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To theology and beyond?

February 22, 2012

Mitt Romney’s latest speech Tuesday night said that the Obama adminstration has “fought against religion.” Rick Santorum’s talking about phony ideology, and Newt Gingrich is zealously defending his new Catholicism. Are we electing a President or a Pope?

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Rick Santorum is talking about President Obama’s “phony theology not based on the Bible.” Leaving aside Thomas Jefferson’s words about a “wall of separation between Church and State”, what’s Santorum’s nostalgic ideal of a Bible based theology… Salem?

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Randy Pullen, a top Mitt Romney supporter and former Arizona GOP chair, is urging Romney to change course to win over conservatives. Really? If Mitt changes course any faster and more often he may qualify for the U.S. Olympic slalom team.

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Say what? While campaigning today GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said “labor unions play an important role in our society.” In Michigan. Can’t imagine how Mitt ever got reputation for pandering.

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600 children were sent back to class after star football recruit Davonte Neal was a no-show at an assembly at his former elementary school, where he was expected to announce his college choice. Neal announced hours later for Notre Dame. Presumably for the school’s strong values and sense of personal responsibility?

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Portland center Greg Oden just had his THIRD microfracture knee surgery. Only good news for the Trail Blazers, this one might be covered by medicare.

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Brady Quinn is denying his anti-Tebow comments quoted in GQ magazine – things like “We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck,” and that when he gets an opportunity “he’ll continue to lead not by trying to get in front of the camera and praying but by praying with my teammates.” Can’t imagine how Notre Dame grads get the reputation for being poor sports who think the world revolves around them.

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Paul Babeu, the conservative anti-immigration Arizona sheriff who’s come out as a gay man amidst a scandal with an ex-lover, is now publicly backing “marriage equality.” Good for him. But wonder how long it would have taken had Babeu still been in the closet and co-chair of Mitt Romney’s Arizona campaign.

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Franklin Graham, son of Billy, questioned whether President Obama was a Christian again this morning, but said of Gingrich, he “been married several times… but he could make a good candidate. I think Newt is a Christian. At least he told me he is.” Uh, yeah, Franklin, and Newt has also told three women “until death do us part.”

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President Obama was thinking of wishing people happy Mardi Gras Tuesday. But no doubt one of his GOP opponents would accuse him of promoting a foreign agenda.

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Actually, forget Thanksgiving, the way we are growing, Fat Tuesday really is the ultimate American holiday.

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Police had to use pepper spray on a belligerent man at Disneyland this past weekend. Wow. Previously in the parks pepper spray has only been used as a threat by people whose relatives wanted to go on “It’s a Small World” just ONE more time.

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From Moneyball to Mannyball.

February 21, 2012

Yes, it’s true, Manny Ramirez has signed a minor league with the As?!! Stay tuned for “Mannyball.” Wonder if this will be a comedy or a tragedy? Or both?

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With Manny Ramirez back in baseball with the A’s, are some sports fans going from Linsanity to Manny-ic Depression?

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Fox pundit Liz Trotta has followed her incendiary comments about rape in the military with this – “Women are not as strong as men. Their instincts and reactions in crisis are markedly different.” Clearly this is a woman who has never been to a Black Friday sale.

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Albert Pujols arrived at spring training today. His new teammates were thrilled to see him in an Angels uniform. Almost as happy as National League pitchers.

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Anthony Federico, the former ESPN writer fired for his “Chink in the Armor” Jeremy Lin headline, told the NY Daily News that it was a mistake, “This had nothing to do with me being cute or punny.” If that’s true, forget racist, he (and his editor) might be too stupid to work at ESPN.

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With all the controversy about Jeremy Lin and anti-Asian jokes, I shudder to think what would happen if some Jewish kid became an NBA star. Fortunately that’s not likely to happen.

On the other hand, Cal’s Jorge Gutierrez, from Mexico, is a possible NBA draft pick. If that happens, or, if he has a great March tournament…Gentlemen, start your sensitivity training. (And run all headlines through an awake editor.)

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Indiana House member Bob Morris is opposing a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts because he believes it is a “radicalized organization.” He said he found allegations on the internet that they are tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allow transgender females to join and encourage sex. Even Rick Santorum is thinking, this guy is nuts.

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A new Canadian study found that facial plastic surgery made people look an average of seven years younger. If true, this would mean Joan Rivers looked about ten years old.

(or as my friend Kelly says, actually, it just means that Joan is really about a million years old.)

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Mitt Romney’s Super PAC spent $14 million just in January 2012. Yeah, this ought to sharpen Mitt’s credentials as a self-proclaimed “budget hawk…..”

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GOP candidates have jumped on gas prices as a way to attack President Obama. If they really wanted t do something about those prices though, heck, with the money their Super PACs are spending they could probably subsidize prices $1 a gallon for the whole country.

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The cast of “Glee” will not be touring this summer. This news was very upsetting to millions of kids, teenagers and women. And about two men.
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And the horse he rode in on….

February 20, 2012

Rick Santorum, who has said he wants the Federal and State governments out of the education business, stated “For the first 150 years, most presidents home-schooled their children at the White House.” Right, and for the first 150 years, presidents rode to work on a horse.

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So former President Clinton was in attendance at the Magic-Heat NBA game today. Guess even Bill couldn’t get tickets to see Jeremy Lin and the Knicks.

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More shocking than the fact that the New York Knicks have an Asian point guard -they’re actually playing basketball that includes passing the ball.

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One of Jeremy Lin’s biggest fans has to be Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Since “Linsanity” has knocked Cashman’s personal life train wreck (ex-mistress talking after being jailed for stalking him and his family, wife filing for divorce) right off the front page.

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Not that I would mind seeing Rick Santorum as the GOP Presidential nominee. But did all these Republicans suddenly on his bandwagon forget that in his re-election campaign for Senate, in a relatively conservative state, Santorum lost by 18%?

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Now that pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, it’s time to step back a bit from “Linsanity” and ask a question -. So which major league baseball teams have sent scouts to follow Harvard baseball?

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Newt Gingrich said of any late potential entrants into GOP Presidential field “Nobody’s going to show up and become Superman or Superwoman.” Heck, at this point many Republicans would settle for a good Clark Kent.

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NBC has confirmed that Lindsay Lohan is going to host SNL March 3. And it’s probably only a coincidence that the network has reportedly sent out a memo to cast members recommending they hide their jewelry.

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Controversy in California as a new program allows teenagers in some counties to request free condoms by mail. Actually the program is available to kids as young as 12.

Now, while I’m not personally a fan of 12 year olds having sex, it’s also really hard to imagine those kids, or even 13,14,15,16,17… year olds saying “Okay, I was thinking of waiting until marriage but, hey, free condoms, let’s do it.”

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Commentators seem surprised by how much Jeremy Lin has adapted and improved in two weeks in the NBA. Well, Palo Alto High and Harvard may not be known for their star athletes, but they do emphasize the ability to learn.

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Following on that thought, a serious comment for a change: Some wonder the difference between Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow, as both are devout Christian over-achievers. And why Lin, so far, is far less polarizing. Well, for starters, Tebow was home-schooled. Lin went through public schools. Which, while that may not make an intolerant person tolerant, and vice versa, does mean a slightly broader experience.

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Scoring change.

February 19, 2012

Apparently Maine may recount their caucuses, and Mitt Romney could end up losing the state to Ron Paul. This after he lost Iowa in a recount to Rick Santorum. Looks like Mitt’s victories may win up beng as long lasting as his positions.

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A new California Family Health Council program will allow teens in some counties to receive free condoms by mail. Said many teenagers “What’s mail?”

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United Airlines is adopting Continental’s pet transport program known as “PetSafe,” which means that animals who are too big to fit in the cabin have to fly as cargo, not checked luggage. For many destinations this will significantly increase the cost. On the other hand, the pets will still be more comfortable than their owners in coach.

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Paul Babeu is an AZ sheriff who became famous for opposing illegal immigration, and is now running for congress. He has been accused of threatening a male ex-lover with deportation if he made their relationship public. After texts were released, Babeu admited he is gay but denies making serious threats. When will they learn, love may fade, but cellphone records are forever?

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Nancy Grace refuses to apologize for saying “who let [Whitney Houston] slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?” Prompting many to suggest that maybe what Grace herself needs is a few drinks and a long bath.

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ESPN has apologized for using the headline “Chink in the Armor” referring to Jeremy Lin’s nine turnover’s last night in the Knicks loss to the Hornets. In related news, U.S. unemployment figures are about to increase by one.

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On the other hand, for fans of politically incorrect humor, my comedy pal T.C Chong from British Columbia, who has the birthright to make Asian jokes, has a few variations on Lin puns.

For starters. “Chinese Delivery Ends”, and “Lin is just taking all this with a grain of rice. He says the people at ESPN can’t “Wok and Chu Gum” at the same time.” (Others in comments on yesterday’s post.)

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The conservatives screaming about free birth control are often the same people screaming about those who pay no federal taxes. And who want to cut welfare, govt. subsidized child care, health care, etc. Really guys, if you want to reduce the number of poor people and kids, birth control should be a sacrament.

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The King’s speech.

February 18, 2012

Lebron James said he could see himself back in Cleveland some day. And some fans in Miami are upset. Seems like James’ idea of a long-term committed relationship might be the same as Newt Gingrich’s.

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Lebron is trying to quell controversy in Miami over his remarks about possibly returning to the Cavaliers at some point, and says Heat fans “shouldn’t be worried.” Maybe King James should use the controversy control technique of keeping an aspirin between his lips.

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Tim Wakefield, 45, says he is retiring. Responded Jamie Moyer – “So young?”

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From T.C. “Massachusetts will honor Wakefield by reducing highway speed limits to 48 mph that day in tribute to his fastball speed.”

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Lin-sanity temporarily derailed Friday night by the…. New Orleans Hornets? Well, it is the weekend before Mardi Gras. Never underestimate the power of Voodoo.

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Meanwhile the Detroit Red Wings got their 22nd consecutive home win tonight. The reaction in most of America -. “That’s great, what sport do they play?”

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One amusing sidelight in this Jeremy Lin story: How often do we get to hear about a Harvard graduate overcoming adversity?

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The Cincinnati Bengals have hired former Oakland Raiders coach Hue Jackson as an assistant coach. Well, Hue better to have experience with dysfunctional football teams?

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Apparently one of the people involved in lobbying Maryland state lawmakers for marriage equality is Dick Cheney. No doubt someone in the GOP will be soon be dismissing the former V.P. as a flaming liberal like his old pal Clint Eastwood.

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Mitt Romney joked at a Michigan rally this week: “Any old girlfriends here? I better be careful.” Really? Girlfriends? Mitt, America is having a hard enough time believing you actually produced five sons with your WIFE.

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Another thought about this birth control controversy. If religious institutions can deny coverage for sometihng they believe is immoral, why not deny coverage for STD’s for both sexes, especially unmarried men as well as women, since they shouldn’t be doing anything to get such a disease?

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Parenthood, and other birth control jokes.

February 17, 2012

Rick Santorum is distancing himself from a major donor’s comment about using aspirin for contraception. After Foster Friess said that “gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.” Santorum called Friess’ comment a “stupid joke.” Wonder if Rick figured that out before or after he fathered seven children.

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Those who oppose Obama’s efforts to get birth control coverage for women who work at church-affiliated institutions are framing it as an issue of religious freedom. But about the religious freedom for churches who are willing to marry gay couples?.

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The Miami Heat play in Cleveland Friday, and Lebron James just said he would be open to returning to play for the Cavaliers at some point. This I think is the cue for the P.A. announcer at “The Q” to serenade King James with a recording of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”

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Late bloomer story of the year: When the Palo Alto High basketball team defeated Mater Dei for the CA State Championship in 2006, the Vikings had 0 players heading to D1 schools, while the Monarchs had several including Duke-bound superstar Taylor King.

Now King is playing for the Quebec Kebs of the National Basketball League of Canada, and Palo Altos’s Jeremy Lin…..

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R.I.P. Gary Carter, who was only 57. I once heard Bob Brenly talk enviously about the great camaraderie “the Kid” had with umpires. For Carter, the best PED was a smile.

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CNN announced they have canceled their Super Tuesday debate, because Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum all have canceled their appearances. Guess the three GOP candidates were afraid CNN would do something terrible during the debate, like report exactly what they said.

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Apparently Newt Gingrich is still willing to take part in the proposed CNN debate which has been tentatively canceled due to the other three top candidates pulling out. Well, it could be interesting. Americans could watch Gingrich debate himself.

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Got to love the Donald, who now talks about helping Romney because “If you look at the tea party. If you look at the Christian coalition. If you look at a lot of different groups, I have very, very strong relationships with them.” Hmm, wonder how these compare to his “good relationship with the blacks.”

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Interesting parallels between the reaction to the deaths of Whitney Houston and Etta James. Both were great singers with complicated and difficult personal lives. But Houston died at 48, and James lived until 73. Proving again, that the way to achieve eternal superstardom is to die young.

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Maybe when the NBA season is over President Obama can appoint Jeremy Lin to a temporary position to work on unemployment. Lin’s already done the seemingly impossible with jobs – saved Mike D’Antoni’s.

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Catching a rising star?

February 16, 2012

The Golden State Warriors are playing better of late, but they don’t have any real stars, and can’t seem to attract the kind of player who gets national attention and becomes a media sensation.. Gosh, wonder where they could possibly find a player like that?. Oops, never mind….

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How big a sensation is Jeremy Lin in New York? Out of habit the Yankees offered him a free agent contract.

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So Tim Tebow is #15, Jeremy Lin is #17. Wonder how many teams are scouting minor league baseball for a young Christian player wearing #19?

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Mars Inc, the candy maker of Snickers, Twix, and Three Musketeers, for examples, has announced they will stop selling chocolate products with more than 250 calories in them by the end of 2013.

You know what that means, same price, less candy.

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Old newspaper clippings show that Rick Santorum, in his first run for Congress in 1990, referred to himself as a “progressive conservative,” and said he tried to “dance around,” the issue of abortion. Who does Rick think he is? Mitt Romney?

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Las Vegas’ newest museum opened this week. The National Museum of Organized Crime & Law Enforcement, aka the Mob Museum. Wonder if their ticket policy will be “Free admission, but you’ll really pay to get out.”

(my friend Michael M. says “he hears it’s a real hit.” Rich says, “make them an offer they can’t refuse.”)

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President Obama’s approval rating is back up to 50%. Which means Americans are feeling better about the country. Either that or they have been watching the GOP primaries and going “Are you effing kidding me?”.

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Kim Kardashian said in an interview with Allure magazine that her next wedding won’t include any cameras. Hmm. I think I like “until death do us part” better.

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Rick Santorum talks about tort reform, and capping medical malpractice awards at $250,000. His wife, however, sued her chiropractor for $500,000 in 1999 because she alleged he incorrectly performed a spinal adjustment. Yeah, guess this means Santorum’s passed the political hypocrisy test.

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The Santa Clara city council approved the new 49ers stadium last night, which means the 49ers are officially moving state. Many San Franciscans are upset about losing “their” team. But unlike the Giants and Jets, at least the 49ers will still be playing in the same state.

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Four football players were amongst 17 TCU students arrested on drug charges. Well, looks like the Horned Frogs have finally joined the ranks of the big-time college football programs.

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Rocket scientist award of the week: A Northern California man missed his flight after TSA at Oakland found marijuana in a peanut butter jar in his carry-on bag. The stupidity isn’t so much the marijuana. They might have missed that. But a jar is more than 3 ounces, and peanut butter IS classified as a liquid.

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One nice unintended consequence of the Jeremy Lin story – It has finally knocked the Peyton Manning-Colts story off the front page.

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A customer at Las Vegas’s Heart Attack Grill was eating a Triple Bypass Burger” (1 1/2 lbs of beef and 12 bacon slices)) last weekend when he actually had a heart attack. The man is recovering. But what’s more disgusting, the idea of a 24 oz burger with that much bacon, or the idea there are probably lawyers ready to help him sue?

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“Any Lin-gering Doubts?”

February 15, 2012

Lin-sanity continues. Tuesday night’s comeback finishes with 3 pointer with .09 to go. Even Tim Tebow is saying “Are you f***ing kidding me?

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Despite the hype, Jeremy Lin isn’t perfect. As his former Palo Alto High coach Peter Diepenbrook will attest. For example, his mom once said (really) “Jeremy has an A-minus in math. I don’t think he’s going to be able to play this week.”

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Despite the recent birth control controversy, President Obama’s approval ratings with Catholics are basically unchanged over the past couple weeks. Makes sense, most U.S. Catholics learned to ignore bishops somewhere around Vatican II.

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Nine games today in the NBA Tuesday night. Which spared a lot of lucky players a major dilemma – which mother of which child would they have dinner with on Valentine’s Day?

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Many conservatives are pushing Newt Gingrich to quit running for President, but Newt has vowed to stay in the race. These folks are using the wrong logic. Just tell him being a candidate is a commitment, like a marriage.

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Sports commentators saying PGA tour doesn’t have anyone who’s a Tiger Woods anymore. Heck, even Tiger isn’t Tiger Woods anymore.

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The Baltimore Orioles have announced they are no longer interested in pursuing Manny Ramirez. Guess they don’t want to star in this season’s version of “Foolish teams, even more foolish choices.”

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Rick Santorum saying that birth control “only costs a few dollars.” Really? Figure a man with seven children would know as much about the price of birth control as Mitt Romney would know about which airline has the best coach class seats.

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Who says there are no bipartisan statements in politics. From President Obama on Tuesday: “Let me start with a quick public service announcement to all the gentlemen out there: Today is Valentine’s Day. Do not forget. I speak from experience here. It is important that you remember this. And go big. That’s my advice.”

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Rick Perry said he might run again for President. This is enough even to get the Jewish Jon Stewart saying “Thank you Jesus.”

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The lawyer for suspended Penn State AD Tim Curley wants charges dismissed against her client. Not because of exculpatory evidence. But necause Paterno is dead and cannot attest to the alleged perjury, and the law about reporting suspected child abuse wasn’t enacted until after the alleged abuse…. And some at PSU still don’t get why the school went with an outsider as the new football coach.

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Open note to anyone with a cat in their household. If someone puts flowers in water in a tall vase, and then takes the flowers to give to someone, but leaves the water in the vase….. suffice it to say the chances of the cat thinking the water belongs to them is greater than you think. And it will not end well.

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From T.C. “Tiger went on record last stating that long belly putters should be outlawed on the PGA tour.

After Sunday’s final round at the AT&T, he added “putting left handed” to that wish list.”

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Highfaluting’ heifers?

February 14, 2012

A Texas high school cheerleader coach was fired after one of the cheerleaders recorded her yelling at the young women “Who do you think you all are? Highfalutin heifers. You just come and go as you please…” “Highfalutin’ heifers?” Heck, I give her points for creative alliteration.

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Fox New’s Liz Trotta, on rapes in the military: “The report says that there has been, since 2006, a 64% increase in violent sexual assaults. Now, what did they expect? These people are in close contact.” Can’t wait to see what Trotta would say if asked about co-ed college dorms.

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Today is Valentine’s Day. All over the NBA players are sending members of their posse out to buy a dozen cards – “To my one and only.”

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Leave what he feels out of this, how stupid is it to say it? Floyd Mayweather just posted: “Jeremy Lin is a good player but all the hype is because he’s Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don’t get the same praise.” Just another piece of evidence that boxers should be required to wear helmets.

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Carmelo Anthony is telling the media that when he returns he can co-exist with Jeremy Lin. These days Knicks fans are more worried whether or not Jeremy Lin can co-exist with him.

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Lin-sanity continues. Have the offensively challenged SF Giants checked on the availability of undrafted former Harvard baseball power hitters.

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Jeremy Lin jerseys are the #1 seller in the NBA right now. How cool is this? And nice for the people making the jerseys to see a name they actually might recognize.

(Bus to hell version of this joke: It’s good for all those Chinese factory workers to have a hero they can actually aspire to grow up to be.)

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So all these folks wondering what Tiger Woods is missing lately…. Well, Phil Mickelson did give much of the credit to his wife.

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David Ortiz and the Red Sox have agreed to a $14.575 million one year contract, up from the $12.6 million Boston had originally offered. Guess the Sox figured, it’s not just his family, Ortiz needs to feed himself.

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Best line from “The Bachelor” tonight: “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends.” If this gal doesn’t win she’s set up for dating a professional athlete. Or becoming the fourth Mrs. Newt Gingrich.

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Some wonder how Mitt Romney can keep it up as the front-runner when nobody seems to actually like him. Wonder how many Bachelor fans are privately referring to him as the Courtney of the Republican party?

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A judge ruled the Jerry Sandusky trial will be in State College. WTF? They stand about as much chance of getting an unbiased jury in his home town as Newt Gingrich has of being picked as Mitt Romney’s running mate.

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Not making this up, from the Rick Santorum website: Extended by Popular Demand….Donate $100 or more, and we will send you an official Rick Santorum For President sweater vest.” (Gray, 100% cotton, made in America.) “Extended by Popular Demand?” That translates to either a- we ordered too many, or b- even Santorum fans don’t want to look THAT dorky.

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“Unimaginable?”

February 13, 2012

One statement released about Whitney Houston’s death said it was “Unimaginable.” “Sad”, yes, “a terrible waste”, yes, “horrible for her daughter”, yes. But “unimaginable?” Not exactly. Maybe not even completely “unexpected.” (Are you paying attention, Lindsay Lohan?)

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Though questions remain about Whitney Houston’s death, the sad truth is that the person she probably needed a bodyguard from was herself.

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Bus to hell time. So wonder what Whitney Houston was drinking at the time of her death? Bathtub gin?

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Wonder if all those big post Grammy parties and champagne that friends of Rihanna suggested to Chris Brown that he go home and take a nice long bath?

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Okay, I get celebrity watching, even extending to funerals. But all these non-media folks lined up with phones and camera phones outside the Beverly Hills Hotel jostling to get a shot of the coroner’s van with Whitney Houston’s body?

Not exactly a picture you’d print for your mantel.

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A little irony, Jennifer Hudson was eliminated on American Idol during Barry Manilow week. But the week before, she wowed everyone on movie soundtrack week with “I have nothing,” from “The Bodyguard.

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How quickly things change. The Sunday newspaper talked about the big story at the Grammys tonight being the singing comeback of Adele.

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Why the Academy Awards always has it over the Grammys. The Oscar telecast is LIVE. Come on folks – those of us on the West Coast can handle a show starting on television late Saturday afternoon. We just managed the Super Bowl.

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Warriors vs. Rockets Sunday night. Otherwise known as the “We scr*wed up on Jeremy Lin” matchup.
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Republican infighting reaches new heights with even Ron Paul going after Romney and accusing him of cheating in the Maine caucuses. (Santorum and Gingrich were already in full attack mode.) It appears to be bitter, personal and unending. Who does the GOP think they are? Democrats?

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Got to love TSA. Today at the airport my carry on bag seemed a bit wide to one agent. Said I couldn’t bring it through security. Asked if I had a sweater or jacket inside? Had a sweater. Told me to take it out and carry it. Now we were good. Felt so much safer…. Sigh.

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Did someone forget to tell Phil Mickelson that Tiger Woods was supposed to be today’s golf story?

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The Yankees are reported in talks with the Pirates to move A.J. Burnett. The trade would no doubt require NY to eat some of his $35 million salary for the next two years. This passes for baseball equality these days, the rich get a little less rich, and the poor get stuck with players like Burnett.

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Beach Boys 50 year reunion. Yeah, they’ve still got it, even if those “Good Vibrations’ might now be from their overheated hearing aids.

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Not to say Beach Boys aren’t as active as they used to be. But hear one song on their reunion tour will be “Channel Surfing USA.”

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What’s in a name?

February 12, 2012

Chad Ochocinco is changing his name again. In other words, Ochocinco is Ocho-Seis’ed.

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Then there’s Meta World Peace on Jeremy Lin: “We think he needs a better haircut. I don’t like that style. We’re in New York, the fashion capital. You’re a star now. Wear some shades. Shades, OK? Put down the nerdy Harvard book glasses. Put on some black shades, OK? With some leather pants. Change your style. Fashion…”

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I’m all for freedom of speech and religion but hearing the Catholic bishops talk about their “”serious moral concerns” about President Obama’s birth control compromise makes me wonder where this outrage was when the pedophilia scandals first came to light.

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Al Franken headlining for the Democrats at the California convention. His challenge, saying something funnier than most of the GOP presidential candidates do every day.

This Franken line wasn’t bad: “Watching people complain about Clint Eastwood’s ‘Halftime in America’ ad is like watching people rooting for the dealer in blackjack.”

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Meanwhile, Governor Jerry Brown is in full “take no prisoners” mode. And he illustrates an interesting alternative to term limits – elect politicians who are old enough they don’t give a sh*t who they offend anymore.

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Sad news about Whitney Houston, but hearing it at a convention surrounded by 1,000 people with smart phones made me feel like I was in one of those “that’s so thirty seconds ago” commercials.

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Sarah Palin is now giving advice to Mitt Romney on how to defeat President Obama. And she is such an expert on that subject…

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But really, Sarah Palin’s telling Mitt Romney how to beat President Obama? What’s next, John Kerry giving Mitt charisma lessons?

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Mitt Romney says he is the “only candidate in this race, Republican or Democrat, who has never worked a day in Washington.” Uh, yeah, that’s because he lost his earlier races for the Senate and the Presidency.

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Democrats will never be accused of not being P.C. enough. Speeches at convention are done with ASL AND closed captioning.

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Rick Santorum is pontificating on birth control these days, and said yesterday that it “only costs a few dollars,” and “serves no economic need.” Uh, do we really expect a man to be an expert on birth control who has seven children?

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Is this a great country or what?

February 11, 2012

What a great country. Our president is black and the most talked about player in the NBA is Asian.

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The Jeremy Lin fan club now extends to everyone outside of the greater Los Angeles area (plus a lot of Clippers fans.)

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Well, Kobe Bryant knows who Jeremy Lin is now.

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Tim Tebow led the Broncos to some miraculous wins. Jeremy Lin, a devout Christian, is having an incredible week for the Knicks. In MLB, teams are thinking about sending their scouts into churches.

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Note to these “Onemillionmoms” folks who are upset by Ellen Degeneres being chosen as a J.C Penney’s spokeswoman. because most of the store’s customers are traditional families. Right, so they would prefer Penney’s hire some heterosexual like Charlie Sheen, Britney Spears or Kim Kardashian?

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Mitt Romney said at CPAC that he was a “severely conservative governor.” And this is a man who once derided John Kerry as a “severely conflicted person.

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Wonder if I will ever get used to seeing ESPN.com feed saying things like “Meta World Peace” personal foul.

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At California State Democratic convention in San Diego this weekend. Knowing that all speeches should be taken with a large grain of salt. Like this one from the 2002 Massachusetts REPUBLICAN convention: “I respect and will fully protect a woman’s right to choose. That right is a deeply personal one.” The speaker? Mitt Romney.

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While we’re arguing over birth control how come there is a deafening silence from conservatives on the subject of insurers providing unmarried men with Viagra?

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To use free T Mobile in United Airlines Club you must check that you have “read and accepted terms and conditions.”. Just scrolled through them. Over 30 pages.Admittedly didn’t “read.” Must be some kind of full employment act for lawyers.

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Jerry Sandusky complained after a pre-trial hearing that due to his house arrest restrictions he can’t see friends or his grandchildren, or play outside with his dog. “That’s really a shame” said absolutely no one.

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Former USC QB Mitch Mustain, 23, was going to join the Arena Football League, and he hasn’t pitched since high school. But he tried out with the Chicago White Sox and hit 90 mph on the radar gun. Some frustrated Jets fans hope this inspires Sanchez to try out with the Mets.

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Rick Santorum says women in combat would be a bad idea because of the “emotions” that men would feel seeing them in harm’s way, so they wouldn’t be concerned about accomplishing the mission.” Clearly Santorum has never seen women standing in the way of men getting something important, like the TV remote.

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From my friend Bill Littlejohn: Wes Welker has been asked to throw the switch that drops the ball at Times Square next New Year’s Eve.

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So confusing….

February 10, 2012

A picture forwarded by a friend explaining social media:

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Mark Zuckerberg says he inadvertently “liked” Mitt Romney on Facebook. See, this darn thing has become so complicated and convoluted, even its founder gets confused.

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Tiger Woods is back at Pebble Beach. What a week in sports. The most talked about golfer once again is black, and the most talked about NBA player is Asian.

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Anyone on probation is not allowed to possess deadly weapons, but the judge in Barry Bonds’ case is allowing him to keep his baseball bats. As evidence, presumably Bonds referred the judge to the 2011 SF Giants, who showed that their bats couldn’t hurt anyone.

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LSU QB Jordan Jefferson says he believes a major reason the team lost the BCS title game to Alabama 21-0 was the offensive game plan. “Oh stop whining,” said even Giselle Bundchen.

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So who’s going to be the first to do the Dos Equis spoof? “Mitt Romney, the least interesting man in the world.”

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An new study shows a cancer drug has succeeded in reversing early stage Alzheimer’s disease in mice. Which could be very good news in the long run. In the short run, just what we need, smarter mice.

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United and Lufthansa – amongst others – say fuel surcharge is “temporary” and not part of the fare. But on nonrefundable tickets, where the taxes are at least refundable, there is a note – “surcharge will NOT be refunded” if ticket is cancelled. Uh, if you don’t fly, how are you causing them to use fuel?

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Michele Bachmann now says “I was the perfect candidate,” Even Sarah Palin says “This woman is delusional.”
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Jeremy Lin, whose contract with the Knicks was just guaranteed, has apparently been living with his dental student brother. And Jeremy’s been sleeping on the living room couch. Of course, given the rumors about women before his impending divorce, the same probably could have been said at home for Kobe Bryant.

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Let me get this straight, many Americans love Jeremy Lin partly because he graduated from Harvard, but we deride our candidates for the same thing. So we want our NBA stars to be smart but not our Presidents?

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Lebron James and Kendrick Perkins are bickering over James’ tweet about Blake Griffin dunking over Perkins. Kendrick told one reporter “You don’t see Kobe Bryant tweeting, you don’t see Michael Jordan tweeting…” Yeah, but that might be because they are too old to know how.

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Jack in the Box has a bacon milkshake? Who’d a thunk it, someone could make McDonald’s shamrock shake look natural and healthy by comparison.

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From T.C. Tom Brady cancelled playing in the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-AM. Gisele says, you can’t expect my husband to hit the bleeping ball and putt out too!

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Knicks are Roll-Lin

February 9, 2012

Sign held by an Asian man at Verizon Center where the Jeremy Lin led Knicks beat the Washington Wizards – “Who says we can’t drive?”

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Unclear on the concept: Jeremy Lin’s former Palo Alto High coach Peter Diepenbrock “In the last 24 hours, I’ve taken calls from more than 12 different sportswriters in New York alone, I didn’t even know New York had that many sportswriters.” Uh, coach, New York has expotentially more sportswriters than 12 just covering the Yankees.

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Madonna is going to be performing at HP Pavilion, aka the “Shark Tank.” Unlike the San Jose Sharks, however, Madonna has actually made it to a championship game.

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Mitt Romney said today he’s going to be more aggressive in campaigning against Rick Santorum. Translation, “those Super PACS that I know absolutely nothing about and don’t communicate with are going to get a lot more nasty.”

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Enlightened male award of the day to Brandon Jacobs of the Super Bowl Champion NY Giants, for his comments about Giselle Bundchen. “She just needs to continue to be cute and shut up.” As if men listen to anything super models say anyway.

(Update, tonight Jacobs apologized for his words. Which means he probably heard from a higher authority -his wife.)

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Okay, now that Super Bowl betting is over, who’d have wagered that there would be a political controversy over a Clint Eastwood ad? And that Clint would be accused of trying to support a Democratic president?

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But really, Clint Eastwood makes an ad that can be seen as pro-Obama? Right. Next you’ll be telling me that Bill O’Reilly is supporting Ellen Degeneres.

Actually if Eastwood gets mad enough at all these Republican attacks, maybe he WILL make an ad supporting Obama.

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The Minnesota Twins are auctioning off a baseball signed before a game last July by Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. No guesses as to the estimated price but expect buyer’s remorse 72 days later.

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Sean Hannity said that if President Obama had his way, Bin Laden would still be alive. and he thinks “that can be proved as well on tape.” Assume that tape is in the same place as Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate?

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Apparently there are plans afoot to televise Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’s divorce proceedings. Well, those proceedings could last longer than the marriage.

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Alan Silverleib of CNN wrote a post titled “Conservatives still resist Romney.” Which basically says they doubt his authenticity. As a moderate liberal, can I add “‘Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country?”

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Memphis has announced they will become the newest Big East member. Well, they are east of new members San Diego State, Boise State, Houston and SMU. (Although the city IS west of, for example, Chicago.)

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U Conn’s mens basketball, facing sanctions for poor academic performance, is suggesting that the Huskies reduce the # of games they play next year if the NCAA will waive their punishment of being banned from 2013’s March Madness tournament. Can’t imagine how the school gets the reputation of thinking the rules don’t apply to them.

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With Proposition 8 being at least temporarily overturned in California, one argument that comes up during the gay marriage debate is that legalizing it will lead to people marrying their pets. Which isn’t going to happen. On the other hand, doesn’t mean that some pets aren’t better in relationships than some humans.

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Tax dollars working hard for the money?

February 8, 2012

The House just overwhelmingly passed a bill banning welfare recipients from spending federal aid in strip clubs. No problem there. It would probably be unconstitutional, but shame they can’t also pass a bill banning those in Congress from using their taxpayer funded stipends in strip clubs.

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Can’t wait to see what Tom Brady says about the other women if Giselle Bundchen ever plays in the Lingerie Bowl.

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Jeremy Lin, the New York Knicks’ unlikely new star, is a devout Christian. Hmm, does this mean God was looking for something to do during Tebow’s offseason?

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On American Idol tomorrow, one of the singers who made it to Hollywood is Brittany Kerr, a cheerleader/dancer for Charlotte Bobcats. If she makes it to the finals we may see a new phenomenon, men asking their wives and girlfriends when Idol is on.

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Newly minted Catholic Newt Gingrich is condemning the Obama administration’s decision to require religious hospitals and schools to offer birth control as part of their healthcare plans. Longtime Newt watchers just yawn and wonder what his next wife’s religion will say on the subject.

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A pilot with Lion Air, Indonesia’s largest domestic airline, reportedly tested positive for crystal meth within hours before his scheduled flight. This was the second crystal meth arrest for the airline this year. So maybe passengers haven’t been imagining that their planes take off, fly, and land REALLY REALLY fast.

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Rick Santorum has won tonight in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. This is great news, for President Obama.

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Rocket scientist of the day award? To the Denver Bronco’s Knowshon Moreno was arrested and charged with DUI, for driving 70mph in a construction zone with a license plate reading “SAUCED.”

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Santorum wins Colorado! Reaction from moderate conservatives to the state – “Are you Rocky Mountain High?”

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Today in Boston, someone dumped hundreds of Butterfinger candy bars in Boston’s Copley Square on Tuesday with a note: “Thank you Wes Welker.” Haven’t heard anyone pulling stunts joking about Brady throwing that ball to midfield from the end zone. But without that safety a field goal at the end wins the game.

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Happy to see California Prop 8 declared unconstitutional. But if we really want to get more conservatives over to the side of gay marriage, need a campaign that says right now gay couples who are domestic partners pay lower tax rates than married couples.

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Ricky Williams is retiring from the NFL. It could be high time.

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Prosecutors are asking that Jerry Sandusky stay indoors as part of his house arrest. Apparently parents have complained that he can be seen outside and watching children in a schoolyard from the back porch of his home. I’m wondering why they granted this scumbag bail at all.

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Karen Handel, the alleged driving force behind Komen’s decision to cut off funding for Planned Parenthood, resigned today. But in a statement said this was a board supported position and a discussion that started before she arrived. In other words, the company wanted me to steer towards those rocks.

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No “I” in Team. But there is an “I” in Giselle.

February 7, 2012

Chrysler’s “Halftime in America” Super Bowl ad is being talked about as a potential boost for President Obama. Republicans are just trying to figure out how to discredit that liberal icon Clint Eastwood.

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“Extra” TV host Maria Menounos, a New England fan, paid off on a bet by wearing a New York Giants bikini in Times Square because the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I think I can speak for all Americans in saying I’m glad Bill Bilicheck didn’t make that same bet.

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Why super models don’t play on teams: Tom Brady’s wife overheard screaming at hecklers after the Super Bowl – “My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times.”

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Wonder if Giselle Bundchen blamed Kate Winslet for the bad acting reviews in ‘Titanic.”

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Just my opinion, but guessing when Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen’s son starts playing Pop Warner or Little League, Giselle won’t be chosen as team mom.

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This just in. Tom Brady criticizes some Giselle’s make-up artist for not making her look better.

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All this commotion over M.I.A’s middle finger gesture. Right, as opposed to wholesome regular prime-time television like Family Guy and the Bachelor.

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Anyone else see the Super Bowl trailer for “The Dictator,” and think that Sasha Baron Cohen owes the Giants’ Brian Wilson royalties?

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A Georgia man sustained non life-threatening injuries after he accidentally shot himself in the leg at a Savannah gun show. (With a pistol he had just bought the day before) Wonder if he was wearing a Plaxico Burress jersey.

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The Knicks won tonight with Harvard grad Jeremy Lin, Stanford grad Landry Fields, and Marquette grad Steve Novak. They may not make the playoffs but New York should be unbeatable at “Words with Friends.”

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Mitt Romney today said that he agreed with the Susan G. Komen’s decision to cut Planned Parenthood funding. That probable gender gap in November just turned into the Grand Canyon.

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Hard to believe, but Tim Lincecum said he lost 22 pounds over the winter. SF Giants fans are hoping Pablo Sandoval didn’t find them.

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Mimi Alford, 69, has written a book about her previously unknown relationship with JFK. Just wondering how much the world would be different if we had Twitter and camera phones in the 60s. Heck, even during Clinton’s presidency.

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Rick Santorum told a gay man that he doesn’t deserve the ‘privilege’ of marriage because same sex relationships don’t “benefit society.”

Uh, one of my more generally conservative friends, a wine merchant, would beg to differ. As he says, “Gay couples buy the most expensive champagne.”

All for that matter, no birth control or abortion issues.

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Hard to believe sometimes that an ob/gyn like Ron Paul can be so clueless about women. Especially when he comes up with terms like “Honest Rape.” Talk about a useless oxymoron.

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Super question.

February 6, 2012

Super Bowl XLVI is history. So what time this week does the pre-game show for Super Bowl XLVII start?

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Okay, so this year’s Super Bowl commercials may not have been that memorable. On the brighter side for viewers, especially in Florida and South Carolina, none of them were made by political super PACS.

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New England WR Wes Welker dropped a pass late in the fourth quarter that resulted in New York getting the ball back with time to drive for the winning touchdown. NBC commentator Cris Collinsworth commented that Welker makes that catch “100 times out of 100.” Uh, make that 99.

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Not a NY Giants or NE Patriots fan, but at least they didn’t get to the championship with a payroll two to four times that of most of the rest of the league. (Yes, Yankees and Red Sox fans, I’m talking to you.)

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Who says football players don’t need math? For New England being able to count to 12 would have been helpful.

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A GOP friend posted that President Obama called the NY Giants and told them to share the trophy with other 31 teams. Right, and Mitt Romney called the Patriots and told them how to deduct the loss as a write-off.

(My friend Jeff Klein says “Newt Gingrich told both teams he could build them a training facility on the moon.”

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Open note to the younger generation: Madonna was the first Lady Gaga.

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Congratulations to those who bet the first score in the Super Bowl would be a safety. Both of them.

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Today’s Giants-Patriots Super Bowl game is a Jets fan’s worst nightmare. Well, except for the sight of Joe Namath weaving towards a pretty sideline reporter.

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Confused. Madonna sang “Like a Prayer.”. But where was Tim Tebow.

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NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell is now saying that eliminating the Pro Bowl is a possibility. “That would be terrible,” said absolutely nobody.

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Only 366 days until Super Bowl 47, Feb 3, 2013 in New Orleans. How much do we think Drew Brees and company will be motivated to make it a home game?

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There’s an explanation for the latest controversy over Peyton Manning. Apparently he HAS been cleared to play professional football. But based on the 2011 season, that leaves out playing for the Colts.

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Seattle officials are working on plans to build a new arena ,and according to media reports are looking into acquiring the Sacramento Kings. Some are even more ambitious, and hope they can land an actual professional team.

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If you’re reading this….

February 5, 2012

You must have all your Super Bowl shopping done.

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Based on the crowds in Safeway, today is clearly the junk food shopping equivalent of the day before Thanksgiving.

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Fidel Castro has released a 1,000 page memoir, saying “I have to take advantage now, because memories fade. I am willing to do everything possible to share everything I remember well.” In related news, John McCain has released a memoir pamphlet.

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Police used a stun gun on a North Carolina woman who cut the line at a McDonald’s drive-thru and refused to move. A stun gun, really? Isn’t that a bit of overkill. Now, if she had blocked a morning line at Starbucks…..

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How the .1 percenters stay that way. Meg Whitman, when she took over as CEO of Hewlett Packard, took a $1 salary. But she got stock options that brought her compensation to $16.5 million. (No doubt much of that will be considered capital gains at a 15% tax rate)

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Scary thought if it hasn’t happened already. How long until kids grow up thinking Roman numerals are just another NFL creation for Super Bowl week?

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On Saturday afternoon, the NY Giants “accidentally” posted on their website that the team was Super Bowl champions. What hubris. Wonder if the errant employee involved used to work for the Yankees?

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As if we needed more proof that the 1% is not actually suffering any recession symptoms, USA Today reports that even though the SF 49ers haven’t broken ground in Santa Clara yet, the team reports having already sold $138 million in luxury suites.

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If President Obama dropped in to listen to Mitt Romney’s victory speech in Nevada, he would at least double the black turnout.

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According to CNN, in the veterinarians classified 53% of adult dogs in the U.S. and 55% of cats as overweight or obese. Well that’s still probably a lower percentage than their owners.

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Poor Mitt Romney, he’s starting to remind folks of C. Montgomery Burns, without Smithers.

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Newt Gingrich is fighting allegations that he is being petty and childish. So he refers to Romney’s comment about not caring about poor people as a “boo-boo?”

(My friend Dave Ribeiro says Newt’s favorite drink is “scotch and wa-wa.”)

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Congrats to the 49ers Jim Harbaugh who was voted NFL Coach of the Year, with 45 votes out of 50 votes. Three voters went to the Packers’ Mike McCarthy and two went to Denver’s John Fox. McCarthy presumably got votes for not messing up the defending champions. But did those two vote for Fox because God wasn’t on the ballot?

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You cannot make this “stuff” up dept: Indiana’s Secretary of State, the state’s top election official, has been convicted of six felony charges for lying about his address on voter registration forms. (False registration, voting in another precinct, submitting a false ballot, theft and two counts of perjury.)

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Serious PR disaster for the Komen Foundation this week with their temporary decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood. Did you really think you could do something that stupid and no one would notice? – asked Anthony Weiner.

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America’s game

February 4, 2012

Your tax dollars at work: 35% of people who attend the Super Bowl write it off as a corporate expense.

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Wonder which team Mitt Romney has picked for his $10,000 bet on the Super Bowl?

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Newt Gingrich’s latest rant Friday was against the New York City “elites.” Well, at least that leaves out the Mets.

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The latest music rumor – Adam Lambert is joining Queen. Old time rock and roll fans may ask “Who’s Adam Lambert.” Young music fans may ask “Who’s Queen?”

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Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said in a statement today “Peyton Manning, Jim Irsay and the entire Colts family remain close and unified.” Sounds like Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian on the 60th or so day of their marriage.

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Great jobs report today. You know what that means. Time for the GOP to start talking about Obama’s birth certificate again.

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Mitt Romney called today’s drop in unemployment “good news” , but said that “it has taken a lot longer than it should have, in part because of the policies of this administration.” Of course, if unemployment rises in February, it will be completely BECAUSE of President Obama….

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Rumor has it Kim Kardashian and Mark Sanchez are dating. Is there some way we can make sure they won’t breed?

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While visiting India, Arnold Schwarzenegger told a TV channel he would consider acting in Bollywood if offered “an interesting script with a good director.” Why? Lack of those things never stopped him making movies here.

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From Jim Barach: “A woman was arrested after reportedly trying to extort Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Now Cashman knows how fans feel when they go to buy a hot dog and beer at a Yankees game.”

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A United Airlines flight on Thursday from Chicago to Portland stuck a bird during takeoff and turned around and landed without reported injuries. Well, except for the bird.

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Several other Big Ten coaches are upset after Urban Meyer allegedly “poached” committed recruits from other conference schools. Meyer denies any violations. And Urban should be an expert on wrongdoing since 31 of his players were arrested during his six years at Florida.

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The Koch brothers, along with other conservative millionaires and billionaires apparently want to defeat President Obama so badly they are pledging $100 million. $100 million! Or as Mitt Romney calls it “pocket change.”

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NFL players have been complaining about the injury risks from the 8 Thurs. night games with the shortened recovery period after Sunday. Today Roger Goddell announced they will have 13 Thursday games in 2012, “giving all of the league’s teams a chance to appear in prime time on some outlet.” Can’t imagine how people get the idea the NFL cares more about profits than players.

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Not a Romney fan but have to love Newt Gingrich attacking today Mitt for his verbal gaffes. At least as far as we know Romney didn’t make a mistake with that “forsaking all others” stuff.

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You go girl!

February 3, 2012

Even at 82, she’s still got it. Sandra Day O’Connor at the elite Alfalfa Club dinner Saturday in D.C. said of the top two GOP presidential candidates, “one is a practicing polygamist, and he’s not even the Mormon.”

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The GOP primary candidates have moved their circus to Nevada in advance of the caucuses Saturday. If “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” can we ask the state to keep all of them?

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13 passengers were injured, one seriously (fractured hip), when their open air bus collided with a parked vehicle on a Royal Caribbean shore excursion. The cruise line said they were on the “”Best of St. Thomas and Shopping” trip. I can see it now – “Honey, of course I think we should go shopping, I’m just concerned about your safety.”

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Another in the “You Might Need a Life” dept – For $25, fans were able to purchase headsets to sit in the stadium stands on Tuesday and listen to Super Bowl media day interviews. Even scarier, apparently at the last minute some of the tickets were being scalped.

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After previously criticizing Mitt Romney regularly, Donald Trump endorsed Mitt for President. When asked why, presumably Trump’s response was “He had me at ‘I like firing people.'”

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Another reason Trump might have endorsed Romney. Maybe in the Donald’s mind this keeps alive his dream of being the first President with at least three wives.

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Apparently prostitutes at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada are donating their tips to Ron Paul. What a great country. And unlike some of the leveraged buyout types donating to Romney, these women actually provide value when they screw their fellow Americans.

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There are surprising rumors that Michele Bachmann might endorse Mitt Romney. While Bachmann has denied the rumors, a Boston Globe reporter suggested that her $1 million-plus campaign debt could be a factor in her deliberations. $1 million dollars! Or as Romney calls it “pocket change.”

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Not a big NY Giants fan but almost feeling sorry for Eli. Guy leads his 9-7 team to the Super Bowl, and this week he’s not even the Manning getting the most media attention.

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The NY Post apparently got hold of an email from Tom Brady’s supermodel wife Gisele to her friends and family, talking about how the Patriots “need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl. […] I feel Tommy really needs our prayer, our support and love at this time.” Even Mitt Romney says, “Talk about out of touch.”

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The NFL said they will give the 49ers a $200 million loan toward their new stadium in Santa Clara. Some worry when the team moves they will no longer be the San Francisco 49ers. And this could happen. On the other hand, the New York Giants don’t even play in the STATE of New York.

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Mitt Romney now says he misspoke when he said “I am not concerned about the very poor…. I am not concerned about the very rich.” I believe Mitt. I think he is concerned about the very rich. (They need those tax cuts.)

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His ego might be as big as Trump’s. And he’s richer than Romney. But here’s a billionaire I wouldn’t mind seeing some day running for higher office: NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg pledged up to $250,000 to Planned Parenthood to offset funds that were cut by the Susan G. Komen foundation, saying politics have “no place” in health care.

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