Archive for June 2013

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Sign of summer.

June 30, 2013

We can tell it’s officially summer. The New York Yankees are on Sunday Night Baseball.

 

The New York Yankees have now lost five in a row. No joke. I just like typing that.

(And hey, okay, the SF Giants lost six in a row. But they are now on a one game winning streak.   And yeah, it’s been a rough month. )

 

SF Giants are tied for worst in majors as having only 29 games this year where they shut out their opponent in the first inning. This stat is shocking to regular Giants fans… there have been 29 games in 2013 where SF pitchers didn’t allow a first inning run?   (Today was 30.  Barely, after Madison Bumgarner allowed first and third with no outs in the first.)

 

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Sarah Palin says that if the GOP continues to “neglect conservatives” she is open to leaving and creating a new “Freedom Party.” And many Republicans are thinking “Promise?

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So I know you can already bet in Las Vegas on the over-under for the 2014 Super Bowl score. Can you bet on the over-under for 2013 NFL arrests?

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The Baltimore Orioles’ Chris Davis is having a breakout season with 31 home runs so far. So which will be more prevalent, the discussion of him as a possible MVP, or as a possible PED user?

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Former Patriots WR Deion Branch told a reporter that Aaron Hernandez is “a great guy and a great friend of mine and a great teammate. I love him to death, and it was shocking to hear his name involved in this situation.” Of course Branch has the perspective that Hernandez never saw him talking to anyone he didn’t like.

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Four tourists and the pilot are fine when a NYC sightseeing helicopter had to make an emergency landing in the Hudson river. We know the helicopter wasn’t owned by a major U.S. airline. Otherwise they’d have charged extra for the “Sully” experience.

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Interesting suggestion from Mike Lupica of the NY Daily News – “If you are an NFL player found to be in possession of an unregistered weapon, you get suspended for eight games, twice what you get for a dope offense, just for being a dope.”

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National Felons League?

June 29, 2013

Arrest number 37 in 2013. Indianapolis Colts safety Joe Lefeged has been arrested on gun-related charges after a traffic stop in Washington, D.C. Is it too soon to start naming an all-prison team?

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When Aaron Hernandez had some issues at Florida, Urban Meyer said that he had rehabilitated the young man with daily Bible study sessions that the then Gator coach conducted personally. Well, that ought to make moms of Ohio State players feel all warm and fuzzy.

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Don’t get me wrong, it’s an awful story about that poor young man in Egypt. But now the U.S. is warning Americans to stay away after an Ohio college student died when he was stabbed by a protester. What, and they should stay here in places like Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles and Baltimore?

 

 

Paula Deen’s cookbook publisher has now cancelled upcoming volumes. So will a silver lining in this mess be at least a small dip in U.S. heart attacks and obesity rates?

 

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Not “the Onion”: On July 3, The Huntsville Stars, a Milwaukee Brewers Double-A team, have “2nd Amendment Night – fun, food, and firepower.” The game will be free for all NRA members, and fans will have the chance to win one of three guns in a raffle. Maybe not a good night to start an argument in the stands or parking lot?

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Four Vanderbilt football players have been dismissed from the team and suspended from the school over an alleged sex crime in a university dorm. Who says Vandy doesn’t belong in the SEC?

 

–#SFGiants. At some point it is not that a string of opposing pitchers are having great outings. At some point it is that your hitting s*cks.

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Apparently the father of Edward Snowden has offered federal authorities a deal whereby his son would return voluntarily to the United States to face espionage charges. Translation, that Moscow airport transit lounge isn’t quite the dream destination Snowden had in mind when he started all this.

 

Dwight Howard going to meet with the Rockets. Houston, you may be about to have a problem.

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You can’t make this “stuff” up: Now that gay marriages are taking place in California, groups have filed appeals to reinstate the ban against them. One of the groups calls itself the “Alliance Defending Freedom.”

 

 

Alec Baldwin, trying to dig himself out of the latest hole he dug with one of his rants, says that when he called a reporter a “toxic little queen” it wasn’t homophobic. So Baldwin’s defense is that he is equally obnoxious to everyone?

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All chewed up?

June 28, 2013

Remember when your mom told you if you swallowed chewing gum it would stay in your stomach forever? Well, Aaron Hernandez may find out that spitting that gum out might keep you in prison forever.

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What a difference a couple weeks can make. Earlier this month the biggest worry the Patriots had was if Tim Tebow would be a positive or negative force on the team, and Paula Deen just had to worry about being blacklisted by places like Weight Watchers.–
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The Notre Dame-Miami football rivalry over the years has been dubbed “Catholics vs. Convicts.” Who knew, “Christians vs. Convicts” could have been a 2013 Patriots intra-squad game.
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How hot was it?   New York Mayor Bloomberg was seen sneaking a “Big Gulp.”
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Congrats to the Detroit Tigers’ Max Scherzer, 12-0 with a 3.18 ERA. How impressive is this start? If Scherzer pitched for the Marlins or Astros, his record might even be close to .500.
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The New England Patriots announced that anyone who purchased an Aaron Hernandez jersey can trade it for one of equal value. Presumably with or without stripes?  (Scott Russell wonders if another trade-in option might be an orange jumpsuit?)

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Actor James Woods, 66, has dumped his 26-year old girlfriend for a 20 year-old. “That’s just gross” said even Hugh Hefner.
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Cleveland 19 – Chicago 10. So how did I miss the opening of NFL preseason?
(the nightcap of the twilight doubleheader was Cleveland 9, Chicago 8.   Wonder how often if ever the White Sox have scored 18 runs in two games and lost them both?)
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Macky Sall, the President of Senegal, told President Obama ‘We are still not ready to decriminalize homosexuality. While we have respect for the rights of homosexuals, we are still not ready to change the law.” Is Sall angling to be asked to come to the U.S. and run for office as a Republican? Or is he trying to get Justice Scalia to visit?
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Lance Armstrong told “Le Monde” magazine that it would have been “impossible” to win without doping, and that he still considers himself the record-holder for Tour victories. This man is so deep in denial he’s almost an honorary Sandusky.
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Kyle Petty saying Danica Patrick is a “marketing machine” and not a “race car driver” because her hype and commercial success outweigh her results. So by that standard are the Chicago Cubs not a baseball team?
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From Hartley Miller  ” A 72-year-old Minnesota man has been sentenced to one week in prison for cheating in a fishing competition. In other words, he was caught hook, line and sinker.”
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More reason to be against gay marriage? Probably harder to park near SF City Hall today with all the rush on marriage licenses.#getoverit
A 72-year-old Minnesota man has been sentenced to one week in prison for cheating in a fishing competition. In other words, he was caught hook, line and sinker. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/news/v/Local-Sports/214614/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-June-28th-2013-Edition-425#sthash.AXajfEud.dpuf

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Who does it hurt?

June 27, 2013

When they say the gay marriage ruling doesn’t hurt ANYONE in a straight relationship suppose this is not strictly speaking true. Think of those guys who have said “Of course I’d marry you, honey, but we have to show solidarity with our LGBT friends…”

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AMA is going to have a knitting-themed river cruise next December, featuring a man named Barry Klein, considered “one of the top 10 most influential men in the world of knitting.” Wow. There ARE 10 men in the world of knitting?

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So at Wimbledon, Nadal is out, Federer is out, and Sharapova is out. Television executives must feel like they do about major golf tournaments when Tiger misses the cut.

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Understated opening line of the week from Wikipedia “Aaron Michael Hernandez (born November 6, 1989) is an American football tight end who is currently a free agent. He most recently played for the New England Patriots.”

 

Matt Krook, the Miami Marlins’ 1st round pick, will instead attend the University of Oregon. Maybe Krook wants to play in front of bigger crowds?

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Now the police may charge Aaron Hernandez with more murders. Scary. While the NFL is limiting purses and backpacks after the Boston bombings, it might be that the guys on the field are more dangerous than the terrorists.

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From Marc Ragovin:  ” Cleveland Browns rookie Ausar Walcott has been charged with attempted murder and has been cut by the team. I think I know where he’s gonna end up next. The Patriots’ practice squad.”

 

What if they had an #NBA draft and nobody cared? #Whoaretheseguys

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Former Warriors and Wizards star Gilbert Arenas was arrested in Los Angeles after officers stopped him for speeding, and allegedly found 20 boxes of illegal fireworks. And NBA officials are just relieved he didn’t shoot somebody.

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Wow. Now Rick Perry is going after Wendy Davis by saying he is glad her single mother didn’t choose an abortion: “What if her mom had said, “I just can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. At that particular point in time I think it becomes very personal.” Yes, Governor, these choices are always VERY personal. Would call him a douchebag but that is an insult to douchebags.

 

35 NFL players arrested so far this year . How long until NFL playbooks start including Miranda rights?

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Prosecutors may allege Aaron Hernandez killed a man who knew too much about two other men the former Patriots TE may have killed next year. Does this mean it wouldn’t have been long until he shot his alleged accomplices for knowing too much about the latest murder?

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Tweet from Chick-Fil A President on DOMA decision “Sad day for our nation; founding fathers would be ashamed of our gen. to abandon wisdom of the ages re: cornerstone of strong societies.” Right, founding fathers like Jefferson with Sally Hemmings and Franklin who had common-law wife raise his illegitimate son by another woman..

 

Not a bad day for #NFL, okay, so #NBAdraft got headlines, but no additional players arrested.

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Fabulous!

June 26, 2013

Conservatives may be disheartened over DOMA being overturned today, and gay marriages being allowed again in California. But hey, from a business standpoint, think of all the economic stimulus from gay weddings! #Expensivechampagne

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Is the New England Patriots’ season as dead as DOMA?

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Apparently Aaron Hernandez is the 29th NFL player arrested since this year’s Super Bowl.  This is clearly what comes of allowing too many heterosexuals in the league.

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The prosecution’s evidence against Hernandez allegedly includes some used bubble gum found in a car seen near the site of the murder.  Gum that he may have been seen buying.   So does this mean, if he chewed, then he is through?

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Cleveland rookie LB Ausar Walcott was arrested Tuesday and charged with attempted murder after he allegedly punched a man in the head last weekend. Gosh, the Browns can’t even get the major headlines on the NFL police blotter.

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Rough week for Paula Deen. Who knew it was possible to make Walmart look politically correct?

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Paula Deen in a teary television interview today complained of “horrible, horrible lies” about her. Uh, in Celebrity 101 class shouldn’t there be a session featuring Hugh Grant’s interview with Leno? Admit, say you were stupid, and move on. (Then if necessary find God and beg forgiveness.)

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Just wondering, how would Justice Clarence Thomas have ruled on “Loving v. Virginia” in 1967….

(if that’s too “inside baseball,”  “Loving v. Virginia” was the ruling that struck down inter-racial marriage laws. And Thomas is married to a white woman.)

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Best comedy line of the week goes to coach Chip Kelly: “As I have I stated before, the NCAA investigation and subsequent ruling had no impact on my decision to leave Oregon for Philadelphia.”

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Former Cub Kerry Wood found a body floating in a harbor.  I hear he strained his shoulder calling 911.”

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In Justice Scalia’s angry dissent today he once again railed against “homosexual sodomy.” So does he have a position on heterosexual sodomy. (Technically defined as anything but vaginal intercourse…?.)

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Texas Gov. Rick Perry just called a new special session to take up the abortion bill that was filibustered last night. What happened to that “small government” philosophy?

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You can’t make this stuff up…   Gov. Perry says he is calling a special session on that abortion bill because “Texans value life.” On the same day that the state has executed its 500th inmate since they reinstated the death penalty in 1982.

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Somewhere both #MollyIvins and #AnnRichards are together looking down on #WendyDavis. And smiling.

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 Terminal, the sequel?

June 26, 2013

Edward Snowden is apparently  living in a Russian airport transit terminal. Didn’t we already see this movie with Tom Hanks?

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President Obama said today in a speech “”We don’t have time for a meeting of the Flat Earth Society.” And some in the GOP immediately accused him of trying to influence the IRS against granting the Flat Earthers tax-exempt status.

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Apparently Heisman-winning QB Johnny Manziel almost transferred when he was suspended for the 2012 season for being caught in a bar fight with a fake ID.     The suspension was overturned on appeal, aided by a letter from the Texas A & M coach.  Although Manziel did have to take a 6 hour class. Wonder what the class was on? Sports and Criminal Justice?

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So now that the good old boys in Texas think they have rewritten the filibuster rules  (and perhaps altered a time-stamp)  can we at least apply their standards to the GOP in Congress? Then we might actually be able to get some legislation passed.

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Texas Democrats, led by state senator Wendy Davis, who spoke for 13 hours, were filibustering against a bill in Texas that will virtually outlaw abortion in the state. Wonder when they will need another filibuster – against cuts in aid for the resulting children born into poverty?

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The Cubs released reliever Carlos Marmol, who was 2-4 with a 5.86 ERA. Maybe the SF Giants can sign him to work the eighth inning. Based on the last week or two that 5.86 ERA would be an improvement.

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So Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are saying they named their daughter north because she is their “North Star… their highest point together.” Sort of like the “high-water mark of the Confederacy?”

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Wow. ESPN reported this comment about A-Rod Tuesday “Alex should just shut the f— up. That’s it. ” A not perhaps uncommon thought about the Yankees’ one-time star and current problem child. But the speaker?!  New York GM Brian Cashman.

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Forget Syria, the stock market, Snowden… here’s some GOOD news. It was just announced that Paul Giamatti will appear as Cora’s brother in season four of Downton Abbey.”

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Whatever happens with Snowden can we all agree that Booz Allen Hamilton might need to do a better pre-screening future job applicants for sensitive positions?

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This  last was sent to me by a reader, very interesting I think in the current situation with Snowden.

“I went to school in Washington, DC during the Vietnam war.  In 1969 there were protests – the War Moratorium – as it was called.  Many professors gave students off for the day (it was a Wednesday) so that they could attend the march.

My religion professor was a most ethical man, a wonderful teacher and a fine human being.

He did not cancel class and he said that if we cut it would go on our record.  (It was a long time ago -does anyone care if you cut class anymore?)

When he was asked, his reply was – “If this is what you believe in, then the price to be paid by you for your belief is to have an unexcused “cut” on your record.”

He was teaching us, that if you want to act with courage about an injustice – then you should not “buy” your courage, for free – it has to cost you something.

It was a lifelong lesson.”

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Not exactly winning.

June 24, 2013

Singer Chris Brown has again been accused of assault. allegedly shoving a woman to the ground at a Southern California nightclub on Saturday night. So congratulations to all those who had June 22 in the pool.

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Today starts the George Zimmerman trial in Orlando. Whatever happens, Americans should feel confident that justice will be served, because they had had the Casey Anthony trial there, and we know how well that turned out… Oops, never mind.

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Lots of tennis fans were upset that Rafael Nadal was a 5 seed at Wimbledon. Guess they were right. He should have been lower.

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Not looking good for Aaron Hernandez as the murder investigation continues. Starting to look like the Patriots’ TE best hope would be to get the LAPD involved in the case.

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Congrats to UCLA, in the College World Series, and winners of game one against Mississippi State. Well, at least one Southern California team is seeing 2013 postseason action.

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In honor of the Chicago Blackhawks, the Cubs put in lights on their stadium Monday night “2013 Stanley Cup Champions.”  Might be the only time in many people’s lifetimes they will see the word “Champions” at Wrigley Field.

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Rough night in Boston. #Bruins just pulled off a collapse so fast and awful you figured Bill Buckner had to be involved.

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Newly released documents show the IRS also targeted groups seeking tax-exempt status with terms including “Israel,” ”Progressive” and “Occupy.” Out of habit, the GOP blamed Obama.

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In Paris, a 52 year old mother was arrested and her daughter may be banned from taking official exams for 5 years, after the woman attempted to take the French equivalent of the SAT for her daughter. “How awful.” responded some American parents. “Great idea, needed better execution” responded others.

(As my friend Jim McCann says,  “That could never happen in the U.S., I mean really, what parent can pass high school math?”)

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NY Giants WR Brandon Collins has been suspended without pay for the first four games of the 2013 season for violating the NFL Policy and Program for Substances of Abuse. Four whole games. Wow. Well, at least he didn’t do anything really bad like wearing the wrong color shoes or criticizing officials..

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Rays’ pitcher Alex Cobb, who was hit in the ear by a batted ball and got a concussion on June 15 now simply thinks pitchers should have the option to wear headgear. Adding “I don’t want it to turn into something where every pitcher on the mound has to wear something. That’s everybody’s personal choice.” This idea is so reasonable I’m sure Bud Selig will find a reason against it.

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Sorry folks in Dodger Stadium; real baseball fans do not do the wave. #wavefail

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Edward Snowden is getting really serious about staying out of sight. Rumor has it he’s even talked to NBC about a place on their summer schedule.

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Former Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi, 76, was convicted today of paying for sex with an underage prostitutes and then trying to cover it up. He was sentenced to 7 years, and barred from public office for life. Did the court figure Italians would elect him again otherwise?

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Twinkie time?

June 23, 2013

Hostess has announced they will have Twinkies back on the store shelves July 15. Good news for fans who stockpiled the snack cakes last year: old Twinkies probably only have about 99 years of shelf life left.

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Manny Ramirez wants to return to MLB and rumors have linked him with the Yankees. Probably won’t happen but a few weeks of Manny being Manny might make NY fans actually miss A-Rod.

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Joe Theismann’s “Super Beta Prostate” TMI commercial – “Even when I first started broadcasting, I’d be hit with sudden urges to go… I no longer have to go so frequently and I usually sleep through the night…” Who knew there might be something harder to watch featuring Theismann than his infamous leg injury.

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Paula Deen’s fans are apparently furious over Food Network’s firing her over racial slurs, with nasty comments of their own on the Network’s FB page. Including things like “We all use the n-word.” Well, this ought to help Southerners with that stereotype of being racist rednecks.

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This Serena Williams / Maria Sharapova catfight has gotten pretty nasty. Even Tiger and Sergio are saying “Just shut up and play.”

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The more I hear about Edward Snowden, who really seems to be relishing the limelight, the more I think even people who agree with what he did have might also agree with T.S. Eliot: “The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason.”

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–It will be a sad day when Nelson Mandela leaves us, but come on folks: These media stories saying things like a team of seven doctors “is doing everything possible to get his condition to improve” He is 94, he has been frail and unable to appear in public in years. Let the poor man be….

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A five year old girl has died in New Orleans after she apparently accidentally shot herself in the head. If only the poor child had been armed. Wait, never mind.

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Thanks to a rain delay the East Coast now gets to enjoy #ESPN Monday Morning Baseball.

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Okay, I’m impressed. After a rain delay, its Sunday night, the 6th inning of a June game inter-league St. Louis Cardinals-Texas Rangers game, so neither a big rivalry nor the playoffs, and it’s midnight. And the Busch Stadium stands are packed.

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Every breath you take….

June 23, 2013

Facebook admitted yesterday they accidentally exposed 6 million users’ phone numbers and email addresses to unauthorized viewers over the past year. Why are we wasting taxpayer funds on the NSA etc when the private sector can invade our privacy so much more inexpensively?

 

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What’s more unreal to modern Monopoly players? That you can buy properties for hundreds of dollars? Or that anyone would want to buy property in Atlantic City?

 

 

Hillary Clinton, speaking in Toronto, “Let me say this, hypothetically speaking, I really do hope that we have a woman president in my lifetime.” Wonder if you can find a video of the speech at Hillary2016.com

 

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Derek Jeter says he is making progress with his broken ankle. Wonder if he’ll be back in time for the next Yankees’ old timers game?

 

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:   “New York Yankee great, Joe Torre’s daughter, Christine, caught a baby that fell from a fire escape in Brooklyn; good thing she wasn’t a Mets’ daughter. She would have made an error throwing the baby to first.

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Reports are that Aaron Hernandez reportedly destroyed his home surveillance system and handed his cellphone over to police “in pieces.” If the Patriots’ TE isn’t guilty of murder, he may be guilty of being one of the stupider SOB’s that ever lived.

 

1997 Tour de France winner Jan Ullrich finally admitted that he did blood doping during his career. At this point it would be bigger news if we found out one of the top racers WASN’T doping.

 

So the NBA finals were last Thursday, and the NBA draft is next Thursday. And the NFL is trying to figure out…. how do we do that? #Yearroundleague

 

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Colin Kaepernick threw out the first pitch at Friday night’s #SFGiants game; he was clocked at 87 mph. And Barry Zito just wept.

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Wonder if they are applying for tax exempt status? “Americans for Food and Beverage Choice?”, self-described as “a group of people just like you” is running ads against “new taxes and regulations on food and beverages”  

“Just like you.”    

Right. And just coincidence that “The American Beverage Association, which represents the non-alcoholic beverage industry, is leading this coalition”?

 

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Weighty issues?

June 22, 2013

The Food Network dropped Paula Deen after she admitted to using racial slurs in the past. That crashing sound you hear is the bottom falling out of the butter market.

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The New England Patriots are traveling to New Orleans to play the Saints this October. I can see the signs in the Superdome now “At least we didn’t kill anybody.”

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A Northern California woman who was just released from jail allegedly celebrated by drinking, and drove into parked car, a tree and then a house. With a blood alcohol level twice the legal limit. No injuries but missed a Darwin award by THAT much…

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So in return for allowing $40 million of his assets to be distributed to his victims, former Enron CEO’s Jeffrey Skilling’s sentence has been reduced from 24 to 14 years. Everyone has a price. Guess the price of our justice system has rarely been so specifically quantified.

 

Wonder what Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s reasoning was for naming their baby “North?” Did they figure without an unusual name the poor little girl might be overlooked and not get any attention?

(or as my friend Alex Kaseberg added,  “Because the name Future Ugly Custody Battle was too long..”)

 

Gov. Chris Christie is ordering all New Jersey government buildings in the sttate to fly flags at half-staff on Monday to honor James Gandolfini. Nothing bad better happen to Bruce Springsteen on Christie’s watch, the governor would shut the whole state down

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Cliff Alexander, ESPN’s #2 high school prospect, just announced 10 colleges he is considering. (Kansas, Michigan State, Kentucky, Louisville, Illinois, DePaul, Indiana, Memphis, Baylor and Arizona.) It’s a big decision, Alexander has to choose where he’s going to spend a whole six or seven months of his life.

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All these folks anointing Lebron James as one of the best ever after the Heat’s win last night. So what most helped him avoid the “over-rated” tag – the Spurs’ missed game 6 free throws, or those non-foul calls?

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The FAA is reportedly considering relaxing the ban on portable electronic devices during takeoff and landing. Of course, they can’t just consider the cockpit instruments safety issue, there’s the potential of cellphone users being justifiably assaulted by fellow passengers.

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Southwest Airlines grounded flights Friday night across the western United States due to a computer problem. Other airlines expressed sympathy and immediately added a “computer maintenance fee. “

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Starbucks is announcing a “small” increase next week in the some of their drink prices. But on a brighter note, the chain also announced that reasonable financing plans will be available.

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Faster than a speeding kitten?

June 21, 2013

Apparently new wi-fi technology will double the speed of the existing standard. Just think, more and faster cat pictures!

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So the consensus last fall was that no one cared about the NBA because the Miami Heat were a slam dunk to win it all. So can we go back not to caring now?

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Lebron James at the post-game news conference, talking about all the Miami Heat had been through, all the “adversity…” Really? Can we say “Top-1%-of-First-World-Problems?”

(or maybe Top-1%-of-1%-of-First-World-Problems.)

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Had the San Antonio Spurs pulled an aging rabbit out of their hat, would they have been the last NBA champions mostly without tattoos?

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Another reason MLB is better than the NBA: The officiating isn’t perfect. But balls and strikes in the ninth inning bear some relationship to balls and strikes in the first inning. Unlike fouls in the fourth quarter vs. the first quarter.

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Rumor has it that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s daughter has been named North West. No pictures of the new baby yet. Maybe her parents are holding out for enough money to pay her future therapy bills?

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Who needs the NSA? I decide to go to Southwest.com briefly to check something out for a friend. It takes about 5 minutes before Yahoo mail gives me a Southwest ad.

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A 22 year old Australian man, who got in trouble last summer for wild and drunken behavior on a holiday weekend, has asked a judge for 3 months in jail instead of a two year ban on drinking and going to bars. Hmm. have we found a soul mate for Lindsay Lohan?

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Can’t imagine how some Republicans get the reputation for being anti-woman. In Illinois, the chairman of a county committee railed against former Miss America, Erika Harold, now a lawyer running in a GOP congressional primary – “Now, Miss Queen is being used like a street walker and her pimps are the DEMOCRAT PARTY and RINO REPUBLICANS.”

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Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling, serving a 24 year sentence, is asking that 10 years be taken off his sentence in exchange for giving victims the the $40 million that he had agreed to forfeit if his appeals were unsuccessful. Another potential Golden Rule application – “Have the gold, make the rules.”

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Of course we don’t really know much, though what we know doesn’t look good, but Patriots TE Aaron Hernandez – a history of drug use AND concussions. And the NFL worries about excessive celebrations

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From T.C.  “Sesame Street has just introduced a new character named Alex, whose dad is in jail. No word on Alex’s last name being Ochocinco.”

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Happiest Place on Earth? Not before I get my bleeping coffee….

June 19, 2013

Some Walt Disney visitors are reportedly upset that the Main Street Bakery in the Magic Kingdom will now be a Starbucks. One said “Disney is a place of dreams, not brands.” Right. Wonder if the change will have any effect at all on Disney’s stock price.

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The Men’s Wearhouse has fired founder and executive president George Zimmer. So if you own one of their suits, guess you may not like the way you look anymore, because he no longer guarantees it.

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Police reportedly searched the home of New England Patriots TE Aaron Hernandez Tuesday after the body of one of his alleged “associates” was found nearby. Very limited information so far but let this be a reminder to grumpy Patriots fans- there are worse things that can happen to a team than signing Tim Tebow.

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A disgruntled former employee of Biogenesis now says clinic founder Anthony Bosch visited A-Rod at his request during a 1 for 9 slump in the 2012 ALCS. Is there anyone involved in this case who doesn’t make you want to take a shower.

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Manny Ramirez, who was having a good season for the EDA Rhinos, is nonetheless leaving Taiwan. Reportedly some Japanese teams are interested. Maybe Manny’s going for the record of quitting on teams in the most countries?

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As we approach the NBA finals game 7 in Miami, Bill Littlejohn reminds us that game 6  featured “one of the wildest comebacks ever—Heat fans trying to come back into the arena after leaving.”

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Ann Romney made a polite appearance before the San Diego City Council to complain about the city’s permit and public noticing procedure, as it took about two years for approval of her and Mitt’s plan to bulldoze a 3,000 sq ft home to expand it to 11,000 sq ft. Two years? Palo Alto and San Francisco want to know how San Diego has their process so streamlined.

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Some things just write their own punchlines: Senator Marco Rubio has proposed an amendment to the immigration bill to make immigrants prove they are proficient in English before obtaining permanent residency….

Following a discussion with my niece have to think it could be a good way to reduce the deficit,  if America’s white trash hase to prove they are proficient in English to keep their citizenship, we could get rid of a lot of deadwood.

(Do wonder, would Rubio make an exception, for example, for someone who could throw a 95 MPH fastball. Or hit one?  )

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Tonight’s Stanley Cup score – a 6 to 5 Blackhawks win over the Bruins in OT. 11 goals in a hockey game?! Quick, start the PED rumors….

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Alaska GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski, the latest to support gay marriage: “it keeps politicians out of the most private and personal aspects of peoples’ lives – while also encouraging more families to form and more adults to make a lifetime commitment to one another.” Sounds like reasonable conservative family values to me.

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A self-described “anti-indecency” Texas Republican speaking in favor of an anti-abortion bill talked about 15 week fetuses: If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain.” Uh, if the future babies are masturbating in utero, aren’t they going to hell anyway?

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Midsummer classic?

June 18, 2013

You know a season might have gone on too long when you hear the term #MidsummerClassic and think possible #NBA finals game 7.

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The makers of Oreos have come out with a new watermelon flavored Oreo with pink and green fillings. “We think (it’s) a fun summer creme flavor that goes great with our Golden Oreo cookie,” a spokeswoman said. Here’s an idea, how about if you like watermelon flavor you pair your cookies with actual FRUIT.

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And who had this… as of right now Justin Verlander has the fourth best ERA of Detroit Tigers’ starters. Behind   Doug Fister, Anibal Sanchez , and Max Scherzer.

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Chris Christie says his favorite baseball team is the NY Mets. Makes some sense. Their performance usually guarantees he will look good by comparison.

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Dick Cheney says that after his heart transplant says he now wakes up each morning “with a smile on my face, thankful for the gift of another day I never expected to see.” Wonder if he’s privately thinking, if I knew I’d have felt this good, I’d have shot a potental donor a long time ago.

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Brilliant NBA finals half-time analysis: If the Heat don’t play better in the second half they are going to lose. Uh, considering the Spurs were up six at half, a pretty good guess.

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Gosh, a no call on a Heat foul on Manu Ginóbili driving for a potential game winner? Who’d a thunk that might happen in Miami?

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#NBAFinals referees. Combining the accurary of MLB umps with the integrity of Olympic figure skating.

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The NY Yankees and LA Dodgers are playing an interleague series. What were SF Giants fans rooting for? Presumably rain.

(Which they got  – a rainout.  Though Bill Schmarzo suggests “No, a 45 inning extra game where they blow the arms of all their relievers.”)

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Birthers, they’re baaack……This time it’s South Carolina GOP Rep. Jeff Duncan questioning Obama’s birth certificate and thus the “President’s validity.” Although no doubt Duncan has no problem with Ted Cruz, who Republicans say is “natural-born” enough because he was born in Canada to a mother who was a U.S. citizen.

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My friend Howard Fox notes:   “Kim Kardashian’s daughter already has one thing in common with her mom. She’s famous for absolutely nothing.”

My thought  –  So how long until Kim leaks the birth tape as a 2 DVD set with her sex tape?

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#Funwithstats    In 2012, Texas and Florida were the top two states for guns seized at airports by TSA, with 255 and 129 respectively. Although the highest totals at individual airports were Atlanta with 97 and DFW with 80. Phoenix, a much smaller airport, was 3rd with 54. But as Arizona says “We try harder.”

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San Jose is suing MLB over the league’s endless delays on a vote about the Oakland A’s moving to their city. Wonder if Bud Selig will assemble a team of “blue ribbon” lawyers to fight the suit.

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All you baseball fans on the East Coast, you are missing the late-night emergence of the Giants’ Juan Perez…. 4 outfield assists in a handful of games, one game-winner taken away by Venable’s catch last night, one 3-2, 2 out hit in the 8th to give SF the lead…. Puig who?

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And we wonder why Congress has 10% approval ratings. Speaker John Boehner says “I don’t see any way of bringing an immigration bill to the floor (for a vote) that doesn’t have majority support of Republicans.” And yet, he and the GOP will have a vote today on a bill banning abortions after 22 weeks that will not make it through the Senate, and which Obama would veto anyway.

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A serious thought for a change. Wonder how much of the mess in this country we could be fixed by getting rid of gerrymandered Congressional borders. It’s not just that the Democrats won 1.4 million more House votes in 2012, it’s that right now House members only have to please their carefully engineered safe districts and have no incentive to compromise.

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Smelly business.

June 17, 2013

The Oakland As and Seattle Mariners both had to use the Oakland Raiders’ locker room to shower after yesterday’s game with a sewage problem at the aging Coliseum created smelly pools of water in both clubhouses. Wonder how long it will take Bud Selig to appoint a “Blue Ribbon Committee” to look into the problem.

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Love it. Some folks in Starbucks chatting about the whole government surveillance thing as the cheery gal behind the counter is getting a guy to sign up for a loyalty program that will reward – and track – every single purchase.

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By a 7-2 vote, the Supreme Court today rejected an Arizona law asking voters to provide additional proof of citizenship beyond an oath for voter registration. Thomas and Alito dissented on states’ rights grounds. So where’s this “states rights” stuff when it comes to things like marijuana legalization?

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Some travelers in Arizona claim they see the image of Jesus in a smudge on the floor at Phoenix’s Sky Harbor airport. Airlines aren’t sure, but are trying to figure if they can charge a “See our Lord and Savior” fee.

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Mon dieu! In Nov, Michael Applebaum took over as interim Montreal mayor, vowing to “end an era of sleaze” when the previous mayor resigned over corruption allegations. Today Applebaum was arrested and charged with 14 criminal counts including fraud, breach of trust and conspiracy. Where do these Canadians think they are? Louisiana?

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A stone-cutter who engraved Ed Koch’s tombstone accidentally put Dec 12, 1942 instead of 1924 on the marble No word if he was fired. But on a brighter note, the engraver immediately got future job offers from most of the women in Hollywood.

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Ah, SEC football. Florida LB Antonio Morrison was arrested for allegedly punching a Gainesville, FL bar bouncer who wouldn’t waive the cover charge after he said “I am Antonio, I am a UF football player”    Morrison, a 19 year old sophomore,  plans to plead not guilty and told police he was intoxicated at the time.

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The FBI is digging up a field near Detroit looking again for the remains of Jimmy Hoffa. I have an idea, how about we quit using all this taxpayer money and just offer a flat finder’s fee to whoever can find his bones. Let the private sector do it….

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So Clayton Kershaw says leaks about his possible $300 million contract negotiations are “distracting.” Hey, you’d think he’d welcome a distraction from the way the Dodgers are playing.

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For anyone who actually listened to #MissUtah’s answer at #MissUSA pageant will agree, in her case we really did need to create education better.

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All the talk is about Miss Utah and “creating education.” But Miss Connecticut, who won Miss USA, was asked about with the Supreme Court ruling that police could subject criminal suspects to a DNA test. And simply said “I think if somebody is being prosecuted and has committed a crime that’s that severe, they should have a DNA test.” Might have been fun to ask her what a DNA test was?

(or as my friend Michael says, “If she wanted time to study for it.”)

 

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The comedy gods taketh away, and the comedy gods giveth. Iran elected a “moderate cleric” to replace President Ahmadinejad. But over on Fox News, Sarah Palin is back.

 

Walt Disney World has started charging a $5 premium  ($101 to $96) for single-day tickets for the Magic Kingdom in Florida, compared to the other three – Animal Kingdom,  Hollywood Studios and Epcot.  Some think this is because the Magic Kingdom is the best park.  Although as the only one of the four without alcohol, maybe Disney figures they need to make up what they can’t make on beer sales

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Sins of Our Fathers?

June 16, 2013

#FathersDay is always a big day for awkward family phone calls. Especially. in the NBA, where the response to a “Happy Father’s Day phone conversation often starts “So which one are you, anyway?”

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Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country.  Anyone outside of South Florida tonight not rooting for the San Antonio Spurs against the Miami Heat?

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Whatever happens in game 6 and 7, guess there are children in Africa who will be enjoying their “NBA Championship Heat Sweep” t-shirts.

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No word on what Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will call their baby. Wonder if they’re auctioning off naming rights?

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Ian Kennedy says his 10 game suspension for throwing at the heads of Yasiel Puig and Zach Greinke doesn’t make sense. He’s probably right. It should have been 30.

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New Yorkers are a different breed. A woman appears to have committed suicide by jumping from the 12th floor of her ritzy Upper East Side apartment, and a neighbor, who told a reporter the woman was fully clothed including shoes added “”They look like nice dress shoes.”

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Stanford graduation speaker today New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. So wonder if the stadium banned guests bringing in large soft drinks?

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Sarah Palin on Syria. “I say let Allah sort it out. ” But then adding “until we have a commander-in-chief who knows what they’re doing.” You’d think the one thing Palin might be an expert on quitting while she’s ahead.

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Watching all the best golfers in the world head to the wrong side of par, appears like the real winner at the U.S. Open today was the Merion course.

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In what apparently was a bad mood last night Texas A&M Aggies sophomore quarterback Johnny Manziel tweeted then deleted the following “Bulls— like tonight is a reason why I can’t wait to leave college station…whenever it may be.” Well, this ought to make Manziel real popular with the local fans if he has a sophomore slump.

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What happened to “World Peace?” Miss Utah tonight, asked in the Miss USA pageant about the fact that women are primary breadwinners in 40% of households, but still earn less than men. ““I think we can relate this back to education, and how we are continuing to try to strive to… figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem right now. “I think, especially the men are … um … seen as the leaders of this, and so we need to see how to … create education better. So that we can solve this problem. Thank you.”

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Let me guess,  Miss Utah is neither seeing herself as a future breadwinner nor someone who needs to concern herself much with education.

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You got a probllem with that?

June 16, 2013

And in the SEC they’re wondering… and your point is?

 

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North Korea has reportedly proposed talks with the U.S. Well, Kim Jong Un has to find something to do now that the NBA season is almost over.

 

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The Texas Rangers’ Jeff Baker sprained his thumb celebrating with a high-five. Well, at least that’s 1 injury unlikely to befall the #Dodgers bullpen.

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It’s a girl for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. The happy parents are registered at “Bed, Bath, and Beyond All Sense of Reality.”

 

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A recent poll found that men are more skeptical than women that a single mother can do as good a job raising a child as two parents can…. Uh, right. And how would we fix that? #Nottoomanyimmaculateconceptions.

 

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So the NBA fined Chris Bosh, who makes over $17 million a year, $5000 for flopping in game 4 and drawing a foul on Tim Duncan. So wondering if the Heat are figuring how much pocket change it will cost them to win game 5.

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If this keeps up, the Miami Heat might not just win a championship, they could be declared the honorary NBA team of the 2014 World Cup.

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Little 21st century quirks. Like logging into Facebook and being told that your friends are having birthdays and maybe you would like to send them a gift. Except that one of them died 8 months ago. …. (Does heaven use Starbucks’ cards?)

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Congressional Democrats shutout the Republicans 22-0 shutout during the annual Congressional Baseball Game.  Yep, just goes to show, in baseball always bet on the lefties.

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Father of the year?  Brewers manager Ned Yost wasn’t at his team’s Thursday night’s game because his only daughter was getting married. But he didn’t miss a pitch – “I had the phone out, sitting on the pew right next to me, during the whole process.”

(I can imagine it now.  “Who gives this woman to be married…?”  “What, that pitch was six inches outside.)

 

Two wine collectors are suing chef Charlie Trotter for $76,000, because they said he sold them a $46,000 bottle of wine that was fake. Uh, $30,000 extra in damages? For what… therapy because you’re dumb enough to spend $46,000 on a bottle in the first place?

 

 

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Oh brother.

June 14, 2013

Jeb Bush, in a pro-immigration speech, said that immigrants were “more fertile.” Well, not sure about the torch, but it appears that the foot in mouth disease may have been passed to a new brother.

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As Ian Kennedy gets a 10 game suspension for throwing at Zach Greinke’s head, instructive to remember the response of the great Bob Gibson, when asked if HE threw at batters’ heads: “Nah, heads move around too much. I always went for the ribs.”

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MLB suspended 8 players for the Dodgers-Diamondbacks brawl. Presumably because they couldn’t suspend both entire teams.

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Major League Baseball is offering a discount package on MLB TV for Father’s Day to “Give dad the gift of live baseball.”. And children of Marlins’ fans are thinking “Who hates their father that much?”

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The headlines on the U.S. Open today…. all about how far back Tiger Woods is. He’s the NY Yankees of golf.

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After “Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham leaked flirty texts between her and Charlie Sheen, Sheen’s angry response included “congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn. your daughter must be so proud.” Wow. You know you’re over the top when you disgust Charlie Sheen.. 

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In a recent Gallup poll, 10% of Americans said they have confidence in #Congress. That many?

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A Boston woman recently paid $560,000 for two off-street parking spaces in Back Bay. Insane? Yeah, but probably more reasonable than a lot of teams pay for a lousy middle reliever.

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Freedom?

June 14, 2013

Edward Snowden’s latest comment today, accusing the U.S. government of trying to “bully” his refuge of Hong Kong. ““My only comment is that I am glad there are governments that refuse to be intimidated by great power.” Ah, yes, China, land of the free and home of the brave….

My friend Jeff Klein posted today how 11% of MLB games this year have gone extra innings….some deep into extra innings. If this happened in the NFL you know they’d find a way to charge more for it.

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And in fact, the NFL has decided to ban large purses, backpacks, coolers etc at games this season, limiting fans to one clear bag no larger than 12″ by 6″ by 12″, and a small clutch bag. Well, this MAY keep fans safer, but it will definitely will make fans need to buy more food/drink at the stadiums.

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All sarcasm aside, so Phil Mickelson, who missed some practice this week to return from Pennsylvania to California for his daughter’s 8th grade graduation, is one shot off the lead in the U.S. Open with a -3 for the day. Wonder if this is God’s way of saying “Well played, Phil, Well played.”

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Police in Leicester, England credit their bust of a pot factory, with seven arrests, from smelling marijuana when they rolled down car windows on patrol to get fresh air when an officer passed gas. Forget doughnuts, sounds like to really fight crime, police need to spend more time at Taco Bell.

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The LA Dodgers and AZ Diamondbacks played a brawl-free game Wednesday after Tuesday’s melee. But reliever Ronald Belisario said of the hostilities – “It’s not done.” The Dodgers’ season on the other hand….

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NY Jets coach Rex Ryan is already ranting about the team’s wide receivers for dropping passes in minicamp. Waiting to see how he’s going to blame this one on Tebow.

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In Japan, the Nippon Professional Baseball league just admitted 60 games into the season that they are using a new livelier baseball which has resulted in more home runs. Once Selig gets this Biogenesis ball rolling expect to see him on a plane to Japan…

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One dead, at least 77 injured in today’s chemical plant explosion in Louisiana. And no word yet on the cause. But just guessing it wasn’t excessive government regulation.  

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Rupert Murdoch, 82, and his wife Wendy Deng, 44, are divorcing. Wonder if he found a younger woman.

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Wow, a TSA agent with a sense of humor. Harried mom with a baby traveling solo, everyone trying to help, and she dutifully shows the agent her baby food packets. He says “Sorry, we don’t accept pureed broccoli and carrots.   (long pause) … only peas.” First smiles I’ve seen in ages in a security line. Including from mom when she figured out he was kidding.
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From T.C.  “The Boston Bruins are in the Stanley Cup. The Boston Red Sox have the best record in the American League. So the top story in Beantown newspapers? Tebow signs with Pats.”

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Armed and dangorous?

June 13, 2013

The L.A. Times says that the Dodgers and Diamondbacks will open the 2014 season….in Sydney. Presumably the Aussies asked that MLB send their best rugby teams?

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First the Padres, now the Diamondbacks. Is a bench-clearer with the Giants next? Los Angeles Dodgers quickly becoming the top team in Major League Basebrawl.

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Another thought on Tuesday night’s #basebrawl This might be the most coverage ever the Dodgers and Diamondbacks are getting on #ESPN.

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So since Newtown, some states (South Dakota, Alabama, Arizona and Kansas) have enacted laws allowing teachers to carry guns on school campuses. (Texas already allowed it with school approval.) Well, this ought to liven up salary contract negotiations.

 

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Edward Snowden says he’s going to stay put because he has “faith in Hong Kong’s rule of law.” So he’s going to fight what he perceives as a tyrannical, controlling and intrusive U.S. government from what a “special administrative region” of the People’s Republic of China.

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Arizona Congressman Trent Franks in an abortion debate yesterday “The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.” Reminding many women again, even if the Obama administration were reading or hearing EVERYTHING you write or say, it could be worse.

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Roger Goodell, defending the Washington Redskins name. “For the team’s millions of fans and customers, who represent one of America’s most ethnically and geographically diverse fan bases, the name is a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect.” Leaving aside the “most diverse” line, “strength, courage, pride and respect?” Has Goodell watched the team play for the last decade?

 

 

 

The latest tabloid turn in the Kardashian saga is a 24 year-old young woman saying she’s been sleeping with Kanye West while Kim is pregnant. Meanwhile, some in America are still crying how the worst thing that can happen to a baby is to be raised by a loving gay couple…..

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Betty White, 91, says she eats a hot dog for lunch every day, and keeps Red Vines at in her dressing room at all times. No wonder she looks so good – regular doses of preservatives.

 

 

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The first game of the Stanley Cup Finals went THREE overtimes. To put that in Chicago perspective, the Blackhawks’ 4-3 win took longer than the Cubs remained in contention this season.

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For the first time since 2005, more Americans view George W. Bush positively than negatively. Which just goes to show again, that one of the truest song lyrics ever written was “Could it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line…?”

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Commercial:. “Over 60% of America shops at Walmart every month.” Forget party politics…. we may have the real reason why this country is FUBAR’ed.

 

“This is almost airline worthy”  rant of the day:   Run a big ad with 14-day cruises to Canada from Boston, when they’re actually two  7 day cruises back to back with the SAME PORTS, just in a different direction. (Boston-Quebec-Boston)  Thanks, Holland America……

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And yes, we are a LONG way from over.  But just in case the Spurs do hang on and win this, is it too soon to trademark the phrase #TheHeatisGone?”

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Oldies but goodies.

June 11, 2013

The San Antonio Spurs actually play like girls. And I mean that as a compliment.

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Last time there was a massacre like this in #SanAntonio, I believe the #Alamo was involved. #Spurs

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Meanwhile, what a brawl between the #Dodgers and #Dbacks. Wow! These guys put up more of a fight than the #Heat did tonight in #SanAntonio.

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As my friend Joe Salvatore pointed out:  “Involved in the Diamondbacks Dodgers brawl :Trammell, Sax, Matt Williams, Baylor, Mattingly, Gibson, McGwire. I love the 80’s”

(Wonder if they were hitting each other with their canes?)

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My friend Jeff Klein points out that down in Southern California, “People started lining up at 2 a.m. for Lawry’s prime rib for $1.25 (the cost of a dinner when Lawry’s first opened 75 years ago). But people get mad when they have to stand in line and wait 20 minutes to vote. What a country.”

I guess the moral of the story, to increase voter turnout, give away free food at the polls.

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Warner Bros has decided to drop a planned sequel to the movie “Dumb and Dumber.” Guess the studio figured that when it comes to “Dumb and Dumber” no movie these days could possibly be a match for reality.

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Just a thought for folks worried that the government will know exactly what you are reading. There’s a cure for that. Use cash and buy a magazine, newspaper or an actual book.

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Ian Stewart, hitting .164 at Triple A Iowa, ranted last night on Twitter saying the Cubs organization is letting him “rot” and “might as well release me.” If Chicago releases Stewart they are on the hook for his $2 million salary. But maybe after that rant they will do something better, like trade him to the Marlins.

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Discount carrier Allegiant Air had passengers stuck on a Las Vegas tarmac in two different planes for more than four hours. At one point passengers joined together for a group singalong to “I Believe I Can Fly.” Wonder if Allegiant then hit others on the plane with an entertainment charge.

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The SF Giants are expected to place Pablo Sandoval on the DL with a foot strain.
Wonder if the trainer will tape up Panda’s foot. Might be more effective to tape over his mouth.

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After Marco Scutaro was injured by being hit with a pitch, and the Giants retaliated by hitting Andrew McCutchen, expect bad blood between SF and Pittsburgh tomorrow. But if Barry Zito hits a Pirate with a pitch, how will that player be able to tell?

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“ESPN the Magazine” asked CB Richard Sherman if Seattle Seahawks have a problem with PED’s, his response “it does seem that way.” Not sure what Sherman majored in at Stanford but guessing it wasn’t Communication.

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There are allegations that in Hillary Clinton’s State Department, staff may have engaged prostitutes. There’s a name for people like that – they’re called “men.”

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Booz Allen says they have fired #EdwardSnowden. And who saw THAT coming?

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Okay, Mayor Bloomberg and his attempted nanny law on large sugary drinks was stupid. But for a bit of perspective, in Turkey earlier this month, President Erdogan proposed bans on alcohol and public displays of affection…. And how’s that working out for him.

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