Missed it by that much.

Posted April 17, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Who in the media are making the decisions to go with this ever increasing number of incorrect  Boston stories? Have to assume their prior careers with the airlines announcing things like ‘brief delay,” and “we’ll be boarding in a few minutes.”

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American Airlines says their flights are “back to normal” after a computer glitch grounded all their planes yesterday. On the other hand, American has been named the official airline of Carnival Cruise Lines.

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Got to love that most of today’s GOP thinks you should be able to buy a gun with no background checks, but heaven forbid if you want to something REALLY dangerous, like voting.

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If as an SF Giants fan I have to wish the New York Yankees well for playing SweetCaroline last night, It is convenient that they’re playing the NL West AZ D’backs.

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No arrests as of Wednesday night in the Boston marathon bombings yet. In the meantime, if you are a man in Boston interested in buying a good-sized pressure cooker, might be a good idea to wait a week.

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So a compromise proposal to expand gun background checks “lost” in the Senate as the vote was 54 for and 46 against. 54-46?! Whatever happened to majority rule?

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Phil Jackson is reportedly ready to end his latest coaching retirement. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dude, give it up already.

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Tonight is last night of #NBA regular season. So this means only 3-4 months until the playoff finals?

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The National Republican Congressional Committeesaid they will not be putting any more money into Mark Sanford’s congressional race. Allegedly because the GOP was caught “off guard” by Jenny Sanford’s trespassing charges and worry other damaging revelations about his personal life could emerge before the election. Gosh, and why would they doubt Mark at this point?

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American Airlines apologized for their computer glitch that grounded flights yesterday. Wonder how long it will take them to add a “computer maintenance” fee?

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More proof that women are tougher than men: WNBA #1 pick, Britney Griner, about sexuality and sports – “I wouldn’t say I was hiding or anything like that. I’ve always been open about who I am and my sexuality. If I can show that I’m out and I’m fine and everything’s OK, then hopefully the younger generation will definitely feel the same way.”

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg   “The movie ’42’ is out.  It is a movie about Jackie Robinson, so it is about class, courage, grace and dignity. Or as it is also known: ‘The Not Alex Rodriguez Story.’ ”

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Another story on “Sweet Caroline” last night.  We may hate other teams on the field, but we are all Americans:

http://aol.sportingnews.com/mlb/story/2013-04-16/new-york-yankees-sweet-caroline-boston-red-sox-marathon-victims-tribute

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Sweet Caroline.

Posted April 16, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

For those who missed it,  will for once in my life,   hand it to the NY Yankees.  Not sure who made the decision (sent lots of emails, tweets, plus a couple phone calls,last night and Tuesday am. )And also thanks to Derek Primont who started tweeting the Yankees this morning.

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Also thanks to Michael Duca, who decided to contact the commissioner’s office, and got them to send a memo to all teams suggesting  they play Sweet Caroline.   (The Milwaukee Brewers, either because they didn’t have the song or had a better idea, played “Cheers.”)

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Boston #RedSox tweeted thanks to #Yankees for show of support. They’d like one little thing more from NY – a 11 or 12 game losing streak.

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Media rumors about the Boston bombings are as all over the place as March Madness predictions. And often they are proving to be just as accurate.

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As the country wonders about getting back to normal, American Airlines  grounded all flights for several hours today due to a computer problem. Well, with the airlines guess this passes for normal.

(Many in the country were shocked by the news….an airline had a major computer screwup, and it wasn’t United?)

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And as far as back to normal for college football :   The University of Oregon and the NCAA agree “major” violations were committed by the football program under Chip Kelly. So yeah, let’s put the program on probation for years and punish the coach with the big NFL contract by embarrassing him. Worked so well with USC and Pete Carroll.

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A thought, as awful as yesterday was in Boston, it really is good to see Americans, for the most part, coming together and forgetting most of the usual stuff we argue about.

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Topeka’s Westboro  Baptist   on the other hand,  is in their usual disgusting form,  threatening to picket the victims’ funerals.  If the FBI ever wants to recreate the crime scene using another bomb as part of their investigation,  I think most of America would join me in suggesting a certain church in Kansas ..

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Okay, and then in the midst of tragedy there is absurdity…. as news leaks today that Jenny Sanford has filed a criminal complaint alleging her ex-husband Mark has “entered into a pattern” of trespassing, and that she caught him inside her home in Feb. When will they ever learn?

(as my friend Michael Powers says   “Hello, Congresswoman Colbert Bush.”

 

And finally, kudos to the  Chicago Tribune.  So sad they had to do this, but a lovely response.

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chicago

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Posted April 16, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

A little light on the political and the trivial (if that’s not an oxymoron) today for obvious reasons:

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Personally, my goal at the moment is to see “Sweet Caroline” sung before the bottom of the 8th inning at Yankee Stadium.

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Thinking about whoever is behind the Boston Marathon bombings: We don’t know yet about race, creed, color or national origin. But would bet money on “male.”

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Okay, this is cool. Some real winners in the race today: From NBC Sports Network: “Reports of Marathon Runners that crossed finish line and continued to run to Mass General Hospital to give blood to victims #PrayforBoston”

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Americans do tend to treat each other better when bad things happen to us: Meaning that, at least for a short time, fans wearing Red Sox caps will never be safer in Yankee Stadium.

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Open note to anyone who regularly uses a backpack: the next few weeks are going to be a really bad time to leave it on a chair or table while you stand in line for coffee or whatever.

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Considering what he said about Anne Frank can we all hope that if Justin Bieber wants to comment on Boston that someone will tell him in advance to STFU?

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How quickly things change. The most sports-related violence anyone expected tomorrow was potentially at the first Dodgers-Padres game after Carlos Quentin broke Zack Greinke’s collarbone.

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Trivial sports comment of the day:  In Colorado, players from both the Mets and Rockies teams had planned to wear #42 in honor of Jackie Robinson. But the game was postponed, for snow. Responded SF Giants players and fans who remember Candlestick – “Wimps!”

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Legends in their own minds.

Posted April 14, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

On tour in Europe, Justin Bieber took time to visit the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam and wrote in the guestbook: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber,” Well, that should do wonders for Justin’s self-obsessed reputation.

 

 

One silver lining for some adults in Justin Bieber’s guestbook comment saying he hoped Anne Frank ‘Would Have Been a Belieber.”   At least they now have a reason other than Justin’s music to dislike him.

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Two Chicago Cubs pitchers tied a record with 5 wild pitches in a inning today against the SF Giants Mitch Williams wants his nickname retroactively changed to “Not-so-wild-thing”

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So we’re finally almost to the NBA playoffs. But it’s a little hard to get excited at the beginning of a postseason that will last longer than a Kardashian marriage.

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So Mark Sanford has won his Congressional primary, Anthony Weiner is reportedly thinking of running for mayor of New York? What’s next, a comeback for John Edwards?

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Sen. Marco Rubio now said today that immigration reform will actually be tougher on “illegal aliens” than the current law. Yep, Rubio’s had so many positions on this issue he MUST be running for President.

 

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George W. Bush’s daughter Jenna gave birth yesterday to his first grandchild, a daughter. So what will it be, about 40 years before the little girl runs for President?

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Apparently Rutgers is close to hiring Los Angeles Lakers’ assistant Eddie Jordan as their new men’s basketball coach. Makes a certain amount of sense, the Lakers might be the only team at this point where moving to Rutgers would mean less of a circus.

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Carlos Quentin dropped his appeal Sunday dropped his appeal and will begin serving his 8-game suspension Monday in Los Angeles and will miss the Padres-Dodgers series.  See, these Stanford boys CAN be smart.

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With as hot as the Braves are and as lousy as the Marlins are, wonder if Miami will be eliminated before the All-Star break?

 

At 935am April 15 in Sydney, Adam Scott became the first Australian winner of the Masters.   Just what Aussies need, a reason to drink on a Monday morning.

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And so Tiger finished four shots back,  but no way of knowing, had he not had the 2-shot penalty, might Woods have played a little differently and had a chance to end up at least in the playoff?

Who knew a simple phone call could have been almost as damaging as Elin wielding a 9-iron.

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From T.C.   “If Tiger had won, or came within 2 shots, this tournament will be marked with a Masterisk.”

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And Gary M. wondered if   “All this hoopla about Tiger’s ball drop,  may escalade into something really big.”

Comments: 1 Comment

The ring’s the thing?

Posted April 14, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , ,

Nate Schierholtz got his World Series ring before the Giants-Cubs game today. The game was almost delayed when Wrigley stadium security had to X-ray this unknown and thus potentially dangerous object.

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So someday will they make a movie like 42 about the first openly gay ballplayer. And will the prejudice seem as archaic?

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A YouGov survey found that more Americans support universal background checks for guns than like apple pie and kittens. Of course, if President Obama came out with a resolution to honor apple pie and kittens, the GOP would filibuster it.

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A Carnival cruise ship picked up 13 Cubans off a raft 40 miles from Key West, and after feeding them turned the refugees over to the U.S. Coast Guard. On the one hand, how disappointed the Cubans must have been to come so close. On the other hand, with Carnival being their taste of the U.S., maybe Cuba won’t seem so bad.

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Terrebonne Parish, a small town in Louisiana wants to ban “sagging” or wearing pants below the waist and exposing their underwear.  While they’re at it, can they add a spandex codicil?

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Tiger Woods was assessed a two-shot penalty in the Masters for breaking an arcane rule that could have resulted in disqualification. He remains in the tournament because of another arcane rule. You don’t disqualify Tiger Woods.

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So not sure what the Masters people want now. If Tiger Woods comes back today many will say it’s another example of him overcoming adversity, others will say he should have been DQ’ed. The only sure winner? CBS #Ratings.

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A New York heiress allegedly stabbed her life coach with a fork — just six months after she was arrested for choking her sobriety coach. Even Lindsay Lohan is thinking “this woman is out of control.”

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A man was shot and killed this morning in a San Francisco Nob Hill apartment in what may have been a domestic dispute. These days in the city that prompts two reactions: 1. That’s horrible. 2. So, does this mean the apartment will become available?

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California Speaker John Perez says at Democratic convention that the state of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon now has a Democratic majority. Of course to be fair Reagan and Nixon these days would be too liberal to be Republican.

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From Bill Littlejohn:   JaMarcus Russell may be planning a comeback? The only possible bigger comeback would be if they found Atlantis.

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LA LA land.

Posted April 13, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The Republican National Committee today passed a strongly worded resolution opposing same-sex marriage and urging the Supreme Court to uphold DOMA. Got it, guns don’t hurt people, gay marriages do…..

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Another thought about the base-brawl in San Diego:  Somewhere Barry Bonds has to be thinking – “Wow, there’s now a guy who’ll get booed in Los Angeles more than I ever did….”

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Carlos Quentin, suspended for eight games. Thinking he might serve it out immediately. As the San Diego Padres are playing the Dodgers in Los Angeles next Monday….

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So if Nolan Ryan gets tired of running the Texas Rangers, maybe he can open a clinic to teach pitchers self defense skills?

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Meanwhile ESPN reports sources saying Alex Rodriguez paid a former Florida drug clinic employee to prevent the release of potentially damaging documents. Remember the days when MLB was hoping A-Rod would break Bonds’ home run record? 🙂

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Another disaster for the Los Angeles Dodgers. First Greinke gets hurt. Now Kershaw has given up a run.

(actually 3, but 2 were inherited runners a reliever let score.)

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Bummer for Kobe Bryant with a probable torn ACL. Means he probably will miss playing for the Lakers in the playoffs – all five or six games.

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A new survey says that for the first time in more than six years, the number of Americans who say things are going well in the country has reached 50%. Guess this won’t be something the GOP blames on Obama.

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Uh, really? Ann Coulter thought this was a funny thing to say? ”MSNBC’s Martin Bashir suggested that Rep. senators need to have a member of their families killed for them to support the Dem’s’ gun proposals. (Let’s start with Meghan McCain!)” Wonder what Ann would say if someone made a joke about shooting her.

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(For that matter, what would Ann, or Fox News have said if some Democrat made a joke about shooting any child of a Republican leader.)

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At the Masters today China’s 14 year old star Tianlang Guan was assessed a one-stroke penalty at the 17th hole for slow play. It would be very un-PC to make an Asian driver joke here.

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Lindsey Vonn is in Augusta cheering Tiger on at the Masters. And presumably making sure Woods doesn’t head out for a pancake breakfast by himself.

Comments: 3 Comments

“Wah wah woh wah wah”

Posted April 11, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Peter Robbins, 56, who was once the voice of Charlie Brown on the Peanuts specials, has pleaded guilty to stalking his ex-girlfriend. Wonder if she’s a little red-haired girl?

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Down in Single-A baseball, Chicago Cubs prospect Jorge Soler was fined and suspended five games for approaching the opposing team’s dugout wielding a bat. The punishment could have been worse, but since he was a member of the Cubs organization, baseball officials figured he actually wouldn’t hit anything.

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Major bench-clearing brawl in San Diego during the Dodgers-Padres game tonight. This would never have happened in today’s Giants-Cubs game – it  WAY too cold for anyone to voluntarily leave the dugout.

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Zack Greinke apparently has a broken collarbone after the brawl. Waiting for Wayne Pierre to say we need to arm pitchers.

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This Greinke injury could scare other MLB pitchers away from pitching inside. Well, except Barry Zito. He knows no hitter would risk the embarrassment of charging the mound after being hit by a 50mph fastball.

New England CB Alfonzo Dennard, who was accused of assaulting an officer in April 2012, has been sentenced to probation plus a 30-day jail sentence. The jail sentence will begin on March 31, 2014. 2014? How long until Lindsay Lohan tries for the same deal on rehab.

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A new study from National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism says that Americans tend to eat more calories and fat on the days they also have alcoholic drinks. Uh, couldn’t we have gotten the same results for a lot less $$ by sending the scientists to a few Happy Hours?

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Bud Selig has rejected San Jose mayor Chuck Reed’s for a meeting to discuss the Oakland A’s hopes to move to a San Jose ballpark. But maybe Selig will appoint a blue-ribbon committee to spend 5 years looking into the proposed meeting?

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A Northern California Junior High school has been in the news for prohibiting girls from wearing tight-fitting pants because they’re “distracting to teenage boys,” Uh, with all due respect, almost everything, including girls, is distracting to teenage boys.

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Joint joke with my friend Alex Kaseberg:    As the Masters began, many eyes  are on 14 year old Chinese golfer Guan Tianlang. Wonder if he’s a retired factory worker?

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So why aren’t those opposed to background checks for buying guns also opposed to driver’s license exams? After all, cars don’t kill people, people kill people.

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So how has it gotten to the point that it is now considered a major victory, not to have legislation passed, but even to get it debated and voted on in Congress?

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From T.C.   “North Korea is moving a missile supposedly capable of striking the US mainland to their east coast. Satellite surveillance confirms the weapon is being transported via rail. The good news is, there is no sign of the gigantic rubber band that will be needed to launch it.”

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Actually,  if Kim Jong Un is such a basketball fan, maybe we should send Shaquille O”Neal over to follow Dennis Rodman.   Maybe Shaq can give those aiming the missile some of his famous free throw shooting tips.

Comments: 2 Comments

Move over Babe, here comes Barry.

Posted April 10, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

If the National League had the DH, SF Giants fans wouldn’t now be enjoying the great slugging run of Barry Zito, currently batting .750 with three sacrifice bunts.

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Zito’s doing so well, MLB was about to check him for PEDs….  Until they noticed the radar gun and that 70mph fastball…

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Okay, it’s early, as of this afternoon  9 days into the season, the SF Giants’ Barry Zito has as many hits as the LA Dodgers’ Matt Kemp. (3.  Though Kemp got 2 tonight. Zito also only has 1 less than Josh Hamilton.)

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A University of California, Davis professor said in a presentation today that we need more research on hangovers. Sounds like the SEC has a new potential project for their football student-athletes.

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MSN reports that Carnival Cruise Lines has slashed prices for some inside cabins to $38 a night per person, barely more than the cost of a Motel 6. But of course at Motel 6 they promise to leave the light on for you.

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Taco Bell says they are going to provide “balanced food choices.” And that by 2020, 20 % of their combo meals will meet nutritional guidelines for calories and fat set out by the federal government. Which should thrill Taco Bell customers who care about that sort of thing. Both of them.

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Notre Dame QB Gunner Kiel says he is transferring to Cincinnati. In high school Kiel committed to Indiana and then LSU, before he finally ended up at Notre Dame. But now Gunner, who wants to start, is leaving the Fighting Irish because they won’t commit to him.

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Amazing, the same people who don’t think ANYONE should have a background check to buy a gun don’t want to let a sexually-active 17 year old girl buy her own birth control….

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Really? – Joe Paterno’s widow Sue, speaking at a child-abuse prevention program, says she and her husband had no idea that Jerry Sandusky was a sexual predator. Isn’t having a Paterno speak about child-abuse like having Mike Rice speak on anger-management?

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And we think Americans are harsh towards politicians. In England, while many mourn Maggie Thatcher’s death, a Facebook campaign, called “Make Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead number one the week Thatcher dies”, has the Wizard of Oz song up to #3 with over 10,000 downloads in two days.

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Ouch. Poor Karen Carpenter is dead, but if not that American Idol performance from Lazaro might have killed her.

(on the other hand, Candice Glover’s “Lovesong” on Youtube is worth 4 minutes of your time, IMHO.)

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The #MiamiHeat beat the Washington Wizards 103-98 with James, Wade and Bosh sitting out. So will David Stern fine them anyway?

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Police said a Northern California woman used a stun gun today to break up a fight over a seat aboard a BART train. Cool, wonder how she is on obnoxious cellphone users…

 

The Washington Nationals’ game was delayed 20 minutes tonight because the umpiring crew was stuck in traffic. I blame Obama.

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  The Fenway Park sellout streak ends at 820.   Many Sox fans feel that the most signifigant sellout during the streak was when Damon signed with the Yankees”

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Bear arms,… arm bears….. It’s so confusing.

Posted April 10, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

A circus elephant escaped serious injury when she was hit by a bullet in a drive-by shooting in Tupelo, Miss. Waiting for the NRA to issue a statement saying that we now need to arm elephants.

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Stephen Colbert apparently has convinced Bill Clinton to open a Twitter account. But once again, I think we can all be happy that the former president never had the ability to text or send camera phone pictures while in office.

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Many Colorado Rockies fans were complaining because the team doesn’t have their home opener until April 15. Today’s high temperature in Denver? 18 degrees. I think this is Mother Nature’s way of saying “STFU.”

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Scripps National Spelling Bee just announced that semi-finalists will now also have to know the meaning of the words they spell in the competition. Great. Yet another way for 11 year olds to make us feel stupid.

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At least 15 people were injured in an attack at a Texas college near Houston. So far injuries only. But then there is no such thing as a semi-automatic knife.

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Tom Cruise now says that he “did not expect” Katie Holmes’ abrupt filing for divorce last year. What? Tom must have thought it was a 10 year contract instead of five.

 

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As the NBA draft declarations begin have to wonder why colleges raise NCAA tournament banners any more. Not like any of the players on the teams are ever there the following year to see them.

 

Former V.P. Dick Cheney spoke to Republican lawmakers Tuesday about North Korea, and reportedly told them “We’re in deep doo-doo.” “Deep doo-doo?!” And this is the man who was supposed to be W’s adult supervision?

 

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Golden State Warriors heading to the playoffs for the 2nd time in the last 19 years. Or as Chicago Cubs fans call that – “practically a dynasty.”

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How scary a stat is this?  (From Gregg Drinnan of the Kamloops Daily News in British Columbia “Lakers center Dwight Howard has missed more free throws this season than Steve Nash has missed in his 17-year career.,”

And if anyone’s reading this in Orlando they’re just giggling….

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Tigers DH Victor Martinez missed today’s game when he needed stitches after cutting his thumb on the bat rack at Comerica Park. In San Francisco, Bruce Bochy issued an order to keep Jeremy Affeldt away from the bat rack.

(Giants fans can just imagine Affeldt running his hand along the rack….”So how could you possibly cut yourself on one of these… Oh sh*t.”..)

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Comments: 2 Comments

Tear down those nets.

Posted April 8, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Stirring run by Louisville after Kevin Ware’s horrific injury. But as cutthroat as college basketball has become, have to wonder, is there a D1 coach out there thinking “Hmm, how do I draft a high school star with brittle bones?”

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Now that the NCAA men’s tournament is over, fans of high-level amateur basketball will just have to be content with a few more games from the Lakers.

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Wonder if Michigan coach John Beilein used magic markers on the hands of his players tonight to help them keep track of the number of remaining timeouts?

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Over-under on the number of Division 1 college teams burning practice videos this week?

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Dennis #Rodman was fired last night from #CelebrityApprentice.” Let’s hope no one tells his “friend for life” Kim Jong Un.

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In Tennessee, a 4-year-old who picked up a sheriff deputy’s gun at a family BBQ allegedly shot and killed the man’s wife. An Tennessee Bureau of Investigations spokesman said it appears accidental at this time.” Ya think?

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Metta World Peace said he will start Tuesday night for the Los Angeles Lakers, just 12 days after knee surgery. Well, it’s not like World Peace needs to save himself for the playoffs.

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Damn, Annette Funicello has died. She was 70. And millions of baby boomers suddenly feel very old.

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Just thinking, before Sesame Street, how many people remember “M-I-C (see you real soon) -K-E-Y (why, because we like you) M-O-U-S-E” as the first words they learned to spell?

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Thieves in Germany apparently stole 5.5 tons of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a truck last weekend. Wonder if this followed a marijuana heist nearby. Talk about a sticky situation.

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The NY Jets are forcing unhappy CB Darrell Revis to show up to “voluntary” workouts while they try to trade him. Meanwhile, QB Tim Tebow will voluntarily show up if he hasn’t been cut. New York sure doesn’t need Barnum and Bailey to have a circus in town.

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Monday was the home opener for the Chicago Cubs. Who made masochism fashionable a century before “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

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Former Sen. Rick Santorum said today that the GOP must stay opposed to gay marriage to avert political suicide. Santorum also maintained his support for changing the symbol of the Republican party from an elephant to a lemming.

(or as my friend Michael D. says, a passenger pigeon)

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Why even in the 21st century, grammar and punctuation still matter: #Nowthatchersdead set off a number of rumors today that Cher had died. (#Youhaventseenthelastofme)

 

-New Indians’ manager Terry Francona got lost Monday making the two-block walk from his Cleveland apartment to Progressive field for the home opener against the Yankees. Unfortunately for Francona, a team employee got him there in time to see the Indians lose 11-6.

(Francona may also be thinking, “that’s the last time I use a old beer-stained map from Josh Beckett.)

Comments: 2 Comments

One or two touchdowns?

Posted April 8, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

All these scores Sunday – NY wins 7-0,   Cleveland wins 13-0,   Boston wins 13-0,  St. Louis wins 14-3…. Did someone start the NFL preseason early and not tell me?

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Price – rocked, Strasburg – rocked, Hamels – rocked, Cain – rocked, Dickey – rocked, Verlander – , not great. So will today’s MLB headline be “Aces in the Hole?”

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Headline in Los Angeles Times – “Clippers sweep Lakers. Clinch division title.” Good thing the Tonight Show is moving to New York. This may have killed half their jokewriters.-

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My friend Darren reported  tonight “So the fans in Texas are chanting “Take a drink” @ Josh Hamilton”  Stay classy Texas fans, stay classy!!

Am afraid fans in Dallas are proving Hamilton’s point about it not being a baseball town. (Either that or they think they are in Philadelphia.)

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Barry Bonds is never at major SF Giants events like today’s ring ceremony, probably in part because the Giants don’t want reminders of the taint of cheating. So always a bit ironic to see Gaylord Perry. –

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Sen. John McCain doesn’t get the filibuster threat from other Republicans a bill for gun background checks. “I don’t understand it. The purpose of the United States Senate is to debate and to vote and to let the people know where we stand.” Sigh. If McCain really believes that is still the case, maybe he IS getting senile.

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Kathy  Griffin’s show was cancelled. Shocking! Kathy Griffin had a show?

 

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Dumb and dumber. Those leaked Rutgers tapes of Mike Rice in practice weren’t made surreptitiously, Rice himself had the practices filmed. (So much for that “always act like you know there’s a camera watching” theory of life.)

 

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A New York City councilwoman wants to make it a crime to buy fake designer purses. Forget the soda ban, this is the law that could get women banded together in serious bipartisan outrage.

 

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Conn. Gov. Dannel Malloy said of the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre and his opposition to the state’s strict new gun laws – “He reminds me of the clowns at the circus.” No doubt there will be swift calls for an apology, from clowns.

 

-Condoleezza Rice played Augusta National today with Phil Mickelson. Was this the closest Condi’s been to a Lefty?

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Working for peanuts?

Posted April 7, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,

peanuts

 

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this is a very long blog post.

And I’m not sure how many employees the boutique grocery store chain “Trader Joe’s” has,  but they clearly have more than enough lawyers.  (Picture is not a joke.)

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Final two.

Posted April 6, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Now that #Michigan is in #NCAA championship, over-under on number of times we’ll see #ChrisWebber’s 1993 attempted timeout before Monday?

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If Louisville wins thinking Rick Pitino’s wife is about as likely to let him go out without her for a celebratory dinner as Kobe Bryant’s wife is to let him order room service.

 

(short version for those saying “what?” – Pitino,  married since 1976,  was involved in an 2009 extortion trial with a woman he admitted meeting in a Louisville restaurant in 2003 ,  and having sex with in the bathroom. He also admitted giving her $3000 for an abortion.  But that story somehow hasn’t made CBS’s weekend’s narrative..)

 

A 18-pound tortoise named Cashew who disappeared from a museum in Dubuque, Iowa, was found alive and in good health two days later in a building elevator. Officials believe the tortoise was stolen and then returned. Which would be easier to explain than her just having run away.

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A rate Honus Wagner baseball card just sold for $2.1 million. What’s crazier, the price for a single card, or the fact that these days $2.1 million might get you a mediocre middle reliever?

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A 22-year-old Oklahoma mom was arrested for allegedly trying to sell her 2-year old and 10-month old kids on Facebook. What kind of monster tries to sell little children? Teenagers, well, okay that makes sense.

(My friend Abbe Nelson says says you get better prices for kids on Ebay..  And Michael M. adds “More sad tales of the demise of newspapers. Once upon a time, it was very easy to sell small children through classifieds.”)

 

Is there a worse invention in college basketball than the possession arrow? Seriously. How hard is it to learn how to throw up a basketball for a jump ball?

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Free-agent DB Charles Woodson, 36, says no NFL teams have offered him a contract because they think he’s too old. Shame Woodson didn’t take up baseball instead of football. He’s almost old enough to be signed by the Yankees.

 

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Not a Rick Warren fan but very sad to hear his report his son shot himself: “Today, after a fun evening together with Kay and me, in a momentary wave of despair at his home, he took his life.” Without a gun a “momentary wave of despair” might not have been fatal.

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CNN reports North Korea has told diplomats it cannot guarantee their safety if war breaks out but is encouraging tour groups to stay. Well, at least daredevils now have a scarier vacation option than a Carnival cruise.

 

Oops. The NY Post reports that Yankees fans who google “Yankees box office phone number” will find a number for a phone sex line. Well, some (male) fans may decide the new number provides more value for money.

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Santa Clara beat George Mason 80-77 for the College Basketball Invitational title. So do schools raise a CBI banner?

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There’s always a silver lining for someone.   Mike Rice and company at Rutgers at least have meant that Chris Christie and Snooki are off the hook  as the top New Jersey punchlines.

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John Lackey  exited his first start of the year with an arm injury. He had signed an $82 million, 5 year contract with the Red Sox in 2009. Who’d a thunk then that Barry Zito’s 7 year $126 million 2006 contract might look like the better deal?

 

Another thought on the whole Obama-Kamala Harris mountain of a molehill:   So where’s the outrage when someone suggests a male politician is good looking?

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Hitless and witless wonders?

Posted April 5, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , ,

SF Giants are 3-1. Despite having fewer team RBI’s than the Orioles’ Chris Davis.

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It’s an axiom that there’s no such thing as bad publicity. But a week ago, most people didn’t even know Rutgers had a men’s basketball team.

Two most common reactions around the NCAA to the Rutgers basketball scandal. 1. That’s awful, how could they allow this to happen? 2. Burn the tapes.

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Anyone but me find it a little ironic that ESPN is talking about Mike Rice and then switching to a Final Four preview featuring Bobby Knight?

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Powerball tickets will be sold in California on Monday. All this uproar about taxation and no one complains about another stupidity tax.

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The city of Chicago and Cubs owners are apparently close to a $500 million deal to renovate Wrigley Field. Many Chicagoans wish the team would spend $500 million to renovate the Cubs.

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Brendon Ayanbadejo told the Baltimore Sun there are four current NFL players who are considering coming out as gay together. So are they working on coordinating outfits?

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Pretty dominating performance by Barry Zito today. Especially considered that even Jamie Moyer was thinking “dude is throwing SLOW.”

From my friend Max McDuh watching today’s  SF Giants game with St. Louis Cardinals broadcasters.  In the middle innings the play by play asked color guy: “Third time through against Zito, what advice would you give Cardinals hitters?”

“Close your eyes, count to three, open your eyes again, pick up the ball and swing.”

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Democratic Senators Heidi Heitkamp (N.D.) and Joe Donnelly (Ind.), announced their support for gay marriage. Good news for those who have Mark Pryor (Ark.), Joe Manchin (W.Va.), Mary Landrieu (La.) or Tim Johnson (S.D.) in the pool.

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The $240 million New York Yankees are 1 and 3. With this kind of money to performance ratio they could be renamed the New York Congress.

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A NY judge overturned a 2011 FDA decision to require a prescription for the morning after pill for girls under 17, saying it must be available to people of any age. Some are decrying this loss of parental control. Thinking if a girl needs the pill, she’s a bit past that point.

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So let’s see, the 2010 BCS Champion Auburn Tigers allegedly had 12 players fail tests for synthetic marijuana, some had their grades changed, and others were paid not to have left early for the NFL draft. Other than that, Auburn appears to have been running a clean program.

Comments: 1 Comment

If a coach yells in the forest…

Posted April 4, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

With no one to record him, is he still fired?

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Many unfortunate lessons from the Mike Rice fiasco at Rutgers. And while his actions were inexcusable, have to wonder, how was the now ex-coach stupid enough to think you now can do ANYTHING around other people without someone having at least a camera phone.

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The #Nike ad said “Winning takes care of everything.” Mike Rice’s record at #Rutgers was 44-51.

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What’s a bigger surprise?  That Barry Zito is pitching the  SF Giants home opener?  Or that SF fans are happy about it.

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A fun stat for SF Bay Area friends from my friend Hartley Miller: Sharks/Warriors/Giants/A’s won Wednesday, 1st time all 4 Bay Area teams won on same day since April 18, 2007

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In a recent survey, 52% of Americans said they were in favor of legalizing marijuana. Which is impressive considering that most regular pot users’ response was “uh, what was the question again?”

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Quote of the year from an NBA player: Shane Battier, when asked whether a Griner NBA tryout would be positive for women athletes or if it would be seen merely as an attention-grabbing sideshow. “Listen, this whole (NBA) is a sideshow, what’s one more trailer?”

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Fast food workers in New York City are going on strike. Wonder how long it will take Mayor Bloomberg to step in, and see if he can keep it going for a few years.

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San Jose’s mayor says he thinks it’s time for him to meet with MLB commission Bud Selig about the A’s proposed move. Wonder how long it will take Selig to come up with a Blue Ribbon committee to look into a meeting.

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Forget PED’s. Maybe NFL teams should focus on Twitter control: Buffalo Bills’ WR Stevie Johnson “‘War is nothing to be played with. I apologize North Korea …. but if ya’ll do bomb 1st… Bomb Foxboro, Mass. Sincerely, #BillsMafia'”

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Former California Lt. Gov Abel Maldonado says he will run for Calif. Gov against Jerry Brown in 2014. Using strategists who worked on presidential campaign for John McCain and Jon Huntsman, and the advertising consultant who worked for Carly Fiorina. And those campaigns all worked out so well…..

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Talking with a Canadian friend – realized I could go buy a gun at Walmart here in the U.S., but they wouldn’t sell me .222s (Aspirin with caffeine and codeine, nonprescription in Canada.) What a country.

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Cardinals Pro Bowl LB Cardinals Daryl Washington has been suspended the first 4 games of 2013 for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. Which means he’ll be back in time to earn another Pro Bowl spot this year. Yeah, that’ll teach him.

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So in heaven tonight, Siskel and Ebert, two thumbs back up?

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Oscar Pistorius’s uncle Arnold says that his family encouraged him to get back onto the track to help stabilize him emotionally… We believe it is a vital step in helping him deal with the trauma.” Even O.J. Simpson is thinking ‘Have you no shame?”

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The Chicago Cubs are in first place. Is this a sign of the apocalypse?

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The report is that during their 2011, Auburn altered grades from players in some classes to keep them eligible. When asked about it several former players allegedly responded “grades? “classes?”

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Some are upset because today after President Obama praised Kamala Harris as “brilliant and dedicated and tough… and the best-looking attorney general in the country.” So, okay, maybe he should have picked Beau Biden?

(But seriously, really folks?  Obama didn’t make any comments about Harris’ figure, and he didn’t go on about it like Brent Musberger, and he didn’t just compliment her looks.   ( For that matter he didn’t give her a neck rub.)   Just get the sense we need to loosen up a bit.  IMHO )

Comments: 2 Comments

Wanna get away?

Posted April 3, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The Carnival Triumph, which was being repaired in Mobile, Ala after breaking down in February, has apparently broke loose Wednesday from its moorings. Maybe after all the coverage on CNN the ship just wanted to go away and hide.

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Now that Mark Sanford is engaged to the woman he had an affair with, have to figure the chance of her letting him go hiking alone are about the same as Kobe Bryant’s wife suggesting he order room service.

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Mark Sanford, who won the GOP primary for the House special election in South Carolina, has apologized to voters over his lies and affair. Wonder if he’s also issued an apology to Bill Clinton.

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Dallas Mavericks’ owner Mark Cuban said that he’d draft Britney Griner and give her a chance to make the team. Hey, compared to most of the men in the NBA she’d whine less and pass more.

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Not that any of my readers would have been upset, but two Florida DJs have been suspended after a number of listeners freaked out and called the Lee County water office because of an April Fool’s joke. Which was telling listeners that “dihydrogen monoxide” was coming out of their taps…..

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Jay Leno has made it official, he is leaving the Tonight Show permanently. And somewhere Brett Favre is just giggling.

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Okay, Dodgers and Giants fans, Clayton Kershaw and Madison Bumgarner have both had great starts, but when it comes to ESPN showing the pitcher of the week, guessing Yu’s on first.

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Rutgers fired men’s basketball coach Mike Rice after tapes of him being abusive to players in practice were aired on ESPN. Originally Rutgers’ AD had just suspended the coach, but changed their mind due to public outrage, that and Rice not getting the team into March Madness.

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My friend Ed Murrell pointed out that the Houston Astros struck out 43 times in their three games with Texas. Maybe it’s part of a cost-saving plan to reduce the number of broken bats?

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Nice home run from Panda Sandoval. But this is not going to do much for the SF Giants’ “tell Panda he HAS to diet now” plan.

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Sometimes best contracts are the ones you don’t sign. Remember the controversy when #SF Giants chose not to lock up #Lincecum long term?

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A new report alleges that Auburn’s football program paid money to stars to stay in school and bypass the NFL draft, and changed players’ grades to keep them eligible before the 2011 BCS championship game. “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.

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Former Major League Baseball catcher Mike Piazza has announced he will be playing the role of a gangster in a production by the Miami City Ballet. Well, that ought to take care of the gay rumors.

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After being turned down by Shaka Smart, Flip Saunders and Mick Cronin, Minnesota has hired Rick Pitino’s son Richard as their new men’s basketball coach. Can’t wait for the press conference where the Gophers announce how thrilled they were that their fourth choice accepted the job. –

Oscar Pistorius’s agent says Pistorius wants to train again, adding “it was clear and evident it’s going to take some time for him (to be ready to compete),” Van Zyl said. ”He’s trying to process this whole ordeal.” “I feel so sorry for him,” said absolutely no one.

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From Jim Barach:   “The Associated Press has dropped the term “illegal immigrant” from their stylebook. The question is, when will they also eliminate other antiquated terms like “congressional ethics”?”

Comments: 1 Comment

Brotherly and other love.

Posted April 2, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

There is a Comedy God: Former South Carolina Gov, Mark Sanford, aka Mr. Appalachian Trail, has won the GOP nomination for a vacant House seat against Elizabeth Colbert Busch, Stephen Colbert’s sister.

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The town of Nelson, Georgia, has passed a law requiring its citizens to own a gun and ammunition, although they have reportedly not had any violent crime in the last 10 years. Well, I guess it’s never too late to start.

 

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Say what? Justin Amash, a self-described “libertarian-leaning” Michigan congressman says abortion and “abortion-causing” birth control are okay, but should only be allowed “closer to the point of conception, whether it’s instantly or the first three days.” This is what comes from allowing men to hold elective office.

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The New York Yankees are starting the year with $230.4 million payroll. Wow, and at least $50 million of that is going to active players.

 

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A recently released NRA funded report on school safety suggests arming teachers. Well, this ought to be fun during contract negotiations.

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Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott says that Ed Rush, the league’s of officials should NOT be fired for offering a group of referees $5,000 or a trip to Cancun if they hit Arizona coach Sean Miller with a technical foul or ejected him during the Pac 12 tournament. Scott says Rush was “joking.” Gosh. This guy must be a lot of fun in airport security lines.

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Good for GOP senator Mark Quinn of Illinois. But someday it will be nice when a politician’s support for gay marriage doesn’t even make the news.

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Kevin Ware has been released from the hospital and will join his Louisville Cardinal teammates in going to Atlanta. Let us hope the TSA agent running the metal detector knows who he is.

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The Cleveland Browns have traded Colt McCoy to the SF 49ers. McCoy is still likely to be holding a clipboard, but now at least he can do it during playoff games.

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As North Korea’s rhetoric escalates, maybe the U.S. needs to send someone Kim Jong Un respects who is also capable of reading him the riot act. Forget Dennis Rodman, where’s Charles Barkley when we need him?

(My friend Marty B. suggests – send  Tim Tebow he can overthrow the Government.)

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In New York, the FBI arrested Dem. State Senator Malcolm Smith and GOP City Councilman Dan Halloran for allegedly trying to use bribes to rig the New York City mayoral election. Who says there’s no bipartisanism in this country?

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Mark this moment, April 2, 2013. As of 11:30pm the 2 and 0 Seattle Mariners have the best record in baseball.

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But okay, really, we’ve waited over five months for opening day,  and more than half the MLB teams don’t play on the second full day of the regular  season?

Comments: 1 Comment

161 to go.

Posted April 1, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Bryce Harper is on pace for 324 home runs!

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Silver lining in today’s game for SF Giants’ fans? If Clayton Kershaw is going to be the Dodgers’ power hitter on top of being their ace, it’s going to take Los Angeles $250 million to sign him long term…..

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Red Sox 8, Yankees 2. Wonder who George Steinbrenner would have fired by now.

(with an assist from my friend Tony Alan Banks.  You have to wonder if somewhere in the afterlife, Steinbrenner fired Billy Martin just out of habit.)

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Sandy Koufax looked good throwing out the ceremonial first pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers.   Wonder how long it will take the Yankees to offer him a pitching contract.

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The University of Kentucky has announced that freshman guard Archie Goodwin is leaving early for the NBA. Guess he wants to parlay leading his team all the way to the first round of the NIT into big $$$.

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Jon Stewart really slamming #NBC tonight on the Daily Show. So is Stewart also auditioning for Jay  Leno’s job?

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Lindsay Lohan will be a guest on the “Late Show with David Letterman” next week. Sure hope the show insisted on sending a car and driver.

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Apparently police had to be called at a Seattle zoo’s Easter Egg Hunt when two mothers began fighting. Reportedly after one reportedly pushed a child aside to make it easier for her own child to get some eggs. Shocking. Parent violence at an Easter Egg Hunt?! Now, we’d expect it for opening day of Little League.

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Unclear on the concept – Lindsay Lohan has reportedly told her lawyers that she’ll only enter lockdown rehab if she’s allowed to take her Adderall prescription with her…..

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Well, at least there’s a Pac 12 team in the Women’s Final Four. Now if the #Cal Bears can just knock off UConn and Geno Auriemma in New Orleans all of Stanford might root for them.

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USC has hired UFGC’s Andy Enfield as their next men’s basketball coach. Guess Enfield couldn’t turn the deal down, over $1 million a year plus every March off.

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Glee’s Cory Monteith has voluntarily checked into a rehabilitation center to address substance addiction issues. Some would say such issues were caused by watching his own show.

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From Bill Littlejohn:  As we approach the Masters, Tiger Woods has reclaimed his No. 1 ranking and is well on his way to being the Tiger of old. In fact, insiders are predicting a Lindsey Vonn ski pole to his Escalade by Christmas.

Comments: 2 Comments

Our long national nightmare is over.

Posted March 31, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Baseball’s back!   And the Houston Astros magic number is 161!

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As the MLB season starts, the 2013 Houston Astros may indeed end up awful , but they will almost certainly give their fans more good moments this year for $25 million than A-Rod will give Yankees fans for $29 million.

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New UCLA men’s basketball coach Steve Alford signed a 10 year contract with New Mexico just 10 days before taking the Bruins job. Can’t wait to hear Alford talk to recruits about commitment to the team.

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So it’s now newsworthy, not when a senator says he will cross party lines for a vote, but when he says that he will actually allow a vote? Sigh. But Sen. Lindsey Graham said Sunday he wouldn’t filibuster gun control legislation being considered in the Senate.

 

Today is the 75th anniversary of Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First” sketch. To give you an idea how long ago that was, most of the 2013 Yankees’ starting lineup was still in Little League.

 

Could today have been worse for Kevin Ware? Well, normally when a Louisville star breaks a leg that badly, it happens at Churchill Downs…

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Hope no one wished the Cardinals luck today by saying “break a leg.”

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Radio announcer said late in the Louisville-Duke game –  “Coach K looks resigned. Things not trending his way.”   Down 15 with less than three minutes to go. Ya think?

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For those whose brackets are busted, baseball season brings with a whole number of potential new bets.  For example, what day will the Chicago Cubs be eliminated from playoff contention?

 

From my friend Alex  Kaseberg: “In their baseball preview issue, “Sports Illustrated” picked the Chicago Cubs to finish last in their division. Whoa, way to go out on a limb, “Sports Illustrated.” Next thing you know you’ll pick a Kenyan to win a marathon.”

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Comments: 3 Comments

Happy Easter

Posted March 31, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

And remember, love may fade, but Marshmallow Peeps are forever.

 

All this talk about Buster Posey being a San Francisco Giant for life….But it’s an 8 year contract! Posey will be 34 when it’s over. Making him almost old enough to play for the New York Yankees.

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The Seattle Seahawks’ Chris Clemons said he’s not homophobic but it would be selfish for an NFL player to come out, since one’s sexuality should be left “at home.” Right, based on that long tradition of men not talking about sex and women in locker rooms…..

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Many Stanford women’s basketball fans were unhappy when President Obama said that their team would lose to Cal in the NCAA Tournament. And as it turns out, Obama WAS wrong….

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Some are talking about lowering the baskets for women’s basketball to increase scoring. After watching a few rounds of NCAA’s thinking maybe we need to do that for  the college men too.

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UCLA has hired Steve Alford as their new men’s basketball coach. Which means Bruins fans can look forward in 2014 to another weekend in the NCAA tournament.

 

The Yankees’ Andy Pettitte says he expects to be in the World Series. Is    Pettite angling for a trade already?

 

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The National Zoo has artificially inseminated their female panda. Waiting for the first conservative politician to say it’s another example of Obama showing disrespect for traditional panda marriage.

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The under-over in Las Vegas for complete games in MLB this season by ANY pitcher in 2013 is 6 1/2. For the entire season. The Detroit Tigers’ Mickey Lolich had 29 complete games in 1971.

 

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Well, he’s a douchebag but a creative douchebag. A 61 year old Virginia man, angry that his girlfriend had broken up with him, was arrested after he allegedly placed a fake Craigslist ad with her picture and address saying she was a “senior lady” looking for casual sex.

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TSA has decided just to suspend 17 employees at Newark who were originally going to be fired “because it was determined that they did not ‘intentionally’ violate procedures associated with checked baggage screening.” Well, it’s not like they messed up on anything important…..

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Michael Steinberg, a NY hedge fund executive, was arrested at his Park Ave apartment today on charges to conspiracy and securities fraud.

Steinberg’s lawyer said “he did absolutely nothing wrong.”   Of course, it’s probably the fault of all the profiling police do of hedge fund executives.

 

Comments: 1 Comment

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