Posted tagged ‘Randy Johnson jokes’

Is anyone running Alaska?

June 8, 2009

Governor Sarah Palin is making San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom look like a homebody.

Actually with all Sarah’s travel should we  as Americans be worried about Russia?  Because Governor Palin isn’t in her house enough these days to watch them.

Governor Sarah Palin is travelling around the country claiming that  President Obama is  wasting taxpayer dollars with his expensive ideas. And this from a woman who went to New York and attended a Yankees game?

 
Laura Bush says that her husband feels he owes some courtesy to the new President,  and thus won’t try to do or say anything to embarrass  Barack Obama. Besides,  Joe Biden is doing such a good job of it.
 
As the NBA playoffs finally creep to a close, who knew that the Lakers might someday be known as the “Boys of Summer?”
 
Rookie Marlins pitcher Sean West nearly no-hit the Giants Monday night. But really, isn’t no-hitting San Francisco’s lineup this year like winning a hot-dog eating contest with super models?
 
The Minnesota Vikings have apparently issued an ultimatum to Brett Favre to make up his mind.  Actually Favre is great at making up his mind.  And then remaking it, and remaking it, and remaking it…
 
Randy Johnson, 45, agreed to pitch on 3 days rest today for the San Francisco Giants against the Marlins.  Which no doubt was an act of valor designed to help the team.  And I am sure there was no chance that the fact he feels betrayed by Arizona management had nothing to do with it. 
 
 Because had the Big Unit taken his normal rest and pitched in Phoenix, it would have been a huge draw for the Diamondbacks, as no doubt thousands of fans would have bought last minute tickets and showed up to cheer their former pitcher for his first start after his 300th win.   Thousands more than would pay to see Cain,  Zito or Sanchez.     Nah, I’m sure that didn’t enter into his mind at all…

While Obama’s away…

June 4, 2009

Some are worried that with President Obama away in the Mideast, that Vice President Biden could get into trouble.  Not to worry,  Barack has simply given Joe an assignment to keep him busy – figure out how to Twitter.

(and if that joke makes no sense – Twitter requires that you get your thoughts down to 140 characters, maximum.)

Lebron James has been fined $25,000 for skipping the media press conference after the Cavaliers’ loss to Orlando.    Barry Bonds was especially unhappy to hear it, he now figures for a few million a year he could have skipped all of them.

Actually, if David Stern wants to really benefit the NBA maybe he shouldn’t fine Lebron for staying away from press conferences.  Maybe he should pay Mark Cuban to stay away from them.

The Lakers team showed up tonight.  Unfortunately the Orlando team that showed up was more like Dopey, Sleepy and Grumpy.

Randy Johnson got his 300th win today in Washington against the Nationals.  With these historic events, over the year the people who will  claim  they were there will grow exponentially.  Why, twenty years from now over 200 people will say they were in the stadium.

No wonder Randy felt so comfortable going for his 300th.  The crowd reminded him of his days with the Expos.

 

Randy Johnson once killed a bird by accidentally hitting him with a pitch. Awful luck. If he had only been hit by Jamie Moyer,  the bird would be telling the story to his grandchildren.

Michelle and Barack’s Date Night

June 1, 2009

President Obama has been criticized for taking his wife to New York City for a dinner and Broadway show.  But come on,  Barack didn’t do anything ridiculously extravgant, like taking Michelle to a Yankees game.

 

Randy Johnson will be going for his 300th win when he takes the mound against the Washington Nationals.  Which is an incredible accomplishment.  300 wins.. as of today that’s three more than the Nationals.   (True, on June 1 in their fifth year, Washington only has 297 wins.) 

Jamie Moyer, 46, just got his 250th win.  So means he too could end up with 300 wins,  maybe if he only pitches until 50.  Which curiously enough is now the speed of his fastball.

The Octomom has signed a contract for a reality show.    Which might be the first time Nayda Sulelman and reality have been used in the same sentence.

The Octomom has signed a contract  for a reality show.   But isn’t Nadya Suleman hosting a reality show like George W. Bush hosting “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?”

Some worry that President Obama’s Supreme Court pick Sonia Sotomayor is such a champion of the underdog, that she will never be able to make a decision in favor of the rich and privileged.   How can they worry?  The woman is a Yankees fan.