Posted tagged ‘Octomom jokes’

Once again, you can’t make this up, again.

October 29, 2009

Apparently Jon Gosselin has agreed to star in a reality show in which he’ll date Octomom Nadya Suleman. Presumably there are some pre-conditions to be worked out first on both sides, like mandatory sterilization.


Brett Favre has said about his return to Green Bay’s Lambeau Field Sunday that “I’ve heard boos in that stadium before.” Well, at least this time he won’t hear them for interceptions.


The Washington redskins are banning fans from bringing home made signs from FedEx field under a general NFL principle that messages displayed on signs and clothing cannot be offensive.

Fans in return are wondering when the Redskins will start following the general NFL principle that the team on the field shouldn’t be offensive.


A Philadelphia woman allegedly offered to trade sex for World Series tickets for herself and her husband. That’s a tough one for men – would you let your wife have sex with another man if you got Series tickets out of it? Well, at least that’s one worry Cubs fans don’t have..

Sarah Palin continued her feud with Levi Johnston today, saying he has a “desperate need for attention.” She added that she will explain further on Twitter, on her Facebook page and during her upcoming book tour.

Shaquille O’Neal just said that he and Zydrunas Ilgauskas are the “best centers in the NBA” Well, maybe for those playing the sports edition of Scrabble.


SF Giants prospect Buster Posey was voted the Player of the Year amongst those who spent 2009 on minor league teams. Which must be a disappoinment for Ryan Zimmerman of the Washington Nationals.

We don’t need no stinking SATs

June 7, 2009

The University of Memphis said that their internal investigation showed no evidence of illegalities regarding their basketball players and SAT tests. They also told the NCAA they were eager to have the investigation wrapped up so their investigators could get back to their other job of helping O.J. find the real killers.

The new Cowboys Stadium opened with a country music concert.  Let’s see, country songs are often about broken hearts,  drinking, cheating and trouble.   Yep, seems perfect for the Dallas Cowboys.

Will Ferrell’s “Land of the Lost” had a disappointing opening at the box office.   Wonder how many people figured it was a documentary about the U.S. auto industry.

Four buyers have emerged to try to keep the financially struggling NHL Phoenix Coyotes in Arizona.  Their first job, if they succeed, is to have more than four people buy Coyote season tickets.

On ABC’s “This week”  Hillary Clinton indicated that she had originally not wanted to accept the Secretary of State job from President Obama.  But she changed her mind, some time after Barack told her that, unfortunately,  unlike being president there really wasn’t much of a role for a cabinet member’s spouse.

And Hillary Clinton also said she had changed her mind about Obama’s readiness for that 3am phone call.  Even if when she calls at that time  Barack doesn’t usually know where Bill is either.

Octomom Nayda Suleman will not divulge the name of her children’s biological father, but indicates that he would be upset that she used the sperm to have so many children.  Well, we may not know who he is, but that does eliminate Travis Henry.

Los Angeles has been awarded the 2011 NBA All-Star game.   Apparently David Stern felt the Staples Center doesn’t get enough high-profile games and publicity. 

Actually, the Staples Center has the most experience hosting meaningless relaxed exhibition games. The Clippers have meaningless down pat, and the Lakers treat much of the season like a relaxed exhibition.

Michelle and Barack’s Date Night

June 1, 2009

President Obama has been criticized for taking his wife to New York City for a dinner and Broadway show.  But come on,  Barack didn’t do anything ridiculously extravgant, like taking Michelle to a Yankees game.

 

Randy Johnson will be going for his 300th win when he takes the mound against the Washington Nationals.  Which is an incredible accomplishment.  300 wins.. as of today that’s three more than the Nationals.   (True, on June 1 in their fifth year, Washington only has 297 wins.) 

Jamie Moyer, 46, just got his 250th win.  So means he too could end up with 300 wins,  maybe if he only pitches until 50.  Which curiously enough is now the speed of his fastball.

The Octomom has signed a contract for a reality show.    Which might be the first time Nayda Sulelman and reality have been used in the same sentence.

The Octomom has signed a contract  for a reality show.   But isn’t Nadya Suleman hosting a reality show like George W. Bush hosting “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?”

Some worry that President Obama’s Supreme Court pick Sonia Sotomayor is such a champion of the underdog, that she will never be able to make a decision in favor of the rich and privileged.   How can they worry?  The woman is a Yankees fan.

Manny and the Octomom

June 1, 2009

So first there’s “Jon and Kate Plus Eight,”, then there’s the Octomom, now there’s Manny Ramirez.  Remember the good old days when the most hype we had about prescription drugs was Viagra commercials.

– 

Manny Ramirez is now only about a month away from returning from his suspension for being caught with the fertility drug HCG in his system.  The Dodgers are eagerly awaiting his return, and apparently Joe Torre has personally volunteered to host the baby shower.

 

In the NCAA baseball regionals,  The University of Texas beat Boston College 3-2 in 25 innings.  Yes, 25 innings.  Fans showed up for a baseball game, and a cricket match broke out.

When the interminable NBA playoffs are over, the teams in the finals will have played over 100 games.  And the Lakers have shown up for at least ten of them.

Nadya Suleman will apparently star with her fourteen children in a reality television show to be aired only in Britain.  Which is shocking really, there is a reality show that even Americans find too distasteful?

Working titles for the show?

Fourteen’s Company?

Eight is not enough?

Unmarried..with Children?

Are you smarter than a Fertility Doctor?

Whatever they call it, perhaps they could borrow a classic television song….as in starting out “She’s  creepy and she’s  kooky…”

The show’s viewers?  Presumably those who want something less intellectually challenging than “Jon and Kate plus eight.”

President Obama and Michelle went on a “date night” up to New York.  Former President Bush said it sounded like a nice idea, and former President Clinton said “you can date your wife?”

Some fans worry that since the Cleveland Cavaliers disappointedly lost in the NBA semi-finals, that Lebron James will want out of town.   Well, the Cavs could always trade him to the Clippers, where at least he won’t have to worry about playoff losses.

 

from Bill Littlejohn

Close to 200 prisoners will cycle around France next month in their own Tour de France.  .For the REAL Tour de France participants–finally someone to set a good example”

Yankees jokes – is that becoming redundant?

May 9, 2009

You have to wonder, how many people in New York lost money in bank stocks or with Madoff, but had to figure, one solid investment would be their Yankees season tickets.

Especially when they sold their expected playoff tickets.

New Yorkers faced a tough decision in a poll last week asking who they would prefer to have as governor.  Disgraced former governor Eliot Spitzer, or unpopular current governor David Paterson.  Many complained it was like being asked to chose between the Yankees and the Mets.

One name that has moved up about 10,000 places on the most popular baby name list – Barack.    One name that has probably moved down about 10,000 places  – Bernie.

The new Star Trek movie is being billed as “not your father’s Star Trek.”  Which is shocking.  Trekkies fathered children?

As a political statement, Kenyan women have vowed to abstain from sex with their husbands.  One frustrated man has already filed a lawsuit..  Wonder if his lawyer will be John Edwards?

Bud Selig says he plans to talk to the Yankees and Mets since he has noticed their unsold seats.    Okay, so the guy notices unsold seats, but didn’t notice anything was going on during the steroid era?

Even by teenager standards, this is selective attention.

But let’s see, want to fill the stands with people… what would do it…I don’t know, maybe sluggers suddenly going on home run binges ?   Wonder how Selig could help that happen?

 

As the 2009 San Francisco Giants were shut out, AGAIN, this time by the Los Angeles Dodgers, a question comes to mind:

What’s the difference between the Giants and their website?

The website regularly gets some hits.

From an IGA in Cincinnati, Ohio, from an elderly white man to a woman(my friend)  in front of him in line.

“You know, some said pigs would fly before we had a black president, and guess what?  Swine flew.”

Manny Ramirez was caught taking women’s fertility drugs.  Some people are never satisfied.  It’s not enough to be one of the top sluggers  in baseball, he wanted to be Octomom.

President Obama received good reviews for his comic performance at the White House Correspondents’ dinner.  But really, how can you doubt the sense of humor of someone who gave us Joe Biden?

In Miami, a popular Catholic priest, Alberto Cutié admitted last week that he is in a relationship and in  love with a divorced woman with a 14 year old son.

The Vatican reaction was mixed. half think it’s a major sin, the other half are just glad he’s not in a relationship with the son.

The amazing Susan Boyle…

April 17, 2009

By now most of the world has seen and heard the marvellous Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent.  (By the way, hard to believe, but she is the same age as Princess Diana would be, had she lived.)

Simon Cowell was clearly enraptured watching Susan Boyle sing.  In fact, Simon hadn’t looked that approving since he last shaved in front of a mirror.

 

– okay, this one is tacky – but –

Susan Boyle has become an instant celebrity.  Nobody’s become that famous before  just by opening their mouth since Monica Lewinsky.

The number one-seeded San Jose Sharks lost their first playoff game Thursday night.   Not to say the Sharks are beginning to resemble a certain jinxed baseball team, but they are starting to refer to their arena – HP Pavilion – as the “Friendly Confines.”

 

Nadya Suleman is apparently trying to trademark the name “Octomom”  Guess the term “Psychomom” was already taken.

The San Francisco Giants are 2-7 after losing their last six games in a row.  To be fair, there are only three things wrong with the team  – hitting, pitching and defense.

Meg Whitman,  the former Ebay CEO running for Governor of California, has touted her skills with numbers and budgets.  And she  said today that “”On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is really hard, being governor of California is a 12.”

12 on a scale of 1 to 10.  So what happens when things get really difficult with numbers?

Hillary Clinton is offering a date with her husband to one lucky person who helps contribute to pay off her campaign debt.  And Bill said, “Honey, if you’d just let me help this way last year, we could have won this election.”