at the Grammys tonight being the singing comeback of Adele.

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Why the Academy Awards always has it over the Grammys. The Oscar telecast is LIVE. Come on folks – those of us on the West Coast can handle a show starting on television late Saturday afternoon. We just managed the Super Bowl.

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Warriors vs. Rockets Sunday night. Otherwise known as the “We scr*wed up on Jeremy Lin” matchup.
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Republican infighting reaches new heights with even Ron Paul going after Romney and accusing him of cheating in the Maine caucuses. (Santorum and Gingrich were already in full attack mode.) It appears to be bitter, personal and unending. Who does the GOP think they are? Democrats?

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Got to love TSA. Today at the airport my carry on bag seemed a bit wide to one agent. Said I couldn’t bring it through security. Asked if I had a sweater or jacket inside? Had a sweater. Told me to take it out and carry it. Now we were good. Felt so much safer…. Sigh.

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Did someone forget to tell Phil Mickelson that Tiger Woods was supposed to be today’s golf story?

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The Yankees are reported in talks with the Pirates to move A.J. Burnett. The trade would no doubt require NY to eat some of his $35 million salary for the next two years. This passes for baseball equality these days, the rich get a little less rich, and the poor get stuck with players like Burnett.

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Beach Boys 50 year reunion. Yeah, they’ve still got it, even if those “Good Vibrations’ might now be from their overheated hearing aids.

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Not to say Beach Boys aren’t as active as they used to be. But hear one song on their reunion tour will be “Channel Surfing USA.”

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What’s in a name?

February 12, 2012

Chad Ochocinco is changing his name again. In other words, Ochocinco is Ocho-Seis’ed.

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Then there’s Meta World Peace on Jeremy Lin: “We think he needs a better haircut. I don’t like that style. We’re in New York, the fashion capital. You’re a star now. Wear some shades. Shades, OK? Put down the nerdy Harvard book glasses. Put on some black shades, OK? With some leather pants. Change your style. Fashion…”

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I’m all for freedom of speech and religion but hearing the Catholic bishops talk about their “”serious moral concerns” about President Obama’s birth control compromise makes me wonder where this outrage was when the pedophilia scandals first came to light.

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Al Franken headlining for the Democrats at the California convention. His challenge, saying something funnier than most of the GOP presidential candidates do every day.

This Franken line wasn’t bad: “Watching people complain about Clint Eastwood’s ‘Halftime in America’ ad is like watching people rooting for the dealer in blackjack.”

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Meanwhile, Governor Jerry Brown is in full “take no prisoners” mode. And he illustrates an interesting alternative to term limits – elect politicians who are old enough they don’t give a sh*t who they offend anymore.

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Sad news about Whitney Houston, but hearing it at a convention surrounded by 1,000 people with smart phones made me feel like I was in one of those “that’s so thirty seconds ago” commercials.

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Sarah Palin is now giving advice to Mitt Romney on how to defeat President Obama. And she is such an expert on that subject…

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But really, Sarah Palin’s telling Mitt Romney how to beat President Obama? What’s next, John Kerry giving Mitt charisma lessons?

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Mitt Romney says he is the “only candidate in this race, Republican or Democrat, who has never worked a day in Washington.” Uh, yeah, that’s because he lost his earlier races for the Senate and the Presidency.

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Democrats will never be accused of not being P.C. enough. Speeches at convention are done with ASL AND closed captioning.

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Rick Santorum is pontificating on birth control these days, and said yesterday that it “only costs a few dollars,” and “serves no economic need.” Uh, do we really expect a man to be an expert on birth control who has seven children?

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Is this a great country or what?

February 11, 2012

What a great country. Our president is black and the most talked about player in the NBA is Asian.

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The Jeremy Lin fan club now extends to everyone outside of the greater Los Angeles area (plus a lot of Clippers fans.)

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Well, Kobe Bryant knows who Jeremy Lin is now.

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Tim Tebow led the Broncos to some miraculous wins. Jeremy Lin, a devout Christian, is having an incredible week for the Knicks. In MLB, teams are thinking about sending their scouts into churches.

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Note to these “Onemillionmoms” folks who are upset by Ellen Degeneres being chosen as a J.C Penney’s spokeswoman. because most of the store’s customers are traditional families. Right, so they would prefer Penney’s hire some heterosexual like Charlie Sheen, Britney Spears or Kim Kardashian?

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Mitt Romney said at CPAC that he was a “severely conservative governor.” And this is a man who once derided John Kerry as a “severely conflicted person.

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Wonder if I will ever get used to seeing ESPN.com feed saying things like “Meta World Peace” personal foul.

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At California State Democratic convention in San Diego this weekend. Knowing that all speeches should be taken with a large grain of salt. Like this one from the 2002 Massachusetts REPUBLICAN convention: “I respect and will fully protect a woman’s right to choose. That right is a deeply personal one.” The speaker? Mitt Romney.

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While we’re arguing over birth control how come there is a deafening silence from conservatives on the subject of insurers providing unmarried men with Viagra?

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To use free T Mobile in United Airlines Club you must check that you have “read and accepted terms and conditions.”. Just scrolled through them. Over 30 pages.Admittedly didn’t “read.” Must be some kind of full employment act for lawyers.

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Jerry Sandusky complained after a pre-trial hearing that due to his house arrest restrictions he can’t see friends or his grandchildren, or play outside with his dog. “That’s really a shame” said absolutely no one.

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Former USC QB Mitch Mustain, 23, was going to join the Arena Football League, and he hasn’t pitched since high school. But he tried out with the Chicago White Sox and hit 90 mph on the radar gun. Some frustrated Jets fans hope this inspires Sanchez to try out with the Mets.

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Rick Santorum says women in combat would be a bad idea because of the “emotions” that men would feel seeing them in harm’s way, so they wouldn’t be concerned about accomplishing the mission.” Clearly Santorum has never seen women standing in the way of men getting something important, like the TV remote.

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From my friend Bill Littlejohn: Wes Welker has been asked to throw the switch that drops the ball at Times Square next New Year’s Eve.

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So confusing….

February 10, 2012

A picture forwarded by a friend explaining social media:

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Mark Zuckerberg says he inadvertently “liked” Mitt Romney on Facebook. See, this darn thing has become so complicated and convoluted, even its founder gets confused.

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Tiger Woods is back at Pebble Beach. What a week in sports. The most talked about golfer once again is black, and the most talked about NBA player is Asian.

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Anyone on probation is not allowed to possess deadly weapons, but the judge in Barry Bonds’ case is allowing him to keep his baseball bats. As evidence, presumably Bonds referred the judge to the 2011 SF Giants, who showed that their bats couldn’t hurt anyone.

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LSU QB Jordan Jefferson says he believes a major reason the team lost the BCS title game to Alabama 21-0 was the offensive game plan. “Oh stop whining,” said even Giselle Bundchen.

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So who’s going to be the first to do the Dos Equis spoof? “Mitt Romney, the least interesting man in the world.”

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An new study shows a cancer drug has succeeded in reversing early stage Alzheimer’s disease in mice. Which could be very good news in the long run. In the short run, just what we need, smarter mice.

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United and Lufthansa – amongst others – say fuel surcharge is “temporary” and not part of the fare. But on nonrefundable tickets, where the taxes are at least refundable, there is a note – “surcharge will NOT be refunded” if ticket is cancelled. Uh, if you don’t fly, how are you causing them to use fuel?

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Michele Bachmann now says “I was the perfect candidate,” Even Sarah Palin says “This woman is delusional.”
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Jeremy Lin, whose contract with the Knicks was just guaranteed, has apparently been living with his dental student brother. And Jeremy’s been sleeping on the living room couch. Of course, given the rumors about women before his impending divorce, the same probably could have been said at home for Kobe Bryant.

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Let me get this straight, many Americans love Jeremy Lin partly because he graduated from Harvard, but we deride our candidates for the same thing. So we want our NBA stars to be smart but not our Presidents?

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Lebron James and Kendrick Perkins are bickering over James’ tweet about Blake Griffin dunking over Perkins. Kendrick told one reporter “You don’t see Kobe Bryant tweeting, you don’t see Michael Jordan tweeting…” Yeah, but that might be because they are too old to know how.

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Jack in the Box has a bacon milkshake? Who’d a thunk it, someone could make McDonald’s shamrock shake look natural and healthy by comparison.

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From T.C. Tom Brady cancelled playing in the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-AM. Gisele says, you can’t expect my husband to hit the bleeping ball and putt out too!

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