Archive for November 2013

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What’s the word, or rather, the letter?

November 29, 2013

Ohio governor John Kasich has posted a resolution urging state residents to boycott using the letter “M” Saturday when Ohio State plays Michigan. One word. “Orons”

 

Two men were arrested after a fight in a Virginia Walmart over a parking place resulted in one of them being stabbed. If only the other shoppers had been armed.

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Where’s the anti-spam device we really need right now? The one that zaps EVERY message with “Black Friday” in it in our in-boxes.

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Thanksgiving fell on the first night of Hanukkah. Wonder how many Jewish Americans got a little tipsy and tried to light one leg of the turkey on fire?

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Okay, now scientists say comet ISON may have survived its trip around the sun. Or part of it,, or maybe it did flame out. Where’s Monty Python when you need them? “Not dead, sleeping…”

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Maybe we should rename the ISON comet for the city of Green Bay. Because this year it flamed out faster than the Packers.

 

Demi Moore, 51, and Ashton Kutcher, 35, have finalized their divorce. And Kutcher reportedly will marry Mila Kunis, 30. Well at least he’s not marrying one of Demi’s kids.

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Apparently there’s a backlash on Twitter and other social media over Carrie Underwood’s starring in NBC’s live broadcast of “The Sound of Music.” Okay, two things. One, as much as I love the Julie Andrews version, the movie itself was a remake of a Broadway play with Mary Martin. And two, it’s NBC, so who’s going to watch anyway?

 

 

 

The NBA fined him $50,000. And Jason Kidd now says he was just “trying to win” but spilling a drink as a stall tactic was “something I probably shouldn’t have done.” Translation, it would have been much easier to have a player feign injury

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Nets coach Jason Kidd has been fined 50,000 dollars for spilling a soda on the court to stop the game. And in Utah the Jazz coach has to be wondering what it would take to stop the whole season.

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The Baltimore Ravens are angry about Steelers’ coach Mike Tomlin being on the field yesterday and keeping Jacoby Jones from scoring on a kickoff return. But rumor has it Tomlin has been offered a contract to join the Redskins’ defense.

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The Washington Wizards have won three in a row and five of six. Can we blame Obama?

The bad news for Fresno State. They lost to San Jose State today 62-52. The good news for Fresno State. They didn’t lose 102-52 in a BCS bowl.

 

 

Fresno State’s loss to San Jose State means that Northern Illinois will probably get a chance to erase their fans’ memories of a blowout BCS bowl loss last year to Florida State. This year the NIU Huskies will probably get blown out by Oklahoma State.

 

 

 

American Express is making their annual big deal about “Small Business Saturday” where they encourage everyone to work with local small companies. Unless that small company is for example, a travel agency that competes with American Express.

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Post Turkey Stress Syndrome?

November 29, 2013

Forget Obamacare, the healthcare most Americans really need on Thanksgiving is something to monitor blood pressure and tell them when it’s time to stop arguing with their relatives.

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The Bengals-Chargers game in San Diego will be the first NFL blackout this year. Yeah, that’s the way to raise interest in a team that can’t sell out its games – make sure local fans can’t watch.

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Meanwhile in Washington D.C., even though the Giants-Redskins game at FedEx Field is a sellout, football fans are wondering, can’t the league be kind and give them a less painful network game to watch?

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Brett Favre thought he was irreplaceable to the #Packers . Turns out the QB who really was is Aaron Rodgers.

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A few days, Packers offensive lineman Josh Sitton called the Lions defensive linemen “a bunch of dirtbags or scumbags.”  And no doubt after today’s 40-10 game Detroit fans are thinking “how do we get more dirtbags and scumbags?”

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Another thing to be thankful for. Most crooks are stupid: In Arkansas, man is under arrest after he “butt-dialed” another man he was allegedly paying to have murdered. The intended victim heard the suspect say to make the killing look like an accident. He then returned to his home with police, where someone had broken in and started a gas leak….

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So with stores opening Thursday night many people were faced with a difficult choice after dinner. Leave your family to go to the mall to shop. Or ignore your family to go online to shop.

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Scientists hoped the “comet of the century”, ISON, could slingshot around the sun Thursday and be visible to the naked eye in December,. But apparently the comet has “broken up and died.” Chalk up another victim of Obamacare?

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From T.C   “A Target store in Jacksonville is giving away free Jaguars gear. A spokesperson said, What else can we to do with all this stuff that’s been returned?”

 

All this commotion about stores opening on Thanksgiving: Many Americans who were flying, stopping at gas stations, staying in hotels and eating dinner at restaurants, found it very depressing that retail employees needed to work today.

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Turkey time

November 28, 2013

This year Thanksgiving falls on the first day of the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah. Perfect. We can start feeling guilty even before we overeat.

 

 

Storms were milder than expected Wednesday, resulting in fewer than expected air traffic delays. Although no doubt airlines looking ahead to next year have to be considering a “holiday weather surcharge.”

 

Three NFL games tomorrow – Green Bay Detroit, Dallas Oakland, and Pittsburgh-Baltimore. With only two teams, Detroit and Dallas, over .500, barely, at 6-5. Talk about Thanksgiving turkeys.

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President Obama pardoned two turkeys Wednesday. And Republicans immediately accused him of turkey appeasement.

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So let’s see, family tensions, check, turkey to make people sleepy, check, plenty of alcohol before and during dinner, check. Sounds like we’ve got all the ingredients for a real adventure as Americans drive to the mall for Thanksgiving night shopping.

 

A Huffington Post/YouGov poll found that 65% of Democrats, 63% of Republicans and 60% of independents said stores should be closed on Thanksgiving.  Wonder how many people saw those numbers and thought  “Let’s head to the mall – less competition for parking spaces.”

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A Pizza Hut manager in Indiana was fired over his refusal to open his restaurant on Thanksgiving day. Well, it’s understandable. He was depriving all those Americans of their traditional pizza and hot wings feast.

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A Michigan car dealer has offered to give away free cars if the Wolverines shut out Ohio State in football this weekend . Presumably all those free cars will be driven by flying pigs?

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A picture-taking tourist who leaned over too far and fell into a gorge at Victoria Falls in Zambia, somehow escaped with only minor bruises. And somewhere Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.”

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Aren’t we glad that those in charge of college athletics are focusing on the right stuff? The NAIA has told a Southwestern College basketball player who won $20,000 for making a half-court shot at an Oklahoma City Thunder game that he will have to forfeit the money or lose his eligibility to play college basketball. (Wish this was the Onion.)

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Richard Simmons said that he wanted to help the Obamas with their fitness campaign but that “hey have rejected me totally.” Finally, SOMETHING the President and Michelle have done that will get bipartisan agreement.

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Minnesota LB Erin Henderson was arrested last week for DUI and possession of a controlled substance, the 3rd Viking arrested in 3 weeks. What are they all trying to do, get traded to the Bengals?

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Ryan Braun at a press conference about PEDs. “It was a huge mistake. I wish that I hadn’t done it. I wish I could go back and do a lot of things different. I don’t think I could specifically pinpoint one thing that I regret more than anything else…”  One thing?  Uh, how about Braun’s trying to throw everyone under the bus who accused him, for starters.

 

Southwest Airlines has announced that wi-fi will now be available gate to gate on their planes. In response, United Airlines said that wi-fi will be available on some of their planes, if you get lucky, but they won’t promise which ones, and that’s if the wi-fi actually works. (But in the meantime they’re taking out the entertainment systems so you might have several hours with NOTHING.) #notsofriendly

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Very bad Santa.

November 26, 2013

A Massachusetts man who played Santa Claus at a mall has charged with groping an 18-year-old woman playing an elf. Are we sure this isn’t a sequel to a Billy Bob Thorton movie?

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I’m a little disappointed in the GOP. It’s been over 24 hours and I haven’t yet seen anyone tie #Brian of #FamilyGuy‘s death to #Obamacare.

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A-Rod has added Bud Selig to his lawsuit against MLB, saying because the commissioner didn’t testify at his hearing that Selig “lacked the courage of his convictions.” Ridiculous. As if anyone thought Bud had convictions.

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#Colts owner Jim Irsay is ranting again on Twitter about his team’s performance.  Another thing to be thankful for –  George Steinbrenner didn’t live in the social media age.

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At this point wouldn’t it be faster for ESPN to announce the players in the Seattle Seahawks secondary who HAVEN’T been suspended?

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Gosh times are tough. Kanye West said he needed to leave his Nike deal to sign with Adidas because “I have to provide for my family.”

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The Mets and Yankees missed the playoffs, the Giants, Jets, Knicks and Nets look well on their way to doing the same. At this point the next NYC-area team to make the post season may be Rutgers football in the no-name bowl.

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The only players signed for the Los Angeles Lakers next season are Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash. Maybe the team hopes to offset their costs with a big endorsement contract from Depends?

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Lots of headlines about CBS ordering Lara Logan and her producer to take a leave of absence over their story on Benghazi which was based on a supposed witness who falsified his story. On Foxnews.com this story is in the entertainment section, after the story on Alec Baldwin being fired.

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The story is that Alec Baldwin’s rants at photographers cost him his talk show job at MSNBC. More like his rants gave the network a chance to dump a show with low ratings.

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Lakers GM manager Mitch Kupchak said today that not only will Kobe Bryant retire as a Laker, he’ll also finish his career playing on a championship-contending team. So is Kobe planning to play until he’s 50?

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Britney Spears’ new album is only 36 minutes long. Isn’t that about the same length as her first marriage?

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Tacky alert:    High winds may ground Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has offered to march as a substitute.

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Getting stoned?

November 26, 2013

Afghanistan may again make it the law to stone convicted adulterers. Which means if Hillary is elected in 2016, she’ll be making visits to Kabul solo.

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Ann Betar, 98, and John Betar, 102, are celebrating their 81th wedding anniversary today, making them the longest married couple in America. After this long guess the marriage stands a good chance of surviving that 87 year itch.

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STL GM John Mozeliak, defending the team’s 4-year $50 million contract for Jhonny Peralta, said the Cardinals were confident Peralta’s drug suspension was an “isolated circumstance.” Translation, at least they’re sure Jhonny won’t get caught again.

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Brian Wilson is apparently close to signing with… the Detroit Tigers?! Maybe the Beard is fonder than he admitted of wearing Orange and Black.

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After George Zimmerman was arrested for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, a search of their home found three handguns, a 12-gauge shotgun, a rifle and 106 rounds of ammunition. And aren’t residents of 49 states sorry that a condition of his bail is that Zimmerman not leave Florida?

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Over 500 flights have been cancelled out of Dallas-Ft Worth International Airport in two days. Wonder how many good Samaritans planning to visit in-laws will offer up their confirmed seats Tues. or Wed. so poor stranded folks can get to see THEIR families. (“Really, honey, you know I want to see your mom, but this woman and baby need the seat more than I do.. So go on without me, it’s okay, Really”)

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Country singer Wayne Mills was fatally shot in a Nashville bar this weekend. Allegedly by his best friend during an argument. The true tragedy, Mills won’t be around to use the incident as a basis for a great hit song.

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College basketball counts strength of schedule for tournament seeding. Not that it will happen, but when college football starts their playoff system, would be nice to see late season games like Alabama vs. Chattanooga and FSU vs. Idaho considered to be the equivalents of bye-weeks.

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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, talking about tonight’s game says how his team “rose up to the challenge.” Of playing the Redskins. And he said it with a straight face.

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RGIII against Colin Kaepernick on MNF football.  Also known as the “Two-preseason-favorites-who-are-not-going-to-win-the-MVP-this-year” bowl.

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Yahoo has named Katie Couric as the new “face” of its global news operations. Shocking. Yahoo HAS “global news operations?”

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Derrick Rose is out for the season. And Bulls fans are asking Cubs fans friends about borrowing their ‘Wait until next year” t-shirts.

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From T.C.  About my post on  Georgia Southern beating  Florida Saturday without completing a pass.  “Finally, a team I could play for, says Tim Tebow.”

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Equally bad?

November 24, 2013

So has the #NFL achieved #parity? Or just a lot of mediocre teams?

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One headline Sunday after the 4-7 Gators’ loss to Georgia Southern said “Florida Hits Bottom.” And out west, Cal Bears fans are thinking “Uh, depends what your definition of ‘bottom’ is.”

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Georgia Southern beat Florida yesterday without completing a pass. Was this a football game or a competition between the schools’ chess teams?

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For the uninitiated, few teams hate each other more than Green Bay and Minnesota. So Sunday was like kissing a particularly ugly and/or smelly sister.

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Apparently some members of the  Packers didn’t realize the game would end as a tie if they were tied with the Vikings after one overtime.  Didn’t realize Green Bay had added  Donovan McNabb to their coaching staff.

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A 20 year-old American tourist died last week after he and a friend got drunk and jumped off a bridge into a river in Seville, Spain. Guess a more intelligent alternative wasn’t available, like running with the Bulls?

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The NY Knicks are 3-9, but coach Mike Woodson said it’s too early for the team to start panicking. The Utah Jazz are 1-13. Yeah, they can panic.

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Reports are that football coach Will Muschamp will be back at Florida in 2014. Translation – The Gators don’t think they will be able to find anyone else to take over their mess.

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Just think of all the poor kids in Boston who didn’t even fight their parents telling them to go to bed at halftime of a 24-0 Broncos-Patriots game.

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “CB Vontae Davis was dealt from the Dolphins reportedly because during practices he went to the bathroom too much.He gives new meaning to the term No. 1 draft pick”

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Regarding the Iran deal, it’s hard to top the reaction of Texas Senator John Cornyn. “Amazing what WH will do to distract attention from O-care.” (Hey, at least Obama didn’t go invade a country.)

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With many in the GOP attacking President Obama for negotiating with Iran, wonder what they’d say if an administration not only negotiated with but sold arms to the post-Shah regime? Hypothetically speaking of course.

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If you are a conservative who has studied history, ignore this post. But strikes me that a lot of the GOP today are referencing “Neville Chamberlain” when yesterday they might have had a hard time telling you who he was.

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CB Vontae Davis was dealt from the Dolphins reportedly because during practices he went to the bathroom too much. He gives new meaning to the term No. 1 draft pick.

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/300959/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-November-22-2013-Edition-446#sthash.RekDW73k.dpuf

CB Vontae Davis was dealt from the Dolphins reportedly because during practices he went to the bathroom too much. He gives new meaning to the term No. 1 draft pick. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/300959/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-November-22-2013-Edition-446#sthash.RekDW73k.dpuf
CB Vontae Davis was dealt from the Dolphins reportedly because during practices he went to the bathroom too much. He gives new meaning to the term No. 1 draft pick. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/300959/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-November-22-2013-Edition-446#sthash.RekDW73k.dpuf
CB Vontae Davis was dealt from the Dolphins reportedly because during practices he went to the bathroom too much. He gives new meaning to the term No. 1 draft pick. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/300959/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-November-22-2013-Edition-446#sthash.RekDW73k.dpuf

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All Ducked Up?

November 23, 2013

Well, those two Oregon players who were quoted as saying they didn’t want to go to the Rose Bowl again got their wish.

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Congrats to ASU on winning the Pac 12 South. All the Sun Devils have to do to host the Pac 12 Championship game is beat Arizona. Of course that’s the Oregon Ducks had to do too….

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Michigan State beats Northwestern to clinch the “Legends” division. Why do I think Woody and Bo wouldn’t be caught dead taking about “Legends” or “Leaders?”

 

The Gators lost in Gainesville to…. Georgia Southern? This is the most embarassing thing to happen in Florida since at least Wednesday.

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MLB’s security director is recommending that teams install metal detectors at each gate in 2014. I see a boom year for makers of plastic flasks.

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Dallas Cowboys have missed the playoffs for the last three seasons. And Owner/GM Jerry Jones said he’s been doing some of his best work in years. The rest of the NFC East would certainly agree with him.

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USC interim coach Ed Orgeron just got a vote of confidence from …Lane Kiffin. Just when things were going so well.

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The state attorney investigating possible sexual assault charges against FSU QB Jameis Winston says his office may not make a decision on whether to file charges until next week or later. How much later? After the Heisman announcement or BCS games?

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Johnny Manziel said he will announce his NFL decision before Texas A & M’s bowl game. “Wonder what he will decide?” said absolutely no one.

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Just to prove that putting stupid things in emails is not confined to one gender, a female Army colonel stepped down from leading a gender study after she wrote that only “average-looking women” should be used in Army materials used to attract women for combat roles.

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A reminder about flying U.S. airlines. It could be worse. A Pakistan Airlines pilot was jailed today for 9 months in Britain for being over the limit – too drunk even to drive a car – before he was about to fly to Islamabad. His defense, in Pakistan there is only a 12 hour “bottle to throttle” rule, and he had finished drinking 3/4 of a bottle of whiskey before that..

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There is talk of legalizing cell-phone use on planes. This could be a two-fer for airline profits: One fee for using your phone in the air. Another fee for sitting in a cell-phone free zone.

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A-Rod’s statement about his grievance hearing with MLB over his 211-game suspension. “We crushed it They had nothing.” Sounds like the same sense of reality Rodriguez had about facing postseason pitching.

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Class, nothing but class. Victoria and David Beckham caused lines to form outside a British Red Cross shop when they donated clothes to help typhoon victims in the Philippines. And now Kim Kardashian put some of her clothes on eBay for the same cause. Except she is keeping 90% of the profits for herself.

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It’s beginning in SF, the finger pointing over the 49ers somewhat underwhelming season, and some including Steve Young are putting blame on Colin Kaepernick. You’ve got to think it takes some work for Alex Smith to keep a little smile off his face.

 

A deal has been reached to halt Iran’s nuclear program. I blame Obama.

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Not exactly bowled over.

November 22, 2013

This weekend Canada will have their 101st Grey Cup football championship. Between the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Hamilton Tigercats. Otherwise known as a game between two teams most Americans couldn’t find on a map.

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Hard to believe that at one point A-Rod was going to be the clean superstar to make us all forget Barry Bonds.

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Two Oklahoma City Thunder fans made half-court shots this week to win $20,000. And presume both fans immediately got tryout offers from the Utah Jazz.

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From Alex Kaseberg:  “Turns out A-Rod did not storm out of his arbitration meeting. It’s the Fall, they threw him three pitches and he struck out.”

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I’m sure the Rose Bowl committee, advertisers and fans are just thrilled to hear these quotes: Oregon Ducks WR Josh Huff” I don’t want to play in a Rose Bowl unless I’m playing for a national championship.” And RB De’Anthony Thomas “It’s not a big deal at all We already won a Rose Bowl, so it feels like, ‘Whatever.'”

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Former NFL linebacker Channing Crowder with a little TMI about his career. “I never went to the bathroom in the toilet. Every game I peed myself. Six years straight I peed down my leg. I would just be in the huddle and just… pee. Nobody in the stands would know unless you look down like, ‘that’s not water man.’ My teammates didn’t enjoy it as much as I did.” His mother must be so proud.

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A man dancing to “Gangnam Style’ at a wedding, fired his AK-47 in the air to celebrate and accidentally killed three people.  The wedding was in Yemen.  But how many read this and first thought “Florida?”  (Or Texas?)

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Amazing that things have come to such a pass in D.C. that the idea that a President can have his or her nominations approved by majority rule is seen by some as the end of the world.

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Hard to believe it’s been 50 years since JFK was shot. Barely remember, except Walter Cronkite was almost crying, Caroline and JFK Jr looked so sad… and there were NO CARTOONS all weekend with nonstop coverage of his funeral including a riderless horse.

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It is hard to imagine if JFK had been shot during the modern age. Probably would have crashed Twitter and Facebook. Of course, had JFK lived now he might have been impeached before he ever got to Dallas for behavior that made Bill Clinton look like a choir boy.

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All kinds of lost.

November 21, 2013

Were they using Apple Maps? A 747 cargo plane landed last night in Wichita, Kansas, but at the wrong airport. Oops.

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Many people profess to be upset after a Costco store near Los Angeles accidentally put the Bible in their fiction section. Of course in Texas that’s probably where Costco puts their science books.

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Chris Brown was kicked out of his first rehab facility this month for “acting violently” and smashing his mother’s car window. But I am sure the car window asked for it.

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Florida rep Trey Radel pleaded guilty to cocaine possession yesterday and was sentenced to a year’s probation. Radel’s excuse was that he struggles with alcoholism. What’s next? He moves to Toronto and runs for mayor?

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It just gets better. Rep. Trey Radel, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession, voted for a bill that called for states to drug test people who receive food stamps. Guess maybe it’s time to apply the same standards for food stamp recipients to Congress.

 

For all the talk of gateway drugs interesting that both Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and Florida Rep. Trey Radel blamed their hard drug use on alcohol.

 

The FCC announced today it will review its ban against cell-phone calls aboard airlines. If the ban is overturned, wonder which will be the first carrier to charge for a cell-phone free zone?

 

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In the midst of a trip that will qualify me for my same 2013 United frequent flier status for 2014, with a nonrefundable return ticket. And United sends me a message asking me to pay a lot of $$ to buy additional miles to guarantee keeping my status…. Guess they are counting on Americans being really bad at math.

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The Detroit Tigers traded Prince Fielder to the Texas Rangers. Which means Fielder will help the Tigers next year about as much as he did in the 2013 playoffs.

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From Jim Barach “The FAA will check all pilots and air traffic controllers with a BMI of 40 or higher and a neck size of 17 inches for sleep apnea to see if they are at risk for falling asleep on the job. If they want smaller pilots, they should put regular passenger seats in the cockpit.”

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A-Rod apparently stormed out of his MLB grievance hearing today and said of Bud Selig: “He hates my guts. It’s 100 %. personal. This is all about his legacy. To put me on his mantle would be a big trophy for him.” Which is probably true. And doesn’t speak a word to Rodriguez’s guilt or innocence.

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Scientist say a meteorite discovered in northern Africa contains preserved materials from Mars that are 4.4 billion years old. To further authenticate the discovery, they say the meteorite also contained fragments of Jamie Moyer’s rookie card

 

 

From T.C.  “Arizona Cardinals RB Andre Ellington had some of his dreadlocks pulled out during a game last Sunday. Defender Jason Babin returned the hair to Andre after he had Troy Polamalu give the locks a shampoo .”

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But will there be a parrot?

November 20, 2013

Monty Python, who last performed together in 1998, is set to reunite for a stage show. Assume the show might be titled “We weren’t dead, just sleeping.”

 

If the President really wanted to mess with conservative minds, he’d have all Obamacare policies include a free gun.

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Interim coach Ed Orgeron says that he would like to remain head coach at USC. At Stanford they’re thinking “Couldn’t the Trojans give one more chance to Lane Kiffin?”

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A photo has gone viral of storage containers underneath a sign in an Ohio Walmart employee area saying, “Please donate food items here so Associates in Need can enjoy Thanksgiving dinner.” A company spokesman said “This is part of the company’s culture to rally around associates and take care of them when they face extreme hardship.” Right, “extreme hardship.” Like working at Walmart.

 

George Zimmerman, who was allowed to keep his weapons after he shot Trayvon Martin, must only pay $9,000 bail but must give up his guns to get out of jail after being arrested for the alleged aggravated assault of his girlfriend. Your move, Arizona.

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For those of us who can’t resist a good train wreck, it would have been interesting to imagine what would have happened had Richie Incognito decided to pick on George Zimmerman.

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Be careful what you wish for. No doubt just a few months ago there were residents of Toronto who complained amongst themselves that Americans never paid any attention to Canadian politics.

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The NFL is investigating a report that an umpire used profane insults towards Washington tackle Trent Williams. As if the Redskins’ play wasn’t obscene enough.

 

 

For all Stanford fans still hurting from the USC game, as my son says, it could be so much worse:  http://stanfordflipside.com/2013/11/stanford-to-host-charity-football-game-for-underprivileged-fans-on-saturday/

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Fun and games.

November 18, 2013

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford says now he didn’t lie when he was asked “Do you smoke crack?” Because he isn’t a “crack addict” But he says wasn’t asked ‘Have you EVER smoked crack? Then he said he would have replied ‘Yeah, I have.” And Bill “depends what the definition of ‘is’ is” Clinton is thinking. “Sir, I bow to you.”

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Not saying the Kansas City Chiefs might have been the least intimidating 9-0 team in history. But when they lost to the Broncos yesterday, the 1972 Miami Dolphins just yawned.

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Brett Favre said at this point he would be “real leery” of letting his child play football. An interesting sidelight question, after all the hits Favre has taken, does he remember how many children he has?

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The NFC LEast line of the day is that that the 6-5 Eagles “all but eliminated” the 3-7 Redskins. And yes, in the NFC LEast, 3-7 is still alive to win the division.

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There’s growing consensus that the Washington Redskins should change their name. But the way the team is playing, any new mascot will be an insult to whatever person, place or thing they select.

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With all the talk of bullying in the NFL, what are the odds that a man generously listed at 5’6″ with a speech impediment could survive in the league? Because that describes Darren Sproles.

 

NY Jets coach Rex Ryan now admits that before his team’s thrashing  at the hands of the Buffalo Bills, they spent part of Saturday together at a “Dave and Busters” eating and playing games. Well, look at the bright side. The Jets may have lost 37-14. But they got enough tickets for some really cool prizes.

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Well, Stanford may not have played as well as USC Saturday night. But at least we know how to storm a field without hurting ourselves….

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In today’s papal address, Pope Francis held up a box that looked like a packet of pills, saying that prayer was good medicine for the human heart. Then volunteers distributed 1000’s of the packets, which contained rosaries. Wonder how many Catholic women saw what looked like birth control pills in his hand and thought their prayers had been answered…

 

Tim Hudson has signed with the SF Giants. Maybe he figures that considering the sendoff Zito got after his years here the Giants fans have set the bar nice and low.

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Treed off.

November 17, 2013

Stanford deserved to lose that game. But just how bad a coach was Lane Kiffin…?

 

Maybe  Stanford needed #SFBatkid

 

 

On brighter note for Stanford.   Sign at USC before the football game. “I Wipe With Trees. And Cardinal fans are thinking. “Really? At Stanford we’re smart enough to use paper.”

 

–The CIAA Division II football championship game between Virginia State and Winston Salem State was cancelled after five Virginia State players allegedly beat up the Winston Salem QB in the bathroom during a luncheon for both teams. Guess they were trying a little too hard to prove they were really the equivalent of Division I players?

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Seattle voters have elected a socialist to city council. “How did you beat us to it?” said Berkeley..

 

A belated thought for #SFBatkid. Not an leukemia expert , so can only hope his remission is permanent. Not just for his own sake, but because the USA could use an adult with Batkid’s ability to bring our country together.

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Toronto Mayor’s brother Doug Ford defended his brother but did say Rob “has faults.” Of course he could say the same thing about the Washington Redskins, the Miami Dolphins locker room, and the Chicago Cubs for the last century..

Clippers forward Matt Barnes said Friday he will continue using the N word he used on Twitter. He claims “I think when you put an ‘er’ at the end, that could make people cringe, but if you put an ‘a,’ that’s like saying ‘bro.’ That is how we talk.” Not sure how his teammates feel but Barnes is putting in a strong big for the least favorite athlete of American parents.

 

Apparently former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is getting a new hearing over his 2011 corruption conviction. And in Toronto, lawyers and friends of Rob Ford are saying “Can we make this new hearing as long and drawn-out and media friendly as possible?

 

The Orlando Magic’s Glen Davis apparently got into an argument with a desk clerk at an Orlando Travelodge and threw  keyboard from a hotel computer.  A Travelodge?  This salary cap is more painful for players than we thought.

 

 

From T.C.  ” NBA Orlando Magic’s Glen “Big Baby” Davis has apologized for hurling a hotel computer at check in across the lobby. What, were there no chairs around? asked Bobby Knight.

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Gotham City

November 15, 2013

This blog is usually 95% snark..   At least but read the bottom item  for a change of pace.   Seriously.

Now Toronto mayor Rob Ford and his brother are getting their own television show. (No joke.) For all those who find “Keeping up with the Kardashians” just a bit too intellectual.

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Just wondering how many NFL teams could cope with having a “nice” “soft” Stanford grad for a QB like Andrew Luck.

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A story now reported by ESPN says that MLB officials impeded the Biogenesis investigation by the Florida Department of Health by illegally purchasing stolen documents, which they were warned not to do. As the saga continues, maybe it turns out MLB and A-Rod are perfect for each other?

 

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A-Rod’s interview with MLB over his suspension has been canceled for tomorrow. Because the Yankees slugger reportedly has the flu. And who would ever expect A-Rod to make up an excuse?

(as Jim Barach said  “Wouldn’t you know. That’s the one shot he didn’t get.”)

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A lawyer for a 16-year-old San Francisco boy arrested for allegedly setting 18-year-old Luke/Sasha Fleischman on fire for wearing a skirt, said the boy should not be prosecuted as an adult for a “prank.” Wonder if “prank” will be the term for what happens when the kid ends up juvenile hall or jail.

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Former NFL star Darrell Green says the Washington Redskins don’t have leadership. Sounds like the team is a perfect metaphor for the city.

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USC is reportedly ready to offer a new football coach $6 million a year. With a 5 year contract that should actually work out to about $10 million a year.

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Just when you are completely ready to write off the world… here comes #SFBatkid Well played, San Francisco, well played. http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2013/11/15/follow-batkids-adventure/

Maybe next Batkid can help out of the citizens of Toronto.  They could use him about now.

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Random thoughts

November 14, 2013

A thought about all these stores opening Thanksgiving night. Let’s see…take millions of Americans, add family stress, plus alcohol, and put them on the road to the mall. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

 

Random baseball  thought, none of the 2014 CY Young nor MVP winners played in the World Series. Coincidence? Or is there something about having a superstar on the team that makes others feel less urgency about performing?

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Chris Brown checked out of rehab, about two weeks after he checked in following his latest arrest in Washington, D.C. Too soon to start a pool on the next “incident?”

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In a recent poll, Congress was viewed less favorably than hemorrhoids or toenail fungus. Well, makes sense. There are cures for hemorrhoids and toenail fungus.

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MLB owners today approved funding to expand instant replay in 2014. You know what this means – beer prices are going up.

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Apparently the $10 million annual jeweled “Fantasy Bra” created by Victoria’s Secret isn’t very comfortable. Uh, thinking anyone buying such a bra for a present wouldn’t expect it to stay on very long.

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A blind man was kicked off a US Airways flight because his service dog wouldn’t sit still for takeoff. The flight was then cancelled when so many other passengers protested. Wonder how many of them were protesting that airlines don’t do that with parents and children.

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Just when you think the Toronto mayor story can’t get any weirder. Today Rob Ford, denying an affair with a former staffer. “It says I wanted to eat her (fill in the blank) and I have never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married and I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.” Is Ford angling for a post with the Clinton Global Initiative.

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On thing about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford,  perhaps he puts to rest the image of Canadian politics being boring to rest once and for all.  (for those who don’t remember Pierre Trudeau.)

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Not sure how long this Rob Ford saga will continue. But if there’s a silver lining for anyone, at least the 2013-14 Maple Leafs are just about guaranteed not to be the biggest target of jokes in Toronto.

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A woman on a Southwest plane that made a rapid descent and then made a safe emergency landing at Raleigh-Durham airport, claims the pilot told passengers “We’re in trouble; we’re going down.'” No word on any possible compensation. But wonder if another carrier might have added a “thrill-ride” surcharge.

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Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito has now filed a grievance against the team over his suspension. This might be the biggest mess ever in Florida football not involving Urban Meyer..

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Once again proving that Twitter is a great way to prove you’re an idiot in only 140 characters: The Clippers’ Matt Barnes, DURING last night’s game, after he was ejected , tweeted, “I love my teammates like family, but I’m DONE standing up for these n—as! All this s— does is cost me money. …” The tweet was later deleted.

 

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Just a hunch that a year from now the GOP will be back to Benghazi as an anti-Obama theme. Because as much of a mess as the Obamacare rollout has been in some ways, is it that different than a lot of big high-tech rollouts? Or say, airline mergers? The biggest mistake made may have been the assumption this was going to be smooth from the get go.

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Bill Littlejohn:  USC coach Ed Orgeron’s handwritten thank-you letters to each member of the Trojan marching band defied school tradition–every word in each note was spelled correctly”

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More than some assembly required.

November 14, 2013

Police in Sweden were called to a potential “domestic incident”, when a neighbor heard “banging and screaming.” It turned out to simply be a couple trying to assemble IKEA furniture. Although I have to wonder….how many domestic incidents have started over trying to assemble IKEA furniture.

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In San Francisco a Muni train left the station without an operator after the driver got out to check a door and forgot to set the emergency break. Well, it could have been worse.. could have happened to an airline pilot.

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The 9-0 Kansas City Chiefs said WR Dwayne Bowe, who was arrested for marijuana possession this week will start Sunday night against the Broncos. (Bowe is 2nd on the team in catches.) It’s all about that Golden Rule. Bring in the Gold, you don’t need to follow the Rules.

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Anyone else find it just a bit ironic that the party complaining about how all Obamacare policies must cover maternity, is the party that also usually makes a big show of being pro-life?

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The University of Florida president and AD have both expressed confidence in embattled coach Will Muschamp, despite the Gators 4-5 record. Well, they have about 15 million reasons, as Mushamp has five years left on his contract at an average salary of $2,928,791.

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The Secret Service is under investigation again for sexual misconduct, this time stemming from an alleged incident where a supervisor met a woman in the Hay-Adams hotel, and accidentally left a bullet in her D.C. hotel room. Former President Bill Clinton no doubt has already volunteered to investigate.

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Contradicting a statement he made after the 2012 election, John Boehner now says the House will not take up immigration reform this year, saying it’s “too complicated to rush.” So is the Speaker angling for a post-politics job of serving on one of Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”

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Mariah Carey on her American Idol experience with an unnamed co-judge. “It was like going to work every day in hell with Satan.” And somewhere Simon Cowell is thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?”

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Ben Roethlisberger, on Detroit Lions DTs Nadmukong Suh and Nick Fairley “You’ve got to be careful. You’ll end up dead if you’re not careful.” Suh’s response “I’m not a killer.. I guess I can take that somewhat as a compliment.” Wonder if he thought of adding “And I’m not a rapist either.”

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Lululemon founder Chip Wilson is apologizing for offending customers by saying their brand’s yoga pants just don’t work for “some women’s bodies.” Although no doubt Wilson is being secretly cheered by people who have been at restaurants, stores, etc where some of lululemon’s customers have proved his point.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s latest admission, that he did purchase illegal drugs. Well, it could be worse, at least Ford didn’t get in a drunken stupor and text pictures of his junk.

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The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.

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From Alex Kaseberg:  Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, admits to buying illegal drugs. Of course we Americans are shocked. A politician who paid for something out of their own pocket? Never happens here.

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What’s too painful to remember…

November 13, 2013

#2 Michigan State knocked off #1 Kentucky, 78-74 in men’s college basketball tonight. For those Wildcat freshmen, this could be the  most painful memory of the whole six months they spend in college.

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There’s a SF Bay Area controversy over an idiot radio talk show host named Damon Bruce who said that women don’t belong in sports. He’s back at work after a one-day suspension. Wonder how long he’d have been out if he went after an ethnic group instead of an entire gender?

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A Kansas woman apparently is trying to trade her wedding ring for tickets to the Chiefs home game against the Broncos Dec 1. Wonder if she’ll offer her husband for playoff tickets?

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A man arrested earlier this month for a DUI in Michigan blamed the fact that he had drunk so much on the Wolverines’ loss the day before. If that excuse had worked police would never be able to get a DUI conviction during baseball season in Chicago.

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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has been on Dallas talk radio complaining about the play calling and defensive coverage in Sunday night’s loss to the Saints. And yeah, maybe if Jason Garrett had coached a different game, Dallas might have only lost by 3-4 touchdowns.

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Although wholesale coffee prices have fallen by almost a third in the past year, Starbucks and other coffee shops haven’t reduced prices. Well, guess that was about as likely as airlines reducing fuel surcharges when gas prices drop..

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Crooks are stupid item of the day: Four burglary suspects in Northern California were arrested after police saw a photo on Instagram of $120 worth of food they had purchased at Carl’s Jr with a stolen credit card.

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Sarah Palin is branching out, now she says of the new pope “He’s had some statements that to me sound kind of liberal, has taken me aback, has kind of surprised…” What’s next, Sarah can see the Vatican from her house?

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One of the frequently heard complaints about the ACA, is people, especially men, saying things like they don’t want to pay for insurance that covers things like maternity. Although by that token, why should women pay for insurance that covers things like ED and prostate care?

 

A friend wonders why Facebook suggests that because she “likes” Wendy Davis, she would also “like” Rick Perry. Maybe FB assumes that she too is a comedy writer…

 

Bill Clinton today on Obamacare and cancelled plans “I personally believe, even if it takes a change in the law, the president should honor the commitment the federal government made to those people and let them keep what they’ve got.” Brave words from a ex-President who himself did such a great job with healthcare reform.

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During the trial of Costa Concordia captain Francesco Schettino, A crew member testified that the captain did not “fall” into the lifeboat as he said, but rather “jumped into the lifeboat.” “I’m shocked,” said absolutely no one.

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The DOJ has finally decided to allow the American Airlines – US Airways merger. Well, it’s another chance to see if two wrongs CAN make a right.

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American Airlines and US Airways have finally gotten approval for their merger. Now, time to start a pool on when they will announce an aircraft repainting fee?

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The Braves are leaving for a new suburban stadium in 2017, and today Atlanta’s mayor said that the city will then demolish Turner Field. The stadium, built for the Olympics, is less than 20 years old. Are we sure there isn’t a way to give it to the Oakland As?

 

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From Marc Ragovin:  “The Atlanta Braves have announced that they will be moving to a new stadium in a few years. Team officials say the new site will be much more convenient for fans not to go to come playoff time.”

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Not quite vetted.

November 12, 2013

Today was Veteran’s Day.  When we honor those who have served our country by going to the mall to buy stuff made in countries we have fought against.

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President Obama honored a 107 year old WWII veteran at a D.C. Veteran’s Day ceremony. Guess John McCain was unavailable?

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Downton Abbey has been renewed for a fifth season. Glad they have the $$$, or rather pounds. But since the fourth season started in Sept. in England and won’t start in the U.S. until Jan 5. 11 days after the season four finale, American fans are thinking, how much more to get us on the same schedule?

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Amazon is teaming up with the U.S. Postal Service to deliver packages on Sundays. Procrastinators of the world, rejoice!

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Proof, again, that God does have a twisted sense of humor: A white supremacist trying to establish an all-white enclave in North Dakota found out during the taping of the “Trisha Show” that he is 14% “sub-Saharan African.”

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“Who’d a thunk a couple weeks ago looking at this Dolphins vs. Buccaneers game that Tampa Bay’s coach might be the one least considered to have totally lost is locker room.–

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And when the previously winless Buccaneers actually beat the Miami Dolphins tonight, did the 0-14 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs crack open a case of generic beer?

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Maybe it’s because I am a woman but somehow I’ve never thought female athletes were any less tough because they don’t threaten to kill each other in the locker room.

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Getting awfully tired of Facebook prompting “Where did you grow up.” This implies all of us on Facebook ARE grown up.
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The student body president of Oregon’s Northwest Christian University just came out – as an atheist. And sadly there are people who probably thought “well, at least he’s not gay.”
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McDonald’s is coming out with a new white chocolate mocha drink for the holiday season. Just the thing for those who’d rather drink the calories they get from a Big Mac.The Lakers announced that Steve Nash, 39, will miss at least two weeks with “nerve irritation.” ‘Nerve irritation?” What, as in “you punks are irritating my nerves, get off my court?”

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From T.C.   on the Red Sox’s top offseason targets: “Free agents Jacoby Ellsbury, Mike Napoli, Stephen Drew and the two guitarists from ZZ Top.”

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Saints be praised.

November 11, 2013

New Orleans Saints 49,  Dallas Cowboys 17.   The only time they usually see scores like that in Louisiana is when LSU schedules one of their out-of-conference cupcakes.

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How bad did the Saints make the Cowboys defense look? In the Kiffin family for a change, Lane was feeling sorry for his dad.

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Looks like it’s a good thing for the NFC Least that the NFL’s requirements for winning your division aren’t as strict as the NCAA’s rules for being bowl-eligible.

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SF 49ers, who play New Orleans on the 17th,  are just hoping the Saints offense tired themselves out by going up and down the field so often.

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So who wins the “most embarrassing day in the division” award? The Colts for getting spanked by the Rams or the Titans for losing to the Jaguars?

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Now backup Green Bay quarterback Seneca Wallace is injured. Think that Brett Favre’s wife has hidden his cellphone?

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Singer Miley Cyrus smoked a joint on stage and twerked with a dwarf during the MTV EMAs today. Guess she’s not happy with only offending music fans on one continent.

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It just gets better…. Apparently GM Jeff Ireland spoke at a Dolphins meeting this week and singled out head coach Joe Philbin for creating a team of high character. Would hate to see what a team of low character was….

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But not that long ago I’m sure the folks at MNF looked at tomorrow’s Dolphins Bucs matchup and thought – “how are we ever going to come up with a story line for this turkey of a game?”

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Two people were shot and injured, one reportedly an innocent bystander, after a shooting at New York City’s Bryant Park ice rink. If only all the skaters had been armed.

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Hillary Clinton made a speech in SF stressing bipartisan unity. Translation, going to be fun to see her and Chris Christie each trying to claim ownership of the centrist platform in 2016, after they both try to run in opposite directions in the primary.

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Fired up?

November 9, 2013

Pat Knight says he hopes his father Bob, who still holds a grudge against Indiana University for firing him, will eventually return for a basketball game. Maybe the Hoosiers could someday invite Bob to throw out the first chair?

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With tentative calming in the Middle East, prices at the pump are tumbling. Americans haven’t seen the cost of gas fall this fast since Taco Bell introduced 49 cent tacos.

 

 

Green Bay Packers chairman Ted Thompson says that the situation with Brett Favre was “just one of those car wrecks.”. Uh, sir, the situation with Brett Favre was a punchline, the situation in the Dolphins locker room is a car wreck.

 

from Jim Barach:  “Miami Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito was accused of harassing a woman at a golf tournament in 2012. To which Dolphins front office executives are saying she should have just punched him out.”

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Cal lost to USC 62-28.  This is getting bad enough that poor Bear alums are going to end up honorary Cubs fans.

 

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Stanford had the ball for almost 45 minutes against Oregon. But time of possession isn’t quite everything. In an ACC game today the times were 28:58 and 31:02 respectively. The team that didn’t quite have the ball for half the game? Florida State. The Seminoles beat Wake Forest 59 to 3.

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Ted Cruz on the Tonight Show. “I’m a big believer in health care reform I think we ought to reform health care so it’s personal, it’s portable, it’s affordable. We ought to empower patients rather than government bureaucrats getting between you and your doctor.” Nice words, where was Cruz when the GOP controlled government and COULD have put in their own reform? (Oh, that’s right, on his wife’s Goldman Sachs plan. Never mind.)

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Eastern Michigan fired their football coach apparently for “inappropriate language.”. Wonder if part of the inappropriate language was “one and eight.”

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A man was arrested at LAX last night, after he took a handgun from his luggage Friday night in baggage claim at Terminal 3, the site of last week’s shooting. The gun was unloaded, and was legal as he had declared it upon check-in. He was charged with brandishing a weapon in public area, and presumably terminal stupidity.

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At Seattle-Tacoma Airport, a man ran through a TSA checkpoint, then a door onto the tarmac. He then raced up a stairway and punched through a door window at the end of a jetway to get onto an American Airlines plane. He was arrested without further incident on the plane. Guess airline security fees are going up.

(Jon Nedry wonders “Did he check his bag or carry on? In addition to criminal charges, there may also be checked bag charges.”)

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In Fairfax County, Virginia, election officials have acknowledged they somehow haven’t counted 3,000 or so absentee ballots. The registrar is looking into it. Maybe they ended up in Chicago?

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And the winner might be…?

November 8, 2013

Not sure if there are any winners in this Dolphins mess. Except maybe ESPN… which suddenly is looking at higher ratings for their upcoming Tampa Bay-Miami MNF game. Americans love train wrecks.

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Apparently Condoleezza Rice turned down a search committee that was looking for new Penn State president. Guess she feels there really are more uncomfortable jobs than having to explain away a war over non-existent WMDS.

 In an anonymous survey of NFL players, 20.8% said they would rather have Richie Incognito as a teammate, and 47.2% said they’d rather have Jonathan Martin. Makes sense. Whatever they think of the situation, Martin would be easier on their wallets.

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Just wondering, if any of the Patriots thought Aaron Hernandez was dangerous, would reporting it have been a violation of the locker room code?

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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s lawyer said Friday his client is “considering rehab.” So congrats to all those who had November 8 in the pool.

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A new shark species was reportedly found off the Carolina coast. This has to be a John Edwards joke.

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Stocks jumped Friday on a much better than expected jobs report. (204,000 new jobs when economists had predicted 120,000) I blame Obama.

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CBS News is now apologizing for a “60 Minutes” story on Benghazi which has been heavily quoted by Republicans. They said they were “misled” by a source who claimed he was there during the attack, but who now admits to lying. Guessing this will not make the headlines on Fox News.

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A boy who weighed in at 14 pounds when he was born at a hospital in Utah appears to be the biggest baby born in the United States so far this year. An inventory of things around his bed in the nursery included a stuffed animal, a rattle, a pacifer, and a letter of introduction from Les Miles. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/292719/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-November-8-2013-Edition-444#sthash.zcSaHpbW.dpuf

And the photo below was taken by my friend David Lombardi.    #Nerdnation at its finest.  Three of Stanford’s star football players in full postgame nerd regalia, right down to the glasses with plastic tape.  Very well played, gentlemen.

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Now the GOP has Super PACS gearing up to fight the Tea Party. Didn’t we see a variation of this plot in a novel long ago written by Mary Shelley?

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From Bill Littlejohn ” A boy who weighed in at 14 pounds when he was born at a hospital in Utah appears to be the biggest baby born in the United States so far this year.An inventory of things around his bed in the nursery included a stuffed animal, a rattle, a pacifer, and a letter of introduction from Les Miles”

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Jimmy Kimmel suggested that parents play a joke on their kids pretending that they had eaten all the kids’ candy. Hope the 15 seconds of fame with the resulting clips on tv is worth the years of future therapy bills.

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