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A whole of lot of bad sports

July 27, 2010

President Obama will appear on “the View” Thursday. And he thought he had a hard time getting a word in edgewise with Joe Biden….

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On Monday, Despite rumors that BP CEO Tony Hayward was on his way out, a company spokesman said “Tony Hayward remains our chief executive and has the full support of the board and senior management.” Guess the translation was- “We’re still working out the severance package.”

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Two former University of Memphis basketball players were arrested this weekend, after a routine traffic stop showed the driver had a suspended license, and police found both marijuana and a loaded gun in the car. Say what you want about the Memphis program, but they do seem to produce players who are NBA ready.

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Dallas Cowboys rookie Dez Bryant basically refused to take part in the team’s regular hazing ritual of carrying a veteran’s shoulder pads after practice, and said he is “focusing on catching passes, not rookie rituals.”

Well, we don’t know how he’ll do with catching passes, but he’s done a nice job of painting a bullseye on his own back.

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The Cincinnati Bengals are apparently trying to work out a contract with Terrell Owens to have him join Chad Ochocino on the team. One of the potential sticking points…. would T.O. and Ochocino together put the Bengals over the NFL’s ego cap
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The Tigers’ Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen just joined the team’s already packed disabled list. Disappointed Detroit sports fans are thinking, well, it’s almost football season. Er, scratch that, when does the NHL start?

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How expensive have California politics become? Even billionaire Jeff Greene had to move out of state and switch parties to run for the Senate. (Greene ran for Congress as a Republican in 1982, but moved out of state two years ago and is now running as a Democrat in Florida.)
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Continental Airlines is testing “self-boarding” at Houston airport, whereby passengers just swipe a boarding pass at a kiosk and get on the plane without dealing with a human agent. And given the travel manners of the average American, what could possibly go wrong?

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British Airways is going to set up the “first sustainable jet-fuel plant in Europe.” The plant will actually make fuel out of waste, including leftover uneaten and/or inedible food. Well, they won’t have any problem finding plenty of that in England.
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Here we go again. Now in Philadelphia two Drexel University basketball players are facing armed robbery charges. If these student athletes wanted to make money in college so badly, why didn’t they just go to USC?
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Barry Zito, $18 million a year, and at least a mediocre quality start tonight, Aaron Rowand, $12 million a year and an actual (fan-aided) homerun plus a single. Edgar Renteria, $9 million a year….and 0-5 with 3 strikeouts. Well, two out of three ain’t as bad as usual.

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Howard Dean charged Fox News with being racist. Not so, replied a Fox News spokesman, We aren’t racist, we hate all liberals equally.

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Tea Party members are fond of saying “Taxation is theft.” So when do they start refusing all government benefits as gifts of stolen property?

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It’s over….

June 18, 2010

But how bad did the Lakers and Celtics look on offense in the NBA championship game Thursday? Soccer fans who tuned in because there was no competing World Cup match said “How do you Americans watch this game? So much running around and no scoring.”

Heck, Phil (75) and Tiger (74) at Pebble almost outscored the Celtics.

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In Los Angeles, there was some rioting in the streets after the game seven victory. Fans were hoping, however, that the police would give them a break. After all, the Lakers haven’t won a championship in 12 whole months.

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And now that the NBA finals are over, you know what that means? It’s almost time to be thinking about next year’s preseason.

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The Kansas City Royals with their refurbished stadium were awarded the 2012 Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Well, this is one reason actually to like the fact that the game determines home field advantage in the World Series. It will give Royals fans their first glimpse in in decades of a meaningful game in July.

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Gonzalo Higuain scored a hat trick in Argentina’s 4-1 win over South Korea. 3 goals in one game? That’s amazing by most team standards. Heck, by both teams combined standards.

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Mexico 2 – France 0 – Theme song of the day “When Irish Eyes are Smiling.”

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Congrats to the Greeks for their first World Cup win. Actually, so nice to hear the word “Greece” on the radio and have it have nothing to do with the stuff covering Gulf coast beaches

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Will $20 billion be enough to clean up the Gulf? At this point Meg Whitman is just hoping it might be enough to buy the California governorship.

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Tony Hayward’s number one defense in from of Congress Thursday seemed to be that as BP’s CEO he was “out of the loop” and knew nothing of any problems. Well, that might help explain why former HP CEO and current California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina is defending the oil industry.

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In the “if you care about this you probably really need a life department,” there are now rumors that Kate Gosselin has had breast implants. For many viewers, the first clue was the show’ s new title “Kate plus 2”

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Unfortunate headlnes paired up tonight:

USA executes man by firing squad.

and

Congress takes shots at BP CEO Tony Hayward.

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Illinois Senate candidate Mark Kirk, already under fire for “embellishing” his military record, may also have been less than truthful about his teaching experience. Actually, sounds to me like he might be practicing for the Senate.
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Utah officially accepted an invitation to be the 12th team in the Pac 10. Guess the Oakland Raiders turned the offer down too?

One from Bill Littlejohn that I wish I had written…on the subject of the Pac 10, 11, 16, 12, whatever..and on coming up with some way to assimilate Utah(?!) into the Conference “Solution: change their name to the University of California at Salt Lake City.

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NBA playoff thrillers and other fantasies…

May 20, 2010

Not to say these NBA playoff games have largely been lopsided and uninteresting, but there was a heck of a lot more drama in the draft ping-pong balls.

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The NBA teases fans all year with the promise that despite often lackluster and disappointing regular season performances, that more exciting things are to come when the post season arrives. And then when the post season starts out equally disappointing, that the NEXT round will be better. Who’s sponsoring this league anyway? Microsoft?

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So the Los Angeles Lakers beat the Suns 124-112 to go up 2-0 in their NBA Western Conference Finals. But the Suns have a strategy for when game three returns to Phoenix. They’ll just tell local police that Kobe Bryant was really born in Kenya.

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Looks like the Orlando Magic will last in the playoffs about as long as a $20 bill lasts at Disney World.

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Bristol Palin is hitting the lecture circuit, with a speaking fee of up to $30,000 per appearance. Her topic? “How being an unwed mother can keep you from having a profitable career.”

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PETA is paying Nayda Suleman to have a plastic sign in her front lawm that reads: “Don’t Let Your Dog or Cat Become an Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter.” – The organization also is offering Suleman a free month’s supply of veggie dogs and burgers, and has offered to pay for spaying HER.

Recent polls show a tightening race in the California gubernatorial primary. Which some pundits say could mean more mudslinging. More mud? As anyone who watches television in California will tell you, isn’t that at this point like BP spilling more oil.

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The inventor of the ATM machine, John Shepherd-Barron, just died. His funeral will be free and open to the public, however, for non-members of his church, your regular place of worship may charge you for attending.
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Meg Whitman’s 50-point lead over Steve Poizner now apparently has dwindled to single digits. Despite the millions Whitman has poured into the race already. Unfortunately for the former CEO of EBAY, this election didn’t have a “Buy It Now” button.
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BP apparently told federal regulators that they could handle an oil spill 50 times the size of the one they are currently trying to deal with now. Isn’t it time to change the company name to “Barely Plausible”

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Whats the difference between the Detroit Red Wings and the San Jose Sharks? At this point, looks like about a week.
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A record that will never be broken. Forget DiMaggio’s hitting streak, how about Cy Young’s total victories – 511. To put that in perspective. 511 is more than the Royals had in the past eight full SEASONS. And actually counting what they have so far in 2010, the 8 1/4 year total is 490..

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Mistakes by the lake.

May 14, 2010

Not to say Lebron played like a quitter in the Cavaliers series against the Celtics. But in truth, he looked less like a King and more like a Governor of Alaska.

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So let’s see, Lebron James, who was actually booed in Cleveland for his performance, is thinking of going to the New York Knicks? Yeah, now there’s a market where lousy play will certainly be dealt with in a kindler, gentler manner.

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ESPN announcers said midway through the fourth quarter that Boston was “smelling victory.” Cleveland was smelling like the Cuyahoga River when it caught on fire.

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How bad did the Cavaliers look? Even Ken Griffey, Jr, is saying “Hey, at least I’m not in the lineup when I fall asleep.”

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How bad has the San Francisco Giants lineup looked lately? There’s more scoring when a bunch of guys from a video game convention hit the singles bars.

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And San Francisco Giants fans are getting frustrated. At this point you can count on seeing more hits watching the NBC primetime lineup.

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The defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins had a 2-1 and then a 3-2 series lead against the Montreal Canadiens, who were the worst team to make it into the NHL playoffs. And the Penguins ended up losing, with the final game a 5-2 loss at home. Wow. Normally embarrassing Pittsburgh is the job of the Pirates and Ben Roethlisberger.

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Some are calling for a boycott of the Lakers-Suns games played in Phoenix, due to Arizona’s new immigration law.

And in Utah, Jazz fans are saying “See, we didn’t choke, we were just early adherents to the boycott.”
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BP CEO Tony Hayward has admitted that regarding the oil spill “We made a few little mistakes early on.” Isn’t that like Tiger Woods admitting to a “little” adultery?

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And another combo joke effort with Jerry Perisho, who noted “A Japanese company has introduced a bra that allows women to grow rice in the cups of the garment. Or, in Heidi Montag’s case, watermelons.”

Meanwhile, BP has asked Pamela Anderson if she would donate a bra to help cap the oil leaks.

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Elena and the Supremes.

May 11, 2010

Commie pinko stuff first. But you have to love U.S. politics, where within a 24 hour news cycle a President’s Supreme Court pick can be attacked for being both too liberal AND too conservative.

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Regarding conservatives trying to “out” Elena Kagan as a lesbian in order to keep her off the Supreme Court – what evidence do they have? Did someone see her at a Republican fundraiser?

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Soome conservative groups are already mobilizing to fight Elena Kagan’s nomination because they think she is gay. These groups believe there is no place for gays on the Supreme Court; they should stay closeted in the Republican party where they belong.

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Carly Fiorina, one of the Republican Senate candidate in California, has indicated concern about “Ms. Kagan’s brief litigation experience, and lack of any judicial experience.”

So apparently in Fiorina’s world you need specific legal experience to sit on the Supreme Court, but a couple months advising a failed presidential campaign is sufficient political experience to be a Senator from California.

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The Republican National Committee is already questioning Elena Kagan’s “commitment to the Constitution? One question, if these folks are so committed to the Constitution, where were they when George W. Bush was shredding it?

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Okay, back to sports, etc.

The University of California football team will be playing their 2011 home games at A T and T Park. S.F. Giants management would have actually preferred to have a pro team as a temporary tenant instead of the Cal Bears, but the USC Trojans declined their offer.
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JetBlue was selling seats on some nonstop flights Tuesday and Wednesday for $10 each way. Now, for passengers who wanted those flights to actually take off there was a small additional charge.

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Dallas Braden, the Oakland A’s pitcher who criticized A-Rod for walking across his mound, will be on David Letterman Tuesday night with his “Top 10” list of ways to p*** off the Yankees’ slugger. Number 11? Get between him and any mirror.

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Tiger Woods swing coach, Hank Haney, has resigned. He said that recent events made it clear that Tiger was the last person who needed any help with his swinging.

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The Lakers-Jazz game started at 11pm east coast time. I guess the way Utah played in the first three games of the series, the networks knew game four might be unsuitable for small children.

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Woody Allen once said “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” Guess someone forgot to tell the Heat, Jazz and Spurs.

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Phoenix, with their bilingual “Los Suns” jerseys, swept the Spurs decisively in four games. Now the Dodgers are considering changing their jerseys to read “The Angeles.”

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So when did the NBA playoffs turn into “Sweeps Week?”

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New Arizona slogans?

April 27, 2010

As law enforcement officers and residents alike adjust to the new Arizona immigration law, it might be time to think of some new subtitles for the state slogans:

As in

“Arizona – you’ll never get a decent taco in this state again.”

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Arizona -a state since 1912, a state of confusion since 2010.

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Arizona -we don’t need no stinking badges, but we do need your stinking papers.

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Here’s an interesting question. Which is a smaller number – the number of NBA fans outside Los Angeles who will be rooting for the Lakers tomorrow against the Oklahoma City Thunder? Or the number of Latino fans who will now be rooting for the Phoenix Suns against the Portland Trail Blazers?

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The NBA’s Western Conference’s number two seed, the Dallas Mavericks, are one game away from being eliminated by the San Antonio Spurs. And the worst thing for Dallas fans -there’s no way to blame this one on Jessica Simpson.

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Roy Halladay is one of the best pitchers in baseball, having allowed 3 earned runs in 4 starts. The San Francisco Giants are one of the worst hitting teams in baseball. So what happens tonight when Halladay starts? The Giants score 3 runs in the first 2 innings, and 5 runs off him in six innings. Is baseball a great game or what?

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“The decision to suspend me speaks clearly that more is expected of me. I am accountable for the consequences of my actions. Though I have committed no crime, I regret that I have fallen short of the values instilled in me by my family.”

The above was the statement from Ben Roethlisberger today about his suspension. Do we think he wrote the words or lifted them from “Hamlet” or “Tale of Two Cities”?

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The British Government is falling all over themselves to apologize for to Pope Benedict XVI for what was obviously a tongue-in-cheek leaked Foreign Office memo suggesting that he could launch Benedict-brand condoms or bless a gay marriage when he visits the United Kingdom later this year.

In a statement, the Foreign Office said that “the individual responsible” was told “this was a serious error of judgement and has accepted this view.”

No word on the papal response. Although his Excellency does seem to have a strong track record of forgiving “serious errors in judgement.”

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Eight young girls sustained moderate injuries when a crowd of thousands swarmed the gates in Sydney, Australia for a Justin Bieber concert. “That’s awful”, said Americans who heard the story. “And who the heck is Justin Bieber?” added anyone who doesn’t have a pre-teen daughter.

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(Inspired by a joke from Jason Love) These minivans with television for riders in the back seat can be a real problem for anyone driving behind them. In fact, many drivers report they get distracted and forget who they are texting.

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Not so cheap shots…

January 7, 2010

The NBA has suspended Gilbert Arenas indefinitely. Bummer for Wizards fans. This really puts a dent in their hopes of catching the Charlotte Bobcats for fourth place. (In a five team division.)

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David Stern says he has concluded that Arenas “is not currently fit to take the court in an NBA game.” Stay tuned tomorrow, when the commissioner suspends the New Jersey Nets.

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How strong is the new Gilbert Arenas cocktail? You’re out of commission before you take the first shot.

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New York Jets coach Rex Ryan proclaimed that his 9-7 team should be the favorites to win the Super Bowl. “Is he out of his mind?” asked Joe Namath.

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Mike Shanahan was introduced as the new coach of the Washington Redskins. Fans have high hopes for him. Who knows, Shanahan could even last three years out of his five year contract.
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Brit Hume has stated that he thinks Tiger Woods should convert to Christianity. Yeah, that’s worked so well for Mark Sanford, Robert Ensign and Bill Clinton.

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Did you hear the one that wasn’t about Tiger Woods?

December 8, 2009

Many women across America are getting particularly sick of the Tiger Woods story. Partly because they can’t understand why so many other women would basically throw themselves at a celebrity for a tawdry quick relationship. Unless it was George Clooney.

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VH1 will air a show about the wives of NBA players. Sponsored, I would assume, by Tiffanys.

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Florida coach Urban Meyer checked into a Gainesville hospital the morning after his team’s blowout loss to Alabama the night before, suffering from dehydration. Gosh, it would have been nice to have something on the Gator sideline he could have been drinking to avoid that problem…

(inside baseball note, Gatorade was INVENTED at the University of Florida for athletes)

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What’s particularly surprising about Meyer apparently not having drunk any Gatorade. We sure know none of it was wasted by being dumped on him at the end of the game.

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Allen Iverson was in tears when he announced he was signing again with the 76ers. Wonder who will be crying next – his teammates or 76ers fans?

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A man accidentally shot and killed his friend in North Carolina during an argument over the Texas-Nebraska football game. Residents are shocked, normally such fatalities in the state only happen over Duke-UNC basketball.

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The Northwest pilots who got distracted with their laptops and overshot Minneapolis are now blaming the incident on air traffic controllers. Isn’t that like Tiger Woods blaming his accident on the tree?

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Tacky question of the day. By the end of the year which will be a higher number – Tiger Woods’ Masters wins, or known mistresses?

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Baltimore was called for five pass interference penalties against Green Bay on Monday night, a new NFL record. Good thing they didn’t get all those penalties when Brett Favre was still the Packers quarterback. The Ravens could be cited for elder abuse.

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Actually the Packers and Ravens were called for 23 penalties between them, the second highest total ever in an NFL game. The highest, presumably, being in a Raiders intra-squad scrimmage.

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The Packers and Ravens combined for 23 penalties for 310 yards in their Monday Night Football game. There were so many flags, some viewers thought they were watching a preview of the Vancouver opening ceremonies.

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A new season…

October 27, 2009

The NBA regular season started tonight. It seems like just a few short months ago that the playoffs ended. Probably because it WAS a few short months ago that the playoffs ended.

But to be fair, the NBA does have a long season. Almost as long as their playoffs.

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16 of 30 NBA teams will make the next year’s playoffs. And at least three or four of them actually have a chance of winning.

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As opposed to baseball, with a 162 game season, and at most 19 games of playoffs. It’s just that those 19 games seem to be spread out over as much time as the regular season.

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This could be the best day of the year for sports fans in Washington, D.C., The Wizards won their opening game against the Mavericks. It’s the first day anyone can remember that a team in town has a winning record.

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Congressman Alan Grayson apologized for calling a woman who works part-time as a lobbyist a “K Street whore.” He said he “did not intend to use a term that is often, and correctly, seen as disrespectful to women,” Which term, whore, or “K Streeter?”

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So if you aren’t afraid of flying already, here’s a scary thought. Just how many pilots haven’t been caught working on their laptops…?

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Former Indiana basketball coach Bob Knight has refused a $75,000 check from the University as a settlement offer in a suit stemming from his 2000 firing. Apparently he’s holding out for someone to throw out the first endowed chair.

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George W. Bush has embarked on a new career as a “motivational speaker.” Yeah, I suppose it could be considered “motivational” when just by replacing you, someone can win a Nobel Prize.
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Senator Joe Leiberman says he may filibuster against any healthcare bill with a public option because America can’t afford it. Bravely spoken by a man who has government paid healthcare for life.

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Referees and rogues.

September 30, 2009

The NBA plans to open the preseason tomorrow with replacement referees. The players are appalled, what if the inexperienced refs do something drastically different – like call travelling.

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The newest college football bowl game, starting in 2010, will be the Yankee Bowl, at Yankee Stadium. Fans interested in tickets are encouraged to start taking out loans now.

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The Yankee Bowl will be the 35th in the Football Bowl Subvision (aka D1), which means that 70 out of 120 Division 1 teams will see post season action. Who does the NCAA think they are – the NBA?

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The Yankee Bowl may also have a parade. If so, a front-runner for the grandmarshall’s job has to be Alex Rodriguez. Since the grand marshall’s role is generally the same as A-Rod’s in the postseason – doing absolutely nothing.

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The tabloids are full of the rumors that Khloe Karadashian’s wedding to Lamar Odom may have been a fake. When asked, 20 percent of Americans said they believed it was real, 20 percent said it was a sham, and 60 percent said “Who the heck is Khloe Kardashian?”

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Sarah Palin finished writing her book – “Going Rogue” -ahead of schedule, and it will be released November 17. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden is working on his own book. And he is almost finished with page 300. Of the first chapter.

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Sarah Palin’s book, before publication, is already number one on Amazon.com’s list. In fact, the book is selling so well that the Kennedy family is thinking of subtitling Ted’s posthumous memoir “Going Brogue.”

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Sarah Palin’s book is already number one on Amazon.com’s sales list. Of course, many of these books are no doubt being purchased as giveaways to be used for political propaganda. By the Democrats.

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Palin’s part of the book is finished, now apparently the publisher is rushing to do the final editing, including fact checking. Why start now?

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University of New Mexico administrators are investigating a fight where football coach Mike Locksley allegedly struck an assistant. The coach could be suspended or fined. Or worse yet, he could be sentenced to coach the Oakland Raiders.

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A study at the University of Chicago says that playing sports makes people smarter. Of course, the number one sport at the University of Chicago? Chess.

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A study at the University of Chicago says that playing sports makes people smarter. And if there’s any University where they should really know sports….. oh, never mind.

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Great comment from Alex Kaseberg. “Wow, can you imagine where Michael Vick would be if he hadn’t played football.”

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A recent study showed a higher incidence of dementia among men who played NFL football. Presumably one of the first clues was “signing with the Oakland Raiders.”

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Out of the mouths of idiots? On the new Jay Leno show during the “Battle of the Jaywalk All Stars, Leno asked “Who elects the president?” One gal answered “Florida.”

Commie pinko alert:

Ted Kennedy would be appalled at all of this bad behavior, but really, what’s the difference between “die quickly” and “death panels?

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Heroes and goats.

August 26, 2009

This first great story submitted by reader Bill Williams, from the Winona, Wisconsin Daily News.

Apparently an repairman in an auto shop found a woman customer had tied up a goat in her trunk.

The goat was painted Minnesota Vikings purple and gold, with #4 shaved in its side. The repairman called animal rescue.

Winona officials are considering filing charges for animal abuse against the woman. No word if they consider the greater offence tying up the goat, or having him in purple and gold with Favre’s number.

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Johan Santana will have elbow surgery, which means his season is over. Only a couple months after that of the Mets.

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In a recent study, two-thirds of college students said their generation was more “self-promoting, narcissistic, overconfident and attention-seeking than others.” The other third said they were just naturally more outgoing and gifted.

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State regulators have launched an investigation of a Southern California day care center after two toddlers were found playing on railroad tracks near the facility.

An investigation? Really? What was their first clue?

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Argentina has joined Mexico and Columbia in decriminalizing small amounts of marijuana. Brazil and Ecuador are considering following suit.

Well, this certainly means there wouldn’t be any problem filling rosters on any potential new NBA South America.

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And one serious note, yes, I do write serious stuff once in a great while:

Rest In Peace Ted Kennedy. I cannot think of another politician who has so redeemed his image over the years. He became the kind of statesman politicians on both sides of the aisle should aspire to be.

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While Obama’s away…

June 4, 2009

Some are worried that with President Obama away in the Mideast, that Vice President Biden could get into trouble.  Not to worry,  Barack has simply given Joe an assignment to keep him busy – figure out how to Twitter.

(and if that joke makes no sense – Twitter requires that you get your thoughts down to 140 characters, maximum.)

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Lebron James has been fined $25,000 for skipping the media press conference after the Cavaliers’ loss to Orlando.    Barry Bonds was especially unhappy to hear it, he now figures for a few million a year he could have skipped all of them.

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Actually, if David Stern wants to really benefit the NBA maybe he shouldn’t fine Lebron for staying away from press conferences.  Maybe he should pay Mark Cuban to stay away from them.

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The Lakers team showed up tonight.  Unfortunately the Orlando team that showed up was more like Dopey, Sleepy and Grumpy.

Randy Johnson got his 300th win today in Washington against the Nationals.  With these historic events, over the year the people who will  claim  they were there will grow exponentially.  Why, twenty years from now over 200 people will say they were in the stadium.

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No wonder Randy felt so comfortable going for his 300th.  The crowd reminded him of his days with the Expos.

 

Randy Johnson once killed a bird by accidentally hitting him with a pitch. Awful luck. If he had only been hit by Jamie Moyer,  the bird would be telling the story to his grandchildren.

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Cheaters and other jokes

May 27, 2009

The University of Memphis is under investigation for “major” rule violations, including “knowing fraudulence or misconduct” on the SAT exam by a player on their 2007-2008, team.  Apparently the NCAA became really suspicious when the unnamed player involved said  “What’s an SAT?”

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Manny Ramirez is rehabbing during his 50 game suspension with a minor league team.  In the best interests of baseball, some are asking that the rehab be with the Nationals.

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Randy Johnson got his 299th win on Wednesday night.   He will go for win 300 next Wednesday.  Which means another  potential milestone  with  an asterisk  – next Wednesday the Giants are playing the Nationals.

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From the very funny Alex Kaseberg.  Very tacky.  Wish I had written it:

The latest rumor is that Alex Rodriguez was making out in a New York club with Kate Hudson. It looks like A-Rod is trying to pull a Capt “Sully” Sullenberger: get lucky and land on the Hudson.

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The Blue Jays lost their ninth game in a row.  Which is making this one of the worst months of May ever in Toronto.   Although to be fair, the Maple Leafs seldom play in May.

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Wednesday night was the season premier of  “Wipeout.”    And not just the Nuggets’ fourth quarter in Los Angeles.

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First he talked about how he and Bristol basically lived together at her mother Sarah’s  house.  Now Levi Johnston has said in an interview that Bristol Palin’s father, Todd, repeatedly offered her a car if she would break up with him.   Proving once again, if you are going to throw someone under the bus, you had better have puncture-proof tires.

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Judges and puppets and other craziness..

May 27, 2009

Nike clearly hopes for a Lakers- Cavaliers NBA final, and in fact already has a commercial featuring Kobe and Lebron puppets.

If the Nuggets and Magic end  up in the finals instead, will they be known as the “Put a sock in them” puppets?

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For anyone who thinks President Obama’s first pick for a Supreme Court Justice is unqualified, two words:  Harriet Miers.

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Dick Cheney has already come out against Barack Obama’s Supreme Court pick.   And former President Bush is still giggling trying to say “Sonia Sotomayor” three times real fast.
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Dahntay Jones was assessed a flagrant foul after the league reviewed game tape that showed him tripping Kobe Bryant.   This could lead to a suspension if he does it again, along with the undying appreciation of most NBA fans outside of Los Angeles.

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Zack Greinke is now 8-1 for the Kansas City Royals.  It’s not that the Royals aren’t used to eight wins in May. But usually it’s the team effort.

 

Sonia Sotomayor, the first Latina nominee to the Supreme Court, is a New Yorker of Puerto Rican descent.   Republicans, casting at any straws in hopes of derailing her nomination, are wondering if there is a history of her ruling in Sharks v. Jets.

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Judge Sotomayor issued the injunction that ended the baseball strike of 1994-1995, which brought major league baseball back after 232 days.  Although the timing of her decision may have contributed to the demise of the Montreal Expos, and their eventually becoming the Washington Nationals.  Despite this,  fans in D.C.  still largely support her.

 

Some credit Sotomayor with saving major league baseball.  As opposed to all those balls that suddenly started flying out of ballparks after the strike for no officially discernable reason.

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Minor league action…

May 26, 2009

Kraft cheese singles is offering a buy-one, get one free special on minor league baseball games.  Does that include the Nationals?

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The Patriots and Redskins became the first teams to sign licensing deals with state-sponsored lotteries after the NFL approved ”  Which is particularly odd because neither of them are named for a state.

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Star Trek continues to do well at the box office.   Though it will now face competition from the new small budget horror film for trekkies – “The Girlfriend Experience.”

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Actually the state of Michigan is trying to license a state lottery with the Detroit Lions.  Although people who are willing to spend money for such a slim chance to win are already season ticket holders.

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Television executives have been counting on a Kobe-Lebron showdown in the NBA finals.  The way things are going, however, they may still get that matchup-  but tee times will be involved.

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The NHL has been trying to work out a deal with NBC about televising the Stanley Cup finals.  In hopes of higher ratings, the network wanted to start the finals 10 days after the last semi-final game.

Fortunately for the league, a poll was done of U.S hockey fans and the idea was rejected by both of them.

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Emerging from the undisclosed location

May 25, 2009

So Dick Cheney, who spent most of his eight years as Vice President largely silent and hidden from view in an “undisclosed location,” has now emerged as one of the most visible critics of the new administration. 

And in a display of bipartisanship, President Obama has asked Cheney if he could suggest Joe Biden follow the same model.

 

One in four Americans admit that they text while driving.  Of the other three, two say they only text while stopped in traffic or at a red light.  And the other one says “what’s a text?”

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Arizona Senator John Kyl says he and fellow Republicans may filibuster if President Obama nominates a Supreme Court justice who decides cases based on “emotions or feelings”   Said Dick Cheney – “What are emotions or feelings?”

 

So one question, as President Obama nears his choice for a Supreme Court justice.  Will that nominee be decided before the Senate race between Al Franken and Norm Coleman is decided?

Okay, two questions.  Will there be another election before that Senate race is decided.

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The Orlando Magic are leading their playoff series against the Cleveland Cavaliers 2-1, and are a last second Lebron James shot away from leading 3-0.   Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Lakers are involved in a close series with the Denver Nuggets, and could also easily have been down 3-0.

A Nuggets-Magic NBA final?  David Stern saying he would relish such a matchup would be almost as believable as Bud Selig’s denial of baseball’s steroid problems.

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Billionaire Tom Golisano says he is moving to Florida because New York has become too expensive.   Apparently not even a billionaire can now afford to take his family to a Yankee game.

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Today is Memorial Day, a serious time for Americans to remember those who have given their lives for this country.  And less seriously but more practically in recent times, to remember how much lower gas prices were the week before Memorial Day. 

 

and finally from Jim Barach,

The CDC says that people older than 52 may have swine flu immunity from previous exposure to the strain. In a related story, the CDC also says that John McCain is immune from the Black Plague.

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American Idol

May 20, 2009

Why do they call it American Idol when it is taped in Los Angeles?

Because the Lakers in games 1,4 and 6 against Houston basically copyrighted “Los Angeles Idle.”

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Paula Abdul  today talked to contestant Adam Lambert about how he lifted the judges’ spirits.   In her case those spirits were probably vodka, rum and tequila.

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A recent study showed that having daughters rather than sons makes you more liberal.  So who’s more disappointed about President George W. Bush?  The liberals who wish that statement were true, and the ultra-conservatives who think it IS true.

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A recent study showed that having daughters rather than sons makes you more liberal.  That’s really scary, said everyone who knows Dick Cheney.

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The Washington Wizards had the second worst record in the NBA, and yet shockingly  fell to fifth in the NBA draft lottery.    Guess the only thing you can count on with that bad a performance in DC is re-election.

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American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and Kris Allen each got millions more votes than any of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s  California special election ballot measures.   Guess the next time California elects an entertainer as governor, maybe we should make sure he can sing.

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This may only make sense to British readers, or those who have travelled through London.  But,  passsngers from US Airways flight 1549 are just now beginning to get their belongings back.  Which is still better than some poor folks who connected through Terminal 5.

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Somewhere in the middle of the NBA playoff season..

May 12, 2009

The NBA playoff season just might get finished by July this year.  It’s a shame Monty Python never were basketball fans.. could have put a whole new spin on a famous skit.

“Still no sign of the finals,  still no sign of the finals…”

“How long is it?”

“That’s a mighty personal question…”

(If you don’t know Monty Python, this won’t make sense.  Not that they ever made sense.  If you do know Monty Python then let me congratulation the Lakers Sunday on their dead parrot imitation.”

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How long is the NBA season?  Even Joe Biden complains, it goes on forever…

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The UCLA Bruins will shut Pauley Pavilion for the 2011-2 basketball season while they renovate their famous arena.  The Bruins actually may end up playing home games at the Staples Center.

Which is rough news for the Clippers, just when they’d gotten used to the idea of being the Center’s second best team.

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On Mothers’s Day, the Los Angeles Lakers had a chance to really take control in their series against Houston, especially with Yao Ming out.  But they mailed their cards to their mothers, and then they mailed in the game.

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The Cleveland Cavaliers continued their march towards the NBA finals, sweeping the Hawks 4-0.  In fact, they destroyed Atlanta faster than anyone not named Sherman.

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A woman found a copy of a script for the sequel to the movie “Twilight” in a trash can.  I suppose it would be tacky to say that it’s a shame that didnt happen to the original

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Barack Obama invited the UNC basketball team to the White House. Not only were they the national champions,  but in his ESPN pool the Tarheels were the President’s first pick to win it all.  Which is better luck than he had with his Cabinet. 

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Donald Trump soon will decide the fate of Miss California, Carrie Prejean.  It will be a tough decision for the aging magnate with the young surgically enhanced blonde beauty….  Should he fire her or marry her?

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Cheney and room for moderates

May 11, 2009

Dick Cheney said there was “room” for moderates in the Republican party.  Yes, but presumably that room is in Gitmo.

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Dick Cheney said there’s  room for moderates in the Republican party.  Of course, in this room analogy he is Mr. Rochester and moderates are  Bertha.

(okay, if you don’t like or didn’t have to read Jane Eyre, google those names.))

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Dick Cheney said there was room for moderates in the Republican party.   Of course, his definition of a moderate?  Someone like Newt Gingrich.

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Dick Cheney said he’d rather follow Rush Limbaugh into battle than Colin Powell.  Well, maybe because with gunfire Rush would be a much bigger shield.

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A recent study by researchers at the University of Vermont and Johns Hopkins University found that there were “no net benefits associated with chronic caffeine” use.

Well, other than the thousands of murders probably prevented every year because people have their coffee in the morning before they interact with others.

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Manny Ramirez, although he has accepted his suspension, claims he didn’t take steroids like Alex Rodriguez.   And maybe there’s something to that based on results… Manny batted around .500 in last year’s playoffs.

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There’s a new potential reality show next year based on “the Amazing Race.”  The first episode would feature John Edwards and Simon Cowell trying to get to a building’s only mirror.

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and finally from Jim Barach, wish I had written this one.
Former NBA star Dave Bing has been elected Mayor of Detroit. He says he wants to address the issues of drugs, violence and children born out of wedlock. After he fixes the NBA he will work on Detroit.

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Meow mix

April 21, 2009

Okay,  tonight’s posts are catty.

Washingtonian Magazine featured a shirtless picture of our new President on the cover.  Yet another reason to be glad Democrats didn’t nominate Hillary Clinton.

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San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom officially announced his candidacy for Governor of California on Twitter.  Does that mean all this followers are Twits?

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Actually the California Governor’s race currently features SF mayor Gavin Newsom against LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.  So let’s see, one had an affair with his best friend and campaign manager’s wife, the other with the anchorwoman of Telemundo, the state’s largest Spanish language station.

If it’s an election about judgment, it’s hard to see which one of them has shown worse…

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Regarding the NBA playoffs,  an event designed seemingly to drive sports fans into watching hockey, you really have to wonder, who came up with this system?.

Case in point, a first round matchup between the New Orleans Hornets and the Denver Nuggets, two of the more interesting “teams-who-are-not-the-Lakers.”  (I confess, I like Chris Paul.)  

The first game is at 1030p Eastern time, 930p New Orleans time, 830p Denver time.  On Sunday, a school night  But wait, in case this matchup  piques anyone’s attention, the next game is…Wednesday?

Even Bud Selig is saying… what are these people thinking?

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And speaking of hockey, San Jose managed to win a game tonight against the Anaheim Ducks.  Good thing too, it was shaping up to be the worst Shark week not involving Roy Schneider and Richard Dreyfuss.

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Dick Cheney has been in the news again criticizing the Obama administration.  But give the guy a break, he’s having a hard time adjusting to no longer being President.

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