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Baseball and other games…

April 16, 2010

The Oakland As are discounting tickets to their April 20-22 series against the New York Yankees to as little as $9 each. So what does that mean? New York fans could buy a cheap roundtrip flight and game tickets probably for less than they could see a game at Yankee Stadium!

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The Los Angeles Angels are 3-7, their worst start since 2002. I don’t know if this is a worse omen for them or the San Francisco Giants.

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The volcano in Iceland is playing havoc with European air travel. And here many of us naively thought the biggest eruption we’d see this April would come from Milton Bradley.

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On top of all the earthquakes and floods, now volcanic ash from Iceland has delayed and canceled over 10,000 flights to and from Europe. It’s only April, but for Time’s “Person of the Year” for 2010, can I nominate Mother Nature?

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commie pinko sidebar:

Regarding all these Tea Partiers who are screaming bloody murder about wasteful government spending on things like the stimulus and health care. Isn’t there just ONE of them who would decry the trillion or so dollars the U.S. government has spent since we invaded Iraq?

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And there was a big Tea Party rally against excessive government spending today in Washington, D.C.. Many people brought their families. Wonder if afterwards they took the kids to the Smithsonian.
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back to sports etc.

The top-seeded Washington Capitals were upset by the eight-seeded Montreal Canadians Thursday night, a day after the San Jose Sharks fell to the Colorado Avalanche. Will the theme of this year’s NHL playoff’s be “Another number one bites the dust?”

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Sharks attacked?

April 15, 2010

Th San Jose Sharks opened yet another playoff series with a loss. And while it’s too late to change names now, maybe it might have been useful to remember, as impressive as their namesake was most of the way through Jaws, the shark killers did win in the end.

New San Jose Sharks playoff slogan for their fans? “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.”

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In the meantime for fans looking for better news in the San Francisco area, the Giants’ magic number is 151.

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Scary thought for the day – Tiger Woods is only 34 years old. What will he do for a midlife crisis?

KFC’s new “Double Down” sandwich features two fried chicken patties instead of bread. They aren’t a bun, they’re death panels.

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KFC actually has a “healthier” version of the “Double Down” sandwich, with the bacon, cheese and “Colonel’s sauce” sandwiched between two pieces of grilled chicken. With all due respect, maybe people looking for a bacon, cheese and sauce sandwich aren’t going to be listing “healthy” as a top priority?

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The first braille porn book is out. Playboy has had a braille edition for years, but it has included only the written part. If the braille porn book sells and starts a trend, blind Playboy readers too can join in the great American male chorus: “But I only get it for the articles.”

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Elizabeth Taylor denies she is getting married for the ninth time. Note, it’s not necessarily that she’s denying getting married. It’s just that, like John McCain with his houses, she doesn’t remember how many marriages she has had.
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This next joke may not make sense to anyone under 40…but what the heck.

Today, April 15th, would have been the late Elizabeth Montgomery’s 76th birthday, who is best known for playing Samantha on the long-running television comedy “Bewitched.” At this point, Elizabeth would have been old enough that even she wouldn’t remember the difference between Dick Sargent and Dick York.

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April 15 also would have been Leonardo Da Vinci’s 557th birthday. And curiously enough the anniversary of his first appearance on the Larry King show.

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Sarah Palin has apparently made $12 million since leaving office as governor of Alaska. So when she asks ‘How’s that hopey-changey thing working out for ya?”, her own answer has to be “pretty darn well.”

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Conan, Conan, where are thou, Conan?

April 14, 2010

So Conan O’Brien says he is moving to TBS, either after spurning Fox or being spurned by Fox. And his bandleader Max Weinberg, who was rumored to be going back to the “Tonight Show,” was apparently spurned by Jay Leno. Who says there’s no good drama on TBS?

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In homage to the late, great Carnac:

Answer:

Bengay.

Question:

The public relations problem the Pittsburgh Steelers would actually now prefer they had with their quarterback.

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Ben Roethlisberger has lost his first endorsement over the sexual abuse allegations; he was dropped by a Pittsburgh company that makes beef jerky. I don’t know, guilty or not, when you now think of “jerky”, you sure think of Ben Roethlisberger.

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A Texas man has been arrested and charged with child endangerment for allegedly leaving his 3 year old and 9 month old children locked in the car while he visited a strip club. Wonder if he told his wife he was taking them to a Republican fundraiser?

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Example number 347 of why Tiger will never win the hypothetical PGA tour’s “Most beloved” award.

After his surprisingly good -11 performance at the Masters, anyone hear Tiger Woods say “Well, I did my best, but you know, congratulations to Phil. He was just better this weekend. And he deserved to win.”? Yeah, me neither.

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Not to say kids these days have no sense of history. But the Apollo 13 astronauts gathered for a reunion this weekend, and the most common reaction from the younger generation – “Wow, they’ve aged a lot since they made that movie.”

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Late night thoughts…

April 13, 2010

Although Conan O’Brien was hoping to take his show to a major network, he ended up on TBS. What a comedown – that’s almost as bad as staying with NBC.

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Jay Leno is having a field day with Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Tiki Barber. And of course, what makes them such great targets is that none of them had any loyalty to their partners. In related news, with the departure of Kevin Eubanks, the Tonight Show will apparently be replacing him with Max Weinberg.

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Date Night” was number one at the box office. You know what that means.. on their own Date Nights, millions of women told their husbands there was no way they were going to “Clash of the Titans.”

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This one’s a bit juvenile. New York Yankees reliever Chan Ho Park blamed his awful first appearance of the 2010 season on a bout of diarrhea. Soon to be served in the visitors clubhouse on many Yankees roadtrips? Three day old chili.

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A Tea Party leader said on CNN today that his conservative movement intends to “clean house” and get the “RINO”s (Republicans In Name Only) out of the Republican party. Wonder how long before they posthumously purge “RINO” Abraham Lincoln?

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What’s scarier, the new KFC “Death-wich” (aka the Double Down, the new bunless fried chicken sandwich? Or the fact that it has less calories than a Big Mac? Or for that matter, a venti White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks?

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Hockey sidebar

Hockey fans in Calgary are finally getting to the point of seeing the silver lining of the Flames’ late season collapse that kept them out of the playoffs. At least the team won’t lose in the first round this year.

Some Calgary fans say the team’s late season play was the most amateur local performance they’d seen since the 1988 Olympics.

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And finally back to commie-pinko mode:

The Republican party is demanding that President Obama choose a “mainstream” nominee for the Supreme Court. What, like George W. Bush did with John Roberts and Samuel Alito?

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Gone in 60 seconds…

April 12, 2010

Texas Stadium was imploded today in about 60 seconds. Which was the fastest implosion in Cowboys history, at least since Tony Romo muffed that field goal snap in the 2007 playoffs against the Seahawks.

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Pittsburgh pitchers gave up 13 runs to the Diamondbacks in the fourth inning. This was the worst Pirate performance since some idiots from Somalia accidentally attacked a U.S. Navy warship.

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Commie pinko question of the day

Which is whiter? A Tea Party rally or a Masters crowd?

(not sure of the answer, although with Tiger playing, there was at least one black man at Augusta.)

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Now that Tiger Woods has gotten back to playing golf, maybe there will be more focus on his game and less on his marriage. Of course, there is also that little issue where one of Woods’ doctors has been linked to HGH and other performance enhancing drugs.

Tiger, however, denies that he ever received PEDs from Canadian doctor Anthony Galea. And why would we have any reason to doubt him?

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At a brief press conference in San Francisco (on the occasion of the 10th anniversary of A T and T/Pac Bell Park), Barry Bonds was asked if he was going to announce his retirement. “It’s not necessary,” Bonds said. “Retirement isn’t that important.”

“Amen,” added Brett Favre.

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The Blue Jays have started off 2010 with a 5-1 record. This is a shock to sports fans in Toronto, since between the Maple Leafs and the Raptors, they don’t expect wins in April.

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Masterly…

April 11, 2010

Apparently Tiger Woods let loose at the Masters today with more than a few “Anglo Saxon ” terms after bad shots. Well, Woods may not win the tournament and get the congratulatory call from Barack Obama, but if he keeps it up, Tiger’s at least likely to hear from Joe Biden.

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How little do many Americans know about golf BT (Beyond Tiger)? Ask a random sampling what they think about Lee Westwood at the Masters and I have no doubt many will answer “Is one of Tiger’s mistresses there?”

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It’s hard to believe climbing Mount Everest was considered an impossible quest less than 60 years ago. Now even a 13 year old boy is attempting it. Of course, it’s easier with all the McDonalds and Starbucks on the way up.

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Meinhardt Raabe , best known for playing the Munchkin coroner in the Wizard of Oz, and a favorite at Oz nostalgia events, has died at the age of 94. And yes, fans will be sad to hear “he’s not only merely dead, he’s really most sincerely dead.”

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The 2010 Astros don’t even have a slogan yet. Although at O-5, an appropriate one might be “Houston, we have a problem.

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In Denmark, workers are striking against Carlsberg Brewery’s new drinking policy. Previously, workers were allowed to drink as much beer for free at work as they wanted. But the workers are unhappy with the new policy, which allows unlimited free beer only during to lunch hours. Drivers, who don’t eat at the brewery, will still be allowed to take up to three beers with them a day..

While Carlsberg says they are working to try to resolve the strike they also have announced they have received an unprecedent number of inquiries from Americans calling about potential jobs and work visas.

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In Arizona, a woman may be facing criminal charges for grabbing and shaking a child who was kicking the back of her seat on a Southwest flight last month. Police are facing two dilemmas, whether to charge her with a felony or a misdemeanor, and trying to deal with the thousands of calls from frequent travelers offering to pay her legal fees.
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Frozen Four.

April 10, 2010

For the uninitiated the Frozen Four is the title for the NCAA’s hockey championship, this year held at Ford Field (home of the Detroit Lions).

Some things the Frozen Four is not…

Nancy Pelosi and her girlfriends having a post-Botox treatment lunch.

Anything involving Hillary Clinton and three of her colleagues.

The last remaining fans at a Candlestick Park extra innings game.

The last remaining fans at Wisconsin’s 8-1 drubbing of the Rochester Institute of Technology.

(and yes, who knew the Rochester Institute of Technology had a hockey team. Heck, until a few weeks ago who knew Butler had a basketball team?)

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Most Americans won’t really pay any attention to the Frozen Four final game tomorrow night, which is between Wisconsin and Boston College. Now, if the winner could only play against some international team that wanted to win really badly, and the U.S. team could beat them, well, then Americans could care. For at least fifteen minutes.

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Anybody else watch the latest Nike – Tiger Woods commercial and half-expect to hear the voice of James Earl Jones intoning “Tiger, I am your father.”

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Italy’s Matteo Manassero, age 16, has now become both the youngest person to play at the Masters, and the youngest to make the cut.

16 years old?!!! There are probably a dozen whiskies in the Masters’ clubhouse bar older than that.

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Prince Charles’ wife Camilla apparently broke her leg yesterday. Wonder how many furlongs she was running?

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Former 49ers star Jerry Rice threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the San Francisco Giants’ home opener today. The Oakland A’s thought of asking JaMarcus Russell to do the same, but they didn’t have enough liability insurance.

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President Obama stated he “really had no response” to Sarah Palin’s criticizing his agreement with Russia restricting nuclear weapons. “Because last I checked, Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues.” And Palin responded indignantly “But I can see the missile silos from my house.”

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Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring at the age of 89. And Brett Favre commented, “So young!”

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And a tacky finish. Sandy Lyle, 52 years old, had a great first round at the Masters, and a horrible second round. In fact, he went from a 69 to an 86.

Probably just my sick mind but doesn’t going from a 69 to 86 sound like a short version in numbers of Tiger’s extracurricular activities leading to him being fired from most of his endorsement deals?

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Thoughts between Tiger updates…

April 9, 2010

Tiger Woods is surrounded by 90 bodyguards at the Masters to assure that no member of the public can get close to him. Hmm, if he had done this a few years ago, maybe he wouldn’t be in the mess he’s in now.

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A new study says that drinking too much soda may cause sexual problems for men. Sounds like instead of Gatorade, in the long run things for Tiger might have gone better with Coke.

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Congratulations to Brett Favre, who is now a grandfather. Favre made the announcement and said he was very happy, but for some reason his daughter didn’t want his help in deciding what to name the baby.
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Jon Gosselin is now saying his children are being neglected, and so is suing his ex-wife Kate for custody of their children. Apparently he thinks that his nannies are better than her nannies.

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Former Redskins star quarterback Joe Theismann was interviewed on NFL Radio and said of Jamarcus Russell. “He’s inaccurate and he’s too big. And he doesn’t thrown the ball well.” Stay tuned tomorrow when Theismann tells us that Brett Favre is a little indecisive.

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Butler rewarded their young coach Brad Stevens with a 12 year contract for leading the Bulldogs to the NCAA championship game. 12 years?!!! Wow. By the time his contract is up Stevens might be old enough to shave.
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Whatever you think about Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, she routinely wins re-election in San Francisco with 80 percent of the vote. But two Republicans are running against her this year, and may raise over $1 million, largely based on contributions from outside of California. And the GOPs says Democrats waste money?

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Sarah Palin is now saying “I support Michael Steele. I am glad he is the leader of the party, administratively,” Translation, with him running the GOP you don’t hear so much any more about that $50,000 I spent on clothes.

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Umpire Joe West has complained publicly about the Red Sox and Yankees’ slow play during their opening series, when all the games went almost four hours. On the other hand, considering the ticket prices at Fenway, maybe the teams felt like they were just trying to reduce the entertainment cost per minute.

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Apparently the iPad has problems connecting to wi-fi. Not to worry, Apple will no doubt have a new version to make these and other issues obsolete in six months.

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Tiger, Tiger…

April 8, 2010

Starting tomorrow, nonstop media analysis of the question ‘Is the media making too much of Tiger Woods’ return?”

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This one is tacky – Some say that the whole circus atmosphere surrounding Tiger Woods’ return is reminiscent of the O.J. Simpson case, without of course, anyone being murdered. And Elin Woods is thinking to herself, not if my swing was better.

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Augusta National Golf Club chairman Billy Payne criticized Tiger Woods for disappointing fans, saying “he forgot to remember that with fame and fortune comes responsibility, not invisibility.” Strong words from the head of a club that refused to intergrate until 1990 and still prohibits women members.

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Apparently the Chicago Cubs now have the most expensively priced regular tickets in Major League baseball, having overtaken the Yankees and Red Sox. Makes sense though, the Cubs need to do something to compensate for that lack of post-season revenue.

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A United Airlines flight from Washington, D.C. to Denver had to land with a fighter jet escort tonight. Apparently a Qatari diplomat caused a bomb scare by trying to smoke in an airline bathroom. Suggestion to add to the airline’s buy-on-board list? Nicorette gum.

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Apparently the diplomat will not face criminal charges. But isn’t it time to make criminal stupidity at least a misdemeanor?

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Just how much is Duke’s men’s basketball team considered an “Evil Empire?’ Apparently even the New York Yankees were rooting for Butler.

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The Washington Redskins so dominate the news in our nation’s capital, that on opening day for the Nationals, all the media talk was about Donovan McNabb. Apparently Bud Selig was watching local television and turned his set off in disgust. Which, ironically, was the same thing fans did who actually started watching the Nationals game.

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The San Francisco Giants have started the season 3-0. And for those Giants fans who think it couldn’t be better. The Los Angeles Dodgers are 0-2.

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The Toronto Maple Leafs will finish 29th out of 30 teams in the NHL this year. Many hockey fans are shocked….there’s a team worse than the Leafs?

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Tim Horton’s, a Canadian doughnut chain, has introduced a breakfast sandwich which comes in at about 530 calories. The Toronto Star described it as “packing a calorie wallop.” Many Americans would consider it an appetizer.

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April madness?

April 7, 2010

The NCAA basketball tournaments are done. So for fans of Madness now the best options may be to root for this to be the Chicago Cubs’ year, or for the Sharks to finally make it through the playoffs.

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President Obama’s first pitch before the Nationals’ home opener has been universally panned as not one of his best. But give the guy credit, he threw harder than Jamie Moyer.

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Jamie Moyer, 47, made the Phillies final roster as the fifth starter. He made his major league debut in 1986, and has been in professional baseball ever since. In fact, though he has taken some turns in the minors, Moyer has never once, ever briefly, announced his decision to retire. “Amateur!”, says Brett Favre.

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Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio has been complaining publicly about his team struggling to sign first baseman Prince Fielder, while the New York Yankees seem to have an unlimited budget. Yankees president Randy Levine told Attanasio to quit whining, and politely suggested he eat cake.

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Los Angeles mayor Antonio Viillaraigosa hopes to solve the city’s budget crisis by shutting down all city services twice a week. Which means many city employees will essentially end up working a little more than half their scheduled hours. Sort of how the Lakers approach the regular season.

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Golden State Warriors’ head coach Don Nelson had a chance to pass Lenny Wilkens for the most all-time wins in the NBA Tuesday night, but his team fell short 112-94 against the now 24-53 Washington Wizards.

On a brighter note, by not having his record setting win be against the Wizards, Nelson does avoid an asterisk.

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Meg Whitman has already spent $59 million of her own money on a campaign to become Governor of California. This could turn out to be the biggest waste of money in the state since the Dodgers gave a two-year $45 million contract to Manny Ramirez.

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The victorious UConn women’s basketball team will get a White House visit, but Stanford did get a consolation post-game visit from VP Joe Biden. Although as a Cardinal fan I have to think, darn shame Biden didn’t go to the Huskies’ locker room at half-time for a few encouraging words – the UConn players might have missed most of the 2nd half.

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great line from my friend Jim Barach:

“Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens says he will decide soon on when he will retire. He turns 90 this month. He had better decide soon on everything.”

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The conclusion of Holy Week?

April 6, 2010

It’s been quite a Holy Week for a broad spectrum of Americans – what with Passover, Easter, Opening Day…

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With the NCAA men’s final in Indianapolis, Duke was, to put it mildly, not popular. I think there were more fans in your average Star Wars movie audience rooting for Darth Vader.

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Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski told ESPN.com that he “I wouldn’t have any interest” in the job of coaching the New Jersey Nets, no matter what salary he was offered. And Coach K has a point, in next year’s NCAA tournamnent, the Nets probably would be no more than a six seed.

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Donovan McNabb denies that he said if traded to the Raiders he would retire. He simply said if he was sent to Oakland it would mean he would be done with professional football

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Barack Obama heard some boos amongst the cheers when he threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ home opener today. On the brighter side, he heard less boos than the Nationals pitching staff.

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Senator John McCain said today “I never considered myself a maverick.” For a man who wanted to be in President Obama’s shoes, these days McCain seems better suited to John Kerry’s flip-flops.

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Opening night…

April 5, 2010

Yes, baseball season has officially started. With the Yankees vs. the Red Sox on ESPN Sunday night. So good of the league to use a high profile opening Sunday night game to showcase two small market teams.

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The Yankees’ actually blew a 5-1 lead in the opening game of the season, as the Red Sox eventually got to C.C. Sabathia for five runs and then tacked on four more against New York relievers. Which wasn’t that upsetting to Yankees fans. They’ll just start looking to buy a new bullpen.

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Bud Selig has a new committee to find ways to improve Major League Baseball. Here’s hoping their first selection is “Get rid of Bud Selig.”

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Back to basketball: On Easter Sunday, as Butler prepared for the NCAA tournament final, the team prayed for another miracle – like the referees calling fouls on Duke.

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Throughout the NCAA’ tournament, teams and players have credited God for their success. And today God responded “Don’t look at me, I sure didn’t have Duke-Butler.”

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The official drink of the NCAA Final Four this year is Coke Zero. How appropriate – Zero is about the number of people with even reasonably accurate brackets.

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Anything can happen, but anyone else think after watching this weekend’s game that the real national championship ought to be between the Duke men and the UConn women?
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Question for the night – Which black leader now has a bigger mess to try to clean up in Washington – Barack Obama or Donovan McNabb?

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Sunday headline on SI.com -“Tiger makes low-key arrival at Augusta National.” I guarantee this will be the only time this week the words “Tiger” and low-key” will be used in the same sentence

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Brook Lopez left Stanford early to play for the New Jersey Nets. Winners now of 11 games. And had he only stayed at Stanford he might have led the this year’s team all the way to the NIT.

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This will only make sense to “House” fans. But actor Kai Penn is apparently leaving his White House job. Which means Kutner died for nothing.

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A subtle classy joke from Alex Kaseberg: John Edwards’s mistress, Rielle Hunter, said she doesn’t like the word “mistress.” Maybe she would prefer the term: adulterer hose-bag skank-bucket?

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Happy Easter.

April 4, 2010

For many Americans, Easter is the holiest day on the calendar. Well, besides Opening Day.

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Congratulations to Butler. But how young is their coach Brad Stevens? He had to cut his post-game celebrations off early to get home to wait for the Easter Bunny.

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Butler won 52 to 50 despite going almost 11 minutes without a field goal. At one point many fans were checking to see if there was a hockey game on a different channel in hopes of seeing some actual scoring.
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Congrats also to the Cal women, who won the NIT women’s basketball title game 73-61 over Miami. So what do you yell when you win the NIT? “We’re number 65?!”

Groaner time…

It’s the time of year when many Americans, not only children, are dreaming of chocolate eggs and rabbits. And realizing, “you’re nobunny ’til somebunny loves you.”
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Okay, who thought this would happen simultaneously in our lifetimes? The President of the United States is black…and most of the players on the NCAA men’s basketball teams playing for the national championship are white.

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Apparently Callaway Golf will award a full set of its new Diablo Edge clubs to any player in major league baseball who hits a home run at least 470 feet. But what about those other players they couldn’t do it without – Pitchers. Shouldn’t they have a chance to win a prize for giving up such a home run? Barry Zito could end up with this own driving range.

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Actually, another interesting question about these prizes for home runs. How long before Calloway limits the prize to home runs NOT hit at Yankee Stadium?

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Rudy Giuliani is trying to pay back Governor Charlie Crist for not endorsing him in the Florida presidential primary, by endorsing Crist’s conservative opponent, Marco Rubio, in the Republican Senate primary. Well that ought to help Rubio with the Floridians who voted for Giuliani, both of them.

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From Bill Littlejohn, after Carrie Underwood, engaged to NHL player Mike Fisher, announced that the ring bearer will be her pet Chihuahua: “So who’s catering the wedding, Taco Bell?”

(and I have to wonder, what’s the title of the wedding video going to be? Legally Married Blonde? )

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Hoppin’ along the Bunny trail…

April 2, 2010

In Glendale, California, police officers used a policeman in a bunny outfit to decoy bad drivers at crosswalks and to cite those who didn’t stop. Good thing they didn’t try this with Sarah Palin in town, she might have shot him.

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A twisted thought for Easter weekend – Love may fade, but marshmallow peeps are forever.
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The roughest part of this weekend for President Obama is his youngest daughter being old enough that he has to tell her there’s no Easter bunny. This might be one of the saddest moments in the White House since Dick Cheney told George W. there’s no Santa Claus.
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The White House Easter Egg Roll is Monday. It’s one of the events George W. Bush misses the most now that he is not President. But Laura is coloring some eggs to roll for him.

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The man who was first in line waiting for the iPhone at the New York City Apple Store in 2007 is back. He is now the first person waiting in line for Saturday’s release of the iPad. Let me guess, he didn’t have to cancel a date to do this.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers says he “forgot” he had a loaded gun in his carry-on bag at the airport. And they accuse women of not knowing what’s in our purses.

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The latest opposition to the Oakland As moving to San Jose comes from the San Jose Sharks. I guess they don’t want another team around that actually wins games in May.

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The best thing about all this hype about Butler playing a home game in the Final Four. It allows all the fair-weather bandwagon jumpers to assert, “Yes, they do know the team they are rooting for, and they actually know where it’s located.”

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Can’t yet believe that the NCAA wants to expand March Madness to 96 teams. With college-level basketball play already at its worst level in recent memory. On the bright side, maybe there will be room for the New Jersey Nets.

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The Nets are so happy that they actually have won 10 games. Out of a 82 game season. At this point that puts them only three regular season wins behind the New Orleans Saints.

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How embarrassing.

April 2, 2010

Apparently the Republican National Committee accidentally listed a phone-sex number on a fundraising letter sent to potential donors. And across America husbands are telling wives who found their credit card statements “Really, honey, I was just trying to donate to the Republicans.”

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The RNC accidentally listed a phone sex number on one of their fundraising solicitations. How potentially embarrassing! There are now all these phone sex workers who are afraid their parents might think they work for the Republican party.

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California senate candidate Carly Fiorina was embarrassed earlier this week by sending a Passover greeting to her supporters which talked about “breaking bread” with friends and families. (Leavened bread is prohibited during Passover)

Fiorina apologized if any of her Jewish supporters and staff were offended, and said that in honor of the holiday, she promised to order all her campaign offices a specially made lunch of matzo-crusted pepperoni pizza.

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Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers was arrested at the Cleveland Airport when TSA officials found a loaded .45-caliber hand gun in his carry-on bag. Even Gilbert Arenas said “Dude, what were you THINKING?”

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So what was the origin of April Fool’s Day? One guess, it started at Wrigley Field on Opening Day when a sellout crowd all insisted “This is our year to win it all.”

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Of course, how many people in Chicago think that “Passover” just commemorates another year that a championship has passed over the Cubs?

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According to Butler coach Brad Stevens, even though his local team is staying at a hotel Thursday and Friday night before their first Final Four game, the players still were shuttled to class Thursday and Friday morning. Said Duke’s Coach K and Michigan State’s Tom Izzo. “That’s discipline.” Said West Virginia’s Bob Huggins “What’s class?”

(For four of the years when Huggins was at Cincinnati he had a ZERO graduation rate.)

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President Obama apparently had a very productive conversation with Chinese President Hu about the nuclear summit while Air Force One was idling on the ground at Andrews Air Force Base. If talking from a plane on the tarmac produces good results, just think what Obama could accomplish if he started flying JetBlue

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Watching an ad for California Prop 16 – “Taxpayers’ Right to Vote” – which aims to keep cities and counties out of the power business. It’s backed by P G & E. Why does it seem like any time “Taxpayers’ Rights” are invoked in a proposition, it means big money for some corporation?

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Taking back the country…

April 1, 2010

Listening to all these white, mostly male Tea Partiers talking about cutting all government programs and “Taking back our country.” And I have to think, take it back where…. to the 1700s?
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Meg Whitman is fond of saying California is broken. And her way to fix it is to a elect a successful personable Republican with new ideas but without real political experience. Uh, been there, done that.

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Republicans are all making a big issue out of the idea that there is too much government intervention in our lives, and that the government ought to leave Americans alone to make their own decisions. Which means of course they will be supporting the ballot initiative in California to legalize marijuana….. Oops, never mind.
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One of Tiger Woods’ fellow tour members, Fred Couples is going to practice with him before the Masters. This is one of those headlines, however, that will read better than it will sound on the radio – ‘Tiger plays a round with Couples.”

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Watched some GOP pundits and elected officials say through clenched teeth that they approved of the President’s new offshore oil drilling plan. Can’t tell if Obama makes Republicans angrier when he does something “liberal and out of touch” or when he actually agrees with them.

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Good news for Toronto Maple Leafs fans. The team will unveil new, better looking jerseys next year. Bad news. The Jerseys will have the same old Leafs in them.

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The Toronto Maple Leafs were officially eliminated from the playoffs. In related news, Ricky Martin is still gay.

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Slouching towards opening day..

March 31, 2010

Barack Obama will throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Washington Nationals’ home opener against the Phillies on April 5. If he gets it over the plate the Nats may immediately sign him for the opening day roster.

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President Obama will throw out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals’ home opener on April 5. The Tea Party people are, however, staying away from this one. Not even the most hardened conservative could say with a straight face that government invention could make the Nats any worse.
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The New York Yankees have an ambidextrous pitcher, Pat Venditte, in camp, and he threw with both arms in a game against the Braves on Tuesday. So just how many times in an at-bat do he and a switch-hitter get to change their minds?

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Mayflower Madam” (and St. Mary’s in Moraga graduate) Kristin Davis says she is now running for Governor of New York. Davis, who formerly “supplied” Eliot Spitzer with women, says she wants to legalize and tax both marijuana and prostitution. Well, if she is elected, at least the state won’t have any surprise sex scandals.

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Secretary of state Ame Duncan said in a CNN interview that he is worried about some student athletes who are “simply used by by their universities to produce revenue.” The NCAA denied these allegations and reminded all fans to purchase their Final Four t-shirts online at NCAA.com

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Another reason we love Coach Tara VanDerveer: After the Stanford women won at the buzzer to get to the final four, a shot following two impossibly easy missed layups by Xavier, one of the players stated:. “That’s got to be divine intervention.” Tara’s response – “I believe God has better things to be doing,”

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Wonder why Ricky Martin chose this week to say he was gay? Maybe he figured the news would go unnoticed while people focused on the equally shocking new study that found Yankees players were the highest paid professional athletes.

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The Oakland Raiders are rumored to be trying to deal for Donovan McNabb, but the Eagles want a top draft pick. Shame Oakland can’t make the deal by giving Philadelphia one of their recent top draft picks.

(like Jamarcus Russell or Darrius Hayward-Bey.)

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As Jesse James becomes the latest celebrity husband to head into rehab, one question comes to mind. Will we ever see one of these guys decide they need help BEFORE they get caught by the tabloids?

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Larry Ellison is thinking of buying the Golden State Warriors, a team with consistently great attendance and consistently bad to mediocre results in the actual games. What, were the Cubs not available?

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And it’s Al Gore’s birthday today, March 31. Not to say Al’s getting up there, but Tipper is leaving the candles off his cake to help reduce global warming.

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March madness – chick version.

March 30, 2010

So Xavier and Stanford played a exciting game to get to the women’s final four, which the top-seeded Cardinal won 55-53 on a buzzer-beating lay-up by Jeanette Pohlen. Both teams, however, missed basket after basket, and ended up shooting the low 30 percent range from the floor.

Forget the congratulatory call from President Obama, with shooting like that, both teams played like they wanted a call from former V.P. Dick Cheney.

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In fact, the Stanford women played one of their worst games of the season against Xavier, shooting 32 % from the floor. And won only after a Xavier player missed two easy layups, and Jeanette Pohlen was able to drive with four seconds left for a buzzer-beating layup of her own. This wasn’t just pulling a rabbit out of a hat, this was pulling a dead rabbit out of a hat and resuscitating it.

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Over in the other Elite Eight matchup, Duke was upset by Baylor. The Bears were led by Brittney Griner, the talented 6’8″ freshman who is probably best known for both for being able to dunk, and for being suspended for punching another player. Wonder had she played yesterday, if the Baylor men would have upset Duke too.

The New Jersey Nets avoided a tie for an NBA worst ever season tonight by beating the playoff-bound Spurs. Might be one of the worst losses in San Antonio history not involving the Alamo.

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Shocking news of the day. Ricky Martin has admitted he’s gay. What’s next, Nancy Pelosi admitting she’s had “a little work done?”

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The Tea Party Express is heading off on a 43 city cross-country anti-government bus tour. Well, I sure hope they are staying off the federally-funded interstate highways.

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A New York State Senator, Eric Adams, has launched a campaign to discourage kids from wearing saggy pants. He released a YouTube video urging the younger generation to “pull their pants up.” Shame he didn’t have a campaign earlier urging Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson to “keep their pants up.”

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Apparently the Republican National Committee spent $2000 in February at “Voyeur,” which describes itself as a high-end nightclub” with “impromptu bondage and S and M scenes.” Hmm. And they criticize the Democrats “stimulus package?!!.”

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No one will admit with the RNC who exactly spent the money at “Voyeur,” so we don’t know exactly whose package was being stimulated.

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Shocked Republicans acknowledge it could be worse. The RNC at least spent the money at perhaps the only strip club in West Hollywood that features women.

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From Bill Littlejohn:

“First it was Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlesberger who faced an assault charge and now his favorite receiver, Santonio Holmes is being sued for battery. While they’re not baseball players, does this still make them them assault and battery mates?”

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Wholier than Now Foods?

March 29, 2010

Went into Whole Foods today to pick up one thing, and ended up with several items. And of course hadn’t brought a reusable bag. with me. Felt as out of place as a Prius owner with a McCain-Palin bumpersticker.

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And MAYBE it was just my imagination, but the look the checkers give you when you have to admit that you didn’t bring a bag with you… suffice it to say if they didn’t go to Jewish Mother guilt school, they took the correspondence course.

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Butler, West Virginia, Michigan State, Duke. At this point perfect final four brackets are scarcer than an African-American at a Tea Party rally.

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Watching the Blue Devils win to head back to the Final Four. Have to wonder…. where on Duke’s campus is that increasingly decrepit painting of Coach K. hidden?

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Giglish.com used this joke from a few months back as a “repeat joke” for Sunday, so I’ll repeat it here:

A 40 year old Ohio man has just achieved the first perfect score in the nearly thirty year history of the video game Pac-Man. His next challenge – going out on his first date.
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Love this line from Gloria Brantley-Reed: “Conversation is three women sitting together talking. Gossip is when one of them leaves.”

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Back to the Tea Party, and an open note to all activists. The original Boston Tea Party was about “taxation without representation” from Britain and the protesters’ right to be taxed only by representatives they had elected. Sorry folks, you may not like their decisions, but no foreign country elected congress.

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And finally, billionaire Steve Poizner is complaining about fellow billionaire Meg Whitman trying to buy the election because so far she is spending more millions than he is….

Brings to mind the story of the well-dressed man who approaches a lovely lady and asks if she will go to bed with him for $1,000,000? After she sizes him up, she finally says, $1 million, for real? Yes. I would do that.”

Then he asks “What about $50.” And she angrily retorts – “What kind of a woman do you think I am.”

And he replies “We’ve already settled that, now we’re just haggling price.”

Note to Poizner, on the subject of buying elections, you and Whitman are also just haggling price.

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A couple basketball and commie pinko thoughts…

March 28, 2010

What’s more surprising to most college basketball fans? To find out that Butler has made it to the Final Four to play in their home town of Indianapolis? Or to learn that Butler is actually in the state of Indiana, much less Indianapolis?

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Bob Huggins, coach of Final Four-bound West Virginia, was the longtime coach at Cincinnati before he was forced out over issues involving a DUI and an abysmal graduation rate. Just how abysmal? He is coaching about as many players who will graduate from Cincinnati today as when he was coaching the Bearcats.

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Meanwhile, on the women’s side, Stanford beat Georgia 73-36, and it wasn’t that close, while Connecticut puts their 74 game win-streak on the line Sunday against Iowa State.

Many fans are hoping for a Stanford-Connecticut final. In the meantime, most of the other games involving these two top seeds are most evocative of a old classic match-up -Christians vs. Lions.

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Another in the – “there is no satire” department. Sarah Paln travelled to Nevada today to lead another anti-healthcare anti government rally today. No mention of the fact that her grandson Tripp, because of a trace of Indian heritage, receives fully government paid healthcare in Alaska.

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I’m also waiting for the first Tea Party bus to really uphold their principles, and drive between rallies without using any of those commie-pinko interstate highways.

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A top Marine Corp officer said that he would not want other Marines to have to live with someone homosexual, so while normally two are housed to a room, he would want new barracks built so gays could have their own singles. Which means that probably over half the Marines now will declare themselves out of the closet.

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Got to love it, folks like Diana Reimer, 67, who was profiled in in the NY Times as a Tea Party leader. She quit her job and living on Medicare and Social Security, (which she says she has earned,) so she can spread an anti-government message full time. She has stated: “Even if I wanted to stop, I just can’t,” Even Toyota says “That’s out of control.”

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