Sins of Our Fathers?

Posted June 16, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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#FathersDay is always a big day for awkward family phone calls. Especially. in the NBA, where the response to a “Happy Father’s Day phone conversation often starts “So which one are you, anyway?”

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Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country.  Anyone outside of South Florida tonight not rooting for the San Antonio Spurs against the Miami Heat?

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Whatever happens in game 6 and 7, guess there are children in Africa who will be enjoying their “NBA Championship Heat Sweep” t-shirts.

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No word on what Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will call their baby. Wonder if they’re auctioning off naming rights?

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Ian Kennedy says his 10 game suspension for throwing at the heads of Yasiel Puig and Zach Greinke doesn’t make sense. He’s probably right. It should have been 30.

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New Yorkers are a different breed. A woman appears to have committed suicide by jumping from the 12th floor of her ritzy Upper East Side apartment, and a neighbor, who told a reporter the woman was fully clothed including shoes added “”They look like nice dress shoes.”

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Stanford graduation speaker today New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. So wonder if the stadium banned guests bringing in large soft drinks?

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Sarah Palin on Syria. “I say let Allah sort it out. ” But then adding “until we have a commander-in-chief who knows what they’re doing.” You’d think the one thing Palin might be an expert on quitting while she’s ahead.

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Watching all the best golfers in the world head to the wrong side of par, appears like the real winner at the U.S. Open today was the Merion course.

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In what apparently was a bad mood last night Texas A&M Aggies sophomore quarterback Johnny Manziel tweeted then deleted the following “Bulls— like tonight is a reason why I can’t wait to leave college station…whenever it may be.” Well, this ought to make Manziel real popular with the local fans if he has a sophomore slump.

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What happened to “World Peace?” Miss Utah tonight, asked in the Miss USA pageant about the fact that women are primary breadwinners in 40% of households, but still earn less than men. ““I think we can relate this back to education, and how we are continuing to try to strive to… figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem right now. “I think, especially the men are … um … seen as the leaders of this, and so we need to see how to … create education better. So that we can solve this problem. Thank you.”

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Let me guess,  Miss Utah is neither seeing herself as a future breadwinner nor someone who needs to concern herself much with education.

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You got a probllem with that?

Posted June 16, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

And in the SEC they’re wondering… and your point is?

 

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North Korea has reportedly proposed talks with the U.S. Well, Kim Jong Un has to find something to do now that the NBA season is almost over.

 

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The Texas Rangers’ Jeff Baker sprained his thumb celebrating with a high-five. Well, at least that’s 1 injury unlikely to befall the #Dodgers bullpen.

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It’s a girl for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. The happy parents are registered at “Bed, Bath, and Beyond All Sense of Reality.”

 

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A recent poll found that men are more skeptical than women that a single mother can do as good a job raising a child as two parents can…. Uh, right. And how would we fix that? #Nottoomanyimmaculateconceptions.

 

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So the NBA fined Chris Bosh, who makes over $17 million a year, $5000 for flopping in game 4 and drawing a foul on Tim Duncan. So wondering if the Heat are figuring how much pocket change it will cost them to win game 5.

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If this keeps up, the Miami Heat might not just win a championship, they could be declared the honorary NBA team of the 2014 World Cup.

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Little 21st century quirks. Like logging into Facebook and being told that your friends are having birthdays and maybe you would like to send them a gift. Except that one of them died 8 months ago. …. (Does heaven use Starbucks’ cards?)

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Congressional Democrats shutout the Republicans 22-0 shutout during the annual Congressional Baseball Game.  Yep, just goes to show, in baseball always bet on the lefties.

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Father of the year?  Brewers manager Ned Yost wasn’t at his team’s Thursday night’s game because his only daughter was getting married. But he didn’t miss a pitch – “I had the phone out, sitting on the pew right next to me, during the whole process.”

(I can imagine it now.  “Who gives this woman to be married…?”  “What, that pitch was six inches outside.)

 

Two wine collectors are suing chef Charlie Trotter for $76,000, because they said he sold them a $46,000 bottle of wine that was fake. Uh, $30,000 extra in damages? For what… therapy because you’re dumb enough to spend $46,000 on a bottle in the first place?

 

 

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Oh brother.

Posted June 14, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Jeb Bush, in a pro-immigration speech, said that immigrants were “more fertile.” Well, not sure about the torch, but it appears that the foot in mouth disease may have been passed to a new brother.

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As Ian Kennedy gets a 10 game suspension for throwing at Zach Greinke’s head, instructive to remember the response of the great Bob Gibson, when asked if HE threw at batters’ heads: “Nah, heads move around too much. I always went for the ribs.”

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MLB suspended 8 players for the Dodgers-Diamondbacks brawl. Presumably because they couldn’t suspend both entire teams.

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Major League Baseball is offering a discount package on MLB TV for Father’s Day to “Give dad the gift of live baseball.”. And children of Marlins’ fans are thinking “Who hates their father that much?”

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The headlines on the U.S. Open today…. all about how far back Tiger Woods is. He’s the NY Yankees of golf.

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After “Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham leaked flirty texts between her and Charlie Sheen, Sheen’s angry response included “congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn. your daughter must be so proud.” Wow. You know you’re over the top when you disgust Charlie Sheen.. 

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In a recent Gallup poll, 10% of Americans said they have confidence in #Congress. That many?

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A Boston woman recently paid $560,000 for two off-street parking spaces in Back Bay. Insane? Yeah, but probably more reasonable than a lot of teams pay for a lousy middle reliever.

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Freedom?

Posted June 14, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Edward Snowden’s latest comment today, accusing the U.S. government of trying to “bully” his refuge of Hong Kong. ““My only comment is that I am glad there are governments that refuse to be intimidated by great power.” Ah, yes, China, land of the free and home of the brave….

My friend Jeff Klein posted today how 11% of MLB games this year have gone extra innings….some deep into extra innings. If this happened in the NFL you know they’d find a way to charge more for it.

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And in fact, the NFL has decided to ban large purses, backpacks, coolers etc at games this season, limiting fans to one clear bag no larger than 12″ by 6″ by 12″, and a small clutch bag. Well, this MAY keep fans safer, but it will definitely will make fans need to buy more food/drink at the stadiums.

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All sarcasm aside, so Phil Mickelson, who missed some practice this week to return from Pennsylvania to California for his daughter’s 8th grade graduation, is one shot off the lead in the U.S. Open with a -3 for the day. Wonder if this is God’s way of saying “Well played, Phil, Well played.”

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Police in Leicester, England credit their bust of a pot factory, with seven arrests, from smelling marijuana when they rolled down car windows on patrol to get fresh air when an officer passed gas. Forget doughnuts, sounds like to really fight crime, police need to spend more time at Taco Bell.

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The LA Dodgers and AZ Diamondbacks played a brawl-free game Wednesday after Tuesday’s melee. But reliever Ronald Belisario said of the hostilities – “It’s not done.” The Dodgers’ season on the other hand….

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NY Jets coach Rex Ryan is already ranting about the team’s wide receivers for dropping passes in minicamp. Waiting to see how he’s going to blame this one on Tebow.

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In Japan, the Nippon Professional Baseball league just admitted 60 games into the season that they are using a new livelier baseball which has resulted in more home runs. Once Selig gets this Biogenesis ball rolling expect to see him on a plane to Japan…

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One dead, at least 77 injured in today’s chemical plant explosion in Louisiana. And no word yet on the cause. But just guessing it wasn’t excessive government regulation.  

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Rupert Murdoch, 82, and his wife Wendy Deng, 44, are divorcing. Wonder if he found a younger woman.

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Wow, a TSA agent with a sense of humor. Harried mom with a baby traveling solo, everyone trying to help, and she dutifully shows the agent her baby food packets. He says “Sorry, we don’t accept pureed broccoli and carrots.   (long pause) … only peas.” First smiles I’ve seen in ages in a security line. Including from mom when she figured out he was kidding.
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From T.C.  “The Boston Bruins are in the Stanley Cup. The Boston Red Sox have the best record in the American League. So the top story in Beantown newspapers? Tebow signs with Pats.”

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Armed and dangorous?

Posted June 13, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The L.A. Times says that the Dodgers and Diamondbacks will open the 2014 season….in Sydney. Presumably the Aussies asked that MLB send their best rugby teams?

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First the Padres, now the Diamondbacks. Is a bench-clearer with the Giants next? Los Angeles Dodgers quickly becoming the top team in Major League Basebrawl.

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Another thought on Tuesday night’s #basebrawl This might be the most coverage ever the Dodgers and Diamondbacks are getting on #ESPN.

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So since Newtown, some states (South Dakota, Alabama, Arizona and Kansas) have enacted laws allowing teachers to carry guns on school campuses. (Texas already allowed it with school approval.) Well, this ought to liven up salary contract negotiations.

 

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Edward Snowden says he’s going to stay put because he has “faith in Hong Kong’s rule of law.” So he’s going to fight what he perceives as a tyrannical, controlling and intrusive U.S. government from what a “special administrative region” of the People’s Republic of China.

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Arizona Congressman Trent Franks in an abortion debate yesterday “The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.” Reminding many women again, even if the Obama administration were reading or hearing EVERYTHING you write or say, it could be worse.

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Roger Goodell, defending the Washington Redskins name. “For the team’s millions of fans and customers, who represent one of America’s most ethnically and geographically diverse fan bases, the name is a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect.” Leaving aside the “most diverse” line, “strength, courage, pride and respect?” Has Goodell watched the team play for the last decade?

 

 

 

The latest tabloid turn in the Kardashian saga is a 24 year-old young woman saying she’s been sleeping with Kanye West while Kim is pregnant. Meanwhile, some in America are still crying how the worst thing that can happen to a baby is to be raised by a loving gay couple…..

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Betty White, 91, says she eats a hot dog for lunch every day, and keeps Red Vines at in her dressing room at all times. No wonder she looks so good – regular doses of preservatives.

 

 

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The first game of the Stanley Cup Finals went THREE overtimes. To put that in Chicago perspective, the Blackhawks’ 4-3 win took longer than the Cubs remained in contention this season.

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For the first time since 2005, more Americans view George W. Bush positively than negatively. Which just goes to show again, that one of the truest song lyrics ever written was “Could it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line…?”

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Commercial:. “Over 60% of America shops at Walmart every month.” Forget party politics…. we may have the real reason why this country is FUBAR’ed.

 

“This is almost airline worthy”  rant of the day:   Run a big ad with 14-day cruises to Canada from Boston, when they’re actually two  7 day cruises back to back with the SAME PORTS, just in a different direction. (Boston-Quebec-Boston)  Thanks, Holland America……

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And yes, we are a LONG way from over.  But just in case the Spurs do hang on and win this, is it too soon to trademark the phrase #TheHeatisGone?”

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Oldies but goodies.

Posted June 11, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The San Antonio Spurs actually play like girls. And I mean that as a compliment.

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Last time there was a massacre like this in #SanAntonio, I believe the #Alamo was involved. #Spurs

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Meanwhile, what a brawl between the #Dodgers and #Dbacks. Wow! These guys put up more of a fight than the #Heat did tonight in #SanAntonio.

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As my friend Joe Salvatore pointed out:  “Involved in the Diamondbacks Dodgers brawl :Trammell, Sax, Matt Williams, Baylor, Mattingly, Gibson, McGwire. I love the 80’s”

(Wonder if they were hitting each other with their canes?)

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My friend Jeff Klein points out that down in Southern California, “People started lining up at 2 a.m. for Lawry’s prime rib for $1.25 (the cost of a dinner when Lawry’s first opened 75 years ago). But people get mad when they have to stand in line and wait 20 minutes to vote. What a country.”

I guess the moral of the story, to increase voter turnout, give away free food at the polls.

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Warner Bros has decided to drop a planned sequel to the movie “Dumb and Dumber.” Guess the studio figured that when it comes to “Dumb and Dumber” no movie these days could possibly be a match for reality.

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Just a thought for folks worried that the government will know exactly what you are reading. There’s a cure for that. Use cash and buy a magazine, newspaper or an actual book.

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Ian Stewart, hitting .164 at Triple A Iowa, ranted last night on Twitter saying the Cubs organization is letting him “rot” and “might as well release me.” If Chicago releases Stewart they are on the hook for his $2 million salary. But maybe after that rant they will do something better, like trade him to the Marlins.

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Discount carrier Allegiant Air had passengers stuck on a Las Vegas tarmac in two different planes for more than four hours. At one point passengers joined together for a group singalong to “I Believe I Can Fly.” Wonder if Allegiant then hit others on the plane with an entertainment charge.

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The SF Giants are expected to place Pablo Sandoval on the DL with a foot strain.
Wonder if the trainer will tape up Panda’s foot. Might be more effective to tape over his mouth.

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After Marco Scutaro was injured by being hit with a pitch, and the Giants retaliated by hitting Andrew McCutchen, expect bad blood between SF and Pittsburgh tomorrow. But if Barry Zito hits a Pirate with a pitch, how will that player be able to tell?

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“ESPN the Magazine” asked CB Richard Sherman if Seattle Seahawks have a problem with PED’s, his response “it does seem that way.” Not sure what Sherman majored in at Stanford but guessing it wasn’t Communication.

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There are allegations that in Hillary Clinton’s State Department, staff may have engaged prostitutes. There’s a name for people like that – they’re called “men.”

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Booz Allen says they have fired #EdwardSnowden. And who saw THAT coming?

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Okay, Mayor Bloomberg and his attempted nanny law on large sugary drinks was stupid. But for a bit of perspective, in Turkey earlier this month, President Erdogan proposed bans on alcohol and public displays of affection…. And how’s that working out for him.

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Not so Gentle Readers?

Posted June 11, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Hmm… so WordPress gives me a count every day of the number of people reading this blog. Wonder if NSA is included?

 

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Interesting how so many people who are upset about the government knowing what phone #s you call have no problem at all with email companies actually reading your email and targeting you with ads based on them. For starters.

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Leaving aside the larger issue of the PRISM program that Edward Snowden exposed, anyone but me just a bit uneasy how a high school dropout who didn’t finish Army basic training went from being a security guard at NSA to a high level contractor with top security clearance?

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Really? TSA stopped actor Peter Mayhew, Chewbacca in the Star Wars movies, when he was returning from ComicCon for using a cane that looked like a light saber. They finally let him on the plane. #Maythefarcebewithyou

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After Chad Johnson playfully smacked his attorney on the butt today in court, an angry judge rejected a no-jail plea deal and sentenced the former NFL star to 30 days in jail for a probation violation. Talk about a penalty for excessive celebration.

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So now JaMarcus Russell has taken his NFL comeback efforts to Baltimore. Where no doubt Ravens fans are thinking “Nevermore.”

 

–Eight elderly women who had hired a limo for a friend’s 96th birthday escaped unharmed Sunday when that limousine caught fire. Wonder if the fire started with the left blinker overheating from being left on.

 

Obama administration official are saying they had 22 separate briefings/meetings for Congress about NSA’s monitoring of Americans. The audacity! They actually expect Congress to pay attention in meetings?

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Glee star Jane Lynch and her wife, Dr. Lara Embry are divorcing after only about 2 1/2 years after their wedding. Well, guess it’s some kind of equality when gay celebrities can make marriage choices that are as bad as the straight ones.

 

Got to love it, so “Bachelorette”, a show reportedly about finding a soulmate, marrying and living happily after, is followed immediately on ABC by “Mistresses.”

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Sergio Garcia and Tiger Woods shook hands today at the U.S. Open. Thereby disappointing millions of Americans who really wanted to see a version of “Celebrity Boxing.”

 

Open note to SF Giants fans worried about Los Angeles’ new star Yasiel Puig: He does appear to be an awesome talent. On the other hand, it’s still the same old Dodger bullpen….

Comments: 1 Comment

The Heat is On.   

Posted June 10, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

For San Antonio Spurs fans Sunday’s game against the Miami Heat was almost as horrific as last Sunday’s “Game of Thrones” wedding.

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That late third quarter run by the #MiamiHeat against the #SanAntonioSpurs could almost be considered elder abuse.

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You think you have a tough week, month or year ahead at work. You could be the lawyers assigned to defend Ariel Castro, who apparently plans to plead not guilty on all counts.

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UCLA was the first qualifier for the College World Series. At this point they might be a better amateur team than the Los Angeles Angels.

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Interesting that the Tony awards and the NBA finals are on the same night. One uses statues, the other uses free throws, but they both reward acting.

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Since May 31, the NY Mets were swept by the Miami Marlins in five games over two series. Who knew that the best day so far in June for Mets fans would be last Friday’s rainout?

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The suspected Santa Monica gunman was ID’ed today. Previously he had only been identified as “male.” With these mass shootings doesn’t that kind of go without saying?

And another thought about all the killers in shooting sprees being male. Aren’t women the ones who are supposed to be in homicidal rages every month?

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Meanwhile, in Arizona, a 4 year old boy accidentally shot his father with a gun he found while they were visiting,   Proving once again, guns don’t kill people, children kill people.

 

On a lighter note, in his first inning in the major leagues, San Francisco outfielder Juan Perez caught a ball against the padded fence in Arizona that made all the highlight reels.  Good thing Perez’s opening start wasn’t against the Cubs with the brick walls in Wrigley, or he’d be viewing those highlights from a hospital bed.

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From Gary Bachman:  ” Tennessee deadbeat dad Orlando Shaw has fathered 22 kids to 14 different women. I’m shocked– Shaw has never played in the NBA.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Turn out the lights…

Posted June 9, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags:

Now it’s the producers who were fired. Will the last person to leave American Idol please turn off the lights?

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The NHL Chicago Blackhawks won tonight to assure an all “Original Six” matchup against the Boston Bruins. Of course, for many Americans “Original Six” just means Tiger’s first seven girlfriends.

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For social media fans, an interesting side-note to today’s Belmont Stakes: From the thoroughbred racing rules: “Names can be up to 18 characters, including spaces and punctuation.” So was horse racing the original Twitter?

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Had Orb won the Preakness, the Belmont with a possible Triple Crown would have been one of the most watched few minutes of sports on Saturday. As it was, ratings probably made the WNBA look good.

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My friend Joe Salvatore points out that “Three different horses won the Triple crown races, and all three horses refuse to talk to the media.”

In addition, all three will soon be producing multiple offspring out of wedlock.   Who says racehorses aren’t true athletes.

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A winning bidder paid $1,000,100 to have lunch with Warren Buffett. The best investment advice Buffett will probably give him? “Don’t spend $1 million on lunch.”

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On the Jimmy Kimmel show Shaquille O’Neal lost a shooting contest to a 2-year old. But to be fair, the kid had a big advantage. They probably told Shaq to imagine he was shooting free throws.

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Got to love human ingenuity. In Stockholm summer temperatures can reach 95 degrees, but train operators are forbidden from wearing shorts. So 13 men decided to obey the rules, by wearing skirts.

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The Santa Monica gunman wasn’t identified as of Saturday.  Wonder which will come first. The police announcing his name, or the NRA saying we shouldn’t blame this on the easy availability of assault rifles.

First reports were that he was a young man.  With a mass shooting isn’t saying “young man” almost redundant?

 

 

A T and T is now sending a video cellphone bill supposedly to make it easier to understand what additional things you are being billed for  –  with the note “if viewed on a mobile device standard data rates will apply.”

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Good times?

Posted June 8, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Really?!! In talking about his 2012 campaign Mitt Romney said today “I can tell you the hurricane (Sandy) didn’t come at the right time.” Would Mitt like to enlighten us as to when he thinks might have been a good time?

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Glenn Beck said today “For any role that I have played in dividing, I wish I can take them (my comments) back.” Translation, I wish I hadn’t been fired from my Fox show.

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From my funny friend R.J. Currie “The NBA fined Miami Heat star LeBron James $5,000 for flopping, which is one minute seven seconds pay he’ll never get back.”

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Speech-less in San Jose. Some are criticizing President Obama because he delayed his speech for a minute or so when aides forgot to leave his speech at the podium. Well, at least they can’t complain this time about his use of a teleprompter.

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While Michele Bachmann is not running again for Congress she did hint that she may run for President in 2016. Might be the best news Democrats have had all week.

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Maybe all kids growing up should get a Miranda rights type lecture on social media. Ian Clarkin might have benefited. After the 18-year-old pitcher said his top baseball moment growing up was watching the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees in game 7 of the World Series – “I cannot stand the Yankees, so I was actually in tears I was so happy,” And of course, who drafted him? The Yankees.

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Kim Kardashian is upset with pararazzi hoping to get a picture of her while pregnant and has called for “laws to be put in place to prevent this behavior.” Wonder if Kim will take her campaign for privacy to her reality show.

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Despite perhaps a smoking gun, or should I say smoking syringe, many MLB analysts think there will be few if any more suspensions from the Bigenesis mess. Is this baseball’s version of “Too big to fail?”

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American Airlines is almost doubling their charge for a second bag checked on flights to Europe, from $60 to $100. Wonder how much they’d charge to check a bag that would always end up on the same flight that you do.

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Cleveland closer Chris Perez and his wife were charged with misdemeanor possession after drug agents intercepted a marijuana package mailed to his home. Police say Perez told them he had pot for personal use and pointed out two jars. His lawyer says the couple will plead not guilty and “expect a favorable outcome.” Guess it’s true what they say about marijuana and short-term memory.

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Cincinnati Bengals OT Andrew Whitworth said if he ended up on a team that moved to London he would “hope that I was financially able to quit, because if I was, my papers would be the first one in.” Just wondering, has Whitworth looked at a globe lately? It wouldn’t be the easiest trip, but for example, Boston to London is barely 500 miles more than Miami to Seattle. And it’s closer to Cincinnati than Hawaii, where Whitman happily went to the Pro Bowl.

 

A Texas actress who has had minor TV roles was arrested today and charged with sending ricin-laced letters to President Obama and NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Allegedly she did it because she was mad at her husband and hoped to implicate him. Kind of makes “Not tonight, I have a headache” look warm and fuzzy by comparison.

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The way Dodgers’ rookie Yasiel Puig is hitting, how long until someone with the Giants sends a boat close to the Cuban shore and yells for baseball players to jump in….

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Spurred on.

Posted June 7, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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The aging San Antonio Spurs looked like the more energetic team tonight in the NBA finals, despite the late 9pm start time.  Maybe it works having dinner be that 4p Early Bird Special.

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David Stern said before game 1 that this was “probably the most anticipated Finals in who knows, 30 years.” Wow, that’s almost as good as Bud Selig saying the steroid era was over.

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45 years ago,  June 6,  Robert F. Kennedy died after being shot the night before. Scary to realize he’s been dead longer than he was alive.

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Dallas Cowboys DT Josh Brent, awaiting trial for the DUI car crash that killed his teammate Jerry Brown, tested positive for marijuana. Prosecutors are trying to revoke his bail, and presumably to add charges of criminal stupidity and 1st degree douchebagery.

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On a package of Children’s Benadryl: “Do not use to make a child sleepy.”   Wonder if it will stop parents from trying, or give more other parents the idea.

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The karmic payback for shutting down Stephen Strasburg in 2012 continues? The Nationals’ Bryce Harper now will see Dr. James Andrews about his knee, which is not responding to treatment.

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Chris Christie appointed N.J. Attorney General Jeffrey Chiesa, a self-described “conservative Republican” to the Senate to replace Frank Lautenberg. Chiesa called the appointment “an incredible honor,” and says he will not run in the October special election. Translation, he knows he has no chance of winning.

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Mississippi State’s football program is expected to be hit with sanctions for “major infractions” tomorrow. What’s a “major infraction?” Anything done wrong by a non-major SEC program.

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A truck carrying a tank of 6,000 gallons whiskey overturned in New Jersey, and then the liquor caught fire. Firefighters were able to use foam to extinguish the blaze and much of the liquor just flowed into the gutter. At Jersey Shore, flags were lowered to half staff.

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UNC leading scorer’s P.J. Hairston was charged with marijuana possession following a traffic stop in Durham, N.C. Really? You’re a Tar Heel and you do something illegal in Durham? About as smart as speeding near Fenway Park wearing a Yankees Cap.

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A judge tossed a suit by PA’s governor alleging that taking scholarships from Penn State will result in a market-wide anticompetitive effect, such that the “nation’s top scholastic football players” would be unable to obtain a Division 1 scholarship.” Uh, right, because Penn State was only taking student-athletes who had no other offers.

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Wonder how many of the people screaming about the NSA getting Americans’ telephone records are the same ones screaming that the government should have been keeping close track on the Boston bombers.

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A JetBlue flight from White Plains, NY to Fort Myers, FL was diverted to JFK after a bird strike this morning. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the bird.

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And the winner is….

Posted June 5, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The big Powerball winner turns out to be an 84 year old Florida woman. Lottery secretary Cynthia O’Connell said she took the smaller one-time amount and turned down the 30-year payout. Ya think?

 

 

The 84 year old woman who won the $590 million Powerball said she’s thankful to the person who let her cut in front of them in line to buy a Quick Pick ticket. Chivalry may not have been dead but this just killed it.

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One more thought about the winner of the Powerball lottery. She waited two weeks to come forward. Two weeks at the age of 84? That’s a significant fraction of your life as a multimillionaire.

 

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“The use of steroids and amphetamines amongst today’s players has greatly subsided and is virtually nonexistent… The so-called steroid era is clearly a thing of the past.” Bud Selig, January, 2010. Uh, not exactly.

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Apparently Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch asked A-Rod for financial help this Spring to fight an MLB lawsuit and was turned down. Proving probably once again, if you’re a public figure always pay off your mistresses, posse and pushers.

 

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Not a great PR week for baseball. Now drug agents are apparently investigating a narcotics delivery to the home of Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez. If true, how stupid. Aren’t you supposed to have your posse take delivery of your drugs?

 

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Turns out the drug allegedly mailed to the suburban home of Cleveland closer Chris Perez was marijuana. Really? If so Perez couldn’t have just waited until the Indians’ road trip this month to Seattle?

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Some cruise lines have cancelled river cruises due to high water on the Danube. And at Carnival Cruise Lines they’re thinking “Bummer for them, but at least this time it’s not us.”

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You’d think Gordon Gee, 69, who is stepping down in July as Pres. of Ohio State after snide remarks about Notre Dame and the SEC, would have learned to keep his mouth shut. You would think wrong. At a press conference to explain his decision, Gee added “I’ve only got a month to ruin the university. I’ve got to get at it.”

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JaMarcus Russell may be getting a tryout with the Chicago Bears. If anyone could make Bears fans long for the halcyon days of Rex Grossman….

 

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Former Sen. John Edwards apparently is going to open a new law firm and specialize in personal injury. Well, if anyone’s now an expert at injuring yourself…

 

I’m sure the young man will have a great career. But the Los Angeles Dodgers are no longer undefeated in the #YasielPuig era.

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Droning on…

Posted June 5, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Domino’s is testing a drone, dubbed the DomiCopter, that could someday deliver two large pizzas within a four mile radius in 10 minutes. Considering the fat and calories in an average large Domino’s pizza, this drone is likely to kill a lot more Americans than those used by the Defense Department.

The GOP is mad at Chris Christie for calling a special election in October and not appointing a Republican senator through 2014. Democrats are mad at the N.J. Governor for not having the election three weeks later when he himself is running for re-election. Thinking if you can annoy both parties you must be doing something right.
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Chris Christie has called a special election for October 16 to replace N.J. Senator  Frank Lauterberg. Smart decision. Avoids the political trap of choosing someone to serve 18 months, and at least Mets, Phillies and probably Yankees fans won’t be distracted by playoff games.
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Kim Kardashian’s divorce from Kris Humphries is finally final. So where are all the defenders of traditional marriage for procreation and child raising on this one?

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Am I happy reading about the tax money spent on expensive IRS conferences, no? But a little amusing to hear the outrage from Congress when they also support allowing tax deductions for “business expenses” like Michelin-starred meals, five-star hotels and Super Bowl tickets…

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Adrian Peterson says now that he would be okay with a openly gay teammate. But that “simple things, as far as showers and things like that, you know, of course, anyone would be uncomfortable.” Once again, proof that women are tougher than men.

 

Wednesday’s Blue Jays Giants game is a 100mph pitchers’ duel. Dickey and Zito combined might throw 100mph.

Well, we knew Yasiel Puig could hit AAA pitching. Now let’s see what happens when the Dodgers take on someone other than the Padres.
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Meanwhile from Bill Littlejohn:   “A skunk made an appearance in the stands at Dodger Stadium last night.Scouting reports said that he’s a pretty good spray hitter”

(insert Pepe Le Puig joke here.)
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“Really?” department: The Pres. of the Coalition for Life of Iowa, a witness at the IRS hearings said her group was provisionally granted 501(c)(3) nonprofit status on the condition that its officers sign a promise that they would not protest nor organize protests or pickets of Planned Parenthood. “That’s not what we’re even about. When we go to Planned Parenthood, we’re there to pray. Granted some of our members do bring signs….”
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After a few statements he made at a dinner in December became public, Ohio State president Gordon Gee announced his retirement today. Gee had simply joked about “those damn Catholics” at Notre Dame and mocked SEC academics. Kind of makes you wonder what else he said that might be on someone’s video.
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After #GameofThornes #RedWedding presumably there will be less bitching from #DowntonAbbey fans that the show is too cruel to its characters.
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From Paul Seaburn   “Former Miss America Erika Harold announced she’ll run for Congress in Illinois in 2014 as a Republican. Her platform is expected to be shoes.”

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Better late than never?   

Posted June 3, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

So we have long learned that most NBA teams don’t show up for what they perceive as meaningless regular season games. Did the Miami Heat put the first six games of the Eastern Conference Finals in that category?

 

The Los Angeles Angels just got swept by the Houston Astros. Even Dodgers fans are sympathetic.

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More than 110 MLB players were granted exemptions to use Adderall in 2012. Out of 750. Percentage of U.S. children estimated to have ADHD? Between 3 and 7% Just sayin’

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Someone posted a picture of a so-far-unnamed Taco Bell employee licking a stack of taco shells. Going to be interesting to see what he fills in under that “why did you leave your last job.” section of his next employment application.

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Quote from tonight’s “Bachelorette” about her group date: “I’ve never (before) had to juggle 14 men in my entire life.” Guess this makes her the temporary female equivalent of an NBA player.

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Chris Christie has a tough choice in appointing a Senator to replace Frank Lauterberg, who passed away today. If Christie chooses Cory Booker, he helps a potential future rival, if he chooses a Republican he alienates his mostly Democratic state. The ideal choice, a popular New Jersey resident who won’t run in 2014…. Hey, Snooki is available.

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Another thought about that New Jersey seat. Who can #ChrisChristie pick for New Jersey Senate with bipartisan support? What about #BruceSpringsteen? #TheBossforSenate

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Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins said today in an interview that he doesn’t want to coach anywhere else. “I believe in Memphis. I love Memphis. I don’t have any intention of going anywhere.” Translation, no one’s offered me enough money to change my mind yet.

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Jason #Kidd is retiring from the #NBA. Guess he wants to spend more time with his grandchildren.

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I don’t watch “Game of Thrones,” but I do know that it’s based on a 13 year old book. Judging by the outrage I’m reading about tonight’s episode I’m guessing maybe folks were shocked by the movie ending of “The Great Gatsby” too?

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Okay, this is sick, but inspired by my friends Chris Eisenberg and Andrew Robinson’s posts, how many parents who remember when their children were young would have loved to see a “Red Wedding” episode on “Barney?”

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Dunkin’ Donuts is adding a doughnut breakfast sandwich with fried eggs and bacon to their national menu this Friday. Maybe it’s all part of a “Keep Social Security Solvent” plan. The more Americans eat the sandwich, the less of them will live long enough to collect Social Security.

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Newest game played at #Zynga?

“Words on Resumes With Friends”?

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No one has come forward to claim the $590 million Powerball prize won two weeks ago in Florida. Which means someone could be still trying to get their future life organized, or maybe the winner is a senior who already forgot that he or she played.

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Republican congresswoman Marsha Blackburn says that women don’t want guaranteed equal pay laws. “They want to be able to have the power and the control and the ability to make those decisions for themselves.” Uh, right, what about when the decision is “take it or leave it?”

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The Happie$t Place on Earth?

Posted June 3, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

The U.S. Govt says inflation from 2010 to 2013 has only been 6.6%. Today, Disneyland raised Anaheim regular single-day ticket prices to $92, up 28% from $72 in 2010. Their statement: “Like any business, we evaluate and adjust our pricing based on a variety of factors.” Sounds like Disney should be a honorary airline.

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Dwyane Wade thinks the Miami Heat’s problem against the Indiana Pacers come from the fact that he and Chris Bosh aren’t getting the ball enough. And even Dwight Howard is thinking “Dude, quit whining and play.”

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Kim Kardashian revealed the sex of the baby she said she won’t raise on reality televison tonight. It’s a girl, and Kim announced it on “Keeping up With the Kardashians.

 

 

Thunderstorms cut short ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball tonight.   But think I speak for most of America in asking “Can’t we just have ALL nationally televised Red Sox-Yankees games only last 6 innings?

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Los Angeles scratched starting pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu today with a sore foot. After a week where both A.J. Ellis and Matt Kemp were injured. At this point would it be faster to name the Dodgers who AREN’T on the DL?

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Okay, who predicted the SF Giants’ best starting performances in a week would come from Barry #Zito and Chad #Gaudin? #Liarliar

 

Looks like the Indiana Pacers’   Roy Hibbert will be fined for his gay slur and for calling the media “mf-ers” last night. Not sure how much,  but wonder if Sarah Palin has already volunteered to pay the fine for the media part.

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Darrell Issa , having moved on temporarily from Benghazi to the IRS, referred to White House spokesman Jay Carney today as “their paid liar.” Leaving aside Issa’s own rather checkered past, how did I miss all his outrage back in the days of WMDs?

(a long but interesting read on Issa in the New Yorker, for those who care.   http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/01/24/110124fa_fact_lizza?currentPage=all)

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Fox Sports apologized before today’s NASCAR race for the broken television cable that interrupted last week’s Coca-Cola 600 and injured 10 fans. Wonder if Fox waited a week to apologize because they were trying to figure how to blame it on Obama?

 

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A College Republican report on how the GOP lost young voters apparently includes a line about “Perception of the party’s economic stance”: “We’ve become the party that will pat you on your back when you make it, but won’t offer you a hand to help you get there.” Uh, yeah, pretty much.

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Changing the Pace?

Posted June 2, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

If the #Pacers win game 7 Monday night against the #Heat, the biggest #flopping in the NBA finals may be their TV ratings.

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In a post game news conference Saturday night, the Pacers’ Roy Hibbert used a gay slur in one answer. And added the kind of curse that will get you tossed from most sporting events to refer to the media.    So is he part of a conspiracy already…to try to make the Heat the more likeable team?

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#SFGiants thought it was bad when last night’s game was rained out. Turns out it was worse when today’s doubleheader wasn’t…

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(As my friend Tony Alan Banks says, Hill is such a class act, hard to believe he was ever in the NBA.)

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Colts QB Andrew Luck said “It’s the 21st century” and he would have “absolutely no problem” with an openly gay teammate. (And hey, what Luck didn’t mention. None of those distractions like paternity suits.)

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R.I.P. Jean Stapleton. So in heaven tonight will Carroll O’Connor be greeting her with a big hug and “Stifle, Edith, Stifle!?

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Krispy Kreme Doughnuts stock jumped after first quarter sales and profit exceeded expectations. Sounds like the new Colorado and Washington marijuana laws are already stimulating the economy.

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Nine people were killed in the most recent Oklahoma tornadoes, but two storm chasers are alive despite being temporarily trapped in the eye of the storm and hit by flying debris. And somewhere Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.”

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Stephen Strasburg left after 2 innings  Friday with an oblique injury. No doubt making Nationals fans even more thrilled that the team shut him down in a possible World Series year.

 

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Okay, am I the only one who sees “Tiger has worst nine holes ever” and thinks that it’s a waitress joke?

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Today marks the 60th anniversary of the coronation of England’s Queen. And yes, we’re talking Elizabeth, not the first Grammy won by Elton John.

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg, after Keyshawn Johnson complained about Justin Bieber’s speeding: in their neighborhood:   “When your behavior offends an ex-NFL receiver, it is time to clean up your act.”

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It’s an ill wind…

Posted June 1, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

SF  Giants were looking for a way not to lose on the road. Don’t think postponement by tornado was what they had in mind.

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The Atlanta Braves are reportedly considering sending B.J. Upton to AAA. Which for Justin Upton puts a whole new spin on “Oh brother, where are thou?”

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Due to supposed “changes in the tour’s rehearsal schedule” the July 14th American Idol LIVE! show at Oakland’s Oracle Arena has been cancelled. Thousands of pre-teen girls are heartbroken, thousands of their parents are trying not to admit they are thrilled.

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Miami Heat center Chris Andersen was suspended for game 6 against the Indiana Pacers after he body-checked Tyler Hansbrough to the floor in game 5. On a brighter note, Andersen has been offered a tryout by several NHL teams..

(and rumor has it Andersen has also been named an honorary Duke Blue Devil.)

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Joran van der Sloot, the #1 suspect in the 2005 probable Aruba murder of Natalee Holloway, is serving time for murder a female student in Peru. And now he’s going to be married in prison to a local woman. Can you say, even if not a smart woman, a really really foolish choice?

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Better to be lucky than smart? RB Matt Brown was supposed to sign a contract with Saskatchewan of the CFL. But he forgot his passport had expired and couldn’t board the flight. Before he could fix it the Tampa Bay Bucs offered him a contract. (And no, Brown isn’t from the SEC, he went to Temple.)

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Starbucks is going to ban smoking within 25 feet of their stores starting tomorrow. So the only addictive drug allowed anywhere near Starbucks will be their coffee.

(or as several friends pointed out – coffee and SUGAR.)

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Dwight Howard now apparently wants to sign with the Houston Rockets. Could be a fine match, Rockets fans already know not to expect anything from their team in the playoffs.

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Royals-Cardinals finished Thursday night’s start Friday morning at 314a, after a 4 1/2 hour rain delay.  Then Friday night-Saturday am,  the Toronto Blue Jays and San Diego Padres played 17 innings, and finished after midnight.   There are Hollywood marriages that were shorter than these games.

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Live and Learn. Or not.

Posted May 31, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Retired Army Gen. David Petraeus has a new job as chairman of NY investment firm KKR’s newly created “Global Institute.” Let that be a lesson to powerful men, screw around, be forced to retire, and make millions as a consultant.

 

Arvind Mahankali is this year’s Scripps National Spelling Bee champion. Presumably he won the contest by spelling his own name.

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Josh Sale, the Rays’ 2010 1st-round pick, just finished a 50 game PED suspension and was back in single A. Then he posted on FB about throwing “50 cents at a stripper tonight First time. Got kicked out and she got so (mad) thought she was gonna cry. Your a stripper. Be thankful.” Tampa Bay suspended him for “conduct detrimental to the organization.” A formal way of saying “for being a stupid douchebag.”

 

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From T.C.  “If Miami plays San Antonio in the NBA final, the biggest question will be: Which coach benches all their starters first, in order to save them for game 7?

 

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Not a bad line actually. But Ohio State president Gordon Gee, at a meeting where he wasn’t thinking that EVERYTHING is public now, was asked to respond to SEC fans who wonder why it is still referred to as the Big Ten with 14 members. “”You tell the SEC when they can learn to read and write, then they can figure out what we’re doing.”

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Mariah Carey announced she is leaving “American Idol.” The number one response “Please tell us you are taking Nicki Minaj with you.”

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The NBA handed out three $5000 flopping fines after Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals, including one to LeBron James. $5000!? That’ll teach them. Sort of the league equivalent of a quarter in the “Cuss Jar.”

 

–Mark Sanchez, on the team’s announced QB competition. “‘I’m planning on playing. I’m planning on starting.” Confidence? Or part of a plan to boost NY beer and drug sales.

 

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President Obama chose Republican James Comey as the new FBI director. Many GOP members of Congress are wondering if they can both praise Comey and block him on principle.

 

 

A serious thought on wiretapping, civil liberties etc. Everyone screams bloody murder about government interference in the lives of private citizens. And then when something like Boston happens, we scream that the government should have had them under closer surveillance.

 

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Screwed or not to be screwed?

Posted May 30, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

It could have been a long day when….. you are about to try to to put a corkscrew into a nice bottle of wine….and realize it’s a screwtop.

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Not that it mattered in the end, open note to all morons: If you make enough money to afford seats in the front row for a baseball game, you should be smart enough to keep your hands OFF a ball that is in play. (Yes, I’m talking to you, idiot who might have cost the Giants a triple.

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Although after another rough night  -for SF Giants’ fans –  maybe the #SFGiants would let #OaklandAs move to San Jose.  If the A’s  agreed to scrap those regular inter-league games?

(Say, aren’t the Seattle Mariners looking for a rival?)

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The SEC voted today 13-1 to keep playing only 8 football conference games a year instead of 9. Which could cost them TV ratings, but hey, 9 games means one less game against teams like Kent State, Chattanooga, and the Little Sisters of the Poor.

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The bad news: Two U.S Embassy officials were shot in an altercation at a Caracus, Venezuela strip club. The good news: Their injuries are not life-threatening, and they aren’t Secret Service.

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Wouldn’t be shocked to see GOP call for a Congressional committee to look into the two Embassy employees shot and wounded in a Caracas strip club. But if they do, in the spirit of bipartisan cooperation, Bill Clinton has volunteered to head the investigation.

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Dear Gawd. Several Penn State trustees and former players, along with Joe Paterno’s family, are reportedly planning to sue the NCAA over the Sandusky sanctions. Only folks who may be happy about this are in Rutgers’ AD. Would take their mess right off the front page.)

 

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John McCain, after his sneak visit to Syria, says he is now more resolved that the U.S. must increase our involvement in their internal conflict. Leaving aside how well it usually turns out when we go into the Mid East, where is it written in the GOP handbook that deficits don’t count if they are incurred by the military?

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A woman turned in a loaded semi-automatic pistol found on a ride at Walt Disney World’s Animal Kingdom, and a Florida man was asked to leave the park when he tried to retrieve the gun, which he said had fallen from his pocket. The man said he had a concealed weapons permit and didn’t realize Disney did not allow firearms. Your move, Arizona.

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Usher, who discovered Justin Bieber at the age of 13, told Ellen this week that he hops the young man “will continue to mature” Shocking? Usher thinks Bieber has started to mature?

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Baseball-softball, along with wrestling and squash, made the final three as the IOC decides which single sport to reinstate in the 2020 Olympics. If baseball-softball doesn’t end up winning, however, fans of amateur baseball will still have the little league, college games and the Houston Astros.

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Michele Bachmann says she is not running for re-election. And somewhere Jon Stewart is weeping..

 

So now it looks like there’s actually a legitimate chance for the NBA finals to be Indianapolis-San Antonio. ESPN is ready… to talk about potential changes to the NFL schedule..

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Silver lining department from T.C.  NCAA just announced that Rutgers has won both the men’s and women’s awards — for dodgeball.

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Just Not Doing It (Anymore.)

Posted May 28, 2013 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Nike is cutting ties with Livestrong. Shocking! Nike still had ties with Livestrong?

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The Miami Heat and Indianapolis Pacers are heading to game five after splitting their first four.  Meanwhile  the San Antonio Spurs can sit back, relax, and work on things like their Finals game plan and Medicare choices.

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LeBron James denied that he personally flops, but added “Any way you can get an advantage over the opponent to help your team win, so be it.” It’s stuff like this that makes the Miami Heat so beloved outside South Florida….

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#NotreDame coach Brian Kelly says he is “disappointed” in expelled QB Everett #Golson. Disappointed that Golson cheated, or got caught?

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WalMart announced they pleaded guilty to dumping hazardous waste in California, and will pay a $81 million fine. You know what that means – cutting more employees down to part-time so they can save on benefits.

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Ten members of Congress said they sent letters to owners of all NFL teams, commissioner Roger Goodell, and sponsor FedEX, urging the Washington Redskins to change their name. Well it’s not like Congress has anything better to do with their time…..

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A new movie, “Rodham”, will be based on the life of Hillary Clinton as a young woman. Potential stars included Scarlett Johansson, Reese Witherspoon, Amanda Seyfried and Jessica Chastain. Upon hearing the names Bill Clinton has offered to personally man the casting couch, uh, room.

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The University of Georgia suspended star sophomore safety Josh Harvey-Clemons for the first game of the season due to a marijuana “incident.” Wonder on what page of SEC teams’ playbooks they have the section on Miranda rights.

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Regarding the latest mess at Rutgers with new AD Julie Hermann, I suppose at least it’s a sign of equality that women in positions of power may be able to behave as badly as men?

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The Dow had a record close, housing sales are up and consumer confidence is up. What does that mean to Republicans? The IRS, AP and Benghazi.

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Well, if there’s a silver lining to tonight, at least the San Jose #Sharks won’t break their fans hearts in the #StanleyCup Finals.

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In that “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” department, wonder how long until Royal Caribbean  has a fire sale?

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Apparently when Christie and Obama toured the Jersey Shore Boardwalk, the President tried five times without success to throw a football through a hoop to win a prize. Who does Barack think he is? Mark Sanchez?

(My friend Denny M.  suggests,   “No, Tim Tebow. Tebow is also left-handed.”)

A new Australian study links drinking five or more cups of coffee daily to an increased risk of obesity. Wonder if it’s the coffee, or the five or more doughnuts, danish etc that might go with them?.

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