Archive for the ‘political jokes’ category
November 8, 2012
So when the World Champion SF Giants and President Barack Obama meet in 2013 at the White House, will both be thinking “Didn’t expect to see you here again.”?
Serious meltdown from a disappointed Karl Rove last night over the election. At least he isn’t a Lakers fan.
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Mark McGwire will be the Los Angeles Dodgers’ next hitting coach. I guess this is the end of L.A. fans taunting the S.F. Giants about their association with PEDs and Barry Bonds?
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Some things never change. Florida is heading for a recount. Take all the time ya’ll want this year….
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Not that it matters nearly as much as in 2000. But if the Supreme Court is going to end up giving Florida’s electoral votes to the GOP, can they announce it now and save the state a lot of recount money?
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Get the sense Mitt Romney won’t be campaigning for Chris Christie’s re-election next year? The New Jersey governor is bristling at suggestions he cost Romney the White House with his praise for Obama and when asked what went wrong for Mitt replied “He didn’t get enough votes.”
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The law of unintended consequences. Does the legalization of recreational marijuana in Colorado and Washington mean a huge advantage for free agent recruiting with the Rockies, Mariners, Nuggets, Broncos and Seahawks?
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Former Texas football coach Darrell Royal, 88, has died. Will always remember the story when the Longhorns were way down at halftime and players expected a blistering speech. Allegedly Royal never came into the locker room, until the bell rang, when he stuck his head in and said “Well, girls, shall we go?” Texas won the game.
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Colorado and Washington legalized recreational marijuana last night. Well, it’s high time!
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Puerto Rico last night backed a referendum calling for U.S. statehood. Wonder how many Americans wouldn’t mind exchanging them for Florida?
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Well after the election we can all get back to a little Yankee bashing since in 2013 New York will once again have the highest payroll in baseball….. Uh wait a minute, scratch that. Your turn, Dodgers.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: election jokes, Florida jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 7, 2012
Electoral votes. Pending Florida, which is heading for another recount. Y’all take all the time you want this go around.
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Bipartisan thought. So why schedule elections on a Tuesday when one way or another it means a lot of people hung over on a Wednesday?
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Eleven point gender gap as women went for Obama 55 to 44. So is the next step for the GOP an attempt to repeal the 19th amendment?
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Saddest thing about Mitt Romney’s loss for our country as a whole – many in the Republican party will think he lost for not being extreme enough.
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Late this evening , Mitt Romney called President Obama to concede. As a Californian I am more than happy to wish Mitt a very happy retirement in our great state.-
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President Obama is talking so much about hope in the face of what seems like insurmountable odds I almost expect him to declare himself a retroactive SF Giants fan.
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CNN called California, Hawaii and Washington at 15 seconds after 8:00pm. What took them so long?
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For that matter CNN also said Romney would win Utah as soon as the polls closed. . Uh, they could have called that in January 2009.
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Was Joe Donnelly’s win in Indiana a “gift from God?”
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Tough night in the Mitt Romney “war rooms.” Enough almost to drive a Mormon to drink?
From my very funny friend Neil Berliner: “Pack the dog up on the roof, Ann.”
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And to anyone who’s made it this far, tomorrow this blog is back to more sports.
Categories: political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 5, 2012
Just think, in two more days none of us will be receiving countless emailed solicitations for political donations. Those emails will be replaced by countless solicitations for Christmas shopping.
Actually, if we really want to increase voter turnout and stimulate the economy, maybe what stores should do is offer a discount to anyone this week who can provide proof of voting?
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Just two more days, and all the U.S. undecided voters can go back to annoying the rest of us over more difficult decisions like “Paper vs. Plastic?”
One of these years Republicans will try to win an election by fielding a good enough candidate to make them WANT to allow as many people to vote as possible.
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Karl Rove is already blaming Hurricane Sandy for a potential Romney loss? If so, would that give further credence to those who have been saying for a while “God is coming, and boy is She pissed?”
New BCS standings are out, and five of the top eight teams are from the SEC. How did those other three get in there?
Washington, D.C. is hoping to return to some semblance of normalcy after the election. The Redskins, alas, are already there.
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Stanford changed quarterbacks Saturday and shut out Colorado 48-0. And many NY Jets fans are shouting “Did you see that, Rex Ryan?!”
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Kevin Hogan reminded Stanford football fans Saturday of what it was like to play with a little bit of Luck.
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Got to love polls – sports version. Stanford, #15 with the AP college football rankings – beat Colorado 48 to ZERO. And was dropped to #16.
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Another Saturday score, Oregon 62, USC 51. How did it miss my attention that the NIT men’s basketball tournament must have started this weekend?
Sarah Palin’s SARAH PAC donated $5,000 to Mitt Romney’s campaign…on the last day of October. So until then was she an undecided voter too?
Andrew Luck set a new single game rookie passing record today with 433 yards. Maybe Kevin Hogan got him fired up too?
Chris Christie, facing criticism for his perceived support of Obama this week said he is voting for Romney, but “If the president of United States comes here and he’s willing to help my people and he does it then I’m gonna say nice things about him because he’s earned it.” Heresy!
(Charlie Crist was drummed out of the GOP for less.)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, election jokes, NFL jokes, Stanford jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 2, 2012
Three.
As in the number of days before we are done with political ads and emails.
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Rudy Giuliani called on President Obama to resign over the four American deaths in Libya. Makes sense, after Rudy called on President George W. Bush to resign over 9/11. Oh, wait…. never mind.
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Meanwhile, across the state line, got to love that American spirit sometimes: N.J. Gov. Chris Christie said Atlantic City’s 12 casinos could reopen immediately after a nearly five-day shutdown for Superstorm Sandy.
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Dwayne Wade thought it was inappropriate for the Heat to play the Knicks Friday night at Madison Square Garden. A social conscience? Or a premonition that New York would beat Miami by 20 points?
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A serious thought regarding early voting: Personally, it bothers me when people don’t make an effort either to get to the polls, OR vote absentee. On the other hand, while there may not be a constitutional right to vote early, the founding fathers left voting rights to the states, excluding all but white, male landowners. Times change. So in the end, I come down on the side of making voting as easy as possible.
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Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons has endorsed Mitt Romney for President. Hey, some Republicans may hope this offsets the all important Honey Boo Boo endorsement.
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The Los Angeles Angels are looking to trade pitcher Dan Haren, and reportedly have interest from both the Red Sox and the Cubs. Sounds like either way, Haren’s likely to keep getting his Octobers off.
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In Northern California, Chevron says their Richmond oil refinery, closed since a fire in early August, could be fully operational by March. Which gives them four months to think of another excuse for higher gas prices.
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From my friend Jim Barach, (and a majority of voters polled do expect President Obama to win.)
A study says that who people expect to win an election is more reliable than who they want to win. This has been proven time and again for more than a century by Chicago Cubs fans.
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The New York City Marathon has been cancelled for this weekend. One question – what took them so long?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hurricane Sandy jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 31, 2012
On the day after Halloween with so much devastation around the country it is important to remember one point – Problems will fade, but uneaten candy corn is forever.
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Some say President Obama needed a little more Bill Clinton in him this election season; it may turn out that he just needed a little more Chris Christie.
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More Chris Christie, in an interview with Fox News…. “I have a job to do here in New Jersey that is much bigger than presidential politics.” And if anyone knows “bigger”, it’s Chris Christie.
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Hey, some priorities are intact. Gov. Chris Christie, with a signed executive order, postponed Halloween festivities in New Jersey until Monday, Nov. 5. Not even Sandy stands in the way of the American child’s right to free candy.
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Maybe our neighbors to the north they think he’s a comedian? Michael Brown, director of FEMA during Katrina, in an op-ed in Canada’s “Globe and Mail” newspaper: “Hurricane Sandy should teach us to be prepared, willing to live without the modern conveniences of elevators, computers and refrigerators. Hurricane Sandy should teach all of us to chill.”
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Lance Armstrong will become the latest celebrity to be burned in effigy Saturday during a English town’s Guy Fawkes’ Bonfire Night. And we thought Phillies fans were tough.
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From my funny friend Neil Berliner: “Obama campaign head David Axelrod: ‘I’ll shave off my mustache if he loses Minnesota, Michigan, or Pennsylvania.’ Now let’s hopefully hear the same regarding Romney from Ann Coulter.”
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Nice twist of justice for Jerry Sandusky. Not only will he be housed on death row in prison, but also “all visits will be non-contact, meaning no touching is allowed.”
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SF Giants’ closer Sergio Romo, of Mexican descent, is wearing a t-shirt for the World Championship parade today. The phrase on the shirt? – “I only look illegal.”
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Eli Manning says he hopes that this weekend the Giants win and give those NY and NJ residents affected by Hurricane Sandy “a little break” and “a little joy.” By that standard it’s a good thing the NY Jets have a bye week.
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From Mark: “Weird score of the night from English Premier League: Arsenal 7, Reading 5. To put that into perspective, Arsenal scores more in one soccer game that the Detroit Tigers did in an entire World Series.”
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This response to Mitt Romney’s ads in Ohio – “We’ve clearly entered some parallel universe during these last few days…. campaign politics at its cynical worst….” The liberal media? No, General Motors.
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In Idaho the daughter-in-law of the Senate Minority Leader is in stable condition after her husband accidentally shot her at the end of hunting trip. Does this mean the guy has aspirations to be vice president?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, Hurricane Sandy jokes, Janice Hough, Romo jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 31, 2012
And it’s only the first game of the season, but looks like the Washington Wizards are doing their annual act of dressing up like an NBA team.
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All that money, all those stars, and the Lakers looked pretty flat.on opening night. Well, at least it takes the Los Angeles spotlight off the Dodgers.
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Just MAYBE these seasons combined with postseason games are getting too long? If the SF Giants hadn’t swept the Detroit Tigers the World Series would be overlapping the NBA openers.
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Meanwhile on Halloween, Mitt Romney is trying to decide whether to go as a Liberal, a Conservative or a Moderate. In other words, just another day.
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In Alaska this past weekend, Levi Johnston married his second baby mama, Sunny Oglesby. So where’s Sarah Palin congratulating the father of her grandson on his belated family values?
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As the power stays off in much of the East Coast, wonder how many younger people are wishing if only there was a material you could use to make something to read or do puzzles on, and that didn’t have to be charged or plugged into the wall.
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As the East Coast tries to recover from Sandy, your tax dollars at work out west: Nayda Suleman has checked into a Southern California Rehab clinic for 28 days to deal with a Xanax addiction….
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Well, at least he’s consistent. W’s FEMA director Michael Brown on Monday said President Obama acted too quickly in mobilizing relief for Sandy: “It’s premature [when] the brunt of the storm won’t happen until later this afternoon.”
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So wonder how long after the election it will take Donald Trump to file bankruptcy and ask for federal relief from Obama for his Atlantic City and New York properties?
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The NCAA says they have passed tougher sanctions to crack down harder on rule-breakers. Great, even more punishment for schools and athletes who get left behind when the cheaters go to another school or the NFL.
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George Lucas has agreed to sell Lucasfilm to Disney for $4.05 billion. Insert “dark side” joke here:
From T.C. “What’s the difference between Lance Armstrong and Felix Baumgartner? Felix landed on his feet.”
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Really? Some have been criticizing President Obama because the speed of his investigation into Benghazi hasn’t been as swift as his response to Hurricane Sandy. Uh, maybe because there is a difference between a rush to judgment and a rush to put people’s lives back together?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Halloween jokes, Hurricane Sandy jokes, NBA jokes, NCAA jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 29, 2012
What was this stupid game played by men in tights on TV Monday night and where is my baseball?
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Oops, technology. Just got an email from Stubhub this morning “San Francisco Giants Postseason Tickets in a Flash – Head to StubHub.com. We wanted to give you a heads up that seats are still available.” Well, no doubt game 6 and 7 tickets are cheap…..
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Over 5 million are now without power. 5,000,050 if you count the New York Yankees and Detroit Tigers.
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Pablo Sandoval, World Series MVP?! So does this mean tacos may be declared a PED?
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Hmm, used this joke Saturday, and Jay Leno used almost the same one tonight. ” Detroit looking like their only hope is to ask President Obama for a bailout.” (But of course they still don’t think they need any female freelancers.)
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A line going around the internet (don’t know who wrote it) is that they should have renamed the storm Hurricane A-Rod, then it wouldn’t have hit anyone.
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So much for the country pulling together: The Fed. Govt. is closed for at least 2 days, which may delay the Oct. jobs report. Iowa GOP Rep. Chuck Grassley tweets “Labor Dept says may release latest Unemployment figures until after election. Par for course. Why release something might hurt Obama elect?” Right, clearly the President conjured up Sandy for this purpose.
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Chris Christie is praising President Obama for his response so far to Hurricane Sandy. Nice bipartisan statement. And makes sense – I am sure Christie would rather run against Hillary, Biden or Cuomo in 2016 rather than an incumbent Romney.
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N.J. Gov. Chris Christie said evacuations are no longer possible, and rescuers won’t be sent out “until daylight tomorrow.” Translation – “Okay idiots, we’ll pick you or your bodies up in the morning.”
(Added Nick Coombs, “Attention New Jersey residents. In case of emergency your governor may be used as a floatation device.)
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The HMS Bounty, built as a replica tall ship to be used in movies, has sunk off the N.C. coast. Tragic for the two missing crew members but going out in hurricane conditions had to be the dumbest decision since Captain Bligh figured he could handle an angry Fletcher Christian.
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49ers fans were glad that their Monday Night Football game was played in Arizona and thus avoided a Hurricane Sandy postponement. New York Jets fans are just wishing Sandy had shown up yesterday morning.
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For anyone who doesn’t believe in voodoo, this from ESPN: 
“Oct. 9 in Cincinnati. Giants trailed, 2 games to 0 in NLDS. And then, with their entire season on the line, they picked THAT night to get no-hit into the 6th, to get 1 hit in the first 9 innings, to strike out 16 times — and they WON. In extra innings. On an unearned run.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Hurricane Sandy jokes, Janice Hough, Sandy jokes, SF Giants jokes, voodoo jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 29, 2012
Timing is everything: Tonight marks the SF Giants first seven game winning streak of 2012.
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The San Francisco Giants are World Series champions in four games. I blame Obama.
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New York Yankees are trying to figure out how to buy San Francisco.
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Last thought for the night: San Francisco Giants fans are not going to wake up tomorrow and find this is all an episode of “Newhart”, are we?
The Cincinnati Enquirer endorsed Mitt Romeny, citing his past moderate record in Massachusettes, saying “Romney as president should stay true to who he is.” Uh, this assumes that at this point Mitt actually KNOWS who he is?”
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Guessing Mitt Romney is not going to take this week to reiterate his GOP debate pledge to shutter FEMA: “Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction. And if you can go even further, and send it back to the private sector, that’s even better. ”
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One silver lining that many weary Americans are finding from Hurricane Sandy: Both Romney and Obama have cancelled campaign appearances.
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And in New York, the everyone is of course hoping for the best with the storm. On the other hand, Sandy may assure that neither the Yankees nor the Jets are the biggest disaster for October.
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New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft said London, England, is ready for their own professional NFL team. Well, that lets out sending them the Jaguars.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
October 27, 2012
Wow! Detroit looking like their only hope is to ask President Obama for a bailout.
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Previously undefeated Florida lost today to Georgia in college football. Meaning it’s going to be a really tough job for the BCS to figure out how to put two SEC teams into the national championship.
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Amidst all this worry about Hurricane Sandy: With all the recent statements from male politicians about women’s reproductive rights, any chance this is a case of “God is coming and boy is She Pissed?”
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Assume the Romney campaign is working overtime planning on how to spin any problems that will result from Hurricane Sandy on Obama.
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The Catholic Church in England has asked the Vatican to consider posthumously stripping televison star Sir Jimmy Savile of his Papal knighthood now that child abuse charges have come to light. Would they prefer that the Vatican posthumously declare Savile a priest?
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Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was sentenced to four years in jail for tax evasion. What, they don’t know about offshore bank accounts in Italy?
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Nice job by commissioner Larry Scott to have added Colorado and Utah to the Pac 10, now 12. Guess the money and adding two cupcakes was really worth messing up everyone’s schedule….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Sandy jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 26, 2012
And still living on a prayer.
The way this postseason has gone, maybe on the plane ride to Detroit, manager Bruce Bochy should try to convince the SF Giants they are actually DOWN 2 games to 0.
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Well, we now know the answer to the question “What happened to that offensively challenged Giants team that somehow beat the Reds in the NLDS?”. Now on to Comerica Park. Which makes A T and T look like a bandbox.
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Last night’s Giants-Tigers matchup got an 8.8 rating, the 2nd lowest ever for a World Series Game 1. Well, maybe if ESPN and Fox didn’t make the regular series all about the Yankees and Red Sox, fans across the country might have developed an interest in one of these very good and at times fascinating teams.
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A Sacramento TV anchor was on live TV outside of AT&T Park yesterday in San Francisco when he was, shall we say, mistaken for a statue by a seagull. Shame it wasn’t Tim McCarver or Joe Buck.
(my friend Michael M. said that when the guy made it home he was definitely pooped.”
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The New York Yankees once reportedly had their eye on the SF Giants’ Tim Lincecum as a starter. After Wednesday night they may want to sign him to replace Mariano Rivera.
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A Sports Illustrated players poll had Tim Tebow as the most overrated player, with Mark Sanchez second. Once again, many think Tebow has unfairly stolen Sanchez’s spotlight.
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NBA commissioner David Stern is retiring. Many MLB fans wish he’d take Bud Selig with him.
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Amongst the congratulatory Tweets that the Giants’ Pablo Sandoval, who hails from Venezuela, received last night after his 3 home run game was one from Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Well, that ought to dispel San Francisco’s liberal commie-pinko image.
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Taylor Swift, 22, and Conor Kennedy, 18, have broken up. And who saw that coming?
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Colin Powell endorsed President Obama today, adding “I think I’m a Republican of more moderate mold and that’s something of a dying breed, I’m sorry to say…the Republicans I worked for are Reagan, Bush 41, the Howard Bakers of the world, people who were conservative, people who were willing to push their conservative views, but people who recognize that at the end of the day you got to find a basis for compromise. Compromise is how this country runs.”
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After Colin Powell endorsed President Obama, Senator John McCain said: “All I can say is: Gen. Powell, you disappoint us.” Wonder if Powell thought of replying – “Spoken by the guy who gave us Sarah Palin?
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John Sununu suggested Colin Powell’s endorsement of President Obama was motivated by race. So was Sununu’s endorsement of Romney motivated by Mitt’s also being a rich guy who wants to ride on government jets?
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Who says politicians never say anything directly? This from President Obama: “Let me make a very simple proposition: Rape is rape. It is a crime. And so these various distinctions about rape don’t make too much sense to me — don’t make any sense to me.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Colin Powell jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 25, 2012
Even Kirk Gibson watching Pablo Sandoval tonight in Game 1 of the World Series had to be saying “”I don’t believe what I just saw.”.
After facing Barry Zito, the Detroit Tigers may protest game 1: They didn’t think it was legal for a non-knuckleball pitcher to throw that slowly.
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But who knew? Barry Zito – RBI machine.
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Gaylord Perry threw out ceremonial first pitch for SF Giants tonight. Wonder how long it took Sergio Romo to wash his hands afterwards?
Moral victory for Jose Valverde: He kept Panda in the park.
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Could it get any better for SF Giants fans? The team is in the World Series, and today comes the rumor from a Southern California radio station that the LA Dodgers are interested in A-Rod.
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Former Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine has now said that David Ortiz sidelined himself in Sept. not because of his Achilles injury, but because he knew the team was out of the playoffs after they traded with the Dodgers. Looking like Boston was out of the playoffs as soon as they signed Bobby V.
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Here we go again. Donald Trump has offered to donate $5 million to charity if President Obama releases his college records and applications and passport records and applications. Really? How about all that money Larry Flynt has offered for Mitt’s tax returns?
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Wonder how much might be donated to charity if Donald Trump would release information on where that furry thing that lives on his head was born?
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President Obama on the Tonight Show about the origins of his problems with Donald Trump: “This all dates back to when we were growing up in Kenya….” (Note to my GOP friends, it was a JOKE.)
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Even Sarah Palin is beginning to think Donald Trump is a media whore.
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My sense is that Ambassador Stevens would be sickened by all this politicizing of his death. But today some conservative media are headlining that the U.S was advised two hours after the attack that an Islamic militant group had claimed credit. Yo, with most attacks SEVERAL groups initially claim credit.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Donald Trump jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 24, 2012
Ten top stories on ESPN.com Tuesday morning and one is about baseball – the Red Sox introducing their new manager. What East Coast bias?
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The SF Giants are in the World Series after winning six straight postseason elimination games. Waiting for the t-shirt that says “Giants Baseball 2012 – Fifty Shades of Orange.”
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Another reason baseball is better than football. Today was World Series Media day: Note the word “day” instead of “week”.
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From Marc Ragovin, “Not saying the Cardinals looked flat last night against the Giants, but for a minute there I thought I was watching Obama at the first debate.”
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Eva Longoria and QB Mark Sanchez have apparently ended their relationship. Well, at least unlike the Jets, Eva had enough sense not to sign a longterm contract with him.
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A new ad featuring Natalie Portman for Dior’s Diorshow New Look lash-multiplying mascara has been banned in the U.K for being unrealistic. Uh, anyone actually seen a makeup ad that IS realistic?
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Ann Coulter said after last night’s debate. “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.” Jeez, I think Todd Akin does more for the status of women.
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Roger Goodell said that the NFL was considering dropping the Pro Bowl. “That would be a real shame”, said absolutely nobody.
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The Miami Marlins have fired manager Ozzie Guillen. So congrats to all those who had October 23 in the pool.
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To promote their new pan pizza, Domino’s outlets will offer over 500,000 free pizza slices today at lunchtime. Wow, that’s almost 10 pounds of real cheese.
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In Indiana, U.S Senate candidate Richard Mourdock just said he is against abortion in cases of rape because “it is something that God intended to happen.” And somewhere God may be thinking “Are you kidding? I didn’t even intend Richard Mourdock to happen.
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Regarding Tagg Romney’s investment firm having a financial interest in a company that makes voting machines that will be used in Ohio – I actually am not a fan of conspiracy theories. But can you imagine the GOP reaction if say, a Virginia Ohio voting machine company was partly owned by a friend of Obama’s?
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Welcome to the big leagues. UCF appealed their postseason ban for recruiting violations, and the NCAA said they won’t rule until January, so the 5-2 Golden Knights will be bowl eligible in 2012. Thereby assuring all the guilty parties will be long gone when the punishment kicks in.
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From T.C. What’s the difference between Lance Armstrong and Felix Baumgartner? Felix landed on his feet.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, debate jokes, ESPN jokes, Todd Akin jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 23, 2012
Actually there is a National League championship ring. Though the SF Giants have hopes for another one.
I guess down 3 to 1 the Giants really did have the Cardinals right where they wanted them.
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The ninth inning of Monday’s NLCS game was played in a serious downpour. Could have been tears from Fox executives thinking about the ratings for a San Francisco-Detroit World Series?
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Why baseball is better than politics: Tonight no spin doctors were required to say who won.
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But good thing tonight’s debate was not a town hall. Someone might have asked President Obama about his being born in the foreign country of Hawaii.
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A Brooklyn man has been charged with running brothels in New York’s Financial District and midtown, catering to men on Wall Street, and charging $260 an hour. Guess $260 an hour was a cheaper option in NY than drinks and dinner?
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Lance Armstrong has now vacated so many wins he’s become cycling’s John Calipari.
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The BBC is facing major criticism over a potential coverup on a story about Sir Jimmy Saville, a popular children’s TV entertainer who died last year, but who now allegedly abused over 200 children. Who does the BBC think they are? The Catholic Church? Or Penn State?
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NY Jets fans are upset because they think the clock operator gave the NE Patriots an extra second before the 2 minute warning yesterday, allowing Tom Brady more time to drive for a game-tying field goal. Oakland Raider fans have a brief response: “Tuck rule. STFU.”
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Just a thought about the Lance Armstrong situation. Yes, it’s kind of pathetic at this point. But did we really think, that in a time when almost everyone in cycling was doping, that a cancer survivor was so much better than them all, and still clean?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Lance Armstrong jokes, playoff jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
October 21, 2012
Immovable force meeting irresistible object? The SF Giants have won 5 straight games facing elimination this postseason, the Cardinals have won their last 6 dating back to 2011.
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Hmm, maybe too much time in water really does soak your brain dept: On College Game Day today, Olympic gold-medal winning swimmer Ryan Lochte was asked who would win the LSU-Texas A&M game: “I think they’re gonna end their six-game losing streak in the SEC — gonna have to go with Auburn.”
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Once again, as we approach game seven of NLCS interesting to remember that an ESPN poll said 68 percent of Americans figured the SF Giants wouldn’t make the playoffs after Melky Cabrera was suspended.
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GOP strategist Marc Rotterman complained that the “presidential election unofficially started back in the fall of 2011, a schedule that is absurd.” Is he crazy? The election didn’t start in the fall of 2011. It started the day after Obama was elected.
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So who’d a think that right this minute, Barry Zito’s contract would look better than A-Rod’s?
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Big Game between Stanford and Cal was played on. October 20. Because nothing says a big rivalry game like playing it when it’s convenient for the Pac 12 Network.
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Post Big-Game thought: Cal is apparently so bad this year that Stanford can win without a quarterback.
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Residents of South New Jersey apparently felt the ground shaking Saturday morning, but no earthquakes or military training exercises were reported in the region. Maybe Chris Christie has taken up jogging?
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The NFL is investigating the San Diego Chargers for possibly using an illegal “Stick ’em” substance on their hands. I guess I understand the idea of cheating to be great, but cheating to be mediocre?
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“It does not take any courage at all for a congressman, or a senator, or a president to wrap himself in the flag… because it is not our blood that is being shed.” George McGovern, 1970.
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Some in GOP are trying to make political hay out of the fact that a man who lives near London was able to make two $5 donations to President Obama’s campaign, by using his English address but a NY zip code. Right, where was this outrage when Romney had an expensive fundraiser in Tel Aviv?
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Former Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell is returning to the team as their new manager. To accomplish this, Boston had to trade infielder Mike Aviles to the Blue Jays, and presumably promise Farrell they were never bringing back Josh Beckett.
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Yankees GM manager Brian Cashman today called a trade of Alex Rodriguez “unrealistic.” Translation, we don’t think even the Dodgers are crazy enough to take him.
If the Giants keep winning the Yankees may try to extradite them back to New York and take the team over.
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Finally, if you have three minutes check out this link sent to me by my friend Andy Dwan. Watch it until the end.
http://gawker.com/5953357/missouri-pastors-fiery-speech-against-equal-rights-for-homosexuals-has-stunning-twist-ending
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Big Game jokes, Janice Hough, NLCS jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 19, 2012
So the torture continues until at least Game 6 of the NLCS, thanks to Barry Zito. Should the postseason video be titled “50 Shades of Orange?”
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Okay, who would have made the bet in Las Vegas that Barry Zito started NLCS Game 5 with 7 2/3 scoreless innings tonight? Now all you liars put your hands down.
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Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “I can’t believe Barry Zito is getting the Cardinals out with that junk.”
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A little “inside baseball” for SF Giants fans – Well, contrary to previous popular belief, Buster Posey can apparently catch Barry Zito.
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Honestly thought that Fox has said more positive things about President Obama than they have about the SF Giants before game five. They thought this series was over.
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And so what time is that Yankees game tomorrow?
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Just a question for Romney fans, if Mitt thinks he’s going to be so much better – and somehow different – from George W. Bush, why didn’t he emulate his former rival Ted Kennedy and challenge the President in the primary?
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“Big Tex” the giant metal cowboy who’s greeted visitors to the Texas State Fair for 60 years, was destroyed by fire today. Devastated Texans nonetheless know that big inanimate objects can come back – witness Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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According to the NY Daily News, a Yankee player said that hostile fans at Yankee Stadium affected the team in the ALCS. “A lot of guys were talking about it in the clubhouse. I was surprised by how much it bothered them. I really don’t think they ever recovered.” Gosh. Good thing the stands weren’t really full then.
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Another graduate of the Todd Akin school of science: Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh told reporters it’s “absolutely” never necessary for an abortion to save the life of a mother. “With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance .. There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing.”
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Oops. Did some idiot spray Big Tex? From the AP: “The maker of Banana Boat sunscreen is recalling some half-million bottles of spray-on lotion after reports that a handful of people have caught on fire after applying the product and coming in contact with an open flame.”
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Fidel Castro is reportedly in a “vegetative state” after a stroke. Insert tasteless Ronald Reagan joke here:
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Rallyzito, Big Tex jokes, Castro jokes, NLCS jokes, Romney jokes, SF Giants jokes, yankee jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 18, 2012
Who said money can’t buy happiness? I think a lot of Americans were very happy to see the Yankees’ ALCS performance.
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At least the New York Yankees won’t be embarrassed anymore by only partially filling their ballpark this postseason.
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So now there’s talk of A-Rod to the Marlins? Will he have an ESPN show to say he’s taking his current lack of talent to South Beach?
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From T.C. “One guy breaks the speed of sound last week plummeting back to earth. So an entire team does it a week later.”
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An Air Canada flight arriving into Sydney took a short detour and flew low to find a stranded Australian yacht. Wonder how much a U.S. airline would have billed the Aussies as a service fee for that?
(My father adds that “they flew down to 4000 feet and told the passengers to keep their eyes open as they circle. There was ecstasy among the passengers when they spotted it. The US airlines would have charged the passengers an entertainment fee.”)
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Love it. United Airlines sent me an email suggesting using their website to “find top Los Angeles hotels for your upcoming trip.” Uh, except the trip is down and back the same day.
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Woo hoo. I am now so important to Mitt Romney he sent me a letter saying “with your gift of at least $5,000 you will be offered a dedicated Romney Victory Staff member who will stand ready to assist you with up-to-the-minute election information.” Cool, wonder if he’ll put me in a binder?
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Scary. Honey Boo Boo has endorsed President Obama. Even scarier. With some voters this might help him.
Jerry Sandusky wants a new trial. The only new trial involving this case should be that of his wife.
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Google’s stock plunged today after an earnings report they wanted to keep under wraps until after the market closed was released early. “Bummer of a privacy invasion” said absolutely nobody.
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Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s wife says her husband will not run again if he doesn’t win. Promise?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ALCS jokes, binder jokes, Mitt Romney jokes, NY Yankees jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 17, 2012
Whatever you think about tonight’s Presidential debate, there’s probably bi-partisan agreement that both candidates did much better than the New York Yankees.
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Do they have a conference call in advance of these debates to coordinate clothes like mothers of the bride and groom? (Tuesday night Obama had a red tie, Romney had a blue tie.)
Wonder how many casual New York fans though things were looking up for the Yankees because in game three tonight they were facing the Tigers’ #3 starter?
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A-Rod and Nick Swisher were not in the Yankees lineup for the ALCS game 3. Which meant $40 million alone in two players riding the bench. Who knew Aubrey Huff and Barry Zito would ever seem like bargains.
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Columbia student Stephan Perez, arrested in 2010 for selling Adderall, described the drug today on NBC’s “Rock Center” as an “academic steroid.” Well, that’s at least one PED that no SEC football players will be accused of using.
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Admittedly I’m biased, but think Obama supporters were both thrilled to see the real Barack show up tonight…and to see the real Mitt show up tonight.
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So Mitt Romney has had “binders full of women.” Is that a Mormon thing?
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Thieves stole hundreds of mllions of dollars of Picassos, Monets and other works from the Kunsthal museum early Tuesday morning in Rotterdam. The museum said the security was “state of the art,” and that their insurance was “adequate” for the exhibition. Uh, well, at best that’s one out of two.
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“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public” (P.T. Barnum) example for the day:
A Chicago man apparently spent $9,995.00 on Ebay to purchase a gallon of barbecue sauce intended for use on McDonald’s McJordan sandwich in 1992.
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Apparently Beyonce will be the half-time entertainment for Super Bowl 2013. Isn’t she too young?
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From Marc Ragovin: “At a recent Jay-Z concert to open the Barclay Center, all attendees were subjected to a metal detector scan, while two days later, at the Barbra Streisand concert, all attendees were subjected to a bone density scan.
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The Colorado Rockies are apparently talking to Jason Giambi, who hasn’t even retired yet, about managing their team. Gosh, putting someone so inexperienced in charge could result in the team losing almost 100 games. Oops, never mind.
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I’m against politicizing either event, but have to wonder why none of these people who insist on blaming Obama for Ambassador Steven’s death in Benghazi ever thought Bush should be blamed at all for 9-11?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ALCS jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 16, 2012
Before tonight, SF Giants were doing so poorly at home during the playoffs the team had to be thinking a solution might be to sacrifice a chicken. Except that in San Francisco they’d get an immediate protest from PETA.
Grateful Dead members Bob Weir and Phil Lesh sing National Anthem in San Francisco tonight. Well, that ought to dispel image of SF Giants as a commie pinko team.
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The author of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” has just filed for corporate bankruptcy. But apparently it won’t affect his personal assets as it’s just one of the companies he conducts his business through. Wonder if this is covered in the chapter on personal responsibility?
(my sister suggests that ” Maybe middle-class kids should incorporate before they attend college?”)
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Paul Ryan is taking some heat for showing up at an Ohio soup kitchen for a photo op, and pretending to wash clean dishes. Mitt Romney wouldn’t make that mistakes – he knows dishes get given to staff to put in the dishwasher.
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Meanwhile, fans of instant replay in baseball may have gotten a big boost Sunday night in terms of motivating Bud Selig to expand it. – Since a blown call went against the Yankees.
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The Koch Brothers sent 45,000 Georgia-Pacific employees a newsletter telling them to vote for Mitt Romney, warning that they will “suffer the consequences” if they vote the wrong way. Have these multi-billionaires ever considered spending the millions they are spending for the election on something productive for the country?
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American Airlines says that statistics show their performance is improving. Presumably because you can’t fall off the floor, or rather tarmac.
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The first BCS rankings are out. And a pair of SEC schools, Alabama and Florida, are 1-2. “I’m shocked”, said absolutely nobody.
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A seven game series can last a long time. But even the possibility of a Giants Tigers World Series has to make Fox about as happy as Obama being re-elected.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: playoffs jokes, Rich Dad Poor Dad jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 14, 2012
The worst things for Yankee fans about Jeter’s injury: 1. It was him and not A-Rod. 2. It’s too late in the year to go out and buy a replacement player.
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Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland said early Sunday that Jose Valerde wouldn’t close tonight’s game. Well, not like he closed last night’s game either.
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Felix Baumgartner landed safely today after a record-breaking jump from the stratosphere – 24 miles high. And somewhere Darwin is saying, “Missed it by that much…”
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Arlen Specter died today at the age of 82. He had been well-known for years as a moderate Republican. Many younger people don’t remember Specter. Still others don’t remember moderate Republicans.
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Angry Stanford fans got some vindication today when former NFL vice president of officiating Mike Pereira said today of the play where Stefan Taylor was supposedly stopped to end the game: “I’ve looked at the play from every angle, and I think the call should have been reversed to a touchdown. ” (He also questioned a late personal foul call on Stanford.)
Can we say it’s not whining if the grapes really are sour?
Washington Nationals fans are still furious at the team for shutting down Stephen Strasburg in September. But SF Giants fans are beginning to wonder if their team shouldn’t have done the same with Madison Bumgarner.
Ah creative capitalism at its finest: An Orlando radio station is putting up big billboards promising “No political ads.”
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Giving Jim Harbaugh control of the challenge flags is like giving a 16 year old boy the keys to your Ferrari.
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David Axelrod suggested today that in the next debate President Obama would be “more aggressive.” Uh, while I didn’t think Barack did THAT badly, would it be possible to be less aggressive without being clinically dead?
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The Space Shuttle Endeavour ended up taking 17 hours longer than scheduled to make it to its final home in at the California Science Center. Are we sure American Airlines wasn’t somehow involved?
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Tampa’s Aqib Talib was suspended 4 games without pay for taking an Adderall pill without a prescription. So was he suspended because it was a PED, or because he was too stupid to get a prescription. “Oh look, a puppy…”
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From Marc Ragovin: Now that Lance Armsrtong is retired, he doesn’t take PEDs. But it woudn’t be too difficult for him to start doping again. I mean, its like riding a bicycle.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Endeavour jokes, playoffs jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 14, 2012
This might be the one and ONLY time in my life I show some sympathy for the NY Yankees. Because I remember a May 2011 game when the SF Giants were down 4 runs, came back to tie it up, and lost the heart and soul of their team to an extra-innings injury. OK, I am done with the sympathy now.
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Yankees fans are particularly upset by the injury. ..more than a few wishing it could have been A-Rod?
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Okay, SF Giants fans didn’t hate TBS/Fox before…. they just said that the Yankees are the best team in the American League. and the CARDINALS are the best team in the National League. Put this quote up over the entrance to A T and T Park.
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But an open note to all SF Giants fans who have bitched about the team’s lack of a genuine closer…… in Detroit now as in Washington, D.C., fans are saying “Oh STFU.”
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Although if Friday night wasn’t bad enough, some Nationals fans got an email Saturday with an exclusive offer to buy World Series tickets.
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Clearly President Obama should have issued an executive order barring the Nationals from shutting down Stephen Strasburg.
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So which enterprising Stanford student will come up with the t-shirt saying “Stanford 25, ND 20 in overtime?” (Including those two touchdowns the refs missed.)
Did they ship the replacement refs to South Bend?
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Considering how that NLDS went against the Reds, wonder if the SF Giants asked MLB if they could decline home field advantage for the NLCS against the Cardinals?
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At Rupp Arena last night, Kentucky raised their 2012 national championship banner. With coach John Calipari they have to raise those things fast in case they get vacated.
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Was Derek Jeter’s injury Saturday night God’s way of saying Nate McLouth’s ball just might have hit the foul pole Friday?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Notre Dame jokes, playoffs jokes, Stanford jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 