Posted tagged ‘Romney jokes’
April 25, 2012
Mitt Romney’ s website states “We have a moral responsibility, not to spend more than we take in.” Although Mitt is calling for a $100 billion increase in the Pentagon budget. Guess he’s following that old W. axiom “money spent on wars doesn’t count.”
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The Golden State Warriors, who lose their draft pick to Utah if it’s not a lottery pick, are on the cusp of winning just enough games to probably finish out of that lottery. On the other hand, at least Warriors fans won’t be disappointed again by a another lousy pick.
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A case of Mad Cow disease has been discovered in California. Let’s hear it again from Mitt Romney how he wants to cut the FDA food inspection budget by 5-20 percent.
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That vicious hit by the NBA player formerly known as Ron Artest resulted in a seven game suspension. So for the next couple weeks, good news for beauty pageant contestants – World Peace is available!
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Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio says he plans to release new findings that will prove President Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery. Even Donald Trump is thinking “Dude, give it up already.
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No one quite knows why Newt Gingrich finally is saying he might drop out of the Presidential race. Maybe someone said he was wedded to the idea of running?
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Starbucks is going to open store at Disney theme parks in California and Florida. Makes sense. These are some of the few places in the world where their coffee will look like a bargain by comparison.
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The BCS is looking at a plan to have a 4 team playoff, with the big BCS bowl games played around January 1. New Year’s Day bowl games?! What a radical concept!
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A new survey of over 1,000 passengers claims the most popular seat on an average flight in economy class is 6a. Clearly “the furthest seat possible away from a screaming infant” was not an option.
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President Obama today to Jimmy Fallon about the Secret Service scandal “”What these guys were thinking, I don’t know.” Uh, Mr. President, that’s the point. They weren’t thinking. At least with their upper brains.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, BCS jokes, Romney jokes, secret service jokes
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April 23, 2012
Just how low has John Edwards’ reputation fallen? At this point both Democrats and Republicans expect that if he is convicted of using campaign funds to hide his affair, Edwards will ask for mercy on the grounds that he is a widower.
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Infielder Reggie Williams was released by the Twins this April. He’s since tweeted “Why are there so many gay people these days?” and ranted about seeing “the bold act of gayness in public.” Think it’s a safe bet this is one dude who won’t be offered a contract by the San Francisco Giants.
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Commie-pinko quote of the week: “Here you are during a time of the great crisis for this nation…and you say, this is all this great country can offer up? I think boldness is thrown right out the window. I think courage is not on display. I think most Americans are pretty fed up.” The radical speaker? Jon Huntsman. Speaking at Harvard’s Kennedy School.
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The John Edwards trial starts tomorrow, focused on campaign money he spent on behalf or and/or to cover his adulterous relationship with Rielle Hunter. Who did Edwards think he was? A potential President or an SEC football coach?
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Truly scary thought, had John Kerry won in 2004, could have been our Vice President. With a leg up on the Presidency. So to speak.
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Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell is talked about as a likely V.P. pick for Mitt Romney, except that some perceive him to have flip-flopped on the abortion issue. Well, actually this should make him a perfect fit for Mitt.
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A California man and his family barely escaped without life-threatening injuries when a propane tank in their pickup truck exploded while they were in line at a McDonald’s drive-thru. So for at least one day the most dangerous thing at McDonald’s wasn’t the food.
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Got to love this ESPN headline: “Metta World Peace ejected for violent hit.”
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And hey, if the expected suspension for that hit happens, yep, we’re all going to have to survive without World Peace.
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Last weekend the Miami Heat’s Dwayne Wade, looking towards the playoffs, said “We don’t want to be at our best right now.” Yesterday Wade dislocated a finger and is out indefinitely. Maybe God is a fan of the NBA regular season.
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Mitt Romney in Jan. 2012, ““I don’t have complaints about the media, the media is doing their job…the best job (they) can.” Mitt Romney now “There will be an effort, by the quote, vast left-wing conspiracy, to work together to put out their message and attack me.” Good to know Mitt’s as consistent about the media as he is about most things.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, John Edwards jokes, Lakers jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 17, 2012
Secret service men screw around, football players try to injure each other. Next thing someone will be trying to tell us is that there are still performance enhancing drugs in baseball..
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Lincecum 0-2 after another really rough first inning. Is prescription medical marijuana allowed by rules of MLB?? Let Timmy smoke!
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Mitt Romney, in an interview with Diane Sawyer, was asked about putting his dog Seamus on the car roof, specifically “would you do it again?” His response “Certainly not with the attention it’s received.” In other words, “Well maybe, if I could figure out how to do it with no one finding out.”
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New Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine said this weekend that he didn’t think Boston fan favorite Kevin Youkilis was “as physically or emotionally into the game.” What’s next? Valentine saying he loves and respects the Yankees?
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The Patriot-News in Harrisburg, PA won a Pulitzer for local reporting for breaking the Penn State sexual abuse scandal. Wonder if the Pulitzer people will wait 10 years to give them the award.
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Vin Scully, 84, has recovered from his severe and is back in the booth at Dodger Stadium. He hopes to call all the team’s remaining home games, especially the upcoming May 11-13 Rockies series, when he can see that “nice young man” Jamie Moyer pitch.
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Mitt Romney this weekend said that “Fox News has been good to me.” In related news, a Kenyan won the Boston Marathon.
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SF Giants have signed Madison Bumgarner to a contract extension through 2017. By the time the contract is up MadBum will almost be old enough to drink.
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Got to love the San Francisco Giants’ Madison Bumgarner, 22, from a small town in North Carolina. Asked what he was going to do with all that money after signing a 5 year $35 million contract, he paused, and then responded. “I don’t know. Maybe buy more cows?.”
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The silly season continues. The Wisc. Democratic Party. has filed a complaint alleging Mitt Romney violated bribery laws in handing out free sub sandwiches during the GOP primary while encouraging people to go vote. (The law forbids gifts valued at more than $1 in exchange for a vote.) Romney is laughing it off. But if the Obama campaign starts giving out food, prepare for a Congressional investigation.
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Notre Dame has long had an agreement with IMG radio for national broadcasts of all their football games. Now USC announced they have the second such national deal, with ESPN Radio for all of the Trojans’ home games. Once again, can’t imagine how student-athletes get the idea college football is about money.
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This whole Secret Service scandal came to light over one man not paying his hooker the $47 he owed her. $47?!! This story may not do much for the reputation of the Secret Service, but it’s likely to do wonders for Columbian tourism.
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg: “Let me get this straight. A secret service agent hires a Columbian hooker, brings her back to his sleazy hotel room, has sex with her, cheats her out of her fee and then lies about it. Here is my question: why isn’t this guy a politician? He’s a natural.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: marijuana jokes, Romney jokes, secret service hooker jokes, secret service jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 16, 2012
A $150 million Titanic visitors center opened last month in Belfast. The museum hopes to be the biggest draw for fans of disasters since Wrigley Field.
(Canadian readers may want to substitute Air Canada Center, home of the Toronto Maple Leafs.)
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The Titanic was built in Belfast, hence the museum location. But you have to think that somewhere, other shipyards are saying “Hey, we built boats that DIDN’T sink.”
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Since former Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino is so expert at texting, wonder if he also has changed his Facebook relationship status to “It’s complicated.”
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IHOP is advertising their new “Signature Pancakes.” Including “Chocolatey Red Velvet Pancakes Drizzled with Cream Cheese Icing.” Wonder what customers order for dessert?
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Well, it’s early days in the 2012 MLB season, but who’d a thunk that the San Francisco Giants’ Aubrey Huff, batting .217, still has more HRs than Albert Pujols?
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Eli Manning will host SNL. Giselle Bunchen said that they would have asked Tom Brady again but the show would have unreasonably expected her husband to do all the comic work.
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Rick Petino’s son Richard Petino is going to become the men’s basketball coach at next season FIU. So how long until the NCAA preemptively starts their investigation?
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People have a right to their opinions. But would like to hear Michelle Bachmann, and some others who are so outraged against Hilary Rosen’s “anti-women” comments, also explain why they voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.
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Seen on the side of a 24 ounce Dr. Pepper bottle: “Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially while opening.” Think there’s a story, and more than a few lawyers, behind that one?
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A Houston restaurant served 12 guests last night a 10 course recreation of the last first class meal on the Titanic, at $12,000 a head. (no typo.) Isn’t it nice to know that 100 years after the disaster, Americans have moved away from such a rigid class system…?
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On their Kuala Lumpur to London route, Malaysia Airlines is starting a family friendly economy class section, along with a “no kids under 12 allowed” section. Prompting this response from most domestic travelers – can they start flying around the U.S.?
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Quote of the day from January 2012, about poor women on welfare. “Even if you have a child 2 years of age, you need to go to work. I’m willing to spend more giving day care to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost more, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.'” Another anti-mom liberal? No, Mitt Romney.
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New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie just had his 10th child, by a total of eight women in six states. Although the last two kids were born to his wife, the first eight, 7 years old and under, all have single moms. Hmm, strikes me there are worse things for the fabric of our society than free birth control….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Petrino jokes, Romney jokes, Titanic jokes
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March 2, 2012
Really? A 41-year old high school teacher from Modesto quit his job, left his wife and kids, and moved into an apartment with an 18 year old student. James Hooker said he knows the couple hurt a lot of people, but says they “decided to follow their hearts.” Maybe she did. Thinking he followed something a bit lower.
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A 41 year old and an 18 year old though…. Even Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich are saying “Eeww…’ (Barely.)
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Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio is being accused of inadequately investigating sex-crimes. And a grand jury is investigating his alleged abuses of power. So Arpaio’s response? Calling a news conference to say he has probable cause to believe Obama’s long-form birth certificate is a forgery.
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Cincinnati Bengals receiver Jerome Simpson pled guilty to a drug-related felony charge and is expected to receive a 60 day jail sentence. 60 days? For a felony? What, did prosecutors figure being a Bengal is punishment enough?
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President Obama thinks Mitt Romney’s father George would roll over in his grave at his son’s behavior towards the auto industry? Heck, the Romney who was Governor of Massachusetts would roll over in his grave if he listened to Mitt 3.0, or 4.0, or whatever he is now.
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NBC plans to televise the America’s Cup from San Francisco in 2013. How bad does your lineup have to be before televising billionaires racing multimillion $ boats (in races no one understands) is considered an potential ratings improvement?
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The Yankees have announced that by 2014 they plan to drastically trim their payroll from $210 millionn to $189 million. More ammunition for Mitt Romney’s claim that millionaires need tax cuts.
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Regarding this story of Tiger Woods wanting to be a Navy Seal. I can see it now, they storm into Bin Laden’s complex, and Woods stops to hit on one of Osama’s younger wives….
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A new Los Angeles County rule allows pet-owners to bring their dogs to outdoor dining areas. Well, dogs are almost certainly better behaved than many children. And some Hollywood actors.
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According to the U.K. Telegraph, a new study published in the British Medical Journal “Open” found that anyone taking sleeping pills twice a month is four times more likely to die in the next two and a half years than someone taking none at all. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.
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A Montana federal judge, Richard Cebull, is claiming he forwarded a racist joke about Obama’s mother to friends and colleagues not because he is racist, but because he dislikes the President. Forget whether or not Cebull is a bigot, he’s just too stupid to be a judge.
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Some conservatives are downplaying the Montana judge’s forwarding of an offensive racist joke about Obama’s mother. But can you imagine the outcry if some liberal judge had forwarded an offensive Mormon or homeschooling joke about say, Romney or Santorum’s wife or mother?
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Conservative blogger, Andrew Breitbart, who first posted the sexting pictures of Anthony Weiner and helped bring down ACORN, died at 43. According to his attorney it was “natural causes”. Maybe watching the current crop of GOP presidential candidates killed him..
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It’s March, time for my first baseball rant of the season: One of many problems with new wild card format. Say two teams both win 100 games – one is division champ, and one is wild card. Another team backs in with 85 wins. But they have a great pitcher (say, the Dodgers and Clayton Kershaw.) In a single game playoff, that team has a huge advantage.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bengals jokes, Cebull jokes, Janice Hough, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 29, 2012
No, it just seemed that long.
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Though Mitt Romney did have time to get a car into the race to compete with Rick Santorum…?
(from Jim Pratt, via Tony L. Thanks.)
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The Dow closed above 13,000 Tuesday. The GOP immediately started talking louder about birth control.
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Rick Santorum Tuesday night talked in his speech about “the men & women who signed the Declaration of Independence.” Yeah, I can see why Santorum’s so down on education, he clearly hasn’t retained much of his.
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Mitt Romney won Michigan today, although he lost with GOP voters without a college degree, and lost by a wide margin amongst those making less than $100,000 a year. In short, Mitt got all the GOP primary voters with two Cadillacs.
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$4 million for a slim primary win in Michigan. And Mitt campaigns on the idea of cutting wasteful spending.
(Romney might have done better if he donated the money to the Detroit Tigers to buy another pitcher.)
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One thing people aren’t talking about. Yes, Mitt Romney is winning his home state with 41 % – a plurality. But 59% of the GOP in Michigan prefer anyone but the man who should have wrapped up this nomination a long time ago.
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Santorum talking about his mom who got graduate degree, worked as a professional and made more money than her husband while raising three kids. So, an uppity elitist who used birth control?
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Posting an intelligent quote for a change: “I do find it frustrating that an atmosphere of polarization and ‘my way or the highway’ ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions.” That would be Maine GOP senator Olympia Snowe, in announcing her retirement today.
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The Big 12 announced today that the price for Missouri’s and Texas A&M leaving the conference will be $12.41 million each. Once again, hard to imagine how these recruits get seduced into thinking it’s about money.
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Last year at the NFL combine, Cam Newton recorded a 35″ vertical leap. This year Andrew Luck achieved a 36’’ vertical. Wow. At least one white man can jump.
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Hank Haney, Tiger Woods’ former swing coach, says in his new book that the quest to break Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 majors weighed heavily on Tiger. Really? I would think that what took a bigger toll in the end was Woods’ pursuit of 18 plus waitresses.
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Manager Brad Mills has decided that Brett Meyers will be the Astros new closer. Next up, trying to make sure Myers actually has games to close.
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The 12 contestants have been announced for “Dancing with the Stars.” And many of the names bring the usual reaction from most Americans – “Who?”
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Okay, this really isn’t funny, but, Darwin award of the year nominee: Police say a Havelock, North Carolina man is dead after he accidentally drank from a jar of gasoline and then smoked a cigarette. (He died in the UNC burn center.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Michigan jokes, Nascar jokes, primary jokes, Romney dog on car jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 25, 2012
Unclear on the concept? Okay, I’m not Catholic. But Safeway is advertising “Savings for Lent.” Several kinds of fish. And also several kinds of wine….
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Manny Ramirez arrived at A’s training camp and said “I’m here because God brought me here.” And here we thought Manny wanted to be Barry Bonds. Maybe he just wanted to be Tim Tebow.
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Mitt Romney told a crowd today in Ohio that he had once played a prank at a wedding of painting “H-E-L-P” on the bottom of the groom’s shoes. Funny, that’s the same four letter sentiment some Republicans have with the current crop of candidates.
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Coach Pat Knight, son of Bobby, went on a widely shared over-the-top post game rant about his Lamar University players. Guess the apple didn’t get thrown far from the tree.
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Ryan Braun’s suspension was apparently overturned because the tester didn’t send in the urine vial immediately, but waited over the weekend. Guess “if the sample sits, you must acquit.”
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The rumors are that Ryan Braun may have gotten his suspension overturned because medication he was taking for an STD made him test positive. If true, some athletes will have a choice after future testing – save your career or save your marriage.
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Mitt Romney ripped Rick Santorum for his effort in the last debate to explain why he “voted against his principles.” Mitt promises that will never happen if he is elected. Of course it helps not HAVING principles.
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At Orlando’s Florida Mall, riot police had to be called in to deal with a mob waiting to buy a special All-Star Nike basketball shoe. Women who hear this story are appalled. A riot over basketball shoes? They don’t even have heels.
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While in Detroit, Mitt Romney – in his regular guy mode – said his wife Ann has “a couple of Cadillacs.” A couple of Cadillacs? Did she win one on a $10,000 bet?
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New Colts GM Ryan Grigson said Indianapolis still hasn’t decided whether or not to make Andrew Luck the #1 draft pick. Even Brett Favre is saying “Jeez,, make up your mind.”.
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Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell, now said he didn’t realize the anti-abortion bill required transvaginal ultrasounds, saying “when you’re busy advocating your agenda, you don’t read every legislator’s bill.” Once again, I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.
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In a settlement between former Senator John Edwards and his former aide, a sex tape between Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter will be destroyed. Just as well. Even TMZ readers had responded to the thought of it with “Eww…”
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California Lt. Gov. Democrat Gavin Newsom just said it’s time to “get rid of” his position unless the Gov and Lt. Gov run as a single ticket and work as a team with shared power. Translation, Jerry Brown is thinking of running again and I’m bored.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Romney jokes, Ryan Braun jokes, Santorum joke
Comments: 1 Comment
February 22, 2012
Mitt Romney’s latest speech Tuesday night said that the Obama adminstration has “fought against religion.” Rick Santorum’s talking about phony ideology, and Newt Gingrich is zealously defending his new Catholicism. Are we electing a President or a Pope?
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Rick Santorum is talking about President Obama’s “phony theology not based on the Bible.” Leaving aside Thomas Jefferson’s words about a “wall of separation between Church and State”, what’s Santorum’s nostalgic ideal of a Bible based theology… Salem?
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Randy Pullen, a top Mitt Romney supporter and former Arizona GOP chair, is urging Romney to change course to win over conservatives. Really? If Mitt changes course any faster and more often he may qualify for the U.S. Olympic slalom team.
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Say what? While campaigning today GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said “labor unions play an important role in our society.” In Michigan. Can’t imagine how Mitt ever got reputation for pandering.
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600 children were sent back to class after star football recruit Davonte Neal was a no-show at an assembly at his former elementary school, where he was expected to announce his college choice. Neal announced hours later for Notre Dame. Presumably for the school’s strong values and sense of personal responsibility?
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Portland center Greg Oden just had his THIRD microfracture knee surgery. Only good news for the Trail Blazers, this one might be covered by medicare.
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Brady Quinn is denying his anti-Tebow comments quoted in GQ magazine – things like “We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck,” and that when he gets an opportunity “he’ll continue to lead not by trying to get in front of the camera and praying but by praying with my teammates.” Can’t imagine how Notre Dame grads get the reputation for being poor sports who think the world revolves around them.
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Paul Babeu, the conservative anti-immigration Arizona sheriff who’s come out as a gay man amidst a scandal with an ex-lover, is now publicly backing “marriage equality.” Good for him. But wonder how long it would have taken had Babeu still been in the closet and co-chair of Mitt Romney’s Arizona campaign.
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Franklin Graham, son of Billy, questioned whether President Obama was a Christian again this morning, but said of Gingrich, he “been married several times… but he could make a good candidate. I think Newt is a Christian. At least he told me he is.” Uh, yeah, Franklin, and Newt has also told three women “until death do us part.”
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President Obama was thinking of wishing people happy Mardi Gras Tuesday. But no doubt one of his GOP opponents would accuse him of promoting a foreign agenda.
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Actually, forget Thanksgiving, the way we are growing, Fat Tuesday really is the ultimate American holiday.
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Police had to use pepper spray on a belligerent man at Disneyland this past weekend. Wow. Previously in the parks pepper spray has only been used as a threat by people whose relatives wanted to go on “It’s a Small World” just ONE more time.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Disneyland pepper spray jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Notre Dame jokes, Romney jokes
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February 21, 2012
Yes, it’s true, Manny Ramirez has signed a minor league with the As?!! Stay tuned for “Mannyball.” Wonder if this will be a comedy or a tragedy? Or both?
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With Manny Ramirez back in baseball with the A’s, are some sports fans going from Linsanity to Manny-ic Depression?
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Fox pundit Liz Trotta has followed her incendiary comments about rape in the military with this – “Women are not as strong as men. Their instincts and reactions in crisis are markedly different.” Clearly this is a woman who has never been to a Black Friday sale.
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Albert Pujols arrived at spring training today. His new teammates were thrilled to see him in an Angels uniform. Almost as happy as National League pitchers.
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Anthony Federico, the former ESPN writer fired for his “Chink in the Armor” Jeremy Lin headline, told the NY Daily News that it was a mistake, “This had nothing to do with me being cute or punny.” If that’s true, forget racist, he (and his editor) might be too stupid to work at ESPN.
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With all the controversy about Jeremy Lin and anti-Asian jokes, I shudder to think what would happen if some Jewish kid became an NBA star. Fortunately that’s not likely to happen.
On the other hand, Cal’s Jorge Gutierrez, from Mexico, is a possible NBA draft pick. If that happens, or, if he has a great March tournament…Gentlemen, start your sensitivity training. (And run all headlines through an awake editor.)
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Indiana House member Bob Morris is opposing a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a “radicalized organization.” He said he found allegations on the internet that they are tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allow transgender females to join and encourage sex. Even Rick Santorum is thinking, this guy is nuts.
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A new Canadian study found that facial plastic surgery made people look an average of seven years younger. If true, this would mean Joan Rivers looked about ten years old.
(or as my friend Kelly says, actually, it just means that Joan is really about a million years old.)
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Mitt Romney’s Super PAC spent $14 million just in January 2012. Yeah, this ought to sharpen Mitt’s credentials as a self-proclaimed “budget hawk…..”
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GOP candidates have jumped on gas prices as a way to attack President Obama. If they really wanted t do something about those prices though, heck, with the money their Super PACs are spending they could probably subsidize prices $1 a gallon for the whole country.
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The cast of “Glee” will not be touring this summer. This news was very upsetting to millions of kids, teenagers and women. And about two men.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Manny Ramirez jokes, Romney jokes, santorum jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 7, 2012
Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” Super Bowl ad is being talked about as a potential boost for President Obama. Republicans are just trying to figure out how to discredit that liberal icon Clint Eastwood.
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“Extra” TV host Maria Menounos, a New England fan, paid off on a bet by wearing a New York Giants bikini in Times Square because the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I think I can speak for all Americans in saying I’m glad Bill Bilicheck didn’t make that same bet.
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Why super models don’t play on teams: Tom Brady’s wife overheard screaming at hecklers after the Super Bowl – “My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times.”
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Wonder if Giselle Bundchen blamed Kate Winslet for the bad acting reviews in ‘Titanic.”
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Just my opinion, but guessing when Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen’s son starts playing Pop Warner or Little League, Giselle won’t be chosen as team mom.
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This just in. Tom Brady criticizes some Giselle’s make-up artist for not making her look better.
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All this commotion over M.I.A’s middle finger gesture. Right, as opposed to wholesome regular prime-time television like Family Guy and the Bachelor.
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Anyone else see the Super Bowl trailer for “The Dictator,” and think that Sasha Baron Cohen owes the Giants’ Brian Wilson royalties?
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A Georgia man sustained non life-threatening injuries after he accidentally shot himself in the leg at a Savannah gun show. (With a pistol he had just bought the day before) Wonder if he was wearing a Plaxico Burress jersey.
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The Knicks won tonight with Harvard grad Jeremy Lin, Stanford grad Landry Fields, and Marquette grad Steve Novak. They may not make the playoffs but New York should be unbeatable at “Words with Friends.”
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Mitt Romney today said that he agreed with the Susan G. Komen’s decision to cut Planned Parenthood funding. That probable gender gap in November just turned into the Grand Canyon.
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Hard to believe, but Tim Lincecum said he lost 22 pounds over the winter. SF Giants fans are hoping Pablo Sandoval didn’t find them.
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Mimi Alford, 69, has written a book about her previously unknown relationship with JFK. Just wondering how much the world would be different if we had Twitter and camera phones in the 60s. Heck, even during Clinton’s presidency.
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Rick Santorum told a gay man that he doesn’t deserve the ‘privilege’ of marriage because same sex relationships don’t “benefit society.”
Uh, one of my more generally conservative friends, a wine merchant, would beg to differ. As he says, “Gay couples buy the most expensive champagne.”
All for that matter, no birth control or abortion issues.
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Hard to believe sometimes that an ob/gyn like Ron Paul can be so clueless about women. Especially when he comes up with terms like “Honest Rape.” Talk about a useless oxymoron.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giselle Bundchen jokes, Romney jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, super model jokes, Tom Brady jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
February 4, 2012
Your tax dollars at work: 35% of people who attend the Super Bowl write it off as a corporate expense.
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Wonder which team Mitt Romney has picked for his $10,000 bet on the Super Bowl?
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Newt Gingrich’s latest rant Friday was against the New York City “elites.” Well, at least that leaves out the Mets.
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The latest music rumor – Adam Lambert is joining Queen. Old time rock and roll fans may ask “Who’s Adam Lambert.” Young music fans may ask “Who’s Queen?”
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Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said in a statement today “Peyton Manning, Jim Irsay and the entire Colts family remain close and unified.” Sounds like Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian on the 60th or so day of their marriage.
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Great jobs report today. You know what that means. Time for the GOP to start talking about Obama’s birth certificate again.
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Mitt Romney called today’s drop in unemployment “good news” , but said that “it has taken a lot longer than it should have, in part because of the policies of this administration.” Of course, if unemployment rises in February, it will be completely BECAUSE of President Obama….
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Rumor has it Kim Kardashian and Mark Sanchez are dating. Is there some way we can make sure they won’t breed?
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While visiting India, Arnold Schwarzenegger told a TV channel he would consider acting in Bollywood if offered “an interesting script with a good director.” Why? Lack of those things never stopped him making movies here.
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From Jim Barach: “A woman was arrested after reportedly trying to extort Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Now Cashman knows how fans feel when they go to buy a hot dog and beer at a Yankees game.”
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A United Airlines flight on Thursday from Chicago to Portland stuck a bird during takeoff and turned around and landed without reported injuries. Well, except for the bird.
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Several other Big Ten coaches are upset after Urban Meyer allegedly “poached” committed recruits from other conference schools. Meyer denies any violations. And Urban should be an expert on wrongdoing since 31 of his players were arrested during his six years at Florida.
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The Koch brothers, along with other conservative millionaires and billionaires apparently want to defeat President Obama so badly they are pledging $100 million. $100 million! Or as Mitt Romney calls it “pocket change.”
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NFL players have been complaining about the injury risks from the 8 Thurs. night games with the shortened recovery period after Sunday. Today Roger Goddell announced they will have 13 Thursday games in 2012, “giving all of the league’s teams a chance to appear in prime time on some outlet.” Can’t imagine how people get the idea the NFL cares more about profits than players.
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Not a Romney fan but have to love Newt Gingrich attacking today Mitt for his verbal gaffes. At least as far as we know Romney didn’t make a mistake with that “forsaking all others” stuff.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Kardashian jokes, NFL jokes, Romney jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
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January 31, 2012
Newt Gingrich calls Mitt Romney a “liar.” Romney calls Gingrich a “loser.” How long until we graduate to “booger-face” and “poo-poo head?”
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The story of Mitt Romney putting his dog in a crate on the roof while driving to a family vacation is increasingly getting media attention. Suppose it is probably a good thing Mitt didn’t try to put the family cat in the crate on the roof – he wouldn’t be alive to run for anything.
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A new survey of smartphone owners finds only, 68% open only five or fewer apps at least once a week. Speaking for the, uh, mature users of smartphones, I’m not sure how many people over 40 can figure how to work five or more apps in the first place.
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Karma’s a bitch nonpolitical quote of the week from Madonna in the U.K. Times: “If I say to my daughter her outfit is a little bit too risque, she will look at me and say ‘that’s rich coming from you.”
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The Pro Bowl is over. Which means the Super Bowl pre-game show has begun.
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Romney and Gingrich are running Spanish language ads in Florida to appeal to Cuban-American voters, many of whom do not speak English. Then the candidates head off to Texas, Arizona and California, where they’ll bash Mexican-Americans who don’t speak English for their failure to assimilate.
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Apparently the Pole Fitness Association and others are circulating petitions to make pole dancing a gymnastic event in the Olympics. Which could lead to words never before heard from straight men “Honey, what time is women’s gymnastics on?
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Something semi-serious for a change: A new federal rule requires airlines to include taxes and fees in the prices they advertise. One Congressman has introduced a bill to overturn the rule, Rep Tom Graves of Florida.
Now, I’m sure it’s just coincidence, but Wikipedia has this about Graves’ predecessor in the district, who is now Governor of Georgia: “After Governor Deal signed a 30 million dollar tax break for Delta Air Lines, the airline upgraded Deal and his wife to “Diamond” meda…llion status, which provides them perks such as “free upgrades when seats are available, Sky Club membership, bonus miles, priority check-in and boarding, fee waivers and more”. Deal’s spokesperson said Delta airlines’ gift had no connection with the tax break, describing the gift granted by the airline to Gov. Nathan Deal and his wife as a “contribution to the state of Georgia.”
Or maybe Graves really does think being honest about their prices is too big of an imposition on the airlines. Right….
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Back to silliness: Next year’s Bachelorette is going to be Emily Maynard, the blond single mom who “won” the Bachelor -season with Brad Womack only to have their engagement fall apart. Her daughter, Ricki, is going to be 7. Well, guess that gives Emily a few years to figure out where to hide the tapes of the show before the kid hits puberty.
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From Marc Ragovin: So Herman Cain has endorsed Newt Gingrich. That’s like the pilot of the Exxon Valdez endorsing the captain of the Costa Concordia
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Romney dog in crate on roof, Romney Gingrich jokes, Romney jokes
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January 28, 2012
This just in: Penn State campus police say they are investigating a report that Joe Paterno may be sick.
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Mitt Romney was campaigning in Orlando today. It went well except for one awkward moment when a Disney employee saw him and reported that one of their audio-animatronic figures must have gotten loose.
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Apple’s CEO Tim Cook says he is “outraged” at reports of worker mistreatment. Is he outraged that workers are being treated badly or outraged that the media is reporting it?
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Frank McCourt is starting to weed down groups bidding for the Dodgers. Great….and this selection process is being done by the man who made Los Angeles the franchise it is today.
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My friend Jeff Klein (from Los Angeles) points out “He is the only person I know who can derail one of the biggest sports franchises, declare bankruptcy, have a messy divorce, be despised by everyone, endure a take over by MLB, and end up leaving one billion dollars richer. Romney-McCourt 2012.”
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Mitt Romney is really getting angry at Newt Gingrich in Florida. Wonder how long it will take before Mitt threatens to strap him to the roof of the campaign bus.
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On other hand, Romney apparently leads Newt Gingrich by 10 points with women in a recent Florida poll. Makes sense – the state is full of a lot of first and second wives.
Drew Brees, who will be a free agent, isn’t talking about “feeding his family,” or “being respected,” or testing the market. He does say he doesn’t want his deal to keep the Saints from retaining other key free agents. “My No. 1 priority, and it always has been this, is keeping our team together.” What a concept.
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Colts owner Jim Irsay isn’t happy about Peyton Manning’s comments about the team, including saying that Indianapolis may not bring him back. Irsay said Manning should have “kept it in the family.” Well, at least for a few weeks, until the Colts owner was planning on booting him out of the family.
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Stories continue to emerge about the dysfunctional Jets locker room, and indeed NY coach Rex Ryan said he didn’t have “the pulse” of the team. Many Jets fans were surprised to hear that – the team was playing like they didn’t HAVE a pulse.
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The Orlando Magic blew a 27 point lead at home Thursday night, and lost to the Boston Celtics 91-83. The Magic scored EIGHT points in the 4th quarter. What, is Dwight Howard now angling for a trade to Miami?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Florida primary jokes, Joe Paterno jokes, NBA jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 25, 2012
President Obama’s speech tonight was very realistic in one regard. While he returned to the theme of Washington being broken, he offered no over-optimistic plans to fix the Wizards and Redskins.
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Another post State of the Union thought. President Obama was much more civil to the GOP than Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney are to each other.
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And there’s some progress in the U.S.A after all. Watching the State of the Union reminds me that we now actually have both a President and a Speaker of the House who are men of color.
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Mitt Romney released his tax returns showing he will pay $6.2 million on income of over $42.5 million over the last two years. For a rate of 13.9% in 2010, and 15.4% in 2011. Well, gosh, with that kind of rate hike in 2011 I can see why Mitt thinks he needs a tax cut.
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Oscar nominations announced today. And all these politicians who disavow all knowledge of what their Super PACs are up to were somehow shut out of the “Best Actor Category.”
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Wonder if the Razzies will give a special award for “I fell into the lifeboat.”
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San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi stated today that he will not take a leave of absence even though he has been charged with domestic violence – saying ““I will make sure, as I have been doing, (to) attend to the needs of the department.” At least he didn’t say he was a fighter.
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The Raiders have announced the hiring Dennis Allen as their new coach. Since he’s going to be their 10th head coach since 1995, shouldn’t they refer to him as their “interim head coach?”
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Costa Cruise Lines has offered passengers booked on future sailings of the Concordia a refund and a 30% discount on a future cruise. No exact word on the timeline for the discount. Which might matter as for several passengers no doubt they are thinking “when hell freezes over.”
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Oregon football coach Chip Kelly turned down the head coaching position with Tampa Bay, in order to stay with the Ducks. Guess even with all his self-confidence, Kelly didn’t think he could turn the Buccaneers into BCS contenders.
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The Indianapolis Colts are reportedly talking to 49ers Special Teams’ coach Brad Seeley. San Francisco is reportedly ready to let Seeley go, if he takes Kyle Williams with him.
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From T.C. SF punt returner Kyle Williams has been invited by all 4 NY area NHL teams to drop the puck at their next home game.
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Elizabeth Warren on the Daily Show in New York said the Patriots were going to “spank” the Giants in the Super Bowl. When asked by Jon Stewart, aren’t you supposed to waffle and say how much you respect the New York Giants, she responded “But I don’t.” Not a Patriots fan, but “You Go Girl!”
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In the South Carolina presidential primary, apparently 953 ballots were turned in that belonged to dead people. Said Chicagoans – “Amateurs!”
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Well, the SF Giants may not have signed any great hitters in the offseason. On the other hand, two of the best have gone to the AL. (Fielder and Pujols.) Does increase the likelihood of 2-1 wins over St. Louis and Milwaukee.
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Less than a week away from Super Bowl media day in Indianapolis. Just waiting for the first reporter to ask this year “Do you think the weather will be a factor?”
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Worst thing about the 49ers not making the Super Bowl. Not getting to hear Jim Harbaugh at Media Day. Especially after this response at a Monday press conference “Is it just California that everybody just wants to know how you feel? Care about what you thought, what you did, how you felt, how your pinky feels. Is that just a California thing? Back where I come from, nobody really cares.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Costa jokes, Janice Hough, Oscars jokes, Romney jokes, state of the union jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
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January 24, 2012
Mitt Romney says Gingrich is “erratic,” Newt Gingrich says Romney “can’t be trusted.” Who’s winning? President Obama.
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Costa and their so-to-be-ex Captain are going at each other hot and heavy in the media as to assigning blame for the crash and sinking of the Concordia. Will the famous term for buck-passing be updated to “throwing someone under the cruise ship?”
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Who knew? The true MVP of the 2011 49ers might have been Ted Ginn. Jr.
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Open note to all spammers. Work on spelling. Doesn’t exactly inspire fear in your targets when they get an email supposedly from Paypal titled “account suspended, for your proection (sic).
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A rumor going around about Ryan Braun is that he says his failed drug test is the result of his taking medication for an STD. (Herpes.) Not that I want to impugn anyone’s good name unnecessarily but considering the number of children along with the reputations pro-athletes have…. does anyone really think he’s the only one taking such medication?
Or to put it another way, if meds for an STD made you test positive for PED’s, wouldn’t we have a lot more players on the 50 day shelf?
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All these folks ragging on Steven Tyler for his lousy rendition of the National Anthem. It could have been MUCH more painful to watch – Tyler could have had a wardrobe malfunction.
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Kia Motors said it is recalling 145,755 cars in the United States because of potentially faulty driver airbags. Wow. Kia has sold over 145,000 cars in the U.S?
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Two part joke with my comedy writer friend Paul Seaburn, who wrote the first joke below:
“India’s government wants an apology from Jay Leno for a joke where he said that the Golden Temple, which is India’s holiest shrine, could be Mitt Romney’s summer home. Romney wants an apology too for putting the idea into his wife’s head.
My following joke. Wonder how long until we see a Leno joke about Britain’s crown jewels upsetting Newt Gingrich for the same reason.
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Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf on his former manager – “Regarding Ozzie Guillen’s departure last September, I want to make it clear that he left with our organization’s blessing.” Translate, Reinsdorf told Ozzie, don’t let the clubhouse door hit you in the “behind.”
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Quote of the night on “the Bachelor” from model Courtney ” “I’m a nice person, don’t f*ck with me.”
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Royal Caribbean sent a long email to past guests reassuring them on the cruise lines safety procedures and even including links to videos on the subject. Here’s a simpler idea – just send out an email “Our captains don’t joyride.”
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Rick Santorum’s spokesman said Mitt Romney called him to “concede victory” in Iowa. But Romney’s spokeswoman said his campaign didn’t concede, that “Gov. Romney (just) called Sen. Santorum to congratulate him on the Iowa results.” Can’t imagine where politicians get the reputation for doublespeak.
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Sarah Palin said that Chris Christie’s comment that Newt Gringrich was becoming an embarrassment “was reflective of a lack of self-discipline.” Well, if anyone is an expert on a lack of self-discipline….
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Sarah Palin also said of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie that he got his “panties in a wad.” Sarah, really? Is that the visual you want to inflict upon the world?
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A new study published online by the New England Journal of Medicine finds that some people are allergic to cold. “See, I just cheated on Hillary for my health.” said Bill Clinton.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Costa Concordia jokes, Costa jokes, cruise jokes, GOP debate jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 20, 2012
Thirty minutes after the Costa Concordia hit the rocks, the captain is heard insisting that his cruise ship only had a blackout. That’s like Captain John Smith saying “it was only a little ice.”
According to an Italian newspaper, Costa Concordia Captain Schettino said to a judge that he miscalculated when steering the ship close to the island of Giglio to perform a sail-past salute to people onshore. But added “I’m a victim of my own kindness.” “A victim of his own kindness? I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.
As my friend Alex Schubert says, “He miscalculated steering a ship, but he somehow managed to make a dead on calculation when taking a giant plunge into a tiny lifeboat.”
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The story now is that the married 52 year old captain was drinking wine a dinner with a 25 year old blonde dancer, less than an hour before he put the ship on the rocks. Really? This guy wasn’t acting like a captain, he was acting like a future U.S. Presidential candidate.
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Let’s hope it doesn’t come out that the Captain called Rick Perry to ask the three things he should do in the event of a crash.
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Now the National Enquirer is reported that Khloe Kardashian’s father is O.J. Simpson. You know what this story coming out means? Ratings for their television show must be falling.
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All this talk about the potential damage that may come from Marianne Gingrich’s statement that Newt wanted an open marriage…. Did we forget that Americans elected Bill Clinton President twice?
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A 65 year old lawyer was arrested with a loaded handgun in her carryon as she boarded a flight at DFW Airport. Reportedly she “forgot” about the gun. TSA apparently saw the weapon but didn’t stop the woman so flights were delayed until they were able to find her. In TSA’s defense, they got everyone immediately with those illegal water bottles.
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So Rick Perry, another candidate who claimed God told him to run is out of the GOP Presidential race. Appears that God has recently lost interest in politics and American football.
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One of the hardest things to understand about Newt Gingrich and his affairs…. that there are actually three women who wanted to sleep with him.
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The latest vote count out of Iowa shows Rick Santorum winning by 34 votes, but GOP officials call it a “split decision.” Who was running these caucuses? The BCS?
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When told of Perry’s exit from the race, Mitt Romney said “We’re gonna miss him.” “Not half as much as we will”, responded Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.
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Eastman Kodak has filed for bankruptcy. At one point the company was so iconic that their Kodachrome film was immortalized in a Paul Simon song. Said most under 30s – “What’s Kodachrome?” Said most under 20s – “What’s film?”
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Marianne Gingrich did an interview with ABC where she lambastes Newt for cheating on her with his future third wife. Right, as opposed to the cheating he did with Marianne on his first wife.
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Marianne Gingrich also said that Newt wanted an “open marriage.” Is the timing of this interview a shameless push for Bill Clinton’s endorsement.
Most unfortunate thing about tonight’s Lakers-Heat game? Someone had to win.
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A 65 year old lawyer was arrested with a loaded handgun in her carry-on as she boarded a flight at DFW Airport. Reportedly she “forgot” about the gun. TSA apparently saw the weapon but didn’t stop the woman so flights were delayed until they were able to find her. In TSA’s defense, they got everyone immediately with those illegal water bottles.
(and well, years ago Ann Richards did speak out about the concealed weapons law in Texas, which proponents said was for women’s protection, saying she didn’t presume to speak for all Texas women, but she didn’t think “most of us could find a gun in our purse”)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Concordia captain jokes, Costa jokes, Gingrich jokes, Italian captain jokes, Janice Hough, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 16, 2012
The 49ers get another playoff home game, which should be at night. Will ticket holders be asked to bring flashlights?
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Lakers 73, Dallas 70? Or was that score left over from a Baylor football game?
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How long until we start seeing Costa Concordia cocktails? Presumably something Italian on the rocks, with a lot of water.
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And ah, perspective. Micky Arison, the owner of the Miami Heat, is also the CEO and majority owner of Carnival Cruise Lines, parent company of Costa. Last week if you asked him he might have said the biggest disaster he’d seen this year was Lebron’s performance in the NBA finals.
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George Clooney won a Golden Globes award for “The Descendants.” Probably because as unlikely as it seemed, he actually gave a believable performance as a man a woman might actually cheat on.
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Stephen Colbert, taking Mitt Romney’s “corporations are people” to its logical conclusion, now has a satiric commercial saying that Romney’s time doing leveraged buyouts makes him a serial killer. Wonder how long it will take President Obama to beg Colbert to run in more GOP primaries.
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South Carolina’s leading newspaper endorsed Jon Huntsman, saying that of the “two sensible, experienced grownups in the race, he was “more principled, has a far more impressive resume and offers a significantly more important message.” So, of course after that Huntsman knew he has no chance and had to quit.
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Whose endorsement was less enthusiastic? John Elway’s saying Tebow is next year’s Broncos starter? Or Jon Huntsman saying Mitt Romney is now the GOP’s best Presidential candidate?
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Marc Ragovin’s take on Jon’s Huntsman’s throwing his support to Mitt Romney. That is like the Cubs having “Go Yankees” night.
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Who’d a thunk it. Alex Smith this past weekend gave his best Aaron Rodgers impersonation, while Aaron Rodgers gave his best Alex Smith impersonation.
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Rick Perry last weekend compared himself to Moses. And a voice from the heavens boomed down “I knew Moses, Moses was a friend of mine, Governor, you’re no Moses.”
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Another in the long line of “you cannot make this ‘stuff’ up” items: Georgia Republican state Rep. Kip Smith, the sponsor of a bill that would “require random drug testing” for citizens on public assistance, was arrested early Friday morning in an Atlanta suburb and charged with DUI.
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A man in Southern California have arrested a man who they say added chemicals into his wife’s Rice Krispies cereal last week in attempt to kill her. What, as opposed to the chemicals already in the cereal?
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From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Tim Tebow had a feeling he was in for a rough game against the Pats. When he prayed before the game, God told Tebow to take the Pats and give the 14.5 points.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Concordia jokes, Costa jokes, Janice Hough, Jon Huntsman jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 13, 2012
Demi Moore, 49, who recently ended her marriage to Ashton Kutcher, 33, is now apparently dating a 26 year old male model. Just one thing to say – “You go girl!”
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Michelle Obama is denying reports in a recent book of tension between her and White House aides. The First Lady says people have tried to portray her as “some kind of angry black woman.” And she says when she finds out who the liars are she is going to kill them.
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Stephen Colbert is hinting he may enter the GOP primary to run for to be “President of the United States of South Carolina.”
Apparently he’s already polling higher than Rick Perry.
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Apparently the “vulture capitalist” that GOP rivals (and no doubt Democrats in the fall) are using against Mitt Romney phrase was most famously used against Meg Whitman by HER GOP rival Steve Poizner in 2010 Poizner’s strategist? Stuart Stevens, who is now advising Romney’s campaign. Karma is one mean, smart bitch..
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John McCain, who just said choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate was “the best decision” he had ever made, now says the “Citizens United” Supreme Court ruling was “one of the worst decisions I have ever seen.” Well, one out of two’s not bad.
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Apparently the weekend before his arrest, when the school knew about the investigation, Jerry Sandusky was watching Penn State play from the president’s box at Beaver Stadium. Anyone still think the school should have hired a new coach from within? (As Shakespeare would say “Something was rotten in the state of Pennsylvania.”)
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A “Titanic Memorial Cruise” on the MS Balmoral from Southampton, England, on April 8 is sold out. (The ship will actually sail to the site of the ship’s sinking April 15, the actual 100th anniversary.) On that night presumably women on the cruise will be told not to skip dessert.
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U.S. airlines have raised prices $20. Shocking. Not the added cost. But the fact they are calling it a fare hike, not a fuel surcharge, or winter tax, or seat fee, or something….
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Just how nasty are Gingrich’s anti-Romney ads? Newt seems so upset with Mitt you’d think they used to be married to each other.
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Dominique Strauss-Kahn is being investigated for his ties to a French prostitution ring. His defense is that he was “totally unaware” that the women he met in swinger sessions were prostitutes. Said Strauss-Kahn’s lawyer. “I defy you to tell the difference between a naked prostitute and any other naked woman.” In related news, Bill Clinton asked President Obama to appoint him Ambassador to France.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Demi Moore jokes, GOP primary jokes, Michelle Obama jokes, Romney jokes, Stephen Colbert running for president
Comments: 2 Comments
January 12, 2012
Mitt Romney is denying allegations that he is a “vulture capitalist.” He has a point, vultures only take as much as they need to survive.
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Manny Ramirez says if some MLB team gives him another chance he could be a role model. Uh, hasn’t Manny already been a role model. As in “No matter how much God-given talent you have, if you’re lazy or a cheat you can f*ck it up.”
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Glenn Beck threw out his back by bending over a coffee table. Beck will be back on air as soon as he can figure out how to blame this on President Obama.
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Apparently while Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney pushed for science to be included in the state’s testing system. If this leaks out Romney may lose his lead in the GOP primary.
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The media are making much of a new poll saying Tim Tebow is America’s favorite athlete. But to achieve that status, Tebow was chosen by 3.0% (yes three percent) of those polled. To put that in perspect, Newt Gingrich got 9.0% in New Hampshire.
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Flip Saunders, head coach of the Washington Wizards, says that he thinks his young star John Wall picked up “too many bad habits” while playing in the summer league. What, as opposed to the bad habits Wall has picked up playing for the woeful Wizards?
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A new study published on the Public Library of Science says men and women are “basically different species.” In other equally shocking news, Tim Tebow just might be very thankful to his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
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The Federal Reserve just announced that the final weeks of 2011 were the economy’s strongest. This is good news for anyone who isn’t running for the GOP Presidential nomination.
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SI.com has come out with their Top 20 college football rankings. For NEXT season. Shockingly an SEC team – LSU – is ranked #1. But USC is second, Oregon is third. (Stanford is #20.) Gentlemen, start your bowl lobbying.
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Hostess Brands, the makers of Twinkies, has declared bankruptcy for the second time in ten years. There are rumors the company may be forced to liquidate. Although the Twinkies they have produced should survive for at least another decade.
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ESPN reports Penn State University president Rodney Erickson will be talking to alums today in Pittsburgh, “some of whom aren’t happy about the way the school handled” the Sandusky scandal, the firing of Paterno, etc…. “Some?” Really? Find me ONE alum who thinks the school did a good job.
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Is this an omen? Tim Tebow and the Broncos are taking on the New England Patriots this Saturday night. For competing programming ABC is airing “Wipeout.”
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A L.A. County sheriff’s deputy has been arrested and charged with smuggling drugs into jail inside a burrito. Now there’s a concept, marijuana filled burritos – it’s one way to get buyers hungry enough to finish a whole one.
If you are reading this and like sports humor especially, highly recommend Dwight Perry’s “Sideline Chatter” in the Seattle Times. (In this column from Wednesday he took one of my jokes too.)
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/sidelinechatter/2017205546_chat11.html#.Tw6RugcUYHM.facebook
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Another night, another California overtime loss for Miami. The Heat lost 95 to 89 to the Clippers after Miami shot 20 of 34 from the free throw line. (.588.) “C’mon guys, it’s not that hard.” – commented Shaquille O’Neal.
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Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Glenn Beck jokes, Romney jokes, Tebow jokes, Twinkies jokes, vulture capitalist jokes, vulture jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 11, 2012
Finally.
Not saying bowl season goes on too long, but even many guys had to be thinking, Ah heck, enough, let’s switch to the channel where the guy gets to choose between all the hot scantily clad chicks.
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Monday night’s LSU-Alabama rematch was the lowest-rated BCS title game ever. Rumor has it at some point ESPN thought about turning the game over to Versus.
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But really, this stretched out BCS is becoming a joke. Why, the January 9 final meant that even the major bowl game schedule lasted longer than most folks’ New Year’s resolutions.
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T.C’s BCS comments: The BCS Championship game was so boring that Dr.Pepper is rumored to be withdrawing it’s sponsorship. Red Bull is signing up right away.
My vote for MVPs? Both kickers. Bama’s place kicker and LSU’s punter.
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Actually the only player with less to do this week than LSU’s placekicker? The New Orleans’ Saints punter.
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The Golden State Warriors were down 17 points tonight to the Miami Heat, and down 84-72 after the third. And they won 111-106 in OT. Wow. Who knew Lebron and company were already in playoff form.
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This line isn’t original, but kudos to Jim Harbaugh for maintaining a sense of humor. When asked how it felt to watch the Saints rack up 626 yards in offense last weekend, the 49ers coach responded “It makes me go to bed and sleep like a baby. I wake up every hour crying.”
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Who’d a thunk two months ago that Tim Tebow would last longer in a NFL leadership position than Hue Jackson?
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Jon Huntsman failed to qualify for the ballot in Arizona, because the the nomination paper submitted on his behalf did not include the required notarized signature. And Huntsman’s supposed to be the smart one?
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On the other hand, another great campaign moment. Rick Santorum sent out an email to his supporters talking about waiting for the polls to open in New Hampshire. Except he sent it at 645p EST tonight. (Are we sure he didn’t inhale.)
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And how bad was Rick Perry’s N.H. performance? The Texas Governor could probably actually count all his votes.
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John McCain said last night that picking Sarah Palin his running mate was “still the best decision I’ve ever made.” Of course, this could be pandering. Or it could mean America dodged a bullet by not electing a man who now appears too old to be president.
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Robert Griffin III told Baylor today he was going pro. Bears’ coaches weren’t sure at first if that meant entering the NFL draft or transferring to an SEC school.
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A new Facebook app allows users to post a carefully constructed message to the world in the event of their death. Bummer for all those who might have used such an app on MySpace.
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Does this really need a punchline? Kim Kardashian who made a Super Bowl commercial for Skechers (a sneaker company) last year, has been replaced in this year’s commercial by a French bulldog.
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All these GOP candidates lambasting Mitt Romney for saying he likes to fire people. Makes me almost wish Donald Trump was still running.
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Congratulations to Mitt Romney for winning the New Hampshire primary. Now Mitt willl be increasingly campaigning against the President’s promised “hope and change.” And with Romney’s positions, you don’t need to hope, you KNOW they’ll change.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, bowl game jokes, Hunstman jokes, LSU jokes, New Hampshire primary jokes, primary jokes, Romney jokes, SEC jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 