Posted tagged ‘iPad jokes’

Hoppin’ along the Bunny trail…

April 2, 2010

In Glendale, California, police officers used a policeman in a bunny outfit to decoy bad drivers at crosswalks and to cite those who didn’t stop. Good thing they didn’t try this with Sarah Palin in town, she might have shot him.

A twisted thought for Easter weekend – Love may fade, but marshmallow peeps are forever.

The roughest part of this weekend for President Obama is his youngest daughter being old enough that he has to tell her there’s no Easter bunny. This might be one of the saddest moments in the White House since Dick Cheney told George W. there’s no Santa Claus.
– –

The White House Easter Egg Roll is Monday. It’s one of the events George W. Bush misses the most now that he is not President. But Laura is coloring some eggs to roll for him.

The man who was first in line waiting for the iPhone at the New York City Apple Store in 2007 is back. He is now the first person waiting in line for Saturday’s release of the iPad. Let me guess, he didn’t have to cancel a date to do this.

Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers says he “forgot” he had a loaded gun in his carry-on bag at the airport. And they accuse women of not knowing what’s in our purses.

The latest opposition to the Oakland As moving to San Jose comes from the San Jose Sharks. I guess they don’t want another team around that actually wins games in May.

The best thing about all this hype about Butler playing a home game in the Final Four. It allows all the fair-weather bandwagon jumpers to assert, “Yes, they do know the team they are rooting for, and they actually know where it’s located.”

Can’t yet believe that the NCAA wants to expand March Madness to 96 teams. With college-level basketball play already at its worst level in recent memory. On the bright side, maybe there will be room for the New Jersey Nets.

The Nets are so happy that they actually have won 10 games. Out of a 82 game season. At this point that puts them only three regular season wins behind the New Orleans Saints.


The Nets, Wizards, and other jokes…

January 29, 2010

The Washington Wizards say they want to move forward after the suspensions of Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. Hello, the team is 14-30. Forward’s about the only direction they can go.

Any further backwards and they’d be the Washington Generals.

(note, if that last joke was to archaic, the Generals are the perennial rivals to the Harlem Globetrotters.)

The Nets, 4-40 (no, that’s not a misprint), now take on the Washington Wizards, 14-30, on Friday night. “May the best team win” somehow doesn’t seem like an appropriate comment.

Even for hardcore Republicans, Barack Obama’s State of the Union did not contain the most unbelievable moment on television Wednesday night; that would have been when they switched to Sportcenter and saw that the New Jersey Nets actually won.

For serious fans of professional NBA basketball, watching the Nets-Wizards game has to be as appealing as it would be for conservatives to watch a Nancy Pelosi-Hillary Clinton debate…

John Mayer now says he has masturbated his way out of problems. Yeah, except for “No officer, I wasn’t texting/drinking/using a cellphone while I was driving, I was…oh never mind…give me the ticket…”

So when is Apple going to start giving out free pink cases for the iPad so you can carry it discreetly in your purse or briefcase?

NBC is ending the Jay Leno show a few days earlier than planned before the Winter Olympics. Apparently they want to fill the slot with programming that will get higher ratings – like NHL hockey.

The media is reporting that Tiger Woods is in a sex rehab camp. A camp? Do they go around chanting “Two, four, six, eight, we don’t need to fornicate?

And from Bill Littlejohn: Reportedly Elin Woods was a guest of the Favres in the past week.No wonder she can’t make up her mind whether to leave Tiger or not”

Millions of dollars and no women in the focus group?

January 28, 2010

I’m not the only woman to have thought of something like this, but wouldn’t you think millions (or billions) in development at Apple might have resulted in a name that doesn’t sound like a feminine hygiene product.

The iPad only stores 64GB of data. For days that you need more power will Apple come up wth the iMaxipad?

And where is the large screen version for seniors – “iDepends?”

And will a version targeted to men be known as iFlomax?

With Kentucky’s loss Tuesday, college basketball will have a new top-ranked team for the fourth time this month. These “number ones” are proving to be as durable as Tiger Woods’ marriage vows.

Greg Oden will probably be hearing for a long time about his nude pictures that have ended up on the internet. But who knew that Oden’s plans after the NBA included running for the Massachusetts senate?

NBA commissioner David Stern met with Gilbert Arenas on Wednesday, and suspended the Wizard guard for the remainder of the season. It probably didn’t help that Arenas asked that it be scheduled at “high noon at the Ok Corral.”

I just don’t think Gilbert Arenas gets it. After he and teammate Javaris Crittenton were suspended for the remainder of the season for their guns in the locker room, he volunteered to host a fundraiser for Haiti. His idea? An All-Star shoot-around.

The following line inspired by a setup from Max Worthington,

“Erectile dysfunction can be a blessing.”

I’ll bet now John Edwards wishes he had had it.

Former President George W. Bush called President Obama to give him tips on his first “State of the Union.” For starters Bush said “the speech is misnamed- there are 50 of them.”

Toyota has stopped selling eight of their most popular models while they fix a problem with the gas pedal. So finally a month that American car sales may catch up with imports.