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All that glitters?

August 14, 2014

The prosecution in Bob McDonnell’s trial has rested. They said the former Viriginia Governor and his wife took over $165,000 in illegal gifts. And down in Louisiana they’re thinking “Amateurs.”

 

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So now apparently MLB owners have elected Rob Manfred as their new commissioner. Which means Selig only has one more major task on his to-do list – how to expand the playoffs enough in 2014 to get Jeter in.

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Apparently there was lot of behind the scenes drama in the voting for a new MLB commissioner.  Wonder how long it took until Bud Selig suggested “Oh, okay then, I’ll just stay on for a few more years?”

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Tiger Woods says he has taken himself out of consideration for a possible Ryder Cup pick. In related news, Brett Favre has taken himself out of consideration for the Packers’ starting QB position.

(and it was almost like when I told George Clooney no. The poor man is clearly making a rebound marriage.)

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A Flybe airlines flight from Birmingham to Belfast apparently made a hard landing this past February when the pilot’s prosthetic lower arm became detached just before touchdown. No one was injured. But many will say it’s a reminder that all airline pilots should be armed.

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Los Angeles won again today, 6-4 over the Braves, despite an Atlanta comeback. But for SF Giants fans, a little memory of torture in the 8th inning: Brian Wilson 0.2 innings, 3 hits, 3 earned runs……Hope Dodger fans are stocking up on beer and Valium.

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Oops, you think you made a stupid mistake at work: On July 30 at an Australian hospital someone faxed the wrong form to doctors and medical staff about patients who were discharged from the hospital. The forms said they had died.

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The original crew of the Love Boat is reuniting to christen Princess’s new ship the Regal Princess. And presumably they’ll be singing “Love, exciting and new. Come aboard, we would have been expecting you, if we could remember who you are again…..”

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Hal Steinbrenner says he is “confident” his team will make the playoffs, but that NY has “got to step it up.” But looking like the only “stepping up” the Yankees will be doing this October will be on the Stairmaster at resorts in Hawaii.

 

 

Everett Colson will be Notre Dame’s starting QB again this year. A year after what the senior was suspended for what he himself called “”poor academic judgment.” And in the SEC players are asking “what’s academic judgment?”

 

 

At New Jersey’s Six Flags Great Adventure, a Iraq war veteran says he was turned away for wearing a shirt supporting the Marine Reconnaissance Foundation. The shirt reads “Keep Calm and Return Fire” and has a picture of a red, white and blue M-16 rifle (He was told to take the shirt off or cover it, and declined.) Maybe if he wanted to wear a picture of a gun the guy should have gone to a Six Flags in Florida or Texas?

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They had it all

August 13, 2014

Two things that might be all the younger generation needs to know about Lauren Bacall who passed away today at 89. She was considered one of the sexiest women alive, without selfies, wardrobe malfunctions or sex tapes. And she was on People Magazine’s 50 most beautiful list. At the age of 72.

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And yes, youngsters, “just like Bogie and Bacall” was a real thing. Not just a song verse. #LaurenBacall. And they both were hot.

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Kate Upton used to be a NY Yankees fan, now she is dating Justin Verlander. But the Yankees are telling her she can’t wear any Tigers gear in the stadium. It’s that kind of generosity of spirit that has made the Yankees so beloved outside the Bronx.

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Great line from Alex Kaseberg  “Well, the good news, amid the interminable sadness, is no comedian is going to die for a long time. Nobody in their right mind would try to follow Robin Williams.”

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So maybe after an open mike night in Heaven, Robin Williams is looking down and thinking about some of the things he will miss in San Francisco. The Giants seem to be trying hard not to be one of them.

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But on a brief serious note, this is originally a friend’s idea but the #SFGiants should have an annual #RobinWilliams mental health day at AT&T. 

The Giants could fundraise with silent auctions of autographed stuff, and requests for donations. And in general try also to raise awareness.  Like they do for other diseases.  I think Robin would approve.

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Back to snark.  Because doesn’t comedy come from pain. It’s not that the #SFGiants looked  bad against Chris Sale, an All-Star. It’s them making any rookie or journeyman pitcher look like an All-Star

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#SFGiants are 7-22 in their last 29 home games but San Francisco still has the longest sell-out streak still in Major League Baseball.  Well, not hard to guess where #50ShadesofGrey will have its biggest opening weekend.

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Shares of King Digital, the publisher of the Candy Crush mobile game, are down 20% after missing revenue projections. Wonder how big that fall is in “Level” terms.

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The Secret Service says it finally caught the gang behind the most convincing U.S. counterfeit dollars in the world. Well, the most convincing dollars that we KNOW are counterfeit.

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NASCAR driver Brad Keselowski said it would be almost impossible for NASCAR to keep drivers from exiting their cars on the track, even with a new rule forbidding it except in case of possible fire. Uh, suspension for the next race? Problem solved.

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The NFL gave Cowboys CB Orlando Scandrick a 4 game suspension for testing positive for Ecstasy. Scandrick’s defense is that his ex-girlfriend persuaded him to add something he didn’t realize was on the banned list into a cocktail. Amazing. All these guys somehow manage to memorize a playbook, but they can’t keep track of a simple list of drugs

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Facebook message. “add your phone number to help secure your account.” Right, and of course FB would never use your phone number in any way for marketing etc…..

 

 

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Gooooood Morning, Heaven.

August 11, 2014

The world is kind of a depressing mess right now – Iraq, the Ukraine, Gaza…. So maybe at some point even God just said “We need the best comedian in the world up here pronto.”

 

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And yes, the news today just sucked.  Robin Williams, dead at 63.  A suicide.   Apparently making millions of people laugh on a regular basis wasn’t enough to keep away his own tears.

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Some are already putting Robin Williams’ suicide down to drugs or alcohol. But a very smart psychologist in training I know made a very good point – “The scary thing about going sober when you’re depressed or bipolar. It’s a lot harder to cope with the pain.”

 

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It somehow would be easier to take if Robin Williams’ were an accidental overdose, a single car accident,  some random chance. Because then it would be horrible luck.  Instead of perhaps the funniest man of our time being unable to imagine a reason to smile any longer.

 

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Robin Williams- the Golf skit. This is one of those that it was always hard to watch without laughing so hard you cried. Even harder today. (note, adult language, so be careful playing this at work.) http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8e441c0a24/robin-williams-drunk-scotsman-invents-golf-from-dirttron

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And now because the show must go on…  Even the little shows.

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Rory McIlroy said this weekend that breaking up with Caroline Wozniacki “has been for the better in terms of my golf.” So maybe before he was nervous about being with an athletic woman who might have much better aim with a golf club than Elin Nordegren?

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Pitcher Mo’ne Davis who will play in the Little League World Series, throws a 70 MPH fastball. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.

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Ryder Cup captain Tom Watson said today is Tiger Woods is still a possibility “It’s really going to have to come from him. I don’t make this comment loosely. He is Tiger Woods and he brings a lot to the team if he has the ability to play and he is healthy. And I would be a fool not to consider him.” Translation. “And if I don’t consider him, I’ll really be on NBC’s sh*t list.”

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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, 71, says that the pictures of him with strippers are five years old, and a “misrepresentation.” “Misrepresentation” how, that Jones is now too old for even strippers to cuddle publicly?

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Two Steubenville Ohio football players were convicted last year of raping a 16-year-old girl at a party in August 2012. Now, WR Ma’lik Richmond, is free after serving a one-year sentence in a juvenile facility. And he is back on the high school football team. No joke. Sounds like Richmond is already prepared for big time college football and the NFL..

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A Polish couple touring Portugal died this weekend when they fell while trying to take a selfie with their children on top of a cliff. (The kids were not harmed) Sad. But the saddest thing, since they had already reproduced this wasn’t a Darwin Award.

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Up in the air.

August 10, 2014

Two dozen people were stuck at the top of the “Joker’s Jinx” roller coaster at Six Flags America in Maryland. All were rescued unharmed, but after several hours. So the ride may be closed for a while. If for no other reason than to clean the seats.

 

At least two people were arrested for fighting in an autograph line for FSU QB Jameis Winston. Although if they end up in jail, at least the folks have a chance to meet other football players.

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The Angels and Red Sox go 19 last night, the Blue Jays and Tigers go 19 today. Wow. These games lasted longer than the Cubs’ pennant hopes.

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Never heard much about the movie “Draft Day.” But an excellent airplane movie. And to my mind a lot more fun to watch than pre-season football.

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In Northern California, a hunter was shot in a hunting accident and airlifted to a hospital. If only he had been armed.

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It’s a different world across the pond. England already has much tougher gun laws (and far fewer murders and accidental killings) than the U.S. But now there are proposed laws to require mandatory jail for anyone convicted twice of offences involving knives. And these laws passed overwhelming in the House of Commons and appear to have strong public support.

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Great quote from Sayeeda Warsi, who just resigned from the Conservative Cabinet in England over Gaza: “Some of the bitchiest women I’ve ever met are the men in politics.”

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40 years ago this weekend,  Nixon resigned. The younger generation may find it hard to believe, but there was actually a time when we were shocked to learn that our leaders could be crooks.

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Ray Allen apparently plans to play in the NBA next season instead of retiring. Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “Wow, that dude is OLD.”

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Donald Sterling, Dan Snyder, Michael Vick etc, almost had some real competition for the most-hated men in sports. As of Sunday morning,  Tony Stewart planned to race as scheduled at Watkins Glen, and Greg Zipadelli, Stewart-Haas Racing competition director said “We’re business as usual today.”

A cooler head did prevail. Alas too late for Kevin Ward.

 

It’s going to be a while before the official investigation of the death of Kevin Ward, Jr. on the track last night is completed. One thing seems pretty sure, however, a contributory cause of death on both sides was testosterone poisoning.

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The pain, the pain

August 9, 2014

And we think the 1% have no problems:. This tweet from golfer Ian Poulter: ‘Booked 6 business seats for my wife & nanny to fly home and British Airways downgrade my nanny so katie has no help for 10 hours with 4 kids.” Tragic, really.

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Get out more violins. Former Illinois Congressman Bobby Schilling, who made $174,000 a year for the 2 years he served in the house,, and over $100,000 in 2013 is running again. And Schilling is running against Obamacare saying “the folks that are living paycheck-to-paycheck, which is most Americans, including myself, is that, you know, this is not something that you want to be putting out when you’ve got a kid that wants to play sports or you want to take a trip for vacation.”

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With all the problems in the world right now, some criticize President Obama for still planning to take his 2 week vacation. Guess they’d prefer him to stay in Washington to do more things wrong?

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Kim Kardashian is putting out a book of “selfies” titled “Selfish” – Kim Kardashian. Isn’t that redundant?

 

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LeBron James – on staying in Cleveland long term- “”I don’t plan on going nowhere. I don’t have the energy to do it again.” Well, and another round of jersey burnings would be very bad for the environment.

 

 

Two women planning to be married in Pennsylvania were told by a bridal shop that they do not serve same-sex couples. The owner, Victoria Miller, told a reporter “We feel we have to answer to God for what we do, And providing those two girls dresses for a sanctified marriage would break God’s law.” Just wondering, does the owner also ask for proof of virginity with her heterosexual couples? And presume she only does second marriages for widows and widowers..

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And really, for a proper wedding, do you really want to potentially alienate all the florists, hairdressers, makeup artists and wait staff?

 

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In Oklahoma, a new teacher was arrested when she showed up on the first day of school, allegedly intoxicated and not wearing pants. Usually it takes a few weeks for a class to drive their teacher to drink.

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A behind by any other name?

August 8, 2014

College instructors now use plagiarism software that can detect passages taken directly from the internet. So some students have taken to using “synonym swapping” to change phrases. At Middlesex University in England, however, a student was caught when he changed the words “left behind” to “sinister buttocks.”

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A judge ruled today that the NCAA is violating antitrust laws by restricting the compensation that major college football and men’s basketball athletes can receive for use of their names, images and likeness. So in the SEC and at USC, does this just mean athlete pay goes from under to on the table?

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Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby on the NCAA allowing power conferences to set their own rules. “This (vote) is about higher education.” And he said it with a straight face.

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A toddler apparently got past security and through the White House fence yesterday. He was returned safely to his parents. Though President Obama probably had a more mature interaction with the boy than he has had with Congress.

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In Missouri, the CEO of Windemere Baptist Conference center was arrested for allegedly trying to arrange sex with a dog and an unnamed other animal on Craigslist. Hmm, when some of these anti-gay marriage folks are saying it will lead to people wanting to marry their pets, are they speaking from experience?

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Putin has decided to ban imports of many foods from EU members, the US and Canada into Russia, including meat, fish, cheese, fruits and vegetables. Whiskey, on the other hand, is exempt. #priorities.

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New backup 49ers QB Blaine Gabbert had a 1.7 passer rating in his debut preseason appearance. (3 of 11 for 20 yards.) Well, Tim Tebow is available….

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Seahawks CB Tharold Simon was ejected from the team’s first pre-season game for throwing a punch at one of the Broncos. Is Simon trying to get traded to the Ravens?

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As Hurricane Iselle swept through Hawaii, many surfers took to the waves. Alas for the long term betterment of humankind, there appear to have been no Darwin Awards.

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President Obama ordered U.S. jet fighters to strike ISIS militants in Iraq. This has to be a real problem for many in the GOP. How do they criticize Obama for bombing someone?

 

 

Headline on ESPN “Team USA adds Gay to roster.” Just waiting for the first moron to scream about a homosexual agenda.

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Breakaway

August 7, 2014

On September 18, Scotland will vote on whether they want to remain part of the United Kingdom, or become independent. Any chance we can get Florida, Arizona or Texas to have a similar referendum in the U.S.?

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ESPN is reporting that MLB officials are now trying to get names of more players who bought PEDs from the DEA and U.S. Attorney’s office in Southern Florida, Helluva job with the drug testing program, Selig.

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Former #1 NBA draft pick Greg Oden has been arrested for allegedly punching a woman in the face. And at ESPN presume they already duct-taped Stephen A. Smith’s mouth?

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The NCAA Division I board of directors today voted to allow the 65 schools in the top five conferences to write many of their own rules. Uh,haven’t those schools been doing that for decades?

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New jobless claims have fallen to an eight-year low. I blame Obama.

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Waiting for the sign “Hunter Pence still has a Blackberry. “. Because I love Pence, and my Blackberry. #SFGiants #dinosaurs

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The NY Mets gave away a toy truck as a promotion, and at least some of the trucks had the Phillies logo. Wow. Although this year the Phillies are one of the few teams that aspires to be the Mets.

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Troy Tulowitzki, upset about the Rockies losing: “Something needs to change. Hopefully that comes fairly quickly.”. Is he asking to be traded?

 

Zynga announced today that they have signed Tiger Woods for a series of video games for mobile devices. The games will presumably have a disclaimer now that they may suddenly stop working, especially on Saturday and Sunday.

 

An Ohio state senator wants the Cleveland Indians to drop their name and mascot, saying they’re “racially insensitive.” Now the word “Indians” itself is pretty nonjudgmental. Is it the name that’s offensive, or the way they play on the field?

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A former NFL QB will be a contestant on “The Biggest Loser.” Alas, it’s Scott Mitchell. So much for the JaMarcus Russell and Mark Sanchez jokes

 

The NRA has apparently taken down a video on its site where a commentator argued ““Every law-abiding, blind individual should be able to have whatever guns they want. And if you disagree with that statement or you haven’t thought it all the way through, you don’t take your rights seriously enough. Do you think because they’re blind that they’re going to start shooting in every direction and kill everyone?” And even the Onion is saying “Nah, we don’t want the video. Too unbelievable.”

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Hold that plunger?

August 6, 2014

The Oakland A’s have apparently approached an architect about building a new stadium on their current Coliseum site. Which would presumably mean the team would need an alternate location for a year or two. Considering how well their relations with the SF Giants have been going have the A’s thought about asking for a hold on that demolition of Candlestick?

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Dan Snyder sensitivity award for the day goes to former Washington kicker Mark Moseley. Who says of the team name – “No red men have said anything derogatory to me about it.”

(my dad suggests changing the name to the “Washington Americans.”   As a way to offend everyone.)

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Jack Nicklaus on Rory McIlroy: “I think Rory has an opportunity to win 15 or 20 majors… But you just don’t know what the guy’s priorities are going to be in life 10 years from now.” Possible translation, “can he keep it zipped?”

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The director of “Frozen” will adapt “A Wrinkle in Time” for Disney. Mostly a cool thing. A whole new generation will learn about a “Tesseract.” And would like to see what Disney does with the Mrs. Ws, the Happy Medium, and Aunt Beast. But they’d better not turn Meg into a princess!

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No injuries were reported when a United flight from Newark to Brussels made an emergency landing after a small fire in the galley. Shocking. A U.S. airline still actually cooks something in their galley?

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The odds are out for NFL Week 1 Preseason games. And if you really care, you just might have a gambling problem.

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The #SJSharks and #LAKings will match up at Levi’s Stadium Feb 21 for the first outdoor NHL game in Northern California. But wouldn’t a more appropriate venue have been Candlestick Park?.

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While on a panel with Roger Goodell, John Madden said that he did not think 6, 7 and 8 year olds should be playing tackle football. But Goodell responded that HE had started playing tackle football when he was 7. Might explain a lot

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#TigerWoods has announced he will play in the #PGAChampionship . Well for Thursday and Friday anyway.

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Supermodel Chrissy Teigen, who says she was “pretty drunk”, threw out a pretty decent first pitch at last night’s Dodgers game. Maybe they should start stockpiling beer in the Rockies bullpen.

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NBC Senior White House Correspondent Chris Jansing today, talking about Obama at the U.S.-Africa Leaders Summit. “Yeah, the fact that he’s from Kenya, and the fact that when he was elected there were expectations on the African continent that he would do great things for them.” Is Jansing angling for a job with FOX News?
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2 RBIs for Michael Morse in first is 25% of his RBI total for the past two months #SFGiants.
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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Cleveland Browns receiver Josh Gordon has claimed that he has passed at least 70 drug tests. “Problem is, he’s taken more than 1,000.”

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Decisions, decisions.

August 4, 2014

The Green Bay Packers scheduled  an announcement Monday regarding Brett Favre and the Packers Hall of Fame. Although if they really wanted to honor Favre they will change their mind about the announcement and reschedule it later.

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Yesterday at Penn Station, Amtrak accidentally sent over 200 passengers to the wrong platform and an Acela train headed for Washington without them. Even U.S. airlines were impressed.

 

Wonder what kind of odds you could have gotten in 2008 that Jack Nicklaus would hold off #TigerWoods for the lead with the most golf majors?

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In Hewitt, Texas, a firearms instructor for the Police Department will miss at least two months of work after shooting himself in the hand. He was trying to teach family members how to clear the chamber of a jammed semi-automatic pistol. Raising the question, how do you stop a stupid good guy with a gun?

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One of the anti-immigrant lines in the U.S. these days is about immigrants taking American jobs. Wonder why none of these folks has a problem with one of the only 100 positions in the U.S. Senate being taken in Texas by a man from Canada.

 

Arizona 1st baseman Paul Goldschmidt’s fractured left hand probably means he will miss the rest of the season. Except maybe for a couple Giants-Dbacks games. Even one-handed Goldschmidt probably can hit .500 against Tim Lincecum.

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Random scary thought if you are an MLB team with World Series aspirations. Right now the #5 starter on the Detroit Tigers is Justin Verlander.

 

Opening night at Levi’s Stadium, an MLS game, featured traffic gridlock, technology problems, and not enough parking. A little scary for season ticket holders and potential ticket re-sellers. But potentially great news for the NFL network

 

Apparently Prince Charles is “furious” about a new book coming out by a former Buckingham Palace press officer that supposedly will expose marital secrets between him and Diana. Shocking. There are any secrets about that mess of a marriage left?

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Say my name?

July 31, 2014

Assume Fenway Park  just got shipment of “Hi, My Name Is…” stickers for #RedSox clubhouse.

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Two older men armed with a semi-automatic & a handgun held up a Chicago pharmacy for Viagra. Movie to be titled “Die Hard, the Final Sequel.

 

 

Bad news for the #SFGIants. No trades. Good news for the #SFGiants. The #Dodgers didn’t get Price.

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Some strong teams got stronger today. Although before we engrave the trophies, remembering that maybe the best team I ever saw regularly was the 1993 #SFGiants.

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The Oakland A’s traded #Cespedes to the #Redsox for Jon Lester.  Might  be time for Boston to reinforce the Green Monster.

 

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Since #Cespedes is now a member of the #Redsox ESPN announcers will have to learn to pronounce his name for all those #Yankees games.

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From Marc Ragovin;  “Dan Uggla made three errors in only four games with the Giants? “Amateur,” said the NY Mets’ Daniel Murphy.”

 

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Israel and Gaza have accepted a 72-hour ceasefire. Okay, so it’s not much. But it’s longer than several celebrity marriages.

 

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House Republicans cancelled a vote on their OWN immigration bill because they couldn’t agree among themselves about it Waiting to see how they blame this on Obama.

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The House couldn’t get it together to vote on their own immigration bill but they found time for a resolution allowing Boehner to sue Obama. #priorities.

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Whole Foods stock fell about 2% after the store reported lower than expected earnings. Guessing those expensive grocery prices from yesterday will look like bargains tomorrow.

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Congress has headed off for a five-week summer “recess.” I’m confused, isn’t recess what you get at school as a break from actually learning something?

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From T.C.  “86 year old Dodgers announcer Vin Scully has signed on for another year; his 66th.  Vinny doesn’t travel with the team for the East Coast trips anymore. The team is afraid he may have a senior moment and start looking for Ebbets Field.”

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Ray Rice had an apologetic press conference today, using terms like ‘inexcusable” “biggest mistake of my life,” and talked about how he knew his 2 year old daughter would read about it some day. No idea if he really is contrite and if the domestic violence will be a “one-time incident,” but Rice does seem to be handling it better than the NFL, the Ravens and Stephen A. Smith.

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And regarding the Ray Rice situation. It’s not about what he said, and yes, he said all the right things and maybe he gets it. And yes, maybe he and his now-wife were both drunk. Not the point. And PC is not the point. The point is that his light NFL suspension, and Stephen A Smith’s comments, send a message. A message of mitigating circumstances. And “mitigating circumstances” is NEVER the message you want to send women and potential abusers.

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A good kid with a gun?

July 30, 2014

A Florida mother has been arrested for letting her seven-year-old son walk to a local park alone, and having the boy carry a cellphone in case of any problems. Well, duh, it’s Florida, she should have sent the kid with a gun.

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Red Lobster is trying to turn around their ailing business by focusing on more attractive plate presentation with their entrees. Right. Would like to see the Venn diagram between those who like to take pictures of their food and Red Lobster customers.

 

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As we near the trade deadline a lot of mediocre players suddenly look very attractive to desperate teams. It’s the MLB equivalent of 15 minutes before closing time.

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This just in. #DavidPrice and #JonLester have still not been traded. And Generalissmo Francisco Franco is still dead.

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Shocking. “The Bachelorette” apparently had sex with two different contestants on the show. Does that make her an honorary guy?

 

(Although some of the former Bachelors are thinking “only two?”)

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The NFL has indicated they will not accept Josh Gordon’s “secondhand marijuana smoke” defense. Probably as well that drug testing didn’t take place during the 1970s. Or the league might have suspended any player who went to Grateful Dead concerts.’

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Adam Silver wants to change the lottery format to allow all 14 teams a relatively equal chance at the #1 pick.. The 76ers are upset, as they were 19-63 last season and were planning to tank again. The rest of the league wonders how the NBA will make this work to give one more #1 pick to the Cavaliers.

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The Chicago Cubs (44-61) beat the Colorado Rockies (43-63  last night in 16 innings. And if you watched the entire game and aren’t related to one of the players, you just might have too much time on your hands.

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#‎Cubs‬ catcher ‪#‎JohnBaker‬ pitched 2 innings tonight, got the win, & scored winning run. Could ‪#‎SFGiants‬ trade for Baker? Need his arm & bat.

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An Indiana man has won a $1 million in the lottery twice in the past three months. So he was still playing? Guess a million doesn’t go as far as it used to. Even in Indiana.

 

The “People’s Choice” awards just announced they will add a special achievement award next year just for Orlando Bloom.

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Eric Chavez retired today. He couldn’t have done it last year and let Yusmeiro Petit throw a perfect game? #SFGiants?

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The Dan Uggla era with the #SFGiants is over as Uggla was released today. It takes some work to have your tenure with a team include less hits (and walks) than errors.   (0-11 with 3 errors.)  Even pitchers are impressed.

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President Obama to Congressional Republicans in a speech today. Stop being mad all the time. Stop just hating all the time. Come on.” And the GOP responded “Hey, lay off our mission statement.”

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Time for the Church of Baseball?

July 29, 2014

Forget all these minor league players the #SFGiants are using to try to right the ship. Is Susan Sarandon busy? #bulldurham

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#SFGiants fans doing the wave? Is this a competition to see if folks in the stands can be as embarrassing as team on the field?

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With so many teams thinking they have a chance for a Wild Card, there’s a lot less action around the July 31 MLB trade deadline. Of course, if baseball wanted more media attention, they’d figure out a way to get Lebron James involved in some of these decisions.

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With the trade deadline approaching, players’ families on non-contending teams are anxiously awaiting possible moves. Which means in late July with the Cubs, most wives have real estate agents on speed dial.

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Donald Trump just said he won’t do anything ‘totally stupid’ in his bid to buy NFL’s Buffalo Bills. Why stop now?

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FSU will use GPS tracking devices on their football team this season during games. The school wants to monitor and track different analytics to prevent injuries. Tallahassee police presumably wonder if the players can keep them on 24-7?

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A new study found that more than 35 % of Americans have debts in collection. And Texas cities have some of the largest shares of their populations being reported to collection agencies: Dallas (44.3 %); El Paso (44.4 %), Houston (43.7 %), McAllen (51% and San Antonio (44%). Heck of a Texas Miracle, Rick Perry.

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Not the NFL.  Apparently #ESPN actually worries about losing their female audience.. Steven A. Smith was suspended 5 shows for his comments…., more than #RayRice.

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Almost as creative as “Witness for the Prosecution.” Lawyers for former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and his wife Maureen McDonnell, on trial for corruption, are claiming that the couple couldn’t have conspired together, because they weren’t speaking to each other at the time.

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Robert McDonald, a former Army officer and corporate CEO was confirmed today as the new Veterans Affairs secretary by a 97-0 vote. 97-0?! And Obama nominated him? Where was the Ted Cruz filibuster?.

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Apparently Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis has had preliminary talks with local officials about moving the team to San Antonio. Guess with just having the Spurs in town, the city feels in need of a sports train wreck?

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Passengers on a three-hour Boston Harbor whale watching tour were stuck on the boat overnight when it got entangled in the line attached to a lobster pot. Were there warning signs? Like two names on the manifest being “The Professor” and “Mary Ann?”

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It’s getting bad in Baltimore. The next Ravens’ arrest may be for impersonating a member of the Cincinnati Bengals.

From Alex Kaseberg.   “The Baltimore Ravens have had five arrests in the off-season. It is so bad, “Netflix” is making a series about the Ravens called: “Orange is the New Purple and Black.”

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Rangers catcher J.P. #Arencibia had 7 RBI’s tonight. One more than #SFGiants have had in last six games combined.

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Shades of what?

July 29, 2014

Rand Paul, at the Urban League in Cincinnati, claimed solidarity with minorities because you can be unjustly accused “because of the color of your skin, or the shade of your ideology.” Can we title this speech “Fifty Shades of Stupid”?

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Tweet from Drew Brees “On Friday I said I thought I could play til age 45. I have been “randomly” selected for drug tests the last 2 days. What’s up with that! Lol.” Wonder if the NFL was testing him for PED’s or hallucinogens?

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NFL VP of Policy Adolpho Birch defending Ray Rice’s two game suspension. “So in terms of sending a message about what the league stands for, we’ve done that.” Yep. They have. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

 

 

Cowboys GM Jerry Jones says now that he almost drafted Johnny Manziel. But maybe he decided that there wasn’t room at A T & T Stadium for both their egos?

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New NY Giants QB coach Danny Langsdorf thinks Eli Manning could complete 70 percent of his passes in 2014. In related news, the NY Mets are printing playoff tickets.

 

A judge ruled today that Shelly Sterling can go ahead with the sale of the Clippers. Which means the nightmare is over. And if you believe that, the Brooklyn Bridge is on a Macy’s One Day Sale tomorrow.

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Stephen A Smith made yet another apology for his domestic violence comments last week. Better, although taped but not live. Here’s a suggestion for the ESPN commentator in future. Want not to “provoke?” Stick to sports and otherwise STFU.

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Near Tampa, a pregnant woman was shot in the head and died, along with the baby she was carrying. Apparently it was an accident when a friend was showing her and her husband his gun collection. If only the fetus had been armed.

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Dollar Tree is buying their competitor Family Dollar Stores. Assume that means they will immediately raise all prices to two dollars.

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Seven members of U.S. Congress are trying to broker a deal between Time Warner Cable and other cable channels so that 70% of the LA market that is currently blacked out can see Dodger games. Where’s the outrage from anti-government Southern California conservatives?

 

An auction house expects an autographed 2012 game-used Texas A & M jersey from Johnny Manziel will go for at least $100,000. And a good thing too. Now that A & M is in the SEC they need the money to pay future players.

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Hall of Fame and Shame?

July 28, 2014

Greg Maddux once threw a complete game in an 1 hour and 46 minutes, and threw another complete game in 76 pitches. (63 strikes.) Both records equaled in about two innings of an average Red Sox-Yankees game

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Another thought about the baseball Hall of Fame, and the steroid-era players. Have been hearing a lot about how the Veterans’ committee won’t put them in because so many of them are anti-PEDs. But of course, players from other eras don’t consider what THEY took to be PED’s. #greenies

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Two young men kayaking in Jamaica Bay, NY lost their paddles, and ended up washing up near a runway at JFK Airport, without being detected by the airport’s $100 million security system. But on the other hand, this weekend at JFK, TSA did confiscate probably 1,000 bottles of water.

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So did you hear who won the #tourdefrance ? Me neither

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Have heard some say if sanctions are lifted against Cuba that MLB will be full of Cuban players. On the other hand, thinking right now that many Cuban kids grow up completely focused on baseball without distractions. Give them fast food, U.S. television, smartphones and other tech toys…and who knows. Their fundamentals may end up as sloppy as those of many U.S. kids.

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Lebron James is going to go back to #23 with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Stand by for the ESPN miniseries on how he arrived at that decision.

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Byron Scott, 53, has signed a 4 year deal to become the Lakers new head coach.  With all the  LA “veterans” Scott would fit right in as a player coach.

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Will Clark is 50 years old. And were he in uniform he had a better chance of getting a hit Sunday night than #22 Dan Uggla #retire22 #SFGiants

 

 

Sarah Palin has a new subscription-based Internet network, #SarahPalinChannel, which will feature her commentary and the ability for subscribers to ask questions. Monthly subscriptions will cost $9.95, but the show will presumably suddenly stop halfway through each month.

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Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist, who’s running again against Rick Scott, about Scott’s and Marco Rubio’s “I’m not a scientist” dodge of the global warming question. ““I’m not a scientist either, but I can use my brain, and I can talk to one.

(Alas, in Florida sometimes it seems like open minds are more discouraged than open carry.)

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Carolina DE Greg Hardy was convicted this month of assaulting a female – his ex-girlfriend – and communicating threats. He was sentenced to 60-day suspended jail sentence and 18 months’ probation, and will not talk about the incident except to say “I hate that I have distracted my team.”

The Panthers said they will wait to see what the NFL does, and not suspend Hardy pending the outcome of his appeal in a jury trial. (Which will be after the season) I’m sure the fact that he’s a Pro Bowler has nothing to do with it….

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A pikture is werth a thowsand werds.

July 26, 2014

jersey

The above picture is from Troy Tulowitzki jersey night at Coors Field.

(My friend Oscar B. says,   “What are they smoking in Colorado…?  Oops, never mind. )

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But Colorado IS a purple state. So maybe spelling really is one of those commie pinko liberal concepts.

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There’s a new reality show called “Dating Naked.” For all those who find “The Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” franchises too intellectual.

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A Colorado man was arrested for DUI. On a lawn mower. The cops said he was bar-hopping. He says he was just cutting some weeds. Maybe more like looking for some weed?

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As if women didn’t love George Clooney enough already. Quoted in People on his engagement to Amal Alamuddin:.”I’m marrying up.”

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Jay Paterno, explaining why his dad didn’t want to “wrongly accuse” Jerry Sandusky despite multiple allegations “When you know somebody for so long, it’s awfully hard to believe bad things about someone, when every sign in his life points the other way.” “Every” sign?! Guess denial is genetic.

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Carmelo Anthony told ESPN that his decision to return to the New York Knicks was about winning, and not about the five-year, $124 million contract. And then Melo left the interview to go back to work selling that bridge in Brooklyn.

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Headline at “The Onion”  “Roger Goodell to NFL Players: Murdering your Wife Will Result in Automatic 4-Game Suspension. ”  Of course, it has to be satire. Because if you’re a star the suspension would be reduced to three games max.

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So if the #SFGiants strategy is to lure the #Dodgers into a false sense of security before the trade deadline, the strategy is working.

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#NBA considering 7 day All-Star Break next season. Why not cut season from 82 to 60 games and make it a 1 month break? #toolong

Rough night for #SFGiants pitching but hard to win when your only chance to score might have been on penalty kicks. #kershaw

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Maybe it’s the curse of Will the Thrill. Uggla is wearing 22 #retire22 #SFGiants

 

Curt Clawson, a new GOP congressman, just assumed Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, two high level U.S. government officials, were from India. And told them what “their country” should do. Well, I suppose it could be worse. Clawson didn’t lecture them about Indian casinos.

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A SWAT team stormed a passenger plane at Toronto airport because of an alleged threat. Shockingly, this threat did not involve Rob Ford.

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Fox Sports says they will no longer be advertising with Entercom Communications Corp after Kevin Minhane, from their Boston station, blasted Erin Andrews with derogatory and sexist language after the All-Star game, and then blasted her again in his apology. So waiting for Stephen A. Smith to tell Erin Andrews not to provoke such insults?

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For the anti-Stephen A. Smith, I give you Keith Olbermann “Eventually after all the b-words and ho comments and penis remarks and nudity demands and waitress jokes, the most powerful national sports league in the world can then get away with suspending a wife-beater for just two games….. The message to the women who the league claims constitute 50% of its fan base is simple. The NFL wants your money. It will do nothing else for you.”

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Provocation?

July 26, 2014

Stephen A. Smith started out today about the Ray Rice situation telling women “Let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions.” And then in his first apology “What about addressing women on how they can help prevent the obvious wrong being done upon them?” What is with Smith? Does he want to leave ESPN for a job at NFL headquarters.

 

And not that I condone violence, but it would be hard to be too broken up if some random woman hauls off and punches Stephen A. Smith, suggesting that he in future try not to “provoke wrong actions.”

 

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So today the Russian consumer protection agency said they are suing McDonalds for selling foods that contain more fats and carbohydrates than are allowed by national regulations. What’s next, Putin saying the U.S. via McDonald’s has killed more people than the MH17 missile?

(Or maybe it’s just that Putin has a man-crush on Michael Bloomberg.)

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They’re now selling seats from Candlestick Park before the stadium is being torn down. ($749 a pair, with a $50 discount for SFGiants season ticket holders.) Wonder for authenticity if the seats come with a free ice pack?

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Chris Paul has joined Doc Rivers in saying he could boycott the season if Donald Sterling is still in charge. So who knows, maybe there’s a chance the Lakers won’t be the worst NBA team in Los Angeles this year.

 

 

Rough night for SF Giants at A T and T, losing 8-1 on a night when Yasiel Puig got three triples and a double. Maybe the Giants strategy was to have Puig run enough he might pull a hamstring.

Zack Greinke struck  out four SF Giants in one inning.    Atlanta Braves fans were shocked one wasn’t Dan Uggla.

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But, hey, the  Dodgers had an off-day Thursday in San Francisco. #SFGiants were just one day behnd.

 

Johnny Manziel, about his off-field adventures. “At the end of the day,’ Manziel said, ‘I’ve made some rookie mistakes.’ But hey, now training camp has started. So soon Johnny can make some on-field rookie mistakes.

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A recent poll said 65% percent of Americans don’t want President Obama impeached. But 35% do. Leaving politics aside guess this means at least 35% of Americans have never actually read the Constitution.

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Gun rights advocates are touting the “good guy with a gun” case of an armed Philadelphia doctor who wounded a psychiatric patient who allegedly killed his caseworker and was apparently planning a mass shooting. Glad the guy was stopped. But what was a psychiatric patient with a long criminal history doing with a gun and over 40 bullets in the first place?

 

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Drew Brees, 35, says he feels like he’s still 25, and “I could play for another 10 years. And that would be my goal.” The Green Bay Packers are thinking “Damn, nobody tell Brett Favre,”(who’s 44.).

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A Google Shopping Express contract worker was arrested and charged with stealing more than $1000 of merchandise from a Target store while she was buying items for customers.

TThe woman has a criminal history involving possession and sale of meth. But apparently Google subcontracts out the shopping and the subcontractor didn’t do background checks.    Can’t wait to see what fun we could have with subcontracted Amazon drone operators.

 

 

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Priorities.

July 24, 2014

The NFL suspended Ravens RB Ray Rice two games for allegedly knocking his fiancee unconscious during a fight. Well, maybe it’s for the best, if instead of fighting the couple had just mellowed out with a joint he’d have been suspended at least four games.

 

So the NFL is making their policy on unnecessary violence clear: Assault another player in a game because of a paid bounty, you’re out for the year. Assault a woman in a fight because you’re mad at her, you’re out two games. #priorities

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Chuck Knoblauch was scheduled to be inducted into the team’s hall-of-fame in August. But the ceremony was cancelled after the former Twins star was arrested last night for allegedly assaulting his ex-wife. If Knoblauch had played for the Minnesota Vikings would the induction still be on?

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And then in the NFL minor leagues, aka the NCAA, here we go again.  This time it’s two University of Texas football players who’ve been charged with felony sexual assault. Maybe coaches could figure out something radical to keep these guys busy and out of trouble during the offseason. Like actually going to class?

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Georgia dismissed defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor from the team following his arrest on aggravated assault and family violence charges, allegedly for choking and hitting his girlfriend. The sophomore, who started 10 games last year, was previously arrested in March for getting double payments on a check. If and when Taylor eventually declares for the draft, wonder how much of a “distraction” he’ll be considered..

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McDonald’s is apparently sticking with their supplier in China., even after allegations the company processed tainted and expired meat. Maybe because there’s not enough meat in McD’s burgers to worry about?

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U.S. airlines have resumed flights to Tel Aviv. So which is harder to believe. That commercial aircraft were actually in danger for 48 hours? Or that they are suddenly safe again now?

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Giants and Dodgers play this weekend at A T and T Park .  LA  flew into town Wednesday and enjoyed an off-day while SF is playing Thursday and flew home from Philadelphia in the evening. So were the Giants good hosts who gave the Dodgers a list of all the hottest bars with town with all the strongest drinks?

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On one page of the University of Texas Football media guide is a website link “www.texsaSports.com” Spelling. Another of those commie-pinko blue-state concepts.

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Another of those “Darwin, missed it by that much” stories. In Gainesville, FL, an allegedly drunk man drove his truck into another car. Then he angrily got out to bang on the other driver’s window. She drove away. But he hadn’t put his own truck in park, and it then rolled over him. The man will recover and faces DUI and property damage charges. Your move, Arizona.

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#BarryBonds turns 50 today. Maybe the #SFGiants could re-sign him? Guessing Bonds could still hit better than some of their lineup.

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Hershey and Mars have both indicated concern about chocolate sales figures due to recent chocolate price increases because of higher cocoa and dairy costs. Why don’t they take a page from the airlines, and either shrink the candy sizes, or charge a wrapper fee?

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ISIS has apparently.blown up the tomb of Jonah in Mosul, Iraq. Who’d ever thought we’d miss Saddam Hussein?

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I’ll be watching you…maybe.

July 23, 2014

So there were NYPD officers working graveyard shifts in four marked cars at the Brooklyn Bridge while the lights were dimmed and white flags were raised Monday night. None of them noticed anything. And the NY Daily news quotes a police source as saying none of them will be disciplined. Well, not like anything really bad could have happened…

 

 

A man claims he was kicked off a Southwest flight in Denver after he tweeted a complaint over a gate agent not allowing his daughters to board early with him. He claims he won’t fly the airline again. Well, and hey, why not, when he can take advantage of the great customer service at Denver from United….

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Mark McGwire says of Jose Canseco. “I don’t care to ever speak to him again.” Well, of course not, Canseco’s in the past.

 

St. Louis CF John Jay tonight struck out on a 4-2 count. That’s bad. What’s worse, no one in the Cardinals dugout, including the manager, noticed it. #whoneedsmath?

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18 runs given up in two days?  All of a sudden #Dodgers pitching is looking like maybe Josh Beckett’s been bringing beer and chicken back into the Clubhouse #sfgiants

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Cameron Maybin has been suspended for 25 games for testing positive for amphetamines. But come on, it’s the San Diego Padres. Couldn’t Maybin have used the excuse he needed the drugs to stay awake?

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Wednesday Alabama coach Nick Saban talked about his team’s loss to Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl and said it was a challenge to “try to play in a consolation game.” Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of college football players as egotistical babies.

(Also, for the uninitiated, please note. The Sugar Bowl, with a $17 million per team payout, is not a consolation game. Now, the “AdvoCare V100 Bowl” just might be a consolation game….)

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Eagles tackle Lane Johnson is the latest NFL player suspended four games for PED’s. Johnson said in a statement he “mistakenly and foolishly” took a prescription drug in April and failed to clear it with the Eagles’ athletic trainers or check the banned substance list. Just once would be nice to hear someone say, “Yeah, I was cheating and got busted.”

 

Another thought about all these NFL players who plead ignorance when they get caught for PED’s. Wouldn’t you think if they were smart enough to read their playbooks, they’d be smart enough to read the the rules and their drug labels?

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‘What if I decide to run?’: Michele Bachmann saying she might try for Presidency again in 2016. Comedy writers: “Thank you Jesus.”

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You have been warned.  From Alex Kaseberg.  “‘Comic Con’ begins in San Diego on Thursday, so get your computers and internet servers fixed now.”

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So what does Rick Perry have against all these kids? The Texas governor doesn’t want more people in America who can embarrass him by counting to three?

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California’s teen birthrate has fallen 63% since 1990, the biggest drop of any state in the country. Instead of “Abstinence Only” education, California has chosen comprehensive sex education, and increased access for teens to contraceptives. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

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From T.C.  ” The #1 selling NFL jersey today is Johnny Manziel. Sitting at #5 is Michael Sam. Neither one of them has yet to play a down in the league. That should be enough to bring Brett Favre out of retirement again.”

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Big night time Timmy Jim.

July 22, 2014

Okay Clayton Kershaw.   Tim Lincecum called your no-hitter and just raised you a save. #SFGiants #Dodgers

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If  Tim Lincecum becomes the the #SFGiants closer someday will his entrance music be “Last Dance with Mary Jane?”

SF Giants are undefeated in games that last at least 500 pitches.  (Tonight’s, 507.  14 innings)

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But back to #SFGiants reality.  So far in 2014, five players have played 2nd base for the SF Giants and combined for a .182 average. This statistic is pretty shocking to serious Giants fans. That high?

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“Estimate”, Queen Elizabeth’s filly who won the 2013 Gold Cup at Royal Ascot, has apparently tested positive for dope. This is what they get for letting the horse hang out with Prince Harry.

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Sarah Palin was caught speeding last week and fined $144. So she can see Russia from her house but apparently she can’t see a Wasilla Police Car.

(Jim Barach wonders,  “was she driving a Maverick?”)

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A 105 year old woman threw out the first pitch at a Padres game. Did she credit her ability from sandlot games as a child with Jamie Moyer?

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Two white flags mysteriously appeared in place of American flags on the Brooklyn Bridge Tuesday morning. Police say they have no suspects, but will be interviewing anyone in New York wearing a Cubs cap.

(Marc Ragovin, with a great minds, suggests that authorities should instead be looking for Mets fans.)

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Tony Dungy in damage control mode. “I do not believe Michael Sam’s sexual orientation will be a distraction to his teammates or his organization. I do, however, believe that the media attention that comes with it will be a distraction.”

Right, whereas players Dungy has supported like Vick, Tebow and Manziel, they weren’t and aren’t distractions….

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Meanwhile, the Cleveland Browns say they won’t name their starting QB until at least the 3rd preseason game. Does it make sense for the team in 2014? Maybe. Does it make sense for jersey sales? Absolutely.

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A new book about the Secret Service claims that Bill Clinton has another mistress. Shocking. And wonder how many Americans would re-elect him, bimbos and all, if it weren’t for the 22nd amendment.

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Ocala, Florida, about an hour from Orlando, has banned people from wearing pants that sag two inches below their waist on city property. Offenders will be fined $500 for face jail time. Can Ocala work on spandex next?

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Senior U.S. intelligence officials apparently say they have no evidence of direct Russian government involvement in the shooting down of MH 17.   Uh, did anyone actually think Putin would order something like that? Well, outside maybe of Fox News?

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Portrait in lack of courage?

July 21, 2014

Former NFL coach Tony Dungy said he wouldn’t have taken Michael Sam in the draft “Not because I don’t believe (he) should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.” But Dungy is also the man who does prison ministry, and who mentored Michael Vick while in prison. Somewhere Jesus really is weeping.

 

#RichardSherman‘s celebrity softball game drew over 22,000 to #SafecoField.   That’s only about 1,000 people less than the average Mariners home game.  #nojoke.

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New York Yankees just announced that the “official” game honoring Derek Jeter will be Sept. 7. Did no one in the front office see the All Star game?

 

The SF Giants were down 4-3 in the 4th inning, and the Phillies had runners on 1st and 3rd with no outs. Thinking not even Pete Rose would have bet that Philly was done scoring.

 

 

Box Score #SFGiants 7-15-1, #Phillies 4-14-0. Without watching you know this was not a thing of beauty. But #awinisawin

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#SFGiants have agreed to terms with Dan Uggla. Some concern as to whether he can still hit major league pitching. But hey, the Giants know for sure that some of their current lineup can’t.

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Odrisamer Despaigne came within four outs yesterday of throwing the first no-hitter in San Diego’s 46 year history. And Padres pitchers have the added handicap of not being able to pitch against own team.

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Jameis Winston said in an FSU pre-season press conference that this year he knows he has “to live up to the hype.” And presumably get his seafood from the training table.

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Facebook is adding a new “Facebook Save” feature for people to file interesting “items that you find on Facebook to check out later when you have more time.” “When you have more time?!” Translation for a lot of people, when they’ve retired and Facebook is long gone?

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A volunteer California policewoman was put on leave after she posted an-anti bike video rant on YouTube, including asking a man who much she’d have to pay him to run a cyclist over. The caption “Like you’ve never thought about it.” She has apologized and said it was satire. Fair enough, but for a COP to post it?   Apparently SHE never thought about it.

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Tough times in Washington. President Obama has to decide what actions to take against Russia, And then the GOP has to immediately decide how those actions are wrong.

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It was an American conspiracy to start a war with Russia. …The Ukraine military thought they were shooting down Putin’s plane…. Or MH17 is really MH370, and it took off “full of corpses….”

Even Fox News is bowing to the creativity of some Russian conspiracy theories….

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