Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category
August 15, 2011
Just wondering, all these folks saying it’s God’s will that they run for President. Well, if God really does weigh in on these matters, I’m waiting for the first person to acknowledge God told them to sit down and STFU.
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Tim Pawlenty on Sunday dropped out of the Presidential race. Thus surprising millions of Americans who didn’t know he was IN the Presidential race.
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From Marc Ragovin: After finishing way out of the running in the Iowa straw poll, Tim Pawlenty said that he was dropping his presidential bid and would throw his support behind the eventual GOP nominee. That’s like the Clippers announcing that they are ceding five minutes of practice time to the Lakers.
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Keegan Bradley has won the PGA championship in a playoff. Even Scott Verplank and Steve Stricker are going, “Who?”
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The Southeastern Conference decided not to expand for football at this time and said they will not be adding Texas A and M. Maybe they’re holding out for a team that might be a better fit – the Carolina Panthers.
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Sarah Palin doesn’t seem too thrilled by Rick Perry’s decision to run for President: ““I was quite sure he wasn’t going to run because he was quite adamant about it about four months ago. Evidently, he evolved in his thinking.” Okay, political junkies, this might be the first time Palin acknowledged the concept of evolution.
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The San Francisco 49ers are now reportedly even looking at Daunte Culpepper at QB. Stay tuned, how long can it be until Harbaugh puts in a call to Brett Favre?
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Maybe the SF Giants are finally learning: Sometimes what you really need to complete an ensemble is a good Belt.
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Michele Bachmann stated today “I haven’t gone one place in Iowa or South Carolina or New Hampshire where anyone said, ‘Please raise my taxes.” Fair enough, but has she gone anywhere in any of those states where they said “Please cut my services, my Medicare or my social security.
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Since SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy was running out of players, in the ninth inning he ordered reliever Santiago Casilla not to swing (lest he risk hurting himself.)
Casilla walked on four pitches. Maybe Bochy should issue the same order to some of his struggling position players.
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A friend of mine got a suggestion from Twitter to follow Snooki. Wow. Snooki can write?
(and count to 140?)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, GOP jokes, Palin jokes, Pawlenty jokes, presidential campaign jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
August 14, 2011
How the mighty have fallen. PGA tour and television executives originally hoped for a finish with a battle between Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy or Phil Mickelson. Now it’s, well, the five players atop the PGA Championship leaderboard all have U.S. passports.
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With apologies to Abbott and Costello, this year’s tournament could be subtitled “Who’s in first?”
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Alex Rodriguez, still not talking to the media about those poker allegations, went 0-3 in his second minor league rehab start. A-Rod said he wasn’t complaining about his performance, and was just playing the hand he was dealt.
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Barry Zito apparently reinjured his right foot in a rehab start in Fresno. No word on which member of the San Francisco Giants management allegedly put the rusty nail on the mound.
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The Cubs’ suspended Carlos Zambrano for 30 days after his latest meltdown. Word has it Cubs management was considering a stiffer punishment – trading their mercurial pitcher to the Houston Astros.
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Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw poll. This was great news for many Tea Partiers and all comedy writers.
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Open note to everyone who thinks that Michele Bachmann’s win in the Iowa straw poll means she will be the GOP nominee, first ask GOP 2008 straw poll winner Mike Huckabee. And to all who think the Iowa primary winner will end up in the White House, ask 2008 winner Mitt Romney.
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Meanwhile, wonder if Michele Bachmann will have to retire her endless refrain about being born in Waterloo.
It might have helped her in Iowa, but in the rest of the country anyone who studied history thinks of Napoleon, and anyone near baby-boomer age thinks of Abba.
Ron Artest now says he will definitely play in the U.K. this year. Londoners celebrated by making his”Meta World Peace” jersey the most popular choice to be looted.
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Rough start for Coach Jim Harbaugh with the 49ers. Maybe he got cocky about being able to deal with playing professional teams after all those Stanford games against USC.
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Lately Tim Lincecum has become the SF Giants equivalent of a great NFL quarterback. Leading his team to a win a week.
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And yes, a tip of the hat to all readers who thought reading that other teams spelling relief as “G-i-a-n-t-s H-i-t-t-i-n-g.” that the hyphen could be moved from between the T and the S to the S and the H.
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Walmart severed relations with one of the nation’s largest blueberry growers, after it was reported that the grower uses child labor -including kids as young as five years old, in their field.
Walmart stated they are totally against such practices and believe that kids should have the chance to be kids before they grow up to become exploited Walmart employees.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: PGA championship jokes, PGA jokes, San Francisco 49ers jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 13, 2011
Volatile Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano now says he is retiring. He says he wants to spend more time throwing at his family.
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In Iowa, Saturday is the Ames Straw Poll for GOP Presidential candidates. Not really sure on the point of a straw poll -maybe we can say the winner s*cks the most?
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All this fuss about the Iowa straw poll. Is it really a good idea to give that much power in picking a U.S. President to a state where a popular food is deep-fried butter?
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(Thinking back to that line in “Field of Dreams,” – “Is this heaven? No it’s Iowa.” Maybe that deep-fried butter is a way to get to heaven faster.)
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Sarah Palin said she will decide about running for President by September. Sounds reasonable. That gives her plenty of time to drop out halfway through the primaries
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The latest college football realignment rumor is that Florida State will also move to the SEC. Now, I’m not a rules expert, but wouldn’t the Seminoles need to get some approvals from parole officers first?
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Tacky, but… an 18 year old has been kicked off the U.S. Ski Team’s Development squad after he got so drunk (yeah, 18, I know) before a JetBlue flight that he ended up urinating on an 11 year old girl who was also a passenger on the flight. Talk about piss poor judgment.
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Kim Kardashian’s wedding is about one week away. Can someone explain to me why we should care?
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Pittsburgh Pirates came into SF with 10 game losing streak. Florida Marlins had 7 game losing streak. How do you spell relief? G-I-A-N-T-S H-I-T-T-I-N-G.
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Sesame Street producers say Ernie and Bert are “just friends” and there is no need for them to get married. But what of other longtime companions out there? Like Rocky and Bullwinkle….
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So this weekend at the PGA championship will be Tiger-less. For television executives it will go down in recent history as the “cruelest cut.”
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From T.C. that TW logo on Tiger’s hat now equals Train Wreck
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Ah, the generosity of corporations. The price of oil is dropping. So how is Delta Airlines reacting? By announcing a $100 international surcharge on tickets purchased after August 15.
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Here we go again, another Texas Governor running for President. What is that line about “Those who cannot remember the past….?”
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Of course, I’m biased, the only Texas Governor I would have voted for for President was Ann Richards.
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News reports are saying that Michele Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty got into a spirited exchange in the Iowa debate. Surprised Minnesotans think this is the first time they’ve seen “Pawlenty’ and “spirited” in the same sentence.
Lastly, an open note to readers, you are welcome to quote anything I write IF you give attribution – leftcoastsportsbabe.com – or just janice hough. But no fun at all to see verbatim quotes – on Fark.com – for example, as someone else’s work. Not cool either.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, Pawlenty jokes, straw poll jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Zambrano jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 12, 2011
Tiger Woods shot a 77 Thursday and is danger of missing the PGA tournament cut. At this point Tiger’s media attention to success ratio is approaching that of the New York Mets.
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During the PGA first round Thursday, Tiger Woods spent so much time in the sand and the water, his next gig could be an audition for one of those Corona beer on the beach commercials.
NFL league officials say they haven’t yet made a decision on whether former Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor will be eligible for the supplemental draft. I’m not sure Pryor gets it, he allegedly offered the officials “some really cool Sugar Bowl memorabilia.”
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The latest potential college football conference consolidation may have Texas A & M moving to the SEC. (Southeastern Conference) Well, I guess College Station is kinda sorta Southeast Texas. Well, east anyway. And south of Dallas.
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from Bill Littlejohn regarding the same Texas A & M/SEC rumor: “Aggie enthusiasts are just waiting for ratification of the new SEC booster-player Collective Bargaining Agreement”
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There’s already controversy over the ESPN-owned “Longhorn Network,” which will premiere August 26 with continuous coverages of University of Texas sports. Well, at least the new channel will be more honestly named than ESPN itself, which this time of year is basically the “Yankees-Red Sox Network.”
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Whatever you think of “entitlements,” this week with the stock markets might be a good time to remember George W. Bush wanted to privatize social security.
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Some compare the stock market to a roller coaster. Although stock markets have brakes.
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You really can’t make this stuff up. Mitt Romney, answering a heckler in Iowa. “Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people.” (Well, some of the people anyway.)
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If “corporations are people.” Can I incorporate myself and drive in the carpool lane?
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The PGA tournament first round leader is actually the #2 ranked American golfer in the world. Yeah, I didn’t know his name either.’
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Florida Atlantic (and former Miami) football coach Howard Schnellenberger, 77, has announced he will retire from coaching after this season. Responded Joe Paterno. “So young?”
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In response to a petition urging Bert and Ernie to get married, the Sesame Street producers issued a statement saying “they are just good friends.” Amazed Marcus Bachmann hasn’t issued a followup statement claiming credit
And for anyone who has heard all the “sexist” claims about Michele Bachmann being asked about “submitting to her husband,” there’s a bit of history being left out of some stories.
In 2006, Bachmann said in a speech that her husband Marcus told her “to go and get a post-doctorate degree in tax law.” Which she didn’t particularly want to do, but she was certain God was speaking through her husband.
“Why should I go and do something like that?” she recalled thinking. “But the Lord says, ‘Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.'”
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Wonder if Bachmann will fall back on Newt Gingrich’s line from earlier this year – “Any ad which quotes what I said is a falsehood.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Michele Bachmann jokes, Ohio State jokes, Terrelle Pryor, Texas A & M jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 11, 2011
A “dead cat bounce” (apologies to my cats) is a term used to describe a stock or stocks that crash, and bounce up briefly, but end up falling down again. Hence, they are dead cats and the bounce is an illusion.
So which on Tuesday will turn out to be the deader cat bounce. The stock market’s one-day rise of 430 points? Or the San Francisco Giants’ 6-0 win over Pittsburgh?
(Wednesday the market fell over 500 points and the Giants lost 9-2, to a Pittsburgh team that had lost 11 of 12, and to a pitcher on a four game losing streak.)
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My friend Rich opined that the Giants might need to “kick some asses.” With all due respect, these days if they tried to kick ass, the Giants would swing and miss.
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NBA players are scrambling for something to do during the lockout. Lebron James indicates he won’t play in Europe. Instead he might star in a remake of “Wedding Crashers.” At least that way Lebron will get close to some rings.
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Jacksonville Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio has announced he has now forbidden rookie hazing. I guess he figures playing in Jacksonville is punishment enough.
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Sometimes no punchline can top reality: Rex Grossman today predicted the Redskins would win the NFC East.
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The Toronto Blue Jays have been accused of stealing signs, allegedly with a man dressed in white in the outfield, waving his arms around to indicate the pitch.
Actually considering the records, lineups, and most importantly payrolls of the teams in front of the Jays, maybe the fan in white is just signifying surrender.
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Sarah Palin is relaunching her “One Nation” bus tour this week in Iowa in advance of the GOP straw poll. According to a fundraising solicitation for Sarah PAC, the bus is also scheduled to travel to the boyhood homes of Harry S. Truman and Ronald Reagan (Independence, MO and Dixon, IL). Which means the tour will quit somewhere in the middle of Missouri.
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Texas Governor Rick Perry told the Dallas Morning News that his alma mater, Texas A&M is considering moving to the SEC for football. Yeah, you can tell Perry is thinking of running for President, he’s focusing on the issues that are really important to Americans.
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Nigel Lythgoe, an executive producer for “American Idol” said today Jennifer Lopez will return to judge another season. Is this what they call a “behind” the scene report?
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Tiger Woods seems to be trying to avoid controversy these days. Wood said he texted Steve Williams to congratulate his former caddie on the win Sunday. Tiger would have avoided a lot more than controversy if he had just stuck to texting Williams in the first place..
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During the FAA impasse when airlines were not collecting the 7.5 percent U.S. domestic tax, our travel agency had exactly ONE client ask about getting the tax back for tickets he had booked in May for early August. This client is a multimillionaire. And some wonder how the rich stay rich.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Lebron James jokes, Palin jokes, Perry jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes, stock market jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 10, 2011
Sarah Palin welcomed her second grandchild, a healthy little girl, born to son Track and wife Britta. Who were married May 21. It’s amazing the advances medicine has made in dealing with very premature babies.
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Actually, preemies appear to run in the family, as Track himself was born April 20, 1989, and Sarah and Todd eloped August 29, 1988.
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An Arizona man is recovering after police say he accidentally shot himself in the penis while putting his girlfriend’s gun in the waistband of his pants. Wow. Who would a thunk that Plaxico Burress might have dodged a bullet?
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The NY Daily News is reporting that MLB officials will soon meet with with Alex Rodriguez regarding his alleged involvement in high-stakes poker games. I’m not sure A-Rod gets it; apparently when the Yankees star was told he really needs to avoid bad situations and focus on baseball, he replied “Absolutely, I’m all in.”
Recently released records show former OSU football coach Jim Tressel made $21.7 million in 10 years as Buckeye coach, including $4.6 million directly from an exclusive deal the university had with Nike. Gosh, can’t imagine how those players ended up with the idea of selling memorabilia.
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I make no claims to understand the stock markets. But with all these GOP candidates blaming the markets big drop Monday on Obama, wonder why I haven’t heard a single one of them say his speech yesterday might have had something to do with Tuesday’s 420 point gain.
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Los Angeles businessman Alex Meruelo is going to buy the Atlanta Hawks, during the NBA lockout. Since he’s from Southern California, some wonder why he didn’t try to buy the Clippers. Responded Meruelo – I may be crazy, but not THAT crazy.
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Michele Bachmann’s latest promise – “I guarantee you the EPA (U.S. Environmental Protection Agency) will have doors locked and lights turned off.” Well, yeah, the EPA was proposed and signed into law by that noted liberal whacko President Richard Nixon.
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The winner of a video contest will get a chance to bat against Giants’ ace Tim Lincecum in spring training. The at-bat will be delayed until then because San Francisco doesn’t want the winner to embarrass the team’s other hitters.
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The San Francisco Giants scored a run in the fourth inning and the Pirates pitching coach comes out to the mound. Clearly this unusual event was cause for concern…
And when the team scored three runs in the eighth (two unearned), you had to wonder if the scoreboard operator remembered how to put a crooked number in the Giants column.
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From T.C. “All these riots and looting in London England – wtf are the Canucks fans doing there in the middle of the off season???
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, A-Rod poker jokes, Janice Hough, Palin grandmother jokes, Sarah Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 9, 2011
Lebron James says that despite the possibility of the lockout cancelling the entire NBA season, he is not considering offers to play internationally. Apparently he’s found out that foreign teams expect you to play all four quarters.
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And in the U.S., football fans are eagerly looking forward to the preseason starting on Thursday.
Meanwhile, up in Canada, Toronto Argonauts fans are saying “Any chance of moving that lockout up here, eh?”
(the Argos are 1-5, losers of five straight, and have been outscored 128-178.)
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San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy says he used a hypnotist to break his habit of chewing tobacco. Good for him, but maybe next he could use the same hypnotist to break his players’ habit of swinging at pitches out of the strike zone?
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The Pittsburgh Pirates had lost ten games in a row before Monday night. Maybe the only way to turn the stock market skid around is to send in the San Francisco Giants.
(And open note here to fans of the Padres, Astros, Mariners, Dodgers etc. Fine by me to use any of these Giants jokes and substitute the team that is currently driving you crazy.)
Some supporters of Michele Bachmann think Newsweek deliberately chose a cover photo that made her ‘look crazy’? In response, Newsweek said that if they really intended to make Bachmann look crazy, they would have filled the cover with her quotes.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently went biking Sunday in an “I SURVIVED MARIA” t-shirt. When they heard about it the Kennedy family allegedly said “Until now, a**hole.”
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Sunday night’s ESPN Game of the Week between the Red Sox and Yankees went four hours, and that’s BEFORE the game went into the 10th innings.
Why wouldn’t MLB try to enforce rules meant to keep the game moving along? Four hours is insane, and I don’t think I can remember seeing so many commercials during a regular season game. Oops, never mind.
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The weird world of investing. The S & P downgraded U.S. debt, so investors started fleeing the market for… Treasury bonds?!
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On the new Pan Am television show, ABC-Disney is trying for 1960’s realism, to a point. There will be no smoking by the flight attendants. No word on further nods to modernity will mean pilots drinking in the cockpit and ATC controllers napping in the control tower.
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Fallout from the SF Giants-Philadelphia Phillies brawl last Friday. The Phillies’ Shane Victorino was suspended three games. Further fallout from the Giants-Phillies brawl. Ramon Martinez and Eli Whiteside be fined and not suspended. As for Bruce Bochy, MLB figures having to play a .216 hitting catcher is punishment enough.
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Jorge Posada, batting .230, has been benched indefinitely as the Yankees catcher/DH. Giants fans are going – “A .230 hitting catcher? This year we can only dream.
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Federal airline ticket taxes are being collected again. And airlines have started rolling back last month’s fare increases, so the prices are likely to be the same. What a coincidence.
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Commie pinko time: S & P, the only ratings agency to downgrade U.S. credit rating, is owned by McGraw-Hill. The CEO of McGraw-Hill, Harold McGraw III, is a big Romney supporter and was part of W’s economic transition team. Coincidence?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bruce Bochy jokes, Giants jokes, Lebron James jokes, Michele Bachmann jokes, San Francisco Giants, stock market jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 8, 2011
Congratulations to Adam Scott on his PGA tour win today with Tiger’s old caddie, Steve Williams. What if a lot of the greatness wasn’t the man swinging the clubs, but the man holding the bag?
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As Berney pointed out could happen yesterday, this win means a bigger payout for Williams than for Woods.
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R.I.P. Mark Hatfield. He was a GOP Senator from Oregon for 30 years (1967-1997. But often took on his own party against the wars in Vietnam and the Persian Gulf. Hard to imagine someone crossing party lines like that today.
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South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia says he “contemplated giving myself a second shot,” by transferring to another school, after his FIFTH suspension at the university. But his teammates convinced him to stay. Another example of the football golden rule. If you have a golden arm, you don’t have to follow the rules.
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Apparently the AFA (American Family Association), the group that sponsored the Rick Perry’s prayer rally, is trying to lead a boycott of Home Depot for contributing to the pro-gay marriage campaign in New York. If I had a handy bone in my body this would get me shopping at Home Depot.
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An offhand thought about the controversy with Tony Bruno’s “illegal alien” comment about San Francisco Giants’ pitcher Ramon Ramirez – How would Bruno have reacted if a San Francisco writer or media type referred to him with a derogatory slur aimed at Italian-Americans?
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David Gergen said today on CNN.com that America needs another leader like Churchill. Maybe, but Churchill was probably both a racist and an alcoholic. He’d never make it through today’s opposition research and media gauntlets.
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Crazy times with the stock market on a roller coaster ride and the U.S. credit rating being downgraded. Fans of consistency can at least take comfort in the knowledge that this weekend both FOX’s MLB Game of the Week and ESPN’s Sunday night Baseball both feature the Red Sox-Yankees.
I am so not a NASCAR fan – but this statement by today’s Sprint winner Brad Keselowski – who drove with a broken leg – was pure class: “I’m no hero. The heroes are the guys that died in Afghanistan this weekend. I’m glad that we could win today, but those are the heroes. I just drive racecars for a living.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Adam Scott jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 7, 2011
So MLB has warned players against using a spray made from deer antlers. So how will they test for it? Play “Bambi” in the clubhouse and see who starts crying uncontrollably?
Justin Verlander of the Detroit Tigers is 16-5 in 2011 with a 2.30 ERA. With the San Francisco Giants he might be 9-11.
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Phrase I am getting REALLY REALLY tired of hearing on the SF Giants postgame show. “Fill-in-name-of-Giants-pitcher pitched a great game and didn’t deserve to lose today.”
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Tiger Woods is 13 shots off the lead in his first tournament in months, and the current leader, Adam Scott, is using Steve Williams, the caddie Woods just fired.
If Scott wins, and even if he just comes close but way ahead of Tiger, I’d like to tip my hat to karma. For being a really impressive bitch.
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Brett Favre quashed rumors that he is considering returning to the NFL with the Miami Dolphins, saying he doesn’t have “any interest.” Translation, he is waiting for an offer from a better team.
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This week is the DEF CON convention in Las Vegas. It’s a 15,000-person gathering of computer hackers. Which answers the question – When do Vegas prostitutes take their vacations?
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The Yankees’ C.C. Sabathia has six losses this year, four to Boston. So wonder when C.C will call the Red Sox his daddy?
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Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly says he won’t pick his starting quarterback until 10 days before the season opener. Makes sense, that not only gives him time to watch the four contenders in practice, but also means his final choice will have less time to get suspended or arrested.
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Open note to Tony Bruno: I completely understand saying something stupid because you are angry -i.e. SF Giants mgr “Bochy is a coward for having his illegal alien pitcher hit a guy”
But saying “saying I apologize for my comments regarding illegal aliens,but I stand behind my comments that Bochy is a coward, People resorting to name calling are more classless and vile.” Uh,Tony, you could have had us at “I apologize.”
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Tiger Woods struggled again today while playing his first tournament in months. Beginning to wonder -what if illicit sex with random women WAS his performance enhancing drug?
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Texas Governor (and probable presidential candidate) Rick Perry spoke at a prayer meeting and said it was to “rally the nation to a Christian unity.” Now, it’s been a while since I studied history, but wasn’t the point for those on the Mayflower to set sail for religious freedom.
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San Francisco and Philadelphia are waiting for MLB to announce suspensions from last night’s brawl. One person involved who probably will escape suspension – Giants hitting coach Hensley Meulens. Because there hasn’t been any evidence he’s been doing anything lately anyway
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, deer antler spray jokes, PED jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 6, 2011
The U.S economy still sputters and our credit rating gets dropped to AA+. So when will all those in Congress who want to tie teacher pay to performance agree to make the same deal with their own salaries and results?
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The Senate passed a stop-gap bill to put furloughed FAA employees back to work. No word yet on if the bill includes funding for milk and cookies for controllers at naptime.
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Ohio State football players have been told to stop wearing wristbands saying “J.T.” in support of fired coach Jim Tressel. But really, the players’ regret at losing him is understandable. Many of them have had to take serious salary cuts.
So how weirdly 21st century is this real television ad? – “Fiber One 90 calorie brownies – In the granola bar aisle.”
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Listening to baseball commentators say about an umpire, “he’s got a good strike zone.” Well, I get what they mean, I think, but isn’t the rule book, not the umpire, supposed to determine the strike zone? (Yeah, we can dream, anyway.)
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From Bill Littlejohn: Baseball has sent a warning to its major and minor league players concerning steroid alternatives—-stop ingesting deer antler spray.Bud Selig reportedly said, ‘The Buck Stops Here'”
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Standard and Poor’s downgraded the U.S. credit rating from AAA to AA tonight. In related news, the IRS said that their announced plan to increase audits of ratings analysts was just a concidence.
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A-Rod is not talking about allegations that he was involved in illegal poker games. When will these guys learn? If you really want to do some high-stakes gambling, invest in the stock market.
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With the FAA funding mess, Donna Brazile accused House Republicans of “playing chicken with American jobs.” Not true replied the GOP. We’re only playing chicken with Obama’s job. The rest are just collateral damage.
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MLB sources are indicating A-Rod will not be suspended, despite the allegations of illegal poker games, along with continuing talk about his association with a Canadian doctor known to have prescribed HGH. Proving once again – the Yankees are basically MLB’s version of an SEC football team
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Shame that Eli Whiteside might get suspended for his part in tonight’s Giants-Phillies brawl. Best hitting game the Giants catcher has had all season.
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Trivial rant: Open up most packaged food and the contents fill up about 2/3 of the packaging. The only container that is filled to the absolute brim – microwaveable soups. (Not that anything could go wrong with a full plastic container of boiling liquid.)
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Congress jokes, FAA jokes, Janice Hough, Ohio State jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
August 5, 2011
A-Rod’s publicist has issued a statement denying stories about the illegal poker games, adding Alex looks forward to “cooperating with Major League Baseball’s investigation.” Wonder what exonerating evidence there is, or does A-Rod just think he is holding pocket aces?
(or as my friend John Clark said, maybe he knows the cards are stacked in his favor.)
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The new NFL collective bargaining agreement now includes random testing for HGH. You know what that means? The players have found something better.
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So Bridgestone Invitational first-round leader Adam Scott, who shot a 62, is using Tiger Woods’ former caddie, Steve Williams. Woods is six strokes back. And how much would we give to see Woods and Scott paired together on Sunday.
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Priorities, priorites…. The stock market is falling, the debt ceiling deal is at best controversial, and three GOP Presidential contenders, Romney, Bachmann, and Santorum, have announced – they have signed another pledge against gay marriage.
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The mayor of Sunland Park, a New Mexico border town, is trying to get out of nine contracts with an architectural design firm, because he said he was drunk when he signed the contracts. Hmm, this might help explain some previously inexplicable actions of Congress.
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Kraft is going to split their company into two parts – groceries and snack foods. In other words, foods that are bad for you, and foods that are worse for you.
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Jerry Lewis has been abruptly dumped as spokesman and telethon host by the Muscular Dystrophy Association. I hear he wiped out at McDonalds too.
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Roseanne Barr said on the Tonight Show that she is running for President. Well, unlike some of her competition, Roseanne actually has experience as a professional comedian.
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A recent NY Times-CBS News poll showed 82 percent of Americans now disapprove of the way Congress is handling its job. Shocking! 18 percent actually approve?
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Stanford’s football team is ranked number six in the coaches’ preseason poll. To put that in terms USC Trojans can understand, that’s all the fingers on a hand plus one more.
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Two Fox News hosts now said they were joking yesterday when they claimed they felt awkward about commenting on former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin because she’s a fellow Fox employee. Translation, they were reminded they are ALSO Fox employees. For now.
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On Thursday the stock market fell faster than the Pirates’ playoff chances.
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Not a fan of conspiracy theories. But if our corporate masters wanted to schedule the biggest stock market drop of the year, wouldn’t it be a nice jab to put it on Barack Obama’s 50th birthday?
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From Marc Ragovin: So President Obama celebrated his birthday by blowing out the candles on his cake as the lights went out on the economy
Okay, I’ve figured out the economic gospel according to the GOP: When the stock market was at new highs this year, it was all about a cyclical recovery led by corporations, when it fell Thursday it was all Obama’s fault.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod gambling jokes, Alex Rodriguez jokes, Congress jokes, Republican jokes, stock market jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 4, 2011
Alex Rodriguez allegedly participated in illegal underground poker games, and MLB sources say he could face suspension. The Yankees are just hoping if so that the suspension is during the playoffs, since A-Rod seldom does much then anyway
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To make this potential scandal worse, Alex Rodriguez had already been warned in 2005 about gambling in underground poker clubs by the Yankees and Bud Selig. Looks like A-Rod may have thought it was double or nothing.
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Being “old-school” used to mean writing on paper. Now it means being addicted to using a keyboard instead of an iPad or iPhone.
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Anheiser-Busch is trying to revive week sales in the U.S. for its flagship brand Budweiser. Wednesday they unveiled a new design for their cans. Uh, how about trying something radical like trying to improve the beer?
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From T.C., with the signing of Plaxico Burress, the NY Giants have officially quashed their “Take No Prisoners” mantra.
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The San Francisco 49ers unveiled a plastic model of their proposed new stadium in Santa Clara. Makes sense, led by Alex Smith, the 49ers may be a pretty good plastic model of a football team.
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Since he was made an emergency starter April 28, Ryan Vogelsong is 9-1 with a league best 2.19 ERA for the San Francisco Giants. Just think, had the Giants given up on Barry Zito earlier, Vogelsong could be the leading candidate for the NL CY Young.
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Notwithstanding today’s 8-1 rout of the D’Backs, the Giants have been worrying their fans lately. Meanwhile, across the bay in Oakland, A’s fans have a response to put San Francisco’s woes in perspective. Four words – “Swept by the Mariners.
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Until today’s 8-1 win the Giants had never scored more than 6 runs in a game at home all year. Gary Morton said went looking for the game on TV this afternoon, saw the score, and figured he had accidentally tuned into the Sci-Fi channel.
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A peacock flew the coop from the Central Park Zoo and hung out on a FIfth Avenue apartment ledge for almost 24 hours. But the bird returned on his own this morning. Yeah, it’s tough to find good long-term subsidized housing in New York.
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Since Congress recessed without approving FAA funding, 4,000 FAA employees and 70,000 airport construction workers have been furloughed. Maybe we could have solved this sooner, along with the debt crisis, if we had put all members of Congress on a jumbo jet on some runway, and not let them off until they had a deal.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he supports states’ right to allow gay marriage — but he also supports a constitutional amendment to ban it. What is it with folks like Perry, Mitt Romney and John Kerry? Their positions don’t last as long as their hair gel.
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In the midst of all the name-calling in D.C., Sarah Palin jumped in saying that if Tea-partiers were “domestic terrorists President Obama wouldn’t have a problem palling around with us. He didn’t have a problem palling around with Bill Ayers back in the day.” “Bill Ayers?” At this point? Does Sarah still have his name in Sharpie on her palm?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod gambling jokes, A-Rod jokes, New York peacock jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 10 Comments
August 3, 2011
Congressional Black Caucus chair Emanuel Cleaver called the final debt ceiling deal a “sugar-coated Satan sandwich.”
Really? Doesn’t that title already belong to the Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger? (Yes, it is a burger using doughnuts as buns.)
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The San Francisco Giants have now lost five straight – Tuesday night 6 to 1- and haven’t scored four runs in over a week.
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Showtime is doing a series on the team called the Franchise.
Wonder how long it will take someone to do a movie on the Giants’ lineup? It will be a remake of “Eight Men Out.”
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(Or maybe “Eight Men Out” is the Jeopardy answer to the question. What usually happens when the Giants position players each have a turn at bat with runners in scoring position?)
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The San Francisco Giants seem to have accomplished the impossible. Take a weak hitting team, add two .300 hitters(Beltran and Keppinger), and start hitting…worse?
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Barry Zito is now back on the Disabled List for the San Francisco Giants. “Disabled?” Actually the NFL has a better list title for players in his condition: “Physically Unable to Perform.”
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Any truth to the rumors that as Congress left town they let out a collective cry of “Winning?!”
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Congress went right from the debt bill to summer recess. Without addressing the FAA issue which has resulted in domestic air taxes (and thus funding for air travel projects) lapsing. United Airlines celebrated today by raising international airfares $40.00. You’d think if Congress really wanted higher approval ratings they would get together on re-regulating the airlines.
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Meanwhile, Colorado Rep. Doug Lamborn apologized for calling President Obama a “tar baby.” and said he “absolutely intended no offense.” Really? With the term “tar baby?” This settles it. Lamborn is either a liar or an idiot.
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A New Jersey politician (who at least has been separated from his wife for two years) is under fire since nude pictures he sent to a woman he was flirting with online showed up on the internet. I think I can speak for all Americans in saying, “Thank heaven it wasn’t Chris Christie.”
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Rumor has it that both Kelsey Grammer and Alec Baldwin are both considering future runs for Mayor of New York City. Guess the strategy is, get your scandals out there BEFORE running for office.
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from Gary Morton:
After signing legislation to raise the debt ceiling, the President saw the stock market plunge 266 points. Guess they should have been working on the debt basement.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Congress jokes, debt ceiling jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, political jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 2, 2011
I’m a little confused by this final debt ceiling proposal. Who gave who the final rose?
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Many Americans on both sides would say that we all ended up with plenty of… fertilizer.
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Watching ABC’s previews for “Bachelor Pad.” The perfect show for all those who think the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” is too emotionally restrained and classy.
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Jerry Lewis slammed the show “American Idol,” Saying the contestants are all “McDonalds Wipeouts.” Responded McDonalds Corp, “Who’s Jerry Lewis?”
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Oakland Athletics owner Lew Wolff, speaking in support of his friend Bud Selig, says that for the “good of baseball,” he hopes Frank McCourt will sell the Los Angeles Dodgers soon. Uh, actually, for the good of baseball, many people wish Wolff would sell the hapless As.
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A woman from Kansas is in stable condition after being accidentally run over by a Beach Patrol pickup truck while sunbathing on Daytona Beach. I see a new “safer alternative” advertising campaign for tanning salons.
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Saw the SI.com headline Monday “Bradshaw agrees to return to Giants.” You know you’ve heard too many Brett Favre stories when your first reaction is “Dear Gawd, not Terry too?”
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A joint effort with my comedy writer friend Jerry Perisho: “Jennifer Lopez talks about her marital trouble in Vanity Fair, but please still respect her privacy, ok?”
Like Sarah Palin calling news conferences to promote her documentary and asking the media to leave her family alone.
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Limelight-loving Randy Moss says he is retiring. Even Pete Rose is saying “I wouldn’t bet on it.”
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The New York Jets feel Plaxico Burress will be a positive addition this year Although while the wide receiver is talented, there were other issues -mostly attitude related – with the Giants before he ended up in prison.
If Burress ends up being more trouble than he is worth will other teams feel like they dodged a bullet?
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Rex Ryan said it was a “leap of faith” to sign Plaxico Burress. Well, at least he didn’t say it was a “shot in the dark.”
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Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords has returned to the House floor for the first time since her shooting, casting her vote for the debt ceiling compromise. Apparently Giffords still has some trouble stringing coherent sentences together. This still, however, puts her ahead of many members of Congress.
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San Francisco is placing Barry Zito on the DL again. Nothing personal, but judging by his last few starts, most fans would say that “D” stands for “Disgusting.”
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Actually the only hope for Zito at this point may be to get pitching lessons from Gaylord Perry.
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“Down under” Tiger joke from Augie: Said Tiger, “This will allow me to keep my short strokes down under the minimum so I can get it in the hole easier.”
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Finally, Mitt Romney said Monday he opposes the debt ceiling deal. Which means in about a week he should be supporting it.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelorette jokes, debt ceiling jokes, Plaxico Burress jokes, Zito jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
August 1, 2011
The Atlanta Braves lost their 10,000th game as a franchise this weekend. Not to be outdone, the Houston Astros showed at the trade deadline that they aspire to reach that mark this decade.
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Astros GM Ed Wade responded to criticism of the team’s trading away their best players by saying “It’s not a fire sale.” “Fire?” – More like a cremation sale.
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San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy downplayed Miguel Tejada’s comments about returning from the DL as early as this week, saying “He’s still not able to move.”
Responded many regular Giants fans “And this is different from the rest of the season how?”
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From Gary Morton in Seattle: The US Postal Service is going to feature online previews of the stamps in its 2012 collection. That’s great news for insomniacs when the Mariners have a day off.
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Paul McCartney played two concerts this week at Wrigley Field. It’s the latest in the year fans at the stadium can remember seeing so many big hits.
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Watching the debt ceiling process kind of makes me wish Congress also had a trade deadline.
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A United Airlines plane had to divert briefly to Havana, Cuba, when the pilots noticed a burning smell on the plane. You could tell the hardcore frequent fliers on board. While many passengers wondered about being able to buy cigars, they were the ones calculating the extra mileage United owed them.
(The diversion appears to have been about an extra 100 miles)
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New research suggests that fatty foods may not just taste good, they may alter the brain’s response to sadness, thus literally serving as “comfort foods.”
I can see it now – Prescription Happy Meals.
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Not to say that President Obama surrendered on the debt ceiling deal. But he got a congratulatory phone call from France.
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So Plaxico Burress is now a member of the New York Jets. Well, he may not know the team’s playbook, but at least he’s familiar with the state’s penal code.
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Tiger Woods has announced he will play in this year’s Australian Open. Insert “Down under” joke here.
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Campaigning in Iowa, Newt Gingrich said President Obama has been “totally irresponsible.” And who would know totally irresponsible better than a man who left two sick wives for younger women.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Congress jokes, debt ceiling jokes, Houston Astros jokes, Obama jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
July 31, 2011
Nancy Pelosi said of John Boehner during this debt ceiling crisis – “He’s gone over to the dark side.” Wouldn’t a more descriptive phrase be “gone over to the burnt orange side?”
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Dodgers right-handed pitcher Hiroki Kuroda said Saturday that he will not waive his “no-trade” clause for ANY team because he wants to stay with Los Angeles.
I’ll take “Gluttons for Punishment” for $400, Alex.
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Chad Ochocinco called himself a “chameleon” who can “blend in and do it the Patriot way.” What does that mean, red white and blue pompoms?
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The Los Angeles Times is reporting that the McCourts may end up spending $35 million on their divorce. Well, it took a while, but the Dodgers have finally figured out a worse waste of money than Manny Ramirez.
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Meanwhile, Phillies manager Charlie Manuel downplayed talk of great Giants pitching. saying amongst other things “with Lincecum, I saw a 90 (mph) fastball, 92 at best.” Timmy’s great response was that it was probably “frustration” over losing – but didn’t the Phillies “have a guy named Moyer?”
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There are rumors President Obama and Republicans are close to an agreement on a deal to raise the debt ceiling. Said John Boehner – ” In spite of our differences, we’re dealing with reasonable, responsible people.” Responded some angry Tea Party members “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”
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The worst of times, the best of times: Orioles pitcher Zach Britton threw 43 pitches in 1/3 of an inning today against the Yankees. Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner threw 41 pitches in his first inning. By comparison, Greg Maddux once threw a complete 9-inning game with 76 pitches.
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Talk about outhouse to castle, or maybe cheap seats to the luxury box. Doug Fister, with a 3.33 ERA and a 3-12 record, was just traded from the Mariners to the Tigers. His new teammate, Max Scherzer, has an 4.28 ERA, and a record of 11-5.
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Not to say today’s Detroit Tigers starter Jacob Turner, who turned 20 on May 21, is young. But when a reporter asked him about shaving corners, he allegedly responded “What’s shaving?”
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Commie pinko time: Listening to some in the GOP, corporations are really just benevolent job creators and so deserve all the tax breaks they can get. Today, after months of gas prices near or over $4 a gallon, Chevron reported record profits for the year of over $13 billion. Does this really need a punchline?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, baseball trade jokes, Boehner jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 30, 2011
Two Delta planes sustained minor damage when when they ran into each other at Chicago O’Hare airport Friday night. This only two weeks after two Delta planes collided at Boston Logan Airport. Think this could be the end of those cockpit happy hours.
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A woman was kicked off a Southwest flight because she was crying too much. Wow. If this becomes a trend John Boehner is grounded.
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Edwin Edwards, 83-year-old ex-governor of Louisiana has married a 32-year-old woman. They met as penpals while he was serving a federal prison sentence for bribery and extortion. This is the sort of marriage the California Proposition 8 people are defending?
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Cam Newton’s agent texted today that the Heisman winner signed a deal with the Carolina Panthers for four years and “$22 million-plus.”
Wonder how much the Panthers’ paid Cam’s father?
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The Oakland Raiders have just hired a grandmother as one of their cheerleaders. In related news, Al Davis just got a QB resume from Brett Favre.
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The Physician Committee for Responsible Medicine, a nonprofit pro-vegan group, has erected a billboard with a cigarette pack full of hot dogs -and says they are as unhealthy as cigarettes. Uh, maybe, but who ever said it was a good idea to smoke hot dogs?
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Trying to keep support for “Cut, Cap and Balance,” Sarah Palin reminded GOP freshmen in Congress of the promises they made during their 2010 campaigns. Uh, Sarah, wasn’t an implicit part of those promises actually serving out their terms?
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Former astronaut Lisa Novak, the one who made that drive from Houston to Orlando to confront a romantic rival, was banished from NASA with an “other than honorable discharge.” On a brighter note, she’s allegedly already received an endorsement offer from Depends.
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Reading stories about former joint Dodgers’ owners Jamie and Frank McCourt: Millions spent on attorney fees, and constant bickering about how many more millions they need to sustain their lifestyles. It’s a wonder this couple ever got divorced. The two seem perfect for each other.
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A two-week operation in Mendocino National Forest destroyed 460,000 marijuana plants, and U.S. agents also seized 3/4 ton of processed pot. In related news, Krispy Kreme cut profit forecasts 20 percent.
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GOP Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman, running as the “sane” and “civil” choice spoke to a small group of less than 300 college Republicans Friday. Reminds me of when a woman said to then presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson that he had the “vote of every thinking man” in the U.S. Adlai’s reply: “Thank you, but I need a majority to win.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Boehner jokes, pilot jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 29, 2011
Ann Coulter said on the Joy Behar show that some gay people can indeed ‘pray away the gay.’ The response from the gay community -if that were true we could “pray away” Ann Coulter.
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Sarah Palin urged House Republican freshmen today to stick to their principles when it comes to raising the debt limit. Well, at least until half way through the vote.
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Do we need any more proof that this recession isn’t hurting the rich? Whole Foods just announced a 35 percent jump in their fiscal third quarter profit.
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President Obama is having a tough time getting any sort of bipartisan agreement these days. Shame he can’t promise that if we get a deal on the debt ceiling he would get rid of Dan Snyder.
(for the uninitiated, Snyder is the owner of the Washington Redskins, and one of the few men in D.C. equally hated by both sides.)
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John McCain yesterday quoted a Wall Street Journal article in referring to those who don’t want to raise the debt-ceiling as “Tea Party Hobbits.” Prompting calls for an immediate apology – from Hobbits.
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But really, John McCain as the voice of reason? Either he’s remembered the Senator he used to be, or he’s forgotten those years he was running for President. (Or he’s starting to listen to Meghan.)
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The San Diego Padres and Petco set a Guinness World Record during their annual “Dog Days of Summer” day: The most dogs in a pet costume parade – 337 to be exact. (Pretty safe bet this is not a record that will ever be topped by cats.)
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The Tennessee Titans have released Vince Young, their first pick (#3 overall in the the 2006 draft.) So as unbelievable as it seems, yes, folks, Alex Smith with the 49ers has outlasted him.
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And at a early practice Thursday, Michael Crabtree injured his foot and may be out 4-6 weeks. On a brighter note, the 49ers’ chances to win the Andrew Luck lottery just went up another notch.
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Amy Winehouse’s family thinks she died of “alcohol withdrawal,” basically from because they say she stopped drinking cold-turkey. Whether it’s true or not, hope no one shows this story to Lindsay Lohan.
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In a recent study of possible compulsive behavior, subjects checked their smartphones an average of 34 times a day. One word – “Amateurs.”
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Last week Texas Gov. Rick Perry was asked about NY’s new same-sex marriage law. He replied “That’s New York, and that’s their business, and that’s fine with me.” Today he said “it’s fine with me that a state is using their sovereign rights to decide an issue. Obviously gay marriage is not fine with me. My stance hasn’t changed.” Sounds like it’s not just good hair that Rick has in common with John Kerry.
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So the standard GOP line is that tax cuts for the rich will be good for all Americans. So let’s see, for a semi-test case, this week the federal aviation tax has expired, meaning in theory a 7.5 percent cut in the cost of airline tickets. And what have most airlines done? Raised fares 7.5 percent to make up for the tax cut.
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A couple thoughts to end from T.C.
Regarding that 19 inning game ending at 1:50am. The Pirates that got hosed by the blown call at home plate. If it was the Yankees, MLB would have a new replay policy in effect, retroactive to 1:45am.
Likely (sick) headline coming soon? “Mike Vick to unleash Favre as backup”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Ann Coulter jokes, debt ceiling jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 28, 2011
(and yes, that white thing behind the catcher’s back foot IS the plate.)
Regarding that play at home in the Pirates-Braves game last night: Joe Torre, now MLB’s executive V.P. for operations, stated “Unfortunately, it appears that the call was missed.” In related news, Amy Winehouse’s death may have been drug related.
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When they play the National Anthem in future at MLB games this season, hope umpire Jerry Meals is ready. Because when they start out ‘Oh say can you see?,” everyone but Braves fans will loudly scream -“NO.”
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So with the Carlos Beltran trade to the Giants a done deal, the leading slugger on the trade market may be the Rays’ B.J. Upton. Who is referred to by Sports Illustrated as “enigmatic.” Translation of “enigmatic?” “Headcase.”
Some New York fans are enjoying their sour grapes – this anonymous comment “few Mets fans will forget his at-bat during the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2006 NL championship series against St. Louis. Beltran came up with the bases loaded and the Mets trailing 3-1, and struck out looking to end the game.”
Uh, yeah, almost the same thing happened in last year’s NLCS with Ryan Howard, in a one run game with two on, when he took a backdoor slider from Brian Wilson to also strike out looking to end the game.
And I don’t think Phillies fans want Howard out of town. Yet anyway.
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Good thing for SF Giants that they aren’t in the AL East. After Brian Wilson’s All-Star introduction of Carlos Beltran – “the guy’s a phenomenal hitter, a switch hitter, there’s talks of him coming over to the Giants. More than welcome. Come on over, pal.”- the Yankees would probably get Selig to overturn the deal for tampering.
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Hugh Hefner’s ex-fiancee said they only had sex once and it was over “in two seconds.” Really? Come on. Nothing lasts only two seconds. Except maybe the Cubs’ pennant hopes in April.
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The IRS has said that airlines should refund passengers for the collected but currently expired federal aviation tax. Want to bet it how long it takes for the first airline to say that the cost of processing such credits is a service fee exactly equal to the proposed refund?
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Speaker John Boehner told his fellow Republicans to “Get your ass in line.” In related news, Larry Craig has decided it might be time to run again for Congress.
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A tale of two franchises. Wednesday the San Francisco Giants acquired Carlos Beltran. And on the same day the San Francisco 49ers re-signed Alex Smith.
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Sarah Palin said that “Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing,” in regards to the debt ceiling. Oh please oh please can someone just ask Palin if she can explain the debt ceiling.
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Have the Giants considered just gifting Barry Zito to the Yankees to replace Phil Hughes? Could be an upgrade for both teams.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Beltran jokes, Giants jokes, missed call jokes, umpire jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 27, 2011
Do you know where your debt ceiling is?
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Okay, let’s borrow from reality television and solve this debt ceiling thing in about one night. Lock Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell in a “fantasy suite” together and don’t let them out until they have a deal.
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President Obama referred to the fight over the debt ceiling as a “partisan three-ring circus.” Prompting calls for an immediate apology, from Ringling Brothers.
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In California, controller John Chiang stopped paying lawmakers when they couldn’t agree on a budget. Maybe we should have sent him to Washington, D.C. Monday along with the San Francisco Giants.
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Baseball stat of the night. Jered Weaver of the Angels has more wins in July (five), than the Seattle Mariners (four.)
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Apparently the New York Giants are considering resigning their former wide receiver Plaxico Burress. When asked, Giants management said they decided they might as well take a shot at it.
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New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, on the end of the lockout. “”I hope we gave a little lesson to the people in Washington because the debt ceiling is a lot easier to fix than this was.” Well, that ought to put rest to the rumor that NFL owners are a bunch of self-absorbed narcissistic jerks.
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Bengals owner Mike Brown insisted on Tuesday that he won’t trade quarterback Carson Palmer, who said he would retire rather than play again for Cincinnati. So in terms that Bengals fans understand, Brown considers Palmer’s contract “non-bailable.”
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A man at New Orleans’ airport injured a United ticket agent when he accidentally fired his hunting rifle while trying to check the gun with his baggage. Well, good to see Dick Cheney’s getting out and around again.
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Phillies fans are apparently planning to jeer Bruce Bochy for all three games the Giants are in San Francisco, because they are mad that he used their star pitchers in the All-Star game. (Really.) But to be fair to the fans, this is a tough time of year in Philadelphia, it’s at least four months until they can boo Santa Claus.
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Tuesday night the Seattle Mariners and Doug Fister (3-11) took their 16 game losing streak against the New York Yankees and C.C. Sabathia. (14-5) I think the Christians had a better chance against the Lions.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debt ceiling jokes, Janice Hough, Mariners jokes, NFL jokes, Robert Kraft jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 