Flat Earth Society

Posted February 18, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: basketball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Uh oh, now it’s Draymond Green When asked if he, like Kyrie Irving, believes the world to be flat, Green replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t done enough research. But it may be flat.”
Speaking of research, maybe it wasn’t just the NFL that should have been paying attention to concussions?

 

Kyrie Irving came in second to Eric Gordon in the NBA All-Star 3 point shooting contest. That damn curvature of the earth strikes again.

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Lebron James “Kyrie is my little brother. If he decides the earth is flat, that’s okay.”

Uh, isn’t one of the jobs of a big brother to tell a little brother when he’s being stupid?

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Kyrie Irving is questioning whether dinosaurs existed. Fool, he could have just asked  Tim Duncan, who lived with them. @Spurs

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No spring training games, NBA and college basketball games don’t mean anything yet….this is the time of year when ABC’s Wide World of Sports used to give up and show cliff diving.

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Local NBC news talking about NBA All-Star weekend “The biggest party in the country is happening this weekend in New Orleans.” Excuse me, on most weekends, the biggest party in the country is happening  in New Orleans.

 

According to Melbourne Police, 9,000 attendees at #TrumpRally today. 9,000?! Even Miami Marlins are thinking that’s a small crowd.

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Give  Trump credit. How long has it been since most Americans were genuinely disappointed that SNL was taking a weekend off?

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Today is #NationalDrinkWineDay. Give @realDonaldTrump for increasingly at least one segment of retail sales.

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Spotted at Trump rally in Florida, one man with a t-shirt for the conspiracy site InfoWars, while another wore a “Grab America by the Pussy” shirt. #stayclassy

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Still attacking Hillary at #TrumpRally. Someone should tell this man that after winning, the true greats don’t keep dissing their opponents.

 

What is truly amazing is that a man who is basically a media creation views that media as the enemy.

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Now Trump is talking about the “Southern White House” Jefferson Davis must be so proud.

 

Trump said he “inherited a mess.” From USA Today “Jobs have been growing for 75 straight months — a record.” Well, he’ll fix that.

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#TrumpRally– “I am here because I want to be among my friends.” Anyone but me thinking someone should have given this man a puppy?

 

Trump says Obamacare is “a tragedy, a real tragedy.” Uh, no, Obamacare may be flawed; being without healthcare is a tragedy.

Comments: 2 Comments

Flat and flat we go.

Posted February 17, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Kyrie Irving, who attended Duke, stated, “This is not a conspiracy theory. The Earth is flat.” If this doesn’t shatter myth of student athletes….

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Chris Christie, on NY Sports radio declared “The Phillies suck.” In a tweet, the Phillies responded “We love our fans and appreciate their unwavering support as we “bridge” to a bright future! #wellplayed

Angry conservatives trashing Boston #Berklee college of music since they mistake if for Berkeley. Even Stanford fans going really? #spelling

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Michael Floyd, released by the Arizona Cardinals after his arrest for “Extreme DUI,” but signed by the Patriots, has been sentenced to 120 days in jail. But he still gets his ring. Yeah, this will teach him.

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New Trump martini: Stoli Ohranj with lots of bitters. After two you blame everyone who reminds you of what you said.

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Trump rules. All of our White House memos are magic. Once they are leaked they become fake.

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CNN reports Shemichael Singleton, one of HUD Secretary Ben Carson’s top aides, has been fired after an article surfaced that he wrote before the election criticizing Donald Trump.
Uh, if criticizing Trump before the election is disqualifying, there’s going to be a long unemployment line in Washington.

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Trump administration is denying an AP report that as many as 100,000 members of the National Guard may be deployed to round up undocumented people in 11 Western states.
What really gives the story the ring of truth, notice “Western” states. Heaven forbid Trump,a die-hard East Coaster, would do anything to affect his or his friends’ businesses.

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Apparently retail spending up in US. Makes sense, Trump supporters think he’s going to MAGA, rest of us think if world is ending spend away.

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John McCain trashed Trump today in a Munich speech. Gosh, if a Senator only had some actual power to register a statement against the President.

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New Trump martini: Stoli Ohranj with lots of bitters. After two you blame everyone who reminds you of what you said.

Comments: 1 Comment

Distractions.

Posted February 17, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Pittsburgh police are allegedly considering multiple felony charges against Jets CB Darrelle Revis for his role in a “street altercation early Monday morning.”
Is this a shameless attempt to get the Knicks out of the NY headlines?

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Barry Zito’s first album has now made the Billboard Country Music chart, debuting at #39.  39. What are the odds?  The same number as the speed of Zito’s fastball.

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Any chance we can take a page from the @NBA and start instituting technical fouls for Presidents?

Tonight at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport a Frontier Airlines and Southwest flight clipped wings. No injuries, although both planes were evacuated. But presumably Southwest requested the video for a “wanna get away” commercial.

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Delta is planning to add free meals back to long-haul flights within the US in coach class. Of course, any $20 or so increase in domestic fares would be purely a coincidence.

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The #Thimble token has been voted out of the Monopoly game. And millennials are going “What’s a Thimble?”

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The FBI arrested a avowed South Carolina white supremacist who was trying to buy a gun from an undercover agent. The man said he wanted to carry out an attack “in the spirit of Dylan Roof.”
But hey, he’s white. So no terrorism problem. Move along, nothing to see here.

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As #Trump finds new media targets. remember old saying “If 1 person calls you an ass, ignore them, if 10 call you an ass, buy a saddle.”

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Trump says his administration is running “like a fine-tuned machine.” Uh, more like a Rube Goldberg machine . #TrumpNewsConference

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So was goal of #TrumpNewsConference to make @SNL give up because they can’t come up with satire stranger than reality?

#TrumpPressConference on Melania “She gets so unfairly maligned…” Guessing he hasn’t seen #FreeMelania movement?

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Trump – “We’re gonna find the leakers. They’re going to pay a big price for leaking.” But the stuff they were leaking, on Russia, etc – Move along, nothing to see here.

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Ret Vice Adm Bob Harward turned down Trump offer for National Security Advisor. CNN says he told friend it was “a “s*** sandwich,” #myhero

JudicialWatch estimated Obama’s travel expenses totaled $97 mill in 2 terms. Taking April 1 in pool for date Trump eclipses that.

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A just released nearly 400 page FBI file details an investigation on Trump and his father Fred allegedly “not wanting to rent to blacks” in the 1970s. So this couldn’t have been announced in October along with Weiner’s emails?

April Ryan, a longtime White House reporter and Washington bureau chief for American Urban Radio Networks, is African American. She asked Trump today if he planned to include the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) “in your conversations with your urban agenda, your inner-city agenda.”
He responded by asking if they were “friends of yours,” &, “I tell you what, do you want to set up the meeting?”

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So if John Boehner was still around would Trump ask him to set up a meeting with the Orange Caucus? #TrumpPressConference

Comments: 2 Comments

Against all odds

Posted February 15, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Tiger Woods is 20-1 in Las Vegas to win a major in 2017. A major what?

 

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is upset that the NFL might not award future Super Bowls to the state if an anti-transgender bathroom bill passes: “The NFL needs to concentrate on playing football and get the heck out of politics.”
Uh huh. Just guessing most Texans would go for rainbow pins and unisex bathrooms if the alternative is giving up any football.

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At a Louisiana high school, Alabama has been banned from campus because of “unethical football recruiting practices.” I’m sure it’s just coincidence that the school is in Baton Rouge.  (home of LSU)

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Trump says that unlike President Obama he is not going to publicly fill out a March Madness bracket. But no doubt  he will tell us after the tournament that of course he picked all the winners. A perfect score, the best ever.

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Apparently quite a number of celebrities have volunteered to play Trump aides on SNL. The show is getting to be almost as cool again for a cameo as the Simpsons. (or decades ago, Batman.)

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Senate voted to block Obama rule prohibiting people w/ serious mental disorders from buying guns. What could go wrong?

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All these headlines “Andrew Puzder withdraws” Too bad Frederick Trump didn’t.

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Andrew Puzder, who according to CBS News told friends he was “very tired of the abuse” he was getting, is withdrawing his nomination as Labor Secretary. Great choice of words for a man who admitted to employing an undocumented housekeeper and has been accused of domestic violence against his ex-wife.

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Who knew an act of resistance might become simply buying a copy of the @NYTimes or @washingtonpost?

 

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is being considered for ambassador to France. Tonight Jared Kushner’s father Charles, a convicted felon who’s served prison time, said his family has decided not to try to buy the team.
So at least for now, MLB remains a Trump-free zone. #smallmercies

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Trump is now tweeting that NSA &d FBI are “just like Russia.” Well that ought to improve his relations with the intelligence community.

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Well, well, well… someone finally remembered where he put his backbone – John McCain says he will oppose confirmation of Trump budget nominee Mick Mulvaney

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As of Oct. 2015, there were 8 investigations into Benghazi.  Led by same people who don’t think it’s worth spending time on Russia & election

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GOP Reps. Jason Chaffetz and Bob Goodlatte today asked the Inspector General to “begin an immediate investigation into whether classified information was mishandled” with the leaks that led to Michael Flynn’s resignation.
Funny, I missed their outrage when Trump asked Russia to find Hillary’s missing emails.

 

 

Comments: 1 Comment

Falling towards spring.

Posted February 15, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Royals pitcher Brian Flynn apparently injured himself by falling through the roof of his barn. Was he washing his truck at the time?

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Magic Johnson says on fixing the Lakers that he “wants Kobe to be a part of it.” Well, guess Magic doesn’t think one problem is team chemistry.

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The Marlins have lifted their ban on facial hair. So did the team decide they might as well mollify players since they won’t get a chance for playoff beards.

 

All outraged people out there, write yourselves a note, do whatever you need to put it in calendar for next election. “VOTE VOTE VOTE.”

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Okay, is it too soon to start a pool on when #kelleyannconway might resign to spend more time with her family?

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So is it too early to add @realDonaldTrump to Trump administration resignation bingo game?

 

What if this was all simply a plot to put Mike Pence in the White House?

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Trump tweeting his Nothing-to-see-here with Michael Flynn. “The real story here is why are there so many illegal leaks coming out of Washington? Will these leaks be happening as I deal on N.Korea etc?”
Uh, Donald, who needs illegal leaks when you share your dealings with N. Korea with everyone in the MarALago dining room?

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Sean Spicer says Flynn resigned. Kellyanne Conway says Trump asked him to resign. Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon better not plan on any Saturday nights off for a while.

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So Kellyanne Conway says Flynn resigned because he “knew he’d become a lightning rod.” And he was making the other lightning rods jealous?

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Sean Spicer “Irony of situation is President has been incredibly tough on Russia.” Is this some weird political remake of 50 Shades?

 

Sean Spicer -Trump “had an incredibly productive set of meetings & discussions w/ Prime Minster Joe Trudeau of Canada.” To be fair, neither Spicer nor Trump speak Canadian.

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CNN is reporting Moscow has deployed a cruise missile in an apparent treaty violation. Uh oh, does that mean Trump might threaten not to send Putin as big a bouquet next Valentine’s Day?

 

 

William Henry Harrison, 32 days, shortest Presidential term ever. So @realDonaldTrump still has 7 days to break record.

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from don sherman

“A lot of people are upset that President Trump a phone call on an unsecured phone in front of hundreds of people. REALLY!!!

They should be questioning was, at the time they just served a wedge of ICEBERG lettuce with Blue Cheese dressing.
Iceberg lettuce is the cheapest, least nutritious there is. It cost about a dollar ahead, and can produce 6-8 wedges per head. And he is using it for a state dinner? And an even more important question.

Did it come from California or MEXICO?”

Comments: 2 Comments

Three and out.

Posted February 14, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that Warriors managing to lose to Nuggets by 22 points would have been best #WTF comedy fodder of night.

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But seriously, a Warriors-Nuggets game MIGHT have been projected as a chance for the all-time NBA three-point record in one game to be tied – just not by Denver.  (24 tonight)

 

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Okay, now it’s serious. Donald Trump has to stop grabbing headlines, especially with New York papers. Because Derek Jeter and his wife are having a baby. #Letsfocusontheimportantstuff

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Rotten apple story of the day. Although sad, because he probably was abused himself. Jeffrey Sandusky, 41, Jerry’s son, has been arrested and charged with 14 counts of sexual offenses involving children.

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If Trump’s going to do Presidential business in public at #MaraLago maybe activists should apply for positions as waiters?

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Now Burlington has stopped selling Ivanka Trump products on line. Standby for angry tweets as soon as Trump figures out what Burlington is.

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So we now know answer to a future trivia question, who was 1st person to resign or be fired from Trump administration?

 

So let’s see, because Hillary was careless enough to have her emails on a private server, we ended up with a National Security Advisor who was talking illegally with Russia. And he’s likely to be replaced by a man who was sharing classified information with his mistress. What a country.

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Stephen Miller  “The powers of the president…will not be questioned.”  Would be nice to have feeling that anyone in administration has read Constitution.

 

Trump apparently using an unsecured Android phone. Hmm, is it really good idea to be alienating high tech folks in California? #Hackers

 

Bummer,  Michael Flynn resigns before @SNL has time to figure out which woman would have played him on next week’s show.

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Michael Flynn has resigned. Congrats to all those who had Feb 13 in the pool.

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“I inadvertently briefed the Vice President Elect and others with incomplete information regarding my phone calls with the Russian Ambassador. ”
“Inadvertently briefed” and “incomplete information.” Doesn’t Flynn know the password is “alternative facts?”

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Now Trump’s Labor Secretary pick Andrew Puzder’s nomination may apparently be in trouble. Hmm, dealings with Russia, no experience with what the department does, complete incompetence…. all those are fine, but hiring an undocumented housekeeper might be disqualifying?

 

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Former Goldman Sachs exec Mnuchin confirmed as Treasury secretary. Must make those folks who voted against Hillary over her speeches proud

Comments: 5 Comments

Happy pitchers and catchers report day

Posted February 12, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

The REAL sign of Spring.

Meanwhile….

Once again, those Grammys moments when you not only aren’t a fan of the winners, but you have no idea who some of them are.

 

Question of the day from the younger generation “What the heck is a ‘record’?” #GRAMMYs

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Spurs were upset this afternoon by the Knicks at Madison Square Garden.  But to be fair, it’s hard to focus on basketball when you visit the circus.

 

Bill Littlejohn wonders if we can call the latest Knicks drama “Oakley’s Believe it or Not?”

 

Wonder how many Americans who talk about throwing all the undocumented workers out and only buying “Made in America” are okay with $10 strawberries and $1000 phones. For starters.

 

Kellyanne Conway says she apologized to Trump after saying “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff.” Because she should have said “Go buy other Trump stuff too?”

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I’ll believe Trump’s immigration reform isn’t racist when we start seeing #ICERaids on pubs frequented by English and Irish ex-pats.

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So would Trump care to explain how he’s going to build his wall under budget without foreign materials & immigrant labor?

 

So Trump apparently took the call about North Korea’s missile launch on a mobile phone during dinner in the main Mar-a-Lago dining room. Hope as far as national security Trump is practicing extreme vetting in hiring waiters and busboys.

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Mark Cuban to CEO’s-. “Do what you think is right. “Be an American citizen first. In the bigger scheme of things, our country benefits from peaceful activism a lot more than it benefits from one more shoe being sold, or one more basketball ticket being sold, for that matter.”
And now he’s is a Trump Twitter target.
Who’d a thunk it, Mark Cuban as the voice of reason?

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As an admitted Obama Girl since 2007, I do admit, Barack never did as good a job as Trump in making @SNL must-watch TV.

 

 

Last night’s @SNL ratings were the highest in 6 years. #MakeSNLGreatAgain.

Comments: 1 Comment

Post mortems, musical and otherwise.

Posted February 11, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
 

Grammys start  Sunday at 5p PST. The “In Memoriam” segment should be done by 8p.

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Knicks owner James Dolan has now banned former star Charles Oakley from Madison Square Garden. Is Dolan trying to compete with the Redskins’ Dan Snyder for the title of most hated owner in pro sports?

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SF Giants are inviting Barry Bonds as a special instructor in Spring Training. Instructor? Based on last year thinking Bonds could still out hit most of the team

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Silly talk about Patriots players setting record for not showing up for White House visit w/ Trump. Record will be eclipsed shortly by NBA

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So some folks are upset because the Naperville Rib Fest has booked Toby Keith for their opening night concert.in June, since he also performed at the inaugural. Really? No one is making anyone buy tickets. Seems more interesting that the best gig the country singer can now get is the Naperville Rib Fest.

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An Orlando Police officer resigned a week after being reprimanded for arresting a man when she mistook doughnut glaze in his car for methamphetamine. Guess she couldn’t face being known as a cop who couldn’t recognize something from doughnuts?

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You’d think if Democrats could pay all these protestors they’d have just paid people back in Nov. to vote for Hillary.

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While Trump was not wearing an earpiece while Japanese PM Shinzo Abe was speaking Friday, the President was seen smiling and nodding during the speech. Probably because he was agreeing with the voices in his head.

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Wonder how many games of golf Trump is on pace for…?

 

Just imagine if Obama had a place he referred to as “Winter White House” that had $200,000 initiation dues. #MaraLago 

 

Wonder when Trump will present Ivanka with a Purple Heart for all the suffering she has endured.

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From TC : “Trump’s travel ban has enraged the Twitter-in-chief to tweet SEE YOU IN COURT in all caps, as he wants to take the issue to the Supreme Court of the US of A. He then tweeted: First I have to go BUY A NEW SUIT AT NORDSTROMS!”

Comments: 3 Comments

Limping towards the weekend.

Posted February 9, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Did Bud Selig leave idea of starting a runner at 2nd in @MLB extra innings in a farewell note in the new Commissioner’s desk?

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Spring Training starts next week.  About time. February is kind of a comedy wasteland for sports humor.  Although to be fair, in New York, the Knicks and Nets are doing their part.

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Anyone who follows my FB feed knows I argue with my father all the time on social media. Have to wonder, what would it take for Ivanka to say “Dad, just STFU?”

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And the classiness just keeps on coming. Kellyanne Conway this morning on “Fox and Friends: “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff. I hate shopping, but I’m going to get some myself today. It’s a wonderful line. I own some of it. I’m going to give a free commercial here. Go buy it everybody. You can find it online

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But really, did KellyAnne Conway expect women would take fashion advice from a woman who wore a high school band uniform to inauguration?

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Trump will do anything to get people to buy Ivanka’s clothes except order her to have them made in America

 

Uh, oh, so did our President just commit billions to California? In a meeting with airline execs, when “you go to China, you go to Japan, they have fast trains all over the place. I don’t want to compete with your business, but we don’t have one fast train,”
Paging Jerry Brown.

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Now Trump back to tweeting John McCain is a loser. Wonder how far he has to go before McCain might actually vote against him in Senate

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Another angry Trump tweet -“Sen. Richard Blumenthal, who never fought in Vietnam when he said for years he had (major lie), now misrepresents what Judge Gorsuch told him?
Shouldn’t Vietnam expert Trump be commending Blumenthal on his alternative facts?

 

Nordstrom stock up 4% yesterday, and up again today. Just saying.

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Could #BettyWhite on @SNL play someone in Trump administration. Because I really would like to see him DARE go after her.

 

So is @realDonaldTrump calling new AG Sessions asking him how to fire judges?

 

Let’s get to the real outrage: Donald Trump’s Twitter tantrums keeping internet from fully enjoying George & Amal Clooney’s pregnancy.

Comments: 2 Comments

I believe in the church of baseball

Posted February 9, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Baseball will test a rule in the minors automatically to put a runner on 2nd base starting in extra innings. Where is Kevin Costner and his Bull Durham rant when we REALLY need him. “I believe in the soul….”

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Lefthanded pitcher Javier Lopez, 39, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” responded Jamie Moyer.

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The Cleveland Browns have reduced prices on 40% of their season tickets. It’s a good start. How long until the team starts paying people to show up?

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Sean Spicer is talking about terror attack on #Atlanta. Ok, it was awful, but maybe he should “dial it back” a bit about the ending of the Super Bowl.

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Former Knicks star Charles Oakley, 53 was arrested at MSG and charged with assault after “screaming abuse” at owner James Dolan, and fighting with security guards. Long-suffering NY fans have to be thinking, he put up a better fight than the team usually does.

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When Jeff Sessions is sworn in as Attorney General will they raise the Confederate Flag at the U.S. Capitol?

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Many parents have a memory of toddler pushing limits w/ increasing craziness just to see how far s/he could go. Now we just turn on news in the morning….

 

Reports are that at least two candidates have turned Donald Trump down to be White House communications director. Presumably they prefer something like a janitorial job at the National Zoo, where they could clean up after real elephants.

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Now Trump is angrily tweeting about Nordstrom for dropping his daughter’s clothing line “My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!”
So good to see the President focused on the really important issues of our time.

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So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

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So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

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So after tweeting “If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the “bad” would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad “dudes” out there! Trump is now saying that he wanted to give a month’s notice on the travel ban, but was overruled by “law enforcement officials.”
Wow. The buck apparently stops under the bus with whoever he throws there.

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So at what point in Northern California will the nightly storm stories on the news make us just a bit nostalgic for drought stories?

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The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?

 

 

Comments: 2 Comments

Fighting for air?

Posted February 8, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Patriots RB James White says he doesn’t know what happened to the football he scored the winning touchdown with in Super Bowl 51. “I actually don’t know what I did with it. I left it on the ground and started running.”
Well, at least there’s no way for the NFL to check if the ball was deflated.

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Falcons have picked interim Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as  their new OC. Does Atlanta know Alabama was winless in the Sarkisian area?

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Golden State Warriors are rewarding their loyal season ticket holders with a 15-25% price increase next season. But just imagine how inexpensive 2017-2018 tickets will seem compared to those in the new SF arena.

 

 

A United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Kauai today developed autopilot problems and circled for hours before landing back at SFO more than 3 hours after takeoff. Now for the really important question, did passengers get extra miles for all that circling?

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Hate to say it but #DeVos incompetency might limit her damage. What if Trump replaced her w/ smarter person w/ same view

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While we’re changing all the rules in this country can we eliminate the 22nd amendment?

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Trump this morning starts out a tweet with “I don’t know Putin, have no deals in Russia….” Does he type these with a straight face?

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Trump tweeted today that he doesn’t know Putin. But in a 2013 MSNBC interview he said “I do have a relationship” with Putin.
No wonder Trump hates the media; they have this bad habit of reporting on what he says.

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So Betsy Devos is now our Secretary of Education. Yeah, maybe our schools have been wrong in teaching children about the value of study and hard work as far as getting ahead. They should be teaching “How to marry a billionaire.”

Would be interesting to see how many Senators actually went or sent their children to public schools. #DeVosvote

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Don’t just get mad, VOTE. Especially in school board elections. #DeVosvote

 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you elect a reality TV star to Congress. Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy (The Real Life: Boston, & Road Rules): “Look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist, who took her life, a leftist guy, and now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America.

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So Green Eggs and Ham is acceptable reading on the Senate floor but a letter from Coretta Scott King is not? #WTF?

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Trump thinks “California is out of control.” Where do I get the “Out of Control Nasty California Woman T-Shirt”?

Or – “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted,” Where’s the t-shirt?  I want one of those too.

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Changing seasons.

Posted February 6, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Another reason baseball is the best sport. When the World Series game 7 was tied after regulation, both teams got a turn to bat.

 

SF 49ers fans should relax w/ Kyle Shanahan. Not like the 2017 team is going to have many 25 point leads to blow.

 

Clydesdales were originally bred in Scotland. Maybe that’s why there was no “aww” story this year. Budweiser was afraid they’d be accused of taking jobs away from real American horses.

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Wonder how many craft-beer liberals are buying Budweiser & Bud Light for the first time ever this week? #boycottbudweiser

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Tom Brady still can’t find his Super Bowl jersey. Anyone asked Putin?

 

Now the lieutenant governor of Texas has asked the Texas Rangers to join in Houston PD to help find Tom Brady’s missing Super Bowl jersey. How long until this gets blamed on a member of the liberal media?

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If  Tom Brady really is GOAT can we give an assist to Pete Carroll and Kyle Shanahan’s 4th quarter Super Bowl play calling?

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On a brighter note, some children in Africa this am can trade in their  Indians World Champions shirts for some shiny new Falcons ones.

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MLB is proposing to raise lower part of strike zone to the top of the hitter’s knees, from its current “the hollow beneath the kneecap.” Pitchers are thinking fine, if they actually start calling strikes above the waist.

 

We learned one thing this weekend. Sean Spicer can take a joke a lot better than his boss.

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George H.W. Bush got a standing ovation today before #SuperBowl. But heck, compared to the current White House occupant, George W. would get a standing ovation.

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A Jacksonville woman is being sought by police for performing oral sex on a man and posting it to social media. The alleged act took place at the county courthouse. Back on your game, Florida.

 

Americans have to be wishing  Trump was half as  focused on Serious issues facing this country as he is on the NY Times.

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In a 2004 book called “The Librarian,” by Larry Beinhart, author of “Wag the Dog,” there’s a right-wing conspiracy backing an ineffectual president. They try to create a terrorist act to keep him in power for a 2nd term. Scary book. Glad it’s only fiction….

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Rep. Matt Gaetz from Ft. Walton Beach, introduced a bill to dissolve the EPA. I trust Gaetz also feels it would be a waste of money for the Feds to spend any money the next time Florida has any oil spills or other environmental disasters.

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Obama – Christians did bad things “in the name of Christ.” GOP outrage. Trump-“You think our country’s so innocent.” GOP crickets #WTF?.

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Trump terrorism speech “All over Europe it’s happening. It’s gotten to point where it’s not even being reported. Like #BowlingGreenMassacre?

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Some of this stuff you just can’t make up. Melania Trump has a lawsuit against the UK Daily Mail for libel, and the paper has published a retraction of rumors that she worked as an escort. Okay, so far so good, and it’s understandable the First Lady would be upset.

BUT, her lawyer claims “plaintiff had the unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, as an extremely famous and well-known person … to launch a broad-based commercial brand in multiple product categories, each of which could have garnered multi-million dollar business relationships for a multi-year term during which plaintiff is one of the most photographed women in the world.”

Comments: 1 Comment

Slip sliding away…

Posted February 5, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

So did that extra month of rest Roger Goodell gave Tom Brady this year make a difference down the stretch of #SB51?

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In the 4th quarter Brady and the Patriots went through Atlanta faster than anyone not named Sherman.

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At least @warriors fans can rest easy knowing their team will no longer win the ESPY for greatest postseason choke job in the last year.

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But really, what’s with these collapses, the Warriors, the Indians, the Falcons.  At this point maybe we should all plan to bet on whoever goes down 3-0 in this year’s Stanley Cup Finals.

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You’d think after watching Pete Carroll that the Falcons would have learned the lesson, when you’ve got the game won late, run the damn ball.

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Wonder how long it took Matt Ryan to realize that a couple V for Victory formations and a field goal would have iced this game? #Superbowl

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Avocados from Mexico commercial. Waiting for the Trump rebuttal.

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But where were the Clydesdales tonight?  I blame Trump

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Cant wait for Sean Spicer  to congratulate the Patriots tomorrow on the largest margin of victory in Super Bowl history.

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Really? Trump’s latest tweet “Just cannot believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something happens blame him and court system. People pouring in. Bad!”
So who do we blame for Quebec City, (yes, I know that’s Canada) Charleston, Aurora? And the other over 12,000 Americans killed last year by gun violence?

 

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VP Pence said today White House considering removing sanctions against Russia. Congrats to all those who had Feb 5 in the pool.

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As some attacked idea of liberals rooting for a team from a Red State, can we remember that #JimmyCarter is from Georgia. #Falcons #Superbowl

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Just guessing we can add #MelissaMcCarthy to list of actors who won’t be invited to any Trump state dinners.

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No tweets from the President over last night’s @SNL. Is @realDonaldTrump sick? Or did someone hide his phone?

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Protest in Palm Beach last  night were nonviolent but apparently disturbing to Trump at his Florida gala tonight titled “Vienna to Versailles’
Not perhaps as disturbing as it might have been had the President read his history on Versailles.

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From Marc Ragovin  “President Trump just congratulated the New Jersey Generals on winning their eighth Super Bowl.”

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Twas the night before the Super Bowl

Posted February 5, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

We interrupt tonight’s “Steve Kerr can drop the F bomb and get ejected story”:   Gregg Popovich now winningest coach w/ single franchise in NBA history-1128 wins. #GoSpursGo

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Meanwhile, give the #Knicks credit, with the closing of Barnum and Bailey Ringling Bros, they fill a real void for fans of circuses.

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Terrell Owens is not happy about the HOF “Unfortunately I DID NOT MAKE IT again this year. Thanks to ALL my fans & supporters. #FlawedProcess”
So maybe TO isn’t Hall of Fame material, but he sure sounds Presidential.

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FOX is showing a special Bill O’Reilly Super Bowl pre-game interview with President Trump tomorrow. Presumably sponsored by Budweiser as a shameless promotion to sell more beer?

 

If protestors REALLY get paid maybe this is all a secret strategy to get them all rich enough to become Trump voters?

 

 

 

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
“Ask not what your country can do for you..”
“That shining city on a hill.”
“You think our country’s so innocent?

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Security, national and otherwise.

Posted February 4, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton says he is going to add a “simple scrambler” to the locker room to keep players off social media before games. Wow, if this works can they put one in the Oval Office?

 

#SergioRomo to the Dodgers? Well, Los Angeles fans have plenty of advance notice to restock their liquor cabinets.

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Congrats to Stanford women’s basketball coach  Tara Vandeveer on her 1,000th coaching win.  Wonder how much longer it would have taken her if Tara had switched over at some point to coach the men?

 

Once again, in a United States where it seems like there is no single trusted news source, I miss Walter Cronkite.

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Spirit Airlines is going to cut the space for passengers’ free bags, from 2,688 to 2,016 cubic inches. Meaning the standard carry-on of 21″ x 14″ x 9″ is now too big, Anyone with a larger bag will have to pay $100 at the gate to board.
Two things. 1. How long until a major carrier follows suit. 2. How the heck do they expect average Americans to have a clue about what a cubic inch is?

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So can someone explain to me why Baylor still has a football team?

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Well, for a little  diversion – Drew Brees on “Fox & Friends” this morning before the Super Bowl. “I’m not ruling it out. It’s not the first thing I’m gonna do after I step away from the game, but I will certainly give it consideration.”

The “it”? Brees is talking about?  Running for office.

(I actually don’t know what party Brees would run as a candidate for…seriously. but hey, he seems decent, and not bat sh*t crazy.)

 

Billionaire Vincent Viola. who owns the Florida Panthers hockey team, has withdrawn as Trump’s choice for Secretary of the Army. The Military Times said he cited business interests that made the confirmation process nearly impossible.
Uh, not like it stopped any of Trump’s other choices?

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Trump quickly tweeted “A new radical Islamic terrorist has just attacked in Louvre Museum in Paris. Tourists were locked down. France on edge again. GET SMART U.S.”
This because of one guy with a knife, who injured a soldier, but no fatalities. Not good to be sure. But where are all the tweets about the fatal terror attack in Quebec City?

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How long until @realDonaldTrump calls for a Congressional Investigation into Hillary Clinton’s role in not preventing #BowlingGreenMassacre

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So when is Trump going to issue a travel advisory for #BowlingGreen?

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Kellyanne Conway attacked ChelseaClinton for Chelsea’s mocking tweet about #BowlingGreen. “It’s called class, grace, deep breath.” Like her boss?

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Give @KellyannePolls a break, maybe she meant “Green Bowl” massacre. How many avocados will give their lives for guacamole this #Superbowl ?

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Why America is already great: Google https://t.co/iE9jyuYAE8 It links to a donation page for the ACLU.

 

Hashtag of the night  –  #PaulRyanin4Words.  Whatever Donald Trump wants.

 

 

 

From my Canadian friend T.C.  “Trump called NFL Commish Goodell ‘Weak, Stupid, Dopey & unfit to be a leader’.  No punchline needed here.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Heads up?

Posted February 3, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

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(thanks to my friend Joe C. for this one.)

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Looking for another reason to hate the Yankees? Hal Steinbrenner on Aroldis Chapman, and his 2016 suspension for violating MLB’s domestic violence policy: “Quite frankly, it was manageable the minute he got here last year. He was great. Look, he admitted he messed up. He paid the penalty. Sooner or later, we forget, right? ”

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Really missing when stupid questions during #SuperBowl media days were the craziest things said during the first week in February.

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Charles Barkley said before tonight’s game Clippers would  beat Warriors. “guaranteed.”  Poor Sir Charles. So much craziness in the world that he has to up the ante to get noticed.

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Got to love it as a Stanford grad, the #UCBerkleyRiot trending hashing is misspelled. It’s “Berkeley.”

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This just in – Trump fires #Punxsutawneyphil , replaces him with a relative of that furry thing that lives on his head.

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So who had Australia in the “which country will President Trump break off relations with first?” pool?

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Trump uses #Nationalprayerbreakfast as excuse to taunt Arnold over ratings. Can’t wait to see President in action at state funerals.

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Schwarzenegger’s response “”Hey Donald, I have a great idea. Why don’t we switch jobs? You take over TV because you’re such an expert on ratings and I take over your job and then people can finally sleep comfortably again.”
Hmm, is Arnold bidding to be the Trump Ex-Terminator?

 

Good to see  John  McCain & Lindsey    Graham speaking their minds on Trump.. Now what about a few actual opposing votes?

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#Uber CEO Travis Kalanick is resigning from Trump’s advisory council. “Uber is for losers” tweet coming in 3.2.1……

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New UN Ambassador Nikki Haley: “The dire situation in eastern Ukraine is one that demands clear and strong condemnation of Russian actions…”
So while we’re waiting for March Madness can we start brackets or something on who Trump fires next?

So Trump wants women working at White House to #DressLikeAWoman – Does this mean mandatory pussy hats?

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Not even Fox News is covering the Bowling Green Massacre. Clearly the corruption of the media is spreading. #sarcasm

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“”We want this nominee to be treated the same way that President Clinton and President Obama’s nominees were treated.” –@SenJohnThune #SCOTUS
And his point is?
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Not all the UC Berkeley protestors last night were violent. As a liberal I have no problem with arresting any of those who were, and who damaged property. In fact, I hope police do find them….. just guessing most of them weren’t students, the violent ones.
And it also wouldn’t shock me if some of the worst actually were not “leftists,” but people who wanted to make the left look bad.

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A couple friends have commented that that they are tired of all the political posts on FB etc. . And I get it, although there is just so much comedy-satire material. But the problem is, when you decide, okay, enough, I’m going to post about something else….then it’s another crazy EO, or a leak, or a insult Tweet, or letting people with mental illnesses severe enough to receive disability payments buy guns…..

Maybe that’s the idea, we all get so tired of it we don’t care. and this administration can do whatever the hell they want.

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The most amazing?

Posted February 2, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

“Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who has done and amazing job & is being recognized more & more.  I notice. ” Okay, does Trump think he knows what team Douglass  plays for?

 

Anyone else remember halcyon days when you could out go out for an evening and not worry about what @POTUS might have done during dinner?

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A young woman complains she was kicked off a Spirit Airlines flight from New Orleans to Fort Lauderdale because her top was too low cut and exposed too much of her chest. Well, makes sense, on Spirit, passengers have to pay fees to see cleavage.

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New 49ers GM John Lynch said one of the reasons he signed with the team is that they passed his test of keeping their interview meetings secret. Of course, SF also gave him many million other guaranteed rea$on$..

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Anyone else think that maybe @49ers discussions with John Lynch didn’t leak not because SF49ers were so secure as because nobody cared?

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There are rumors Melania Trump & Barron may never move into the White House. So the First Lady might really be smart as well as pretty.

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Trump said today “I don’t watch CNN.” Right, like he doesn’t watch SNL.

 

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How long until Trump demands an Orange History Month? #BlackHistoryMonth

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Trump if the Dems filibuster Gorsuch “If we end up with that gridlock I would say, ‘If you can, Mitch, go nuclear. Because that would would be an absolute shame if a man of this quality was put up to that neglect.”
As in a man of the quality of  Merrick Garland?

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Trump today boarded Marine One helicopter for an unannounced trip that was “off-the-record.” First thought, was -he heading to his dacha?

(yeah, as it turned out Trump was heading to a ceremony for the Navy Seal who died in the botched raid. But hey, had he told the media up front that would have resulted in a lot fewer headlines.

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#LegoBatman movie is opening Feb 10. Lego & Batman together? In a normal universe that might be the most bizarre story of the week.

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Stanford alums are shocked by this headline: “Elite California school forced to cancel speech by right-wing firebrand Milo Yiannopoulos as students set off fireworks at cops, tear down barricades and set the campus ablaze in protest.” Cal is an “elite California school?” #sarcasm

 

 

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Back in black, and silver?

Posted February 2, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Hmm, Sheldon Adelson has backed out of the Las Vegas Raiders stadium deal, now Goldman Sachs is reportedly mulling over their commitment. Pass the popcorn, and keep firing up those tailgate grills in Oakland..

 

 

NY Giants WR Victor Cruz on the team’s boat party before their loss to the Packers. “It definitely wasn’t worth it.” Does he mean the trip or posting pictures

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31 lbs of cocaine, worth over $400,000, discovered on American Airlines plane in Tulsa. Was the forecast for snow?

 

 

Apparently Chipotle, which imports most of its avocados, limes and tomatoes from Mexico, is the restaurant chain most at risk from Trump’s potential new tariffs. So maybe this is all just part of a plan for Trump Grill REALLY to have the best taco bowls?

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So when is Sally Yates going to run for office?

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And give Trump credit.  Who else could make a “Daily Show” celebrity out of the President of the ACLU?

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in June a federal judge ruled that a married same-sex female couple can both be listed on their children’s birth certificates. Now the state of Indiana is appealing. Seven words this time – “Pro life and pro family my ass.

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War sucks, I get it. But if this botched Yemen raid resulting in the death of a Ryan Owens, a Navy Seal, and Nawar al-Awlaki, an 8-year old girl who was an American citizen, happened on Hillary’s watch GOP would have already launched Congressional investigations.

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#AlternateJobsForClowns trending on day of Trump cabinet appointee confirmation hearings. Sure it’s just a coincidence

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So wonder how ratings were for tonight’s 8pm Special Edition of Presidential Apprentice?

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Trump announced his #SCOTUS pick at 8pm ET & 2 finalists were called to DC. Anyone got pictures of their fantasy suite?

But really disappointed, shouldn’t Trump have given Gorsuch a rose?

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Wow, privileged white male w/ private school & IVY league education, looks like he could play judge on TV. “I’m shocked” said no one #scotus

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Betsy DeVos apparently plagiarized at least two quotes in her written questionnaire for the Senate nomination committee. Looking at Monica Crowley have to think this might derail her. Because hey, in this administration past racism, sexism, questionable business dealings….no problem, but plagiarism is serious.
(unless you can blame it on a speechwriter.)

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Up in smoke?

Posted January 31, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

 

Stephen Jackson said today in an interview he and other players occasionally smoked marijuana before playing in NBA games. Next thing someone will say is that the Gatorade on the sideline is wet.

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Some uproar in SF area about @49ers choosing John Lynch as GM as he has no experience. Maybe no one with any experience would take the job?

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New 49ers GM John Lynch says SF is going to “aggressively recruit” talent to “make us even stronger.”
Well, it would be hard to make the team much weaker.

 

 

At Super Bowl media event, avowed Trump friend Tom Brady said he wasn’t talking politics, but later was asked his opinion of what was going on in the world “What’s going on in the world? I haven’t paid much attention. I’m just a positive person.”
I think I liked “I knew nothing about deflated footballs” better.

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I apologize, clearly Trump DOES listen to people who know what they are talking about. .

The Associated Press on Twitter
“.@AP has learned President Donald Trump’s voter fraud expert is registered in 3 states.

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Sean Spicer today said people shouldn’t be upset that Trump’s Holocaust remembrance statement didn’t mention Jews, and that “nitpicking” the statement is “just ridiculous.”
What is ridiculous is that Spicer could say that with a straight face.

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Suspect in Quebec City mosque shooting is French-Canadian so can we expect Trump’s travel ban to include Canadians?

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Gosh, #QuebecCityMosqueShootingoff off headlines at Fox News already. Sure it has nothing to do w/ fact shooter is white.

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When Donald Trump heads to England to visit Queen will be interesting if British customs officer asks to see his social media account.

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Well, that didn’t take long. Trump fired acting Attorney General Sally Yates for not enforcing one of his executive orders. Remind me again how he’s going to let Jim Mattis overrule him on torture etc?

 

Thinking maybe it’s not too soon to start a pool on when Jim Mattis resigns or is fired?

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Trump’s purported next executive order might limit the number of foreign workers high-tech companies can hire. And he was upset by how much he lost the popular vote in California by before….

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Tweeted by a man who never expects to fly a commercial plane for the rest of his life, especially Delta.
“Only 109 people out of 325,000 were detained and held for questioning. Big problems at airports were caused by Delta computer outage,…..”

 

Unnamed White House official on the travel ban ‘It really is a massive success story.” Hmm, wonder what it was designed to distract attention from?

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Give Trump credit, 1st President to get tens of thousands of Americans to go to airports without their own flights involved.

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One good thing about this #BoycottStarbucks, as a liberal when I’m in line now I know I can safely have a political discussion.

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From Roberta.   “For anyone worried that those 10,000 refugees are “taking American jobs”; at the rate Starbucks stores are proliferating in this country, that’s only an average of 1-2 refugees per store.”

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Semi-pro football?

Posted January 30, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

SF  49ers reportedly sign John Lynch to a 6 year contract as GM.   Not a bad deal if it’s guaranteed as if York stay President of the team Lynch will probably only have to work 3.

 

Give the #ProBowl players credit, they produced a game that was more compelling than 8-11 NFL playoff games.

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But to be fair, the Pro Bowl uniforms look like they should have footsies on them.

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Delta Airlines tonight had a “systems outage that has resulted in departure delays for flights on the ground” This a week after United Airlines had a similar problem. Can we blame Trump?

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As a pro left-hander, have to wonder, soo is this is what America deserves for mistake of electing right-handed President to follow a lefty? #lefthandersareonlypeopleinrightmind

 

(George H.W., Bill Clinton and Obama were all lefties.)

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Starbucks defiantly said tonight they would hire 10,000 refugees in next five years. Standby for “lousy coffee” tweet from Trump in 3.2.1..

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A story making the rounds about a Colorado woman trying to frame some Trump inauguration memorabilia last week, and being turned down by a framing store because the clerk didn’t feel comfortable about it.
Where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?

 

Story many people never expected to see: “A spokesman for Angela Merkel President said yesterday the German chancellor ‘explained’ the Geneva Refugee Convention to the new President.”

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Priebus on Meet the Press “Everyone’s suffering in the Holocaust, including obviously all of the Jewish people affected.” Yes, he said it.

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Realize millions of Americans support Trump’s actions. But millions voted for him thinking he’d never do many things he said. #sad

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OK, as he said, it’s just preliminary, but CNN reports that White House Policy Director Stephen Miller says Trump officials “are discussing the possibility of asking foreign visitors to disclose all websites and social media sites they visit, and to share the contacts in their cell phones. If the foreign visitor declines to share such information, he or she could be denied entry.”
So wonder how Americans would feel about doing the same upon arrivals in other countries when WE travel?

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